#it was 11/10 years ago AND i was a fucking kid. yeah. i think im bound to make mistakes bc of the inherent ignorance of being a child.

[snekdood]

i honestly deserved none of the shit ppl did to me that lead me to this point

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[bfwonho]

AITA but i dont wanna use reddit

ok you know what here is the situation. my (only recently) 20 yr old friend (i met them four years ago when we both worked at mcd) lived with their strict, emotionally abusive, overprotective parents until recently. their parents would confiscate tech for yrs at a time, wouldn't let them get vaccinated (i had to help them do that), guilt and shame them, etc. also obviously homophobic and my friend is transfem nb and queer. theyre also the eldest sibling of quite a few and had to handle the pressure of that responsibility and their parents never wanted them to do normal things like getting a car and moving out. i was always there encouraging them even when we stopped working together bc i was like fuck this naive gullible homeschooled kid has no one and they remind me of my younger sibling and im gonna be there for them as much as i can. the only reason they even got a car eventually is cus i kept telling them to so they cld move out

cut back to barely a year ago, they're still so naive and gullible they've lent like 1k+ to ppl who won't pay them back, but they still have like 10-20k in savings and now their own car. they also get into digital art with my help and get into furry porn or whatever. im like ok i guess ur an adult now do what u want. and then theyre like "ive got an online partner from CANADA!!! (we r australian) don't freak out i know it's bad but he's 30." i'm like oh god. they've been together 3 months ish and my friend RLY wants to visit their fuckass boyfriend and i'm like please be careful, please wait at least a year, i know u wont wanna listen to how i rly feel about this but at least just take these precautions. i'm also like when you do meet irl he should come here ur barely 19 and he's 30 like it only makes sense. and theyre like "thank u i promise i will do that"

and then maybe 10 or 11 months into their relationship i find out my friend is in canada with their bf, and has been for like a month, and i only know this bc they're asking if i can pick them up from sydney airport. im like errr that's pretty far away but take the train and i'll pick you up from the station and they're like ok sure! and i ask a bit more about it and find out they believe their parents have been hacking into their laptop because why else would they be suspicious that this canadian guy is their boyfriend, i'm like actually no offense but it's really fucking obvious i don't think they did that... and they're like "yeah anyway my parents are no longer picking me up which is why i need a lift, i admitted i have a boyfriend and they're calling him a pedo (and i almost agree but i just smile and nod) and so i'm not going back and taking their bs anymore, i'm gonna sleep in my car if i have to" so i offer for them to stay at my place for a few weeks.

they go get their stuff from their place, i buy them a pizza cus they havent had dinner, i help them get their stuff inside, set up a temporary bed. they tell me they plan to be out within a few days, i tell them they can stay longer if they need to, but currently their only job is doordash and they should focus on getting a real job so they can find a place and i'm more than happy to help them find somewhere. theyre the type of person to say sorry for everything and not let themselves ever feel comfortable, so i make sure they know they can use the kitchen and bathroom and everything while they're here and to not feel like a huge burden, im gonna be charging them a tiny bit of rent anyway so yeah.

now tell me why it's been over a month, they've applied to only a few places, i specifically put in a good word with them at my job and told them to call back and ask about the application and they just haven't, they've just been doordashing and filling my entire fridge and cupboard with their food, i tell them to use the laundromat cus we don't have enough space for their washing too and they end up asking if they can use our washing machine anyway (i reluctantly say yes), they destroy all my kitchen sponges on washing this one shitty pan i have cus they have to cook an entire grand meal from scratch for breakfast lunch and dinner, they wash up but i'm the only person who cleans the floors and the bathroom so now i'm feeling cramped and stressed out...

i ask my mum about what to do, she says give them 2 weeks to move out, my mum is a guarantor on my lease so in the group chat i explain the situation and say they have 2 weeks, they NEVER RESPOND and start not coming home until late at night... i'm considering moving into another place with a friend atp so i'm like yo maybe you can get on this lease and THEN they respond and start showing up again... and today i called and updated mum on the situation and her partner got on the phone, me and my sibling only got this place cus he apparently called in a favour cus we were rly struggling to find any fucking housing, and so he says "tell him i mean THEMMM if theyre not out tomorrow i will forcibly remove them" and so my sibling makes sure to tell them this face to face so they cant avoid actually responding. i also find out today that this whole time they've been flat broke (to the point they had to borrow my money just to get petrol despite doordashing like 40 hours a week) because they HAVE BEEN HELPING. PAY. THEIR GROWN ASS. SHITTY FUCKING USELESS. PARTNERS. RENT. THIS GROWN ASS MAN NOT ONLY HAD THEM PAY TO GO SEE HIM AND SUCK HIM OFF AND COOK FOR HIM. NOT ONLY WAS LETTING THEM GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND JUST BE HOMELESS. BUT HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING THEIR FUCKING MONEY. despite all of this i am deep down INCREDIBLY GLAD that my mum's partner put his foot down to get them out of my house and i feel guilty about it despite risking eviction cus im breaking my lease agreement by having them here loooll

tldr my 20 yr old friend has been living in my house illegally for over a month bc they refuse to go back to their shitty parents, they are however broke and don't have a stable job and their 30 yr old boyfriend is leeching off of them, and now i'm essentially kicking them out of my place within 2 days because my own housing security is at risk

[sunwarmed-ash]

Fic tag game!

tagged by my buddies @cuillere and @lizzy0305! thank you for this!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

93 😎

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

831,467 (holy fucking shit when did it get that long?!?!?! #ThatsWhatSheSaid

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things, Detroit become human, the breakfast club, marvel/spiderverses, Ted lasso, House MD, Harry Potter

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tony Stark: Billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, Daddy: (starker) 1074

I think I need help: (harringrove) 927

Call me Doctor: (Chase/House & Chase/House/Wilson 739

Rockabye Baby: (Wincest kinda??) 670

You know what they say about assuming. (steddiegrove) 645

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every. Single. One. Comments are the lifeblood to my work. Its so intimidating to be posting to a empty void but y'alls comments give life to the achieve and are just as important to a WIPs development as anything I write on my own!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Idk, I have ALOT of wips without endings/one shots. Probs the most angsty one I have in general is either The New Kid or Silence isn't Golden

wait wait wait, I found a dual suicide Wincest fic, that wins

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhhh this Thor/Bruce fic may be the fluffiest one I have haha

8. Do you get hate on fics?

HA! yeah, but oddly its just the ones with sex work in them. Who would have guessed 🙄🙄🙄🙄

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes 😈😈😈 kink wise all over the place, from super vanilla to BDSM and anything else I can think of. Peoplewise LGBTQ and queer characters, canon or fanon, polycules. Trope wise, enemies to lovers is my fav, but I also love pining or tragic love ����

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Yes!! not too many, but I've written a few. This one isn't crazy but it is the most developed of all the wips. It's a Supernatural/The Breakfast Club crossover called Supernatural activity at shermer high

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

a few times by a bot, im really really hoping it doesn't happen again but with AI about to fuck us all out of work, im a lil worried.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! two of my Starker fics were translated into Russian and on fic book but that website got torched a few years ago :( I think I also had a reader translate a TBC fic into Portuguese

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Many! probably 20-30 at this point

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

not possible for me to choose. So here's my favs of the moment. Hankconvin800 or hankvin1700, steddiegrove, parksborn, steadyhands

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

get a few scotches in him and he'll hit on anything in a 5 mile radius.

its a cowritten work I worked on years ago and just, meh idk I dont really wanna go back to it haha

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've gotten compliments on my dialogue, dynamic character relationships, smut, and angst

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

proof reading and editing

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i never trust google translate to do a good enough job so to avoid looking like a fool i dont do it. I should try though, expand my horizons. I'm learning Danish so maybe ill make a fic using that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

all of them hold significant places in my heart. they are all pieces of me and I'm trying to learn to love all of me. And that's gotta start somewhere!

tagging all my mututals and anyone who wants to do it

@sweeteatercat @disdaidal @sweetasblack @writerwhowritesao3 @geekinglikeaboss @destroya-hargrove @kissoflightning @moviemuncherao3 @cuillere @late-to-the-party-81 @spaceofentropy @strangebrainrot @treeffles @heiko-goes-detroit

[tallyhoot]

For the 70 horrible queations

I pick

All of them

Except the ones you're not comfy answering

alright :3

v answers :P

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? no not really but y'know they suck

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? pearl {my cat} :]

03: Do you regret anything? yeah

04: Are you insecure? yeah a little bit

07: What did you last eat? a really fucking good chicken sandwich :)

08: Played any sports? i did swimming a few years ago {does that count?} i also used to play cricket at school :P

10: When was your last physical fight? last year? it was a fight with my mom over something I can't even remember

11: Do you like someone? im sorta unsure if i like them or not so idk

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? yeah and i felt like shit lmao

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? sorta yeah

14: Do you miss someone? yeah a little bit but its been years since we talked

15: Have any pets? yeah! two dogs two cats and a few fish

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? eepy

18: Are you scared of spiders? nah im the one who has to kill all the spiders that my siblings find

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? yeah I've got some things to say to some ppl

21: What are your plans for this weekend? i might go out somewhere with family

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? nah ive done my fair share of parenting already

23: Do you have piercings? How many? yeah both of my ears are pierced :]

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? none because school sucks

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? yeah my elementary school teacher

31: Does somebody love you? i dont think so

32: What is your favourite color? green or yellow

33: Do you have trust issues? yeah :P

34: Who/what was your last dream about? uhh in my dream a doctor asked if i was autistic and i said "no i dont think so" but she said i might be, i woke up very confused

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom i think {it was her fault too}

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive but i forget before that even happens

38: Is this year the best year of your life? not really but its better than the years before it

51: Favourite food? spaghetti :D

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? yes and no

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? um i think it was feeding my cats

55: Are you mean? sometimes

56: How many people have you fist fought? two

58: Favourite weather? rain :3

59: Do you like the snow? ive never seen snow irl before

62: What makes you happy? my mutuals, my cats, food, games, my siblings, my dogs, the internet, my guitar, music :)

63: Would you change your name? yeah :D

[candiedapplez]

I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

[tartt9]

"Ah, Mr. Tartt? One more question, actually. This one's... a bit of a throwback, but not in the usual sense.

If we can, I'd like to go back to the game you played against Man City wherein you were taken off the field for an injury. Ankle, I do believe. What was it that gave you the energy to get back in the game on a wounded ankle, and score THE solo goal that secured the win?"

That's a game that Jamie'll never forget. From the moment the coach pulled up to the Etihad that morning to the moment they left the stadium that afternoon, every single second has been drilled into his head for good. His homecoming. Jamie's great return to the Etihad Stadium, to the campus that raised him, the pitches he played footy as a kid from the moment campus was opened to the Academy in 2014 until he left to do Lust in 2020. Etihad Campus was his second home for six years. His time there was filled with ups and downs, but, in the end, it was home.

