#im just getting into the angry part of the cycle

[mspeevee]

I hope some sleep can soothe some of that ache. I'm sorry you're going through it. This might not mean much, but take care okay?

I wake up every now and then to feeling like my own friends don't give a fuck I wish I were dead. Then I go back to sleep thinking I was a fool for thinking they'd ever feel bad if I died when they ignore me anyways. The only difference is I can't respond if they bothered anymore.

[pilonciillo]

[soni-dragon]

Never ever EVER buy household appliances with ai in them. Most ridiculous things I’ve ever encountered

[sickseraph]

the way you can look at the whole show of supernatural as a representation of trauma.

hunting as an analogy for generational trauma or abuse. we saw mary’s parents exposing her to the dangers of the hunting world as a young girl (teen? 18?). demon-possessed grandpa then ruins her life and dooms the boys. john introduces them to hunting from CHILDHOOD, is actively an abusive alcoholic as the boys grow up, and then also gets literally possessed by a demon. seeing a theme of repetitive demon possessions only in the men who can’t get over their trauma… hmm…

sam and dean being actual addicts as a parallel; the demon blood & the alcohol. dean has more going on than just alcohol but that’s how i’ll sum it up. sam is able to kick this habit because he actually has sufficient supportive ‘father’ figures in his life. dean doesn’t. that says a lot about how each of them ends up.

sam finally breaks the cycle of abuse and ‘hunting’ at the end, whereas dean never really gets the chance to become stable. maybe he was close, but i think part of the analysis i’m making is that dean isn’t a success story. he’s supposed to represent an addict dying to his trauma (hunting). sam overcame his literal addictions (demon blood) therefore he overcame the others (hunting).

moving on: angels and vessels. how many vessels are begging to be let go, only for the angel to ignore them? the way that angels promise a greater purpose full of wonder and then the vessels are just torn to shreds for however long the angel dictates. classic abusive relationship, no? can’t leave, abuse of power, long-lasting effects even after the angel leaves. jimmy was a good example of how once an angel touches you, you’re unsafe at best, and dead at worst. we saw angry former vessels, we saw them being tricked in a mind palace like sam within gadreel’s control. we got an entire storyline about how castiel irreparably ruined an entire family and, although he feels guilt, he never really atones for it. the show then lets us see maybe hundreds of angels in human vessels throughout the series, and we’re supposed to ignore that these people are potentially hostages.

god/heaven being “unaccepting parents”; heaven hating castiel specifically for his love for dean. the minute castiel laid a hand on you in hell he was lost. remember how they lobotomize him repeatedly until he’s able to murder dean without a flicker of emotion? they put him in conversion therapy bro!!!!!

anyway im not a professional so if anyone has more examples of this id love you to add them hehe

[sukunasweetheart]

man, im thinking about sucking sukuna off underneath a desk during an important meeting... 

warnings; ceo sukuna, lots of teasing, degradation, rough throat fucking, hate?fucking, exhibitionism, throatpie (yay), implied rough sex at the end

you’re fondling and groping his cock over his pants until he gets hard, until you can see the visible bulge against the zipper, desperate to be let out. drag your fingertips down the still-clothed erection, making more precum leak out against his boxers. your hands do an excellent job at getting him all worked up.

once you’ve had enough of that, you then pull his zipper down, excruciatingly slow. you don’t want the others to hear anything, after all. once his cock is freed, you grin at its angry red tip and the bulging vein running along it. you palm sukuna’s heavy balls, playing around with them for a little before sucking them into your mouth. you’re painfully aware of how much he likes it when you use your mouth to warm them up. then, the tip of your tongue is dragged its way up, towards the head of his dick, where you lick off the pooling precum that’d been dripping since a while ago from his slit. 

above the desk, sukuna looks perfectly professional, doing his part as the ceo during this meeting, only an occasional jerk of his hips that is barely noticeable. internally, he’s already making plans on how to punish you for this later.

going back down below - you’re now softly sucking on his tip only, purposefully keeping the rest of his erection out of its haven, that is, your warm throat. the tangy taste of his drooling arousal continues to disperse itself on the surface of your buds and you can’t get enough of it, continuing to roll your tongue around his cockhead, in the way that you know drives him mad.

his facial expressions and body language can put on a facade all they want. he can display his false exterior and keep his voice firm all he wants. but his dick can’t lie now, can it?

when you take your lips off of it, you see how his cock throbs uncontrollably, almost begging you to keep going, until it’s release. you just have to stifle a giggle and admire its honesty. you gently blow air against him, being the ultimate tease.

behind sukuna’s closed mouth, he’s gritting his teeth, his patience running dangerously thin.

you repeat this vicious cycle, taunting his dick with your soft, warm tongue, refusing to take him in any deeper, and then releasing his tip from your mouth when he’s close to cumming.  this continues throughout the entire hour long meeting. it must be your imagination, but his balls seem a little heavier when you decide to give them another fondle a bit later.

towards the end, there’s a vein bulging out his forehead and an intimidating glare in his eyes. employees meekly trail out one by one, leaving the room in a hurry. sukuna orders uraume to lock the door on the way out. they don’t question the order, and does as they are told.

cut to the main event.

your hands are gripping, tugging at his clothes as sukuna fucks your throat raw. tears streaming, drool rolling down the corner of your mouth, you struggle to breathe as he mercilessly pushes past the back of your throat, balls hitting your chin lewdly.

“you’re a fucking whore, you know that?” he enunciates fiercely, meeting your eyes that still continue to somehow taunt him. you’re soaking wet down there.

the gurgling noises from your throat echo around the now empty meeting room, paired up with sukuna’s grunts and additional hisses of degradation. he loses a piece of his mind every time he feels you close up around him. 

“you sure had your fun playing around with my cock for an hour straight. let’s see if you can handle the same from me,” he mutters, continuing to use you without break. he chases after his long awaited, well deserved release.

sukuna’s breathing quickens, and his grip on your hair tightens as he gets close to his orgasm. fuck, fuck, fuck, he repeats in his head. he hates you so fucking much. he hates how desperate you make him feel. he hates how you are both the cause and solution to his problems.

while thinking such thoughts, he cums down your throat with his head lolled back, pushing himself balls-deep into you. your eyes roll back as his piping hot spend passes through your insides, splashing into your stomach. you swallow around his cock and sukuna can’t stop his hips from jolting.

when he slowly pulls out, you’re finally able to take a full breath properly. but even with your ruined makeup and tearstained cheeks, your lips curl up into a sly smirk, like you were the one finally satisfied.

oh, just what is he to do with a minx like you? he’s gotten himself involved with a terrible, crazy succubus.

“fuckin’ hell. you actually enjoyed that, didn’t you? you slut.”

you nod at him innocently, smiling up at him, being all cute.

you attempt to stand, but your knees buckle from being on them for so long, and he has to catch you to stop you from falling back.

“you alright?” the question comes out before he can stop himself.

“no...i’m not,” you mumble lowly, getting him to raise an eyebrow at you.

you grab his hand and place his palm onto your abdomen.

“i need you here,” you tell him, blinking your doe eyes at him. “i thought you said you were going to see if i could handle the same?”

oh, for fuck’s sake.

something snaps inside him - and he’s already laying you across the desk, ready to pummel your fucking pussy.

he hates you so much.

(lies.)

Masterlist

[5hrignold]

notes/remarks about jax in episode 4 (it’s a Little Bit long)

-its kinda believed that his only moment of trying to be a tiny bit better to interact with in the episode is when he asks pomni how she is after everything but i feel like even the beginning of the ep suggests him doing this . this has been stated 6000 times but he was making an attempt to participate in something with teaching gangle how to play baseball, and when ragatha got pissed at him for breaking her comedy mask he went “why are you always making me out to be a bad guy???im not a bad guy” and then when he follows gangle into zoobles room he just seems relaxed and docile, he keeps smiling throughout the entire interaction even when the focus isn’t on him, and he only ever looks annoyed when caine barges in . not necessarily jax-related but i noticed that was what happened in ep3 too! everyone just hanging out together and actually bonding on purpose and it being interrupted by caine taking them on an adventure. it’s interesting to me idk

-he’s put off by the direction of the adventure right off the bat. after pomni raises her hand and asks caine for a less intense adventure he’s frowning at her because in his mind she just ruined what sounded like a really fun violent thrilling adventure - especially after the way hes been kind of disappointed after the past two ones . despite this he is back to smiling and joking again by the time the suggestion box is brought up

his pout and angry eyes r so fucking cute god help me

-the part where zooble replies with “good” after he mockingly says that their submission was genuinely hurtful is special at least to me cuz it’s one of the only moments where instead of flat out ignoring it or getting angry at it, jax actually recognises and engages with someone expressing their distaste for him. and also onto a more possibly nothingburger thing that drives me crazy regardless that got pointed out to me through a youtube comment

this. this cycle of expressions here? if you squint really hard you can see the moment his feeling are hurt with your own two eyes!!!! at first i thought the comment was just about him looking down at gangle, but it’s actually the thing immediately before that where his smile drops slightly and he looks down, and then back at zooble for a split second. extremely small thing that might not even be real that i probably wouldn’t have noticed for ages if ever but regardless. Drives me up the wall. also this maybe possibly puts the “genuinely hurtful” line in a different light. i personally think that was actually just him joking and not really thinking about it though

-his “im really doing this” look. also the fact that he even went into it willingly gives me some questions like. does he actually just never skip on adventures ever no matter what they are just because he would So strongly rather not be left alone. did he see what happened to zooble and just assume the same would happen to him if he tried to get out of it

