#idk it hurts bc this love and connection meant so much to me and i wanted to do anything to make it work

[bunnihearted]

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

[sugared-violets]

who needs surgeons when you can just reread the book that defined your adolescence and get your heart ripped out for free

[frankiensteinsmonster]

ID in Alt Text!

Hey, sorry I haven't been doing my daily outfit posts lately-- I guess I never mentioned why I started them, but it's this personal project that I'm working on where I take a picture (though, in all honesty, it's a lot of pictures lol) in whatever I'm wearing and I feature my cane to promote awareness and give representation to other cane users and members of the cpunk and Physically Disabled community. I'm working on building up the courage to take these pictures outside as well, because I do them on campus, but we deserve to see ourselves outside as well!

The reason I haven't been keeping up with it is because my partner and I have really been really struggling financially as well as with our mental health (and me with my physical health as well, obviously lol) we moved across the country to go to school and it is So Hard-- I had to drop three out of five of my classes because the course work was just too much in volume and I need a job really bad (which is going to be Hard to do since we don't even know why I'm in such chronic pain yet 🙃 it's hard not to feel defeated!)

Either way, I think going to start posting them with the tag #TheVainCanes and #MobilityAidVainity but I'm also going to host a poll for some options bc I want this to be a widespread community thing!

I'm choosing these names because I've seen from both ableds and disabled elitists this idea that we and our mobility aides need to look like they're fresh out the hospital for us to be Believed and deserving of respect, and anything beyond that voids our suffering and invalidates our experiences-- and I think that's reductive, harmful, and just plain wrong! Our mobility aides are an extension of ourselves and we deserve to dress them up however we want. We deserve representation, and the normalization of Joy and Having Personality While Disabled.

This will be intersectional as well (bc. I mean look at me. Also I don't need a reason!) , people from all identities are welcomed and encouraged to join! This is meant to be a celebration of Us, Disabled, BIPOC, LGBTQIA2S+, and All That Jazz! (If you use a mobility aid, you're in!) We're beautiful gorgeous handsome devils and I think we'd do good seeing how good we all look in a designated tag

Also my cash app and Venmo are @/cherubpunque 👀 if anyone has some spare change I could have that would be an amazing help towards feeding me, my partner, and our two cats!!

To kick things off, I am a 2S, Afroindigenous person (Gullah and Kanien'kehá:ka!) who experiences chronic pain and fatigue. I have PTSD and a few other brain things going on, less than perfect eyesight, and a great passion for Art, Music, Subculture, and Helping Others whenever and however I can! I'm majoring in art and am working towards becoming a published graphic novelist. Idk I just have a lot of love and support to give, and a big need for love and support for myself as well, and I'm hoping to offer us a good opportunity for us to connect in a space that's just for us! We're already living outside of society's expectations for health, so why should we let these folks decide the way we look while doing it? Express yourself! (I'll also be tagging myself in future as #mothie so you can find me in the tags! Anyways, I gotta go lay down. My back hurts.)

[liloinkoink]

as someone who also has so much homework to do. what are your thoughts on treesekai ren (speaking of treesekai, i actually sent that fic to a friend like a year ago who doesn't watch hermitcraft etc and i remember we had fun reading it and giggling over the anime of it all so tysm for that ♡)

i am no longer doing homework so i can share thoughts. it is almost 3am tho so idk theyll be coherent

first im glad you two enjoyed it! dont know how i feel about the fact it's breached containment but it is good to know it holds up

[speaking of, this fic was posted a year ago, so if you dont know what treesekai is, here is the link for you]

second i think all the time about just how lonely treesekai Ren is. ive made posts like this before but Ren is just... he's so lonely. Ren is a character with a lot of love in him, always. he always wants someone to care about. often many someones! he gravitates towards big loyal teams, and he usually spends his time at home building a place for that team to be protected and safe, and is willing to die to defend that home (and he has. twice.)

dogwarts was a big team whose loyalty he took seriously and whose home he died to defend. the shadow alliance had matching skins and, until they went red, all ren's loyalty, and their base of operations was one of the last bases standing bc Ren continually put it back together for his teammates. Ren and BigB died on the doorstep of of box, with ren's last words being about defending it. home and the people in it are important to him

treesekai Ren is the same, but he doesnt really have anywhere to point it. he has a home, but what matters to Ren about a home is that theres people in it. he loves the country he rules but he thinks if he does that hard enough he'll have someone, and he just doesnt. he assumes he can trust his staff, thinks he'll be able to make alliances with other nations, hopes his fiance will be that person he needs. but he isnt! and Ren cant trust him! or his staff! or other royalty! no one else in the world cares about him! many of the people close to him ultimately want him dead!

