#im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Forty percent of Tumblr users are between the ages of 18 to 25.
Text
One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
230 notes
·
View notes
Text
🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
i just wanna know. what does anyone want artists to do. im really just curious. Like if u steal all of our work and chase us out of all of the jobs and crush every single one of us until we either die or quit. Whats the end goal. artists provided their work for free for 2 decades and built their lives in digital spaces. And in a few years the landscape is changing drastically away from that :/. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of artists being disrespected. And yet its not going to Stop. Our spaces are still snuck into and scraped, our work is still stolen, and we still have people that are just outright fucking nasty to us just bc u draw a furry animal or are queer. what is anyone supposed to do. our communities were destroyed. our spaces were destroyed. so many artists are Gone and scattered to the winds. What is anyone Doing.
#not art#more than anything else its just Venting#i genuinely. want to die So Bad because of this shit dude.#like i built my whole entire life in digital spaces because there was Nothing for me outside of them#and now theres nothing Inside of them either#and i feel so fucking empty#my friends are hurting or Gone#my peers are Gone#the spaces only get Worse#my peers are being Stolen From over and over#the infighting is its OWN thing and i COULD tolerate that when it was Most of what i was dealing with#but now its . from the outside too#now theres outfighting and infighting! and i cant . theres just no space for me#theres no space for anyone! they were all fucking crushed#and its So Difficult to feel like theres ANY POINT to building your work online anymore#why should i keep fucking posting??? feed an art bot and an algorithm??? my friends arent going to see it#the people i like arent going to see it#whats the fucking point.#vent#vent post#-_- sorry#cw sui ideation#im So SO tired man :( im so Fucking Sad too#i never get any less sad looking around my spaces anymore :(#we had th and artfight and even those are fucking. a part of scraping now. and it is truly the final straw for me?#like you came into OUR spaces#OURS. for ARTISTS. and ARTISTS ALONE...#and you STOLE our work :(#that we put out FOR FREE ANYWAYS.#. :(
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i fear i cannot mentally or emotionally handle being conscious much longer so im gonna take a melatonin and hope to god it works enough to make me pass out by 8:30 tbh
#i. have gone through the full spectrum of human emotions today methinks (not including joy or happiness or any of the like.. naturally)#i am so exhausted and feeling deeply deeply fucking hopeless#ive spent so much of my life feeling miserable and hopeless but holy fucking shit none of that even remotely came close to the amount#of sheer hopelessness and despair that im feeling today#gneuinely. at a loss for ways to make myself or anyone else feel better#like. well at least we're alive! bitch i dont think i want to be anymore. and furthermore for a LOT of people NOT FOR MUCH LONGER probably#at least we have friends/family/community! yes and that means i have that many more people to be absolutely terrified for on top of myself#we've been through this once we can do it again! I WANT MY LIFE TO BE ABOUT MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH#JESUS CHRIST LIKE#by the time the next election comes i will be 27#meaning i will have spent the majority of my teens AND 20s fearing this stupid fucking man and his stupid fucking morally bankrupt follower#im so sick#im so tired#i have to stay alive but for what??? for climate change to make everything exponentially worse in the next 10-15 years??#for society and humanity as we know it to AT the very LEAST begin to collapse in front of my very eyes??#anyway.#like... i just...#thank god i have ppl in my life rn who care about me bc they are essentially singlehandedly keeping me alive at this point#at the end of all of it even though i can do this song and dance all day and be like "whats the point of living? why shouldnt i k myself#and the answer is that the people i love would be sad. the people i love love me too and they would never be the same.#and especially with how much a lot of them have done for me. i owe it to them to at least Try to give myself the best shot i can#us politics#election 2024#kamala harris#2024 election#uspol
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#I will spend my whole night doing fun things <- a permanently tired person with no motivation and very limited ability to feel happiness#idk man it feels like I'm letting myself down but I just can't do this#i want to stay up all night doing fun stuff. i want to stay up all night doing fun stuff.#i haven't done it in a long time because i was too tired and didn't want to mess up my sleeping schedule#i didn't know that when i finally decide to fucking do this#I won't be able because I just#don't have it in me to do “fun” stuff so long#the second I start a break the “fun” disappears#and I have no reason or strenght to go back to it#it isn't fun at all it's just fucking draining#fuck this stupid baka life#tw vent#vent#i guess#im more mad than sad#also by now i should've learned to just not plan stuff like this like longer tasks or whatever#just falling apart again brb looking for a tape
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
gna pause the queue for a bit my lil old baby kittie is very sick and tbh I’m trying not to kms about it
#there’s been other heavy life stuff going on that’s not the only thing making the brain go very deep in the pit but#it’s definitely the worst :((((#we were meant to have so much longer together im supposed to be carrying her around in a baby harness strapped to my chest when shes like 20#she’s only 13 and im so fucking sad man she’s my baby squishy#it’s the worst timing too it’s just been blow after awful blow and I’m so fucking tired#softly spoken#delete later
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
NOBODY WAS GONNA TELL ME IT WAS THAT EPISODE OF JJK TODAY??? OHH I HAVE WHIPLASH IM SO SAD :( the anime is moving too fast :’(
#MY BABIES#MY SWEET BABIES#IT WAS SO SAD WHEN I FIRST READ IT BUT ANIMATED?#JESUS CHRIST MAPPA#WHAT THE FUCK DAWG#IM SO SICK#IM SOOOO FUCJING SICK#AND THE SCENE W THEM BRUSHING HIS HAIR#IM TIRED#MAPPA WTFFFF#I HATE THIS SHIT#when shibuya was coming out i took a break from the manga cuz i got so upset#AND ITS ONLY ABOUT TO GET WORAE#I DONT WANNA WATCH THIS SHIT#when nobara… yea might fr take a break after that i’m too tired to deal w this shit#god#i hate bitch ass fucking sukuna#gege is an evil man alright#fuck this stupid ass fucking anime bro i’m IN DISTRESS#xi talks#jjk spoilers
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
dawg.
