some rando with nothing better to do except everything elsevi cant be bothered to do but make shitposts
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oh i am like way too nice to myself thats probably like the main reason i never manage to achieve anything
#literally only time i can think of i wasnt like ridiculously easy on myself in the last year#is in class this morning it was a stupid thing where everyone had to answer questions to the class and it was ridiculoysly easy and boring#and something i knew perfectly well stupid revision from last year literally#but i forgot and got it wrong and i like immediately stabbed my hand with my pen without really thinking about it#but thats really not heing hard on myself at all i just did that cause i wanted too it barely even hurt for long#no my problem is never making myself do anything difficult or anythinv i dont want to do#or being remotely critical of anything im just like whatever#and then im like im so great im literally brilliant#and whenever i think of how rubbish i am i forget it and go and do sonething else
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for ssome reason i just remembered that time in year 10 when my class went on an excursion to the local magistrates court which was totally boring and also the old one they dont use anymore where one kid put on one of those stupid looking wigs and played the judge and the rest of us had to roleplay jury duty we read about some boring druken assult case and had to decide how wed vote on whether he was guilty beyond a reasonably doubt. the embarrassing bit is that i was literally the only one who wanted to vote guilty and everyone else was like that isnt proven beyond avreasonable doubt because apparently im incapable of understanding even something that simple but anyway apparently the kid who asked me didnt hear my answer and said hers and then everyone else said theirs and then was like you think not guilty dont you so i was just like yeah thats what i said cause i was too embarrassed to admit i had an opinion no one else agreed with
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bloody hheelll i havent had to do a presentation since like year nnniiinne
#see if its just an assignment it doesnt really matter if its shit cause no one ssees it but ths grader and even if its a proffessor you have#as a tutor its aonymous in uni anyway#but this is a presentation as in the whole bloody class has to see it#so its like oh its shit what a bloody losrr#and its especially embarrassing cause i literally had to say i couldnt present today and ask to do it next time#which implies that it should have some sort of standard#but on no its actually totally rubbish#not that big of a deal its just a uni presentation no one is that great at it but there are basic standards#and sometimes im randomly like way more socially anxious and sound like a total loser when i try to talk#it doesnt happen as much in an academic context anymore cause ive at least got used to that it used to be so bad literally#also i was like i havent done it cause i was ... sort of sick. i think i might have even looked to the side when i said it too#absolutely no doctors note or anything#not that i know how people even get those surely itd be too late by that time#but anyway im not sick i just couldnt be bothered to get it done in time#as im sure was totally obvious to the tutor
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another thing that fanfiction writers are utterly unable to grasp is what is normal for friends. no, 'i wanted to help someone i love' does not come off as a romantic confession, you sound like a concerned friend. yes, even among guys. most people are going to interpret it that way regardless of whether they have romantic feelings for each other. and for that matter, if youre going 'i care about this person whos a close friend and have done so much to help etc etc but dont love' then you either sound like a rubbish friend or simply unable to handle the concept of love in general not specifically about romance. which is perfectly acceptable and likely even to not describe your feelings for friends as love but not when they then go and admit they love another character as a friend theyre actually less close to
#i know im always complaining about the way fanfiction writers write emotions cause its usually so rubbish its ridiculous#this is just one of very many things that annoy me#and theres even more tropes that i just find boring and not compelling
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oh another reason why i find so many fanfictions so banal and uncompelling is that although i do find romance enjoyable to read sometimes i have much less of an interest in reading about plain dating culture. i have feelings for this person lets get dinner lets kiss yadayada. its really very boring when so many fanfictions are written along these lines refardless of the specifics of the story romance is meant to have something actually going for it character wise and youre meant to be invested in their relationship even if its a fanfiction it still has to have something compelling there itself
