#i know i shouldnt. project how bad i feel about myself on them but i feel like im annoying and id bother them. or that theyd dont care

[mccoalminer]

Imagine being so far down a bigotry rabbit hole that you think people hating you must be because you're Not Part Of A Minority Group. Imagine being too self absorbed to consider the much more simple and plausible possibility that people hate you because you're... yknow... being an asshole. voldemort deluding himself into believing everyone hates him because he's straight and not because he's a white supremacist, mass murderer, literal personification of evil, etc

Girl help I'm being demonised and dehumanised for *checks notes* not being trans. Nothing to do with the hate and vitriol I'm spouting ahaha

She ain't even subtle anymore lmao

[thecherrygod]

/

[sprimpfriedrice]

White dungeon meshi fans sound like this to me:

It's extremely fascinating and frightening to me how hateful some of you people are towards shuro, a man who is clearly depicted as japanese, (a man who could look like me or literally any member of my family in real life) for being a normal, complex, and flawed human being.

Why do you single him out for getting frustrated with and mad at laios when chilchuck and marcille do the same literally all the time? What's the difference between them and shuro?

Why do you feel the unnecessary need to protect these white women from a japanese man?

Do you expect that this japanese man is inherently going to have some kind of ugly negative quality that has not been once hinted at canonically? Do you know what that's called? Because i do and it's fucking racism.

You people get scared the moment a character that is a person of color isnt a quiet little model minority or a sweet mammy archetype. You grasp at your pearls the moment they are revealed to have complex personalities and histories; when they feel negative, big emotions that are literally part of the human experience. Or god forbid, when they show romantic interest in a pure, helpless, little white woman.

And when a person of color stops behaving good and docile the way you want, when they decide that theyre not going to put up with a situation that makes them uncomfortable or miserable or RIGHTEOUSLY FURIOUS, they become the bad guy. As seen countless times in the medias demonizing depiction of the Black Lives Matter protests and even of black people who get punished for just living their lives. It happens so often i shouldnt have to reiterate it to you but it somehow keeps flying over your head.

And when that dirty, conniving, perverted, slant eyed, buck toothed, stumpy little japanese man understandably snaps at the white person you guys are projecting onto and all you see is this:

So dont be surprised when i say that id rather kill myself than entrust the safety of my oldest aunts and uncles or my youngest cousins with any of you who act like this. Im terrified of what could have happened if people like you worked at the facility that my great grandmother lived out her final years in. Would you have seen her as a wild animal that needed to be subdued too when she had one of her many dementia-induced violent episode?

I will not apologize for saying that i find it deeply disconcerting to see so many of you happily posting hateful vitriol or even about committing acts of violence against a man that looks like me, solely because he was experiencing his humanity

[wisecrackingeric-2]

Oooooooooo. Oh no. I’m breaking my super mysterious persona to use tumblr as a personal trauma dumping diary aur naur !!!!!!!! Uh vent under cut but I really R E A L L Y Need to reiterate I’m not looking for pity or sympathy at all I just need a place to write all this down!!!!!! If you have advice ofc that’s always welcome but I’m not trying to centre myself at all or make anything about me I just need a space to vent !!!!!

I’m obviously not the first person to say this but I REALLY REALLY HATE the passage of time. I hate that it’s almost the new years and all of my art and posts and other peoples art is gonna be from last year or just have the ‘2023’ label on it. I hate that people are going to move on from my interests and I am TERRIFIED that IIIIIII may also move on. That scares me so unbelievably bad. I hate it so so much I hate that I can’t just pause time or pause my anxiety or autism or ocd to make me stop worrying for two seconds. I hate that so many things are gonna be in the past- like what do you MEAN re4r is gonna be a YEAR OLD in March of next year???????? I cant do that shit man!!!!!!! I can’t see people move on!!!!!!!!!

I HATE being reminded of how fickle everything is so so so SO much. Everytime E V E R Y T I M E something good happens to me, it’s paired with something bad- literally every time without fail. I hate that I can’t enjoy those good things cuz I’m subconsciously constantly waiting for something bad to happen.

For the first time since I came out to my parents in March 2022 I feel like I actually have a future to look forward to. I feel like I actually have things to work towards!!!!!! Projects I can start!!!!!!!! Friends to enjoy them with!!! Things to be EXCITED about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then like clockwork I’m brutally reminded of the fact that that could all come crashing down and all of my friends could dissapear off of the face of tumblr forever and it’s all fickle and delicate and why should I enjoy the present if I know bad things are gonna come right after???????????

I hate that this thing that’s brought me comfort and security in my life is so delicate. I could get hate crimed and ran off the internet like what happened on Twitter, my account could get deleted, Etc etc-

And worst of all I could loose my friends in the blink of an eye. They could take a break one day and never return. Something could happen to them and I’d never know. They could leave tumblr forever with no warning and I’d have no way of contacting them whatsoever. It’s happened before to me and it caused me SO much anxiety. I’ve had friends who’ve gone on breaks only to pass away and it leaves me wishing I’d DONE ANYTHING to help them or wishing that I spent more time with them or told them I loved them just a lil mroe

I’ve been so stressed out trying to finish as much stuff as I can before the end of the year cuz of arbitrary rules I’ve set for myself. This is the first time I get to be excited for the future yet I’m constantly knocked down and reminded WHY I SHOULDNT be excited.

Everything’s moving on and everything’s so delicate it could all slip away from me in a the blink of an eye and getting to the end of the year and seeing friends take breaks or say that they may have to leave for whatever reason is only making that anxiety worse.

Not to mention my goddamn parents got a divorce. I havent talked about it hete often cuz I feel like if I did it’d be all I talked about NDNEHENEJWN but it’s taken a MASSIVE toll on me. The fact that they’ll never be the same and I’ll never feel completely secure in life ever again has taken its toll on me.

I hate that there’s no solution to this. ‘Just move on/keep going in spite’ doesn’t work for me. I don’t WANT things to move on I don’t WANT things to change I don’t WANT to loose my friends and the community I’ve worked so hard to build and everything I’ve created again. I don’t wanna move on and it hurts so bad.

I don’t want the new years to roll around.

[spikeinthepunch]

Penrose: Dawning- the dev blog

Okay well my game has been up for a few days now, and the Jam is over so yeah, why not give a massive blog about it and the development and characters and feelings etc.

again this was quite a feat for me, so to say. as small as the game is. ive been struggling a ton for years and years, so the process and experience has stuck with me for the last month.

The personal

If you have followed and read some of my posts from the last month youd probably seen me talking about having seen a neurophysiologist-- my appointments for that were happening for quite a while before this month but this month was the end of it. Aside from it clearly being a huge stressor in general, it was also a huge eye opener to my problems. Which yeah, include my ability to Make Things. Not art- but everything else. The listening & reading comprehension, math and memory I tested on being really really bad. And it was great to understand that now! but having decided to take on the Jam was a lot and well, even though on one hand i felt good that I knew my issues.... it didn't mean i solved my issues. Now i was just way more away of them.