And that game was his first match back at home since he'd betrayed everyone.

"Yeah - erm, that match, I knew it was gonna mean somethin' t'me, somethin' t'the fans in the stadium, t'both teams."

Richmond had never won against City in the club's history. Even when City was shit, they still managed a win over Richmond twice a year when they shared a division. City beat Richmond 9-0 in that stadium while Jamie was on loan, unable to play against his parent club. There was history stacked against them.

City had to prove their dominance, Richmond was just another step on the way to winning the Premier League. And the players who had been there for long enough wanted to prove to Jamie that he was still that junior that hadn't been able to keep up with them in training [ because they refused to pass to him, because they treated him like he was lesser, all because he was a better player than they were ]. It was just another opportunity for De Villardi to knock him down a peg or two.

"Rolled m'ankle savin' a goal - that was a move Paddy O'Gara taught me years ago, on the same campus. We drilled it so much even though I told 'im it'd never be useful for me, he were this fucking brilliant centre back, and he insisted I knew 'is trick. So. I learned. Didn't quite stick the landing, though, did I?" Jamie says with a little laugh.

He remembers drilling that move with Paddy. Over and over and over. Paddy had pulled it off in a game against Chelsea once, and Jamie wanted - no, needed - to learn it. So Paddy taught him on that campus, in his garden, over and over, how to get behind the ball, how to make that clearance before the ball crossed the goal line. And Jamie finally got it.

He fucked up the landing on that day. It was the first time Jamie had ever sustained an injury that required physio treatment off of the pitch during a game.

He still remembers the pain.

He still remembers the fear.

"I mean... it's just somethin' I had t'do, I think." He gives a shrug, rolling his ankle beneath the table. It's fine, now. It wasn't a serious injury. But it could've been worse. It may have ended his career. He's glad it didn't.

"Score were 1-0 before that, and we needed the three points. 1-0's a tricky thing. Managers pick up the attack on 1-0. Any manager who'd drop back into defence at 1-0's fucking stupid - for the most part. I'm not a gaffer - anyways. Pep picked up attack, as he should've. When you're 1-0, you're ten, five, one second away from an equaliser at any moment. Especially when it's 1-0 with 11 against 10. City were due their goal. And I couldn't let that happen, could I?" He's got a cocky smirk on his face to try to hide the fear he'd been feeling at the time still lingering in him now.

Jamie taps his fingers twice against the desk. "I mean, adrenaline and painkillers helped, but I didn't want t'hand City the League that afternoon. A lot of supporters there wanted that t'be what happened. Richmond loses, I prove myself a waste of time and money and whatever, and City brings home the Premier League with one weekend left where they didn't have t'be concerned. I weren't gonna let that happen."

He remembers walking back onto the pitch to boos. Remembers tapping his badge over his heart - Richmond 'til he dies. Remembers being unable to find his dad in the crowd and the panic that caused, but needing to get back out there, to have one final go at it, to play the best football he could play in that moment.

"Scorin' in the Etihad's special. If you've never been, I really think y'should go someday. I remember the first time I did it - I almost fuckin' cried, I swear down." He couldn't cry. James was watching. He wasn't allowed to cry. But that night, at Paddy's house, he'd wrapped his arms around the centre back and might've let a few tears hit his shoulder. "Wanted t'show the lads we could do it. 1-0's easy t'come back from. 2-0 in the 89th minute? Not so much. So. Had t'do it. For the lads, for my club, my coaches, my family." He wishes Georgie had been there. Wishes he'd been brave enough to get her and Simon tickets.

"Gave us the chance t'fight another weekend. T'prove to the world on a massive stage that Richmond's not the club we used t'be. And now we're in the Champions League, so I think we did that pretty well, yeah?"

[just-some-random-blogger]

I'm dead. I'm so freaking dead. My little sister (who is 12 mind you) was playing on my phone and opened my tumblr. My gosh she was too innocent to see what I had been doing 💀 I don't know how long she was on it but I don't think she'll recover anytime soon. I'm so fuckin stupid. I should've known she would probably be clicking things other than the games.

to be honest, i wonder how unhinged your feed is HAHAH not that im passing on judgement but mines mostly fics and you'd have to read and understand what those things are before getting traumatized so AHHAHAH ASHLFHASFHAf. anyway F

id rather break my phone than have my younger sis see my tumblr

the way i had to calculate my age and my grade as a reference for my response tho. i was in grade 6 when i was 12 which was 10 years ago WHAT THE FUCK 🧍‍♀️ and obviously now when as an adult im freaked out by the thought of children even talking about anything adult-related, but i remember thinkin i was so mature HAHAHHA cos ive had my period for 1 year 💀💀 also i bought myself makeup 😨😨😨 also the shit the boys esp talked about at that age 🖐🖐🖐 NOW THAT'S TRAUMATIZING and also i was severely uncomfortable with sexual themes.

my point is, yeah, as adults, we dont and SHOULD NOT want kids to interact with this sort of media but also... dont be so hard on yourself for it cos... you know puberty. just help your sis navigate/learn things like that in a safe and educational manner

also i just wanna share i remember reading like a narry (niall horan x harry styles) fic idk how old i was but it was, possibly i was 11💀💀💀 and i thought it would be a cutesy fic because up until that point, that's all ive ever read and seen but NOPE HAHAHAHHA THEY STARTED BANGING AND TO THIS DAY I LOOK BACK AND CRINGE EVEN THOUGH IVE READ FAR WORSE AS AN ADULT LAKJHSFHHAF

[cynical-crypt]

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah we're friends 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? @cortexrampage 03: Do you regret anything? always all the time forever 04: Are you insecure? absolutely 05: What is your relationship status? lesboygaybian with @cortexrampage (dont fucking know your gender) 06: How do you want to die? not painfully and not any time soon 07: What did you last eat? meatloaf microwave meal 08: Played any sports? broke my leg playing soccer as a kid 09: Do you bite your nails? yup 10: When was your last physical fight? like a week ago but it was a friendly fight 11: Do you like someone? scout again 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? record is 135 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? many 14: Do you miss someone? my friend josey. he died from cancer not long ago 15: Have any pets? 2 birds 1 cat and getting a dove this summer 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? annoyed because tumblr is lagging 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? yup 18: Are you scared of spiders? no 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? probably yes 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? dont remember 21: What are your plans for this weekend? pack to move 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? no 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 3 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i flunked school real bad. probably art 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? a couple 26: What are you craving right now? shitty ramen 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? yup 28: Have you ever been cheated on? yup 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? yup. his fault for sexually assaulting me boohoo motherfucker 30: What’s irritating you right now? HOW FKEN SLOW TUMBLR IS *HYPERRAGE* 31: Does somebody love you? ill let @cortexrampage answer that one 32: What is your favourite color? green 33: Do you have trust issues? yup 34: Who/what was your last dream about? i think i was mad snackin on bananas 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? joseys mom 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? yup 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? eehhh... probably forgive im really bad at forgetting 38: Is this year the best year of your life? nah that was 2010 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 5 i think 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? no 51: Favourite food? cod (the fish) and flounder (the fish) 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? nah 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched a video about a fish making weird sand things 54: Is cheating ever okay? on tests 55: Are you mean? probably 56: How many people have you fist fought? a lot 57: Do you believe in true love? i dunno im schizo ask me next week 58: Favourite weather? rainy but not super rainy 59: Do you like the snow? on occasion 60: Do you wanna get married? no (reblogging and continuing ran out of space) (1/2)

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[wolpvampii]

《ok I've been needing to start writing a diary for a very long time now (even my therapist tried to encourage me to do so) so here i go ☆-diary entry day 1-☆》

13.3.2024

(9:24 am)

currently sittinh in the bathroom floor at school, it's been like ten minutes already oughhhjf i need to get back to class soon or my class assistant is gonna bomb me with the cvtting accusations yet again wahh

im feeling so anxious but relaxed and empty at the same time..

this whole over 1.5 hours I've been just thinking about trying out snorting my adhd meds (equasym) to see what would happen lol

and also thinking abt either cutting a styro/babycut on my throat or cutting a vein on my hand so i would maby get the medical attention I've been needing this past 5 years or so

cuz like apparently me telling my psychologist that the random episodes where im actually considering sewerslide like /srs isn't concerning enough then idk what is

LIKE ALL SHE PRETTY MUCH SAID WAS "everyone has bad days sometimes and if u feel like you want to cut mby consider usind the ice cube or rubber band method next time ☺️☺️" LIKE HUHHH.... DID U GET UR LICENSE FROM TEMU OR SOMETHING WHAT THE FUCKKK !!!?!?!!!!.!?!!!!!!

(9:51 am)

alr went back to class ghhgjd

my teacher just got me a cup of coffee ty pookie but i feel so weirddd feels like im hot ad cold at the same time amd my whole body is shakinf dies and fucking explodes

(10:13 am)

ok i pussied out from snorting them and instead tried to just put the meds under my tongue to see if it has any effect ..💀

currently not really feeling any effects minus shaking and light-headiness but maby that's just me being a whimp idk I'll update later if anything happens im scareddd ( T∀T)

10:45 am

OK BAD BAD MISTAKE GGELPL..

I SRARTED SHAKING LIKE REALLY BADLY AND IT FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO GET AN PANICATTACK OR SOMETHING

then my pussy ass went to whine to the teacher rhat i felt pretty sick and wanted to go to the nurses office, so i did

i relaxed a little after talking to the nurse but still little shaky and light headed tbh

she questioned me then told me to go eat a little then come back when im finished like alrr pooksters 😚😚

11:58 am

at the cafeteria rn but we have tuna lasagna I HATE TUNALASNGA 🗣🗣🗣

like what even is that it looks like it has the mind of it's own stopit

(erm ignore the bunnies, had to put something over that hideous creature so it wouldn't be on display in my profile 😛)

11:18

FUCKING HELLL SHESBCALLING TO THE HEALYHCENTER FUCKKKKFLFKEKJW LIKE I KNOW I NEED HELP BUT I DONT WANT MY PARENTS KNOW WE JUST HAD MY GRANDMAS FUNERAL LIKE5 DAYS AGO AND MY MOM IS PRETTY STRESSED IN GENERAL RN FUCK IM SL HORRIBLE WTF I DONT WANNA MAKE THEM WORRIED STOPPP IM THE WORST SON EVER UGHHH

11:25

the nurse said that she's just making a quick call to the center GIRL IT'S BEEN OVER TEN MINUTES WHO ARE YOU CALLINGG MY WHOLE BLOODLINE??? PLS IM SO NERVOUS

11:43

alr ok im not going to the health center, but the nurse told me that if i get worse i should go see her immediately, or go to the center.

idk im little dizzy and shaky rn but i think we good 😀👍

11:50

hm im thinking about getting a therapy dog/ animal so i wouldn't get these weird toughts and ideas maby

having animal company just relaxes and helps me so idk i did talk abt it with the nurse and she was very positive abt it and said it was a good idea :3

i remember talking to my mother abt it too but she said something like "yeah but your anxeity isn't 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 bad 🤗"

like miss mam your kid cut himself in school multiple times, is paranoid that he might k1ll himself on a whim, tried to get high from his meds just for fun and sometimes even cries in class when left alone but okay if you say so 🤷‍♂️

12:41

alr idk actually maby i should go to the nurses office then the center after all..

maby i could finally get some help to my actual issues, rather than just for my learning problems but who knows

12:50

guys maby taking my meds drug abuser style wasn't such a good idea after all me thinks

13:06

alr school ended but im currently sitting at the nurces office ughh my head spins

feels like im in a dream

13:41

okk walking to rhe health center rn wish me luck gusy

13:46

NVM UHHHSH IM HAVING DOUPTS HHELPP....

