#im just thinking about the worst. i shouldnt i know but. what if

[the-kipsabian]

i need to sleep but im so fucking anxious god i wanna die

[teruthecreator]

hhh

[technitango]

me at chief seo this most recent episode

[tortademaracuya]

It feels undeserving 👍

[finalhaunts]

-

[tumbler-dot-com-user]

A boy asked for my number today it's so weird 😭 he was nice but I had no idea what to do when he kept taking to me

[snekdood]

i honestly deserved none of the shit ppl did to me that lead me to this point

[transgaysex]

i am so stressed btw

[thecherrygod]

/

[gamblersdoll]

thinking about ex boyfriend! bakugou who is so fucking smug because he was your first and doesnt ever leave you alone… smut included.

an: this shouldnt have taken all day, but today was pretty shit. 😀

you roll onto your right side, feeling the vibration of your phone buzzing. it unlocks looking at your face identifying, and you groan in annoyance. “hello?”

“mornin’ , sleepin’ slut. bad night with the new guy?” you recognize the voice, bakugou. “just wasn’t doin’ nothin’ for you, huh?” he laughs a little bit, a sigh afterwards.

“do you realize what fucking time it is?” you ask, squinting to look at the white numbers in the corner. “it two fifty three in the goddamn morning.”

“and i bet he’s gone by now, isnt he?” katsuki asks, an expectant huff.

“who?” you ask, almost damn near impersonating a actual owl. “because i dont know who the fuck you’re referring to. ive been at home all day.”

“yer’ new little boy toy. i knew youd whore yourself out to make me jealous.” he says, biting his lip when he heard you starting to argue back and get loud. “yeah? im fuckin wrong?”

“very much so, very slow at that.”

“i mean, we wouldnt be here had you not gotten ‘fed up.’” he reminds, biting his lip and tugging at his hero pants when you scoff. “all we gotta do is get back together and y’know..”

“yes, lets get back together mr.dynamight who liked to get an attitude when things dont go his way or will purposely lie about shit to make me jealous, i love you.” you say sarcastically, rolling your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose.

“really?” he asks, a hand groping himself when he waits for your answer.

“no.” you say, pressing the end call button and tossing the phone into the laundry hamper. sleep was good when you didnt have an ex boyfriend calling you in the buttfuck hours of the morning, but he pestered you more. you obviously hear his calls going to voice mail, but its good that the ringer turned off when you threw it.

‘one new voicemail. should i play?’ the fax machine asks, replying with a ‘sure.’ out of pity, was the pussy that good he was obsessed? or was he desperate?

‘you know you want me back, princess.. just call me back and show me how much you miss me.’

yeah fuckin right.

you listen closer, hearing heavy breathing and… slick? was this fucker only booty calling you at fucking three in the morning for this? is that why he called you?

‘not just callin’ ya because im horny or nothin.. but god, do i miss seeing you.’ as soon as you thought the worst. ‘miss seein’ yer pretty face.. or seeing the dumb shit you send me at work.’

you ponder on his words… but had he not been a bit of an asshole, you wouldnt be here. all of this was because he wanted you jealous, and ended up you spitting in his face then leaving.

‘need ta tell ya somethin anyway..’ he mumbles, a groan from his lips. you knew what he was doing, it slightly turned you on. ‘never slept with her.. just lied so you can show me how you can be crazy ‘bout me.. it was stupid.’

yeah, it was. who the fuck lies about that?

‘miss you so damn bad..’ he says, probably pre nut clarity. he moans a little bit, heavy breathing from him stroking his fat cock. ‘cmon baby, talk to me.’

and an idea pops in your head, you finding some really old photo of you and izuku.

[vind3miat0r]

new audio ramble (yap below the cut) (this is not organized just my pure unfiltered thoughts)

god this audio just ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it because OWWWW OW OW OWWWW

i love flawed and complicated relationships actually, and im living for the fact that theyre both in the wrong here. Treasure shouldnt have pushed the issue, and Porter shouldnt have been so passive aggressive about the whole thing, especially how he seemed to specifically say things in order to make Treasure feel worse when, ultimately, they were just wanting to help (but went about it the worst way possible)

i find it so interesting that Porter Solaire, the man who directly asked Treasure if they wanted to take their relationship further, completely shuts down their attempts at getting to know him better/understanding him. this isnt dragging on him, its just something i find interesting (its also making me hold my head in my hands like PORTERRR PLEASEEEE YOU HAVE TO TRUST THEMMMM)

