#ik for a fact no one will know who i am
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im hoarding so many urls and it's like atp i just have them just bc like if anyone ever messaged me abt them id give them away but no one ever did which leads me to believe THEY'RE LAME or no one is on the same elevated wavelength as me
#bottom.txt#its a lot of kpop ones as well and there's probably more on my old accs 😅#ik for a fact no one will know who i am#but bc im on here so rarely and sporadically if i change urls any more often that i do#ive not logged on there in ages god knows what's happening there#but there's also lots of silly ones like 420nut IT MAKES ME GIGGLE!! i did use it for a while back in the day#im so sad i can't use them all at once its like changing an outfit you wanna wear them all and show them all off yknow!!#also if anyone's reading this should i make a new post for my pinned instead of changing my age cuz it kinda looks like i was 25 in 2020#and now im 29 😭#im not 25 either i just didn't update it on my last bd i dont wanna think about it 😭😭😭#anyways im just rambling cuz i cant sleep im hungry and it's half past 2
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AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D SEASON 1 -> SEASON 3
#melinda may#leo fitz#phil coulson#grant ward#daisy johnson#jemma simmons#aosblog#marveledit#rainbowgifs#userjsmn#jemmablossom#userars#useranne#as usual i didn't know who to tag for this but i'm desperately hoping someone sees it because god this took me like four weeks#and in all honesty#some of these gifs are....not the best#but i blame it on photopea (obviously) and the fact that aos is a PAIN to color#and ik that i could've just picked different scenes/episodes but i really wanted to try to get the 1x01 vs 3x01 comparison#but obviously jemma and ward aren't in 3x01....so their gifs are from 3x10 which is the only other s3 episode i have downloaded#but anyway i'm sure no one really cares that much please just enjoy the rainbow colors so fun and be proud of me for actually giffing <3#oh and also take the time to appreciate the daisy fitz and jemma development because i am lookingggg and so are you probably#oh oh oh and i didn't go all the way from s1-7 because i wanted to get the og six and obviously ward gets his ribs crushed in during s3#(everybody cheered) so he wouldn't be able to be there#i did think about just making a meme in the place of s7 ward or just leaving it blank but i couldn't think of something funny enough and#i instead braved coloring his skin tone back to normal on maveth#kat.gif#aos
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the deweys photos are from this video: https://youtu.be/5xTwJho44ao?si=bPw8MZZ327lCogVZ aren’t they just everything
kissing you and the minnesota wild official media team (with consent) full on the mouth, THANK YOU THIS VIDEO IS EVERYTHING 🥰🥰 i have seen pieces of it before i think (connor petting a shark 🥹) but the entire video start to finish is such a delight, 10/10 would recommend
#i’m so glad i saw this now and not when i was deranged at 2AM last night (i say as if i am not currently deranged)#like i had to physically pause. stop watching the video. to take notes to tell you guys about it i hope you know#holyjost thank u i love u i appreciate u & how u always have the sources 😭#i send out a prayer to the universe (put shit in the tags) & u provide#liv in the replies#holyjost#i love this reaction image btw it is one of my FAVORITES#anyway i was just chilling and then lost it at the ‘brandon just says shit’ part and had to start writing down notes (as follows)#there is SO much. the lore. the fact that brandon lasts two seconds before his shirt comes off everyone else is so bundled#dewey2 immediate “sharks” girl help the two of them on the bean bag together#the boat competition BOLDY’S CONTRACT??? yeah i AM thinking about that in a weird way what kind of contract brandon#also boldy motion sickness girlie he’s so real for that one 😭😭#and brandon talking a big game and then like fuckin. curled into a ball on the beanbag passed out bro i cannot.#LD BONITA? LD BONITA FISH??? So excitedly???? my GOD.#LEAVE THAT POOR FISH ALONE!!!!#oh the shark lore 🥺 dewey baby let me take you to this fantastic thing called an aquarium.#you can pet sharks there!!! i can’t even. i know i’ve seen it and had a breakdown about it before but connor’s hand when he pets the shark#the absolute joy oh my god. connor PLEASE ik u want to touch all the fish… we have sturgeon & sting rays & jellies#brandon praising connor’s attitude 🫡 he is so goal oriented they said the goal is a vibe check and connor studied.#also. save me hot brothers save me#what the fuck is this yeti cup ritual give me a cult au NOW wkdndiwkdi they’re such freaks. i love it. also just drink it bro#VLADDY MENTION THAT’S MY BOY HI BEAUTIFULLLLL#OH THIS WAS THE MIDDSY FIGHT???#awww Freddy (who i never think is a forward??)#connor dewar#brandon duhaime#minnesota wild#for reference!
