#....... theres a lot going on im just gonna stop. ill post it and stop i think

[obnoxiousarcade]

I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

[thecherrygod]

/

[koiifiishy]

back with more eris doodlings :-) ! and more under the cut

i've decided that if he had a title like the named npcs, he'd be Eris The Defiant. also decided that if he were a npc LI with a toggable gender changer, he'd look pretty much the same as a girl just with a few cups up in the chest dept. lol - he's also still be trans, so you either get transmasc or transfemme eris, there is no cis option.

going off of this post for heights! (too lazy to draw an entirely new img - just scribbled over the height comparison models -w-) a full line up + eris amongst the taller LI's (...of whom he's already met / has interacted with in game thus far!). he's just one inch smaller than kylar haha, which im sure kylar would love. avery with eris though is LOL (stares at the other three on that height list......... that height diff... hes getting FOLDED. . .)

this chart is very messy so bear with me & the yellow i used is hard to read so ill type it out too!

Robin

mutual besties. they're basically brothers! except that robin left his confession note for eris and eris is uh.. willfully ignoring it,,, sorry robin he's not gonna take you up on that (yet lol)

img text: "if anything happens to robin (again) i'll kill everyone in this town and then myself"

Sydney

what is it about this unassuming churchboy that calls to eris... he doesnt know,, but sydney makes him happy 🥺!!

unintentionally uuuh reduing sydney's purity by being horny at him. theyre promised ok?! its fine right?!? especially bc of the fucking SLOW BURN they went through omg...

img text: "he makes this shit town bearable. BF" sydnet img text: "really adores and admires him. BF"

Kylar

um. well. your honor, he's just misunderstood..! eris kinda feeds into kylar's IssuesTM by not dissuading him. he just feels kinda sorry for him,,! this opinion Will change if/when kylar finally gets his greasy little paws on eris

he 100% realizes kylar is unhinged and the plushie gift was probs bugged somehow. still accepted it but like... he's hardly home anyway so w/e. still holds onto hope kylar can change(???)

img text: "haha. i'm in danger :^)" kylar's img text: "HAVE MY FUCKING BABIES" lol

Whitney

literally beat the shit out of each other every time they were in close proximity for like a month, until whitney's dominance meter dropped a lot. he confuses eris... does he like. have a crush and is acting like an elementary kid about it??? use your words damnit!

despite it all... doesnt hate him. eris feels like theyre probably a lot more similar than whitney's letting him (or anyone) see. sydney's mention of whitney having things going on to make him act like a little shit stuck with eris. . .

img text: "stop giving mixed messages whitney!"

Avery

the most cut and dry of them: it's just a transactional sugar relationship. except the part about the elk/fox bullshit? hello?? mr avery??? WHAT WAS THAT AVERY--?????

eris really doesnt trust avery,,, but he pays him a LOT & eris has two whole debts to pay off;; avery is only allowed to hit it from the back. . . (thanks temple for not counting that as sex ig lol!)

im iffy on the designs ive drawn for them too, i mostly have been going off of what i see the general fandom draws! theres a lot of really nice designs :> im being mindful not to fully copy anyone tho.

i also went insane and made eris a playlist - it has a lot of metal/loud songs jsyk! remains of us was specifically put on the playlist for sydney 🥹 just recently had my first run in with the ivory wraith too =D AH. TRAUMAS OBTAINED!!! very much eris' top trauma event so far!! he's resilient... so he's on the road to recovery but boy was that RUFF. robin and sydney came in super clutch with comforting him tho :")

one last thing for you all:

eris core lol

[gwaaaaar]

breaking my silence...

whoever told me the second half of death note was trash... YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONGGGGGG 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 MELLO AND NEAR ARE WORTHY SUCCESSORS TO L YOURE JUST A STAN!!!!

near... sweet jesus baby they didnt deserve you !!! I was so pleasantly surprised to see how distinct he was despite people calling him "white haired L". LIKE hes a lot more cautious than L but isn't above being a sarcastic little shit and actively causing problems... i read a fan translation and he uses a lot of cuss words to refer to certain people he dislikes. I dont know if thats in the official translation as well but i do like the visual of this 7 yo saying "asshole" and "dickhead". I know hes 17-18 and this is average teenage behavior but gah hes so cute and moe and make little "vrooooom" noises when playing with his toys... 🥺 cant help but stan. Hes in his zone unbothered...

AND THE FACT HE CHALLENGES LIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE SO BLATANTLY... no mind games no time for light to make his next move just fuck it we ball. Also very fond of the scene where he drops hundred dollar bills off the SPK building. He's unpredictable just like Mello is but in a different way and its fascinating i love this guy. Also enjoy the fact that his flavor of justice is that he doesnt really have one hes just doing his job. The verbal beatdown he does at the end about how lights just a crazy serial killer... GET HIS ASS NEAR !!! Hes not pretentious and its just... its just good you know? L wasn't very pretentious but he does call himself justice sometimes and stuff along the like(?) Near drops all pretense... cant help but stan

Also really fond that he actually likes mello its just mello doesnt like him... I know canon never explicitly states their relationship with each other, like if its a brotherly relationship or not (altho isnt there some cain and abel parallels??? Not sure). But i really do see a siblinglike relationship between the two. Canon doesnt really put any angst on their relationship bc near doesnt care lolol, but the two do remind me of certain siblings that have a strained relationship because of the pressure put on one of them (or on both. Again fuck wammys house all my homies hate wammys AND WATARI!!! ME WHEN I GET YOU!!!) I really would love to see the two interact... and maybe just be happy by each other/pl. Because god it really terrible to see how much mello hates near and its not even nears fault :,). AND FUCK THE CHOCOLATE BAR HE EATS AT THE END TO HONOR MELLO???? STOPPPP IM GONNA CRY... near the man that you are... they dont deserve you baby...

