#im so bad with anything that goes on too long
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one of my friends posted a shirtless pic of laois in the chat yesterday so last night i started reading dungeon meshi its not too long and i actually got through a whole volume already :0
and im enjoying it so far, i really REALLY like the cooking in it i didnt know it was gonna be that detail with the food aspect haha like the meals they come up with is enough to keep me reading tbh
#thats not the only reason i started reading of course lol#but it kinda triggered a whole discussion and my friends were praising it a lot and sending pics of the characters#so yea#i havent read any mangas in long time#i havent really watched any anime in a long while either#so its kinda nice dipping my toes back into this medium#i wasnt really expecting to get into dungeon meshi#like i saw ppl talking about it but i wasnt really that curious#but here i am now ig#im glad its around 100 chapters#its something i can actually finish#im so bad with anything that goes on too long#i always get distracted by something else or just forget about it
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally can’t wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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Looks like I just lost another close friend to guy who isn't worth a pile of dog shit. 😊
#my best friend no less#i cried about this shit practically all afternoon but i'm all out of tears and now i'm just pissed off.#this shit has been going on for a long ass time but i've finally reached my breaking point with it#i love her#but she is delusional#and it kills me to say that#but that whole “relationship” (if you even want to call it that) is fake. all he cares about is money not her#the worst part is that she knows it too#oh but she “loves him” and “wants to give him one last chance” girl what the fuck?#oh but better yet he dumped her once 2 years ago already and i've hated his punk ass since#never should've gotten back tother after that and i told her as much even back then#all he does is make her cry#not do anything arount their town house#and sit on his ass and watch tv or sleep when he's not working#that's the tame stuff too i could say sooo much worse but i'm actually not trying to air her dirty laundry out her#i'm just pissed off#but suddenly IM the bad guy when tell her i won't support her or this “relationship” when she told me they were getting back together today#this is after i helped her and her parents ans brother move all her stuff out of the town house last Monday and back to her parents place#after she told me they were done for good#but IM the bad guy for bringing up all of fhe reasons listed above and all of the REALLY bad things about the relationship#when i tell her i won't be supporting her any longer and that i'll be walking away if she goes back to him#best part is her family agrees with me and they tell her all the things i say about him and then some#but when i go out on the line and put my heart down on the table for her and all i get back is a text saying:#“i don't really like how you're texting right now so we'll talk about this later.”#girl#i don't know whether or not i want to cry harder or strangle her#i think it's both#so yeah i think i just lost my best friend to a guy who doesn't remotly deserve her and everything kicks rocks rn#it's just like my other friend all over again#why do my friend have such dog shit taste in men
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Yeehaw we gettin tagged by @whump-me (tyyyy) and posting 7 snippets from our writing (or wips but i am a wipless bastard atm 🤪) and i have decided to do some Silly Castys Moments (and also some Erebus stuff ig 🙄)
Warning for some gore probably it’s Nemi writing so yk but I’ll try to keep the really bad stuff outta here (there also some armputation and guy going crazy and starving to death over and over you know the drill)
1. Local silly guy does in fact regret it very much
“I don’t really want you, per se, but a certain…friend of yours.” Castys stiffened, and he heard a faint laugh. “I think you know who I’m talking about.”
“I really don’t. I’ve got a lot of friends, you know, and-” something slammed into the metal above him, cutting him off.
“Don’t play dumb with me; you know exactly who I’m talking about, and you’d better tell me where I can find him or I’ll make you regret it.”
“Please, do your worst. I already regret so many damn things so I don’t think another one on the pile will do much to me, to be honest,” Castys mused, wiggling against his bonds slightly.
2. The worst fmk in existence gets you stabbed
“Hey, guys, fuck, marry, kill for rice, pasta, and bread, go. I think for me, I gotta say fuck bread, marry rice, kill pasta. Don’t get me wrong, I love some noodles, some noods, but, like, man. Have you ever just, like, had some bread? Insane. I would fuck bread. I don’t wanna fuck anything, but boy I would fuck the bread. And rice, man, she’s so dependable, she’s always there for you. What I would want in a spouse if I wanted anything in a spouse. This game wasn’t really designed for me, and yet, here I am. So, c’mon, what’s it from you two? You’ve gotta have-Hey, Danny boy, got an opinion you’d like to share?” Castys smiled up at the man now standing in front of him.
Daniel rolled his eyes before putting his asshole face back on. “Just do something useful for once and hold this for me, vermin,” he said with a smile, lifting Castys’s shirt and gently sliding the knife he was holding into his abdomen. Castys just sighed, way too used to being stabbed to really care much about this.
