#or most cathartic is making fun of mens appearance

[brucequeensteen]

all r-dfem blogs on here are always posting 3 things: a) most vitriolic disgusting display of shaming people for how they look which almost always implicitly or explicitly aligns with some kind of eugenics or racism, b) how everyone who isnt them or disagrees with them is stupid or misguided or has no hope left for them, and c) how lonely and isolated they feel all the time . I wonder when they will join the dots

[silk-and-web]

Watched Deadpool and Wolverine. My reactions:

Not as good as the first two but enjoyable enough. Better than I expected since I admittedly thought it'd be disappointing. It does what Quantumania did but better.

I appreciate how they responded to the complaint that they're ruining the ending of Logan by doubling down in the most Deadpool way possible.

Watching Deadpool viciously murder TVA agents was cathartic. It's the edge that the MCU painfully lacked, and a fuck you to the originator of the tired and underwhelming multiverse saga.

I'm glad we saw Deadpool's supporting cast and did not kill them off. I'm sad they had no role in the story, which I unfortunately expected. Same deal as Quantumania.

I don't know how Shatterstar is alive but I'm not complaining.

There were so many inside jokes that only hardcore fans who know what happened behind the scenes of Marvel, Fox, and even DC would understand. So naturally I laughed at them.

All the alternate Wolverines were fun. The Cavilvolerine was 10/10. We technically got a Hulk cameo.

I legitimately wondered if RDJ was going to cameo or not, but they lampshaded it as expected.

Chris Evans fuckin' got me. I thought they went all out for a Captain America variant. As soon as he said Flame On I lost it. I had a feeling he wouldn't be sticking around so I'm glad they admitted it was for budget reasons.

Xavier's sister was annoying af but she's the villain so I guess she did her job well

Every Deadpool and Wolverine fight was perfect. They basically fucked.

This movie had all the cameos people thought Multiverse of Madness was going to have. I did not expect nearly this many or who they brought in.

Blade was great and he's probably right we won't get another. Electra was so unexpected it's funny. Channing Tatum finally playing an extreme comic accurate Gambit was great. X-23 made me smile though I wish she had more to do in the film. I'm glad she was included in the ending so there's potential for her to appear again.

The two final acts were pretty predictable but entertaining enough. Not much else to say there.

Wolverine's suit is great though the mask was clearly CGI in a few shots.

The Deadpool Corps fell flat and had unclear motivations. They shouldn't have been included at all tbh.

Yeah Hugh Jackman is never going to stop being Wolverine lmao

Ultimately, it was an enjoyable but completely unnecessary movie that sadly lacks the heart of the previous films. Like Quantumania, it gets wrapped up in world ending threats at the cost of the supporting cast that made the previous movies great and meaningful.

Post credits scene was a good gag, made me laugh.

The credits clips and music made me emotional. It's the send-off to Fox X-Men (and F4) we never truly got. Can't believe how young Hugh Jackman was back then. Seeing Quicksilver got me bad, I love Peters' portrayal so much.

And the Thor scene is such a funny tease because I highly doubt there are any actual plans set in stone so Ryan Reynolds is just daring Feige to find a way to retroactively make that spoiler a spoiler.

[chaifootsteps]

So I used to be interested in hazbin hotel and so followed the tag on tumblr. Since then I’ve fallen out of it and don’t even like it anymore. However I never unfollowed the tag so I still get posts about it only my dash.

Lately the only posts I’ve been getting about it is intense hate for the show. A lot of it is valid criticism, and then a lot of it it weird nitpicks petty stuff. I don’t like the show myself, and I recognize vivzies many faults, but I’ve been noticing people obsessively hating on her and the shows, and a lot of the time it feels weird? Dare I say people are just being mean?

You were just a blog that popped up on my dash and tbh I’ve just been wanting to ask someone’s opinion on this. I really don’t mean to be rude or imply that YOU are weirdly obsessed/mean or anything. I’ve just noticed that you also have a lot of posts surrounding vivzie and her shows and was wondering the reasoning behind it. It all just feels so extra to me.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you don’t feel comfortable answering I completely understand :)

Nah, it's all good. It's a valid question, thank you for not being confrontational about it.

One reason, the more lighthearted reason, is that it's fun to hate watch things, especially with other people. It's fun to watch bad movies and read Sonichu. It's fun to watch car crashes, both in terms of craft and people, and Vivzie is a rich source of both. Her show just keeps getting worse and her professional conduct is following suit, and none of it is anyone's fault except her own.

The other is that Vivzie is, to put it lightly, an abusive asshole. She presents herself as someone who clawed their way up from nothing and made it big, but we now know she's a spoiled brat from considerable generational wealth who's abused her employees, her friends, her fans, anyone she feels she can get away with mistreating. She underpays her workers while living in a 1,600,000 million dollar house, indulging in expensive taxidermy birds. She's stolen material from her friends, then knifed them in the back. She really, really doesn't like trans men. In that sense, it feels deeply cathartic to watch her shit the bed. She likes to try and lie about these things, to sweep them under the rug, and it feels good not to let her.

The reason I talk so much about it is because people send me asks about it, I answer them, and for the record, do at least try to make an effort to separate the really excessive stuff (stuff about Vivzie's race, appearance, mental health status) from the stuff she can help, and to point out when Brandon shares blame because this is his show too.

But yes, that's about the size of it. If Vivzie were the sweetest, most harmless person in the world whose show just happened to be old dish water, I think everyone would go easier on her. But she isn't, so here we are.

[thenarddogmeister]

Barbie. Dir Greta Gerwig. 2023

Barbieland contains all the child-like fun and vibrancy of Barbie but meets the uncertainty and uncomfortableness of the Real World. Told from the perspective of a women, this accessible film discusses misogyny, humanity, toxic masculinity and identity through the brilliance and sparkle of the world of Barbie.

The film follows Barbie (Margot Robbie) as she goes on a quest to save herself from becoming anything less than perfect, after her human (an intelligent mother who used to play with this Barbie) starts to affect this doll with her existential anxiety.

The film could’ve easily lost any of its feeling as the aesthetics are off-the-chart pink, fantastical and almost dream-like. Musical dance numbers are placed throughout the film, which bring excitement and energy but could’ve also added to the film’s shallowness and lack of immersion. However, this did not happen. Yes, the movie is set in an outlandish space, which on a surface level we have no relation to at all but the themes explored in the film are arguably universal human feelings, which give the movie its heart. I also found it hilarious at some points.

One of these themes is identity. I feel like most people (especially in an era where we are swarmed by social medias, which often makes us feel inadequate and ugly) can relate to the feeling of tying our identities to a specific part of ourselves in order to be loved or liked or respected. Obviously, the film focuses more on Barbie so we mostly experience what it’s like to be a women and live in a world where our appearances are forced to be our identity. Women are told through media and men that how we look defines how successful we are, how respectable we are and how lovable we are. It’s sad and Barbie does such a good job at expressing this complex feeling most women are tuned into and also providing an entertaining and optimistic film to watch.

Now, Ken (Ryan Gosling) is also allowed his share of exploration and emotion. He too ties his identity to a specific superficiality. The attention he gets from Barbie. He exerts himself doing stupid things (such as incessantly flexing his muscles) because he thinks that if Barbie likes him, and he is a strong, masculine man then he has won life. This should be his aim. The film educates Ken as we lead up to a climactic moment where he realises that what makes him his own man isn’t the love of a woman or his beach body abs but something else. We learn from Barbie that Ken needs to find his own identity and it is something that is done alone. It is an emotional moment as (for me at least) we resonated with both the dolls deeply. I’ve felt rejected and ugly and I have based my importance and value as a human on my appearance and how men view me but now I know that the essence of humanity isn’t a measurable unit appertaining to the way others view you, but what we value and what we feel and what we choose to do with our lives.

Barbie learns that she doesn’t want or benefit from perfection but she wants to be imaginative and help young people who also feel confused about their identity and confused about their place in the world. Together, we go on a journey which essentially takes us from our learned, cultivated belief that who we are is in the hands of others to the more truthful and peaceful belief that we decide who we are and what we want to be and we shouldn’t be persuaded to feel powerless, pointless and valueless due to our appearance.

It’s funny, energetic and emotionally impactful (with the iconic moment where Barbie meets the brand’s creator - Ruth Handler - in a sentimental and moving scene. The background has cascading, soft lighting and a close up of the pairs’ hands touching is used to add such significance to the dialogue and such heart to the scene).

I think Greta Gerwig created a film where I can enjoy it and also go through a cathartic experience as my deepest anxieties and upsets about the world are portrayed and validated. And I still felt happy rather than worried or cynical when it was over so I love this film.

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 25a

*Warning Adult Content*

One Taste - Part 1

- Knox -

While the clubhouse buzzes with activity, Knox is crouched beside his motorcycle meticulously cleaning each component with precision and care.

It's a cathartic process that offers him respite from his dark thoughts.

He works his way from the handlebars, with their worn grips that have served him well on countless rides, down to the chrome exhaust pipes.

When he examines the brake calipers, he makes a mental note to get online tonight to look for an upgrade, perhaps something with more stopping power.

He's been meaning to make a few improvements to his ride but time hasn't been on his side as of late.

Too many fires to put out.

Too many Jackals to track down and kill.

With a heavy sigh, Knox reaches for a new rag and some cleaning solution to work on the gas tank.

The sun reflects off the glossy surface within seconds, a gentle reminder that he only has a few hours left to take advantage of today's good weather.

The smell of the hamburgers and ribs sizzling on the grill drifts through the air and all around the massive backyard, merging with the pungent scents of whiskey and cigarette smoke.

Loud rock music blasts from the speakers that have been set up but even that isn't enough to drown out Alvin.

Knox looks up when another round of laughter erupts from the group of men seated at the largest wooden picnic table.

Alvin is standing on his seat, his hands flailing animatedly as he tells yet another outlandish story, this time, it involves him getting chased naked down a street by the gun-toting husband of a woman he was caught fucking.

Instead of it being a member of a rival gang, most of Alvin's brushes with death were a result of him messing around with women that he should've left alone.

Knox can't help but chuckle at his brother, shaking his head in amused disbelief.

He gets back to work and wipes the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand, leaving a grease stain on his tanned skin before tightening a bolt he noticed was loose.

It isn't long before his eyes wander over to Everett, who is doing his best to annoy Finn by critiquing his grilling skills.

The tension between the two men is still there, Knox can feel it from almost fifty feet away but at least now whenever they look at each other, Everett's eyes hold less of a murderous glare.

Unlike Josie, Knox has acknowledged the possibility that Finn and Everett may never become friends.

Considering the painful history that lies between them, Finn being responsible for Shaun's death which later put a target on Everett's back, Knox has no reason to try to push them together.

He's more than content seeing them play nice in front of his brothers and the other guests.

"Of course I'd find you over here by this damn shed scrubbing away on that bike."

Gavin appears with a blunt in one hand and a cold beer in the other.

He offers the beer to Knox.

"You always gotta be doing something, don't you? Can't ever just stop and smell the grass like the rest of us."

"It's stop and smell the roses, you jackass," Knox laughs.

He stands and accepts the drink, twisting off the cap with ease before taking a long swig.

The amber liquid soothes his dry throat and he welcomes the slight burn that it leaves behind, a hint of warmth spreading throughout his chest.

It's been a while since The Fallen Angels had a gathering like this, one that didn't involve them sitting around a table in a dark room as they plotted ways to eliminate their enemies.

Gavin felt it was necessary to have a cookout this evening, which many viewed as a welcome distraction from the mounting tension that continues to grow between The Fallen Angels and The Jackals.

Just a few hours of simple, harmless fun with good food, good music and good company.

Absolutely nothing that involves hunting down and killing anyone.

No reckless shootouts.

No playing the torturer and getting someone to break.

No wondering if the next breath he takes will be his last.

Knox isn't complaining about the cookout because he's long overdue for a fucking break.

"I'm surprised Josie hasn't balled you out for that," Knox says, referencing the joint Gavin is puffing on. "Bold of you to test her patience while pregnant."

"I know but she's supposed to be cutting me some slack since we're having such a chill day."

Gavin chuckles, then produces a nasty cough as smoke billows from his mouth.

"Speaking of which, you ought to be doing the same thing. That damn bike ain't going anywhere, so why are you here instead of being over there spending this time with the kid?"

Knox remains silent as his gaze drifts back to Everett and Finn.

"How're things going between you two, anyway?" Gavin asks. "You did claim him, after all. That means something, whether you want to admit it or not."

When Everett turns and catches Knox staring, he winks at him, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of his tempting mouth.

Heat rushes to Knox's face and he breaks eye contact.

"We're good," Knox says, clearing his throat. "For now, at least."

"Good is better than nothing, I suppose." Gavin coughs again and they share another laugh about it as he examines the joint in his hand. "Either I'm getting old and dusty or these plants are getting stronger. I feel like a fucking teenager taking his first hit. What the hell is going on here?"

"Old and dusty sounds about right," Knox teases before changing the subject. "You get an update from Mason yet? Been a few days since the motel shit went down and he still has the owners phone. Why haven't you called for a meeting...?"

"Nope. We ain't doing that right now. Let's talk business tomorrow."

Gavin claps a hand on Knox's shoulder, pulling him in close before walking back into the heart of the party.

"We're chilling the fuck out today and that's an official order. So why don't you grab something to eat, find your boy, sit your ass down and try to enjoy yourself. It's okay to play pretend sometimes, Knox."

Knox scoffs, taking another swig of his beer.

"Play pretend like we're not one fuck up away from losing everything? Okay, sure. Let's stay delusional and get fucked while we're at it."

Gavin barks out a laugh.

"Fuck you and your shitty sarcasm, motherfucker. Just for that, I ain't telling you about how Hayes tried to make a move on the kid earlier. Oh, shit... Hold on. I just told you, didn't I? Fuck, I think I'm too high..."

"Gavin Josiah Barnes," Josie shouts from across the yard. "I swear to God if you have another joint in your hand, I'm going to kick your pale ass. You know I told you to slow down."

Gavin curses under his breath and passes the blunt to one of the men sitting at the table before sluggishly making his way over to his wife, a lazy grin stretched across his face as he yells back an apology.

Knox slams his drink down on the table and storms off in search of Everett, who is no longer standing by Finn at the grill.

Josie couldn't have been in charge of inviting people over today because if she had been, Hayes Mitchell wouldn't be here right now.

He works as a washer at The Angel's Lounge, The Fallen Angel's strip club and cleans some of the dirty money that comes in.

The kind of money that's unrelated to the bills patrons toss at the dancers who flex their skills on stage.

Not only is Hayes one of the best at what he does but he's also the biggest fucking flirt Knox has ever encountered.

The brazen fool had nearly lost his life trying to make a pass on Josie before Gavin had claimed her as his Old' lady.

