#im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deoidesign · 1 month ago

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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later #my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day #and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night #anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body #and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft #i have so many things i intend to post and then forget #it's a wonder I post anything #i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through #like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it #art growth #this was in 2010 btw #i started highschool in 2011 #I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever #like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me #man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time #if my phone made typos you didn't see it

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ef-1 · 2 months ago

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🍷<3

#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad #and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything #i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing #but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT #and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing #and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over #and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop #and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me #and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it #again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that #so I felt guilty throughout #anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely #and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods #heres to healing ❤️‍🩹

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lapinposts · 3 months ago

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how it feels to read people on this site criticize death of the outsider

#hater corner <- out of love #before i speak tho. its an criticism of the game and not personal connections people form with it. hope this makes sense #i like the outsider mortal and daud and billie of all people freeing him! there is so much potential in this idea #this is a /j but if daud wanted to fuck around and find out whats made the outsider it would be more accurate to his character #than daud blaming the outsider for his own actions. and billie would have her own journey of self-discovery #they could do it together without being reduced to an old man and a caretaker #when i first saw the playthrough i actually really liked it. and i still stand by it being a good game if it wasnt in dh universe. it is fu #and it has interesting themes. but none of them relate to the other dh games. or contradict them #anyway. all of that has already been said and in way better than i ever can #the saddest thing to me is that its trying to sell a story about the characters that we already know and love - and the world we love too #without getting deep into any of it. instead of working with existent depth its creating new lore thats loosely tied to the old one #or overexplaining it when dh1 proves how ambiguity can enrich the narrative #and i dont want to defend it bc of the development hell it went through.its not genuine and its not meeting the standard games before it se #and it the end its just sad. id love a good billie game #talk tag #dh related #sorry for grammar mistakes and typos. im tired

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vehemourn · 3 months ago

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i just wanna know. what does anyone want artists to do. im really just curious. Like if u steal all of our work and chase us out of all of the jobs and crush every single one of us until we either die or quit. Whats the end goal. artists provided their work for free for 2 decades and built their lives in digital spaces. And in a few years the landscape is changing drastically away from that :/. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of artists being disrespected. And yet its not going to Stop. Our spaces are still snuck into and scraped, our work is still stolen, and we still have people that are just outright fucking nasty to us just bc u draw a furry animal or are queer. what is anyone supposed to do. our communities were destroyed. our spaces were destroyed. so many artists are Gone and scattered to the winds. What is anyone Doing.

#not art #more than anything else its just Venting #i genuinely. want to die So Bad because of this shit dude.#like i built my whole entire life in digital spaces because there was Nothing for me outside of them #and now theres nothing Inside of them either #and i feel so fucking empty #my friends are hurting or Gone #my peers are Gone #the spaces only get Worse #my peers are being Stolen From over and over #the infighting is its OWN thing and i COULD tolerate that when it was Most of what i was dealing with #but now its . from the outside too #now theres outfighting and infighting! and i cant . theres just no space for me #theres no space for anyone! they were all fucking crushed #and its So Difficult to feel like theres ANY POINT to building your work online anymore #why should i keep fucking posting??? feed an art bot and an algorithm??? my friends arent going to see it #the people i like arent going to see it #whats the fucking point.#vent #vent post #-_- sorry #cw sui ideation #im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too #i never get any less sad looking around my spaces anymore :(#we had th and artfight and even those are fucking. a part of scraping now. and it is truly the final straw for me?#like you came into OUR spaces #OURS. for ARTISTS. and ARTISTS ALONE...#and you STOLE our work :(#that we put out FOR FREE ANYWAYS.#. :(

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ra-vio · 7 months ago

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semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

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clowningcrows · 16 days ago

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i fear i cannot mentally or emotionally handle being conscious much longer so im gonna take a melatonin and hope to god it works enough to make me pass out by 8:30 tbh

