#ill make another post explaining later

[spoopy-nevermore-dump]

slime

[aloeverified]

the problem for me with most relativity falls content is that most people just make dipper and mabel exactly like ford and stan by copying their dynamic and not adding any nuance, but then don't even make mabel impersonate dipper which is quite possibly the best twist out of the series and one of the most fun parts of the actual dynamic. like yeah, it'd be one thing to just give stan a twin who turned out to be the author, but stan not even being stanford is what makes both of them interesting.

y'all are not thinking of the possibility of both twins being trans and then stealing each other's identities when they get older and just letting people think they're the other twin. or more so, mabel just transitioning and pretending to be dipper to their families instead of actually coming out and then dipper being like "why would you do that."

[frecklystars]

Wow, 32 asks. Thank you guys so much 😭😭 last night was one of the worst shifts I ever had at work. I feel like i keep reverting back to a year ago when everything was fresh. it's been extraordinarily difficult the past couple of months but it always eases the ache when I read nice messages. it genuinely calms me down a lot when other people tell me it's gonna be ok. so thank you to everyone who took the time to do that for me ;-;

I'm gonna be honest, I feel super hopeless. I am not getting joy from anything right now. Drawing, socializing, watching movies, listening to music, I'm feeling *absolutely nothing*. I am triggered by the SMALLEST fucking things that I thought I was getting better at handling. I'm having trouble wearing skirts again. I'm flinching around the color pink when I was doing SO much better with it. For the last nine days, I haven't gone three hours without having a panic attack. I'm not sleeping. My flashbacks are lasting longer. I'm having out of body experiences again for the first time in almost a year. I feel so hopeless. I told myself one year ago "hey I feel like I'm dying right now my ptsd is so fucking bad but! hey! one year from now, I'll feel better! this will feel so far away from me!" but I don't. I don't feel better. I don't think it's possible to feel better bc I'm too broken. It's been over a year and I don't feel like it's possible for me to make progress.

My Barbie/Ken anniversary is coming up and I was excited for the first couple of weeks, but right now I just... feel absolutely nothing. I am so, so, so severely depressed and my anxiety is getting worse every day. I need help out of my unsafe situation so fucking bad dude it's just gonna kill me. I'm so scared this whole thing is gonna genuinely kill me. I wish I could talk about it but I don't want to scare people but at the same time, it's so bad and it's weighing on me so heavily and I am so fuckign tired of dealing with this every single day

I don't know if I'm gonna go offline or not, bc my problem isn't even online. so... I don't see how being offline would help much. I just feel like I'm supposed to do SOMETHING, literally ANYTHING to feel something. Going offline last time made me feel significantly worse, so maybe that shouldn't be my next step. But I feel nothing when I'm blogging right now. I tried making a Jacob edit the other day and I felt no joy. I want to be filling up my queue for the 21st, all of my Barbie and Ken photos and gifsets. I should be writing Barbie and Ken love notes. I should be making video edits again! but I feel nothing!!! This is the one and only anniversary that actually matters to me this year - sorry to the other 12 Ryan F/Os who have anniversaries but THIS ONE is THE most important one, because these two characters are the F/Os that have helped me the most with my abuse trauma/cptsd. They're the whole reason why I started self shipping again. I want to celebrate that. I want to be excited about it. I am just so fucking numb.

I NEED to feel something for this anniversary, I miss celebrating F/O anniversaries! I don't get to do that anymore since self shipping was ruined for me! Since my main F/Os were ruined for me! I deserve to have a good time with my new F/Os!! I am a good person and I am kind despite all the bullshit I've been through and I work really hard to try to heal from shit! I try to stay positive and I try to help people and I!!! Deserve!! To have a day where I feel good with my F/Os without reliving every single horrifying vile thing that someone did to me! but I feel so empty right now and it hurts! I was excited a couple of weeks ago when I was planning all the activities i was gonna do on the 21st, like a restaurant and a movie and baking and throwing a party with my friends, but now?? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING in my heart. I feel so goddamn empty. I am so depressed. I really really feel like I can't get better. It's been over a year and I am incapable of healing from my trauma and I don't know what to do about it. I am trying so many things to heal!! I'm going walking, I'm eating way healthier and cutting sugar to see if that helps clear my head a bit more, I'm getting sun, I'm drinking so much water, I'm exercising, I've cut my screen time significantly and reading more often, I'm hanging out with my friends as much as I can, I am trying everything in the book and I feel like a zombie just sitting here and rotting to death, going through the motions and reliving my trauma in my head over and over and over and over and over and over again and I can't get any fucking peace. It's like everybody in the world is living their days while the planet is spinning but I am stuck in the same spot reliving the most horrific bullshit imaginable over and over and over. I feel like I've lost almost 2 years of my life to trauma. I don't feel like I've aged, I feel like everything happened yesterday. I feel like I'm stuck in one spot while everybody else is walking forward and I can't move.

Sorry to ramble I didn't mean to turn this into a vent post but idk what else to do. I don't know if I should go offline on my actual anniversary or maybe a couple of days leading up to it?? Or maybe I'm supposed to BE online and blog about the F/Os to see if that helps me feel better?? Being offline made me feel worse. But being online isn't helping me either. Dude I don't fucking know. I need to work on some crafts or something. I need to make a BarbieLand diorama and paint it. I'm gonna bake heart shaped cookies for the first time this weekend. I'm gonna invite my friends over and we're gonna have a party on Sunday and watch the Barbie movie together. I don't know what else to do but I have to just... keep trying I guess even though I feel nothing while doing these things, it's better than doing nothing

If anyone has advice or something, it's more than welcome. Or even just a "wow, that's rough, buddy". I'm sorry for being negative, I try to remain positive on this hellsite but it's so hard right now. Thank you again to everyone who wrote me a nice message last night when I was hurting. I'm sorry I'm gonna probably be asking for encouraging messages a few more times in the next few weeks bc supportive messages are the only things that have been effectively (affectively?) helping me lately

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

[bloodstained-white-jacket]

fuck it i figure i should post my WIP snippets for this AU JKHJGHFG

bit from the opening scene where jigen n lupin fuckin lose it on drugs

(spoiler for the aftermath below cut)

bit from when lupin finds him dead the next morning WHOOPSIES!!

