#anyway im not sure im really more busy now im at uni

[playingonedchess]

weird how this year like basically every fiction thing ive been into has been mystery crime sort of stuff

[dystychiphxbia]

☆ - Gym crush! pt. 3

this sucked but im so busy with uni aaa

gn!reader

characters: isagi, reo, nagi

Isagi Yoichi:

this guy is new to the gym

he catches your eye, mainly because his form is horrifying at first

where did bro learn how to squat...

you try your best to help him!!

and wow he learns super fast

like...when one is new to the gym they usually progress fast but he's on another level...

you are honestly impressed

and he's so nice too??

except when he has progressed enough to attempt a pr...yeah it's the same level of focusment as when he's playing football

and he can get angry at you for bothering him

but he will always apologize afterwards and say that he just really needed to focus

he really enjoys your company...he was a blushing mess when you first approached him and he still struggles to keep his composure when your hands accidentally touch

always spots for you but first you have to teach him how to do it

definitely talks about you to his friends

they try to get him to ask you out but he always says that you are just his gym crush, no way you return his feelings (but you do)

and your thighs...he WILL be looking at them.

Mikage Reo;

now let's be real...this guy has his own personal gym for sure

but let's say one of his friends drag him to a regular gym....for plot reasons

rich boy is shocked

but you catch his attention...you are so elegant...you dont fit in with all the gym bros

now the problem is he wants to talk to you...would it be weird? can he just invite you to his gym instead?

he overthinks too much

you notice him too, he looks out of place and his gym etiquette is lacking

he forgets to rerack his weights and you immediately go remind him

"oh...im used to not having to rerack them at my own private gym...thanks for the heads up."

nah not the entitled rich boy

but you are a bit jealous...especially when you are waiting for the leg press to be free

reo hates working out in a packed gym but he just cant get you out of his mind even couple days later

his friend says you come often during the peak times and always seem pissed off about having to wait between machines...

so, he returns to the gym once more with a plan

and there you are....waiting for a free squat rack

you were quite surprised to see him...why would a rich boy with his own gym return to a regular gym during peak hours?

once you start racking your weights, reo comes up to you asking how many sets you have left

"bro. i just started. you saw me." "well lemme squeeze in between ur sets yeah?"

you dont like sharing. but the gym is packed. so you give in.

reo keeps talking to you and you realize that he's actually nice

sure he's rich and entitled and has no clue about how the life of a poor commoner is, but you enjoy talking with him

and the way he throws in a few flirts, and makes sure to compliment you...you are a goner

you end up doing your entire routine with him, getting to know him more

you can't help but notice the way he looks at you...and your body

by the end of the workout, he drops the big question

"wanna ditch this gym and workout at mine?"

he promises you can workout for free...ofc you say yes cause that means you can save money

so you save money and he gets to see you almost everyday...an ideal situation!

honestly in the end you care more about seeing reo than saving money...

Nagi Seishiro;

nah who got this man to the gym

again...let's say a friend forced him to come along...for plot reasons...

he does not want to be there

like yes he has his goals that he wants to achieve, but a packed gym is just too much

you see him occupying a machine you need for like 10 mins just being on his phone so you go up to him

he's confused but lets you have the machine, he wasn't really using it anyway

honestly he seems kinda lost

like he doesnt actually know what to do. since he was already dragged to the gym, he should do something useful but he doesn't know what

and you notice...and kinda feel bad for him...he looks like a lost puppy

so!! you help him out!!

you dont know much about football but you help him figure out what he should do at the gym to improve :)

he actually appreciates your help. and you see him come to the gym more and more

this is nagi we are talking about so it's a miracle that he actually keeps coming back

but the thing is that he really wants to see you!! you motivate him

you always smile so brightly when you see him. he just can't get enough of that smile.

everything is less of a hassle with you around!

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 | 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞

⬷ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞┊ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: minho x felix (minlix)

genre: dancer!minho/artist!felix. brothers best friend troupe. college au. age gap (abt 4 years). minho pov. extremely dark themes throughout, including smut - MDNI, 18+ only.

word count: 4.4k

the playlist 🗡️

a/n: OKAY, SO- 💀 I HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THE DELAYED UPDATE!!!! 💀😔 My life has been so incredibly fucking busy lately... with working full time and doing summer uni courses full time and planning for lolla and like, the 5 other concerts im going to in the later half of this year... it's been a lot, fam. 😭 I've been under sm stress at work and from school that I've been getting really bad chest pains, but I'm trying to manage things so it's slowly getting better. But the burn out is real, people. That shit fucks you over sooo bad omg 😭 I just have no motivation to write anything at the end of the day or on the weekends because I'm so fucking tired of using my brain all week. Going to Lolla will be my first REAL vacation from work/uni in over 2 and a half years. That's acc insane to me lmao. ANYWAYS!!!! 🗣️💥 I've already written like, 2 more chapters for this fic when I was in a mania-induced rage a few weeks ago lol, so I just need to find the time/motivation to edit those within the next few weeks. And I already have big plans for the rest of the chapters in this so... I'm excited. Now I just gotta find the willpower to ACC write my ideas 😜

🗡️ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋback to navigation! ࿐ྂ

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

̶﹒⊹﹒sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴀᴄǫᴜᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ,  ʏᴏᴜ sᴋɪᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴏʀеᴘʟᴀʏ ！،، 🌌  𖥻 𓂃 ʜᴇ ɢʀɪᴘs ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴄᴋ  ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀеᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ sᴄʀᴇᴡᴇᴅ╰╮ 🌑

 To his utter surprise, Minho decided to attend Felix’s dorm party that weekend. The final decision shocked the rest of his friends too, who had grown accustomed to his home-body spirit. Because usually, every time they asked — more like begged — him to go to parties with the three of them, he always backed out of everything. His favorite excuses were being too exhausted from dance practice or not feeling good from studying so much. 

  “I actually cannot believe you’re going to this shit,” Chris said with a laugh that night. He was sprawled across Minho’s bed, one earbud in his ear as his head bobbed up and down to a beat he was mixing on his laptop. Meanwhile, Minho was scurrying across his room, slipping on a pair of socks and making sure he looked somewhat put together. But he didn’t want to seem too desperate to fit in either, since he knew that most of the people at the party would be young freshmen and sophomores. 

  He had decided — with a little bit of Chris’ help — on a pair of black sweats, and an oversized graphic tee from one of his favorite Korean bands. It was nothing out of the ordinary for him to wear, but just ‘normal’ enough for him to fit in with the crowd that night. 

  “Honestly, I’m kinda shocked that you’re not going too,” Minho said as he hurried to slip on his Converse.

  With that, Chris looked up from his flashing computer screen with a deep frown plastered across his face. “Do you really think I want to go to a party and watch as my little brother sticks his tongue down at least ten people's throats?” 

  Minho stopped fumbling with his shoelaces and looked up at Chris with a raised eyebrow. “He’s not actually gonna do that tonight, Chris.” 

  “You obviously don’t know my brother these days… the one that’s mature— at least in his eyes, anyway,” Chris started, tapping away at his computer keyboard again and cursing under his breath for a split second. “That little boy that you grew up with is completely gone, Min.” 

  For a few beats, there was utter silence in Minho’s bedroom after Chris’ statement. Then, Minho fit his wallet into his pants pocket and unhooked his phone from his charging port. 

  “Is that why you… don’t really spend a lot of time with him ever since he got to campus?” 

  Chris threw a long roll of his eyes towards Minho, “That, and the fact that I’m a little too old and tired to be fucking around with a bunch of young kids these days.” 

  “Felix isn’t a young kid, Chris. He’s a grown adult.” 

  Sighing heavily, Chris hoisted himself up and off of Minho’s bed, patting his shoulder in a rough way as he passed Minho on the way out of the bedroom. “We’ll see if you change your opinion on that after tonight.”

  And the entire time Minho made the short trek over to the freshman’s side of campus, he couldn’t get Chris’ words out of his head. They were stuck in the depths of his brain, playing over and over again. Because there was no way that Felix would be so badly changed from the last time he had spent a night with him during their childhood. 