IM SO NERVOUS MABY TH8S WAS A BAD ISEA ARFTER ALL UHH

13:51

ight fam im here what noe

14:15

alr they checked my pulse and stuff,

everything was much normal than earlier but my pulse was somewhat high

now im just waiting for another doctor to come and talk to me gulps shivers

14:37

attempt to finally get proper care failed miserably im so pathetic man

they just checked my pulse n stuff and let go

no guestioning why i tried to overdose on my meds but okay.

that shit was so embarrassing dawg💀

i should've just taken more fucking piss baby pussy whimp why didn't i make them check the huge gaping scars on my leg to see if they're infected ugh

alr then i have to think something else, my fucking family and psychologists only care about my academics like i just wanna know what's wrong with me and how could it be fixed

im only diagnosed wirh dyslexia and adhd and in my opinion neither one of them makes a guy act like this tbh..

i also feel like that me being self aware of my situation and everything makes me feel like im just faking this all/ being mentally ill and it just makes me feel so embarrassed and total shit

like it's not valid

like the ppl arounds me, especially my family and friends are just being stressed out over my nonsensical shenanigans

(took me over half an hour to yap allat wtf💀)

15:13

GUYS IS EMOTIONAL SUPPROT FERRET A THING PLEAS3 JUST LOOK ST THEMMM 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️

the way i would never even look at a blade if i had one omgf

i know they are alot to handle and probably wouldn't be a good therapy animal but please jst let me be happy okay?? 😢😢💔

16:01

eepy

16:50

AAAHH HELP STHIT I FORHOT TO TELL MY PARENTS THAT MY DRUMMING LESSON ENDS AT 16:45 ...

both of my parents were just calling me non-stop (my phone was on silence mode 💀)

giggling when i walked out of the building where my class was i just saw my dad pulling away and i just stood there watching him leave like

17:13

meow got home likw 10 minutes ago

it's so weird trying to act all normal with my parents while they have no idea taht i nearly almost overdosed with my meds at school tday 😛

22:28

prolly gonna go sleep soon my heaf hurts so bad gn guys follw for more bangers🔥🔥

[lovely-echoo]

Sleepy Bois Inc x FranBow!Reader

In-game AU

Part 1/? Pt.2

Plantonic!SBI x Young!Reader

(10/11 years old)

OneShot/Drabble(?)

Genderneutral reader (they/them) 💜

INFO; If you haven't played or seen game play of Fran Bow then you can skip this if you'd like. If you don't care then go ahead.

Summary; Basically if you've seen/played the game you should know how this goes, you take place of Fran. So you go/went through the same things she did and you still have Mr. Midnight. This takes place while Fran is still in the mental hospital and then got teleported near the SBI.

Honestly I kept thinking about this but was afraid to request it to anyone so I'm doing it my myself-

If I get any info wrong, I'm sorry! I rewatched Markiplier's game play so it shouldn't be way off.

P.s not everything is described the same.

(^ art by sunquids on twt)

CW/TW: mentions/includes of cussing, gore, death, blood, consumption of medication, sexual assault (brief mentions of Damian/The King)

Fluff/Normal

(Angst if you squint)

How you ended up there - How you met Philza and Technoblade

As you were walking around the hospital, you decided to take a pill to see if it'll help.

You watched as your vision blurred and some sort of demonic noises rang in your ears.

After a few seconds your vision cleared up, you took a look around the front desk.

The once dull and lifeless room had turned into this even duller and just plain deathly like room.

Blood was everywhere, random body parts of babies where thrown around. A skeletal figure was hung with what looked like an umbilical cord wrapped around its thin bones, it was connected to this baby covered by a blue blanket.

Just about everything looked grotesque.

Suddenly the floor ahead of you opened and this slimy black tentacle like arm grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in.

It seemed you may have passed out during your fall because you woke up to the sounds of hissing and supposedly two men.

Oh and let's not forget the killer headache causing the ringing in your ears. :)

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up, the light around you seemed much brighter than before.

You looked at the two men in front of you and then glanced down, you spotted Mr. Midnight!

His fur was spiked up and his ears were flat against his head. He seemed to be trying to protect you from the men.

Ignoring their presence you immediately scooped up your precious fur baby in your arms.

Your mind completely forgot about the fact there are two strange looking men in front of you.

A few droplets of water dripped down your (S/C) cheeks onto your (F/C) shirt/dress.

You started crying, so much happened in a short period of time and you found your cat you oh so desperately tried to find.

It panicked one of the adults. Said adult was an average tall man with slightly longer blond hair than average, he also had a green and white striped bucket hat. But what stuck out the most was the large pair of wings behind his back.

At first you thought that it was your pills fault but everywhere around you looked….

Normal?

It seemed like your meds wore off while you supposedly passed out.

But that doesn’t help or ease you at all. If the side effects wore off then how the hell did he have wings?!

The blond walked towards you slowly, like you were an injured puppy. His blue eyes roamed around your body, as if studying your every mouvements.

The other man who was beside him earlier seemed to tense up and looked at him as if he grew another head. He was on edge you assumed.

But he looked even weirder to you. He had long pink hair tied into a loose braid falling over his shoulder. Was it natural? He also had tusks peeking out from his bottom lip, they were large but not enough to be in the way. His skin seemed to be on the pinker side, it was roughed up with scars and calloused in certain areas. You noticed he had pig ears poking out his crown. Is he a king of sorts? Wait, that reminds you of someome... Oh! The king of course!

Ah yes, the king. You quite missed him actually, he was playful and let you use his cane- sword to get a key. But he didn't know about that part. You wonder if he's doing alright right know, the asylum sucks. And the shadow thing next to him said weird things to. Who exactly is the holy man? Why'd the shadow say he took off his clothes?

You couldn't dwell on it to much as you got distracted by the approaching man.

He reached out his hand to stop the winged male. “Phil-”

But the man named ‘Phil’ interrupted the crowned male by putting up his hand. He stopped his hand and let it limp to his side.

“It’s alright Tech, they seem harmless.” ‘Phil’ reassured, though ‘Tech’ nodded his head with a stern expression. There was still hesitance in his sharp red eyes.

‘Phil’ took the same hand he put up and reached it out to you. A soft and kind look in his eyes, you could’ve gotten lost in them if you weren’t careful.

“You alright there kid?” He asked, crouching down to meet your height from where you sat.

“Y-yeah, I think so…” You winced, your throat was hoarse and dry. You peered at ‘Phil’ as he took out this glass bottle with what you assumed was water.

He handed you the fragile bottle, he saw the look of hesitance in your childlike eyes. But something about them set off alarms in his head, they were dull. There’s nothing wrong with that of course! But they were too dull, at least for a mere kid.

He recognized a glint of trauma in your (Eye Shape) eyes, those beautiful (E/C) orbs had seen something they shouldn’t have. Haven’t they?

“Don’t worry mate, it’s fresh water.” He examined the way you handled the cork, you were inexperienced. He could tell you’ve never needed to do it, but why? It’s really the only way so far to keep water with you.

Did you not have any?

While he was lost in thought, you just had noticed he had an accent of sorts. Nothing wrong with it, you've just never heard of someone with it.

(^ Ignore that if you are british)

While the winged male was off in his own world the piglin hybrid watched as you sniffed the clear liquid in suspicion before letting your cat smell it as if you were looking for their approval.

To his surprise they did give it to you, the black cat nodded it’s head and squeaked out a meow. That strangely sounded like a yes- but he dismissed the thought. Probably was just the voices fucking with him.

You gulped down the water as if you hadn’t had any for months.

‘Why tf are they so desperate-’ ‘lowkey kinda concerned lmao’ ‘they look like they’d be an orphan tho’ ‘lmao maybe’ ‘idc about the kid, i want the cat’ ‘absolutely-’ ‘Nah fuck the cat, im allergic.’ ‘lol and?’ 'PFT ANY ASKERS???'

Those were all different voices speaking and overlapping each other.

Technoblade sighed as he glanced at his father, he knew him on the back of his hand. He let him be and slowly walked next to Phil and kneeled down.

“What’s your name kid?” he asked, taking the empty bottle you had handed him. “(Y/n), (Y/n) (L/n)/Bow.” You bluntly answered, looking at him in the eyes. He noticed how bloodshot they were, I mean you did cry not even 5 minutes ago.

"What's yours?" You questioned tilting your head a bit in the process.

Unbeknownst to you, some voices in a certain someone's head were losing their shit, squealing and chanting ‘protecc tiny bean’ over and over again.

"The name's Technoblade, but you can call me Techno." Strange name in your book but your not the one to judge. You simply nodded your head in acknowledgement.

"That guy is Philza, but you can call him Phil." He pointed his thumb to the unfocused man. Technoblade or Techno- cleared his throat.

“You’ve got somewhere to stay? Where are your parents?” “Why can’t you mind your business?”

Techno’s eyes twitched in annoyance and his teeth clenched to hold back any crude words.

Although he noticed the flash of pain in those dull (E/C) orbs of the mentions of your parents.

He sighed once again, something you noticed he did a lot. At least, so far he did.

��Look kid, do you have a place to stay or not?”

And that's how you ended up meeting your new family. . . <3

I may include a taglist if anyone's up to be tagged lmao

[katwriteswhump]

Well. That made me think twice.

I’m a cis female. The oc that I torture the most is a cis female, but that’s mostly because I invented her when I was about 10-11, re discovered my old works a couple years ago just after the covid pandemic, and realised that although my mediocre, 10yr old execution of her whumpy situations wasn’t brilliant, she had some great content that I realised I could really use. At primary school age, I went to an all girls school, had a family that was mostly female, and didn’t really include many male characters, mostly because I just didn’t spend enough time around males to really know how to write them. This also meant that, having spent most of my life at this point surrounded by females, I had very strong feminist ideas. (I promise that’s relevant later, I’m getting to it). This would have all happened before I knew about the whump community, or even knew that the stuff I liked writing had a specific name. I’ve spent a lot of time more recently trying to bring on more male characters, but my main characters/Whumpees still tend to be female. It’s also just easier for me as a female to write female characters.