so, in the game, he ends up paranoid, and he ends up evil, and he ends up dead

but in the fic he meets Martyn, and he gets that connection and affection and care hes been looking for all this time. and like. it fascinates me how much Martyn doesnt know how much hes changed ren's life. Ren isnt evil for nothing--above all he's lonely and hurt. by saving him from loneliness, Martyn saves his life. he could abandon the game plotline then and there, completely forgoing all the normal isekai tropes of running thru every event w future knowledge and picking the best possible outcome, and Ren would no longer die. just by being there and sincerely caring for Ren, Martyn has already achieved the best of all possible worlds. and he doesnt even know it!

i just. i love how lonely he is and how simple he is. he just wants to be loved. he just wants to love someone. he's a dating sim character, after all, and that's the whole point, isn't it? his world exists just so the people in it can be loved, and he's not allowed to have any of that. if youd just give him a romance, he'd be more than happy to be a love interest instead, but he isnt! he isnt allowed! no wonder he loses it. on some level, maybe he knows hes being denied the fundamental purpose for existence in his universe

this is rambly bc its rlly late but im just. it must hurt more than anything to be the one character in a world about love who is meant to be completely unlovable

[rickytickychow]

I don't even have words for Apology Tour, it was such a great follow-up (types so many words)

idk if Stolas understands how Out Of Nowhere this whole crystal thing was for Blitz. Like sure, it had been a few months, but Blitz was truly expecting a "same as always" kind of affair, misread Stolas's advances and got shut down and shut out the MINUTE he made that mistake. Stolas's little "thank you" speech was visibly genuinely confusing and horrifying to Blitz.

And then (AS BLITZ EXPECTED!!) the prince who supposedly loves him soooooo much walks away after ONE MISTAKE.

Also Stolas, annoyingly enough for Blitz, will never understand why Blitz feels looked down on and mistrusting until he acknowledges his objective place in hell's society. Stolas has never felt like he looks down on or demeans Blitz because he truly put the guy on a pedestal for so long. Now he's assuming that because Blitz didn't respond to his love confession mutually, Blitz didn't actually mean any of it. Bc God forbid your grand romantic gesture out of nowhere doesn't make the other person sweep you into their arms.

The amount of exes at Blitz's party shows how little patience he truly has for relationships despite trying to connect to others, but it's also showing us how much contempt and impatience people really do show him. Objectively, Blitz knows he's a difficult person. He doesn't know how to navigate his OWN feelings, much less someone else's. It's soooo funny to me how he does indeed end up at the "I hate Blitzø" party.

ALSO????

"I don't think you meant to hurt me, cuz I don't think it meant a thing at all"????? STOLAS DID YOU SEE ALL THE BULLSHIT HE DID FOR YOU I THINK IT MEANT SOMETHING TO HIM IDK

Blitz is not someone who does things he doesn't want to. He may have been hasty agreeing to the full moon deal, but he VERY CLEARLY enjoyed it and didn't want it to just... End.

And the Striker thing was also a low blow on Stolas's part. Moxxie and Millie saved his ass, taking BLITZ'S van after he already explained that Loona had an appointment that COULD NOT be missed. I can't imagine Blitz enjoys being in any given hospital longer than he has to. But despite the audience knowing what affects these things, Stolas does not.

This is kinda disjointed but while I feel bad for them both idk. I feel worse for Blitz bc Stolas has every opportunity to get better once he heals his emotional pain. Every Single one. He's still dealing with the divorce and moving sure, but he's a prince with magic, resources, and as Blitz pointed out, a nearly immortal body.

Blitz has all this inner turmoil and... None of that security. He has more to lose by letting people in. He's had to claw, fight, and drag himself for everything he currently has. It's hard for him to apologize because honestly? None of his actions are excused by this fact whatsoever, but he's owed a lot of apologies from people over the years, too. When he says "they're for pussies and no one deserves them anyway," I don't think he's just bitter about giving them. I think he's bitter about the idea of receiving them. Wanting someone to apologize means admitting they can hurt you. Blitz is well aware he can and has hurt others, but loath to admit when he is hurt.

For all his talk about not thinking Stolas can get hurt, Blitz is the one who actually acts like he's infallible - that makes others expect more from Blitz, but he will take them being angry at him over being perceived as weak or pitiable.

Stolas lovvvvves being weak and pitiable because he was expected to grow up quick, and the tragedy of that doesn't excuse his part here either. Anyone can agree that his attitude toward Blitz has taken a complete 180, with no visible effort to see things from Blitz's perspective. Sure, Blitz has been an angry asshole about it, but people seem to think that not showing anger makes whatever shitty behavior they choose automatically better. It doesn't.

