#immortal alfred pennyworth

[redpumps]

au where everyone except batman cass and robin tim (and alfred ofc because i fully believe he's immortal and lwky an enabler) die and they're crazy possessive & codependent as they learn how to navigate living without the others xP

[kbirbpods]

Original Work: Immortality (means you get both death and taxes) by blueyeti

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd, Gotham City & Alfred Pennyworth

Tags: Immortal Alfred Pennyworth, Sentient Gotham City, Eldritch Gotham City, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Jason thinks he's special, He's not, pfff like being undead is unusual, this IS gotham, Paperwork for Coming Back From the Dead, Alfred is a Victorian Gentleman's Gentleman, Paperwork, Gotham has forms for everythingI bet their insurance premiums are also insane, Temporary Character Death, Immortal Jason Todd

Audio Length: 29 minutes, 39 seconds

Summary:

Alfred Pennyworth is who you want on your side when dealing with how to legally come back from the dead. Luckily, Gotham has forms for this.

Notes: This podfic was a treat for @godoflaundrybaskets for Pod-O-Ween 2023! It also fit with the bonus tricks of "eldritch" and "damned"

[7thcirclebaker]

It's giving TimKon

Human: Deal.

Fey: Very well. When you return home tonight, your mother will be in pristine health again. It will be like she never fell ill at all. Even the memory of her suffering will fade…

Human: Thank you so much. She means everything to me.

Fey: I know, I know. Let’s hope the price wasn’t too much for you after all… Only time will tell.

Human: So, when do we start?

Fey: …If I may ask you to elaborate?

Human: You said you wanted my firstborn.

Fey: Yes? And you agreed?

Human: Yeah, so, when do we start?

Fey:

Fey, blushing: Ah.

[lady-ofliterature]

Do you ever just think, Batman passed the bat paranoia down to his children. Like, the Teen Titans will be chilling and Beast Boy asks what Robin would do if he turned evil and Robin just has a detailed file on each of them, counting all possible outcomes on how to take him down and their weaknesses. Jon asks Damian the same question and Damian has the most detailed contingency plan Jon’s ever seen, plus eight backups. The JL makes the mistake of mentioning it to Batman and he spends hours walking them all through what to do if he goes evil. Everyone is both impressed and concerned with the level of craziness and paranoia in that family. Clark will just walk in to the Batcave and see Bruce buried under a forest’s worth of papers full of what to do in any circumstance ever. Someone asks what to do if Alfred goes evil and every single bat pops up at the same time and says, “run” in the most serious voice possible.

[d-1hater]

honestly one of the main reasons I like dc is that they can’t keep a storyline straight for shit. anything I don’t like is just *not real*. that’s different storyline babes what are you talking about???

like at this point I can consider shit like wfa and hell even well written fanfics as canon bc who knows what’s going on with those funky little people?? certainly not the dc writers

[writerfromthestars]

DPXDC PROMPT : ALFRED IS IMMORTAL

Alright. Don't get me wrong, I love au's where John Constantine is like "soul tax evader supreme", but hear me out.

Alfred.

Alfred, Alfred Pennyworth. Who just doesn't die. The guy's immortal. The reason for this is that Alfred is awesome, so anytime he dies, whether it be from old age or a bullet or a world-wide catastrophe, he looks Death straight in the eyes and tells them that he will die when the day comes that no one needs him anymore, and not a second before, and then he just kinda pops back to life. Because let's face it, the batfam would fall to pieces without him.

So, Alfred Pennyworth has basically just been cheating death for centuries, by this point.

Needless to say, Death is none too pleased. Finally, Death goes to Phantom, the new king, who is much more reasonable than Pariah Dark was and who agrees to actually help.

Clockwork helps Danny set up a portal and he zaps into existence in the middle of a Wayne movie night. The bats are all prepared to fight this mysterious weirdo, but Danny ignores them and turns to Alfred, who he then begins lecturing about ghostly tax evasion and how defying death isn't a good thing, so he needs to file paperwork through the proper channels to stay as an immortal almost-God.

Alfred is chill, he plays cards with Clockwork once when he dies, so he knew this was coming, but the batfamily thinks that this mysterious entity is going to kill Alfred, so they're all panicking, trying to think of ways to avoid this horrible future. Alfred calmly listens to Danny, then he interjects.