So, I tried my hardest I think because I knew I'd always give up on this stuff. And well, my mood meds were still kinda helping. I think there was a different kind of determination despite the upset that some of those tests caused me. Still, I faced a lot of anxiety, frusteration, and upsetting feelings in the process because of how hard it was for me to learn even the smallest things. I won't go super hard on that-- I just want to appreciate the small community of Narrat for being able to help and clarify my confusion even if I'd often say to myself "ugh, that was such a simple thing! i shouldnt need to get it clarified two times over!" etc etc.

still despite the variety of emotions i faced i came out of this really thinking 'wow i actually made something' because literally all these years i have never realized a larger project due to my issues. so for that i can be happy.

The development

the process of making this game was interesting because obvious i had never put my assumptions about the best way to develop to the test. i could think all the while "ill do this first, this second etc" but until you start making it you may realize you gotta do something else!

the fact this was only a month long didnt really give me much time to figure out better ways to develop, it i was already a ways into it. so i came out realizing what i could do diffferent. one thing for sure is i know i couldnt start with art. its just not possible in general to predict the art i would need clearly, because even if i were to write a lot, i felt that making dialog branches was much easier while i was coding because i never knew how far i would want them to go.

but also, in terms of writing- i already write a lot and i kinda have my mental process. getting that to work with the game was tough, and while i liked how i wrote for this game, i feel like it faltered in the sense that writing so many bits of it entirely away from each other had my struggling to make sure i felt connected. like, writing on one huge document allows me to easily refer back and having it all together makes it flow well in my head. but having them scattered around code was hard for me to track and i was never sure if it all felt like it connected up well. i also think in general if i wrote most of the important chunks- stuff not incredibly reliant on branches/choices- that i probably would have written waaaay more too. its just a format of writing that is natural.

there isnt too much as i did in the game coding wise so i dont have too many comments on development process. but i know i would like to make games in narrat that use the typical features found in games like DE (as the engine was inspired by), like stats/skills and maybe inventory depending on the thing.

The story & design

i dont plan to explain the story in detail here (a lot of secret context it on my discord) and i have talked loads about trying to write the themes its tackled.

the main thing about it is just that i have never properly realized Penrose and well. I was facing a creative block this last month which caused more struggles. But it was harder with art- mostly design. coming up with a design is harder in a block than reading a thing that says "draw a series of houses". thinking up something new is not easy. and my head also gets very stuck up in "if you design this and draw it, you can never change it".

Eden was pulled from my old unused RP character, Eden Creature, and so i was able to base her off something already. even so making anything at all was hard- even for Mick who already existed. I really didnt want her and Eden to revert back into my old style because its just no me anymore but at the same time i do want to get something unique for this story. Dawning does not reflect what I want exactly. I like what i managed to do esp in working with my time constraints. but, its not something i want to keep doing going forward.

the story was WAY more condensed than i thought it would be and its because i didnt really realize how quickly approaching the deadline was compared to my work. but at the same time i am glad it was? i was quite ambitious with how big i wanted this "proof of concept" to be, to where i definitely probably would have gotten farther in the plot and realized i had no clue exactly what I wanted.

because i do have a general idea of this story but not like. enough. and so shortening the story hugely for this demo was actually a good thing because i would have had to write a lot more and also probably wouldnt have been able to explain lore well enough because of how little i understood my own world. and when youre creative blocked its incredibly hard trying to development of that world too.

conclusion

i mentioned it breifly in a blog post but tbh the most scary part is having it hit that i am nervous has to how people will take my characters. not in a criticism kinda way but just the idea that people just wont really 'get' them. and even just the idea that my OCs have been "presented to the world" in some sense. i do stuff in my own little space all the time and never think about what it would really be like to put a game on itch.io or even like publish a proper animation on youtube or publish a book or something. its different and its weird because i have always thought to myself that i want people to see my OCs! but then i put it up in a place where it likely will be seen and I am afraid of that.

its probably for it being a first time. and also i need to learn confidence in this kind of work i was so into thinking i could never truly make because of my issues. this was still like, very very hard to do mentally etc and i feel very exhausted. but i really dont want this to be the first and last time i try and make something.

[maxtotherad]

somethibg to be said here about the morality of the situation. Maybe I shouldnt have left maybe that makes me a bad person or a bad man but I'm not sure if I really care because I'm not very good at being a man anyways. I feel a lot of guilt for what I did to Joey and I'm not sure how to really grapple with this. Sure I could just kill his dad I guess. What do you want me to do. Everyone is always the same person to me expect for when they aren't. People don't get to exist unless they're directly in front of my face. Joey is his dad, and his dad is my dad, and my dad is me, and I'm Joey, and Joey is his dad and. It's all the same really. What is any man if not just his father coming back wrong I guess. I don't know you put me in a room with that grown adult boy and look at what you made me do. I didnt want to be violent or mean. I never really want to be anything. I do just want to sit here and work on my little projects. I never really ask for anything different. Sometimes I forget that my mom didn't care because I don't really even talk to her like that anymore. Joey is kind of a faggot because he really is more like his mom then his dad, which is kind of funny if you think about it. I never spent a lot of time with Mrs Hall but when I was she was smashing my head into walls just like her son was. I don't know. I'm just like my dad though I smashed the beer bottle over his head. I don't know where things start and stop being incest. If you think about it fucking Joey is sort of like indirect incest, because we are both always fucking each other, and our dads are doing that. I don't know why I bitch about that part like it means anything, my dad hasn't done that to me since I was like 14. I don't really know what I'm grappling with here. I feel like I always have the fisher price building blocks in front of me to play nice with, but I never do a good job at it. I want to be a good person. I don't know. Am I freak for talking about that man as often as I do? I feel bad because I feel like there's other people I should be talking about but I never talk about them. It's keeping me up. I don't think I have it in me to apologize to him I have too much pride in not willing to manup. I think I might have been soul mates with that man in a wierd fucked up way if your objective in life was to torment your soul mate until he killed himself. I don't like thinking about that. I genuinely feel tied to him in ways that make me shake when I hold the razor. I could shave my face but I won't because I don't really even know how to do it without Joey. I talk big talk but man Joey did not take a lot of bullets for me but he sure did take a lot of them with me. I guess it's fine. Habit says he likes my facial hair that's reasuring. I should visit Micheal, I don't know what kind of advice I need, but his words would be reaurirng. I need something. Jehovah knows I need something. Lord throw me a bone. Preferably with some meat on it. I'm happy. I like it here. It's safe it's warm, and I love habit, but sometimes it keeps me up at night that I had to leave him die to get here. It's not that i personally think I'm undeserving of all his love and adoration and his care and his charm but I had to put joeys blood on my hands to get here. That's kind of sick. I don't really feel regret about abandoning people because normally I'm not actually abandoning them they are just being dramatic and I'm just moving on but I really did abandon him. I think I deserve to be hit with 39t9395849 cars. All I did for like two years was that. I want my PS4 back bitch. I don't care if you broke it I want it back. I'm not mad because I can't be because if I'm mad I'm just my dad. He cried like a girl at my window. I moved in with him. Talk about a true gentleman (me). I love myself because I just have to tell myself every person who was relevant to me loved me once I guess. If I'm not competent and coherent and confident enough I'll just die. I love the men that walk into my life more then I love myself. The ony thing keeping me from killing myself is probably habit

[nicolespeaks]

I apologized for how I was being, for the stress I was projecting onto him. I don't want to apologize for my feelings and I won't submit to the pressure he puts on me.