  Sure, Minho had noticed a slight change when they had met in the campus gardens the day before, but it wasn’t… that bad. Not like anything Chris was describing.

  Even still, Minho could feel his entire body tense up as he got closer to the freshman dormitory. He could hear his heartbeat in the corners of his ears as he knocked on Felix’s door. He could sense his palms growing cold and clammy as the loud base of music thrummed underneath his feet. 

  Almost as quickly as he had knocked, someone opened the door. He had never seen the guy before, but he had purple-dyed hair and a dazzling white smile. Reaching out to Minho’s hand, the beautiful stranger yanked him in excitedly. 

  “Holy shit- you must be the famous Minho! I’ve heard so much about you!” The guy shouted over the music, closing the door behind Minho and leading the two of them into the nearby kitchen. “I’m Jisung, by the way.” 

  Without even having time to process the chaos that was the person in front of him, Minho’s hand was grabbed by Jisung and shaken thoroughly. “Uhm- nice to meet you, Jisung…” His voice trailed off as his mind carded through the slightly slurred words that had just fallen from the purple-haired man’s lips. “What do you mean by hearing so mu—”

  “Hey, Jisung! Stop being such a fucking weirdo and let the man breathe!” Someone off to their right shouted in an exasperated tone. 

  Minho turned and noticed a dark-haired figure bent over in the shadows of the kitchen. They raised their head from the counter, rubbing their nose and sneezing violently. Slowly, Minho’s eyes registered the small bit of white substance that was left behind and laid out on the kitchen counter in a neat line. The dude was fucking snorting cocaine. Just then, Minho’s focus turned to the rest of the kitchen’s counters, which were lined with a plethora of drinks, drugs, and other shit he didn’t even have names for. A random couple was making out in the background, the girl’s ass pressing down atop the counter as the man between her legs bit violet marks into the side of her neck. 

  Turning his eyes away from the couple, he watched as the cocaine-snorter sidled up to their sides. Slinging a lazy arm around Jisung’s neck, he pulled him in for a tight hug. “You must be Minho, huh?” He asked in a long drawl, the kind you only got with copious amounts of drugs and liquor flowing through your system. 

  “Y-Yeah… Felix invited me to this last minute, but I’m starting to think maybe coming was a bad idea…” Minho said in a quiet voice that was barely decipherable over the ear-piercing rap blasting throughout the entire dorm. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable under the two strangers' gazes, he fit his hands in his pockets, eyes darting around the kitchen for the closest exit. 

  “You’re a lot cuter in person than what I always imagined,” The guy holding onto Jisung said, stumbling over a bit and making Jisung laugh heartily. The guy had soft cheekbones but razor-sharp eyes. The kind that Minho felt were piercing into him and studying his very being with each second that passed. His jet-black hair was messy atop his head and slightly curled at the ends. “I’m Seungmin, by the way. But most of these fucks around here call me Doggy.” 

  Placing a hand on Seungmin’s chest lovingly, Jisung flashed Minho a sly kind of smile. “He can get you anything you want— just say the word, pay up, and he’ll have it in your hands by the end of the week…” Jisung’s words drifted off into the chaos around them as he studied Minho. 

  Minho felt like both of the young men in front of him were sidling him up — wondering, and guessing, why someone as plain and boring as him was connected to Lee Felix in some way. Minho could feel his palms growing sweatier by the second as he gripped the suffocating fabric of his pant pockets. 

  “So— what’s your weakness?” Seungmin slurred on, eyes growing dark as his gaze traced Minho’s form up and down in the kitchen’s dim lighting. “Fet? Coke? Meth—”

  Already starting to feel sick to his stomach by the topic of conversation, Minho held his hands up in a silent plea for him to stop. “Uhm— not really into that kinda shit.” 

  “What a shame… you’d be a pretty addict, for sure.” Jisung said in a flirtatious tone, biting the corner of his lip as he studied Minho.

  Slowly, Minho could feel himself caving inward. His shoulders dropping, and heartbeat turning into a low thrum, all he wanted to do was get out of the situation he was stuck in. “How do you guys know Felix? Are you both freshman too?” 

  Jisung burst out laughing at that, reaching towards the nearby kitchen counter and pouring himself a solo cup full of vodka. “You're kidding me, right? We’ve been Felix’s homies since our high school days.” 

  “And yes, if you must know— we’re freshman’s,” Seungmin said, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the solo cup from Jisung’s hand and took a long swig of it. Much to Jisung’s displeasure. “Why? What’s it to ya?” 

  Minho shrugged nonchalantly, trying to act like the entire atmosphere around them wasn’t making him extremely uncomfortable. “I was just making friendly conversation,” and before he could let either of the guys in front of him say anything more, he decided to remove himself from the situation entirely. “Actually, I think I’m gonna go try and find Felix…” 

  As he was walking away from the kitchen, he could hear the boys snickering behind him, with Jisung shouting in slurred words, “Good luck finding him if he’s getting his dick sucked in the bathroom!” Minho could hear the two guys laughing manically in the kitchen as he made his way into the rest of the dorm. 

  Immediately upon entering the living room, he remembered just how small the freshman’s living spaces were. The entire place was jammed packed full of bodies writhing and shaking. A space in the middle of the room had been cleared for a makeshift dance floor, so couples were grinding up on each other and making out to the sultry r&b coursing throughout the entire place. Bodies filled up every seat and sofa in the vicinity. 

  The entire room was dark with the curtains closed. That added to the smoky atmosphere, as people smoked cigs, vapes, and joints everywhere that Minho looked. It was hard to see through the haziness of everything, but eventually, he spotted Felix. 

  Felix was… 

  Sitting on one of the couches, 

  Busy making out with another guy.

  And just then, Minho couldn’t even understand the exact feelings he had upon such a discovery. It was a mix of surprise, queasiness, but also… something else too, which he dared not name. 

  He shoved everything down into a firm ball in the pit of his stomach, shuffling towards a nearby table and popping himself a cold bottle of soju. Taking a long swig from the chilled rim, he gradually shuffled his way through the dance floor over to where Felix was. 

  The younger man seemed to exude a certain kind of presence… captivating at least half of the room with his aura. Felix's energy was dark and smoky and… something so mysterious and foreign to Minho, he had no idea how to navigate all of it. 

  “Felix— hi,” Minho yelled over the loud music, waving towards Felix to catch his attention. There were a few other people squished onto the sofa where he was sitting, but all of them were focused on the tv screen which was flashing with an intense game of Super Smash Bros. 

  As soon as Felix’s focus was caught, he was pulling away from the other man’s lips. In the dimness of the room, Minho distinctly caught onto the way that messy strings of saliva parted from their lips, and how Felix’s mouth was puffy and swollen from kissing all night.

  Eyes brightening and pink freckled cheeks shading just a tiny bit, Felix shot up from his spot on the couch, fumbling his way over to Minho’s side. For a split second, Minho was able to gaze at Felix’s form — at the white skort he was wearing which was so short, half of his ass was exposed, and the baby-blue crop top that rose just above his belly button. A belly ring glinted in the sultry lighting of the room, along with all of the silver earrings, rings, and necklaces that adorned Felix’s milky-white skin. 

  “M-Min, oh my god, you made it!” Felix exclaimed happily, tugging on Minho’s wrist gently and leading him over to his spot on the couch. The man that he had been making out with only seconds before shuffled to the side, allowing room for Minho to sit down. Then, he grabbed Felix’s hips and sat him down on his lap. Felix let out a tiny giggle, snuggling his ass backward and earning a grunt from the guy underneath him. “I’m so happy to see you!” 

  Minho flashed him the best smile he could muster at that moment. What with being incredibly overstimulated by everything, and the shock of meeting some of Felix’s... choice friends, and seeing his best friend’s little brother making out viscerally at a party… 

  The night definitely wasn’t turning out as he had hoped, that was for sure. 

  “I met some of your friends, they’re uhm— interesting, to say the least,” Minho laughed awkwardly, carding a few shaking fingers through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting you to be… part of such a crowd, Lix.” 