"Sir, are you aware of the fact that there is a revenant on earth? One who is most certainly under threat of more paperwork than I, seeing as he has been using the Lazarus Pits to revive himself for millennia. I, however, have only been alive for a few hundred years, so I should think that he is a bigger priority. "

Danny glances over at Jason, doubtful. "He doesn't look several millennia old, Mr. Pennyworth."

"Certainly not, seeing as Master Jason is not. Besides, his Undeath License was filed. I have a copy of it if you need to see it, your Majesty?" Alfred answers, demure as always.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble, sir."

Alfred leaves and returns, moments later with a light green glowing piece of paper. he hands it over to Danny, who examines it.

"Seems legitimate. I assume you filed it during one of your many encounters with Death?"

"Indeed. I have it on good authority, however, that the other revenant, a man by the name of Ra's Al Ghul, has not renewed his License in at least the last half millennia, most likely longer."

Danny sighs. "Where can I find him."

"Nanda Parbat. The signature is impossible to miss."

"Alright, Mr. Pennyworth. I will return once he is dealt with, be it by filing his paperwork or returning him to the Infinite Realms."

"Very well. I will be ready." Alfred answers.

Danny opens a portal to the area around Nanda Parbat and then another, which plops him down right in front of the Demon's Head himself, in a strategy meeting with his daughter and several commanders.

They all raise their weapons, but he just basically grabs Ra's by the ear and tugs him through a Lazarus Green portal, lecturing him about tax evasion and paperwork and bureaucracy the whole time. The League is thrown into uproar, and Ra's is set down in a room with all his overdue paperwork from the past few thousand years. He feels a little bit like crying; if he had known immortality meant this much paperwork, he would've just died, honestly.

Meanwhile, in Wayne Manor, everyone is crying, because they think Alfred is going to die, Jason is confused about the whole revenant Undeath Certificate thing, Bruce is trying to make contingency plans, Tim is contacting the Justice League, and Alfred is planning out his defense and going through every ghostly law loophole he can think of because if he leaves these emotionally constipated crime-fighting vigilantes, he knows that the house that Martha so loved will go up in flames within a month.

Eventually, Danny comes to get Alfred for his ghostly court trial/hearing or whatever, and Alfred says goodbye to Bruce and everyone, goes to the Infinite Realms. Clockwork is on his side, and Alfred ends up winning the court case, on the condition that now that the has an Undeath License, he actually renew it every twenty years, like he's supposed to.

A week later, Alfred returns, crashes his own funeral, and explains that no, he will not be dying anytime soon.

Two weeks after Alfred's return, Constantine shows up at the manor basically begging to learn how the hell he managed to avoid death, and not only that, win a damn court case against them.

[3-cats-in-a-coat]

I feel like the manor was built ontop of Alfred’s territory and he made an agreement with the Wayne’s that he would let them keep the manor there and even take care of it and put it under his protection and make it a part of his territory in exchange for money.

And then he grew fond of the humans and has a similar relationship with them as most fae have with shiny things. He absolutely loves them and he’s always the first one who realizes that Bruce has adopted another child.

(Sorry if my English isn’t very good/hard to read, English is my third language and I don’t really know how commas work lol)

Wally: How old is Alfred?

Dick: Whoa, you can’t just ask things like that, man.

Wally: Oh, sorry. I just, he seems kinda old, you know?

Dick: I’m pretty sure he’s immortal.

Wally:

Wally: Yeah, that checks out.

Roy: Didn’t he fight in a war or something?

Dick: Yeah, I think he fought in the Battle of Hastings.

A little ways over

Bruce: So, are you going to correct them?

Alfred: You have yet to determine my age, Master Bruce, and if you think I will succumb to such measly attempts as this you are sorely mistaken.

[ktkat99]

Slightly Crack Batfam AU

Duke, shortly after being adopted, finds an old demon summoning circle burned into the floor under a rug in one of the rooms.

That, combined with some of the literature he finds laying around, leads him to conclude that someone in his new family is secretly a demon and he starts trying to figure out who.

Could it be Bruce, the literal demon of the night?

Dick, who bends and flips effortlessly in ways no normal human could?

Jason seems the most likely, as he climbed out of his own grave, but to be fair, he'd never actually seen Tim sleep.

And then there was Damian.

He never would have guessed that the demon is actually Alfred, summoned by a desperate, distraught Bruce the night of his parents' deaths.

