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smittywing · 1 year ago

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FicBit 6: Jason Todd/Tim Drake

Previous parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

In which Jason definitely does not freak out.

Jason did not have a gay freakout. Instead, he spent a few days reading up on sexuality. Treatises, studies, popular fiction. He remembered liking girls before he’d died but then he’d only been fifteen and it was hard to differentiate what specific part of “everything” was causing that minute’s uncomfortable state.

Sleeping together had been Talia’s idea; he hadn’t even thought about it, but at the time it seemed like a perfect, “Fuck you” to Bruce.

Not, he realized, like a closeness he’d wanted to share with Talia. No. A big old Fuck Bruce. He probably shouldn’t parse that one too closely either.

There was Essence, Isabel, and Artemis, and they had all counted. Again, he realized uncomfortably, he wasn’t usually the one pushing for intimacy. He could be a flirt and he’d definitely dropped enough hints to Artemis until she took pity on him - no. It wasn’t like that. He wasn’t sure what it was like, but it had been mutual. But she had left, and he had come home, and now he was here in Gotham with a crush on a guy he usually referred to as his brother.

Another can of worms but one less fraught than the others. Bruce thought of them as brothers. Dick thought of them as brothers. Jason and Tim hadn’t met until Tim was sixteen and Jason nineteen and well, that had a rocky start. They’d never lived together, they’d never really worked together until Mother and their months-long trek through the Middle East.

Roy felt more like a brother than Tim, so Jason called him.

“What’s going on?” Roy asked.

Jason hesitated, then blurted out, “I think I like Tim.”

“Tim Drake?” Roy asked.

“Yes,” Jason admitted.

“I mean. Most people do, dude. I know you’re pissed about him taking the Robin suit but you were AWOL for like - “

“No,” Jason interrupted. “I mean I think I like him. Like. Like him, like him.”

“Like want to make out with him?” Roy clarified.

“Yes. One hundred percent.”

“So…what’s stopping you?”

“Uh, mostly that he has a boyfriend. But don’t you find it kind of weird? That I’m suddenly into guys?”

“I mean, most of us experimented as kids, right? You never really got to do that so you’re doing it now. I’d kiss you but honestly how many of Dick’s exes do you want to score with?”

“Stop,” Jason ordered. “I don’t want to hear any more. And I didn’t score with any of Dick’s exes, We all crushed on Barbara. It was tradition.”

“I was talking about Kori,” Roy teased.

“Oh. Right. I never actually slept with Kori,” Jason admitted. “I just said I did so you wouldn’t hit on her.”

“And look how well that worked out.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Jasin was doing a little light Tim stalking around the marina.

Seriously, Timbourine, what was the point of arming the boat like the BatCave only to sit out on the deck canoodling with your boyfriend? Cannon Fodder was sitting between Tim’s legs, Tim’s arms around him, head tilted back on Tim’s shoulder. Jason felt a little green around the edges and this time he couldn’t blame it on the Pit.

He wasn’t going to *do* anything and he wasn’t going to *say* anything but then someone landed, featherlight, on the roof behind him and how had he failed to clock Dickie a building away.

“What are you doing?” Nightwing asked without much of a question in his voice. “What is going on with you? Are you stalking Tim?”

“No,” Jason said defensively. “I’m just. Looking out for him. Since he’s clearly not paying attention to anything.”

“Oh, you think not?” Dick said,because apparently something was happening over Jason’s shoulder. He whirled around with a little too much alacrity.

Tim was kissing Cannon Fodder goodbye at the edge of the boat and he definitely had one eye on the rooftops. Jason blamed Dick.

Dick gestured to Tim, who turned around and went below decks, and then rested a heavy hand on Jason’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on,” he said softly, which made everything Jason was feeling a thousand times worse. “But I’m going to guess and it’s up to you how wrong this guess is going to wind up.”

Jason sighed and turned away from the sightline of the boat. “So it turns out the guy I didn’t know I liked is in a disgustingly cute relationship and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that.”