3. Ripping your arm off but it’s a Phineas and Ferb reference (this one is probably the most gory of all the snippets fyi but it’s not too bad)
Sensing his chance, Castys grabbed the manacled wrist of his shredded arm with his good hand, bit down on the gag, and pulled. He couldn’t give up, couldn’t stop, not after enduring this much, he could feel his flesh tearing, sending out sparks of agony unlike anything he’d ever known, and he had to keep pulling, pulling and jerking and tearing and twisting and praying, praying that he could rip it off before he drowned again, which, hey, kind of a weird thing to want, not that he hadn’t had to amputate his own limbs before, but weird that it was happening again, and honestly, this hurt way more than the other times, but wasn’t that always the case-and fuck there was no way he was going to be able to just snap his bones like this, and he needed it to be completely severed, and there was no time, wedge it against the rocks and pull pull pull until there was a snap and a burst of unholy agony, so intense it almost smothered the relief, so fierce it made him forget he was drowning up until the moment his oxygen-starved brain lost consciousness.
4. Lmaoooo bitches trapped in a cell for like 200 years
Every three days. Thirst. Weakness. Dizziness. Death. Was it three days? Is that how long you could last without water? He tried to count, but the numbers got lost in the haze all too easily. There was no way to mark the stone, to keep track outside of his head, the blood wasn’t being washed off him anymore. He had nothing, nothing at all, just here and himself and the unyielding stone. The square of sunlight would move across the cell, the only motion to break the constancy of everything else. It was the same day repeated over and over and over and over and over and it was the same just the same nothing ever changed, ever, ever, it was the same-
Something wasn’t the same. The leather muzzle that had kept him silent for so long had been slowly rotting, and it finally fell off. For a moment he simply stared at it lying there on the ground, broken, dying, fading away. He opened his mouth for the first time in decades. And he screamed, because that thing got to rot away and disappear and he wouldn’t, he would always be here, hungry and thirsty and alone and trapped and alive and it wasn’t fair, not at all, and he screamed because it had been so long since he was able, he cried because it was all he could do.
5. Erebus’s iconic sit down protest ✨ (it does not accomplish anything in the end)
“You are coming with me. As of today you are my property, so you will do as I say. Resistance will only make things more difficult for you. So you will walk, or you will be dragged. Your choice.” Erebus initially felt a bolt of fear shoot through him, but looking down at her scrawny frame, he realized that she likely couldn’t carry out her threat.
Dragged? He’d like to see her try.
Erebus sat down on the ground and looked expectantly up at Neteri, one eyebrow raised. She huffed and narrowed her eyes. Planting her feet firmly on the ground, she tugged on the chain as hard as she could, but it did little more than make him lean forward. She sighed. “Okay, you have a point there.”
6. More Erebus and Neteri shenanigans because she’s right he’s being a drama queen
“You can’t just do that! That’s-you can’t just amputate my arm!”
“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d freak out.”
“Of-of course I’m freaking out! You want to cut off one of my limbs, for Drottkia’s sake!”
“I mean, yeah, but I’m going to give you a new one right away. So at the end of the day you’ll have the same number of arms you started with. It’s honestly not worth getting that worked up about.”
7. New phobia alert!! (warning for centipede on guy)
He felt it, it was on him, dozens of little legs pitter-pattering across his skin, crawling on him. “G-get it off. Neteri, please, please get it off.��� It tickled the back of his neck, around the base of the section of skin she’d replaced. “What’s it doing Neteri plea-” she clamped a hand over his mouth, her thumb rubbing against his cheek as he whimpered.
“Shh, shh, you’re okay Erebus. I’m just seeing if it can connect to you, I promise I’ll take it off when I’m done.” Connect to him?! What-what did that mean-oh it had stopped crawling around it was just sitting there it was on his back what was it going to do to him what did connecting mean was it-Erebus felt a momentary pinch at the base of his neck, and suddenly his limbs starting moving, wriggling in the restraints all on their own. Neteri removed her hand from his mouth and looked down at him expectantly, her other hand still gripping his tightly even as his fingers twitched uncontrollably. “Are you doing that?”