On a linked idea, most of the writing I’m doing now is revival of my old childhood works that I abandoned. Therefore, all of my characters have a massive amount of old trauma that gets awakened. As a result, I’ve planned out their entire childhoods to like, the month or the year. Including the unimportant years when not much happens, before the plot gets reawakened, e.g. between the ages of 3 to 10. The main plot in my main series starts when the main characters are about 11, cus that’s how old I was at the time. Because of this extensive planning, and the fact that I hadn’t been exposed to much LGBTQ+ content, media, or anything, my main revival work does not feature any trans characters. I am working on this. I promise. I’m changing a lot of the details in my outlines so that I can fit in like, trans related stuff, even if one of the characters starts thinking about it, and it only really takes off like, later in the series. My planning at this point has so many intertwined and overlapping plots that it’s hard to fit ANYTHING in. In terms of non hetero characters, I am also changing my works to fit some of them in. The vast majority of my newer works do feature LGBTQ+ characters.

Also, my parents are the kind of parents to like, avoid exposing their kids to LGBTQ+ media, in case their kids like, “get ideas” or whatever. Well, congrats. I’m bi.

Went a bit off topic there, but I’m done. With that part. Anyway.

If I’m writing like, generic Whumpee/Whumpee/Caretaker type stuff I will use they/them pronouns. Because, yk. It’s just the best way in my opinion. Obviously this changes if the plot demands, for example if there’s dehumanisation, and I’m using “it” as a pronoun, or if there’s purposeful misgendering as a form of abuse, or whatever. You know what I mean.

On the whole “strong feminist instinct” thing, this has definitely leaked into my writing. My favourite type of Whumper is a female, whether cis or trans, who likes to fuck shit up. Idk why. I just like to see them torturing the men. I do have female Whumpees, and male Whumpers, I just… idk. I do agree with op that females should be whumped.

So!!! This feels like I’m writing a fuckin essay or something, with like a conclusion at the end, but yk it’s late and I went on a rant so yeah. I think it’s definitely a possibility that cis/trans females and AFABs have internalised the idea that men can like, feel all of the whumpy things more intensely, or like, that they should be tortured because it’s more interesting. And we should definitely have more female/AFAB whumpees.

sorry. that was long. im done. i promise. bye

Whump Community, can we think about something together?

Listen, I know this is going to be controversial, and I’ll be clear: this is not a judgment, it’s not an attack, it’s an invitation to think about the dynamics in the Whump Community and in Whump as a genre. In no way, the ideas I am going to express are meant to shame you or invalidate your experience, I am talking about MYSELF too in this post.

Now.

Could we think about the fact that, maybe, we prefer male/masc-aligned whumpees over female/fem-aligned whumpees because we do have a huge amount of internalized misogyny?

Women are considered a subcategory of human beings, because socially a human being is a male. Women are able to consume and interact with movies, series, books, and stories that are often considered based on “the male experience”, but the same thing isn’t done by men.

Women’s emotions have always been policed, just think about the idea of “hysteria”, or lobotomy, which was often executed on women. If men can’t cry, women can’t be show rage, cry, be happy (Everyone hates fangirls and teenage girls), be horny, they can’t feel anything.

With that being said, isn’t Whump about empathy? Isn’t Whump about seeing a character that you care for, getting through extremely distressing situations, and being able to recover, and be loved?

So does the justification of: “Women have too much on their plate already, so I’m not going to make them suffer” a bit weak? If we all get extremely angry when screenwriters or authors whump the “wrong character”, because “we have to whump the fav one”, why is the whumpee never a woman? Why is the blorbo who deserves to be whumped never a woman?

Is it because we all, cis women, trans women, AFAB people, have internalized the idea that men’s emotions are deeper, are more consistent, are more human? That in a way, the male experience is going to fulfill us in a much greater way than what a woman’s experience could ever possibly do?

[the-fiction-witch]

NSFW 100 Benny Watts

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? I don't know, I don't think about strangers all that often I'm usually busy, I think the worst would just be when I kinda get the thought In my head of, Hu. I'd fuck that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? At night, when the work is done fkr the day, dinners done, and we can go to bed and fuck for a while and go right to sleep after, that's a good evening.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? I think we both know it's when people play with my hair, I don't know why, the come here eyes don't do anything, hinting doesn't do anything, you start playing with my hair I'm literally hard in my pants within seconds.

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? That's a good question. Probably just fantasying about beating my aponent and then taking them back to the hotel room and raw fucking them bent over the table, or likewise them beating me and taking me back to the room and riding on my dick for several hours. Either is good.

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I am my own boss I guess. But if we are saying the people I play against are co workers then yes. Yes I would.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? It depends why I'm horny. If I'm horny for an actual reason then I'll have to go see who it was causing it, but if it's just like a random everyday boner then no I ignore it, people can't see it though my jeans, can they? If they can great the can look at my dick and be jealous.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom? No. I don't masturbate a whole lot and never in public mostly because... Have you seen male public bathrooms? That shit is gross!

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself? Chess. Whenever I do actually masturbate it's usually at night, when I'm alone, my works done and I can't get to sleep so I yeah I mess around a little usually while going over chess games in my head, I don't need to imagine anything when I do it I just do it, the touching on its own gets me horny enough, so my head just does it own thing and I usually just think about chess plays.

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? Well pillows. I think that's it pillows and my hand. Or Beth harmon, I'm kidding Beth's great.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? No I don't. I don't think I ever like had a moment of Hu Im aroused, it just started happening and eventually I noticed to be fair I have been in a constant mood of I wanna fuck things since I was like fourteen. Not sure why? Maybe I'm just really horny and refuse to deal with it?

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? Now that depends because I did it alot in my sleep when I was younger, but the first actual time when I was fully awake and aware what I was doing it was probably Ali, a girl who used to work up at the bar down the street from my apartment, I was having a drink after a championship one or the few times I'd been in there even if the first few times I was underage, and we got talking about this and that and... We went to the bathrooms together, I miss ali, not for the sex but she was always so nice to me. Still I have a better girl now.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? Fucking amazing! And now... Now I have a problem because now I wanna do it all the time.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew? A few times, hotels after championships, airports and the like, I've picked up the odd girl or too I didn't know but it's fine. I think I picked up someone's wife at a competition once?

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? How simple it is. With a quickie both people involved know what this is, we both just wanna fuck and get our release so it's very much a simple understanding, sometimes you have sex with people and they assume that means you give a shit? It doesn't we fucked doesn't mean I like you, it means I was horny, you where horny and now it's over.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done? Airplane sex! That was intense because those bathrooms are not sound proof in the slightest, you have to be dead silent or everyone can hear you fucking your girlfriend.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers? Maybe... when I was a lot younger

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks? Sometimes depends on the stranger, but more often people I know, like people I've had sex with before or you know my girlfriend, but to be fair I'm never not mentally undressing y/n?

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them? Sometimes, again much more likely people I know and alot less now I have y/n, before her yeah pretty much everyone but now I'll strip some people in my head every so often but only imagine y/n.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah, many times, towens is a great kisser, also gives amazing blow jobs.

20. What inspires you to make the first move? Ask them! Literally I do not get all the hinting and the cute eyes and shit just.mm you want to fuck me just ask me to have sex! It's just that simple. Why does it need to be complicated.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed? Making it good for you but also for your partner people forget about that sometimes you not just in it for you they want some too don't be a ick and just get yourself off, you have to make it good for them too, that and consent is important, not just to start the sex but also during, you don't know if she likes spanking, you don't know of she wants like her hair pulled or her boobs felt ext. Ask don't just do it.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself? .... Yes. But it was always in relationships that weren't all that serious, or where fairly open anyway, I cheated on beth do I care? No! Because she fucked harry so I kinda think that's fair? It's only in that kinda situation but if I hadn't I would have my sweet y/n, and I'll never cheat on her.

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush? No.. that just seems weird.

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

I do not have a go to fantasy, except maybe my little kitten snuggling up with me

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Not a lot really, because porn isn't... that great at the moment I do not have time do go to like the weird little theatre's that play them, the best bet really is things like hustler and various magazines you can pick up in newsagents... which I admit I am partial too having a flip though sometimes.

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

No always open

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times yes, But I have found I much rather be handcuffed, I like when y/n handcuffs me to our bed, I like blindfolding her though, maybe handcuffing her too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Sometimes, depends what's said

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex god?

Yeah? How about we go handcuff you to our bed sugar and see how much whispering in your ear you can take before your dripping for me?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Benny, I want you to fuck me Hard! and when we're done don't pull out I want us to fall asleep with you inside me so tomorrow we can fuck again without you ever leaving me, so You can be inside me all night long"

Yeah... that was hot. to be fair I did eat her out and edge her for like half an hour so, I don't blame my kitten for going a little cock crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

Once. Okay if you have sex by a pool you have to accept there might be people in here hotel rooms who overlook the pool who can see you!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

Does three ways count? because for some of that I was watching Beth and Clio have sex so...  yes?

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

Depends who it was? Towens and his boyfriend? yes! Beth and Clio? Yes! Beth and Jolene? Yes! Harry and Beth... Eh I'd think about it? But I guess nowadays We'd be the dirty couple asking for a third? won't we kitten?

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"so Perfect I wish I could have you inside me forever"

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Ummm very very fun. Would you like that kitten? a nice hotel room? all our chess friends? and getting everyone to have a nice orgy? Well I'd be happy to it would be fun, but... you know I don't share kitten.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Yes many times

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Uhh maybe a drink, some good sex and then get up in the morning maybe a little spooning, maybe round two if they want to, cup of coffee then fuck off out my house I got shit to do.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Uhh About ten minuets? with y/n well usual a good half hour but sometimes my little kitten's mean to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Hair. Playing with my hair. I don't get why I  get hard for it but I do? and... when y/n sticks her tounge out again no clue why just whenever I see her do it it means she being a little brat. Or if she does it unintentionally I can't help looking at it thinking how dirty that tounge of her's has been...

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

No!

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Not woke up humping it. I have been spooning it a lot, and been humping it the previous night but no never woke up humping it

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Ohh god years ago, I don't do that anymore, well I did actually not so long ago but that wasn't me that was my kitten who was too impatient for me to wake up

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

Moaning the wrong name... yeah I did not live that down. I'm sorry towens! you look a lot like harry from the back, you two have similar hair... and similar asses.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Many many times! y/n likes to watch me, but she always strips for me or touches herself too so I've got something nice to watch

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

Y/n sent me some polaroid's of herself in a park, in a sundress and... nothing else, and I mean nothing, Yellow sundress, striped thigh high socks and nothing... no bra, no panties, fuck I'm getting hard just thinking about those pictures.

I think it was then I really did realize, yeah I love this girl, and I'm going to marry her!

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Both are good, they have there draw backs but more likely amateur because I like my kitten.

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

Tounge! Need I repeat my weird like of tounges but... when she's licking and swirling it around fuck! I get loud! and god it makes me cum quick.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Noooo! don't make a me choose!

