#idk really well about this “fuck men” thing
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yea makes sense
i am afraid for women in america. if abortion is completely banned, many women will die from miscariage and other complications. men may go around raping women knowing they cant get an abortion. its so scary
#idk really well about this “fuck men” thing#it isn't plain misandry isn't it?#in case it is it's such a hypocrisy
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on varric *SPOILERS*
i haven't really talked at all about varric but varric dying trying to do this same. fucking. song. and dance. again. couldn't save anders. couldn't save bartrand. couldn't save hawke. couldn't save his mom. but for some reason *he* still keeps living through increasingly unlikely shit. and he hates himself for it. he has immense survivor's guilt because what does he even do. he writes stories about better men and things he wishes he'd done or said. he tags along while other people save the world. and his own life is just a series of failing those he loves the most because he believes he just didn't do enough. because deep down he believes he's a coward or a fuck-up or something equally horrible.
so solas is literally his last ditch effort. like i think he goes in knowing he's gonna die doing it. not as in like the moment he decides to go up and talk to him but like. eight years ago when he decided on tracking solas to the ends of the earth. he knows solas well enough to know trying to talk him down is a stupid plan. but like. what the hell does he even care. what does he have left to lose. and if he can't do this, then he's failed not only solas but literally everyone left alive.
It's very very sad but i think varric kind of stopped caring whether he lived or not after hawke died and things with bianca soured.
And in the end, in death, (i guess depending on your ending but im talking solavellan good ending because im biased as hell) he DOES do it. Like he *finally* saves someone he cares about. Maybe not directly but he sets the events in motion that enable the right people to be at the right place at the right time, and maybe that's as good as it was gonna get.
idk I really like the conclusion of Varric's arc. it's very very sad but varric, for all his lighthearted joy and comedic relief, has always been a very sad character.
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I don’t count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also weren’t they dead too?#idk I can’t remember atm#and I haven’t watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I can’t accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I don’t believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well he’s this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesn’t count)#because they don’t have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce… when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isn’t straight crowd… they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really can’t tolerate thst ship
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its past midnight and time to yap about Mouthwashing. Anyway obviously we don't see the Specific Events only how the characters react but with Anya... Okay I'm going to talk about the Sexual Assault not with Specific Details but that's what the post is about so
Anyways she reads to me as very like... trying to downplay the severity to herself. Like thinking through it (not having the exact quotes but) I feel like it'd be an unfortunately natural reaction- if you were stuck with 4 guys and the guy with the second highest position on the ship assaulted you depending on the situation. I feel like its not hard to imagine you'd try and reframe it as Less Bad to cope because let me be honest if I had to confront the implications of that, mainly the fact he could do it again and I wouldn't have any real way of dealing with it without complicating things even further bc he doesn't just have a close relationship with the guy with the Most Power on the ship, he also is in charge of keeping Me and The Other People On The Ship Safe, i would be in deep denial just to not lose my god damn mind like thats so fucking scary. And then the implication you tried to talk to the captain and even if he wasn't cruel he didn't Understand the Severity of what you were suggesting is like. Besides feeling afraid it could genuinely really fuck with my own perception bc like "if this guy who I trust says he's not a bad person maybe I'm just overreacting?" is. Again unfortunately understandable.
And again I'll say that Anya fully breaks down when the news breaks that pony express is fucked and like. 1. I think that's related to her own finances (and also. Literally just realized the way an abortion could interact badly with "no savings" like I Just Processed that fact. Like I knew "oh if she couldn't abort having to support a child wouldn't just be traumatic but also fucking nightmarish finance wise" but even having an abortion could make things so much harder.) 2. Jimmy LASHES OUT at Curly OPENLY. again based on my interpretation of Mildly In Denial To Cope this would. Like. Really fuck with that because it goes from "I trust the captain and I don't want to be afraid of my crewmate for a year" to "oh he is willing to verbally abuse the captain, who is his friend" and realizing I wasn't overreacting.
