#idk what im even going off about im just annoyed
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every time there's a (chain) restaurant that stops using finnish meat i die inside a bit. like. first of all your image will suffer. it's more ecological to get things made near you. you should realize that even if you don't care about anything. and yeah i barely eat meat but i do care about animal wellbeing so i'm capable of understanding that since people at large will keep eating meat, it's good to support the industry in a country where it's actually mandatory to treat your animals somewhat well and raise them in clean environments and where antibiotics are only used if an animal is sick. and not as a preventive measure so you can raise them in dirty environments. does antimicrobial resistance say nothing to you. also this is exactly why, if i had a pet, i'd be unwilling to buy them food that has meat from a country where i don't know about how the butchery works. bc it supports everyone from the animals to the consumers and their pets and whatever to have meat that's raised with prevention of diseases with the help of systematic health care work and hygiene and literally just not dumping antibiotics into poor animals in poor conditions. thats how you get e coli. my god. all that so you can get slightly cheaper ingredients. insane.
#the burden of knowledge#i try not to think about it too much#but unfortunately i have done research and listened to rants from a friend who has an education in being an animal keeper like she's#qualified to work on a farm and also she's a vet tech and insanely knowledgeable about dog and cat nutrition and also a vegan who#understands not only the finnish meat industry but that of some other places too#who is willing to explain things to me as if i were 5 years old every time i get confused by something regarding this stuff#dont get me wrong i do read like actual sources but she helps#and loves to rant about this#which. so do i. but i know less so i have less to rant about.#anyways. i get not wanting to support the meat industry but doing that where i live guarantees safe food for both pets and people alike#idk what im even going off about im just annoyed#ive seen bad takes#leevi talks
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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happy l8 valentines day ((if u saw me post this NO U DIDNT))((srry))
im feeling sick i dk krhgkiblhlb y am i thping thsi again
the og thingigiiii
#2 UNCREATIVE 2 DO USERNAMES PLSSSS#i dont rmeneber what i wrote 4 the tags uhmmmmm#t4t if u even care#this is literal konbart propaganda#kart propagana#IF ANY1 ACTUALLY KNOWS I KALL THEM THAT IDK#kart#kartkartkath mario#guys its kart propaganda OMG LIKE MY NAME WOSHSHAHHABA#im#stry bskfjgkskkg i need 2 chill#guys im going 2 start crying about them they dont leave my mind EVER#thinking about the race#or multiple races theyve done just ;;#WAAABHHHHHHH ((im bing annoying))#ANYWHO#konbart#srry kons head got cut off shes being a freakish oaf uhoh#/aff i love them#btw i use all pronouns 4 kon if u even care#IF U EVEN anywhooooooofocgoooogovovoobogohohokjjbbbbb#ok ill stop yapping#puppee art
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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Midzelink Headcanons (at 3am)
Link is a bit of an insomniac and ends up doing anything other than sleeping, does a lot of cleaning at 1am type shit
Midna is a really heavy sleeper and tends to headlock what or whoever is closest
Zelda is a decently light sleeper and half the time ends up saying awake with Link for a while before passing out again, has woken up on her couch more times than she'd like to cause of this
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Midna doesnt dream, like at all and even if she does she doesnt remember them
Zelda has really vivid dreams to the point that when she'll wake up in the morning she has a hard time distinguishing between the two for a good few minutes (gaslit by her own dreams type shit)
Link's just kinda there, doesn't remember any unless they were really weird
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Zelda and Midna are not morning ppl whatsoever, Zelda's a bit better but would rather not wake up before 10am
Link's used to being up with the sunrise so he doesn't actually remember if he is or isnt, he does pretty regularly take a nap in the middle of the day tho
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Midna can't cook for shit and was banned from using anything more than a toaster and microwave
Zelda's one of the can make really good looking food but it tastes bland as hell kind of people, do to that Link has to do all the prep work and Zelda actually cooks otherwise Link tends to burn stuff trying to multi-task
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Midna and Zelda are childhood friends troupe
Link and Midna had a enemies to lovers shit for a little bit
Zelda and Link were a forced proximity and/or they have a homie pact to cordial for the sake of Midna
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Link has a southern country accent, but not like deep south yk?