“N-no I-I’m not moving I’m not doing that why are they doing that I can’t stop it is it doing that to me make it stop make it let go please-” Tears were streaming from Erebus’s eyes but he didn’t care he just wanted that thing off he wanted it gone he wanted control of his own body back he’d always had that even when he was tied up and strapped down he’d always had that-
And there we go hope that either a fun time on memory lane or at least made you laugh a little
Taggin uhhhh @galaxywhump @yet-another-heathen and @painsandconfusion (mainly because i know you will want to read the Castys content 💕)
#most people be sharing like real nice whump#and here i am with mostly sillies#some whump in there but yk#alright lets see what are my vibes for each thing#first one we got castys being a little silly and sassy i like how that slowly leaves him as the torture goes on in this one :)#writing that FMK was PAINFUL y'all i swear we all appreciate daniel stabbing castys's dumb ass#3rd one i just love that whole thing i'd been wanting to write the mega drowning piece for a while and it just came out real fun (❁´◡`❁)#last castys one at 4 he goes fucking NUTS lmao that whole thing is special to me im really proud of it#there are some descriptions im really proud of but the actual actions that are being implied are. uh. they're bad. so i left them out of thi#one letter too long huh. put an s at the end of that tag ty <333#okay onto E&T shit look at erebus go sitting down like that's going to do anything. like yes you're a foot taller than her#but also. she is not the only one keeping you captive. idiot boy get fucked#armputation is fun and silly for all ages and he gets a new arm so whatever baby nothing lost!!!!#and lastly the envy demon shenanigans ✨ i just like how much he freaks out it's so festive#gold star if you read all of that and also my tags probably go eat bread or something dawg
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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:/
#hate staying awake long enough for the Bad Thoughts to start#so annoying#and i was feeling so good earlier too#i stg its just the time of day#tho like. to be fair. i didnt really eat today#just couldnt bring myself to#i snacked a bit#idk sometimes i think when i feel ''good'' im actually just Distracted From The Bad#and then as soon as the distraction goes away the bad comes flooding back in#and nighttime is a time when there is very little distraction#/sigh#i do feel better tho#in some ways at least#i think the meds are helping#and my first therapy appt is this sat#hopefully that. helps#does something#does ANYTHING#need#to#sleeeeeeeep#this has been an original post#personal spewage
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#personal#so like ive been thinking about why i have this strange uncaring feeling about family during this vacation#i hate spending time with them i find them annoying and just not enjoyable to be around extended family is like having a customer talk to m#and bc of that i am the most insufferable person to be around. i dont have it in me to care about looking happy or being my best#i just exist i am here i am here with you and thats all it is to me. if i had a choice i would not be here.#they get mad with the way i am they dont like my indifference about everything we do but i am just LIKE that im honest about my feelings#it shows on my face and my voice. but i would never say anything bad outloud. so why does my body language matter anyways#i still think they should be happy im physically with them even if my heart is not so it should be enough...#i dont know when i stopped being happy around them#i think ive been this way for so long that i just have no room to really grow too much#and my friends and partners have a side of me that will never be shown to my family.#i feel two faced. but its not a bad thing#i wouldnt abandon them i respect what theyve done for me#but that doesnt erase the past.#... i understand it more. we have to live with our demons and the ghosts thay haunt us#but learning to not hold on to the hate and dread. not letting it kill you#thats. the hardest. part. because it comes back and it goes and its back and its gone#mmm#sometimes i do wish i could forget.#i would maybe be nicer.
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I've been in my feelings about Jo and Aoki's last interactions for a bit...
Because that whole scene is textbook verbal abuse, right... Aoki is very clearly trying to tear Jo's self-esteem and bolster his own, establish control, all that, and Jo just has to stand there meekly and take it. All because Jo's disobeyed one too many times and Aoki needs someone he knows he can control to head the Tokyo Omi Alliance.
Like Jo says he's never disobeyed Aoki except in that one instance, but not handling things himself at Otohime Land was very much his way of giving Ichi an out indirectly, and I feel like Aoki was beginning to catch on based on his comments about Jo neglecting the situation and acting strangely. Directly refusing his orders just confirmed his suspicions.
It's kind of lost among all the bombshells dropped in Chapter 13, but Jo's hesitance to kill anyone who's important to Arakawa is a big deal to me. It's not like he had any personal ties to Hoshino or any investment in maintaining the balance of the Ijin Three whatsoever; he went to those lengths to set himself up to be stopped because Arakawa wouldn't want Hoshino to die and that was it.
To return to the scene, I think it's also a great demonstration of Aoki's "those who use and those who get used" mentality. This next thing is... pretty badly mistranslated, at least in the subs, so it was lost on me for a while. But before the Lost Puppy line, the specific way Aoki chooses to downplay Jo's merit is by telling him he only got to his position because everyone was so sensitive to his (Aoki's) feelings and could tell he favored Jo, following him around like a lost puppy being precisely why Aoki favored him.
I don't think that was all there was to it, of course. Dude was five and deliberately brings Jo wherever he goes to this day by choice. It's kind of like those guys who get rejected once and start going on tirades about how "she should've been grateful, she was ugly anyway." But that's what Aoki wants to portray--you only had it that good because of me, and I can take it away whenever I want. Whenever you're no longer of use. Anything to preserve his status as the user and Jo's as the used.