Hayes' horniness knows no bounds and gender never mattered to him.

Knox is certain Hayes would fuck a brick wall if it spoke to him nicely and had a hole for his dick to go into.

"Hey. You seen Everett around?"

Knox finds Mason sitting underneath a tree with a woman on his lap and his iPad in one hand, their eyes glued to the screen.

"He was with Finn earlier by the grill, then I blinked and he fucking disappeared."

"Check the house," Mason mutters, not even bothering to make eye contact. "I think he got wet and then left to change clothes or something."

Knox's posture stiffens and his brain stutters to a halt at the word wet.

When he speaks again, his voice comes out low and rough.

"He got wet? The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Mason finally looks up to read the room when Knox kicks at his feet to get his attention.

He swallows hard and sits up straight, Knox's icy stare making him fumble over his words.

"He was standing by the, uh... the cooler getting a drink or something and then... I think I saw him talking to Hayes or maybe it was somebody else, when the football went flying in his direction and knocked his drink..."

"I heard enough. Thanks."

Knox turns on his heel and stalks toward the backdoor of the clubhouse, both hands clenched into tight fists.

His mind races with unsettling thoughts as he shoves his way through the rowdy crowd.

Of course Hayes used this opportunity to get closer to Everett, one of the few people at the cookout who Hayes hasn't shared a bed with.

Just the thought of Hayes and Everett being together right now and all alone at that, fuels a surge of possessive anger within Knox that makes him see red.

Knox isn't worried about Everett entertaining Hayes because he knows where Everett's loyalty lies.

It's Hayes who's the fucking problem.

Him and his laid-back attitude and those stupid green eyes that he works as part of his gentleman act.

Thank God Hayes' appearance leans more toward 'I Work in Corporate America than Look at Me Wrong and I'll Shoot You' because then Knox might actually have some competition to worry about, given that Everett apparently has a thing for bikers or rather, Hayes could also be considered...

'Competition to kill.'

[sitp-recs]

Hidden Gems by @blamebrampton

Anyone who’s been following me for a while knows I worship the ground BB walks on. She’s probably among my top 3 Drarry fic authors of all time and I can confidently say I’ve read her catalogue in its entirety but curiously enough, I still get the same thrill of joy and excitement revisiting her works once twice thrice a month. BB’s narrative is very unique with nuanced and refreshing characterization, and organic witty humour playing in an effective, effortlessly charming and clever way that feels magical. It creates immersive universes and atmospheres that invite you to lose yourself into, different from anything I’ve read before or since. Beyond the incredible world building, her dialogue is a thing of beauty in itself, delightful and brilliant, packing just enough emotional resonance to make you wanna scream after a particularly clever line. It makes my job to find a quote for my recs so much more challenging! The feeling of first exploring BB’s world is exquisite and her masterful characterization never fail to impress me, it’s truly genius.

It was almost impossible to make a short list of hidden gems and it hurt my soul to stray from so many personal faves since they’re a bit more popular. But I’m sticking to the rules and that means highlighting fics that could use more attention. Words usually fail me when I’m trying to convey how much I love certain fics so feel free to check the single recs I’ve linked below - if you’re willing to suffer through my rambling thoughts, that is! I’m sure I’ve recced most of her catalogue at this point. And please please go check it ASAP, if you haven’t yet. These fics have stayed with me for many years now, they helped me through dark days and still comfort my heart whenever I need solace in fandom, I can’t imagine letting go of them anytime soon. I think of them now, 10 years after they’ve been written, and I’ll be thinking of them for the next 10 years. If you’re having one of those days - or just looking for a new obsession a special, one-of-a-kind reading experience - you can’t pick a better author. Go check these right now then come into my DMs to scream about Little Red Courgette all of them! You’re welcome 😉

And Save Me From Bloody Men (2010, T, 10k) - the only war AU you’ll ever need to read, a true masterpiece of characterization and building tension with tender Drarry romance, badass redeemed Draco and a breathtaking open ending that will make you gasp out loud. A must read!

Draco Malfoy once watched others fighting to stop the world falling apart. This time, he's not just watching. Read my rec here.

Tidings of Comfort (2012, G, 10k) - this cathartic series is on my top 3 fave comfort fics, beautifully quiet and cathartic. Featuring a redeemed Draco and a gentle curious Harry, late night conversations and

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. Luckily for Draco Malfoy, London has places where the tired can rest and recover. Read my rec here.

Of Hoof Picks, Centaurs and Flight (2012, G, 21k) - such a charming and fun adventure, I can’t get enough of it! Perfect Draco, lots of banter, centaurs, flying cars and the good old bed sharing trope 👌🏼

Harry has promised that he will not do anything to upset the new head of Magical Creatures. Even if it is Draco Malfoy. When three centaur foals appear in Cumbria, far from the Forbidden Forest and all too close to Muggles, Harry’s promise is thoroughly tested. To say nothing of his equestrian skills. Read my rec here.

For the Public Good (2008, T, 23k) - a brilliant satire of British politics and definitely a must-read if you’re into this genre. BB gets Draco’s snark just right and the banter is fabulous, not to mention the creative world building as per usual. Fun, smart, flirty, highly entertaining!

Harry is loaned to the Muggle government to assist relations between the two governments after the London bombings. When his counterpart in the Communications team comes to him with evidence of a plot to expose wizarding Britain, he is all ears. And only in part because the messenger has such a familiar voice.

Doing the Lambeth Walk (2012, T, 26k) - brilliant urban drama with fabulous world building, soft Draco and Harry doing good deeds and finding each other, slow burn, some family drama and non-graphic violence

There are only three traditional choices for the cashed-up hero after victory. Harry Potter is too young to settle down and provide the wizarding world with a happy ending, and has too acute a sense of humour to spiral downwards into a spectacular flame-out. That leaves a life of good works. Choosing to lead it in Muggle Brixton comes with its own set of challenges, including Malfoys in the biscuit aisle. Read my rec here.

Beneath Boundless Skies (2008, T, 29k) - imho this fic is a the testament to BB’s storytelling skills as it will make you laugh, cry and fall in love within minutes. What a rollercoaster of emotions! Set in the Australian landscape it delivers brilliant OCs, organic character dynamics, and the most touching, heart wrenching funeral scene. A gorgeous and poignant post-war recovery story.

Home is a world filled with funerals, a girlfriend who can't bear the sight of you, and people who are convinced you came back from the dead. Bugger it, even Australia sounds good.

The Consolations of a Summer's Day (2012, T, 32k) - this is such a delightful and well put together case fic, I adore Harry and Draco’s dynamics right from the start and how circumstances push them closer. Subtle romance, alternating POVs, a perfect Luna and a hilarious Kreacher as a treat! Cw: character death (Pansy)

Harry Potter is absolutely certain Draco Malfoy did not murder Pansy Parkinson. He’s almost absolutely certain he can prove this without sacrificing his career and having them both hauled up before the Wizengamot.

[taggingtim]

Why I love Pre-Boot Tim Drake and why the Reboot has ruined him

I love Tim Drake.  He is my favorite comic book character of all time.  I’ve been really upset the past few days about what DC has been doing with him lately, and I thought it would be cathartic for me to write something up about it.  (No, this isn’t a rant about Tim being bi/gay; it’s a much larger problem than that. But I’ll get to that in a bit.) Bear with me for a bit of history, first.

When I was a kid I loved the Batman Animated Series.  I know this will lose me a lot of internet cred, but I always preferred the fourth season. In particular, I loved Tim Drake. He was fun and funny and I absolutely adored him.  I used to beg my mom to take me to the mall so I could buy issues of Gotham Adventures. For my birthday one year my parents got me a subscription to the comic, and I was blown away by the idea that I could have comics MAILED to my HOUSE.

Around middle school I started collecting Marvel comics, mostly X-men stuff.  I loved them, but when I started college I quit the hobby for financial reasons.

 Fast forward a few years, and I felt I was financially stable enough to start buying comics again. Rather than going back to Marvel, I decided to give Batman comics a chance.  I had no idea where to start, and when I found out my beloved Tim had his own comic series, I thought it was a perfect entry point into the Batman universe. I bought the complete series from a local comic shop and dove in.

 Tim’s Robin series was exactly what I was looking for in a comic.  He was very different from little Timmy Todd from BtAS, but I loved him. I built the rest of my comic collection around him, grabbing up every book that he was featured in, from Young Justice to Teen Titans to Batman, Detective Comics, Nightwing, Red Robin, and many others.  I have random books from series like The Demon just because Tim was in them.

 So why did I like Tim so much?  What about this character made me so excited for more?  I found in Tim something that I had never seen in a comic book before: character growth.  Somehow, though he was written by many different authors over many different years, Tim managed to have a character arc that is consistent and makes sense. Sure, there were a few small bumps along the way, but on the whole Tim has always stayed true to his character, and he’s developed in a way that the big name characters, like Batman, never can.

 When we’re first introduced to Tim, he’s a young teen who has been neglected by his parents growing up. He’s smart, healthy, and strong, but he lacks so much self confidence and has little sense of self worth.  Tim notices Bruce’s increasing violence as he grieves for the loss of his son, and Tim knows he needs to step in and help.  Batman needs a Robin.

 For most characters, this would be the part where Tim put himself forward for the job.  But he doesn’t.  He seeks out Dick Grayson and begs him to come home instead.  It’s only when Batman and Nightwing are in danger and there is literally no one else to help that Tim steps up and dons the cape. And once he does, he’s constantly plagued by self-doubt, terrified he will screw up and leave Batman worse than ever before.

 From there, Tim undergoes intense training.  He never begs to be in the spotlight, doesn’t push to go out on the streets before he’s ready.  His goal is to help Bruce as much as possible.

 Here’s where I started to fall in love with him.  All that self-doubt, the constant need to be useful?  That’s exactly what you would expect to see from a child whose parents had ignored and neglected him.  He finally has a parental figure who sees him, who values him, and Tim does everything he can to make himself worthy in the hopes that Bruce will keep him around.

 This is the first example of character consistency that we see with Tim.  And it continues.  When his mom dies and his dad is put in a coma, you see Tim struggle to come to terms with losing the people he loves, but never had a relationship with.  Tim almost never mentions his mom after her death, because she just wasn’t present in his life.  When his dad recovers and decides to stick around, Tim struggles to build a relationship with him.  He’s plagued with guilt because he’s finally found the father figure he needed in Bruce, but he thinks that he’s supposed to feel that way for Jack.  It’s a running undercurrent in their relationship that creates distance between them for years.

 This is already so long, so I’m going to try to summarize a bit more.  We get to watch Tim grow up.  We see his awkward relationship with his first girlfriend, Ariana.  He doesn’t know how to treat her; he’s never had the opportunity to observe a healthy relationship.  But he tries so, so hard.  All of Tim’s relationships are awkward, because he’s never had a model of a good one. Steph is a great match for him, because she’s very vocal about what she wants and needs, and she isn’t afraid to call Tim out when he messes up, which is exactly what Tim needs.

 Big things happen to Tim. He’s stuck with Jean-Paul Valley, who slowly goes insane, leaving Tim to try to keep the city in one piece.  He’s infected with the Clench, a plague that sweeps over Gotham and kills everyone it touches, and barely escapes with his life. His girlfriend is sexually assaulted, leaving him to deal with the fallout.  His family moves out of Gotham, and he has to sneak back in during No Man’s Land to help.  His relationship with his dad has intense ups and downs, resulting in him being sent to boarding school, punished in a variety of ways, and generally caused a lot of trouble in his life.

 Then people start dying. Over the course of about a year in his life, Tim loses his girlfriend, his dad, a close friend, and his best friend, each of whom dies under tragic conditions.  Tim’s grief is intense, and he is understandably traumatized by the losses. We see fundamental changes in his character.  He changes his costume from something bright and cheerful to something darker that reflects his emotional state.  He’s more subdued, his adventures a little more serious.

 When Bruce first tries to adopt him, Tim literally creates an uncle and hires an actor to play him, just to avoid dealing with the situation.  Bruce has viewed Tim as a son for years, so to him the adoption is an obvious step.  For Tim, it feels like a betrayal of his father, and it takes a while before he’s ready to accept Bruce’s love, home, and a place in his family.  

 When Damian shows up on the scene, Tim really struggles with him, and not just because early Damian is a horrid brat who tries to kill Tim on multiple occasions.  Tim has always felt the need to earn his place with Bruce, and Damian constantly throws all of Tim’s biggest fears in his face—he’s not wanted or needed now that the “real” son is here, he’s not worthy of a place in the family, he’s not good enough.

 Tim tries to clone Conner, his best friend.  He’s lost so many people, and he’s desperate to get them back.  Conner was cloned to begin with and fully matured over a very short period of time; the technology clearly exists, so why can’t Tim use it to get his best friend back?  And if he can get Conner back, why not the others he’s lost?  He eventually gives up, but when he eventually gets access to a Lazarus Pit, he immediately wants to incorporate the waters into his process so he can revive his loved ones.  With Dick’s help, Tim eventually decides to let it go, but it’s such a poignant moment for the character.

 Then Bruce dies, and Dick takes Robin away.  Tim switches to the Red Robin persona as he travels the world, alone, trying to prove that he was right.  He has to deal with the trauma of losing another father, finds out that his girlfriend never died but let him hurt so much for so long.  His brother and the only close friend he has left both think his grief has overwhelmed his sense and that he’s gone crazy.  He’s utterly alone.

 The Red Robin series is such a great culmination for Tim.  He finds a place for himself as a hero, as a CEO.  He gets parts of his family back—Bruce, Steph, Bart, Conner.  He finally figures out who he wants to be and creates a place for himself.

 This overarching character development is what I love about Tim.  His many, many traumas impact his decisions, and you can clearly see how he changes over time as a result of them.  I didn’t even go into his development as a leader from his early fumbling with Young Justice to his strong leadership of the Teen Titans, or how his relationships with Conner, Bart, and Cassie develop so fluidly and realistically over the years.

 This is why I love Tim. Characters like Batman are static; nothing that happens to them will ever have a lasting impact, because in the end the character always returns to what they were.  Tim, on the other hand, has changed and developed A LOT since his initial appearance.  His growth has always been consistent and logical.

 When the reboot happened, all of that character growth was lost.  Tim was replaced with a jerk who betrayed his friends and cheated on his girlfriend.  DC has basically retconned all of this and tried to turn Tim back into who he was, but by taking away all of the things that have happened to him over the years, Tim has lost SO MUCH.

 I keep looking for my Tim in recent comics, and I just can’t find him.  It breaks my heart, because I love him so much, and it feels like he’s lost to me forever.  The most recent Young Justice comic series actually gave me hope; I felt like maybe, finally, someone was going to write Tim correctly.  He had his primary friendships back, his relationship with Steph was developing (even if they seem to have completely dropped all the development around Steph’s decision to let Tim think she was dead).  The actual book itself wasn’t fantastic, but it felt like they were headed in the right direction.

