#i inow i shouldnt let these things get to me i know im not actually hurting anyone by identifying the way i do
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Idk just trying to get my thoughts straight but probably gonna bring up a lot of sensitive topics in the tags you’ve been warned
#im not feeling very good at all and idk its getting to me#im having some really bad thoughts and im thinking bery seriously about them#i inow i shouldnt let these things get to me i know im not actually hurting anyone by identifying the way i do#but fuck its getting to me especially because she shared it#and other thoughts that i usually have about myself#i dont like myself and i never really have#from my appearence to the stuff i do i dont like it!! i dont like me!!!#sure theres still things i wanna do and unfinished projects i wanna finish#but that takes so much work and so much holding on and i just dont know if i can keep doing this#my nightmares lacked him for a while but now hes back in them and i hate it#and ive been telling myself to hold on until mcr just hold on#but thats so hard and i jist want to go i dont wanna be here anymore#its saturday so everyone is gonna be awake though and my sister is sleeping in our room#but im sure we have something in this house i could pass in my sleep with#because i dont have the courage to do it any other way#i have razors but i couldnt cut that deep if i tried#and i dont want to traumatize whoever finds me#well i dont think id have a choice in that but at least passing in my sleep wont look as scary?#and idk maybe ill just fall asleep and keep going no matter how much i dont want to#but i just had to write thisstuff out just in case#im sure id leave a note too but idk i just thought maybe this would get the emotions out and id change my mind#but im not sure it is and i cant call my friend because this house is too smal and everyone is awake excwpt my sister#if i tell my parents ill just end up in a hospital and i dont want that i dont wanna be there on jjongs birthday#i wouldnt be able to listen to him and celebrate him#if i was dead it wpuldnt matter though#fuck im dorry snyone that wnds up reading this#im already a financial burden to my family and now a burden to the lgbt comunity according to my best friend#and im a horroble best friend to both of my best friends and a horribel cg to my little#and im a bad pet owner i cant even convince my parents to get them flea collars when theyre able let alone get the girls spayed#and i wont get a job to pay for it myself and i couldnt even if i tried right now
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