And smello... mello mello mello... I've heard more positive things about him compared to near bc hes more "interesting" and i can see why people take that angle BUT. God they still undersell him so much??? I feel like hes one of the few characters to have a goal besides catching Kira (or not getting caught) because of his inferiority complex. I do not mean to undersell any of the other characters when i say this because theyre all very complex! They all have their driving goals and the like. Its just that i argue that Mello's is more persistent and that it is not centered around the conflict but rather himself. Even if he caught Kira perhaps he would still never be happy with himself because Near is always "going to be better" because of the shit he went through in wammys. Theres a whole discussion to be had abt the ethics of wammys house... but ill save that for another post wwww.

Mello is also someone that isnt pretentious about his idea of justice bc hes a fucking criminal. (BTW i love the two opposing sides of the successors... one that tries falling within the law but still doesnt give a shit and the other that doesnt give any shits at all and eventually helps the law.) And its so... I LOVE YOU RUTHLESS CHARACTERS I LOVE YOU CHARACTERS THAT STOP AT NOTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

And the thing is ... Mello does have his own sense of justice because its not as if he sacrifices innocent bystanders to get what he wants he just does what is necessary. LIKE ofc its fucked up that he kidnapped sayu (and traumatized her...), takada (and the stripping... but at least she got a blanket:,) honestly tho id blame that on the misogyny of the authors) and the director of the police im not about to be a mello apologist (yes i am/j). But a. He probably knew no one was going to get hurt in the first place because hes just that damn confident. b. His remorse for matt and soichiros deaths show that he doesnt intend on sacrificing anyone and when things go astray it saddens him a little. And c. THE FACT HE PROBABLY KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIE AND STILL SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO HELP NEAR... near would "win" but mello prioritized putting kira behind bars and while i cant guess his motive, from my end it does seem like in extension he prioritized doing the right thing, which would be to sacrifice his life and pride to help near get the final piece to catch mikami... wow what a man im so deathly ill

After typing all this, i must say... is L really as complex as years of DN fans have said?? I think im about to get crucified for this opinion, but legitimately is he??? I think he is complex most certainly just... maybe not as much as others have said... i might just be missing details about his past + lore from external media so maybe thats why i have this opinion. But i feel like the successors *are* toe to toe with him despite their split screen time... idk tho :3 this is just my thoughts meow

[peachdelta]

btw i guess now is a good as time as any to talk about emmetropia. i really enjoyed making it when i had the fixation but i burned myself out really hard on it and i completely lost motivation to make any longform content like that for a really long time + other mental health stopping me from working on it. thats not to say i dont enjoy it anymore, im still really proud of what ive made and i had a ton of fun doing it!

there’s a lot of concepts that only existed in emmetropia that i really liked (theres one character i planned on showing up but it never got to the point where i could) so i might just talk about where the plot was gonna go and make doodles about it...

“will emmetropia come back?” probably not in the fully finished comic format! id like to make more content for it but i think making it the way i was was very unsustainable for me. im sorry it took so long to update fully on this but i hope you can understand. i want to draw it more but it wont be the linear comic narrative

the last few pages of what was supposed to be the regular comic are finished in a semi-coloured format. ill probably post them in a bit and then maybe i can just infodump about what i had in mind and make sketches and stuff about it.

[shadowblade8192]

well let it be on record that i was asked for this (insert image for ask that was send cause it got deleted somehow. the original asker has said they didnt do that so it was probably on tumblrs end. in the reblogs there will be a screenshot of the original ask)

so, most of this is gonna be out of chronological order because i cant remember the order i got a lot of these in, though i do remember the first two physicals. first one i got was pc steam version. most playtime in this one due to getting it first and still going back to it cause multiplayer is easy, and also free unlike consoles) gifted it to quite a lot of my steam friends.

then my grandad introduced me to gog (and gave me fallout 3 and nv) and i got the gog version of terraria (identical to steam except its drm free and doesnt contain any steamworks stuff like steam multiplayer (though you can direct ip connect) or steam achievements (there are ingame achievements) or steam cloud) we'll get back to this one later as i have more to say

so, onto the physical copies i will not be going in chronological order as i only remember the first two chronologically (also i will note i got the steam and gog versions before any physicals)

Nintendo Switch

so like 2 years ago now i got a switch for my birthday, first console ive ever owned (i was a pc girlie), whats the first game i get for it? Wrong! it was mario kart (thats why i wanted a switch). naturally when i got the switch it did not come with a game packed in so i ended up cycling a couple miles to go and buy mario kart. shortly after i got terraria cause hey i liked the game on pc itd be nice to play it on the go (my laptop was shit and also it stopped working properly shortly before i got my desktop pc the year before my switch). also the third game i got for it was breath of the wild which i thought was worth mentioning

Xbox 360

second one i ever got was the xbox 360. i found this while on holiday in a cex for £1.50 (same time i got botw for the switch, see i said it was worth mentioning), and thought itd be neat to start collecting terraria physical copies for all the consoles because well a £1.50 game is a good place to start. havent played it yet, only verified the disc works since i dont have an xbox 360. it was a couple months (and collected terraria copies) down the line before i decided "hey this collection is cool why dont i get the consoles to play them on and eventually 100% each of them" which lead me down buying broken consoles and repairing them which is how most consoles i own came into my possession. if theres anything notable about the repairs ill mention them alongside the game. you can clearly tell i have no plan on how this post is going im just rambling as i remember something anyways this is where things stop being chronological and im just gonna group similar consoles together, which leads us to

Xbox One

the xbox one version has two different box art variations. why do i have both despite only being able to use one at a time? because theres two of course! the later one (right) is what i got first before hunting for the second one i got (left) because the right one is more common in cex and the left more common on ebay for.... some reason i dont know. nothing much to note otherwise except 100%ing this one was a fucking pain in the arse i didnt actually do it until about 9 hours ago. id basically 100%ed it some months ago (the standard 115 ingame achievements as of 1.4.4.9), but of course the ps4 and xbox one versions dont just have the standard ingame achievements like steam has, nonono thats to easy. they have their own that are more relics from the old gen consoles (ps3/vita/xb360/wiiu), and are xbox live/psn achievements. most are unique but some are just ingame ones (but not all 115 for.... some reason). and now we get to the achievement i was never able to complete until today. pet collector. most of these were fine, easy, completed alongside the others. except pet collector. now it requires you to "get all the pets". this is thankfully untrue, it requires you to get all the pets that were in the game as of when that achievement was introduced. a few i could get easily by looking up "<pet name> seed xbox" and getting the ones from chests, the rest i just got naturally, except, the zephyr fish. random chance from fishing, if you have insane fishing power, the maximum possible in the game, it wont even hit 0.5% chance, and its lower with lower fishing power. thankful xbox one has rolling recording so i was able to quickly capture the moment that i caught it (i was checking the wiki to see if there was anything else i could do to get this fish easier, then returned to the game and caught it there and then): (there was a video here but im cutting it in the hopes that i can actually send the post. its on my blog somewhere). i had a much easier time with this achievement on ps4. speaking about playstation,