  Felix shrugged the tiniest of bits, his eyes flicking away from Minho’s and focusing on the video game some of the others were playing. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Minho. Things have changed since the last time we hung out.” There was a weight to his words, they felt heavy on Minho's shoulders and weighed on his heart. Even still, he tried to push away those feelings and just live in the moment, without any worries or inhibitions 

  “That’s for sure…” 

  But Minho wasn’t really paying attention to anything else that Felix was saying, if he was saying anything at all. Because he was too busy watching the guy underneath Felix draw circles against his bare skin. Fingers skirting across his skin, the guy softly massaged the soft skin of his thighs, forcing gooseflesh to erupt to the surface. 

  “This is Renjun, by the way,” Felix said, cutting through the silence between them and breaking the trance Minho had fallen into. “He’s a… friend, of sorts.” 

  Renjun turned his face away from Felix’s body, taking a long drawl of a joint that Minho hadn’t even noticed was positioned between his fingers. “Yeah, ‘cause friends definitely stick their dicks in each other’s assess… that's just what friends do, right?” Renjun let out a loud cackle, the kind that would probably make Minho burst out into laughter too, if they were in a different situation. 

  Felix gave the man underneath him a deep frown before his eyes focused back on Minho. “I mean… if you’re truly friends— anything could happen, right?” Just then, he started moving again, hips circling just a little bit atop Renjun’s lap. Almost instantly, the dark-haired man was groaning out loud and clutching onto Felix's hips for dear life. And the entire time, Felix kept his gaze locked with Minho's, practically staring right into his soul.

  Minho was keenly aware of the dry saliva he swallowed down, trying to ignore the way his heart lept just a little bit in his chest at the sight of Felix grinding down against Renjun’s lap. Trying to ignore the way his pants grew just a tiny bit tighter at the sight of Felix flashing Renjun a playful, dim smirk. 

  “Renjun, stop fucking moaning, you’re ruining the vibes right now!” A silver-haired guy who was sitting in front of Minho said. He was part of the group that was focused on the tv, playing Smash like they were in a professional tournament or some shit. “I’m Jeongin, by the way, Lee Felix’s bestie since the sixth grade.” The silvered fox said, momentarily looking away from his game and flashing Minho a smile. 

  At that, Renjun let out a low chortle. “Too bad you weren’t close enough to fuck him, eh?”

  Minho’s attention darted from Jeongin’s face back to Renjun, examining the way his raven locks were somewhat disheveled— like they had been gripped pretty hard recently. 

  Gripped hard by… Felix. 

  Felix threw his hands up into the air, seeming to admit defeat. “What is it with everyone around here wanting to fuck me?!” He exclaimed- although he didn’t seem that upset by the prospect in the first place. Instead, he grabbed ahold of the joint Renjun was smoking and took a long drag of it. Blowing the smoke up in the air around him, Felix’s slightly hooded gaze zeroed back onto Minho. “It’s not like I’m that attractive— I only get the young people to fuck me.” 

  Minho shifted in his spot on the couch, feeling that floaty, twisted snake thrum through his veins. He stared down at his strawberry-flavored soju bottle, pretending to be fascinated with the label. When in actuality, he was doing everything in his power to avoid Felix’s stare. 

  “I mean, who wouldn’t wanna fuck you? You’re cute— you’re hot, you’re fun, and you’re a damn good bottom, too.” Renjun said in a deep voice, and through the reflection of the tv screen in front of them, Minho could make out the way he leaned down and pressed a feverish kiss to Felix’s exposed neck.

  Like a train wreck that you can’t stop watching, Minho couldn’t help but turn his head to watch Felix atop Renjun again. He was still dancing across his lap, doing so with a little more fervor this time. The compliments probably fueled his fire, Minho assumed. Felix was gradually beginning to wreak of a mix of weed, liquor, and the sweet scent of floral perfume. Yet in that moment, it was all too intoxicating for Minho. 

  Turning his head slowly, Felix ruffled Renjun’s locks playfully. “Awe thanks— I feel so flattered that you find me pretty, Renjunnie~” He cooed in a gentle voice, fingers skirting across Renjun’s round cheek with a caress. 

  “Well, I’m sure Minho sure doesn’t wanna fuck you.” Jeongin deadpanned, his voice cascading down around their small group. He was still focused on the game but bent his head backward a bit. Fox-like eyes studied Minho’s face in the smokiness of the room just then. And Jeongin’s lips cracked into a wide, Cheshire grin just as he turned back to the tv. “Actually, never mind— maybe he does.” 

  The entire time, Minho had been entirely too quiet. Letting everything play out, observing and judging silently. He was probably the oldest one in that room, and he could feel the significance of his grade year and maturity weighing down on his shoulders like a 200lb barbell. 

  He took a final swig of his soju, before tossing it into a nearby trashcan. “Honestly, I’m old enough to be his brother, so no— definitely not,” Minho said in a low tone, his throat constricting a tiny bit. 

  But it was just the alcohol, it was just the liquor that was getting to him. 

  And the weed in the air and the cigarettes and every other thing floating around him. It was the loud bass thrumming through the bottoms of his feet and it was the blaring disco ball that was flashing rainbow-colored shapes on the dance floor. 

  Yes, it was all of that… 

  And none of what Felix was doing beside him, or how Felix was looking at him or- 

  “I mean, yeah— a dancer and fashion designer together?? Fucking hell, it’d never work. Aren’t dancers always too tired to even get it up in the first place?” Renjun slurred his words just a tiny bit, as the weed no doubt flooded into his system. 

  “But I bet those hips don’t lie!” Jeongin shrieked with laughter, slapping his leg in happiness at their stupid jokes. 

  So suddenly, Minho realized why he was invited to the party in the first place. 

  He wasn’t included to have a good time, or because he was missed, or because people wanted to meet him. 

  No, he was invited to be the laughing stock of everyone there… 

  Hey guys- look! A stupid ass senior shimmying his way into a freshman party, look at how stupid he looks— 

  trying to hit on the hottest guy on campus.

   And the thinks that he has a fighting fucking chance when everyone else wants — and gets to have Felix — 

  But no , definitely not him, not ever. The brother’s best friend?? Felix would never stoop so low. 

  The energy shifted between Minho and the rest of them sitting there on the couch, freezing in place as soon as he shot up from his spot on the couch. Yanking out his phone from his pants pocket, the screen flashed with the time — one in the morning. He had been acting stupid, been the night’s entertainment, for more than three hours. And just as he realized the time, he noticed the eyes on him — how half of the room was watching him, with people hiding their smiles and laughs behind palms and solo cups and joints. 

  “I have class tomorrow, I should head out.” Is the only explanation he gave, not even affording Felix or the others another glance as he pulled away from the sofa and forced his way through the shaking bodies on the dance floor. And when Jisung and Seungmin called out to him from the kitchen as he passed them by, he gave them no attention. 

  The eyes on his back, which he could feel the entire way to the door, just about killed him. He felt like he was about to suffocate, his heart racing against his ribcage, pushing and pushing, just like he had been pushed all night by everyone. 

  And Felix was no better. 

  He was no better than everyone else because he was the one who had invited him in the first place. 

  So Minho was shocked, then, when he felt a small hand grab ahold of his wrist just as he was about to step into the elevator. To take him away from such a hellhole and such a depressing prison of losers. 

  “Minho— wait, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean—”

   Minho didn’t even turn around, couldn’t, in that moment. Instead, he let Felix hold onto him, let the feeling of his nimble fingers cascade through his system. Let Felix gradually move his hand until he was threading his fingers through Minho’s. 

  Just like they used to sometimes when they hung out together in their childhood. 

  When they were bored, and no one was around, and Chris was nowhere to be found and they could— 

  “It’s all my fault, I’m sorry— I was so fucking stupid for thinking—”

  “Why do you hang out with those people?” 

  Was all that Minho could manage to say, focusing his attention on the way Felix’s hand radiated warmth, how it lit up all the synapses of Minho’s body and kindled the dying fire inside of the deepest parts of him. 

  “They’re my friends, they’re not just ‘people’ to me.” 

  At that, Minho let out a dry laugh. The kind that had no humor in it and was completely sardonic. “What a great bunch of friends you got there, Lix…” 

  Minho regretted the moment he said the word, the moment he used the old nickname in such a cold, seething kind of way. Because as soon as it fell from his lips, the warm fingers wrapped around his were pulling away. 