pulling from a discussion me and my friends are having, one of my friends pointed out that Porter may resent Treasure. not resent in a hateful way, but resent the fact that they dont have to worry about holding an entire vampire house on their shoulders. he did specifically bring that up, that theyre human, that they wouldnt understand, that the only things they have to worry about are mundane compared to what hes going through

but whatever Treasure is going through isnt mundane or simple or anything of the like

shoutout to this person specifically for saying what i was thinking. looking back at the way they acted in Porter's very first audio; "Leaving their friends at the bar indicates that they weren’t great friends to begin with. Immediately believing a stranger when he says he’s a vampire, allowing him to lure you into the woods" as said by my friend

and Porter directly says this too!! "Tell me, have you ever taken more than a moment to think of the chain of events that has led to us standing here in this room together? The kind of internal tumult that has led you here into the arms of a total stranger, inconceivably vast power imbalance and all?"

and again, the laundry comment really makes me think that Treasure's life isnt much better than Porter's. i mean, sure, they arent out risking their life and killing old bloods, but its clear that they struggle with depression and/or loneliness

their separate lives shouldnt even be a comparison in the first place. its just like Angel after the Inversion, where they thought that David had it worse, that their pain wasnt as bad and didnt need attention. pain isnt a competition, and the way you live your life isnt either

shoutout to this person for also saying what i was thinking!! i dont have much to add since anything i would want to say has pretty much already been said lol

in the end, theyre both in the wrong, and that is a real depiction of a relationship and even if it hurts you cant say its not good

[seokmn]

chapter 11.

wc: 1.7k words

another rock was thrown in the lake as you sighed. “i cant believe he did that to me, and i cant believe they hid that from me!”

keeho rubbed your back and listened to you quietly, knowing that all you needed at that moment was someone to listen to you. “he couldve talked to me! he knows im a good listener! it shouldnt need to end up like this…”  you looked at your hands that were resting on your lap while your fingers were playing with the little rocks you were holding. you let out a frustrated sigh and looked at the lake that reflected the moons light. “ah, i dont know,” you threw a rock far away in the lake. the rock jumping a few times before finally leaving your eyesight as it fell down into the water.

“wanna know the worst part?” you chuckled bitterly and didnt even give keeho time to answer, you were already talking again. “i love him way too much to even say that i hate him or wish him the worst. id probably break up with him either way… i just didnt want things to end like this.”

“youd break up with him either way?”

“keeho, i love chan too much to let him keep me by his side after i become a burden for him. ive already met him when he had his dream of becoming an idol clear as day, how would i let him give up on his dream just for the sake of a relationship? he can get over me, but he cant get over his dream,” you said as you looked at keeho with so much sadness in your eyes. you knew that what you were saying was the most rational and right thing to think, say, and do, but deep down, your heart is broken, and you are screaming to have chan back deep inside.

“so, you want my opinion on this, or do you want me to just listen to you?”

“no, you can speak up.”

“first of all, you have all the right to be mad and upset at him, yeri and sieun, but you have to understand their sides as well. about sieun and yeri, they knew about this, but should they really tell you? some people would say yes, some people would say they did the right thing because this is between you and chan and they found out without wanting to. chan didnt tell them, he has no clue that they know,” keeho took a rock out of your hands and threw it in the lake. “now, about chan… he was an asshole, yes. he shouldve never treated you like that. but hes torn between you or his career, and that shows how much he loves you, dont you agree? imagine having someone loving you so much to the point of not knowing if they should choose you or pursue the dream they have had since they were a little kid.”

listening to keeho’s words made your eyes tear up and your lips tremble. he was right, chan loves you that much. “i think you should listen to what he has to say, but not right now. do that when youre feeling ready, okay? and dont be mad at sieun and yeri, they did what they thought was the best for you, and by sieuns message she was feeling really bad from hiding that from you, and you know how yeri is, i bet she was feeling bad as well.”

keeho patted your back and gave you a small and reassuring smile. you studied his face, and you saw nothing but love and empathy in his eyes, not a single hint of pity. he didnt pity you for being lied to and having to break up with the love of your life, he never once pitied you, and thats one of the countless reasons that you love about keeho. he loves you for who you are and always showed you how theres no one better to be your best friend but him.

you closed the distance between you by pulling him into a tight hug. the way he hugged you back immediately made you finally break down into tears.

you knew that even if it hurt and it would take a while to heal from this, everything would be fine because you have the best friendship ever and because you were making the right choice for the guy you romantically love more than anything.

the ride home just wasnt silent because keeho knows how to crack a joke and light up your mood. a part of you was almost forgetting about chan for the moment until your eyes landed on him sitting on the ground outside your house. the boy who was looking down at his own feet immediately looked up when he heard your laugh—your laugh that died once you noticed him—and felt his heart beat faster. he stood up while you stayed still with keeho beside you.