Playstation 3

ha you thought i was gonna talk about ps4 werent you, or not i dont know what youre thinking. anyways this one was another cheap one, i got the ps3 version [on the right] for about £2, checked the disc works, and i still dont have a ps3 so i havent played that yet. also found a japanese ps3 version for a couple quid that comes with inlays and all that. cant read a word but its cool to have

Playstation Vita

This was one of the more pricy versions, with it [the english version] being about £15, played on a modded vita that i bought. notable things about that vita, the rear touchpad came broken but it was just unplugged, also the previous owner didnt wipe it and their memory card was just, full of porn (no i wont share it i factory reset it all) japanese version i got from someone selling it from japan, cheaper than the english version which was pretty funny to me

Playstation 4

so. a lot here. first one i got was the (boxed) playstation hits version, which came with a... original print disc? someone somewhere has bought a ps4 original box with the playstation hits disc from a random cex in some city. maybe ill meet them some day. anyways, next i got the original print with original print disc, nothing really of note, then found out there was a newer print without playstation hits on it (this doesnt exist for xbox one i checked trust me), tracked one down and paid a surprisingly low price. it had the right disc. now the odd ones out of the ps4 lineup, the disc in the jewel case is a standalone playstation hits disc (which came as a disc i provided the case myself) because i wanted one since i got confirmation it existed after getting that middle box art variation with its own disc. now, unique thing here, its the usa version. the ps4 is region free with discs, so i could play it. but. different region versions are different applications with different save data and different achievements trackers. i have only played this one to test the disc works im not doing 102 hours all over again to 100% the american version (yeah it was about 102 hours i did on expert mode this time, plus two minutes that i went into a journey mode drunk world to get a kite since it wasnt windy at all on the main save). finally, the bonus collectors edition. this has the box ive shown in the image, plus in the plastic wrap its stealed in theres an original print of the box art in there too. inside the big box is the stickers, poster, and... drum roll please.... the terraria branded pickaxe 2gb usb-2.0 flash drive. its by itself on ebay for like £30 or more and i got this whole bundle for under £20. i do not want to break the seal just for a 2gb usb drive ill use once and never again (american one is cropped, wouldnt upload if it was separate and i cant retake the pic for reasons. i think theres an image limit? or limit for images on separate paragraphs?)

Wii U and 3DS

these were also on the more expensive side, £20 and £15 respectively. nothing much to note about the games themselves, except the wiiu version can be played with the wiiu gamepad or pro controller... and also the fuckign wii remote with nunchuck. this isnt on the wiki. if i knew how to edit the wiki page to add that control scheme in i would. discussion page on the wiki talking about it here and if anyone wants the full inputs so they can put it in PLEASE message me i just want it on the wiki. nothing much to note on the repairs for my wiiu, but the 3ds. well. lets start by the fact that i bought this during a college day when i didnt have a lecture, and one of my friends (coincidentally an ex) had their 3ds xl with them, so i asked if i could just check this game works and it did. played about 5 mins and didnt touch it again. then i bought a broken new 2ds xl off ebay. broken (i knew this) not fixable by me (i wasnt aware till i tried). big problem, it wouldnt boot and also the shoulder button switches broke off and my soldering iron is too big to fix that, and also it was homebrewed and i didnt have the original nand backup cause it wasnt mine. it rotted in my electronics drawer for about two and a half years (maybe three and a half). onto the new 3ds xl i got, the only problem with that was a nonfunctional sd card reader. hey wait a sec i have a 3ds sd card reader on an old broken 3ds (2ds xl) so i swapped those out and its worked fine since. homebrewed it and i have the nand backup for that. so this was early this year. now. lets go up to last month. ive just built a computer monitor using the lcd panel and top case from my old shit laptop, a controller board for the panel i got off aliexpress, a cardboard box to store the aforementioned controller board, the laptops charger (fit perfectly into the dc port on the controller board and also was the right voltage), and some speakers (theyre shit but they work), and thought "hey my electronics repair skills have improved, lets go back to that old new 2ds xl, i found a motherboard replacement. its also a special variant one i have so i could sell it if i wanted to make money". so i bought the motherboard (and a new volume slider cause i lost that little bit of plastic), put it all together, and it worked! it all booted up! and i was so caught up in the euphoria of all that i failed to notice that the top screen was cracked inside that i could only notice now that the rest of the console worked. back to aliexpress, new top screen arrived, some broken glass, a ripped ribbon cable (of the old top screen) and some superglue later and i have a perfectly functioning new 2ds xl. which i am not playing terraria on cause my new 3ds xl is better. but hey i can streetpass with myself now that was worth the £40 i spent on repairs

PC Collectors Edition

first one i got here was the one in the middle, backed up the bunny.exe that activates the collectors edition and then shelved it. that one and the second one i got (left) were both used and thus the steam keys were already used. the later one i got (right) is sealed (thats why i have two of the same box art). there are more i am trying to find, theres one box art variation where the orangey red info box is massive, and one where its not present at all (so yeah theres still more, theres also a japanese 3ds and wiiu version but theyre like £60 and £100 on ebay and im not spending that much on a videogame. im sure the fact im specifying videogame will not come up later) its good, if you can get a good deal on one and want the bunny pet id say its worth it, though since all the exe does is change 1 bit in the registry its easy enough to manually do it even if you dont have the physical collectors edition if you know what youre doing (and on linux and mac you have to do it manually as theres no linux/mac versions of the script) speaking of linux like i did in the brackets, theres a fun bug where mouse4 and mouse5 cant be assigned ingame and arent registered at all which sucks cause i used those to grapple and quick mount. naturally using the windows version via proton does fix this, but provides us with fun new bugs such as all key presses in text boxes are doubles so trying to type anything including world seeds eennddss uupp lliikkee tthhiiss and also steam overlay is just completely broken, though i did find a fna update script for the linux port that updates the engine allowing mouse4 and mouse5 to be used, i got it off github somewhere.