He didn’t look at Dick’s face. There was nothing there he wanted to see.

“Tim’s happy right now,” Dick said. “You have no idea how happy.”

Jason had some idea. He had seen the smile on Tim’s face when he mentioned Cannon Fodder and he had heard the fondness on Tim’s face when Cannon Fodder came up.

“Oh, calm your tits,” Jason said. “I’m not gonna go beat up his little boyfriend.”

“That was, somehow, not even what I was going to worry about.” Dick sounded rueful. “I know things have been rough between you two and I want them to get better. But butting in on his relationship is not going to help. Maybe.” Dick sighed. “Maybe if this runs its course and you still feel…like you feel…maybe then you could ask him out. You gotta stop stalking him, though.”

“I’m not stalking him,” Jason said even though that was very much how he would have described his actions before Dick touched down.

“Hey,” a third voice interrupted. Tim. Glorious. “Dick, I got this.”

“Nothing to get,” Dick said lightly. “Just checking in on our little bro.”

“Appreciate it, but I’m good,” Tim said and did the bro hug thing with Dick. He was in the Robin uniform this time and it was strange to see him back in it after so long.

“All right,” Dick said. “I’m here if you need anything.” He grappled away with a warning glare at Jason.

Jason absolutely did not scuff his foot on the roof he and Tim were standing on. Absolutely not.

“You want to talk about it?” Tim offered.

“Nothing to talk about,” Jason said stubbornly.

“Yeah,” Tim agreed. “That’s what I said, too. So you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Jason reached for his hood and tried to put it on one-handed. He was usually better at that.

“I kissed you. And you kissed me back. And it was really good.”

“It was all right,” Jason conceded.

Tim grinned. “I guess,” he said. “Listen. I know it’s weird. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m with Bernard and I’m happy with him. But if I wasn’t, things would be…different.”

“Different how?” Jason gave up on putting on the hood. Hiding wasn’t an option right now.

Tim shrugged. “Maybe we’d do it again,” he said. “Maybe we wouldn’t. But um. I would probably want to.”

Tim wanted to.

“It’s never felt like that before,” Jason admitted hoarsely. “Never.” He finally lifted his eyes to look Tim square in the face. Tim looked sad, a little wistful and Jason took a step toward him.

“I can’t,” Tim said, but he didn’t back away.

“Why not?”

“You know why not.”

“What if?” Jason asked through a mouth as dry as the deserts of Qrac, “I don’t ever feel like this again?”

“You will,” Tim says after a moment. “It might - I don’t know. I don’t know what else is out there for you, Jason. I don’t. But I can’t be the only possible one for you.”

Because that would make him, Jason, the only possible one for Tim in exchange, Jason realized, and there was Cannon Fodder who lit up Tim’s eyes like sunshine.

“Yeah,” Jason agreed, even though he couldn’t fathom ever wanting anyone else.

“I know it hurts,” Tim said. His smile was sad. “I’ve been there.”

The SuperClone, Jason assumed. He didn’t ask. If Tim had felt even half the longing Jason did now, and he was happy now with Cannon Fodder, well. Jason could be happy, too.

#batbrats #fic #jason todd #red hood #jason todd/tim drake #red hood/red robin #tim drake #jason todd's potty mouth #batman #jaytim #dick grayson #batfam

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shinedownmerch · 2 years ago

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Shinedown Merch

Shinedown is an American rock band from Jacksonville, Florida formed by singer Brent Smith in 2001 after the dissolution of his previous band. Smith, still under contract with record label Atlantic Records, recruited the band's original lineup of Jasin Todd as guitarist, Brad Stewart on bass, and Barry Kerch on drums. Buy Shinedown Merch Here!