I can't wait to see more about Blitz and Verosika too. It was really eye-opening for both Blitz and the audience to see that side of her. There's probably more to their breakup than her saying "I love you," but that being the catalyst for Blitz up and leaving is the WORST. That had to hurt, and even if he just felt unworthy/unable to say it back right away, Blitz should feel bad about just running away.

Since he plays things so close to his chest and acts aggressive, it's easy for everyone around Blitz to overlook any selfless actions and label him as angry and selfish. It's pretty heartbreaking how his relationship to the world and his trauma responses make him lean into the idea that he's a terrible person.

TLDR GREAT EPISODE WHOA these emotional disasters warm my heart (with rage ❤️). Welcome back Verosika lmao

[jemmo]

rambles on that last twilight ending

my thoughts on the last twilight ending are so??? im gonna need to sit on this one for a while, bc i loved this show so whole-heartedly that i don’t want to write it off bc of a ‘bad ending’, but it also means it’s hard to reconcile that the ending was… well, i don’t think it was bad. i think it deserves more thought than that, but i don’t think it did what it wanted to, nor did it keep with what the shows message was, or should have been. and we can say it’s as simple as day shouldn’t have got his sight back, but I don’t think that was the only thing. if he stayed blind, the ending still wouldn’t have hit right for me. none of it hit right from the end of ep 11 bc it’s like I could feel the intent of the writing, but it’s not what the writing actually was. and if it was given maybe 3ish more episodes and all these characters were given more time, i think an ending like this could’ve worked. but again, it all comes down to that damn ep 11 curse that I thought p’aof was better than, bc you can’t squeeze everything that needed to be reconciled after this breakup and everything they wanted to do into one ep, not with this show.

i didn’t hate the idea of a breakup. if you’re going with the narrative of mohk having a fear of being away from day bc of his trauma and so on then fine, that works. and so it works that they had to be away from each other to grow in that way, but I do think it was unkind to mohk to send him away on that note. some understanding, and day wanting him to go for his own good would’ve felt kinder, and even if they were his real intentions, they didn’t communicate that either. it just felt like day had no empathy for him. and yes he was probably hurting too feeling like no one was trusting him, but whatever, it could’ve been done better. and if they wanted to play on anything else, then hey there was that whole bit with the car and day thinking mohk was looking after him just for the money, why not use that and the fact the opportunities mohk got in his career were connections bc he was with day. day could’ve been like well that was the whole point, you don’t work for me forever, you can do whatever you want now, or even just played more on him feeling like he’s holding mohk back. idk, i just mean if this breakup was going to turn out to be 3 years, no contact at all, which it did, it should’ve felt bigger than a 5 second argument.

anyway, then the finale comes and again, if they’d given more reason for a breakup, i would’ve understand more why day keeps on denying mohk a second chance, which i already don’t like the phrasing of bc it makes out like he did something wrong and needs to earn a second chance which he doesn’t. the whole thing would’ve been more understandable if this was day realizing that they both grew and found happiness in what they’re doing and he didn’t want to ruin that when the breakup meant it could happen. or they could’ve completely 180-ed and shown that one of them wasn’t happy, or both, idk mohk had no one in the states and was incredibly hurt and lonely, day was struggling after losing mohk like he did and reinforcing the idea that he couldn’t be independent made him retreat again. just anything would’ve given more strength behind a need to push away, and would have made it more satisfying when love overcomes it all blah blah blah.

and as much as i liked the airport scene and the fact day did go after him, do you know what would’ve been more impactful? day, knowing his full ability, and going against his mom who still worries for his safety or going bc of his mom seeing that he’s not truly happy, bc both could’ve worked given different writing, getting on a plane by himself and going after mohk, seeing him be able to traverse it all. for once we watch day by himself and unlike at the start of the show, we’re not constantly scared he’s gonna get hurt, bc he’s confident and able now and we can just watch him go after mohk and be excited about it, like the end to any other romance story. and it would’ve meant mohk got this moment where, after looking after day so much and getting broken up with bc he cared too much, he gets to see day caring for him that much too.

and the sight thing. yes, with the time they had they shouldn’t have done it, it should’ve been that they manage to find their own happiness despite it all, then the whole show would’ve been about day accepting his situation and standing up for his own ability and his own right to independence and happiness, and it would’ve meant mohk could overcome his fear of loss and guilt over his sister and learn that he isn’t to blame for anything, bc now day can make his own decisions and is ok on his own. now if there was more time, i could’ve seen it working, but only with stronger writing. I would’ve loved to have seen a conversation over day getting his sight back, maybe him not wanting it bc he’s accepted the way he is much like how some deaf people don’t want implants, and the opposing argument of how not all people in his place can have the possibility of seeing again. we could’ve seen fear in the opposite direction now that he’s used to his life, and that damn first scene of part 4, we could’ve seen him then wanting to go out into the world and look after people like him, just like mohk did for him, bc mohk made him see the importance of having someone there for you that cares for you and sees you as a person, as normal, not as your disability. and funnily enough, do you know what made me cry at the end of it? then showing the pictures that were taken when day was blind. that’s the kind of thing i wanted to see, and wished i did if they had more time. day getting his sight back but still showing how connected he is to who he was at that time and while not being thankful for it happening, being thankful for the way he’s grown, and loving the person he sees in those pictures. to go from someone who hid himself and his blindness to someone who shares his story and helps and advocates vocally for those like him, despite not being blind anymore. that way you still get to give day his sight back as your happily ever after but manage to retain the message.