Zelda has that kinda british kinda not thing BoTW Zelda has going on but a little more subdued
#twilight princess#modern au#midzelink#late night rambles#shitpost kinda#idk i just had thoughts#i like thinking about them#side note midna is definitely a freeloader#tbh i dont even remember what i wrote at the start anymore#im in the i need to see but the brain wont shut off thing rn#very unrelated coyotes just started howling and it scared the shit out of me for a sec#i hate being in the coyote side of the countryside#theyre so loud for no reason#like if youre going to be annoying do i regularly#my autistic ass like consistency damn coyotes#moon emissary thoughts#moon's “modern” au
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I just don't understand people who feel the need to leave negative comments on fics?? You don't like the characterisation? You don't like the way things are going? You're not a fan??
That's fine! That's absolutely fine!! We all have different tastes, I get that!!
But why post a comment about it though??
Why would you say this?????? What makes you think that's okay???????
#cetbwa#fanfic#obviously theyre not happy with the way the fic went and thats fine#im working hard on accepting that people arent always going to like what i create and thats fine!!#the worst of it is like it's not even a terrible comment????#people are allowed their opinions#BUT!!!! why post that???#and that kind of language too???? like jfc#i think thats what annoyed me the most out of it tbh#idk man ive had worse comments that are far more critical about my actual writing#and the MAJORITY of comments are positive and i love all of them i really do#but i think just the language of this one fucked me off the most#why did you use a slur?? what in the world makes you think thats okay??#made me so angry#anyway sorry I'll stop complaining now#im not looking for sympathy or w/e literally just complaining#the fucking audacity#if you dont like it you dont like it!!! thats fine!!!! but dont disparage my boy danny like that jfc#r slur
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im so annoyed with everything today, i think i need some tasty food and a million hours of sleep and then I'll be back to normal
#the teacher at the first class today was so dibsjdhdhdhdhsgs 😫#like she was teaching us things that are like unrelated to the class that shes teaching so idek why she was teaching it#but also its things that we have been learning since the 1st semester and we've done them in at least 10 classes and she was acting like#this was the 1st time we were hearing about it#like oh yeah we're on the 7th semester of studying nutrition but no one bothered to tell us how many calories are in a gram of fat#and she gave us homework 'to see if we know this' like#oh yes i can make a meal plan for a child with crohns or cystic fibrosis or celiac disease or everything else we've done this semester and#all the other semesters but i guess i cant tell you what micronutrients are in this one breakfast meal#like fuck off and stick to what you're supposed to be teaching#anyway i know im getting more annoyed than i should but she was just even more annoying than usual today#like she interrupted the lesson every 5 minutes to yell at someome to be quiet i wasnt even aware there were people talking until she yelled#anyway#also my new earphones aren't working well idk why ive definitely not been mistreating them that much for them to break in less than a month#like i had my old pair for at least 4 years until the broke and i dont think the wire got cut in them like the sound was coming out weird#but there was sound coming out. in the new ones you need to hold them in a very specific angle for sound to come out#and like im careful with how i put them away so what is up with them?#my theory is that they make wired earphones shitty on purpose so that you will spend a lot of money and buy wireless#also we had said from Tuesday that we would hang out with my friends today but i guess they forgot or idk and they made other plans#(to go home and sleep) and during the weekend the one friend wont be here and next week my family will be here so we probably wont hang out#again until next year and we have exams almost immediately so we wont be hanging out much then either#also my period is supposed to come soon and i hope that it will either come today or it will wait until after Christmas#ideally it will never come ever again but we cant always get what we want#anyway im gonna go eat the rest of my μεσογειακό and go take a nap#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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Lads i have Fucked Up Big Time
#somehow I just. Fuckin. Forgot. That if I wanna switch my major that I have to do a bunch if shit#and I missed the deadline for it because I didn't realize that I needed to do it and also forgot to reach out about it until WAY too late#so now I can't do anything until the spring#which is also bad because I don't know what the fuck my class schedule should be!!!!!!!#advisor told me that I can talk to her after the enrollment period and schedule a meeting and we can figure out what I'm doing from there#but like. ouggggggghhg#Im so worried there's gonna be some fuckup with my schedule and I won't be able to register for enough classes to be a full time student#which would be so bad#idk should I just wait until AFTER the enrollment period??? and just have no classes???