Shinedown Merchandise Shinedown Merch Amazon Shinedown Tour Merch Shinedown Merch Store Shinedown Merch 20223 Shinedown Tour Merch 2023 Shinedown Concert Merch Shinedown Band Merch Shinedown Merch Uk Official Shinedown Merch Store New Shinedown Merch Shop Shinedown Merch Long Sleeve Shinedown Merch Women's Tee Shinedown Merch Hoodie Shinedown Merch T Shirt Shinedown Merch Shirt

#shinedownmerch #shinedownmerchandise

#art #beauty #business #design #digital art #marketing

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shinedowncharts · 3 days ago

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Shinedown—Us and Them Review

There is no way I could talk about Shinedown’s Us and Them without immersing myself in a world of context. Us and Them is Shinedown’s album with the most mystery in its vortex: hardly any interviews whatsoever, only one single with a music video, the last album to feature the original guitarist Jasin Todd and bassist Brad Stewart, and every song from this record has been eliminated from the modern setlist, sans the occasional inclusion of lead single “Save Me.” To do research on the circumstances of this album’s production, recording, and release, I had to go into the Internet Archive, as the press and web updates at the time have long expired. This is an album review, and a bit of a history lesson. Does Shinedown’s most rushed and least favorable album (Said as much by Barry and Brent) live up in 2024?

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Brent Smith told Michael Melchor of 411Mania in October 2005 that there was an immense amount of internal pressure from camp Shinedown to get the record out into the world. It has been revealed many times throughout the years that Brent does not write while the band is out on the road touring, they save that for studio time, and there was little to no writing taking place during the 2-year Leave a Whisper touring cycle. To keep the momentum going, some recent music needed to be on the radio so people would buy tickets. When the lead single “Save Me,” a gem if I have ever heard one, was sent to US Active Rock stations on August 23rd, 2005, four songs on the album did not have recorded vocals, four other songs did not have the lyrics written, and aside from the lead single, the record was not mixed and mastered. Keep in mind that the record came out on October 4th, so there was barely over a month to get this all done, get CDs printed and shipped to stores, promote the lead single on radio, and film a music video for it, which was shot in late September. It is no surprise that Smith and Kerch went on to exclaim in 2009 that they were unsatisfied with this record because they did not get to edit it with a fine-tooth comb, filter out their favorite and least favorite tracks to make the final cut, add extra layers of production that they desired. It is a damn shame that that is the legacy of the record internally, because it is a great record.

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Working with producer Tony Battaglia, who crafted the genius, timeless smash hit “45” from the earlier Shinedown record, Us and Them is a 13-track journey through the personal demons that haunted Brent Smith at the time (drug addiction and its consequences, primarily). Battaglia’s then adolescent daughter Olivia reads a haunting story time monologue on “The Dream,” warning us that we are listening to, well, a dream. This transitions directly into “Heroes,” one of Shinedown’s best songs lyrically: All of Brent’s heroes are dead and gone, but they are still inside of him, living on. It is genius, I cannot make this up. The iconic “Save Me,” rushed out into the ether prior to the album even being finished, went on to be the band’s first of 18 #1 Billboard Mainstream Rock singles, and crossed over to Alternative, reaching #2. It was also the band’s first appearance on the Hot 100, a chart where singles like “Burning Bright” and “45” bubbled under but could not quite cross the finish line. “I Dare You” has one of the most insane vocal runs of Brent’s career, something that has made the song a consistent request from fans to hear live, also going to #2 on Billboard Rock. “Beyond the Sun” is a song born from tragic and obscure circumstances. A new rock band produced by Battaglia called 3AE was signed to RCA in 2002. Lead singer Chris Rice passed away in September of that year in a car accident in Orlando, Florida. A day later, Florida station Real Radio 104.1 aired the unreleased song “A Place Beyond the Sun.” The song was repurposed with small lyrical edits for Shinedown, included on Us and Them in memoriam of Chris. “Lady so Divine”—short for LSD, as Jasin Todd explained in an interview, thankfully, because my stupid ass never got that—is eight minutes of southern magic, singing to a “lady” (drugs, as we now know) with a lovely guitar solo halfway through. “Shed Some Light” is the acoustic beauty, written in honor of Brent’s father’s grief of his grandfather’s sudden death. Brent wrote this song with Lzzy Hale of Halestorm, who was newly signed to Atlantic Records, and there is a recording of the two performing this song live that you must see, as well as a leaked studio mix of the song as a duet. We could have had it all, Shinedown Nation. “Begin Again” is on another level. Written about Brent’s urge to reject his friends with whom he did drugs, the song crescendos to a series of metal-style roars of neglect and betrayal from the people who enable you to kill yourself. This is a song that demands to be listened to and is not even the best song on the record, but it so primal and guttural that it is easily a standout, and is truly showcases the title and thesis of the record, Us and Them: “They took it from me, they made a demon, they took it from me.” Riveting. “Fake” and “Some Day” close out the record, and these songs are also lyrical highlights, with the former struggling to take the relationship falling apart at the seams and put it back together, though the narrator can no longer fake their happiness or their contempt. The latter is a response to “Fake,” where it is revealed that the muse never really took the time to fix the cracks, ending the record with “Some day when I’m older.” You cannot make this stuff up!