[pomefioredove]

can I request house wardens + leech twins with a reader who doesn't eat enough bc Crowley doesn't give them enough for food, and they end up really ill and collapsing or something. I'm cravin some fluffy comfort rn, pls and thank you 🙏

I got you🫡🫡 as someone who's been through an eerily similar situation, I really liked this request

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ another crowley moment™️

type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, floyd, jade, kalim, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, mentions of food and not eating

Riddle wouldn't even have to like you to rush to your side. but he does like you, which makes it all the worse

after checking your vitals, you're in the infirmary. he's got doctors for parents, after all, and he knows that malnutrition is bad

he should have seen the signs...

with exams coming, he's been so busy, and he assumed that you were just tired from studying

but he can feel guilty later. right now, he needs to focus on you getting well again, and not killing Crowley

(then, of course, he'll look for some legal statute or clause that he can threaten Crowley with so you're fed properly)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona noticed you'd been acting a little weird lately, but watching you collapse still puts him in shock

luckily, Ruggie and Jack are nearby to help you to the infirmary, so Leona can focus on hunting Crowley down like an animal

there are very few times where Leona is particularly grateful for his status, but this is one of them. just one word on how his family will be hearing about Crowley's neglect, and the old bastard is begging him for forgiveness

even after that, Leona still sends Ruggie with snacks and drinks to Ramshackle

and if you ever scare him like that again, you'll regret it (lovingly)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

the news of you collapsing during flight lessons reaches Octavinelle rather fast. no one is particularly surprised, since Floyd had mentioned how easily you'd been bruising lately just the night before, but everyone is certainly worried

Azul is the first at your side, asking you all sorts of questions, worried sick. Jade has to remind him to give you space to rest, since you look exhausted (had you always had those dark circles? how could Azul have not noticed?)

now, Azul and the tweels could easily find a way to pressure Crowley, but they know better than to trust him

from now on, you'll be eating in the Mostro Lounge, free of charge

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

perhaps Kalim was just oblivious, because he really didn't think anything was wrong until you were suddenly on the floor in front of him

sure, you'd been a little moody lately, but he figured it was just a thing you were going through. and besides, you know that you can talk to him about anything... right?

Jamil hurries to check your pulse, and shouts for him to get the school nurse- which is jarring, because Jamil never shouts

when you explain everything to Kalim later, he feels... terrible. he should've known- no, he should've asked

Kalim insists you stay at Scarabia while you're recovering, and makes sure you have the most enriching, delicious meals money can buy

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Vil knew it was bad, but not this bad. if he had known you were on the verge of collapsing, he would've taken a firmer approach to getting you to eat

you're going to worry him to death someday, you know that?

after he's done verbally eviscerating Crowley, he'll insist on joining you at every meal. he'll eat at Ramshackle, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, if that's what it takes

he's subtle about it, at least

if he notices that your plate feels empty, he'll just take some food from his and put it on yours. gracefully, elegantly, without a word

you'll come home one day to see your kitchen stocked with vitamins, supplements, and apples (courtesy of Epel)

<3 and a note that says he'll treat you to dinner whenever you want

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

never scare Idia like that ever again. he wasn't even with you when you collapsed, and he STILL nearly had a heart attack

listen, he knows he's not a great role model when it comes to nutritional eating, but you have got to tell him these things. he would've had Ortho go get takeout! or something!

typical Crowley behavior, SMH. what does he think you are? a rabbit? even the school horses get treated better...

no way that Idia is going to even bother with that old fart, anyway. you want something? he'll get it for you. you don't even have to ask, he'll just send food to your place (and have Ortho check your vitals more often but shhh)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I would not want to be in the room when Malleus finds out about this

not even the building. you know what? I'd steer clear of the whole island, because it will not be pretty

when you collapse in front of him, it feels like he's dying, too. the panic sets in, and he sends Lilia to look after you, and Silver and Sebek to escort you to the infirmary, and then he casually threatens to smite Crowley. obviously

if the students and staff of NRC thought Malleus was scary just being Malleus, he's terrifying when he's mad

(rest assured that you will be getting ten times the amount of food from now on)

it's thunderstorms for days after, but he never leaves your side

[jellitchi]

vat7k designs in my head...

i thought their canon designs were a eensy weensy bit Unpolished so i made these mostly for myself. erm if u rly want it i think varian is 19 here, hugo 19, nuru 18, yong 12.

i also made rhem all playlists and had to draw them a cover so thats what the last img is I linked each of em under my notes for all of em... Under the cut is Like a Huge Infodump of notes i have for each chara,,,,,,

i kept varians design basically the same, i dislike the design w the orange neck thing so i just Nuked it😭... Here's Varians playlist

Hugos design i just wanted to put him in something more Loose. hes a thief, a professional escape artist. i dont think wearing clunky metal is ideal for him. i also gave him a prosthetic arm (blond w no arm design trope!) but u cant see it in the ref so i added another drawing of him in his under layering👍 i vaguely referenced russian(?) clothes for him as well... Yeah not too much changed w him i just tried to make him slippery-er. Here's Hugo's playlist

yong came relatively easy to me, if it wasn't obvious i did rip gaming from g*nshin's hoodie. i thought the lion hood was Adorable and freaking perfect for what i had in mind for hos character. since the og notes said the fire kingdom is loosely Chinese inspired i basically just kept that. i mashed tgt a buncha diff dynasties though sorry for how inconsistent i was... i think he looks Okay. anyways i changed yongs role a bit, ill explain why im adjusting some of their roles later but i kept yong as the Jinx Type character. hes the eldest in his family and has a buncha younger siblings, hes a lion dancer and does performances w his family/siblings. he rly like special effects n keeps tryna incorporate his fireworks into their performances (it flops and he has to sew up the dmg) ill explain more of yongs role in another post maybe shrugs... Here's Yong's Playlist

miss nuru was a bit of a struggle for me i might share my full design process with her coz i did a Bunch of mockups for her😭😭😭... i didnt have a specific country of reference for her but i chose to make her vaguely south asian inspired. i also really wanted to keep the sheer fabric w the star / constellation map. i love that idea its so cute so shes still technically the navigator. but she also wields a sword too, fencing or whatever. (her and varian r Huge Cass fangirls which is probably why she started tryna use a sword (snuck out to watch cass compete) Okay ill talk abt this later) in my head, okay ill Probably make a whole nother post talking abt how im interpreting/writing each chara, but in my head i think nuru is the youngest and her kingdom's archivist. shes mostly in charge of like Her kingdoms history / artifacts / etc. ok im getting too side tracked ill save the lore dump for later but thats Nurus role in the party. Here's Nuru's Playlist

uhm below i made their character stats mostly to help me with planning / role developing. the yellow is their base stats the color behind is their end stats i guess. i was gonna explain my reasoning for their stats but ermm this post is kinda Really long so sorry😭... varian max int for obvious reasons, also max charisma just coz i feel like u kinda learn a thing or two being around a couple manipulators and spending time in jail idk shrugs... (also lets not forget the "ud b surprised what ppl would do for a cookie!") Hugo slippery guy, if a brick is thrown at him as hes running hes gonna try n run faster to shatter it, his mindset is Run Run Run! i think hes relatively agile too but yeah mostly a Speedster. i think he n varian got no Physical strength varian maybe just like A little coz Farm boy but I rly doubt quirin is making him do a Lotta heavy lifting. yong has incredible stamina and agility because hed a performer. nuru is the strongest coz this team would literally Flop without a proper Offense😭... i think varian n hugo r able to outwit plenty of their opponents but i think nuru is pretty good in a fight, same w yong. Yeah Okay Sorry for a Long Long Post thanks hope u guys enjoy

