#im calorie counting
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It’s so frustrating noticing symptoms of my ED acting up again and not being able to do anything about it and it’s all because i went back home. Anytime i talk to my parents they make my ED go so baad
#im calorie counting#macro counting#hoarding food#over exercising#fasting#and it took just 8 dats back home
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This was so much work for me!
#i dont have like bulimia or anorexia or whatever but some kind of other food avoidant disorder im not sure. anyways thats not healthy#also like i fully 100% would still be that weight if i didnt put concentrated effort in like i have to count calories every day to eat#enough
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the difference between these two 🥺 both??
funny story though. my roommate is still taking food but my memory is so bad when it comes to things i don’t eat myself (adhd)
when i talk to friends and family about the situation the first thing they ask is, “are you sure you’re not sleep eating?” which is adorable. they wanna believe, even if for a second, that maybe i’m not truly at fault for making myself into such a cow 🥺 i get it bc im getting very fat even with the thievery but at the same time. im literally being gaslit
#by my roommate#every time j bring smthn up she’s like ‘oh??? that’s crazy??? wow’#snd she’s a bad liar but i’m such a pushover bc#i have had the fridge so filled with food i look like such a pig i can’t blame her#it’s FINE#but how cute. i wanna start sleep eating 🥺#funnel me in my sleep? make me confused as to how i’m gaining so fast?#i wanna ask someone why i’m having such a hard time moving around when im not eating a lot more#cuddle up to me n change the subject if i bring up how fast we ran out of heavy cream this time#<3#talk#ask#does this count for that tag?#what if my feeder gaslit me. in a cute sexy oh u cow kind of way#i swear the funnel moves after each night and i wake so full but obviously im just forgetting where we put it each day#it’s getting hard to fit through the doorway#obviously i’ve just been lazier than normal. no way im getting that fat#we knew i’d have mobility problems but so early on? i just need to get out#it’s not because he’s started to pump more calories into me anyway he can
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mann im going to get my blood reports tomorrow and im lwk scared
#mostly it's fine but i looked up this medicine the doc prescribrd me and she said it's for weight loss#but i looked it up and everywhere it said it's for type 2 diabetes#to control blood sugar levels when it's so wildly out of control that nothing is fixing it#why would she give me that??? i mean im obviously gonna ask but tab tak ki anxiety bhai#i have barely processed the fact that pcod is a chronic illness which means im going to have it forever im mostly avoiding thinking about#it cause it feels too big and unbearable#diabetes would be fucking wild man im 21 years old#i am doing so terrible in not turning out to be like my dad lol i want to cry#i just hate hate hate this so much#like i was trying really fucking hard but depression wasn't getting fixed and i kept eating sleeping being in bed all day#like how can one illness cause another be frr man give me a break 😭#and i cannot even officially say depression i just sorta googled thr symptoms and relate to them most days but not everyday#so like#what is all this for#ugh goodnight i hope i wake up and it's all alright#i don't want to be a calorie counting sweet avoiding freak i love chocolate
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in an attempt to bulk back up im now eating 5x a day and oh my god i hate this
#its actually just an entirely reasonable amount of food i just cant eat a lot at once#so i spread it out#im aiming for about 2500 calories a day#but im not like. counting every little thing bc that! is not healthy#i just generally dont love to eat dhskdhdk#atlas.txt
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nobody asked and its not relevant to anything im just traumadumping for fun but im thinking about the time i was leaving [redacted]'s room and he was like "here take this" and put a pill in my hand and i was like. "what. is this" and he was like. "dont worry abt it just take it" and i was like. seriously what is this im not taking a random unmarked pill??? and i had to like Argue with him and he was like "but don't you trust me??" like no not if you try to give me an unknown drug and get mad and guilt trippy when i ask what youre trying to get me to take! he eventually told me it was melatonin but it's the Principle of it. i'm not taking your unmarked pills bro idc if we're friends! show me the bottle it came from and let me read the label what the fuck!!
#text#drugs tw#ask to tag#this is the same guy from the 40mg of edibles incident btw . and the 'counting calories out loud' guy and the guy who made me feel like#- direct quote from me at the time - 'like im more of a suicide hotline than a friend' and the guy who cyberstalked me And--#You get the picture#not a great time in my life#anyway ive never been an 'okay yay' guy when it comes to substances of any kind- like down to tracking my caffeine intake when i was younge#(until i could estimate it better) and i used to know every med id ever taken and the dose i took it at etc#and none of my other friends have EVER had a problem with me being like. 'hey can i see the label on those edibles' or anything#because thats a REALLY NORMAL BOUNDARY TO HAVE it turns out#and theyve never Shredded the label after i asked to see it either. that was crazy#SORRY. RANT OVER NOW
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the store was out of the greek yoghurt with the best macros so now my protein shake is 350c for 30g protein as opposed to 300c for 35g protein. society !!!