I also wanna point to the dead pixel conversation and obv it's symbolic but idk if it's meant as "there's a dead pixel that Anya noticed and she's using the topic to like test the waters" or if it's "anya is literally just trying to figure out Curly's thought process" which isn't like super important but like. Focusing on the way she starts the conversation by saying that she "Likes the illusion the screen has". (I don't remember the exact words sorry) But that's really interesting to me bc obviously you can read into Curly not seeing the dead pixel and instead focusing on the bigger picture (and how the dead pixel "doesn't ruin the illusion") but I think it's really interesting that Anya starts by talking Positively about the screen even though the dead pixel is there (and she can't stop thinking about it)
Like thinking through implications option 1: she's talking about the screen and uses the dead pixel to get a feel for how Curly responds to her bringing up issues
2: she's being entirely metaphorical and still trying to sort of self soothe- seeking external validation that the dead pixel Isn't Actually That Big A Deal (and therefore she's just overthinking)
3: idk how to phrase this exactly but ppl have talked Abt the way she talks to Jimmy, how it indicates a sort of "Fawn" response where she tries to keep him calm with compliments and stuff, and her talking about "enjoying the illusion" is her trying to do something similar with Curly- essentially starting the metaphor by downplaying the issue
Anyway. I don't know if I have a full conclusion but another thing is I think ppl need to acknowledge that while Curly fucked up and harmed Anya (mainly thru inaction). He's not uniquely shitty. Most people will be in a situation where they act similarly, and that DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS. I AM NOT SAYING CURLY IS ANY BETTER. I am saying that you need to be able to recognize your capacity for harm thru inaction and understand that like. He's not uniquely terrible he's just Normal Levels Of Unhelpful, which in a situation like Anya's is Dangerous
Like. Basically you can say "fuck jimmy fuck curly" all you want but you need to be able to understand that everyone including yourself has the same capacity for harm
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#SA ment#Ask to tag#Idk I will say with the Anya thing: I'm a little bit speaking from personal experience#Of. There are things that I think about like ''ppl say These Things (that I experienced) are Very Bad but I don't think that's the case#For me'' like. Not consciously ''oh I'm over reacting'' but more ''well maybe my situation is different'' and it's really hard to figure ou#How much of that is genuinely the case and how much is denial y'know. 👍#Also Curly is a trans guy to me bc I'm hungry for characters who are trans men and just as culpable of willful ignorance and harm#As cis men. Anyway if anyone has a diff take on Anya's situation and)or mindset I'm open to hear it this is just my thoughts#Based on how the scenes read to me.#Also like the situation is delicate and this isn't like A Perfect Fix but genuinely Curly should've given Anya the gun#I don't think she would've shot it but it works as a Defensive Threat in a way that would give her security and also deter jimmy from being#A fucking problem because he doesn't experience consequences for his actions due to a mix of Captain's Friend and#''we can't really do shit to him or we lose our co-pilot'' (even tho he fucking sucks at his job they don't learn that until he#Is The Captain so they likely assume he's at least fucking. Functional and they would be worse off with him out of commission. Y'know)#But then again Jimmy's allergic to responsibility and consequences to the point of murder suicide so maybe Anya wouldve had to shoot him#Idk. Imagine me pacing full of rage. Imagining a universe where Anya can just fucking go to med school and doesn't have to deal with#The pony express. FUCK THE PONY EXPRESS
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all r-dfem blogs on here are always posting 3 things: a) most vitriolic disgusting display of shaming people for how they look which almost always implicitly or explicitly aligns with some kind of eugenics or racism, b) how everyone who isnt them or disagrees with them is stupid or misguided or has no hope left for them, and c) how lonely and isolated they feel all the time . I wonder when they will join the dots
#like. i do know people who self identify as radfems and they are nice they dont fit these bullet points#but like. that polite persona they exert is a mask for either a LOT of bitterness and a huge lack of empathy. or a lot of self hatred#that is then expressed by being so unnecessarily mean to other people behind their backs 😭#and im all for being mean occasionally im not one to cry and clutch my pearls when people are cunts to other people#but when theres a specific pattern of being mean to specific people (often other women and especially transfems)#for specific things (looks & taste & intelligence). well then its a problem innit#and then theyre also horrible about men which is like. Whatever. but i am off the belief that making fun of anyone#for their looks or appearance or their body and things that they cant help is just so fucking shallow and bleak and stupid#theres plenty of things to make fun of men for like soooooooooooo so many things#and yet the most popular way of doing it. or the one that a lot of these people (radfems and adjacent) think is either most funny#or most cathartic is making fun of mens appearance#so what if hes ''ugly'' and has male pattern baldness and a thick chin and big nose or whatever. i thought we were here to#idk. dismantle the patriarchy. knock men down a notch on the hierarchy. criticise a culture that encourages misogyny#call out the abuse and belittlement of women by men every day. you know. the things intrinsic to our society because of#capitalism and patriarchy and conservativism etc.#NOT perpetuating the culture that shames people for things that they cant change#and if they WANT to change these aspects youre shaming them for they have to spend ludicrous amounts of money#this is the mindset that makes me think bitch we are never getting out of capitalism !!!!!!!!!!#starting shaming behaviours not looks like im BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!#okay thats all i have to say im really sick of this. and some of my mutuals do this and its really upsetting me sorry .
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You know I think we can resolve a lot of our problems and moral dilemma by asking ourselves "does this really matters that much?"