[svsss-fanon-exposed]

Exposing SVSSS Fanon: 4/∞

CHRONICALLY/TERMINALLY ILL SHEN YUAN

Rating: FANON - UNSUPPORTED

It isn't an uncommon thing for fans to headcanon their favorite characters as disabled, or queer, or otherwise having experiences that relate to the fan's own identity or promote fandom diversity. This in itself can be a very positive and affirming thing.

I will reiterate, of course, that this blog is not meant to say that anyone's headcanons are bad or invalid-- no matter what canon says, anyone can have whatever headcanon they please.

However, there is a difference between headcanon and incorrect interpretation.

The idea that Shen Yuan, prior to transmigration, was chronically or terminally ill is something that falls more heavily into the latter category. Rather than being known as a headcanon or even acknowledged as fanon, this idea is often taken as canonical fact or "default" in western fandom.

It does not stem from one person's creative interpretation of a character, but instead from an inaccurate TL note on a passage in an earlier fan translation of the novel.

In this early translation, the following passage:

不过沈清秋要求真的不高，在这边混吃等死，颐养天年，他就心满意足了。反正跟他前生过的日子也没啥差别。

was translated as:

However, Shen Qingqiu didn’t have any high requirements. He’d be content to just while away his time here and wait to die. At any rate, it wasn’t much different from his previous life. (CNoveluv/BCNovels Ch. 3)

Attached to this was the following Translator's Note:

Previous life: Bit of a subtle hint that our main character probably had a terminal illness or something that would have taken his life in time.

(many thanks to @furbygoblinxiv for quotes!)

This TL note is where the idea that Shen Yuan was canonically chronically/terminally ill originated.

However, the assumption is wholly incorrect. The phrase "混吃等死" is a saying which translates literally, to "aimlessly eating meals and waiting for death," but refers to a lack of ambition and general listlessness, or someone who just wastes their life away, not making anything of themselves.

This is in line with Shen Yuan's original description of himself:

From early on, he’d known that even if he idled the rest of his life away, he’d never want for food. Perhaps due to this carefree upbringing, devoid of either competition or pressure, he came to believe that ranking in the top ten of a competition was good enough, so long as it had more than ten people. (7S Ch. 1)

In fact, this same phrase 混吃等死 is used here in the original text, where the translation says "idled the rest of his life away."

In fanworks, Shen Yuan has sometimes been referred to as a "pretty boy waiting around to die," specifically in reference to having poor health in his previous life. This comes from another section later on in the novel:

He based this body on the appearance that he, Shen Yuan, originally had in his past life. It wasn’t as good as Shen Qingqiu’s immortal demeanor, but it could still be considered a pretty good body. The only thing was that it gave off a bit of a dispirited feeling like he was a pretty boy sitting around waiting to die. (BCNovels Ch. 44)

Yet again, this is a translation of the same phrase as before, and while not incorrect in terms of a literal translation, the true intention of the phrase does not carry over well to western audiences.

Within the novel itself, there is nothing that directly implies that Shen Yuan was terminally or chronically ill. The headcanon itself is valid as a headcanon, but not if it is taken as a canonical fact.

Of course, it cannot be entirely disproven either-- which is why this post is rated as fanon-unsupported instead of fanon-conflicting. One could argue that his cavalier attitude toward Without-A-Cure could be a result of past experience with chronic illness, or his general disconnect from his past life and body, and that would be a fair enough interpretation-- however, it could also be explained by something like depression (while I am well aware that depression is a chronic illness, the fanon of chronically ill Shen Yuan almost always is referring to specifically physical chronic illness). Either interpretation would be equally arguable, and fans should choose whichever resonates with them personally to use in their works or otherwise for themselves-- or neither, if they would prefer!

However, it should NOT be argued that chronically/terminally ill Shen Yuan is a canonically-proven fact, as it is based on an inaccurate interpretation by a translator, not on the original text itself , and it should not be spoken of as if it is any kind of erasure for Shen Yuan not to be portrayed as chronically ill.

The idea had already circulated throughout western fandom circles by the time the official English TL came out-- so it was deeply entrenched within fanon by then, and many fans likely didn't pay too much attention to the changes because of this. However, the official translation interprets the two passages listed above the following way:

Still, Shen Qingqiu was a man of few needs; he would have been satisfied just idling away to a ripe old age. In that way, it wouldn’t be that different from how his previous life had been going. (7S Ch. 1)

[Shen Yuan's appearance] just had a bit of a certain listlessness—the listlessness of a worthless pretty boy idling his life away. (7S Ch. 9)

This translation, while not word-for-word, is far more accurate in spirit, and much harder to misinterpret.

Because of misunderstandings such as this one, I highly recommend that fans who have not yet read the official translation do so, as many other such inaccuracies and misinterpretations have been clarified in this translation.