 Over the last few days, I read the Batman: Urban Legends books.  I actually read the Batman/Red Hood story first, which was fantastic.  I was really excited to read Tim’s story (though I already knew how it ended).  Jason’s character was handled so well, and he seemed to actually have some character development that will hopefully last.  I anticipated the same for Tim.

 But Tim’s story was awful. The plot was all over the place—kids are being kidnapped, so Tim has to join a pain cult to get them back?  He’s somehow helping Oracle with computer issues while simultaneously questioning witnesses?  He’s broken up with Steph, off camera, shortly after telling her how much he loves her, but Steph somehow thinks that they should have a caring relationship where Tim tells her what he’s feeling?  Bernard has somehow become a good enough fighter to stand side by side with Robin?  Tim STILL doesn’t have a code name?  Why is everyone suddenly hounding him about what he wants to do with his life?

 It’s just such a mess of a story.  If it didn’t end with Tim agreeing to go on a date with Bernard, no one would ever have even mentioned it.  There’s nothing particularly re-readable or enjoyable about it.

 I actually liked that they brought Bernard back. I really enjoyed him in the original Robin series. It’s been a while since I read that part of the series (I’m actually working my way back through it now).  I know Bernard always read as gay to me, yet somehow I felt like he was out of character in these books.

 And then, the climax of the story.  Tim is bi, or gay, or has at least agreed to go on a date with a boy.

 If this had happened in the pre-boot, when Tim was Red Robin and had an actual character arc, I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with it.  I do think it would have needed a LOT more build up than it was given here.  Tim has always been a very introspective character, and we’ve been party to so much of his internal monologue over the years.  It seems very strange to me that such a huge thing just sneaks up on him out of nowhere when he’s never even thought about it before.

 But more than that, this story just feels like the final death blow for the Tim I loved.  The whole arc is about how Tim doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be.  What will his hero name be?  Will he go to college?  What is he going to do with his life?  These are all great questions, and his answer to all of them is… date a boy?  

 Is this going to be his defining characteristic going forward?  From here will we just see Tim exploring and discovering his sexuality?  The Tim we have now doesn’t have a family, a team, a purpose, or even a code name.  Why was this the thing that DC decided to give us?  It feels like they wanted to make a gay Robin and decided it would be Tim because they didn’t know what else to do with him.

 It’s stupid, but I honestly feel like I’ve spent the past few days grieving the loss of a loved one. The Tim that DC is presenting now is just not the person that I knew.  Tim would never break up with Steph that abruptly for what he admits is no apparent reason.  He would never say “just call me Robin, since Damian’s out of town.”  Everything that I love about Tim seems to be gone, and in its place DC has given me a date with a boy.  

 Again, it’s not Tim being not-straight that I have an issue with.  I’ve never read the character that way, but it’s something I can live with. My issue is the way it was handled. Why not make Tim an actual person first, and then explore his sexuality?  Send him off to college!  He’s obviously thinking about it!  It’s the perfect opportunity to give him his own book.  He can move to a different city, choose a new name, and DC can introduce a whole new set of characters.  Figure out which parts of Tim’s backstory are still canon, and which have been dropped. Make him a person again, and then let him explore his sexuality.

 I know this post is all over the place, and I don’t have time right now to go back and edit it.  I just really needed an outlet for my frustration.  Right now it feels like there are so many people who are so excited about Tim being bi/gay, but they don’t know anything else about him.  I keep seeing people comment how DC has been “dropping hints for years!” with no evidence other than “he and Superboy were really close!”  I guess I’d just really like to have some dialogue with other people who are fans of Tim, rather than fans of Tim-as-bi/gay or fans of Tim-as-straight.

 Does anyone else feel this way?  I’d honestly like to have a dialogue about it with other long time fans.

[anondudeao3]

Fic Recs!

Since I'm on hiatus, I've finally had time to do some reading, and I thought I'd give some fic recommendations, since I won't be posting for quite a while. These are my absolute favourites!

(I'm splitting this into two posts — one for JayDick and one for JayTim — because now that I'm finished with the first half it's quite long)

JayDick

A Love Triangle With The Same Person

By: Chrystie, kate882

Word Count: 10,031

Summary: Dick might have a bit of a thing for Jason, one of Red Hood's criminal underlings. But he's also already a little in love with Red Hood.

→ Identity porn! Who doesn't love identity porn? Very cute and sweet.

Everything I Know

By: epistemology

Word Count: 12,360

Summary: Red Hood is a little bit in love with his partner, Nightwing, who has a huge crush on Jason Todd, the hot bookstore owner, who is actually the Red Hood, who is too busy being in love to notice Dick Grayson, who's actually Nightwing.

Jason and Dick fall in love with the wrong versions of each other, and things become complicated fast.

→ More identity porn, but this one is a lot more sort of missed connections, plus it has bookshop owner Jay who was never taken in by Bruce! It really has you begging SOMETHING to happen to somehow make them see that THEY ARE EACH OTHER, THEY ARE THE ONES THEY LIKE. AHHHH IT'S THE SAME PERSON. And when it finally does happen, it's so sweet and satisfying. (I recommend checking out their other fics too! Lots of sweetness.)

Lie To Me, Darling

By: Chrystie, kate882

Word Count: 19,214

Summary: Officer Dick Grayson is undercover in the infamous Red Hood's gang trying to track down the man behind the helmet. With his former partner killed for being found out, there's a new guy in the gang to take his place. Jason doesn't seem like the average new gang recruit, and Dick may be getting more than he bargained for trying to get close to him.

→ Okay, ngl I JUST now noticed that this one is by the same people as the first one, and I specifically didn't want to put multiple fics by the same people (just say I recommend checking out their other stuff, but not rec separately), but it's too late now and I don't have a 7th JayDick fic to recc that isn't also an author repeat, and I don't want it to be uneven.

But ANYWAY. This one will fuck you up, I can't lie. Unhappy ending, but if you can brave that, ohhh it's so good. It's so damn sweet whilst the good times last, even though you know it's only temporary and it's all going to go to hell at some point... man. It hurts. But it hurts so good. It's beautiful, and I personally think it's worth the pain.

Two Birds on a Wire

By: empires, pentapus

Word Count: 20,565

Summary: Dick asks Jason for help on a case. Jason should have never agreed.

→ It's probably laughable that I'm reccing this, since pentapus is one of the authors and their art is like huge in the JayDick fandom, and the fic has more than 22.5k views, which seems to be quite a lot as far as JayDick fics go. But in the event that you haven't read it yet... This is actually the very first JayDick fic I EVER read, it introduced me to the ship, and I just reread it and it's still just as amazing, what a winner to start out with!

The dynamic between Jay and Dick, the way Dick gets so into his undercover role, Jay's emotional turmoil, the action — it's all just absolute chef's kiss! It's so hard to write action well, and these two made this fic so engaging!

All Soulmates Final, No Refunds

By: empires, salvadore

Word Count: 38,900

Summary: Mystic Waters Grande Hotel sells itself as a luxury soulmate retreat with all manner of couple’s activities. The cost is high, and all is not as it appears on the hotel’s grounds. Dick and Jason go undercover as newlywed soulmates to find out what’s behind the rash of missing persons. And dig up old feelings in the process.

→ (Since empires was collaborating with two different people of the different fics, I don't count that as a repeat).

Well firstly, this is a rare Batman!Dick JayDick! And secondly, yes, one of the ubiquitous soulmate AUs. But with some very interesting twists! Also, like TBOAW above, the action in this is amazing, and absolutely had me on the edge of my seat. Similarly, their undercover personas were lots of fun, and it was very fun to see them push each other further and further with them.

Secrets of the Sea

By: ParzivalHallows

Word Count: 42,711

Summary: Being a merperson was dangerous enough, but being a merperson captured by pirates? That's got to be one of the worst fates for a merman. Merman Dick Grayson is captured by a slave ship, where he meets Jason Todd, who's a slave on that ship. Together, the two plan an escape. However, they need to put aside their odds first, which is very difficult for the two stubborn men.

→ I have to give you fair warning first, this one is incomplete and hasn't been updated since 2017, so I don't think it's ever going to be finished (but it can't hurt to leave a nice comment!) BUT WAIT, DON'T SCROLL YET, hear me out. It's really good, okay. You do need to mind the warning tags because there is major character death (not Jay or Dick though, and since it's not complete I'm kind of choosing to believe that they're not really dead and later in the story it actually turns out that they managed to survive).

There are a lot of grim things in this story, it's really about survival, but the worldbuilding is fucking phenomenal, and the author drew me right in. The descriptions and the action and emotion, the unexpected magic that they have to figure out? It's all so cool and well done.

Steady On Forward

By: JayseHasNoGrace

Word Count: 96,287

Summary: Dick Grayson's life has never been easy, but he'd like to think it's been going better lately. He's been operating mainly out of Gotham again for almost a year, and has been in a steady relationship for just over. He knows where he stands with crime-fighting, and the family is all on pretty good terms, considering.

Things are really going pretty well.

Unfortunately, the balance doesn't last long, and old horrors from Dick's past end up dredged up alongside new ones.

This is a story about love and family, but equally so about trauma and healing from it. Please heed the warnings in the preface.

→ Alright, the final JayDick rec, the longest, and the darkest. But wait, again, don't scroll! It's also by far the most hopeful AND FLUFFY. Now, the author is NOT fucking around about heeding those warnings, there's a shitload of them and it's really heavy, hard shit. Do not get me wrong, this fic is going to HURT you. But by the end, it's going to have felt so cathartic, and you're going so feel soft and hopeful and whole. I don't know how they did it, but it's SUCH an emotional rollercoaster. Another commenter on AO3 (mach5plus1) said it better than I could:

I gave this fic my whole heart, it took it, smiled and said “awwww, I’ll take care of it!“

Then started putting pressure on it and I told it “ouch, that hurts”

The fic kept smiling and put more pressure until a piece broke off (last chapter)

and then another (this chapter)

The fic keeps doing it until my heart is shattered into pieces and it’s standing over each shard with a frown saying “oops” (the upcoming chapters)

Then, after finding each piece again and picking them up, the fic will slowly push each piece back into place.

By the end it’ll give my heart back a little different, but somehow better than it was when I gave it away.

It will crush your heart, but it will lovingly patch it back together by the end, I promise. If you can read it without getting triggered, I thought everything was well handled, and it's so worth it. (I recommend checking out their other JayDick fic too, they only have one, but it's a fluffy romcom, so if you need a break after this one, that's there!)

[thebirdandhersong]

Project 4 and Anne of the Island (miniseries) please?

!!!!! Thank you :) My Anne of the Island has a lot of laughter in it. Anne and her friends have a lot of fun together, going on walks, baking cakes, studying together, eating together. I have so many moments I think would be lovely to include: Stella spreading her notes on the ground when she’s studying for exams, the Overdramatic music whenever Roy appears, the vase on the table (the flowers change according to the season, and there are a lot of shots when someone replaces the flowers: like when a suitor sends new flowers), Anne praying as she walks under the trees, Mrs. Lynde is in the middle of writing a letter to Anne when the pig incident happens (I can just see her telling Marilla that she absolutely Must tell Anne about it after they close the door).... Anne reads a lot of poetry, there is a parallel shot/contrast drawn between Phil greeting her suitors at the beginning of the school year vs. Phil greeting Jonas when he comes to visit her. Anne tears off Gilbert’s necklace, but we lead up to that with shots throughout the episodes before of her opening the little box and just gazing at it.

Project 4 has my Whole Heart (well.... I think all of them do, but Project 4 surprised me). I just had these vivid images in my head one night and HAD to hammer them out (I went to bed at three I think? But it was well worth it) When I first started writing little snippets of scenes, I was in the mood for Blood and Vengeance (this was when I was very into Asian historical dramas and the idea of a warrior queen rising from the ashes). Juyi (my main character) was going to start as this simple country girl. She was going to be battered and pushed back on all fronts after entering the palace: she was going to experience cruelty and manipulation from nearly everyone she met (the king and queen, the royal advisors, the tailors, the foreign ambassadors, the lords and ladies of the court, the king’s concubines, her own ladies-in-waiting). Everyone views her as either a cunning, scheming swindler after the throne or a simple-minded idiot drawn in by the promise of wealth and luxury. She’s criticised for her honesty, for the colour of her skin, for her lack of knowledge concerning court manners etc. etc., for.... everything. And she was going to establish herself as a force of nature by playing their game better than they could. I’m not sure why I wanted her to be a warrior queen, but I found the idea of an uprooted girl winning these battles and reforming the court AND the country rather cathartic. My plan was to show how meaningless and shallow all the values of the royal court--luxury, wealth, material possessions, the pursuit of beauty and attention, etc.--through her eyes.

But somewhere along the way I thought that I didn’t want to write a story about revenge and war (this was after I’d read a couple of fantasy books with similar premises, and I didn’t feel that it was cathartic, or very helpful for anyone involved). It’s easy enough to become just as cruel and manipulative as the world around you when you’re plunged into such a dangerous position. It’s easy to play the game by the rules when you know you need to do it to survive. But I wanted Juyi to do better than that, to be better than that. And to change the way things were, since she was in this position. (Some inspiration taken from the book of Esther!)

So Juyi IS forced into a marriage with a handsome and charming crown prince who is equal parts clueless, self-absorbed, and shallow. She IS forced to live in a palace where nearly everyone is self-serving and ambitious. She IS forced to deal with men and women who look down on her and make multiple attempts on her life. And she DOES have to change and adapt to this new and dangerous environment for her own survival. But in this story, the choice she makes is even more dangerous and radical than choosing to be cruel. She chooses to be kind.

The story takes place in the palace (for most of the book, at least), and Juyi makes it her responsibility to get to know the lowest of the low in the palace ranks. She makes friends with the servants, gains the trust of her ladies-in-waiting, and proves her resilience to the people who have been trying to get rid of her. She eventually earns the love and respect of the people because she takes the time to study and understand the state of trade, the economy, the parts of the country that need housing and food, the systems that hold the country together--or bind them in chains. She sees what goes on in the palace and she sneaks off to the countryside and the red light district, and she says No. Things cannot continue in this way. So she decides to use this power that she has as future queen to make a difference in her country. And the story goes on from there :)

[popwasabi]

“The Mandalorian” S2 is a power fantasy with mini Star Wars trailers

The term “Plot armor” is often used by readers and viewers to describe the myriad of ways writers keep their heroes away from any real danger no matter what choices or actions they make in the narrative. It’s typically a derisive phrase for the way a writer’s hero seems to escape death no matter what is thrown at him for the sole purpose of moving the plot forward.