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The band has certainly grown into a level of artistry that is spectacular, including from a lyrical perspective. However, Us and Them easily stands among their top three greatest records from a writing perspective, as in lyrics, as in words. It is incredibly good musically, but it is slightly dated. The southern radio rock of the early 2000s is exemplified by this album’s track list, and it has not really been “in” since. One of Brent and Barry’s requests that was not met due to timing was making the record sound “bigger” from a production standpoint, and while I appreciate that everything is a bit “rawer” and has some space to breathe in the mix that was released, it is certainly different from what was becoming the norm at the time. Some of the most played songs of the year were from Howard Benson’s productions, which are polished to the nines, such as Papa Roach’s “Scars” from their Getting Away with Murder album. Staind and Disturbed also had some of their work charting, which had a rich, full, stacked sound that Us and Them does not not have, but it is certainly less. Shinedown could not release this album today without sounding dated, and it would not be a 1/3rd as successful as it was back then. This record also broke the original band apart; the cracks had been showing for a while, but shortly after the album’s release, Brad Stewart had an anticlimactic and unceremonious exit and was replaced with Zach Myers, who is now on guitar. Jasin Todd was booted in 2007 during the recording of The Sound of Madness, due to a raging drug addiction. He previewed some of the forthcoming songs live, with an interesting southern take that was noticeable on “Sound of Madness” (song), “Devour,” “The Crow and the Butterfly,” and “Junkies for Fame.” These early renditions had the same musical stylings of Us and Them, and the pivot to Rob Cavallo’s production after the creative overhaul is what helped make that record so iconic and avoid being called dated, something this record does not have the privilege of.

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What room does that leave Us and Them in Shinedown’s discography? I can best describe it as three things: a product of its time, a black sheep buried underneath the weight of The Sound of Madness and the highest highs of its predecessor Leave a Whisper, and above all, a little secret for the fans. There is a treasure trove of stellar lyricism, interesting guitar grooves that serve as a time capsule, a tribute to a band with a fallen lead singer (3AE), little nuggets into the ongoing spiral of Smith’s demons and quest for love, and, if you read between the lines, a cry for help from a band that is falling apart at the seams. With little press and a grand total of, like, four interviews that are discoverable online, there is only one place left to mine: the music. Even 19 years later, it is the treasure trove that keeps revealing itself if you dare to look. What’s not to love?

#shinedown #us and them #save me #i dare you #heroes #alternative #grunge #active rock

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cakegatedisaster · 9 months ago

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Thoughts on this version of jasin todd

MANY thoughts

#asks #honestly perhaps too many

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tomsmusictaste · 3 years ago

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Shinedown // Second Chance

#shinedown #second chance #brent smith #zach myers #eric bass #barry kerch #jasin todd #brad stewart #lyrics #lyric edit #shinedown lyrics

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suicidal-demonn-blog · 7 years ago

Video

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Shinedown—45

#shinedown #45 #brent smith #barry kerch #jasin todd #brad stewart #hard rock #post grunge #alternative rock #alternative metal #music #music video

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bitter-hibiscus · 1 year ago