[mythalism]

keeping track of all of these damn dragons like its my full time job. lets go

several of the dragons horns clearly correspond to the evanuris symbols/statues we’ve seen in several murals, trailers and in the gameplay reveal, while others are total wildcards.

in the gameplay trailer, we see this dragon the most frequently. this dragon’s horns don’t match any of the evanuris symbols, but it appears when morrigan is speaking and doesn’t seem aggressive to the characters in the moments we see, only ever breathing fire in the open air, so i would assume this is mythal.

its the same dragon from the cover art for the game:

it’s also somewhat similar to flemythal’s dragon form in da2, though not exactly, and is similar to her iconique hair horns. the dragon in the trailer’s horns are less curved at the ends, and are a bit wider.

either this isn’t Mythal, it is Mythal and they just made some subtle stylistic changes and didn’t anticipate anyone as insane as me analyzing the horns, it’s someone completely different, or mythal’s dragon form has changed now that morrigan holds her soul. i cant really imagine it being anyone but mythal, as mythal's dragon form has been on every dragon age game cover in some form.

it’s worth noting that none of these dragons look anything like morrigans dragon form from inquisition, which has horns that curve downwards, though i think it's plausible that her form could change with the full soul of mythal:

then we have this dragon, which is thankfully straightforward:

this is elgarnan, with his horns being a perfect match of Elgar’nans symbol

next we have this creature which we see twice and doesn’t even have horns. a week ago i would have said this is ghilan'ain, because of the weird tentacles, the pustules on it's body that we saw all over the trailer, and the fact that it seems like a mash-up of creatures, almost like a griffon and a dragon, or some other lupine/feline/canine form and a dragon. however, now i'm not so sure, and ill explain why later on.

the second time, it's side by side with a new dragon whose horns match both andruil's symbol in the murals and on the statues, and in this image of andruil and ghilan'nain:

these horns are of course also similar to the very first dragon, but i dont think they're wide enough, and these go in an then out, while the others go out and then up. and the similarity makes sense in the context of andruil being mythal's daughter.

another reason i think this is andruil is because of the story of andruil wearing "armor made of the void", and the clear red lyrium and corruption literally oozing out of this dragon:

also worth noting is in the scene above on the right, we see a spear/pole fly out of the red dragon towards the screen.

we see this pole/spear earlier in the trailer, connected to ghilan'ain's elven (barely) body, along with what looks to literally be another body impaled by a spear?

if ghilly melded the corrupted body of her lover to her own to preserve it and then eventually brings her back as a blighted dragon so they can devour the world together, that will be the toxic yuri of all time, but that's a topic for another post. back to the dragons.

because now we've got another one to figure out.

as i said earlier, i would have originally clocked those red and blue creatures side by side as andruil and ghilan'nain, transforming from their freaky melded elven form and into dragon/archdemon form.

but then yesterday happened, and they dropped this bomb:

HER ARCHDEMON?

and then we see the "archdemon" in question:

which, frustratingly, we do not see AT ALL in the release date trailer, but you know where we did see it?

the original reveal trailer. hm.

the way the combat gameplay is edited would lead us to believe that this is ghilan'nain's archdemon, as the text says, but im not fully convinced this dragon is 1. an archdemon and 2. isn't on our side.

the dragon doesn't attack us in the gameplay, it literally just roars (at something else, not us, maybe ghil's creepy porcelain mask face off in the distance?) and then flies away. we also don't see it attack us in the reveal trailer, just this big, cinematic roar.

we also don't see any clear signs of blight or corruption on this dragon. it can be hard to tell as we've only seen one (confirmed) before and it was urthemiel back in those lovely 2009 origins graphics, but even still, he looks pretty crusty, and in line visually with what we see of darkspawn and blighted creatures such as black/red colors, generally gross looking, etc. same for this artwork of dumat:

additionally, everyone thought that corypheus's red lyrium dragon was an archdemon (instead of just a high dragon) because of how fucked up it looked.

i dont doubt that ghilly has an archdemon, but im not convinced that the dragon we see in the combat gameplay is it. it doesn't look blighted or corrupted in the way we have seen from actual archdemons and creatures mistaken for archdemons.

its possible that the gross-looking blue dragon hybrid creature we talked about earlier is ghilly's archdemon, and it's wreaking havoc on some other part of weisshaupt that we dont see in the footage, and they are trying to bamboozle us by showing us that other dragon.

these horns, of course, look a lot like morrigan's dragon horns from inquisition, which curl downwards in the same way.

but of course, the colors and other facial features dont really match.

you could also make the argument that these downturned horns match ghilly's downturned horn headpiece that we have seen a million times at this point, and maybe it really is that straightforward and that is "her archdemon". but if thats the case then what the hell is this freaky blue creature with similar tentacles and gross pustules (that are all over weisshaupt as she attacks it, so definitely associated with her) all over its body?

maybe both are affiliated with ghilan'nain? one is her little pet archdemon while the other is her own dragon form?

at this point im just throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. i have no clue who this damn dragon is.

what we do know:

we have seen 5 distinct dragon-like creatures in this game so far.

some of them are archdemons, some of them are evanuris shapeshifting into dragons, some of them are ???????? i'm at a loss, at this point. bioware, you win. "dragon age" indeed.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for having a mental breakdown over my extremely close friend (accidentally) posting (what I thought was) radfem propaganda?

(🧵🎤for finding later)

It’s a very long story and I’m gonna have so many mixed opinions on this, so buckle up broskies.

I(X, minor) had met 👑(F, at least 4 years older than me) 2 months ago after a close friend of her was exposed as a pedophile. Coincidentally, that same pedophile had spread lies about me being a sociopathic asshole a few months ago, so me and 👑 grew extremely close because of both the aforementioned pedo and also because we shared a favorite manga, and we quickly started talking everyday about our favorite characters from the manga.

Due to our close friendship, I educated 👑 about BPD (a disorder I myself have, this is important), genderfluidity, and radical feminism. And apparently, I should’ve educated 👑 a little more about radical feminism.

Also due to our close friendship, 👑 opened up to me about a traumatic experience she had with her stepdad. This triggered me slight flashbacks to an extremely nasty and messy fight I had with an ex last year, but I didn’t want to seem like I was victim blaming, so I kept my mouth shut.

2~ weeks ago, 👑 posted about the “Man or Bear” question, and chose bear. She also brought up the traumatic experience her stepdad inflicted on her in the tags.

(I personally believe the “Man or Bear” question is radfem propaganda because when women choose bear, they always bring up a traumatic experience a man inflicted on them in some way. To me this sounds like they are saying that all men are misogynists that want to see women suffer, which is obviously not the case.)

When I saw the post, I was quite pissed. Eventually, I saw it another time, and I started having a meltdown. I was actually crying, impulsively vagueposting about her and the post, and eventually when I had to go to sleep I angrily messaged 👑 telling her about the mental breakdown accompanied by a middle finger emoji.

When I woke up and checked my notifications, I saw that 👑 had messaged me 4 times saying she’s sorry, that she didn’t mean ill towards men and that she had deleted the post (which she did, but that did barely anything to comfort me). I, still extremely pissed at 👑, told her about how pissed I was, that I trusted her but now I can’t, and that she should fuck off. 👑 replied by asking if there was anything she could do to regain my trust, so I, in the mood to just make it known that I was extremely pissed, told 👑 to go harass a radfem. And she did.