now thats all the game versions, lets move on to some other cool stuff. firstly (and no pic for this because the frame i got makes any pictures look complete pants but its sick as fuck in person) is the "heroes of terraria" poster from the terraria.shop site, also some pins from the same site which i keep on a cork board thing on my wall next to the transgender tardis dr who pin i got, plus a hoodie (the world of terraria one in green and gold) plus some tshirts (like 4 of them, one was a heroes of terraria on a tshirt). theyre cool but you know whats cooler?

Terraria Official Handbooks

if youre my age or a bit older (or a bit younger i dont know) you might remember those minecraft handbooks. well, around 2015 terraria got their own for version 1.3.0.8. these arent really wiki replacements, and i think theyre aware of that (hell they even link to the wiki, and being 2015 they link to the official gamepedia one (before fandom fucked it up) and the unofficial wikia one (which i think became fandom. fuck that website. use the wiki.gg wiki its the new official one)), theyre more "hey show this to someone to get them into the game like a parent or friend or other person". theyre pretty cool, i got the bundle of these for quite cheap in very good condition, i did give them all a read through and you can tell theyre 1.3.0 guides, theres a LOT thats changed. maybe after 1.4.5 relogic will commission more? id like that but then again we have a wiki thats very comprehensive so i doubt it and now one more thing what i would personally consider the pride of my collection the single item i am most proud to have yes, even more so than handbooks and sealed game copies let me show you:

Terraria OST Vinyl

this released in 2021 (and as a result only has the first four volumes, also unrelated to the time it doesnt have the otherworld ost, related to the time it means theres no deerclops and no aether, and no 11 or more tracks that are coming in 1.4.5 which will presumably become volume 5. will they do a reissue of the vinyl if that happens? my wallet hopes not) and is SO EXCEEDINGLY RARE i have only seen a handful of listings, going for £150/160. until i found one for about £100 so i didnt think i just clicked buy and id personally say it was worth it due to rarity and being also SEALED so i havent touched the seal on that (i also dont have a vinyl player and i ripped the .wav files from the game files (i also paid for the .mp3 files from steam) so i dont really need to use the vinyl), and i really wanna get it framed. honestly this is just the thing im most proud of having. anyways i said id get back to the pc version (i think) so now im gonna mention the gog version

GoG.com

gog.com is a website (woah) that sells exclusively drm-free games. tl;dr if you have downloaded the games backup installer (or installed the game from them its still drm free) they cannot do SHIT you OWN that thing you can do whatever you like. install it on one of your pcs. install it on every pc you own. steam wont let you use windows 7 now? thats cool i can use the gog offline backup installer on any os (that the game itself supports). why am i mentioning this? well i thought itd be cool to collect backup installers. downloading them whenever new versions drop (was only really doing it with windows until last year so i only downloaded 1.4.4.9v4 on other oses myself) but i only started playing on steam with 1.4.0.5, and gog with 1.4.1 or 1.4.2 i cant remember which, how can i get older versions now? i can only download the latest version via gog, plus patch exes to patch older versions to slightly less old versions given that i already have older versions, and even then i can only currently download patches for 1.4.4.8 and onwards (i was grabbing patches as i went). so i contacted gog support. they were able to give me linux, windows, and macos backup installers for 1.3.5.3 and 1.4.0.5, which was very cool and 1.3.5.3 was one of the two versions i most cared about since they were right before 1.X.0.0 updates. the other being 1.2.4.1, since gog terraria did release with that version as the first one it released with. even going back to support a year later going "hey i was allowed access to older ones before, do you have 1.2.4.1?" and they could only give me 1.3.5.3 and 1.4.0.5 (and the latest version direct from gog.com being 1.4.4.9v4). so began my hunt. eventually finding the gog version of 1.2.4.1 lying around on the internet archive (thank you internet archive youre a real one), alongside a couple other misc versions i didnt have. i also found a couple i had to torrent (i wish gog let me have them all so i didnt have to resort to pirating a game i paid for but media preservation is at the heart of piracy so thank you media preservers youre also real ones. that includes internet archive im thanking you twice), so bringing me to now where i have basically every 1.4.4.x on windows, a handful of 1.4.x.x on windows, and 1.4.4.9v4, 1.4.0.5, and 1.3.5.3 on all platforms, and 1.2.4.1 on windows (linux/mac didnt get native versions till the beta on 1.3.0.7 and then fully on 1.3.0.8) oh i also have the mobile version but theres nothing really interesting of note there. switch versions better portably (and steam deck too)

and thats my full collection basically. at some point im hoping to get the 2 collectors edition box arts i dont have and 2 japanese game versions i dont have, but waiting for listings to show up online/reasonable prices respectively. if youve made it to the end of this... well done. maybe in the future ill talk about my dr who dvd collection, or the turnip boy robs a bank wii version i have (its real only haters will say its fake). anyways post ended thats all i can think to talk about.