In Disney+’s “The Mandalorian” this term takes a far more literal description in the form of our main anti-hero, played by Pedro Pascal, in his beskar armor which seems to be, by all accounts the most indestructible material in the galaxy far, far away.

(I mean, it still looks really cool too, of course.)

The result of this narrative decision in this series is that action scenes often don’t have real tension to them. In another series you might be able to reasonably believe the hero might be in danger with blaster fire shooting all around them but with beskar it’s almost comically not the case at all. Stormtroopers fire laser blast after laser blast at The Mando and each time they bounce harmlessly off him as if he were fucking Superman. It makes scenes feel devoid of stakes and danger no matter what situation they are in.

The show thus becomes a power fantasy, as action scenes serve as extended highlight reels for the Mando. Where season 1 of the show mitigated the power of the Mando’s plot armor by putting him more often in situations where his beskar alone wasn’t enough to save the day, season 2 goes mostly full power fantasy as The Mando rarely runs into a situation he can’t just quite literally walk through.

(“Aim for his armor, men! That’s his weak point!”)

This isn’t to say the season wasn’t without its high moments or even that it wasn’t enjoyable plenty of times but the series’ devotion to fan servicey action and callbacks to “Hey remember ____” makes it a fairly shallow story. At least for myself.

Season 2 of “The Mandalorian” continues the story of Din and his small Yoda-like companion, The Child (later known officially as Grogu), as he looks to complete a quest to return the burgeoning Force wielder to the Jedi. As he seeks to reunite The Child with the ancient Order, he encounters other Mandalorians who are on a quest to retake Mandalore and right on their tail is the nefarious Grand Moff Gideon who is still bent on capturing Grogu for whatever it is he has planned for the Empire.

Let me start this review by saying power fantasies aren’t inherently bad to watch or read. They can be good, cathartic junk food for the soul and can also be compelling, artistic, or even deeply metaphorical in their own way. A movie series like “John Wick” for instance is a power fantasy that aims to reinvent the wheel in action film-making with Keanu Reeves performing perhaps the best gun kata of all-time onscreen. Another film like Paul Verhoueven’s “Total Recall” can satirize the power fantasy to show how ridiculous it is in concept.

So, making your hero an unstoppable killing machine isn’t necessarily always a bad thing if used properly.

(Seriously, this is one of the smartest action films ever made. Don’t @ me.)

Now that that’s established, however, “The Mandalorian” season 2, despite some strong moments here and there, is a power fantasy that lacks these elements for a more interesting narrative. If you believe killing dozens of stormtroopers onscreen while never suffering so much as a scratch for eight episodes equals compelling storytelling then boy does Disney have a series for you.

Through the first four-ish episodes, the new season is mostly just fine and even quite enjoyable. We have the Mando getting a fun side quest with Timothy Olyphant on Tatooine where they get to wrangle a sand worm in a callback to the Westerns that inspired much of the franchise’s aesthetic. The Mando gets to escort a frog lady to her home planet to give birth to some tadpoles and they run into some actual danger in this episode in the form of kyrnknas/space spiders. And we get the return of Bo Katan from Dave Filoni’s “Clone Wars” and “Rebels” cartoon series, with Katee Sackhoff herself reprising the role in a fun Mandalorian team-up episode.

(I’m just so happy to see my girl, Starbuck, again more than anything honestly ;_;)

But the wheels started officially falling off for me in the next episode.

Episode 5 marked the live-action debut of fan favorite Ahsoka Tano, played by Rosario Dawson, and she meets the Mando by getting the jump on him with her lightsabers. In virtually any other situation we have been told lightsabers can cut through virtually anything. Now, beskar has been shown to be plenty durable throughout the series so far but lightsabers? Surely not.

Well…

It is an overall good episode despite this but it marked the point for me where I badly wanted The Mando to just go the rest of the series without it. Obviously, the writers aren’t going to actually kill our hero, afterall The Mouse needs more money and he can’t have it unless we get 50 more Mandalorian episodes and spin-offs, but at some point I gotta feel like there’s a possibility at least that our hero might actually die or at least is in danger. It is actually super funny to me each time The Mando ducks or seeks cover in a shootout when I know, and the viewer damn well knows, he can literally walk right into the middle of it and shoot all these motherfuckers at his own leisure cause his actual plot armor is the stuff of adamantium and vibranium combined.

Episode 5 is mostly good though, it’s a nice callback to old school samurai flicks and for an old fan like myself it was enough to ignore beskar again saving the Mando’s ass.

(This was cool...This...was...cool.)

If episode 5 marked the point in which the wheels began to come off though, episode 6 is where the show really spun out into the ditch for me. Perhaps, this series worst episode, personally, episode 6 reintroduces fan favorite and series inspiration Boba Fett back officially into the fold and the result was perhaps the most self-indulgent entry of the series.

(I mean, it was directed by Robert Rodriguez so...)

Boba arrives to demand his beskar from The Mando who promptly tells him “no” before they are ambushed by a platoon of stormtroopers. Alongside Ming-Na Wen’s Fennec Shand, the three do battle with the stormtroopers with ridiculous ease. I’m aware that stormtroopers exist to be on the highlight reel of our heroes in this franchise and have a long history of not being able to hit the broad side of a bantha but again, I can only watch these guys die by the dozens onscreen over and over again while our heroes get away without suffering even a bruise before it starts feeling boring and repetitive.

It only gets worse once Boba actually puts on his armor. In a sequence that I would describe as “gratuitously” fan servicey, Boba wastes just about every last stormtrooper in this scene culminating with him destroying their two get-away vehicles in a single shot with a rocket. Considering he was killing them with ease just moments before with nothing more than a battle club and a bathrobe, it seemed almost hilariously needless that he donned his iconic armor.

(It would be tempting to say the stormtroopers fought as ineptly as the Putty Patrol here but even the Power Rangers have struggled a few times against these guys...)

I get that Boba is really important to a lot of fans, based on their perceptions of him in the original trilogy and subsequent books and graphic novels that came out in the following years, but here’s a hot take; this series didn’t need him in it. Maybe they didn’t need to keep him rotting in the Sarlacc Pit but this episode, alongside Ahsoka Tano’s feels more like marketing choices for the story rather than narrative ones. I’ll concede that there is a bit more substance to having Ahsoka there to commune with Grogu but their additions to the plot don’t actually show much of anything about the Mando outside physically helping him in a fight.

The way they tease, in both cases, stories that exist outside the internal narrative between Ahsoka’s search for Admiral Thrawn and Boba taking over Jabba’s palace at the end of the final episode, it feels like Disney threw in mini trailers for fans to nibble on at the expense of telling the Mando’s own story and letting it stand on its own like the first season.

The choice to have these characters shoved into this season again appears to be market driven not narrative. Once more, I get that these characters are important personally to many fans, but the appearance of these characters alone DO NOT equal good storytelling.

(Me when a fan tells me “But Boba was such a badass in *obscurely titled EU book that a handful of general audiences have read*! He deserves this moment!”)

The final episode of the season is truly encapsulating of all these issues “The Mandalorian” has, however. Moff Gideon, played by the always sharp Giancarlo Esposito, has Grogu imprisoned aboard his ship. The Mando and his friends plan a rescue mission to save him and, just like nearly every episode before, it is stupidly easy for our protagonists.

The crew of five, again, walk through every Imperial on the ship. I don’t mean this metaphorically by the way, I mean this literally as Cara, Fennec, Bo Katan and Koshka Reeves (played by WWE’s Sasha Banks) without a single moment of real adversity just blast through every stormtrooper on the ship and never get hit once in the process.

A good action scene needs an element of danger, a sense that our hero might actually not come out of this alive even though we all know they will. An action scene without this has no tension and without tension it becomes booooooooring.

(Even John fucking Wick is capable of bleeding, guys...)

The finale had a chance, however, to add real stakes and danger to the scene in the form of this season’s new enemy; The Dark Troopers. These Imperial battle droids were foreshadowed as these super soldiers at the end of episode 4 and seemed to be billed as a real dangerous match for our heroes to faceup against. When the Mando finally gets himself face to face with one he finds they are not as easy to kill as the nameless stormtroopers from before. To see The Mando briefly face real adversity for a change snapped me out of my cynical mood so sharply for a moment I thought I had turned on another series by accident.

But of course, danger never lasts long in this series as The Mando’s armor again saves him first from getting pummeled to death by the droid’s super fists then he uses his plot spear, cause of course he has one of those too, to finish the job.

Danger over.

Moff Gideon doesn’t fair much better in this episode. This villain who had been built up for two seasons as this calculative monster gets stopped rather easily with Mando and his friends barely breaking a sweat. This character feels wasted because of this, even though I’m sure Giancarlo Esposito will return in the next season. He just feels about as much like a pushover as the nameless stormtroopers in this series.

The episode had one more chance though to show these Dark Troopers meant business toward the end as we found the heroes cornered on the command deck with nowhere to run and a dozen of these droids ready to blast and pound them into the floorboards. But help arrives in the form of a Deus X-Wing Machina.

Without having to face even one Dark Trooper, Luke fucking Skywalker arrives on the ship and kills every droid without breaking a sweat. It plays as inspiring in the moment but again I just found myself bored and irritated. A chance to see the series heroes actually use their wits and show their creativity in a moment of true danger thwarted to please fan boys.

I get that Grogu called out to him in episode 6 but creatively this felt like an extremley lazy way to solve the heroes’ dilemna.

(“Hello my name is Jedi. I enjoy doing...*computes script* Jedi things.”)

This season wasn’t all bad. It certainly had nice production value that made each alien world pop and beautiful to look at. Every actor and actress played their parts expertly well, with what they were given, and made for interesting characters at times. There are also nice homages to both Western and Samurai cinema throughout the season that fans of both will appreciate. And Pedro Pascal is just so good on his own, especially in tender moments with Grogu, that you forget that his character is kind of a Gary Stu.

But the main crux of the issue here that I’m trying to get across is the reason you need to remove the plot armor of your heroes is not just because action scenes need tension and stakes, it’s that when faced with danger these scenes reveal who these characters are. I used to believe that the reason Mandalorians and Jedi had such a fierce rivalry in the lore despite the obvious advantages of wielding the Force was because these famed bounty hunters were just that fucking good at killing. That despite being, on paper, normal people they had great martial prowess, athletic skill, and the tactical wit to outsmart people who can literally sense their feelings. But now with beskar and the way this series is written, it appears the Mandalorians were challenging warriors just because they happened to harness the most OP armor building material in the galaxy.

It makes you wonder how the fuck they were conquered to begin with…

(Maybe they just needed more knee rockets...)

This takes away from the mysticism of the Mandalorians for me. It makes The Mando less interesting to me in the way he fights. Yea he can shoot really good too but really it’s the armor that makes him the fighter that he is and I find that kind of boring. We occasionally get this character to remove the armor during the series, including a whole episode that was easily one of the best of the season, and in every case he’s more interesting once the helmet comes off. I get that fans hold a lot of reverence for that armor, yea it still looks really cool, but making it this impenetrable super material doesn’t add anything to the story.

If anything, it takes away from it.

(Plus how could you not love Pedro Pascal when he’s out of armor? uWu)

I wouldn’t go as far as to say I hate season 2, even though I spent 2000 plus words just now lambasting it but I guess I just want to say I am unimpressed more than anything. I feel like I’ve seen better Star Wars be it in the movies, cartoons, books, video games, etc and I’ve certainly seen better action in the franchise as well.

Considering fan reaction so far appears to be overwhelmingly positive, I am definitely in the minority here and you are welcome to enjoy this series as much as you want in spite of how unimpressed I am with the season. But considering all I have seen of this fandom the last few years, regarding complaints about fan service (“Rogue One”), easily defeated/underdeveloped bad guys (“The Last Jedi”), and Mary Sues (The sequel trilogy in general), I have to ask again what is it actually that fans like or don’t like about new entries in the franchise? It’s not that there isn’t valid criticisms there and “The Mandalorian” is enjoyable in sincere ways too but it has many of the issues I hear commonly said of more divisive entries in the Disneyverse. So why does it get a pass?

I’ve been told it’s not worth my energy to talk too derisively about the fans in one of my earlier write-ups, so I’ll leave it at that but it does make me wonder.

(“Rogue One” admittedly has a simarily self-indulgent action sequence though haha...)

Season 2 of “The Mandalorian” isn’t the worst piece of Star Wars media ever created, far from it, and for most part its solid enjoyable Saturday morning cartoon theater but if the series wants to really take steps to become more compelling in the future it might be good to stop bubble wrapping their heroes in plot armor. Literally.

Until then this is the way…I guess…

Me getting ready for the backlash...

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

The Many Faces of the Strong Female Character

The much-requested, positive counterpart to my classic “Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing” and it’s much-later sequel.  

Here, I will discuss some of my favorite fictional ladies and what makes them work so well;  given my rapturous love of women, there will probably be a sequel!  In the meantime, I talk more about portraying female characters here.

Happy writing, everybody!  <3

1.)  The Warrior

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When most people hear “strong female character,” they picture the most popular definition of the term:  a stony-faced, emotionally shallow, conventionally attractive broad who punches and kicks stuff.  She may occasionally shout things like, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN,” while perhaps punching a small baby. 

I decided to start with my wife Diana, because she is the perfect antithesis of this trope.  She isn’t stony, she’s courageous.  She’s unabashed about showing her doubts, hopes, affections, and optimism.  Her love interest never steals her spotlight, but she feels no need to shun romance to appear “strong.”  She’s beautiful, but not sexualized or objectified.

And while most Strong Female Characters™ are ironically reduced to damsels in distress at some point in their own narratives, Diana consistently takes the lead, totally autonomous over her own story.

You can kick ass AND love babies, people.  Joss Whedon, please take notes.

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Other examples:  Okoye from Black Panther, Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, Rey from Star Wars, and Ser Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

2.)  The Comedian

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If you haven’t watched Chewing Gum on Netflix, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now.  Its relatively simple premise – a twenty-four-year-old from a fundamentalist Christian household struggles to lose her virginity – is a segway into a hilarious, genuine exploration of human sexuality, relationships, and how we forge our identities.

Brilliantly portrayed by the series’ creator, Michaela Coel, Tracy is essentially that one friend who knows exactly what you’ve been thinking and isn’t afraid to say so.  She is never relegated to a single trope or stereotype.  She’s stumbling, clumsily but enthusiastically, through the life experiences that shape us.  Most importantly, she is allowed to be sexually curious, awkward, aggressive, insecure, and – I can’t stress this enough – hilarious.  The dialogue is infinitely quotable, and endlessly relatable. 