Later that day, me and 👑 had an important conversation about what had happened. I explained to her that I was holding a grudge against her since she told me about her trauma because it reminded me of the fight between me and my ex, and that I thought she was slowly making her trauma her personality. She understood, and she apologized.

Me and 👑 are now in much better terms, but I am extremely scared that I ruined her opinion on me and that she dislikes me now because she’s an extremely close friend of mine and I had opened up to her about everything bad in my life, and I threw it all away because I didn’t want to be reminded over something that happened a year ago.

TLDR; I held a grudge against my therapist friend for opening up to me about her trauma because I got flashbacks to a fight with an ex, then had a meltdown when she posted about the Man or Bear question, and now I don’t know what to do about our friendship.

[chefkids]

Spoon Theory

This is arguably the single most important The Bear meta post I will ever make so please bear with me.

The first spoon we see in the entire series is when Carmy takes Sydney's spoon to try her stew. This is right after he cut his hand from not being able to find his sharp knife, and before he has to meet with Natalie to get Mikey's jacket, which was stressing him out. She "gave him a spoon" and a bit of positivity when he needed to calm down and get some energy by knowing at the very least Sydney can cook well.

Needing a spoon is needing help. When he hands over the brigade to Sydney he is waving around spoons the entire episode, when she really needed his help and his "spoons". Later on Sydney is not afraid to just ask him for his help.

With the risotto she gave him a "spoon" that would help the restaurant, that brought in a good review and customers, but he didn't have enough of his own "spoons" to deal with it as he was stressing out over the window that just got shot through and the IRS needing the missing tax returns. Right before trying the risotto Carmy had told Richie he is afraid of something good happening. He is afraid of Sydney and him doing well, because the better it gets the more it will hurt him when something goes wrong. That is why he keeps self sabotaging the restaurant and doubting Sydney.

After Sydney quit, she is still using her spoons for mental energy to make sure Marcus is okay and to try and figure out her next steps career wise. Carmy grabbed a spoon to open the tomato can lid, which he really didn't need because he could've just used the can opener, and then found the money. When he finds the money they both know they would be fine on their own, she could find another job, he could fix up The Beef. But they still need each others emotional spoons to achieve their passions, so he reaches out and she comes back.

In Season 2 she did need his "spoons" to help create the menu and decide on the details for the restaurant, but he barely gave her any because he was still so caught up in his past trauma and the literal and metaphorical forks in his life.

Fixing the table really didn't physically need more than one "spoon"/person. But he needed her there to work through his mental block. With the inspiration food tour, she did it on her own and she didn't physically need him for it, she needed his emotional spoons.

When they are not communicating well with each other and Carmy is trying to reach back and be involved again, he gets as close as he can to her spoon without actually using it.

And now the dark side of spoons.

The originator of spoon theory has lupus and first came up with this theory at a restaurant to explain what it was like living with the condition to a friend. They could've easily said Sydney's mom died of cancer or an accident or anything else. But this is all so intentional, out of all the things it is Lupus. I don't want Sydney to be sick as much as the next person, but Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that has higher likelihood of developing when you have a family member with it, and can be triggered by environmental factors such as stress. It is an invisible illness and Christine's own handle is butyoudontlooksick, which could really explain Sydney and what she has going on behind her walls that people can't see. She has been a rock to so many people and over exerting herself, but there might come a time soon when Sydney will genuinely need other peoples "spoons", especially Carmy's, because she's all out.

Now that Carmy said he is choosing to give Syd his focus aka his "spoons", will he actually be able to follow through?

Read The Fork Theory next

Read The Knife Theory

[anddrewdoesthings]

Ghoul Anatomy Ref Sheet One Is Done!!

I have no idea how many more of these will be made (I want to do height, hair, ect at some point) But here's sheet one :)

explanation for everything hc wise and such below the cut 🐟

Water:

Water ghouls only have one kind of horn and those being the deep blue fading into a grayish blue, but with some ghouls (first observed in Mist) they will have a slight rainbow affect when the light reflects right (imagine them like those holographic stickers) . Their tails can also have a similar affect. Some ghouls even have blue patches that are bioluminescent and can spread to skin aswell. The most common areas for this are joints and cheeks.

Fire:

There are two different variations for fire ghouls, either white or the red fade variation. This is the most common ghoul type to have two different colored horns. Their tails are sharp and ashen looking, it is very easy to accidentally slice skin with it, for this reason they have unreasonably thick skin that can also withstand their fire.

Quintessence:

The horns seen above are that of a ghoul-kit, and a full grown ghoul. The purple color that ranges from blue-purples to pink-purples darkens as the ghoul gets older, white star like shapes are acommon trait but not guaranteed. Their tails are the same as their horns.

Air:

Air ghouls are by far the lightest colored ghouls (from horns down to skin). The horns take on a greyish-blue to grayish-green color, some appearing nearly all white like the fire ghoul horn type. Tails are a cloud like feel and constantly change shape like the pupils of their eyes.

Earth:

Earth ghouls have either coffee brown or a greenish color. Earth ghouls horns also darken with age. Occasionally the kind of earth ghoul with brown horns will grow vine like plants that wrap around both their tails and horns. Tail ends mimic those long leaves on trees.

Multi:

Multi ghouls are the funnest to work with because of the different possibilities, they can take on any coloration or combination of the different ghouls colors, these ghouls also have the chance with different colored eyes and horns, its still not as common as fire ghouls though. Swiss has light orange fading to grey horns and Aurora has horns that are colors that blend together in a rainbow like fashion. Their tails work the same. The most common base color for eyes are white though.

Hell-Bound:

Yes, fallen angels and hell bound angels exist with my headcannon, they take on the appearance of a ghoul slowly. Wings decay and their skin slowly darkens, horns painfully protrude from their heads and they loose their angelic abilities and get replaced with new demonish ghoul like ones. Though its common for them not to gain any power at all and have the same abilities as a human. A tell tale sign your dealing with a Hell-Bound is their eyes, once golden; now a murky yellow-brown color with pupils that resembled st. peters cross.

Anyways, ill make another post at a later date explaining heights, personality and all the other important things

if you ever want to use my hc's feel free to do so! just tag me or send your posts, I wanna see em >:]

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hoodie, Masky, and Eyeless Jack when their partner asks for their mask!

