colossrat

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unfortunate series of events at the charity gala

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Billy Batson had always believed that "if you do good, good will follow." His parents told him this, when he was little, and he held it close to his heart ever since.

When they died and he was shoved unceremoniously into a system that didn't care, it was really all he had left of them.

It had been a couple years now, scrounging around in dumpsters and begging on street corners, avoiding CPS the best he could and running when he got caught. Christmas was coming up again. It made his stomach turn over in a nauseous way.

No one to spend Christmas with, again. No presents from Santa, again.

He didn't know why they stopped when they did, thought that Santa just couldn't find the place he was squirreled away the first year. So the second year he wrote a letter-- best he could with his limited vocabulary and knowledge of postage-- telling Santa to drop his present off at an abandoned warehouse near where he was squatting.

There was nothing Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, or the days following. It was January 1st before Billy stopped making the trek out to the warehouse, having lost hope.

The end of that January, Superman visited Fawcett City. He was so fast, dealing with a monster alien that had come down trying to tear up the center of downtown, and Billy was so excited. It was Superman after all.

After the monster was defeated, Superman stayed to help with relief efforts, lifting heavy beams into trucks and even checking on civilians. When he came over to the side of the police tape that Billy was on, Billy shot out from under it to attach himself to Superman's leg.

"Woah, hey-- Hey, buddy. You gotta stay behind the tape okay?" Superman chastised lightly, but didn't pull him off. Instead he ruffled Billy's hair and Billy felt warm and comforted and safe for the first time since his parents died.

He couldn't help the hiccuping sob that burst out of him.

"Hey..." Superman said, and this time it was softer, accompanied by a gentle hand pulling him by the shoulder, as Superman knelt down to his eye level. "What's wrong buddy?"

Billy felt embarrassed to be crying in front of The Superman, but he couldn't help the way tears and sobs bubbled out of him. "I've been such a good boy this year, and Santa still didn't get me anything. I don't even want a video game or nothin, I just want my mom and dad back."

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people on tumblr are so kind and sweet to me omg i'm never going back to twitter

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A magical artifact has entered the borders of Gotham and due to some circumstances, tha Bat calls Captain Marvel to help him intercept the cargo being received.

However, things don't go as planned, and in a moment of distraction they get separated, and the captain ends up being hit by a spell from the cursed artifact. He manages to hold out a little before the worst happens, retrieving the object and entering a portal to the rock of eternity.

The spell ends up separating Captain Marvel from his champion, Billy Batson.

But instead of having a little billy and a big marvel, we have a little billy and an even smaller marvel

Although the powers passed down by Marvel are older than Earth, he is "reborn" every time he has a new champion to accompany him. So that he can always be connected with this new champion and so that he doesn't feel alone in the hard journey of being the champion of magic.

This means that theoretically, our Marvel was reborn less than five years ago-- (Although he still has the memory of the old champions, he is growing up again with Billy, and so he is just a very mature child for his age, but still a child)

During the separation, Billy ended up getting hurt and Marvel panics because he doesn't know how to help. Without billy to balance your magic, it's very risky to do any spells, even something as simple as healing.

He is a water tank full of magic, and the champion serves as the tap to decide how much magic is released.

As they are on the rock, time doesn't pass normally so Billy doesn't pay much attention to that injury, saying that it would take months inside the rock for them to need to worry.

They stay there for some time, researching the artifact and its curse. The wizard gave some answers, but it is still too vague to satisfy Billy and Marvel's curiosity

Eventually they need to get off the rock, as Billy is worried about Fawcett without his hero. But outside of the temporal suspension that the rock provides, Billy's injury begins to worsen rapidly and they have to change plans to get help.

That doesn't go the way they wanted either, and they end up having to resort to something Billy really wanted to avoid: The Justice League.

Marvel refuses to speak to the league, being inconsolable because Billy is in pain. He demands that they take care of him and they do, shocked by the little crying marvel.

The league comes to the conclusion that since Billy was the first person Marvel probably saw after being transformed into a child, and he is the one who has been taking care of him in the last days, he must have had some kind of imprint on him and is seeing him as a safe haven.

