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#would've poured juice on their bed#it's sticky. it has smell#and it can leak onto the mattress#i think

schemers mommy would kill me with actual bullets. ružena managed to find a slution that didnt damage property therefore mommy couldnt get that annoyed. if she had to buy a new mattress shed sell me to do it.

yippeeometer headcanon of the day inspired by my sister ružena we shared our room and one day i made her really mad so she crushed an entire pack of sablés (its like a french cookie) and spread them in my bed and it was like sleeping on sand for months. i still dream of my revenge.

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eeeee may I request an Loui hc’s you may have? they can be fluffy, angsty, silly, etc… any is fine with me :3

as for a non-wttt question: yippee are your broken bones okay 😭

nichecore au where hes the backup trombone artist for a local jazz band and uses it to get himself and his crazy soulmate invited to events theyre not supposed to go. hes receiving news he wont be at rhodecut wedding #200 and hes suddenly offering everyone a business card to a mysterius band 'oh theyre very cheap i promise didn't rhode say he loves jazz?' boom there he is on your wedding day smiling floridas in a bow tie and jean shorts nothing else saying 'im here to hold the instruments >:))'

oh and you think youve grown wise next time theres an event its gov's stupid lets all be friends party that he bans flo from for canibalistic tendancys and suddenly louis sliding up to his side yknow gov jazz did fund this country heres a business card to a band im totally not a part of. yiull never guess whos there on the day.

and the band def hates him. hes so flakey. soz guys i was going to be at practice but i needed to terroize someone at a meeting i wasn't invited too. whatever though who wants me to serve face and get pissed before the encore

yippee question: i have two broken ribs and am having to type this with one hand. theres been lighter mments in my career. furthermore. my siuster keeps sending me pcirture of worms.

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#dear lord#I’d lose my mind

it reminds me dailt never to mess with fire ružena if youre reading this i know it was you at the devils sacrament only lucifer couldve made that up

yippeeometer headcanon of the day inspired by my sister ružena we shared our room and one day i made her really mad so she crushed an entire pack of sablés (its like a french cookie) and spread them in my bed and it was like sleeping on sand for months. i still dream of my revenge.

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wttt related: who actually is your favorite character?? Im dumb and can’t figure it out

non wttt related: do u have a favorite animal? Mine are pigeons :]

i have favorites but in the way that i kind of want them to explode. penn is my boy i cant accept the amount the fandom slanders him. hammy is my princess though hes underrated and he kills people.

favorite animal? the humble parisian rat. as someone who grew up partially in france it is an honor to hear that my least favorite people are being tortured by rats in their ratty city. paris hater forever.

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please sned some asks i promise i have no ulterior motives >:)))))

they can be wttt related or just general !!

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yippeeometer headcanon of the day inspired by my sister ružena we shared our room and one day i made her really mad so she crushed an entire pack of sablés (its like a french cookie) and spread them in my bed and it was like sleeping on sand for months. i still dream of my revenge.

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we all sit around here theorising that trauma makes the ne like that but actually all these years of hate probably stem from once having to share a room as kids. someone was constantly blowing out the candle leaving the door open and it awoke a cain instinct that can never and will never be removed

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#‘Maine considers getting new friends or at least having his tested’ oh it’s too late for that Rhode def has rabies

maine's friends have deseases not even invented yet. theyve been such freaks over the past years that its dangerous to even be around them for both mental and physical health. one day with hammy hes trying to get you to eat a dude and youre the freak for not having done it before

I loved the hc’s of the weird ways states have gotten injured, do you have any more of those LMAO 😭💀

*PS: hope your broken bones heal soon :D*

georgia- getting way too cozy

look they should've seen this coming when all of the southern states mistakingly bought him the same heated blanket for his birthday. that man was using all of them at once and accidentally fried himself like an egg. they had to wrestle the blankets away from him even after the incident bc he could just not give them up

penn- eagles.

they instantly fear this man is going to break every bone in his body when the eagles play at the superbowl and theyre right. every time. theres video footage decades old of him dislocating knees on the dance floor and he never learns his lesson. this year alone he brke evey bone in his sad little leg trying to do a kickflip on a skateboard he stole 40 beers down.

illinois- hating

first man in the world to injure himself being too full of misery. he spent one horrible day in the midwest, watching the white sox get dogged on and pulled a muscle in his face from frowning. insisted on 6 months not in chicago away from everyone to heal.

okla- competitive cowboy-ness

mememe more cowboy than you, the man says, trying to hop and show off his cowboy boots and cowboy socks. instantly faceplants onto the coffee table. texas physically unable to calm down and stop laughing to the point he has to go to cdc as well when okla punches him in the face.

maine- research

trying to see if kujo was really that big of a deal bc of his idol steven king. gets rhode to pretend to be wild and chase after him in the dark. rhode gets wayyyyyy too into the role and actually bites him, which maine's horrible friends find delightful and hammy asks if he can kill some people to help the writing process. maine considers getting new friends or at least having his tested.