I had a brain blast + yall already know I dont like not writing for a day <\3

I dont care if it's cold out I wanna learn how to make ice cream

EYELESS JACK:

the mask, at least in domestic settings is more so a comfort thing rather than a means to hide his identity. youre most likely to see jack without it compared to the other three.. early in the relationship if you asked for the mask, be it to wear it or to look at it he wouldn't give it to you. but later on i think he might be more open to you holding it.. just dont wear it, i dont think he would like that since he also ties the mask to his whole.. diet.. doesnt like the idea of you wearing a reminder of it you know? will let you clean it since sometimes he gets dirt and that black goop caked onto it.. he does appreciate it, and he makes sure he tells you that

MASKY:

between the three i think hes the most protective of his mask. like in a "i dont want you to touch it" kind of way and he is VERY firm about that. he doesnt care if you already know his face under it (as i tend to write masky and tim as separate characters and the same for hoodie and brian). he doesnt really explain why it means so much to him but that kind of aligns with him in general; he doesnt talk about himself much or open up.. really a lot of the stuff you know about him is learned from paying attention to his behaviors and stuff rather than him telling you... very high chance that youre never going to see him without the mask.. though you might be able to snag it when tim is in charge.. giving some ideas on what would happen if you were caught with it but this segment is getting too long, ill save it for another post

HOODIE:

i think hoodie is a little.. odd... i dont think hes as possessive of his mask as masky is, but i dont think hes as casual with it as jack is... maybe hes somewhere in the middle? i dont think he would let you clean his mask, he'd much rather handle that himself. mix of not wanting to have you deal with his mess + he doesnt know how to feel about you 'being in on' his work, at least indirectly..? but hes more likely to lift his mask to show his face to you, especially if you guys are cuddling... he loves pressing kisses onto you and you cant really do that with a face covering.. really asides from the cleaning thing the only rule he has is that you cant run off with the mask since its his only one and he needs it for his 'work'

[titus-androgynous-87]

Any RPDR fans on here that aren’t also on Reddit missed out on one of the funniest and most wholesome things to happen to the Drag Race subreddit.

A man, I forget his actual name and internet handle (which is just as well because he doesn’t need anyone putting that info out there), had mistaken the RPDR sub for one about actual drag racing.

He liked to play drag racing video games, and he’d posted a question about which make/model car would be a good place to start for some game he was looking to play. It was clear that English wasn’t his first language and wasn’t super familiar with how the internet worked, let alone Reddit. And so, naturally, Reddit did what Reddit does best: had a fun and thankfully good-natured roasting.

People were offering up names of queens like: Nymphia Wind, Sapphira, Latrice Royale, and more I can’t remember right now. And this guy was so sweet replying “never heard of it, but thank you friend!” and then like. Then a few minutes later he’d reply again “this is a singer?”

Cut to a few hours later, he makes another post apologizing for posting in the wrong sub, explaining his confusion, and asking that we “please didnt charge [him] with a cyber crime.” So we all made an effort to make it clear we weren’t angry, but hoping that he would pick up on the joke and join in. And we all helped explain the show, how it worked, what it meant to the community, etc.

This man makes yet another post, with a hastily made Windows Movie Maker slideshow attached thanking the sub for being so kind and saying how he had never heard of Rupert’s Drag Race for LGBT, but he liked seeing all the representation of not only different races, nationalities, and ethnicities, but also gender, sexuality, and aesthetics.

He then went on to explain in accompanying text that he had never had any ill will towards queer people, he hadn’t ever really understood before, and had never heard of drag at all. But he was glad he made a happy mistake, because it helped him learn a little more about something he didn’t understand and discover a culture he’d never known existed, but was glad it did.

And then his last post in the saga was under a different handle, and explained that he’d been using his son’s account before, but now he had his own. And while he didn’t think he’d stick around the RPDR sub long-term, he said he might check in every once in a while to see “the new singers.”

The sub has a new flair in his honor: I’m Rupert. I think we made him an honorary mod, or someone proposed it at least. It was all very funny, and I’m very glad that everyone kept the joke contained, and that OP took it well. And wherever he is, I hope he’s having fun, and finds cash in his coat pocket.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Chapter 3

of  this post /  Chapter 2 / read it all on ao3 Here

Steve was warm.

He was also naked in a bath that belonged to Eddie.

It was a nice bath, much larger than the one he and Robin rarely used, and full of bubbles that smelled like peppermint.

Eddie told him it would help keep him awake, but also help him stay relaxed.

He was right.

He was also currently making Steve a grilled cheese (his favorite) and letting him listen to music through his phone speaker (his relaxing playlist that he used for his paperwork hours at home). He’d made sure the bath was hot, but not scalding the way Steve usually had it. He didn’t leave the room until Steve was laying in the bath, head resting against the towel Eddie set up along the edge, eyes closed to keep his senses dulled. According to Eddie, that was really important.

He’d lit a few candles and kept them on the side of the sink, then shut off the light before leaving to make Steve’s sandwich.

Steve was still completely unable to speak.

That was more than a little unnerving.

He knew what he needed and wanted to say, but nothing came out.

But he trusted Eddie for some reason. He’d unpack that later.

Maybe.

Probably not.

For a guidance counselor, he wasn’t that great at giving himself guidance. Or counseling.

“Stevie?”

“Hm?”

Hey! Progress! He made a noise!

“Got your sandwich,” Eddie held up the plate and smiled at Steve, who had opened his eyes, but hadn’t bothered to lift his head from where it rested against the back of the tub. He was too comfy. “You wanna dry your hands so you can eat?”

He wanted to eat, but he certainly didn’t want to move. His hands were so warm in the water. If he took them out of the bath they’d be cold and probably pruned, which was not attractive.

Not that it mattered if he was attractive, but he didn’t want Eddie to have anything else to add to the list he’d titled ‘Why Steve Harrington Is Not A Catch.��

“Sunshine, you have to eat something.”

Steve sighed. He blinked at Eddie in hopes that he would understand what he was trying to say.

Eddie sat down on the floor next to the tub and lifted the sandwich up to Steve’s mouth.

That wasn’t what Steve was trying to say, but he couldn’t really argue since he was still apparently nonverbal.

Eddie had briefly explained that that happened a lot during subspace, and sometimes it happened during a drop.

Steve took a bite of the sandwich and groaned.

It was good.

Or maybe he was just really hungry.

Either way, he leaned in to take another bite before he’d even finished chewing the first. He didn’t even care if it was disgusting or rude, he just needed to eat.

“Good boy. But don’t eat too fast, sunshine. Don’t want you to feel sick.”

“Mhm.”

Steve relaxed again, letting Eddie hold the sandwich up to his mouth to take a bite every minute or so.

It was nice. Too nice.

Steve had never been taken care of like this. Even when he was with Nancy, she would usually leave him alone when he was sick or tired, not wanting to expend the energy it takes to get him through an illness or exhaustion.