#not that dating culture stuff cant be interesting as a novelty#only its not a novelty if youve already read 20 million identical fanfictions even if it doesnt exist in your own life#plus if your including the plain ordinary dating stuff i think it has to be funny or domething to be engaging#dunno how much sense this post makes but i only really realised recently that romance and what im calling dating culture here#ie two people who like each other go out to dinner and kiss and so on#arent actually the same thing#which is quite obvious really#only i never really thought about it#bit embarrassing maybe but happened with these sort of things a lot as a kid#like it was the one area i knew absolutely nothing about cause i never paid attention actually barely registered it existed half the time#odd cause i think about lots of not real hypothetical things did more so then#but i was a bit embarrassed cause i thought romance books were for girls which like they usually were i just got them from the library#anyway cause i thought theyd still be interesting or they were marketed as fantasy or whatever#but even if i enjoyed some romance then it was never that sort anyway cause of the way demographic targeting works#actually probably why i dont enjoy most fanfiction as well as everything else#but anyway dont really know how youd decine romance outside two people getting together in the dullest way possible but thats what i mean#even if the writings got a stupid annoying style and its stupid about emotions they still keep coming off as incident reports#instead of storys about characters and emotions with conflicts and tensions and themes
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really ddont get the appeal of those matchmaking shipping fanfictions where its from the pov of different characters who are obsessively trying to get the ship together like it always comes off as either unrealistic theyd be that interested or boring causr whats the point from that pov its such a load of wank like obviously some characters would want to help out their friends or be a bit curious but it really cant remotely carry a whole story and it really never sells that theud be that invested as in actually like interested and this is coming from aomeone whos acbolutely completely nosy in real life but even if the characters are theoretically comvincingly invested it just isnt interesting to read about from that pov like if youre reading romance the point is that it be from the characters involved for actual emotional connection which is what brings it back to being stupid wank cause its like theyre projecting their nutty obsessive shipping onto characters that exist in the same universe as being shipped going like oh look at them so yadayada but thats not how it bloody works you idiots i dont care how big bloody rpf is most mildly well adjested people arent going to get well into shipping people who are real to them most definitely if they actually know them and now if you were going to play on the not well adjusted angle that could be fun but its not like they ever do that its the main characters usually and their involvement in other peoples relationships really isntvemough to carry a story
#hmn reckon this is only longer than usual cause i put it in text not tags i dont actually care that much#oh i also get pretty repetitive of course#but thats cause while i complain about stuff i dont like in fanfics i do also like thinking about why i dont like it#and in what circumstances these elements could be done that i would like#and there are almost always cases where i would#funny fanfic and when i was a kid certain genres of books are like that only thing which makes me go#this is so rubbish but has somr optential how could it be good#or even just this is so rubbish theres absolutely nothing i like but as a thought experiment how could i make it enjoyable
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considering that i literally cant do anything at all properly like im probably literal;y bloody incapable of even getting a job if im this incapable of even writing cover letters for job searching when it isnt even serious or a graduate job im literally the most stuppid useless rubbish loser whats even the point might as well just go and get into bloody organised crime or something at least you probably dont have to write bloody applications for that cause im absolutely sure not one single employer would even think about hiring me as i am
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honestly genuinly fucking wish i spoke a different language so i could never have to play/read american translations of things ever again or ever be exposed to american internet spaces ever again
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stop bloody using 'indict' its not a proper word outside of 'indictable' (serious offences) and doesnt make any sense at all. just bloody say charged or convincted so people actually know which one your bloody talking about
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i only ever really do things electronically these days, everything used to be on paper like at school all that hand writing stuff and the millions of handouts and reading and sometimes even owning paper books
#this ways so much more convinient but sometimes i think#like i dunno if its a real different but maybe having it actually physically is more something or other#i dont even bring books to uni anymore cause i never read any of them the first time ive got no idea what ill feel like reading#dont even bother with the library cause its the other side of town and dont want to pay for membership and ive got an app#with the card from when i was a kid of i just pirate stuff like everyone does these days#the actual thing is a bit of a different concept though feels more real#sometimes if i go somewhere ill just go into the bookshop or the library even though i never get anything#dont even write a paper journal anymore this website takes that function or very occassionlly my notes app#but the journal was more real me#though i was 17/18 so it was a different concept#whereas on here its partly the concept i more intentionally spin things as if theres an audience im talking to even when there isnt#well maybe actually not that much like right now im not but it is different#plus the one in my notes app often wasnt me it was a fictional charactdr based loosely off me#not just a different uni but conpletely made up things i never actually did only thought of doing#yes somehow this fictional charactsr i made up just to express my patheticness and losrrness has more of a life than me#i cant even pull fourth wall on him and say but oh i wrote a made up journal and he didnt cause its basically canon in universe