But I love when my kitten handcuffs me and rides me till she's satisfied!

and I also love bending her over the table and ordering her to cum!

I can't choose! there both soo good...

I guess if I had to. Dominate but only because It's slightly more options of stuff to do and because I like calling her kitten.  

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

anything with like piss and shit can fuck right off I don't know how anyone is into that! but anything else in the world my kitten want's she can have it just not that.

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Its kinda something I really really want but also really don't want, I like the idea of it but it would be horrible. I kinda have a fantasy about Y/n, inviting some... friends over, and letting them all... have there fun with me? literally like tie me to the bed, y/n, beth, clio, jolene, really anyone else towen's too if he's down, just everyone can just use me as a literally cock slave and I would be so fucking happy I would let everyone fuck me!

But that would not go well, I can't stay hard that long, and the girls would fight, and... it wouldn't be good.

so other then that... Ummmm I wanna take y/n to central park! in that sundress.. see how long we can last before I bend her over and fuck my little kitten.

52. How many people have you slept with?

I have stopped counting.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

A Plane bathroom? bar bathroom? that time we did it in a pool? I don't know I've had sex lots of weird places?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her tounge she knows how much I like it . Her pussy, Ummm her pussy's so sweet I could eat my little kittens pussy for hours, and it feels so good around me I mean I fucked her and never ever want another girl ever again, she turned me! someone who fucked around for fun into a one girl guy would would never dream of cheating on my sweet little wifey.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, many times, It's the one thing about being in a committed relationship that I miss being with a girl, I miss anal. But I'm sure we could get a toy so she can still do it.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Sundress! I love her little sundress! and nothing else.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

hair... Or my hips, I love when she touches my hips

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I don't care.

59. When did you first had sex?

I was sixteen, and it was a bar bathroom. But it was amazing!

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The first time I had sex with y/n, the first time that we actually had sex we were in a little hotel in Cali, and it was amazing! she was so amazing, I'd never felt so good in my life!

61. What's your favourite position?

I love from the side, its so good when it's an early morning or, if we're both a little lazy, we start off spooning then have a few kisses and then after a couple of minuets she's screaming for me.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never,

63. Do you watch porn?

No! it's hard to find the places, and there always full of perverts.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

I look at magazines. Or my little kitten. Oohhh we could make a porno?

65. How often do you masturbate?

Not very often, once a month maybe

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I want to try a weird like upside down thing

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

Give! I love hearing her scream! I love when she does it took but I like taking care of her better.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times, I wish we could more often but it's going to one of the warmer places becuase... new York is too fucking cold for that shit! but last time we where in paris in the summer we went skinny dipping and it's so fun, unfortunately it doesn't last long because one of us breaks and just has sex.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Oohh I think four times, i do not have the like replenishment ability to do anymore then that.

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I know I'm loud but I like her to know how good she's making me feel, besides' she's louder.

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

No, that seems... sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

Voice, and looks I guess.

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like calling y/n kitten, and I love torturing her!

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I think I've probably gone... very very far.

75. What's your favourite toy?

well my little kitten is my toy. But I do enjoy this little toy we got recently that turns me into a little vibrator for her, i like it because well it makes me hard as fuck and she likes it because I slightly vibrate inside her, and it rubs on her clit for me which Is good because sometimes my hands are... preoccupied.

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

I've read stories people send into magazines about fucking stewardesses and hotel maids? does that count?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

Yes I have, I think by now I'm probably like a platinum member?

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

Yes I can. I have tried. Many times. but I can't anymore... my kitten doesn't bother with panties anymore

79. Would you say you're kinky?

Do. do I need to answer this question or does everything else here answer that enough?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

Not really no. The water never stays hot, the shower spray means one of you is always cold, it's weirdly dry, it's hard to get the angle, it's just way more trouble then it's worth, I'll wait and just cuddle her in the shower then bend her over the bathtub before she puts her towel on. but! Bath sex? I like.

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

I don't really do it anywhere then my bed, or the shower.

82. Do you like to be spanked?

Yes I do, It's amazing! I like it a lot. and I also like doing it.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

Not really,

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I would let her watch of course and likely ask her to give me something to watch

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Not really I guess.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

Falling asleep afterwards is just a habit, but I have cried several times usually when it feels so amazing your eyes water.

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact is so good!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

sometimes, it depends what position as much as I love kissing during sex but some positions it just didn't really work

89. Do you get tired after sex?

Very I want a nap afterwards.

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

I think we have tried most of them

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

About six months I guess, I don't know I don't really pay attention

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Ask me for sex? or wear the sundress!

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

Lights on! I can't be trying to work in the fucking dark.

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very very much so

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I used to really like one night stands, I liked just the hello, fuck goodbye element to it. but Now I have y/n I'm happy with long term and I don't ever want anyone else.

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

I like both. Don't make me choose!

98.Rough or romantic?

I guess both we are rough but it's in a romantic way

99. Quickie or marathon session?

I love quickies, allows us to get on with other things later in the day, but one night a week we have a nice long marathon session with the toys, and the handcuffs.

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

I love how kinky and how rough we can get, but it's because we used to miss each other so badly back when we were long distance,  it became out release and to show each other just how bad we had missed one another, but it feels so good and its so amazing to make you feel so good and that you make me feel so good, I'll never need anyone else for the rest of my life now I've got you, I mean you literally made me cry it felt so good the first time we had sex, all your sexy little pictures and letter when we were apart, even if we do go a little crazy on each other sometimes,  I really do love you kitten more then anything, and I can't wait for us to get married, and for our honeymoon.

[that-bl-bitch]

I posted 9,395 times in 2021

31 posts created (0%)

9364 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 302.1 posts.

I added 110 tags in 2021

#bad buddy - 41 posts

#bad buddy the series - 39 posts

#lovely writer - 7 posts

#futs - 4 posts

#lovely writer the series - 4 posts

#boys lockdown - 3 posts

#blih: id - 3 posts

#i promised you the moon - 3 posts

#ipytm - 3 posts

#genesib - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#yeah wtf is going on with keam cause um sir i would like that to be explored way more the crumbs im getting its just not enough to satisfy

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I really like Mork I wasn't expecting him to be so nice and genuine, from the synopsis (I watched the trailer too but months ago so I had no memory of it, all I could recall was that I vaguely remembered enemies to lovers) it made it seem like Mork was just as in love with Nan as Pi is so during the wiping of the hand scene happened I was expecting him to be mean and have ulterior motives so when he offered to buy another box I was like 'hmmm what's your plan here bub' but very quickly realized (I think in the very next scene, which they shared) that Mork liked Pi from the get go and Pi is just out here going around assuming Mork likes Nan cause they hang out a bunch, but Pi is just so focus on his crush on Nan that he can't see that Mork isn't trying to malicious with his actions and with the way Mork went about the picture thing I can see how Pi would look at that as something he was trying to do on purpose especially with his one track mindset of 'Mork likes Nan therefore he hates me and is after me'

A n y w a y s really no point of this I just wasn't expecting Mork to be like this and I'm just pleasantly surprised, I got hopes that this show is gonna be good one so I'm just a wee bit excited, excited enough to make pointless post about it apparently, also is it just me or is this giving off a bit of My gear and your gown vibe? Also not sure if anyone else clocked this or how important it is but when Mork was folding clothes he was folding kids clothes little girl clothes to be specific so that means a younger sister so maybe a cute scene or something having to deal with that in the future mayhaps

and another thing I feel like it would criminal not mention just how cute and nice Mix is in this, I had completely forgot he was even going to be in this cause I watched the trailer before I really cared who he was and before I got completely obsessed with atots, he is such a good actor it's wild

35 notes • Posted 2021-04-10 12:10:24 GMT

#4

I'm sorry but the only thing I want to do is scream about papa and daddy, episode two when they show how they met and how they ended up getting together was the cutest thing I've ever witnessed and I'm not sure it can be topped, plus a cute lesbian couple who are also planning on having a kid it's just wholesome gay relationships all around. Ugh it's so gooooood

38 notes • Posted 2021-04-24 15:33:58 GMT

#3

I would sell my first born child to be able to watch ep 7 right this very second

49 notes • Posted 2021-12-04 23:22:58 GMT

#2

also just the way pran did that with his friends around, I mean I know they were probably farther away near the bus probably but pran went from being worried that someone would see them talking at the university to licking his finger on a beach full of architect students and not giving a fuck

83 notes • Posted 2021-12-04 17:01:02 GMT

#1

Also can we talk about what a fucking queen Pa is like she runs the store when her parents aren't there and not just like a "we're just running out for 5 mins watch the shop" it sounds like she actually knows what shes talking about and what to do seems like she does all the fucking laundry in the house or at the very least hers and Pats she even went as far as going all the way to Pats dorm to do his laundry at one point like fucking queen and only in high school that queen

113 notes • Posted 2021-11-12 22:25:43 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[guardianofjunmyeon]

Finding Atlantis (part 14)

Genre: Action/Adventure, Enemies to Lovers, PirateAU

Description:  20 years ago the seas became angry. Unruly and unkind to any sailor, to  any ship that dared venture too far out in her waters. Many a man has  heard the tales of Atlantis, the lost city, the key the ocean. But fewer  men know the tale of it’s missing child. The key to the ocean, the key  to Atlantis but a lost little one. The power one would hold should they  find this child would be nearly that of Poseidon himself. Thus, the hunt  began.  

A/N: wait i forgot i left you all on a cliffhanger akjfhjf. Here’s an update (finally) im a bitch blocked about where the next chapter is going so it might take...about as long as this one took to be uploaded. Its gonna have some smut tho. This chapter has new characters and PLEASE appreciate my fucking bubble conversation, i wanted to use the whole “she came down in a bubble dawg!” convo but i didnt

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

There are certain experiences you’ve lived through enough times to consider yourself a pro at handling. Situations like being handcuffed to a bed. Like being left on an island with no food or water. Like having to fight your way out of a bar when someone is getting too rough with the other patrons.

Drowning is quickly becoming a situation with which you are getting too closely acquainted.

When the ocean swallowed your little dinghy, your life flashed before your very eyes. This was truly the end. The last thing you would ever live through would be the song of Atlantis tickling your ears, the sight of Junmyeon glowing blue, and the feeling of Baekhyun’s skin beneath your palm.

All in all it wasn’t the worst way to go, but there was still so much more that you wanted to experience.

You’d never gotten a chance to return home, to sit at that cliff where you sent off your mother’s body and tell her about all of the things you’d done with your life. To describe to her the ship you’d bought, the friends you’d made, the adventures you’d gone on and the memories you’d made. You wanted to go find Victoria again and thank her for taking you in.

You wanted to find that boy that saved your life when you were but a child and to thank him properly. You wanted to tell him all that you’d done and repay him for giving you that chance at life. You wonder if he’s grown up into a handsome man now. If he has a spouse and kids and a happy home on that island you once called home that you left as soon as you could. You wonder if he’d even remember you.