At the watchtower, the league now has to deal with the situation of a completely shy little Marvel who just wants to interact with Billy, a homeless boy they've never heard of before. who is this boy???

While the magicians are racking their brains trying to understand the situation and how to reverse it, the heroes are trying to understand their fellow coworker child, very worried about the emotional dependence he is developing on Billy.

While recovering, Billy starts planning their escape from the Watchtower, but it sucks when the league babysits them both and forces them to go to therapy

It's a fanfic I'm writing--

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Marvel "cast" a something pt 2

flash: the villain is very strong and we don't have the physical strength to face him, we need magic, but all the normally requested magic users are incapacitated!

hal: hey, cap! You have magic, don't you? Can't you do a spell that immobilizes the villain, or weakens him so we can beat him?

marvel: aaaah, uh. sure.

marvel points a finger at the villain and stands still for a while, thinking.

marvel: I don't really know what to do, what kind of spell do I cast?

flash: I don't know, man! You are the magic guy here! just do something! conjure a magic sledgehammer, a crowbar, an anvil that will fall on his head, a big piano!! anything!

Hal: it could even be anemia, damn it!

Marvel: oh, I've had it once, it's really bad, we get really weak. OK!

Marvel redoes his wizard pose, a dark look on his face. the environment becomes cold, clouds begin to accumulate in the sky and strong winds hit the heroes.

Marvel: I CAST LACK OF VITAMIN B12 IN YOUR BLOOD

and the villain drops to the ground, pale, weak, unable to lift even a finger, he looks so tired, exhausted, lame, he has such a low immoral lack of vitamin in his blood right now

Flash: DUDE DID YOU ACTUALLY CAST ANEMIA ON HIM??! IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Hal wheezing: MAN. COULD YOU ALWAYS DO THESE THINGS? IS IT THAT EASY?!

Later, Batman will begin to shake with anxiety as he updates the captain's contingency file after reading reports of today's fight.

information… -apparently he can conjure any illness with just words.

Batman: …

Batman: does that include terminal illnesses…?

preventive measures to be taken… -discover a cure for cancer, preferably an instant cure. -create a utility belt with all the cures for all the diseases in the world.

Batman just sighs, fucking magic

pt 1 ?

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Billy likes to be independent, he is a little homeless boy who fights life tooth and nail. He always needs to be strong to show society that he doesn't need, much less want, an adult in his life sending him here and there.

But he doesn't need to fight to prove himself strong when he already looks strong. Billy can't ask for help as Billy because that will bring trouble or an adult trying to dad him

But Cap? he can let himself be vulnerable as Cap, even if he doesn't need help, he can ask for it. Marvel will just be a friend in need of help and no one will treat him like a helpless child for that

So, after a good few months, if not years, of becoming friends with his league colleagues, the captain starts to show how he loves having people around him for little things.

he wants to open a jar from the kitchen. He has the strength to go head to head with Superman, but he would never miss the opportunity to ask Superman himself to do it for him. Clark always gets a little confused, because the pot isn't that tight, or tight at all, but he always helps because he sees how it brings a genuine and happy smile to his colleague.

Does he need a snack? He will ask Flash to prepare something for him, saying that the food he makes is the best and with the best flavor.

captain has a problem with magic, he is completely capable of solving it himself, but he will knock on zatanna's door to ask for advice, potions, a protection spell and even a good luck hug if he feels she wouldn't refuse

There's a new movie, he doesn't even want to see it that much, but he's going to ask Cyborg if he can make the movie show in the watchtower break room because he finds the control and streaming platforms confusing

He will ask Batman silly questions, or even prepare complex questions with Solomon's help so he can ask and listen for hours while the bat explains things to him. Not that he didn't already know the answers or couldn't find them in the rock's library of infinite knowledge. but he likes to have someone talking and explaining things to him with so much patience, teaching and even being happy to have someone to listen to his knowledge

Are they going on a water mission? He will ask Aquaman for tips on how to swim faster or more efficiently

Is he having a slower day? Why not ask the Martian Hunter to accompany him to a cat cafe? Ask what are the best sweets or brands of cookies? ask for help to bake a cake or taste the frosting, a brigadeiro

He's having problems with his communicator, better go see Red Tornado if he has tips on how to use it without confusing the private lines again, or ask if he has some free time to go for a fly through some storms. He makes hurricanes, he must like storms just like him, right?