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Something something the spot’s goofy antics distract from how dangerous his own entitlement and resentment is
#I don’t want to be that guy but I feel a little bit like spot gets sanded down a tad into just the fact he’s funny#and he IS funny I get it. but what makes him scary is the power to lash out with his entitlement and resentment towards miles#it’s you did this TO ME (miles didn’t#he was busy getting pummeled by kingpin and then venom shocking him back and the building was being EVACUATED it’s literally no one’s fault#but spot’s that he was there AND miles didn’t even know he was there when the collider exploded)#so I’m owed the role that you made me into <- miles literally didn’t do this#I’m OWED being your nemesis because I created you <- when all of itsv is about its miles own choices that make him heroic and not the bite#spot can’t even take ownership of his own actions. he’s like oh IM not robbing you that’s the bank. well buddy I don’t see you robbing the#bank I see you harassing some guy owning a corner store#like I get it. ur a cosmic horror and it sucks capitalism is pushing u down and u can’t get a job but like OWN UP TO WHAT THE HELL YOU DO#LMAO#and even miles trying to genuinely reach out and say look I’m sorry I made u feel bad (even though this isn’t an owed apology) and spot#STILL is hellbent on breaking miles back for an imagined slight#I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR LITERAL FATHER BECAUSE I BLAME YOU FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDNT DO#like god lmao. he’s a fun silly villain but there’s legitimate anger and spite and RESENTMENT motivating him purely to try hurt miles back a#as* badly as he imagines miles hurt him. when it’s like dude. own tf up to who’s responsible here#I’m not angry at the spot btw I actually think he’s a fun villain but I think recognising that resentment is what makes him effective as a#*frightening* villain and one that poses legitimate danger#tunes talks spiderverse#apologies xinakwans ik u said you didn’t want to read any spot posts hopefully this snags on ur filtered content block shdjfjfk
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#prefacing this w ik in fanfiction they're all just our little barbie dolls we're making kiss and it doesnt matter whatsoever but like Do you#understand how much love and respect and loyalty there is between connor and leon irl#like in connors nhlpa ama he immediately no question said that leon's the nhler who knows him best + that he's spent his entire professiona#career w him. whenever leon's asked what he thinks of connor the first sentance out his mouth is 'you [the media] know. he knows' and then#he carries on talking about how he's the best player in the world + connor never hesitates to return the sentiment#and between the two of them it's not sentiments they sau it like its fact bc it is#and their whole 'cup or bust' thing every analyst and their mother have taken it as a 'they're going to win in edmonton or not at all' in t#e sense that they want to stay in edmonton n stay together <- like not even in an insane person edmonton polycule type of way in the they'r#the best players in the world and have insane chemistry on the ice and are eachother's best friends type of way#like a reason why their pp is so lethal is bc those two on a line + the other team down yeah ofc thats going to be automatic#and leon saying that their best beats anyone else's best no doubt and connor talking about building the team from the ground up like leon w#s there when they got boo'd off the ice in 2014 he was a part of building the team that's thier damn team and in turn the sheer amount of#respect the rest of the team have for them and they have for the rest of the team and the trust that while they're the best players they#don't have to play for all of them n that's part of thier whole like. our fourth line stands up to any other first line rock solid belief#like and ofc thier on ice hugs and lockerroom hugs and that moment in the sportsnet knee injury doc and how they mention that they're best#friends whenever theyre asked and how their gf's are also best friends and also their damn dogs#NOT TO MENTION. he's my ride or die. im really lucky our paths crossed here in edmonton. as a friend it was really tough to watch that#<- leon's insane 2022 playoff run on a broken ankle#and the way leon's been dubbed the german gretzky and connor's been the next next one since he was 15 and the way they have such a solid#control of the lockerroom together and i dont know if they've ever said conflicting things to the media and how they've said that they push#eachother to be better (connor saying that leon told him to score more)#and their little taps throughout their season and bringing back their team from the dead and leon being the one to make connor laugh in#pressers and on the bench#ALL TO SAY. like i am a mc.matt.drai enjoyer in the threesome/winners room/asg/2997 are actually quite abnormal about eachother and matthew#has never been normal about anything in his life and this might be fun. kinda way#but 2997 are soulbonded in ways quite possibly none of us will ever be able to truly understand#<- also i do mean this genuinely like they're not normal people but both of them are not normal#SORRY FOR RAMBLING. i just wish there was better written fanfiction.#<- wish to be the change you see in the world innit tho#so funny to me how the eh is just canadian innit.