You’d never gotten a chance to get the Storm Chaser those new upgrades that you’d been saving up for. An extension to the crew cabins, sturdier masts, a new set of sails.

You hadn’t gotten the chance to fall in love, to have your heartbroken, to have a baby or even hold one for that matter. Would you have made a good mother? Would you have made a decent wife? Would you have been able to find someone willing to spend the rest of their life with you, on the seas, on land, wherever your hearts could make a home?

Would you have tried to make a home with Baekhyun?

The feeling of being sucked down into the depths of the ocean doesn’t get any less terrifying the second time that you go through it.

As a matter of fact, having it happen again is more terrifying than the first time. Maybe it’s because you can actually feel the pressure of the water crushing your chest. You can feel the way you’re being sucked farther down and the way the water rushes into your nose from the shock of being suddenly dragged under.

It’s nothing like the storm, nothing like fighting the waves and catching the flashes of light as you fought to climb to the surface. Of being tossed around and dropping and rising hundreds of feet seconds at a time. At least then you had a purpose. You aren’t trying to save a life this time. You aren’t able to fight the invisible force dragging you farther and farther down into the water. The water around you is calm, the movement of your body whizzing through the water feels scarily misplaced.

Magical. Unnatural.

Then it all finally stops.

The force pulls you into a pocket of air and gravity takes you by force. Your body collapses on solid ground, and you can breathe. You gasp frantically for air and cough violently as you attempt to catch your breath and your bearings.

You sit up and position yourself on shaky hands and knees as you heave on the dark basalt beneath your splayed fingers.

It takes a few moments of panicked breathing to realize –you’re alive.

You’re alive.

You realize that you’re alive and then you regain enough brain power to panic over if Junmyeon and Baekhyun are also alive. You hear dramatic coughing and hurling to your left and when you investigate you find Baekhyun on his ass with his head between his knees as his spits out salt water.

He looks like a miserable wet dog. You would laugh if you weren’t sure that you look the same.

But where is Junmyeon?

You look left and right, in front of you and behind you but you see no trace of him. No sign of him in the underwater cave you’ve somehow found yourself.

“How did we even get in here?” you spit more salt water on the ground and look for your area of entry. Down. It felt like you fell down. So maybe there is something above.

A gasp gets caught in your throat at the sight above you. Open water somehow suspended above. If you weren’t nearly positive that you somehow fell from there, you would think there was some extremely strong glass blocking the water from falling through the hole above. You can see the glow of deep sea fish swimming by and you’re hit with just how far below the surface you are.

Dizziness pounds through your skull and you hurl out more water all over your hands.

Disgusting.

“Are you guys alright?”

You lift your head at the sound of Junmyeon’s voice and feel your remaining strength seeping from your bones. He looks between you and Baekhyun’s pathetic forms with distressed eyes.

Baekhyun looks up from between his legs with an incredulous open-mouthed frown. He looks your first mate from his toes to his head. “How the hell are you dry?”

It’s then that you notice he looks remarkably put together. As if he never even experienced the sensation of being pulled straight towards hell through water. The patterns on his skin have dulled down to a pale blue, but they are still there as clear as day.

“An Atlantian thing,” Junmyeon answers with a shrug and a smile. He reaches out a hand to help you to your feet but you wave him away with a shake of your head.

“No, give me a second. I just- I need,” you point to the hole above, “This is just-” you close your eyes and wave him away weakly. “Fuck, I need some time.”

He laughs lightly and chooses to help Baekhyun up while you gather your wits. This is overwhelming. “Did you just materialize down here what the fuck?”

“No, I came down in a bubble.”

“A…bubble.”

“Yeah you know one of those things filled with air-”

“You couldn’t lend us one of those bubbles?!”

“I didn’t know how. I don’t even know how I got it around me. Must be an Atlantian-”

“If you say ‘Atlantian thing’ one more time I will, and I swear to Poseidon, strangle you with my bare hands right here.”

“…Atlantian thing,” Junmyeon finishes cheekily. Baekhyun groans loudly and you can hear the weak thumps of him trying to smack your first mate and being deflected.

You struggle onto your feet as Junmyeon and Baekhyun argue. Typical back and forth between the two of them, you know Baekhyun is all talk when it comes to most people; he won’t hurt Junmyeon.

Letting your eyes fully wander the cave, you take in the shiny crystals in the rock around you and the way everything glows a tranquil light blue.

You hear the thundering footsteps before you see the people coming charging towards you out of the alcove hidden from your view.

“INTRUDERS, DROP TO THE GROUND NOW!”

“We just got up,” Baekhyun whines at your side. You lower your still shaking body back down to your knees and hold your hands up in the air to show your willingness to cooperate. In the corner of your eye you catch Junmyeon landing a swift kick to the back of Baekhyun’s legs with his good leg and sending him to the ground with a painful crash.

You flinch at the noise and the people in matching outfits in front of you hold out their swords, ready to strike at any moment. Once Junmyeon has lowered himself to his knees, the group of people break apart to make way for who you assume must be the leader. If the aura of dominance and the extra sparking pink embellishments on their otherwise plain white uniform is anything to go by.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” The man asks gruffly. He’s tall, handsome, big eyes rimmed in dark black kohl. His analyzing brown eyes drag from you, to Baekhyun, and finally land on Junmyeon. You catch the exact moment that recognition crosses his face.

His eyes widen and he blinks rapidly in disbelief, the sword in his hand clatters to the ground and resounds through the cave. “S-Suho? Prince Suho is that you?”

You turn to look at Junmyeon who has locked eyes with the leader with a look of confusion on his face.

“Do they know each other?” Baekhyun whispers to you.

“Shut up,” you hiss.

Junmyeon gasps and climbs to his feet. “Minho? Minho! I can’t believe it,” he says elatedly. The two of them run (Junmyeon more hobbling than running with the shitty cast still on his leg) into each other’s arms to embrace and you watch with a kind of fond sadness as they grip one another as if the other will vanish into thin air.

The other guards slowly lower their swords and break out into disbelieving whispers. Baekhyun grabs your left hand and lowers it to your lap. “I think you can lower your hands now prisoner. I don’t think they’re going to kill us yet.”

“It’s as if nothing in this world is enough to keep you from annoying the absolute hell out of me,” you grumble.

He beams, a wide and happy smile. “It’s my charm.”

You snort out a laugh while he stands up on both feet and holds out a hand for you to take to get up. You slap your hand in his and let him heft you to your feet.

Junmyeon calls out your name and you whip in his direction in alarm. He drags over the leader of the guard with a hand on his bicep and matching grins on their faces. “I want you to meet my childhood friend Minho!” He looks up at Minho with eyes beaming with happiness. “We grew up together, and Minho here is the Captain of the entire Atlantian military.”

Minho looks down at the ground bashfully.

“It is an honor to meet you. Junmyeon says that he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I, as well as all of our people owe you our highest form of gratitude,” Minho says with a deep bow.

You blink at the gesture, stupefied into immobility. Junmyeon gives you a pointed look and a subtle bow of his own to hint that you should bow back. You quickly bend at the waist and rise up. “It’s- Uhm, thank you. It wasn’t just me though, there are lots of people to thank for his return up on the surface,” you say with a nervous smile.

Minho laughs. “I’m sure. You can all amaze us with tales of your time above at breakfast in a few hours. I’m sure you would all like a moment to settle and…” he looks at Baekhyun and your soaked clothing. “…clean yourselves up.”

The two of you frown indignantly.

As if you planned on showing up soaking wet.

Minho whistles loudly and a smaller man comes scrambling out of the group of guards. “Hendery, show our two outsiders where they can rest. I will take the prince directly to the Queen.”

The smaller man nods vigorously. “Yes sir. I would like to have Xiaojun assist me, if I can.”

“Take who you need,” Minho gives you both another once over before leaning down to whisper, “Make sure there is plenty of soap in their bathrooms.”

You squawk in embarrassment. Junmyeon offers an apologetic smile before coming to place both of his hands on your shoulders and lowering his voice to talk to you and Baekhyun as privately as he can. “Just follow them and relax. I will come find you once I am finished talking to the Queen. They won’t do anything to hurt either of you.” He squeezes your shoulder. “I’ll make sure of it.”

You nod in affirmation. Baekhyun grunts at your side.

Hendery and another young guard lead you away and out of the cave. You are only allowed one final look over your shoulder before Junmyeon vanishes from your sight.

The bleakness of the cave gives way to a wide low hallway covered from top to bottom in blue crystals, or maybe it’s glass.

“You’re awfully quiet,” you murmur to the man at your side. Neither of the guards bother to turn around at the sound of your voice.

“I’m trying to take it all in. This is insane I never thought I would ever actually see this place,” Baekhyun whispers back. You’re shocked by the genuine way he explains himself. “Why? Do you already miss the sound of my voice? I can keep talking if you want.”

“I’ll pass. I already miss the silence.”

His giggle resonates against the walls. You bite down on your lip to keep from smiling in return.

Your group reaches the end of the tunnel and the guards suddenly stop. Hendery turns around first. “Because we are unable to trust you we will have to transport you while keeping our city and location a secret.”

“Huh?”

“I think we’re going to get blindfolded,” Baekhyun whispers to you.

The other guard reaches into his coat and produces two pieces of cloth while Hendery slams a fist on the wall. A hole opens up where seamless wall once stood. You watch dumbly as the other guard, Xiao…Xiao something sits in the human-sized hole and then lies on his back before disappearing through a tube.

What the fuck is this place?

You’re blindfolded first and led to the hole. “Sit.” So you do. What kind of transport requires you to sit in a hole blind? You’ve lived a couple of years now and that's long enough to know that this doesn’t feel quite safe.

Before you can argue your way out of it, you’re pushed and then careening through space. With your eyes covered and the jolt of bewilderment at sliding too fast to be humanly possible you don’t have any choice but to let out a scream.

You’re on your feet again before you know it –albeit dizzy and shaking. The blindfold is removed and you’re met with the impassive face of the guard. You look around yourself to figure out what in the deep sea hell you just slid through.

“You might want to get out right about now,” he suggests.

You hear the telltale sound of Baekhyun’s yelling and cursing getting closer by the second, so you hobble out of the exit compartment and watch in wonder as the top of the compartment opens up and air blasts from the bottom to decrease the force of gravity as Baekhyun drops to his feet.

He’s shaking like a log and his wet hair and clothes are even more disheveled than they were before.

Maybe it’s the overload of being exposed to all the new technology and scenery, but you can’t stop yourself from loudly laughing at his appearance.

Xiaoxi…Xiaode…Xiaojun, that sounds right-

Xiaojun walks forward with a smile twitching on his lips to remove the blindfold from the once one-eyed troublemaker. But, Baekhyun has his eyes squeezed closed, refusing to open them. You take it upon yourself to physically pull him out of his spot.