I promised my commitment to him, to our future. That doesn't mean I have to sacrifice my present to please him. I am allowed to take care of myself while staying true to my commitments. Right now I do think about how to separate from him, but I know that's me trying to run away from the distress. I don't need to run away, and I don't need to force myself to be present. I can do what I need for myself.

No one has been on my side. No one has respected me. I don't need to force myself to forgive them to make things civil. If I don't forgive them I don't forgive them. I don't need to force myself to be kind and sweet to the people that hurt me. My feelings and experiences are valid.

I'm inspired right now to extend my knowledge, grow my brain, and learn everything I can. I have the ability within me, and I can bring that out into existence.

I don't know who needs me right now, other than me. I'm allowing myself to be depressed about the things that bother me. I care about people, but I need to care for myself. I can't care for others if I have nothing to give. I don't need to force that. I know who I am and the amazing things I'm capable of doing. I know I'm special in this world. Everyone is special because they are them. I can be me too.

Let me focus on the things I want to do. I have so many ideas and I always want to execute them, but discipline and executing come together. Let me go slow, but by bit. I'll find my direction as I go. Let me stay in the present seconds, don't think weeks ahead. Life doing move in chunks, in moves in pieces.

I'm an artist. I see the world differently. I may not work with it, but I see the beauty in things. I'm more in control than I've ever been. I'm more grounded and present. I can do anything. I'm capable of it.

Staying aware of my trauma behaviors is helping. I've learned its more harmful to go backwards despite it being the one thing I want to do. I make mistakes, that's alright, but I don't dwell on them and make myself feel bad. I acknowledge what Ive done and I full heartedly do my best to learn and be better. I can be proud of myself for that. I've come a long way.

Talking to my friends about things help. Getting support is really all I need. I let myself go too much at times, but I'm aware and Im actively working on it. I can trust that they care about me and want to support me no matter what. My problems are mine alone and I may feel alone, but I must remember there are people who believe in me, and that feels good to depend on. trying to explain myself and my situations is hard, I get jumbled up in my words and I sometimes speak straight out of emotion. Having friends is great and helps, though I do need to find a therapist to have a healthy outlet to talk. I want that for myself.

I can tell that I'm learning and growing. I'm figuring a lot on my own but I don't need to with some things. I can receive help and help will help. All the small things I do matter as well. I can care and take care of myself. I want to. I may not register myself as a valuable human being but I'm working on changing that cause I know it's not healthy thinking. Being under power and control or someone makes it difficult, I've been in the position all my life whether I put myself there or it was forced upon me. I get scared when I think about gaining independence, fear of upsetting the other person or defending myself. It shouldnt be hard and I'm not at fault for wanting what's best for me. If other people don't agree, I don't need to submit to make them more comfortable. I don't need to give up control. I've been that person. I don't need to be anymore.

[mushroompoisoning]

vent

oh boy back again venting. yippee.

i have such an urge to just. cut people out of my life slowly. i want to do it so bad. i need to do it. but i know im weak-willed and will start talking to people again in like a day because i have no impulse control when it comes to talking. i hate myself. i hate this. i shouldnt be around anyone but i cant pull myself away. stupid stupid stupid. i feel like an idiot. i feel selfish for wanting to talk to people knowing i dont deserve them. i dont want to talk to my friends in real life or online anymore. i want to be alone. i want what i deserve but ive oriented my life around them so i CANT and its ANNOYING. i sit next to my friends in school i work with them on projects i spend all day online talking to people to relax and i hate change so i cant just cut everyone out. itd be too awkward. i dont want to die either because then people will be upset. they shouldnt be but they will. i know this feeling is just because its december or fucking whatever but i hate it. i want to get shipped off to another continent until im okay again and not the biggest asshole anyones ever met. thats probably an exaggeration but im still sick of people lying to me and saying im a good person when i KNOW how horrible i am. im a hypocrite i get mad really easily i judge people i dont control what i say i distract people from doing their work i talk about people behind their backs i cant back down from an argument and admit it when im wrong.

my dad came in as i was writing this and i told him some stuff and he told me i was still a good person and now im even more upset because im NOT. just because im aware that im a dick doesn't mean im good. id rather daydream so much about hurting someone who pissed me off that i forget it didnt happen for a moment than apologize. id rather they both died. i hate this why is it so hard for me to just shut my fucking mouth

[tiredsadpeach]

Idk just trying to get my thoughts straight but probably gonna bring up a lot of sensitive topics in the tags you’ve been warned

[taejimin]

with that shit about one of namjoon’s fansite being a stalker (a delusional one at that who thinks? she’s dating him?) i wanna stress now more than ever that the culture of celebrity/idol is really........something everyone should stop and think about sometimes. with the way fan experience is cultivated (social media, vlives, idols sharing personal stories etc) it can be a lot to get wrapped up in but it’s important to remember these are real people with real lives we know nothing about. it may FEEL like you know them well bc hey you’ve consumed all the content you can but they’re still people underneath what’s shown to us. what we see of an idol/celebrity is probably 3% of their actual lives, and while sure it may be harmless for people to think of an idol as their best friend or their boyfriend just....remember that this person is living an entire life that we see only a small fraction of.....and that kind of unchecked thinking can quickly spiral into a fanatical (and as evidenced by the fansite, delusional) mindset. so just! be constantly thinking about the fact that while we can be fans of idols, it’s important to remember that THAT’s what we are. we aren’t their friends or their girlfriends or whatever. there’s still an entire person behind the scenes that we don’t know (and shouldn’t since they should be allowed to live their own lives outside of being a celebrity)

[goldenspecter]

You know, thinking back to the NFT thing and how everyone was spreading the word around of what happened. How people were rightfully upset at the creators actions, etc. But I couldn't help but notice this rising trend in the tags/elsewhere saying "i feel like shit for liking the show" or ''cant have shit in detroit" or "rise is problematic" something along those variations, just thrown into a word blender.

Here is the thing guys: you shouldnt feel bad for liking the show despite the bullshit that Andy and Russ had tried to pull. I shouldnt have to tell you that but i feel like i have to.

Oddly enough I think I know why.

It feels bad because it shows that a show that the Rise fandom has liked and loved so much, is shown to have problems behind the scenes and rottmnt, just like any other show, does have its problems, both in the show itself and with the crew.

All iterations of TMNT have their flaws. That is just a fact. It just feels worse within the fandom with Rise because this fandom, the Rise fandom in particular had constantly paraded it as the best and most perfect iteration of them all, perfect family/healthy family dynamic, perfect writing, etc.—god it's not and i have so much to say about this. When we hear criticisms about this particular iteration, the sting hurts the fandom as a collective more because it cracks the façade that this iteration that we all love dearly is just like the others that came before it: insanely great but has its own unique flaws.

