#while completely ignoring that that scene has nothing to do with shadow and was literally about knuckles??? idk its just weird to me

[sonknuxadow]

im so sorry for having opinions on sonic shipping and im not trying to like. pit the two pairings against eachother or start a ship war or whatever but based on whats actually there in the source material it really feels like sonic and knuckles were destined to be the big popular "default" gay pairing for sonic (the character) but then the timeline somehow got messed up and sonic and shadow were placed in that role instead

[yourqueenb]

I thought I’d be able to write a semi coherent post expressing my thoughts on the finale and the book overall after stepping away from it for a while. But as I’ve started thinking about it again, I’ve only gotten more annoyed. So here’s some disorganized rambling on my issues with Blades 2 instead. Probably just gonna make separate posts for my thoughts as they come to me.

I feel like I should start with Valax because she’s one of the biggest reasons why I feel like this book was absolute dogshit tbh. When you create a whole new character who will eventually be instated as member of the main friend group or an LI, there’s a certain amount of prep work that has to go into establishing them as a character. That work doubles when the character starts off in opposition to the MC or other important characters. And in Valax’s case, not only did she start off simply opposing MC and what we stood for, she stole us from our home and family, forced and kept us in a vulnerable state (for a year? 2 weeks? do we even know atp?), and then violated us by quite literally trying to bleed us dry.

MC’s kidnapping and torture were the catalyst for this entire book. Yet the perpetrator doesn’t have to acknowledge anything that she did at all… Our friends can ignore and downplay what happened (even though it was apparently oh so hard without us) for the better half of the book… And worst of all, MC defaults to brushing everything off, placing trust in this person, and even going out of the way to empathize with her at every turn.

We have the option to express some anger and frustration with our friends’ treatment of us in a rushed scene in the second to last chapter of the book. But that’s where the majority of the focus goes. The only mention of Valax is MC expressing confusion about her role in things and a little bit of hurt about being “betrayed”. Yet up until that point, the writers had done nothing meaningful outside of diamond scenes to actually establish her as someone that could be trusted or become a friend, nothing to show that she could empathize with MC and the insane amount of trauma inflicted on MC and friends because of her, and nothing to prove that she was even seeking forgiveness for it in the first place.

Then to add the icing on the cake, they turn around and invoke the word “friend” in reference to Valax at every opportunity in the last chapter. They have her claiming she couldn’t hurt us. Pouting and shedding a couple of tears in what is probably the most ridiculous and melodramatic CG I’ve ever seen. And MC once again empathizing with her at every turn. Placing trust in her, protecting her, standing up for her, offering to leave her friends, family, and entire life behind to go to the Shadow realm with her.

It’s already been established that MC was basically just a tool the writers used to tell all of the other characters’ (especially Nia’s) stories. But as of now, I feel Valax far surpasses Nia in that regard. MC had to bleed, lose time that can’t be replaced, have her agency stripped from her, and ultimately suffer in silence through all of it just so Valax (a completely new character) could have her lackluster story told in scenes that you don’t even see if you don’t pay for them.

[velvet-ii]

endlessly curious about the death note utena au 👀👀👀

okay so i wanted to have some more content to show before answering this ask... and i was already working on a character lineup for artfight!

so here's the full lineup of my death note au redesigns (not including any side characters i may include later as story permits such as akio, nanami, shiori, etc.) :)

and honestly i have to stop just calling it "my death note utena au" when it has a name.. so: here's the beginnings of revolutionary girl kira!

the basic premise is literally just inserting them into the death note character roles, nothing too crazy lol

surface breakdown:

utena is light! obviously because she's the main character but also because she would probably test out the death note to see what happens (in this au, she decides to use it to "revolutionize the world" and take out perpetrators of violent crimes who never faced justice)

anthy is L (or, in this case, "rue,") because seriously who else would be L. after shutting herself out from the world to focus on a job she can do without showing her face, she's forced to show her face and work with the police to gain access to more information. she knows this isn't a typical serial killer case...

wakaba is misa! she adores utena almost to a fault after discovering her status as kira, but becomes an invaluable asset due to the shinigami eyes she got from a deal with her shinigami (shadow play girl)

touga is the captain of the kira task force and is determined to stick with it until the end, maintaining his confident persona while overlooking key details provided by rue (much to her dismay)

saionji is touga's second-in-command, although treated more like a bodyguard than a friend sometimes. since high school, he's cut his hair short to distance his resemblance to touga (which doesn't work too well since they ended up in the same profession anyway).

miki takes on matsuda's role, but often takes things too seriously rather than not seriously enough. he's by far the youngest member of the task force, and is incredibly dedicated to the kira case.

juri parallels aizawa as a voice of reason for the task force, but their characters aren't too closely tied together. juri holds a grudge against rue (and later, utena upon joining the task force) due to her belief that they're young, inexperienced, and didn't work hard enough to get here; she's often maddened by rue's often unusual tactics and plans.

in terms of changes to the main story, a lot of it is driven by the subtle changes in character relationships or motivations. for example:

utena's motivation to use the death note, while similar to light's, differs in that she only kills criminals who haven't been brought to justice-- which makes it a lot harder for anthy and the task force to ignore the message she's sending.

wakaba and utena have a more balanced relationship than light and misa do in the original show-- utena still considers her a liability, and wakaba's actions lead to some unfortunate circumstances, but i want her to have a complete character arc (unlike misa's complete shafting in the show. pissed me off)

obviously, since touga isn't utena's dad, utena's gonna have to figure out some other way to get access to police records and land herself a spot on the task force.

utenanthy endgame. dont even worry

the themes established in utena (for example, the effects of misogyny and the meaning of revolution) will make a big effect on how the story changes from death note as well! i want to stay faithful to both source materials in a way that's productive.

if this ever gets written/created in some form, the story's gonna veer away from following the death note storyline at the end of L's arc. i have something completely different planned for those scenes that changes the rest of the plot!

with all that being said, honestly there aren't any guarantees i'll have time to end up making this real.. it's mostly just a thought experiment for now since i love both shows and also (re)designing characters :)

[offbeatcappuccino]

queen of tears is going to cure me~ episode 1 summary and ramblings

Kim Soo Hyun has a penchant for playing what I saw someone playfully describe "the colorblind man". Obviously the term is not referring to the actual medical condition, but rather his willingness to either not see or ignore the red flags associated with the 99.5% looks like they would kill you and 0.5% is a cinnamon roll-esque girl boss. These girlies are the ones that society deems to be villains because of their arrogance and abrasiveness. However, these "Evil Queens" are Kim Soo Hyun's "Snow Whites" because, by the end of the show, he will be fixing their unprocessed childhood trauma with the power of true love. Hong Hae In (played by the wonderful Kim Ji Won) is the recent addition to a long list of women which include Ko Moon Young, Cheon Song Yi, and Cindy.

In Queen of Tears, Kim Soo Hyun plays Baek Hyun Woo, who serves as the legal counsel for the Queen Group In the opening scene, Hyun Woo is asked to recount how he met his wife Hong Hae In, the current CEO of Queen Department Stores and a chaebol heiress. He met Hae In for the first time when she was working as an "undercover" intern. While his other colleagues are miffed by her obnoxiousness and indifference towards their work, Hyun Woo tries his best to help her and even goes as far as telling her that she needs to step up her game because he's worried that she will be fired for her performance. When Hae In asks him to reflect on why he feels that way, we see Hyun Woo confess his feelings for Hae In in one of the funniest ways ever seen in kdrama history. Completely oblivious to the fact that Hae In is a multimillionaire, Hyun Woo offers a pragmatic declaration of his love by listing his academic qualifications, his ability to pay rent on his studio apartment, and even the fact that his family owns "35 cows". Hae In is amused and flattered by the proposal and the rest is history. When Hyun Woo discovers Hae In's true background, he freaks out and resigns his job. Despite this, Hae In literally chases after him in a helicopter and promises to "never make him cry".

After nearly three years of marriage ,Hyun Woo and Hae In's relationship has become a shadow of its former self. While in public, Hyun Woo and Hae-In's marriage is lauded as the "marriage of the century" and a stunning example of a progressive South Korea where love can overcome class and social boundaries, Hyun Woo and Hae In are in nothing but a loving relationship. They sleep in separate beds, eat breakfast as far as they can from each other, and are constantly at odds with each other at work.

Complicating the tension between the two are their surroundings. They live in a multigenerational mansion with the rest of Hae In's family and their "work" and "personal" lives become intertwined. For their chaebol family, every personal decision is also a calculated business one that can impact their investments and prestige. In these conditions, as the outsider, Hyun Woo receives the shorter end of the stick in their marriage. At work, he is routinely degraded at work by Hae In when their opinions do not align and at home, his in-laws treat him like a second class citizen ordering him around like an employee rather than their son-in-law. For example, in one scene, we not only see the family members forcing the couple to have a child but they also insist that the child's surname be Hong (mother's last name) rather than Baek (traditional father's last name). Throughout all of this, Hyun Woo's humiliation is exacerbated by the fact that Hae In never appears to stand for him and is complacent to all the verbal and emotional abuse he faces from their family. While all of these scenes are shown with a splash of comedy, they also convincingly convey Hyun Woo's desire for a divorce even if it must be paid with an immense cost.

With much of Episode 1 conveyed through Hyun Woo's point of view, it is tempting to brand Hae In as a terrible wife. However, we are offered glimpses that suggest her feelings towards Hyun Woo are far more complicated. For instance, shortly after the scene where Hyun Woo is bossed around by her family, she privately confronts her younger brother for being disrespectful towards Hyun Woo. Such actions are accompanied by moments where we do see that she yearns for him and is hurt by his disdain towards her and their marriage. However, like many of her tsundere male counterparts, she struggles immensely with emotional transparency. Instead of engaging in heartfelt communication, she resorts to offering cold blasé remarks, which gaslight Hyun Woo's genuine concern and anger.

What is interesting about the world that Queen of Tears creates is that the protagonist does not benefit from male privilege. In fact, many rigid patriarchal practices are subverted in the drama. For instance, instead of the bride moving into the husband's marital home, the opposite occurs when Hyun Woo relocates from his family's farm to the Queen's Mansion. There are also other notable examples such as the insistence of Hae In's family to take the maternal surname, which contrasts the default cultural practice of taking your father's last name and their unique custom of forcing the men who married into their family to prepare the dishes for their memorial service. These scenes not only highlight the unique interplay between gender and socioeconomic but also force the viewers to reckon with the patriarchy. It is jarring to see the roles flipped and it makes us question how displacement, abuse, and oppression are normalized for married women in Asian societies. As a South Asian, many of Hyun Woo's experiences parallel the stories frequently recounted by my own mother, aunts, and grandmothers.

With only one episode, it's hard to discern whether this set up solely exists for comedic shock value or whether the show is making a` genuine social commentary. If the latter is true, I am excited to see how the writers will utilize this theme in moving the plot forward. For Episode 2, I am also intrigued to see how the cliffhanger in Episode 1 will be addressed. Is Hae In telling Hyun Woo the truth or is this her twisted way of her testing his love? Who knows, but I know for sure that Queen of Tears will make me anticipate the weekend more than I usually do!

[schoenht]

Pls write the reader praising Jamil during his overblot- like when everyone is jokingly praising him… [reader] just accidentally goes off on a tangent. And he actually remembers it during his recovery.

↳ praise the sorceror.

character: jamil viper.

genre: fluff, kind of crack.

a/n: i love him. he’s my favoritest. the way i would have actually been praising him and not even as a joke, i would’ve been a MENACE in this scene anyways kind of long bc i got distracted

If there was anything that could be said about Jamil, it was the exhaustion he carried behind a calm mask. Sooner or later, it would have to be shown. There were only so many emotions that someone could bottle up.