“do you want me to tell him to go away?” keehos question came out as a whisper. its not easy to tell that keeho adores chan, but he would fight him if you asked him to. even tho youre older than him, keeho thinks that he has to protect you just like an older brother would protect his little sister. “no, its fine. you should go tho.. see you at school, and thank you for today.”

keeho nodded and pat your shoulder before glancing at chan and flashing him a smile as he walked away, leaving you and chan alone.

“what are you doing here and how long were you waiting for me?” you made your way to the front door while taking your keys out of your pocket. “i wanted to talk... if youre up to, of course. ive been waiting not for much time,” chan lied. he went to your house a few minutes after you left with keeho. “when i came i saw that the lights of your room were off and supposed you were out. i didnt want to bother your parents by asking for you and waiting inside in case you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“what do you even want to talk about, chan?” your voice showed a hint of frustration, which didnt go unnoticed by chan, making him frown a little bit. “i want to apologize, yn. i shouldnt have acted like that, i recognize my mistake. i dont know what i was thinking… i was under do much pressure yesterday and- and…” his eyes started to be filled with tears, and his voice started to crack, he was trying his best to hold back his tears, but was failing miserably. “and i love you so much, i dont want this to be the end. i just dont know what to do. im so sorry.”

chan started to cry for real, sobs coming out from his mouth as he fell on his knees and looked up at you with a hopeless and extremely hurt expression. “i was supposed to show you every single day how much i love you and never be the reason of your worries, insecurities, and tears from sadness or anger. gosh-“ he choked on his own sob before continuing. “im so sorry. i dont know what to do. this is killing me.”

it was impossible to see that sight of him and not start to cry as well. it hurt you more seeing him like that than the whole situation itself that led you to this. “chan… stand up, please.” he shook his head and stayed on his knees. he tried to speak, but his sobs interrupted him, and his voice didnt even need to threaten him to fail, it was already a fact that if he tried to speak, his voice wouldnt go out. chan’s throat was tensioned, it was like there was something huge and painful stuck in it, and that feeling was more than agonizing.

you took a few steps closer to him and gently wrapped your arms around his head, which made him instantly lean into your touch and hug your hips as he mumbled countless im sorry against the beginning of your thigh.

you let him be as you waited for him to calm down and took the opportunity to calm down as well, trying your best to stop crying and ease the pain in your chest.

“i… i know why you were acting like that. its better for us to break up, chan.” as soon as the words came out of your lips, chan immediately looked at you. his expression showing a hint of shock, confusion, and horror. “w-what? how..? why?”

“dont ask me how, just be aware that i know the reason,” you sighed, ran your fingers through your hair, bit your lower lip, and looked at chan while he slowly started to stand up. “this is your dream, chan. why would you throw that away?”

“because you also became my dream, yn! i mean- fuck! im so in love with you, ever since we started dating, my dream is to see you walking down the aisle in your wedding dress and saying yes to me! i want you and you only! dont do this to me, dont do this to us.”

you clenched your fist. why is he making everything more complicated? all you wanted to do was kiss him until you lost your breath, but you couldnt. you had to stay strong and not back down.

“dont make this difficult. the decision has been made, chan. i dont want to keep in this relationship anymore. you should go after your real dream, not your little fantasy.”

“yn, please-“

“enough, chan,” you cut him off. “stop embarrassing yourself and go home.”

you opened the front door and went inside without even glancing at chan. you knew that if you looked at him one more time, youd give up, and you couldnt risk.

once the door was closed, all your walls were destroyed. you sat down on the floor with your head in your hands and started to cry as hard as possible, even losing your breath.

on the other side of the door, there was chan staring at it with no expression or thoughts. he had cried so much before that there were no tears left to cry, he just stayed there staring at the door for a few minutes before slowly turning around and making his way to his house with his heart broken.

if humans had seven hearts, chan was sure that all of his seven heart would be absolutely destroyed

HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS

yn and chan date since their freshman year and are truly high school sweethearts, but will chan’s dream of becoming an idol get between their relationship?

masterlist — prev — next

taglist: @ivehypnosis @wonkierideul @ateez-atiny380 @noircheols @222brainrot @odxrilove @vixensss @starshuas

[aestheteangel]

Synastry aspects that I personally don’t like.

before i start please read that I am not an official astrologer so take this with a grain of saltttt too haha. Just for fun.