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GRASPS YOU

OKAY SO!!! RED LANTERN JASON TODD

This is set after Countdown but before the events of Red Lanterns, Guardians of the Universe and RHATO

When Dick, currently Batman, tries to get Jason willingly hands himself over to protect Scarlet, I was thinking "hey, what happened to Sasha?" (I know she comes back on convergence but shhh) so I thought maybe Dick found her after Jason got arrested and found her a proper foster family, and when Jason escapes he confronts Dick and the knowledge that Dick took Sasha away from him, the girl he basically saw as a daughter and was the only person he had at the time, it fills him with so much rage and betrayal that he accepts the power of the red ring without even thinking about it, his only thoughts being about making Dick pay for taking Sasha from him etc etc

When he goes through the indocrination, it fails, and Atrocitus does that thing he says he did in Red Lanterns and "discards" Jason in the Ysmault Valley. Except Jason is Jason and therefore refuses to die. He stays hidden there, hidden and barely aware of himself because sometimes red lanterns are so consumed by their anger that they completely lose the ability to think and speak properly, for years. No one on earth knows where he is.

Bruce is already back from the timestream when Kyle finds him, completely by accident. He was lost in Ysmault after a battle (which he won!) and is attacked by a feral red lantern. He manages toknock out said red lantern, and when he takes off their mask, he realizes he just foubd presumably-dead-twice-over Jason Todd!

Kyle, scared of Jason's mental state and knowing Bruce would Not make it any better, stays in Ysmault without telling anyone why he's there for weeks in an attempt to at the very least help Jason gain control of his rage. This development would be/will be most of the fic's content. This is, of course, where Jason and Kyle fall in love with each other again, because the Thing they had during Countdown didn't fully die.

It works, and Kyle finally deems Jason okay to return to Earth. Jasin attacks Dick and Bruce On Sight. Despite that, they're still willing to help him control himself fully. On Earth, Jason finally recieves the support he should've gotten from his family years ago, and he and Kyle start dating again, until Jason has actual hope that he'll get better, and it frees him from the control of the red ring.

Its very Jason-centric and will probably be the biggest fic I'll ever write, but I think it could be really cool! I'm still not That knowledgeable on Red Lantern lore, but I'm doing research rn and hopefully in a couple of weeks at most I'll have the whole fic planned out chapter by chapter so I can start writing it!

Im having jaykyle fic thoughts but i have NO ONE TO SHARE THEM WITH do u want to hear abt them /nf

Hey! Sorry if I took a while to answer back. I’m always down for more jaykyle content so please

#jaykyle #my writing #ramble ramble ramble #thank you for letting me infosump you op #i literlaly dont follow any other jaykyle blogs and i HAD to share this idea LOL

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sparkypantaloons · 3 years ago

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Cinderella

When Jason became Robin, Batman and Nightwing created the Cinderella Protocol - a way to protect Robin from the very worst of Gotham.

But Jason's an adult now and with Batman off-world, it's up to him to protect Robin.

Or; Red Hood and Orphan answer Nightwing's distress call. All three of them struggle with the aftermath of Gotham's darkest side.

“—ood, this is Oracle, do you re—”

“—traction request from Nightwi—”

“—Cinderella protocol activ—”

“Hood! Do you co—“

“Perimeter secure.” Jason speaks into his comm. His voice is calm and steady, belies the way his heart pounds in his chest. He keeps his eyes up, concentrates on ignoring the way the ground crunches beneath his boots. Glass and bone and teeth and… whatever else litter the floor. Even through the filtration system of his helmet, the smell is overwhelming. “You’re gonna need a rebreather, Orphan.”

He hears Cass tap twice on the comm. Affirmative. Jason has followed the tunnels to get here, but Cass has come through the sewer. She lands in front of him from above, silent but for the flutter of her cape. Jason sees the way she stiffens as she takes in their surroundings. Returns the nod she gives him as they move further into the chamber.