Unfortunately, Jamil’s emotions created something that was supposed to be rare in mages.

“And what are we supposed to do now?” You asked. You were standing behind Azul, Floyd, and Jade, holding Grim in your arms. The only reason you were standing behind them was because Floyd had literally shoved you behind them so that you would not be directly attacked by Jamil. “Way to show that I’m magicless...”

“Well, you are, Shrimpy!” Floyd said cheerfully, almost as if he was ignoring the giant shadow looming behind him. If the twins were tall, the phantom was practically a skyscraper. “Now, boss, what’s the plan?”

If it wasn’t for the terrifying idea that Jamil could possibly kill you, you’d try to make a joke to make it more light-hearted. But there were no reinforcements. Everyone was on vacation. Even Crowley, that selfish headmage, could not be reached with the same phone that he swore he’d answer. The only people that could save Scarabia from going under Jamil’s reign were Kalim, the twins, and Azul. 

But Jamil’s fury didn’t stop there. With a wave of his hand and a cackle, he had sent all of you flying out into the desert. The second you landed, you swore up and down that maybe you should rethink your crush on him. Luckily, nothing was broken, yet everything still hurt.

“Good plan, boss.” You said snarkily, wincing as you stood up. “Now we’ve left Jamil alone with the rest of Scarabia!”

“You sound too concerned for him, Y/N.” Azul had taken off his glasses, inspecting them to make sure they were not cracked. “One would think that, perhaps, you think more than fondly of him.”

Your face contorted into a angrily flustered expression. “You think I’m not fond of him? It’s not like that--I mean, while you all were ignoring him--never mind. Let’s go. But before that, Azul, can you please do something about Floyd’s voice? I won’t be able to take him seriously.”

Floyd responded, “You never take me seriously anyways!”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Both of you calm down, I will destroy the contract anyways. Floyd’s voice was disturbing me too.” Azul said to calm you both down, eliminating the contract in the process. Floyd’s voice was finally back to normal. You had to smile at him before getting serious.

“We need to go back now. Come on.”

~

Meanwhile, Jamil had turned into someone else completely. He was ordering the residents around, basking in this new light as the self-proclaimed replacement for the sultan that was Kalim. With a grandiose smile, he urged, “Tell me more about myself.”

Azul spoke up. “You are incredibly handsome...”

Grim followed, “Tall, dark...”

It was as though Jamil didn’t recognize their voices. “And?”

Jade responded, “Your eyes are so angular, so intelligent--”

“So well-dressed.” His twin followed with his signature smug smile.

Kalim happily stated, “You just look strong, you know!”

Finally, it was your turn, just as you had practiced on the way back. “You’re entrancing.” That was supposed to be your only line, yet it was as though more compliments burst out of you like a dam. “You’ve got this beautiful voice that can charm even the most stubborn people. You’ve got these pretty eyes that could entrance anyone even without your Unique Magic and shine brighter than any star. You’ve got skills that no one else has, your cooking is so amazing that sometimes I feel as though you could be one of the best chefs around. You are so intelligent and so helpful--ow!” You stopped when Grim had kicked you with his tiny paw. The realization of what you said hit you like a truck. “Oh. My bad.”

“Hmm, what wonderful compliments--” He had turned to look at you for a second before it dawned on him that everyone he had thrown out was here. “You’re all here?! I’ll finally be able to use my true power!”

But this time, none of you were sent out flying. The battle between Jamil and Azul, Jade, Floyd, and Kalim was harsh. You were not dense enough to step in. You were absolutely magicless and it would be the worst decision of your life, possibly your last, if you dared try to get in their way. You could only hope that they defeated Jamil in time before anything worse happened to him. 

Sooner than you had thought about that, there was a blinding flash. The phantom behind Jamil had disappeared. The ink running down his arms had disappeared along with it. He was back in his normal dorm uniform, looking normal. You stepped forward tentatively. “You didn’t kill him right? Right?!”

“I might have killed him, just a little bit,” Floyd joked. But he grunted in pain. “What was that for?!”

“Don’t make jokes about that! Tell me he’s going to wake up.” You asked Azul.

“He will. All four of us used the same spell to take him down.” Azul answered, nodding at you. “Are you still going to deny your fondness for him?”

“In front of you? Yes. Who knows what stupid contract you’d try to get me into?”

Behind you, there was a mumble and a groan. You turned around to look at Jamil, who was moving slightly, his head turning to wake up. His eyes finally fluttered open and you breathed out in relief. “I thought he was going to die.”

“Obviously! You hurt me!” Floyd whined.

You moved carefully near me, sitting down. “Jamil? How do you feel?”

Jamil’s head was still pounding from the excessive use of magic. He could only remember flashes of what had happened but the biggest part that he remembered was you. Your compliments and how sincere you sounded in comparison to everyone else, who was only talking as though to fulfill a quota. Maybe...maybe he could bring his hopes up. When he locked eyes with you, the anger in him calmed down slightly. Maybe there was a chance. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the lounge. They got rid of your phantom. Do you feel okay? How’s your head?” You looked genuinely concerned for him, something he was not used to at all, always on the giving side instead of the receiving side.

From behind you, someone cleared their throat. Jamil shifted to see the twins, Azul, and Kalim, the latter barely holding back tears. Azul spoke up. “We thought you wouldn’t wake up. Y/N, in particular, was panicking. They were hyperventilating and sobbing, they were absolutely bawling. It could have rivaled Kalim’s Unique Magic.”

“I was not!” You sounded outraged. “Get out! Let me talk to him before all of you insult him.”

“And they punched me!” Floyd added. “It hurt!”

“No, it didn’t, you are just trying to get Y/N’s attention again. Come along, brother.” Jade said, pulling him away and walking with the others.

Jamil swallowed dryly, almost afraid of the question he was going to ask you when you turned around. “Did you mean it?”

“Hm?”

“The...compliments.”

Your eyes widened, not thinking that he was going to be able to recall it. “You remember that?”

Jamil nodded slightly. “Did you mean it?”

Breathing out softly, you smiled at him. “Every word. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I don’t want to pressure you or anything--”

His hand had clasped around yours. You looked down at your hands and back at him. He looked almost shy, definitely flustered based on how his eyes were looking away from you. But the grip on your hand said everything. “I may have feelings for you too.”

“Oh good, that’s a relief, I was worried that I was complimenting a monster and not you.” You looked out at the night sky, the stars glittering as if they were happy at your reunion. “You want me to tell them to give you time?”

“No. Don’t go. Stay with me for a while.” 

“Of course.”

He was looking at the same stars that he had always seen, yet this time, something in him felt warmer. Maybe it was your presence that made them shine brighter. Either way, he couldn’t stop the smile appearing on his face as he continued to hold your hand and look at the sky with you.

[larathia]

BSD Manga reread, ch’s 1-10

I’ll be kind and not spam and only post after I’ve reread 10 chapters at a go.

And I’ll use cuts, too. Cos this time THERE WILL BE PICTURES.

Chapter One

* My first thought here is ‘wow, Dazai’s manner of speech is different’. I’m...not sure I can quite place how, and it could of course just be a translator thing, but he sounds rather more refined here at the beginning of things than he generally does later. (I’m not saying he speaks crudely, just...he gives much more of an upper class impression here, somehow.)

And he reads. I didn’t notice this the first time around because - it’s a series about literary greats, no? So of course there should be reading? But on a reread, I’m finding myself going “wow, almost nobody is seen reading.”

* There are three things that happen here, that I think are why Dazai chooses to take Atsushi under his (and, collectively, the Agency’s) wing. Firstly, while alone and clearly afraid of everything up to and including literally his own shadow, Atsushi chooses to save the life of a stranger. (He couldn’t KNOW that Dazai would’ve rather have been left alone. Point is - the kid chose to be kind, in a city that - we are repeatedly told and shown - does not have much kindness in it.) Secondly, on saving someone’s life, and being offered a reward, and while obviously starving, he just asks for chazuke. Which we’re told is basically just a dish meant to clean rice out from a bowl. It’s apparently the equivalent of saving a well-to-do person’s life and asking for a PB&J.  So now we have “kind and apparently humble”. And lastly, and this one seems to be the clincher, Atsushi tells Dazai his story in the warehouse and it’s clear that this boy has nothing to live for, and no one who’d be the slightest bit upset by his death...yet he chooses to live. WANTS to live. And even so, choosing to live and wanting to live, he has in no way ...well. Become a beast.

Contrast ALL of this with what we later learn about Dazai’s meeting with Akutagawa. And with what we later learn of Dazai’s own outlook and inclinations. Atsushi is practically Dazai’s diametric opposite...yet there’s no friction here. No competition, no judgment. Atsushi doesn’t even realize that he’s made a very quirky, and rather dangerous, friend. But because he DID, we have ...well, the whole story.

I would be remiss if I did not include probably the single most ignored bit of canon in this entire series.

The number of people who feel the deep-seated need to ignore or deny this one panel is really kind of amazing, when you get down to it. I just thought I’d mention that yes, Dazai being straight is, actually, canon. Chapter one, never actually recanted or disproved in the text canon. It’s important to remember what is canon and what is fanon. It prevents fandom-related insanity.

ANYWHO. MOVING ON.

Chapter 2

Atsushi’s entrance exam. On a reread, what mostly sticks out to me here is what Atsushi learns about Dazai.

Firstly, Atsushi learns that seriously, Dazai’s suicide attempts have completely numbed the Agency to even the idea Dazai might need help:

Secondly, Atsushi learns that Dazai is very much a trickster entity who might be your friend and might look out for your best interests, but has ZERO problem lying and/or putting you through the wringer in order to do so.

He definitely remembers both of these lessons later. It doesn’t hurt that he gets a lot of reminders.

Chapter 3

* Tanizaki is, genuinely, a pretty nice guy on average, and takes a non-mentorly kind of ‘take Atsushi under his wing’ approach. Sort of senior-but-equal.

* Ah, the famous ‘guess Dazai’s former job’ scene. Now, I get why Dazai wasn’t exactly free to admit it (given all the work the government did to cover up his past) but I feel, on reread, that the fandom should admit Kunikida totally had Dazai figured out. And absolutely deserves the financial reward.

Like, seriously. What we later learn is Kunikida was 100 percent right on both counts - Dazai just wasn’t free to admit it.

He promises he ‘won’t lie’. And...very technically, VERY VERY TECHNICALLY, he isn’t? I mean yes, ‘scoundrel’ covers pretty much the entire Mafia, and ‘shipping container’ would in most cases be considered synonymous with ‘homeless’, so I do feel Kunikida is right to claim the pot. But at the same time, “mafia don” is ...rather above and beyond mere ‘scoundrel’ and ‘capable of living in five star hotels but CHOOSING a shipping container’ is not what comes to mind when one says ‘homeless’. There’s a hell of a lot of nuance that lets Dazai’s assertion that he ‘won’t lie’ technically stand, while at the same time allowing Kunikida to be 100 percent right.

But at the base level I’m going to call this as “the only reason Dazai doesn’t admit to his past here is because at the time he probably couldn’t.” This little pot of betting money never comes up again, but I like to think that when Dazai does finally admit his Mafia connections to Kunikida later on, he hands over the pot as well. (Yes, yes, I know. Fanon vs Canon; this is a guess/hope.)

Canonically, what we as readers learn is yes - Dazai will lie. Context is required to understand why and to what degree, but yeah - Dazai will totally lie.