[ghostsandfools]

this is a vent post, y’all dont gotta respond or anything, im just writing it out here cause i already vented to my partner once today and writing in a diary is too time consuming for me right now

I dont like eating anymore. Things always go the exact same way. I only like a couple of foods, and then we run out of those foods and my parents wont buy me more so i judt dont eat until i get them again, and then when i do get them again i get so scared that someone else will eat them before me, and i end up trying to eat as much as possible. And im kinda tiny, so technically i dont even eat that much but it feels like so much. One meal can take me an hour cause i keep taking breaks. And then after, i feel tired and full and yucky and awful, and i get scared cause i have emetophobia and i keep worrying about getting sick. And i know i shouldnt eat that much but i do anyways. I havent gotten sick from it yet but the thought of it happening makes me wanna cry. I know it’s not healthy, and i hate that i have to struggle with this because i usually know how to deal with this stuff. Life has thrown a lot at me, and ive learned how to manage my mental issues so i dont end up hurting myself. Im usually the one that other people vent to, ive even been helping my partner with their eating issues, so i hate that i cant stop myself from this. I dont like it at all. Im hoping that its gonna go away over time just like everything else has. I used to self harm and i really struggled with that for a while too, but over time and with a little help from a friend i was able to stop that. Maybe this will be the same way… theres not really anything i can do about it. My doctor noticed i was underweight and suggested maybe i should get eating therapy so i can stop being so picky, but that was months ago. I dont know if its gonna happen. And i cant talk to my parents about it cause theyll say some dumb shit about how praying is going to help or how i just need to get better at eating and its not that hard. Cause thats exactly what theyve done every other time. And im stsrting to realize im gonna have to learn how to be there for myself the same way im there for others.

if you did read all this, dont worry bout me. I know that was a pretty depressing little paragraph, but writing it out has made me feel a little better. It’s easy to give people advice, but i have trouble following my own advice sometimes, and thats something im practicing. Im glad that i realize the issue, because at lesst i can work on it. Thats the first step. I think ill be alright.

[scourgefrontiers]

god.

at this point irt proship/anti discourse ive stopped giving a fuck. im 27 i have bigger problems than what ppl do online

if u wanna ship nasty shit i dont care anymore just do it over there not over here where im at. yknow. theres shit i will block ppl over bc i dont wanna see it but im not gonna stop you at this point like who cares anymore dude

like no i generally dont fuck w ppl who ship certain things still bc it makes me uncomfortable and icks me out. but its fiction and i no longer care what ppl do with their fictional worlds and stories as long as its not actively irl hurting people. like im just tired of talking and caring about it to the degree i used to and to the degree some ppl still do. i dont fuck w harassment over it and i dont fuck w ostracizing over it either just. whatever man

i got Very angry over proshippers a while back, specifically abt those who ship pedophilic content, and i still heavily do not fuck w these people. but also im trying to not wish ill towards them anymore bc like i said it Is Fiction and im aware these ppl (hopefully) dont actually support that shit in real life and are just exploring it in a fictional space idk. again i dont like it and i dont wanna see it but im trying not to to tell them to choke anymore lmfao.

its such a fuckin..nuanced topic. idk. im in a weird place mentally thinking about it. like yeah it Can affect real people and it often does. ppl do in fact get groomed w this shit. but at the same time its like. not real. its just ppl playing with dolls in a weird way. ppl get groomed with a lot of things and its not just this. it feels nasty as hell to me still but i also feel like they should have the right to explore things in fiction as long as nobody's actually harmed. and on top of that im also like. still aware it has the potential to hurt people which is why i dont like it.

idk its a weird topic for me now so im just gonna go forward blocking posts and/or people as i see fit. im gonna curate my own experience as usual. hopefully this is the last post i'll make on the topic so pls dont send me asks abt it going forward lol i likely wont answer them

[fictionfixations]

LMAO ZEN (doesnt it happen for everyones routes though? i havent done like another story yet tho)

anyway before i get into talking about jumin (as the route im on rn) i wanted to wonder

yknow how certain things happen but only on someones route?

like zen has the echo girl thing, idk what yoosung has i forgor but i think jaehee had that one project??? that got her interested in like coffee stuff? jumin has the arranged marriage?? and seven has like. well. the hacker stuff.

but it never gets mentioned on someone elses route ? i dont think? i feel like itd be more cooler if it was all happening at once as like little references (but either something they can handle or cant handle outside of the route. just like maybe a vague mention of trouble to interest the player in that route, while still making sense from like a timeline standpoint???)

like. people doing things but its not because youre the one pushing it towards that. i like that more. and im curious how chaotic itd be

anyway

JUMIN. (disclaimer: I dont like him)

WARNING i start venting in this post. theres only one mention of a triggering thing (which is warned before the actual vent part but i dont want to put here to bring the mood down more cause in all honesty im over it. im just kind of projecting.)

i think ive said before how i can understand the liking of possessive partners

but. okay maybe its just that i dont like jumin as much as the others but. this is kinda way too much. or maybe its that i value my own independence a whole lot or maybe its because i really dont like the thing with his cat (and i LIKE cats. so giving me a character who likes cats and making me not like them??? ahgeiudhf)

like 'dont leave or ill go insane and make your face known everywhere so i can find you again' like the fuck no w h y CAN I LEAVE

I want to leave i dont care if i get the bad ending get me out of here 😭 (actually i think the bad ending mightve been if we encouraged being compared to like his cat and like. was willing to stay forever.)

e w NO like CHILL

maybe. im. being too extreme. and im just too on edge. but like. can you not. i am not your property?? i am not an object??

now LISTEN i understand marking. like like yknow biting and so and so as like a claim over your partner. and now that? thats hot and i like that. but thats ONLY for the bedroom there comes a point where too much of a thing is a bad thing

ALSO we've known each other how many days has it been. eight?? WE've known each other EIGHT days dont be horny bonk

g o o d . this is good.

STOP. dont talk like you know whats best for a person. like its some thing that'll happen, not a what if.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. now if he was being more weird id say go home but hes. OKAY. ish. now. like hes trying. and anyway getting him to not do it takes time. and also this is a game of romance fantasies where creepy shit gets played off as kinky or something. (not a jab towards mysme its just the kind of thing its trying to do which can result in uncomfortable parts if you take off your rose-tinted glasses of wOAH ROmANCE. its expected since ppl think certain things are hot when in reality its kind of very not that great)

…CAN I GO HOME???? like BRUH im not gonna accept you just cause you do so and so

why does this feel like a 'nice guy'. maybe this is my bad because this is making me really want to leave buth gdiuhfuih

trigger warning. i vent. mention of kermit sewer slide but nothing actual.