“It’s over, you’re on solid ground now,” you tease. He peaks open one eye and it darts around distrustfully before he opens them both and leans forward with his hands on his knees to let out a dramatic exhale of breath. Another humored giggle escapes you. “You look like shit and the way you screamed-.”

He stands up straight with reddened cheeks. “Never speak of it,” he threatens in a low voice. You roll your eyes and lift a hand to fix his messy hair. You hear the hiss of air from the tube, knowing that Hendery will be arriving soon, but you busy yourself with smoothing down the unruly strands.

The red darkens on his face as you rake your fingers through the hair at his fringe. You aren’t sure what compels you to initiate the act, but he doesn’t stop you so selfishly you continue to take what you can. Satisfied with your work you smile shyly and turn away to hide your face and the heat you can feel creeping up your neck.

A cough snaps you back into attention.

Right, the guards.

Hendery has a creepily knowing smirk on his face while Xiaojun covers his mouth with his hand, but you can see mirth shining in his eyes.

Baekhyun clears his throat and crosses his arms over his chest. “So…where are we supposed to rest exactly? Or are we supposed to wander around and find it ourselves?”

Hendery motions to the right. “Down this hallway.” He nudges Xiaojun and they both walk forward. You resist the urge to smash your head into the wall as you follow behind. Into one of the…beautiful smooth white walls. For the first time you take in the interior of the building where you have ended up.

High ceilings and pillars. Enormous windows that go from ceiling to floor to show an expansive view of what awaits outside.

You’ve had plenty of time to image what Atlantis would look like, but seeing it in front of you now, bathed in a light like that of early dawn, with the reflection of water moving over the architecture…it’s too unreal, too magical to put into words.

“Keep up. You’ll be able to see the city after breakfast with the Queen,” Xiaojun advises. Both you and Baekhyun pick your pace back up after having fallen behind trying to take in all that around you.

Attempting to keep your gawking to a minimum you keep your eyes ahead and try to quickly take in as much as you can.

“We’re here,” Hendery says. You almost tumble into his side when he suddenly stops; and Baekhyun trips over his own feet at your side. “These will be your rooms. There will be drinking water and a bathroom for you to clean up. We have already notified the castle staff of your arrival and there will be clothes delivered to you for you to change into for the meal.

“Breakfast will be served in 3 hours. One of the castle butlers will come for you to show you to the dining area at that time. Until then we advise you entertain yourself inside of the room.” The door is opened and a grand suite awaits you. Your mouth drops at the extravagance of it.

A large bed rests at the very center of the room, draped in iridescent white curtains that look as creamy as milk. The floor is covered in cold white marble and speckled with shells and pearls embedded into it. A large couch is perched near the entrance, a lit fire in front of it keeping the room comfortably warm. A book shelf stretches across a third of the room only stopping at a golden archway that you assume leads into the bathroom. The room is decorated in soft golds, creamy whites and pale blues. You catch little accents of pink in the wall paint and on the couch pillows.

The dome-like shape of the room makes you feel like you’re in a bubble.

“What is with you guys and bubbles?” You grumble to yourself.

Xiaojun shrugs. “It’s an Atlantian thing,” he says simply.

You close your eyes in frustration while Baekhyun grumbles at your side.

“So whose room is this?” Baekhyun asks once he’s done cursing Atlantis and its obsession with bubbles. Hendery and Xiaojun share a look and you catch the sneakiness on their expressions.

Hendery is the one who decides to answer, cheerily as if he isn’t intentionally planning to ruin your time here in Atlantis. “Both of yours.”

“I’m sorry what did you just say?”

“This room is for the both of you.” Hendery casts Baekhyun a wide smile. “You’ll have to share because…uhm..”

“Because we’re low on rooms,” Xiaojun chimes in.

“Yes! Low on rooms,” Hendery agrees quickly, conspicuously. You narrow your eyes. “You see we have a lot of guests recently because of a…” he looks to Xiaojun for help.

“For a uh, for a wedding!”

“Who is getting married?” Baekhyun asks, just to catch them in their lie.

“One of the princes! Ah we must be returning to our Captain now. Rest well!” Hendery says quickly before he and Xiaojun rush away with their hands over their mouths, giggling like school children. You’re adults, you can share a room. You won’t let the giggling of the younger boys worsen the pounding in your chest.

You exhale and shake your head. “Come on.” You enter the room first and immediately feel relaxed by the colors, the roundedness, and general softness of everything around you.

The fire feels like it’s calling your name so you wander over to warm yourself up by its flames. Your wet clothes are beginning to feel bothersome again now that the excitement of being in Atlantis and being alive have begun to fade.

The sound of something sopping wet hitting the ground heavily pulls your attention from the flickering flames. When you turn around you don’t expect to see your roommate getting ass naked…

But alas that is what your eyes land on. His shoes and shirt are already in a wet pile by his feet.

“Baekhyun,” you admonish. He stops with his pants halfway down his legs. You look at his soft naked dick only momentarily before you raise your eyes back to his anticipatory face. “Really?”

“I’m cold and wet. I need a shower do you want me to get sick?”

“You couldn’t even wait to go change in the bathroom?”

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” he responds before shucking the last of his clothing and standing in the middle of the room proudly.

In all his naked glory.

You can’t help but feel a bit put off by the fact that he doesn’t have any issue getting naked around you. He’s not even hard. It’s like your presence doesn’t affect him in the slightest.

Bitterly you wonder if you’d been Jongin would he have a different reaction in this situation. You stand up abruptly. Fuck Baekhyun.

Pettily you strip out of your clothes as you walk towards the bathroom, leaving the wet articles in your wake. “I’m cleaning myself first,” you state coldly as you all but rip the last of your clothing off at the archway of the bathroom.