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Watching shows like Chewing Gum makes me realize how few female characters – and even fe wer Black female characters – are portrayed as truly human.  Typically, they’re allowed to be sexy, but not sexual.  They’re allowed to be awkward, but only if it’s cute.  They can be insecure, but only if that insecurity can easily be solved by the affirmations of a male love interest.  And they’re rarely allowed to be the main source of a series’ comedy.  

So remember:  let your female characters be human.  Let them be awkward, funny, sexual philosophers.  It’s easier than you think.  

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Other examples:  Abbi and Ilan from Broad City, Leslie from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob’s Burgers.

3.)  The Drama Queen

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Watching Riverdale is like hurtling along on a structurally unstable rollercoaster.  It’s utterly insane, a lot of fun, and once you’re on, you can’t stop.

But amidst the explosions of batshit crazy plot points, killer cults, and the existential perplexity of finding yourself attracted to emo Jughead, there are some real gems.  One of these is Cheryl Blossom, and pretty much every plot line surrounding her.

Cheryl is introduced as a fairly one-dimensional, catty mean girl, though the Regina George-esque charisma with which she’s portrayed makes her instantly likable.  Initially, we expect her to be a character we’ll love to hate.

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And yet, within the first few episodes, I was impressed by how layered and complex her motivations were.  Much of contempt towards others was misdirected rage from an upbringing of extreme emotional abuse, and grief over her dead brother -- all portrayed without a Snape-style condonation of said behavior.  By the end of season one, my thoughts were generally, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can claim to be watching this ‘ironically’ anymore,” and “MORE CHERYL.”

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Season two answered my wish, and then some.  Cheryl was saved from an (impressively conscientiously portrayed) attempt at sexual assault by a pack of her female friends, and her attacker got the shit beat out of him in one of the most cathartic moments of modern television.

To the exaltation of my queer heart, she also came out as a lesbian, in a deeply moving story arc that I never would have expected from this show.  Without spoiling too much, she and her new love interest kissing in front of anti-gay propaganda footage was legitimately one of the most powerful moments I have ever witnessed.

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Before the season was over, she viciously threatened her abusive, homophobic mother while covered in blood, shot a serial killer with a bow and arrow, and joined a gang.  If that’s not gay culture, I don’t know what is.

Oh, how I wish this show was just about her.

Other examples:  Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

4.)  The Lovable Bastard

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Ah, The Good Place.  I have never experienced such a breath of comedic fresh air.  A new philosophical principle each episode, examined and applied in hilarious and thought-provoking ways.  A complete absence of harmful stereotypes.  Incredibly lovable, three-dimensional, and ever-evolving characters. 

I was considering using my queen Tahani for this list, who externally larger-than-life and internally vulnerable after emotional abuse by her parents.  Also, she’s hilarious.  Everyone and everything in The Good Place is hilarious.  And I also thought about talking about Janet, who is the best character in anything ever, but of course:

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Instead, I’ll be talking about bisexual icon Eleanor, who is something very few female characters get to be:  the lovable bastard.

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Eleanor, when we first meet her, is not traditionally good in any sense of the word.  She turned down a high-paying job because she was expected to be nice to people.  She sold placebos to the elderly, and was great at it.  She was drunken, slovenly, hedonistic, and selfish.  And she’s instantly incredibly likable.

Why and how Eleanor is so enjoyable, even at her very worst, merits an essay all its own.  But in a nutshell:

We empathize with her.  We are introduced to “The Good Place” completely through her eyes.  We are in her shoes.  

The stakes are high.  When we discover that her entry into the good place was a mistake, we want her to be okay.

We come to understand her, and how her terrible childhood shaped her destructive behavior.  

She wants to be a better person, and with time, effort, and character development, we watch her become one. 

Not only is this an amazing lesson in how to endear audiences to your character, it is also infinitely refreshing.  The most famous lovable bastards are all men --  Han Solo, Dr. House, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Man With No Name, et cetera -- but women are rarely afforded the same moral complexity.  If a woman in fiction has done bad things, she’s not usually a lovable bastard.  She’s usually a bitch. 

Eleanor isn’t just a great character.  She conveys an important lesson:  women are people.  People with the same capacity for mistakes, growth, redemption, and love as anyone else.

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Other examples: Chloe from Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23

5.)  The Cinderella

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Yep.  I said it.  Cinderella is a strong female character.

My girl not only survived in an abusive household, she persistently stayed positive.  She worked each day to make the best of an impossible situation, from which she had no means of escape.  That takes an insane amount of courage and tenacity. 

But Caff, I hear you scream, she needed help to escape!!  Well, my imaginary counterargument, so the fuck what?  MOST people need help to escape their abusive situations, and there’s no shame in that.  Accepting help from someone you trust is the best thing you can do in a situation such as that, and implying otherwise is horribly damaging to victims of abuse.  

But she married the prince, you more feebly protest.  Yes!  She did!  She found love and happiness and a great life in a socially influential position!  And that’s an amazing message!

So in the flurry of female warriors, let’s not forget Cinderella, who tells people that their terrible circumstances won’t last forever, to stay hopeful and kind, and that accepting help from a trusted friend can lead to a happy life.  

Cinderella is a bad bitch, and she deserves her happily ever after.

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Other examples:  For some reason, I’m thinking of Sansa from Game of Thrones.  When people try to discredit her as a strong character, they often make similar complaints.  But both, quite fittingly, end up as queens.

[bronanlynch]

weekly (monthly?) media roundup

ok so I do want to actually do these on some sort of schedule but unfortunately, as you already know, brains,

listening: Malice in Wonderland by Fangbanger, which I found from a tumblr post that described them as band for “if you have a complicated relationship with gender, had a falling out with god, hate the government, or just think that vampires are neat" and y’know? yeah. my notes on this song from several weeks ago are that I might not know any of these people’s genders but I do know they’ve listened to MCR

reading: the new Cassandra Clare book, Chain of Iron. it’s boring and homophobic. in the first book of this series, we find out that the heroine’s brother is gay and in a relationship with a man who has no intention of ever coming out publicly because 1) the book is set in 1903 in England, it was literally illegal and 2) he’s trying to have a career in politics. the heroine decides that this means he’s ashamed of her brother and doesn’t deserve him, and she is present and active in their breakup conversation.

above is the relationship chart I made from the first book, it really hasn’t changed much except now the main guy and the main girl are married, the lesbians got back together and then broke up again, the main girl’s gay brother hooked up with one of her husband’s friend, who’s a Good Gay and therefore worthy of love unlike the Bad Gay ex who is constantly mocked by just about every character for. checks notes. caring about appearances and manners given that his life and career are based on those things. the brother and his new love interest break up because the brother still thinks he’s a bad person for ever having dated his ex. also the main girl has now platonically run off to Paris with her husband’s platonic soulmate who is allegedly in love with her but it’s really unconvincing that he’s not actually in love with her husband (he’s not for very stupid lore reasons, the whole ‘parabatai are magically prevented from being romantically in love, except for these two straight people, when historically parabatai pairs were two men’ makes my fucking blood boil)

you might ask why I still read these books even though they make me angry and the answer is the 1) the aesthetic slaps 2) some of the characters are fun 3) the premise has enough potential that it could be good if it was good 4) sometimes I need to get cathartically angry abt bad fiction bc it just. does not matter

watching: so many things that I’m gonna just. run through them real quick

Word of Honor: gestures vaguely at how it’s slowly taking over my blog

Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty: love a found family, eh about the politics, can’t believe I predictably got a new fave character within the last two episodes of the show because one of the main characters is betrayed by his second-in-command and I think treason is the sexiest part of a relationship

SamBucky show: in the original draft of this post I said that it was so boring that week (episode 3) that I completely forgot about it until I saw the draft below this one talking about how bad and boring it is. at least more happened in later episodes and they’re finally giving me some tasty queerbaiting but the premise and the politics are. wow. it sure is military propaganda

My Hero Academia: new season is fun, love a tournament arc. don’t love that they tell us right away that the double agent character is a double agent, it was more fun in the manga when you’re not sure if he’s a traitor or not for a pretty long time

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun: new season is cute, there sure is some gender happening. there’s a tsundere bisexual catgirl

Backflip!!: I usually avoid high school sports anime for backstory reasons but my roommate wanted to watch it with me and oh boy these gymnasts sure are gay for each other huh

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood: my roommate pitched this to me as ‘cyberpunk but in the 1930s’ and there sure is dark lighting, lots of glowy neon stuff, and government oppression, which are the most important elements of cyberpunk apparently. not sure how I feel about it yet, because there’s a cool shapeshifting lady assassin with a revenge quest but there’s also a trans character who was revealed to be trans in a way that I personally did not enjoy. yes you can have transphobic villains but like. hmm. maybe the audience shouldn’t find out that someone is trans because the villain cuts his shirt away specifically to ~put him in his place. or maybe I personally am just sensitive to that but either way no thank you

on the other hand, the main character is sick as shit

The World Ends with You: god I love an anime about the power of friendship. I’ve only had these kids for two episodes and I would lay down my life for them

Nirvana in Fire: we’re only three episodes in and I did spend the first half of the first ep being like. oh god which of these people are actually important who am I supposed to care about here. and then by the end of the first ep I knew which ones I cared about and am now very afraid for their safety. do love the political intrigue though

playing: got through the first mission of Brigmore Witches. I love a good undercover mission, I wish I hadn’t been too afraid of like. alarms going off if I freed the other prisoners because I think Comrade Daud should do a jailbreak, and Lizzy Stride can call me anytime

also recently have played various ttrpgs including Firebrands, more Things, Eldritch and Terrifying, Link, and of course more Beam Saber (oh shit I meant to do my recap post for last session OOPS)

making: Zan and I made some real good chicken parm the other night, vaguely based on this recipe. by which I mean, we looked at the recipe to see how many eggs to use and how long to cook it and pretty much nothing else. the egg marinade step seemed unnecessary and I made the sauce the way I always make tomato sauce, which some day I should write down because it does in fact fuck. the secret is a shit-ton of oregano and basil and no chunks of tomato because fuck that. bad texture

Zan made the zucchini which also slapped, using some of the leftover bread crumbs

writing: I’ve posted a couple of things but most recently I wrote some rarepair femslash. this is the first fic for this ship on ao3 and the second ship in the f/f tag for this fandom that’s actually about the women in the show (as opposed to showing up in the f/f tag because it’s marked as “multi” or like. genderbent versions of the main m/m ship) but like. look at them. they’re terrible evil assassin women and they’re in love. anyway I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about having written a sex scene and moved on to wanting people to read my fic. there’s sparring as foreplay it’s a good time

[anxiouslyfred]

Together

Summary: Roman needs to create with someone and takes a long time before he ever tries asking to create with the other part of Creativity.

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Creating together with others had always helped Roman. It was sharing something that built who he was and just unleashed a lot of the inhibitions he’d built up over the years.

If he could create with someone else, even just doing different crafts in the same room as another person while they did their own creating, then his mind wouldn’t echo with criticisms given before or rules from classrooms about how art should or should not be done.

All of that was something Roman knew in his entire being but had only ever experienced through Thomas. Before the separation between the sides started loosening he only had Morality and Logic around and neither of them actually wanted to create.

Patton only ever wanted to join in with things Thomas’s friends were seen enjoying rather than put the effort in to create for himself. It was a game of copying rather than creating that Morality would follow, all properly credited and referred back of course. Then he’d pass any responsibility to create something original to Roman as soon as Thomas built an interest in doing something his own way.

Logan just saw a lot of creating as frivolous, necessary to provoke thought but no longer a necessary way to share ideas. Roman had tried suggesting Logan carried out experiments while he painted once, only to be told that would present too many safety risks, despite them just being sides of Thomas not part of the real world.

Times were changing though, first with the appearance of Anxiety and then Deceit revealing himself. Roman dreamt at that time that he just might be able to create with one of them, in a way different from the acting he’d collaborated with Thomas on.

And he was able to. Virgil happily joined him in the common spaces to write or doodle together, just relaxing with some music or a film on as background noise. Perhaps it would only happen late at night, when the other sides had long since fallen asleep but it rejuvenated him that first time it happened.

Janus only ever wanted to practise acting together though, so Roman didn’t often offer to create with him. On top of that ever since he first introduced himself to Thomas, Deceit and all the others sides had kept Roman from knowing just who to listen to or how would be the best way to respond. There was no point in trying to find a more comfortable way to share creating when all the emotions got tangled in a mess enough to halt any pen.

Part of that mess of emotion was why Roman ignored the obvious solution to wanting to create alongside someone. The morals Thomas followed kept getting flipped on his head and just trying to keep up with what they saw as good or bad left him reeling some days and those were the times he wished to create with someone else the most. Those were the times he’d be tempted to drag Virgil to his room just so they could create together without waiting until midnight because he realised Virgil felt his writing was deeply personal in a way that wouldn’t stand the curiosity or over support likely to come from Patton or Logan.

Sometimes when everything you do is wrong and it feels like you remember criticism for every idea or attempt you might make the only thing to do is throw out the rules.

There had once been a very literal barrier blocking the sides unknown to Thomas away from the sides known to him that neither group of them could cross, but that had weakened with each new side to reveal himself to Thomas and now Roman could easily rush out of his room and into his brothers.

It hadn’t been what he’d intended to do actually. Roman had been trying to sketch a painting he could use in one of the palaces he’d made but every line had seemed wrong until he just wanted to escape the pictures presence.

Then he was gasping and leaning against the back of Remus’s door being stared at with all the attention Remus would give to a fresh wound.

He wanted to explain and just talk through what brought him there, perhaps brush it off and walk back out. Instead when he opened his lips the words that came out were, “Create something with me.”

“Is Morality threatening you to get along with me?” Remus asked, leaning forward as though inspecting a murder scene.

“No, I just want to be able to create something dammit! With them there’s always rules, especially if they just expect to do their own things while I do all the work of creating and only Virgil ever lets me write while he does the same, so I’m asking if we can just create together!” Roman snapped, abruptly pushing away from the door, gesturing at it dramatically but ending with his arms crossed just glaring through the door at the people he could feel the pressures coming from.

Remus blinked at that, before launching his morning star at the door and destroying it. There was still an entrance there but for the pair inside the room it now looked like a broken door surrounded by a crumbling wall. “Let’s make a sculpture. I’ll take the bottom, you do the top.” He decided, easily summoning a large stone alongside a pile of clay, fittingly shaped like poo. “You pick which material we use. Both of them taste pretty good to me.”

“Let’s try the stone. I haven’t carved in a while but hammering away at something would be cathartic.” Roman ignored the comment of taste. He didn’t want to know just what the limits of things Remus would eat were. The question of just what they were making was also ignored. Part of the fun of creating together with the nearest thing to an embodiment of chaos Thomas could have was not know how well they could merge their ideas.

Hours later they did end up in fits of laughter at seeing a rearing horse coming over the top of at least 5 men sticking their bums in the air. Remus did say he was doing the bottom at the start and he doesn’t lie about what he’s going to create.