They’re deep underground, but Jason’s long past being surprised at what shows up beneath Gotham, even if he’s still horrified. A vast cavern; enormous, intricate carvings etched into its walls. Thousands of lanterns hang from the ceiling, cast a dim, flickering light around the giant hall. A terrible atmosphere of forboding hangs in the air. He takes a breath, tries not to balk at the overwhelming scent of death. Pushes down the panic that lingers at the back of his mind, that begs him over and over again to wait for Bruce. He concentrates on finding Nightwing.

Cass and Jason move through the chamber together, their eyes on the arches and doorways that lead off in every direction. There shouldn’t be any surprises. The Cinderella protocol is specific. Painfully so. In a way only a Bat could devise. And it means that there shouldn’t be any immediate threat, no confronting danger. But this is Gotham, and Jason has never trusted this city.

Cass places a hand on his arm. Emerald arch. She signs, and Jason nods. A distant part of his brain vaguely impressed that he somehow knows the ASL for emerald. They move towards one of the more ornate doorways, their boots crunching over the debris of past lives on the floor. The arch is encrusted with cracked and clouded green gem stones. They twinkle ominously in the candle light.

Beyond the threshold is darkness. The meagre light of even a thousand candles not enough to bring any brightness to whatever lies beyond here.

“Nightwing?” Cass asks from beside him.

Jason reaches up to switch his helmet to night vision. “Hey princess, you in her—“

The words die on Jason’s lips. The breath rushing out of him as the room comes into focus.

Beyond the archway the room is little more than a pit. Wide, but not particularly deep, seven feet perhaps. The floor is slick with something. Blood, Jason is guessing from the smell. And it’s full of bodies. Body parts, his brain corrects. Because none of them are whole. Legs and arms and torsos. Heads, feet, hands.

A thick and heavy terror pours down Jason’s throat. The kind that makes him feel like he doesn’t know whether to laugh or scream. That makes him wish he was still Robin, so that Batman would get here and take him away because this is a new kind of horror. There’s no stillness here, in this pit. A scene like this should be undisturbed, unmoving. A photograph of some past atrocity, taken long ago when humans were still feral and awful. But there’s movement here. A slow and endless writhing. And with it a whispered chorus of moaning. Of crying. An almost silent song of death. Except it isn’t death. Because these bodies, the parts of them left at least, are alive.

He feels Cass’ hand at his back. Steadying him as much as her. “Nightwing, can you stand?” She asks.

Nightwing looks up at them through the darkness. Eyes glazed in a way Jason’s never seen before. He’s covered in blood. Drenched in it. It slicks his hair, runs down his face, has turned the blue of his suit black. He’s hunched over one of the bodies. One of the body parts. Jason’s brain corrects. A torso, ripped from rib to hip, a missing arm, only half face. The remaining hand is clenched in Dick’s. “He’s alive.” Dick says. But his voice is all wrong. Everything about this entire scene is all wrong and Dick shouldn’t sound like that. He sounds… wrong.

“He’s alive.” Dick says again. More desperately this time. “We have to— I need to— he’s alive. They’re alive! Cass—Jay—we—Batman—“

“Nightwing.” Cass cuts him off. Sounds for all the world like Bruce. “Can you stand?” The tone isn’t for Jason, but it grounds him anyway. Helps him refocus on the task at hand. Cinderella protocol. Get Nightwing out.

She jumps down in to the pit. Makes her way to Nightwing. Jason watches as she slowly uncurls Dick’s fingers from the body— the man’s hand. Helps him gently to his feet.

“He’s alive, Cass. They’re alive.” Dick is whispering, over and over again. His eyes still wide.

Cass leads him gently to the doorway. Jason reaches down for Dick, lifts him bodily from the pit.

“You take Nightwing.” Cass says from below. “I’ll sort—“ She stumbles over her words just the once. “This.” She says eventually.

Jason is all that’s keeping Dick standing. The older man sags in Jason’s arms. The word alive repeated over and over under his breath.

“You sure?” Jason asks Cass. He sounds more in control that he feels. “I can get one of the Robin’s to—“

“Cinderella.” Cass shakes her head. “Go.”