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like i tend to hate every fandom cause its always annoying some way or other but theres actually so much i literally bloody despise about the ace attorney fandom and all that random fanon they made up without even realising it has absolutely nothing to do with the games. it isnt even good fanon if that could even exist most of it is total utter rubbish
#theres no point even listing everything i hate about it but its so annoying i literally have to#like some of the fanart like why do you even consider that the same characters#like phoenix has brown eyes in the games its so obnoxious when they keep making one blue like whats the point it looks so stupid#and like the styles and stuff you do realise its not you and your cliche of tumblr fandom mates dont you#dunno the word maybe i should avoid saying 'yasify' even though that lot says it all the time but really cant think of it#also why on earth do they keep feminising edgeworth so much it literally doesnt make any sense did we even play the same games#plus the whole explanation they make up for edgeworths backstory that has nothing to do with the games but they think its actually canon#obviously theyre all completely incapable of portraying emotions reasonably but why is it all so over the top and conpletely made up#not just the totally exxaggerated reactions but the whole stuff about von karma they make up thats total rubbish#like it can be strict and not brilliant and direct them in bad ways and mess them up without making up all that stuff#abmnd the stupid thing how they think phoenix and edgeworth had romantic feelings for each other in primary school its utterly ridiculous#and how theyre convinced of him sending him letters and that rubbish its totally stupid#and how they call edgeworth by his first name like go ahead and show us your talking about a totally differe t character#and phoenix being into art is a stupid fanon he never shows the slightest interest in it at all people just want him to cause they are#and i saw a screenshot interview it said acting though they get that wrong too it was shakespear not american schoolkids#on that topic how they make them into americans like they literally go in america this yadayada completely unironically#how can the whole fandom literally think its set in america its literally the stupidest thing the translaters fault but why do they have to#take it so seriously like its still obviously japan why make it america its literally so random im so sick of america#like it was written as japanese making the text english doesnt change the background context you idiots#also how they keep randomly making characters be parental figures to characters they arent like appollo and phoenix its ridiculous#plus the way they write the actual family relationships its hard to believe theyve ever even had family members the way it sounds like#their only reference for their knowledge of family relationships is a few cliche hollywood films#theres loads of other stuff too im sure but i cant think of it right now
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im used to choices where the choice itself is nothing, everything in your life or circumstances points towards that one choice and whether its a good or a bad thing or neither there was never really much chance of the person that you are or the circumstances doing any differently. and im used to choices where its all just pretty random, things point different ways or dont particularly point anywhere at all, you just choose what first comes to mind or is closer or easier, on a whim or completely randomly, not that it wont change things but in a way which specific doesnt seem to matter at the time. what im less familiar is the choices that are real choices, theres a lot pointing one way but also directing you towards another, and its a real choice where you have to choose what win you get and what you lose, where its your decision to choose what direction your life will take or whatever the question is, you cant just choose whatever, and theres really no clear answer of course it must be that one
#dunno im a young adult arent i#was thinking how much like technically ive made choices certainly more than as a school kid#but reslly my life is still very laid out for me it isnt really so much do you do this or that#though i suppose in those choices which arent much of a choice and the random ones i am really still setting myself down some path#even though it isnt chosen specifically and i just go with it and take stuff as it comes im not organised enough to plan ahead#im sure literally everyone but me has put a lot more thought into their careers im literally still like whatever ill think about it later#or since my last year or so of school ive had the very bad approach of being like if i just dont choose then circumstances will choose for#me and i dont have to do anything its a lot easier#hm wonder why i dont have a life#and instead have a tumblr account
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talking aabout fanfiction again really? anyway really cant see the point of those aus where they change everything about the characters backstories and jobs and theyre literally completely different characters