* And we’re introduced to Higuchi and Akutagawa. And Dazai’s tricks (again). This time it’s the headphones, listening to the transmitter he put in Higuchi’s pocket. And the lyrics to his ‘double suicide’ song, which I suppose we have to figure he just made up on the spot to ‘explain’ why he’s wearing headphones, since just saying “I’m listening to our client on the sly” would ...not come off well with Kunikida after that whole ‘drag Dazai into the closet for a beating’ thing.

* Tanizaki really is a pretty decent detective. And his ability is much better in combat than he thinks; it’s really only down to his Light Snow that everyone came out of their first encounter with Akutagawa alive.

Chapter 4

* Wow. Dazai really did come RIGHT over once the fighting started.

* And we learn that sweet, observant, polite Tanizaki has a really hard ‘cross this and die’ line; Fuck Thou Not With His Sister. Accompanied by impressive crazyface.

* This is also Akutagawa and Atsushi’s first fight. Given that Atsushi’s still reeling from a lot of revelations, he did pretty well.

* And now we, the readers, know that Kunikida was right; Dazai was a scoundrel. A professional and high ranking one. Even so, on reread, it’s this panel that sticks out as “whoa”.

Because while we learn in this chapter that Dazai is ex-Mafia, it’s much later that we learn just what his relationship with Akutagawa was. And how very, very much this single mocking sentence would cut Akutagawa.

Dazai gets a lot of information out of Aku here. But all his actual concern is for getting Atsushi, Junichiro, and Naomi back to base.

Chapter 5

Dude, you totally are. And I think it’s Kunikida’s state of “totally rattled” that really pushes Atsushi to think that the only thing he can do to protect the Agency is run away from it.

We’re then introduced to the Black Lizard, which upsells the whole ‘must run away’ idea, We’re given a brief introduction to Tachihara and Gin, which is at least useful to remember for later.  And we realize that Higuchi hasn’t processed that Dazai is ex-Mafia. (Probably fair, since most people don’t seem to survive trying to be ex-Mafia.)

And Atsushi learns that he doesn’t have to ‘protect’ the ADA. They’re totally capable of protecting themselves, Kunikida’s case of nerves notwithstanding.

Chapter 6

Our introduction to Ranpo. (And Atsushi’s.) And all we get at first is the sheer awe that everyone holds Ranpo’s power in. And a hell of a lot of Atsushi’s “so done with you crazy people” face.

This is very much a ‘Dazai mentoring’ chapter; he’s the one advising Atsushi to watch closely, and he’s the one that pushes Atsushi to take action when the bad cop tries to use his gun on the group. (Dazai’s also apparently pleasantly surprised that Atsushi managed to handle that well, taking the officer down without killing or injuring him or anyone else...but yeah, Dazai’s probably still comparing Atsushi to Akutagawa here.) Dazai’s the one to show Atsushi that Ranpo isn’t using a supernatural skill, too, just his head - walking Atsushi through those details he himself can spot, as a kind of training session.

He really isn’t a bad mentor. But he’s very much a trickster mentor - Atsushi just has the weird luck to be mentored by this setting’s equivalent of Loki. He learns! Valuable lessons! Just...not exactly in an orthodox manner.

Chapter 7

I tend to focus on Dazai, because he’s a character you kind of HAVE to figure out from context (given he’s a trickster, and often, a deceiver), so ...bear with me a bit here.

The first note is the face he makes when Kyouka corners him:

We don’t know exactly why he makes this face at the time, because we don’t get a clear view of what ability Kyouka has...but realistically, this has to just be startlement that the Mafia Really Wants To Talk To Him Right Now. Because...Demon Snow cannot hurt Dazai; she’d be dispelled at the first touch. And ...frankly, Kyouka may be a skilled assassin but she’s 14 and very direct and in a straight up fight I’d put money on Dazai. So when Dazai’s accused of ‘letting himself be captured’...yeah, he totally LET himself be captured. There’s evidence enough to support that. (Now, ask me why Akutagawa SENT KYOUKA, when he knows damn well what Dazai’s skillset is, and I find myself thinking “Aku wanted to see if Dazai would kill her for him, didn’t he.” Akutagawa knows Dazai has no real problem murdering people. Dazai’s tried to kill Aku, after all.

And then we’re back at the Agency, and treated to a reminder that really, Atsushi is the only member of the ADA willing to accept even the idea that Dazai might actually be in trouble, or need/want help.

Sadly...Atsushi is also wrong - since Dazai DID let himself be captured, and DOES kinda have that whole situation under control...but the thing is, no one in the ADA really knows that, or even HAS a way to know that; they’re just (mostly) fed up with Dazai’s suicide attempts.

And it’s not that Atsushi necessarily disagrees with everyone’s assessment? He totally accepts that maybe Dazai did try to kill himself (again), or is in control of whatever situation he’s landed in. It’s just that Atsushi also accepts that he doesn’t KNOW that - and that, incidentally, he seems resolved to interfering with Dazai’s suicide attempts regardless - and so he’ll go anyway. Which makes him utterly unique in the entire BSD setting, when you think about it. Everyone else that has ever tried to keep Dazai alive, has done so for selfish reasons. Atsushi...just doesn’t want Dazai to die. He doesn’t have work for Dazai to do, doesn’t seem to need him for anything...he just doesn’t want Dazai to be dead. Which may be the only reason Dazai doesn’t ever get mad at Atsushi about it.

Atsushi also doesn’t have the slightest hint of self preservation. Which we’ve seen twice now; first with the fake bomb, second against Akutagawa, and now here - and Yosano snags him to go shopping.

For...lemons, among other things...

Given what happens later, I find the bag full of lemons just kind of ...on the nose.

Also. Let it be known that I adore and admire Yosano and this right here is absolutely why.

This woman owns my soul and you can’t get it back from her.

Yosano also wins points for being the first to realize that Atsushi’s power is a little more than just “turning into a big white kitty cat”.That Atsushi doesn’t just ‘heal’. Something more is going on.

This chapter does a lot to introduce Yosano and her basic outlook on life. She’s fearless, resolute, ruthless, and has zero patience for perverts and idiots. But she’s kind enough to Atsushi in her own way - willing, I suppose, to accept that he’s not stupid so much as he is ignorant of protocol.

Chapter 8

Still on the train.

We’re now given a proper introduction to Kyouka. Atsushi, here, has his little epiphany - if he can save other people, then he can justify his existence.

And because he has this epiphany - because he’s brought pain and misery to others due to circumstances beyond his control, but does not want to die - he’s able to push Kyouka into wanting to escape the dark too. Although, much like Atsushi’s first attempt was curling around what he thought was a live bomb, Kyouka jumps from the train.

And Yosano, man, I would just put every panel with Yosano on here if I could, because I adore her so very much in this chapter. Just picture me back in the stands, waving a ‘go yosano’ flag and cheering. She’s awesome. I love her.

Chapter 9

We open on a discussion of Kyouka, and Kunikida being...kind of an ass. Again. Because someone has to say the obvious and unpleasant truth, and that tends to be Kunikida’s job. And Atsushi ...probably doesn’t even realize that he takes a page from Dazai’s book here. It’s much easier to get information from someone who’s comfortable and at ease with you, than it is to beat information out of them. Atsushi saw that firsthand, when he was the interrogation subject back in chapter 1. But Atsushi doesn’t have Dazai’s leverage with Kunikida, and has to pick up the tab himself. And once more, Kunikida lays out the obvious, unpleasant truths.

(I feel like at this point someone should be asking, “If Kyouka’s so clearly condemned, and she’s only been with the Mafia a little while, how the fuck was Dazai able to just walk out?” - not that we get the answer to that for a LONG time...)

That isn’t the question that Atsushi asks, though. He asks a question much closer to the heart of his character:

And ...I want to say that I think this is actually a very central question, at the very heart of the series’ conflicts. Not about Dazai specifically, but why does anyone reach out to help anyone when there’s nothing in it for them to do so?

Look - we know, as of current time (all the chapters since this one, and all the LNs and spinoffs and all that) that the reason ‘why Dazai reached out’ was that this was something Oda asked Dazai to do with his dying breath. Look after orphans. Protect the weak. Why was Oda kind? Because Natsume was kind to Oda, and Oda’s paying it forward.

And why did Dazai heed Oda’s request? Because, ultimately, Oda was kind to him. Kind when it not only didn’t get Oda anything, it actually put Oda at risk and ultimately cost Oda his life. One person was kind to Dazai. They made one request, and that pushed Dazai forward.

And then in turn Dazai is kind to Atsushi. When it doesn’t benefit him to do so, and in fact incurs debt at first - hiding Atsushi from the police, getting him a place to stay, etc. It doesn’t benefit Dazai to do any of this, nor does he require any repayment from Atsushi for it.

Natsume was kind to Oda. Oda was kind to Dazai. Dazai is kind to Atsushi. And now Atsushi, in turn, wants to be kind to Kyouka.

So very much of this entire series pivots on a single chain of kindness.

And a hell of a lot of unkindness.

The story slips back to Dazai, chained to a wall, and being particularly chill about it. You can pretty much tell Akutagawa finds this utterly incomprehensible...but then, his power can’t hurt Dazai, and Dazai truly wouldn’t care even if it could. Dazai mocks Akutagawa...a LOT. And we find out now for certain that Dazai wasn’t just ‘ex mafia’. He’s an ex-mafia don, a leader, executive, and Aku’s former mentor.

And he is merciless. He rips right into any and all aspects of Akutagawa that might hurt Aku, anger him, upset him. You can practically see Dazai smashing little chisels into every one of Aku’s (many) braincracks. And then he adds the finisher, which will take all of Aku’s hurt and rage and aim it at Atsushi:

We know, from later chapters, why Dazai does this. He knows of old that Akutagawa is obsessed with proving himself, and that the only way Akutagawa knows of to do that is attack and defeat what he sees as his enemy. Dazai also knows that Atsushi has the potential to get through to Akutagawa - as well as survive Akutagawa’s power. He’s throwing these two at each other because both of them will learn just as much from each other as either ever could from him, and he’s well aware someone is yanking some strings in the background.

(And I’m pretty sure he really, really doesn’t want to have to deal with Chuuya.)

If Double Black isn’t going to handle whatever the new situation is, then a replacement team must be forged. Despite what Dazai tells Akutagawa here, we know from side media (the Mimic affair, specifically) that Dazai actually thinks well of Akutagawa’s powers. He just doesn’t think much of Akutagawa’s ability to learn to use it effectively.

The scene switches back to Atsushi, being kind to Kyouka. Which ends with Akutagawa kidnapping Kyouka and attacking Atsushi.

Kindness and unkindness. In this chapter, Dazai’s ultimately at fault for all of it.

Such a trickster. So very Loki.

Chapter 10

Junichiro is, again, the gentle/kind member after Atsushi. And Kunikida is, again, the one to lay out unpleasant facts, although this time Ranpo’s willing to help. The ADA are not really a team, at this point - they’re a collection of employees. There’s no expectation of anyone going out on a limb for anyone else.

Thankfully, Naomi - and Fukuzawa - aren’t gonna be having with any of that shit. That Fukuzawa - who’s had almost NO interaction with Atsushi - is willing to turn the whole Agency on its ear on Atsushi’s behalf...says a hell of a lot about the man’s integrity and sense of honor. This isn’t just a ‘collection of employees’, to him. They are his people. That’s how his ability works, how it can help them. “His people” may not yet be bonded with each other, but from Fukuzawa’s position, they are all connected to him. Once they are his, he will watch over them. Which gives us this gem:

And again, this is something that hits harder after you’ve read all the manga, and all the side stuff, and you realize what Fukuzawa is delivering here isn’t a counter-argument. It’s a very personal bitchslap, reminding Ranpo that Fukuzawa has stuck his neck out for Ranpo, especially in their early years working together, and that Ranpo denying aid to another because it isn’t “logical” is basically Ranpo saying that he didn’t deserve help either. There’s...seriously no way Ranpo’s even going to try making that argument.