ive been pushing the 'stay here to help jumin feel more calm' but. i do also need to prioritize my own well being and my well being is not happy here rn 😭 (on a serious note though while its important to be there for your partner, its NOT a good thing to give everything to make sure your partners okay, because y'all are equals and as you help them stand they need to help you stand too or you'll collapse under all that and it really wont be a good time. im telling you its very draining. and why i promote the idea of get your shit together before you get with someone because there comes a point where you can be too dependent on your partner which isnt good for you or for them [and they can feel hesitant to express their feelings because they dont want to hurt you, or hesitant to do anything too stressful because theyre like that support pillar for them, and they dont want to do anything that causes otherwise because they dont want their partner to get hurt. it can also mean they go along with what the other wants even if they dont really want to because they dont want to hurt them. am i projecting? ithink im projecting. cause like. ive been there. and honestly i think it kind of fucked me up cause there was like a power imbalance in that one was significantly more fragile and vulnerable then the other, which made me feel like i should be going along with it because i didnt want them to be hurt when they didnt have anyone else they could rely on but me. [i tried to get them to make more friends cause relying on a single person is very unhealthy but no dice] but that also meant that they didnt respect my boundaries or respect me when i say no and instead just gave off excuses to make me change my mind or made me feel like i had to do what they wanted or theyd deliberately hurt themself. so.. it was a lot. anyway it really fucked me up cause i felt like i was in the wrong for not going along with it. blah blah blah. we split. i genuinely have no idea if it was true or not but they'd started saying things to make me feel bad and just not a fun time at all. they were probably in a really dark time in their life but im gonna be honest. i dont know in what scenario its okay to go 'im gonna kermit sewer slide if you dont [blah blah blah]'. so yknow. and this is not really the same but it still feels the same in walking all over boundaries and lines and is especially why i do not like this character a bit. yay trauma.])

i might actually get a bad ending because i. really dont like this.

[omori-sv-au]

this blogs anniversary is coming up on the 27th which is CRAZY so heres a wip of an anniversary piece and also an explanation as to why i suddenly dropped off the face of the earth

tbh 90% of the reason ive been gone is bc i moved out and started up university, theres kinda a lot going on in my life rn but the main gist of it is that my program is super intensive to the point where ive had basically no time or energy to draw basically anything, let alone update this blog LMAO

and then i just kinda stopped checking tumblr or most of my social medias for a hot minute but thats another story anyways i wont lie the last couple updates i did back in august felt more like an obligation for me to do rather than something i was actively motivated to work on and i decided that i dont want to put in all this effort to keep updating when i don't have the motivation to do it because the last thing i want is to put out a half assed story not only for u guys but for me

this story isnt abandoned at all, i still think about them a lot and i still very much want to update!!! but until i can get that kinda energy back that i used to have im gonna take a step back because i want to keep updating bc i like to do it, not because i feel like i have to yknow

anyways sorry for that big rant and also for disappearing for a while but i think my break from tumblr has done me good

im gonna start posting my non-omori art on my personal blog @hyperfunnyblog soon because i wanna get back into it, and ill probably answer some asks too if anyone has any anyways holy fuck thats enough thanks for reading this blob of text

[tragiccomedyenthusiast]

Do you have any head cannons or thoughts on Baldi from Baldi's Basics? Or anything else from the game.

Ya

Also I got you a leaf.

YOUUU. HELLO !!! HI i have several thoughts and headcanons i have been thinking about him for over a month straight (i haven't posted any drawings because i'm self conscious about how i draw him). but im super super scatterbrained about it so forgive me .. ill just list them as i go. also this isn't everything but this post is going to be long anyway. oops

BALDI BALDIMORE . hmm .. mainly headcanons here .. gonna forget a lot of stuff

1st . i am world's biggest baldi sympathizer . i really do believe he's just a silly and kind teacher. in every sequence hes in where hes not chasing you he's very kind to you ... shows you his songs and involves you in his projects. lets you use him as a test subject for his shrink machine. though the most interesting may be the secret ending for classic style, where, after getting every question wrong, he calmly explains negative numbers to the player .. which is a very far cry from, well, the chasing.

i like to think hes also unsettling or off-putting to others. weird creature from the woods to me ....... weird behaviors ... animal

he is so so so smart. he's like giga mega smart if his inventions say anything. he's way too overqualified to be teaching at hereschool

has ten disorders. autistic. medicated about what he is .. i don't think he's a human. i think their universe is kinda like a fucked up tawog. i really really liked the headcanon that he was some toy-esque doll / thing, so i largely took that and ran with it. he's made up of some sort of soft, bendable plastic with ball joints and hinges etc. i just call it "bioplastic" and i have a few ideas pertaining to some biology but i won't go on about it

while his hearing is often a great attribute to have and is very useful, it can quickly become a detriment if theres too many sounds, if things are too loud, too grating, etc. he can become disoriented, confused, agitated, and very overwhelmed <- additionally when hes overwhelmed he may communicate in ASL instead of verbally ! also a good skill if a student or staff may be HoH or deaf

will focus very very intensely on his projects that he may spiral. likr he doesn't sleep or eat or blink for 3 days straight. the principal will go find him and force him to stop when this happens

^ speaking of him and the principal: you were there for my louimar episode so this shouldnt be a surprise. ermm educational yaoi <- what my friend and i lovingly call it ... im a simple man with common taste ... their mechanics work really together and the principal is calm and quiet while baldi is more eccentric. they are sweet . to ME !!!

that basement he has in bbcr? he built that and he lives there. and no one really knows he does. like a freak. i dont know whats wrong with him .. works on projects and inventions down there

