#im just thinking about the worst. i shouldnt i know but. what if

[the-kipsabian]

i need to sleep but im so fucking anxious god i wanna die

[technitango]

me at chief seo this most recent episode

[sugarsugarmp3]

i turn 21 on monday and i just know im not going to enjoy this weekend at all...

[tortademaracuya]

It feels undeserving 👍

[finalhaunts]

-

[malkaviian]

i am having traumatized kid thoughts so dont read the tags if it makes you uncomfortable

[tumbler-dot-com-user]

A boy asked for my number today it's so weird 😭 he was nice but I had no idea what to do when he kept taking to me

[snekdood]

i honestly deserved none of the shit ppl did to me that lead me to this point

[bunnyb34r]

Holy shit my fatigue is so bad today. Like I'm not "I need a nap ASAP" tired (I mean I could nap) but "holy shit I cannot be upright any longer I'm fucking exhausted" tired

Honestly suprised I was able to shower okay, but I did kinda have to hype myself up to do it :/

This shit sucks so bad... I miss having energy... I miss not feeling like shit every day

I haven't felt "healthy"* since I was 12. I think puberty was when my nervous system was like "oh so we're like permanently gonna be this stressed... oh" and just gave out bc that's when my cfs started. Never stood a chance

*I mean I didn't ever feel like a normal healthy child, but I felt a hell of a lot closer to healthy than now

[transgaysex]

i am so stressed btw

[thecherrygod]

/

[unknowinglydeceasedlol]

this is going to come off as obnoxious to the people who won’t understand where im coming from but im sure all the qties with BPD on here will relate at least to some degree 😵‍💫

i hate when i say “i hate myself” and people around me automatically turn to say “well (reason) so you shouldnt” spoiler alert but i know !!!!!!! i know that i shouldn’t but its so hard when you feel NOTHING on a daily basis. best day of your life? the good feelings last a solid 17 minutes. worst day of your life? you’ll feel like jumping off the nearest cliff or jumping in front of a passing car and feeling like you’re in the worst distress youve ever been but one nap later, youre back to feeling that pit inside while not even being able to fully remember what exactly had you so upset.

i hate that and i hate myself for it. does that mean i don’t care about myself? no. i still go grab a jacket when im cold. i still care whether im being put in a harmful situation or not. i still care about myself enough to not be putting myself in harms way 24/7. i just dont have the emotional permanece to love myself when there’s a void actively sucking and draining the emotions from me. its so frustrating when the people around you are like “just love yourself 😍” like girl don’t you think ive tried? i dont say “i hate myself” for pity or sympathy (no shame if you do tho) but as a cry of frustration.

it’s like watching a bridge about to collapse and trying to scream that no one should cross it but being unable to get the message across. i *know* there’s reasons why i shouldn’t hate myself but they just never feel good enough for the void. i hate being told how to feel when ive tried everything to change but i know it’s useless

[aestheteangel]

Synastry aspects that I personally don’t like.

before i start please read that I am not an official astrologer so take this with a grain of saltttt too haha. Just for fun.

North node square north node ( I’m sorry but each one lives in a whole different worlds, completely different perspectives, mindset, somehow not letting each other move to the next step)

Chiron in 7th house overlay. ( now Chiron isn’t always bad, but there’s kind of.. pain it gives , it’s not any better in other houses, but I’m saying romantically, there could be hurt during the marriage... if you want Chiron overlays in synastry please lmk)

Pluto/Uranus in 12th house overlay. ( now Mose of y’all know 12th house overlays arent so good eventually, but i think Pluto or Uranus being there could be harsher than any other planet , could indicate so many things, one of them unpleasant endings in the relationship, finding truth about something suddenly, betrayal..in worst cases you won’t be able to forget each other )

Saturn 8th house overlay. (Sure y’all know why..)

Mars conjuct Mc/10th house. ( uhhhh it just don’t give me nice vibes when both are seen in public eye. Could be arguing in public a lot, the mars person makes it hard for the 10th person to forgive them. Works even in composite chart )

Mercury square Saturn. ( a lot of judgements and misunderstandings)

Chiron opposite asc/Venus.

