#i just struggle feeling loved back
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I hope some sleep can soothe some of that ache. I'm sorry you're going through it. This might not mean much, but take care okay?
I wake up every now and then to feeling like my own friends don't give a fuck I wish I were dead. Then I go back to sleep thinking I was a fool for thinking they'd ever feel bad if I died when they ignore me anyways. The only difference is I can't respond if they bothered anymore.
#and maybe ill feel clear minded later abd regret feeling that way#but for now its so real and theres nothing i can do but do nothing cuz i have my cat#but where do i draw the line between trying to communicate and what's best kept to myself??#ive tried before but it's so hopeless when i end up right back here#in the end i just distance myswlf until i stop caring so much#but that sucks so bad cuz i want to love them#i just struggle feeling loved back#i struggle feeling like i put all the effort in#i struggle feeling like yes im appreciated but im not reciprocated#im just getting into the angry part of the cycle#i feel like no one really realises it hurts so much i wish i were dead instead#i feel like everyone expects me to just recover and go back to normal#i feel like theyve given up on me and maybe they should#text#complaining#but thank you tho#sorry#i know these are prolly intrusive thoughts but i cant make them go away#i want to be normal
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Can you draw something with Doom Patrol!Edwin and Netflix!Edwin?
Maybe something about Dp!Edwin talking about his feelings for Charles with N!Edwin?
It's just something I've been thinking of, make it a little angsty?<3
Glad you asked
ko-fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#doom patrol#dead patrol#cw homophobia#i know there are a couple of people who enjoy my rambly tags so these are for u#first of all anon i'm sorry i used your request to continue my story lol#most of my comics are meant to be standalones BUT#the doom patrol and dead girl detectives are all happening in the same universe#and there is indeed series of events here!#this particular one is happening after dp!edwin's feelings were exposed but before they met the girls#with that out of the way#i know this is not as funny as most of my stuff#but dp!edwin's internalized homophobia is an important thign that can't just go away because his charles loves him back#and he does love him back! in this verse#dp!charles is the only one not struggling with his feelings for his partner#dbd!charles and charlotte still have ways to go#also dbd!edwin is in no way an expert in self-acceptance but he has learned some things#i considered having him mention simon but i decided it wasn't his place to out him#(even though he's dead u know)#so yeah what he says here isn't... great#he's still putting himself down and he's still not sure if his feelings for charles are actually a good thing#but he knows HE is glad he feels this way#because fuck it it's not like he'll go to hell for it#and even if he did... he would crawl his way out
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so ik it’s not cannon accurate but,,,
i need a fic of tim just crashing out.
like he gets so sick of like damian and jason talking about how weak he is and shit like that that he’s like “yall realize lady shiva was my one of my FIRST teachers, and i was the first robin she trained. i had to train under b AFTER he already lost a robin. you DONT think he was 10x harder on me than any of you guys???? there’s a reason my training videos are mainly redacted without bruce’s or my permission. i got ra’s al ghul BEGGING ME to join his league or have my children. i get gifts from him WEEKLY. do you KNOW how many of his little ninja i fight per DAY??? nahh im sick of this shit let’s take it to the mats” and just demolishing both of them at the same time.
i just think it’d be very funny. i just like fics of people who pretend to be weaker than they are(or they just never really have a reason to go full tilt so they just don’t) get sick of holding back and just losing it :D
#batfam#tim drake#red robin#jason todd#red hood#damian wayne#robin#unhinged tim drake#batfamily shitposts#i just need fics of tim losing his shit and crashing out#just because they are funny#and i sometimes feel like people would forget that just because he’s smart does not mean he doesn’t have hands#like bro all robins are certified villains only being held back by b’s rules#they all have insane hands and are all very smart#don’t get distracted by whichever one they choose to put at the forefront of their personality so you forget about the other#but basically yeah i just want it bc it’d make me giggle#also yes ik bruce never physically abused tim during training but i love the angst fics that use that so i added it anyways#i. don’t think it was like intentional on bryce’s part tho just that he was struggling so hard with his grief#he just never noticed how hard he was pushing tim until he pushed wayyyy too far#and yeah he and tim eventually resolved their issues and had a BIG talk about training boundaries#but only after he started getting a bit better and got it through his head that tim was just a kid and not a moving punching bag#i like to think it was only after like titans tower or some other time where he was very close to losing tim tho#bc as much as i want bruce to just be a good dad all the time he had struggles actually verbalizing his feelings#and apologizing for his mistakes
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Do you think Cole used to help Nya with feeling comfortable in her own skin again and feeling flesh and bones, as well as acting alive again, whilst also helping her keep her form and be more conscious and sure of it after merging with the sea, simply because he gets it?