so yeah. they missed the ball. but i also want to remove this idea that an ending ruins a whole show. at the end of the day, it’s one ep, and when a show has done so much good in all its other eps, at least in my eyes, that’s the stuff I’d rather talk about and remember.

[stuckinapril]

hi random question here idk if you'll see it but I recently went through a breakup in early September and nothing has felt right since then and sometimes I feel like I'm living a different life/started over a new life and everything is so foreign

Like I genuinely feel like I'm learning to talk to people again and take care of myself and watch TV again and listen to music again and just...ugh

The whole thing sent me for a loop and I just felt so unlovable and sad...and I lowkey feel like I went over the deep end because everything feels so weird to me and I probably didn't but I swear to god!! I got in a new relationship and I swear I can't love right like it just feels so weird!! Like I'm happy in my new relationship and the new person is making me very content sometimes I just feel like it's just me and everything feels so trippy and dream-like

Point is I feel like nothing will ever feel "okay" or "good" again and I go through spouts of believing it but sometimes I feel so insane...so yeah

i call it a “soul glitch” haha. it’s when you lose someone (platonic, romantic, familial whatever) who meant a lot to you and then you sort of just feel like your whole life is a house of cards that even the slightest breeze could knock over. i feel that. i feel that so much. i just wanted to start off this ask by telling you your feelings are valid, that they’re normal, that september was such a short time ago and you’re allowed to mourn a person whom you loved but who’s no longer in your life. i don’t want to start this off w any therapy speak or the typical “work on ur confidence” “you need to be okay w being by yourself” blah blah bc i think human connection is so beautiful. like from the bottom of my heart. i think it’s beautiful that you loved someone so much that the loss of them has made you the most human you possibly are, w all this sadness and longing and everything in between. it’s normal that you’re sad. it’s normal that you’re hurting. i’m sorry that this happened.

i’m not one to tell anyone what their capacity is, when to move on to a new relationship, how to best bounce back from a breakup… but it kind of reads to me like you’ve moved on too fast. you broke up in september but you’re already in a new relationship? i would’ve never done that after my breakup. i did talk briefly to a couple guys from uni, but it was all so empty and no one really hooked me for long. you could have totally different coping mechanisms from me, but idk i’ve never met anyone who jumped into a new thing so early after their old thing and it ended well. literally not a single person. it always turned sour eventually.

not saying to break up w this new person, but i don’t think it’s fair to you or to them to stay in a relationship where you’re actively thinking of someone else. you need to give yourself time to mourn. i’m the kind of person who wants to immediately be okay and to bounce back after a heartbreak and to ignore the “soul glitch phase,” but that has never done me any good. let your soul glitch. genuinely. lie in bed in the dark and think of all the things you want to talk about w them but can’t. think about the sweet memories. feel a little like you’re living in unreality bc they’re not in it. you need to get it out of your system. i’m not sure your current relationship fits into that equation. i hope you get well soon friend

[faithfromanewperspective]

how did you arrive at your progressive punk christianity outlook after being immersed in conservative christianity?