Saturn opposite Neptune. (Broo)

Moon opposite moon. (Now tbh Im not really sure of this one since nobody complained about it and it could indicate “slight” emotional understanding difficulties with each other that can also cause attraction. But I’ve seen this aspect with some couple that really can’t stop hurting eachothers emotionally . )

Another moon aspect, ofc moon is the first thing you should observe In synastry s, it simply represents how each other’s emotions play with the other. now moon square moon. Obviously most of y’all know why, literally each one is on different page when it comes to how they view emotions which makes it pretty hard to understand each other’s feelings with the square aspect. ( believe it or no I have this one with my man, even knowing it I’m still with him lol. yes the attraction is definitely there due to other loving aspects and also with this one, it gives attractive energy yes. but still, he don’t understand my emotions and my point of view, struggles with analyzing me sometimes or what I even think , even when I try my best to throw him an obvious sign about something, without me speaking, he don’t get it where everyone else does same goes for me 🤣😭. he sometimes thinks I mean something the opposite of what I meant. Bottom line is with this aspect you need to speak each other’s feelings and what you want to tell the other cause it’s way too impossible to understand eachother with no words spoken. 😓 AAAA THIS IS THE ONLY STRUGGLING PLACEMENT WE HAVE AND ITS NOT EVEN A SIMPLE ONE)

Mars in 5th house, ( Now this is NOT a red flag, bUTTTT i always read about this placement represents a “not lasting relationship “ and tbh every fling I had I had this placement with, literallyyyy very guy I used to dm or talk to even for a couple of days, attraction at first but then boom, you din yourself not talking to them anymore for god knows what reason lol, so there’s something interesting about this placement. 🤔🤣 ( pink for flings 🤣)

Mars 1st house.... ( uhh you know what? Wait for part 2 😛 )

But before part 2 I’ll make my next post positive I promise, I didn’t even want to write red flags placements because it shouldnt be taken seriously haha. So next post will be about .. hmm wait , what you guys want it to be about?

Synastry observations

Natal chart observations

composite observations

Solar return observations

— Y’all literally if u find one of these placements in your synastrys it’s totally okay lol, I have multiple of these w my man and tbh some of them don’t really play this negative way for us, but i just did them for fun , ofc don’t take these TOO seriously 🥰

[artdcnaldson]

ararararararar uuuggghhhh shes so terrible, anything to torture him back. i luv luv luv!!!!

will gladly elaborate on this, but im convinced that after this pats sister is doing everything within her power to recreate that night. every party she gets just that little bit drunker, grinds just a bit more scandalously, flirts just a bit more obviously. anything to get a rise out of him, because as much as she pretends not to with her fake tears, she loves it when he gets mean

i think one night shes had a bit too much to drink and has been flirting way too much with matt from the swim team (who btw looks an awful lot like art... but hes to caught up in his jealousy to bother with that rn). this time art isnt dealing with her shit, he just walks over and puts her over his shoulder, telling her its bedtime. right in the middle of matts sentence, talking about the upcoming swim meet or something, she really wasnt listening. shes making more of a fuss about it than usual, complaining about him being controlling, and really shouldnt he just be happy that youre trying to fuck someone other than him!!!! isnt this what he wanted!!!! (they both know its not lol)

i think she lets it slip, she forgets that she was supposed to have been blackout drunk and clueless, but she begs him to let her see his pretty cock again. youll show him yours if he shows you his :))) drunkenly slurring it out when shes sitting on his bed. i think he would get so pissed at her for making him feel so guilty for so long. hes felt like a huge creep, a perv, felt like he had taken advantage of her. when in reality she really is just a spoiled brat and a desperate slut.

i need him to like slap me in the heat of the moment, not super hard of anything but just right across my cheek. i need him to feel so bad right away, ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. he doesnt know what came over him, hes never done anything like that before. and then i need his eyes to darken when he realized my only reaction is a loud moan and telling him to pls do it again, harder. :))))

-🐞

GODDDDDD I actually like had a physical reaction to this it’s so serious.

You know you fucked up the second you say it, when you’re sitting on his bed looking up at him and you see the recognition in his eyes. Sobers you up real fucking quick. And there’s nothing to say, so you’re just quiet, practically holding your breath.

It stings when his hand slaps across your cheek, and your eyes fill with water and you’re holding onto the hot stinging skin like, oh!

And in an instant he’s literally on his knees in front of you, big hands wrapped around your knees as he apologizes again and again and again.

“I’m so sorry, that was— there’s no fucking excuse,” he’s stammering, mumbling, feels like he might puke over it. Because he hit you. And he’s never felt so awful in his life. He’s the worst kind of person— he let his anger take over into pure basal instincts.

But then your legs are parting, you moan softly when his grip on your knees tightens. “‘S okay, Art,” you assure. “Do it again. Punish me for lying, for being a slut and letting you feel guilty about it. Hit me harder.”

It only makes him angrier, makes all of the guilt wash away. He grabs your jaw tight, makes you whimper. “You’re fucking disgusting.” You nod, agreeing. You’d agree with whatever he’d say, honestly. He pops your cheek again, makes a soft moan escape your lips.