#I'm gonna try and register for a few classes so I at the very least have Something in my schedule#mainly ones for my current (old) major and a few of the new classes#because multiple classes that I need to take I can Only take them IF I'm enrolled in that major. Which I'm currently not because I'm stupid#im just stressed now and unfortunately there isn't much i can do 🥰#i don't even know which classes I should be trying to take. I can GUESS but like who the fuck knows#so i can't even try and plan out a potential schedule i just get to sit on my ass and stress#sighh. im gonna try to not think about it bc its gonna stress me out#on one hand it's tempting to blame like. idk. literally every adult i talked to because none of them actually told me#“Hey btw you actually need to go to this office and fill out this paperwork and submit it by a due date”#they were just like yeah okay u can take some classes. and then we'll figure it out later#like. i would have gone and done the shit if I knew I needed to do iT!!!!#but also I should have sat down and looked more into it to so#bleughhhhhhhh#I'm just stressed. and annoyed. at myself mainly because like. duh of course I'd have to go fill out paperwork but I just was like#“Yeah I'll talk to my advisor later” and kept pushing shit off until it was too late <3#idk man im. so tired#hopefully it'll all work out okay and fine and i won't have the shittiest schedule on earth next semester#and hopefully the classes i need won't fill up!!!! :))))))#ahahahahahsh#im fucked man#lilac post
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im so sorry for having opinions on sonic shipping and im not trying to like. pit the two pairings against eachother or start a ship war or whatever but based on whats actually there in the source material it really feels like sonic and knuckles were destined to be the big popular "default" gay pairing for sonic (the character) but then the timeline somehow got messed up and sonic and shadow were placed in that role instead
#maybe im just biased because i like sonknux more (to be clear i do like both i just have a preference) but like#sonic and knuckles interact more often than sonic and shadow. they have way more undeniably gay moments than sonic and shadow#sonic and shadow have a couple moments like that too but#90 percent of the time when people talk about how in love they are in certain scenes#its not actually that gay theyre just standing next to eachother and people just cant turn their shipping brains off#but with sonic and knuckles its like . knuckles blushes over sonic touching his shoulder#knuckles spends several nights in a row staring at the moon thinking about sonic and waiting for him to come home#whatever they had going on in sonic frontiers. Etc#i think part of the reason a lot of people ship sonic and shadow is because of the rivalry. but knuckles was sonics rival first?????#and the way some people talk about so/nadow makes me go ''well thats not shadow thats just knuckles in a shadow costume''#''its sonknux you want. what are you doing''#and ive even seen a bunch of people make the i love captains thing in sonic prime about son.adow?#while completely ignoring that that scene has nothing to do with shadow and was literally about knuckles??? idk its just weird to me#sonic carries knuckles multiple times and no one bats an eye#but shadow does it to sonic once and everyone goes wild about how gay they are. whats going on here#i dont think i actually wanna live in the timeline where sonknux is the most popular though. i like that people arent as annoying about it.
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i cant describe it but people just putting meryl and milly in the background of vashwood instead of just putting them front and centre in their own piece genuinely feels like im being cucked like why did u even bother
like damn maybe id like the ship more if people didnt just go "theyr so cute and soft and married aahhh so so gentle and femme and girly theyr so cyute" then the only time they draw them is like. idfk them walking in on vash and wolfwood fucking eachothers brains out like god. all talk.
#i think its the only reason i dont like the pairing like. i like them theyr cute but. idk for me theyr not romantic#and its like. really annoying when people just say they ship them but its just lip service bc they rlly wanna pretend they care#but the truth is is that ive seen maybe 3 people put milly/meryl front and centre in their own dedicated art#and it was good#ppl just dont know what to do w them#not that i do either but hey at least i dont claim to ship them#listen im not tryin 2 dictate or anything#but fr it annoys me sm when people pretend to ship them to either go 'see? i do care about women!!! (lie)' or to get them 'out of the way'#DONT SAY U SHIP THEM IF U DONTTTT FUCK STOP PRETENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#id rather u just leave them out of it like genuinely its such an insult to their characters like god#even nightow doesnt shove them to the back this much and they werent present for like 30 chapters at one point#BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WOULD BE MORE IMPACTFUL TO BRING THEM BACK IN SOME BIG REVEAL AND GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO DO#bc he respected his characters enough to not have them just bumble about in the background doing fuckall while he figured them out#so they were temporarily removed from the plot and them coming back and being Ready 2 Fucken Go was powerful it was so cool#please just respect these girls ffs stop having them be the Background Cardboard Cutout Dykes#so so so so so so annoying 2 me as a meryl and milly lover#rbs off i dont wanna start discourse#also ive talked abt this before
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anyways in 2019/2020 i went on a rampage on eurovision youtube regarding lena and maNga (nothing too wild, i was 18, but mainly just calling them out on being plain delusional and then getting called racist in return) and i still get salty maNga stans replying years later and its honestly so pathetic the more time goes by. grow up. get a hobby. who the fuck cares. you found my four year old comment and you decided to argue back.
