#idk what im talking about. im very tired | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elmorejuniorhigh · 2 years ago

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waow. so fucking cool that both ging and mito freecss are aroace. who would have thought

#mine #hunter x hunter #hxh #mito freecss #ging freecss #i usually dont put original posts in fandom tags but. you will all witness this #this is my belief and im sticking to it #usually i kind of have to reach when i want to hc a character as aroace but this?? its all right there on the page/screen baby #also sidenote i dont really care about pariston and i didnt read the manga #ive heard there are Things in there about him and ging but you know what im gonna ignore that shit #aroace ging idgaf #it also fuckin hit me a while back that (unless im forgetting something) at least in the anime there are like. no actual canon relationships #literally the only ones i could think of were like. killuas parents. eliza and squala.#… like. the rest is very prominent subtext #as an aroace this is fuckin king shit #like a enjoy a good romance now and then but it is so refreshing to have a piece of media that so blatently does not center relationships #(like i like killugon but it is arguably Not the focus of the show)#like obv friendship is centered #and its practically canon but its not the focus #idk what im talking about. im very tired

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moeblob · 2 months ago

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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.

#my characters #haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs #in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien #and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married #but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up #and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default #since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever #and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother #so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others #and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious #and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me #or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting #and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm #he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son #which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot #like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since #in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms #but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff #compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs #and they sense each other and communicate silently #so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh #i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff #this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not

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perilegs · 1 month ago

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i'm trying to watch a trans guy critique some video game trans rep bc i'm interested in hearing more trans ppl talk about it. but he's very. i'm paraphrasing here but "why would anyone ever in a million years want their rpg character to have top surgery scars. isnt that a constant reminder to you and everyone around you about how you were born" and "you don't work on transitioning. you just need hormone treatment and possibly some--"

#i get that some trans men need to fight themselves and everyone around them to feel ''man enough'' in like a semi toxic masculinity way #but its kinda tiring to hear ngl. im sorry you feel that way and i know not having been born cis sucks and i understand your emotions but d #you have to make them my problem. like idk i feel like my transition DID take work and #personally for me my top surgery scars are a positive reminder of how far ive gotten #when i pay them any attention. which is not very often #man im just existing not analyzing every part of my body at all times #yknow. some ppl sound like they watched a bit too much of a certain youtuber who was rancid about other trans men and talked about stuff li #like how theres a mens and womens way to flip your middle finger and stuff.#sight thats so besides the point #anyways i am open to hearing opinions that differ from mine and i want to do that but some people you just dont vibe with #leevi talks #obvs no hate to this creator btw. he speaks about stuff very well but some little word choices here and there rub me the wrong way #and he has good points so far i am intrigued of what he has to say i just needed a break to bitch so i can continue #edit: no this video isnt even good. like i dont agree with bioware but he sounds like hes just on purpose misunderstanding everything #so he has more stuff to get mad about for his video #is it ragebait

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 8 months ago

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questioning sexuality is so exhausting

#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason #someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage #and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk #but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself #i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it #and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately #this isn't entirely related but it kind of is #like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know #i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are #queer stuff tag #i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as #the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing #ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded #also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him #i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know #i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever #care for me #now im rambling. sorry

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llitchilitchi · 9 months ago

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I get hating certain political systems and trying to abolish totalitarian regimes but at the same time many of them are so interwoven with our history and society they have become tropes and when I consume media with a setting where the monarchy is absolute and revered then I am playing my part and sucking that princeling off

#litchi.txt #there are games that address this kinda stuff! and thats good! its good that there are games talking about how this is bad!#but at the same time when I go into a game knowing I will be the prince's sword and shield I dont expect the game to be anti-monarchy #despite having pretty strong opinions on many a thing I tend to put most of them away the moment I engage with media #imperialism bad. monarchy bad. doesnt mean I cant enjoy roleplaying in a game where I help these systems #because guess what its fictional and not everything needs to be a strong statement about politics #sometimes we just... wanna vibe with a setting #I am so very thoroughly exhausted from the politics in this country and where things are going I just kinda need that no brainer gameplay #even if it means working as the secret police for an emperor #even if it means replacing one dictator with another #because its still a game #a lot of people talk about imperialism-monarchy-colonialism with these things because they are a big issue even today #and they are important to talk about!! in real world!!#but I rarely see people be this upset about like religion etc which like. thats also a massive problem.#idk Im just tired of trying to look at fanart of all my fantasy medieval games and people being upset that the games #are not super anti-monarchy despite the marketing being literally 'you are the emperor's bestie. you help him out and go on a quest.'#'your quest is to manipulate local government to support the emperor and do his bidding'#like idk how That is supposed to be a game that addresses it properly #and maybe it does but ig since the MC doesnt look at the player and go REMEMBER KIDS! THIS IS EVIL AND BAD AND WHY MONARCHY SUCKS #it doesnt count??? I guess???