Ghost Cole you will not be forgotten.
#lego ninjago#ninjago#ninjago cole#ninjago nya#man i love cole#i can imagine him sitting Nya down after seeing her hide her struggles#and just telling her he gets it#and immediately starts helping her#they rope Zane into it with the whole feeling like you are you part#cause nya defo had a small indentity crisis#and Kai just there as a shoulder ti unconditionally loved her and understood things even she didn’t get#and whilst he could tell get it he was always there ti comfort and distract her#Jay flat out loves her he was one of the ricks that helped keep her calm and less frustrated everytimes she failed or took a step back#LLOYDDDD he defo understoof becoming something else when yiu didnt want to be#joined aome of her lesson with cole to help supprt her and cause he needed supprt with the whole oni thing#pixal told her that on the off chance that she does become the ocean again#cause lets be real nyas defo an overthinker on some things#pixal said that she would create a special body just for Nya to use and still remain her self#Wu said he’d gi through every scroll#every forbidden one too and use anything to make sure she will he brought back again and help pixal#agh i love them all#nya smith#nya jiang#ghost cole#cole brookstone#nya seabound
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I'm really struggling with communication right now, so I'm gonna be a bit distant for a bit. I really appreciate the patience n kindness 💗
#i feel like ive been struggling to get back to people all month#ty especially to the anon who sent a kind message irt my post about processing familial death / alienation when#everyone related to you has passed with society valuing blood relation etc#im gonna try and find a therapist soon (again) bc. Just a lot going on internally.#like. today i realized that I have only seen a message of 'i love you' from my mom written for someone else.#bc she didnt get to ever write one for me. or if she ever had it was kept from me#and it really messed with me today#idk I just always get messed up in the period between birthday and holidays n overthink. but i hope everyone else is well#and im sorry if i havent been able to be there for you if youre reading this and have been waiting for my response.#I really wish that as I got older I got more well / stronger mentally.
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"it hurts to be something, it's worse to be nothing with you" from promise - laufey
dan heng's indifference to jing yuan hurts :^)
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr fanart#jing yuan#dan heng#imbibitor lunae#stelle#trailblazer#jingheng#hengjing#ig#jingstelle?#oh the struggle of seeing an old friend that looks just as you remembered but are no longer the person you once knew#and they want nothing to do with you#and all your other old friend came back into your life wanting nothing to do with you as well#and then you were alone#forced to clean up the mess left#well it's not hcq's fault ig but ooh boy the mess that they are#i just feel sad over how lonely jing yuan feels#to be surrounded and loved/appreciated and yet still being alone is so lonely
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I've been with [Joe] for a long time now and I ain't never seen him fall off, feel sluggish about himself you know? I don't know if he does but I always pick him up too, doesn't matter if he's seeing it or not, I'm picking him up, he's picking me up...
x
#FASCINATED by the 'doesn't matter if he's seeing it or not' statement here#does he mean it doesn't matter if joe is actually feeling down on himself or not?#ja'marr will always be around to pick him up just in case he does?#(which goes back to a lovely conversation i had with annie about how much ja'marr may or may not really understand joe!)#like ja'marr is always observing joe and trying to take care of him. and there are moments where he's like#'yeah he probably needs picking up now! but who knows! i'll do it anyway!'#(and he's probably right!)#OR does he mean 'doesn't matter if he is noticing my efforts of trying to take care of him'#'i'm taking care of him for his sake and i don't care if he notices'#which also makes me feel MANY things#and then of course stating that joe is always picking him up too <3 <3#joe may not be the easiest to read but he's reading everyone else#especially ja'marr#and he knows ja'marr's been struggling and he's been there for him too!#(which is why he was the FIRST to get to ja'marr last sunday during the Incident. no one else even tried!)#anyway! boy oh boy lot's of feelings about this#also the automatic agreement of 'he's an interestingly intense cat' lmao#ja'marr chase#joe burrow#joe'marr
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Sorry for the spam (^o^;) I just really like your blog
no need to apologize ayy!