Jo's crossed the line at this point. He is no longer of use. He does kind of get into it so that takes the edge off my frustration with The English Language, but from this point onward, he believes Aoki sees him as a "bullet"--a hitman only sent on suicide missions. So despite everything he's done for him, despite being "the favorite," he knows full well Aoki's trying to kill him before Aoki even gives Ishioda the order. And... he accepts it.
So TO GO FROM THAT to having to reconcile in prison would've been so much powerful than what the ending was trying to do. Having to come to terms with the fact you killed one of the only people who saw you for who you were and truly cared about you, were going to kill the other two, and have abused all three from the moment you realized you had power over them. And for Jo, going through everything he went through because of Aoki and loving him without question anyway... Getting to express that in some small way... I need to lie down...
ALSO tattoo essay... later... maybe tomorrow... I mainly just feel like I sound extremely mean about rggtattoos' take😭😭😭but the show must go on
YEAH NO THAT'S IT ALL FAX NO PRINTER NO EXTRA NOTES NECESSARY
It'd be the fact that Aoki'd have no choice but to confront those decisions he made and those things he wanted to happen. he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence he had and totally turned his back on the people who- awfully ironically as he wanted- loved him for him
He'd already smoothed things over with Ichi, so- by his own hand- all that was left was Jo, the person he'd taken for granted the most next to Arakawa and who he planned to have executed alongside him. Jo's got every right to not forgive Aoki and to push him away, let each other rot in prison ignoring each other. So it's the worst feeling when Jo doesn't do that- its impossible for me not to imagine Jo wondering about what happened for Aoki to get so banged up if he's brought into prison the same night, and making sure Aoki's okay despite it.
Whereas Ichi was more upfront about his love and even frustrated about it ('frustrated' in that 'how could Aoki be so blind not to see how much care there is for him from us'), the breaking part about Jo is that he's forced himself to be so careful about showing his affection. Ichi's love was borderline irritating for how apparent it was: Jo's could have easily been written off or ignored.
All of that said, prison is where Aoki would be forced to realize that Jo does love him like Ichi said he does; there's no reason to keep up appearance or kiss up anymore- Aoki doesn't have any use to Jo anymore (if Aoki chose to interpret Jo's loyalties as a stepping stone to promote himself), and there's certainly no where else to run. It's probably that dawning moment that's gotta be so. Oh God What The Fuck. Like it's a sobering moment for him to go 'What have I been doing this whole time/what have I done to everyone', as corny as it sounds
#long post#just said 'no notes necessary' and here i go spouting bullshit again ☠️#in any case there goes my essay about the dynamic shown between jo and aoki 😩#but in all seriousness Yeah.... its shit i rotate in my head constantly about- esp where aoki starts to notice how 'strange' jo's acting#it fucks with me on immeasurable levels and i love examining it in my fuckin. awful little cave that's my brain#its just such a twisted set of circumstances that hurts that i enjoy it makes me want to throw up if i think of it for too long#their interactions are so minimal but i will tear into them and rip them apart. as much as i allow myself to anyway#ive gone on a gross nonsense ramble long enough though.. i blame all the dramas and movies i been watchin lately...#i need that bittersweet moment so bad and knowing itll never come makes me want to eat my tea pot and crunch the porcelain#ouugghhh... i have to finish these comms maybe then i can be delusional and scribble up such an ending#and feel free to take your time with that tattoo essay ! if you disagree with something then just say so#no point in beating around the bush- esp when ive mentioned it so much (which mustve been a pain to read 🙇♂️)#just gotta say your piece and carry on: peer review and discussion and all very valuable things#its why i try to not to say anythin if i can help it LMAO im far too baby brained to contribute anything sufficient or of value#big fan of reading though :) very much a sheep i am LMAO#ive thrown up verbiage enough though i still have these comms to finish 😭
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Simon gets a message from reader while he’s on base. It’s a video. The thumbnail looks like a blurred image of a store isle
Once he has a moment to himself, he’s able to sit back and finally check out what you had sent.
The camera pans down to show yours and simon’s two year old daughter. She has half a mini chocolate muffin clutched in her little baby fist and chocolate smudges on her nose and bright pink cheeks. She’s standing, staring at something out of frame.
The camera is a bit shaky and Simon can hear you trying desperately to hide your laughter.
“Baby,” you say, “baby, look at me.” You bend down to bring the camera closer to your daughter, who only turns to look at you for a second before going back to staring at the same spot out of frame.
“Who is that?”
Your daughter raised one of her chocolate covered hands to point towards whatever it was that had been captivating her the entire video. “Daddy.”
Simon here’s more of your pained stifled laughter and the camera follows your daughter’s gaze, revealing a cheaply made Halloween grim reaper statue, with dusty purple robes, a plastic scythe, and a hilariously misshapen skull face.
