number one at being irrelevent, annoying, banal, stupid, big headed, self obsesse. etc. actually i really win at a lot of things, too many to list. i can even prove it; see blog. just know that i have a lot to boast about.
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what do you mean todays the 20th? im absolutely positive it was the 22nd a couple of days ago
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what imy brain lliterally dreamt up bad fanfiction?
#like i woke up and was went on tumblr and was like wasnt i just hearing about these characters#it was specifically bad fanfiction full of mischaracterisation which i was apparently aware of but didnt specifically comment on#not that it was clear whether i was reading it or the stuff was actually happening being a dream
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yes again i dont have an involvement in this so everything i say might be total rubbish but ive observed fandom enough to have this opinion. theres at least three different types of main characters being lgbtq in fiction and they serve different purposes but people tend to conflagrate them. one is when inclusivity/representation/activism or whatever you want to call it is specifically an intended purpose of the text, for example heartstopper is a teen show about that. another one is when lgbtq issues/themes are specifically themes that are explored in the text. i cant think of an example that doesnt overlap with above but the point is that something can focus on inclusivity as a goal and explore lgbtq specific themes or it could just do one or the other individually. my third point is that sometimes characters are lgbtq for neither reason, just randomly or for the sake of the plot or whatever, like they could just have a love interest whos the same gender but the fact that that would make them gay or not straight or whatever isnt actuslly important to the story
anyway i think fandom definitely tends to see the last one as the first two a lot when it doesnt really make sense to. especially with a lot of shipping non canon relationships where usually as a concept theyd be the last one
my point, as invalid as it possibly is, is that a lot of fiction texts and parts of the storys just exist purely for the sake of entertainment, wherher thats lots of action scenes, or actually exploring complex themes, you dont necesserily have to have an overall message about society or a conclusion to the themes you explore, just for the sake of interest is a valid for of art, it doesnt have to be correct or for the sake of justice or anything when its fictional, it can say absolutely nothing definitive. and people on the internet have a habbit of acting like it should be asvancing a specific message or something wheb i dont think thats always the case. i think the discussion around queerbaiting and making ships canon is one of those things where fandom has an unrealistic view of the purpose of these texts theyre talking about
#yes this is clarification for my last post#why do i bother writing all this just to express my thoughts to myself on paper
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actually saw an essay someoned written for uni and posted on ao3 about queerbaiting in ace attorney (in regards to narimitsu), like theyd cited sources and everything, but it was sort of a bit rubbish i thought where it was coming from. maybe i cant really comment not being from the right group to have a stake in the queerbaiting thing, and nothing they said was really off, it just seemed an odd way to approach it? like not only did they get the idea of shipping narimitsu completely wrong, like they literally just mentioned two things that were like textually in context really not romantic and went like cause of this (common shallow fandom misinterpretation) people are like thats totally romantic, like even i who already ships them wasnt remotely sold on that explanation they used, as well as on why they thought peopled ship them. and then they go on about unintentional subtext/ alternate readings in a way thats maybe just not how i personally see it. but they totally missed out on mentioning fanservice at all when talking about queer baiting, and went on like, obviously it 'should' be made canon but it isnt cause theyre too scared of backlash or couldnt fit it in or whatever reason, just not considering that it doesnt actually have to be, cause its an interpretation, and they were like, treating a video game way too much like a form of activism? like they can have different priorities for this fictional story and that doesnt have to be something theyd see as important just cause it would be representation or enough fans want it. like even in this case where from some of the interviews about the first 3 the creaters were like people ship them oh cool, it doesnt mean they have to even want to make it canon instead of just an interpretation they thinks fine. and like i even think itd be good if it was canon and would work and even be a possibility and stuff but i think that cause their relationship and fictional character story i think could work that way and i enjoy it, its a bit weird to think its like owed to be that way though? like i really dont think its that deep to be relevent to actual real world social issues and is actually about the direction for the fictional story?