  “I was nice enough to invite you, I was nice enough to let you into my life again— and you’ve decided to shit on it.” Minho still had his back turned on him, but he could imagine the look on Felix’s face then. If his low, venomous tone was anything to go off of. 

  Slowly, Minho turned around. He found his body moving on their own accord. And just like that, he was facing Felix again. Minho was studying his face and the way it was drained of all color. How there was nothing in his eyes then, but only heartbreak and barely-masked tears. 

  “I never asked to be let in, Felix,” Minho said, but the words came out as a whisper. Like if he spoke loud enough, someone from inside the party would hear them and come running out to take photos. Look, the campus's local desperate senior trying to coax the popular freshman into- “You know I didn’t. Not like this, never.” 

  Without even trying to, Minho could feel his body moving again. His hand reached up and caressed Felix’s cheek. Thumb smoothing across freckles and softness, brushing just underneath his long eyelashes. And for a moment, just like it was once again a dream, Felix leaned into it. Let himself go for but a mere breath, sighing into it. 

  He pressed his face a little closer to Minho’s hand, eyes fluttering shut only slightly. Cheeks heating up underneath Minho’s touch, Felix's gaze shot open again as soon as the thumb underneath his eye migrated to his mouth. Migrated to caressing his bottom lip. 

  “Don’t.” 

  Minho watched the single word escape past Felix’s lips, and instantly, the tension in the air between them broke and shattered. Like someone had taken a knife to his heart once more, tearing him apart by flesh and bone, his hand was dropping from Felix’s skin. 

  “Go back to the party so you can get fucked by Renjun.” 

  The statement was a double-edged sword, both of them knew. 

  The words registered in Felix’s mind and Minho watched as the disdain colored his energy again. Painting him in violent shades of crimson and lilac, Felix said nothing as Minho backed away and into the elevator. 

  Just before he was able to press the button inside to go down, Felix reached out and grabbed ahold of the elevator’s door. “Don’t you ever fucking come back around these parts, or I’ll-” He spit out in a wicked kind of way, the emotions swirling in his pupils. 

 “You’ll… what? Beat me up? You and I both know you’re not capable of that, Lixie…” Minho said, his tone winding around the crackling air between them. He flashed Felix one final smirk, before pushing the button to go down to the first floor. 

  The last thing he saw before the elevator doors closed was Felix’s face, the way his pretty red lips were pressed into a firm, displeased line. The way his eyes were hooded with a mix of rage and exasperation. 

  The last thing that Minho saw on Felix’s face that night was utter betrayal and contempt… 

  To be honest, it was just like the old days again… when Minho had told Felix he was leaving for university and they'd never be able to talk again...

  He had wished to travel back to their childhoods so much, 

  And like a blessing from the God’s, he had been afforded such a thing. 

  What a sweet memory to travel back to… Such sweet revenge to be gifted. 

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

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[sniigura-archive]

Questions about College AU!Adam's family (sorry if it's a lot XD):

What's Adam's relationship with Sera like?

Is Adam's dad Hellaverse!God, or some other character? And what's Adam's relationship with him like?

Does Emily exist in the College AU? If so, is she Adam's aunt, or sister?

it’s not i love questions

1: hmm im not too sure yet so things might change. i wanted it to be like, that it feels more like she’s a manager than a mother. she’s very concerned with image etc so she’s very much constantly on adam’s ass. especially since she’s the unis chancellor she’s able to annoy adam on a different level since they see each other on campus and she can check his grades 😭😭 once a monthish they have dinner together but it feels like more a business affair where adam reports his status to her

2: yessss its god. his father has always been a little neglectful lmao a very hand off approach. he’s a (genetic) scientist with very skewed morals. before adam got kicked out they had a goodish relationship, as good as it can be with a guy he rarely saw. after getting kicked out it was bad. no contact from both sides. now they were able to reconnect a bit but it still can be slightly strained. but they don’t see each other a lot anyways. adam looks exactly like his father sera really said copy and paste

3: idk if i will add her in the whole family relationships gave me a headache to figure out. i think she’d be adam’s aunt. i thought about making jesus adam’s half brother to be funny but idk if i will pull through

[binch-i-might-be]

RAY hewwo i am. Planning on getting a tattoo (not now obviously but like when im in uni probably) what’s ur advice on Getting Stabbed with Ink

okay so like. first of all do your research!! if you already have a particular style in mind, find an artist who does a lot of that. look at their portfolio on instagram. see if they post healed tattoos too (if they Don't. well ask yourself why not!)

before your appointment EAT A GOOD MEAL. DRINK WOTER. tattoo artists do not enjoy when you pass out!!!! getting a tattoo is super upsetting to The Body because it's basically inflicting an injury, it fucks with your circulation a lot. tattoo artists will also offer you something to drink and sometimes even sweets to keep your blood sugar up during the appointment, and for the first time I would recommend taking them up on that because you don't know yet how your body will react.

also don't be afraid to ask for a break for any reason. a good artist will tell you this before they start too.

you will bleed btw. some artists have told me that first time clients are sometimes surprised about this. the bleeding will increase the farther you get into the tattoo too as your body becomes more pissed lol.

as they go, they'll wipe your tattoo down A Lot to get the excess ink and blood out of the way, and that shit really starts to hurt after some time! be prepared!

when the deed is done, they'll usually let the tattoo rest for a few minutes and then take some pics. and then they'll wrap it up!

now there's two (three?) options here. either they'll go old school and just wrap that thang in cling wrap and tape it in place, which is a lot of work for you, or they'll slap on second skin.

the cling wrap is in my experience not as common these days, but safer when you already know you could have an allergic reaction to second skin (bad!). you can leave that on for a couple hours, but then you'll have to take it off and gently clean the area under running warm (not hot) water, then maybe let it breathe a bit, but DEFINITELY wrap it back up. a fresh tattoo is an open wound, and you need to protect it from outside grime lol. you'll have to do that every couple hours for a few days. you will leak Tattoo Goop. you will most likely need to sleep on a towel. it's generally not too much fun but what can ya do!

second skin on the other hand is way easier. it's a sticky transparent foil they just put On There and then it stays On There for up to seven days (depends on the brand). you can shower with it on and everything. it'll fill up with Tattoo Goop but it's fine, it won't really bother you. it's best taken off under warm running water. sometimes it leaves a sticky residue but that'll fall off in time.

now for the secret third option, this has only happened to me once. the artist slapped a Thing that was basically a big fat menstrual pad on me and then wrapped me up in cling wrap. that thing absorbed the Tattoo Leakage for the first couple hours, but from then on, it was normal cling wrap business. I was very confused by this!

artists will give you instructions on aftercare and probably recommend some creams. basically just wash that thang with water (and unscented soap? I don't do that, just use water) and put some tattoo aftercare cream on top. thin layer, we don't want to smother it.

I usually do that for uhhh as long as it feels right basically lol. maybe a week or two after the second skin comes off? a tattoo will need about six to eight weeks to fully heal, but it doesn't need intensive care the entire time.

oh and there is an itchy stage. it will drive you insane <3

now for a more unfun addendum, the tattoo industry is RIFE with racism. some artists think they can't tattoo people who are not paper white because the colours won't show up properly. this is because they're bad artists and don't know what they're doing.

try to look for artists who do have darker skin tones in their portfolio so you can be sure they aren't cunts and won't fuck you over.

anyway I think that's all. hope this helped!