-it’s cute to me how fast he was to try and derail the adventure like he was probably calculating and remembering everything he knows about kitchen hazards/accidents and stuff. imagine all the fun he could’ve had with that if he was left uninterrupted

-it hurts

-he probably would’ve said “what are you gonna do about it though” as a response to anyone here but also this was definitely more initially enticing to him because typically he sees gangle as the one member who’s the most defenseless against him and will mostly take whatever he does. now him saying this was either him being like lol imagine YOU actually doing something to stop me; or a genuinely curious invitation as to what she was actually going to do after saying that. but either way whatever it was gets almost completely shattered after he hears caine agree to put a punishment in place, followed by gangle giving jax his first orders of the day. i deeply enjoy how genuinely unnerved he looks here. like i can imagine hes probably never been in a situation quite like this since he entered the circus -which kinda connects into another thing with jax in this episode that i think about a lot that’s just . was this entire episode how he felt in his real life before the circus. it’s pretty much a given that he could not and did not act at least exactly the way he does now in the circus in his old life, especially considered how he was still like sorta fresh into adulthood before getting trapped. this ties very very very deeply into my personal ‘jax cannot function in the real world is prone to becoming depressed and aggravated when he’s tested to even the smallest conditions against him’ belief. before this the only real support for this was how moody he got in ep 2 but the way he reacts to his circumstances in this one just. absolutely takes the cake im so fucking grateful

-“we wait until after hours for that” and then he immediately looks up at the clock to see how much time he has to wait until he can freely talk about how hates this one guy. Pointless animal

-i like how deadpan and honest he is in the scene leading up to the reevaluation where he’s talking with gangle. like he’s not in the mood for playing with the others but he’s not completely exhausted and flustered yet either he’s just. normal. neutral. extremely rare and specific angle of him we probably won’t ever see again. it’s like a complicated and intricate dish of food that you have to like wait until a certain time of year to be able to prepare. the “i like you better when you’re sad” is at least in my mind and my perception of him, the one single time in the show where jax’s behaviour is sincerely meant to be mean and malicious. there’s no jovial tone to it it’s not meant to be funny even to him, he just says it so flatly and with such purpose that it’s so obviously true, almost to the point where it feels like he didn’t even mean to say it but he sure did. this moment could also demonstrate the barely-theory of jax acting worse and more cutthroat the more bored/upset/angry he feels himself. extremely good moment of him Just being an Asshole with no fun side to it whatsoever . there should be more of those i think and there probably will be

-nothing to say about the reevaluation itself except that the flashing makes it pretty hard to see but you if you like zoom in / look closely you can tell that he’s quivering and his ears and eyebrows slowly lower. it’s way way clearer to see if you find the behind the scenes video for it and look there cause it doesn’t have the flashing. Personally i lost my shit when i first realised this and also i lowkey think this scene may have been my awakening for him being my favourite it just took about 3 weeks to take root

-the part where he gets out and sees the clock hasn’t moved at all is the first time in the show jax has actually raised his voice like Ever. hes never once reached the point of yelling at someone out of frustration before this

-i actually think he was super affected by ragatha saying she hates him while on the stupid sauce. both this and the moment with zooble earlier on in the episode supports the idea that he doesn’t exactly understand that the others mostly dislike him, or at least tries to never ever think about the possibility of it. him concluding that she’s drunk or something and stepping over her was both a tiny sarcastic remark and also something to make himself feel better and give a sort of explanation for why she said that. like oh surely that’s not how she really feels about me! no Pal

-AGAIN. everyone and their mother has talked about this but the part with him going up to pomni and asking how she is is like. I view everything as being evidence but this is like the most explicit “there is no other explanation other than this” evidence for the idea that jax almost solely relies on the other circus members no matter what the nature of the attention/reaction from them is. he purely seeks out anything he can get from them to feel seen and noticed and real. the most peculiar part of this interaction to me is that he doesn’t spin it around to talk about himself really except for the “wish i could say the same” statement. like you would think he’d be like Ughhh my day has been awfulll but no he apparently just wants to know if pomnis good? ???? thats the one thing that sorta perplexes me here lowkey

[a-random-weeb]

BSD men x reader sick headcannons

im sick as well as my friend so fml I'm writing this

Warnings: le sick, this is kind of self indulgent in a way but at the same time your sick so... you have the right while your sick.

Autre warnings: this is my first fic, it's probably gonna suck ;-;

also soup is the food of the gods in this for some reason

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Dazai:

•he bursts out laughing at first, making fun of you (in a friendly way)

•Once he's done with his laughing fit, he does (try to) take care of you

•ok he's not the worst at taking care of people, but I feel like the worst part would be him making fun of you

•he won't let you go to work/school (if you're a student like in highschool pretend you're older), just because he's laughing at you, doesn't mean he doesn't care.

•he'd cuddle you, then end up getting sick, then you take care if him and cuddle him, then you get sick and so on until one of you realizes you can't cuddle (aka you, and he complains. This is the same for Nikolai)

•he pisses you off, but he loves you

"how did you get sick?!" He laughs as he hands you a bowl of soup, as you lie in the silky sheets of your shared bed with the worst cold of your life. You shoot him a glare as you take the soup in your shaking hands, making sure not to drop it.

"I already told you, my coworker got me sick!" You begin to eat your soup, frustrated and pissed. He plants a kiss on your forehead

"I'll call your work and tell them you're taking the day off!" He skips to the other room. You lie there, thankful for your lovely boyfriend.

(I don't simp for dazai so it was hard to write for him. This is my first fanfic EVER, be quiet. I only put dazai at the top for a friend.)

˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖˚♡˚˖♡︎˖

Chuuya:

•He's easy to anger, so when you get sick, he knows you probably did something stupid to get yourself sick.

•Unlike Dazai, he's a good cook, but still he makes you soup, and angrily holds it out to you.

•he takes care of you, but acts angry the whole time. I say acts, but he really is angry, but he also cares about you. But is still angry.

•he's not Bakugou level angry, he's still calm(ish)

•he does verbally abuse you the whole time though.

•But it's not actually abuse. I feel like he just calls you dumbass and idiot.

•he's very forceful with everything he does ("eat! Or I'll force feed you!") ←(this is my fav head cannon for him, he would)

•He cuddles you, but somehow this man does not get sick, until he does, then you take care of him, but he doesn't let you touch him while taking care of him so the same thing that happened with dazai doesn't happen with you. There will be no cycle.

•He also buys you a lot of expensive medicine

•you piss him off, but so does everything

"You idiot! How the hell did you get yourself sick?!" He hands the bowl soup to you.

"I was playing in the rain with a cat." You give him an innocent look as he shoots you a glare.

"Why?! You knew it would get you sick!"

"but... there was puddles... and a cat who liked water..."

Chuuya facepalms. "Seriously?!" He sighs, calming himself down. He sits next to you on the bed as you eat your soup. He's rich, and I feel like you begged him to buy a tv for he bedroom. You guys watch my hero academia. Even though I said he cuddles you while sick, I don't think he'd actually unless you cling to him, then he'll let you sometimes. But he just sits on the other side of the bed as you watch anime together, and pass out in eachothers presence.

(I cringed at this one, it wasn't as good as I hoped. I made him a tiny bit ooc too ;-; idk I feel like it's good for a first time.)

✧.𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆✧˖°.✧˖°.✧˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆°.✧˖°.✧˖°..𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆

Kunikida:

•He's nicer than the rest of them

•He's the only decently normal one of the boys.

•he makes you soup and blah blah blah

•He doesn't cuddle you, he has common sense

•You don't want to get him sick either, so....

•He buys you medicine, he knows the best kinds

(I couldn't think of a scenario. Sorry)

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Akutagawa:

•Has no idea what to do

•He thinks you're gonna die so he makes this whole dramatic speech

•All you have is a common cold 😭

•after he figures out you're not gonna die, he asks what he can do

•He goes to the store to buy you medicine

•He doesn't know what else to do

•you tell him it's fine and all you need is a few days off of work

•He feels too bad, so he goes on one of those weird websites

•Next thing you know he comes in a skateboard and circling around you, chanting these weird, demonic words 😭

•"Wa bubu shaaaaaa qut epeu turu!"

"Aku wth are you doing?!"

"Curing your sick"

𓍢ִ໋✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡✧˖°~∆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𓍢ִ໋✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡✧˖°~∆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𓍢ִ໋

I too lazy to write for anyone else, this is a quick drabble and my first fanfic. I hope you liked it!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can we have reader who has the "gift" of changing the weather with their emotions x TADC ? (Either platonic or romantic, I don't mind! ^^) Like- they can go from sunny days and rainbows everyone and if they get upset the weather suddenly changes into cloudy day with a few thundering here and there, there's probably rain too but it depends on what made you upset lol

Kinger, Pomni, Ragatha, and Zooble x reader who can manipulate the weather through their feelings

still limiting the number of characters per post since im still not mentally where i need to be in order to... do full casts(?) </3 more than willing to do the rest in a second post if you want, though WOOOOO admin managed to fall asleep early last night and now im up early, nature is healing!! im finally out of my "can only sleep for a few hours until 12am then be unable to sleep for the following 8 and then spending the day sleeping" cycle melatonin gummies aint shit!/j

POMNI:

will jump if you ever get angry enough to summon some lightning bolts. as mean as it sounds i think she would put some space between the two of you if you're setting loose the aforementioned lightning before or raining everywhere. but that might work out if youre the kind of person who needs some time alone to calm down- she will apologize for giving you some space, i hope you can understand that she doesnt want to be electrocuted </3 but it does offer up a reason for you two to work together to find a system to better regulate yourself, and i think pomni might just be one of your biggest supporters during that!