#and they were like oh that fanservice post didnt get taken down so they must support it#like no i really dont think they mind much either way like they dont not support it but that doesnt mean they support it enough#to want it to be actually canon#but yeah anyway maybe this is something i should just shut up about cause that demographic doesnt involve me#but still i think treating this fictional story like activism is i think pushing it a bit too far?#like i really dont get how it actually 'matters' either way its all just for fun#like you can want them to be canon cause you like the relationship#you can even want them to be canon cause of relationg to lgbtq relationships or whatever that still makes sense#but it still is just a personal preference on how you want this story to go#even if you think they 'should' be canon cause of how theyre shown in the story or whatever it still isnt that deep?#not the way they were talking about it anyway#anyway if im going to write a rebuttal surely better to do it here where no one sees
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is using dirty dishes really that bad? usually id think so but my cup looked fairly clean even though itd had tea or coffee in it so i just didnt bother washing it. actually i probably should just get my bloody shit together but im not really sure thatll ever happen actually like whats the point
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is it just me who finds the kissing as part of romantic fanfics like confession scenes totally boring and anticlimatic. like it usually feels like a scapeout, cant think of what to put there so just resolve it like that. it just isnt compelling writing when it uses that as a device, it isnt narratively satisfying, lacks interesting tension and actually well thought out romance as a concept
#i mean i dont tend to care about kissing in fanfics im reading for the characters from something i like anyway but thats just cause its#generally sort of boring as a concept and im possibly weird in only liking reading about that stuff with characters i dont#know or its awkward and weird?#but thats not what im talking about here anyway i dont mean gratuitous i mean as part of the plot#like one character confesses their love and the other responds by kissing them#its so common and so boring to read and narritively unsatifying#i dont care if it makes sense or whatever thats not the point of fiction it has to be compelling to read#so when the focus and plot of the story is romance then it should have an interesting story not just plain getting together#even when it isnt id prefer it like that anyway#and i mean its not like i always hate it or think it cant have its place though it isnt my favourite regardless but so often it just makes#the story end really anticlimatically and its so annoying#and its not like kissing as a concept cant be used for proper narrative tension like for example they almost kiss but dont#and that fanfic where that happened and i liked the writing hasnt been continued since but if it was then a scene later where they do#would have actual narritive value and be satisfying to read because its actually part of the story#i dunno i suppose its also just like having compelling writing and story tension and stuff in general#but like i dont think its just me who finds the lead up of romances more compelling and then its boring when they get together?#i mean when its a romance thats the whole tension and plot so#though im also sort of weird in the way i view fictional relationships even though theyre completely seperate to everything and i dont#project or anything really and empathy isnt dependent on shared circumstances its still more compelling when theres more in common#but that isnt always the case anyway only sometimes#and in terms of fanfic the lead up is usually better written confession scenes and anything after usually not so#well i mean usually actually nothings well written at all but when anything is#though out of the ones i think are actually well written its less of a thing its more the meh ones if they manage anything its before
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whenever i start to hate it here too much i think, at least this countrys capital city isnt called Laundry Town
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i really think we should go back to using last names a lot more actually
#i dunno i cant really give a reasoning i just think its better#less patronising or something like#well ive got a slightly immauture sounding first name so maybe its just i dont want people to sound like theyre talking to me like a kid#but first names are also a bit lame it makes it sound like everyones in a state sponsered therapy mental health course that teaches you#to mediate and your problems will all go away#or else one of the ones where they teach you 'other people have feelings to and you need to actually consder them or everyone will hate you#and the brochures are all kindergarten themed with talking fruit#actually having a formal you wouldnt be too bad either#though i reckon we could just go like russian and double with plural#we definitely dont need a seperate plural you americans are wrong about that#actually we could just have a formal you and no plural at all like we already dont have one#though i like it in russian cause its got a bit of ambiguity its too boring otherwise
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that feeling when you dont care about something anymore and youre just indifferent now so you dont even feel sad or anything but you think you should be, you just dont have the actual ability to feel emotions and its all just blank
#like i barely think about school that much anymore and that includes my old friends#i used to be really hung up on it all cause i never had any friends after that or talked to anyone there was nothing to move on to#so i just kept thinking of those people as my friends to at least imagine i had people to talk to#even at uni id still do this and it wasnt really the actual people anymore just the idea of them as people to talk to#but thered still be emotional significance to them even though they were just ideas#but now theres nothing anymore it seems#its inevitable of course but weird#especially cause all my no friend coping mechanisms are now completely fictional and not even vaugely related to my real life#so its like now im even less of a real person than i was bwfore cause none of the fake social interactions in my head even involve me#and its weird cause i swear i feel way less depressed than when i was like 17 then i was always feeling miserable#now i barely ever feel depressed and i genuinly seem used to being totally isolated from human interaction outside of#going to uni classes and barely interacting definitely not meaningfully