[atrirose]

back when enhablr used to be full of fics, headcanons and reaction. but now i see people wih the aesthetics, small texts but less works if i am not wrong.

when i see vissit a new enha writing blog, i see the themes, small texts. it's so irritating :( like how can you even see the small text... plus, the amount of symbols and other fonts they use, tsk

i am not blaming you :( but telling that mosot of enhablr has become aesthetic or something like top notch. everyone only focuses on how the blog themes, texts are but not the works.

but can i also know like what is suggestive?? isn't it like suggesting a sexual thought or something that leads to sex?? since you are an adult, i am asking you this.

but no, i literally see 15 or 16 year olds writing about suggestive stuff for enha, then telling mentions of fwb :0 i cannot believe when enhable used to have fluff fluff fluff where ever we searched.

i still remember you in my dash back in 2021, you wrote so much fluff istg, i used to wait for your works :( i wish we got that enhablr writing community back but literally wherver i see it is suggestive.

after all, this is my opinion...

hii ! at the start of the ask i thought you were shading me but ㅠㅠ yeah i understand what you mean , the fonts, themes, and small text usages has become more common now instead of the actual matter, i do use small text too but its only for the decor purposes, and my main focus (fics or hcs) are all large text with no fonts bc it is insensitive to use fancy text for those stuff and deprive people who cant read them, and i get that blogs do focus on their appearance more than the writing, bc let’s be honest people only see what they like to and if you look around if a blog ‘doesn’t look aesthetic’ people tend to ignore it even if the content is good. so bc of that many people have adopted the whole persona, i didnt change a lot except the fact i started posting a lot less and have not been active here, i think its a lot to do with adulting, all of the older members of enhablr now either have jobs/uni/exams or are just not feeling like doing this anymore.

and it’s totally fine for you to feel irritated by that, so u can js avoid those kind of blogs but you also need to remember that it’s their blog and they can chose what to do with it and how to decorate it, we can’t control that bc people have their own choices, but yeah the content being less i have seen a lot and i do agree with even tho i don’t read often i too get annoyed by the tags being flooded with nsfw content which is super creepy bc js few months ago it was all fluff as you mentioned and i hoped that the space stayed wholesome. i cant really control that but i hope people dont js see boys in that light.

suggestive to me is js a little bit more kissing/ implication of or suggestive jokes but i am not sure since i do not interact with those kind of content i might not be the best person to ask this, im sorry. but it is very uncomfortable when minors write nsfw.

HELP NOT YOU SAYING I POSTED A LOT 😛, jk anyways aww that is so sweet that i had someone waiting for me, i did post a lot of fluff and it will be a train ride if i read all my work, i will probably cringe 😔, i will always write fluff if that makes u happy if i do post in the future .. , sorry it’s js not the same anymore so i might not be the same atrirose who use to post every week. i am in touch with someone of my moots which were their with me since the start of this account or enha writer who use to flood the tag with tooth rotting fluff and well .. busy , busy , busy so i cant promise anything but hey we still have their old works you can binge. 

your opinion is totally valid.

[wolvisms]

okay so the essay has (obviously) been completed and submitted but apparently i’ve lost the ability to write anything fictional and i’m really upset about it

also. cannot wait to finish this stupid essay (it’s due tomorrow and i still have yet to start it💅🏽) and actually try to start writing fics and stuff. i’ve missed writing sooooo much

[ierotits]

if u don't mind answering (just ignore if you feel weird about talking about where you live and stuff online) but I noticed you talking on that walkable cities post about living in a village that's well served by the train network and I've noticed you mentioning things off hand in the tags of a few other posts talking about American approaches to stuff vs everywhere else and it's got me interested as someone who's always lived in Europe but has quite a lot of family in Aotearoa, if I understand right you're living in rural France rn? Are you originally from South Island?

I'm always interested when I travel to see how American influences are slightly different in different places and never quite how you imagine before you go. Does Europe seem pretty americanised to you? I know the first time I travelled to Auckland I was really surprised by the approach to cars ect reminding me way more of past trips to America than my childhood in various semi rural places in Europe. Mainly that cars are a lot bigger and trucks and offroaders are more of a thing than i was used to at home and even tho a lot of cars were Japanese, the design seemed really American to me.

Anyway I guess I'm interested in differences in general rather than just city planning/transport. I guess I've just found it interested seeing that cultural leak from America in different ways than I'm used to?? The impact of American culture on Europe was really clear growing up so I think before I got old enough to travel I'd just expected it to be the same everywhere but it really isn't!! It has always felt to me that Australia has a lot more of that American influence in like business spheres?? Politically it certainly seems more American than other countries nearby. Whereas as a whole a lot of European countries seem influenced in different ways (which makes sense considering close distance between countries and the eu and all) But yeah fascinated to hear if you have any opinions on the like having (I'm guessing here?? possibly travelled to Europe as an adult after growing up in Aotearoa???? which is kinda the opposite of my experience)

okay finally going to try answer this bear with. its a good ask!!! putting this below the cut because it could get long

for context on my response, gotta do an overview of my living situation! i am currently living in a medium sort of sized city in france, around 150k population? but i work in a tiny village a 20 minute drive out of town, which is serviced by the train system. from what i can tell, most little villages like that have a small train station that a TER goes through quite regularly, so when there isnt strikes its easy to get to and from the closest city, which is then connected to everywhere else

in aotearoa i live in a city about double the size of the one im in now (wont say which one but im sure it isnt too hard to work out) grew up in a small town, but lived in the city for my later childhood, teen years, and uni so most of my life experiences were there, only came to france last year

in terms of transport, aotearoa is definitely more americanised than europe, as far as i can tell as someone who has not been to america, just spoken a lot on this topic with american friends.

in france, everything is so easily accessable by train. every town and city has a train station, the rail speed means nothing is more than about 5 hours away (my experience anyway). the trains run enough times a day that theres always something (except for the strikes atm but thats a different circumstance.) in bigger cities, there is always a fast, regular, seemingly reliable tram or metro system that gets you anywhere, while smaller cities like mine have a bus system that works, but i never use because nothing is any more than half an hours walk away. i have barely been in a car since getting here, because it really just isnt necessary, the whole system is designed to not rely on cars

for aotearoa, its basically impossible to travel between cities or towns without a car. there are intercity buses, but even between my city and the next closest one, which i know MANY people who make that trip regularly, the intercity bus goes once a day if youre lucky. theres very few passenger trains, and most of them are expensive tourist ones made for sightseeing. basically to get anywhere outside of your city, your options are very expensive slow not regular bus, or get someone to drive you. in my city, theres a bus system that is pretty widespread, you can get everywhere but its expensive, not reliable, and the buses dont go very often except on the very busy routes. if i walked half an hour in my city, i would cross maybe 5% of the city, it was a 40 minute walk to school in high school while it was a 5 minute drive. it got to a point when i was 20 that it was too expensive, took too much time, etc to catch the buses everywhere, that i ended up having to buy a car. the cities, from my experience, are becoming more and more car reliant as the years go on, and all the city does is add lanes to roads

in terms of everything else, i feel like france and aotearoa are both americanised in different ways? politically, france seems to have been quicker at pushing towards this governmental system where your options are far right or center pretending to be left while pushing the country right. france also has similar issues with the militarization of the police force, over investment in the military, gun violence, etc. it doesnt seem as bad as america to me, but then i potentially dont have the full story. while aotearoa has many issues with the police, and an increase in racial bias and violent responses, most of the more extreme american issues dont seem to have developped as quickly. i truly think a lot of that comes down to the labour government the last few years and the changes to gun laws post christchurch attacks. there are, of course, small groups in aotearoa that are leaning towards american ways of thinking, specifically thinking of brian tamaki and his evangelical cult that is directly copying from the american mega church, and the antivax shit that happened the last couple of years

its difficult to really tell to be honest. i feel like in aotearoa, especially with the rise of the internet and online connection to other countries, it has become a lot easier for our population to start to fall into american ways of thinking. i mean, specifically with elections i regularly have to explain to people my age that voting for the green party isnt a throw away vote here like it is in america, the way our voting system works is that you can vote for whichever party truly represents your interest. i genuinely think thats one of the things thats kept us from being pushed further right, the prevalence and strength of the green and māori parties. the revitalisation of māori language and culture has certainly helped too, that we have so many allies helping keep us in the forefront of our country and its politics, we cant just be swept under the rug and ignored. im proud of the way that we have managed to stave off the total disappearance of our culture and instead turn it around to become one of the most visible parts of the country

tldr, i really think both countries have and havent been americanised in different ways. i know less about france as ive only been here a few months, but i do think aotearoa is so far doing what we can to actively work against america's more negative elements being incorporated into out country. just wish we would do that with transport too

[starjxsung]

Hello my lovely, lovely Star 💕 I am sorry for disappearing for like two weeks - I was working full time the past two weeks at my speech arts academy (done work for the summer now though!!!)

