titus-androgynous-87

[titus-androgynous-87]

[titus-androgynous-87]

so many creatures putting SO much effort into putting ‘special’ fluids that TOTALLY aren’t water through every organ possible to clean them so they can use them again 2 seconds later. like why not simply sit on a damp substrate and pull water through your body by evaporating the extra out pores in your leaves lmaoooo

[titus-androgynous-87]

One of my favorite things about the difference between Protestant denominations and Catholicism is that Protestants made their whole thing being So Fucking Boring(tm) and normal that if you were raised around Protestants with little to no connection to the Catholic Church when you find out about all the saints and rituals and bones and shit it genuinely comes off as a little like...pagan isn't the right word exactly but you know what I mean? Like for my entire life good Christians sat on folding chairs in a beige basement eating shitty donuts from Albertsons and told me liking Pokemon and Halloween made me a sinner and then I go to see an old Catholic church and there's just like. A fucking ancient corpse in the room?? That everyone is praying over??? Like????? And THIS is actually the religion all the "Pokemon normalizes devil worship" guys originally came from several hundred years ago??????

It's wild okay. It's just wild.

[titus-androgynous-87]

hysterectomy should be an informed consent procedure full stop. it should be illegal to deny someone a hysterectomy based on their age or based on them not having kids or based on their spouse/partner not signing off on it. anyone over 18 should be allowed to make that decision.

[titus-androgynous-87]

losercore girlcore sitting in her roomcore

[titus-androgynous-87]

Nature really went off with sperm whales. A 70-ton predator with teeth the size of a banana but it only eats squishy prey that it doesn’t even chew, it just schlorps them down whole like a vacuum cleaner. Big giant fat head full of goop. Tiniest fins in the world. Strong enough to smash a ship to pieces and smart enough to figure out how to do so but its first line of defense is just to shit everywhere. Possibly the most complex language in the animal kingdom and it creates sounds by blowing air through its internal right nostril (it uses the left one to breathe) into its giant fat head. It’s the loudest animal on the planet and might have the capability to create a beam of sound so loud it can shake your organs apart but they don’t seem to use that to hunt or fight. They’re highly flammable. We used them to make candles.

[titus-androgynous-87]

Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal

[titus-androgynous-87]

Mrs. Claus opens "The Year Without a Santa Claus" by claiming the eponymous year took place "before you were born". Seeing as the movie was released in 1974, this means the year must have been before then.

Bounding this on the lower end is the presence of ice hockey - mentioned by Heat Miser - and the use of telephones. Ice hockey was invented in 1875, while Alexander Graham Bell built the telephone in 1876, meaning the year must post-date these. These figures give a range of approximately 100 years during which Santa may have taken his holiday.

Yet, narrowing this further is the presence of a December calendar counting the 1st to a Wednesday. Between 1876 and 1974, only the Decembers of 1880, 1886, 1897, 1909, 1915, 1920, 1926, 1937, 1943, 1948, 1954, 1965, and 1971 started on a Wednesday.

But still this can be narrowed further.

When Santa set out that Christmas Eve, we see what appears to be an almost full Moon in the sky. Within the years listed, only 1920 had a full Moon on Christmas.

Ergo, 1920 was the year without a Santa Claus.

[titus-androgynous-87]

[titus-androgynous-87]

making a tree topper

[titus-androgynous-87]

Spouse got me a drinking horn and liquid death for Christmas

So I’m having an orange soda water and whiskey

[titus-androgynous-87]

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

[titus-androgynous-87]

my pet mold spores

[titus-androgynous-87]

[titus-androgynous-87]

[titus-androgynous-87]

OMG LOOK AT IT