There is a dangerous magical temple sending dangerous magical frequencies, he can destroy it alone, but he asks the hawkwoman for help to put everything down with her mace

there's a cockroach in the watchtower… better ask dr.fate for help to kill it

A LADYBUG ON THE WATCHTOWER?! Call the jl green lanterns asap so they can conjure up a green safe pot to transport her back to earth!!

Did he fall? He wasn't even hurt, but he's going to ask Diana to check if he doesn't have a bump on his head. Diana understands where her little brother's requests come from, and she never unmasks him, she just takes the opportunity to make her little brother happy without feeling bad about asking for help.

Now, a hero approaches little Billy with a piece of food? oh. he will bite off your fingers and throw the food back in your face (not really because that would be wasteful, but he would return the food and tell you to eat it yourself, that he would get food for himself on his own)

He can be feral, try to teach him a life lesson and he will teach YOU a life lesson.

His shoelaces are untied and he just stuck them inside his shoe? you leave his shoelace inside the shoe. If a hero, be it the Man Of Steel himself, bends down to tie his shoelaces, OH MY, he'll kick you in the face and scream that you're not supposed to touch his stuff

Unless that you are also a child or mr tawny, then he maybe either accept your help or gently refuse

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Marvel "cast" a something pt 1

Flash: hey, buddy, Cap? I'm putting together an rpg group, do you want to join?

Marvel: oh, I would love to, Flash. But I've been banned from playing RPGs since the last campaign I participated in.

Flash: what?? why?!

Marvel: oh, the last time I played, I was a mage, right? However, when I said "I cast blood moon eclipse" to take away the power of the sun elves, I accidentally ACTUALLY cast a spell that brought a red eclipse here on ear---

Superman: THAT WAS YOU?!

Marvel: aaaaahm... I need to go. bu-bye flash.

Superman: I FELL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN AT EIGHT IN THE MORNING AT MORE THAN 100 KILOMETERS AN HOUR BECAUSE MY POWERS DISAPPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE--- MARVEL COME BACK HERE, I'M GOING TO REPORT THIS TO BATMAN!! I GOT LATE TO A-- MARVEL!

pt 2 ?

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How Gossip Spreads in Wayne Manor

Dick: *returning from patrol* “I think I saw Gordon taking a smoke break earlier. Must be a tough night, huh? I thought he was quitting.”

Jason: *to Barbara twenty minutes later* “Dick said Gordon was having a crazy night. I bet it had something to do with that thing on the Russians.”

Barbara: *to Stephanie while they’re brushing their teeth* “Yeah, I heard one of his officers got shot at that sting last week.”

Stephanie: *to Tim over coffee at three AM* “Jason said Gordon was going nuts last night, and Barbara said someone got shot. Can you believe that?”

Tim: *to Damian at five AM training* “I heard Gordon was involved in a shooting last night. I hope he’s doing okay.”

Damian: *reporting to Bruce the next morning, dead serious* “Gordon has been shot.”

Bruce:

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Lantern Corps and a 10 year old Child

In a last post, I said the Lantern Corps would love Captain Marvel because he’s omni-lingual (and there’s so many different species so it makes sense that they would feel comfertable around a guy who can speak their mother tongue, no matter how obscure it is).

And then it came to me in a glorious vision, the Cores would LOVE or absolute HATE Billy Batson, be it as a kid it as Captain Marvel.

First on the Love Captain spectrum:

Red Lantern: that’s the corps that’s the most insistent. Man’s fights littéral Wrath and demons alike on a weekly basis. Man’s go to weekly poker night with Satan and other Wardens of Hell. Why? Because he has his own prison dimension in th Rock of Eternity, who also holds the strongest demons.