Part of this is because it is brought about due to the fandom hubris from what I said in the previous paragraph.

We can still enjoy this iteration, but the fandom must learn how to think critically as well as learn how to accept valid criticisms in addition to learning how to approach this show as well as all media that is not solely based on the "how can i project myself onto this character and i must find a character relatable in order to enjoy media" angle.

You can, indeed, ''have shit in Detroit'' you just have to learn how to have that shit with a critical mindset.

basically

[actualbird]

my friend brought up the idea of vyn x artem (and is too much of a coward to send an ask himself), thoughts?

think of the,, comedic value,, You Cannot Hide Your Feelings From The Psychiatrist

oHOHOHOOOO!!! oh anon (and anon's friend hehe), thank you so much this ask!!!! see, ive thought a lot about vynluke and vynmarius but not much about vynartem yet tho so this ask excited me a LOT

okay i wanna go into characterization stuffs bout this pairing first. vyn and artem together are very interesting to me because since theyre in the late twenties gang, theyre both similar in the sense that theyre not as obvious about the emotions (in comparison to the early twenties gang), they both repress themselves or their emotions or desires one way or another. if these two caught feelings for each other, yes, it would be hilarious for the reason u said, artem would immediately try to hide his feelings. but like VYN WOULD TOO, LOLLLL. like yes, i know that vyn in canon is forward about his affections in a subtle elegant kind of way, but at the same time, vyn does sooooo much emotional hiding of his own. if artem hides his feelings, vyn hides himself.

i think that for peak hilarity vibes, vyn would catch feelings first. and the moment this happens hes like "well. this isnt good." and then since hes so hugely perceptive he knows that artem doesnt reciprocate (wrong, artem just hasnt realized his feelings yet, in this situation, so theres no feelings to notice from him yet because ARTEM DOESNT KNOW, ARTEM IS SO BAD AT FEELINGS, HE'S DEFINITELY GOT LAG TIME in terms of figuring things out, fight me) and then vyn is like "understood. i will be repressing these feelings forever now." and then when artem DOES realize his feelings and vyn notices this vyn is like "BUT I ALREADY WENT THROUGH ALL THE EFFORT OF HIDING MY HEART AND MYSELF IN A CONVOLUTED MAZE OF DEFLECTION CONTROL...." and we know artem has HUGE TROUBLE doing anything emotionally forward so like....

the funniest vynartem situation, for me, would be like

THAT ASIDE THO, I THINK VYNARTEM WOULD BE RLLY SOFT THOUGH LIKE......

vyn richter who is so resigned to the world the people in it being cruel growing past the need to throw shots at artem (never gonna forget "after all, i have two doctorate degrees, whereas artem only has one" iconic) and realizing that artem is...much too kind for his own good. realizing that artem isnt worried about the world being bad, hes worried about himself failing that world. as vyn falls in love with artem, he'd wonder that artem is too good for this world. maybe, artem is too good for vyn as well, vyn would think. some nights, vyn thinks about being forward with his feelings, but he stops himself so many times because he wonders just what a good person like artem wing would do if he saw who vyn really is, all those things from his past he hides, all those insecurities he keeps under lock and key.

artem wing who is so scared of not being perfect growing past the need to be defensive against vyn who seems to be the picture of perfection, completely in control of everything about himself in a way artem envies, and realizing that...vyn is doing this because hes hiding, because hes scared. artem believes vyn is good as well, but so much of that good is smothered with smokescreens by vyn himself, as if if he lets his goodness shine clear, something will come out and strike him at his weakpoints. as artem falls in love with vyn, he'd wonder that somebody like vyn shouldnt have to be scared. artem wants to reach out, shed the his own shields and be sincere, and artem doesnt care that he knows he'll be clumsy about his sincerity, because....because some nights, artem's heart yearns to be the one to make vyn never have to be scared ever again.

vynartem, to me, is a love story between two men who are so absolutely used to hiding parts of themselves they think are undesirable but then like...deciding to be brave, eventually. deciding to be sincere no matter how hard it is, because they both believe in the other so much.

BUT ALSO WATCHING THIS LOVE STORY WOULD BE FUCKING EXCRUCIATING. early twenties nxx gang tryna set them up be like

mc and marius holding a cup to the door of the room vyn and artem are in alone

mc: marius, youve been hogging the cup for forever! what are they saying!!!

marius: thats the thing, they arent saying anything!!! are they just....sitting in silence together??

luke: they are, oh my god, they are

mc and marius, looking to luke who has his smartglasses on, projecting surveillance footage of the room

mc: LUKE!! I SAID NOT TO USE SURVEILLANCE TECH FOR THIS, THIS MAKES OUR MATCHMAKING FEEL....ILLEGAL

luke: BUT IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN USING A CUP TO THE DOOR

marius: fuck morals, gimme the glasses, i wanna SEE

luke: WHAT, MARIUS, GET OFF OF ME, ACK

vyn and artem inside the room, playing online chess, hearing muffled noises of struggle outside the door.

artem in the chess chat: do you think we should tell them we know theyre out there? and that we already got together last week?

vyn: no, i think we should let them suffer for all the matchmaking they did. also, check.

[blxetsi]

Hi there! I love your work!! So I know this sounds a little niche but, could we get headcanons for a reader in a polyamorous relationship with Hange and Miche please? Hope you’re having a really good day!

NO BEXAUSE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEINE TO REQUEST POLYAMOROUS STUFF OMGGGGG 😭 ty for your service anon it means a lot 😔🙏

hange and mike dating headcanons (canonverse)

zoë hange x gn!reader x mike zacharias

warnings: polyamorous relationship, and titans ??, reader is kinda innocent ?? like just easily wound up

also this is going to be SO fucking long and focused on hange for the first long bit sorry !

btw this isnt rlly dating headcanons so much as backstory, how you met, and shit leading up to actually getting together i went so fucking overboard and went the complete opposite way of what you asked ill do a part two with ACTUAL dating headcanons if youd like anon just tell me and ill do it

- i think you wouldve worked for garrison originally

- in season one when hange started the experiments on sawney and bean thats when you would've met them

- you had been a big fan of their research studies for a while, so being in front of someone you thought was so cool was a little nerve wracking

- you had just became newly appointed as a captain for a garrison squad, being one of the youngest recruits to get the position, which also meant some people thought you couldnt handle the job

- you were good at telling others what to do, and guiding them when needed, you took over the leader role very quickly, you had to if you wanted to keep the position

- although you thought you were a good leader, others didnt

- specifically older members of garrison who thought because you were so young, youd be naive

- and since you were a garrison captain, you worked closely with hange and moblit during their experiments

- any request they made for supplies or anything, went through you and youd get it for them

- they needed more help ? youre requesting three soldiers to the experimentation zone immediately. anything they needed you helped with, because you liked helping

- hange had quickly grown fond of you, they were so thankful that you were so willingly to have your squad help them. you remember the brunette grabbing your hand and saying "thank you for your dedication to this project and to science !" while bowing multiple times

- as unsanitary and childish as it was,,, you didnt wash that hand for a day

- hange saw how some members of your squad treated you, and it may have irked them a bit

- causing them to rant to moblit while writing down research data

- "hange." "i just dont get it, why dont they say anything ? theyre so nice so why dont people respect them like they should-" "hange !" "what ?!" "youre writing down captain l/n's name on your page !" "so what ?!- wait what" this causes a night of bickering between the two of them 😐🤚

- when sawney and bean died hange was devastated. you had grown to like the section commander as a friend and respected them greatly, so to see their hardwork and research all go down the drain was hard

- you immediately went into leader mode and started ordering your squad around "listen up ! i want this whole perimeter checked and searched for any evidence to help us find out who did this." a couple members groaned, and one man, who was in his early thirties made a comment about it. "theyre just stupid fucking titans. we're supposed to kill them, not keep them alive for some freak to experiment on them."