He reads the accompanying texts that had followed the video.
[She just started saying “daddy daddy” over and over and it took me forever to figure out what she was talking about]
[for a second I thought, “oh is he here?”]
[Im so dense lol]
[she really misses you ]
[I miss you too]
The next text was a picture of your daughter fast asleep in her car seat. Now cleaned of chocolate, she had replaced her muffin with a giant plastic rat that she hugged to her chest like a teddy bear.
[she refused to leave without it]
Simon smiles. It had been a long time since he had a family. People who loved waiting for him to come home.
Your texts had been sent hours ago, and he felt bad about not responding all day.
[that’s unfair. My mask is made of much better materials]
[I miss you both too. If everything goes right I should be home by Monday]
[and don’t call yourself dense]
Simon thinks for a moment, something eating at him about that video
[I wish she didn’t know about the mask. I don’t want her to see me that way]
You respond quickly, making Simon feel worse about his delayed reply
[Dont worry about that honey. She’s only two, and I think she only saw you wear in mask once once or twice. She’ll forget in a month.]
[She doesn’t see you as anything other than her daddy]
[her daddy and her jungle gym]
[lol yes that too]
[Im sorry I don’t have a lot of time. I’ll try and call you tomorrow]
[ok Im heading to bed now anyway]
[goodnight I love you ❤️]
[goodnight I love you too ❤️]
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weird how this year like basically every fiction thing ive been into has been mystery crime sort of stuff
#there was yuumorri riverrs of london ace atorneh and crime i punishment#which isnt very many things for a whole half a year#theres been a few other things ive watched and read as well i suppose#but ive been getting into new stuff way less than i used to#useless loser reading too much bloody fanfiction i didnt used to do that#i know its not tumblr cause i did used to do that#though also like since i started uni i suppose thats not really a reason but the second part of last calender year was similar#though now im just confused what was when its not that confusing is it#anyway im not sure im really more busy now im at uni#i mean i spend so much time doing nothing just on my phone or whatever#and a lot less hours objectively#not even sure ive got that much more going on probably less#like i do remember being at least a bit busy with a levels at school even though i didnt have a life then either#ive had the habbit of obsessing over things to cope with not having a life and not wanting to have to think about doing stuff i have to#ive been doing that for ages but as time goes on i do think ive become more dispassionate or something#not that thats really got anything to do with it#but i can at least say that a year living alone with like responsibilities or something like whatever not like i really did much#i seem just to be becoming lazier and lazier if i cant even be bothered to read or watch tv much what the fuck#like i genuinly dont think theres been that much pressure than school#like there was lots academically back then and also i didnt know what i was going to do after#i do think not talking to people has a bad overall effect in the long term in a lot of aspects but i dont know how exactly that relates#to whatever im talking about or how to explain it to prove it
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Tw vent etcetc mom doesn't let me go out bc of me being a fatass and my boyfriend told me to shut the fuck up while I was in tears bc of period cramps. I may need to fucking k myself or smth yea
#tw vent#tw sui ideation#hes not cis btw#he was mad i wasnt doing “anything about it”#like. I had no meds for the pain. bc my parents dont fucking let me have it and they monitorize all that shit so i do not fucking take shit#he knows that#still he was mad at me bc i should have an alternative instead of just whining#maybe hes right man fuck it#n yeah ive tried talking about this w him btw but he always answers w something like yeah yeah n inmediatelly goes back to telling me about#his next new kuromi figurines#he probably just doesn't see it like a bad thing so I may be exaggerating too idk#but well mom did fuck me up#hell#sorry long rant#im tired#nate rambles
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unrelated to the stick but have you seen cooking with geno?
Haaaaaaaaaaaa. I have :) i mean...what self respecting geno fangirl hasnt? If im honest i think it was the first thing with him that i watched, but i was not paying attention to him at all at all then. Aside from noticing that Fuck He's Exactly My Type If I Ever Had One and being very annoyed by it. My ADHD research spiral in the summer of 2022 went something like this: ra*ngers -> pana*rin -> russ*an red w*ngs -> larion*ov...and then i side tracked over to alyonka's mental health/ E*D*O videos, and then her podcast which also interviewd several hockey players including her brother (which are really interesting btw)...tldr i actually watched that video more curious about alyonka than geno, cause in her more current stuff she talks a lot about those early 2000's days and what it was like working in the league as a woman. Unfortunately for geno at that point the only thing i knew about him was that he was on the penguins and that he said some shit in one interview about bread, and i had already decided based on that and his instgrm that he looked like an asshole. I cannot find that interview quote about breadman, for all i know it could have all been made up, but it reaaaaally made me dislike him. So the first time i watched the video i was doing my best to ignore geno and pretend like he wasnt radiating attractiveness. My one conclusion about that video and a few other old pens videos with alyonka (and not geno but other players) i watched was that i was surprised how much more informal things used to be. She felt very casual and more like a friend to the players than the more professional style interviews i have seen while watching this stuff live now.