And then we cut to Dazai’s little dungeon. I think it’s important to realize that the entire interaction was something Dazai expected - and staged. Much like his interaction with Akutagawa before, everything Dazai says or does with Chuuya in the room is designed to get a specific reaction out of Chuuya.

This is the truth - these panels just before Chuuya enters.

And this interaction truly is a work of art, because Chuuya may not be on Dazai’s level intelligence-wise, but he’s not actually stupid. He knows what Dazai is like - he just isn’t quick enough to avoid the traps. It’s like knowing a magician isn’t REALLY using magic, just sleight of hand, and maybe even knowing how one or two of the tricks work, but being absolutely fooled by all the others.

You’re not wrong, Chuuya. And frankly, your observations are just as valid for Dazai-now as they are for Dazai-in-the-mafia. But the minute you said “I don’t know what you’re planning”, you should’ve realized you’d already lost. Even Atsushi can pick up on that much.

The chapter ends with a lot of hustle and bustle at the ADA, and ultimately, Ranpo being nudged into giving the ADA directions. The rescue is on.

Next up will be chapters 11-20 :)

[xxxnecrotica]

im not done with ch3 but it has been CRAAAZZYYY so far dont even get me started with the hospital scene but lets talk about the fair scenes rn and what happened after the fair

this post will be very long and rambling w/ no context cus i dont have anyone who also plays this game </3 this is my virtual diary after all anyways

recently i cant stop looking obsessively at lighting in scenes, how characters are lit (or not lit, i guess) so now i cant stop thinking about how mark is sitting in the light (mentioned by cathy that he looks like hes glowing, makes sense because hes really happy today) and meanwhile cathy is in the shadows (she's sad, bittersweet)

also one of the shadows on cathy's face looks like she has a black eye/bruise?? idk if thats just me?? is that a reference to a bad home life perhaps, i think it would make sense bc she has the freedom to stay out late as if her parents dont care (and believe me filo parents are not THAT lenient lmao), and also when she said she likes mark's house because its quiet that night, and mark says its SUPPOSED TO BE quiet at night and cathy looked nervous for a bit... idk maybe im looking too much into it. after all, maybe her parents do trust mark because they've been friends for a while. IDK. BUT WHAT IF SHE DOES HAVE A BAD HOME LIFE? SHE'S THE HAPPY CHEERFUL SILLY CHARACTER TROPE SO WHAT IF—

ahem anyway other things that have me crazy: nicole opening up about being a victim of the ruling. talking about how for a year she was only getting by, like the world nearly ended and all that... augh. i was talking about this game to my mom and she said that the ruling can be compared to covid (esp with how the gov reacted to the pandemic... lmao) and like god i understand her. looking at the ruling in the context of covid makes it really interesting tbh and makes a lot of sense anyway

also wait did nicole lose her sibling or whatever in the ruling?? cus like ... the kid in the photo frame who is obviously Not Present rn, the shattered photo frame... hmmmm someone definitely died lol

i feel cathys heartache sm </3 like when she'd talk about change and stuff, how she loves that the park never changes... meanwhile her 2 friends are almost outpacing her or outgrowing her, ridel is busy with his photography gigs and mark is slowly coming out of his shell, she obv feels like she's falling behind or at least she's distressed that it feels like everyone around her is changing and she wants to cling to the things that don't change. BECAUSE CHANGE IS SCARY I GET YOU CATHY BRO I WANT TO THROW HANDS AT MARK FOR BEING SUCH A DICKHEAD...

LIKE HOW DARE MARK ABANDON CATHY LIKE NOTHING? GO ON A FERRIS WHEEL RIDE WITH NICOLE, HANG OUT WITH HER, COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT CATHY?? AND THEN JUST KEEP TEXTING NICOLE WHILE CATHY IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AT HIS HOUSE COMPLETELY IGNORING HER??????? ugh i was also so annoyed at mark when he was at nicoles house and barely showed any remorse for snooping through her stuff, barely said anything barely apologized and looked so smug when her mom invited him to dinner... mf you are invading her private space and invading her life w/o her consent? why are you so happy about that? idc if they become friends later that literally turned me off. i love mark as a protag but those moments were so EUEUGHH

anyway speaking of the ferris wheel!! i like to think the ferris wheel symbolizes how he feels about life, he plays it safe every day, only does what he knows he can do, probably perceives danger where there actually isnt so he has an excuse not to do something... and i guess nicole is the driving force that will help bring him out of that, just like with the ferris wheel

uh i dont think i have any more thoughts to share about that. mark always remember bros before hoes smfh

[minaminokyoko]

Fuck you, Love and Thunder: A Rant

Massive spoilers for Thor: Love and Thunder below.

I know this is going to fall in deaf ears, but I’m gonna fucking say it anyway—the decision to completely sideline, ignore, and downgrade Valkyrie in Love & Thunder was goddamn bullshit.

Look, I get it. Natalie Portman left the Thor franchise originally probably feeling underused and written as not much more than a cute damsel. I am fine if they decided that they wanted to bring her back and end Jane’s arc on what’s supposed to be a high note.

But that’s no excuse to demote Valkyrie into a fucking extra.

There was room for both of those characters to have had equal screentime and importance to the overall story. But they didn’t do that. They basically shoved Valkyrie into the Black Best Friend trope, like she hasn’t been there right by Thor’s side the entire time since he changed her mind and helped her value herself after years of being a bitter, angry drunkard on Sakaar. After all that they went through from Ragnarok to Endgame, Love and Thunder just decides that she doesn’t matter. She is given no meaningful scenes with Thor, or even on her own. She is literally cast in Jane’s shadow for the entire goddamn fucking film, like she isn’t even remotely important or relevant, and Jane is everything. The movie LITERALLY puts Jane Foster on a fucking pedestal to the point where she is Jesus—she “sacrifices” herself for our fucking sins and dies and the movie worships her for two straight hours while giving Valkyrie less than the bare minimum of screentime. She’s in the film so little and matters so little that I am enraged that they even decided to include Valkyrie in the movie at all.

And the final betrayal for me was gaslighting the audience by acting as if she had no sexual tension or romantic links to Thor.

I didn’t make that shit up. You didn’t either. None of us did. Thor and Valkyrie are the quintessential enemies to friends trope and had Natalie Portman not entered the picture, I am more than fucking certain they’d have gone from enemies to friends to lovers. There was a kiss filmed in Ragnarok that didn’t make the cut and then there was a deleted scene in Endgame where Thor wants to kiss Valkyrie, but she’s not emotionally ready yet and while she doesn’t go for it, she isn’t angry or upset with Thor for his feelings. She doesn’t reject him. She isn’t repulsed by him. She’s just not ready for that and it’s not portrayed in a light suggesting there isn’t a wealth of affection and trust between them. Prior to this film, Tessa Thompson, Chris Hemsworth, and Taika Waititi had said in interviews that there was sexual tension and attraction between the characters. Ragnarok itself has more than one teasing scene that there is an undercurrent of romance as they got to know one another. 

And it’d be one thing if the film decided to let Valkyrie have her own damn arc with another woman or if she were interested in both Thor and Jane, given that she’s bisexual, but she didn’t get ANYTHING. She is literally so sidelined there is an actual scene of her just watching the two main leads wax on about their love while she has nothing to do with it, like she’s a goddamn glorified extra.

And I am goddamn fucking tired of watching black female characters get this kind of fucking treatment.

Do you know how many times as a black fangirl I have had to watch black women be sidelined or written out of the story or killed in favor of a white counterpart? The Thor franchise should fucking know better. Valkyrie is and always has been a phenomenal character. Everything she’s gone through with Thor should mean something and this movie spits in the face of all the black women who, like me, felt seen and appreciated and loved with how she was written in Ragnarok. It feels exactly like we’re being told we’re inferior to white women and we always will be because white women are the golden standard. Thor can’t possibly be polyamorous and be interested in a beautiful, strong, complicated black woman as well as Jane! No, no, he can only have eyes for perfect little Jesus Jane! If you were shipping him with Valkyrie, you’re wrong! Worship the Mighty Jane and forget you ever cared about Valkyrie at all because she’s a fucking second fiddle to the real hero of the Thor franchise, Jane.

And here’s the thing—I don’t even dislike Jane. She’s okay. She’s not given a fully formed personality and quirks and things that make her anything other than just an average character. Yes, she’s exceptionally smart and motivated, but other than that, what is it that makes her so interesting that the writers decided to ditch any development or relevance for Valkyrie? What in the hell made them feel that they couldn’t develop both women equally? Hell, what was even wrong with a love triangle where they ALL had reciprocated feelings for one another? We’ve seen love triangles before and we live in a world where polyamorous relationships can be healthy and the throuples can thrive and make each other happy. What the fuck would’ve been wrong with that idea?

I can’t fathom after all the work Taika and the writers of Ragnarok put into Valkyrie that they thought it was okay to just fucking ignore her and gaslight the audience into thinking she isn’t on Thor’s radar and that she isn’t important to him after being in the trenches with him. I wanted to know how things were going with her as king. I wanted to know how the relationship and friendship with Thor progressed. I wanted to know more about her past. I wanted to know more about her future.

But Love and Thunder essentially told me to go fuck myself. Instead of all that representation and relevance, I should just know my place and worship at the altar of Jesus Jane.

So fuck you, Love and Thunder. From the bottom of my heart, kiss my black ass. I am tired of being treated this way as a black fangirl. Black women are magic. We are just as fucking worthy as anyone else and I am furious the franchise wrote such an incredible character and then did a 180 and bailed on everything about her in order to elevate Jane instead of devoting equal time to both women. As far as I’m concerned, this movie doesn’t exist. I’ve wiped it from my memory and don’t acknowledge it.

[holographiciceking]

S2E07 in the eyes of a Happy x Garbage shipper:

I've shipped this since season one so it was fun to write this. Also this has spoilers so go watch the new season first. This is not some polished analysis meant to be critiqued, this is just me having fun writing about one of my fave episodes and ships. I'm too tired to edit this again so please ignore any typos.

For this I'm gonna start with mentioning how sweet past Garbage and Happy's interactions have been in the flashbacks before the friendship starts to crumble. The animators made it so clear how close they are with Happy always reaching to touch Garbage whether just to be close to him or to reassure him and him calling Garbage 'Garb', whether that is to shorten it or to avoid pushing negative connotations on his friend is up to interpretation. Happy even opens up to the corgi about his owner and the bell training he will always have to live with. Garbage is so sweet in return, reaching for Happy just as much as the poodle does for him, helping him up after a bell rings, and asking Happy to teach him to tango as a way to put a positive spin on the bell training (which is the sweetest thing but also the gayest thing.)

In the PRATS break room after Happy accidentally embarrassed Garbage by telling the other future captains about the corgi's low scores, Garbage and Happy almost look longingly at each other. This is the scene that really first stood out to me as romantic or romantic adjacent (I’m not sure what to call pining.) It could really just be just both dogs feeling bad about their past interaction but… meeting each other's gaze across a room while soft, sad music plays in the background? Sounds hella gay to me -‘that moment when you accidentally hurt your crush and best friend’ kind of vibes.