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I loved the hc’s of the weird ways states have gotten injured, do you have any more of those LMAO 😭💀

*PS: hope your broken bones heal soon :D*

georgia- getting way too cozy

look they should've seen this coming when all of the southern states mistakingly bought him the same heated blanket for his birthday. that man was using all of them at once and accidentally fried himself like an egg. they had to wrestle the blankets away from him even after the incident bc he could just not give them up

penn- eagles.

they instantly fear this man is going to break every bone in his body when the eagles play at the superbowl and theyre right. every time. theres video footage decades old of him dislocating knees on the dance floor and he never learns his lesson. this year alone he brke evey bone in his sad little leg trying to do a kickflip on a skateboard he stole 40 beers down.

illinois- hating

first man in the world to injure himself being too full of misery. he spent one horrible day in the midwest, watching the white sox get dogged on and pulled a muscle in his face from frowning. insisted on 6 months not in chicago away from everyone to heal.

okla- competitive cowboy-ness

mememe more cowboy than you, the man says, trying to hop and show off his cowboy boots and cowboy socks. instantly faceplants onto the coffee table. texas physically unable to calm down and stop laughing to the point he has to go to cdc as well when okla punches him in the face.

maine- research

trying to see if kujo was really that big of a deal bc of his idol steven king. gets rhode to pretend to be wild and chase after him in the dark. rhode gets wayyyyyy too into the role and actually bites him, which maine's horrible friends find delightful and hammy asks if he can kill some people to help the writing process. maine considers getting new friends or at least having his tested.

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#Sobbing#this is part of it actually they’re requesting him specifically to make him endure their torture

illi is a part of their marriage at this point they call him in the middle fo the night like 'ILLI SETTLE THIS ARGUEMENT PLEASSEEEEEE' illi then sits through 20 minutes of how these two hate each other half of the story occures in the 1800s the other half about then minutes ago illi just says 'ill see you in court monday' and hangs up

big fan of illi being a judge in my rhodecut ideology. aro/ace illi sat there twitching as the court clerk reads out the next case and its his stupid friends asking for another stupid anulment. hes trying to find a way to get them to sign a restraining order so he doesnt have to deal with 'your honor this man clearly bewitched me he clearly made some kind of deal with the devil theres no WAY i would ever-' for the 8th time that year.

though, it does make the conversations 'oh how do you know youre aro/ace' much easier. y'all im not like them.

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big fan of illi being a judge in my rhodecut ideology. aro/ace illi sat there twitching as the court clerk reads out the next case and its his stupid friends asking for another stupid anulment. hes trying to find a way to get them to sign a restraining order so he doesnt have to deal with 'your honor this man clearly bewitched me he clearly made some kind of deal with the devil theres no WAY i would ever-' for the 8th time that year.

though, it does make the conversations 'oh how do you know youre aro/ace' much easier. y'all im not like them.

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#Theyre literally the def of “you both have something wrong with you never date anyone else”

worst of all neither of them realise theyre abnormal. cut yapping on about 'hes probably just going to replace me' buddy i promise no one wants him. even on their 30th divorce theyre thinking theyre normal rhode even has the audacity to be trying to give relationship advice knowing full well mere moments ago cut texted him a wikihow article on how to tie a noose and he immediately started imagining him pregnant YOUARE NOT WELL!!!!

hyperspecific rhodecut scenario once in their many many marriages someone (mary and ginny) gets so tired of their shit they offer them marriage counselling for free. both of them immediately take this as an insult and decide to do the opposite of whatever these guys say. e.g ginny is like 'hey why dont you guys just take a break from each other' rhodes like i will glue myself to my bitch wife if i must im not leaving his side now. e.g mary is like 'hey why dont you try not calling each other mean names?' cut is on internet forums the likes of which u have never seen before searching worst insults which only backfires bc rhode finds cut being pathetic soooooo hot. their relationship is the best its ever been and ginny gets so smug. they break up a week later bc rhode just cant let ginny be happy and its the only time he actually cries after a divorce.