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tumblr what do you do when you wanna eat a lil snackie but you’ve already eaten your rationed snackies for the day
#i think im hungry bc im exercising but im exercising to get in better shape and idk how to balance this#also to be clear the rationed snackie does not have to do with calorie counting#it has to do with me being poor
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Ugh I just hope I can recover from those 2 days at least y'know? I had 3 pretty good days at least
#counting calories#tw binging#tw weight#tw calories#tw ed bløg#tw ed br#ed but not ed sheeran#aytipical ana#tw bul1m14#i hate calories#tw ana bløg#omad diet#ana d13t#im trying#tw restriction#b1ng3 purg3#ate like a pig#tw food#@na blog#4n@diary#ed blr#ed bløg#ed in tags#disordered eating mention#disordered eating cw#i wanna be sk1nn1#ana omad
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feeling really petite and fragile and damaged after slicing my finger open multiple times on a low fat zero sugar yogurt cup
#sleeping beauty and her spindle#why the fuck are these yogurt cups so goddamn sharp arent they for little grandmas gi-gis going to die#my fingernail also finally fell off from months ago when i completely crushed my fingers in a door so thats good literally im decaying#literally every day i look more and more like a fallout ghoul probably all the losfat yogurt it's ok you get more yogurt per yogurt#counting calories by envisioning them as like monopoly money you get for doing chores and stretching the buck as much as you possibly can#is kind of a fun and creative way to permanently warp your mind and body#like caught being good tickets from school you can exhange for a cool eraser or scented pencil you can smell instead of eating
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Had a coworker come up to me today and say, "you know, I don't know what it is, but you're looking really good! Not to say you used to look bad, but somethings different that I can't place, and it looks great!"
Like I'm twirling my hair and kicking my feet trying not to burst out that today I've officially lost 15~ pounds since I've started gearing towards weight loss. Like YES PLEASE. TELL ME I LOOK DIFFERENT. I DONT LOOK DIFFERENT TO ME YET AND BEING TOLD I LOOK DIFFERENT BY RANDOM PEOPLE IS THE GREATEST MOTIVATION RN :DDD
#normal people: never comment on my weight >:(#me: please please please talk to me about weight i want to talk about my weight so badly i will yell you the exact number im at and ramble#about the exercises I'm doing and the calorie counting GOD#jin rambles#delete later#weight loss#weight talk
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#theres this poll i just saw that was like do you expect your partner to maintain a certain weight or physique#and like........#yea.....#its not the most important thing ever but like i have to count calories to keep my weight up#and im pretty active even if i dont have like a strong gym routine#so... it doesnt sound great to say but i expect them to stay healthy or im not going to be as attracted to them sry#i want it to feel like a fair deal
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okay so im finding out that not eating the whole day bc of work might actually not be the best move because for my break at luke 5pm ill have a yogurt and then get home at night absolutely ravenous and 2 out of 3 days ive worked so far, ive eaten way more than i actually needed to :[
#i added up everything from last night and i feel so disappointed in myself and im gross and i wouldnt even count it as a binge#its just wayyy overeating bc yeah im hungry and i once i start its so hard to stop#calling it a binge feels like an excuse but i knowingly ate thousands of calories in one sitting and i knew it would make me feel like shit#des vents
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sorry but the bluey icon not understanding fatphobia 101 is making me laugh. "parents want more calories for their kids!!!!!" have you existed. Anywhere.
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im gonna say it BEING FAT FUCKING SUCKS!!! STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! BEING FAT IS AWFUL!!!
#and to clarify: it is Not terrible because of everyone around you#its terrible because its insanely fucking unhealthy to weigh as much as i do (300+ lbs)#and its restricting i cant excersize like i want to i cant jump without being in pain#bras always physically hurt me like they are So uncomfortable to wear#my terrible diet makes me feel worse than i already do for mental reasons#i look fucking terrible. okay? there. i said it. im ugly because im fat#i have huge rolls and a double chin and stretch marks and it looks UGLY!!!!!!!#my thighs chafe when i walk so i cant wear shorts above my knees. my underboobs sweat so much they stink#i look fucking terrible. i cannot emphasize how awful i look#and you know what? ive never known what its been like to be pretty#because ive been fat My Whole Fucking Life.#and my moms fat but its just us in our whole family! just us! everyone else is skinny#weve been trying to lose weight for years the two of us and it just doesnt fucking happen#i dont know my moms reasons but my reason is i just dont fucking care i think#like ill just give up and forget about it. i cant focus on it long enough#and frankly? counting calories makes me fucking miserable#like i already feel guilty every time i eat but when im counting cals its 100x worse#so guess what! im going to be morbidly obese my whole life and it will probably kill me.#i am going to die young and its literally my own fault#anyway my point is im happy for anyone whos fine with being fat literally good for you!!! im happy for you#but please dont force that upon me. ok? i hate being fat and thats literally my own business
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Friday: 2,600
Saturday: fast
#this fasting stuff is so epic#i did buy a coffee though and my stomach HURTS#it was kind of by accident because some people told me i could go first and i just ordered the first thing i saw on the menu#the calories of the coffee were way less than i burned btw#that’s why im not counting it
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