And if none of that research spiral makes sense just be grateful you dont have ADHD.
ANYWAY then lucky for geno he features in my favorite hockey photo ever - that one of him sitting on the boards with the snow and baby blue jersey. So i had to draw that photo, and then i started paying more attention to him that season, and watched that dan and sushi interview, and realized shit i might have been wrong about this guy. And maybe my change of heart only has a little to do with his Very Pretty Eyes.
And moooooonths (a year?) later i finally rewatched the cooking with geno video and had to basically admit that my initial gut instinct of Oh Shit He's Hot reaction remained the same. He's a terrible cook, somehow even worse than me which is saying something cause i'm really fucking bad at it myself. But his physicality/personality rather shines in the clip. (i have heard people say he was sexualizing or staring at alyonka??? It doesnt look like that to me, they just seemed very comfortable with one another and maybe a little teasing but im not the best at recognizing flirting etc). Young Geno's got that same confidence/swagger as old(er) geno that in most guys would come across as arrogant but with him it's very quiet and understated. He makes a lot of dumb jokes. Even on my second viewing i still didnt understand the basketball joke. He didn't talk much but there were a lot of shy smiles. He reminded me a lot of my old friend ethan in attitude and height - just like how he kind of awkwardly looms in the background at times, and how all his obvious strength is sort of soft in a gentle way. He also seemed like a guy very willing to listen, which was cute. But -and this might be me projecting. But sometimes when people try to 'teach' me how to cook i play dumb just so i can check out and not use my brain and let them do all the thinking and tell me exactly what i need to do. Its very lazy and i recognize this but sometimes my brain is tired. And i swear geno was maybe doing that to alyonka at times. Like i think his effort in the video was at most 70%. Maybe 50%. It takes one lazy cook to know another one. And i am a very lazy cook.
Sorry anon, ive been cleaning and working all day so you got more than you asked for, basically a character study, whoops.
Oh, also on the second rewatch i realized the weird short grimlin who only appeared to eat the food and then disappeared was tanger. I did NOT recognize him. I still cant really believe thats him.
#Oh i left out the part where i had an E*D*O when i was 14...thats why i was curious about alyonka#Nicole talks about E*D*O too although hers was in relation to modeling#Where as mine was more like alyonka's in that i was literally just trying not to exist anymore curl up and fade away#Mine was situational and as soon i was separated from my abusive mother it started getting better#And then after the abusive relationship when i was 22 ish i found a dance instructor who i kinda fell in love with and#Helped launch me into full recovery to where im at now#But im always curious how E*D*O presents itself a little differently in everybody#Similar things like the tricks and such but the underlying reasons and mental stuff can be so different#Food and cooking is one of those things that will probably always be complicated for anyone who goes through that no matter how recovered#Its definitely one of the reasons i dragged my feet for so long about learning how to cook#Girls need a reason to not learn how to cook#Unlike guys such as geno who gets to go his whole life unconcerned about being a bad cook#I have also seen that 2014 video of him at home cooking eggs in a skillet with a fork and then eating it straight out of the pan#He clearly has not progressed much#And dont forget omelete boy in 2022....lol didnt sid refuse to eat geno's cooking then?#Poor geno#i sympathize#unlike him my cooking mishaps have never been caught on video#i have never burned anything down exactly but there have been close calls
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mitski we're really in it now .
#im sure a friend has unfollowed me and i know we all agree that followint doesnt equal friendship but#ive been on the internet since i was six years old if im not followed by a friend im convinced they dont ever want to talk to me again#idk . idk ! i will never be able to be healthier about being online bc it's all i have so i cant take a break from it yknow#like if i didnt go on socials or youtube or anything id just be sitting in my bed Staring .#bc i cant read or listen to music without a billion things going on at once bc then ill Think n that's always bad#bc whenever i Think for too long i end up having to be hospitalized#so im just trapped in a cycle . n . idk man . i dont know .#i hate that i rely on ethan for my socializing. i shouldnt only ever talk to them but that's how it is#i try to talk to others but something always goes wrong or im too intense or im unable to make a complete connection bc im so scared of#being Wrong#idk. idk im just rambling. no ones gna read this so it doesn't matter
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BREAK MY HEART AND I SWEAR IM MOVIN’ ON WITH YOUR FAVORITE ATHLETE - LN4
summary : You weren’t joking when you wrote the lyric ‘Break my heart and I swear I'm movin' on with your favorite athlete’. What a perfect opportunity when that same athlete falls right into the palm of your hands with your ex’s burning gaze directed straight at you.
listen up : reader wrote ‘good graces’ ! flustered lando! protective lando! sorry to anyone named nick.
words : 1519
⋆。‧˚⋆
“Need a shot of your strongest!” I slap my hand down on the bar, my friends around me and looking worried. I’m fine! I’m absolutely fine!