- yknow,, looking back on it maybe you shouldnt have went off on them the way you did, but you did because not only was the man questioning your authority and orders, he was blatantly disrespecting a section commander. "i am your captain. i am your leader. you will respect me, and you will listen to me. you either do i say or youll be suspended and taken off my squad immediately. and that goes for everyone ! do i make myself clear ?" you shouted. the man who had talked back raised his eyebrows, youd never once yelled or demanded things be done in a manner like this, and it clearly shocked him when you stood up for yourself.

- a bunch of murmurs came from your squad and you dismissed them, but not before stepping in front of your soldier in front of everyone. "between you and me ? you should be discharged for not only your blatant disrespect and defiance to me for months now, but also for your innapropriate and degrading comments about section commander hange. you wanna pull some shit like this in the future, not just to me but to anybody ? you should kiss your position in garrison squad goodbye, since youre too childish to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. now grow the fuck up and go do what ive asked please." the man looked scared as he stared at you, no one had seen you act like this before, his jaw clenched as he nodded and walked off, the rest of your squad dispersing with him

- you didnt notice hange calling your name until you felt their hand on your shoulder. you turned around and saw their sympathetic gaze on you. "thank you for defending me. are you okay ?"

- you rubbed the back of your neck and answered. "honestly ? i feel kind of bad, like i embarassed him or something." the survey corps leader tilted their head back as they laughed. "youre so kind y/n, but im proud of you." the comment, although lighthearted, struck a cord with you

- a couple days later you were requested to meet with not only the section commander but commander smith, as well as your superior, dot pixis

- the meeting only lasted about thirty minutes, but hange had boasted about not only your leadership skills but also your knowledge and ideas on various sciences. erwin decided to offer you a position to work under hange, and dot pixis agreed to have you transferred to the survey corps if you agreed.

- did your decision have to do with your crush on hange ? maybe. would you ever admit it ? no.

- pixis explained to you that youd be honorably disharged from the garrison regiment before being moved to the scouts' headquarters in trost

- you surprisingly got along well with others there. working in hanges squad was fun, and even though you were demoted from a captain back to a cadet you didnt mind

- hange had offered to share as much knowledge as they could with you, which led you to be in their office (as messy as it was) after work hours

- and thats where you met mike

- well, got to know him

- hange introduced you two when you first joined and the first thing the section commander did was NOT shake the hand you held out for him but to lean down and sniff around your hair and neck

- your face felt hot as you stuttered over your words, thrown off by his,,, unique, greeting

- hange and laughed and lightly pushed him away, before explaining to you that thats just what mike did

- back to being in hanges office

- for nights on end youd stay up together in their office, two chairs huddled beside one another while you read through books of research, not just from hange but from published scientists and anthropologists too

- mike had started joining you two only three days after you and hange started

- he would stay quiet, but would sit next to hange making them be sandwiched by the two of you

- after that you started to notice him more often

- down the halls he'd send you a small smile, which you brightly returned

- sometimes he'd be in charge of training that day, and he would wordlessly help you position your arms to properly block or punch when sparring with other members

- then he started bringing tea when he would come and listen to you and hange discuss different theories, articles and information together

- you didnt even know the two were dating until you accidentally walked in on them in hange's office

- they werent doing anything dirty, just giving each other a kiss, but you had walked in on them with a stack of papers captain levi told you to give to hange.

- you kinda,, stood there, slackjawed, while the two pulled apart slowly to look at you. hange had a mischievous grin on their face while mike just gave you a blank stare

- you dropped the papers. the stack of documents levi tasked you to give to hange. you dropped them. How Embarassing.

- your face began to feel hot not just from seeing them but also because youre embarassing yourself by dropping the papers and just standing there like an IDIOT

- "uh,,, i- captain levi said to give you those documents you requested." your voice cracked at the end making you wince

- "you mean the documents that are spread out on my floor now ?" hange asked. you looked between them and the floor, then at mike, then back to the floor than back at hange. "yes." you said, and you could feel that warmth in your face spreading to your ears now too. "im sorry." you exclaimed, your voice sounding strained as you quickly walked backwords and closed the door in front of you

- you started avoiding hange and mike after that, and became hyper aware of everything that they did. they were TAUNTING YOU 🙄 you could feel it

- instead of small smiles in the halls, after you started ducking your head down when you saw mike, he would now give you head pats when you crossed him

- hange would let their hand linger on your shoulder or side as they shuffled past you during meetings or experiments, and would come closer than usual when handing you documents

- mike would give you teasing smiles when you got your ass handed to you during sparring

- and finally you were fed up ! did this count as workplace harassment ? you didnt know but you wanted answers ! so you went to the source, hange's room after dinner

- you didnt bother knocking, you just walked in with your eyes closed

- hange giggled, "what are you doing y/n ?" "making sure im not walking into something i shouldnt be seeing, section commander." "by that do you mean the kiss mike and i shared ?" "yes." "well we're not kissing right now." they said, and you peaked one eye open to be sure they werent lying, and they werent !

mike stood up from his chair and slowly made his way past you, closing the door. you took a deep breath before throwing all of your word vomit on blond and brunette duo. "so i dont know why you guys think teasing me like this is fun, but it isnt. it makes me flustered and nervous and feel weird and im not sure if it counts as abuse of power but i dont like it so it needs to stop." you huffed in a big breath of air after saying all of that, and hange rested their head in their hands.

"y/n do you have a crush on me ?" they asked. their voice was soft but they still had that stupid smile on their face. you could feel your face getting warmer by the second. your mouth opened and closed but no words came out.

" i uh, im gonna leave now." you turned around but hit something hard, and looked up at mike looking down on you, a smirk on his face. he put his hands on your shoulders and turned you back around to hange, walking the two of you over to their desk. he gave you a slight push, causing you to put your hands on the desk and lean on it, while mike kept his hands on you to keep you from running.

hange leaned into you, your noses barely touching. "i only ask because, mike and i have grown very fond of you." they said. you nodded a little bit, the tips of your noses brushing against each other.

"yeah well, id be a little sad if my superiors didnt like me, that would be kind of bad." you replied.