I'm so glad you're boss has been supportive!!! I hope you've been able to get some rest... work sounds so busy and tiring for you... HOW'S ATEEZ!??!?! I HOPE IT'S AMAZING AND EVERYTHING YOU COULD'VE DREAMED OFFF IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU AND ALL THE CONCERTS I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TIMEEE rahhhh I hope you're doing SO GOOD 💖 pls tell me how ur doing I hope you've been taking care 🫶 Life Update: I'm so excited for Europe hehehe I fly out in two daysss ALSO I got my uni courses all figured out now after many days of stress :') As for south africa guy... okay so like we talked about being in something more comitted and stuff (he brought it up) and it was like a good healthy talk and he was super mature about it and bringing it up and making sure I feel comfy and stuff and letting me know like I shouldn't feel any pressure to say or do anything I don't want to and like we've been taking it "slow" cause I expressed uncertainty around it (for various reasons I won't get into) but I was willing to give it a try ... anyways so like we hung out this past weekend and everything was great we texted for the couple days after that but then like four days ago he just... stopped texting. And he hasn't read my messages either ;-; like I know he takes breaks from his phone/being online pretty regularly for like two days at a time so I didn't really worry too much at first tho I was kinda miffed cause I've told him before to let me know if he was gonna go mia but now it's been like four (five?) days and I'm like worried but also upset and like rethinking this whole thing and like idk I know he left for a trip yesterday so now he probably won't get back to be until he's back but why did he just stop texting like three days before his trip??? Like mid convo too... MAN IDK IM SO UPSET BUT ALSO WORRIED ABOUT HIM AHHH anyways, I love you always <3 thank you for being you Star 💖🫶💕 🌱

MY ANGELLLLLLL I hope work was good !!! I can’t believe it’s already done for the summer! Time’s really flying 😦

ATEEZ WAS AMAZINGGGGG my twin sister wasn’t able to make it but I did meet up w my older sister briefly for the LA show and she loved it !!!!!!! I stayed in merch line for 5 hours and I am sunburnt so badly my arms physically sting 😀 worth it for a Seonghwa jersey ofc

I CANT BELIEVE YOU’RE GOING TO EUROPEEEE OH MY GOD THAT’S SO EXCITINGGGG I can’t wait to hear all about it !!!! And I’m glad uni courses are all sorted! Figuring out uni courses is always so stressful I hated it so much in college lmao

Also :((( I get that people can have their reasons for ghosting like that but imo it is SO fucked that people do that after communicating about where the relationship stands. Is he looking for something committed? Or have you both agreed for just something more casual? My ex boyfriend did that after our second date and it felt terrible bc for like 2 days after we had sex he just….. disappeared. And then came back and said he was drinking and sorta off the grid and missing classes and stuff. But I think I cried for 2 days bc I just felt so used. People should just communicate !!! Why they’re ghosting !!!! Instead of leaving their partners to guess :( I’m so sorry he did that and I hope it’s just bc he’s busy or has a genuine excuse. But to leave you hanging like that is just so fucked up imo :(

Keep me posted what happens & I hope you have so much fun in EUROPE in the meanwhile!!!! Try not to stress about him during ur trip, he’s not worth wasting a good trip on if he isn’t a member of skz. I love you so so much !!!! Be safe my angel !! 👼🤞💓💕♥️💜💖💞

[nar-nia]

hello!

it seems that everytime i want to get back on Tumblr my life goes "nuh uh" so im gone forever lool

life is just busy - but not in the way that i hate, the nice kinda busy, maybe except of uni but im just trying to get through it, my personal life is still lol, every year (since like 2 years or so) i hook up with the same guy during a party and we both know it will never be more that but damn the yearner in me always have these bitter thoughts about this situation after it's done but hey that's life right sometimes ig

but other than that thriving and loving life or at least trying to be more positive about it! 🥰

gosh, i hope u had lovely Easter!!! and that ure doing good and the new job is going great!!! i saw that u saw itzy?? that sounds absolutely amazing!! are you doing good? I hope ure eating delicious food and drinking enough water 🥰🥰 and ofc i hope writing is still fun for u babe!!

ily!! only like 2 months left before exams 🤣🤣🤣 the worst part of the student life fr

-beloved anonie, i missed uuuuu

ps IM SO HYPED FOR THE DARK MOON SONGS LET'S GOO HEESEUNG BRAINROT FOREVER

omg hellooo 🩷 i missed you so much 🥺

how are you <33 i'm glad that life is busy in a positive way, but i will manifest your best for uni! time is passing so fast, how far into uni are you now? good luck for your exams but i am sure you will slay them as always, just try your best and be proud of it because you deserve it!!

and what am i hearing about a guy 👀 honestly props to you for even coming that far to hook up with someone, i recently downloaded hinge and it's not not hitting 💀 tbh i think i want to just be in a relationship with all the cute fanfic moments, but i really don't want everything you have to go through in the beginning to get into a relationship 💀 life's tough and unfair with that. but anyways, would you want it to be more with this guy? or should i just send heeseung your way, i'm sure that can be arranged too 🤭

i actually had to work during easter if i remember correctly butttt my new job is really good 🥹 last week was the first time when i actually disliked it (my coworkers had a bad day and that just brought up very unhappy memories from my old job) but it's all good again and i'm having so much fun, i finally get to bake cakes!! and if they're not having a weird day my coworkers are really nice too (and give me lots of praise which is 👀. i am beaming after every compliment). apart from my job i'm doing good too, my mental health, mood and health overall has gotten so much better ever since i switched jobs and finally work normal hours again. and yesterday was the first time since idk when when i could sit down and really enjoy and get invested in a show again, i missed that so much.

i will ignore the drinking enough water part because when have i ever... although i do drink more now since i get it for free and fresh and cold at my job. so yay me i guess 😍 i am eating well though, and yesterday i tried making a cocktail (without alcohol) and it was really good. how about you though?? i talked way too much about me.

buttt writing is more fun than ever again which i am so so happy about, i have so many wips waiting to be finished right now 😶 but it's really fun. AND YES THE COMEBACK!!! they look so good in the promo pics, i can't wait for the release. just one more week!

thank you so much for checking in and saying hi, i missed you 🥺🩷 and i love youuuu

[ohyoru]

Im glad i could be of any help to you! Im usually very shy about interacting with people even online but you remind me of myself a lot, except instead of writing i used to draw. But not being able to do it as a career hurts me a lot. due to my countrys little to no appreciation of any sort of art, im instead forced to do other things than my passion. Life gets in the way a lot. I have been studying for my uni exam since i started high school and im in my last year, which makes it very hard to find any time for anything other than studying( my classes alone take up about 11 hours a day ouch.) so i feel like were similar somehow. Even in the 20 mins of tumblr time i have during the day i almost always check your blog.

I struggle a lot with loneliness as well like you mentioned. I have a lot of friends but they just dont provide the comfort i need(maybe im just greedy) and i dont have any siblings as well. Id kill for a hug. That sounds so desperate damn. Anyways i hope you know you can traumadump( i hope i used that word correctly i just learned what it meant) anytime, i mean its your blog. Like i said i have very little time to look at my phone but i will always try to be there for you. I gotta say tho im not usually this good with my words not in english or turkish. Ama a

dearie anon! (can i keep calling you that?)

aww i love that you see the reflection of yourself in me. i feel like i get to know more about you and it makes me so happy that i'm not the only one feeling all this. somehow, your existence feels like the validation i need.

thank you for keep talking with me despite being shy (you're so cute for that aaaa). i'm so sorry to hear about your inability to turn your passion into career. i can honestly understand how that feels, the dread of knowing that your dream wouldn't take you far. it's the same for me as a linguist (i'm pursuing my postgrad study in linguistics), but i've been warned beforehand that there really isn't much opportunity for career with my major.. i'm lucky to somehow managed to land a job related to the use of language. the salary isn't high enough for my qualification, but i really enjoy what i'm doing. i'm considering about continuing down this path and figure out about the money shortage later.

about the hug part, please don't feel bad about it. it sounds desperate indeed but there's nothing wrong about it. i'm desperate for a hug all the time. all my siblings are male and they usually keep to themselves. i don't live with my parents so i don't get to hug them a lot. i actually cried alot because of how lonely and desperate i am for companion, so i totally understand you. i wish i can hug you right now, i'm giving you the tightest and warmest hug!

thank you for looking after me despite your busy time. it means so much to me (brb sobbing again). also don't worry about incidentally sending your texts before finalising it ♡ i really love talking with you. also, please don't panic! i'm just guessing who you might be, i don't really have any proof as to who you could be. but anyway! please feel free to talk to me anytime. i'll be sure to reply them as soon as i can!