Later Happy finds Garbage sitting on the floor in the hallway and they have this sad moment with Garbage refusing to look at him until Garbage stands up. What I really like about this scene is not the way the shadows on the two are done or how Garbage moving to one side of the hallway could represent the distance growing between them, it's not even Happy's animation though all three are so amazing to me. It's when Garbage asks Happy to train him, Happy is reluctant to agree but gives in any way due to love for his friend and a little, hopefully unintentional, manipulation from Garbage. To me that feels like someone helping out their crush even if it could backfire on them. Garbage is so happy by his agreement that he actually presses close to Happy and it's the cutest thing. I think it's the closest the two get to each other in this episode.

After we get to see how Happy and Garbage’s friendship ended, we’re back in the present where the group now has to fight the ice aliens. Here we get to see Happy and Garbage fighting together. I really enjoyed seeing Garbage step in to cover Happy’s ears so the poodle could fight. It was such a cool scene, getting to see the two work as a team made me really happy. The smile Garbage has and the small nod Happy gives to him really makes the scene complete and helps transition to the next.

As they're getting ready to leave the planet, Happy and Garbage finally reconcile. They shake paws and do a little flirting. One could say it’s banter but it felt like flirting to me -it had a bit of a "Did you jump into fire for me?" kind of tone if you will. Stella literally had to shout at them to get them to stop or they would've probably kept going. Now, I'm gonna just say… if the animators didn't want this to come off romantic (assuming I'm just getting gay vibes from nothing), why did they make Happy and Garbage do the 'look at the other and then look away when the other looks back' trope? Garbage catches Happy towards the end of his look and smiles one of his softer smiles. It just feels too on the nose for it not to be romantic or possibly hint towards past (or future) romantic feelings. The looks feel too longing and sad like they're only now realizing what they've missed out on.

This episode was everything I ever wanted for a Happy and Garbage reconciliation. If we get another season, I hope we get more scenes with these two whether its romantic or not. They’re my favorite characters.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Hades

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades

Lucifer

Well… this is awkward…

He’s actually met Hades multiple times for business reasons (Underworld-Devildom relations are amiable if not a little odd. Hades was something of an uncle figure to Diavolo as a wee demon lad, which should speak for itself really). He’s a gloomy fellow and not much for chit-chat, but he never thought they’d end up taking one of his kids by accident…

He had to send a formal apology letter to the Lord of the Underworld immediately, but thankfully he didn’t seem very concerned for his offspring - if anything he appeared to think the Devildom would suit them nicely which was… concerning.

And he was not wrong. The darkness, demons, ghouls, and frights of the Devildom hardly seemed to faze the MC, if anything they fit right in. He’d dare say they were thriving if not for one thing…

They were So. Damn. Bleak.

Getting a smile out of this one AT ALL was rare. For once he felt the need to check up on someone constantly just to be sure they were alright... They’d keep assuring the House that they’re not actually as sad as they look but it’s hard not to assume…

He was a little mortified at first when they first met Cerberus cause… well they called him “Cerbi” and the massive demonic guard dog rolled over for them like a Golden Retriever! 

Apparently he and the Cerberus that they knew are from the same litter and they must have smelt familiar... He would have probably limited their interactions just to keep his dog on his side but after seeing the MC smile for once while they played with the big oaf well…

Cerberus got a new playmate and the MC got a massive, three-headed therapy animal. Win-win. 😌

Mammon

Do ya really gotta be such a downer all the time, MC…? 😔

He thinks they’re nice, like really nice. They’re always super concerned when his brothers attack him or when he gets injured, but he’s pretty sure it’s because they’ve seen people die before so…

At first, he had no idea why he had to be saddled with this depressing wisp of mortal but over time he started to understand that they weren’t all that sad. They had… Resting Gloom Face? Is that a thing? 

They also had a different way of seeing things. He could win the lottery and they’d tell him to stay inside so he wouldn’t get hit by lightning or if he pissed off the wrong people, they’d joke about him keeping his fingers and toes. Dark stuff, but not intended to be so… well morbid.

However, what he eventually found out that the REAL advantage to having a Hades kid in the Devildom was that nothing scared them. Literally nothing. Not even the ghosts - which to reiterate, are terrifying!

Cue Mammon getting dragged to horror movies nights with his brothers and pulling the MC along to be his personal security blanket. He’ll hold onto them for dear life as they just pat his head or something, watching and not even flinching at the jumpscares.

The first time the House had an unexpected power outage he clung onto the back of their shirt like a lost child while they calmly looked for the circuit-breaker...

If he could jump into their arms every time something scary happened like Scooby-Doo, he absolutely would. His brothers make fun of him, but after seeing the MC handle Cerberus like a puppy any time something frightens them they hide behind the mortal as well…

Leviathan

In some ways, he totally relates to their moodiness but come on! Who can still look so sad when watching The Magical Ruri Hanai: Demon Girl?? Ruri-chan can make anyone smile! 😠

When he first met the MC, he was a little confused about why they didn't find him intimidating at all. He even reverted to his demon form and showed his fangs but no dice! All they said was, "I've walked along the edge of Tartarus. You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that, buddy…" 

That was probably his first sign that the "human" wasn't normal…

After Mammon told him who their Dad was, things made a lot more sense. A child of Hades in the Devildom? That's ironic enough to be its own anime plot!! They certainly felt like an angsty protagonist at times. 🤷‍♀️

Truth be told, they could relate to each other in a lot of ways. You wouldn't think that an offspring of the Underworld and a demonic shut-in would have much in common but the one thing they share between them is that sense of never really fitting in.

Turns out that Hades kids are black sheep, even among other demigods, and Levi? Well, he's had trouble relating to others since his angel days. He and the mortal were like off-beat kindred spirits!

Which, I mean, you wouldn't get just by looking at them together. Levi being the impassioned super-otaku rambling their ear off while his somber companion would just go along with him quietly, but hey, there's more beneath the surface. Probably. 

Now if he could just get them to cosplay as the Lord of Emptiness with him… They'd be perfect! Perfect he says!!

Satan

Highly considered drugging their food with antidepressants for a while… 

This was before getting to know them better, of course, but for the first couple months he honestly couldn't shake the feeling that the mortal looked miserable! 

Now, he's one to particularly care for the comfort of strangers, but just looking at them like that every day would sour his own mood quite considerably. It was very irritating...

It was only on closer inspection that he realized there was something else at play, though.

The mortal was different - even for a demigod he imagined. They took to the Devildom easily and the realm almost accepted them right back!

The flora looked better in their presence, the hellish beasts that roamed the wilds would roll over for them, and they even seemed to be welcomed in by the never-ending shadows… 

It was fascinating. Like the effects of the Underworld were baked into their DNA and mingled with the environment around them… Two layers of darkness coexisting within one person.

I mean, what other creature - other than Lucifer - could ride Cerberus around like a pony??

Had they not been so kind, they'd probably scare him shit-less... Their potential power was too great to ignore. But after getting used to their gloom, at least they made for pleasant company. 🤷‍♀️

Satan likes them well enough, but even still he has to wonder just what they were capable of… you know?

Asmodeus

Oh. My. WORD. What a buzzkill!!!

Really, the new mortal was no good at parties or pictures for that matter!

Not because they looked bad, or even because he couldn't get them to smile, but because GHOSTS would always photobomb any pictures they were in!! 😫

One time he got a selfie with them on the couch and a creepy ghost child could be seen hiding behind the cushions so NOPE. No more photos with the mortal around!!

Aside from that, he couldn't say the mortal was all bad or anything…They were pretty friendly, despite their general look and feel. 

Though, personally, he thought they wore far too much black... Even in the Devildom, there's normally a pop of color, you know? Was that just the Hades dress code?

And you want to know the weirdest thing? Despite everything about them screaming "Doom and Gloom," they're straaaangely popular among the RAD dating scene…

Like. Not as some heartthrob, "Love'em and Leave'em"-type, but he's found that there's a LOT of his demonic classmates who think they're cute or have a crush on them in some way…

Naturally, he can see the appeal of the mysterious, moody demigod with a dark, troubled past. It's just the demigod in question is completely oblivious to it! 🤷‍♀️

He tried to give them dating tips or play matchmaker from time to time but eventually gave up when it was clear they weren't interested. Alas, students of RAD, this is one forbidden fruit that refuses to be shared…! Such a tragedy… 😔

Beelzebub

They remind him of Belphie… like. A lot.

The similarities were obvious. They had a similar feel, made similar jokes, and even the same somewhat dreary attitude about them...

If he were being honest, at the beginning there were times when he'd open up to them a lot more than he intended because he'd forget that he wasn't actually talking to Belphie…

Thankfully, he knew better than to try and treat them like his replacement or anything. They were two different people after all. But it didn't stop him from feeling extra protective around them for a while.

Besides, there was ONE thing that set them leagues apart from Belphie and that was the fact they were a shit cook. Not quite as bad as Solomon but uh… Actually no, that's a closer call than it has any right to be...

Apparently, Hades kids don't need to eat as much and when you hang out with shades and skeletons for most of your life, you don’t really worry about making food that's any better than… "Well, technically it's edible." 🤷‍♀️

Their food won't kill a person like Solomon's, but you WILL start seeing stuff you probably shouldn't. He tried their "soup" once and swore he saw the ghost of his mother… and he doesn't even have a mother!!!

He swears that if he ever sees the MC and Solomon working together in the same kitchen he's skipping town… Whatever culinary abomination the two of them could create would probably gain sentience and eat HIM instead. He's always figured he'd go out with Death by Food, but not like that!! 😫

Belphegor

Ever meet someone who’s like looking in a mirror? Yeah, he’s getting those vibes…

He never expected the "human" to be so similar to him, it was kind of uncanny.

Upon first laying eyes on each other there was a pause… then a squint… and then… a nod.

Honestly, their combined dry wit, dark humor, and pessimistic outlook played off of each other surprisingly well. Too well for him to hate, really.

Not that it mattered because they didn’t believe him for a second when he tried to trick them (they had dealt with loads of lying monsters before). He hated to admit it, but they had a good head on their shoulders and knew better than to trust a locked up demon…

And yet, they seemed to stick around with him anyway. Because of the good conversation or just empathizing with his loneliness was anyone's guess. 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes they'd come up and sit outside the door in comfortable silence… Or they'd talk about whatever:

MC: *sitting out by the attic with their back against the door* So what happens to demons when they die…?

Belphie: *laying on the floor on the other side, staring at the ceiling* Depends on the kind. If I die, I'll just reform later.

MC: Like a reincarnation?

Belphie: Eh. *shrugs* Maybe. Haven't died yet.

MC: You could die in there, you know.

Belphie: *throws a side glare* Well thanks for bringing that up…

MC: *shrugs* What? It's true. But don't worry, I won't let you. *small-ish smile*

Belphie: *stares at them wide-eyed and pink-cheeked before turning on his side quickly* Ugh… whatever…

They did their word, somehow. They eventually got the door open and let him out, but by that time the anger was gone and he was just happy to finally talk to them face-to-face...

And good thing too, because apparently it's not smart to fight a death-child in what is essentially their element - as he saw when they summoned an army of skeletons to kick Levi's ass when he cheated them in Devil Cart...

He would not have lasted in that fight... Dodged a bullet there. 

[worstloki]

Opinion on this Loki take? (Submitted by @dark-arcanus)

/////

My take on this is that. Loki never says he hates Thor or Odin. He never says his upbringing was horrible. That is SHOWN to us in how he is treated by everyone around him at the start of Thor 1 and going into Thor 2. 

What he DOES say is:

“It all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years, because no matter how much you claimed to love me you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard.”

So what Loki DOES do is acknowledge that Odin claimed to love him. He takes into consideration how both the siblings were treated, and yes, Thor is favoured. Thor is SO favoured. We literally see this ourselves in everything. It happens in the scene when Thor and Loki are both children and Loki asks a question that goes unanswered while Thor’s enthusiasm about killing the Jotun monsters gets a response. We see this in the way Loki was consistently lied to about his origins for over a thousand years. We see this in Thor’s coronation scene! 