"can i kiss you ?" they asked.

and now is when your brain really stops functioning. thoughts fill your mind of mike and his relationship to hange. are they actually together or is it a friends with benefits kind of thing ?

"i uh, i cant kiss you." you replied, a bit breathlessly caused by both section commanders.

"why not y/n ?"

"well i'm not a cheater, or a homewrecker. i mean i assume that you and mike are together so, im not going to kiss someone in a relationship." you stammered out. this was making you very nervous, butterflies errupting in your stomach. you knew they were just teasing you, goofing around to make you flustered, but a part of you hoped youd be able to kiss hange, and maybe mike for that matter.

they chuckled a bit, before their brown eyes looking behind you to mike's towering form. "honey, can you tell y/n its okay if they kiss me ?" they asked. mike let out a small laugh through his nose before leaning down.

"only if y/n promises to give me a kiss afterwards." he whispered. he pressed a faint kiss to your temple, and you shivered from the contact. he was warm, very warm, and even though it was such a small amount of contact it did so many things to you.

you gulped before bringing your eyes back to hange. you looked to their eyes, and then to their lips, and continued that pattern silently in hopes theyd understand. you didnt want to be teased anymore ! you wanted something to happen.

hange got the hint and smirked, before leaning in again and lightly brushing her lips against yours. theirs were soft compared to mikes chapped ones, and the kiss was so slow, so innocent, it had you leaning in for more. it was a slow, lazy kiss, a kiss to test the waters, it helped calm your nerves, but also made your nerved explode with heat.

finally the researched pulled away, and put their hands on your cheeks, squishing them to pucker your lips, before giving a kiss to your forehead, nose and lips one last time. they let go with a soft smile on their face, and a blush of their own.

you could feel mike press his body down against yours, making your knees buckle slightly. he took his right hand off your shoulder to place it on hange's cheek, thumbing over the red pigmentation. he then turned your head up and to the side, before giving you a kiss of his own. this one was a bit more dominating, hard. his chapped lips scratched against your own but you didnt mind. in a weird way it made you feel at ease, having him take control of it, the same way hange did but his was just more, needy.

he pulled back with a shaky breath and looked at you before looking at hange. "so y/n," hange began. they stood up and made their way around the table, mike pulling himself and you up straight so hange could sit on the edge, pulling you in to stand between their legs. being sandwiched in between mike and hange made you so aware of them, and even though you were very new to something like this you felt weirdly safe and secure. "mike and i genuinely care about you, and we want to be with you the way that we're with each other. would you like that ?"

honestly, how could you say no ?

thats it again im sorry the anon who requested this you did not get what you asked for 😭😭😭😭 hope u all enjoyed requests r open stay safe

[companionship]

okay one big post to get the finale out of my system! it's been lovely reading all of your analyses and reactions, and looking at all your amazing gifs and edits :')

fair warning: this is going to be so stinking long omfg

the things i enjoyed:

vincenzo remaining an anti-hero through and through, especially the fact that he didn't hold back at all when it came to myunghee and hanseok's death. he gave them a taste of their own medicine and then some forreal, their deaths were brutal but oddly satisfying, and i'm saying this as someone who usually hates violence/gore. throughout the show, they've always hinted at what he was Truly Capable Of and boy did we get to see it

vincenzo fumbling in hanseok's house and not being his usual self – a lot of people thought it was ooc, which i understand! i felt like that was the Point, to show that for once, he's not the invincible mafia consigliere that everyone thinks he is. what he did to the man who killed his mother and the army of security guards was a reaction, but this is the first time he's flustered, caught at a disadvantage, and faced with the very real possibility that he might lose somebody incredibly important to him. idk it made him more human to me

vincenzo literally not hesitating for even 0.1 seconds to fold his entire body around hers when he thought hanseok was going to shoot again – yeah that whole bit made my heart clench i feel like a crazy person i won't get over it

the chayenzo hospital scene... my god it was so tender my heart broke. the laugh they both shared, out of sheer relief that she's okay. the little joke about paying for the private room. the way not much was being said, but everything was being said at once. the way they looked at each other, as if it wouldnt ever be enough :( the quiet acceptance that this is their last night together, and that he's going to have to kill a bunch of people after this, but for now they have this. for however brief.

chayoung being chayoung – her big ass personality at the courtroom at the end after winning ms oh's case. her hopping around in those heels, looking elegant and sleek, mocking the hell out of rich conglomorates. she's in her element again and it made me so, so happy to see. i absolutely adore her, she's everything really. after all that loss and the whole ordeal, i'm glad she's able to return to what she does best: putting capitalists back in their place

mr lee being Very Much Not Dead – idk how i wouldve been able to handle it after witnessing hanseo's death like im glad he got the chance to be a dad

the kiss – my god....

the things i didn't like:

hanseo's death – lmao is it even a surprise... say what you will about his death being foreshadowed, but i really just hated hated it. i hate that hanseok won this one. i hate that hanseo worked so hard to redeem himself, only to lose it all. i hate that he was given a taste of what a real family was like, and then having it taken away so cruelly. even though i said above that i didn't mind that vincenzo was ooc at the mansion, i was still screaming at the screen because there were plenty of opportunities for the situation to be reversed. i don't necessarily blame vincenzo for hanseo's death, but i do wish that they had a funeral scene for him. i wish they acknowledged his sacrifice, and how pivotal he was in turning the tables. if not for hanseo, vincenzo really couldn't have pulled any of this off, from the interpol tipoff to the tracking device in the watch. idc idc hanseo is in malta rn, enjoying the sun and the beach, going to therapy, and teaching the local kids how to play hockey even though there's no ice :(

chayoung being bedridden the whole finale – like... NAH lmao this aint it chief... if things went my way, she wouldve gotten out of the hospital depite her injury and dealt with myunghee before handing her off to vincenzo. i loved their animosity for each other, and i wanted chayoung to be the one at myunghee's apartment waiting for her, rubbing it into her face. i wanted chayoung to verbally finish myunghee with that sharp ass tongue of hers and really dump a load of salt on her wounds. then vincenzo could do whatever the hell he wanted. you could argue that the show is called Vincenzo but i really dont care lmao it started with chayoung avenging her dad and she should've been able to strike the final blow. also what was her big second party? are we really just going to ignore her capacity for evil? after all that moral work done, after that time she spent coming to terms with using evil to combat evil, we're just going to... keep her bedridden? park jaebum u will pay for this

vincenzo losing his family – besides hanseo's death, i think this was what i hated the most from the ending. the start of the show showed us vincenzo's departure from the mafia with the very clear intention of Not Returning. the capo died, his loyalties lie with no one, paolo can suck it. throughout the show, we see him repeat over and over that he wants to get the gold and skip off to malta to enjoy a peaceful life there, while reflecting/repenting for the things he's done. vincenzo was gearing up for a lifetime of solitude. the whole point of the show was for him to find a real family and have a real chance at happiness. park jaebum really said FUCK THAT! we're gonna have him ditch the family that he built from scratch with the love of his life and then make him return to the family that tried to kill him AND make him the capo... pjb said we're gonna separate vincenzo from the family that accepts his past and sees it as a strength and not a weakness. the family that was formed out of solidarity, the family that he fought for and fought alongside with blood, sweat and tears. not to mention the goddaughter of his? sorry i would laugh if it didn't actually rile me up so bad

vincenzo not being able to come back to korea – i've said this in another post of mine, but given that he is The Vincenzo Cassano with all those resources at his disposal (guillotine file, mr ahn/mr cho/the chief etc.), the fact that he isnt even able to stay in korea for 30 fuckin minutes after finishing hanseok was ridiculous. the whole police chase was dumb as hell considering that the show has managed to stop politicians and mf presidential candidates from going after him like ? huh LMAO park jaebum had an on-demand pigeon army in this show and Yet he can't stop like 10 suddenly-righteous policemen. another big ass HUH

chayenzo (here we go...):