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Seeing how downhill everything going gives me a special kind of pain because I *dont* want to just move to a different contry. Despite everything I like living here, I like the good aspects of it. I like our cultural diversity, I like summer BBQs and visiting my great grandma every few months. I like fishing with my grandpa, and despite what a shithole it is I love the people who love their lives everyday here. And I am so so so so scared for them.
I don’t want to have to leave my home to not live in a facist nazi contry. I don’t want to have to move to be happy.
I hate the America of today…. But the people? The American people, who are scraping paycheck to paycheck and getting fed unjust propaganda? The people in my community? The people stuck in this burnt melting pot with me?
I love them.
And I can only hope for their safety.
#class conciousness is about to become real important#imo when I talk to conservatives I always wish I was more eloquent than I am#ik they usually have to figure it out themselves if they want to change#but by god I can see why it happens#why people get radicalized#I can look at a conservative red neck and understand why they’re like that and I hate that fact because they’re WRONG#but it’s just empathy you know#they’re lashing out in fear#this is their fight too they just don’t know it#the right is weaponising hatred and giving them a target#an average blue collar worker is just trying to make ends meet and they haven’t been exposed to enough things to shake the propaganda#if you’re born into right wing politics and raised to belive this is the problem#why would t you think that#I’m not JUSTIFYING IT#It’s just frustrating#I wish they had the opportunity to learn and see that we are not enemies in this fight#it is not me vs you#it is us vs the people who exploit us (rich)#if they were willing to listen and understand they’d see that a lot of the things they’re scared of (trans ppl#gay ppl etc) are just regular things being held up as a problem to make them feel better with a target#but it’s so hard#I am naive and so full of hope and love I may shatter#but one day we will be able to come togther and realize we the people are the same- and we the people deserve to be happy and healthy#I’m tired this is a tried post
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Google how to make peace with the fact that you will always be vaguely to extremely uncomfortable (depending on the day) with your body and how others perceive it until the day you die and nothing you do will ever change that
#I almost wish I was much more masc leaning than I am#so the answer would just simply be ‘go on t’#I keep seeing so many posts that are like hrt is good! this is your sign to go on hrt if you’ve ever wanted to!#GOD I wish I were that simple#(those aren’t bad posts that’s not the point they’re just not applicable to me and seeing the sentiment makes me sad and a bit frustrated)#(cuz for me it’s not that easy)#like are there some things T would do to my body that I would like?#yes absolutely. I would LOVE a deeper voice and fat redistribution#but like. that’s it#I would not want it to do anything else#in fact that idea of anything else and potentially ‘passing’ as a man makes me VISCERALLY uncomfortable#I do not want to be a man and I do not want ppl to perceive me as a man#but the same is true for being a woman#I do not like a lot of feminine traits but I do not want to strictly trade them for masculine ones#UNFORTINATELY you cannot pick and choose the affects of hrt#there is no way to ‘look androgynous’ (which is what I want)#(yes ik you can use shapewear and makeup and contour and that can do SOME)#(but it’s A LOT of work and effort I don’t have time or energy to do every day)#(and there’s still some things about my body I wouldn’t be able to alter doing stuff like that)#and it’s like sure I could go on T. but I’d still have this problem just the opposite direction#and it. sucks#it sucks so hard knowing there’s literally no conceivable way I will ever just have a body#that correlates to how I feel gender wise and will get people to ‘gender me correctly’#just based on how I look#and it’s something I’ve been thinking about recently a lot and it’s making me FHDJDKKSSKKSKS in a bad way#I know it’s cuz it’s pride month and I follow A LOT of trans ppl#who are posting trans pride and hrt and surgery info and stuff#(and obviously these are all very good things as I said)#it’s just. because of my particular situation they make me feel… bad#because I won’t ever have an option to be comfortable and happy with how I look lol