#this is mostly in relation to current moral panic specifically in france but i think it van apply to a variety of contexts#like idk if yall know but france hate muslim people (specifically women) so much and it's so absurd#like... so much debate over muslim girls in school specifically#'we can't let them wear hijabs cuz hijab is a symbol of oppression*' okay well does it really matters that much?#isn't it more important to let them go to fucking school in peace instead of forcing them to remove it#(*i know it's stupid but that's the mainstream view of the hijab in france)#'but we have to stay religiously neutral at school' why? i understand teachers being religiously neutral but students who care?#wouldn't it be better to let anyone exprime their identity instead of forcing a standard‚ so‚ y'know‚ people can learn about diversity?#'well sometimes they refuse to go to swimming lessons because they don't want to be half naked in front of boys/men'#yeah i can understand that somehow not sure it's specific to their religion tho maybe we shouldn't force kids to get half naked idk#maybe we could allow them to go to female only swimming lessons if they want to#'WHAT?! but that's separating bous from girls that's sexist and we won't surrender to that backwards vie-' does it really matters?#obviously i don't believe society should be segregated between men and women but here isn't it more important that those kids learn to swim?#(yeah i fucking hate this debate)#and that works for a lot of subjects#'but trans people-' that's 0.09% of people what the fuck are you talking about#'but if we let kids transition and they regret it' yeah what if? sometimes people do shit they regret (but let's look at the stats too)#if they have regrets we should support and help them and that's it#and like‚ sometimes the answer is 'yes' and if it is you have to keep fighting for your cause#but you have to choose your fights donlt waste energy again things that don't matter that much
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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Art tip: draw whatever you think looks best forever. Doesn’t matter if it’s “incorrect” or unrealistic as long as you’re not being racist or using harmful stereotypes it’s FINE.
#connor speaks#art tips#art encouragement#this is in relation to two things.#Ones the stupid fuckin thing I keep seeing about how#Men have straight hips and women have curves#As a trans man. That “fact” can fuck off.#And I’ll give characters hips no matter what because it’s fun#And looks better to me#And then this probably well meaning post I saw about how#To draw scars on darker skin tones#That said you should avoid making them pink#Ehhh…. I don’t really want to#I just think it looks better pink!! Idk!
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it's been a strange arc so far
when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'
when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'
the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'
#red said#this is about one specific relationship btw.#wanted to clarify that because there have been several men over 30 who fucked me up between the ages of 16 and 21#and i adamently do NOT want to keep pretending that was incompetence. that was predation. sometimes incompetent predation.#but with the person I'm thinking of? she really hurt me and the age gap and difference in life stage was a not insubstantial factor#but mostly she was just spiralling out really badly and i offered her something to hold and she did try to keep things balanced and safe#but she was very off balance at the time. so the fucking up was more that than it was about power or control#we were just both very stupid and very sensible at the same time which is a great way to dig yourselves deeper#and idk I'm like 2 or 3? years younger than she was when we met iirc#and the closer i get to her age the more I'm like yeah you know that's a human reaction. i can see how that happens.#and i kind of feel bad for the amount of bitterness I've held and malice I've ascribed because ultimately#i think it was just two people having different crises trying and failing to figure out boundaries around them#but this has come on really suddenly and it's kind of fucking me up as well#cause I'm frightened of falling back into patterns of oh it's never anyone else's fault that i got hurt#but i don't. thiiiiink so? bc it's really only this one thing. i am not making these excuses for other people.#idk. sometimes people just fuck each other up.#I'm not even sure i think it was a bad thing that it happened. a lot of bad happened but we also catalyzed a lot of change in each other.#i feel like the reason i keep picking at this is that it's complicated. it was not good. it was good.#she really fucked me up and she was a terrible friend to me at times. but she was also the first person to really look after me.#and she kind of helped me start to learn how to need other people. which was good.#when my grandma died she wrapped me in a blanket and cancelled her plans to watch TV on the couch with me#even though she barely knew me at that point#and she was one of the first people to consistently ask for consent and check in. and she did genuinely care about me.#but she also truly fucked me over a couple of times.#but mostly that was just because she was buried in a pit of despair and self loathing.#she seems a lot happier now. i hope she is. i don't know if i want to know her particularly but i think if she's happy she'd be nice to know
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Holy fucking shit the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing right now. I feel physically nauseous oh my fucking god. I’m gonna fucking kill someone maybe myself rn I’m gonna lose my shit holy hell.
Doesn’t help that I’ve been incredibly overstimulated the past few days every sound is like a fucking cheese grater in my ears oh my god.