He was a little needy sometimes. He covered it up well after Nancy, not wanting anyone, not even Robin, to know he sometimes needed someone to care for him.

He hadn’t even noticed he drifted off again until Eddie was running his fingers through his barely wet hair.

“C’mon sunshine. Water’s getting too cold. Gotta get you in bed.”

And then he was in what he assumed was Eddie’s bed in what he assumed were Eddie’s clothes in what he assumed was big trouble.

He let himself feel safe.

He hadn’t felt safe in a long time.

– – – – – – – – – –

When he woke up, he was alone.

He was used to being alone.

In fact, a part of his brain told himself he would have been more worried if he wasn’t alone.

But he wasn’t in his bed, which meant at some point very recently he wasn’t alone.

And then it all came rushing back to him.

This was Eddie’s bed. Eddie, the tattoo artist he barely knew, who helped him through whatever the fuck he went through yesterday.

He turned onto his side and nearly fell out of bed when he saw that he wasn’t alone. Eddie was asleep, body curled up facing Steve, but keeping some distance between them. His breathing was slow and quiet, and his body looked relaxed despite the uncomfortable looking position he was in.

Steve watched as Eddie slept, thinking through the events of the night before.

Eddie had known what to do, what he needed, and how to make sure he got it even when he couldn’t speak. He hadn’t taken advantage of him, even though it would have been easy to do with Steve so out of it.

Eddie let out a snore and Steve couldn’t help the endeared smile that crossed his face.

Nope, you stop that right the fuck now, Steven Harrington.

He was about to slap himself in the face to prevent himself from actually having feelings when Eddie’s eyes shot open.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Eddie smiled, and Steve was definitely in trouble.

“Hey, sunshine.”

“Um. Hi.”

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I can get dressed.”

Steve started to sit up, but Eddie reached his hand out to stop him.

“No rush. Seriously, take your time. I don’t have to be at the shop until 12 today.”

Which reminded Steve that it was Sunday, he had nowhere to be, and he was currently very cozy. Maybe he could stay for a little while. Just until he was more awake.

“I don’t wanna take up more of your time. You’ve done enough I think.”

“It’s fine, Steve.” Steve felt himself make a face at the name and Eddie’s brows furrowed. “What?”

“I dunno. Just used to you saying Stevie or Sunshine.”

Eddie smirked at him and Steve felt his stomach drop. Where it dropped to, he didn’t know, and he didn’t think he would ever find it again with the way he felt completely hollowed out.

“It’s just as much for me as it is for you, Stevie. That was pretty intense last night.”

His tone was serious, but he kept a soft smile on his face, probably to make sure Steve didn’t run away without talking about some of it.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about everything. I really wouldn’t have even gotten a tattoo if I thought that would happen.”

“Nothing to apologize for. You can’t control it. How would you have known it would happen?” Eddie raised one brow as if to dare Steve to argue. “Exactly. You didn’t know. I’m glad I was around to help. Hate to think what could’ve happened if it was someone else.”

And, yeah, Steve was worried about that now too. Eddie seemed to know a lot about this, so Steve took this opportunity to ask some questions. He certainly couldn’t ask Robin.

It was a long conversation, and Eddie never talked to him like he was stupid. He was patient and kind, and was honest if he didn’t know the answer to something. He occasionally reached out to brush some of Steve’s hair out of his face or squeeze his hand if he seemed like he couldn’t figure out how to phrase something, bringing him back to the present and keeping his thoughts in order.

They went over how he could prepare for it next time, but Steve said he probably wouldn’t be getting another tattoo anytime soon.

Eddie said he would prefer that he come to him if he did or at least have someone who could help him through it if he went somewhere else.

“So, before the drop…” Steve stopped. He didn’t know what he wanted to say. Well, he did, but he didn’t know if actually wanted to say it out loud.

Eddie looked at him expectantly, an encouraging smile pointed at Steve in a way he couldn’t resist.

“Before the drop. I really felt…good. Like I was untouchable and nothing bad could happen. Is that always like that? The subspace thing?”

“I’ve never experienced subspace. I mean, I’ve tried a couple times when I first started messing around with people, but it just didn’t happen for me. But I’ve been with plenty of subs when they’re floating and they describe it like that, yeah. Like you can feel everything and nothing at once, but everything is good. It’s a high you can’t even get from drugs. Which is why the crash from it can be so fucking awful.”

It still didn’t make sense how Steve got to this point, how he had ever reached that high from needles pressing into his skin and Eddie being nice to him, and how he’d fallen so far so fast.

But what Eddie said was exactly how he’d felt the night before. He wasn’t really able to put it into words like Eddie had.

“So will I always drop if I end up there again?”

“Not if you’re with the right person and you can figure out limits and what causes it for you. Everyone is different. For you, it seems like pain might do it, but you would have to be in the right mindset to get there no matter what.”

“I wasn’t really in any type of mindset last night.”

“Maybe it didn’t seem like it. But it’s hard to really know when you weren’t expecting it.”

Steve bit his lip. How could he have not known? How did he make it to 27 years old not having a clue?

“Hey.” Eddie’s thumb rubbed against his bottom lip, pulling it away from his teeth. “You didn’t know. It’s normal for a lot of people to never know. If you weren’t into the scene before, how would you know? But now you do. And now you just have to be careful in the future. I don’t want anyone to hurt you.”

Steve was gonna die right here in Eddie’s bed. Who the fuck just says shit like that? His heart skipped a beat like in those stupid romance books Nancy used to read.

How dumb.

“Is pouting your natural state?”

Steve pouted harder, bottom lip pushing out as far as he possibly could just to be ridiculous.

It was worth being and feeling ridiculous to hear Eddie’s laugh.

“Listen, I know I just threw a lot at you and you may have more questions. You’ve got my number on that tattoo care sheet, so make sure you call me or text me if you have any questions, okay? And if you want another tattoo and don’t feel comfortable going somewhere else, I’m happy to do it all over again, hopefully without the drop this time.”

“What if I wanted to float again? Without the tattoo.”

Steve should shut his mouth. He really should shut his fucking mouth.

Eddie searched his face, much like he did the night before. What the hell was he looking for?

He glanced behind Steve for a moment and then back at him.

“I’ve gotta get up and get ready. But we have to have a really big talk before I can agree to that.” Steve felt his own face fall, but Eddie quickly continued. “Not because I don’t want to, sunshine. I think you’re at the part of the post-high feeling where you wanna reach it again right away. That can be really bad for you and for me, okay? But I’m done at 7 tonight. You busy?”