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kind of want to rewatch cowboy bebop
#honestly i dont know why i just got this wave of nostalgia for some reason#i watched it in the middle of the pandemic. i distinctly remember binging it and eating icecream sandwiches#ik the pandemic was bad but i. i kind of miss sitting around.........#missing that 3 2 1 lets jam you know.#honestly out of all the watanabe productions its really not my most favorite.#space dandy and samurai champloo are my personal favorites#but i've been in a cowboy bepop mood lately. not sure why#its kind of sad though that its the most popular...WHERE ARE MY SPACE DANDY FANS!! HELLOOO#if cowboy bebop and samurai champloo are like bleach and naruto space dandy is like the gintama#which isnt a great analogy but i think it works.#not to mention the fact that the music SLAPS. honestly all three of them have great soundtracks but#space dandy really is my favorite. it just scratches an itch in my brain idk what to say#if space dandy has 1 million fans i am one of them if space dandy has 100 fans i am one of them if space dandy has#10 fans i am one of them. if space dandy has 1 fan that is me. if space dandy has no fans then i am no longer on this earth. thank you#oh and not to mention that the animation is stunning. they get experimental with it and its really cool#its done by the same people who animated mob pyscho i think. not 100% about that but im p sure#i would rb sooooo many gifs but. no one cares about it unfortunately :\#sorry this totally derailed. uh. now i kind of want to rewatch space dandy instead lol
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .
#just blahs#not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3#just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone#and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that#without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended#bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself#gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me#and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok#this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself#aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong#and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week#jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person#and i know that they know i didnt mean it#and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of#and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person#i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok#its fine .#anyways .#also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw
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june 27th give it up for june 27th
#purrs#delete later#sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two#back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO#<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2#ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high#energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students#plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my#first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how#things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much#still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest#mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in#an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first#place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake#reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept#that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an#and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol
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just stupid rambling so I'm not annoying friends DMs lalala anyways
been trying to dissect why I'm always so beyond irritated when I see news articles/socmed chatter on AI and I haven't really come to any solid conclusion on it but I think I can kinda boil it down to two things:
first is general misinformation. it's just...so incredibly frustrating to see people wail about the ~threat~ AI poses to our society in conjunction with the huge fake news issues, while also spreading around news articles/essays/etc that are so poorly researched they're basically fake news as well. it's not even hard stuff to fact check! things like AO3 being scraped for AI training data (completely false, there's multiple sources against it but the logic doesn't even track) (isolated issue, but there's a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation on what was scraped for training data period), attempts to conflate the multiple copyright lawsuits as the same thing despite each dealing with different AI tech and sourcing issues (if these cases were similar, they would be linked together, just like the two authors suits were), AI putting 4000 US workers out of jobs in a month (everything references one news article with that headline, but said news article sites one economy report which never states anything of the sort), the general preconception that writers and actors are striking over AI (they're not. they're striking over