ooh!! good question. see I don’t really think what I was immersed in was particularly conservative—in circles I’ve been around we’ve always dissed Americans for being conservative (kinda mean I know) and my dad used to take me to climate change protests in the 2000s and I was always taught the 6 days of creation aren’t literal, the rapture isn’t real, women in stem etc. idk how it was anywhere else but the part of sydney I grew up in was just Like That, there was encouragement to give to the poor to actually end poverty and people actually did even though none of us really had heaps and I guess I wasn’t raised to be okay with entitlement but simply be kind to everyone? And I didn’t even know what conservative was until I was maybe 17 (I thought it was a style of fashion for ages and then I thought it meant conserving nature and history). It was always just Christians are meant to be genuinely kind and not have sex til you’re older and preferably married yknow?? and work hard, like the protestant work ethic was def a thing but somehow in a non ableist way as much as this is possible— I get real impatient with people bitching about stuff getting taken away from them, not realising how much they have when I probably have less and I’m usually giving away as much as I’m able and as much will put me in a state of perceived danger. It’s definitely a form of rebellion against them to see how little I can survive on which I’m working on. I also didn’t even know that so many Christians were transphobic like I thought it was only the extreme theobros. I also had a really lovely geography teacher in high school who was also a Christian and used her faith to drive environmental action, my biology teacher was a Christian and stood up for trans rights and I also had acccss to the internet to read up on clobber passages and hear peoples stories and it was always like ‘oh yeah some Christians believe different things based on how they read this stuff’ and I don’t think it was until I was old enough to actually vote and saw what propoganda was going around I really realised the power dynamic behind it, with the rise of the Australian Christian lobby which felt like it was straight out of the US. I fully thought voting was just liberals if you like fossil fuels, greens to save the environment, and labor if you’re a people pleaser and like fun little rhymes like ‘Kevin 07’ and attempting to be feminist but not really getting anything done. I actually met Martyn Iles once and was like ‘damn this guy is a fake Aussie this isn’t how we do Christianity’. I also got super burnt out by how hard and how biblically I tried to love my classmates on top of the Protestant work ethic about my schoolwork I never really cared about for myself, and was well versed in theology enough to be like HA! Grace means that we don’t have to do all that and can just do our sustainable best, still thinking my view was mainstream. I went to uni to study enviro sci at 17 and I thought my convictions to not drive unless Absolutely Necessary were driven by Christian ethics (which they were, how rigid I was with it was a pda response though). Then over the years realised very belatedly how people often didn’t validate my views and experiences and I’d expect they would (bc they were biblically rooted) and got quite hurt when they didn’t. Spent years in different volunteer ministries trying to put together the kind of community talked about in books like Philippians only to constantly be let down and feel isolated and that only driving me to work harder, despite knowing God’s grace meant I didn’t have to feeling like I couldn’t stop while my earthly needs for connection were unmet, saying yes to things I’d previously said no to because I got a sense of temporary community and belonging every time I joined a new serving team. Tried extra hard to make places inclusive and expected everyone else to be working as hard on it as I was and feel the desperation like I did and got super hurt when they didn’t, oh I guess I’ll have to do it all myself then.

I’ve always struggled with the concept of hell, tbh I heard about it way too young and never had a drop of self preservation instinct in my body only didn’t want to let God down by saying no. I’ve particularly always struggled with the whole urgency motivation like I’m trying, I’m doing the best I can, I listen to people and actually speaking the gospel into their lives in a way that hits home for them (bc I was thinking about how to do this in an empathetic and understanding and autonomy respecting way from a Very Young Age like I used to attempt to evangelise on moshi monsters to get an idea) and shit, I’m like 19 years old at this stage and I’m tired. If only I could just have one last hurrah to change places with someone so they can go to heaven instead of me? Id take it. and I basically worked myself to the point of being that suicidal and kept fucking going because God made me good at science so I can save the planet and end world hunger, and I had this conviction to contextualise (this is what we learned at afes btw) the gospel to really be real to queer folk and indigenous folk and other people of colour and marginalised people (it’s easy to see oppression with my background and my neurotype tbh) and maybe I could make myself suffer now bc God wasn’t gonna let me do that for eternity? anyway eventually left afes bc I was being so stretched and getting so isolated and the work I was doing there wasn’t achieving any of these things and I realised if I stayed I might end up dead and I wasn’t ready to go to heaven yet when my work wasn’t done. or at least so constantly dysregulated I wouldn’t be as able to be kind to others and show them the gospel.

around this time I’m also putting together a pretty comprehensive framework for how to actually solve global problems in a productive way, I’ve unpacked the pride in a lot of Christian mission projects and how they often were a feel good thing but not actually respectful or effective and I’d come up with literally hundreds of ideas for projects I could do to actually help, none of which I obviously had time for I think I was working up to 3 jobs while studying and serving in church and doing my hobbies that kept me kind of sane as well? which was discouraging to say the least, driving a kind of rageful resentment. Around that time I also discover PDA and my whole life makes sense, I start on my adhd meds which I had to jump through a million hoops to get and realise maybe I can finish uni.