Is my ex currently across the room from me? Yes! But I'm cool, I'm calm, and I'm collected.
I down the bitter liquor, pushing back my hair and taking a breath. “Fuck him.” I mumble as my friend's hand goes to my arm. I’m completely over him, but every time my eyes land on that jerk I can’t help but remember how I caught him fucking his assistant.
Jackass wasn’t even talented enough to have an assistant, I should have known.
I start dancing, forgetting about my hatred and focusing on my friends. The true loves of my life! I throw my hands up, ‘Cupid's Chokehold’ playing as we all sing around and laugh.
I hear the mumbling and whispering instantly, a new ground walking into the exclusive club my friends pulled me into. My best friend squeals, grabbing my arm, “That’s Lando Norris!”
I raise a brow, still dancing and turning to see the man and his own group. I recognize a few from when my ex would get up at 4AM to see their races.
Formula 1 drivers have a reputation… most worse than any other soccer or hockey player. I watch Lando, a drink in his hand as his eyes scan the crowd.
The reputation makes sense, a face like that doesn’t just shrug off girls.
I turn before he can see me. He doesn’t know who I am, I doubt any F1 driver knows a borderline inappropriate pop star.
“You have to talk to him!” She screams, jumping up and down in her heels now.
“No!” I laugh and think she’s going to drop it until she gives me an annoyed look.
“That’s hypocritical!” I laugh, how the fuck is that hypocritical? I am forced to realize what she’s referring to as I turn and see my ex standing in front of the driver.
He’s smiling like the idiot he is, asking for a photo and clearly going on for too long. Lando is his absolute favorite driver, I couldn’t escape his face for the two years I was dating my ex.
My friend's smile grows, and she starts singing. “Break my heart and I swear I'm movin' on with your favorite athlete!” she’s off key and definitely drunk, pushing my arm she laughs, “This is your fucking time! It’s your own words! He broke your heart babe!”
At her last words I frown, making up some excuse to get another drink. I look back at Lando as I walk back to the bar, my ex is still there but I catch Lando’s eye, accidentally sending him a disgusting look.
I rip my eyes away and order another drink. I sip on it, my legs crossed on a bar stool and my back against the counter as I watch my ex go back to his friends.
I know he sees me, and I'm grateful he hasn’t said anything. He’s an asshole and I'm upset that he’s ruining my night by his proximity to my friends and I.
“Do I know you?” The unfamiliar accent catches me off guard, looking away from my ex and up at Lando Norris. Shit.
“Um… No?” I sip my drink again, trying to ignore his arm resting behind me and how delicious he smells.
“So why were you death glaring at me?” I can’t help but laugh at this, his brow quirks when I do.
“I wasn’t! Not at you at least…” I look back to my ex, nodding, “I was glaring at him.”
“Well he must have done something really bad to you because that look was damn scary.” I bring my lips to my glass again, locking eyes with his that are so green, even in the club lights.
“He’s my ex.”
Lando looks genuinely surprised at this, “Your… ex?” he points and nod, “Yours? As in dating ex?”
“Yes. What other type of ex is there?”
Lando shrugs, eyeing him and shaking his head, “Sorry. I genuinely just don’t believe it! He’s…” He stops himself, like he realizes he’s actually speaking out loud, “Well you’re way out of his league! You’re fucking gorgeous, and honestly on my to-do list of the night.”
I raise a brow at this as his eyes go wide, “I mean I wanted to talk to you! Not in a creepy way! In a genuine way.” I turn towards him more and clock the sincerity in his voice, “So, i’m assuming you broke up with the dick?”
“He cheated on me.” Lando’s jaw drops at this, “Okay shut up now you’re just boosting my ego.”
“It deserves to be boosted! Fucking hell, asshole. Shouldn’t have let him take a photo.” He smirks at me and it makes my smile return, “You do look familiar though…”
“I’m a singer, Y/n L/n.”
He laughs, tapping his fingers against the counter, “I know you! My teammate's girlfriend is obsessed! You're the one with the funny lyrics.” By ‘funny’ he means horny as fuck.
I nod, “And you’re my ex’s favorite athlete.” He cringes at this.
“Not yours?”
“I know nothing about Formula 1.” I shrug as his hands go to his curls, “But I do know you.”
His smile widens at this, his eyes soft, “I like that.”