The thing about this is that it’s not just Odin that favours Thor, everyone else who is good also holds immediate doubts to Loki or betrays him during the film. Odin and Loki only interact a few times in Thor 1 and Loki is getting lied to or rejected by him in all of them. 

I know it’s Loki’s POV but HE TAKES INTO ACCOUNT ODIN’S SHOWS OF LOVE. We can’t make a judgement on whether Odin “loved” Loki or not because we get no arguments imo other than the fact that Odin didn’t kill Loki. It’s a low bar but it doesn’t even matter whether Odin loves Loki or not because the upbringing WAS BAD. 

How can an upbringing where Loki’s own race is being openly and enthusiastically called monsters be… not awful. 1000+ years in and Frigga and Odin still treat being Jotun as some horrid truth. And they are aware he was born Jotun. 

Thor ends up ridiculously arrogant and with no worth of life in the other races. Loki ends up with a tendency to keep his mouth shut and sink into the shadows.

I simply refuse to go “it was a tantrum” when Loki had legitimate reasons to react in Thor 1 that are literally shown/told to us. We already know Odin hunted down and slayed all the monsters, we know he takes war prizes and relics and then keeps the conquered realms under his imperial rule, we know Thor shares the glorified view of war Odin saw and did nothing about, we know the Jotun are still told as a story to scare children at night. 

IGNORING THE RACE ASPECT COMPLETELY, (because Loki being stolen/adopted is a thing that came to light later) “he doesn’t say what he believes, he says something and then believes it,” may be an interpretation of the vault scene but i’m not seeing it. Loki is jumping to conclusions, yes, but he’s not wrong in any of them. They’re logical jumps. They make sense. 

Loki never refutes whether Odin’s claims of love were correct or not, only relates it immediately to the throne (which is incredibly relevant and i love the role of symbolism in Thor 1). 

It also literally doesn’t matter to me whether Odin and Frigga loved him lmao. Loving someone doesn’t negate abuse. It’s why I take such an issue with Thanos throwing Gamora off the cliff working… I don’t care if there was love there the way it was expressed was not it. 

Since no one is a mind reader yes, you can say Odin loves Loki. You can also say Odin absolutely loathes him. One has more evidence imo that the other but both can be argued for! 

Likewise, you can argue that every word out of Loki’s mouth is lies and untrustworthy and a completely unreliable version of events. And maybe I’d do that if it sounded like he was actually exaggerating anything. 

Throw aside visual behaviour, Loki drops things at “[you] claimed to love me” and everything else we get from that movie isn’t even dialogue it’s what we observe. Loki’s not out there trying to prove he’s not loved, he’s trying to do the opposite. 

In Avengers 1 he goes: 

“I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss.“ 

The latter half is obviously incorrect. I’m not going to go into theories on that right now, or the line after on how he was and should be king (though he’s… not entirely wrong there.) But the “I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness,” is acknowledged as his opinion. He goes “I remember a shadow” not that he was one, and Thor’s Thor 1 terrible ‘apology’ next to the ‘imagined slights’ comment doesn’t paint a great picture anyway because it. essentially invalidates ANY of Loki’s view being correct. After we already saw he was genuinely treated disrespectfully in Thor 1. 

OG Loki was. in my opinion. extremely self aware. It was to his own detriment mostly but it’s an important thing. It’s also why his perspective clashing with the other’s on Asgard’s was something I found interesting. As far as I’m concerned Loki’s take on his own experiences is the most reliable take on his own experiences. Even if it’s by default since no one else in-universe ever takes the time to validate anything he’s gone through. and he tends to be the only one on his side.

tldr; if someone is going to claim Loki exaggerated I’m going to need evidence or a theory or a basis for that. if someone is going to claim Odin didn’t know how to communicate? Same here. I need cited sources. An explanation for how things went oh so terribly wrong on his part with thousands of years of loading time. Also any proof that Loki was a spoiled prince who was lying about his dad not loving him and where exactly he said that. That’d be appreciated. <3

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

[etheriadearie]

“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[miraculouscontent]

All the thoughts:

First off, the plan.

I don’t get Shadow Moth’s plan or Optigami in general. Like, it was already weird that we had the phone that picked up on a kwami’s voice (I’ll hold my tongue on that one until we have all the episodes that take place before this, though my hopes aren’t high), but both Optigami and the phone happening in the same episode when it’s been resaid in this season that kwami can’t be seen/heard by technology is just silly. I get that Optigami is a sentimonster so it’s “magic technology,” but I dunno, something feels weird about it.

The reason I bring it up is because what’s shown contradicts what happens later in the episode. The footage shown by Optigami shows Carapace de-transforming and Wayzz popping out of the miraculous right afterwards, but when Senti!Carapace and Rena Rouge detransform at the end of the episode, the kwami don’t pop out. The former is also consistent with most detransformations; the kwami usually pops out (for the easiest reference, the beginning of “Miraculer” does this with both Alya and Nino, and Alya detransforming in “Gang of Secrets” also does this).

I presume this was done to force Ladybug to use her Lucky Charm in order to figure out that Senti!Nino was Shadow Moth’s sentimonster, because otherwise I just imagine Wayzz popping out to complain that there’s something in his miraculous and how it isn’t even paying rent.

Gabriel also non-subtly invites “everyone” to the event, yet “everyone” apparently only means conveniently the people who Shadow Moth knows as heroes, plus Marinette for no explained reason whatsoever. Chat Noir could’ve even noted after the fact that everyone invited were past heroes (because he knows Multimouse and probably wouldn’t think “wait, that doesn’t make sense--”), or the characters themselves could’ve noticed it, but that would’ve meant the show pointing out the blatant plothole that Marinette is lobbed in there. This could’ve also been a chance for the characters to all establish, “hey, we were heroes!” and have a cool camaraderie between them (presuming they know that they were outed), but instead they serve no purpose beyond being essentially background characters for Style Queen to tick off like a checklist. They had the perfect moment to do something to give everyone more character and they wasted it to do an unneeded scene of Alya trying to shove Marinette towards Adrien (I’ll get there).

It also puzzles me that Gabriel’s plan was to cause an akuma that would force Ladybug to bring another miraculous when...

Style Queen didn’t cause her to do that?? Now, if one isn’t really thinking (like it seems the writers didn’t) and/or only vaguely remembers the episode (i.e: that Chloe got a miraculous and Queen Bee/Wasp is the immediate follow-up), then they’ll recall that Ladybug did indeed go to Master Fu’s to get a miraculous, but only did she not need it in the end, the reason the Lucky Charm sent her there in the first place was to get Plagg, i.e: the cat.

And yes, Shadow Moth does have Style Queen glitter the building so that no one can get in, which ends up blocking Chat Noir off, but that only works if he knows that Ladybug is in the building but not Chat.

Speaking of Ladybug, and this one is more of a nitpick, but she delays using Miraculous Ladybug and I feel like it could’ve been done better, like if she went to use it but stopped herself because something didn’t feel right, but instead she points out the weirdness of not using her Lucky Charm while not thinking further on it until she sees the handshake. Regardless of the comments she makes towards the Lucky Charm, the episode leaves a weird feeling of, “Why haven’t you used Miraculous Ladybug yet? The akuma is gone.” Marinette even saw the sentimonster, which clearly isn’t Style Queen, yet the episode forgets about it because--oh wait, it was just there to build up to an attempted identity reveal that went nowhere.

So, yeah--the elevator...

Say it with me: it’s stupid, it’s pointless, it makes no sense, it serves no meaning to the plot, its only roles in the episode is for love square fuel and to embarrass Marinette.

And on that last note, I know I said I’d keep quiet on the phone, but I swear, if it’s not explained in any form why the kwami can communicate with her, then it was literally just invented so that it could startle/embarrass her.

Also, to the surprise of no one, the kwami who live with her still don’t understand how to deal with her. :|

Not only does the scene draaaaag and the chances of Adrien and Marinette not only thinking of the same hiding place (an elevator, something that both makes no sense because Style Queen can easily pop up if she hears the elevator, but also that they rarely ever choose as a transforming spot; in fact, I can’t think of a time they’ve chosen an elevator??), but also happening to pick the same elevator.

As for it making no sense, the identity reveal was completely unnecessary. Either of them telling the other their identity would’ve done nothing, and even if they planned to tell the other to block the eyes watching them so they could transform, it wouldn’t matter, because that just makes it obvious what they’re doing. Plus, if the concern was needing to tell the other so they could get out of the elevator somehow, then there would’ve been no reason not to tell them after the eyes were gone. Marinette could’ve texted Alya at any time when they were being quiet.

And as if the setup wasn’t already contrived enough, Nathalie takes far too long to leave Adrien and Marinette alone. Optigami goes into the elevator on Nathalie’s orders (which is the whole thing that makes the two go quiet and consider doing a reveal in the first place), and it takes fourty seconds before Nathalie finally notes that it’s just Adrien and Marinette. Like, unless she got up to make a sandwich before she analyzed the footage, I just--???

Anyway, the last thing to really talk about is Alya and oh my gosh, the sheer amount of double standards here...

Like, just starting with the scene where Alya physically shoves Marinette towards the elevator, despite Marinette’s protests, it just makes me shake my head all the more, especially after “Mr. Pigeon 72.” I already knew the show wasn’t going to follow up on the whole “when you’re ready” stuff in “Gang of Secrets,” and “Mr. Pigeon 72″ just forwarded that with Alya immediately pressing for Adrien, but I didn’t expect Alya to try and force things this hard.

Just gonna add as well that both Luka and Kagami saw Alya do this, which would’ve been a great opportunity for it to trigger alarm bells for both of them (Luka going, “oh, it’s no wonder Marinette struggles with Adrien when--” and Kagami like, “hey this is familiar, almost like Marinette thought it was okay because it happens to her all the time and maybe I should step in to say something”; by the way, for those who want another fix-it, yeah, that’d what it’d be), because Marinette was literally totally fine until Alya tried to force the matter.

But again, blatant show of “fine if it’s for the love square, not fine if it’s not.”

And after “Mr. Pigeon 72″ and now this, do the writers really think that I wasn’t going to notice the fact that Marinette is only getting the “damsel in distress” role now that the kwami and Alya are conveniently there to save her? It’s like they knew the backlash that would happen from Marinette telling Alya her identity (the rightfully deserved backlash, not even because of the identity thing - I understand narratively that Marinette was at her breaking point, though the timing is awful - but because Alya was like--one of the worst choices), so they decided to justify it by having Marinette be put into peril multiple times this season to the degree where Alya would have to swoop in and save her. Essentially, they’re nerfing their protagonist and forcing her into these situations to lift Alya up and make Alya look like a better/more intelligent friend.

Marinette didn’t need a confidant because she was constantly one step away from danger, she needed one emotionally, yet now the show has been continuously letting Alya figure out important guardian matters and saving Marinette’s backside because apparently, “Marinette is more emotionally stable now that she has someone who knows her secret,” wasn’t enough. Handing Alya the win on Lila and either ignoring or excusing all of her past actions to make her look good wasn’t enough.

Trying to make everything about Adrien instead of Marinette wasn’t enough. Now they’re throwing in Alya and giving her stuff to do while Marinette sits idly and just waits to be saved. Yes, Marinette ultimately does the most in the end and Alya screws up, but what happens?