Jason pauses then nods. “Check in every fifteen or I’m coming back.”

The Batmobile is waiting topside when they reach the surface, but for once the Robins have followed protocol and are nowhere to be seen. Jason places Dick in the passenger seat. Grateful that this part of town is yet to succumb to the gentrification plans that Bruce calls revival. There’s not a soul in sight.

He leans over to fasten Dick’s seatbelt. Grimaces at how much blood is still on him. Forces down the wild panic that is desperate to take over. Curses Bruce for being an absent father, yet again.

“Nightwing is any of this yours?” He asks. Dick’s eyes slide in out and of focus. His domino is long gone. “Nightwing!” Dick doesn’t respond.

Jason removes his helmet, peels off the domino beneath. Takes Dick’s face in his hands. “Look at me, Dickie.” He says gently.

“Lilwing?” Dick says dazed, his words slurring together.

“Is any of the blood yours?” Jason asks, holding Dick’s head up to face him. “I need you to tell me.”

“They’re alive, Jay.” Dick mumbles. His eyes begin to water. “They’re alive, we have to— I have to—“

Jason sighs. “It’s okay, Dickie. Cass is helping them. Cass will save them.”

Dick nods. Tears begin to slip silently down his face. Carve tracks in the drying blood. “They’re alive, Jay.” He whispers. ”They’re alive.”

Dick is largely incoherent for the drive back to the Cave. He mumbles to himself and to Jason. Cries silently into his hands or stares blankly out of the window. Cass checks in twice to let Jason know GCPD are incoming, and then that a major incident has been declared. Her voice is steady each time. Jason feels like he’s losing his grip on reality.

When they reach the Cave, only Alfred is waiting. He steps towards the car as Jason climbs out. “I’ve reached Master Bruce.” He says. “He’ll be back on-planet in a few hours.”

Jason grunts in response. Runs a hand through his hair as some sort of auto-pilot takes over. He doesn’t know how he’s still functioning. “The others?” He asks, shedding his blood covered jacket and gloves.

Alfred sighs. “Upstairs. They’re awaiting a full debrief. Cassandra?”

“Clean up.” Jason replies. “It’s gonna… take a while.” He opens the passenger door of the Batmobile. Winces as he hears Alfred gasp. Dick stares blankly ahead. “Come on, Dickie.” Jason says gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Dick looks like he’s survived a massacre. Maybe he has. It’s not a sight Jason will forget.

He remembers when the Cinderella protocol was created. Bruce and Dick had devised it, long ago now. When Jason first became Robin. He can’t remember if they ever used it. If it’s ever been used at all.

Cinderella is meant to keep Robin safe. Even when you’ve lived your whole life in Gotham, there are some things this city throws up that no kid should see. Hell, that no adult should see, but Bruce made that choice long before Robin was around.

Cinderella means that Robin goes home, immediately. No ifs, no buts, no back chat. Get home. Stay home. If you can’t, call Superman. That’s it. Let the adults takeover.

The adults, Jason thinks wildly, as he gently guides Dick to the showers. How is he classed as the adult in this situation? He’s not even the oldest. Not even second oldest. Where was Bruce, damn it? Never around when they needed him. When Jason needed him. When—

“Whoa, whoa, Grayson. Hold on.”

Dick is stood under in the spray of the shower. Cubicle door still open, boots and suit still on. He turns to stare at Jason, blood pooling with the water at his feet.

Jason sighs. Kneels down and gently undoes Dick’s boots. The warm water of the shower soaks through his t-shirt.

Dick let’s himself be manhandled, as Jason carefully removes his boots, lifting his feet out of each one. He pulls off Dick's gloves. Unzips the kevlar suit and peels it from the older man's arms and legs.

Jason blanches as he realises blood is inside the suit as well. The thick, coppery smell releases into the steam of the shower, as it comes away from Dick’s limbs. Dick stares blankly all the while. Hardly aware that Jason is there, his calloused hands gentle as they run a sponge over Dick's skin.