#dysphoria#gender dysphoria#sensory processing disorder#tw emetophobia#for the nausea mention#idk if that’s needed or not#but yeah I’m about to tear off my fucking skin and jump off a building I am losing my fucking mind#it’s so over#lmao my brain is fucked i genuinely wanna off myself over this shit#and my mother keeps refusing to even entertain the idea of getting my name changed on the school role#even though all my teachers and friends call me Alex and that’s what I’ve been going by for a few years now#and it would make things significantly easier for everyone because it would fix my email name as well#so that’s not helping#and she was talking about my period and being all “it’s okay all WOMEN get these ❤️ you’re just becoming a beautiful woman#and now she keep being rude to my sister because she uses men’s deodorant (because it works better) and doesn’t really wear dresses#(because she finds them annoying and inconvenient)#and is being all “hurr durr you’re copying your SISTER stop being so masculine”#like fucking hell#shit talking me and harassing my sister all at once#man I want to fucking kill myself im so done with this shit#and I’m so overdue on school work and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed this fucking sucks#and I know the school work and stuff is fully my fault for forgetting and slacking off but I can’t bring myself to do them because the#stress of fucking up and just how much of it I have to do is pushing me to my damn limit#I can’t even bring myself to start on my film and media assignment that’s a week overdue because I’m so fucking stressed just thinking about#it and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. and I know I’m at fault for procrastinating and being too lazy and stressed#to bring myself to start working on it#and things are just gonna get more and more difficult#so yeah. rant over I guess. sorry guys#did not mean to rant in the tags this much dysphoria is just killing me and so is general stress#tw suicidal thoughts
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sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
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having self inserts that are minors is so fuckin weird bc for multiple dynamics I'm just like... if they were an adult then these guys would fuck. but I'm not doing that bc they are a CHILD and I just don't want to explore that particular flavor of terrible with my blorbos it's just like T-T why does my brain keep wanting to make any of this shit romantic/sexual in any way I fucking hate you brain.
#and for anyone who might say 'you can just make adult self inserts if you want to do self-shipping. even if you're not that age irl'#I know I could. But idk. I want teen self inserts. that is what I connect to way more. And it's just more of a 'brain shut the fuck up#this is not supposed to bring out the shipping eyebrows' thing anyway#and less of a 'well damn I want to ship these guys but [literally illegal age gap]'#so uhhh I just need my brain to shut up and stop thinking fictional men 10 years my senior are attractive for like five seconds while I#think about my blorbos#sorry to ramble about this on here but also it's my blog and I'll do what I want :)#self insert#I am going to tag this#selfshipping#for the people who might have that filtered out#negative#idk if it's really negative but ehhhh not taking any chances#cryptid.thoughts
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i dont want to lose weight bc what if a pretty boy needs to cling to my arm or sit on my lap?? then where would they go?
#augh#heyy dont mind me. its getting into tshirt weather =w=bb#idk further weight talk in the tags beware#i genuinely do not want to lose weight. if im ever in the gym its bc i wanna build up muscle to pick up heavy things 6=w=9#like genuinely if i could go to the gym rn i fucking would bc I WANNA BE STRONGER.#but ive got too much going on with school and work already and i cant spare it mentally =w=bb#so looking out towards a calmer future where i can go it is.#sillyposting#anyway <3 im got new swimshorts bc the old ones were TOO TIGHT last year so i defo cant fit into them now.#which is fine =w=b#but it is a bit humbling to order xxl from a mens size.#i already know ive got fat legs but cmon. (ik all the bad talk is stupid but that wont stop the feeling so >:P )#anyway.#as i was trying em on (these new ones fit YIPPEEE) my mom made a comment about aforementiont big ass legs. yay =3=p#thanks. really needed that.#oh well.#but yeah that got me a lil upset again.#:P#its fiiine ill be okay <3 we will just ignore anything that might become a problem and trust that it will not get to that point o7#the voices in my head are saying something different but ive become very good at ignoring those aswell =w=bb#anyway arms and legs are really the main thing that bother me about my fat. but ill just keep thinking about levi and yakumo <333
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𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐓 '𝐓𝐈𝐋 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐇 𝐑𝐎𝐓!
╭─────────────────────── ( 🍭 )
he just can't get enough of your pussy !
