#imcorrect batman

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim *stressing*: ima kill myself.

Bruce *alarmed dad noises*: No... there is so much to live for!

Tim *nonchalant*: like what, B? Taxes?

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

Dick: *posts a video consisting of multiple clips to social media, in which Jason is seen sitting in a chair, reading something on his phone*

---

Jason: *widens his eyes and leans forward, gripping one of the chair arms*

Jason: No, the fuck, he didn't?!

Jason: That's not something he would say, but fine.

Jason: *blinks a few times* *looks up* *stares at his phone again* *blinks again* *raises his eyebrows*

Jason: *lies his phone aside, grips his hair while he paces around the room, clearly suppressing a scream*

Jason: I know I sometimes turn into a masochist when it comes to reading, but this is on a new level, even for me

---

Tim: *walks into the frame and takes Jason's phone away*

Jason: Give me back my pho-

Tim: YOU READ BATFAMILY ON AO3?!

[beartes22]

Jason Todd Imcorrect quotes (2/??)

Continuation of this post . Probably 2/2 until like, the next four years or sth

Angsty quotes I probably will add in some fic somewhen. They are also for adoption, they have no home yet. I am just very salty about this.

Bruce: we don’t kill, Jason!

Jason: why? Why can’t we? Why is this your line in the sand when there is no other fucking line you won’t cross!

Bruce: because if we do it we will be just as bad as them!

Jason: Bruce you sanctimonious fuck, I don’t want to be better! I just want to be safe!

Dick: why can’t you understand? We don’t kill! we can’t be judge, jury and executioner!

Jason: why not? We certainly don’t have judges or juries here!

Dick: just because the system is corrupt-

Jason: when I was murdered, where was my judgment? When did the judge pass the sentence, when did the jury declare him innocent? When was the dead penalty discarded?

Dick: …you know why Jason Todd could not have a public judgement

Jason: then what was it, was it private and you decided to leave my death unpunished or is he awaiting my judgement?

Dick: oh little wing-

Jason: my anger and my rage are not unjustified. They are just inconvenient for Batman’s crusade. Fuck you and your righteous fucking convenience.

Tim: you don’t understand! Bruce was broken after you died and Batman needs a robin!

Jason: I did not die. I was murdered.

Tim: I know. Bruce never got over failing to save you

Jason: why is his grief more important than my pain? Why must his needs overcome mine?

Tim: …he’s Batman

Jason: I see. so he’s not replaceable. But his robins aparently are.

Tim: no! That’s not-

Jason: better tread carefully then, replacement.

Bruce: you killed a man. You broke my rules!

Jason: and I will do it again. What will you do about it, then, big man, throw me to your justice?

Bruce: I will take you in like the rest of the criminals in this city

Jason: it will not stick. Thanks to your methods, I am a dead boy that doesn’t exist. I cannot be thrown in jail.

Bruce: you think I can’t put you under a fake Id?

Jason: you will go the extra mile to hurt me, but not for those that hurt me. Father of the year.

Now the less angsty ones. To break off with a laugh or sth

Goon 1: boss, we have a problem.

Red hood: *sighs deeply* what is it now, Fred?

Goon 1: …you know my name? There has been…a confusion in one of the orders, boss

Red hood: oh?

Goon 2: it appears someone mislabeled the… um, SEAL-quality equipment for-

*LOUD BRAYING CAN BE HEARD*

red hood: …how many live seals are in Gotham right now, Ricky

Goon 2: that;s um. a lot. Sir.

Goon 1: I think over twenty, boss

Red hood: and what am I supposed to do with 20 fucking seals?

Goon 2: I-i think they are actually an endangered species? So, so maybe you can, like, open a-

Red hood: no. No. I refuse. No. I will not end up my crime lord days to build an animal reserve. No.

Goon 1: we could also kill them sir. Their fur is expensive and crime alley could always stand to have more food

Red hood: we are not doing that.

Goon 2: I mean, we have done worse things for less money boss

Red hood: you want your ankles to be bitten to death by an angry toddler? Because this is how you get an angry toddler bit your ankles to death with his swords. Two of them.