RAGATHA:

probably has made you a custom/personalized umbrella so you have at least some level of protection against your own rain or even from your own sun rays (eyes!! your eyes!!).. really put her all in making it for you, anything you'd ever want in an umbrella is there. okay jokes aside, i think she would be really good at calming you down enough to quell your storm clouds, and enough for you to recollect yourself enough to calmly communicate your feelings out; she probably lets you hang out in her room once everything is under control (she has lots of stuff in there, doesnt want it to get rained on or zapped)(understandably)

KINGER:

Probably jumps when your little storm cloud above you lets out thunder or lightning; but that might be because im self projecting on kinger again and making him anxious about storms.. shrugs. unlike pomni i think he would try to find a solution right there, offering himself up to talk to you regardless of risk. likes seeing your sunrays cast down because he's well aware that its a visual indicator that youre happy, and that makes him feel more.. sure of himself that everything is fine, or at least as fine as it can be in the digital world. very nice, very sweet

ZOOBLE:

doesnt like water getting into their joints/where their body parts connect since it can make them feel.. weird. slicked or even waterlogged depending on which joint it is. not the best comforter but theyre trying their best; will yell at someone is they made you upset (cough cough jax). as mean as it sounds, they can sometimes get a little overwhelmed/annoyed by your weather patterns, but they do feel bad since they understand its a reflection of your emotions. definitely still cares about you, though. bad at cheering people up, but they will at least make an attempt though unlike some other characters in this post/other characters not in this post, theyre not going to pester until they see your sunrays come back

[storywriter007]

I Won't - Jason Grace x Fem!Reader

summary: in which y/n is done being jason's last resort

warnings: cursing, suggestive, emotional turmoil

genre: angst

word count: 858

-> heroes of olympus masterlist

✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒

y/n felt someone knock on her cabin door. she peeked outside to see someone that made her stomach drop. nevertheless, she opened the door.

“jason? are you alright? what’re you doing here, it’s past midnight.” she asked.

this wasn’t the first time jason had shown up at odd hours in the night. 

on the surface, y/n and jason were friends. friends who got along because they were forced to hangout with one another so much. but somehow, every time they hung out, it always ended the same. y/n waking up next to a man who was hot hers.

“yeah, i’m fine i guess. piper and i broke up.” he sighed.

y/n felt bad, of course, but honestly, they were on and off all the time. they broke up every two weeks, would go without each other for a week, and then they would be back together. it was a never ending cycle. it’s easy to infer where jason ended up every time they broke up.

she let him in.

“i’m sorry.” she said, patting his back. “is it like permanent? you’re not getting back?” 

she knew that might’ve sounded harsh, but it was true.

“she said she’s ‘fucking done’ with me. we had this whole stupid fight, and she just ended it.” he explained. “i’ve never seen her so angry.”

“maybe she’ll change her mind? she could’ve just been stressed about something else.” y/n comforted, knowing her words were daggers that only stabbed her.

she really liked jason. like head over heels. sure, he’s a hero, and that made everyone want him, but what y/n loved about jason was who he was. a smart, kind, and caring man. she loved him, not what he had accomplished. but here she was, assuring him another girl would come back to him.

“maybe.” he agreed. 

a moment of silence passed between the two. 

“but, it kind of got me thinking about you.” he started.

y/n felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“what do you mean?” she asked.

“it got me thinking about how you’ve always been there for me.” he continued, leaning in so that he was barely inches away from y/n. “how long we’ve being doing..this.”

“where are you going with this jason?” she asked, her heart feeling heavy.

“if me and piper are really done, i think we should give you and me a shot.” he said, in a low, husky tone.

they were about to kiss. was y/n’s dream finally coming true? had jason finally realized she loved him? or was he just looking for a replacement. his words repeated in her head, and the more they played over, the louder another thought became: she was his second choice.

“jason.” she said.

“hm?”

she wanted to kiss him, she really did. but she held it back.

“you’re fucking insane if you think that’s how you win me over.” she spat coldly, getting up.

“y/n, i wasn’t trying to-“

“no, shut up jason! you were trying. you knew what you were doing, coming here every time you and piper broke up!” she said, anger filling her voice. “you knew that i liked you. you knew that i would do anything just for two minutes of your attention. you knew that i’d let you touch me because i was so desperate for you to say you felt someway about me!”

“how was i supposed to know? you never told me anything!” he argued, standing up.

“maybe every time i let you fuck me should’ve been a clue!” she persisted. “i’m sick of being your second choice! im sick of being your fuck buddy whenever you can’t have piper! i’m sick of you hiding me! i won’t continue to be the girl you come to whenever you’re horny or in a bad place with piper! i won’t fucking do it!”

“if you never wanted to do this, all you had to do was say something. you know i would’ve never forced you.” he said, angrily.

“yes jason but what part of ‘i was so desperate for you to notice me’ do you not get?” she yelled.

he shook his head.

“you’re blaming me for the fact that you decided to sleep with me.” he chuckled.

“i’m blaming you for toying with my emotions!” she shouted.

y/n composed herself, and realized jason was not worth all of this yelling and screaming. he was worth nothing but a goodbye.

“look jason, i’m done being your second choice. i won’t do that to myself because i don’t deserve it. don’t come to my cabin again, don’t talk to me for anything other than work, and don’t call me.” y/n finished. “you’re free to leave.”

he chuckled before making his way towards the door and leaving.

y/n took a minute to process what had just happened. and yes, she was upset she lost jason, but he was worth losing if his only interest in her was her body. six words echoed in her mind as she laid in the darkness.

i won't do this to myself

[ronkeyroo]

Noticing a lot of bad, self sabotaging patterns resurfacing lately...Things I'm angry still exist within me, and it steers such a hurtful, bitter feeling inside...

I'm recovering from a very dark period in my life, folks that know me have seen how vastly it fluctuated; I cannot emphasize just how incredible it is that things have finally been on the improving end. Like,,there's so much newfound goodness all around me, especially lately, and i finally start allowing myself to feel welcome and safe within it all - But, I've spent so much time in my mess that It still feels like I'm walking through wires...Followed by this same, deeply rooted response that makes me feel like all of it, and all of me, is some sort of an anomaly.

And then, I just- either get overwhelmed beyond what i'm capable of expressing or is considered normal, or, the other side of this damn pendulum - I shut down. Straight into nothingness, with everything i encompass or hold dear, and it fucking scares me. I keep willingfully concluding the same miserable narrative that demands I disappear, ultimately seeking my isolation like I've been doing my entire life.

I recognize and reject it all so much but its like having a death grip on a slippery eel. I don't want to keep perpetuating this damn cycle. I miss out on people and connections that mean a lot to me, i miss out on things I care for, i miss out on myself and everything i want to stand up for and experience. And just when I start easing into a happier life, those feelings rise like some sort of intentional jab in my direction and i start heaving under like some wounded animal all over again instead of taking a moment to realize this isn't all there is of/to me.

Things hurt, a lot, and Im still learning to properly digest and deal with those feelings. But I want to keep trying to insist against it. To keep learning how to take a healthy step back instead of immediately isolating to oblivion. To be able to welcome this turmoil without completely losing myself in it, and to know that all of this goodness that i still very much experience is real and...Part of me.

I wanted to say "- And that I deserve it too-" But its not about being deserving or not, its about finding the right balance and peace of experiencing it without letting stuff overwhelm me so badly, without just shutting down like a corrupt program that cannot compute it even exists.

It always starts small, so I'll start small too...

[ludinusdaleth]

not to be personal, but, maybe it's because of my background. i live in the south, where over half the folk you know will fall into something far more sinister than basic religion and lose themselves. i was abused by a man who was raised in a literal cult, and abused me due to that trauma, and i choose not to make contact with him now. with all this in mind.... liliana's story is very real. and i get the sheer anger from characters & fans about her. but with what ive personally seen & been through, i cannot be angry at her. because part of the existence of living in a land of cults & severe idealogies means living with the folk who believe that and learning what happened to them to make them break, and i cant see them, even those that hurt me, in any way but with pity & hope. at a certain point even if you have personal grief & anger you realize that the real problem is not solely placed on them but a society that created the right storm for such obscene exploitation. even if liliana did not attempt to listen to imogen, i still would not see her as the main threat - my eyes are on the cosmic level of trauma underpining every single person, entity, every goddamn black hole of this affair, and the cycle of violence, suppression of truth, &/or ostracization that led her and everyone, even ludinus, to where they are. when liliana looked to imogen for guidance - yeah, on a parental level, that's fucked. but i can't say i haven't seen it before. i can't say it didn't break my heart for her daughter and her. were she texan in reality and not just in fiction, she would completely blend in. ive seen her a thousand times over.

anyway, im simply rambling. i know discussing real life parralels to her is something folk have lambasted me for. but imogen was literally based on where laura grew up - exactly where i did. and i can safely say i know liliana in almost all those ive met. and i think that fury toward her is justified, but it's..... tired, to me. my hope is for anyone in exandria, and in our world, to break out of the mold that's forcing them into being soldiers for a cause they never should have become drafted for. and that cannot be done with seeing indoctrinated folks as a black and white enemy. they are your neighbors, your family. they could be you.