He shouldn’t like it as much as he does. But god, you make him feel insane. He squeezes your jaw in his grip, makes your eyes widen at the pressure and sting, then drops you completely. You collapse back onto his bed, still holding your cheek.

“I’m serious, this is the last fucking time I put up with you,” he says, but even he doesn’t believe it. He’s still seething as he turns out the lights, as he sleeps on the pile of blankets he had laid out on the floor anticipating you coming back to his dorm anyway.

You stay awake, pretend not to hear him fisting his cock beneath the blankets, pretending he doesn’t groan your name muffled into the pillows when he cums.

[dyketubbo]

tbh for me the thing about cbeeduo is that its so like. how am i supposed to look at this dynamic and not feel insane for the rest of my life. like going along w the crushing during nlm hc ranboo fell in love w tubbo at his WORST. they saw some child president who was probably on illegal substances like half of the time with a tired face and forced grin as he got through politics he didnt understand and got insults hurled at him, comparing him to an abusive dictator as he tried to solve a trolley problem (his best friend was on one line and his country was on the other and of course he chooses majority rule but the trolley loops back around anyways and all he did was delay the inevitable) and ranboo saw some 16yr old on his last leg going on about how he felt like he was going to die soon (and hes too too close to the cliffs edge but hes grinning and its like hes really hoping death is a happy ending) and everyone was leaving him and he didnt want all this and ranboo goes follow my voice i wont leave im sorry and they fall in love with whatever virtues there are left in tubbo and decide that they would keep trying to do right by him

and then, inevitably, ranboo messes up and betrays tubbo and tubbos voice shudders and ranboo never wants to see that broken expression of disbelief again so he fights for a country even though hes been disenchanted with it for a while and hes never liked picking sides anyways (but this is tubbo, and if hes choosing tubbo its okay because he cant hurt tubbo again) and of course it falls anyways and tubbo makes a new home and tubbo makes nukes and tubbo makes a plan and then tubbo is on his knees and an axe is held to his neck and ranboo barely gets a glimpse before things are moving forward and tubbo is pressed to her side calling them minutes man again

the marriage starts out as a joke, tubbos never been rich and ranboo only gets richer and tubbo pretends its for tax benefits, hes just a golddigger, because right now its a joke and thats all hes letting it be. but then hes laughing like normal but it feels different and hes looking at the family portrait of the two and michael and hes thinking about bunk beds and he gets a mansion because hes in love at this point because ranboo was there during his worst moments and even as tubbos getting (relatively) better ranboos still there and of course tubbo forgives him because when he met ranboo they reminded him painfully of himself and tubbo cant let ranboo be like him so he falls in love with them instead and if ranboos going to stick by him tubbos going to try and be someone good to stick by

but of course ranboo finds bad influences anyways and tommy is back but different and everythings different and ranboo wont move in so every few days its just him and michael (and god, he shouldnt be a parent at 17, what is he doing with his life? he should have been dead by now) and he tries so so hard to be good for michael and good for ranboo and better for tommy and he isnt really good to himself but thats fine and ranboo is so much better than he'll ever be and michael adores him and tubbo adores him and its fine that the mansion is collecting dust and its fine that ranboo lives by tubbos executioner and the people who helped destroy his country and its fine that he doesnt really know who ranboo is at all outside of his kind husband that was there for him at his worse and its fine that ranboo doesnt really know who tubbo is outside of someone who has been through a lot and needs a good break and its fine that theyre keeping secrets its fine that they never really talk about their problems (its fine that its been months and ranboo still hasnt moved in)

and then they have their first disagreement and tubbo tries to make up for it and it works until they have their first argument and ranboo tries to make up for it but he has to make a point too and they hardly get to talk about it before suddenly time has passed and

and ranboos dead and tubbos a widow and single father at 18 and his (their) son got kidnapped and hes making friends with murderers and hes not sure how to feel about his husbands ghost (and ranboo is so so happy to be dead and ranboo is in limbo alone and tubbo doesnt know how any of this works) so he moves on and his anger gets the best of him and he pushes someone off a bridge and he moves on and he isnt getting better and he moves on and nothings getting better and he moves on and because the dream smp is at its core not that great pretty often theres no closure to any of this ever tubbo dies and loses all his memories ranboos forever a ghost and takes his son elsewhere and thats it the end youre just meant to be normal about all this now. they never learned how to truly trust each other and they were so so in love and wanted to be good for each other but never talked about their problems and now they just Dont Get To. The End !

[snekdood]

i just feel like if you cant debate someone w/o insulting them then you're kinda just using it as an outlet for all of your asshole-ness