in this corner we welcome all forms of enjoyment, regardless of whether you're a
happy to have yall here w me,
headin into homestuck 2024 :^)
#was debating if sollux truly was lurker type but then i rmbr'd him quietly reading all of karkat's memos for a good laugh HAHAHAHAAH#ask#aleemie#homestuck#karkat vantas#sollux captor#solkat#2024#vioart#but o. regarding the etiquette learned frm other socmed#spamming here is safe+good! it does not harm the op by shadowbanning like instagram#and its not 💀 like twitter where ur likes/following are permanently set to public#ur tumblr experience is within ur control it can be as free/empty/curated as u want!!#((tho ofc i do encourage rbing for ppl who've been hoping to start that habit!!#s'cool to slowly work ur way up from the extra special posts that hv lingered longest in ur heart and quietly build ur cache trove :-)#for example back when i was struggling to rt on a new twt acc i just started setting nonsense criteria for myself LOL#like “breaking this void is scary holy fuck ok i shall start by rting posts w brownish/reddish clrs bcs its inspo vibes for my art”#and gradually after a while of deliberate sharing i gained more confidence to share a larger variety of posts that make me feel things!!!!#no more training wheels i may be scared but i love loving more!!!!#same goes for engaging w fics too it takes energy to think of how to comment and thats ok‚ do ur best to explore what works for u!!!!#take screenshots of ur fave paragraphs & start annotating in gallery/notes app if that helps!!!!#also tumblr's customizable queue means u can stack posts and bolt hgehehe. my preferred form of existing on the net))
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see guys natsu saying sorry to lucy in the recent episode IS A BIG THING RIGHHTT???
like im not crazy that should've been a way bigger, more serious moment!!!! (why'd he make that weird ass joke after he's never made any joke like that before 💀😭)
and i'm pretty sure he doesn't say sorry often or even at all (he probably does and i don't remember *goldfish brain*)
BUT LIKE CMKOOOONNNN HIM BOWING AND SAYING SORRY THAAAAATTTT IS A NALU MOMENT NOT THE GROPING AND THE WEIRD JOKES PLZ GUYSSS i understand (kind of - not really) that it's funny and it's a gag in the show but ITS BEEEN YEARS PLZ GET SERIOUS A LIL BIT MORE IM DESPERATE
NALU WAS LITERALLLLYYY EVERYTHING IN THE GMH AND FINAL SEASON AND TARTAROS ARC SO WHYS IT LIKE THIS NOW CMOOOONNN WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THISSSSSS 😭😭😭💀💀
(sorry for the rant - i'm also not caught up in the manga - not a manga reader really but maybe one day - )
#fairy tail anime#fairy tail#fairy tail nalu#nalu#fairy tail lucy#fairy tail natsu#natsu#ft natsu#natsu x lucy#natsu dragneel#lucy heartifilla#lucy ft#i luv lucy#lucy fairy tail#100 years quest#ft 100yq#100 year quest#fairy tail 100 years quest#and also they animated my girl so badly they did her dirty#where are her looks HER EXPRESSIONS HE HAIR BRING BACK HER LONG HAIR#idk man i'm not loving the new season so far and i feel bad about it cause cuz i freaking love fairy tail#😭#like it just isn't as hard hitting or intense as the final season or any of the previous arcs for some reason#like they've already dealt with dragons what's so different with these ones?!???#these kids took down acnalogia#WHO WAS HYPED UP AS THE BADDEST EVILEST WORST PERSSON EVER#idk i just can't believe they're struggling for some reason 😭😭#AND THE JOKES ARE SO BAD#THE HUMOR HAS REALLY DOWNGRADED#ITS USED TO BE SO funny and entertaining what happened 💀😭😭
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Ink October day 11: Firebreak
A strip of land that has been cleared, plowed, or planted with fire-resistant vegetation to prevent a fire from spreading.
#kh riku#riku kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts riku#riku kh#dream eater riku#kingdom hearts#kh#kingdom hearts dream drop distance#kh ddd#blue boi draws#ink october#ink october 2024#ink October 2024 day 11#I think this one might be my favourite of this years#it’s simple but I really like how it turned out#anyway Riku as a firebreak but instead of fire it’s darkness. guy who is darkness resistant who helps keep back the darkness#Riku using his darkness as a sorta ‘controlled burn’ method of fighting darkness#honestly darkness as a natural force vs darkness as a corrupting force… Riku having natural darkness and using it in a controlled way#to avoid build up that could be used against him by others with ill intentions#honestly Riku and how he deals with his darkness is really interesting. like local 16-17 yo figures out stuff on his own that keyblade#wielders have struggled with for ages. I think his method would be a big help to Terra in particular.#I feel like what Xehanort was teaching him was less controlled burn and more use it with reckless abandon. like he talked a lot of shit#about ‘controlling the darkness’ but we know he was just trying to foster the darknesses control on Terra so he could use it to fuck with#him. Terra would definitely be hesitant to try to learn again after that but hopefully Riku will be able to communicate the base idea of it#inbetween searching for Sora.#honestly Darkness and it’s connection to fire is interesting to me. there’s maleficents green fire. that one move Riku uses a lot.#the appearance of darkness resembling fire is common (it’s either that or goop. shout out to darkness goop) which is odd#because fire is a light bringer. it’s probably meant to pull on the consuming power of fire but still#anyway i love him
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"Suddenly the world was gray and dull and my heart was so heavy I felt like I couldn’t move, let alone make it back to Treasure Town. But because of Echo’s last wish… I was able to keep living.”