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bandsandwristbands · 1 month ago

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Vent post

#ignore me lol #vent post #I am feeling extremely angry and frustrated and alienated #like of course I'm demotivated when I point out injustice and literally everyone just shrugs at me and tells me to get over it #“what are we gonna do about it”#put any thought into it whatsoever for starters #idk I want to give up #the same bitches that tell me not to kill myself are the same ones to vote my rights away #I hate living #I don't even get validation from participating in fan content anymore #im just anxious and feeling rejected all the time #except for like five very specific moots on here #but then I feel like a fucking failure for not knowing how to socialize or show them that I care without being weird and ugh #idk i'm tired #I feel like I put all this energy into making myself acceptable for everyone else and I go out of my way to be positive and compassionate #and then I get fuckall in return #post election blues ig #here's hoping I don't end up under a bridge #I think I would be a vastly different (better) person if everyone around me wasn't a bunch of complacent #selfish #wet blankets.#I'm getting really tired of being treated like I'm crazy for expecting better.#I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that I need to get over it or that everything will be fine #it doesn't help or mean anything #things just get harder and harder and I'm just waiting around #I'm so srs if you read this far don't try to tell me nice things #im in an evil caustic mood and I will just continue pouring negativity in return

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joelletwo · 7 months ago

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woke up at six am was still late for my orientation getting lost and found by the extremely kind grace of another attendee seeing me confused as fuck in the parking lot kjsf sat thru five hours of c suite dick sucking and ice breakers w ppl i wont be working with. go home to my injured dog sweaty as hell eat five bites of potato salad. drive to my actual job do another hour and a half of corpo modules that dont apply to my position. go to get my chickenpox booster cant. go to report to my actual boss to do actual work for a few hours shes like lol just go home its late enough so i do. sweaty as fuck again. grocery shop bc i used all my food this weekend not cooking. cook dinner. eat dinner. time to walk my old ass dog. and then i have to go to BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and im working every day this week to pack in practice so this is just what its gonna be like every day. BYE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [for a week or two]

#god i wish i could talk about this job kjhsdfg im not qualified for it AND im not doing work comparable to anyone else in this building #except my single coworker. what do i have to make conversation with lol idk their work either to ask things. nothing applies to me so far.#very funny.#very tired. very very tired. TEMPORARY #i had a coworker at last job. my beloved meow meow. who had this same long commute in the opposite direction. and i was like. WHY #im doing it for the pay kjhsfg pet store paid like shit lol. idk how she did it. or wanted to.

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deoidesign · 4 months ago

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I adore reading your rambling tags, don't stop posting things there 😩

Don't you worry. I think I might be incapable of stopping idk what happened I never used to tag ramble

#asks #anon #i do really love talking. clearly LOL #but ive also been working on listening the past few years #and thays pretty cool too #i had to learn how to think before i speak. like legitimately im not hearing the words I say #im thinking about my next sentence while i say the current one #its exhausting and i never remember what I've said HWJJJSDJEJ #but people tell me im direct and deliberate and clear so idk...#but listening is also really hard...#conversation in general is really hard #i stll love it of course #its just very tiring for me #which is PART of why I like to do this when i cant sleep cause of nightmares or whatever #tires me out haha and also is a great distraction #and is good practice! for me #so idk i just like it. and its nice to know its not annoying #i wouldn't post hardly any words at all without the safety of the tags #they're not rebloggable so thats a relief #you have to opt in to read them #the space is limited. etc etc #so. im glad it is wn option and im glad its a welcome one!#no intention to stop #thank you for the reassurance on it #delete later #maybe. I'm so tired i need to check later to see if i wnt to delete it #anxiety meds working yay i can sleep bye

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em-b-sides · 5 months ago

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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually

#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match #maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya #oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig #OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2 #amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe #wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here #i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready #oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets #i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma #my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff #so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk #i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff #also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao #k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see

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pianapplez · 11 months ago

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I'm so tired of shows that absolutely ignore the source material and feel like they straight up don't understand what's important about it, just make a different show why even bother at this point.

#pjo tv crit #atla #atla netflix #pjo #Stop it!!!!! im tired!!!#yes i am talking specifically about the pjo show and the atla live action remake #atla is great! why is there even a need to make a live action show ab it when it will very obviously #take away all the suspension of belief or disbelief idk what it's called #but basically it's gonna be a lot harder to sell a world so full of magic like that when it all looks realistic bc we /know/ water #doesnt do that etc etc #especially if the costuming and the backgrounds look cheap/very cgi-ed #just leave it! dont touch it just stop!!!!#not even gonna talk about the pjo show rick just straight up lied to us lmao #and the worst part is. im not even mad that it's not book accurate bc as long as it captures the feeling and the vibes! then i dont care!#but it absolutely does not. idk what got lost in translation tbh

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squuote · 2 years ago

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I think people should be allowed to share their distaste for certain headcanons n such without people making posts about how they’re ‘gatekeeping’. for as much as I’m a ‘do what you want’ kinda dude, I do think that includes allowing people to express why they don’t enjoy something. like most people are pretty civil bout it until you antagonize them by pointing and saying they’re ‘policing’ spaces.

#crow thoughts #sorry fandom stuff is like. kinda stressing me out a bit #and it’s kinda making me nervous to post opinions on things.#additionally I think people need to hear out minorities when it comes to things and not antagonize them #additionally if they aren’t going up to people and saying rude shit or actively posting rude shit in the tags #what does it matter if they don’t enjoy your headcanon?#like I’ve already seen four different posts all talking about fandom negativity and it’s like. just block them.#additionally maybe also don’t put those posts in the main tags? especially if the other person just posted it to their blog :-|#im not explaining this correctly. I just don’t have good experience with people who point and claim negativity #especially in the context of actual criticism about character design preferences and the treatment of certain designs #like you cannot deny that people treat fat designs very differently from skinny designs #ur not a bad dude for having a skinny design but you gotta allow people to discuss and critique things #idk I’m just tired as fuck seeing people in the main tags make longass posts about an opinion from a handful of people-#-who only posted it to their blog and not directly in the tags yknow?#if I get too anxious I’ll delete this but for now I’ll post this

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arolesbianism · 3 months ago

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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up

#rat rambles #stars posting #like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very #duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have #I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that #fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests #like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not #and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop #and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless #but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way #idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her #but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go #maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think #Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm #and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg #but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down #me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it #(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in #the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad #it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create

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tiredyke · 1 year ago

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i mean on the one hand i don’t really care if a woman wants to explain concepts in her own vernacular and make it pink and sparkly or w/e, and im not going to play respectability politics or say that women leaning into stereotypically feminine things is bad for feminism, but im also not going to argue that it doesn’t feel infantilizing and tone-deaf to explain a movie “for the girls [who are] ~too pretty~ to sit in a movie theatre” and compare war crimes to makeup and shopping. it feels very much “boy movie vs girl movie”. + no one is out here dumbing things down “for the guys” and comparing bombings to working out or something

#which i think we would all agree is a distasteful thing to do #like idk aren’t you guys tired of being talked to this way #im all for reclaiming femininity and stereotypes but calling women too conceited to watch a boys movie even as satire just isn’t cool #and im not saying she’s responsible for men treating us and perceiving us the way they do. i get that men see us as shallow and stupid #regardless of what we say or do #but to repeat it unironically is just tasteless #on purpose or not she’s just parroting what men have been saying about us for years #and playing into stereotypes that all women know how to do is shop and look pretty and wear pink #doesn’t feel very hashtag girlboss to me #neon talks #misogyny

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silverselfshippingchaos · 1 month ago

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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

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watery-melon-baller · 2 months ago

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Lads i have Fucked Up Big Time

#somehow I just. Fuckin. Forgot. That if I wanna switch my major that I have to do a bunch if shit #and I missed the deadline for it because I didn't realize that I needed to do it and also forgot to reach out about it until WAY too late #so now I can't do anything until the spring #which is also bad because I don't know what the fuck my class schedule should be!!!!!!!#advisor told me that I can talk to her after the enrollment period and schedule a meeting and we can figure out what I'm doing from there #but like. ouggggggghhg #Im so worried there's gonna be some fuckup with my schedule and I won't be able to register for enough classes to be a full time student #which would be so bad #idk should I just wait until AFTER the enrollment period??? and just have no classes???#I'm gonna try and register for a few classes so I at the very least have Something in my schedule #mainly ones for my current (old) major and a few of the new classes #because multiple classes that I need to take I can Only take them IF I'm enrolled in that major. Which I'm currently not because I'm stupid #im just stressed now and unfortunately there isn't much i can do 🥰#i don't even know which classes I should be trying to take. I can GUESS but like who the fuck knows #so i can't even try and plan out a potential schedule i just get to sit on my ass and stress #sighh. im gonna try to not think about it bc its gonna stress me out #on one hand it's tempting to blame like. idk. literally every adult i talked to because none of them actually told me #“Hey btw you actually need to go to this office and fill out this paperwork and submit it by a due date”#they were just like yeah okay u can take some classes. and then we'll figure it out later #like. i would have gone and done the shit if I knew I needed to do iT!!!!#but also I should have sat down and looked more into it to so #bleughhhhhhhh #I'm just stressed. and annoyed. at myself mainly because like. duh of course I'd have to go fill out paperwork but I just was like #“Yeah I'll talk to my advisor later” and kept pushing shit off until it was too late <3 #idk man im. so tired #hopefully it'll all work out okay and fine and i won't have the shittiest schedule on earth next semester #and hopefully the classes i need won't fill up!!!! :))))))#ahahahahahsh #im fucked man #lilac post

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spikeyjo · 3 months ago

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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks

#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here #i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly #not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO #but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it #feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website #but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth #genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff #then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time #and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello #but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why #and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job #and none of those things really apply to me #i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat #i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement #im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn #also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother #thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation #i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT #I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man #i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better #idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece #i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count #but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and #participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat #so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life #i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now #thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing #and not break my fucking ankles

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