[theonetheycallhannah]

A Mage’s Beginning-Part One

Summary: Anathema of Velena is sent by the Brotherhood of Sorcerers to a kingdom already decimated by a mighty beast when she happens upon another. One who saves her life…as she saves his.

Pairing: Geralt/OFC (Anathema of Velena)

Word Count: 5k

Rating/Warnings: M for language, discussion of mature themes and situations, alcohol consumption, violence, and reflection on a particularly shitty childhood that could be triggering. Body image triggers. No smut for now. Also, warning that it’s stupid long and only half done! Wow! I’m super sorry! Anathema is kind of a long winded little witch.

Inspiration: Netflix’s The Witcher, that sweet, sweet Cavill bod, and the chocolatey crunch of his “Geralt voice!” (idk why, but that’s the imagery for me. Lol!) Also, Ana inspired by the badassness of Anya Chalotra as Yen, the powerful vulnerability of Anna Shaffer as Triss, and the poise and grace of MyAnna Brunning as Tissaia…I honestly can’t believe that the name Anathema is a total coincidence now. Especially considering that my name…is Hannah, a version of all of these. It just came to me as a cool name.

Author’s Note: Like most of my OFCs (and honestly, even EFCs), Anathema is loosely based on myself. She reacts how I feel I would (or sometimes hope I would) in her situation. For those of you who read “Shape of Her” you’ll know that I’m chubby. Anathema was, as well, before her transformation, and she talks about what it was like for her as a child and adolescent growing up. For me, this was a deeply personal thing to write about. I don’t usually talk about the effect my weight has always had and continues to have on my mental health. I’m very fortunate that, unlike Anathema, I have loving parents that have never treated me this way. But in an odd way, their “help” and concern for my physical health has created this sort of villainous aspect of them in my mind, and I suppose that comes out in Ana’s mother here. At any rate, I should probably go back to a counselor about it, but that’s tough during a pandemic and with my work hours. So I write about it, and I guess there ends up being a bit of validation for her/me when Geralt shows interest (and maybe takes that further in part two...no spoilers here!). Not that any of it’s completely healthy, but at least it’s kinda cathartic and fun in the moment if you don’t think too hard about it. I hope the monologue doesn’t bog you down and make you lose interest. If it does, just skip it. It won’t hurt my feelings.

Also, I’m sure my spells are total baloney compared to what’s in the books and deffo to what’s in the show. I just wanted to write something down to sort of show the power being expelled by Ana. These are probably way more Hogwarts than Aretuza! Lol!

Tag List: @sunflowersstan @mylittlepartofthegalaxy @mstgsmy @lareinedususpense @geekycanuck and @littlefreya (omg it let me tag you this time, Freya!) I didn’t tag some of you that I tagged before in Shape of Her, just because I didn’t know if that was something you wanted. (basically, if I didn’t get a concrete response one way or the other, or I wasn’t fairly sure you’d want a tag, I didn’t tag you. I still love all of you!) Please let me know if you want to be tagged or if you want me not to tag you in things! I will not be offended! Also, this is not smutty. It’s pre-smut. lol!

Anathema of Velena was a mage of little renown. Powerful enough, but nothing compared to someone such as Yennefer of Vengerberg. She had worked so hard at Aretuza and all Rectoress Tissaia de Vries could manage to tell her most days was “You could not organize a pair of gloves, Ana. How do you expect to be able to control chaos? I’m not even convinced you have any chaos in you.” She turned away, calling the five other girls out of the lightning tower, some of whom had ampules filled with crackling white light. The rest were in various states of injury from singes to limps. Anathema…well, she had nothing. The lightning didn’t come near her. She left the tower without a prize, but filled with shame, uninjured from the typical failed attempt. She didn’t know why it was worse, but it very much was.

It took her years to finally get over that day.

Her first assignment the brotherhood sent her on was, well, it hardly mattered now, because the city, the whole kingdom was now rent by some foul beast. She’d been sent to help. But had arrived too late. She heaved one of her deeper sighs. “Fuck.” She let out audibly. She’d have to make camp. For the third night. At least. Maybe it was the fifth. She wasn’t certain. But it seemed like too long. She dismounted her chestnut mare, Clove, and started to get her supplies down for her modest tent. Modest, meaning that it appeared modest to the casual observer.

Inside, however, when she’d cast her enchantments, it was almost like home, complete with a full bed, soaking tub, fireplace, table, chairs, and a lovely lounge with a settee and chaise. One of her favorite things about Magic was being able to pack heavy while still traveling light. She was even able to bring a small book collection.

She’d just finished setting everything up and was casting the necessary protective enchantments to the perimeter of her site when she heard a rustle in the bushes about twenty yards away. She attempted to remain calm, but was terrified. She carried only a small silver dagger and a steel short sword that she rubbed with a silver infused oil which she made when she came across good silver and decent tallow. It wore off, but the silver oiled blade was a good compromise when you couldn’t carry both silver and steel. What was she, a fucking Witcher? Anyway, she drew her dagger, but conjured a revelatory wall around her so she could see who or what was out there hunting her. She prayed it wasn’t a kikimore. Anything but a kikimore, she thought. Those shits gave her the creeps. Give her an iron toothed wyvern, or the king of dragons, himself. She could conjure in battle against the best of beasts born of magic, but those insects…no.

There came a keening howl unlike anything she’d ever heard. A drowning scream that almost sounded like it was coming from under the water. Then too many pairs of glowing green eyes started appearing from said bushes. They were horrifying lizard-fish people. And they were walking toward her camp. It would be all too soon that they would walk through the invisibility shield as she hadn’t been able to cast any deflective measures yet. They’d breach her camp in minutes if she didn’t act. She prepared to cast a fire spell on them, hoping that would work, when she heard a deep male voice behind her growl an order.

“Get down! Hide!” Pardon me? She thought. This guy didn’t know who he was dealing with.

It appeared though that she didn’t, either.

The voice had come from a very tall and amply muscled horseman. He wore no armor, only a dark linen tunic tucked into leather breeks, and tall black boots. All was weathered and smelled heavily of horse, ale, and sweat. He quickly dismounted in that way that some men do in which they swing their leg over the horse’s head instead of around the rear. This was the way that, even in her terror, made her feel an unfamiliar but pleasant stirring in the pit of her stomach.

His hair, which she had presumed blonde at first, she noted now to be silvery grey, and well past his shoulders. Maybe longer than her own. He grabbed a sword from the large sheath on his saddle and stalked toward the oncoming rabble of sodden predators.  

She thought…she might have been mistaken but she was fairly sure he’d grabbed a steel sword. Steel would not be very effective on these monsters, if she had sized them up right. She looked to his saddle, seeing the hilt of another blade there. She stepped toward it and slid it out to reveal that this was precisely what had happened. He’d grabbed the wrong weapon in his haste. Well. He was dead. She grabbed the silver sword, sheathing her dagger, and marching toward the scrum around the well-meaning muscle head.

“Selectum ignitus!” She chanted as she wrought her hand in the corresponding motion. This spell burned only victims she chose, leaving others unharmed. It had only stunned these creatures, but it was enough time to allow her would-be hero to catch a small break from his blunder. His thick neck was still in the spindly clutches of one of the largest fish men, apparently less susceptible to fire than the others. Ana stepped up behind him, and with the silver sword, sliced his head clean off at the neck.

“Here.” She said as she tossed him the weapon, the steel sword somewhere on the forest floor to be found later. “They’re waking back up.”

“Mmm.” He mumbled. Right. He was welcome. All this gratitude was just making her blush.

They fought well together, surprisingly. She with her magic and dagger, and he with his signs and sword. She could feel it when he cast them. She noticed him using Aard, so she started casting more similar spells herself. The skirmish was over in minutes. All of the beasts had fallen and she looked at her newfound comrade, both of them covered in blood and muck.

“That was…fun!” She said, in earnest.

“Hmm.” He responded. As if to say, sure, whatever, freak. And began hovering over the corpses, rummaging in his satchel.

“So…these handsome fellows. I’ve never come across them.” She waited a beat, hoping he’d just answer her, knowing that’s what she meant for him to do. Oh, okay. This wasn’t the kind of guy he was. Fair. “What are they?”

“Drowners. Bigger ones are called drowned dead. They come out of the nearby bodies of water.”

How nice. Surely she wouldn’t have any nightmares about that. She'd heard of drowners, as a coastal dweller, but had been fortunate enough to never see one. Until tonight.

“And…not that it’s my business, but…you’re doing what exactly?”

He sighed. “These remains have a lot of useful potion ingredients. I never waste a kill if I can help it. Ginatz’s Acid doesn’t grow on trees, does it?”

“No tree I’ve ever seen, no.” She laughed. He didn’t. Well. This guy would just be a barrel of fun, it seemed. But he did just try to save her life. She should attempt to repay him that kindness. Even if he failed a bit at first, she didn’t know what she would have done if he hadn’t been there.

“Hey, I have a few more spells to do before my camp is fortified for the night, but then I was going to have some dinner in my tent. I have plenty, if you’d like to join. As a thank you for helping me tonight.”

“Camp?”

“Tempora Portia.” She swept her arm down to create a window in the cloaking spell so he could see her camp in the clearing.

He saw the small tent, that looked as though barely two people could lie down in it, much less sit for a meal.

He eyed her warily. “I think you’ll be lucky enough to eat in there by yourself with just a bowl and a spoon.”

“Ever heard of not judging a book by its cover?” She asked. “Trust me. I have a plump pheasant, some really delicious herbs I got on the way here from Aretuza, and some lovely wine! I’ve been saving it until I got here to share with the court, but…” she looked sheepishly at the ruined city on the hillside. “You’re clearly the only surviving citizen, Sir….”

“Geralt. Just Geralt. I’m not a citizen. I was commissioned to come here, just as you were. Only I was sent by…the neighbors…to eliminate the threat before it reached them, too.”

“Right. Geralt. I’m Anathema of Velena. Nice to meet you, and thank you for saving my life tonight.”

“Anathema, thanks for saving mine. And I guess, I’ll take you up on dinner.”

~~~~~~

She told him to finish his scavenging, and cast a charm onto him and his horse, Roach, to allow them to enter through her custom enchantments.

When she was finished securing her campsite, she went inside her tent to clean up. She conjured lots of warm fragrant water into her copper tub. It would have been more relaxing had she not been covered in the muck of battle. The drowner guts were slimy like fish entrails on her skin and in her hair. She was fairly certain that she also had blood from both her own wounds and Geralt’s spattered across what skin had been exposed during the fight.

She reached for her sponge and a bar of soap that smelled of lilac, one of her favorites, and scrubbed until all of the muck, mud, and blood was gone from her skin and hair.

She felt a telltale shudder come from the perimeter of her camp, indicating that her would-be rescuer and his steed had stepped through them. She had put up sheer modesty curtains somewhat arbitrarily, but today she was glad for them. She had just stepped out of the tub and was fully naked when Geralt entered.

“Erm.” He cleared his throat simultaneously announcing his presence and asking if he could come in. She must applaud him for his excellent communication skills.

“Come on in, I’ll be right there.”

She donned a simple, modest wrap dress that went well beyond the duty of a bath robe and looked infinitely more chic, and piled her damp, dark hair into a messy coil high on her head.

“So glad you could join me. Did you get everything you wanted from the creatures?”

“Everything they could give me. Yes.”

“Good. Well, I’ve not started dinner yet, but it won’t be very long. Why don’t you have a bath? You look like you’ve been riding for weeks with no sleep and you’re caked in the muck of a dozen battles like the one we were just in. I’ll clean and mend your clothes, too.”

“I’m fine thank you.”

“Oh, please? You’ll enjoy dinner so much more if you’re not concerned with how you smell…plus my table isn’t so big that…I couldn’t smell you too.” She giggled. “So as a courtesy to your cook and table mate?”

She looked at him with her doe eyes. Maybe that would work. She loved helping people and making them feel better. She thought he was restraining a smirk. He complied with a grunt and a nod.

“Splendid. I’ll get you some wine, too. I love wine with a bath! Don’t you!?��

“That and silence.” Point taken. She’d let him relax.

He stood in the corner of the bathing alcove as she conjured bath water for him.

“Agua fragra fieretta.” she spoke, and the tub filled with steamy water that smelled like spearmint, cedar, and a hint of lavender. Her own had smelled so different. She hadn’t realized it seemed to change depending on who you were drawing the bath for, never having done so for anyone but herself.

She dug around for a sandalwood soap and a new sponge and set them out for him on the small side table.

“Here you are. I’ll be right back with your penis! I mean, woah. Sorry.” She had turned around at the wrong moment. She knew he’d been taking off his shirt when she was rummaging. But she assumed modesty would mandate that he wait for her to leave before removing his trousers. She had been mistaken. He stood there as naked as the day the midwife pulled him from his mother, hands on his hips just like it was the most blasé thing to ever happen.

“It’s fine. I don’t really think about being shy anymore. Sorry. My clothes are on that stool if you want them. Thanks.”

“Right, great. I’ll be right back with a towel and wine. That’s what I was going to say before. And yeah, then I’ll see what I can do for those clothes.”

She left, procured the wine and a towel, and hurried back, placing the cup audibly on the table so she didn’t have to speak to him. She was so embarrassed. She grabbed his clothes and sat them on the settee for later. She was somehow both glad and disappointed that he did not acknowledge her.

Now, she needed to work on dinner. She’d gotten a lovely pheasant this afternoon with her bow. She’d been gathering fragrant herbs of all kinds along her journey and had traded some of them at market for potatoes, carrots, garlic and pearl onions. She prepped the pheasant, stuffing it with the vegetables, herbs, and some salt and pepper, and rubbed it down on the outside with some olive oil and seasoning. She placed it in her camp oven to cook in the infused oil and its own juices, basting it every so often.

She magically cleaned and mended Geralt’s clothes and tried unsuccessfully not to think about the body that they covered. His arms were as thick as the average man’s legs and his legs were not unlike tree trunks, albeit much more shapely. His chest was monolithic with two great pecs and six well-defined abs. He was also perfectly hairy. No one would confuse him with a bear, but this was definitely no boy. No boy, at all. And Mother Melitele herself would weep at the sight of the cock on this man. Long. At least halfway down his thigh. She didn’t get that good a look, but she thought it was veiny. And it was definitely thick…although she couldn’t compare it to much. To anything, really. Not even the instruments used on her the day she ascended to her current state of perfection. She'd been given powerful herbs to sedate her until the transformation was complete.

She’d arrived at Aretuza a sluggish and overweight wallflower with tiny breasts. When she went over her desires for her new form with the “miracle worker” as she liked to call him, she asked him to upgrade her in every way he could, but to keep her eyes the same shade of green they’d always been. She’d felt that the eyes were too directly attached to the soul and to change them was going too far. The rest, however, was fair game.

And this was her first assignment since her ascension, so she hadn’t been anywhere but her home, which was an unforgiving place, and Aretuza. Little opportunity for romance had presented itself. And she wasn’t even sure how romance would go for her at this point. Were mages adored for their power? Beauty? Or who they were as people independent of those attributes? Was that all she was now? A beautiful magician? She suddenly felt a small pang of regret.

Her eyes shifted involuntarily now to the bath partition. Must have been the movement she caught out of the corner of her eye. Geralt was taking a drink of wine, a very long drink, and when he set the goblet back down, he leaned his head back with a contented sigh. She took the clothes back to the stool when she’d finished, smiled at the scarred, and incredibly heroic man before her, and popped away to finish dinner.