[mrsnancywheeler]

ommggg i read let me down easy today and i kept re-reading it bc its TOO GOOD AHH !!🦅🦅

it hurt so much but im a whore for angst first, and a human second🫶

just thinking about the reader suffering in silence because she feels guilty for having any negative feelings towards finnick :(( the way she dismisses those feelings bc she thinks that whatever she’s going through is nothing compared to what he’s been through :((

also thinking abt finnick’s slow realization that she’s suffering because of him :(( like the incident at the market is when he began to notice the changes :(( and later when he fully understands how his behavior affected her IT MESSES HIM UP SO BAD

i just know he was remembering his past interactions with reader (where she breaks the glass / when she rejected his money at the pearl necklace stand) AND CRINGING …and it only gets worse when reader spills her guts about what she went through. omg ik he was sick.

another #thougjt i had was how this might mess up the reader for a bit after too #idk (that just might be me tho lmaoo) bc i feel like once you’ve been in that cycle of feeling depressed/insecure for so long it’s hard to snap out of, even with constant reassurance 😔

But maybe that’s just my angsty side talking HAHA

but i loved this fic, 11/10🫶

-🦅

omg yes, literally my favorite thing I've ever written. ik I wrote it, but it's the only thing of mine I reread bc it's like the perfect expression of how I feel, like if I could represent myself in one fic it would be that one if that makes any sense. it's like a concept that always haunts my mind no matter what I'm hyperfixating on maybe because I'm just like melancholy like that 🎀🎀🎀

but thank you so much, I'm literally so glad people are enjoying it because it literally is my own roman empire

yes she wants to be angry, she is angry, but refuses to let herself be because his issues are what she needs to prioritize. how can she be angry when he is constantly suffering? even if it's not so slowly tearing her apart, like a piece of paper sitting in water, she's trying to stay connected for the illusion of it all, to be strong for him.

her being loving isn't new to him, so he isn't thrown off by that, only slightly confused by her waking up earlier then usual. so her gifts have little bearing when he's used to it and he really doesn't want to feel loved right now because he's trying to reject whatever will make him seek comfort. when she starts changing her clothes and makeup, it's different, but he's not responsive because she's always been his pretty girl and always will be, her buying new clothes doesn't make him perceive her any differently or wonder if there's a reason, people try out new things.

when he notices how other peoples interactions with her have changed that's when he really starts to notice, if everyone else perceives her as melancholy then something has to be wrong. even if he's not quick to point the finger back to himself. he tries gifts, maybe she wouldn't buy something because she wanted him to do it, some sort of attention, but it's not big enough part of the issue to have any bearing on the effects it's now had on her. the girl rotting depression era shall we say. eventually through that, what people say to him, self-reflection he gains full consciousness of what he's been doing, how he's been hurting the person he loves so much. and the guilt is incomprehendable.

how could he be so selfish? so closed off as not to process all the clear cries for help? thinking about how he was getting annoyed, feeling like she was being moody when she insisted on doing the dishes until the dish broke. how she ran out into the ocean, in the rain without a care to regain some sense of composure, composure to try and make him happy. then the necklace thing, how could he miss her clearly trying just to be with him, be near him, have the interactions with him that he was giving to the girl at the shop instead? he was so unresponsive to the emotional needs he just assumed it to be a material need that he was willing to give. so when she rejects the money it just doesn't compute, to buy it she needs it, and then she tries to send the message that buying something isn't what she's asking for but he misses it completely. he gets snappy and it snaps her.

so when he's finally talking to her, he needs her to tell him the truth, the nuances because he's been so blind to all of it. he needs to know how he hurt her and it really is like a full wake up call. he can't let his own trauma consume him, allowing it to traumatize her in different ways. like when she mentions her getting to the point of just wanting him to want her body if he wouldn't want her because that's how people perceive him, that's what was hurting him, but he inadvertently made her feel that way. it breaks him to think that he did that to her, that he hurt his girl that way. then the idea that she would have let him cheat on her, she would've picked being with him over her own well-being, well she did, and he doesn't deserve that. he can't fathom how he could be with someone who loves him so blindly as to choose being with a ghost of him over not having him at all, when she deserves so much better. when he has been so callous with such a precious kind of love. or the fact that he even made it seem like he had interest in anyone but her.

there will be a fluffy, smutty requested sequel but readers issues afterwards will be lightly touched upon in it. but yes, she would have to spend so much time mending her relationship with herself afterwards. he's totally on hand and knee trying to make it up to her, to prove how much he loves and needs her, to give the attention she deserves. but she's still paranoid about cheating, insecure, scared, even if she tries to mask it. but he knows. he could, and does, spend hours praising her, telling her how pretty she is, how she's the only one, how sorry he is, how much he adores her, but it doesn't stop the nagging voice in the back of her head. she tries to hide it but she's clingier and he's okay with that, she needs him more.

but yes there's lots of long term effects the incident has on there relationship. and they have to try and navigate that together.

thank you pookie, I love your thoughts sm 💋💋💋💋💋💋

[vanchovvy]

flatland movie photo dump except its extremely obvious on if i liked the sequel more or not

why did arlene smile as soon as arthur got out of bed?? is she proud that he got the energy to get up? does he usually do something else? is she just looking at the fluffy pompom thing in front of her???

hex has probably crashed into the chandelier before which is why she was told to stop using her scooter thingamadoogy in the house

i REALLY like this guy that walks rlly fast and weird at the start. i have no idea why its not for their weird walking i jsut dont know

EVIL captain aero

why did hex nod in this scene. who do u think u are. smartass

you know what?? this heptagon lady DESERVED to get her baby taken away. JSUT LOOK AT THE BABY LOOK AT HOW UGLY AND SICK IT LOOKS

the speaker thingies arent perfect and that TICKS ME OFF.

why does that red one look at arthur when he gets on the bus??and why is the red one, the blue one across from him, and the purple/pink fella all making the same face

Ueeeeeee😭😭😢💧💧💧😭😭Ueeeeeeee😭😢💧😭😢😭😢😢💧😢Ueeeeeeee💧😭😢😭😢😭😭Ueeeee😢Ueeeeee😭😢😭😢😭😢😭Ueeeeee😢💧😢💧💧💧😢😢😭💧

yoo that guy is high af like highkey *ba dum tss!*

almost all of these guys look the same. and also theres a bunch of little triangles that i dont feel like circling

why did pantocyclus. I mean. Um. Pantsuit Cycle. just look this feller in the eyes and then the guy was shocked? was he engaging in anything related to higher dimensions???? or were they just shocked cuz they missed the speech discussion meeting and they found out what was being talked about that way

this is what arthur arlene and hex look like to me btw

DISGUSTING CHILD

no context for this one

U GO GIRLY!!!!!!!

that pillow is like twice her size why did they give her that

I like his face in this part…..grrrrggrgrgrr me angry..

my sibling keeps calling arthur doing this face "Arthur Square Jorking It"……..ive said worse tho so

HE WAS SO OFFENDED FOR NO REASON…????? HE WAS ACTING LIKE HE JUST GOT CALLED A SLUR

hes kinda like a scared cat with its hair raised up…

theres about 36 blocks on the left image and 17 on the right. we never get to see the bin of toy squares again so im assuming spherius Eated them all becos he was Hunry./j/j(i thought it was funny)(also, i dont feel like screenshotting this for proof but spherius doesnt even let arthur turn off the lamp in the living room. he just puts him back to bed)

the fact that spheriuses hind purple markings dont show in this scene implies that they literally tore off his face just to make him look more mysterious. wow. what jerks.(/j)

this is a really weird picture but why did spherius PENETRATE him. like DEEPER. i know it was him punching arthur harder but why did he THRUSTED…………..not in a freaky way tho

ok end of part 1 cuz i screenshotted too many things and it met the 30 image limit

part 1 !¡ part 2 ¡! part 3 !¡ separate sphereland photodump

[desceros]

I'm guessing by your banner that you also like Minecraft sooooo, turtle Minecraft headcannons to spare please 🥺? Just in general, all the Donnie's are definitely into Minecraft. I feel like all the rise turtles are also definitely into Minecraft and Leo, mikey and Donnie all had a big Minecraft phase in their childhood and maybe they still play multiplayer with each other when their bored and have nothing better to do. Maybe gaming headcannons in general for the turtles?

i play it for like. a week once a year. then i get distracted by something else and forget i was playing. this cycle repeats once every twelve months. the neo-mayan calendar.

i'll do rise specifically bc im feeling soft for it rn

donnie loves fiddling with command blocks to set up the server, and he loves setting up fun traps for his brothers. he's huge into redstone and builds amazing contraptions. his base is one where you have to fall through lava to get inside, and he has, like. fifty secret rooms for all his loot. he has the most optimum selection of armor and always wears his elytra so he can fly out of trouble. he has 500 cats at every build so creepers can't come by and blow them up.

raph loves the combat. he never uses a shield bc it makes it 'too easy.' at any given moment, the lower left hand of the screen is filled with his death messages. he also loves the exploration part, and he's always sending coordinates for interesting things for people to check out later. his base is a dirt box with a single bed and one chest filled with some string, a single diamond, four pieces of steak, a dark oak slab, a soul strider book, and two brown mushrooms. full netherite armor (mostly bc he keeps dying in the nether and everyone got tired of him burning through all their diamonds, so they pulled together and farmed up enough netherite to give him something that wouldn't burn up)

mikey is the builder on the server. he likes to beautify things and terraform, and his base is a custom mountain valley he built in the middle of a flower forest biome. he can make every block look good. raph's house actually makes him angry, like legit, but raph won't let him pretty it up for him. he dies to creepers a lot bc he never remembers to light up his builds, and they sneak up on him while he's listening to music and building. he wears unenchanted iron armor (except when donnie forces some blast protection iv on his ass) except for his feather falling iv diamond boots.

leo's here for the mining. he loves collecting shit and bringing it back home. he'll go out with an inventory of shulker boxes, stuff 'em full, then bring them home and go back out again. he's the spine of the server; sitting afk at the witch farm so donnie can get enough redstone, going out and getting more terracotta so mikey can finish his trading hall, and helping raph collect his shit when he dies in the end and oh god maybe his elytra landed on the side???? he'll also put on a playlist and just strip mine for hours until he runs through his fourth diamond pickaxe and has to go to the gold farm to repair it up. never upgrades to netherite armor because the diamond armor is blue.