Alya gets rewarded for it. She gets to have the fox miraculous given to her permanently, which the narrative lowkey chided Marinette for not doing (with Trixx’s snippy comments and Alya pulling a “Gang of Secrets” where she’s suddenly 100% “on Marinette’s side” so that it makes it feel like she deserves whatever she’s going to be given). The show is both setting Marinette up to fail so they can continue having their drama (regardless of how well permanent Rena Rouge goes, they wanted to leave the episode on a cliffhanger) and getting on her case for breathing while rewarding other characters after they’ve failed.

Which, spoiler alert for the next episode, ends up working out, thus making it the “”“right”““ decision. Apparently Marinette is meant to suffer and be given all these consequences/embarrassment when she screws up, but people like Adrien Alya get rewarded and given a free pass to do whatever they want with no consequences (Marinette doesn’t even remotely get on Alya’s case or be upset that Alya made decisions without her; even Fu gave Marinette, Tikki, and Plagg a look in “Sandboy” and made them explain/apologize; but of course, that’s because Marinette was involved, I guess).

And... look, it’d be one thing for Marinette to want an understudy, or to want someone to have a permanent miraculous as a form of protection in case she needs it, but Alya wasn’t even suspicious when Senti!Nino didn’t give her their usual high-five. Alya claims to be this great reporter and tries to imply in “Gang of Secrets” that she suddenly knows all things about Marinette, yet doesn’t change her expression at all when the person she thinks is her boyfriend gives her a regular high-five instead of the one they made up? I guess the show wanted to give Ladybug something more after Alya and Kaalki did a chunk of the work, but if they wanted to present Alya as a worthy guardian, then that should’ve set off red flags, especially after the whole Ladybug reveal and Alya realizing that Lila’s full of it (which I know still hasn’t been shown but if she’s gonna be Ladybug’s confidant then she has to step up her suspicion game).

Like, I don’t know if they’re just trying to have Alya work off any bad things that the fandom might have on her, but with this episode and the next episode, it just feels like they want Alya to stay in the role that she had with Marinette: the “Alya knows best, is presented as a supportive friend, and has a leg up on Marinette in terms of mental/power dynamic.”

Because, despite knowing that she’s Ladybug now, Alya’s relationship with Marinette really hasn’t changed. She’s still forcing Marinette into situations with Adrien, she’s still got the doubtful eyebrow raise whenever Marinette does “Marinette things,” and Alya still has the, “I got you, girl!” attitude about everything, even if she really doesn’t have Marinette’s back in the right way. Heck, even the kwami (or at least Trixx) seems to go to Alya over Marinette, the kwami themselves just whining and behaving like children around Marinette herself.

At this point, why not just hand Alya the ladybug earrings and call it a day? If Alya’s not only an understudy for being guardian but is also apparently going to keep saving Marinette, she’s clearly “better,” and that moment with Senti!Nino ended up getting her rewarded, why not just let Marinette hand over the metaphorical mantle and be officially stress-free? Then Paris would have a “““non-clumsy, less emotional, less anxious”““ Ladybug.

Well, because that would mean lessening Marinette’s suffering and the show would be over without that. *sigh*

I don’t know, it’s just upsetting. It’s the "Malediktator”/”Gang of Secrets” thing where Marinette tries to follow something she’s been taught by other characters (who are presented as wiser than her) and it ends up blowing up in her face. “No permanent miraculouses” wasn’t her rule - it was Fu’s - and then the show immediately chides her for it.

Basically, Marinette tries to make her own decisions and it blows up in her face. Marinette tries to follow her own rules and it blows up in her face. It’s the love square all over again: she can’t confess to Adrien, but she can’t move on either.

That’s why “Optigami” is so insulting. It puts its double standards on display for the world to see and sets things up to go exactly the way it wants with no regard to making sense or working to an interesting story.

[herinsectreflection]

I really love how much of Faith there is in S6, and I mean that completely seriously. She's a constant unmentioned figure, haunting the narrative. The central ideas of her character become the central ideas of the season, and for Buffy's character specifically.

Faith is such an interesting figure because despite appearing in less than thirty episodes across both shows, she’s one of the most important characters for reflecting both leads, but especially Buffy for obvious reasons. She's Angel's mentee figure, the representation of how good desire to right his own wrongs and give others a chance to do the same can reciprocally save him. And she's Buffy's dark mirro, representing who Buffy could be if she surrendered to the mercy of her circumstances. Faith’s status as Buffy’s distorted mirror image is constant throughout the show. Cordelia was Buffy’s first shadow self, but Faith owns that role, long after she stops appearing regularly.

The season opens for Buffy with her hand stretching up out of her grave, with a visual almost identical to Faith’s dream in This Year’s Girl. You could almost see Buffy’s ressurection as akin to Faith waking from her coma to find a world that has left her behind. They both wake up alone and stagger around town, finding themselves at the burned-out site of the previous season’s finale, and both their initial instincts are to destroy their bodies - Faith by disappearing into Buffy's, and Buffy by leaping off the tower again.

Throughout the season, Buffy exhibits a lot of Faith-like behaviour. A big one is using sex as a coping mechanism. Buffy instigates an unhealthy sexual relationship with Spike to stave off her depression and hide it from others. Faith uses agressive sexuality to intimidate others and keep her pain hidden (see her initially attempting to seduce the Mayor to avoid accepting his paternal affection, or instigating sex with Xander in response to his attempts at emotional connection). Both are prone to violence against their sexual partners too - Faith with Xander in the same scene and Buffy with Spike multiple times. Like vampires, the Slayers seem inclined to conflate sex and violence (I'll let the fact that they are both prone to violence against each other speak for itself). In her dream in Dead Things, Buffy mixes up seeing Katrina's corpse and having sex with Spike in a blurry whirlwind of sex and death, bringing this conflation to the forefront.

It's also worth noting that Faith is implied in many ways to be a victim of sexual abuse, and it's in this season that Buffy experiences an attempted rape. Both are caught up in that cycle of abuse, and thankfully they manage to both escape.

And then there's the suicidal ideation. Oh god, the suicidal ideation. There's a few examples of characters being self-destructive or sacrificial in a way that evokes suicide (Angel springs to mind in multiple instances), but it's only Faith and Buffy in S6 (and parts of S5 to be fair) that explicitly grapple with this. Buffy's arc in S6 is basically her grappling with suicidal ideation, and struggling to actually want to be alive. Faith attempts suicide multiple times - metaphorically in This Year's Girl and literally in Five By Five, when she attempts suicide-by-copvampire-detective. I would even argue that Graduation Day is another example of attempted suicide-by-slayer, given that she actively goads Buffy to kill her (and therefore become her), and seems almost relieved and proud when she seemingly does so.

The kicker is really Dead Things. This is such a vital episode for understanding Buffy in S6, and it is absolutely dripping with Faith parallels. It's almost a Frankenstein episode, made up of bits of other Faith-centric episodes. The central conflict is the exact same as Bad Girls, with a routine patrol (seemingly) killing an innocent bystander at the hands of a slayer. Spike has the same solution as Faith - dump the body and forget about it. He even uses the same utilitarian argument to justify it - that one lost life is meaningless, collateral damage, against the many that Buffy has saved. But it's Buffy who is in Faith's shoes, struggling with the idea that she killed someone. Ironically, her solution - to hand herself over to the police - is in fact the same solution Faith eventually comes to in Sanctuary. At this point in time, that was the last thing we saw Faith do in the Buffyverse, and now Buffy herself reaches for that same idea to try and achieve peace.

Her attempt to turn herself in can and should be read as a metaphorical suicide attempt. Her words to Dawn saying goodbye are pretty much a repeat of her words to Dawn before she jumps in The Gift (see @impalementation 's great post on this). She's been trying to recreate that feeling of exquisite peace all year, just as Faith repeatedly turns to metaphorical and literal suicide to find her own. That idea of "peace" being equated to both voluntary incarceration and suicide makes the ending to Sanctuary much darker, which makes me glad that Faith ends up taking an active role in the world by the end.

Buffy beating up Spike in the alley - himself a mirror to Buffy in many ways, and behaving identically to Faith in this episode - is lifted from Who Are You.

"Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you? You're nothing. Disgusting. Murderous bitch. You're nothing. You're disgusting."

- Faith Lehane, Who Are You, shouted while crying and punching someone on the floor, but obviously talking about herself.

"You don't have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never be your girl!"

- Buffy Summers, Dead Things, shouted while crying and punching someone on the floor, but obviously talking about herself.

Both scenes come at the climax of an episode-long metaphorical suicide. Both strip away the characters' defenses and lay bare an unfiltered and messy psyche, dominated by anger and self-hatred.

So we can see that when Buffy is at her lowest, she becomes her own shadow self. Faith is in many ways a permanent part of Buffy's psyche, which comes up to the surface occasionally and has to be actively quashed (I'm thinking about her taking on parts of Faith's wardrobe along with her personality in Bad Girls, until the accident at which point she actively goes in the opposite sartorial direction). In her post-ressurection depressive haze, Buffy is simultaneously less connected to her own personhood and more emotionally volatile, so her shadow self is exposed, and that shadow self is Faith.

It gets extra interesting when you remember that Faith is The Slayer at this point. No new slayer is called when Buffy dies - nobody even suggests that one might be out there - which suggests that the sole Slayer line runs through Faith now, and Buffy is an abberation. (S7 kind of confuses the issue when it suggests that the First will have to kill Buffy last, but it makes more sense to ignore that than to ignore this). The Slayer is a core part of Buffy's identity, one that she ambivalently pulls away from and grabs on to - but technically it belongs to Faith now. In S6 Buffy loses connection to her identity, and so becomes an echo of Faith, who owns that part of her now.

Going even further - Faith only exists as The Slayer at all because of Buffy's first death. Slayers are kind of an undead like vampires in a way - they can only ever exist because someone else dies. They live because of death. Faith is the walking, talking corpse of Buffy, a reborn figure given purpose by death, for death. Buffy in S6 is experiencing her own kind of un-life, as depression so often feels like. She too feels like the walking, talking corpse of Buffy. The Slayer, Faith, and Buffy are all caught in their own purgatory, born out of death and unable to see anything but death in their near future.

It's just so much fun to pick apart this season and see how it relates to this seemingly unrelated character. Faith feels like a major presence in a season that she doesn't appear in - and I'm not sure even explicitly mentions her - solely thanks to how effective a lens she is to view the main character. Now that's effective connection of character and theme.

[life-rewritten]

THE DIFFERENT FORMS OF HUACHENG; TGCF SEASON 1

TGCF just ended, and I just wanted to cry because I'm going to miss this show for a while until we're ready for season 2. Good news Season 2 has been announced and is in production so maybe end of this year? Hopefully? One can hope. Anyways because we're saying goodbye for a while, I decided to focus my review on Hua  Cheng this time. The many ways he has shown up in Season 1, the many encounters he had with Xie Lian who doesn't even know how long he's been by his side, the many forms he used to stay and help Xie Lian. In TGCF, Hua Cheng's appearances in Xie Lian’s life is essential because of his constant devotion and ambition to ensure that Xie Lian is protected, safe and happy. Hua Cheng shows up each time to an oblivious Xie Lian who only has been introduced to the knowledge of one form of him, San Lang in season 1. But what about us the audience, we've seen Cheng as a child in the first episode, in the intro, we've seen him as San Lang, and we've also been introduced slightly to his natural form, the Hua Cheng Ghost King form. So let's look into it more, how has each state been connected to Xie Lian and what have we been shown or told so far about the building relationship between our ghost king and our god. 