#i mean i suppose they can be enjoyable as stories though i dont usually even open them cause if i wanted a random story id read a book#the idea of fanfiction is it has enough draw being about those characters to catch your attention whrn you dont have an attention span#or even a brain#and like i know a person isnt just their job and it can be interesting to think about alternate possibilities#but i think something about a character is that theyre a fictional person and to stay the same fictional person they really need the same#cirvumstances#also how they randomly make characters from what they are into like artists or whatever like why would they even choose that they#made the choices they did for a reason and youre just making it really random#though even if it is something they reasonably couldve ended up doing youre still making a different charactsr by different circumstance#same as if a real person had made different decisions they wouldve ended up a different person#and i think characterbwise it can be interesting what if they ended up someone different#but only in relation to how they actually ended up not changing the whole story to be about the altertate way#I dunno thats just what i think anyway
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no even simpler than that. if its a shipping fanfiction, love is a theme. please at least try to say something about it. it doesnt have to be remotely original or revolutionary or deep or anything it can be the most basic self indulgent simple sort of stuff but if you write a romance with absolutely no engagement with the theme or thought about what your writing as a story its not really a romance at all its a fictional incident report and really extremely boring to read
#i mean theres also emotions and suspense and stuff that make a story engaging but if you write those properly then at least a bit#of themes should emerge how much do i have to repeat myself its supposed to be an automatic process how do you even#write anything without them#i dunno like obviously theyre not the only important thing but its a part of a whole#like it doesnt have to be really prominent even#or like any good the fanfiction i wrote a bit of is really pretty rubbish in all ways only i thought itd be fun like i dont totally hate it#i actually just wrote it for a few fun lines i thought of its even less intelligent than the longer one for that orher fandom#anyway like even though its rubbish and i wrote it for the bad jokes and i havent written much it still has themes because its imposible no#even though the themes are just coming to terms with having emotions and friendships and like maybe tangentially love or something#and even though i havent thought of a way for the whole thing to fit together and make proper sense with the characters and its all a#bit random and rubbish and generally not well done#the point as i have constantly reiterated is that as a result of writing a story the themes will emerge
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i actually think the meaning of life is one of the easiest themes to put in a story and have something to say about just because its so variable and complicated and theres so much of it
#like everyones probably going to have something to say on it and you can say basically anything#plus its pretty broad#its literally one of the most common themes and relatable#i dunno its barely even that deep necessarily#not exactly complex economic philosophy or ethical conundrums#or even the complex emotional and interpersonal issues that fanfiction writers are so incapable of understanding#what was even the point of this post i dunno#actually ive got a literature essay due i havent started instead im making pointless tumblr posts about fanfiction#no but really themes arent bloody difficult what is wrong with people
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really i dont see how fanfiction even manages to totally lack themes so often cause its not like you have to put them in intentionally they literally just come into existence as a result of writing a story which you use your mind to think about at all because they are literally just ideas about things
#i was thinking how like im not actually a really good writer with lots of stuff like description and stuff#so like genuinly thinking i could do better is a bit rich really#but then thinking about a lot of fanfictions and stuff i wrote like at least the things i write have some sort of themes#not good or anything but at least they seem to be there like they come into sight you think about them and develop them more#like some fanfiction has themes and im just not interested or i think theyr done rubbish and some are actually good#but a lot is literally the most rubbish they wanted to be together they caught up they kissed etc etc with absolutely nothing at all#like im not conplaining about it not being deep or literature or anything literally every story is meant to have themes however self indulg#i suppose with so much of fanfics total lack of understanding of people or relationships and not even bothering to think about it in relato#to the source text and general disinterest in engaging with any ideas or actually bothering to think at all#plus the total wangkst fest which i think the point is to avoid intellegent thought at all costs#thats a contractuon of angst wank btw and im not judging people for not wanting to think or just wanting to complain through projection#it just doesnt make a good story even by fanfiction standards
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fanfiction iis so confidence boosting like you read it and your constantly going i could fo so much better than this rubbish
#total opposite of actual books and stuff which are inspiring cause theyre good and stimulate your imagination#though ive also read a decent lot of bad books but not so universally making me go even i could do better though sometimes#not that i ever really write anything at all mostly#cause even if i could surely write better than that rubbish fanfiction i cant actually put the effort in to do that much#i mean i dont have the motivation and im too lazy or whatever#i mean there are some fanfictions where i at least liked a decent amount though theres always bits i dont like#but its annoying cause i often feel like writing either actual stuff or just fanfiction anything would be better than nothing#but i can never be bothered or get around to it
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