#if you don’t know lena won 2010 for germany but turkey came second#quite a few turkish fans seen to not want to let this go and will basically bully any lena stan they see.#you see one of the biggest things re the eurofandom ebu aside is some stans do Not understand opposing music tastes#so what if someone prefers a generic swedish pop song over a balkan ballad they have a right to enjoy whatever#you’re not better for liking balkan ballads#for me sometimes they hit but often they don’t#balkan bangers on the other hand mostly hit#so what if someone prefers ukrainian folk to idk… hard rock#its in their right#nothing is essentially wrong#and so what if someone fucking enjoys joke entries#i fuvking LOVE congratulations by silvia night#not that this matters but commenting on my four year old comment about a fourteen year old victory is pathetic#get a life and go touch grass#in fact i wanna comment that but its better if i don’t respond#but yeah#they’re delusional and i hate them and by god just fucking leave me alone#it is a sure fire way to tell the off season has started#but honestly idk what will even happen next year im trying to not think about it#also maNga was great but they were not robbed lmao#also their stans are annoying mostly and maNga i think are whack politically? not that i care#eurovision#eurovision 2010
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actually i kinda wonder now if theyll put veliona into hsr or is she just sorta mixed into this seele?
#snow plays hsr#idk enough about veliona i just see her everytime i decide to start crying about seele so im just 🤔 thinking#but at this point i often wonder just how much theyll take from honkai impact and put into star rail#i feel like its going to wind up being more spin off and completely separate but what do i know im new to honkai impact#and im not even up to date with star rail#but yeah.....#its already pretty fun though seeing the parallels between bronseele for both stories (i love them sm)#but i wonder how much more#not that i can appreciate it at this point but yeah#'snow why are u posting about this here' bc im sleepy and i dont care anymore.#i wanna post more about viddygame thoughts like i used to tbh#ik i would do it on a rambling blog but#what if. i just. do it here. :)#tbh i need more hi3 friends/mutuals. im new so i have zero clue about anything but... people to annoy#ANYWAYS good night#wait veli might be separate i just dont know it works just yet#WE WILL LEARN ITS OK#im just a newbie.... the lore too big for my brain to understand but we are putting pieces together 🔍
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this isn't meant to like. make you give your opinion on Discourse™️ or anything I just wanted to ask, but I keep seeing people upset about taylor dating mr. 1975 and I can't figure out if it's bc he's a terrible person or just a greasy alcoholic 😭😭😭 do you know what's up with that guy??? like on one hand I like not knowing things about celebs and I should keep it that way. but also
i, unfortunately, do know what's up with that guy and it's that he's said something problematic about every faction of society at least once. for me i have some weird, reluctant fondness for him because he is just a train wreck and he's such a twat all the time that at least it's nondiscriminating, and i also like that when he sings about mental illness it's bc he's actually BEEN THERE and been publicly a mess bc of it and been addicted to drugs and acted like a dick, and he ACKNOWLEDGES THAT, but also at no point am i gonna jump on the 'he's an amazing person' parade bc generally he is just a sleazy idiot. it is weird watching people suddenly dragging up every single thing he's ever said to be like 'look! this is why he's bad for our tay tay!' when the running joke with matty healy is that he's just a prick. like u dont need to expose his moral fibre. u can just say he's a prick. and also as funny as the jokes are she's still a grown woman who's been around the block a few times when it comes to dating. i think she will be okay maybe
#idk that's just what i think though. like he's been cancelled more times than he has songs and yet a lot of us are still here#and he acknowledges it like there's a running gag at his live shows where he goes to say a very explosive sentence and then he gets cut off#by the band with a random song it's so funny. like he'll go 'i just think that immigrants- *LOUD GUITAR*' & i think that's a part of it too#is that a lot of people don't get that sometimes he's being ironic? he takes it too far and these days he's annoying#but idk ive seen certain instances where im like. that went over so many people's heads#idk i just dont think he's Evil and Malicious i think he's just a prick. like people can just be pricks even if they're super famous. wild#he's so fucking pretentious but he got famous for being REAL and his music has helped a lot of people because of how real it was#like i made a post a while ago about his song 'give yourself a try' and how the concept of it is literally#'life is a little bit shit to be quite honest with you and you WILL get fucked over by it and fuck yourself over but you're here anyway#so you might as well give it a go' like???? so many mental health ballads are like 'the world is So Beautiful and So Are You'#but matty healy ALWAYS has gone actually it isnt and you arent. whatever though#and i just really like that#ask#also big disclaimer that i dont have an encyclopedic knowledge of all the dumb shit matty healy has said ive just been listening#to the band for a while and have picked shit up along the way. if it turns out he's done some actually reprehensible shit that ive missed#then that's literally bc i do not actively run in 1975 circles and do not intend to ever start <3 so dont yell at me LMAO
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Need to get on top of whatever dumb fucking inferiority complex I got going on I'm tired of looking at everything about myself and going "Wow I am really sub-par." I know it's 2am but this isn't the midnight thoughts talking this is a fucking persistent curse throughout my day.