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

tomorrow is 1 month. 1 month to the day until you're here.

after tomorrow, it's easy. weeks. days. minutes. until i'm in your arms.

i dont know if i've ever waited so long for something. definitely finishing high school lol. other than that.. our whole story has been longer than it took me to complete uni. how wild is that. and i've been pretty good about not thinking about what happens after. there's still so much planning and stuff to take care of and things to sort. so i'm keeping busy with that. i also love how much more active you've been in the weekender chat. reaching out to my friends for things etc. you've been on top of it and i really, really love that. you're not asking me to message them, you're doing it. ugh. i love it.

i can't help thinking though. is this it. are you my person. IDK. and i know it doesn't matter, i'm still soooo young i could have 5 persons after you. it's more likely than not knowing me. i honestly get bored easily and as much as i want to "settle down" eventually, i also don't. i'm such a free spirit. i need someone who wants to be a free spirit with me AND adult with me. i'm finding that is soooo hard to find. someone who wants to do last minute crazy shit and spend all our money on traveling and having fun, and maybe have a family but not give up all the things we love, in moderation of course. like how does that work. need that 7 fig salary lol.

and as much as i absolutely love my life right now, i can't take anything off the table. would i move to london again? maybe. idk what i'd do with felix i couldn't leave him.. people move continents with pets all the time. i'm sure it would be fine. but fuck. starting my whole life over again basically. new job, new friends. it just seems like a lot. as much as i loved living in europe, my family is here. and i dont just mean my mom, but my chosen family. i would be so fricken far away from them. see them maybe 2-3 if that times a year. but i'd also be closer to lena and pati. maybe i'd see them 5-6 times a year. but right now, i get to see my family 2-3 times a month, if not more. that's such a huge difference.

i know i'm getting way ahead of myself, but i'm a planner. i need to calculate these things. see what's feasible. i would have to save a shit ton of money to move to london. maybe try to find a job beforehand. idk how easy it would be to get a work visa but apparently it's not that hard. or would brandon move here? literally no friends, far from his parents. it's hard. i hate distance so much. but i also love that he's from the UK and lives in europe and even though im finding out has been basically nowhere LOL, it's such an important factor for me idk why. i find the guys who have just lived in canada or a few cities in canada are so.. bleh. i need someone who's cultured. and vacationing in europe a few times doesn't count. i just relate to europeans so much more i think. i have the mindset. i live it. i love it. it's just, me.

anyways, this is a future me problem. maybe brandon comes and has a blast and that's good and wants to keep things the way they are. stay close friends across continents and see each other for shows and plan trips and keep it as is. which wouldn't be awful. but i think i would need more eventually. i think. idk. who the fuck knows. i just know i'm falling in love and i should just enjoy feeling this way because it's god damn wonderful.

[prttyvirgo]

calling me handsome at this time? 🤭 making me blush right now

isn’t it your last semester? like last last one? I can imagine it’s stressful but you’re doing great. You always do ♥️ don’t forget to rest because uni isn’t everything lmao I see people with no degrees making more money than I’ll ever have so…. at this point i don’t even care that much

please!!! you spamming me was the best part of my day, it used to make me the happiest man alive just to be there for you at the end of the day 🥹 i love your crazy thoughts, there’s so many of them 😂 in so many directions it’s fucking adorable. I was always looking forward to hear you sweet baby

thank for always wishing the best and still seeing the kindness in me, it really means the world.. your opinion of me is really important to me and i hope you know i’d still try my best to be the kind and emotional man you used to know 🥹

sounds like a busy day, I love the two hour nap 😂 sounds like you ngl. How was ramadan? everything alright? you know what i’ve been studying a little bit more about your religion, i felt really dumb with some of the questions I made 💀

my day was ok, I’ve been off work to do my dissertation so that’s good but i’m not doing anything anyway, still trying my best and I know I’ll do just fine. So I did some uni work, went to a cute coffee shop, had shower, came home to watch stranger things like usual and yeah…. that was it baby, thanks for asking ♥️

-💌

you know i gotta make sure to make you blush at least once every few days and remind you that you are one handsome fucker so 😌

and no, unfortunately it's not my last senester but tbh it's been going well and isn't as stressful as it used to be bc i think ive become like you in that way since i dont care about it as much since it's like...not that big of a deal 💀 if it works out it works out and if not then so be it tbh so absolutely no worries when it comes to that, my sweetest love

and please you always make me so soft 🥺 i really appreciate you being so excited about my spams, makes me really really happy and of course i know you're always trying your best. i just hope you know it's okay to not always give your best since your best is sometimes 10% and sometimes 129% so you're good either way bc you gave it a try and thats what matters 🥺

ramadan was really good this year, it was like the first proper ramadan without any covid regulations and bla bla so everything was how it used to be pre-covid and honestly i never minded your questions bc 1) i'm used to it and 2) it was/is just nice to see that you were/are interested in it 🥰

im glad you're taking some time off of work even if it's just a day since i know you, sir, like to overwork yourself so a win is a win. and i hope the dissertation is going well and you're trying your best not to lose your mind over it but i know you've got this 🤍

your day sounds lovely and i'm so proud of you for resting and taking some time to yourself, you deserve it so much 🥺 thank you for answering

[abcdosaka]

i have not posted on here in a while. idk various things have happened. but heres the most recent stuff.

this is sorta fresh (literally 2 days ago) but im mostly over it i think? i made a hinge account and briefly talked to this girl and i liked talking to her but i think i just dont know how to rizz someone up, or maybe ik and i dont have the courage to do it so i gotta play nice girl from the start. and i think our second phone call i was just kinda lacking in energy and i wasn’t texting her too often either. but at the end of it she was like lets just be friends going forward.

i havent really had any experiences before, like real ones where i was the one initiating everything, so it hurt, kinda like getting rejected for a job interview. i was like ig im just not outgoing or funny or charming enough but damn we talked like twice on the phone, we never even met up, that quick huh.

tbh i think i initiated slightly more and she was less interested and she also made it pretty clear she wasnt sure about getting into a relationship. idk its not worth analyzing. we do have a lot of similar tastes but if she wants to be friends she has to initiate and i might blow her off anyway i dont feel like talking to her anymore lol. or maybe ill respond but just really slowly. ik its giving nice guy/friendzoned. ehhh i might respond she was nice/friendly enough i just need time to get over it fully. i think this is a lets see how im feeling in a week situation. to be fair sometimes good friendships pop up out of bad experiences for me like i thought D was a huge dick when i first met him but we got along well for the time we knew each other

idk i would rather have someone who knows what they want and is certain about it too. but in the first place i dont even want to talk to ppl like its such a hassle texting randoms multiple days in a row. i got a couple other likes and i just ignored them. ive ghosted two ppl bc i just was sick of the texting going nowhere.

tbh i think im just sad bc my ego’s a little bruised. but idk that happens to me easily like applying for a job sucks and it hurts to get rejected and having a job kinda sucks too but its required. relationships, kinda the same but i dont think its required? they never seemed that great or fun or loving to me, prob bc my parents hated each other for 90% of my childhood. even when i see relationships in fiction im like oh cute but idk if i really need that.