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hyperspecific rhodecut scenario once in their many many marriages someone (mary and ginny) gets so tired of their shit they offer them marriage counselling for free. both of them immediately take this as an insult and decide to do the opposite of whatever these guys say. e.g ginny is like 'hey why dont you guys just take a break from each other' rhodes like i will glue myself to my bitch wife if i must im not leaving his side now. e.g mary is like 'hey why dont you try not calling each other mean names?' cut is on internet forums the likes of which u have never seen before searching worst insults which only backfires bc rhode finds cut being pathetic soooooo hot. their relationship is the best its ever been and ginny gets so smug. they break up a week later bc rhode just cant let ginny be happy and its the only time he actually cries after a divorce.

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furthermore second worst guy on the dancefloor nevada. he's lazering on his target hunting them across the dancefloor getting annoyed when they try dance with someone else only to immediately ignore you + steal your wallet. secretely in kahoots with rhode, who is also stealing your wallet, but makes no attempt to dance with you and calls you a pussy if you even ask. it may be only 11am in boston bit the banger posts begin.

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hands down worst duo on the dance floor at the statehouse party is flogov. florida wont stop waving his limbs around as is a red-level threat to everyone around him. gov is the stiffest man you've ever met. they combine into something akin to a crab with a pencil in its claw trying to get it out. flo flinging that fed around like nunchucks. 100000 dead 400000000 injured

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virginia stayed long enough to miss this bc she was gripping the sink staring herself in the mirror repeating 'this is NOT my circus and those are NOT my monkeys' only to find out that unfortunatly, those primates are legally hers.

“When you went to use the bathroom Rhode started a fight, we were just going to get kicked out but then York threatened the bartender on the way out, Mass and Conn lied about being lawyers, PA impersonated a cop, Mary lied about being pregnant, Delaware faked a heart attack, and Jersey stole a car. Took the rest of us because we were all together causing trouble by that point”

I need to explain in detail what happened in this scene out of this fic bc dear lord its funny in my head;

"When you went to use the bathroom Rhode started a fight," - pretty self explanatory, Virginia went to the bathroom Rhode's brain went "the adult supervision is GONE you should BITE THAT GUY" and he did. case closed.

"York threatened the bartender on the way out," - tbh fair, bc the bartender is the one who called the cops even though they deescalated the fight and started to leave pretty quickly but unfortunately the rest of the 13 took this as their cue to just get back to causing mischief.

"Mass and Conn lied about being lawyers," - this one actually could have worked, Mass hasn't had a valid bar card in about 40 yrs and Conn never went to law school but knows enough kinda legal/political jargon they'd both be able to fake it until proof was required.... except they both claimed to be the ONLY lawyer in the group.

"PA impersonated a cop," - listen, this mans first line of defense probably would've been claim to be a lawyer too, but like, he was so drunk he couldn't even remember the word 'law' his brain went "uhhh cops protect their own claim to be one" and he did then promptly punched an officer bc that makes sense.

"Mary lied about being pregnant," - no one knows what she was trying to do with this lie but it was promptly debunked with 'ma'am are you telling us you're drinking while pregnant?' and she got real quiet and didn't bring it up again.

"Delaware faked a heart attack," - found out that night Delaware is the worst actor known to man, he went "oh no. my heart." the most monotone voice then sat down on the ground normally. it fooled no one but was funny to watch.

"and Jersey stole a car." - the funniest and dumbest one of them all, this man had a single handcuff on went "oh my god look over there!" and then grabbed the keys sprinted for a squad car and got away somehow??? They found him three days later in Nebraska considering faking his death and starting over as a wandering farmhand. he was still wearing the handcuff.

The Carolina's are both surprisingly calm drunks and were just sitting on the curb watching all this go down and laughing their asses off, probably videoing to send to the all states gc. New Hampshire and Georgia were still mostly sober and were making mental lists on all the ways Virginia could kill them when she finds out about all this. Virginia somehow stayed in the bathroom just long enough to miss the whole thing.

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drunk ask me for headcanons and i shall edliever