#i cant fucking STAND this community anymore i don't know what the fuck happened.#i tried so hard fr and i just got met with nothing i think im going to drill a hole in my head and bleed out on the floor#i dipped from lp finally im considering dipping from tspcc for good and im 5 seconds away from leaving paravrs adventures too. im so tired#everytime i try to get included everyone just goes away#why :(#did i do something n nobody is telling me.#man.#and its not even just me being upset#dude so much of my recent trauma has come from the tsp cmmunity and it makes me really sad.#i went in so hopeful and just got like. killed. dawg..
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I forgot to play animal crossing today. Sound the alarms 🚨🚨🚨
#im actually sooooooooooooooo sad#just too much was going on today and i was so tired#fuck man 😭 yall dont even wanna know how long my streak was bdjshbfdhsj#le text post
1 note
·
View note
Text
trying to watch all of us strangers and it's just making me cry really hard this is why I don't do romance movies WAH
#not even at actual sad bits i just lose my mind watching ppl w chemistry act romantically on screen#when its well done and it feels intimate..... taking poison damage ouuuuurggh. -1hp -1hp -1hp ow... -1hp#god i fucking miss kissing ppl i miss physical intimacy its hard to breathe watching this. in a good way but also oww. ouch!!!!#i am so normal and well adjusted i promise. come here#i wish i didnt react the way i do sometimes to physical contact theres no reason i dont understand why it happens#like i wish it was easy for me and came naturally bc i always want it so so badly. but the fucking flinch where does that come from#and it makes everyone treat me like glass and avoid me bc they think i dont like it or just tolerate it i promise im not lying come back#its so so so frustrating and i find it so hard to watch other ppl being affectionate its like looking directly at thr sun#and i know im so obvious around other ppl when i get upset bc theyll touch and avoid me and then i get upset if they do touch me bc they#only do it when they feel bad for leaving me out ppl only ever hug me when they feel sorry for me do u know how shit that makes me feel#i just want ppl to want me around and in their space bc thats what i want but is it too much.to ask 🥹🥹🥹🥹#its easier when i warm up to ppl but it just takes so long and its so rare for anyone to believe me by that point the boundaries are set#im like a little feral kitten i need to be physically socialised before i get adopted#this isnt even making sense anymore im so tired my mind is all over the placr. sloshing on the floor. anyway ummmm#i cant keep being like this forever man#not even talking abt sex but thats a whole other thing. wouldnt it be nice to fuck without fitting the stone top role. i wouldnt know#all respect to ppl who are stone and all the ace ppl i know but im NOT i do want it i very much do experience the attraction!!!!#but for some reason my body wont let other ppl touch me it drives me fucking insane. i dont even have trauma like whatever man#didnt even use to be this bad i was such an affectionate kid n teen i wish i could go back man. man!!!#what a fucking decade of mental illness and repression does to a mf. forget all the other ways its affected me this is the worst by far#just the isolated n alienation innit. well it is what it is. maybe someday ill get it back#anyway sigh..... back to the movie.. i do like it so far its very pretty just different to my usual sort of film innit#considering i watched cure last weekend ajskdnf. the tonal difference#cure was a weird one but thr more i think abt it the more it sticks with me.... so good i need to watch more kurosawa#ANYWAY#.diaries#sorry for getting so personal on a saturday night.. im home alone for 24 hours and this is what happens
0 notes
Text
:^[
#i started my new job on monday#and its rlly rlly hard#all i can think the last couple days is im not cut out for it#and that i made a mistake by agreeing to it and possibly to my degree as a whole#i haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes the whole shift#which i am not dumb shouldnt be so hard but im also fat rn so that does make my feet hurt so bad its lowkey all i can feel physically#and i get asked like . 100+ questions a day (i do not even think that's exaggerating)#and its a LOT to learn all this new stuff about all these new clients and like . they have rlly high needs so its important that like#if no one else understands at least i do bc im like. their point person#and im qualified to do the job. if not more so than all my coworkers : /#but i have left each day barely even understanding everything that happened that day. It FLIES by because there is not a dull moment#and when there is so far its been actually a Problem i need to address making it dull that i am not immediately aware of#im sure itll even out in the coming days but like : ((((((( this is VERY hard for me and i feel like i cant convey that well#bc logically i should be good at it so i must just be being dramatic or smthn idk#and i feel like i cant talk to my friends lately bc idk that feels rlly hard#but its not like i rlly have the time to its just rlly sad#im up too late but im not even tired enough to sleep im just really sad and overwhelmed and i wish i could just like . explode briefly#just till its over or normal#fucking. wretched man idk like its jjust a lot : ((((((#i wish i could communicate that effectively so the bigness of it would come across#delete later