Yellow Lanterns: as champion of magic, he holds a lot of weight. Especially for magic users. One flick of a wrist and boom, your magic is gone. The whole concept of ‘The Champion’ is enough for most to fear him. That and one does not play poker with The Devil from The Bible and other figures from various religions, and just have a normal presence. He’s terrifying when he wants to be. In his Cap form, he needs to actively tamp down to appear more family friendly, and not the eldricht horror he knows he could easily look like.

Green Lanterns: Homeless Child Superhero dealing with horrors must adults can’t handle. That takes willpower. Even before Captain, I’m pretty sure off willpower alone he could qualify. But what’s the real ringer is his imagination. The Rock of Eternity has access to magical dimensions that no amount of crack could dream up. Man’s had to learn how to use Looney Toones Logic irl and it works. Man’s got a while Disney Dimension with Ballerina Hippos with their Croc partners. Mans has debates about files with littéral walking talking dinosaurs. Billy is hella creative, and who knows what would be made with a ring.

Blue Lanterns: do I … do I need to explain? There are the lantern corps of Hope, I think the rest is pretty self explanatory. I will say though, he was close to accepting when he found out they got a Corgi. Even closer when Dex Starr, the red lanterns cat got a

Orange Lantern: bro fights the physical manifestations of the Seven Deadly Sins , including Greed on a regular basis. By right of conquest, he really should be wearing the ring rn. They be trying to put a ring on it for ages.

Black Lanterns: he once revived Freddy and or Mary by reconnecting them to the rock, and since then is considered a ‘nécromancer’. Also (similar to the Avatar State) he has memories of past champions, including death, so one can argue he’s in a life and death loop.

White lanterns: same reasons as the Black Lanterns. They’ve been trying to get Billy to also out-do said Black Lanterns (who in turn try to recruit him some more). It’s just one vicious snowball effect now.

Now for the Hate Captain spectrum:

Star Sapphire Corps: The thing about Billy is that he’s AroAce. Very Aro and Very Ace. So those who draw power from love and try to flirt are met with the disgusted face of someone who’s famously nice. It was a devastating blow to the whole corps. At some point Hal decided to hide behind Cap to escape another Star Sapphire who fell inlove with him, and they just, lost their power. No longer had the ability to fly and everything. He’s Ace-ness is crippling. And it did bring memes. The Ace community was winning.

Indigo Tribe: he’s too autistic for them. And while being the warden of multiple dangerous beings fits their MO and all, they ain’t touching the bullshit magical logic with a ten foot pole. That, and the first time a ring was sent to him to recruit him to keep the evil ones in line, he roasted their whole system, their ugly ass uniforms (that particular shade of indigo clashed with his Hero Outfit way to much) and ended with a comparison to them with a guy called ‘King Kid’ and the fucking ‘Easter Bunny King’ that somehow did a much better job at Machiavellic while also being uhly. They never sent a second one. The red lanterns sent more.

Ultraviolet lanterns: again, man’s fights the Seven Sins on the regular, is their warden along with other sick evils, lies to the Justice League on the regular and plays poker with Demons (and wins) despite being one of the most honest people there is. That and he’s so dad shaped, it counters their power of daddy issues.

Bonuse:

It’s not uncommon for various JL members to receive lantern rings. They just don’t want to. So the standard procedure is to find your local lantern, and give them rings. At some point all the Corps made a lantern offers chart (and maybe the JL got a bit competitive).

Problem, that screen was using old alien tech that didn’t have colour. So they knew Cap had the most lantern offers, but they didn’t know which colours. Until it got fixed.

J’le looking at the rainbow that’s Captain Marvels Ring List: …

Batman: Captain, why is there so many red ones?

Billy, sweating: …

Hal, not comfy with the amount of yellow: I… I need to make a few phone calls.

John, the one who’s been receiving all of his rings: Uh, don’t remind me. I’ve been getting cramps with the amount of times I had to input the different colours.

Dinah: I don’t think even I’m qualified for the amount of therapy everyone is going to need.