NOPE! i've reflected on the ending and decided that i'm going to be petty and salty for a while more before coming to terms with it

i can rationalise and try to be positive and tell myself that their love is enduring can transcend space and time and that in due time, they will find their way back to each other, and i have no doubt that they will because they're one soul in two bodies. it's quite literally canon that they're soulmates.

but let me wallow for a second

here we have two people who have done questionable and terrible things in their past coming together, growing together, grieving together, fighting together... you get the gist of it. you have two people who have found a home in each other. two people who, for all intents and purposes, were about to live in a whole lot of bitterness and solitude if not for each other and the life they built together (chayoung didn't have friends like that, and her family is gone too). to separate them like that at the very end is cruel. i know chayoung and vincenzo are mature and incredible and will be able to function without the other next to them. i know that they will still excel as lawyers and will defeat evil with their underhand methods the way they do so well but my god are they going to feel the absence and miss each other

my point is that they shouldn't have to. from what i could tell, they can't even communicate on a regular basis bc he'll be tracked and whatnot, hence the postcards. a postcard every month is a poor substitute for all those nights they stayed up drinking makgeolli and celebrating their wins. its a shitty replacement for coffee dates and fist bumps and all the moments in between. after everything they've been through, after literally fighting to death for their family, they don't deserve this. they don't deserve to meet up once a year for a couple of hours. they don't deserve pockets of time in malta or korea, their life in a perpetual countdown to when they're going to see each other next

they both deserve love and some semblance of peace (finally finally). they both deserve to have someone to come home to after a hard day of work, because doing what they do cannot be easy. they both deserve a family, deserve to have someone next to them that accepts their past and would embrace their future. they both deserve a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. i know they will still be It for each other despite the distance, i just wish the distance didn't even exist in the first place bc its stupid and cruel and their love shouldnt have to be proven or tested with time and space. let them stay together. let them grow together. let them be.

side note: song joongki and jeon yeobeen need another project together idc take it up with god

tl;dr: park jaebum u will be paying for my therapy bills

[fairycosmos]

you should 100% quit your job and if they demand an answer at your house just say you were let go nothing to do. you literally shouldnt be working in the state you're in. and you're not responsible for bringing bread to the table you literally just lost your sister your parents are failing you so fucking bad. i say this as someone who lost her brother and whose parents literally demanded her to carry on as nothing happened. it will get worse if you don't stop it now take it from me im still working like my life isn't falling apart and i can feel my mental health crumbling more and more each day. i feel so much for you.

i want to pretty bad, i 100% can not cope :( i don't care how stupid it makes me sound, i took the job because i needed it and i thought i could do it but i'm just a fucking embarrassment. i can tell the ppl at work know i'm just literally not right in the head as well and that they regret hiring me too. but money is an issue, and i'm not a kid. it's not like my parents owe me anything anymore, and i need to be able to do these things for myself, and handle them on my own. if i can't, i'm fucked for the rest of my adult life. grown ups carry this sort of thing constantly and still manage to hold down jobs and relationships so why i can’t seem to, i have no idea. at the same time, i know i'm not giving my best effort when i'm at work or being what they need me to be. i know none of this is right, and that it's making me even more sick. it's just pushing me further and further and i'm aware of it, so aware of it i almost don't care. like i said in that post, i just cry in the bathroom a lot, and nobody knows but i think it's apparent in my demeanour that there's literally something wrong with me and i just don't know what to do. i don't know why i can't just be the right kind of person. i miss my sister so much, it permeates everything. and i don’t feel well at all. anyway, you are a star for this. i feel so seen and understood by ur message, i could cry forever over it. thank you love, and i'm so sorry. so sorry about your brother and your parents and just everything. it's really weird that we're in such similiar positions, honestly would not wish it on anyone. i really hope ur able to take your own advice and that you can find a way to get the help you actually need regardless of the shit ur mam and dad project onto you. you deserve help. if you have the awareness to see that your mental health can't take it then you are so so capable of seeking what you need, even if it takes you a while to do so. i promise. it's literally unfathomable that they would expect you to go on as normal, there’s no good reason to. there's no words for any of it. literally pisses me off so much even just on ur behalf. if you need a friend or just ever feel like talking, feel free to message me. sending a lot of love to you. and i'm keeping you and your brother in my heart and thoughts, i am so sorry for your loss. x

[la5t-res0rt]

this was written several weeks ago in response to asks i was receiving i am posting it now it is very long the longest i have ever made and it is not very well edited but here it is in this final essay i talk about how shitty rae is about black people in her writing as well as just me talking about how her writing sucks in general lets begin

hello everyone 

as you may know i have received a lot of anons in the last week or so about issues of racism in the beetlejuice community both just generally speaking and also within specific spaces 

i was very frustrated to not be getting the answers i wanted because i typically do not talk about what i do not see but in an effort to be better about discourse i went looking through discourse from before my time in the fandom and i also received some receipts and information from my followers and from some friends

keep in mind that the voices and thoughts of bipoc are not only incredibly important at all times but in this circumstance it is important that if a bipoc has something to add you listen and learn and be better

i admit that when this happened i wasnt aware of the extent of what occurred and im angry at myself for not doing more at that time and i want to work harder to make sure something like this doesnt go unnoticed again

im a hesitant to talk about months old discourse because i have been criticized for bringing up quote old new unquote but this is very important and i am willing to face whatever comes from to me

lets talk about this

content from our local racist idiot that may be months old but its important

putting my thoughts under a cut to spare the dash but before i begin obviously this is awful

lets fucking unpack this folks

right out the gate op states that she supports artistic freedom but then within a couple words she goes against that statement

being entirely canon compliant isnt artistic freedom and even so if this person has so much respect for canon they wouldnt be out here erasing lydias obvious disgust for beetlejuice in the movie or ignoring lydias age for the sake of shipping that shit isnt canon either 

also we love the quick jab at the musical there hilarious we love it dont we because god forbid a licensed and successful branch on a media have any standing in this conversation but whatever

now lets scroll down and talk about the term racebending

the term racebending was coined around 2009 in response to the avatar the last airbender movie a film in which the east asian races of the characters were erased by casting white actors in the three leading roles of aang sokka and katara 