He starts to cry as Jason washes his hair. Firm fingers against his scalp, scrubbing the dirt and the death away. The cleaner he gets the worse he feels, until he turns away from the younger man and vomits down the drain.

“Fuck.” He grimaces, coming back to himself. He turns from Jason. Rests his head against the cool tile. Turns off the shower. ”Fuck, Jay.” He says again.

Jason returns with a towel. Wraps it around the older mans bare skin.

“Are you okay?” Dick asks him.

Jason stares at his brother. Naked but for the towel. Stares down at himself. Soaking and fully clothed. “I don’t know.” He says.

By the time Dick has dressed himself and Jason has changed into dry clothes, Cass is back. She doesn’t say anything to them before she heads into the shower, and Jason feels a nervous pang in his gut that maybe she’s angry with him. That maybe he should have stayed and let her take Dick home. He didn’t even try to—

Alfred has brought down some food but neither of them eat. Jason pushes the meatballs around his plate with his fork, tries to force away his nausea. All he can smell is blood. Thinks it might be all he ever smells again. Dick doesn’t even pretend to eat. Just watches the doors of the showers, waiting for Cass to emerge.

The saving grace is that Alfred has managed to keep the Robins at bay. Steph, Tim, Duke, Damian. All four of them were on scene with Nightwing and best as Jason can figure, none of them saw— … anything. He doesn’t know how Alfred has convinced them to stay out of the Cave. He doesn’t care.

“The coast is clear, if you would like to head to your rooms.” He tells the pair of them.

Thanks, Alfred. Is what Jason wants to say, but “Where the fuck is Bruce?” is what comes out. Dick shakes his head.

Cass emerges a moment later, doesn’t even look at Alfred as she marches over to where Jason and Dick sit. For a wild moment Jason is sure she’s going to fight them. Rage at them for leaving her there in the— in that pit. But instead she pulls Dick into a fierce hug, grips him tightly even as he towers over her. Then she reaches an arm out to Jason, pulls him towards them until she has an arm wrapped tightly around each of their waists. Her head buried between their chests.

Dick’s arm wraps around Jason’s shoulders as well and for a second Jason actually feels relief. Thinks maybe now he can stop pretending he’s a grown-up and fully lose his mind at the horror of what they’ve seen. But then Cass pulls back, sniffs and wipes the tears from her eyes. “Safe.” She says. And she squeezes each of their hands. “You’re safe.”

Jason wonders if she says it for her benefit or theirs.

Jason stares up at his ceiling. Slows his breaths right down, counts them in and out. A scream looms in his throat and if it escapes him he’s not sure he’ll ever get it back inside again.

He checks the tracker on his phone. Bruce is still an hour away. He squeezes his eyes shut then opens them again. Visions of the pit swim in his mind every time he tries to sleep. Except every body part is Dick or Cassandra or Bruce or Roy or Artemis. Some of them are Willis and some of them The Joker. All of them moan and writhe and cry.

He just needs something— someone, solid, to ground him. He just needs his Da—

“Jay?” Dick stands in the doorway.

“What’re you doing here?” Jason mumbles.

Dick shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep.” He says. “Are you okay?”

Jason scowls. “I’m fine.”

“Oh.” Dick says. Unnaturally cheery. “Good.”

They stare at each other a moment, and for a moment Jason resents him. Dick’s the big brother. If Bruce isn’t around, Dick is meant to be there for Jason, not the other way round. Jason is barely holding it together himself. He can’t do with this Dick. Not now. Now when Dick was down there for so long. Stuck with— stuck with all those—

“Jay?” Dick says again.

“Mm?”

“Can I stay?” His voice is small, quiet. It makes Jason want to cry. Or scream. Both.

“Course, Dickie.” He says. “Of course.”

#spbfic #batfam fic #batfic #batfamily #jason todd #dick grayson #cassandra cain #red hood #orphan #bat family fanfic #nightwing #tw dismemberment #tw gore #tw injury #Dick Cass and Jasin are fine physically and don't get dismembered #they just see a lot of dismembered peeps and that is stressful af

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