WonderWoman: How to you have Negative Pink Rings??? You can’t get a negative number in a list

Billy, inputing the Zeta Tube: haha, it’s so weird

John: … do I need to add AroAce as a weakness for the Sapphires???

Bonus points if the results are open to the galactic public, and just wonder who tf are and ‘Billy Batson’ and Captain Marvel and why they are dominating the top ranks. What is in the Terra city Fawcette.

Extra Bonus Point if the JL go: Who tf is Billy Batson, and why is he ranked above Captain Marvel.

I’ve been waiting to do this one for a while. But never got the motivation. Let me know if I missed any, and feel free to write fanfic (please tag me if you do, I wanna reeeeead).

Final note, I want to give a certain someone a comment of appreciation.

@wonderjanga you are my favourite person on this app. You are the reason I decided to get out of my procrastination slump. Thank you for you content, it’s always so creative and I deeply enjoy it.

For those who don’t know them, I recommend checking out their content. It’s genuinely inspiration for me to start writing again. I don’t think I’ll be writing on ao3 soon, but maybe one day.

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keranos? like the magic card?

Batman: I ask that when leaving, anyone who agrees with the approach proposed by me and Superman signs the pamphlet next to the door.

And then the heroes come out, whoever thinks it's a good idea to be discussed again at the next meeting signs with their hero name. but Captain Marvel was the first to sign, so he didn't see how the others signed and didn't know if he should use "Captain Marvel".

He has an argument with Solomon inside his own head that lasted a little less than a second, and in the end they come to a consensus that he can sign as one of the many names of the champion of magic. but they were so… simple… billy decided to add some details, a signature worthy of an entity that's zibilions of years old and a store of immense magic.

The other day, while Billy is "saving" some kitchen leftovers in his pocket dimension, Batman arrives and approaches him while holding a paper.

Batman: Captain… What did you put in the signatures?

Marvel: oh? hmm, my name?

Batman: your name... Can you tell me how to pronounce it?

Marvel: oh. Yes? Ahm, its Keranos. sorry, its hard to read?

Batman: no, it's okay. It was what I thought it could be. It's just that I never found these types of letters before, despite the similarity with the current alphabet…

Marvel noticed that he exaggerated a little with the decoration in the signature: yeah… it's a-- rune language that died a long, long, time ago, but I tried to mix it up a little with the letters from the current world so it wouldn't look so strange. The sound of the pronunciation is "keranos", so in our alphabet it could be written with k-e-r-a-n-o-s… Next time I'm going to use the normal alphabet, sorry… I… I didn't think that much when I wrote it.

Batman: of course. Don't worry captain. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a world where your name can no longer be written the way it should be.

Marvel: its... ok, i like Marvel a lot too.

Batman: So… would you like us to start calling you Keranos?

Marvel: well, if you want, of course, I have no problem. It's one of my oldest names. but you don't have to if it's confusing, you know, me having several names.

Batman: don't worry. It's a pleasure to meet you, Keranos.

Marvel: The pleasure is mine, mister batman sir!!

There are several league members hiding in the hallway near the kitchen, whispering.

Flash: that's so cool! Marvel is so tight with his personal information, but he's letting go, he even gave us one of his names! That means he's finally opening up, right?

Wonder Woman: Indeed. Keranos… This name is familiar to me from the stories my sisters and I told each other. a god of the wrath of storms…

Hal: Just like the magic card???

Superman: I remembered that too. It's literally the definition of the creature, isn't it?

Hal: technically it's only a creature if your devotion is less than seven, anyway. even the way it is written.

Flash: my god, you are two nerds.

If one day they ask Marvel about the magic card, he will be genuinely confused because he didn't know it. billy never had the money to buy these games.

"oh, is there a game card with my name? a god of storms? wow, I'm embarrassed, I didn't know that name had been kept alive by these stories haha"

I was playing with Billy and Marvel's signature, thinking about how they would write differently in each form, and I ended up thinking about this

I don't know if the captain's fandom took keranos from the magic card, but that's what I found when I looked up the name and I thought it was brilliant

[colossrat]

meu deus os caras da entrevista de emprego me mandaram mensagem falando que eu fui aprovada oq eu faço eu não quero virar clt eu fui por obrigação e pressão da sociedade ToT

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Oh the fandom is gonna get me for this one.....