a pda framework as I dive more into that and how to be actually neurodivergent affirming and actually recover from burnout long story short makes me realise how ableist much of our concept of sin and holiness really is and how much we need to destigmatise sin and stop using it as a way to intellectualise actual things happening in our brains and nervous systems and maybe we’d feel a lot less hopeless about it like it’s some big mystery if we actually did unpack the fear and threat responses and trauma behind it. Which we always say we will do but practically, church doenst give a space to do that bc you’re gonna be shamed. even for the people who are non affirming I’d be like, but isn’t it a logical step to someone who’s not yet been convicted to celibacy (if that’s something they think they should be) and realised this whole thing is unrealistic, not because the bible is wrong but because people think you can control your own brain by simply trying and trying again every time you fuck up as if that’s not gonna drive learned helplessness or actually traumatise you when you so desperately want to do better? Either that or drive you to be numb about it which I realised is what usually happens, there are certain sins people are blind to in every congregation and they’re actually intellectually unable to be convicted of that as sin because they’re stretched as far as they can go covering all other bases and being like ‘Christ covers that I didn’t Choose To Sin I’m trying not to even though it doesn’t really work’ like I’m a solutions person. if something isn’t working we’re gonna think of a new method and suddenly I understand how my brain works and those of so many others especially those who feel marginalised by the church!

and so long story short when I eventually had to quit what I was doing at church because someone cared enough to realise I hadn’t been doing well for years I was like I’m gonna follow this urge of the Spirit or simply my own head and desire for true connection I often found In exvangelical spaces and hear as many experiences as possible and use it to shape my worldview and get a bunch of hope from people who yes they’ve been marginalised but the gospel is real to them. that’s my only criteria I’m not gonna judge based on theology and I’m not ever gonna think my theological takes make anyone else wrong I’m just gonna be open to listen and shape them so there isn’t any cognitive dissonance and the grace found at the cross is real and practical and doenst have weird arbitrary limits, and I’m also gonna listen to those hurt by Christianity who some might judge as being hard hearted but I know how trauma works. and I’ve been doing that ever since, gradually getting there more and more and I think the best/funniest thing is even in more conservative spaces literally everyone I still talk to has been super encouraging of it and if we have any disagreements they’re pretty minor compared to the fact that we all believe the gospel is for everyone and we all wanna invest in social justice too (which makes me question how conservative those spaces ever were tbh). like there’s def parts of my story I won’t always tell but I feel like I come with a perspective people respect these days no matter where I am, and that’s nice in contrast to being that weird kid trying to do adult things being told either not to worry or that I don’t understand.

[shzmluvrs]

K so hi can u do a little Halloween one where yn an Freddy r at home watching scary movies bc Freddy can’t rly go trick or treating an after there done yn can’t sleep bc the movies scared her to much (or u could also do it with Freddy waking up bc he heard yn scream a little from like a nightmare or smt idk) an freddy stays up with her an they spend all night cuddling an talking about nerdy stuff idk if it’s to boring of an idea for u but it makes me squeal thinking about an I can’t write for Shit soooooo pls <3

Well, I can write for shit, so I'm gonna make your dreams come true, bestie😼✌🏽. Also, this is a cute plot, so I'm excited, and I hope you are, too, because you deserve to be happy and have some good cooked soup🤌🏽 (aka, good written fanfiction).

~ Star✨️

Wake Up (No Break Up)

Prompt: You love horror movies! Just... not at night. Or in the dark. Or by yourself. And no blood, guts, and/or screaming. And no slasher, paranormal, or psychological. And especially not on Halloween night.

Do...you even really like horror movies, or...?

Timeline: Post S!:FOTG

TW/Content: Mentions of gore/horror/stuff relating⚡️Freddy and reader (you) being extra reassuring🫶🏽⚡️Billy being a bitch and a half (not really, bro only pops up, like...twice)

Reader: Fem! She/Her/Hers Pronouns!

Requested By: Anon

Back to Master List

Freddy peered into his pillow case with a look of disdain smeared across his features, ignoring your buzzed rants and raves while you unlocked the front door to his home with his house key. It wasn't that he meant to, of course. Turning a deaf ear to the music that was your voice was never a controlled option, his annoyance all but getting the best of him and clouding his mind.

Again, not directed towards you.

He followed you into the house with a silence you found odd. It ceased your gossip, pocketing his keys into your own pillowcase of candy for quick safekeeping before giving the boy your full attention. He watched the blue lanyard connected to them follow, his brows knitting and a pout evident that finally pulled words of concern from your throat.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"How much candy did you get?" He asked almost too quickly, throwing you off for a moment before the words finally clicked in your head.

"Oh! Um, I dunno'..." You trailed, prying your makeshift bag back open to inspect. You gave it a little shake, smiling to yourself upon seeing some of your favorite treats mixed in with the neutrals and the disliked. Even a couple of loose trinkets, some adults known throughout the neighborhood to give out small toys along with or rather than candy.

"I got-"

"Not a lot." He cut, having already eyeballed the weight of your bag to resemble his own. You shrugged at this, hardly fazed by the realization while his brown eyes continued to find interest in his shoes.

"Did... you want some of mine?" You asked, unclear of the situation suddenly presenting itself.

"No."