residuals and lack of pay. AI is a part of discussions as they're covering multiple bases to prevent further exploitation of workers, but that's a distinctly different issue and it's wrong to place a stronger emphasis on AI than the exploitation. AI can't replace writers (though they can't afford the months of studios attempting to replace them with it) and they will want to at least ensure proper compensation for their content being used to train AI if they have to concede that point. there are already strict California state laws protecting individuals right to their image/voice/person, and while protective and preventative measures are currently state legislation and only present in about half the states, there are still federal level protections and precedents for people's right to publicity, and the US Senate is also currently drafting policy that would enact protections against use of personal image/voice/etc, open up more opportunities for recourse for people who have had their images stolen, and enact severe punishments on violators to thoroughly discourage the possibility of abuse. actors don't have to fight for this right in of itself because the LAW already covers them). and there's more than just these, but that last one segways into what is my second but I think bigger complaint:
people seem so like...enamored with the idea of individuals sticking it to the system that they're ignoring the very real systems that can make a difference. like. okay, 1) copyright won't solve AI issues. none of the current cases have the capability of making such a grand change, but that's a long discussion that will just detract from my point. but also 2) a system that's only reactionary is BAD. it shouldn't be on copyright lawsuits (or two worker strikes either for that matter) to stop AI abuse, which is why it's not. there are multiple discussions going on in the US Senate right now to create...a whole battery of preventative measures really, and a system to enact regulate and enforce them. things like extensive safety tests conducted by multiple parties before AIs are released to market, ways to prosecute for deliberate spread of misinformation or abuse of private or copyrighted data, more transparency on training data and engines capabilities, preventing and prosecuting the horrible abuse of outsourced workers (ala OpenAI and the Kenyan workers), better protections for people's personal and private data, ways to protect workers from companies exploiting them via AI, and more. and while what I was reading was the US Senate discussions, there's the emphasis that this has to be a worldwide effort and they're talking to multiple foreign governments. the politicians know they dropped the ball on properly regulating social media, they're sick of AI developer's bullshit excuses too, and they're working hard to do something about it and get ahead of the curve before people get hurt.
and like. besides the fact that it's extremely unfair to put so much pressure on individual cases to fix a systematic issue that's significantly larger and broader than the issue of scraped data, this is literally the way to stop AI abuse. preventative and proactive is far more important than reactionary. this is a way people can act and get involved directly.
I'm just so...annoyed every time I see people complaining that no one's doing anything about regulating AI, when there's a lot of very real and important work getting done. this is a not even slightly hopeless issue! that news is a lie! and sure, it's funny to imagine AI developers being forced to pay out millions or wipe their slates clean, but even if burning things to the ground was an option on the table (...it's probably not btws), it does nothing to address the issue that this tech exists and needs to be regulated to prevent human harm, so it's especially annoying to see so much like...triumph and gloating over lawsuits that haven't even properly begun and so little awareness of the policy work trying to break ground. gah.
also the "AI's detrimental because of fake news" complaints while engaging in apparently zero research or fact checking themselves. I'm extremely irritated over that 🤦
#like. this is an attitude issue beyond just AI im just. so annoyed.#GAH#its stupid but i really am#i think my problem is that its a merge of several subjects ik a decent amount about#so ik just enough to make my eye really twitch when i see something outlandish on them#my yell-y doc on this is turning into a fully cited paper because im seriously SO ANNOYED by the lack of fact checking#so anyways dont think that solution is currently working for me rn#SIGH#*btws if you feel like youre drowning under the information/dont know where to start#i will happily chat and share!!!#this is very literally sitting on my mind all the time#im being rly grumpy in this one post but like. i promise i get how in your face and overwhelming learning about AI can be#and i dont mean to sound disfainful at anyone who genuinely wants to learn more#this is v much me grumping at the state of the NEWS#or crowds#not individuals!!