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your captain marvel headcanons are freaking amazing!! Made my day <33

you just made my day too ToT thankx omg <33

some low quality drawings/memes of thanks ->

[colossrat]

Back to Captain Marvel knowing a lot about new generation memes (because he's a teenager), I imagine a villain making fun of superheroes like, they play part of a song, and if they don't acknowledge it and finish it, someone dies and while the heroes are good at some aspects of their culture, the captain simply crushes it. 50s music? he knows, he lived through that time because of the suspension bubble. Super embarrassing current songs? he knows it and even recites back to front it to the villain. It's embarrassing because no one dies. The villain picked the songs outside the heroes' cultural bubble, but there's the captain reciting "hi hungry im dad. why did you give this name? why why whyyyyy" and he is so into it like, nostalgic Raining tacos? he's vibrating with the melody

Muffin time?! "YES SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE ITS MUFFIN TIME" and the jl is like what song is that wtf marvel

GUMMY. BEAR?! "Oh, I'm a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky gummy bear!!! OOH OH"

PPAP? He almost can't talk about how happy he is to recite this piece

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I feel like I get too excited writing these headcanons and they get too long and messy in a bad way, but I'm too lazy to separate each scene by post---

[colossrat]

Is the captain insane or just brain rot?

Batman has several children, and even so it is very difficult for him to keep up with the new slang or memes of the generation. So the fact that Captain Marvel, a guy who appears to be between 25-30 years old (but theoretically has bazillions) stupidly knows a lot of these jokes, doesn't enter his mind and he finds himself constantly just questioning the sanity of his co-worker.

Because it's all so absurd, he can't tell anymore when the captain is just being himself and dropping the most meaningless piece of lore in the world, or if he's reciting a tiktok meme

several league members don't really know, at least not the older ones

After a mission, Marvel is talking to cyborg. Is the topic about dating? teachers? Superman is listening in the background while he has his own conversation with Batman a little away, so he's not really listening.

But something catches his attention, and it's the captain's choked tone of voice, almost as if he were crying

Marvel: oh my god, oh my shayla, no... ;(

Supes go pale and tune off from the conversation that he is not part of, feeling that he has just invaded the privacy of his colleagues

Batman: superman? whats wrong?

Superman: I-- I think I just overheard the captain lamenting about an date he had with a teacher called Shayla… he was crying, i think… I feel horrible, I didn't listen on purpose---

Batman:

Batman: who that fuck is shayla?

billy was just joking, because actually his teacher made him change seats in the class so he wouldn't be sitting next to freddy anymore, since they talk like hell, and he was demonstrating to cyborg how shaken he was by reciting "oh my shayla"

Then there's that time where Voltage (Freddy or Lieutenant Junior) is with them during a magical mission, and out of nowhere the two start communicating using "u i a", in rhythms that resemble morse or binary code…

Marvel: u i a i u i-i a-i?

Voltage: u i a i u-u i i a-i.

and they both start laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world

Zatana: Is this an extinct language or something?

Dr. Fate: I would also like to know… I think I'll have to do some research, but maybe it's an ancient, witchy language. I didn't know that the captain was teaching witchcraft to his apprentice.

And then there's Batman discreetly writing down all the lyrics they say. he will question constantine or jason blood later to see if it mean something to them

everything gets more confusing when these codes start to have pop music melodies, not that they recognize these songs at first

And a time when John Constantine is explaining something at a meeting for the league, something about fusing magical objects that were stolen. and the captain is almost combusting to keep from laughing.

Constantine: So in theory, the thieves took the hyperball staff and put it together with the cursed sapphire stones, and put that together with what they gathered from the cord wand and sickle feathers--

Marvel: and then they became hyperphires-corckle? like, HPCK?

Constantine: what in the bloody hell is this?

Marvel: -- nothing… no, no, I confused the objects-- it's nothing. it was from-- another category of magical objects, there is no correlation, you can continue.