The Different Versions of Hua Cheng

So the first thing we need to break down is the similarities of each of his forms and their different meanings to his character dynamic and arc concerning his and Xie Lian's love story. So as mentioned before there are three different versions of him we're introduced to:

The Child: We see him in a desolated state, with bandages surrounding his face, blood and he's in tears looking forlorn at Xie Lian who also has given up on something throwing away his umbrella and face darkened and walking away, probably to a small shack. We also see this child more importantly connected to our story because he's the first version of Hua Cheng in our origin of these two's meeting. He's saved by Xie Lian who completely stuns him and gives him the meaning to life again. We see snippets of this version of him in flashbacks and in the opening intro because TGCF is a story that is planning to unveil the years of Hua Cheng's devotion to  Xie Lian, the reasons, the actions made, and the consequences created from it in the past. 

San Lang: Number two we get to see San Lang, he's the version we spend the most time within season 1, knowing and having suspicions that he's Hua Cheng. San Lang is a mortal and meant to be a teen; he's wise for his age, aloof, and sly. And he's made it an aim to accompany  Xie Lian on his journey to getting followers again. There's more to San Lang that meets the eye, he has a convoluted back story (which is backshadowing the truth of his past) he tells Xie Lian, and he's very loyal and protective of Xie Lian. Xie Lian gets to become close to this version of Hua Cheng; this is the version he trusts the most and is the person who becomes someone he cares a lot about unconditionally.

Crimson Rain Sought Flower/ Ghost King the most dangerous and scariest and wealthy demon/devastation ghost in the story.  Xie Lian is first warned away from him because the gods are not on good terms with him. But  Xie Lian can't help but wonder if he's more than meets the eye because they meet under a blood rain as bride and groom. Hua Cheng shows up in his real form to guide  Xie Lian to safety. This version shows up again in the Sinner's pit in the Banyue arc in episode 9. After San Lang jumps in a sacrificial move, Hua Cheng eliminates everybody ruthlessly in the Sinner's pit and shows up again to fight Pei Xu to protect  Xie Lian in episode 11. This version is the real Hua Cheng, he has one eye, he is cold, ruthless, but also he's made it clear he wants to protect and is on the lookout for Xie Lian. By the end of season 1, Lian chooses to ignore the rumours and become close with him despite the warnings. 

Age, Status, and Love; The growth of Hua Cheng

The first thing to notice about these versions of Hua Cheng is that they all have a way of shadowing how he's grown and his journey to Xie Lian. From a child who's naive and innocent and is traumatised by events in the world, to a teen who is not taken as seriously, is wiser and mature and able to fend for himself, to the Ghost King who is who he is at present, his real self after many years, who is now powerful, in control and older but also not alive.

 And the second thing to notice is the difference of status and wealth depicted with his versions;  as a child even though we aren't shown the details, we can see that he's not rich, he's dressed in rags, and he's bandaged poorly and looks like he has nothing. As San Lang, he's able to fend for himself and Xie Lian by collecting scraps and rebuilding their first place together, and with Ghost King, you can tell he's wealthy, he's dressed in the finest of robes, silver dangling from everywhere you look, and we know from Ling Wen; he's affluent. So another observation to notice. 

The last thing to notice with these versions is the one common motif, Xie Lian. Xie Lian is also seen in different versions/ forms to us each time Hua Cheng shows up.

 We see  Xie Lian in the child's eyes as a prince; golden, lavish and beautiful, he's dressed in the finest attire but also we see that Lian is the person who flies to save this child from either falling or jumping to his end. (still, we can't be sure why he was falling), 

But then with San Lang, Xie Lian is undercover as a mortal (though it's pretty apparent to guess he's not) without power, followers or any self-esteem (from his comments) and wealth. But with San Lang, Xie Lian is vulnerable and shown to be more lonely and filled with self-deprecation but is determined to protect everyone he comes across, which makes him more self-sacrificial. 

As Ghost King, we see Xie Lian on a mission as a god, untrusting, capable, and very cunning and intuitive, he wears a mask (literally wearing a veil) of happiness, ease,  but he's alert and ready to defend and knows how to avoid being caught by his enemies. 

Unconditional Devotion; The Love of Hua Cheng

In all versions, Hua Cheng shows us that he has with Xie Lian some kind of devotion and love:

As a child: His eyes light up for the first time, he follows after him (inferred from the intro and episode 1) and watches helplessly as he can't do anything to protect him at that moment. You can feel the determination, the longing, and the urgency in each scene he's shown watching after  Xie Lian as Xie Lian gives up on himself. 

As San Lang: He guides and protects Xie Lian, he stays by his side loyally and prevents Xie Lian from getting into harm's way using information that he knows. You can feel that he knows how Xie Lian is self-sacrificial, and he's here to protect and keep Xie Lian from being puppeteered or played around by others.

 As Ghost King: He is deadly when it comes to Xie Lian, he kills and destroys and doesn't waste time with others, he's also protective of where Xie Lian touches, he doesn't want him soiled by blood or anything ( using either an umbrella to protect him when they first meet, or cradling him to ensure his foot doesn't meet the ground). He's determined to get rid of anything that could hurt Xie Lian or make him suffer, and he does it through violence. 

And even though Xie Lian doesn't have any recognition of who he is yet in his life, in every version Xie Lian has also shown protection and care for Hua Cheng unconditionally which is embedded in his personality.

 He saves his life as the child, (just like he positively affects other children like Banyue who look up to him), he is determined to protect and make sure San Lang is safe. It terrifies him to think otherwise, and he accepts Hua Cheng unconditionally after realising who he is. 

He also shows awe and intrigue with all things, Hua Cheng, whilst others call him terrifying  Xie Lian says his name suits him because it's pretty when he sees his butterflies he's in awe and automatically wants to follow them because they make him feel at ease despite the fact that those butterflies can probably without his knowledge kill and maim. When he notices others may notice who Cheng is at the pit, he's worried but at ease to see him hidden as San Lang again, and he finally tells him; he doesn't care who he is because he's a friend.

 Xie Lian; The Goal of Hua Cheng

For Xie Lian he's realised there's unconditional care and like and reliance for Hua Cheng, it's automatic and he can't stop feeling safe and at ease with him. Despite his first time meeting San Lang and being suspicious, it took him an ox ride to find out he liked and was intrigued by San Lang even if he was Hua Cheng. He liked how he spoke, he liked his wisdom, and he enjoyed spending time with him. It became natural to rely on his protection, his touch, and his information each journey they went on. 

 And with Hua Cheng in all his versions there's that unconditional need to protect, devotion and determination to stay by Xie Lian's side. After all, that's where this started, him being affected by Xie Lian saving his life. We can guess he took it literally and made it a reality, though now we wonder how he went from a human child to being dead yet a mighty ghost king. 

 In a way we see Hua Cheng show up and start making Xie Lian find reasons for living too. Not that it's apparent that he doesn't want to live; that he's full of self-loathing and self-sacrificial tendencies. Hua Cheng seemed to be as San Lang, one of the first people who showed Xie Lian unconditional loyalty and support despite not seeing himself as deserving of it. Hua Cheng may not be his reason for living, but Hua Cheng is his reason for why he gets to live; many times Hua Cheng's protection is to keep Xie Lian from being hurt; the snake scorpion venom, the Sinner's pit, the Pei Xu and snakes, the head on the ground filled with demonic energy and Xuan Ji. Hua Cheng shows up as groom the first time we see him, and he leads Xie Lian to protection to the place he needs to go to know what's going on with the brides. With his determination, experience (giving Xie Lian information) and power Hua Cheng protects and pushes Xie Lian to keep staying safe and alive knowing someone does not see him as worthless or a misfortune. 

Ghost vs Human: The Disguise of Hua Cheng

It makes you wonder this need of why Hua Cheng does hide in many forms; why does he not make Xie Lian know that they've known each other for so long? why does he hide as San Lang and not his true form since Xie Lian doesn't know who he is, and why does he keep his true form out of sight from Xie Lian. He's determined to hide his natural form because showing it would lead to opportunities of weakness.

 As we can see from just his child self Hua Cheng was determined to do something, to become more so he could be of help, payback Xie Lian for saving his life, and become his reason to live. So he probably can not let any weakness affect him; he probably has built up protection of himself so no one can reach him so that no one can reach Xie Lian. His aim is to be a safeguard for Xie Lian, an impenetrable, protective and robust protection. People seeing his real form is a lead way to vulnerability and weakness. Him protecting how he looks makes him even more of a scarier person to deal with because you don't know his real self or strength fully.

 It also gives him a way to be by  Xie Lian's side without anyone knowing his goals; he does this as San Lang, shows a different version of himself which is more acceptable and less conflicting to be by Xie Lian's side. A mortal can be seen as a worshiper, a friend and a helper. But a ghost king by a god side is more looked down upon. We see this when Fu Yao and Nan Feng try to uncover who he is. Xie Lian has been warned that he should stay away from Ghost King version, and maybe Hua Cheng also thinks that version should not be known, or seen or met. With how scary and dangerous he seems, (he's known for his harmful actions, he also took out his own eye as he puts it because of insanity, he has incredibly deadly weapons and he's someone heaven is terrified of). Hua Cheng may think Xie Lian won't give him a chance to know him. But of course, he discovers that  Xie Lian doesn't care about that. 

Ghost King: The Past of Hua Cheng

The different forms of Hua Cheng we see as the audience showcases other assets to his mindset, we've seen him weak, vulnerable, and lost without Xie Lian when he was a child, there was a time where he was the most scared of everything,  a time where he probably had no control over whatever he wanted, a time where he was filled with despair and obliqueness, but Xie Lian showed up as a light, the same way Hua Cheng shows up in Xie Lian's life in season 1 as a guide, they both shift their mindsets and determination to be better and succeed.  

That's why his growth to becoming Ghost King is fascinating; he's become the opposite of his childhood self, he's no longer mortal and human, ( as we see with his other two versions) he's seen as ruthless and cold to anyone who bothers him or Xie Lian. It's not an easy feat; it must have taken a lot of pain, and suffering to get to who he is, for him even to become a devastation he would have needed to be filled with resentful energy, this means that he also is someone full of grief and suffering as  Xie Lian who hides his behind his mask of an easygoing and cheerful nature. 

Hua Cheng hides his behind strength and power, they both have scars and secrets hidden needed to uncover to know why they have become this way, but one thing stays for sure, and that's that Xie Lian and Hua Cheng both become healing to each other from their past scars. Xie Lian becomes Hua Cheng's sole reason to live, devoting himself to Xie Lian is what's making him good and not broken. Xie Lian on the other hand, Cheng becomes someone who makes him want to accept himself, Hua Cheng is someone who becomes a healing presence to him, he's happier, comfortable and safer by his side, and he knows this. Hence, he lets himself be pulled to him, carried and protected by him, he's shocked by it, but you can see it affects him each time Hua Cheng does something to protect him as San Lang. 

In a world where we are focusing on gods and demons and ghosts, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng seem oddly incompatible; the gods look down on the ghost kings because of their actions and because they're closer to evil or immoral actions. Xie Lian as a god is meant to be moral, just and higher than others, including mortals, and so being with the most powerful ghost king and slowly falling for him probably isn't a great idea. What matters now is how long these two have been near each other, how has both the journey of them affected the other, Hua Cheng is entirely devoted to Xie Lian even after his passing and resurrection as a ghost king, and that's interesting, he has been watching and keeping an eye on Xie Lian who's oblivious and has more things to focus on than that, Xie Lian has a past which he feels guilt, self-hatred and fear from, it's slowly being revealed, and it's fascinating to watch it. 

Hua Cheng also has many interesting actions he's made that also need a reason or explanation, like why he has one eye, what made him become a ghost king, why he aimed for an attack at the gods, and his real purpose with Xie Lian? It's been an amazing time watching this season. I can't wait to find out more about these two's journey and love story. The undying loyalty and devotion to each other despite being so far apart for time is fascinating. I can't wait to see season 2.