› 〉 📂 .ೃ | 🚨🚨🚨SMUT !! (f!reader receiving oral & fingering), uhhh pussydrunk hsr men who are MUNCHES <3, i think this is the first time writing smut on this blog so hereee we gooo, uhh clit slapping (only once thanks blade), overstim, nothin toooo crazy, ever so slight dom!reader for sampo (that man needs to get topped so bad) + you call him a pervert idk, squirting (shoutout luocha 😙)
╰─➤ 💌 ₍₁₎ I HAVENT WRITTEN SMUT IN AGESSSS SO PLS BE NICE AND TO MY MUTUALS SORRY THT THIS SHOWS UP ON YOUR DASHBOARD LETS STILL BE FRIENDS PLS 😭
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 JING YUAN.
this is a dangerous game when he's involved
as a general, jing yuan is very accustomed to being in charge, of taking charge and ensuring that things happen
and as a man who cares more about the hours outside of his work than during, who can blame him for wanting to commemorate each time that he comes home to you?
he's always been very giving as a lover, that much is true. and as a man with a tendency to be more on the... spontaneous side, you were no stranger to a quickie in a slightly less than convenient location. he just couldn't bear to leave you uncared for, after all.
so really, you should have expected that he would quite literally stoop to this level. one minute he was walking through the front door, you calling out a greeting to him from the sink as you washed some dishes.
and the next minute, he was on his knees behind you, your skirt flipped up over your hips and panties tugged to the side as he began to eat you out with some type of renewed fervour.
it had you slapping one hand over your mouth, the other white-knuckled as you hold on for dear life to the kitchen counter. your legs were very quickly turning to jelly due to his ministrations, the feeling of his tongue fucking into you rendering you unable to form sentences.
and even worse than the sensation was the sound of it- every lick and slurp reverbating through the empty room, every squelch of your pussy making you go a shade darker as jing yuan moaned, the bastard, and delved even further into your pussy. your hips pushed against him, his hands snaking their way around your thighs to keep you pinned in place while he ate you out like his life depended on it.
you bit back a squeal as you felt his tongue flick against your clit before running back through your folds, circling the hole before fucking back into you.
"fuck, i love this pussy so much," he moaned out, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh as he came up for air momentarily. "love comin' home to you every day- you taste so good, so good f'me-"
any attempts at muffling your noises were extinguished as you let out a sob, tears welling up from the pleasure, making you fold over so that your torso rested against the counter. your legs were spread wide by now, giving jing yuan all the access that he needed.
he relinquished one of your thighs in favour of using his fingers to pump into you, curling them just right against that spongy spot that had you shaking like a leaf, feeling the pressure build inside you much quicker than you anticipated.
"fuck- fuck- i can't, 's so good-" you were babbling now, trying in vain to break free or push his head away, the pleasure bordering on too much. it was comically easy how ineffective your attempts to hinder him were,
"you can." his voice was some soothing reprieve, and the warmth of his hands squeezing against your hips helped to ground you as he otherwise brought you to the edge.
your thighs were trembling, barely supporting your weight and you could feel your release fast approaching, though something was holding you back.
"cum f'me." jing yuan's rasped voice is what finally coaxed you to let go, to let that string snap with a final cry as you collapsed fully against the countertop.
always diligent, jing yuan continued to eat you out, making sure not to miss a drop as you spasmed against him, hips finally stilling after you ride out your high.
"bastard." your voice is muffled, head resting on your forearms as your regain your strength. jing yuan merely chuckles, placing a kiss with his wet lips to your inner thigh again, one last jolt of pleasure running through you before he stands, fixing your clothes for you.
"but you love it."
you give him a halfhearted kick in the shin.
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 SAMPO.
he's the type of man who's best in small doses
the amount of times you get annoyed while he's on another tangent or trying to scam you sell you a product is..... a bit more than infrequent
but there's ways around that
"sampo, do you ever shut up?"
ironically enough, you asking him that made him do just that, pausing for a second to lick his lips as his smile widened, cheshire-like, as you watched the cogs turn in his head.
"no, but for a small standalone price-"
if youuu put a buck in my cup i will shut the fuck up (sorry)
"sampo."
the man cackles, slinging an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in to his side.
"sorry, doll, but a man has to make a living somehow."
you turn to glare at him now. you really weren't in the mood.
"either shut up or i'll make you."
you watch as his smile drops for just a second, his pupils dilating ever so slightly at the underlying hint of what's to come. and bless his heart, the man decided to push his luck.
approximately five minutes later, you were grinding on his face. the only noises that he really made now were occasional grunts and moans as you rocked back and forth, and you decided that you liked him much better when he wasn't talking.
the man with a silver tongue had his uses, after all.
he was so eager to please, too- from what you could tell with the way he was eating you out. if it weren't for the overwhelming pleasure you were feeling, you would be convinced that he was enjoying it more than you. his moans reverberated around your clit as his tongue flicked over and sucked it, leaving you keeling over and your thighs quaking against the sides of his head.
every moan you let out had him eating you out with a renewed fervour, almost desperate for you to reach your high. you let your hand snake into his hair, getting a full handful before yanking on it, hard. sampo whines from the sensation, and you almost miss the muffled plea for you to do it "again".
his fingertips are digging into your thighs almost painfully, keeping you seated firmly against him (not that you were going to move, anyway).
your eyes land on the tent in his boxers, and an idea pops into your head as you snake your hand past his abdomen to pull his waistband down, letting his cock spring free. it looked painfully hard, the tip already leaking pearls of precum, and you spat in your hand before starting to jerk him off, ever so slowly.
he whined again at the pressure, his hips thrusting up to meet your hand, desperate for any sort of friction.