His answer was short, curt. Very unlike the Freddy Freeman you knew, although you loved all sides of him regardless. Even this one, a side you knew to show the very most love to. Because when he got like this, it was usually because-

"We could've gone to more houses, y'know. You and I both could've spent more time out and gotten more candy an' stuff if I didn't-... if my leg wasn't... I dunno', it's stupid."

There it is.

"Freddy..." You spoke his name with a tone of sincerity, completely dropping your bag to the floor and coming closer to your dwelling boyfriend.

"It's not stupid." You reassured. "And, I mean... yeah, we could've. But we also would've been cold, and our feet would start hurting really bad, and we'd have to keep listening to Darla scream at literally everything. And also, we'd get so far away that the walk all the way back would be horrendous. Plus, our bags would've gotten so heavy that we'd be so over it. And-"

"Yeah, but that's basically Halloween tradition!" Freddy boasted. "You didn't even really trick-or-treat if all of those haven't happened. And we didn't, just because Rosa wanted to be sure that I didn't, 'Over exert myself', whatever that means."

The boy huffed, turning away even further. It was quiet, and yet you knew he still had more to say, paitently waiting until he did so.

"We couldn't even stay out long like any other person normally does, and I had to drag you with me back home just because of this stupid crutch, and sit here, and do nothing. With barely any candy."

"Freddy-"

"And I know we could just get some from the store and yeah, I know you're probably gonna just tell me that it's okay and you don't mind, but I do, y'know?" He ranted on with a fast pace, indicating he was now onto the bit where he was beginning to overthink.

"But is it really okay? I mean, if I were you, I definitely would've wanted to stay out longer, like...- Plus, don't you think it's kind of weird how they make the candy half-price after Halloween? Like, we're already getting it for free the night of. We'll, most of us, which is why it makes me think about all of the other kids who get little to none. Like, what about them? Don't they deserve free candy, too? And-!"

"-Freddy!"

"My love."

You couldn't help but giggle, both at his tangent and his sudden pet name, before pulling yourself together enough to give him the reassurance he both needed and deserved.

"It's okay." You placed two firm hands in each of his shoulders, looking into his brown eyes with intense sincerity. You repeated your words, ensuring that they went forced into his head in order to wipe away any forms of guilt, doubt, and insecurity.

"It's okay. You know I don't care about the candy. I care about you, and spending time with you no matter what we're doing is what I enjoy. Your leg... don't let it make you think of yourself so bitterly. It doesn't change who you are as a person, and it never will unless you let it."

Freddy inahled as though her were going to speak, his bottom lip hanging open in the slightest before engulfing you into a much needed hug. Squeezing your frame against his chest while he exhaled into the crook of your neck, opting for a soft and simple, "Thank you..." instead.

"It won't be all bad." You whispered against his temple, the boy eagerly perking up to hear your suggestions. You smiled when he did, the giddy expression on his face practically urging you to cup it in your hands (you did so without second thought).

"I'm here with you."

"My beautiful bodacious babe."

"Exactly." You giggled at his wording. "And I think we have enough candy regardless of how you wanted your pillow case filled up to the open seams."

"D'ya think I'd look better with dentures or silver teeth?"

"Harhar, you and your inevitable cavities are very funny."

He chuckled to himself in amusement.

"All I'm saying is, is that we can still have fun on our own."

With a genuine contemplation to your words and a wide glance around the downstairs area, he gave a decided nod before moving around the room, collecting as many pillows and blankets and other soft things into his arms as possible.

"You're right, actually. My room is never free, Billy is always in there. But since he's not right now, we can make the biggest fort to ever fort literally ever."

A snort left the back of your throat at his words, but a fort did sound nice. A little cozy area to spend your time together, eating away at your collected Halloween candy and other snacks. Maybe some music playing in the background or binge watching a TV show. Gossiping... sharing a few kisses... touches...

"That's the spirit." You encouraged, gathering some supplies yourself before following your boyfriend up the stairs.

And it wasn't long before talk of Freddy's dream fort had come to life, the whole room covered in blankets and oddly placed furniture to hold them up while the two of you carefully crawled inside.

"What're you doing?" You laughed unsurely, watching Freddy slap a random pillow as hard as he could before explaining himself.

"This bad boy can hold so many Freddy and (Y/N)'s."

You quirked a brow to keep yourself from chuckling even harder.

"Really, dude..."

"Well, I can't slap the top. It'll all crash down." Was his clarification. Not one suitable to your sarcasm, but one nonetheless. Plus, as usual, it was his quick wit that made you laugh adoringly, snuggling as close to him as possible in the dimmed darkness of the area.

"So, what now?" He asked, already sucking on a cherry flavored lollipop. "I challenge thee to spill your ideas of fun."