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | vii

After days of radio silence, a heartbroken y/n makes an attempt to find comfort in the closest thing to Jake; his twin brother. Josh works his magic and manages to penetrate the tough exterior she’d been building since the big blowout. She questions her own heartbreak enough to jump on a plane to Atlanta, realizing that ending things so abruptly may have caused herself more hurt than good

Read part six here

Read part eight here

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 7.6k

Warnings: sadness/depression, insecurity, anxiety, breakup talk, unhealthy coping mechanisms, long emotional talks, smoking (marijuana), crying, angst, fluff, sorry if i miss any!

howdy. i am so happy to be here again with y’all. i’ve been writing this fic steadily since I released the last chapter, and it’s gotten pretty long, so I had to split this one in half! im getting so excited for the end of this just so i can wrap it up and everyone can be happy 🤩 there’s gonna be one more after this so there’s some more fluffy smuttiness to end this saga on a high note. thanks for the support thus far, and sorry for the drama in the last chapter 😞 i promise it doesn’t last too long and it is completely cleared up in this one! as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

~

The days passed slowly, dwindling down into one big, long, never ending cycle. Your clothes were piling up in the laundry basket, there were empty fast food bags littering you floor, and the steady stream of unanswered texts and calls seemed to never stop. It was nearing a week since the ‘Twitter incident’ (which was the only was it was allowed to be referred to) happened, and you hadn’t broken the radio silence with Jake yet. He never gave up, though. Through everything, you did have to admire his persistence. It was the day you were originally set to fly to Atlanta, and it was taking every ounce of your strength to not tear up the plane ticket and throw it in the garbage.

Jake’s name was a taboo subject in the house, and your friends knew that. When you had taken almost permanent refuge in your bed, they had practically given up hope that the situation would ever resolve. You rarely left your room unless it was to use the washroom or grab a food delivery from the front door. Your laptop remained in your bed and you worked from there. Hiding away was easier than facing the hard conversations, you decided. You were heartbroken, definitely, but more angry at yourself that you couldn’t get over your fear and just answer his phone calls, even just to end things maturely. You’d convinced yourself it was easier to end things on a what-if, rather than a certainty.

All of the items Jake gifted you were neatly placed on your desk, his sweater on the bottom and his cologne on top. The small box containing the ring was loudly laying next to it, and the plane ticket in the envelope was gently resting at the top of the pile. You had no idea what to do with them. The sight of them alone made your stomach turn. You wanted to throw them all in the trash, or burn them, just so you never had to see them again, but there was a bigger part of you that wanted to put the sweater back on and remember him for a little while. It was a hateful battle you were fighting with yourself, and there seemed to be no end in sight. You wanted to feel close to him, but you didn’t want to think about him. You wanted to love him, but every part of your body was holding you back.

Your end of day meeting wrapped up and you closed your laptop, wondering if you would be able to get some shut eye. You were teetering between not sleeping at all and sleeping only when you shouldn’t be. As you shoved the computer to the side and turned towards the wall, you reached to the corner of the bed and pulled a pillow into your chest. It was a much neglected one, lost and forgotten in the mess of all of the others. When you buried your head into the pillowcase, your breath caught in your throat. The scent was familiar, but extremely faint. Even so, you’d recognize it anywhere. The ever so subtle hint of his shampoo dusted with the remanence of his cologne felt like a punch in the stomach. You wanted to throw it away, to get rid of it completely, but your arms wouldn’t let go. The longer you breathed it in, the more the tension left your body. Your eyes fluttered shut, feeling more comfort than you had in days.

A little while later, you woke up to the sun setting outside of your window. The golden glow cast a peaceful aura over the otherwise gloomy room. You stretched, taking in a deep breath before rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You were stiff and beyond sore from laying in bed so much. The blankets were tangled around you and your head felt a little bit clearer; it had been a few days since you’d gotten any amount of sleep that was actually restful. Unwillingly, you hauled yourself out of the bed. You found your cigarette pack and pulled out a joint, placing it between your lips. You figured that you’d be able to get some more sleep under the right circumstance.

You hoisted yourself up on the deep windowsill, swinging your legs up and resting your back against the wood. You slid the window open, feeling the fresh air hit you in the face. You let out a sigh of relief, enjoying the moment of clarity. You lit the end of the joint after you popped the screen off the window. You let your hand rest outside, trying your best to keep the smell minimal. You pulled your phone from your pocket, clicking the screen on and checking the time. Before you put it away, you attention was grabbed by your last received text message.

Twin Rockstar

Please call me, mama. I won’t tell Jake I was talking to you. Just want to hear your voice.

A feeling of guilt ran through you. You were so caught up in how you were feeling about Jake that it clouded over the love you had for his brothers. You stared at the message until the joint was burnt out, unsure of what to do. In a moment of irrationality, you clicked on his contact and hovered over the call button. After a second, you found the confidence to hit dial. It rang once, and your stomach churned with uncertainty. It rang twice, and you debated hanging up. When it rang the third time, you didn’t have time to doubt yourself, because he had answered.

“Y/n?” He breathed. You were frozen, unsure of how to respond.

“H-hi,” you eventually mustered, realizing how scratchy your voice sounded. A week of barely talking and smoking like a chimney had done your vocal cords no good.

“I can’t believe you called.” He said, sounding a bit exasperated. “I was expecting you to ignore me forever. I didn’t really plan out what I was going to say.” He gave a nervous chuckle. You weren’t sure how to respond. “Can you FaceTime me? It’s just me in my room, I promise.”

“I don’t look very presentable,” you mumbled. Josh’s heart was breaking at your sullen tone. You sounded like you barely had any life left in you.

“I think you’re beautiful no matter what.” He said. Within a second, he requested the video call. You accepted, heart aching at the sight of his face. You never realized how much he looked like his brother until now. He took in your features, the dark circles encasing your under eyes, the paleness of your skin, the bloodshot eyes. “I miss you, mama.” He said, finally. He knew better than to bring anything else up, scared it might make you end the call.

“I miss you, too.” You admitted, feeling a lump forming in your throat. “I’m uh, not sure what to say, either. Just called because I wanted to hear your voice, too, I guess.”

“That’s okay. I’m just happy you did.” He said. He was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed, holding the phone up so you could see the background slightly.

“Are you…” you trailed off, not knowing the best way to approach any conversation. “Are you in Atlanta, now?” Your voice cracked a bit as you spoke, but you cleared your throat to cover it up.

“Yeah, we got here earlier today.” He informed you. You gave a small nod. “You know, that invitation is still there.” He whispered. Your heart sped at the mention of your ticket. “It can just be me and you, we can hang out for a few days. You don’t even have to come to the show.” He explained. “Even though everything happened, you’re still my friend. I think so, at least.”

“Of course we are, Josh.” You assured him. There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him. “I just couldn’t do that to Jake.” Even as you willingly spoke his name, your heart ached. “I’d never use the ticket he bought for me and not tell him.” Josh gave a solemn nod. “Uh… how is he? Jake, I mean. I just-you know what? Never mind.” You let out a small laugh at your own stupidity. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to know.

“How is Jake?” Josh let out a chuckle, pondering his answer to the question. “Um, well, he’s pretty much unbearable to be around.” Josh said as nicely as he could. “Not very good, if I had to guess. He’s always angry, showing up late to everything and barely participating, and he doesn’t really speak to us unless he has to. He broke a string on his guitar during soundcheck earlier and just… left. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

“I’m not going to sit here and throw a pity party for him. I’m not gonna force you to talk to him, either. But he is miserable, and we have no idea what to do about it. It’s not your fault, though. Don’t think I’m blaming you, please.”

“It kind of is, isn’t it?” You posed the rhetorical question. “I mean, yeah, he broke my heart, but I broke his, too.”

“I don’t think any hearts were broken intentionally.” He corrected. You didn’t answer, only watched his face with a hint of sadness growing inside you.

“You guys really are twins,” you noted, talking more to yourself. He gave a small smile. “I miss him. A lot.” You finally admitted. “And that’s not like me. I don’t know what happened that day, and a huge part of me doesn’t really want to know. But there’s also this hole in my heart that I just can’t seem to fill. I’ve always been so good at shutting people out, and moving on as if they never mattered to me in the first place. I hate being love and I hate being vulnerable, but I almost miss it, now. He made it seem less than horrible.” Your voice was dangerously quiet.

“Do you still want to be with him?” He questioned. Your eyes fell to the window again, hoping to avoid his gaze.

“Yeah.” You sighed. “I’m just… terrified. Like absolutely fucking terrified. Falling for him was so easy. I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way for someone ever again. But, that also means he has the power to hurt me more than anyone else in the world. If he decided to get up and leave one day, he just walks away unscathed, and I lose a whole part of me. I don’t like that feeling. It scares the shit out of me.” You picked at a hangnail on your finger, too nervous to look up at him. “If you couldn’t tell, I hate depending on people for anything.”