Lando is nothing like I imagined. I thought he would be annoying and honestly a dick, but instead he’s just flirty and actually hilarious.
He’s cute too, buys me a drink, moves his hand to the outside of my leg to pull down my dress that’s riding up my thigh.
Fuck those lyrics, I want him.
He’s funny and ridiculously stunning, “You know- once I mentioned that you were cute, not even hot or anything, and Nick didn’t talk to me for two hours!”
Lando scoffs, “That’s just rude.” he motions to his face, “Anyone could see i’m adorable.”
“Fuck, now i’m boosting your ego!”
He smiles, “You’re doing that by just looking at me.” He's a flirt and I love him for it.
He’s looking at me like I hung the moon. We just met and he’s leaning down to hear what I'm saying over the loud music, his hand never leaving me.
I reach up and twirl a piece of his hair around my finger, “I like your curls.”
“Thanks love…” the nickname comes out smooth and easy. Far too dangerous for someone I barely know and someone I really like.
He tells me about his travel schedule and how he likes my dress. I tell him where I live and when I tour… “I wanna see you perform.”
I laugh, his hand still on my leg, “I barely know you.”
“Easy fix. Come home with me tonight.” It’s straightforward and risky, yet very tempting. “I’ll let you know everything about me.”
I bite my lip as his eyes stray from mine, “Norris.” I say sternly as he nods, slowly looking back at my eyes with a cheeky look on his face.
“Yes or no, love? Break my heart, it’s fine!” He says dramatically as I laugh and roll my eyes, leaning away from him before his hand finds my waist and pulls me closer, “You don’t have to. I’m just offering…”
“Get me a water, then we’ll see.” His smirk is back and his hand lingers on me before walking down to where the barista is flirting with a pretty girl and not paying any attention to us.
I smile as he leaves, waving to my friends as they motion to text them and blow me a kiss. I’m still smiling when someone slides next to me.
“Y/n!” I know the voice instantly and it makes me feel sick. He’s beaming as if he is privileged to see me, which he is, but he shouldn’t look so happy.
“Nick.” I say, my smile gone and my warm and fuzzy feeling disappeared.
“I didn’t know you were here!” Liar. “How’ve you been?”
“You mean how have I been since I caught a girl sucking your limp dick?” I say with my brows raised, “Oh just peachy.”
His smile falters. Dickhead.
My actual savior returns, a head turning smile on his face until he sees my ex. Lando walks past him, not even sparing a glance and handing me my ice water.
“Ready to go?” His hand is warm on my hip, his gaze cold when looking at the man who stares at the two of us.
“Sorry… what?” Nick is genuinely frozen in place as I pop out of my seat, Lando gripping me with both hands now. Shit his hands are big.
“Mate… she wrote it in a song.” He nods at him as I grin, a straw at my lips and giggle in my throat. Lando leans down close to my ear as we walk away. I can practically hear the smirk in his voice, “I’ll show you a real man.”
@//YOURUSERNAME
liked by landonorris, lilymunihe, and carlossainz…
yourusername i’m a woman of my word🤷🏻♀️
landonorris definitely lost a fan but gained the most important person in my life. i love you😘❤️
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#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 fic#lando norris fanfic#lando norris#lando x reader#lando imagine#lando x you#lando norris x singer
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Team: accidentally flirts with people and give them the wrong idea/get myself into spicy situations I wasn't prepared for
#miranda talking shit#Its bc i think its a joke. I cant seriously see anyone being intrested with me#So i can talk big... But then someone acts and im like bro.... You actually want to touch me?#What the fuck.....? Hsjfmmvlslskf and then idk hkw to act or react#Bc at one hand its nice but im not prepared and then i can end up in situations im not actually ok with#Im apperantly great at (fake) flirting. Im used to doing it and have since i was 13 but the older i get the more i realize#I shouldn't do it ... To me it's fun man. The few times i can seem confident and say shit is when i think its a joke#As soon as shit gets REAL i freak out bc it goes against my beliefs. Why would you want to touch me? Im hideous#But then again i do kinda enjoy starting shit... Or rather. Ill push others to start shit#The amount of times ive said things bc i want to see others reactions are too many... I#Am so into people's reactions i love them. As long as theyre not negative then yeah too bad#My autism is at play again i believe... I just want to see reactions and faces and hear voices that arent the normal ones#I always give strong af reactions but havent met anyone who gives them back so i get anything im like 👀!#I really start shit with words but wont ever do so with action bc then i can step over lines man#Only time it worked when i really wanted it to but assumed it wouldn't was with oliver#I really wasnt going to do anything but then i saw him acting different so i was like (: lets see what happens if i say this!#And then i blush and get embarrassed bc he escalated it. I would have loved to get that situation back bc it was so fun
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