#ventings#drew up a really cute sketch and I will be honest I wanna share it at this stage sooo bad but my brain keeps telling me#that my dialogue writing is atrocious. so i guess im keeping this to myself until its lined lol#its going to take so much for me to share it and not go `sorry if this is ass haha..` BECAUSE I DONT WANNA SOUND LIKE IM FISHING#FOR COMPLEMENTS. IM NOT. I JUST GENUINELY DON'T THINK A LOT OF WHAT I COME UP WITH IS GOOD#LOL. LMAO EVEN idk im not even sad about this its kinda just pissing me off. can i not be confident in my works at least once#i think this is why i dont write a lot either. cuz id love to do it more i just constantly think what i put down is complete ass and it#demotivates me. positive comments are nice and i appreciate them sm but then my brain goes back on its bullshit#going to throw up and cry so many talented people surround me and i genuinely do not get what anyone sees in me LOL#like you can follow people who emulate the fnf style better. you can follow people who make better ship art or fics#you can follow people who are funnier. the worst is feeling like everyone around you is a moment away from realizing youre#actually worth nothing and dropping you for someone better at articulating things or who are funnier or are less annoying or#okay i just looked into the invisible camera and gave a toothy smile and a thumbs up to stop myself from crying i think#ive gone far enough into this. im going to bed#sorry everyone who sees this i promise im not normally this much of a sad bitch!#my inhibitions are just lowered cuz im tired and also all of my friends should be asleep rn so im not gonna accidentally#make people feel bad for me cuz of this. gluh. ive got shitpost doodles in the works ill be back to being goofy shortly
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this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think
#.txt#reservoir dogs -#sorry for just randomly posting clips . i was actually working on my vid i swear but then i started Thinking. and here we are.#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->#(im only sorry for the sheer amount of tags or if u disagree w/ my interpretations / headcanons. if ur just annoyed lmfao sucks to be you!)#anyways. you guys ever think abt the way orange HAS TO know white's lying to him abt his odds of survival.#bc i think abt that genuinely constantly. all the time thinking about it.#also the ''joe's gonna get you 100% again'' -> first of all . lol. second of all -> ''he was the only one i wasn't 100% on'' hello? HELLO!!#also freddy's voice here makes me feel like punching walls . like it makes me wail in anguish.#no but yeah i think abt the theme of lying & the fact some of the first lies we hear are in this scene in a way#also this part is leaning wayyy harder on headcanon but i always think. like if orange WASNT lying abt who he is. then it'd be reasonable#forhim to not know how likely he is to die and/or how blatantly larry's lying (''i'm talking days!'') but as a cop he SOOO knows he's fcked#but like . what's he gonna do. ''hey i know that's bullshit'' like obviously not and partly bc of How he knows but also bc like#you just don't argue with the only guy who's caring for you while you're seemingly on the brink of death!! LMAO#and certainly not when he's the only one telling you you'll be fine!! even if he's just bullshitting you so you don't freak out!!#I DON'T KNOW i go kinda insane about this scene . as . you can tell.#if you too are insane about this and the implications . don't worry. in several months. my fic will feed you. you will see.#idk . larry lying to and/or for him <33333333 kinda makes me go insane. kinda makes me go wild.#idk. i should be getting ready for bed rn. WHATEVER. bye. logging off. if you read all these i'm in love with you okay#i've just been turngin them around in my head like a microwave for hours so i needed to infodump or else i would explode i think
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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