“But you don’t have to depend on him, mama. You were happy before he came along, and you were happy when you guys were together. You didn’t start dating him because you were searching for happiness, but because you wanted to make him a part of your happiness.” You were mad, because you knew he was right. You hated nothing more than someone speaking reason while you were hurting. “As for the hurting you part, I know he already did. I know that it was not intentional, but he still did, and you’re allowed to be upset about it. I also know that he would never be stupid enough to hurt you again, because he’s really paying for it, now. You don’t have to be scared of him, because only thing he wants to do is love you.” You felt tears sting your eyes. “I’ve been by Jakes side his entire life. I’ve seen every girlfriend, fling, breakup and make-up. Nobody in the world has ever compared to you. I can see it just in the way he looks at you, or when he talks to you. If you want to love him, then do it. Don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared. We’re all scared of something, but all it does is ruin the chance of something fantastic.” You thought about what he said, clinging on to every word.

“He didn’t cheat on me, did he?” You seemed to already know the answer as you asked the question.

“No, he didn’t. If he did, I would have killed him, myself.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“So in short, I just overreacted and ruined everything.”

“No, I wouldn’t say that. The internet is crazy, and it’s great at spreading rumours. If you’ve been hurt like that before, I can see why you were upset. Didn’t help that he forgot to tell you where he was or what he was doing. But it was innocent, and if you’ll let him, that’s his responsibility to explain what happened.” He said. You felt a bit of relief after days of misery. You were a bit angry with yourself for being so stubborn and not talking to him sooner.

“I think maybe I just wanted an excuse to run. I’m really good at that. It’s all I’ve done my whole life.” You admitted. “Commitment was never my thing. The only times I ever let myself get involved with someone, it ended terribly. Guess I was subconsciously trying to avoid an even bigger blowout.”

“We can always change, y/n. I’m not telling you to do anything. I just hope I’m helping make your decision a little easier. If you want to come to Atlanta, you’re more than welcome. Even if it’s to scream at him, or for closure, or even to propose to him. It wouldn’t matter. He’d just be happy you showed up. My opinion of you doesn’t change. It would suck if you didn’t get back together with him, because you’d be a super cool sister-in-law, but that’s your choice.” You both let out a laugh. “I won’t tell him we talked. I’m just happy to hear from you.”

“Thanks for listening, Josh. I know he’s your brother, and nothing will ever come between that. I’m just glad you don’t hate me on his behalf.”

“Come on, now. Do you really think I’d ever hate you? Fuck, he doesn’t hate you, either. I know he sits in his room every night and waits for you to call. Kinda sad, if you ask me.” You chuckled. “He wants to fix this. If you want to, too, all you have to do is say the words.” He assured you.

“Okay,” you breathed. “I have some heavy thinking to do.”

“Seems so, mama. Want me to leave you to it?” You knew it was probably for the best, but you didn’t want him to hang up. You missed him, even if you’d been actively avoiding him. He also reminded you of Jake, and in some sad way, it was the most comfort you’d felt in days. “I don’t have to, if you don’t want me to.”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t keep you and make you listen to my problems any longer.” You joked.

“It’s a pleasure to listen to your problems. I missed you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you, too.” You smiled. “Thanks, Josh.”

“Anytime. Don’t disappear on me again, okay?” He scolded. You nodded. “And maybe I’ll see you in a few hours?” A hopeful gleam appeared in his eyes.

“Bye, Josh.” You chuckled. You wanted to answer, but you weren’t sure what to tell him. You didn’t want to get his hopes up for no reason.

“Bye, y/n. Love you.” He said as he hung up. You were left alone again, but you felt better about it than you had in a long time. You popped the screen back on your window and shut it tightly before you jumped down from the windowsill. You looked down at your phone again, seeing a new message from Jake. You read as much as you could from the notification bar, not feeling courageous enough to open it fully. But, you knew what you had to do. As afraid as you were, you couldn’t ignore Jake forever. Even if you both talked it over and went separate ways, it was better than leaving things as they were. You knew you were pushing it if you were going to make the flight, so you got ready as fast as you could.

You set your cell down beside the Jake’s sweatshirt on your desk, abandoning it for the time being. You pulled some jeans and an old sweatshirt from your closet, making your way to the bathroom. You clicked the lock behind you, studying your reflection in the mirror. You looked horrible, borderline sickly. Instead of focusing on that, you flipped the faucet of the shower on. You rid yourself of your dirty clothes, jumping in and quickly washing off the days worth of despair. When you got out, you dried off and dressed yourself. You threw on a splash of makeup, mostly just to cover the dark circles and give your skin a bit more life.

You blow dried your hair, brushing it out and styling it a bit. When you finished, you returned to your room and grabbed the card Jake had given you. You flipped it open, grabbing the ticket and shoving it in your wallet. You packed a small bag, throwing Jake’s sweater in on top of everything. You snapped open the box holding the ring and slipped it back on your finger. In a real moment of weakness, you took the cap off the cologne bottle and sprayed a single spritz on the front of your sweater. The scent surrounded you like a warm embrace on a cold day. You placed it back down and gathered your chargers, throwing them in a carry on. You packed your laptop and checked the time on your phone again.

You had an hour to get to the airport if you were going to make the flight. Jake had booked you a evening flight, allowing you some wiggle room after work. You were so thankful he did, because if not, you’d have already missed it. You slung your bags over your shoulder, quickly checking your pockets to make sure you had everything important, and walked out to the living room. When you reached the main room, Ally and Eve were sitting on the couch watching a movie. When they looked up at you, their eyes widened.

“Can one of you drive me to the airport?” You asked.

“Yeah,” Eve was on her feet faster than she could answer. Ally stood, wanting to go on the trip, too. They followed you to the door and you all filed into Eve’s car. You threw your bags in the trunk before you settled in the front seat and buckled your seatbelt. Music softly played over the speakers, filling the awkward silence as the car pulled out of the driveway. “So…” Eve trailed off.

“I know,” you sighed. “You both told me I should go. I’m stubborn and heartbroken, but you were right. I have to go, even if it’s just for closure and to give him all of his shit back.”

“That’s okay. No matter how it goes, you know we have your back.” Eve said, never taking her eyes off the road.

“M’sorry I’ve been so insufferable.” You apologized, looking out the window at the street signs passing by.

“You haven’t been that bad, really. You mostly just stay in your room. We’ve been worried about you more than anything else. I’m just happy you’re feeling better.”

“Well, that’s relative.” You chuckled. “I’ll give you a better answer about that in a few hours.” She nodded. You pulled out your phone, pulling up Josh’s contact again. You dialled his number, only hearing the phone ring for a second before he picked up.

“Missed me so much you had to call me again?” He teased.

“Seems like you missed me. You answered awful fast.” You replied, feeling a touch of your personality making its way back. “Listen, can you do me a favour?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“Meet me at the airport?” You asked, incredibly hopeful. “I should be there around 11.”

“Really?” His tone was completely different, now, excitement radiating through the phone call.

“Yeah.” You said, a smile breaking out on your face. “Don’t tell Jake, please. I just… I want to talk to him in person, and I don’t want him to put any walls up before I get there. I know I would, so…” you trailed off.

“I’ll be there. Secret stays between us. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me, either. I’ll see you soon.” You promised.

“See you soon. Have a safe flight.” He said. You ended the call, looking over to your best friend. She was trying to hide it, but a smile was eating away at her face. The rest of the drive went by almost silently. When the car pulled into the drop-off lane, Eve turned to look at you. She reached over, placing a hand on top of yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m proud of you.” She whispered.

“Thank you.” And you meant it. It was extraordinarily hard for you to face an issue like this. It was extraordinarily hard for you to realize that you loved him enough to want to work things out instead of disappear. You got out of the car, them following close behind. You grabbed your stuff out of the trunk and turned to face the two girls. “I love you guys. I may be back tomorrow, maybe in a couple days… who knows.” You gave a nervous chuckle.

“Whenever you do, we’ll be here.” Ally said. A soft smile formed on your lips.

“Let us know when you’re there safe, and call if you need anything. Even if it’s just to scream.” Eve chuckled. You gave them both a hug, holding on a bit tighter than usual.

“See you guys later. Thank you for everything.” You said before you turned. You didn’t let yourself look back at them, scared that you wouldn’t get on plane if you did. Once you were through the main doors, checked in and got your boarding pass. Then, you went straight to baggage, dropping your stuff off. When you went through security, they gave you no issues. You located the gate with ease, having been here a fair few times in the last few years.

You were right on time; had you waited any longer, you likely would have missed the flight. When you boarded, you took your seat and kept your backpack close to you. You pulled out your headphones, giving Josh a quick message telling him you would be leaving in a few moments before putting your phone on airplane mode. You turned on a playlist, pulling your notebook out. The flight attendant came by, checking in on you before takeoff. You asked for a coffee, hoping to be as wide awake as possible when you got there. It didn’t take long for the announcement of takeoff. You sipped on your drink, watching the sky through the window as the earth disappeared.

When you were in the air, you pulled down the tray table from the seat in front of you, setting your notebook down and opening it to your last worked on page. You figured if you had some free time, you could at least get an early start on your work.

You stared hard at your hand drawn chart, grabbing a few highlighters from your pencil case. You highlighted the curve overlaps from hypoglycaemic heart rates and voltage levels, then did the same with the hyperglycaemic measurements. Below, you made notes of the correlation and began the treacherous journey of attempting an equation to describe the relationship. Four pages of numbers and scribbles later, you were brought back to reality by the loudspeaker announcing the plane was prepared to land. The night sky was pitch black, a luminescent glow underneath the clouds from the city lights. You packed all of your things back in your bag, assuring yourself you’d get back to it later.