whenever the term racebending is used in a negative light it is almost always a case of whitewashing like casting scarlett johansen in ghost in the shell or the casting of white actors of the prince of persia sands of time instead of iranian ones

this kind of racebending erases minorities from beeing seen in media and is wrong

all that being said however racebending has also been noted to have very positive after effects like the 1997 adaptation of cinderella or casting samuel jackson as nick fury in the marvel movies nick fury was originally a white guy can you even imagine

i read this piece from an academic that said quote writers can change the race and cultural specificity of central characters or pull a secondary character of color from the margins transforming them into the central protagonist unquote

racebending like the kind that rae is so heated about is the kind of creative freedom that leads to more representation of bipoc in media which will never be a bad thing ever no matter how pissy you get about it

designing a version of a character as a poc isnt serving to make them necessarily better it serves to give new perspective and perhaps the opportunity to connect even more deeply with a character it doesnt marginalize or erase white people it can uplift poc and if you think uplifting poc is wrong because it tears down white people or whatever youre a fucking moron and you need to get out of your podunk white folk town and see the real world

the numbers of times a bipoc particularly a bipoc that is also lgbt+ has been represented in media are dwarfed by what i as a white dude have seen myself represented in media is and that isnt okay that isnt equality and its something that should change not only in mainstream media but in fandom spaces as well

lets move down a bit further to the part about bullying straight people which is hilarious and lets also talk about the term fetishistic as well lets start with that

this person literally writes explicit pornography of a minor and an adult are we really going to let someone like that dictate what is and what isnt fetishistic

similarly to doing a positive racebend situation people may project lgbt+ headcanons on a character because its part of who they are and it helps them feel closer to the character and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

depicting lgbt+ subject matter on existing characters isnt an inherently fetishistic action generally things only really become fetishistic when the media is being crafted and hyped by people who are outside of lgbt+ community for example how young teens used to flip a tit about yaoi or how chasers fetishize trans people

but drawing a character with top surgery scars or headcanoning them as trans is harmless and its just another way to interpret a character literally anone could be trans unless if their character bio says theyre cis and most of them dont go that deep so it really is open to interpretation and on the whole most creators encourage this sort of exploration because it is a good thing to get healthy representation out in the world

as for it being used to bully straights thats just funny i dont have anything else on that like if youre straight and you feel threatened and bullied because of someone headcanoning someone as anything that isnt cishet youre a fucking idiot and a weak baby idiot at that like the real world must fucking suck for you because lgbt+ people are everywhere and statistically a big chunk of your favorite characters arent cishet sorry be mad about it

lets roll down a bit further about the big meat of the issue which was when several artists were drawing interpretations of lydia as a black girl which i loved but clearly this person didnt love it because they have a very narrow and very racist and problematic view of what it means to be a black person

and before i move forward i must reiderate that i am a white person and you should listen to the thoughts of poc people like @fright-of-their-lives​ or @gender-chaotic it is not my place to explain what the black experience is like and it certainly isnt this persons either

implying that the story of a black person isnt worth telling unless if the character faces struggles like racism and prejudice is downright moronic 

why use the word kissable to describe a black persons lips now thats what i call fetishistic and its to another extreme if youre talking about a black version of lydia on top of that

the author of this post says herself that shes white so clearly shes the person whos an authority on the black experience and what it means to be a black person right am i reading that right or am i having a fucking conniption

how about allowing black characters to exist without having to struggle why cant a black version of lydia just be a goth teenager with a ghost problem who likes photography and is also black like she doesnt have to move to a hick town and get abused by racist folks she doesnt have to go through any more shit than she already goes through and if you honestly think thats the only way to tell a black persons story you need to get your brain cleaned

you know nothing about the complexities about being a black person and i dont either but you know wh odo black people who are doing black versions of canon characters they fucking know 

lets squiggle down just a bit further 

so the writer has issues with giving characters traits like a broad nose or larger lips if theyre a woman but if theyre a man suddenly its totally okay to go all ryan murphy ahs coven papa legba appropriation when approaching character design like are you fucking stupid do you hear yourself is that really how you see black men like what the fuck is wrong with you

none of the shit youre spewing takes bravery it takes ignorance and supreme levels of stupidity

do you really think you with your fic where a black lgbt+ woman is tortured and abused where you use the n word with a hard r to refer to her like that shits not okay its fucking depraved and yeah we know you love being shitty but like christ on a bike thats so much 

can we also talk about this

what the fuck is this fetishistic bull roar garbage calling this black character beyonce dressing her up in quote fuck me heels unquote are you are you seriously gonna write this and say its a shining example of how to write a black character youre basically saying ope here she is shes a sex icon haha im so progressive and i clealry understand the black experience hahahaha fuck you oh my god

on top of that theres a point where this character is only referred to as curly hair or the fact that the n word is used in the fic with the hard r like thats hands down not okay for you to use especially not in a manner like this jesus christ

oop heres a little more a sampling for you of the hell i am enduring in reading this drivel

oh boy lets put a leash on the angry black woman character lets put her in a leash and have the man imply hes a master like are you kidding me are you for real and what the fuck is with calling her shit like j lo and beyonce do you actually think thats clever at all are you just thinking of any poc that comes into your head for this 

also lydia fucking tells this girl that she shouldnt have lost her temper like she got fucking leashed im so tired why is this writing so problematic and also so bad

hold up before i lose my head lets look at some of her own comments on the matter of this character and what happens to her

hi hello youre just casually tossing the word lynch out there in the wide open world as if thats not a problem that is still real like are you fucking unhinged there have been multiple cases of this exact thing happening in our firepit of a country in the last five months alone like how can you still have shit like this up for people to read how can you be proud of work like this in this climate

and also what the fuck is that last bit 

what the actual fuck

i dont speak for black people as a white person but you do!? im sorry i had to get my punctuation out for that because wow thats fucking asinine just because one black person read your fic and didnt find the torture and abuse of your one black character abhorrant doesnt mean that the vast majority of people not only in the fandom but in the human population with decency are going to think its okay because its not 

i started this post hoping to be level headed and professional but jesus fucking christ this woman is something else white nationalism is alive and well folks and its name is rae

if you defend this woman you defend some truly abhorrant raecism

editors notes 

in order to get some perspective on these issues more fully some of the writing by the author was examined and on the whole it was pretty unreadable but i want to just call back to the very beginning of this essay where the person in question talked about holding canon in high regard but then in their writing they just go around giving people magic and shit and ignoring the end of the movie entirely like are you canon compliant or nah 

the writing doesnt even read like beetlejuice fanfic it reads as self indulgent fiction you could easily change the names and its just a bad fanfic from 2007

also can we talk about writing the lesbian character as an angry man hater like its 2020 dude and als olets touch on that girl on girl pandering while beetlejuice is just there like here we go fetishizing again wee

i cant find a way to work this into this already massive post but

im going to throw up

okay so thats a lot we have covered a lot today and im sure my ask box will regret it but this definitely should have been more picked apart when it happened

please feel free to add more to this i would love more perspectives than just my own.