"you're getting off to this, you pervert?" you laughed as he shook his head desperately, still plunging his tongue deep inside you even as his hips bucked wildly. he was already so close, it almost made you laugh.
you yourself were beginning to feel the coil deep within you start to tighten, a telltale sign that your own orgasm was approaching.
"so if i were to just... stop, you wouldn't mind?" to emphasise your point, you loosened your grip on him, grinning to yourself as he whined pathetically.
"hm... that's what i thought."
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 BLADE.
blade's mean when he eats you out
he's one of those who eats it for his own pleasure, and whether it's until you orgasm once or multiple times, he's not stopping until he's satisfied, overstimulation be damned
"you still alive there?" the man between your thighs snickers at your fucked-out state, not even able to form a sentence to answer him.
how many times had he made you cum by now? six? seven? you'd lost count long ago, and you don't think it mattered much to blade. sometime after the second one, it began to dawn on you that his goal wasn't to simply make you cum then call it a day.
"c'mon, eyes on me." you squeal at the sensation of his hand slapping down against your clit, the raw flesh stinging for a few moments before his hand smooths it over, soothing the skin.
"you can handle one more, right?" you lift your head weakly to meet his ravenous eyes, somehow even hungrier than when he had first started peeling your clothes off. the look in his eyes made a shiver run down your skin, and you gave him a sheepish nod.
"attagirl."
blade's one to keep you on your toes, never knowing just what to expect from him. he ducks his head down, leveling it with your still pulsing hole, and you gasp as you hear, then feel him spit on it.
there's a blunt intrusion as he sinks two of his fingers into you, knuckles deep, crooking them just right to hit that spot inside you. your leg twitches as an automatic response, making the man snicker again.
"you're so sensitive," he coos, and you hide your embarrassed face with your arm. "i bet if i just..." your body seizes up as you cum, again, more sudden than you ever expected as blade presses harder against you. a strangled moan flies out of your mouth, writhing at the pressure.
he's nice enough to let you ride out your high, pathetically grinding your clit against his palm, whimpering at the tenfold sensitivity and the little aftershocks wracking your body.
and when you're finally breathing normally again, you hear his voice break you out of your stupor.
"one more?"
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 GEPARD.
what he lacks in experience is made up for doubly in enthusiasm
because let's be real, this man is too busy with the silvermane guards to have enough time to be dating and fucking around
but for you? he'd make the time. and he'd learn how to get you off while he's at it, too
"so if you just, slide your fingers in, slowly." gepard follows your instructions dutifully, and even then you still winced at the feeling of his large fingers stretching you out, the slightest of burns already kicking in.
"like this?" he looks up at you, all puppy dog eyes, so eager to learn. his face was too innocent for what he was doing.
"mhmm." you smile down at him, his face rested against one of your thighs as his gaze returns to your cunt, glued to the way it stretches around his digits. he feels you pulse against him and he shudders, trying to hold back for your sake. he was here to learn what you liked, after all.
"and then you kind of... curl them a bit? and move them too." his ministrations are soft to begin with, and even there's still an unmistakeable squelch each time he pumps his fingers into you, the lewdness of it all making him turn pink.
"does that feel good?"
"y-yeah, so good, baby."
he's so close to your pussy, you can feel each time he breathes, his little pants hitting your clit, making you even wetter. the anticipation of it all had you practically squirming where you lay propped up on your elbows, watching him.
his eyes are still transfixed on you, mouth hanging open at the way your hips rolled ever so slightly, meeting each of his shallow thrusts.
"you see that bit above? if you lick it, it'll feel really good f'me." gepard nods, all too eagerly leaning forward, licking a thick stripe from your hole to the clit with his tongue, before starting to flick his tongue against it gingerly.
"yeah, fuck, you're good at this." he hums against you, starting to move his tongue with a little more fervour, his hand still pumping into you. he always had been a fast learner.
he settles into a rhythm, one that has you steadily building the pressure in your core, soft moans escaping your lips.
"just like that, fuuuck," you pant out, letting your head roll back and your eyes closed as you focused on the feeling. it's then when gepard decides to wrap his lips around your clit, sucking ever so deliciously to make your toes curl.
you let out a particularly loud moan at the sensation, one that your ever so perceptive boyfriend latches onto, increasing the pressure in a way that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head.