When the plane came to a halt, all of the passengers were given instructions on how to exit and claim their baggage. You took your headphones out, stuffing them in your pocket, standing while you did so. When you got off, you immediately looked around for a familiar face. When you didn’t see one, you made a move to grab your suitcase. You took your things and went to the main lobby, searching around like a lost puppy. You felt your hope fizzle away when you couldn’t locate Josh. Your heart sped, your brain immediately trying to convince you that you should turn around and go home, that showing up was a terrible idea and Jake wouldn’t want to speak with you. You were plagued with the worst thought of all; Jake really had done the unforgivable, and you were walking into your own grave.

You were shaken from your nervousness when you heard your nickname being called, one you hadn’t heard in days. The one that only sounded right coming out of Jake’s mouth. You looked up, eyes immediately falling on the boy you’d been looking for. A grin was plastered on his face, and he was holding his arms out to you. In lieu of embarrassment, you ran towards him and practically fell into his arms. He held on to you tightly, never wanting to let go. “Hey, mama.” Josh whispered. You didn’t reply, only soaked up the emotion from the hug. Once again, you hated how similar the twins were. If you only felt the hug, you could have sworn it was Jake, especially after going so long without his touch. “How was the flight?” He asked as he pulled away.

“I actually didn’t even realize we were about to land. Got working on my research again, just kind of got caught up, I guess.” You laughed.

“You tired?” He asked, looking over your face. You shook your head.

“No, I actually took a nap before I called you, earlier. Plus they had free coffee refills the whole flight.” He smiled, making a move to grab your bag for you. You attempted to stop him, but he gave you a look of warning. You rolled your eyes but let him take them, anyway. He nodded his head towards the door, signalling that he’d take you back to the hotel. You both left together, opting against any more shared words. He led you to a car, throwing the bags in the backseat before opening the door for you.

“Our rent-a-car for the next few days.” He said, cheerily. You had a hard time feeling so glum around him. He just produced an aura of peace without even trying. He always seemed to know how to cheer you up. You got in, immediately surrounded by the warmth of the interior. You relaxed into the leather seat, finding it much more comfortable than the airplane seats. He got in, too, starting the car with a push of a button. He pulled out of the parking lot, looking over at you through the corner of his eye. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh, nervous.” You chuckled. “Very nervous.”

“Don’t be. I promise you guys will cry for a little while and then it’ll be all sunshine and rainbows.” He smirked. You gave a small smile, unsure of how to answer. “If that’s what you want.” He interjected quickly. “If you want, you can punch him in the face.” He mimicked the action, making you laugh. “Just don’t bruise it too bad, he still has to get on stage tomorrow.”

“Can’t make any promises.” You joked. The drive was filled with silence until he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. Your palms were sweaty, and you were scared you wouldn’t be able to force yourself to go inside. Josh parked the car, shutting off the engine and sat with you while you worked up the nerve to get out.

“You want me to bring your bags to my room just in case?” He asked. You nodded.

“That would be nice, yeah.” You choked out.

“I promise it’s gonna be okay. I’ll be right next door if anything happens. You know you have a bed to sleep in, if you want it.” He assured you. “Jakes going to be ecstatic to see you, if that’s what you’re worrying about. You could probably go up there and spit in his face and he’d say thank you.” You let out a small laugh. “Now come on, they’re no better time than now.” He reached over and pulled you into an awkward hug. You shifted, making it a little easier to return the gesture. You took a few more moments of self-reflection before letting out a long exhale and stepping outside.

Josh collected your things from the car, following behind you as you approached the building. You entered the main doors, admiring the lobby before being greeted by the worker at the front desk. You gave her a sheepish smile as Josh walked up beside you. He guided you to the elevator, ushering you inside and clicking the button for their floor.

The elevator ride seemed to be the longest one you’d ever endured. When the ding signified that the destination was reached, Josh practically had to coax you out with him. He brought you down to the end of the hallway, pointing to a door. Your eyes fell to where he was motioning. “This is it.” He whispered, giving you a reassuring pat on the back. “I’ll be right next door if you need me.”

“Okay,” you squeaked, never turning to look at him. Your eyes were glued to the door separating you and Jake.

“You’ve got this.” He assured you, keying into his hotel room. The door fell shut behind him with a dull thud, leaving you alone with your own thoughts. You wanted to run, to hide and pretend you’d never come in the first place. You were certain that if you did, you may never forgive yourself. If you ran away now and lost Jake forever, you would be miserable. You had to know for sure if you were ever going to move on.

So, you gathered up the nerve to knock. It was way more powerful than you intended. You thought that maybe you hyped yourself up a bit too much. “Fuck off,” a muffled voice sounded from the room. You rolled your eyes and knocked again. He didn’t answer, no sign of movement in the slightest. You sighed, hitting your knuckles against the door once more. Finally, you heard a slur of curse words and a few angry footsteps. When the door swung open, you could’ve fallen to your knees.

He was paler than usual, and his hair was a bit messy. He smelled like whiskey and he was wearing clothes that looked very well worn. But he was just as beautiful as you remembered, and his eyes were just as captivating.

“Hi, rockstar.” He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. He repeated the action a few times before he could produce a sound.

“Y/n,” he breathed, almost as if you were a figment of his imagination. “Can I… can I hug you?” He asked after a few moments of a staring contest. You gave a slight nod, holding your arms out. Without any hesitation, he bounced forward and wrapped himself around you, picking you up and holding you tightly. All of the emotion he’d been holding back was all coming out, now. His head was buried in your neck, breathing in the smell of your shampoo. When he set you back down, he took your face in his hands, studying your features like he had to get to know you all over again.

“I thought you… yeah.” He didn’t have to finish what he wanted to say, too scared for the answer. You shook your head.

“I was hoping that maybe we could talk,” you explained “I would really like to figure this out.”

“Yes, please. I’d like that, too.” He scrambled to the side, motioning for you to come inside. You did so, a bit of hesitancy in your step. When you were inside the room, he shut the door behind you, but didn’t approach. You stared at each other in silence, both unsure of how to begin to process the whole situation. “Did you wanna sit down, maybe?” He asked, finally stepping forward. You nodded your head, looking towards the bed. The blankets were a mess, there were clothes on the floor and a bottle of liquor on his bedside. When you approached the bed, you noticed his phone screen was on and open to your contact. You were certain he never closed it due to the amount of calls and texts you’d gotten from him.

You took a seat on the edge of the mattress while he made his way over. He picked up the mess of clothes and threw them in a neater pile by his bag at the end of the bed frame. He took a seat next to you, leaving enough space between you to make sure you were comfortable. “I’m sorry.” He spoke first. You shook your head, stopping him before he continued.

“I don’t want to hear any apologies.” You said, firmly. “To me, that only makes it seem like you have something to be guilty about.”

“Well, I do, but I don’t think it’s what you’ve been worried about.” He explained. “I didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Neither did I,” you gave a small chuckle. “Josh caught me in a particularly weak moment and I talked to him for a while. I think he helped put some things into perspective.”

“He’s got a way with words.” Jake reasoned.

“That he does.” You agreed. “I’ll decide if I hate him for it after we’re done talking.” He smiled at the joke. It was small, but even so, it looked so beautiful on his lips. Your chest ached at the sight, the melancholy finally setting in. “I want to say sorry, too, I think. I shouldn’t have just disappeared like that. It was pretty childish.” He gave a shrug, choosing not to input on the statement.

“Why didn’t you answer? Like at all. You could have told me to fuck off, and I would have been fine with it, but just… radio silence.” He mumbled.

“I was scared. Still am.” A small, humourless laugh fell from your lips. “I’m a runner. That’s what I do. I did it the night I met you, and I did it all week, and I think I still want to, now.”

“From what? I know I hurt you, and I can’t take that back, but you ran without an explanation.” You slowly nodded along to his words, your eyes falling to the floor, no longer able to look at his face.

“Yeah.” You replied. “Love terrifies me. I told you way back in the beginning that I wasn’t interested in any more relationships. The last one was really bad. I decided to give you a chance, but it wasn’t really my choice. I fell for you super fast, and then I saw… whatever that was, and I panicked. I tried to cut you out completely because I didn’t want to get hurt again. Turns out, it hurts either way, and there’s no way I could ever forget you.” You barely spoke the last part, afraid to say it out loud. “I think it was my cop out. I always look for an excuse to leave. I convince myself that running when things get tough is a way to save myself from getting hurt even more later on. Cut people out completely and act like it never happened. It’s a pretty vicious cycle.” His eyes were sad at your statement, feeling guilty for even making you think he would treat you like anyone before him.

“I promised I would never treat you like those other people did,” he reminded you “and I didn’t break it, either. Do you really think I’d do that to you?” His question was innocent, laced with curiosity, but you took the defence.

“I don’t know, Jake!” You blurted. “I feel like I know you pretty well, but I haven’t known you for that long. I don’t think you would, but I didn’t hear from you at all and suddenly the internet was buzzing about Jake Kiszka’s new girlfriend! I know I was a bit irrational, but all I could think was the worst! You’re the big rockstar, you travel the world and meet gorgeous women every day, ones that I could never compare to. I don’t know if you give the same story to a new girl in every city, and I feel so fucking stupid for thinking some insignificant girl in Baltimore could give you what you need. We dated for a month and I’ve only seen you three times! What kind of relationship is that?”