North node square north node ( I’m sorry but each one lives in a whole different worlds, completely different perspectives, mindset, somehow not letting each other move to the next step)

Chiron in 7th house overlay. ( now Chiron isn’t always bad, but there’s kind of.. pain it gives , it’s not any better in other houses, but I’m saying romantically, there could be hurt during the marriage... if you want Chiron overlays in synastry please lmk)

Pluto/Uranus in 12th house overlay. ( now Mose of y’all know 12th house overlays arent so good eventually, but i think Pluto or Uranus being there could be harsher than any other planet , could indicate so many things, one of them unpleasant endings in the relationship, finding truth about something suddenly, betrayal..in worst cases you won’t be able to forget each other )

Saturn 8th house overlay. (Sure y’all know why..)

Mars conjuct Mc/10th house. ( uhhhh it just don’t give me nice vibes when both are seen in public eye. Could be arguing in public a lot, the mars person makes it hard for the 10th person to forgive them. Works even in composite chart )

Mercury square Saturn. ( a lot of judgements and misunderstandings)

Chiron opposite asc/Venus.

Saturn opposite Neptune. (Broo)

Moon opposite moon. (Now tbh Im not really sure of this one since nobody complained about it and it could indicate “slight” emotional understanding difficulties with each other that can also cause attraction. But I’ve seen this aspect with some couple that really can’t stop hurting eachothers emotionally . )

Another moon aspect, ofc moon is the first thing you should observe In synastry s, it simply represents how each other’s emotions play with the other. now moon square moon. Obviously most of y’all know why, literally each one is on different page when it comes to how they view emotions which makes it pretty hard to understand each other’s feelings with the square aspect. ( believe it or no I have this one with my man, even knowing it I’m still with him lol. yes the attraction is definitely there due to other loving aspects and also with this one, it gives attractive energy yes. but still, he don’t understand my emotions and my point of view, struggles with analyzing me sometimes or what I even think , even when I try my best to throw him an obvious sign about something, without me speaking, he don’t get it where everyone else does same goes for me 🤣😭. he sometimes thinks I mean something the opposite of what I meant. Bottom line is with this aspect you need to speak each other’s feelings and what you want to tell the other cause it’s way too impossible to understand eachother with no words spoken. 😓 AAAA THIS IS THE ONLY STRUGGLING PLACEMENT WE HAVE AND ITS NOT EVEN A SIMPLE ONE)

Mars in 5th house, ( Now this is NOT a red flag, bUTTTT i always read about this placement represents a “not lasting relationship “ and tbh every fling I had I had this placement with, literallyyyy very guy I used to dm or talk to even for a couple of days, attraction at first but then boom, you din yourself not talking to them anymore for god knows what reason lol, so there’s something interesting about this placement. 🤔🤣 ( pink for flings 🤣)

Mars 1st house.... ( uhh you know what? Wait for part 2 😛 )

But before part 2 I’ll make my next post positive I promise, I didn’t even want to write red flags placements because it shouldnt be taken seriously haha. So next post will be about .. hmm wait , what you guys want it to be about?

Synastry observations

Natal chart observations

composite observations

Solar return observations

— Y’all literally if u find one of these placements in your synastrys it’s totally okay lol, I have multiple of these w my man and tbh some of them don’t really play this negative way for us, but i just did them for fun , ofc don’t take these TOO seriously 🥰

[zipmode]

I am in. Slightly less pain

Hey so turns out lifting heavy objects all day and then immediately going bowling isn't something you should do when you have bad hips

[pastadoughie]

Whats your opinion on the Shinigami Eyes stuff with people saying the owner is discriminating against transmen and intersex people? Ive seen weird posts circulating from people who are trying to refute it and seem to slip into dodgy things about transmen.

Asking you because youre the most notable transman blogger i follow and I know youve talked about similar things before.

im someone intersex who like grew up veryvery surrounded by radfems &terf ideology as primarily the target (dispite being "afab"), its why i hang out allot in transfem spases becauyse i share alot of expereienses w/ transfems in terms of transmysogeny- & have done a few deconstructions of some terff talking points in the past.

i think 1 ofthe main things abt radfem ideologyy is the urge 2 gatekeep oppression- the idea of oppresion (&more specifically msyogeny) beingg based on "biological sex" (& thereefore the assumption that biologicall sex is always clockable &that everybody posseses a chromcsome dectrector 3000). the ideaa that mysogeny is specific & exlcusive to only women, & that its impossible for a man 2 experience it- is very much a terf idea.

this is whyy terfs hate transwomen so much- because they few them as "biological males" trying 2 "co-opt & silence" the experiences of cis women & their talks aboutt oppresion. TME/TMA stuff is literally the exact same thing but with a different coat of paint.