~~~~~~~

She busied herself setting the table with modest candles, and conjuring an extra setting for Geralt. She filled a pitcher with an “agua potum” spell and put her wine vessel out. As she was tabling the pheasant, her eye caught movement again in the “bath room.” Geralt had gotten out of the tub and was drying off. His back was no less impressive than his front and his ass was like a fresh, crisp apple. She’d always loved apples. In her dreamy haze, she'd come too close to the hot camp oven and burned her hand. She let out a whispered but audible “fuck” and brought her hand quickly to her mouth to cool the fire with saliva.

It helped a little, but not much. She continued to prepare as Geralt got dressed and he was out right as dinner was on, wine goblet in hand.

“Smells nice.” He complemented. She was shocked, but still in a lot of pain from the burn.

“It better be the best fucking thing I’ve eaten in ages to make it worth searing the skin off my finger here!” She put her hand to her mouth again, and brought it out, shaking it.

He sat his goblet on the table and went outside, all without a word. She was confused. Wondering how she could have offended him, but honestly, not really caring. She’d tried. She sat down. Exhausted. He came back in with the satchel he’d been wearing and packing with solutions from those corpses.

He walked around the table to kneel in front of her, held out his hand, and raised his eyebrow expectantly. She gave him her injured hand, extending her index finger to indicate the affected area.

“You know, I’ve seen men lose half their faces to fire. This isn’t so bad.” He rifled through the bag for a vial of clear oil with bits of purple floating in it.

“Did they live?” She asked, amused.

“A few.” He smirked, dabbing a small amount of the oil onto his index finger and applying it to hers.

Her relief was instant and evident on her face.

“Wow, that feels so much better. Thank you! What is that?”

“A simple infusion. Oil of lavender. Here.” He gave her the vial.

“Oh I couldn’t.”

“Take it. I make more all the time. It’s damn near free. I’ll show you how, too, so you're prepared for next time. It’s essential for a healer’s kit. Many uses.” These were more words than she’d heard him speak all together since they’d met. She decided not to remark upon it.

“Well thank you. I hope you’re hungry! I think the pheasant is ready to be torn!”

They filled their plates with juicy, savory sections of the bird and large chunks of the vegetables that had become pleasantly tender inside it. Thyme and rosemary, onion and garlic danced off the tongue, complimented by the salt and a dash of ground peppercorn for zest. For once, a meal tasted even better than it had smelled and she had forgotten the terror of the fight with the drowners, the pain of her burn, even the startling sight of the naked man in her tent, and relaxed into the pleasure of a delicious meal.

This is one of the reasons I was fat before, she told herself. And made sure she stopped eating before she'd filled herself to gluttony.

She noticed that her companion was eating…enthusiastically. She was on the verge of saying ravenously, but there was an element of refinement to it that forbade her from using the more savage descriptor. He seldom drank, and most rarely from his water cup.  He liked the wine, then. She liked this fellow. Quite a lot. He stabbed large portions onto his fork and put them easily into his wide mouth. But even though he took larger bites, he did take his time in chewing, savoring the succulent food. She appreciated this from him.

"You're going to have to finish the poor bird off. I'm stuffed." she patted her tummy, demure now, as it had never been in her recent memory.

"Hmm." he grunted in protest. This one she couldn't quite translate past general disagreement.

"What?" she prodded.

"We both know you didn't need any help taking down this bird alone. Even with the vegetables. It's all incredible, by the way. Best meal I've had in ages."

"First of all, thank you, I quite liked it too, and secondly, it's called restraint. Ever heard of it?" she sassed him back.

"I've heard of it, yes. Can't say we've ever crossed paths, though." he held her gaze as he drank deeply from his goblet. Was it suddenly warmer in the tent?

"Well, it might be a good idea to seek it out here and there." she said, hiding well the feathers he'd just ruffled. "Food and I have a volatile history. I have to show restraint or all of this is gone." she indicated her physical form. She hadn't truly intended to make him look at her, but he was. He was holding her in his gaze in a way that was utterly alien to her.

"Mmm." he grunted, as if to express his understanding.

"But enough about me. What about you? It's not every day I meet a witcher!"

His amber eyes met hers, inscrutable, but not pleased.

"You knew."

"Of course I knew. I have eyes and ears, and all kinds of senses working. And all of them caught wind of what you were the moment you dismounted your horse."

"And yet you helped me. Fought with me. Saved me."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Most people don't want a witcher around. They'd prefer the monsters we kill. Even when we're summoned to communities, invited, we're a pariah until the job is done. We're seen as the…lesser evil."

"Tell me Geralt. Did you make the choice to become a witcher?"

"No."

"Do you think I made the choice to be a conduit?" This question, he didn't answer. She thought he may not know. She decided then to tell him her story. How she came to be a mage, and the hell she went through to get where she was.

"Do you know what my nickname was as a child? It wasn't anything cute, like a vegetable or fruit or a baked good, or even a cuddly little creature, no. No term of endearment would suit me. I was called 'Rat.' Because you see, as I mentioned, I have a complicated past where food is concerned, and this comes from my youth. When I would sneak into the pantries and steal food. My mother and the staff thought at first there was a large rat, or even a raccoon behind the lost inventory, for at first, I left behind traces and made a mess of things. But after a while, I got good. Covered my tracks. Then mother started blaming the staff. Beating them, then firing most of them. No one seemed to notice how fat I was getting. Me being the middle of five girls. Eldest two sisters already married off to wealthy business men from town and bringing the bratty little grandchildren around, the younger girls learning dance and music, and generally being full of charm. I was in the background. Until one night, mother found me. She was searching the pantry for a tonic for indigestion when she saw me burrowing, trying to hide between sacks of potatoes. She hauled me out and dove for a long wooden spoon on the worktop in the kitchen. She beat me bloody with that spoon. I couldn't sit and could hardly walk for days."

She took a drink from her goblet, fortifying her. She didn't tell this story often. In fact, she hadn’t told anyone but her best friend Codrick, the blacksmith's apprentice. And that had taken many years.

"She started giving me smaller portions at dinner. Insisting that I wouldn't find a husband in my current state and threatening to sell me to a brothel if I didn't marry in good time. I was nearly starving, but still not getting thin fast enough to satisfy her. She made me run around the perimeter of our grounds. If I wasn't back in time, she'd set our wild bull out after me. There were a few times I was nearly gored. But I kept sneaking into the cupboards late at night. They were locked now, but once I told Codrick what was happening, he helped me by forging me a spare key. She kept calling me 'Rat' which was interesting. As if the sneaking and stealing was the more deplorable side of me than my actual size. She never called me 'Pig.' Perhaps because at least pigs had a use. Pigs could be sold or slaughtered for food. Rats were just a nuisance. The last time she caught me, she hauled me into the kitchen and reached for her wooden spoon again. But this time, when she reared back to strike at me, the spoon had turned into a vicious raven. It squalled and flailed and she let go of it, shooing it away. But it didn't relent. It clawed and pecked at her head and face until her hair was patchy and ragged and her face was a bloody mess. One eye was completely gone, the other, likely to be lost. But she could see well enough to tell where the raven landed after it had left her alone. Right beside me, as if it was trying to calm my still quivering form."

"So that was your conduit moment?" Geralt asked, knowing the answer.

"Yes. Lady de Vries showed up at our door not a moment too soon. The Madame from the local brothel had just agreed to my mother's price. There was a rather tense moment where the money had already changed hands and Tissaia had to threaten both women with rather unpleasant repercussions. She was having me and there would be no arguments. Actually, though, the whole experience of being fought over gave me the confidence I needed to confess my true feelings to Codrick and kiss him before we left the town. I'd fancied him for years but never had the guts to tell him."

"I'm sure you have a point to telling me this life story of yours." Geralt said, patiently, but clearly ready for her to wrap it up.

"Right. Sorry. My point is, most of us that are born or imbued with magic have some story like this. I'm certain you're no different. I could go on with horrors at Aretuza, too, just like I'm sure you could with stories of…where was it you were trained? Kaer Morhen?"

He looked at her skeptically.

"Wolf amulet around your neck. School of the Wolf. I thought that was Kaer Morhen."

"Mmhmm." oh, a two syllable grunt. His vocabulary was proving vast.

"Why shun you over a life you didn't choose? And if I have a fucked up past too, and I'm still dealing with that trauma, what right would I have to dismiss you or consider you an unworthy brother in arms? Or dinner companion? Or maybe even travel companion? After all, we fought well together and we don't know what's out there laying waste to the countryside."

"Suppose you're right."

"About which part?" this always happened to her as someone who never shut up. She never knew whether "you're right" was a blanket statement covering an entire monologue, or just certain parts that someone wanted to subscribe to.

"The first part. I'm still not sure about traveling companions. Or mages, if I'm honest. No offense."

"None taken. If it makes you feel better, I'm still very new to being a mage. I don't have any bad mage habits. I'm not even that good of a mage. I had to hand assemble this tent before I spelled it."

"Well, you did a fine job." he chuckled. "It looked…sturdy, from the outside."

"That's what I was going for. And why don't you just…try me for this expedition. I'll sign a contract saying that it's not your fault if I die. Not that anyone would care. Plus, we'll live in luxury every night, and I can make anything taste delicious with bare minimum ingredients."

"Tempting, but won't it be a little…cozy with both of us in here?"

She looked at him, incredulous.

"Remember the part where I'm a mage?" she walked over to the sitting area and contorted her hands toward the wall. "Addendum Sanctorum."

She beckoned him through a new flap in the canvas to a modest, but still accommodating room with a large, plush bed, a few sturdy, simple chairs, a small table, and a bathing area of its own, complete with a stash of sponges, soaps, and towels.

"See? It may not be all of the comforts of home, but it's hardly roughing it compared to the alternative, am I wrong?" She turned to look at him, but he was much closer than she'd expected him to be. She looked directly up into that piercing amber gaze that was unlike any she'd seen before. And he looked so…dangerous. And yet she wasn't afraid. At least not primarily. What she was mostly feeling was desire. She wanted those strong, skilled hands to touch her. She wanted to be held. She hadn't been held since she was a child. And a very young one, at that. She could feel something mutual coursing between them. And that was the thing that terrified her. The thought that he might be hungry for her in that way. He ran his hand along the slope of her temple and cheek down to her chin.

"I don't recall saying I'd mind sharing a cozy space with you, Ana."

TBC in Part Two

[rosecorcoranwrites]

September Reading Roundup

It's time for this month's reading roundup, but first, a little announcement that no one but me will care about: I'm staying off the internet until the election. Well, mostly. I'll still post to Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram when the mood strikes me or when I have a writing update. I'll still post Rant Rave Reviews on here and Youtube (the theme this month is spooky stories, of course). But I won't be interacting much (ie, I won't be spending hours reading through Twitter and Tumblr and watching random Youtube videos I've already seen). If you @ me or retweet or reblog a post, I'll probably respond in a day or two, but other than that, I'm becoming a recluse.

The reason for this is twofold. First, I'm offering it up. For those of you who aren't Catholic, "offering it up" is sort of like giving up something for Lent. You discipline yourself by enduring some deprivation (either natural, like pain, or of your own choosing, like not watching hours of Youtube). At the same time, you offer up your (albeit, in this case, slight) suffering as a sacrifice for some good. I'm offering it up for America. Not the election, America. Because, not to get political or anything, but no matter who wins the garbage fire that is the 2020 election, America is doomed unless our culture changes. As I said to a friend recently, if this was the 90s, we could weather whatever storm Trump or Biden brings, but people hate each other so much right now that our country is pretty much over. Unless...

I don't know what I'm praying for, but I'm praying, praying that come what may, God in his Providence will drag something good out of all of it, kicking and screaming if need be. I will also be doing a rosary novena with my diocese October 14th through October 22, and then another one with the USCCB October 26th to November 3rd. Join me if you would like.

On a lighter note, I'm a volunteer writer-in-residence again at my hometown library, so I'm obligated to focus on writing this month, and need write, research, and workshop without distraction. I have two Forensics and Fiction books all tabbed and ready to read, plus a book about army nurses in the Vietnam War. The plot of book one in the alternate-history/fantasy/mystery trilogy is fast congealing, and I want to strike while the iron is hot. I need to focus! My ultimate goal is to be ready to write a little each day in November, returning to my heretical NaNoWriMo ways.

I'll let you know how it all turns out in my first Novemebr post, which will be a reading roundup of October. Until then, let's take a look at what I read this month:

Two Six Shooters Beat Four Aces: Stories of a Young Arizona by Barbara Marriott Ph.D

Genre: History - Anecdotes

Why I read it: Arizona book club pic

What I thought of it: While it's clear that Marriott is an excellent researcher, she is either a bad writer or in serious need of an editor. Individual paragraphs proved internally repetitive, and the overall structure of each chapter was slapdash. It needed smoother transitions from anecdote to anecdote or more section breaks and section headers.

Would I recommend it: No, everyone in my book club, including myself, hated it.

7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

Genre: Supernatural Mystery

Why I read it: I'd been wanting to for a while; the premise caught my eye

What I thought of it: The body-hopping time-loop stuff was brilliant, the characters likable, and the story delightfully twisty. The last twist and conclusion were unsatisfying, though.

Would I recommend it: Yes!! Despite it's flaws, it was an exciting, fun, and original book. I will definitely be reading Turton's next book (which involves a closed circle of suspects and, possibly, demons!?).

The Exorcist by William Blatty

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: I'd been meaning to for a while, and writing research gave me an excuse to do so

What I thought of it: I like that it doesn't pull it's punches; I'm kind of shocked that it's only been censored a couple times, actually. It presents demons as they are: hateful, grotesque jerks who get off on picking on humans. I also liked that there was a murder mystery subplot. I'm not sure I approve 100% of the ending, theologically speaking, but that's a pretty minor quibble.

Would I recommend it: Yes, but it is not for the feint of heart. Trigger warnings for child sexual abuse, adult sexual abuse, language, violence, the works.