“Hold on,” he stopped you, moving closer. He grabbed your chin in his hand and guided you to look at him. “Your rockstar.” He whispered, eyes telling you more than his words ever could. “You’ve got it backwards. There’s no woman in the world that would ever compare to you. You had me wrapped around you finger the minute I met you. You’re the only girl in any city who’s ever gotten that story, and the only one who ever will. I’ve never felt this way about anybody, ever. You can’t be that blind to think you’re insignificant, y/n, especially to me. Even if I’ve only known you for a little while, you’ve become my whole world. Every word I’ve ever said to you, I meant it.” You felt the dreaded tears fill your eyes again, feeling stupid for a whole different reason. He wiped away a teardrop as it fell. “I don’t need to know you for a lifetime, or see you every day to know that I want you and I love you. You give me the world just by existing. I’ve known plenty of people, some for my whole life, but nobody knows me like you do. You listen to me talk about things nobody has ever cared to ask me about before, and you always seem overjoyed to hear it. It took me all of twenty minutes to fall for you at that bar, and I haven’t looked at anyone ever since, and I don’t plan on looking for anyone else ever again. If that’s what you’re scared of, you have nothing to worry about.” You couldn’t contain the waterfalls pouring down your cheeks. It was crazy how you’d only been with him for a few moments, but the week-long hurt suddenly seemed nonexistent. You hated to admit it, especially considering the fear of dependency, but a lot of what you needed to feel better was just simple reassurance. Reassurance that he loved you, and he wanted you, and not anyone else he was meeting along the way.

“Been waiting a while to say that?” You managed out through your cries. He laughed, admiring your ability to joke even if you were hurting. He wiped your cheeks again, looking over your face and finally feeling a shred of peace.

“Yeah, actually.” He chuckled. You reached out and ran your thumb over his cheek, allowing yourself to enjoy his presence. He leaned into the touch, showing you how much he missed it. “I’ll say it again if you want me to.” He assured you. Your thumb swooped down, outlining his jaw and then ran over his bottom lip. He pressed a kiss to it, making your heart flutter.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, this time.” You breathed.

“As for the pictures, I can genuinely explain that, if you’ll let me.” You watched him carefully, scanning his face for a second.

“Okay,”

“By the time I woke up, I figured you were already working. I didn’t want to distract you from your very important and impressive internship.” He said, causing an eye roll from you.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Jacob.” You reminded. He chuckled.

“I know, but I like to flatter you, anyway.” He admitted. “I know when I was talking to you the day before, you were working, and I definitely stopped your productivity. I know you’d never admit it, but I’m a better distraction than I am a help.”

“You’ve never been a distraction, rockstar.” You told him the truth. Not once had you ever felt that way about him. He gave a shrug.

“I went to get coffee and to check out the town a bit, cause I had the whole day to kill before I could really talk to you. So I found a little shop, reminded me of the one we went to the first time I was in Maryland. Did you know coffee shops are the ultimate place to run into people?” He questioned. You didn’t answer, only waited for him to continue. “As I was leaving, someone called my name. Thought it was a fan, so I turned around expecting a picture and a quick conversation, but it was someone I hadn’t seen in a really long time. My sisters best friend from like, all of grade school. I’ve known her since she was like…” he visually measured the height with his hand, stopping it when it was a few feet above the floor. “That tall.” You felt your stomach sink. “She was always at our house. I haven’t seen her since my sister graduated. Turns out she lives in Atlanta now and has a kid.”

“Jake… I’m so sorry.” You said, feeling incredibly guilty now.

“No, don’t be. I lost track of time and didn’t realize my phone was on silent. We talked for hours, got lunch and she showed me around to her favourite spots in town. Didn’t realize what time it was until she had to pick her kid up from school.” He chuckled. “Also didn’t realize how many people were trying to get ahold of me. By that point, the internet had gotten hold of the pictures of us eating together and her wearing my jacket, and it was too late. But I promise you, that was all it was. I can show you pictures from when we were kids, too, just to show you I’m not lying. I looked for some to show you while I was waiting to hear back from you.”

“No, Jake. I believe you. I’m sorry.” He ran his hand through your hair, shaking his head slowly.

“You were right to be upset. A girl you’ve never heard of wearing my jacket and the internet saying we were dating. I completely get it. If it was the other way around and I saw pictures of you with another guy, I’d probably be pretty upset, too. But y/n, you have to know that I would never do that to you. You mean way too much to me for me to just throw it away like that.” He assured you. “I just wish we talked it out sooner. It has been a terrible fucking week without you.” He was putting it lightly, knowing the days prior were way worse than he was able to explain. “But, I know why, now. And I’m not mad at you, either. It was a shitty situation and we kind of lacked in the communication department. It doesn’t change how I feel about you, and I would still really like to be with you, if that’s what you want, too.” You didn’t respond immediately. Your silence caused anxiety to spike in Jake.

“Yeah, I do want that. I’m sorry I overreacted, and I’m sorry I ran. I thought it would be so easy to cut you off and never speak to you again, because that’s what I usually do, but you’re… different. All of the stuff that usually helps me forget just made me think about you more. I think I’m really in love with you, rockstar, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually been in love before. It’s hard for me to come to terms with, because I know you have the power to take the happiness away if you decide to.”

“That’s okay.” He said, relieved you felt the same way. “We can figure it out together. I feel the same way about you, y/n. You don’t have to worry about me taking anything away from you, because you have that power over me, too.”

“Okay,” you whispered. “I think that would be alright.”

“No more running, please. You’re allowed to leave whenever you want, just don’t disappear on me again. I know long distance can be really hard, but I’ve never wanted to make it work more than I do right now. I’m not going to force you to stay if you ever do choose to leave, but I don’t want to lose you over something small, or something that we can fix.”

“Okay.” You said again, more confident now. “I don’t know how to do this properly, or how to stop being afraid, but I’m willing to try it if it means I get to be loved by you.”

“That’s all I ever want to do, y/n.” He said, pulling you closer to him. He rested his forehead on yours, not wanting to push you too far. “I promised that when you graduated for good, I’d by you whatever house you wanted. I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that happens.”

“Me, too, Jake.” You felt your bottom lip quiver. “What did you do to me?” You laughed as another wave of tears hit you. “Making me want to settle down and have a nice house and some kids? I’ve never wanted that before in my life.”

“Guess it’s just the Kiszka charm?” He couldn’t help but laugh, too. You both fell into a comfortable silence, just happy to be loving each other again. After a moment, he broke it. “I suppose I can add taming a spitfire to my resume, now, too.”

“Only if I get to brag about enchanting a rockstar.” You both dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“In a true witchy woman fashion.” He sighed, a smile prominent on his lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, Jake.” You were so happy to say it out loud again. He pulled you into a kiss, holding you there and savouring the feeling. He hesitated when he parted, not sure if he wanted the moment to end.

“You’re staying, right?” He asked hopefully.

“If you want me to.” You answered, mind still cloudy from the feeling of his lips on you.

“I’d never let you go home if I could get away with it.” He pulled back, settling into the bed a little more. He held his arms out to you, silently telling you to join him. You kicked your shoes off, climbing in next to him.

“This is home.” You whispered.

“A hotel in Atlanta?” He joked while he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into him. You audibly sighed in relief, realizing the memory of him was nothing compared to the real thing.

“You.” You corrected, relaxing into the warmth of his body. He didn’t answer, only smiled, knowing he felt the exact same way.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @welllauragvf

[rrat-king]

oh i would LOVE to hear abt ur tracker and kristen like fundamentals for them, like their similarities why are they so tender and close on a level thats like above first relationships why are they so different, what annoys them both give me the headcannons i beg of u

holy shit ok ok ok i have never been so deeply obsessed with an ask they are like, i dont know i love them so deeply (disclaimer i am trackerbees breakup truther BUT i am also they grow and come back together truther and this way more the distorted fannon i have of them in my head so like. grain of salt)

they are not actually that kinky. this is one of my main like foundational blocks of trackerbees cuz it is my belief that kristen's view of sex is so skewed that anything that isnt church sanctioned missionary is crazy to her. tracker probably Is kinky but like... kristen is a 15 year old newly ex-communicated virgin when they get together so. yes they have a lot of sex. but they arn't actually that kinky imo

tracker is possessive and gets jealous easily and she tries not to be but it fully doesn't help that kristen is just... completely unaware of when she is being flirted with. like they will go out and kristen, who just loves talking to people, will go to get them drinks and tracker will have to go and hunt her down because shes at the bar talking to someone, totally oblivious to the fact that they are trying to buy her a drink, so tracker has to come up behind her and stake claim cuz thats her girlfriend, damn it

they both have so little sense of privacy and shame which makes them perfect together and just so terrible to be around. tracker coming from jawbone oversharing view of life and kristen coming from a doors always open, three brothers, lots of shame house then to immediately flip around and be like 'ok im rejecting that shame just gotta be brutally open and shameless' as a reaction, means they are just. door wide open no pants on, talking about tmi at the dinner table just. fully shameless.

they are also just so touchy. kristen needs to be touching someone at all times just as like, a thing, whether thats holding someones hand or like rough housing she craves physical contact. tracker isn't as needy for touch with everyone, just kristen (it's a wolf thing, i dont want to use the word 'mate' cuz uh. not willing to go that far but i do think that kristen is tracker's Person. other people are pack but kristen is like. hers in a wolfy way)

kristen cannot communicate for shit and it drives tracker crazy sometimes. its not like a malice thing it's fully that i dont think kristen was raised to understand that communicating needs and problems is an essential part of a relationship. she also has a hard time not deflecting when things get serious.

tracker gets angry easily but she bottles it up, expecting kristen to just know she's upset and fix it and getting more upset when she doesn't. this is an endless evil cycle

but i think that they learn and they grow on their own and figure out how to exist as healthier people alone so that they are better partners for each other. i know they have to separate but i also know that they are each other's person and they will always come back together

i could talk about them for literally hours i love them so dearly (dont talk to me when they break up in junior year i will be grieving/hj)