Goon 1: is…is that a new rogue, boss?

Red hood: worse. Excuse me I gotta make a call

Red hood, on the phone: hey, baby demon, I got sth for you- what no, it’s not from Talía- shut up I do nice things for you on my own- oh fuck you habibi -you would be the bigger disappointment but you aren’t tall enough -oh? Did the baby get angry? Did the baby want a time out?- wait no, don’t pass the phone you co- yes. Hi B. No. Fuck you. No. Asshole. I’m hanging up.

The goons: …

Red hood: *picks up phone yet again* dickhead if you hang on me I swear to god I will haunt you-oh, sorry. Is dick there? Pass him the phone, please, it’s important. *a beat* dick, why did that random man pick up your phone- midnighter? And I thought I had the daddy issues. No wait! I have over 20 seals and I have to get rid of them- stop laughing you asshole!! *hangs up furiously*

Red hood: *turns to the goons* tomorrow the someone will come to pick up the seals. Probably an Atlantean. ETA 8 PM. Be ready or else *leaves*

Goons: …

Goon 1: I thought I knew how phone calls worked but apparently I don’t.

Goon 2: …me neither.

[cardinalcheerio]

Bruce: Why didn't you tell me about Damian!

Jay: Cause you dress your kids like traffic lights and send them to fight crime!

Bruce: And Talia teaches hers to kill people!

Jay *master Gaslighter*: So we're not your kids anymore? Wow bruce. Just wow.

Bruce: *sigh™️ *

Damian: tt

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim: Meeting you was like getting something sticky on your hands and reaching for a wet wipe and realizing they're all dry.

[cardinalcheerio]

Dick: Where do people go to buy winter clothes?

The Bats:

Dick:

The bats: fine. Where?

Dick: Brrlington!

[cardinalcheerio]

Alright, yall, for my stats class, I need this or that question with a ton of responses. Plus, I think it'll be funny to say my poll source is Tumblr. (Only these two cause I personally think they were the best, and I can have only 2 responses) if yall can repost this, I need a ton of people for this sample to be viable! Thanks!

[notfeelingthyaster]

plot twist: tim wrote it and it's a titan's tower enemy to caretaker au with all the fluffy and "red hood kidnaps m- ROBIN platonically for many cuddles and food and i- I MEAN, ROBIN gets adopted"

Dick: *posts a video consisting of multiple clips to social media, in which Jason is seen sitting in a chair, reading something on his phone*

---

Jason: *widens his eyes and leans forward, gripping one of the chair arms*

Jason: No, the fuck, he didn't?!

Jason: That's not something he would say, but fine.

Jason: *blinks a few times* *looks up* *stares at his phone again* *blinks again* *raises his eyebrows*

Jason: *lies his phone aside, grips his hair while he paces around the room, clearly suppressing a scream*

Jason: I know I sometimes turn into a masochist when it comes to reading, but this is on a new level, even for me

---

Tim: *walks into the frame and takes Jason's phone away*

Jason: Give me back my pho-

Tim: YOU READ BATFAMILY ON AO3?!

[madam-miss-fortune]

Lol Tim is probably more upset THAT HE RECOGNIZED JASON'S URL than that Jason reads fanfic.

Dick: *posts a video consisting of multiple clips to social media, in which Jason is seen sitting in a chair, reading something on his phone*

---

Jason: *widens his eyes and leans forward, gripping one of the chair arms*

Jason: No, the fuck, he didn't?!

Jason: That's not something he would say, but fine.

Jason: *blinks a few times* *looks up* *stares at his phone again* *blinks again* *raises his eyebrows*

Jason: *lies his phone aside, grips his hair while he paces around the room, clearly suppressing a scream*

Jason: I know I sometimes turn into a masochist when it comes to reading, but this is on a new level, even for me

---

Tim: *walks into the frame and takes Jason's phone away*

Jason: Give me back my pho-

Tim: YOU READ BATFAMILY ON AO3?!