He simply couldn't get the PPAP thing out of his head, and the gestures that John made to symbolize the objects coming together reminded him of that iconic clip (pen pineapple apple pen)

the magicians' heads are racing to understand what a hyperphires-corckle is, and so is the heads of everyone in that room. except for Barry who is shaking to keep from laughing since he understands where the captain really came from with that.

Hal is looking at him confused. He was off Earth for so long that they created a whole system of new magical objects? Not that he was already aware of the old ones. fucking magic.

and sometimes there is no context at all, marvel will simply drop one:

Marvel: gegagedigedagedago...

Wonder woman: What did you say, brother??

Marvel, completely seriously: Abin mery alongtameago...

Hal: Is he insulting us...? wait marry? married?!?

Marvel: wede wude--

Flash: I think he's possessed, I'm going to call John and Batman!!

One day, there is an alien invasion. they are green, thin and bald. Billy can't help but say:

Marvel: Oh my Olympian gods, they are of the "dame tu cosita" kinda alien no way!!

Hal: Now you HAVE to be kidding me. Ring, what the fuck is he talking about?

and the ring responds by saying that they are aliens X from planet Y with characteristics of being tall, thin, green and friendly

Flash: friendly? they are invading the earth!

Marvel, joking: maybe they just want to dance and have "nossas cositas"? lol, you know their stuff

Green Lantern's ring glows and says "this species is known to visit other planets in search of dance partners for entertainment"

Marvel: oh.

And then Marvel is pushed to dance with them next to Green Lantern since apparently they both have knowledge about the race and how to entertain them?

Marvel is a horrible dancer, the movements he makes are humiliating (yes, the moves in the meme), but it doesn't take long for the aliens to ignore the green lantern and imitate the captain, completely amazed by his dance. forgetting the invasion and forming a dance circle around him

Batman: I think I'm having a stroke.

Flash: I don't know how I'm going to look at his face after this…

Hal: I can't believe they didn't even care about my dancing…

Wonder woman: I thought your dance moves were very good, green warrior.

Hal: thanks Di...

Voltage, who for some reason is there, recording: this is going to be a hit on my tiktok.

Shayera: this is too humiliating to see, I'm going back to the watchtower.

Martian Manhunter at some point joined the dance circle. he is not part of that race, despite strangely having certain physical similarities. he just found it very entertaining

Marvel was very happy to have him there, he doesn't like to be embarrassed alone. The gods in his mind are giving him migraines cause they're laughing so hard

And also, the Martian is someone who can understand the captain's jokes, since he has a lot of access to watchtower technology and he doesn't do much when he's not in action, so he ended up becoming an iPad kid

but he avoids showing that he understands because despite recognizing it, he is very very shy

Cyborg also understands since he is literally connected to the internet 24/7, but he plays dumb because he doesn't want to look unprofessional and childish, not in front of his bosses at least

There was a time when Marvel came out talking about a toilet monster eating people in Chicago. flash thought he was talking about that skibidi toilet meme or something and commented about it with the league. It took a good few minutes for Marvel to convince them that it was true and that he needed help.

In the end it really was a giant toilet monster that was eating people and teleporting them to random sewers around the world.

One day, Marvel spends hours talking about a magical bipedal tiger that drinks tea. he actually spent HOURS talking about interesting facts about this tiger. No one was paying much attention, thinking it was some meme or joke that they weren't aware of.

He said that the tiger was a stuffed animal, an attraction at the zoo, a zoo employee, a super old cartoon icon, an explorer from another dimension and a lot of other things at the same time. Obviously they thought it was a lie?? or just not real

Several times at other times, days or weeks, Marvel commented on this tiger. Did they start to think it was some kind of series? maybe

until a moment came when the fucking tiger appeared at the watchtower, having tea with the captain. He had a green plaid suit and a posture fit for royalty. He greeted all the heroes who passed by with great respect and grace. They no longer know what to believe coming from the captain

But how the fuck were they supposed to know that a tiger named Mister Tawky Tawny was real and was the captain's best bestie friend forever ever?

[colossrat]

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”