#i. have gone through the full spectrum of human emotions today methinks (not including joy or happiness or any of the like.. naturally)#i am so exhausted and feeling deeply deeply fucking hopeless #ive spent so much of my life feeling miserable and hopeless but holy fucking shit none of that even remotely came close to the amount #of sheer hopelessness and despair that im feeling today #gneuinely. at a loss for ways to make myself or anyone else feel better #like. well at least we're alive! bitch i dont think i want to be anymore. and furthermore for a LOT of people NOT FOR MUCH LONGER probably #at least we have friends/family/community! yes and that means i have that many more people to be absolutely terrified for on top of myself #we've been through this once we can do it again! I WANT MY LIFE TO BE ABOUT MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH #JESUS CHRIST LIKE #by the time the next election comes i will be 27 #meaning i will have spent the majority of my teens AND 20s fearing this stupid fucking man and his stupid fucking morally bankrupt follower #im so sick #im so tired #i have to stay alive but for what??? for climate change to make everything exponentially worse in the next 10-15 years??#for society and humanity as we know it to AT the very LEAST begin to collapse in front of my very eyes??#anyway.#like... i just...#thank god i have ppl in my life rn who care about me bc they are essentially singlehandedly keeping me alive at this point #at the end of all of it even though i can do this song and dance all day and be like "whats the point of living? why shouldnt i k myself #and the answer is that the people i love would be sad. the people i love love me too and they would never be the same.#and especially with how much a lot of them have done for me. i owe it to them to at least Try to give myself the best shot i can #us politics #election 2024 #kamala harris #2024 election #uspol

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feathers-little-nest · 23 days ago

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#I will spend my whole night doing fun things <- a permanently tired person with no motivation and very limited ability to feel happiness #idk man it feels like I'm letting myself down but I just can't do this #i want to stay up all night doing fun stuff. i want to stay up all night doing fun stuff.#i haven't done it in a long time because i was too tired and didn't want to mess up my sleeping schedule #i didn't know that when i finally decide to fucking do this #I won't be able because I just #don't have it in me to do “fun” stuff so long #the second I start a break the “fun” disappears #and I have no reason or strenght to go back to it #it isn't fun at all it's just fucking draining #fuck this stupid baka life #tw vent #vent #i guess #im more mad than sad #also by now i should've learned to just not plan stuff like this like longer tasks or whatever #just falling apart again brb looking for a tape

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 1 month ago

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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

#you know it's funny #i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this #on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and #the friend that i lost last year checked my account and #i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me #because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry #bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man #i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot #but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also #i dont fit in that friendship anymore #but im still really greatful #for checking up on me even like this #*most of my life #noticed a typo #idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself #all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday #im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations #trying to convince myself that its oka #it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im #terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi #g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul #i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda #hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not #that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m #friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread #knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb #i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps #anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but #i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much

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soft-toyfriend · 2 months ago

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gna pause the queue for a bit my lil old baby kittie is very sick and tbh I’m trying not to kms about it

#there’s been other heavy life stuff going on that’s not the only thing making the brain go very deep in the pit but #it’s definitely the worst :((((#we were meant to have so much longer together im supposed to be carrying her around in a baby harness strapped to my chest when shes like 20 #she’s only 13 and im so fucking sad man she’s my baby squishy #it’s the worst timing too it’s just been blow after awful blow and I’m so fucking tired #softly spoken #delete later

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silverislander · 2 months ago

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working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3

#i mean ive always been a little nuts abt it. but its worse rn :)#i have been saying For Years that the reason antibullying campaigns have been so toothless is bc theyve ignored root causes #you cannot fight bullying while ignoring discrimination in our larger society #its not a fucking 80s movie people dont (frequently) get bullied Just for being nerds irl. the go to examples are so outdated #i could get into specifics but i think i dont need to! its ableism its racism its classism etc etc etc #we need to be actively teaching kids from a young age that at the bare minimum? acting on discriminatory beliefs is wrong #there needs to be actual consequences and understanding of why its wrong #we need to talk abt these issues WITH specifics. talk abt exactly whats wrong and why #call out specific common jokes explain slurs talk abt current events related to these issues #and fucking get rid of the 0 tolerance bullshit ive never heard of it doing anything but punishing the victim for fighting back #and i know some people will still be missed by this programming bc of their home life or influences. you really cant win them all #but you at least need to fucking try and attack this problem from the root instead of snipping vaguely at leaves #levi.txt #and i dont want to hear SHIT abt how your precious baby is too young to learn abt discrimination bc itll make them sad #as long as there are kids their age facing it? theyre not too young to try and understand #i just. aughhhh #like. ive been there dude i got bullied for a long ass time #didnt know why at the time but looking back it was absolutely bc i was nd #and that was so long ago and its still not better. it fuckin kills me man we should be getting over this #delete later #im very tired and this is a Big Rant but idfk man!! im mad #this shit ends lives youd think wed take it more seriously

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sludgeguzzler · 2 years ago

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look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed