#even if it means working as the secret police for an emperor

[llitchilitchi]

I get hating certain political systems and trying to abolish totalitarian regimes but at the same time many of them are so interwoven with our history and society they have become tropes and when I consume media with a setting where the monarchy is absolute and revered then I am playing my part and sucking that princeling off

[thessalian]

So, for the record: James Cleverly is our Home Secretary. He's in charge of things like national security, immigration policy, and law enforcement. So the day his own department announces a plan to crack down on that whole "spiking people's drinks" bullshit, this jackass is wandering around a party talking about "a bit of Rohypnol in her drink every night" is "not really illegal if it's only a little bit" and "the secret to a happy marriage is to keep your wife mildly sedated so she doesn't realise there's better men out there".

Now he's pulling the "It was just a jooooooooooke!" crap. "It was clearly intended to be ironic", was Number 10's official statement on the matter.

But the Sunday Mirror decided it was important enough to break the usual "off the record" nature of those kinds of events. The Mirror is one of the most right-wing Tory-supporting rags out there, and if they thought it deserved to be news, when it condemned the Home Secretary so much? Either they're being racist, it clearly wasn't ironic, or both.

Anyway, even "ironic" jokes about this kind of crap need to stop. I mean, honestly, nothing a politician says should be off the record anyway, because I want to know what the politicians who are supposed to be guiding the country I have to fucking live in actually believe and will do behind closed doors, not just eat whatever shit-sandwich soundbytes they want to throw at me. But the fact that he made these kinds of comments the day his own department issued a crack-down on that kind of behaviour is ... kind of telling. If he's fine to talk about spiking someone's drink in a positive way, even "as a joke", what faith do we have that he's actually going to enforce his own fucking policy? Our cops are as much bastards as cops anywhere else; we just don't see as many people die of ACAB as Americans do because not even most of our police carry guns. I am forever grateful for the handgun ban running across the board.

Anyway, this plus ... okay, I know a lot of really good people who are into Warhammer 40K. But I watch this self-confessed WH40K nerd and his immigration and national security policies and I wonder how much the "Purge the Heretics", "For the Emperor", and "Forever War" nature of that whole thing are things he looked at and went, "That's a great idea". Because given the above, he clearly doesn't understand how irony works.

[hewholivesinhisname]

Secular Hell

People have this idea that it's god who sends you to hell. a place of eternal suffering. You know, god is this big bad emperor figure and if you don't do what he says he is going to punish you.

I doubt it, that's the secular way of doing things.

In the secular world, there is no particular center in authority. There's lots of people who all want to be more powerful and because they all want to be more powerful they all come up with the same idea:

"obey or I torture you"

I mean, there's also money of course. you can bribe people too, but money is really a measure of how much social power you have accumulated based on participation in the devil's system of rulership. Rome was this way and the church which uses Jesus' word is like this.

-forever wars

-social services that never fix problems

-everything running on money with huge concentrations of money at the top

-lack of responsibility for anything anywhere

-reversal of the

-breakup of families

-images instead of reality

-poisoning the food

-destroying the environment

-addictive products and drugs

-technical progress leading to bigger and bigger weapons of mass destruction.

-prisons and concentration camps everywhere

-land ownership based on slaughter of indigenous populations and charging people high rents just to have a place to live.

-building ridiculous and enormous vanity projects for the rich.

-Usury and government bailouts for the most corrupt biggest usurers.

-child sacrifice, secret societies which abuse children

-violent gangs everywhere

-celebration of "althernative lifestyles" where people don't have children.

-pornography and weaponized sexuality meant to make people so sex crazy they can't think.

-official looking bureaucracies that make life miserable for the poor.

-MKUltra and other tactics meant to try to create invisible slaves out of everyone.

-so many laws that no one can pay attention to them all.

Therhavee are churches out there who have endeavored to try to help the homeless for example, but the secular authorities. The secular authorities destroyed all my stuff. The local police and authorities shut down the house that

In the past, well you know, you can imagine that each ethnic group might carve out it's own little space and live in peace. However, as John Carter points out "on each planet it is the same, the population increases, disagreements break out and war tears things apart" In particular all the wars lead to the advancement of bigger and bigger weapons and worse and worse tactics.

In order to try to avoid being taken over and invaded by larger powers, many smaller nations are turning to nukes such as NOrth Korea which became the ultra-dictatorship it is today thanks to the twice being invaded by Japan and America.

No one pays attention to the UN. they actually have really good ideas such as everyone working in brotherhood and ending poverty. However, thanks to overpopulation and the unwillingness to police the money system or the rich, that doesn't happen.

Ever since I've been alive, there has been nothing but conflict, chaos and the promotion of things that should not be promoted. The police who are supposedly there to protect the people are some of the worst offenders and teachers are basically there to brainwash children into being obedient to the system.

However, there's a lot of effort put into making things look nice, at least on the surface and to make things feel good as well. "if it feels good do it", in the thomas covenant chronicles, Lord Foul has 3 "ravers" who go possessing people. There's maybe a connection, honestly between excess partying all the time and evil because of course that's what evil wants you to think life is all about. Partying hard and not thinking about the consequences.

Evil rules this world, but even if it didn't quite honestly there would just a chaos underneath which evil could easily spring as people don't really seem all that interested in forming cohesive moral communities that make sense.

What's worse is that people always seem to be finding ways of shifting responsibility over to something non-human and you get the sense that all this "singularity" stuff is going to be a shield for cerateing some robot or other which the authorities will establish for ruling over everyone while the ultrarich escape to some elysium like place where they can live in "heaven" while the rest of us suffer down here.

The truth is that everything about the secular world stinks. There are endless secrets, endless complications, endless cons, endless people trying to get the better of each other. Endless fighting.

It's always going to be this way and the reason is that there's no agreement about who should be in charge and why.

You an turn to god though.

Of course, it's hard to know whether or not I am god. I freely admit that. I have a sense that I am and Anastasia Egorova, Paul Duncan and William Ho have all said that it's true without me telling them. William later retracted after he attacked me and we had a falling out, but he said he found me by opening up his ability to sense auras somehow. Even I don't know how it works.

Even if I'm not though, you can always just find a guy like me or Kevin Annette or, really any preacher who are interested in creating some kind of political community. In video games you have old dudes who will give you quests. I'll give you quests if you want them and I already have a sense of how things actually ought to be rather than the shitty way they are. If anyone else wants to work with me on that, well bully for you. If, instead you want to follow the ultra-shitty way of the secular world that's your call but don't be surprised when you find out that it's endless hellishness.

I am god though and i know deep inside that everyone is meant to obey me. It's an inner sense that I can't quite get rid of and that this obedience is a based on a form of freedom from other forms of coercion which are endless if you stay in the current culture.

They will talk endlessly about "freedom" for instance, but then give you endless ways by which you can spiral out of control, perhaps with porn or drugs or movies or whatever it is, then offer a solution which puts you deeper into the shit.

many people probably think that they will try to get to "heaven" or maybe find their own heaven, but let me tell you, if heaven was a place, then it would be constantly at war in the same way that Israel and the holy land are constantly at war. It might be nice to occupy heaven or the holy land, but if you get it through force, it's only going to be more trouble since someone else is going to steal it from you by force. Heaven is not a place, it is a state of being that manifests around me naturally.

Your purpose is to obey god, the only question you need to ask yourself is how to figure out and find who the real god is.

[cielrouge]

YA SFF Books by Black Authors 

A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow: About the strength of black sisterhood set in Portland, OR, best friends Tavi and Effie discover their true supernatural identity when Effie starts being haunted by demons from her past, and Tavia accidentally lets out her magical siren voice during a police stop.

A Chorus Rises (A Song Below Water #2) by Bethany C. Morrow: Teen influencer Naema Bradshaw is an Eloko, a person who’s gifted with a song that woos anyone who hears it. Everyone loves her — well, until she's cast as the awful person who exposed Tavia’s secret siren powers. When a new, flourishing segment of Naema’s online supporters start targeting black girls, however, Naema must discover the true purpose of her magical voice.

A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A. Brown: Inspired by West African folklore in which a grieving crown princess, Karina, and a desperate refugee, Malik, find themselves on a collision course to murder each other, despite their growing attraction.

Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor: Sunny Nwazue, an American-born albino child of Nigerian parents, moves with her family back to Nigeria, where she learns that she has latent magical powers which she and three similarly gifted friends use to catch a serial killer.

Akata Warrior (Akata Witch #2) by Nnedi Okorafor: Now stronger, feistier, and a bit older, Sunny Nwazue, along with her friends from the the Leopard Society, travel through worlds, both visible and invisible, to the mysterious town of Osisi, where they fight in a climactic battle to save humanity.

Bad Witch Burning by Jessica Lewis: For fans of Us and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina comes a witchy story full of black girl magic as one girl’s dark ability to summon the dead offers her a chance at a new life, while revealing to her an even darker future.

Beasts Made of Night by Tochi Onyebuchi: After he eats the sin of a royal, Taj, a talented aki, or sin-eater who consumes the guilt of others whose transgressions are exorcised from them by powerful but corrupt Mages, is drawn into a plot to destroy the city, and he must fight to save the princess he loves and his own life.

Beasts of Prey by Ayana Gray: Two Black teenagers, talented Beastkeeper Koffi and warrior-in-training Ekon, must trek into a magical jungle to take down an ancient creature menacing the city of Lkossa, before they become the hunted.

The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton: In the opulent world of Orléans, where Beauty is a commodity only a few control, Belle Camellia Beauregard will learn the dark secrets behind her powers, and rise up to change the world. 

A Blade So Black by L.L. McKinney: A whimsical and butt-kicking Alice in Wonderland retelling featuring a black teen heroine who battles Nightmares in the dark and terrifying dream realm known as Wonderland. 

Bleeding Violet by Dia Reeves: 16-year-old Hanna reunites with her estranged mother in an East Texas town that is haunted with doors to dimensions of the dead and protected by demon hunters called Mortmaine.

Blood Like Magic by Liselle Sambury: Set in near-future Toronto in which, after failing to come into her powers, 16-year-old Black witch Voya Thomas must choose between losing her family’s magic forever or murdering her first love.

The Bones of Ruin by Sarah Raughley: Set in Victorian England, African tightrope walker Iris cannot die; but soon gets drafted in the fight-to-the-death tournament of freaks where she learns the terrible truth of who and what she really is.

The Cost of Knowing by Brittney Morris: A gripping, evocative novel about Black teen Alex Rufus, who has the power to see into the future, and whose life turns upside down when he foresees his younger brother’s imminent death.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi: 17-year-old Zélie and companions journey to a mythic island seeking a chance to bring back magic to the land of Orïsha, in a fantasy world infused with the textures of West Africa.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance (Legacy of Orïsha #2) by Tomi Adeyemi: After battling the impossible, Zélie and Amari have finally succeeded in bringing magic back to the land of Orïsha. But with civil war looming on the horizon, Zélie finds herself at a breaking point: she must discover a way to bring the kingdom together or watch as Orïsha tears itself apart.

Cinderella Is Dead by Kalynn Bayron: 16-year-old Sophia would much rather marry Erin, her childhood best friend, than parade in front of suitors. At the ball, Sophia flees, hiding in Cinderella’s mausoleum. There, she meets Constance, the last known descendant of Cinderella and her step sisters. Together they vow to bring down the king once and for all.

The Cost of Knowing by Brittney Morris: A gripping, evocative novel about Black teen Alex Rufus, who has the power to see into the future, and whose life turns upside down when he foresees his younger brother’s imminent death.

Crown of Thunder (Beasts Made of Night #2) by Tochi Onyebuchi: Taj has escaped Kos, but Queen Karima will go to any means necessary--including using the most deadly magic--to track him down. 

A Crown So Cursed (Nightmare Verse #3) by L.L. McKinney: Alice is ready to jump into battle when she learns that someone is building an army of Nightmares to attack the mortal world, before she learns of a personal connection to Wonderland.

Daughters of Jubilation by Kara Lee Corthron: In Jim Crow South, black teen Evalene Deschamps finds her place among a family of women gifted with magical abilities, known as jubilation - a gift passed down from generations of black women since the time of slavery.

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland: The Civil War is over, but mostly because the dead rose at Gettysburg—and then started rising everywhere else. Fighting the undead is a breeze for Jane McKenne, an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. But the fight for freedom? That’s a different story.

Deathless Divide (Dread Nation #2) by Justina Ireland: After the fall of Summerland, Jane McKeene hoped her life would get simpler. But nothing is easy when you’re a girl trained in putting down the restless dead, and a devastating loss on the road to Nicodermus has Jane questioning everything she thought she knew about surviving in 1880’s America.

A Dream So Dark (Nightmare Verse #2) by L.L. McKinney: Still reeling from her recent battle (and grounded until she graduates) Alice must cross the Veil to rescue her friends and stop the Black Knight once and for all in Wonderland.

Early Departures by Justin A. Reynolds: Jamal’s best friend Q is brought back to life after a freak accident … but they only have a short time together before he will die again.  How can Jamal fix his friendship without the truth?

Fate of Flames by Sarah Raughley:  Before they can save the world from the monstrous phantoms, four girls who have the power to control the classical elements: earth, air, fire, and water must first try to figure out how to work together. 

For All Time by Shanna Miles: Tamar and Fayard, two Black teens, are fated to repeat their love story across hundreds of lifetimes, from 14th-century Mali to the distant future, as they struggle to break the cycle.

The Gilded Ones by Namina Forna: Inspired by the culture of West Africa, a feminist fantasy debut traces the experiences of 16-year-old Deka, who is invited to leave her discriminatory village to join the emperor’s army of near-immortal women warriors.

The Good Luck Girls by Charlotte Nicole Davis: The country of Arketta calls them Good Luck Girls--they know their luck is anything but. Sold to a "welcome house" as children and branded with cursed markings. When Clementine accidentally kills a man, the girls risk a dangerous escape to find freedom, justice, and revenge.

Kingdom of Souls by Rena Barron: Set in a West African-inspired fantasy kingdom, Arrah comes from a long line of powerful witchdoctors, yet fails at magic. When Arrah trade years off her life for magic to stop the Demon King from destroying the world—that is if it doesn’t kill her first.

Legacy of Light (The Effgies #3) by Sarah Raughley: After Saul’s strike on Oslo—one seemingly led by Maia herself—the Effigies’ reputation is in shambles. Belle has gone rogue, Chae Rin and Lake have disappeared, and the Sect is being dismantled and replaced by a terrifying new world order helmed by Blackwell. If the Effigies can’t put the pieces together soon, there may not be much left of the world they’ve fought so desperately to save.

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn: In this King Arthur retelling, Black teen Bree Matthews infiltrates a secret society of powerful magic wielders to find out the truth behind her mother’s untimely death.

Mem by Bethany C. Morrow: In alternate reality Montreal (1925), a young woman’s personality is the result of a startling experimental procedure, leaving her to struggle with the question of who she really is.

Miles Morales, Spider-Man by Jason Reynolds: But Miles Morales accidentally discovers a villainous teacher's plan to turn good kids bad, he will need to come to terms with his own destiny as the new Spider-man. 

Oh My Gods by Alexandra Sheppard: Half-mortal teenager Helen Thomas goes to live with her father—who is Zeus, masquerading as a university professor—and must do her best to keep the family secret intact.

The Opposite of Always by Justin A. Reynolds: After falling for Kate, her unexpected death sends Jack back in time to the moment they first met, but he soon learns that his actions have consequences when someone else close to him dies.

Orleans by Sherri L. Smith: Set in a futuristic, hostile Orleans landscape, Fen de la Guerre must deliver her tribe leader's baby over the Wall into the Outer States before her blood becomes tainted with Delta Fever. 

Nubia: Real One by L.L. McKinney & Robyn Smith: When Nubia’s best friend, Quisha, is threatened by a boy who thinks he owns the town, Nubia will risk it all—her safety, her home, and her crush on that cute kid in English class—to become the hero society tells her she isn’t.

A Phoenix First Must Burn: 16 Stories of Black Girl Magic, Resistance, and Hope edited by Patrice Caldwell: Filled with stories of love and betrayal, strength and resistance, this collection contains an array of complex and true-to-life characters in which you cannot help but see yourself reflected. Witches and scientists, sisters and lovers, priestesses and rebels.

This Poison Heart by Kalynn Bayron: In this contemporary fantasy inspired by The Secret Garden, Black teen Briseis has a gift: she can grow plants with a single touch. Up against a centuries-old curse and the deadliest plant on earth, Bri must harness her gift to protect herself and her family, when a nefarious group comes after her in search of a rare and dangerous immortality elixir.

A Psalm of Storm and Silence (A Song of Wraiths and Ruin #2) by Roseanne A. Brown: As the fabric holding Sonande together begins to tear, Malik and Karina once again find themselves torn between their duties and their desires.

A Queen of Gilded Horns (A River of Royal Blood #2) by Amanda Joy: After learning the truth of her heritage, Eva is on the run with her sister Isa as her captive, but with the Queendom of Myre on the brink of revolution, Eva and Isa must make peace with each other to save their kingdom.

Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko: In a West African-inspired empire, Tarisai is raised by The Lady and sent to kill the Crown Prince once she gains his trust. Tarisai won’t stand by and become someone’s pawn—but is she strong enough to choose a different path for herself?

Redemptor (Raybearer #2) by Jordan Ifueko: For the first time, an Empress Redemptor sits on Aritsar's throne. To appease the sinister spirits of the dead, Tarisai must now anoint a council of her own, coming into her full power as a Raybearer.

The Ravens by Danielle Page & Kass Morgan: The sisters of Kappu Rho Nu share a secret: they’re a coven of witches. For Vivi Deveraux, being one of Kappa Rho Nu’s Ravens means getting a chance to redefine herself. For Scarlett Winters, a bonafide Raven and daughter of a legacy Raven. When Vivi and Scarlett are paired as big and little for initiation, they find themselves sinking into the sinister world of blood oaths and betrayals.

Rebel Sisters (War Girls #2) by Tochi Onyebuchi: Though they are working toward common goals of helping those who suffered, Ify and Uzo are worlds apart. But when a mysterious virus breaks out among the children in the Space Colonies, their paths collide.

Reaper of Souls (Kingdom of Souls #2) by Rena Barron: After so many years yearning for the gift of magic, Arrah has the one thing she’s always wanted—at a terrible price. But the Demon King’s shadow looms closer than she thinks. And as Arrah struggles to unravel her connection to him, defeating him begins to seem more and more impossible.

A River of Royal Blood by Amanda Joy: A North African-inspired feminist fantasy in which two sisters, Eva and Isa must compete in a magical duel to the death for the right to inherit the queendom of Myre.  

Slice of Cherry by Dia Reeves: In Portero, Texas, teens Kit and Fancy Cordelle, daughters of the infamous Bonesaw Killer, bring two boys with similar tendencies to a world of endless possibilities they have discovered behind a mysterious door.

Siege of Shadows (The Effigies #2) by Sarah Raughley:  After Saul reappears with an army of soldiers with Effigy-like abilities, threatening to unleash the monstrous Phantoms, e-year-old Maia and the other Effigies hope to defeat him by discovering the source of their power over the four classical elements, but they are betrayed by the Sect and bogged down by questions about the previous Fire Effigy's murder.

The Sisters of Reckoning (The Good Luck Girls #2) by Charlotte Nicole Davis: The blockbuster sequel to an alternate Old West-set commercial fantasy adventure.

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow: Set in the near-future, in which a captive teen human and a young alien leader—bonded by their love of forbidden books and music—embark on a desperate road trip as they attempt to overturn alien rule and save humankind. 

War Girls by Tochi Onyebuchi: Set in a futuristic, Black Panther-inspired Nigeria, sisters Onyii and Ify, separated by a devastating civil war, must fight their way back to each other against all odds.

Vessel by Sarah Beth Durst: When the goddess Bayla fails to take over Liyana's body, Liyana's people abandon her in the desert to find a more worthy vessel, but she soon meets Korbyn, who says the souls of seven deities have been stolen and he needs Liyana's help to find them.

The Weight of Stars by K. Ancrum: After a horrific accident brings loners Ryann and Alexandria together, Ryann learns that Alexandria's mother is an astronaut who volunteered for a one-way trip to the edge of the solar system.

White Smoke by Tiffany D. Jackson: Black teen Marigold and her blended family move into a newly renovated, picture-perfect home in a dilapidated Midwestern city, and are haunted by what she thinks are ghosts, but might be far worse.

Wings of Ebony by J. Elle: Black teen Rue, from a poor neighborhood who, after learning she is half-human, half-goddess, must embrace both sides of her heritage to unlock her magic and destroy the racist gods poisoning her neighborhood with violence, drugs, and crime.

Witches Steeped in Gold by Ciannon Thomas: In this Jamaican-inspired fantasy debut, two witches from enemy castes—one seeking power, and one seeking revenge—will stop at nothing to overthrow the witch queen, even if it means forming an alliance with each other and unleashing chaos on their island nation.

Within These Wicked Walls by Lauren Blackwood: An Ethiopian-inspired Jane Eyre retelling in which an unlicensed debtera, or exorcist, Andromeda, is hired to rid a castle of its dangerous curses, only to fall in love with Magnus Rochester, a boy whose life hangs in the balance.

Yesterday Is History by Kosoko Jackson: Black teen Andre Cobb undergoes a liver transplant and as a side effect winds up slipping through time from present-day Boston to 1969 NYC on the eve of the Stonewall riots, delivering a story that is part romance, part gay history, and part time-travel drama, exploring how far we have and haven't come. 

[dangermousie]

Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

[midnight-the-ambitious-writer]

⭐INTRO⭐

Hiya there!! My name's Midnight (He / Him pronouns) and as my blog name implies, I am an ambitious writer at heart which means I have wayyyy too many ideas lol I've taken a liking to writing fantasy, and I love creating fantastical worlds that I can build on anywhere at any time!

Information about my WIPs + their respective characters and a place for a taglist are under the cut!

MELODIVERSE ADVENTURES (Currently working on Book 1 of 4!) Book 1, titled “Midnight and the Gift of the Melody Blade”, follows a young wolf-human hybrid named Midnight who is a barista at Sunsong Cafe, on what seems like a normal day for him. However, after mysterious arcane events ravage the city, Midnight is gifted a powerful blade that will restore the city back to normal. But, he must keep it secret from a young kid villain who wants to use the weapon for malicious benefits... Characters: Midnight (a night-demon / wolf-human hybrid), Ambrosia (a bee-human hybrid), Twilight (wolf-human hybrid), Staticlight (a night demon / wolf-human hybrid), Dev (night demon), Sophie (Nickname: Soapie, a hell hound that cleans Dev’s base of operations.) GOBLIN THEFT AUTO A misfit group of goblin criminals who have lived in their forest home for years (which seems quite far from human contact) make the bold step of getting themselves known by committing burglary and other types of crimes while on the run from the law. 

Though one of the group members, Leshi is adverse to all this, and one day goes rogue and nearly snitches on the group. Not to mention they’re all young kids so no-one can enforce the legalities of the situations.Follow their misadventures on the run from the Penwood Police Department and see the cracks that will pull their group friendship apart…

Characters: Leshi Desxia (Goblin-human hybrid), Gnilk Jatyz (Goblin-human hybrid), Cazz Gurvir (the other characters are work in progress lol) SILVER MOON SONATAS (Rough Description credit to OpenAI Playground) When Lila, a young girl, stumbles across a glowing rock in the forest, she has no idea that it will change her life forever. She soon discovers that the rock is one of the Melody Gems, and that it has the power to grant her wishes. With the help of her new friends, a friendly robot and a wolf-human hybrid, Lila sets out to find the other Melody Gems and uncover their secrets. Along the way, they must avoid anyone who wants to get their hands on the powerful rocks, and learn to work together in order to keep them safe. With the help of the Melody Gems, Lila and her friends discover the importance of friendship and working together, and that the power of the rocks should be used for good, not for evil.

STARS, BITS, AND BYTES! (Synopsis credit goes to OpenAI Playground!) Stars, Bits, and Bytes follows the adventures of two pilots (Arietta and Quintus) and two young kids (Ottava and Lyric) along their journey to a brand new world, escaping the destruction of their home planet, Terra Melodiae on their spacecraft Titania (which has a cranky AI assistant.) But they have to dodge asteroids, fight space pirates and try not to lose their way as they navigate to this new world. When they get to this new world however, they must get accustomed to the strange society that has built up there with robots and magic as far as the eye can see and very strict military force that protects the planet from invaders.  However through information passed down by the general, the group finds out that Emperor Tetrachord and his army of Silencers wants to destroy this new planet.  Even though the two kids are scared to operate the ship themselves and steer it into a great battle, Arietta and Quintus are confident. The four of them must team up and use all the skills they have to stop Emperor Tetrachord from ruining this new world and find a way back to their own home planet. Characters: Pilot Arietta (human pilot), Commander Quintus (human pilot), Ottava (human), Lyric (human), Intra (cranky AI assistant computer) (other characters are WIP)

~TAGLIST~ (Feel free to send me an ask or message, asking to be added, and I’ll add you if you wish to follow any of my WIPs!) I am really excited to get to know this writeblr community more and get my work out there to show you all!!

[wrienne]

Official Post: Writing Comeback!

I was going to post this on Twitter but realized that it became way too much text to fit in a comfortable format there. Also, since this is the revitalization of my writing and Tumblr page, I thought I might as well fuse both of them together!

This will be a semi-long but official post regarding all my writing plans. For those of you who just want the TL;DR: I haven’t abandoned any of my Ao3 stories, in fact I’ve already planned for sequels for both AHPHand DL. I’m also working on minor revisions with TET and finally writing the sequel, The Essence Prince, which I plan on posting exclusively here on Tumblr! Tumblr will also be my all-in-one hub for all my writing and art and blogging!

Firstly, about Ao3!

None of my stories on Ao3 are abandoned! I have full intention of continuing and finishing all my stories. In fact, for I have a second season planned for AHPH and a sequel to DLas well! I know it's very ambitious considering how my tempo of writing has been the last two years, but my circumstances have changed drastically since then. Not to get too personal, but I’ve wasted so much precious time and effort on people who didn’t deserve it. Although it’s regrettable, I have learned incredibly much from this experience and I feel more focused and happy than ever before!

Regarding AHPH, I feel no need to stress the actual plot and story that I have developed for it, as I want it to be a pleasant, fun and comfortable read. I don’t wanna say anything about it, not even a tease as it might disturb the reader experience and the overall narrative I’m pursuing. But there is a bigger picture to the entire story and world, which will unravel slowly but surely toward Season Two. As such, you can expect AHPH to be a very long ride!

As for DL, I have hit somewhat of a creative block in terms of the story’s pacing. However, it is not meant for a long run, and I really want to focus on finishing it as soon as possible. You can expect more familiar faces to appear in the sequel, such as Namjoon as a Sherlock-esque mastermind/private detective and Hoseok as either a chief prosecutor/lawyer or criminal psychologist. The story will be about the case that Reader cracked during her time at the police academy and made her famous among her peers!

Secondly, we’ve got my refreshed and now active Tumblr!

All my writing, whether they’re meant for Wattpad, Ao3 or original fiction, will be posted on Tumblr first! So, if you wanna get a faster look at any of them or you want the convenience of one single place where you can read everything that I write or make, you can find everything here. I wanna use Tumblr as my one-in-all hub for all my creative endeavors, making easier for both me and readers to find all keep track of all my updates and stories! And, speaking of all my creative endeavors...

Thirdly, I have not yet abandoned my dream of making webtoons! I can’t say for sure when this dream can be realized, but I’ve got two stories in the making: The Emperor’s Bride and The Dragon’s Wish. Both are based in Korean culture, mythology and history. The Emperor’s Bride is set in a pseudo-alternative Korea where the almighty tyrant and mysteriously masked Emperor seeks his first bride in a trial of one hundred women, of which one is the main character – however, she’s only joined the competition to exact her vengeance on the Emperor. The Dragon’s Wish is based in contemporary Seoul where a failing acting student is struck by a falling star and finds her destiny intertwined with a dragon – or two. Some ideas for characters for The Dragon’s Wish are already posted on Twitter!

In general, I wanna do art and draw, so outside my webtoon endeavors, you can look forward to more than just writing from me in the future!

Fourthly, I have decided to finally get back to working on The Essence Series. It’s been a complicated project to return to out of personal reasons, and I’ve also developed vastly in terms of writing since I wrote The Essence Thief. As such, I’ve been going back and forth on revisioning The Essence Thief once more, or even rewrite it completely. This has caused me mentally to keep putting the sequel on hold, which I now realize has been a horrible idea. So now instead, I have decided to simply correct any minor errors that still remain in The Essence Thief and move on to The Essence Prince! And yes, name drop for the official title of the sequel! A new face will be introduced, as the last missing piece of the OT7, and the threat of King Kwang-Jin will be dealt with as secrets crawl back to surface! I will be posting the raw firsts draft/manuscript here on Tumblr as I write them! Feedback of all kind is what I will be needing, but also the pressure and expectations from readers in order to get me to write! The final result of The Essence Prince will be a published book and sequel to The Essence Thief, so I hope you’ll be looking forward to that!

Lastly, I will be using Tumblr as a blog as well. I want to post travel and college stuff and other things unrelated to my writing and art. In regard to my previous series on my WordPress, “Writing Wednesdays”, is something that I am also considering, but let me know what you think!

Always and forever, thank you for reading! If you reached this far, I want to tell you once more how happy and fortunate I feel having so much support for my writing. It means, literally, the world to me. Thank you.

[fireemblems24]

Speaking as a Hongkonger who has friends wrongfully arrested and worse, killed, just for supporting the independence and autonomy of our homeland, I, along with many of the people I know who have played 3H, am absolutely disgusted by Edelgard's "your homeland belongs to me because it used to be a part of my country and what you think doesn't matter, so my war of conquest is justified because I say so" mindset. It also reminds me too much of the CCP for me to ever truly enjoy Edelgard's character

Add the oppression of free speech, secret police, art sanctioning, propaganda, demonising religions and religious persecution, scapegoating a minority race which led to the genocide of their people, hiding parts of history to justify yourself, a meritocracy with a dictator on the top who has all the power in the country concentrated on them and no term limit as well as being the one who chooses the successor, assassinations of people who oppose them, putting down rebellions bloodily, starving your people for a war of ego (let’s be real, the only reason why Adrestia wants Faerghus and Leicester back under their reign is because the Emperors’ ego is hurt by how certain people don’t want them to be their leaders), calling people of a foreign nation fighting for their country traitors, victim blaming all the defenders hurt by her war, experimenting on people to be used as weapons, organ harvesting of a certain oppressed race and writing out an entire nation out of history which destroys their culture because she refuses to acknowledge their sovereignty plus, you know, all the brainwashing Edelgard is doing to your character and all the other Black Eagles, I have to say, unapologetically, that I absolutely loathe her. From what I’ve heard and seen from the polls on the gaming forums in our parts of the world, Edelgard is immensely unpopular, if not the most hated character in both Hong Kong and Taiwan, and interestingly, China as they also have experience with Imperialism in WW2 unapologetically, especially since this game came out during the height of the political turmoil in HK, made me vomit. Ironically, seeing how Faerghus triumphs over Adrestia in the end despite being in shambles at the start, despite the hopelessness and the powerlessness the Blue Lions felt, how they manage to overthrow the tyrannical Cornelia (seriously, she also reminds me of Carrie Lam, the Chief Executive of HKSAR. I mean, evil incompetent puppet leader installed by the tyrannical conquerors?) by working together, AM actually brought me the hope I needed during my darkest times. (ask ends)

This is pretty serious and heavy and there’s a lot to unpack here. There’s a very good chance I’ll miss something, and I’m really underqualified to discuss some of this I feel. 

First off, I’m so disgusted about how people in power have treated China lately, turning a blind eye to atrocity after atrocity. I stand with Hong Kong, and I’m so, so sorry you’ve had to go through that. I literally can’t even imagine what that’s like. 

I can easily see why someone who’s dealt with what you have would have such an overwhelmingly negative opinion of Edelgard. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if countries who do most of the Imperializing have a better opinion of her overall and the ones who have suffered at the hands of countries doing the Imperializing have an overall more negative one. I think I remember someone saying there was some poll saying South Korea wasn’t a fan - and not at all surprised they’d react badly to her - written by the Japanese no less. And while I do feel there’s more to her character and beliefs, I feel it’s highly tainted by this very black/white portrayal of her conquering. 

But that’s quite the laundry list of accusations against Edelgard. I’m not going to touch on all of them except to say I’ve definitely seen her do some things (enabling human experimentation, scapegoating a minority race, etc . . . ), but I don’t really remember anything about art sanctioning or starving her own people. Regardless though, just her “I will enforce my enlightened beliefs on your country because I know better than you and it’s for your sake” getting portrayed straight-up and unironically is enough. You wouldn’t even really need any of those other things to have some eyebrow raising about some of the decisions IS made in the writing room about her. 

That said, I’m glad the Blue Lions route was such a powerful and uplifting story for you. I’m always amazed at the power fiction can have even though I’ve experienced it myself. The Kingdom is by far the biggest underdogs among all the players in all routes, and I’m so looking forward to the cathartic moments when I inevitably take down Cornelia and eventually triumph over the Empire too. Blue Lions going to such a dark place is going to make the victory all the sweeter and more meaningful.

I’m really glad you sent this ask, and I hope I didn’t leave anything out. It’s really amazing how much this game connects with people for better or worse.

[suburbanbeatnik]

The short and very miserable life of Napoleon II, aka the Eaglet, aka Franz, Duke of Reichstadt: PART THREE

So there’s a lot of controversy over the exact nature of Franz and Sophie’s friendship. At the time, it was was rumored they became lovers. Satirical prints of the two were even published. But I’ve browsed a few recent-ish books about the Habsburgs, and they don’t seem to think the idea of a Franz/Sophie affair holds a lot of water. However, Aubry thinks it’s possible— even probable.

He took refuge in his tenderness for his young aunt, Sophie. She was still the woman whom he preferred. Perhaps she was his only love, the one to whom he owed his first embrace and the one who best satisfied him. She had been at first nothing but an elder sister. In his empty boyhood she had given him the only warmth of friendship he had known. Become a man he had asked for more, and Sophie consented, it is said.

They saw each other everyday at the Hofburg, in the little salon belonging to the Archduchess. It was always towards evening when he was tired from his work or his horseback rides and she relaxed from duties of the court. Oftentimes they would be alone, and they would take their tea by lamplight, reading aloud or talking over the happenings of the day. Reichstadt gave Sophie his full confidence. She knew his anxieties and his bitternesses and she gave him back his courage. She would place her fingers on his forehead, and stoke his hair, which shone like silk in the dim light. He would look back at her with quiet happiness, and she would smile back at him as she sat there in a low-cut gown, the coils of her hair caught up in a veil of white lace, and around her throat a ribbon of black velvet with a pendant, which was a miniature of her father, King Maximilian of Bavaria. [Aubry pg 215]

Aubry paints a compelling picture of Sophie’s restless, clear-eyed youth, intelligence, strong will, and free, simple, natural ways, which stood out like a star against the stultifying pomposity of the Habsburg court. Not surprisingly, she hated her husband, a coarse blockhead mainly obsessed with hunting. She spent every hour she could with Franz, driving in the Prater, breakfasting together, or walking in the garden, often accompanied by Sophie’s son Franz Joseph (Sissi’s future husband). Like his father, Franz loved children and was great with them. Add his intelligence, passion, and incredible good looks, I would not blame Sophie one bit if she’d had an affair with Franz.

Aubry also points out that at Schoenbrunn, Franz’s quarters were directly above Sophie’s, and connected through “a little staircase unknown to any chamberlain.” They also spent many afternoons completely alone.

They would venture through the Tyrolian garden to the limits of the vast wooded park and on out into that smiling countryside where vineclad hills gently rise above meadows, patches of woods and cultivated fields. There they spent the most beautiful hours in their lives, talking less of the future and of glory, we may be sure, than of the present and of love. No definite information as to these meetings have survived. All that is known from authentic documents is that they were frequent in the summer of 1831. Nor is there any trace, either, in spite of careful searches, of a correspondence between Reichstadt and Sophie. The Archduchess died at an advanced age, after a checkered career. She must have taken care to leave nothing behind her. The archives of the Hofburg show only the mother, and the princess interested in questions of State. [Aubry pg 217]

Aubry then considers the contention that Sophie’s son Maximilian was actually fathered by Franz. Aubry thinks it’s at least possible, but I don’t think it is. Just look at pictures of the guy— he’s 100% Habsburg. He looks exactly like Franz Karl. The Bonaparte seed is strong; if Napoleon was Maximilian’s grandfather, you’d be able to see it somewhere. But you can’t.

Anyway, after the golden summer of 1831— probably the second happiest period of Franz’s life, after his childhood—it was all downhill from there. Very, very downhill.  

Franz’s lung issues came back with a vengeance. It didn’t help his main doctor at this point was a foppish Italian obsessed with liver ailments— he thought all of Franz’s problems stemmed from— what else?— the liver. That winter Franz became major of an infantry regiment stationed in Vienna, and distinguished himself drilling his men to perfection. Which is kind of sad, really; but that’s all he was allowed to do, be a parade-ground soldier who never got his uniform dirty. He ate little, and slept less, so eager to show that he could be a real soldier, like his father. His health plummeted, and he contracted a catarrhal fever.  The Imperial family gathered around Franz— except for Marie Louise, who was too busy back with her little court at Parma, “nibbling bonbons at the Opera.” Of course she protested her “cruel anxiety” about Franz’s welfare, but she wasn’t about to go anywhere. After all, she couldn’t think of endangering her own “precious health” journeying to Vienna.

Reichstadt must have felt the desertion keenly, but he voiced no bitterness. He had grown accustomed to suffering in silence, and those who forgot him, he tried to forget. [Aubry pg. 224.]

So, once again, Marie Louise disappointed her son. But Franz had Sophie; and he also had Prokesch back, who had happily returned after Metternich forced him to go to Bologna (Metternich didn’t trust Prokesch, and did his best to keep the two friends apart). The two men now knew the full stranglehold that Metternich had on the monarchy. Franz would not even be able to take a single trip away, not even for his health. It was do or die.

The two concocted a plan, and it was a decent one. Once he’d recovered, at winter in Vienna, he would be able to slip away from the secret police, as he had when romancing Naudine Karolyi. “He and Prokesch would reach Styria or the Tyrol in disguise and from there, taking advantage of connections which the major would try to establish in a preliminary reconnoissance, they would reach the Papal States where the Duke would ask asylum of the Pope.” Letizia Bonaparte and Lucien, who lived there comfortably, the Pope deferring to them, had money and connections. “Sheltered by the head of the Church and his grandmother, on a soil not only neutral but sacred, he would be free to complete his novitiate for the throne. Prokesch foresaw that it would be not a very long one. He predicted the fall of Louis-Phillippe in two or three years at most, and after a period of anarchy, the return of Napoleon II by agreement between France and the Powers.” [Aubry pg 232]

Alas! Metternich caught wind of the scheme, and banished Prokesch to Rome in January of 1832. What a blow this was! But the major agreed he could use the circumstances to do the agreed reconnoissance and meet in secret with Madame Mère. The two men parted with great emotion.

But this is the last time they would ever see each other. By the next summer, Franz would be dead.

* * *

After the departure of one of his only friends in the world, depression overwhelmed Franz again. It didn’t help when he received a letter from Napoleon’s last valet, Marchand, who had been trying for years to contact Franz about a few items of “sentimental value” that Napoleon had left for his son. But there was a note from Metternich on the letter, that briskly said “no attention could be paid to Marchand’s request.”

And that was it. Franz knew had no recourse. He wouldn’t even be able to get his father’s coffee service. How petty, how disgusting, how mean Metternich was! Napoleon had been dead for over a decade; why couldn’t he have one single sentimental item left to him in his will? Was it that important? That much of a matter of importance to the State, to the bloody Holy Alliance, that he couldn’t hold the same coffee cup that his father held?

And bitterness ate away at him. He was only 21, but he felt so old. He hated humanity. He hated himself. He wondered why he was still alive. Perhaps he would have been better off if he had died as a child. He had expected so much of the future— but there was nothing but the coldness and emptiness of an eternal prison.  

Despair ate at him like a worm. And he grew sick. And sicker. He coughed and sweated and grew weaker by the day. His doctor’s liver medicines did nothing, and then bleeding did less, and Metternich kept refusing to see Franz moved to a warmer climate.

The Chancellor was pleased by the turn of events, of course.  “He sent world to all the embassies, and Marshal Maison was asked to inform his government, that ‘the condition of the Duke of Reichstadt was so serious that his mother has been informed.’” [Aubry pg 244]

A pregnant Sophie, at last returned from her tour of Hungary, did her best to nurse him. “She sat down at his bedside and hushed him whenever he tried to speak. She would read aloud to him and it was she thereafter who gave him his medicines and guarded his door from any importunate intrusion.” [Aubry pg 245]

Franz still worsened. The Emperor was not present; he was detained in Trieste, and when he returned to Austria, he avoided Vienna, staying at the summer castle of Persenbeug, along with the “ninny” Ferdinand and the blockhead Franz Karl, while Francis’s wife claimed that seeing his dying grandson would have a deleterious effect on his health. Count Dietrichstein also decided to leave, on the excuse of his daughter’s confinement. Aubry says:

He must have known that Reichstadt was lost. Could he just have been an indifferent soul underneath his courtesy and his outward expressions of affectionate anxiety? He may have been. Count Maurice Dietrichstein was born a sensitive man and an artist, but life at Court had dried him up, undoubtedly leaving him in the end with the heart of a chamberlain. He forgot his former pupil at his daughter’s bedside and allowed him to die without a word of friendship. [Aubry pg 250]

For Franz, it was a slow, agonizing death march, punctuated by an an abcess in his lungs rupturing— and a final communion taken with Sophie at his side, in what Aubry compares to a “mystic marriage.” Louise arrived at last, after dithering over her departure, claiming “slight indispositions” as a reason for not leaving sooner, and then coming to Vienna via “easy stages” over the course of a fortnight. Of course, when she saw how badly off her son was, emaciated and hacking up blood, she began to cry.

There with that spectre of the hollow eyes before her she may perhaps have understood at last the true identity of that youth whom she had neglected for two years, and how guilty she had been all along toward him. She alone could have protected her child against Metternich’s policy and against himself. She could have saved him from those years of moral anguish and that tragic solitude which had ruined his health sooner and even more than any disease. That in her weakness she had lost him a throne might be excused, but however cowardly as an Empress, she might have shown herself a good mother. Vienna was her true place but she had preferred Parma with its ease, deserting the son of the greatest man in her age to sate her voluptuousness in the arms of her lover, nibble bonbons and preside over well-served dinners. [Aubry pgs 252-252]

Of course, Metternich made sure to look in on Franz while he was dying.

Through a half-open door however the Chancellor was allowed to see the patient in his bed. He gazed for a moment, then turned and walked away without a tremor, without a word of sympathy for the mother and doubtless without any remorse. [Aubry pg 255]

Franz knew he would die. “Must I end so young,” he said, “A life that is useless and without a name? Ma naissance et ma mort, voilà toute mon histoire. Entre mon berceau et ma tombe, il y a un grand zéro.” He did not quite say that on his deathbed, but it was close. Very, very close.

It took monumental efforts to keep Franz alive at this point. He was a barely breathing corpse. He could not swallow food; his throat had swollen up; his coughing seem to tear his body apart; and he could barely sup barley-water and milk. He had even been given mother’s milk at one point. His legs were swollen, and he was cold as ice. Deprived of his dearest friend Prokesch, who was meeting with Letizia and Lucien in Rome, his fellow captains in his regiment stood by his bedside.

The end came on the morning of July 21st— a thunderstorm brewed in the air, the air damp and thick and charged. He cried out— “death! I want nothing but death!” — and then— “Harness the horses! I must go to meet my father! I must embrace him once more!”

Then he whispered: “How I am suffering! When will this sad existence end?” [Aubry pg 260]

At last, he called, gasping, sweating, for his mother. (Sophie, still recovering from childbirth, was left to sleep, something which she never forgot.) Louise was brought in at the last minute, and managed to faint dead away in the middle of the room, completely prostrate on the floor. I’m imagining the priest having to step over her for his last rites, but apparently she managed to get to her knees by the bed just in time for Franz to look at her. That, one instant, and then he stopped breathing altogether.

Franz’s grandfather, back in Persenbeug, away from any inconveniently dead grandsons, called Franz’s death a possible blessing for Europe.  

As for Sophie, once the news was broken “delicately” to her…

…she lost consciousness for several hours and the attack was followed by a high fever. Her milk dried up. For several days her life was despaired of. She gradually recovered. Those who knew her thereafter no longer found the gay and simple Archduchess. All the gentleness seemed to have left her. There was a sting in everything she said. The truth was that her youth had died with Reichstadt. She was to have intrigues, love affairs, ambitions, cares of State. But she had changed in spirit, or rather she had attained in a few days the mood of her maturity, with, in her heart’s depth, a regret and a bitterness which would endure until her death, five years after the disaster of her son Maximilian. [Aubry pg 265]

* * *

And so ends my recap of Aubry’s King of Rome. Ugh, this could have been more depressing!? Anyway, I’ll write an epilogue soon explaining what happened to everyone after Franz’s death.  

Part One

Part Two 

[histoireettralala]

The Sacking of Joseph Fouché: The Dismissal (2/4)

" It is only after, on June 2, three hours after he gave this order, that he summons his ministers in Saint-Cloud, and that he abruptly and explicitly asks the Duke of Otrante if he is aware of some travels of the banker Ouvrard, and if it is him who sent him to Amsterdam. Fouché, surprised, but still far from understanding the trap he has fallen into, reacts the usual way, like every time he is surprised in flagrante delicto: just as before, under the Revolution with Chaumette, and the Directoire with Babeuf, he tries to get himself out of trouble by coldly dropping his accomplice. Ah! yes, Ouvrard! he is a pest who interferes into all sorts of things. Besides, the whole thing is completely meaningless, silly, childish! But Napoleon holds on firmly and he doesn't let him so easily elude him. "Those aren't meaningless maneuvers," he answers. "It is an extraordinary violation of duty to allow oneself to deal with the enemy behind one's sovereign back, on conditions he is ignorant of and probably won't even agree to. Ouvrard must be arrested at once." Then Fouché feels uncomfortable. That's all he needed: Ouvrard arrested! That one would let the cat out of the bag. So he tries, by all kinds of means, to dissuade the emperor from taking this action. But the emperor, who knows that now his personal policeman already "locked" the baker, only listens ironically to the one he unmasked. He now knows the true instigator of this reckless plot, and the papers seized at Ouvrard's soon unveil all of Fouché's game.

Then thunder bursts among the clouds of mistrust, for a long time gathering. The next day, a Sunday, Napoleon, after mass (although some years ago he had had the Pope arrested, he became pious again, as His Apostolic Majesty's son-in-law), summons all ministers and dignitaries of the Court for the morning reception. Only one person is missing: the Duke of Otrante. Although he is a minister, he wasn't summoned. The emperor invites his Council to take place around the table, and he asks pointblank the question: "What would you think of a minister who, abusing his position, would have, unbeknownst to his sovereign, opened communications with the enemy, started diplomatic negotiations on bases fathomed by him alone, and thus compromised the politics of the State ? What sentence is there in our Codes for such abuse of authority? " After this harsh question, the emperor looks around him, no doubt thinking that his advisers and his creatures will hurry to offer banishment or any other ignominious measure. But the ministers, although guessing at once against whom the blow is directed, shroud themselves into a painful silence. Deep down, they all approve Fouché for his forceful action in favour of peace, and, as true servants, they enjoy the bold trick he played on the autocrat. Talleyrand (who isn't Minister anymore, but who was called in this matter as an great dignitary) smiles inwardly; he remembers his own humiliation two years ago, and he revels in the embarrassment in which Napoleon and Fouché, neither of whom he likes, find themselves. Finally the Arch-Chancellor Cambacérès breaks the silence and says in a conciliating way: "It is unquestionably a fault, which deserves a severe punishment, unless the culprit was brought to make this mistake out of overzealousness." "Overzealousness!" says an angry Napoleon. He dislikes the answer, because he wants no excuse, but a harsh example, a punishment which would repress any independance. Animatedly, he tells the whole story, and asks the audience to suggest someone to replace Fouché.

Again, none of the ministers hurries to give his advice in such a thorny matter; the fear of Fouché comes, for all of them, right after the fear of Napoleon. Finally, Talleyrand, as ever in a difficult situation, finds a clever word to solve the problem. He adresses his neighbor, under his breath: "Without doubt, M. Fouché was very wrong, and I would give him a replacement, but only one: M. Fouché himself." Unhappy with his ministers whom he made, by his behaviour toward them, automatons and spineless mameluks, Napoleon adjourns the meeting and calls the Chancellor in his office: "Really, it is no use to consult these gentlemen. You see what useful proposals one can expect from them. But you can't believe I would seriously think to consult them without knowing myself what to expect. My choice is made: the Duke of Rovigo will be the Police minister." And, without the person involved being able to say whether he is ready or not to accept this unpleasant succession, the emperor greets him the very evening by this abrupt order: "You are Police minister. Make the oath, and start to work."

Fouché's dismissal instantly becomes the question of the day and public opinion immediatly sides with him. Nothing brought this double minister so many sympathies as, precisely, his resistance to boundless despotism- unsufferable by itself to the French people accustomed to freedom- from a man who rose to power thanks to the Revolution [...] All the parties, royalists, republicans, jacobins, as well as the foreign ambassadors unanimously regret, in the downfall of the last of Napoleon's ministers to have kept his independance, the obvious defeat of the idea of peace, and, even in his own palace, in his own bedroom, Napoleon finds in Marie-Louise, as once in his first wife Joséphine, a defensor of Fouché [..] Nothing voices more plainly the true state of mind of France at this time than the increase of prestige this man enjoys with the public, in the wake of his disgrace; and the new Police minister Savary sums up the impression produced by Fouché's dismissal in these words: "I believe the news of a plague wouldn't have scared more than my appointment to the Ministry." Really, what power did acquire, along the Emperor, during those last ten years, Joseph Fouché!

The echo of this impression no doubt reached Napoleon; in which way, we don't know. But, he barely chased Fouché from his position than he rushes to handle him carefully. Subsequently, the dismissal, just like the one of 1802, is presented under disguise, as to allow Fouché to be employed to other functions. To compensate the loss of the ministry, the honorific title of State Councillor is bestowed upon the Duke of Otrante, and he is made Ambassador of the French monarchy in Rome. Nothing characterizes the Emperor's state of mind, swinging between fear and anger, rebuke and gratitude, annoyance and conciliation, better than the dismissal letter, which is intended to Fouché's personal use only:

"Monsieur le Duc d'Otrante, I know all the services you provided me, and I believe in your dedication for my person and in your zeal for my service; however it is impossible for me, without failing myself, to leave you the portfolio. The position of Police Minister demands an entire and absolute trust, and this trust cannot exist since already, in important circumstances, you compromised my tranquillity and that of the State, which can't be excused, in my eyes, even by legitimate reasons. The singular way you have to envision the duties of a Police minister do not conform with the good of the State. Although I do no mistrust your attachment and your loyalty, I am yet forced to a continual overwatch which tires me and to which I cannot be held. This overwatch is required by many things you do on your own, without knowing if they conform with my will and my designs... I cannot hope that you change you way of doing, since, for several years, glaring examples and repeated evidence of my dissatisfaction didn't change you and since, satisfied with the purity of your intentions, you did not want to understand that one can do great wrong while intending to do great good. Besides, my trust in your talents and your loyalty is entire, and I wish to find opportunities to prove it to you and to use them to my service."

This letter discloses, like a secret code, the nature of the relations between Napoléon and Fouché; just carefully go over this little masterpiece to realize how, in every sentence, are opposed will and counter-will, appreciation and dislike, fear and a secret admiration. The autocrat wants a slave and is irritated to find an independant man. He wants to get rid of him, and yet he fears to make an enemy out of him. He regrets losing him while being happy to be free of this dangerous man."

Stefan Zweig- Fouché

[thelordofdarkreunion]

A List of Things the Scoundrels Are No Longer Allowed to Do

So, I have recently read “A List of Things Skippy Isn’t Allowed to Do in the Army” and “A List of Things Dr. Bright isn’t allowed to do at the SCP Foundation”, and I decided to do a version of my own.  Some of these are taken from these other two lists.  If anyone who reads this you has any ideas for the list, feel free to add them.  

The group known as the Magnificent Scoundrels has gotten a bit out of hand.  This list was compiled by Admiral Hackett of the Systems Alliance, Admiral Kelly of the GA, Fleet Admiral Hood of the UNSC, Inquisitor Vail of the Holy Inquisition, Commander Briggs of the Frontier Militia, Princess Leia of the New Republic, and Director Fury of SHIELD in order to curb the Scoundrels’ more dangerous or inappropriate behaviors.  These rules apply to all Scoundrels and their teams/crews.  

1.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call SPARTAN super soldiers “big boys”.

2.  The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for handling people who smuggle Sith holocrons.

3.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “I am in need of a new host body” within earshot of Imperial Inquisitors.

4.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bargain personnel for their “souls”.  Even if they say they can get you a good deal.

5.  Government equipment is not to be used to bootleg pornography.  

6.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to cite Kevin McCallister from Home Alone as a credible source for anti-personnel tactics in official documents.

7.  The rumor that Adam Vir wears heelies while in official dress uniform is a blatant lie.

8.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send spam emails to Ceberus.  Even if it is funny.

9.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to apply mind control devices to major political figures.

10.  Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to use time travel devices.  Especially if his reasoning is to “screw with those history nerds.”

11.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths to alter or affect the outcomes of reality based television shows.

12.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade government property for liquor.

13.  “I was bored” is not a valid excuse.

14.  The Scoundrels are not allowed to begin a crusade without the written permission of the Imperial Inquisition.

15. Thanos is not to be referred to as “Biggy T”.

16.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use fan conventions as recruitment drives.

17.  Any proposal which includes the phrase “metric fuck load” is to be denied.

18.  The video game Doom is not a credible source.

19.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to allow Starfleet red shirts to be possessed by daemons or ancient Sith Lords.

20.  When researching time travel, please refer to the work of the IMC’s ARES Division or the Starfleet, not Doctor Who, Back to the Future, or Call of Duty Zombies.

21.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to accept or use any of the following as currency:

           Your soul

           Anyone else’s soul

           Firstborn children

           Memories

��          Memes

           Blood

           Organs

           Virginity

           Ponies

           Eldritch Artifacts

22.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any communist party for any reason.  (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah.  Those guys suck.)

23.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any fascist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah.  Those guys suck too.)

24.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join the Imperial Cult, unless they are an already practicing member.  (Note from Thomas Drake- LONG LIVE OUR GLORIOUS LEADER THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MAN AND IF YOU ARE AN INQUISITOR PLEASE NOTE I HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE EMPEROR EVER.)

25.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt the Asari about how bad they are at fighting wars.

26.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, unless they brought enough for everybody.

27.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, even if they did bring enough for everyone.

28.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Volus’s as bowling pins or bowling balls.

29.  While we do not have jurisdiction over him and thus cannot prevent their sale, none of the other Scoundrels are to purchase or proquire experimental drugs from Thomas Drake.  

30.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to imply that their superior officers served in World War II.  They aren’t that old.

31.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use military vehicles to “squish” things.

32.  Surprisingly enough, or, perhaps not, considering what’s on there, downloading the entirety of 4chan into a Geth Colossus did, in fact, shut it down.  

33.  Loudspeaker systems are not to be used to broadcast the soundtracks of porno movies.

34.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to drink copious amounts of food coloring before urine tests.

35.  When operating military vehicles, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt “something I saw in a cartoon”.

36.  Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs.  They will always do it.

37.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make s’mores while on guard duty.

38.  The Illuminati are not a part of the chain of command.

39.  Pants are not optional parts of a dress uniform.

40.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.  (Note from Peter Quill- They were pretty cool though.)

41.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call medics “Dr. Feelgood” unless Feelgood is the medic’s actual last name.

42.  The God-Emperor of Mankind is not to be referred to as “Big Daddy E” or “The Lord of Bling”.

43.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take the batteries from other peoples alarm clocks.

44.  Unless you are a certified Titan Pilot, you are not allowed to pilot a Titan.

45.  Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

46.  “Challenge accepted” is not a valid excuse for anything.

47.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to claim that they are reincarnations of famous historical figures without proof.

48.  Thomas Drake is a human mercenary.  He does not possess any of the following:

          Laser eyes

          Laser nostrils

          Laser [CENSORED]

          An adamantium skeleton

          A map leading to “all of the Nazi gold”

          Mjolnir

          The Kronorium

          The Necronomicon

          The Book of Magnus

          “The touch”

          “The power”

          “The secret”

          “The 6th sense”

          The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

49.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start theological debates between members of the Imperial Cult and the Covenant.

50.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mock Stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire over how bad their aim is.  Even if their aim is bad.

51.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Jamaican vacation giveaways”. 

52.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell counterfeit Infinity Stones.

53.  Pictures of other Scoundrels in compromising positions are not to be put on the internet.  Or the extra- or holo- net.

54.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to “water” Vrul.  While they do get their energy from photosynthesis, they are not plants.

55.  The Scoundrels are not “the final bosses” of anything.

56.  The Scoundrels must try not to antagonize SPECTREs, Inquisitors, or ODSTs.

57.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

58.  There are no evil clowns living under your bed.

59.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to form press gangs.

60.  The Scoundrels are not the kings or queens of cheese.

61.  If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than 15 seconds, you are to assume you aren’t allowed to do it.

62.  Crucifixes do not ward off superior officers, and you should not test that.  

63.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on heavy machine guns.

64.  Try and keep all mockery of the press at an appropriate minimum.  

65.  You cannot imply your CO is possessed by anything.

66.  You cannot trade your CO to the Covenant.

67.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use government resources to waterproof dirty magazines.

68.  Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

69.  Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

70.  “I was drunk” is not a valid or appropriate excuse.

71.  Mandalorian armor is not part of any of our governments’ full dress uniforms.

72.  You should not yell “Kobe!” when blowing up enemy starships.  

73.  The “revolution” is not now.

74.  Unless you are in extremely dire circumstances, you are not allowed to eat your uniform.

75.  Body checking General officers is not a good idea.

76.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell police officers that belt-fed machine guns are “medicinal”.

77.  If you check the box marked “Other” on official documents, you have to fill it out.

78.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to fill prescription drug bottles with M&M’s or Mike and Ike’s.

79.  None of the Scoundrels possesses a name that, when spoken aloud, can kill.

80.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge anyone to a duel.

81.  The proper response to a briefing is not “that’s what you think”.

82.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to end official reports with Sabaton lyrics.  Or lyrics from any metal band, for that matter.

83.  The phrase “to conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not to be said.

84.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to appeal to humanity’s baser instincts on recruitment posters.

85.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to N7’s Iron Eye Soldiers Space Marines janitors anyone as “the cool kids”.

86.  None of the Scoundrels have “won the internet” and are not authorized to declare that they or any other individual or individuals have done so.  

87.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use redacted data in official reports as “mad-libs”.

88.  The following are not appropriate sources for new crew members:

          Temp agencies

          Reality show talent pools

          “Orphans”

          “Urchins”

          “Ragmuffins”

          “Those sons of bitches who I know had a stacked deck”

          Ex-girlfriends

          Ex-boyfriends

          Ex-partners of any variation whatsoever

          Forum trolls

          “Angsty teens”

89.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sneak links to Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up into official reports.

90.  None of the Scoundrels possess “voodoo powers”.

91.  “Why not?” is not a valid excuse.

92.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make masturbation jokes when in the presence of official dignitaries.

93.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play the song Thriller when in the presence of anything that could be considered a zombie, which includes but is not limited to Curse of Unbelief victims, Vrul Zombies, and Reaper Husks.

94.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “elephant sauce”.

95.  “No shirt, no shoes, no service” does not imply that undergarments are unnecessary.

96.  The following words and phrases may not be used in marching cadence:

           Budding sexuality

           Necrophilia

           I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead

           Lubrication

           Your mama

           All Marines are latent homosexuals

          Tantric yoga

          Gotterdammerung

          We’ve all got jackboots now

          Any references to squid

97.  You can’t have flashbacks to wars you weren’t in.

98.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis the world is going to end, more than once.

99.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take or place bets on what would happen if the Tyranids fought the Flood.

100.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the Enterprise’s transporters to steal things.

101.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “We fight for Mother Russia!”

102.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sing the National Anthem of the Soviet Union when entering or exiting buildings.

103.  Adam Vir is no longer allowed to claim that “PTSD is just spicy nostalgia.”

104.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and get kidnapped by the Dark Eldar.

105.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try to figure out a way to bring back the Protheans and the Forerunners so they can fight each other.

106.  Drax the Destroyer is no longer allowed to claim that he can become invisible just by standing still.

107.  Please do not confuse the primarchs of the Turian Hierarchy with the Primarchs of the Imperium of Man.

108.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to Admiral Ackbar or any other member of the Mon Calamari race as “those calamari boys”.

109.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to address their superior officers as “bro”.

110.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and sell major political figures to Trazyn the Infinite.

111.  Peter Quill is not a god.

112.  Please refrain from using nicknames when referring to the Avengers, which includes but is not limited to calling Captain America “the spangly dude”, Thor “sparky guy”, Iron Man “my homie”, and Captain Marvel “Her”.

113.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Titans as personal valets.

114.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to contact the Shadow Realm.

115.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to steal artifacts from any of the following:

          Luke Skywalker

          Shadow Revenant

          The Collector

          Trazyn the Infinite

          General Marder

          The Adeptus Mechanicus

116.  Thomas Drake is not allowed to be near any weapon capable of producing an explosive force greater than ten megatonnes.

117.  Do not ever challenge a Klingon to a duel.

118.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to flip off Force ghosts.

119.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “It’s boogaloo time!”

120.  The Scoundrels are to stop introducing A.I.’s to the teachings of the Cult Mechanicus.

121.  The Scoundrels are to stop referring to Thomas Drake as “Our Glorious Overlord.”

122.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send porn to the Shadow Broker.  This is the ninth hit on you guys we’ve had to stop.

123.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to the crewmates or superiors of any of the other Scoundrels as “extremely hot”.  Even if they are.

124.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say that they are “super gay for Loki”.

125.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pit a biotic, psyker, and Force-sensitive against each other just to “see what happens”.

126.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a resume.

127.  The Scoundrels shall not may not begin their sentences with “thou shalt not”.

128.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send videos of “the sax guy” to the Borg.

129.  Jack Cooper does not have “tons of gold” hidden somewhere on the destroyed planet of Typhon.

130.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell Jedi or Astra Telepathica recruits “You’re a wizard, Harry”.

131.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to stand in the corner and twiddle their thumbs.

132.  “YOLO” is not a valid excuse for anything.

133.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a to-do list.

134.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of Edward Richtofen from Call of Duty Zombies.  Or the experiments of any other insane fictional doctor.

135.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to throw themselves through windows “to prove that the glass is unbreakable” for any reason whatsoever.  

136.  “Because reasons” is not a viable excuse.

137.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to anyone else as “peasant” or “plebeian”.

138.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel fictional horror stories involving their families.

140.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel factual horror stories involving their families.

141.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt eldritch beings imprisoned within artifacts.

142.  Speedos are not part of formal attire.

143.  If Ciaphas Cain is telling you a story about his exploits, he is exaggerating what he did, downplaying what he did, outrageously lying about what he did, and telling the complete truth about what he did all at the same time.

144.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to sell fictional stocks to the Tesraki or Ferengi.

145.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to defraud the stock exchange.

146.  No religious deity is allowed to contradict orders from a superior officer.

147.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to dress up as each other.

148.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make pin-up calendars.  Especially of each other.

149.  Vulcan nerve pinches do not work on Chaos Space Marines.

150.  Shepard and Agent Coulson are not allowed to form a “Technically Undead Club”.

151.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to unmask members of the Mandalorian extremist cult known as ‘The Watch’.

152.  Unless you want to lose nine months pay in twenty minutes, do not play cards with Han Solo, Ciaphas Cain, John Shepard, or Thomas Drake.

153.  At all times, you should try and stay away from Revenant, Loki, and Cypher.

154.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to re-create scenes from Pulp Fiction.  

155.  Do not fake heart attacks around Dr. Krill.  The poor guy is stressed enough as is.  

156.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge Thomas Drake and Liara T’Soni to a “who knows more secrets” game.  Lord Inquisitor Hector Rex was very displeased when Drake stole the Grimoire of True Names.  (Note from Amberley Vail-  How the hell did he manage to get his hands on that?)

157.  Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to steal things from the Imperium of Man or the Jedi Order, considering the consequences of such artifacts being in the wrong hands.  (Note from Thomas Drake-  Of course.  I would never…)

158.  It is not a good idea to piss off any Scoundrel that considers themselves an information broker.

159.  Introducing the Black Templars to heavy metal was, in retrospect, a bad idea.  

160.  Any ancient alien technology should be submitted to the proper authorities, not sold on Ebay.

161.  Challenging a Klingon, Sangheili, or Drev to a duel is a horrible idea.  As already mentioned.  However, challenging a Custodian to a duel is suicidal.  

162.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Tony Stark’s nicknames for anyone.

163.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths in casinos.  

164.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start “prank wars”.

165.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell themselves or any part of themselves to Trazyn the Infinite.  

166.  Be warned.  If you challenge any of the Scoundrels to do something sexual, they will most likely do it.  

167.  Do not challenge John-117 or John Shepard to a drinking game.  They cannot get drunk.  You will die of alcohol poisoning before they’re even a little tipsy.  

168.  While several of the Scoundrels are members of highly elite military forces, none of them are members of any of the following:

          The Swiss Guard

          The 101st Airborne Division

          The Winged Hussars

          The Immortals

          Napoleon’s Imperial Guard

          The SAS

          The 62nd Red Army

           Spetznaz

          The CIA

          The KGB

169.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to kidnap penguins.

170.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on bayonets.

171.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hand over annoying journalists to the Borg.

172.  Do not ever say the phrase “What’s the worst that could happen?”

173.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold contests to see who can cause more of these rules to be created.

174.  Adam Vir is to stop bringing new alien species onboard the Omen as pets.

175.  The Scoundrels are surprisingly creative when it comes to revenge. Don’t piss them off.  

176.  Unless you are a Space Marine or Sister of Battle, “Deus Vult” is not a valid excuse.

177.  If you need upgrades to your weapons and gear, please use the engineers on your team or other government approved individuals. 

178.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to host their own version of the Hunger Games.

179.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to quote Monty Python.

180.  No matter how good they are with technology, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to get any members of the following species to upgrade their gear:

          Protheans

          Forerunners

          Necrons

          Eldar

          Rakata

181.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to summon any of the following beings to the material universe or into space ruled by any of our governments:

          The Nightbringer

           Darth Nihilus

           Lord Vitiate

           The Old Ones

           The Kwa

           The Reapers

           Deus

           The Dominion

           Any C’tan

           Any individual or entity associated with the Ruinous Powers

           Shadow Revenant

182.  If you ask them to, most of the Scoundrels will, in fact, “draw you like one of their French girls”.

183.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bring members of extremely logical-minded species to modern art museums.  

184.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to seduce diplomats.

185.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to yell “Ramming speed!” when at the controls of their starships.

186.  There is only one God-Emperor of Mankind, and none of the Scoundrels are it.

187.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Batarian soldiers as target practice.

188.  The Imperial Inquisition encourages the Scoundrels to use heretics as target practice.  

189.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to initiate random fire drills.

190.  Shepard is no longer allowed to lord his SPECTRE status over Alliance enlisted personnel or other “lesser beings”.

191.  Adam Vir is not allowed to tell fictional horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

192.  Adam Vir is not allowed to tell factual horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.  

193.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “We ride at dawn!”.

194.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pool their resources to buy any starship over a kilometer long.

195.  THE SCOUNDRELS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL STAR DESTROYERS OR ANY OTHER STARSHIP OVER A KILOMETER IN LENGTH.

196.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make clones of each other.

197.  None of the Scoundrels have holidays named after them.  (Addendum: Cain does, on the planet of Perelia.)  

198.  The Scoundrels are encouraged to stay away from the planet Perelia.

199.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to their crew as “my glorious minions”.

200.  John-117 is no longer allowed to attempt orbital reentry with nothing but his suit of armor.

201.  Do not imply that Caiphas Cain and Amberley Vail are in a relationship, because, no matter how probable it may seem, Amberley will kill you.

202.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell toasters to the Adeptus Mechanicus.  

203.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Casual Fridays”.

204.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use jetpacks.

205.  Don’t try to blackmail Drake. The last time someone tried to do this, it was with his sexual history. He laughed in their face and personally published the video on the internet.  His public approval rating then went up 30%.  

206.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of the Vault-Tech Corporation from the Fallout video game series.

207.  The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play Triumphal March whenever they enter or exit a room.  

208.  None of the Scoundrels are to be allowed anywhere near a lightsaber.  

209.  None of the Scoundrels are allowed or authorized to knight anyone. 

210.  None of the Scoundrels are allowed to edit this list.  

[five-miles-over]

Joaquin Phoenix Characters as University Students

As always, this is just a fun listicle, not designed to offend anyone. Please feel free to leave comments and/or constructive criticism below. Thank you, and without any further ado, please enjoy what some of your favorite characters would be like as students at uni! 

The characters in this list are 

• Theodore Twombly (”Her”), Arthur Fleck (”Joker”), Merrill Hess (”Signs”), Doug Holt (”Inventing the Abbotts”), Max California (”8 mm”), Ray Elwood (”Buffalo Soldiers”), Doc Sportello (”Inherent Vice”), Abbé de Coulmier (”Quills”), and Emperor Commodus (”Gladiator)

Theodore Twombly from Her

Major: Architecture or English

Honestly, he seems like a guy straight from a rom-com

Probably stuck in an unhappy relationship with a girl he’s not willing to leave because he loves her

Has such a great way with words, especially on paper

Loves the idea of creating things in his own life

It’s probably what drew him to architecture

Definitely the go-to person for writing Valentine’s day cards or breakup notes

And many guys usually come to him when they have girl problems because he just seems to understand women better.

He actually runs a secret podcast about different forms of love and what they all really mean

Arthur Fleck from Joker

Major: Elementary Education

Honestly super nice and pure

He may not have the best grades in class, but he is a pleasure to teach and professors love his attentiveness

He genuinely wants to do well in his courses, and likes to participate in class

Unashamed about doing seemingly “childish” things, like dancing in the rain or blowing bubblegum

According to his peers, it might make him a great teacher someday.

The one time he tried to go to a party, he was disgusted after one cup of beer and ended up being the designated driver

Frequently bro-zoned by girls

It’s mainly because he’s the one taking care of drunk girls in his building who can’t open their own dorm rooms.

He gets them some water, cleans up their vomit, and makes sure to drape a blanket over them so guys will stop leering at them.

Merrill Hess from Signs

Major: Physical Therapy, along with a minor in Sports Management

You’ll almost always find him wearing something athletic, whether it’s a baseball jersey or a baseball cap

This one time, he showed up to class wearing stirrups. But in his defense, he had morning drills

That being said, he is not a morning person but ends up taking 8 AM classes anyway because his games and practice take up the afternoons and evenings.

He’s on first-name basis with the barista giving him coffee every morning

If he lives close by, he usually visits his family every weekend to spend time with his nephew and niece.

Doug Holt from Inventing the Abbotts

Major: Theater Design, along with a minor in Film Studies

Small town guy and never forgets where he’s from

Has a sweetheart back home, and is very faithful to her

Brings the best homemade treats every time he comes back to campus

the hall smells of meatloaf and apple pie when he returns to his dorm after winter holiday

Usually stays out of drama as much as possible

Not afraid of hard work

You’ll find him working late in the workshop or in the auditorium, painting and building sets or placing props across the stage

Max California from 8 mm

Major: Graphic Design

The biggest Party Animal

Starts every drinking game

Is there a new bar or pub in town? He’s the first one to try it

He’s wickedly talented with his tablet and stylus

Not exactly the cleanest mouth, but he’s still great conversation

Creates his own line of pornographic comics, which are actually really hot

He sells them and actually makes a pretty good profit

Ray Elwood from Buffalo Soldiers

Major: Business Management

His catch-phrase is “Whatever you want, I can get it for you.”

Free pdfs of textbooks? Torrent movies? Liquor for your underage party?He’s got it.

Need to fix your microwave or find a present for a special someone? He knows a hack or two.

Literally the embodiment of “rules are made to be broken”

Has a really nice car, and loves to drive it fast during the night

Some call him crazy because who brings one to a university campus but, haters will hate.

Somehow manages to get pretty good grades with the least amount of studying

On certain days, he is a complete class clown but other days, he’s quiet in class

Also, don’t tell anyone, but he’s secretly sleeping with the professor’s wife

Doc Sportello from Inherent Vice

Major: Botany or Environmental Studies

Typical stoner

When he enters a room, you’ll smell him before you see him

The scent of hash is pretty strong on his clothes

But when he’s not high, he’s surprisingly the most health-conscious person

His entire stash of food is organic and all-natural

Yes, even the junk food is organic

Claims to love meditating in his room

Most likely an environmental activist on the weekends

You can find him protesting deforestation or poaching

Probably in an “open relationship” with at least three different girls

Just super chill in general; you won’t find him worrying about exams

Abbe de Coulmier from Quills

Major: a Double Degree in Theology and Nursing

Also very nice, but he is vocal about his purity

Very helpful - he might let you borrow his notes if you ever missed class due to illness

Let alone share notes, he’d offer to tutor his classmates if they told him they had trouble

Does not ever get invited to parties

Never misses 8 A.M. mass on Sundays

Probably has a quote from the Bible in his bio

Loudly criticizes his colleagues for their ways - binge drinking, partying until late hours, making crude comments about girls

Somewhat of a hypocrite - he has an erotica hidden under his pillow that he’ll read under the covers. Heaven forbid his flatmates find it.

As a nursing student, he had a surprisingly easy time in the NICU

No one understands how or why babies feel so safe around him.

Commodus from Gladiator

Major: Dramatic Arts, with a minor in Classics

Ambitious, dedicated, and talented AF

he will spare no expense to immerse himself into a role that he likes

His flatmate has probably walked in on him performing a monologue in front of the mirror

Well, it might be a monologue…or a personal confession laced with Latin words

Also sings in the shower (don’t tell anyone I told you)

Total know-it-all when it comes to Ancient Roman literature

Don’t you dare mix up Caesars in front of him, he will know and loudly correct you (after serving a very judgmental look)

Already knows which Odyssey and Illiad characters he would like to play, as well as what his dream role(s) in theater would be

You will know when he’s preparing for an audition

Shunning dairy for an entire week beforehand

He’ll be rehearsing and rehearsing to the point where someone needs to remind him that he needs to sleep

Needs a shoulder to cry on more often

Especially after an emotional scene from whatever he’s working on

Comes from an affluent family, but prefers not to talk too much about his parents

Even though everyone knows about his lineage

Fun Anecdote: He dressed up as Hercules once for Halloween, but almost got in trouble with Campus Police because his costume was a bit too authentic. They weren’t sure if he’d actually brought a dead lion to campus.

[nuttyrabbit]

Mach the Mantis Shrimp

Finally, after a year and some change of creating this character, developing him, and promising that “SOON I’ll HAVE A BIO I SWEAR”, I finally finished this motherfucker’s bio.

This is probably one of, if not the most developed character I have next to Gambit and Frost, and I can only hope that the bio reflects that. Thanks as always to @pidgeonspen​ for doing the ref sheet, helping me edit this bio, and just being a great friend in general. But enough chit-chat, the entire thing’s under the readmore

Name: Shin Shika, but changed to Mach in his late teens

Age:  20

Occupation: Bodyguard to Emperor Frost of Osakiru; head of Frost's secret police (known as the Zettoryokai), and one of four members of the Black Lotus (Frost's inner circle)

Location: Tokeydo, Osakiru

Sexuality: Bisexual (Deeply in denial about this however. Mach asserts that he's straight)

Personality: Boisterous, snarky, feisty, volatile, eager to impress -- these are all things you wouldn't expect from one in  Frost's inner circle, yet they're the perfect words to describe Mach.  A highly spirited individual, Mach is always raring to go, eager for something to do or somewhere to go; he can barely stand to sit still, even if for just a moment.

This eagerness and restlessness carries over to his constant desire to impress others and be the center of attention.  More often than not Mach puts on a veneer of confidence and toughness to convince those around him that he's "cool" and "manly", and this is reflected in just about everything he does, from the clothes he wears to the way he talks to his general "devil may care" and "I'm too cool for you"  attitudes.  Unfortunately, this attitude can be rather offputting to those around him and has frequently put him at odds with one of the other members of the Black Lotus and occasionally even with Frost himself.

It should be noted, however, that beneath this attitude and seemingly carefree persona lies many deep-rooted insecurities; Mach is uncertain who he is and what he wants out of life, doing whatever possible to distance himself from his former social status and the expectations he had lived under as "Shin".  This insecurity manifests itself as a desire to impress those around him - especially Frost - through whatever means possible. It also manifests itself as constant need to deny certain aspects of himself including his sexuality and even his belief in Frost's cause (Mach vehemently believes that Frost's cause is just and that Frost has made him "better")

It also manifests itself through what is perhaps Mach's most defining trait -- his anger.  Mach's temper is as short as it is volatile, exploding at the slightest of provocations and often accompanied by bursts of yelling and physical violence. In most cases, during bouts of extreme anger, he will relegate himself to the palace's dedicated training room, but when that is not available, he will takes his temper out on whatever's close by, whether it be a inanimate object, another person, or some instances, even himself.  Regardless, it is not uncommon to see broken glass, punctured walls, and bleeding knuckles in the wake of one of his  fits.

Partially as a result of his anger, Mach has grown to love violence, and revels in partaking in it, especially when it comes to his work. This is something he's not shy about admitting to, and will sometimes even boast about specific acts of violence he has committed, whether it be on the job or off it.  It should be noted however, that Mach doesn't like to kill, and in fact killing or seeing someone be killed greatly discomforts him.

However, beneath his snark, his eagerness to impress, and even his anger, lies a surprisingly genuine kindness. Those lucky few who manage to worm their way into Mach's life will find that the shrimp is surprisingly kind and even understanding beneath that thuggish persona, and when push comes to shove, Mach will prove that he cares, even if he attempts to say or prove otherwise.  In addition, Mach is very much a bleeding heart, and if he were to ever become romantically involved with someone, he would make very little attempt as to hide that fact, showering them in physical affection and engaging in all sorts of PDA.

The best way to describe Mach is "unsubtle"- His affections, his anger, his snarm, even his insecurities are laid bare for all around him to see, even if he thinks otherwise.

Skills: At their base Mach's powers are based around his eyes. Mach's eyes, when activated (as signified by his eyes taking on a rainbow glow), can see the "weaknesses" in people and objects, as well as let him see in the dark almost as well as he would in the daytime.  However, he can only keep this going for so long, and if he does it for too long, he gets terrible migranes and nausea.

 With time, training, and focus under Frost's guidance, Mach's powers have improved, letting him not only use them for longer periods, but also granting him new abilities as well.  These new abilities include being able to see through illusions and in some cases, through objects and obstructions.  However, to use these new abilities, he has to maintain intense concentration, and he can do this for far less time than he can his normal abilities. However, perhaps with even more intense training and consistent effort, Mach could learn to use these powers just as comfortably as his normal ones, and perhaps take them even further.

Mach is also adept at hand-to-hand combat, and his preferred style is similar to that of boxing, specifically of the "inboxing" style, relying on quick, concentrated punches to specific points on his opponent and generally overwhelming them with offense.  However, he can also (and sometimes does in the heat of anger) switch to a "slugger" style focused on just hitting them really, really hard with body blows and strikes to the head.  In addition, Mach tends to combine this style with something akin to "dirty" fighting, often mixing in headbutts, sucker punches, elbows, and other dirty tricks to get the upper hand on his opponents

In terms of non-combat skills, Mach is rather skilled in the art of interrogation--or at least insofar as using physical violence to get information of those that the Zettoryokai are sent to capture.

Hobbies:  Mach has a surprisingly limited amount of hobbies, owing both to how much he has to work, and to his need to "look cool" to others. One of these hobbies is that of video games. Mach tends to gravitate towards whatever's popular....in the West, mainly shooters and generally popular multiplayer games.  He has a fierce competitive streak and absolutely HATEs losing in these kinds of games (as the sheer amount of damaged/broken controllers and holes in his walls will attest) and is an incredibly cocky winner.   He's also a complete demon at rhythm games like Guitar Hero and especially DDR, but his need to "be cool" has resulted in him not really pursuing those...that and his tendency to break things makes those really expensive

Mach's other major hobby is exercise, and it's perhaps his favorite thing to do.  Whether it be training in the palace's dojo, doing routines in the comfort of his own home, or even getting a few reps in while waiting for something else, Mach loves to exercise. He has a huge bias towards core routines and running, but will occasionally indulge himself in weights and leg training.   He'll even try to get the other members of the Zettoryokai to spot him during his routines (they never do).

When he was younger, Mach also enjoyed indulging in more...deliquent activity: tagging walls and cars, breaking windows, the kinds of things misbegotten youth do, but owing to his position, he can't engage in those anymore...and some days he wishes he could.

Likes: Frost, working out, video games, junk food, sushi, ramen, Takeda and Penumbra (two other members of the Black Lotus who are the closest thing he has to friends), traveling (Mach doesn't realize it but he would LOVE to travel the country--and even Mobius), getting into fights.

Dislikes: "Fake" people,  his family (or at least the memory of them),  anyone who opposes Frost, killing, the idea of appearing "unmanly" or "uncool", coffee, a certain *other* member of the Zettoryokai.

Backstory:  Born Shin Shika, he was the 2nd child of the affluential Shika family. With his father being an influential business tycoon and his mother a politician, it seemed as though Shin would lead a childhood free of want, but this was sadly not the case. The golden child of the family was not the young Shin, but rather his older brother, Kyo.

It was Kyo who was constantly showered in love, attention and gifts; Kyo who was readily adored and surrounded by family and friends; Kyo whose skills and promise earned him accolades and admirers, casting an ever-growing shadow over his little brother and leaving him in the proverbial dust. As a result, for most of his childhood, Shin grew up essentially alone, perpetually unable to get his brother's or parent's attention, the few friends he made turning out to be solely after his money--or his brother's attention.  To make matters worse, his parents constantly compared him to his brother, asking the young shrimp to be "just as good" as him. And when they weren't asking him to be like his brother, they were forcing him to conform to their minimalist, "fake" way of life, all for the sake of maintaining their image.

And that was how it was for most of his youth: constantly living in the shadow of his older brother, never wanting for material goods but always wanting for one thing: attention.  But things changed--or at least seemed to, once the shrimp went to high school.  There, he came across something that would change his life forever: a band of deliquents that had gained a rather notorious reputation amongst the students and staff for being "tough", for being "cool", and most of all, for being "BAD".

Upon having a run-in with their leader, the young shrimp's life was changed forever. Looking at the leader of their pack, the shrimp saw in it everything he could have ever wanted: attention, to be "cool" like his brother was, if not cooler, and a way to spit in the face of his parents who had given him not an iota of love.  And so he did everything he could to get into this gang and soon enough, Shin found himself amongst what seemed to be the first real friends he ever had.

From then on, the shrimp finally began to enjoy his life. Engaging in shallow flings, tagging walls, smoking, getting into fights, stealing, you name it, Shin was in on it  with his new "friends".  He even managed to snag a red hoodie from a store that he'd been eyeing for months, the first piece of clothing he'd gotten that wasn't just a hand-me-down from his brother or bought for him by his parents. It was his, and in a way, so was this life.   He had finally gotten to live, and with it, had gotten the companionship, attention, and "coolness" that he had been craving all his life. It didn't matter that his parents disapproved, the most he got was a stern talking to every once in a while and a shake of the head as they immediately went back to fawning over Kyo. Even him dropping out of school earned him little more than a night of back and forth yelling.

It was all good for the up and coming punk until one fateful night: During his time in this gang, Shin had made himself a few enemies, and they saw it fit to jump him while he was with his "crew".  In an instant, Shin's so-called friends, his "crew", his companions--were running away instead of backing him up. They had been "fake" this entire time, like everyone else.   The shrimp's back was against the wall, and he was forced to take drastic measures to get out--and he did.  What was supposed to be a chance encounter turned into a tragedy as the shrimp's efforts earned  himself a victory--and the hospitalization of those involved--including the children of some very powerful people.

It finally got the shrimp's parents to pay attention--but rather than caring about his injuries or the fact he almost lost his life, they were furious with him. He had put their IMAGE on the line, he stood to ruin their reputation, his brother's reputation, and everything they were trying to do! The shrimp had clearly gone out of line in their eyes and was grounded--permanently.   Not only that, but he would be forced to attend every single social event they hosted, in the hopes of turning him into a "proper" member of society like his dear brother.

Needless to say, the shrimp HATED it. But with time, the shrimp came upon a realization. He didn't just hate his parents, or his brother, or the people that had abandoned him. No, he hated this "fake" society as a whole! Full of "fake" people with "fake" smiles putting on "fake" acts and "fake" faces just to get some more money in their pockets and to be liked by everyone. For all he knew or cared, the whole damn country was "fake", and his parents, and his brother, and every single rich conceited fucking asshole he was introduced to were part of the problem. The longer this went on, the more he wished, he *craved* for a way out, to  get back to how things were, to put these rich fucking assholes in their place.

That way out would soon make itself apparent, however, as when Shin began to actually listen to what these assholes were talking about, one name came up again and again: Frost.   They constantly spoke about him, about how he had consolidated several of the powerful Yakuza syndicates into one, how he seemed to be "conquering" the country, and even of the rumors that he wanted to become emperor of Osakiru.  The more they spoke of him, the more they spoke of his supposed plans, of his cold personality, of his desire to change things, the more the shrimp was fascinated.   This "Frost", whoever it was, intrigued him.

Once he heard whisperings of the emperor making his way to shortly outside of Tokeydo, Mach hatched a plan: he'd find this "Frost" and convince him to let him join up. It'd be just like the old days, but this time he'd take this rotten fucking country and these rotten people and burn it to the ground and show them all.

Someway, somehow, the pugilist managed to jack a motorcycle and zipped out beyond Tokeydo to find this "Frost". It took a great deal of effort and some close calls, but eventually, he found the man, or well, leopard he was looking for.  Upon asking him, however, the leopard asked the shrimp to "prove" himself in combat to test his strength. Thinking himself a professional at this point, the shrimp agreed....and was promptly made a fool of by the older, more experienced yakuza and kicked out. To make matters worse, upon leaving, he was greeted by police, who had followed the trail of the motorcycle, which had been reported stolen, and promptly arrested Shin.

His parents soon arrived, bribing the police to let him go, but doing so solely to preserve their image.  Made furious by the shrimp's escape and his constant defiance, they decided the only course of action was to quite literally lock him in his room until he could "prove" that he was better, conveniently keeping him out of sight--and of mind.

Reduced to little more than a prisoner in his own home, humiliated by the man he wished to join, something within the young shrimp broke. But instead of giving up, of throwing a fit and accepting things as they were, something else happened.  Shin found himself inspired.  He felt that deep down in his heart, he wanted--no, needed to join Frost. He needed to become a part of what he was doing, and he  needed to take these rich, fake assholes and bring them down a peg and get rid of all the "fake" shit in this country.

But most of all, he needed to become stronger to prove himself to Frost. And he had all the time in the world--and the tools to do it.  Turning his prison of a room into a makeshift dojo, the shrimp trained furiously for the next 6 months, getting into hardcore physical routines, teaching himself to box solely through the internet and movies (they weren't perfect mind you), and building up his strength in general. By the end of it all, the shrimp looked--and felt like an entirely new person.  Not only that, he saw the world around him in a new light--quite literally.  During his training, he had awoken to his Aberration- a supernatural ability, and this one allowed him to see the "weakness" in all things.

The shrimp was different, that's for sure, stronger definitely, but the question remained: was he ready?   Figuring there was only one way to find out, the shrimp once again broke out of his home and went to find the leopard. Luckily for him, the leopard had finally made his way to Tokeydo. Soon, the shrimp appeared before him once more and this time, challenged him

Shin fought ferociously, harder than he had ever fought before, pushing himself to his breaking point, but it still wasn't enough. At the end, Frost still stood victorious, and Shin was on the ground, on his back, defeated once more.  Pushing himself up to his knees, the shrimp felt himself break inside.  Why, why wasn't it enough?!? Why couldn't he do it?!? Why was he such a failure? Before he could stop himself, he brust out in tears of pure, unfettered rage, screaming about the unfairness of it all, of how he wanted so badly to join Frost, how he wanted to stick it to the "fake" assholes running this country, how he wanted to burn, burn, BURN this "fake" fucking country down to the ground and how he felt Frost was the only "real" one, the only one who could give him what he needed.

Eventually, the shouts and the tears devolved into unintelligble sobbing and screaming, and Shin closed his eyes in a vain attempt to rein them back in. But when he opened his eyes again, he saw something unusual--Frost was standing over him, offering him a hand up with a look not of disappointment or anger or mockery like he was used to from others, but of understanding.  

Helping Shin to his feet, Frost told him he saw something within the young shrimp; something that would be vital towards his goal of bringing Osakiru into an age of prosperity, of making things right again -- and that he empathized with Shin more than the young shrimp could imagine. To Shin's amazement and excitement, Frost took him in and made him not just a part of his cause, but an enforcer; Shin became the leopards personal bodyguard, and his right hand man.

Serving under Frost, Shin had finally gotten what he wanted: he was part of something he felt was "real", and playing a part in making actual, tangible changes in Osakiru. To burn down the "fake" system and with it, the "fake" people who kept it running, and replace it with something "real" -- Frost's vision. But above all else, serving the leopard brought Shin the attention, validation, understanding and compassion he had fruitlessly, desperately sought throughout his life; in their short time together, Frost was already more of a father to him than his birth family had ever been.

Eventually, Frost made his final push on Tokeydo, intending to burn it all down and build his ideal country on its ashes--with Shin in tow.  As the rich estates of the country's elite began to burn, Shin found himself back at his "home"--and face to face with his parents once more.  Instead of expressing worry about where he'd been or happiness at seeing him again, they once again treated him with that same anger, that same disappointment, that same attitude of him not being "good enough" they always had, talking about how everything had been ruined and it was his fault.

Caught up in the zeitgeist of the push, and enflamed by his parents' refusal to see him as anything more than a worse version of his brother, Shin flew into a rage, beating both of his parents to death with nothing but his bare hands, leaving their bodies in the flames and watching as his childhood home, the prison he grew up in, went up in smoke, leaving nothing but ashes behind.   He soon realized that he had not seen his brother, but truth be told, he could care less.  His family was dead, his house was gone, his past life, his "fake" life was dead. All that was left now was him--and Frost.

But it was not enough. Shin wanted his old life, his old self gone completely, and decided to change his name. No longer would he be Shin...but Mach, named for the apparent speed of his punches.

Soon after, Frost ascended to the throne of Tokeydo, turning from the country's most powerful yakuza to its sole ruler, and he did so with Mach at his side.

Upon his ascension, Frost saw to it that Mach's roles be expanded. No longer would he just be the emperor's bodyguard, but he would also become part of the Black Lotus-a group consisting of the emperor's four most trusted--and most dangerous individuals who answered to Frost directly. Yet it did not stop there, as Frost soon put Mach in charge of his newly formed secret police--known as the Zettoryokai, and with it, become Frost's foremost enforcer of his vision, getting rid of those deemed threats to the greater good of Osakiru.

And that is where Mach remains.  The shrimp continues to occupy his position as Frost's bodyguard, his confidant, and the foremost enforcer of his will, and he relishes in it.  He finally believes that he is doing something good, something "real", that he's getting rid of the "rot" that had infected Osakiru all those years, and that he's getting the attention and respect that he had deserved all this time.

Little does he know, however, of the ramifications of his actions--or of Frost's true plans for the shrimp, plans that extend even beyond the emperor's demise.

[vaguely-problematic]

if people tell you that voting is useless and what we need is a revolution, let me remind you:

the u.s. military is not to be sneezed at, nor is the national guard

police forces across the u.s. have themselves become extremely militarized. boston police rolled out their own tank in response to the boston marathon bomber. this is NOT an exception to the rule

oh yes as seen in portland etc we also have to deal with forces including homeland security, ICE, and a secret federal police force authorized by the executive office

and as seen in kenosha etc we also have civilian militias and white gunmen, almost all of whom are far-right extremists, white nationalists, or otherwise aligned with the trump administration

and, very tellingly,

at this very moment the u.s. has a pretty much open policy of brutal violence and murder against any of its own citizens whose only "crime" is being a member of a group that has everything to gain by an uprising (aka, existing while black) - also, of brutal violence and terror against both anti-murder protestors and press members who report on these matters

this is what you as a revolutionary will be facing.

so if people tell you to forget about voting in favor of an unplanned, uncoordinated "revolution" with extra "guillotine"

they are setting you up to

fail to vote and

fail at revolution and therefore

fail to change anything at all

the ONLY people who benefit from that are the very ones you'd want to overthrow in a revolution.

things would be the same as they ever were or, more likely, worse. worse, because you didn't vote for the democratic candidate and now trump is validated for another four years, which also means the gop wil take over the supreme court, etc etc.

worse, because a failed revolution gives the govt that much more excuse to crack down on us all (especially on you).

no. fuck that.

this shit is not simple. even well-coordinated, well-supplied, well-executed revolutions fail sometimes. even successful revolutions get hijacked more often than not. the damn French Revolution, itself of guillotine fame, not only failed in the long term but gave rise to the Emperor Napoleon.

we cannot afford to half-ass a revolution!

also, what's the great plan if the revolution does work? are americans supposed to spontaneously agree on a vision for the future? like we do every day, right?

this shit is not that simple. if it's not done right, it will fail!

people in the u.s. are suffering and dying right the fuck now. vote for their sake, if for no other reason. vote as if you cared. it costs you nothing.

don't stop protesting, don't stop offering mutual aid. but also, vote. and, to prepare for a revolution, study your history, ok?

study revolutions around the world, what worked, what didn't, what we can use and improve upon. study the many MANY ways a revolution can be undermined from without or betrayed by agent provacateurs from within.

study how the u.s. itself has undermined democratic revolutions all around the world in preference to a puppet govt they can control. study how succesful "communist" and "socialist" revolutions ended up with govts that have very little in common with the ideals that were sold to the uprising public (i mean, shit, look at china).

study the labor movement in the u.s. for success stories and workable strategies close to home. wonder why you didn't learn much about that in school and then study the other u.s. history your school skipped over as well. how does the u.s. operate the way it does, the way it always has, and yet project such a very different image to the world? to its own citizens?

that is step one in a successful revolution.

[senadimell]

2, 7, 30?

Ooh, my first request!

2. Favorite underrated historical figure?

Princess Taiping/ 太平公主！ I wrote a paper on her and it was really hard to find sources discussing her in her own right. She’s a Zhou and Tang-dynasty figure, the daughter of the famous Wu Zetian, known as the only female emperor in China (Zhou being the single-generation dynasty established by Wu Zetian) She’s not someone I’d emulate, but man, she lived a wild life. 

She instigated two successful coups and played politics like nobody’s business. All the while, she amassed landholdings and wealth. She was her mother’s right-hand woman: Emperor Wu* used one of the Taiping Princess’ plans to get rid of a confidante who’d gone too far by setting fire to a temple. Princess Taiping’s first husband was implicated in a failed rebellion against her mother and executed, but she was able to remarry and stay on the scene. In fact, we’re pretty sure her mother had the wife of her second husband assassinated so she could remarry him. I think it’s fascinating that she was able to stay on top during her mother’s rule, as two of her brothers were executed by her mother and two were ousted from power after being named successors. Later in her mother’s life, Taiping outmaneuvered both her mother and her mother’s head of secret police to coerce her mother into agreeing to oust him. 

Eventually, she knew winds were changing in the court and her mother was falling out of favor, so she helped convince her to abdicate the throne in favor of one of her brothers, who I will refer to as Emperor Zhongzong.

It’s kinda complicated to talk about the crazy intrigue that followed her mother’s death, because practically all of her brothers and nephew all have multiple names: birth names, ruling names, and post-humous reign titles, so it can get a little confusing. So Emperor Zhongzong (sounds like jhong-tsong) came into power and his wife, Empress Wei, was also a strong political actor. She did not want Princess Taiping wielding that much political power, and Princess Taiping had lost her most powerful backer when Wu Zetian stepped down. Empress Wei wanted her daughter, the Anle princess, to hold power in the court, and even tried to have her named crown princess and heir, something unprecedented. That didn’t work and her son Li Chongmao/later Emperor Shao was named successor instead. It’s strongly suspected that Empress Wei and the Anle princess (sounds like ahn-leh) conspired to and successfully poisoned Emperor Zhongzong. The Taiping Princess lost no time in launching a coup, and in two weeks time both Empress Wei and the Anle princess were dead. 

Li Chongmao didn't stand a chance. He was around 10-12 when this happened, and when people were still talking about who would be the new leader, she said “Everybody turns to the prime minister [princess Taiping’s brother, Li Dan, later Emperor Ruizong], little boy; this is not your seat.”** Emperor Ruizong treated Princess Taiping as a political equal and relied heavily on her advice.

Meanwhile, his son Li Longji grew in political power and prowess. She felt threatened by him, and participated in a smear campaign to limit his power. He tried to placate her appointing her supporters to  government, so the government was filled with people loyal to her. Unfortunately for her, Emperor Ruizong’s advisors still managed to convinced him to exile her. Through her connections, she was still able to maintain power in the court. 

In 712 ACE, Emperor Ruizong took a comet as a sign he was to step down (rather than eventually getting killed in the struggle between his son and sister) and announced his future abdication to his son Li Longji, temple name Emperor Xuanzong (shu-en tsong) which is how I will refer to him from now on). Aware of what this would mean for her, the Taiping Princess planned her third coup, an armed struggle to upend the soon-to-be Emperor Xuanzong, but was betrayed and discovered. She fled to a monastery, but was found three days later and permitted to commit suicide (seen as more honorable than execution). In the aftermath of the coup, all of the political leaders associated her were implicated by association and were executed or forced to commit suicide. Get this: that was all but one of the chief ministers! It took years for the state to completely appropriate her amassed landholdings and wealth.

*So Empress usually denotes a designated wife of an emperor (皇帝）. Wu Zetian went from a consort to empress regent to empress regnant, essentially. When Wu Zetian ascended the throne, she did some masterful religious and linguistic subversion to establish her legitimacy and came up with a lot of new terms and names to justify what she was doing, since it was unprecedented.  Essentially, she was the female version of Emperor, but translating the linguistic titles is complicated. 

**Sue Wiles and Lily Xiao Hong Lee “Li, Princess Taiping” Biographical Dictionary of Chinese Women, Volume II: Tang Through Ming 618 - 1644. Biographical Dictionary of Chinese Women.

7. Which time period would you like to live in?

Now. The current one. Go back too far even in the past century and I lose rights and privileges that I value, like the ability to dress as weirdly as I please, the ability to discuss issues of mental health and the #me too movement with women’s rights in general, the ability to work where I want, and the ability to openly practice religion. I would also miss conversations and changes within my own faith community about treating people of all races and backgrounds equally, church culture vs. doctrine, and attitudes towards church history.

 But if I were a time traveller and could stop in a place for a vacation, I’d love to live in the early 1900s (1900-1920) and visit major urban centers for art, music, and to witness labor conditions and activism. Alternatively, if I were a time traveller I would simply attend live showings of my favorite shows and concerts (lots of musical theatre)

30. Favorite kids/teens history books:

Most of the historical fiction I’ve read takes place in the past 100 years, and a lot of it takes place in the 30s and 40s. I do have a rule for myself that I don’t seek fiction about the Holocaust--the things here are exceptions. I tend to read survivor’s accounts instead, though I couldn’t think of many novels in for this rec. 

 Between Shades of Grey, by Ruta Sepetys--gorgeous, heart-wrenching book about a girl in Lithuania sent to a Soviet prison camp in Siberia. 

Code Name Verity and Rose Under Fire, by Elizabeth Wein--both take place during WWII. Rather brutal and play around with alternative narration styles.

The Devil’s Arithmetic, by Jane Yolen. I don’t know how to describe it. During a Passover Seder, Hannah Stern is transported back in time to 1942 Poland, during World War II. 

Anything by Gillian Bradshaw (she’s more of a ‘dump you into the history hard and let you figure things out’ kind of author, which I love--I’m trying to get my hands on A Beacon at Alexandria. She also writes historical fiction set in antiquity, which I don’t see as often.)

Flygirl, by Sherri Smith about the WASP (Women’s Airforce Service Pilots). Tackles the racism of the era as well.

The Red Umbrella, by Christina Diaz Gonzalez, about the Cuban exile after the revolution of 1959

Esperanza Rising, by Pam Muñoz Ryan, about a girl who leaves her estate in Mexico and has to live as a migrant worker in California. 

Uprising, by Margaret Peterson Haddix. This is about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire of 1911 and is a good introduction to labor issues and unions in US history. This book is almost solely responsible for why I don’t think Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them looks anything like New York at the early 20th century (yes, I know this takes place 10 years earlier, but conditions hadn’t changed all that much). 

The Lightning Tree, by Sarah Dunster (not the book of the same name by Patrick Rothfuss). This one’s a bit personal--it’s a coming-of-age story following the story of a girl of Waldensian heritage set in Utah right after the Utah War (1858) and a year after the Mountain Meadows Massacre. It’s character-driven, lyrical and subverted my expectations of what would happen. 

The Vanishing Point, by Louise Hawes. A fictionalized biography of Lavinia Fontana, a famous female artist in the Italian Renaissance. Considering how the art world is dominated by male artists, this was really neat to read, and also takes place further in the past than a lot of things I read. 

Distant Waves, by Suzanne Weyn: Probably the weirdest book here, but just fabulous. It combines spiritualism, Nikola Tesla, Houdini and Doyle, H.G. Wells and the wealthy crème de la crème of the era with the Titanic.

Non-fiction

Yankee Doodle Gals, by Amy Nathan is about the WASP and is fabulous.

Teens at War, by Allan Zullo. Ten stories of teenagers at war throughout history.

Witch-Hunt: Mysteries of the Salem Witch Trials by Marc Aronson. One of the things I realized was just how much of an anomaly the trials were, as previously courts had been denying spectral evidence as a valid source of evidence.

Night, by Elie Wiesel. A personal history of surviving the Holocaust. Here’s the thing--if you can, read both the edition before his wife translated it and compare it to her translation. Her translations soften the hard edges of the book, which isn’t something I usually want if I’m reading about the Holocaust, but have been called more true to his words.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. A moving and disturbing story about race, medical exploitation, the invention of vaccines, and poverty in the U.S. I don’t know if this counts as a teen novel, but I read it as a freshman in high school on my librarian’s recommendation.

Savage Girls and Wild Boys Does this count as children or history? It’s a history about feral children (raised by animals, etc) and other children raised in extraordinary circumstances. 

Sort of history? It’s more modern. Never Fall Down by Patricia McCormick. It’s kind of a memoir of Arn Chorn-Pond, someone who survived the Cambodian genocide of 1975-1979 and was a child soldier. It’s brutal, but I recommend it to everyone. 

This isn’t a children’s history book, but I can’t miss an opportunity to recommend it. The Rape Of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust Of World War II by Iris Chang is utterly heartbreaking. The Rape of Nanjing has hugely significant to cultural memory, and yet most people I’ve talked to in the states have never hear about it

As for children’s books, I read my copy of The Secret Soldier by Ann McGovern to death. If not for its length, it would probably be falling out of its binding by now. 

I also read my mother’s childhood copy of The Story of Helen Keller by Lorena A. Hickok over and over again (first published 1958). 

Survivor, by Allan Zullo. Compilation of stories from children who survived the Holocaust. 

The Hidden Girl, the story of Lola Rein Kaufman written between her and Lois Metzger. After her mother is killed by the Gestapo, she has to hide in a barn to survive.

OH! ETA:

Rejected Princesses: Tales of History's Boldest Heroines, Hellions, and Heretics  and Tough Mothers: Amazing Stories of History's Mightiest Matriarchs by Jason Porath are a fun way to get familiar with historical and legendary female historical figures. There is some swearing and description of all the sorts of things you can imagine have happened to historical women, but it’s organized by rating and type. 

@brightbeautifulthings I don’t know if asking automatically tags you?

[dangermousie]

Heelo mousie! Love your blog! Do you mind recommending some of your favourite Chinese BL novels or shows?

I've seen the untamed and read it. I'm currently reading heaven's official blessing and I saw the donghua. Anything other than these two?

Awww, thank you!

Novels: I am gonna be lazy and literally copy/paste the entire danmei section of my top 10 web novels post (except MXTX’s stuff since you are already reading it.) Let me know if you need help finding any of these.

Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor   antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both  as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men   always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be  friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest  parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is  also finding the middle path between their two very different  philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or  dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and  setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period  setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with  character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our   protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant,   sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s  servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as  we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and  occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named   Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers  and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both  out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely  likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two  take up farming, get involved in  the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

The Wife is First - OK, this one did not make my top 10 web novels but it’s a sweet, fun gay cottagecore fest. Our ML, a royal prince, and his spouse, a smart if delicate aristocrat, keep house, eat noodles, play with their pet tiger, make out and spoil each other rotten, while occasionally fighting battles and outwitting their court enemies. It’s so very mellow. That couple redefines low drama - they are both nice and functional and use their brains. It’s as if a nice jock and a nice nerd got together and then proceeded to be wholesome all over the place.

I mean, the set up could be dramatic - our ML the prince, lost his fight for the throne and is about to be killed. The only person who stayed loyal to him is his arranged husband the aristocrat guy who ML never treated nicely since he resented marrying him (marrying a man in that world is done to remove someone from the ability to inherit the throne.) And yet the husband stood by him not out of love but beliefs in loyalty blah blah. Anyway, he transmigrates back into the past right after their wedding night and is all “I got a second chance OMG! I don’t want the throne what is even the point? I want to live a good long life and treat the only person who stood by me really well!” And he proceeds to do so to the shock of the aristocrat who had a very unpleasant wedding night and generally can tell the man he just married would rather eat nails than be married to him. But soon enough (no seriously, it’s not many chapters at all) he believes the prince is sincere blah blah and then  they get together and they pretty much become cottagecore goals.

In terms of dramas, I only do period dramas (or novels) so I am not the person to be able to recommend any modern BLs. There is a flood of upcoming (hopefully) period BL dramas but it’s relatively thin on the ground now. The two I will recommend is Word of Honor (which is AMAZING) and Winter Begonia (which I just started watching but which owns me already.) I have a tag for both - the one for the former is huge and I cannot recommend either strongly enough. I’ve heard good things about The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, but I am not big on mysteries so haven’t watched it for myself.

In terms of the upcoming BLs, the ones I am most looking forward to are Immortality and Winner Is King, but The Society of the Four Leaves also looks promising.