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just rremembered how when i was like 12 i still didnt have a mobile phone and i legitimately had no idea how to use one and when i was at a friends house cause apparently that was something i was capable of having back then but anyway the friends mum wanted me to call my mum on her phone and put the phone on the table on speaker but i literally had no idea what speaker was and leaned in and put my face right next to it, it was so embarrassing when she told me i didnt have to do that
#no wonder i dont have any friends anymore#but no actually this is literally just normal 12 year old embarrassment#im just posting it cause its one of those random memories from my childhood and like i dont think of it so often but i dont want to forget#i dunno its like having these memories like legitimately so normal memories everyone has something like that#like cause i dont talk to anyone anymore i sort of forget sometimes about being a normal person#like i am a normal person with a life and a childhood actually even though mot so much a life in the present and even my childhood i was#often like that and avoided interacting cause i was too dumb and rubbish and hated myself#weird how even a memory like this makes you feel connected with other people just through idea of shared stupid moments
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americans nnot actually having the word posh (?) explains so much about their country. they legit probably just say 'classy' or something
#yeah maybe im wrong and they do have it?#at least it seems less common to hear from them#like posh is such an important concept to have socially#cause its not like america doesnt have posh people#i reckpn theyre just not made fun of enough#no ive legit heard something liks americans look up to that?#maybe this is all just a load of rubbish some people here admire posh people#i dont just mean wanting to be rich though obviously its the concept of poshness#but yeah maybe this has nothing to do with nationality at all
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ever get conditioned by fandom to be automaticcally irritated whenever you see a specific word cause its a characters name the fandom insist on using completely annoyingly only now your brain automatically gets preannoyed whenever you see that word even when its just used as a normal word
#the word is 'miles' btw#i wish i was european#i mean legit isnt it just us and that other country i wont mention#not that i care cause i dont drive#though if i did drive and they decided to change it that would be so confusing#thats all irrelevent anyway like i said i dont really care#even though theres also the legit reason to be irritated causr thst fake country uses it too#anyway its so annoying when people first name a last name charactsr who literally no one in canon ever first names#like despite your own prrsonal icelandic last namrs dont exist background its really completely easy to consider context#in this canon they dont do first names their like how is your personal background even relevent#like the uk is a mostly first names country now but i dont think it sounds weird#actually i think we should go back to using last names more#but anyway i dont think it sounds distant for closr friends to use each others last names in the context where thry do in canon#and when people eithet make them use first names in fanfic or use their first names themselves it really just makes it sound like completel#different characters#which is most of fandom anyway
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hmn wouldve thought id lived on my own long enough to know better than to eat a whole packet of biscuits at 3am because i didnt feel like sleeping but apparently not
#not a big packet its more the size of half a normal packet but i still feel a bit ill#really pathetic that i have no way to deal with boredom other than tumblr or biscuits#no wonder i never even think to have breakfast though if i keep doing this#i used to actually like breakfast now i just drink a litre of coffee
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come on like thank you for providing such a good example of something i despise about fandom, but really? i dunno i couldnt be bothered to read the whole long post maybe it was actually ironic but. i really dont know why its apparently so impossible to just talk about characters normally without all this bullshit? and im not just talking about my hatred of the 'pickles' meme becausr theyre actually talking about gerkins and not like pickled eggs or sauerkraut, not only is it one of those stupid repetitive swill no imagination incorrect quote rubbish things. but the whole paragraph full of tropified bullshit like why are you incapable of not doing this weird thing especially this specific one but actually its related to a lot of similar things where its impossible to see characters and relationships as such and they must be tropified down into the tiniest most stupid grating boring unimaginative generally aggravating phrases of utter banality far beyond the point where the text has lost all meaning
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if i am forced to make TEA in the MICROWAVE one more FUCKING time i am actually going to fucking burn someone alive
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oh i am like way too nice to myself thats probably like the main reason i never manage to achieve anything
#literally only time i can think of i wasnt like ridiculously easy on myself in the last year#is in class this morning it was a stupid thing where everyone had to answer questions to the class and it was ridiculoysly easy and boring#and something i knew perfectly well stupid revision from last year literally#but i forgot and got it wrong and i like immediately stabbed my hand with my pen without really thinking about it#but thats really not heing hard on myself at all i just did that cause i wanted too it barely even hurt for long#no my problem is never making myself do anything difficult or anythinv i dont want to do#or being remotely critical of anything im just like whatever#and then im like im so great im literally brilliant#and whenever i think of how rubbish i am i forget it and go and do sonething else
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for ssome reason i just remembered that time in year 10 when my class went on an excursion to the local magistrates court which was totally boring and also the old one they dont use anymore where one kid put on one of those stupid looking wigs and played the judge and the rest of us had to roleplay jury duty we read about some boring druken assult case and had to decide how wed vote on whether he was guilty beyond a reasonably doubt. the embarrassing bit is that i was literally the only one who wanted to vote guilty and everyone else was like that isnt proven beyond avreasonable doubt because apparently im incapable of understanding even something that simple but anyway apparently the kid who asked me didnt hear my answer and said hers and then everyone else said theirs and then was like you think not guilty dont you so i was just like yeah thats what i said cause i was too embarrassed to admit i had an opinion no one else agreed with
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