"geppie m'gonna cum- don't stop-" he obeys your every word, slurping at your cunt with a hunger that sends you over the edge. you convulse, hips raising off of the mattress to buck against his face, his fingers curling around your quaking thighs.
"use my face, darling," he murmurs into you, so eager to please. the way the ridge of his nose bumps against your clit helps you ride out your high, grinding against his mouth a few more times before you finally flop back down against, the bed, limbs turning to jelly.
"no fucking way that was your first time eating someone out." gepard merely grins, wiping some of your juices off of his face before crawling up the bed to meet you.
"'m sure it was, now give me a kiss."
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 LUOCHA.
your life will be CHANGED after this man eats u out for the first time i just know it
like.. he's got skills. he's a certified munch i know this in my SOULLLLL
"just relax, honey, let me take care of you." his velveteen voice is what has you finally lying back, letting the tension in your body leave you as his nimble fingers hook into the waistband of your panties, sliding them off of your legs ever so tantalisingly.
he groans at the string of slick that stays connected to them- no surprises there as you had been sat on his lap kissing him for the past half an hour- and you covered your face in embarrassment.
"don't go shy on me now, hm?" you peek between your fingers, catching the glint of his emerald eyes, the way his smile widens when he makes eye contact with you from his place between your legs.
"hi, pretty."
"hi."
"we can go as slow as you want, okay? tell me what you're comfortable with." luocha's thumbs rub gentle circles into your thighs, coaxing you to open them and let him settle more comfortably.
"do you want me to touch you?" you nod, watching as luocha's smirks almost imperceptibly.
"use your words, darling." you whine, kicking at him lightly.
"quit teasing me."
"do you want my fingers or my tongue?"
"luocha!" he chuckles, pressing a kiss to the inside of your knee.
"i'm sorry, love, you're just so cute when you're flustered." he presses another kiss to your thigh now, lips inching upwards ever so slowly, holding himself back as he waits for your go-ahead.
"could you... eat me out?" your face feels so warm just from asking the question, but the nerves are quelled as luocha smiles brightly, shifting his weight on his hips to lower himself down closer to you.
"gladly."
there's a few seconds of anticipation, of his breath hitting your core before another entirely new sensation- something wet and muscled sliding against you as luocha licks a flat stripe through your slit. his tongue sharpens, flicking against your clit as he pulls away after his experimental first taste.
you're already feeling something inside you coil in anticipation, and it tightens even more at the blissed out expression on luocha's face.
"you taste divine, my love."
and then he's delving in for more. your usually so composed boyfriend lying flat on his stomach, buried facefirst in your pussy and eating it like a man starved.
the slurping and squelching noises are obscene, echoing off of the walls and filling up the room along with your wails and moans. your head was in the clouds right now, too fucked out to even scream his name. and he hadn't even put his tongue in yet.
as if reading your mind, luocha finally shifts his attention to your hole, his tongue circling it, teasing it open, before he plunges in along with his fingers, the size of them and his fingertips grazing against your g spot bringing you to the verge of tears.
everything just felt so good, and he was going to make you cum hard and fast.
the regular pressure of an impeding orgasm kept building up, more than it regularly would, until it became an entirely new sensation altogether.
"w-wait, baby, i'm gonna pee or something-"
luocha pauses, pupils blown wide with lust as he meets your gaze.
"you're not, honey, just trust me, alright?"
and because it's him, because you'd do just about anything for him right now if it meant continuing to feel this good, you lie back down, feeling him bring you back to that point again.
his fingers are drilling into you at an almost inhuman pace, the sound enough to make you cum, let alone the sensation. his soft lips suction around your clit, warm tongue flicking against your bundle of nerves repeatedly, making you squeal and throw your head back.
"'m gonna-" luocha nods encouragingly, his nose bumping against your clit in a way that has your vision go white as you writhe in ecstasy. there's an odd feeling, of something shooting out of you, and you look down to see a spray of clear liquid. luocha's fingers rub against your pusy frantically, making you writhe again, prolonging your orgasm as he milks you for every last drop.
you finally come back down to earth, vaguely feeling a warm wet cloth wipe away at you, at the mess you had made.
and luocha's gazing at you with nothing but adoration, a pussydrunk smile on his lips.
"aren't you glad you trusted me, love?"