the thing that peoplee use transmysogeny to describe- is the ideaa that maleness is fundimentally threatening- thatbeing seen as male in a womens space is inharently devientt & predatory. everything u do has to be wateredd down & made nonthreatening- (lest you fall into theirr idea of an evill ew gross disgusting man) so that way you can instead be treated like a stupid whiny bitch woman.- its the simoltanious assignmentt of only the worst traits of both men & women

when you are trans & you are seen as male you are a predator, and when you are seen as female you are stupid & ignorable. when youu are assigned one or both of these roles that is done BY THE BIGOT- for failingg to meet some kindof invisablee line of neatly fitting into one or theother. this is also what people tend to be describing when they sayy transandrophobia- thoughh many of those posts tend to be taken in very bad faith because peoplee (including in discussions of transmysogeny) aree very averse to the idea that being seen as male is not an inharently benifical assignment & also ignore the whole like, mysogeny part of the equasion- that simoltanious assignment.

when you veiww men as inharently powerful & women as powerless then spacess that are designed to be a safe space for people whoare beingg victimized are denied to anybody who meets some unseen standardd of male-ness. you see this alott in feminist & womens groups- but it also extends to things that shouldnt even be gendered in the fuirst place, like rape crisis lines & shelters.

alot ofthe wholee transmasc vs transfem discourse just comesdown to wantingg to gatekeep the experiense of transmysogeny- & as with all gender & bioessentialism this means thatt intersex people have to also deal with significantley more hostility even in the communities thatshould argueabley be the most accepting twards us-

shingami eyes is runn by a transwoman that has alottof these terfy beliefs and as alwaysthis means sliding into extremelyy blatent intersexism- posts thatare advocateing against nonconsentual medicall procedures againnst intersex people have gotten them marked as "anti trans". i shouldntt need to tell youhow thats fucked.

ive had to live in radfem spacess myself & i reallyreally hate seeing people radicallised like this because i know how it happens- there is an infinite pool to pull from of disgustingg instances of mysogenistic violence & so its extremely easyy to construct the narative that you as the woman aree always the innocent victim of oppression & all of the evill disgusting sexist males are yourr enemy- & that the only way to ever be safe is to isolate yourselff amongst only the women that agree with you!!

its a trick that usess all of the disgustingg acts of transphobia &mysogeny to isolate you- thesee spaces curatee an experiense where u only ever see the worst of what men (or people terfs veiw as men) have to offer- a trickk that ultimately makes your situation worse- because by not existing aroundd people who meet your standardd of "male-ness" whatever that is- you get a very very false perseption

this is also whyy radfem ideologyy is so prevelant on woman-on-woman violence & grooming- because it scaress a victim into thinking that THEY are the only safe person in the world, that there is no escape, that whatever is happening to you will get 298729x worse if you even TRY to leave. without eleaborating- this is how the majorrity of my experiense with CSA happened. because i believed that telling anybody would subjecct me to worse, and that my abusers fundimentally "had my best intrest" just by virtue of their gender-

anybody who tries to isolate you is a fuckin fed, we all aree stuckk in the transsexual tarr pit, puppies &kitties friends 4ever.

[unknowinglydeceasedlol]

this is going to come off as obnoxious to the people who won’t understand where im coming from but im sure all the qties with BPD on here will relate at least to some degree 😵‍💫

i hate when i say “i hate myself” and people around me automatically turn to say “well (reason) so you shouldnt” spoiler alert but i know !!!!!!! i know that i shouldn’t but its so hard when you feel NOTHING on a daily basis. best day of your life? the good feelings last a solid 17 minutes. worst day of your life? you’ll feel like jumping off the nearest cliff or jumping in front of a passing car and feeling like you’re in the worst distress youve ever been but one nap later, youre back to feeling that pit inside while not even being able to fully remember what exactly had you so upset.

i hate that and i hate myself for it. does that mean i don’t care about myself? no. i still go grab a jacket when im cold. i still care whether im being put in a harmful situation or not. i still care about myself enough to not be putting myself in harms way 24/7. i just dont have the emotional permanece to love myself when there’s a void actively sucking and draining the emotions from me. its so frustrating when the people around you are like “just love yourself 😍” like girl don’t you think ive tried? i dont say “i hate myself” for pity or sympathy (no shame if you do tho) but as a cry of frustration.

it’s like watching a bridge about to collapse and trying to scream that no one should cross it but being unable to get the message across. i *know* there’s reasons why i shouldn’t hate myself but they just never feel good enough for the void. i hate being told how to feel when ive tried everything to change but i know it’s useless