im more upset that i dont really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. and im upset s didnt wanna meet over reading week. like besties for 10 years but you couldnt free up a space for me even tho i asked like 3 weeks ago. idk if i can even call us besties. i used to be so insecure abt what kinda friendship we had but now im kinda sick of this. maybe i should ask. i kinda hate feeling needy or sounding clingy though. idk i was pretty friendly in my response

she didnt even receive it T_T

idk she hasnt responded to any messages frequently for the past month so shes probably really busy but ugh i fucking hate this. i just wish she’d check in for once like “hey sorry ive just been really busy the past month and havent had the energy or time to respond but hopefully ill have some time soon”. cuz the thing is its kinda typical of her to flake/be distant/antisocial. like after we graduated hs she ignored my messages for a month and she promised not to do that again. and when we hung out for the last time before i moved for uni she overslept and i think shes done that two or three times since. its really frustrating when we dont get to see each other than often. so if i ask her its gonna be like this is an isolated incident but its not and im prob not gonna see her again after i graduate uni bc i wanna move across the country. and we almost never call bc everytime i ask she doesnt want to. i think thats just her hating calling but how tf else are we supposed to stay in contact when we live in different cities??? and texting for hours on end is fking annoying? same difference ik a bit hypocritical there but also, calling means u can multitask but texting means u have to focus solely on texting unless you wanna respond every 2 hours or even worse, every 5 minutes, theres no flow unless you pay full attention to texting.

and the thing that sucks even harder. is that we had a mutual friend, j, who was her BESTIE for middle school and almost all of highschool. (i had a crush on this chick btw but never told her and i kinda stopped talking to her in senior year). and j did the same fucking thing like she decided she didnt wanna talk to people she knew before highschool anymore and basically just slowly cut s out of her life. and s was so upset abt it she told me abt it a lot

see the thing is if i do confront her about ALL of this, i  think its gonna go the worst way possible. like we will slowly drift apart and im gonna lose my closest friend who probably doesnt even consider me at least one of her closest friends. and then im fucked. i mean im not fucked but im starting from ground zero.its really hard not having someone you know you can rely on. altho maybe shes not the most reliable and ive been coping by pretending im independent and dont need anyone for emotional shit. maybe im just catastrophizing. like on one hand, i truly am unsure enough abt our friendship that idk if she’d make an effort after i move real far. but on the other hand i am a known pessimist and i suck at this people bullshit. so idk if i should ask or not.

ugh i shouldnt have wrote this. i was like “if i go in depth on this post i wont be able to stop and then im gonna cry and i dont wanna cry. i should try to keep it light.” like lol. at least it was good practice for typeracer. im gonna do one race and go to sleep. this is frustrating

[justkeepdancing-nemo]

Failing Nemo || Romo Texts

Summary: On the last week of the term, the stress from uni becomes too much for Nemo.

Part One of Finding Nemo: Uni Arc

tw: anxiety, depression

DECEMBER 13

Nemo Bae

hey heeeeeey hi what r u doing rn are u studying? [deleted] pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [deleted] im losing my mind haha

Robbie

Hey Yeah, I'm studying for my anatomy final which is kind of boring but I swear they added more parts to the human body since I last learned this Nemo Bae

ahahh there are like a tonne of bones thats so weird tho ur a vet student shouldnt u learn about animal parts

Robbie

I think that comes next when I get into more specialized stuff ugh so many bones though you're right how are you though

Nemo Bae

missing youuuu come hang out with me

Robbie

How is studying for finals going? Last time I came to see you we didn't study at all. I failed you

Nemo Bae

thats bc i dont wanna study lol its pointless but hanging out with uuuu isnt

Robbie

Studying isn't pointless Why do you think it's pointless

Nemo Bae

i just cant do it lol i try and i cant pay attention and my back always hurts too much to like sit in one place but if i lay down i fall asleep bc its so boring my grades suck anyway

Robbie

aw that's probably not true I'm sure your grades don't suck I could come over and help you for real this time I can quiz you and stuff

Nemo Bae

they do robbie im not smart like you. i cant write like you. my grades are really bad and ive gotten incompletes in my fellows class because i havent even turned in stuff

Robbie

Hey you're smart don't say that

Nemo Bae

but its true im not smart okay im not cut out for this i dunno i feel like it was just a mistake and im gonna fail anyway so

Robbie

like going to school was a mistake? Nemo you're smart and you can do it. I know you can. You just have to keep trying. it sounds like you're giving up

Nemo Bae

yeah i am ahah ive TRIED ok i keep trying to study for my finals and i cant do it  i tried all semester but all i did was hurt myself so i couldnt even dance i have to write final papers in my ballet and contemporary classes now thats two more papers im just gonna go back to the hollow

Robbie

Nemo I can help okay it's not the end of the world and it's going to be fine

Nemo Bae

no its not you dont get it because tis easy for you

Robbie

it's not easy I still have to study like everyone else That's just how school is And if it looks easy it's because I had a lot of years to learn a lot of things But those were years where I had to try and study hard and put in the effort it doesn't just happen for me

Nemo Bae

well i shouldnt distract you from studying then

Robbie

Nemo

Nemo Bae

what? thats what you're saying you say you gotta study and all im doing is getting in your way you dont have time to help me anyway esp when it doesnt matter and its too late Robbie

We can talk about it more don't just pull away. That's not what I'm saying it's not too late we can work on it together

Nemo Bae

and then when i fail anyway????

Robbie

then you pick yourself up and try again You can replace those grades if you really think you're going to fail You can retake the class

Nemo Bae

i dont want to. i DONT. its too much and too stressful theres a reason not a lot of fairies go to uni esp not from a hollow im so tired of sucking this much

Robbie

You don't suck

Nemo Bae

how would u even know how much i suck robbie youre not in my classes do u want me to send u pics of all my shitty papers lol then youll realize im a lost cause

Robbie

I will never think you are a lost cause

Nemo Bae

i dont even see why we're arguing about this its not even your business

Robbie

Oh its not? im not supposed to care?

Nemo Bae

i just dont see why you do this much

Robbie

You don't see why I care about you and your life this much

Nemo Bae

i dont see why you care about whether or not i go to school if you cared about me then youd say ok nemo i love you but apparently i have to be a freaking genius for you too

Robbie

Because you wanted to go to school? Because you want to take all those dance classes?

Nemo Bae

but i was wrong okay? and it sucks and i spent my appa's money and he's gonna be disappointed in me and clearly you're disappointed in me

Robbie

im not disappointed I just think you're being too hard on yourself

Nemo Bae

i feel like quitting is actually finally letting myself chill but ok

Robbie

im just afraid you'd regret it and I really don't think it's as much of a lost cause as you think it is But I can butt out I guess im sorry

Nemo Bae

its my fault its fine i'll let you get back to studying [deleted] this conversation felt really bad, im sorry i was.. i didnt mean to make it sound [deleted] maybe we can try it, you helping me deleted] im sorry, robbie

Robbie

Yeah, if you wanna talk later just text me

Nemo Bae

okay

DECEMBER 13, SEVERAL HOURS LATER 

Robbie

hey i just wanted to check and see how you are doing and say i'm sorry for upsetting you

Nemo Bae

 you really dont have to apologize. im the one. i know i lashed out at you and took a lot of my frustration and stress out on you and im really sorry about that. i shouldnt have said a lot of the things i said. i know youre just caring about me. im feeling a little better now though

Robbie

That's good! If you want me to come over I can. I want to see you

Nemo Bae

oh im actually uh i kinda left lol i'll be back in a couple of days though! i wanna see you then

Robbie

You left?

Nemo Bae

yeah i think i needed to get out and clear my head and i already feel a lot better

Robbie

Oh okay that makes sense. Did you go to the hollow

Nemo Bae

no im going camping with tae

Robbie

camping?

Nemo Bae

yeah there's this campsite we went to in the summer its got little cabins too tho we might just sleep in the car

Robbie

aren't your finals and stuff...are you gonna miss them?

Nemo Bae

probably? i told you though, im gonna fail anyway and seriously as soon as i decided to go it was like a huge weight off my shoulders i'll work on my papers maybe a little while im gone idk

Robbie

okay I love you be safe please

Nemo Bae

we will! i love you too robbie i really do wanna talk when i get back

Robbie

ill be here

[strawbnetwork]

im being tricked ("tricked") into learning how to cool rice tricked in quotations because my mother gave up after i took too long to go downstairs