How to Destroy America in Three Easy Steps by Ben Shapiro

Genre: Nonfiction - politics

Why I read it: It's a long story that I shall tell about in my memoir of library life, but not here. Also the cover is 10/10

What I thought of it: It was ok. I already knew most of what he said. I disagreed with some of it, like seeing the constant moving of people from town to town in 1950s as a positive thing; in actuality, "company men" in the 50s were moved around so they wouldn't have community ties but instead ties to the company, which is anti-human to the extreme. I did think it was interesting that he combatted the idea of America's greatness being built off the backs of slaves by pointing out that slavery was actually terrible for the south, as reliance on slavery retarded their economic system well after the Civil War.

Would I recommend it: If you're into political books, sure.

American Sherlock: Murder, Forensics, and the Birth of American CSI by Kate Winkler Dawson

Genre: True Crime - forensic history

Why I read it: I love historical true crime

What I thought of it: It was ok, but kind of didn't make the case for him being "The American Sherlock Holmes" (even though people really did call him that back in the day), in that a lot of his conclusions ended up being a little dubious. Still, from a research perspective, it did establish when various forensic practices started being used in the USA.

Would I recommend it: Maybe? I personally liked Father of Forensics more. I'd say this book is, like, 3/5 stars, just because it could have been tightened up a bit.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: It's spooky season!

What I thought of it: Having already seen the movie, I knew pretty much what was going to happen, but I love Gaiman's turn of phrase.

Would I recommend it: Yes, especially for children who are too young for scarier fair but still want a creepy story.

The Horror at Red Hook by H.P. Lovecraft

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: It's still spooky season!

What I thought of it: I honestly liked this a lot more than the Cthulhu mythos stuff. Rather than vague demoniac blasphemies or black cyclopean gulfs, there's a real tangible cult that sacrifices (reanimated?) corpses to a pale, dancing, snickering Thing on a golden pedestal. I dig it.

Would I recommend it: Yes. Just... ignore the racism. That goes for all of Lovecraft's stuff, by the by.

Herbert West: Reanimator by H.P. Lovecraft

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: Turns out I like HP Lovecraft. Who knew?

What I thought of it: You gotta love mad scientists who try to reanimate the dead, right? I think this one would make an excellent mini-series.

Would I recommend it: Yes.

Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh

Genre: Essay - illustration/comics

Why I read it: I loved Hyperbole and a Half, and was excited when I saw Brosh was coming out with another book.

What I thought of it: It was okay. Not as good as her first book, but for an understandable reason: medical complications and her sister's suicide (that's not a spoiler, as the book is dedicated to her sister). Thus, the book had a heaviness to it that the first one didn't. Still there were some parts that made me laugh so hard I cried.

Would I recommend it: Maybe? I'd say borrow it from the library, but don't buy it, unless you are also suffering a loss. It might be really relatable and cathartic in that case.

The Rats in the Walls by H.P. Lovecraft

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: I like HP Lovecraft

What I thought of it: Not as scary as I had been led to believe by my brother, but still a good story. I plan on reading Lovecraft Country at some point, which supposedly flips Lovecraft's racism on it's head, and so help me, if it doesn't make reference to this story and chattel slavery, I'll throw a fit.

Would I recommend it: Yes. I like that the cat didn't die. :)

The Shadow Over Innsmouth by H.P. Lovecraft

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: I just... I just really like Lovecraft, okay?

What I thought of it: I find the sea inherently creepy, so when you have a decrepit backwater filled with a fishy stench and secrets, it's gotta be good.

Would I recommend it: Yes, especially if you liked the Fishing Hamlet part of the Bloodborne DLC (which I could not help but think of the whole time reading this novella).

The Thing on the Doorstep by H.P. Lovecraft

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: You know why.

What I thought of it: So if you've read enough Lovecraft, especially Dunwich Horror and Shadow Over Innsmouth, you already know what's coming... or do you? Right away, HP establishes that there is a special knock the guy uses with his friend, so I assumed the twist end would involve the Thing appearing in the guy's body but not using the knock, thus revealing itself to be (redacted for slight spoilers). I was wrong. That's not how it played out, and the way it played out was so much creepier!!!

Would I recommend it: Yeah! I really liked this one!

Haunter of the Dark by H.P. Lovecraft

Genre: Horror

Why I read it: Yup

What I thought of it: Same ol', same ol, but what I thought was cool in this one was that the supposedly superstitious Italian Catholic immigrants totally know what's up and spend their stormy nights keeping the Haunter at bay with nothing but candles and flashlights. What a neat detail!

Would I recommend it: Yup. :)

[badass-women-league]

TIVALI

PART 26 - Annoyingly charming

Ziva walked out of the building and to the table to join the rest of the team. Ellie waved at her as she saw her coming closer. She was sitting on the picnic table. Ziva waved back at her and noticed Tony and Nick, sat at another table. They were facing each other. McGee was standing next to them with his watch in hand. Ziva sat next to Ellie and gave her the food she had ordered. Ellie thanked Ziva. Ziva asked: ⠀

-“what are they doing ?”⠀

-“brain freezing…”⠀

-“oh my god…again ? ⠀

-”Yes.. again. Nick claimed that the last time Tony’s drink was not as cold as his and the results were skewed”⠀

-”When are they going to stop their stupid contest ?”⠀

-“when one of them will be designated as the best of all Gibbs’ agents” ⠀

-“How is this even relevant ?” Ziva sighed “who is winning ?” ⠀

-“Tony won the ‘paper ball basketball’ and the ‘pizza speed eating’ and Nick won the ‘paper plane challenge’. McGee is trying to determine who has the most resistant brain”⠀

Ziva rolled her eyes and bitterly said: ⠀

-“They have no brain!”. ⠀

Ellie asked: ⠀

-“how did you manage to work with two men for so many years ?”⠀

-“men ? I was working with two teenagers. One with raging hormones and the other one was playing ‘elf lord’ online” ⠀

-“did I ever tell you that I really admire you” ⠀

-“several times yes” ⠀

They both laughed while Tony and Nick were moaning and holding their heads to soothe the pain of their frozen brains. ⠀

Tony was awakened by the sound of someone searching through the drawers in the kitchen. He grumbled and grabbed his pillow to cover his ears. This was supposed to be his sleep-in morning. This thought made him realize that the house was supposed to be empty. Ziva was gone with the kids for a couple of hours. If Ziva was gone with the kids.. then who was turning his kitchen upside down ? He jumped from the bed and walked to the window to check the cars. Ziva’s car was gone and his was still there. He slowly walked to the wardrobe and grabbed an iron box. He unlocked it and grabbed his old gun. He loaded it as he walked down the stairs with only his boxers to cover his body. He made sure to be as quiet as possible. He stopped behind the wall and peaked inside the room. He couldn't see anything as the intruder was kneeling behind the countertop. Tony rushed inside and raised his gun in the intruder’s direction: ⠀

-“FREEZE ! HANDS IN THE AIR ! NO SUDDEN MOVES” ⠀

Tony’s jaw dropped as he saw a woman, probably in her sixties, stood up in front of him. She frowned at him and started to shout in a language that Tony didn’t understand. He did not understand it yes.. but he knew it. She was shouting in Hebrew and she was obviously very upset. She threw a pan lid at him, then a spatula. Tony lowered his gun and apologized: ⠀

-“wait… stop…” ⠀

She kept shouting incomprehensible things.⠀

Tony dodged a ladle and said: ⠀

-“please we can work this out ok. I am Ziva’s husband, this is my house”⠀

As he dodged another kitchen utensil, he heard the front door unlock. He thought ‘Thank god Ziva is back’. ⠀

As Ziva walked in with the kids and her arms full of grocery bags, she froze when she saw the scene in the kitchen. Her eyes stopped on Tony’s gun. She dropped her bags on the floor and rushed to the still shocked woman: ⠀

-“Oh my god Tony what did you do !”⠀

-“nothing ! I woke up and someone I didn’t know was in my kitchen” ⠀

Ziva hugged the woman and after saying a few words in hebrew she turned back to Tony:⠀

-“I left you a message on your phone”⠀

-“I thought someone was trying to rob us, I didn’t check my phone” ⠀

-“This is Nettie.. my aunt, Tony !”⠀

-“Yes ! Thank you ! I figured it out when she started throwing things at me while she was insulting me in hebrew...I thought she was supposed to arrive this weekend” ⠀

Ziva sighed:⠀

-“Nettie surprised us this morning by arriving early to have more time with the kids. You know what.. I am sorry. This is my fault, I should have told you before leaving. I didn’t want to wake you up.” ⠀

She turned to her aunt and explained the big misunderstanding. The two women talked for a minute and laughed. Tony who was still standing in the middle of the kitchen in his boxer said: ⠀

-“you’re mocking me right ? I can understand that you know” ⠀

Ziva walked to him and landed a sweet kiss on his lips: ⠀

-“actually no, my love. Nettie was telling me that she thinks you are a pretty handsome man and that even though this is a pretty weird first encounter she thinks you are a very brave man” ⠀

Tony said:⠀

-“I love her already..” ⠀

Nettie winked at Tony. He awkwardly smiled and suddenly felt like running upstairs to put on some more appropriate clothes. ⠀

It was good to be reunited with her aunt. The last member of her former life. Ziva, Nettie and Tali had spent the entire afternoon cooking food from Ziva’s native land. For Tony’s greatest happiness. His stomach was full. Nettie looked at Ziva and said something in Hebrew that made her laugh. As she saw Tony’s confused face, she explained:

-”She said: ‘The way to a man's heart is through his stomach’, this is something my grandmother used to say”

He stood up to gather some dirty plates from the table and said:

-”your grandmother was a wise woman”

-”we all are..” and she smirked at him.

Nettie had brought some gifts for the kids and some old pictures in her luggage for Ziva. Ziva was looking at some when Tony passed behind her and as he looked at the picture he said:

-”Is that you ?”

He pointed at a toddler in a woman’s arms. Ziva said with a proud smile:

-”yes, it’s me and my mother..”

-”wow she was a beauty”

Ziva chuckled:

-”Flattery would not have gotten you anywhere with her. She was the real mama bear. She raised 2 kids in a conflicted country and an absent husband and never once complained about it. She was a real force of nature. I’ve never seen her cry or show any sign of weakness and she would have had thousands of reasons to lose it”

Tony sat back and said:

-”I wish I could have met her”

-”she would have loved you”

-”you think ?”

-”yes.. Well, maybe not at first. My mother was always very distrustful at first, even more when it came to her children. You had to earn her trust and it was nothing like shooting fish in a tank”

-”reminds me of someone.. ”

Ziva smiled. Tony added:

-“it’s a barrel by the way..”

She looked confused:

-”What ?”

Tony smiled at her wife stubbornness to use american idioms and said:

-”nevermind”

Ziva continued:

-”but then she would have seen you with the kids and she would have loved you like her own child”

A particular picture drew her attention. She picked it from the pile and said:

-”oh my god. I did not remember I gave this to Nettie”

Ziva looked at the picture and said to Tony: ⠀

-”I thought those pictures were all gone in the fire”⠀

She gave the picture to Tony. He took it and recognize instantly what was on this picture. Tony asked: ⠀

-”How far along were you ?”⠀

-”3 months I think” ⠀

Tony could not get his eyes off the picture. A little smile appeared on his lips. A pride smile mixed with some regrets. He said:⠀

-”Tali come here”⠀

The little girl ran to her father and sat on his lap. Tony said:⠀

-”I’m gonna show you something. You remember when we showed you that picture of Adam, when he was still in Ima’s belly ? Well this, my dear, is the first picture of you” ⠀

He showed the picture to Tali and the little girl chuckled: ⠀

-”no it’s not” ⠀

She first thought that her father was messing with her. Tony continue:⠀

-”yes it is. You were still in Ima’s belly and you were not bigger than this.” He used his fingers to show her how little she was at that time. “Look you are here” ⠀

He pointed at the fetus on the ultrasound. Tali grabbed the picture and looked at it with rapt attention. She was holding it very close to her eyes. She asked:⠀

-“this is me ?”⠀

-“yes! My little girl, not bigger than a peach and now look at you. My baby is in 3rd grade” ⠀

Tony tickled Tali’s side. She laughed and said:⠀

-”Yes ! I’m a big girl now” ⠀

Tony chuckled:⠀

-”Hold on Wendy ! You are not in Neverland yet. Until I say so, you are still be my little girl who needs her dad to push her on the swing, who still gets mad when she has to wear a band-aids, who…”⠀

Tali shushed her dad by putting her hands on his mouth to stop him. Tony laughed and kissed his child on her forehead. He will always have this particular relationship with her. A relationship acquired through the difficult times of being a single father. She had showed him the right way. She made him feel complete even though one half of him was gone for an indefinite period. He discovered through her, what it felt like to be someone’s everything. It had been scary but such a cathartic experience. ⠀

Ziva was in the kitchen. She was preparing dinner. Adam, who was now 18 months old was running around. Ziva was keeping an eye on him while she was cooking. He was seeking Ziva’s attention, sitting in the middle of his mother’s path, touching forbidden stuff and climbing furniture. She said: ⠀

-”Adam sweetheart, Ima is busy here. Go see Aba. I am sure he is doing something fun with your sister.”⠀

Adam shook his head and said:⠀

-”nah!” ⠀

He was still in his ‘Ima only phase’ and unfortunately he was as stubborn as his mother. Adam was looking for every way that could get his mother’s attention until he grabbed the table runner on the dining room table. Ziva saw him and said: ⠀

-”Adam don’t”⠀

He pulled it. ⠀

-”Adam. Don’t make me come over !” ⠀

He pulled it once more and Ziva saw the vase on it swaying. Ziva sighed and walked to him. She frowned and said: ⠀

-”Adam Jethro DiNozzo !” ⠀

In the living room, Tony and Tali were watching a movie when Tony heard his wife calling his son. He looked at Tali and asked:⠀

-”Did she just called him by his full name ?”⠀

Tali nodded. Tony winced and said: ⠀

-”He must be in a lot of trouble then” ⠀

He stood up and walked to the kitchen. As he entered he saw his son, sitting on the floor looking at his mother with the most charming smile on his face. Ziva said:⠀

-”Don’t ! Stop using your father’s smile against me ! It’s not working anymore” ⠀

Tony chuckled, grabbed his son and said: ⠀

-”She is lying. It’s working. Admit it Sweetcheeks, there is nothing you can do about it” ⠀

Ziva was in a terrible position. She was facing her husband and son, both smiling in the most charming way. She was disarmed. She gave her husband a gentle slap on his buttocks and said: ⠀

-”get out of my kitchen, both of you, before I decide to ground you both !” ⠀

Tony smirked and, before leaving the room, said to his son:⠀

-”come on buddy, let’s go somewhere else where people appreciate The DiNozzo charm to their true value”⠀