^ the principal would actually find out hes staying there and. despite the "what in the world" factor to it, he'd let baldi stay with him so he's in an actual house ((and also because he's lonely)) BLADDER. is his brother. and so is badsum but i don't really think about him .. bladder is like an opposite to him in quite a few ways; he's normal . he's very well adjusted, grounded, kind and has light and hope in his eyes. he's a physiology teacher who works at "thereschool". despite him having brothers they all have no parents. they umm spawned in and that's it. he's also pretty good at his job! he likes to incorporate different tactile and visual methods into his lessons (math machines + balloons + yct pad) . he'll say he doesn't have a favorite student (it's arts and crafters) (sometimes they'll draw him pictures and he'll always hang it up in the classroom or take them) ^ arts and crafters is also somewhat like a snake ... biiig sock snake. taller than baldi. will be over x2 as big as an adult about the school .. everyone is pretty close. it's a rather small school with a small amount of students and staff. but this means they get to do fun stuff like all take field trips together at the same time. beans isn't included he is my least favorite and i hope he perishes in the forest and: i want to talk about null / filename2 specifically. they're a lot more entwined with the whole game thing. not entirely concrete on my concepts for him, but i like to think he may be some sort of scrapped or unused character left out of bounds to corrupt. he fucking hates baldi baldimore it's like he killed his family or something. "you took everything from me" "who are you" one idea i really like to think about it is that he believes the game is much 'bigger' than it truly is, that there ARE things beneath the surface to worry over. but that's not true, and it's moreso he's trying to give himself a purpose other than what he is: nothing. with baldi being the mascot and all, he may also believe him to be the (if not one of) the sources of 'evil' behind the game, even if it's not like that. so he's basically really misguided in his beliefs. also he's stupid. one of the reasons i think this of him is because of his cutscene at the end of his chase sequence. "i see you found a note from the ... 'developer'. [...] well, this is what i think about everyone who tells the same LIES!". <- it IS just a note from the developer, that is TRULY all it is. he's fooling himself. someone put him out of his misery. causing problems over here. also he'd play cod and post on reddit "aita"

here's some drawings for your time . and thank you for the leaf

[thecherrygod]

hm

[kozykricket]

big minecraft & terraria thoughtdump

just gonna say, exploration/basing/traversal/whatever in minecraft is a complex topic, because of how many differing views there are on how much travel should even be necessary and its really freakin hard to think about in an INFINITE WORLD as well. big random thought dump time

like i think terraria does the gameplay of exploration better than minecraft ever has or will do it, and thats fine its just because of what terrarias designed after

ah right i have an idea for a post on me having maybe possibly figured out why i like when terraria makes me go on sidequests to biomes vs i dont like when mc does that (its probably mostly bc i view terraria as an exploration game, and also most of the rewards are just relevant to the core gameplay loop, and. well. its a careful balance. locking some qol behind certain things is cool, but sometimes its too much. either way i know vanilla terraria does it greatly) anyways, i think minecrafts in a weird spot but . i do think more unique ore, animal, and hostile mob distribution in biomes... would help increase the desire for players to do stuff outside of just their home base. to actually have more wildly different biomes with outposts at them especially if like, crops grew faster or animals had shorter breeding cooldowns in the "right" biomes but the issue there is like. god i dont care how nice it can be to make paths, i am NOT making infrastructure to anywhere further than like 300 blocks away from my general base area. that'd just get a bit frustrating but also minecrafts kinda. for that? its made for that? idk i also feel like i have a lot i could say on When Tedium is Good vs When Its Bad in games i play a lotta tedious games but theyre like, enjoyable tedium . then theres adding qol to reduce that Fun Tedium is kinda... saddening (calamity m od reference) but adding qol to reduce tedium that really isnt interesting gameplay to anyone is like, yea thats good so i think qol is a careful thing to balance but i think mc needs more qol tbhh. stuff like how we got editing signs in 1.20

um. what else... i just think like. minecraft exploration is weird because ill see something really cool thats far away and itll be like "woah! thats so cool (imagines building something awesome there) well anyways. never gonna come back here" and sometimes the world can get kinda repetitive to the point you just Run Through it. not really any small interesting things to grab along a journey. its gotta either be a significant structure you end up finding (which can end up being either a giant big side adventure which is cool but. i might not wanna commit to that. or its just a desert temple aka a 1 minute excursion where like, why did i even have to do any of this) i think terraria underground exploration nails it with more stuff than just ores, like life crystals and simple cabins with loot. they feel nice to find but then again. i dont wanna ALSO overanalyze whyi love terraria. ive already done that for minecraft and its both a blessing and a curse ill just say i love npc happiness, i love exploration, i love everything terraria has. except master mode and i love many things in minecraft, but i will always be a birdnester. i want to bring everything home with me. even though i think the game should prooobably design around reducing birdnesting just because like, the modern game is Definitely designed around exploration clearly ...i could make a whole post on the differences of the Vibes and Goals of modern mc vs old mc kinda tempted to wonder how many things id change about modern mc to keep all of its features but make it feel like old mc in a way. like, okay, i'd make stuff like frogs and sniffers far less animated. id make things in general feel less intentionally designed.. this post is long. im just gonna stop it here

[fatmaclover]

12,19 or 23 for mac :-3?

12: What's a headcanon you have for this character?

unibrow mac my beloved <33 if we're talking something more serious though i think itd be that hes got. COMICALLY gay music taste. fag club music is definitely his jam but hes got to get into gaga n shit for my own mental health. this is supported by the fact that in its a very sunny christmas (sorry to bring this ep up again) he literally has TWO rainbow jimi hendrix stickers on his closet door 😭 bud.... howd it take you this long youre literally making your own allegories 😭. sorry im gonna take this one to also say i think he should be More tatted up. rob you can rid yourself of your tats all you want but i know mac gets a tattoo for every boyfriend hes able to keep for longer than a week in my heart. their name right on his skin. this is Always what makes them break up with him.

19: A relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

i feel like "like" is a pretty broad thing for me. i can fucking despise something but it can still be interesting and i still like it. UNFORTUNATELY this is the case about mac and his parents. dear God actually a wretched family dynamic that attacks literally all of my insecurities with some of my own family. something about always making noise, always making a show but never being seen or heard really gets to me. the way even now mac makes it blatantly obvious what hes needing/wanting for emotional fulfillment, but his friends treat him just like his parents did because thats easier than sitting down and dealing with his issues. hes always been ignored so whats a little more?

theres a lot i could go into with this one. how being ronnie the rat was the only time mac would get seen, so of course he was incentivized to keep being a total snitch. how it seems that even joyce ended up adopting those methods against mac, being plenty apathetic towards things that were important to him (not even saying that her blowing him off is undeserved. its very much deserved even if its still a total dick move and heartbreaking that joyce would actively see the environment mac grew up in, and then decide to keep that cycle going for him). the way macs immediate family has interacted with him has affected. so much of his life that its insane. sorry that i wrote a lot about this one its just been on the mind.