0 notes
Text
AND. im so sick of the conservative customers assuming i am one bc I can’t do it 😭😭 DONT DO THIS TO ME AT MY JOB. I need to get a new pride pin, I lost my old one and if I had it on then it would probably save me and also make people hate me but idc. no one said anything homophobic or anything but this dude was liek “all they do is teach agendas in school” and HES INE OF MY FAVS AND NOW IM LIKE UGGGH YOU ARE SO DUMB SO DUMB AND I HAVE TO JUST BE LIKE “k thank you bye see ya later” I HATE IT
#hate me for being bi Idfc#stop saying weird shit to me#I like my job#but man this fucking state#I do not feel like I belong here soemtimes#ik half these people only love me bc they don’t really know me#it’s sad asf#I see too many trump hats for my liking most days#and then of course the Biden attire#im just sick of the world#I am so tired
1 note
·
View note
Text
Even just half-heartedly looking for work as someone who is legally blind, autistic, with no highschool diploma, GED, or degrees and who can't leave the house is a very specific kind of let-down and disappointment that just really makes a person depressed.
#irl#vent#suicidal ideation#i am a money sink and a financial burden and trying to look for ways to fix that turns up nothing!!!#society abandons those who cannot work!!! and i sure do seem to be unemployable!!!#like#i would need a work from home job that doesnt require a highschool diploma ged or a degree that i can do as someone who is legally blind#at the LEAST#even just being a cashier at pet smart requires a fucking highschool diploma!!! and i cant even do that sort of work anymore!!!#i dont have any fancy little talents or areas of expertise either!!! i cant code i suck at source work i cant do graphic design!!!#what am i supposed to do#can someone just like put me down like a sick animal or smth at this point#because i feel like all i amount to at this point is a burdensome and childish good for nothing waste of space#and an additional source of stress and disappointment for everyone who has ever cared about me or had hopes for my future#sincerely feel like everyone who knows me would be better off if i were dead#no one would have to take care of me then - theyd be free of any burden i put on them#hell considering how few people i talk to and how little o do talk to ones i DO talk to they probably wouldnt even notice i were gone#and once they did they probably wouldnt be upset for long at all if they would be upset to begin with#my partner would be free to find a smaller more affordable place to live or could even get a car and live in it as he thought of doing#before if i werent around being a little needy whiny bitch#seriously whats even the fucking point#im so tired of just...fucking everything.#i dont talk about it much but i really do just feel like shit all the fucking time man#and i feel so fucking powerless and like i have no control of my life too#should probably be in therapy still but i just know theyd force me into the psych ward again#not that talk therapy would do shit for me anyways tho#i dunno#im tired and sad and hopeless and i just wanna go to sleep and not wake up again#not that it matters or anything though lololol
1 note
·
View note
Text
i genuinely so seriously cannot take it like i simply fucking cant oh my god
#vent#i cant sleep or eat or take my fucking act#i got a fucking 16 because i spent 3/4ths of it CRYING over her like are you FUCKING KIDDING me#and i dont blame her this is my fault that im still so fucking upset over this#its late. and im sad.#i just dont know hoe much longer i can do this man#its too much i rlly cant i just cant just. live like this man im so tired of being so fucking depressed
0 notes
Text
i think my energy’s crashed a little
#i was high earlier#im trying to be better don’t get me wrong but. hm#also im just thinking about the train crash in india#the death toll is currently over 300 and they’re still finding bodies#im american-indian so seeing that news absolutely shattered my heart#my mental health’s been in a precarious place since the allen shooting bc it was so close to me#and this may be the tipping point#sending prayers to the victims and their families of course 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽#i don’t know what to do anymore except pray. maybe it’ll work this time who knows#but i don’t wanna pray after something bad happens i want that bad thing to not have happened kn the first place yknow#religion’s all i have atp. if i don’t have bhagwan then the foundation of my life is pulled out from under me#and my mental health is so much better than it used to be i don’t wanna test that#im just sad and tired and in the drug afterglow#that dull buzz after the initial high and then… the emptiness that’s somehow full too#like a distorted distended body that’s not my own but i can operate like it is#fuck man. lol#im gonna go to sleep now. night y’all#🐋.txt
0 notes