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michael isn't inherently religious ( this tracks whether or not the aftons were raised religiously, although i don't think they would've been to a heavy extent if any ), he doesn't claim to have an idea of what might occur after death if anything, but he does spend a long while thinking that if there is such thing as an afterlife, if there is a hell, that is where he would end up. it takes so much for him to accept that he has atoned, that he deserves to rest just like everyone else does.... so when henry ( a man that was likely more faithful than michael ever was ) says he believes there is peace on the other side... that only one of them will suffer for their actions..... there's a moment before the fire where michael finally allows himself to believe it. it's finally not as difficult to accept that, despite his mistakes, he does deserve peace with the rest of them, he deserves to move on along with his siblings
#i swear to god no one say the thing when i'm trying to post a serious headcanon DHGFHD#just... yes the fact that he was willing to die is tragic but? after decades of existing between life and death? chasing down the one goal#he had left? it isn't a decision that burdens him. he's long accepted it he just had to wait until everything was done#and the idea of him finally believing that He Did Enough... Maybe They Would Forgive Him is so w a ah h hhh#⁂ ・゚: none of us belong‚ everything i do is wrong‚ and soon there will be nobody left around ➛ headcanons#beyond hcs i can't speak on the rest of the family (don't y'all fucking dare) but#michael's view on it is just. he's not religious in the sense that he's ever been attached to faith (for Various Reasons) but you know.#who the fuck is he to question things maybe there is another side maybe there isn't..he'll think about it but beyond an extent of his#already existing I Am A Bad Person thoughts and the death he's dealt with .. the rest isn't an overwhelming burden#... i don't know if or what i should tag this with i will if asked ik it can be a sensitive subject DGHDGH#death tw
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#OH BOY. i could NOT do this vtuber streaming shit like my friend#2 days in a row there are these nonsense fucking chatters and i know for a fact theres more when im not looking#like the other day somebody came in cussing abt how they didnt get a response from the company my friend is from after auditioning#and like wtf is your problem? not like my friend is in charge of that and they dont respond right away anyway#I WAS PRETTY MAD SEEING IT ACTUALLY but my friend wasnt mad at all and was patient and explained it#and gave them a kind warning and all that. friend is so much better than i am actually#and ik “its their job!” it is but my friend is naturally that nice actually. which is wild 2 mebc im not mean but im not that patient eithe#and today oh my god somebody came in and was asking a lot of stupid shit abt my friend being “recruited” and if they can get recruited too#or join the project too. first time chatter btw. asking if they can join the shit my friend is talking abt being part of#like? who the fuck are you?#AND ITS FINE TO ASK like oh is this opportunity still available for audition or joining? but they were bombarding my friend w a bunch of#stupid ass questions that look like questioning if my friend even knows what theyre talking about? pissed me off#doing that and then asking if u can get in on the stuff my friend is doing without showing that you can sing too?#oh context is its singing projects. and not my friends btw. my friend got in bc theyve got multiple singing friends and covers up#that people recognize them for. and like i said theyve done live singing competitions and have won voice acting competitions.#they worked hard for what they have and they continue to work hard every single day! on stream and off stream#so to walk in as a first time chatter and bombard my friend with questions like that.#OH MYG DO WAIT the chatter didnt even fucking know what they were asking to join#we said hypmic (RAP ANIME) and my friend said they were doing a cover w ppl. bc thats what theyre doing#and then explained the song is from an anime bc the person was asking whats hypmic. AND THE PERSON SAID anime? i thought u said its a cover#and they brought that energy more than once in a few minutes so im pissed off but my friend literally has the patience of an angel#AND THEN. THE REASON I EVEN STARTED THIS RANT. JUST NOW. SOME NEW FIRST CHATTER CAME IN while my friend was singing (recording on stream)#and I KID YOU NOT THEIR FIRST COMMENT RIGHT AWAY WAS. “wtf did i walk into” AND IS THAT NOT FUCKING RUDE AND STUPID?