oh i suppose i could also say him and carmen. i love you carmen i wish mac was normal you two would be unstoppable as a tgirl and her pet doberman fag duo. im glad youre happy just raising a kid with ur husband tho pls never come back and enjoy your life away from these freaks

23: Favorite picture of this character?

here are the jokey contenders oh my fucking god im sorry. theyre the like basic bitch mac images but theyre so fucking funny to me i think about them 24/7. literally whenever i bring up if im soying over something i want you to picture the second image thats what im doing

for a more serious answer, genuinely i adore nearly every scene fat mac is in. though i suppose the penultimate image of fat mac WOULD be the how mac got fat one

sorry hes like an angel to me here. in the grimy fuckin confessional n all.

i think this one is like. very easily first more than that other one but my shame makes it tied for first instead

sorry. ill stop. dont give me power by letting me post mac images i will empty my whole camera roll going "and isnt he so cute here? and here? and look at his smile here. and look how cute he and joyce are here" until literally every frame of fat mac or mac and joyce in frame together is posted.

fav img of mac and joyce together is them writing in mac and charlie write a movie. purely because i associate it with you and rambling about joyce and joymac for hours. without that association is the fucking cowboy photoshoot from mac and charlie die. sorry. basic answer there too

[achoshistor]

[ff7cc] is this symbolistic?

ff7cc SPOILER until like ch 6 (but really a ffvii spoiler bc thats the only reason how i know what happens next)

i need to WRITE WRITE WRITE. every essay i write now sounds like garbage to me. same with music tbh i havent played a full song in over two years now and its honestly kind of sad but i have no motivation. it feels like my fingers dont work like they did before and im too easy to give up on things bc i literally made it through the first time so it should be easier the second time but im lowkey really busy (100% procrastinating on calc) but im like whatever i need to get it all out of my head. im really shocked people read the last brainrot post like wow people are really seeing whats going on in here.

anyways ive been listening to the cc(r) ost while studying (around up to right before nibelheim because i want to make a flower wagon for my beautiful queen Aerith (i dont get the hate? madame M calling her homely like WHO's homley? wait lmfaoo off topic but why was cloud whimpering and moaning during the scene i had to take my headphones off cause i couldnt take it anymore...)) i should start a medium account and write like those pretentious tech bros that say things like "college is for LOSERS!" (ur going to a top school for cs?) (i didn't really like that guy cause he was lowkey weird too) but i think it'd be really funny. lowkey i forgot where i was going with this because the parenthesis reminded me of the chain rule which reminded me of that guy but anyways back to the main point...

I usually listen to game osts when studying (lie im listening to deftones right now) but the track "True Motives" (ill link it somewhere here) when genesis and angeal beat up sephiroth lowkey got me thinking during calc practice... like theres three instruments (piano cello violin) and its got a call and response format but its like all three are doing that (i told you i havent touched anything music related in a long while LOL sorry if the terminology is wrong). in the cutscene we start out with sephiroth with the violin and then like half a second later we get the piano take the upper with the cello playing the secondary melody? but the violin immediately kicks in... TBH i wonder then since im assuming sephiroth is the in between since hes "still around"—i dunno what happened to angeal—im at the point where ive killed the angeal creature but zach mentions him being possibly around and im assuming genesis is a total goner cause hes not around for anything else afaik (or he might im not that well versed in ffvii canon) and angeal reminded me a little too much of sonon so im gonna assume hes dead. as we know violin = treble cello = bass piano = both so i guess genesis = violin and angeal = cello just cause they seem like that to me. right when sephiroth pushes angeal back and genesis is about to go crazy the piano and violin lowkey come in and cello is just playing the bass notes for tha chords and the last half is lowkey just piano and violin plus a little cello right before angeal tries to stop genesis and gets thrown off into the junon sea or whatever u call it (i lost the submarine mini game in vii and i had to look up help and every tutorial was like " youre a total IDIOT if you failed this..."). maybe this is a whole lot of nothing and im just mkaing things up.

anyways thats enough for today i think. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[ur-friendly-neighborhood-simp]

sO. I've seen like a million different theories on why Miguel's universe collapsed and this entire time I've just been like "I thought it was because he replaced his dead self???" Like. There were 2 Miguels in one universe. Obviously nothing good can come from that. Also where'd he hide the body???? and what were his killers thinking when they saw bro up and at it again like nothing happened??? And- kay I'll shut up about this but I really wanna rant about some time

Idk anymore maybe I'm underthinking things???? What're your thoughts?

hi! im sorry i didnt answer this earlier, i was very busy today

im gonna cut the post here because ill be talking a lot

first of all, i see your point, and this confuses me a lot too. but after watching the movie 13 times and thinking about it 24/7, i have literally no idea how that universe collapsed. i mean, if it collapsed because there were two miguels in the same universe, why didnt miles' universe collapse too, since in itsv there were 4 peters in 1610? (peter b, noir, porker and the blond dead one). they were there for a while, and the only time that the dimension almost collapsed was when kingpin activated the collider. i have some theories, but i havent looked into it a lot;

1. maybe it had something to do with the canon? if its real, which i very much doubt, then miguels death in that universe was a canon event and gabriela was supposed to grow up without a father, and miguel going there stopped that from happening, so the univese self-destructed. *if* the canon is real, of course

2. i think the multiverse is some type of conscious. like, miguel saying "theres no problem with me going there, nothings going to happen" made something happen just because miguel had to be proven wrong. or maybe to teach him a lesson to not invade other dimensions? some type of karma

also, yes, the whole thing is creepy as hell, because he definitely did something with the body so he could replace miguel 2.0 without anyone knowing, and a lot of people must have been confused, and because of what you said, like "bro isnt that the guy we killed the other day" and also because imagine one day your husband comes home and his eyes are more red and he has fangs and he forgets things? its giving skinwalker, tbh

im just as confused about this as you are, and sorry i couldnt give a straight answer. i hope well find some things out in btsv (when it comes out in 3726). also, you can rant as much as you want, i love listening to people talk, especially when its about atsv 🫶🏻