Steve was never busy on the weekends unless Robin was dragging him to a club and he’d be damned if he tried to go to a club instead of being with Eddie.

Which is another thing he probably should start unpacking very soon.

“No. I have work at 7:30 in the morning though.”

“Ah, right. Guidance counselor.” Eddie smirked. “Nothing’s gonna happen tonight except talking. You could also…bring stuff to spend the night here if you want.”

Eddie seemed incredibly nervous to even suggest it, and maybe if it was anyone else, Steve would’ve laughed and ran out the door, never to look back at the batshit insane person trying to have him spend the night within 24 hours of knowing him.

But Steve thought about how well he slept in Eddie’s bed with Eddie last night, and he thought about how his bed was pretty lonely, and how maybe waking up here again would make him feel better about having to exist on Monday.

“Yeah. I could do that.”

Eddie’s answering smile was nothing short of blinding.

“Great! Okay. Let’s head on back to the shop so you can get your car. Is Robin home?”

“Probably. She’s probably waiting to see my name on the news with the headline “Dead Body of Idiot Man Trying To Get First Tattoo Found” and a picture of me from the yearbook.”

Eddie let out a loud laugh.

It was nice.

Usually, Steve got annoyed when people laughed so loudly, but Eddie’s was nice.

Eddie was nice.

“So. 7?”

“Yeah, sunshine.”

— — — — — — — — — —

Eddie didn’t let Steve stray far while they got ready to leave.

Steve would never admit how much he loved it.

During the drive back to the shop, Eddie played music Steve had never heard, and probably never would have if not for him. He didn’t exactly like it, but he didn’t mind it, especially when he watched Eddie sing along with a passion Steve hadn’t really ever felt.

They didn’t need to talk and Steve didn’t feel pressured to try.

He hadn’t felt so comfortable around someone since he first met Robin, and he was holding onto the panic he knew was coming when he was alone.

He was still feeling tired. His emotions had been on a hell of a journey over the last 18 hours, and Eddie had already warned him he probably would be feeling the effects of it all for another day or so.

But Eddie also explained that without the drop, it’s worth it.

He wanted to know what that felt like.

And he wanted to know what it felt like with Eddie.

So when they arrived at the shop and said goodbye, Eddie hugged him tightly, holding him against his chest. Steve wasn’t much shorter than him, but he managed to fold himself into him without being uncomfortable, resting his face against his collarbone and breathing in the scent he was already addicted to.

They separated, but neither seemed ready or willing to.

Did Eddie feel this pull the way Steve did? Was Steve just attaching himself to someone who helped him through his most vulnerable time?

As he walked away, he looked over his shoulder to find Eddie staring after him, keeping eyes on him as he walked to his car. He was frowning.

Maybe he did feel as much as Steve. 

Chapter 4

TAG LIST:  @invisibleflame812 @inmoonywetrust @captain-daryn @carlyv @lillemilly @spectrum-spectre @raisedbylibrarians @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @mightbeasleep @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @bornonthesavage @loguine-linguine

[cleromancy]

okay hmm quiet metal gear disability thoughts now. specifically quiet, dignity of risk & the right to refuse treatment. major spoilers for tpp ahead!!!!

i do consider quiet to be a textually disabled character primarily because of the english language parasite infection. you can, and i in fact will, make the argument that needing accommodations for how her body physically works post-burn trauma counts as disability, but on its own it wouldn't be enough for me to say so emphatically that Quiet Is A Disabled Character. but having a chronic illness that she refuses treatment for because the cost of the treatment is too great is a CLASSIC and incredibly common disability story and weaves it incontrovertibly into her narrative as a whole.

and the way this interacts with quiets choice to live with the infection by not speaking english, is so great juxtaposed with code talker (himself disabled and diné) asking her in diné bizaad if she speaks it, and her responding in the affirmative being the reveal that quiet is herself also diné (quiet not being diné is, while technically textually possible, not actually supported by the text). the scene ends with quiet telling him she was infected with the parasite but hasn't spoken english to infect anyone on motherbase, and repeating, "and i never will. i never will."

so she chooses to live with it, and the way that venom accommodates her is extremely similar to what he does with kaz-- aside from the direct parallel of rescuing kaz and later rescuing quiet in very similar ways at contrasting points in the narrative, you see a lot of venom communicating wordlessly with them both; he leans in close to kaz so kaz can see or feel him, his first impulse is to speak to quiet wordlessly through touch/looks/gestures... i feel like this is highlighted by how kaz, my best beloved bitter hypocrite, is like (paraphrased) "she doesn't talk! how could you communicate in the field?!" and venom looks at quiet and they visibly, silently exchange a thousand words. i can't get into that more rn bc it would derail the post from quiet but theres a LOT going on there w/kaz and disability, and kaz and quiet.

and similarly getting too deep into the theme of language in tpp is also beyond the scope of this post, it would derail it even more. BUT LIKE in a lot of code talkers tapes you do hear him talking about, like... being taken away to one of those assimilation schools and that being part of why he developed the language parasites the way he did. and in another he speculates that quiet refused the treatment bc she wanted to keep the possibility of revenge but considering that she is a disabled indigenous woman, and that the parasites are repeatedly referred to in terms of ethnic cleansing, and the treatment for the parasite infection does make you infertile, i would argue that the text is not necessarily presenting code talker as exclusively correct here; there is another glaringly obvious reason why quiet might have chosen not to undergo the treatment.

so instead she chooses to live with it, and all its drawbacks, including requiring accommodation for it; she chooses to put up with kazs suspicion without explaining herself; she lives with the risk that came with an active infestation; she chooses to leave when it mutates further and puts people at risk. and when venom comes to rescue her she chooses to put her own life at risk to save his by choosing to break her vow and speak english. (also, side note, Jesus Christ but vquiet is so fucking beautiful. venom saving her and getting bitten by the decoy snake in the process....! good lord. who is doing it like them.) dignity of risk is crucial to this story -- none of this would have happened if she had Simply Accepted The Cure, but shes... really not presented as being in the wrong for choosing not to. that was her decision, and she deserved the choice to make it. when her tape opens "i did not choose to be Quiet," it delves into her choices. yes, the desire for vengeance brought her to this place. yes, it pains her that they don't "share a common tongue." but also, she has made the choice to disavow vengeance, to "choose the language of gratitude," and to her that means returning to her vow of silence. this is the dignity of risk.

i do have more thoughts on this, particularly elaborating on what dignity of risk is and why its so important to the narrative of tpp, and want to come back and elaborate on this more, but im just gonna hit send for now, just... quiet 🥰