Originally, their deal was just for Alfred to help Bruce get his revenge.

The reason he stuck around, though?

He realized he needed to make sure that Bruce and his collection of equally crazy orphans stayed OUT of the afterlife (and therefore AWAY from the throne of hell, which he has no doubt someone would eventually take) and decided to stay on as their oddly perfect butler.

[windybluebelles]

I don’t think, as a fandom, we have utilitiesed the concept of immortal Alfred along side the Fawcett time bubble.

Now, I know for a fact that it canon Alfred is not immortal and has intact died, I also just don’t give a shit

I’m also fairly sure that time bubble fawcett has never been canon, and at the very least isn’t anymore, I still don’t care.

Just picture, Itty Bitty Billy Batson (orphan whos entire support system from when he was younger is just entirely gone) hears a familiar voice coming through Batman’s personal comms, and just kinda thinks,

Holy Shit that’s Uncle Al

Now he’s obviously very confused, last time he heard anything about his Uncle Al was approximately in like 1954, and he was around the same age as his parents who I imagine couldn’t be any younger than like 30. So how tf is he not brain dead and being fed through a tube by now? (I’m sure there are some very functional 90 year olds but like… what are the chances?)

I imagine that Billy would eventually figure out that Alfred works for the Wayne family in Gotham (I also imagine that he now vaguely know Batman’s identity but he’s also like 12 so why would he care?) and finds a way to get there as soon as possible.

I’m picturing just like, Tim or someone opening the door to this tiny little boy whos holding a box full of pictures and letters and is politely asking if he can ‘Speak with uncle-err, Mr Pennyworth?’

[violent138]

Alfred totally picks up on more of the batkids' slang and Bruce is utterly bewildered when Alfred says slay when Steph debuts her upgraded bright purple suit.

[dragonraptyr]

Batman AU: Bruce has an adoption problem. It started several centuries ago with his first forays into the multiverse, and his first encounters with bad dad batmen. Now more than half of Gotham's population is various versions of the batfam.

He's got like, 160 Alfreds, two suburbs of stephanies, a district of Damians... etc.

Clark is mildly concerned. He had the good sense to incorporate the Kent farm as a township, not take over a city.

[the-bat-bros]

Saw this post by @incorrectbatfam and had to add my own contributions to this beautiful meme

Be right back laughing my ass off at these

Added a blank one below. Please Reblog with your contributions I need to see more of these!

[kk-cats]

Alfred Pennyworth is immortal.

It's a running joke, really.

And it helps. It really does. Because Alfred is a constant, and the thought of losing him is a terrifying thing, isn't it?

Alfred Pennyworth is immortal.

It's a running joke, really.

When Bruce's hairs start going grey. When his bones ache just a little more than they normally do. Alfred's still there. And so they laugh over it, just a little. They joke that he's going to outlive them.

Alfred Pennyworth is immortal.

Isn't that a good thing, this little joke?

He's got contingencies, after all. Preparations. So the family can take care of themselves when he's gone. Notes and books. Reminders. He worries, after all. What they'll do when he's gone.

Alfred Pennyworth is immortal.

Isn't that a good thing?

Generations after generations of Waynes. And he'll be there. To watch over the children. To be a steady constant.

Alfred Pennyworth is immortal.

But Bruce Wayne is not.

What does it mean to outgrow your young charge? To watch him go into danger. To watch him don a suit and fight.

No parent should watch their child die of old age.

But you do anyway.

Alfred Pennyworth is immortal.

But none of his children are.

[frappegoddess]

--------------------------------------

Brucie: You're the best

Alfred: Clearly.

------------------------------------

Whatever Bruce is paying Alfred, it will never be enough. Give this man a vacation and give his son some competency regarding sleep lmao.

[batfam-fanfics]

Robins Eternal by Bekbek

11/? Chapters - 41941 words

Tim couldn’t die.

That sounded a little silly when said in plain letters like that. But he couldn’t. The first time he heard that sentence Tim was four years old and clinging to the hem of his mothers dress. In a rare showing of maternal instinct she’d crouched down to brush his hair back from his forehead. Her fingers left stinging red lines in their wake against his pale skin. She’d smiled at him with their shared frigid eyes and cooed- for his hearing only- ‘you can’t die Timothy. You’re not allowed.’

To bad his newfound obsession with Batman and Robin was so bad for his health.