#THE STREAM IS TITLED RECORDING STREAM BTW. AND THEIR SECOND COMMENT? TELLING MY FRIEND TO WORK ON THEIR HIGH NOTES.#WHICH IS FINE BUT THE LINE MY FRIEND SANG WAS CLEAN? thats not one of the times i wouldve fucking said that? also who are you?#youve been here for like less than half a minute and came in with this stupid fucking attitude. MY FRIEND WAS SO NICE ABOUT THAT TOO#AND LIKE I SAID. KINDA THEIR JOB. THEYRE ALSO JUST THAT NICE ALWAYS.#like im sure my friend can handle it but also what the fuck is wrong w some of u. wheres ur fucking decency when talking to strangers#maybe im just defensive bc ive seen this friend be vulnerable and go through hard times but COME ON. YALL CANT BE DOING THAT SHIT?#maybe im just a hater. idk
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stupid how many breakdowns ive had in the time of having this acc and them all turning out fine
#the art thing? yeah they just forgot to reply to the rest and were tired#the thing i was panicking abt (ig i didnt really elaborate on here)? yeah they were just animating#it looks great btw#but seriously. im just consntantly bouncing between “oh itll be fine” and “im no one in anyones life everyone obviously likes their irls#more than some rando they met a year ago instagaram who keeps having breakdowns at the smallest things ever"#like even now im as fine as i theoretically can be but.#it almost feels like im ignoring it. because i am right in the end. no matter how little of people will admit it.#i hate it. its so stupid. haha yeah sorry i got really fucking attached to you even though you probably have 0 intrest in me in any way#shape or form. i feel jealous that im not an irl of theirs. its so fucking stupid.#im not even trying to act like its better bc ik im just gonna end up spiralling again in like 1-2 days if not a few days#in a way i feel lonely but at the same time quite literally everyone here sucks so much.#im never gonna be enough based on that fact. i want to physically rip my heart in half. i can imagine what it feels like. only issue is rib#is a pain to crack.#hey my url is semi literal.#(autosarcophagy - self canniblism. avaritia - greed. these are roughly what it means not excatly literal. but intended)#i cannot explain thw amont of refrences my url alone is. mostly bc the fandom one of the words is from is small ish and im so paranoid abt#it being found out#bc on my main. i talk abt it a good bit. hell i feel paranoid even saying we met on instagram but. i know enough ppl whos done that so.
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MAD
#ants.txt#sick. am 100% certain its a bacterial infection (uri)#dr at urgent care didnt give me jack shit.#i was hoping for a steroid shot (ikik it tanks your immune system but i have work for the rest of the week and would like to not feel like s#hit)#but whatever. but THEN#no antibiotics either. and ik many drs dont prescribe antibiotics for uris now bc of noncompliance#but i am very compliant!!! AND I HAVE SHIT!!! TO DO!!!!!!!!#GOD.#im not some fuckass whos gonna take 3 days of antibiotics and then stop when i feel better i know how this shit works!!!#looks like its me and the *******#3x a day 10 days yeah yeah yeah.#also i think i have like. four prednisones ive been hoarding for when i go to friends houses with cats#the colors of the gunk i spit out this morning are insane#theres blood in there.#it was like cement ucould set bricks with my phlegm#AND#i was going to spend all day today baking cookies for cookie boxes.#but no!! i spent four fuckinghours trying to get medical care.#and i have so much to do and no time to do it and im sick and my mom will lose her goddamn mind if i try to cook anything rn bc#then it might look like people live in our house.#despite the fact that people do in fact live in our house#shes fucking neurotic#EVEN THOUGH#EVERYONE THAT IS COMING TO OUR HOUSE TONIGHT. IS RELATED TO US.#she yelled at my dad yesterday bc he qasnt going to be home to help her ‘clean the yard’#a) as far as i am aware. we will not be exchanging presents in the yard. in fact no one will be in the yard! because its 30 fucking degrees#outside!#b) its. tge yard. in december. i dont know what the fuck kind of ‘cleaning’ you can do.#c) jesus fucking christ no one carws. literally no one fucking cares and shes going to make everyone else miserable with her.
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