You don’t turn around and you don’t bother to investigate why he seems stunned to his spot or why he averts his eyes as you walk by.

~~~

The bathroom is just as opulent as the main room. A creamy white with pretty pale pinks streaked through the marble and coloring the crystals that illuminate the room in a soft pinkish glow.

A tub the size of a small pool is carved into the corner of the room. Oils and scented salts in jars cover the expansive shelf built into the wall at its side. A wide mirror stretches across the room with a spout and basin to wash your hands in front of it. A varied range of brushes and facial oils and paints are neatly organized across the counter, settled in front of a thick patterned chaise. You find candles nestled snuggly beneath a shelf of towels and unused sponges on ropes.

Looking at your appearance in the mirror, your hold in the need to physically recoil. You skin looks blanched from the overexposure to water, and the hair on your head is knotted beyond belief. Not wanting to look at your naked form for too long you twist the knob at the tub to release a steady flow of lukewarm water. You toss in some oil that smells good and a soap that catches your attention. The bottle is make of glass and has writing that you can’t read as it must be in Atlantian, but it smells and looks good and bubbles up when it comes in contact with the running water.

Grabbing a comb from the counter of goodies and the specialized hair soap left at the side of the tub, you decide to make an event out of pulling your appearance back together. You will be meeting the Queen in a few hours.

Gingerly, you lower yourself into the water and shove your head under the spout before lathering it in hair soap and detangling the strands on your hand. Rinsing out the suds and then turning off the water, you allow yourself to be semi submerged in the water.

“Yah, you can’t steal the bath and then spend an hour using it. I could have been in and out already.” You crane your neck to find Baekhyun’s complaining form leaning against the archway.

“You weren’t fast enough. Not my problem. You can wait.”

“No I can’t.”

“You can, and you will. I’m not fucking moving.”

In the month you have spent time more intimately with Baekhyun aboard your ship as a fellow crewman, you’ve learned one thing about him that you didn’t know before. He can be astoundingly petty.

His intelligence, his wit, his strength and skill as a pirate, his ability to charm and talk his way out of anything –you knew of it all before. But this petty level of childishness is new.

That being said, you aren’t surprised to find him padding over and then climbing into the large tub across from you. He settles and then his bottom lip juts out.

“Happy now?”

“No.”

You snort loudly and his pout breaks off into something like a smile. You push a handful of water in his direction, not enough to do much and not with enough strength to even be called a splash.

The little shithead he is takes your push of water as permission to send a small tidal wave in your direction, splashing you directly in your face.

You splutter and wipe the water from your eyes while he laughs his loudest most punctuated laugh at your expense. When you squint at him through the water still in your eyes you see pure relaxed happiness in his features, and you can’t find it in you to even attempt to be mad.

This Baekhyun is the real one. The one he covers up with cocky smiles and biting words. The one he leaves locked away and protected from the heartlessness that is required of your jobs.

Happy Baekhyun is a vulnerable Baekhyun. A soft version of him that makes your heart hammer in your chest and sparks a juvenile desire to keep him at your side safe from anyone who dares try and take that side of him away.

His laughing calms to muffled chuckles hidden behind his hand. “Okay, now I’m happy.”

“That makes one of us,” you scoff out. The water begins to agitate your eyes so you run the water from the spout to flush out the fragrance laced liquid. Blindly you reach out for the stream only to continuously miss.

“Come here,” you hear at your side. “Here, lean back.” You’re moved to the side and you lean backwards only to come in contact with his chest. You tense before giving in and letting yourself relax against him. You feel his muscles shifting as he reaches around you to cup water and pour it over your eyes. You blink away the water and scrunch up your face in discomfort. “I’m not done, try and keep your eyes open this time,” he says gently.

You reach up and hold open each eyelid as he cups the water and lets it flush out the soap. Finally you can blink without agitation. You contemplate thanking him, but decide to do it once you’re safely on your side of the bath. As you’re making your escape, arms wrap around you and pull you back securely down between strong thighs and against a warm chest.

“Can you…uh can you let me go?”

“Nuh uh,” he grunts with a head shake.

You look down at where his arms are crossed over your chest and swallow thickly. He perches his chin on your shoulder and takes in a deep relaxed breath. You feel stiff as a board. “This is nice,” he sighs out.

This is too intimate. This is too intimate. This is too intimate.

“How long have you been in love with Jongin, Baekhyun?” you ask in a rush of breath. His grip on you loosens to nothing and you pull yourself away from him, crossing your arms over your chest to hide the hardening of your nipples. From the cold of the air and the all too close embrace you’d found yourself enjoying just a tad too much.

He splutters. “I- wh-” he starts to cough violently. You feel your heart sinking with each noise he makes. “I don’t- I’m not in love with Jongin!”

You let your silence and your frown portray your disbelief.

“I’m serious. I’m not in love with Jongin he’s like my younger brother, what would make you think that?!” He fake gags. “Oh gross, just the thought-” he covers his mouth to fake gag again.

You gawk at him. Is he overcompensating to hide the truth?

“What in Poseidon’s name would lead you to believe that I’m in love with Jongin? I nearly raised the kid.”

You feel embarrassment creeping up your neck like snakes. “You- the…Minseok said…”

“Minseok said I was in love with Jongin?!”

“No! Wait let me-” you smack a hand to your forehead. “Minseok said that you took the compass with you when you came to find the three of us and I guess I just I don’t fucking know assumed you had to want to find your crew most in the world and then I figured you were actually in love with one of them and Jongin seemed like the most likely of him and Chanyeol because Chanyeol doesn’t really seem like your type but I guess it could also be him since he’s kind of goofy and airhead at times too-”

His hands come out of the water to cup your cheeks and then –lips.  

“Stop talking,” he says softly. Another quick press of his lips against yours. “You’re wrong and you’re stupid and you need to stop thinking before you overload your dumb little brain.”

“Hey-”

“Ah ah. What did I say?”

You purse your lips and let him squish your cheeks closer together until your lips are puckered ridiculously. The look in his eyes is fond almost, the smile on his lips and the shine in his eyes soft as he squishes and unsquishes your face.

You bat away his hands. “You still didn’t answer my question,” you whine despite yourself.

“Aw the baby getting upset?” he makes a face of exaggeratedly fake concern. “Come here, sit on daddy’s lap and I’ll make you feel all better.”

“Baek that was gross.”

“The invitation still stands.” He waggles his eyebrows and shimmies his shoulders. When his gaze drops down to your uncovered chest and a bit of the playfulness gets swallowed up by want, you feel a bit of that desire rushing through your veins again.

He isn’t in love with Jongin?

That only leaves more unanswered questions, but you let them go easily at the sight of Baekhyun reclining lazily against the side of the tub, rubbing up and down his thighs slowly and watching you with predatory closeness.

He is so sexy, you are so fucked.

Squashing the tiny feeling of shame, you crawl over and wrap yourself around him. You can feel him rising in excitement from beneath you. You let your arms rest lazily around his shoulders while he busies his hands with massaging circles on your hips.

“That feels nice,” you whisper in a puff of breath. You know that he can see how affected you are –can feel it in your impatient squirms against him as you attempt to subtly relieve the ache growing inside of you. He hums in agreement and focuses his eyes on your mouth.

You can take a hint when it’s staring you in the face like this. You lean forward and connect your lips softly. A peck. Another one. A kiss on the corner of his mouth. A kiss on the tip of his nose. Another on his smiling lips.

When you pull back there’s emotion swimming in his irises that sparks a heat in your core. You nip at his bottom lip.

A lick, a nibble, a juvenile laugh against pressed lips.

He sticks his tongue out through pursed lips, waiting for you to try and kiss him with his ridiculous expression. You pull away to grimace, only to laugh and lick a messy wet stripe from his upper lip to the tip of his nose.

“You’re a dick,” he laughs, wiping your saliva off his nose.

“And you’re a bastard,” you respond easily. You look at your deeply pruning skin with disdain. “We should dry off.”

“But I like it here in the tub; I haven’t even scrubbed the dirt off.”

“We can clean ourselves properly after I get your cock inside me.” You feel him twitch from beneath you. You cock your head to the side teasingly. “Oh, now you’re ready to get out?”

He scrambles from under you and over the edge of the tub right to the towels. You roll your eyes playfully and climb out just as he plops a towel on your head and quickly tries to dry your hair, only messing it up further.

“Hurry up. We’ll get sick if we stay like this for too long. We need to go to the bed and warm up, I can already feel a cold coming on.”

[monkee-mobile]

oh damn, im gonna be annoying and answer them all right now because i’m procrastinating important work that will help decide my future. okay, here goes…

1. Daydream Believer.

My mom used to sing it to me when I was a baby (as well as John Lennon’s ‘woman’ and ‘beautiful boy’ and ‘babe’ by Styx), and since my middle name’s Jeanne (newly changed spelling), she’d sing it as ‘cheer up *deadname* Jeanne’, which was sweet until I transed my gender into a million pieces at 13.

2. Damnit… Probably Sweet Young Thing or Magnolia Simms, maybe What Am I Doin Hangin ‘Round, but I’m a very big Look Out (Here comes tomorrow) fan as well, and I cannot just not include Tapioca Tundra, Words, Nine Times Blue and Goin’ down, and fucking clarksville, and listen to the band (33 1/3 version) … oh shit.

3. Favorite is tricky since I have a copy of the first album from the 60s that i’ve had for a long time and i have a soft spot for birds bees and the monkees, so both of those are favorites among my personal collection, but my most listened to album is probably Pisces Aquarius Capricorn and Jones LTD. It’s just fun.

4. I’m gonna throw the first album on this one, i’m sorry my love, i’ve just listened to all of the songs a million times.

5. I don’t know, I think the missing links covers are pretty groovy🌼 I also, again, have a soft spot for birds bees and the monkees because i’ve stared over every inch of that thing a billion times.

6. More of the Monkees with their little JC Penny outfits. Sorry boys, I just think the angle is weird and poor lil Micky had his straight hair.

7. Michael is my favorite. Okay yeah, I think he’s very beautiful and I upset myself daily because i do not look like michael fucking nesmith, but he was always my favorite on the show as a kid. I saw autism in that boy. I tended to grab onto the more thoughtful or intellectual types. I just think he’s very neat. Also, for mike-real, his music is so wonderful. It’s all i ever want like ever, i don’t know why. All of the monkees songs that I got initially impressed by I went through later on and they were all either Mike or neil diamond songs (and neil diamond is another favorite of mine, especially when i was a kid) Please watch the crusin’ video from elephant parts if you’ve never seen it, that damn thing changed my life in seventh grade. I don’t know, as a kid i just think i assumed i’d go through puberty to become Peter Brady and then slowly transition into Michael Nesmith and that’d be my life. He’s just important to me.

8. I can’t not say First National Band, but I’m also a huge fan of Peter Tork’s silly little 1994 album Stranger Things Have Happened. I know the whole thing back to front. My mother crushed me by saying Peter was “an acquired taste” after I made her listen to the entire thing in the car once (strategically singing over Milkshake because I love that goddamn song, but it’s my mother, we don’t need dick chomping right now). She didn’t even appreciate MGB-GT! my little red MG!! my mgbgt, mgb, bgt…

9. Randy Scouse Git, a horny urban jerk.

10. 🎶 Reasoned verse, some prose or rhyme, lose themselves in other times, and waiting hopes cast silent spells that speak in clouded clues. It cannot be a part of me for now it's part of you … sunshine, ragtime, blowing in the breeze, midnight, looks right standing more at ease. Silhouettes and figures stay close to what he had to say, and one more time the faded dream is saddened by the news. It cannot be a part of me for now it's part of you. 🎶 So damn beautiful.

11. Lemme grab it…

been all of my screensavers on everything for way too long (and a version on my ipad where it says ‘weezer’ in the corner)

12. Probably Davy’s Goldilocks “fantasy” song in 33 1/3 where he’s in the little sailor/schoolboy outfit with all the dolls. I took a video of it as well as peter’s I Privy and Naked Persimmon years ago and used to listen to them in the car, but that’s the weirder of those ones, but i’ve always really liked it.

13. I don’t really have a single song but the albums i tend put on before bed are birds bees and the monkees (since i was little little) and Pisces Aquarius Capricorn and Jones LTD.

14. Goin’ down or For Pete’s Sake (cause I used to jump around to it when the credits rolled at the end of an episode. such a stimulating frickin show for a little kid)

15. PAPA GENE’S BLUES (or Crusin’, but that’s a Mike solo thing so it doesn’t count)

16. I’m not your steppin stone because I can do the Micky glitter act he did on the Don Kirshner’s Rock Show with Boyce & Hart in the 70s and get all crazy. Just need myself a Davy to bite on the neck… also, other people know that song, so i wouldn’t feel all crazy and obscure, and it’s fun.

17. Here me out, I love Clarksville, it’s was a favorite of mine for so long, but it just got so popular and overplayed. it’s always considered like the epitome of classic, and I’m over here with Zilch like “but—but—“

18. The Monkees, The Birds, the Bees and the Monkees, Pisces A.C& Jones ltd, a buncha 45s and a LOT of Nez stuff. I also have some Monkees and FNB CDs.

19. Oop—there we are! Okay, I have a greatest hits album, an odd Karaoke monkees thing but it has my favorite monkees photo on the cover so it’s great, like ten mix things recorded for me by my grandpa, and I also have a bunch of FNB albums, but those probably don’t count…

20. Gonna say again the dancing around to Pete’s Sake as a kid after an episode of the show. Usually either Happy Days, I love lucy, lassie, brady bunch, or gilligan’s island would come on after, because we had this classic tv kind of station when we could afford cable, and then i’d just watch it on the box set we bought, but i always liked when it was on the regular tv station.

21. Look Out (Here Comes Tomorrow)!!!!

22. Words or Goin’ Down. He has an incredible goddamn voice. He worked on it too and it got even better later on! His vocals in the 70s are sexy. A most underrated rock voice.

23. Oh damn… I have to go with What am I doin Hangin round, there’s just a kind of rawness to his vocals that i fucking dig. Magnolia Simms, Sweet Young Thing, kind of girl I could love, tapioca tundra… I also really love Love is Only Sleeping and it having to make an almost Mike-song continuity referencing the girl being “sweet” and “young” because we can’t be starting any rumors now can we? He had such range stylistically.

24. Auntie Grizelda, obviously.

25. Fairy Tale. Can never get over it, not ever.

26. Oh lord, Monkee Chow Mein. I’m not digging the racism loves. Honorable mention goes to the g*yspy episode, but I think that one’s better structured overall than Chow Mein.

27. In the episode with Davy’s uncle when they take over the goddamn airport so Davy can’t leave for England. That’s your first plan boys? Go get your boy back Michael!

28. Every instance of “buddalum” followed by droning “here we comeeee”

29. “Don’t do that!” I’ve been saying it in a deeply texan accent for years. Honorable mention, Mike panicking when people move out of his direct line of sight. You okay babe??

30. See I feel like this doesn’t really count as a “guest appearance” for the time, but Ruth Buzzi in coffin too frequent.

The Monkees Asks

1: First Monkees song you heard?

2: Favourite Monkees song?

3: Favourite Monkees album?

4: Least favourite Monkees album?

5: Favourite Monkees album cover?

6: Least favourite Monkees album cover?

7: Favourite Monkee? Why?

8: Favourite solo work?

9: Favourite song title?

10: Favourite lyrics?

11: Favourite photo of all four Monkees?

12: Guilty pleasure song?

13: Best Monkees song to sleep to?

14: Best Monkees song to dance to?

15: Best Monkees song to sing in the shower?

16: Best Monkees song for karaoke?

17: A Monkees song you think is overrated?

18: Which Monkees albums do you own on vinyl?

19: Which Monkees albums do you own as CDs?

20: A Monkees song that reminds you of a good memory?

21: Favourite song with Davy on lead vocals?

22: Favourite song with Micky on lead vocals?

23: Favourite song with Mike on lead vocals?

24: Favourite song with Peter on lead vocals?

25: Favourite episode of the series?

26: Least favourite episode?

27: Favourite romp?

28: Favourite fourth-wall-breaking moment?

29: Favourite running gag?

30: Favourite guest appearance?