--- --- --- --- ---
SORA : (Partner)
Abilities: Justified / Inner Focus
Nature: Gentle / Hardy
Moveset: Aura Sphere / Metal Claw / Poison Jab / Dragon Pulse
#It's my baby girl!! My sweetiepie!! Sora the light of my life my bestest girlie#Her own character sheet to go along with Echo's since I had so much fun making that one and obvs Sora needed to be given as much love too#Sora learned Poison Jab as a riolu back when she was mistrustful towards Grovyle and wanted to thrash him around#nowadays she feels bad about knowing the move when her intentions for learning it were to get an upper hand against him in battle#but she also refuses to unlearn it and keeps it as a reminder that sometimes your own expectations about others are wrong in the end#plus the idea of someone as sweet as Sora knowing a poison-type move just makes me go crazy. did you expect a fairy type move or something?#Cause no. She'll literally stab you to death with literal poison because she can if you upset her or Echo.#And to anyone wondering about the large scar on her tail... yes it is literally a hand-print courtesy of Dusknoir#insert the universally traumatic “YOU TWO ARE COMING WITH ME” classic Dusknoir villain-arc moment#(he then proceeds to grab Sora by the tail and drag her into the dimensional portal but she struggles and he loses patience)#(so he unleashes a point blank will-o-wisp that causes so much pain she is too busy recoiling and screaming to make an escape)#Hey Dusknoir it was kinda f'ed up to permanently scar a kid like that ngl not your best decision I hope it doesn't haunt you forever#Echo still hates him for it and I'm not sure she'll ever let that particular event go even after they reconcile#also I gave Sora the ability Justified because of the implications that her partner is a dark-type and she also has darkrai-related trauma#the idea of her attack stat raising if Echo accidentally hits her with a move??? like Sora is so scared her stats literally go haywire#that's my idea of angst and it keeps me awake at night#sora/lucario#Team Wish my beloved...#pmd ocs#pmd eos#pmd2#explorers of sky#my art#click for better quality tumblr compressed it like garbage D:
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Hi! Your Hollow Knight AU has really cheered me up so I wanted to do a little drawing for it! This got me to get my art tablet out after months of not feeling like it so thank you for the inspiration! I hope the colors look good on any monitor that's not mine sdfsdf
Bugs In the Jingshi wyd?
I am so genuinely awestruck at how well you translated this AU to the hollow knight style! Also obsessed with the height difference.
#mdzs au#hollow knight#lan wangji#wei wuxian#fanart#Thank you so much for this B'*)#This is *so* incredible!! I feel incredibly honoured to have inspired something so beautiful!#I showed this asap to my friend who's been letting me observe their hollow knight playthrough and oh man oh man. The hype was real.#The colours have the Hollow Knight gloomy swag and the way that this looks like it could be an area in the game is soooooo good.#Thinking about the bug sounds they would make.....Peace and love on earth could be achieved with lwj hollowspeak....#I hope you keep finding fun things to draw!! Your art has continuously brought a lot of joy!#I very much understand the pain and struggle of having a craft you just...cant seem to get your heart back into.#Sending you so much love and energy and artistic inspiration!!!!#(lwj has the wrong eye shape b/c I was too focused on getting the silly angle for dramatic perspective. whoops)#I have honestly loved doing this AU and I'm fiercely happy that its been resonating with people (as it makes me want to do more hehe)
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Crazy wild shit man
#how are we straight up accepting the emmrich romance lich choice for how it’s written#does anyone feel me#hello???#no one else can see the inherent tragedy in this?#maybe I’m too mort ass pilled but um. trading away your life to escape death is no life at all#and why can’t rook be like. you killed yourself and took yourself away from me and now you have no skin for me to caress and no warmth for#me to share and though it’s still your consciousness you’ve a) gained a perspective I can never ever share and b) you have accepted#outliving me so thoroughly that I will be just a drop in the bucket of your life even if I get another good 50 years out of life.#why can’t I ask him is all this worth it without your heart????!??#why can’t I break it off?!!!???#why do I HAVE to celebrate this choice#emmrich volkarin#dav spoilers#and that’s not even getting into the philosophical questions surrounding fear and what it means to live like.#emmrich… has ocd. and I have no doubt that those fears are truly debilitating (despite this almost never coming up in the narrative)#and essentially this choice is one about how to deal with it. acceptance vs avoidance. and we see no consequences for either!!!#if he chooses to accept this fear as a part of him and work through it WE SHOULD SEE THAT WORK#he should struggle!! and that struggle should lead him towards making peace with that fear#AND!!#if he chooses to escape from that fear— to actively avoid ever resolving it— we should see him struggle with that too!!!!#molding your entire existence around this fear to the point you embody it… where are the emotional consequences for that!?#WHY DO I— AS SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVES HIM— NOT GET ANY OPPORTUNITY TO PUSH BACK OR ASK SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS?!?#in a game about the tyranny of immortality… we can send our beloved to kill his mortal self to come back as an immortal husk.#and we’re not even allowed to be sad abt it the very next scene is some goofy cartoon shit at the lighthouse where every single person just#immediately accepts this reality and has no issues. not even taash 😭
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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The most upsetting part of this scene (and probably the whole ep) are these two looks:
Because the look on Jeff’s face? It’s hopeful and trusting. He has just the slightest ghost of a smile when he looks at Alan, he looks like he has full confidence that Alan is going to back him up, continue backing him up like he does at the start of this confrontation.