𝜗𝜚 honkai star rail masterlist
#୨୧ gia.txt :: jing yuan#୨୧ gia.txt :: sampo#୨୧ gia.txt :: blade#୨୧ gia.txt :: gepard#୨୧ gia.txt :: luocha#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr jing yuan x reader#jing yuan x reader#jing yuan smut#jing yuan x reader smut#hsr sampo x reader#sampo x reader#sampo x reader smut#sampo koski x reader#sampo koski smut#hsr blade x reader#hsr blade smut#blade x reader#blade smut#blade x reader smut#hsr gepard x reader#gepard x reader#gepard smut#gepard x reader smut#gepard landau x reader#gepard landau x reader smut#luocha x reader#luocha smut#luocha x reader smut
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Astro Observations: Tropical Edition (Sexology🔞)
Hello Guys! Thank you for the support of my couple last post! Since we did a Vedic one, I kind of want to do a Tropical Edition one especially since I am more versed about it, SO I HAVE MORE TO SHARE😋
These are based on my perspective of placements and signs, so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t🫶🏾 I’d love to hear y’all’s take as well!
Please do not read if under the age of 18.
Let’s start!
1. Both men and women who have water paired with a fire placement or air placement are much more emotionally detached about sex compared to one with an earth or several water placements. I knew a scorpio moon guy with an aquarius mars and oh BABY he was so detached about sex, it was more of a conqueror thing than a thing of having sex with people he acc liked (he also was an aries sun💀). Water and fire can definitely still get attached but when it is time to walk away if the relationship doesn’t serve them they WILL in a heartbeat.
2. Mars with jupiter men be having that BIG shit compared to mars with saturn. But with jupiter, they’re so fucking cocky about it like babe no one cares more than you do. I knew a guy who had this aspect and he would talk about his length all the TIME like it was a flex 😭. Mars with saturn i have heard can restrict ur length or make you overall much more conscious with sex and sometimes even insecure. You hear the mars/jupiter being the loud asf one about sex and the mars/saturn lowkey watching in insecurity or in like a 🙄pipe down look.
3. Pluto aspecting ur mars or venus ESP in a water sign omgggg y’all can get super attached just by looking at someone like😭 once y’all have sex with someone y’all NEVER want to let them go and become so possessive and jealous (it can happen with any element to be honest but with water yeahhhh y’all never leaving) i think it def applies to scorpio mars and venus people but idk i feel like they get super attached but then they are super unattached at the same time IDK how to explain it
4. If you want to degrade someone because your into that kink, you have CAPRICORNS who love that🫶🏾🫶🏾 LMAO every capricorn lowkey either loves degrading themes orrr they love to be praised because they lack that🥺
5. Gemini placements do like to be talked while doing it likeeeee BITCH TELL ME IM DOING GOOD😭 tmi but like they really do and tbh most of them are really good at oral sex (using hands bc that’s what gemini rules) soooooo
6. If you’re not into threesomes don’t mess with a sage or aquarius bc they down for ANYTHING tbh. Sag placements love trying new things and aquarius placements are into unconventional themes so try it out with them if you’re into that.
7. Aquarius placements or heavy uranus aspects suffer from porn the most imo because uranus rules technology. Like i have met a aquarius that could watch porn every part of the day (but i have met some that ARE SO against it and they don’t watch it so i guess it depends on placements )
8. Don’t downplay the 6th house for synastry. The 6th house rules health and what you may do on an everyday basis. With mars and venus in one or the other 6th house i lowkey can deadass see y’all having sex like EVERY DAY or that’s the main theme when y’all see each other lol.
That’s it! Thank you for reading! I will get into individual placements really soon rather than talking about the general scope of placements!
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i didn't have super high hopes for the barbie movie going into complex feminism and political issues or anything considering its made by mattel but the right-wing and male reaction honestly had me really hopeful that i was wrong and that the barbie movie is trying to say something radical. and then i saw the movie and its just like. the most basic boring surface-level feminism movie ever. the most political thing they say is that women have it really rough under the patriarchy which like. yeah obviously. its also extremely nice to men like its clear that the kens turn bad not out of malice but misguidance and ryan gosling ken gets whole musical numbers and a whole arc about finding himself and getting to know ken w/o barbie. even the all-male leadership at mattel is depicted as well-meaning albeit buffoonish at times. so the fact that men and right wing audiences are claiming that the movie is anti-men or is this super radical film is just. incredibly sad to me. like even a movie this non-political with such surface-level corporate feminism is offensive to you? and even the leftists are acting like its revolutionary somehow. if your boyfriend didnt realize how bad women have it before seeing the fucking barbie movie you need to get a new boyfriend. idk. its just disappointing all around to see something as basic as "women have it rough" treated like its a revolutionary concept and it makes me genuinely despair for the future of women that the barbie movie is the most feminism some people have been exposed to. and even that little amount is too much for some people.
#don't get me wrong i really liked the movie it was a fun watch even if it didnt live up to my expectations feminisn-wise but god.#its crazy to me to see the reactions.#really goes to show the desolate state of our political landscape rn. i swear we are going backwards
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