But the look on Alan’s face? It’s doubt. He looks at Jeff and he thinks maybe and he breaks eye contact, looks away just slightly, drops his gaze, because he wants to trust Jeff and he can see the hope in those eyes, but he’s unsure. And even if he chooses to trust Jeff, he’s team leader, how can he not side with his boys? How can he not support the majority, the boys he’s known the longest, the boys who’ve proven their loyalty to him and each other over years, and offer the resolution that most benefits the most amount of people?
How can he not choose the rational resolution, even if it requires squashing that hard-earned trust?
#this scene hurt a lot 🥲#but it’s also so refreshing to see a character struggle with their priorities the way alan does#in a lot of bls a character would just prioritize their love interest no matter what#having alan feel genuinely torn between his found family and his (eventual) love interest makes him feel like a very real person#his priories are conflicted because he genuinely cares about ALL of his relationships#alanjeff#jeffalan#pit babe#pit babe the series#pit babe meta#thai drama#asian drama#asian lgbtq dramas#thai bl#asian bl#bl drama#*my stuff#can’t believe this show has gotten me back into gifing and making meta#just wanted to ramble about them a bit because I love them
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hi everyone <3
I have a bit of a life update. To make a long story short, last week I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have been having a... very hard time coming to terms with that. For most of my life I believed I just had a bad anxiety disorder, but I am now realizing that is unfortunately not the case. The past couple months I have been in a near constant state of fight or flight, fear, panic, whatever you want to call it- without really realizing it. and man. it has been exhausting, mentally, physically, spiritually. I just thought it was normal to feel like this all the time. i assumed everyone felt like this. my therapist has helped me realize I am in a lot of pain right now and it is not normal. so. the good news is that there is an intensive trauma therapy that I will be doing for the next couple months that is going to really help me recover. i love and trust my therapist with my whole heart. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i am finally getting the help i need. so. unfortunately I am going to step away from tumblr for a bit. i dont really want to do this, i love being on here. i love interacting with all the friends i've made here. kink has become a very important and healing part of my life. but it is just a little too much for me at the moment. I'm not sure when I will return, could be a couple weeks, a couple months. I'll return when I feel right. I feel like this may be a little odd to share here, but it's important to me to acknowledge and share that I have been having a really hard time. i tend to downplay when i'm in pain. i feel like people usually don't care about me (i know this is very very much not the case. im trying to convince my brain of that too.) its really hard for me to tell people when i am struggling, especially in my real life. so i am taking baby steps and starting here. so, until I return- chase your tails for me, roll in the grass, bark at the squirrels. take care of yourselves. if you are struggling, know youre loved. get the help you need. i will be curling up in my dog bed and taking a nap in the sun. ruff ruff. wag wag. much love to all of you.
#agh personal posts. i know this is mainly a dogboy kink blog and some people will not care. but this is my blog and i will share what i want#i am safe and okay. i am just.. struggling to accept that i am very very sick right now. i was raised to just push that shit way down.#im done doing that. i am going to have to feel all the pain to heal it. nervous but excited. ready but hesitant.#anyways. hi. i love what this blog has done for me. for what this community has done for me. i will be back. you cant get rid of me!#will be keeping an eye out for messages for the next couple days. but this post is mainly to give myself permission to take a step back.#its weird. i feel obligated to post here and am feeling guilty for putting myself first. but thats the trauma i guess!#anyways anyways anyways. if youve read all of this i love you. thank you for listening. see you soon.#jasperbarks
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