"Welll..." You trailed in a hard-to-miss, sultry tone, your finger running up and down his chest just the same.

"We're here together... all alone... in the dark..." You reiterated the obvious, pretending to think for a moment before letting out a long, theatrical sigh. "And you know, I've always loved your amazing kisses..."

You couldn't have been anymore patent if you tried, just barely ghosting your lips over his in hopes to taste the tiniest bit of cherry before his lips curled into a seemingly knowing grin.

"I think I know what you're gettin' at..." He teased back, leaving you eager and pleased to know Freddy had caught all of your perfectly dropped hints.

"Three words."

'We should makeout.'

"Horror movie marathon."

"...wha...?" Your brows knitted together instantly, his words not at all in tune with your (apparently wrong) predicted thoughts as you began to pout.

"I can't believe I didn't think about it before, I mean, it's literally Halloween. Oo...Halloween..."

He sat himself up and gingerly pulled his laptop closer, setting it on top of a pillow and queuing up some random website. Natrually, one where he'd pirate whatever movie and/or show that he wanted and was quick to find the entirety of the "Halloween" franchise.

"Or-or...!" He gushed further, already typing in another series into the search bar section. "If you're more of a paranormal chick, we could do "The Conjuring" universe. But then, like... there's also "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"- Nevermind, whatever, you should pick."

Upon promptly turning to face you, he was taken aback by your pushed out lip and inattentive gaze, (E/C) eyes focused on the blankets beneath you.

"Or maybe you're a "Get Out", "Antebellum", "Nope", type of girl..."

"Is none of them an option...?" He barely registered your downcast mumbles, bringing the laptop a tad bit closer so that he had a clear view of your face under the light before providing comforting (almost obnoxious) cooes.

"Why the pout~? Stop that. It's cute, but it's also-... staawwwp~...! What's the matter~...?"

You had trouble fabricating a proper answer. Regardless of the fact that some of your disappointment lied in the fact that Freddy hadn't caught onto your advances, admitting to him that you weren't the biggest fan of horror movies wasn't something you were too keen on doing either.

Sure, you enjoyed a zombie show or maybe some "Paranormal Activity" as much as the next person. But only during the day. You had sworn yourself off of anything scary during the nighttime because it was the obvious recipe for nightmares. And even then, you wouldn't be caught dead finishing "Signs" or literally anything found-footage troped without putting on cartoons immediately afterward in order to "flush out" the negative energy.

You were too jumpy for your own good, too swift to overthink and allow your brain to warp your surroundings. October 31st or not, horror movies four hours straight in the dead of night was a no-go.

"Why don't we just...watch "Ghostbusters" instead? The little tune is catchy!"

You even went as far as to sing it, making quiet little, "Do-dodo-do-do, do, doo!"'s to yourself with in-sync head bops to go with, Freddy giggling at your antics.

"You're so funny, (Y/N)-darling. See, this is why I married you." He hummed fondly, nonchalantly typing "The Nun" into the searchbar. It has seemed he had settled for "The Conjuring" universe, but for the moment, that wasn't your biggest focus.

"Married?" You questioned with a confused laugh of your own. "We're not married, you dork, what are you talking about?"

"We will be." He stated matter-of-factly, whipping his head around just to give you an intense and stoic stare that further tickled you.

"Ominous, but okay." You retorted happily, moving closer in hopes that he'd at least catch your signals for cuddles. Luckily, he did, wrapping one arm around your waist and the other across your shoulders as you swaddled yourself further into his embrace and a blanket. With your gazes fixated on the first movie, you knew it was time to accept your fate.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

It wasn't long before you had made it to "Annabelle". So far, you had found yourself doing pretty well, not at all paranoid like you thought you'd be. Like you normally were. You chalked this up to more than likely being because of Freddy's presence, his lazy hold putting you at ease with a sloppy kiss pressed to your cheek or temple every so often. Or his words distracting you entirely, the boy rambling on about some weird factoid he knew or how he swore up and down that, "That one girl in "Annabelle: Creation" looks way too much like Mary."

The only thing that had scared you so far was the sudden jolt Freddy did at an unexpected jumpscare onscreen, your head perking up in confusion only to meet the embarrassed chuckle coming from the back of Freddy's throat.

"Did that really get you?" You asked with a laugh of your own, quickly understanding the reason for both his sudden movement and the way he could barely hold eye contact with you.

"Stop it..." He hummed, already anticipating your light teases. With you poking and at his chest and sides, you simply just couldn't help it.

"You're my boyfriend, Freddy, you're supposed to be the one protecting me!"

"I-!"

"Do you need me to hold your hand so you're not scared anymore~?"

"(Y/NNNN)...!" He elongated the last syllable of your name as if to sigh, but still couldn't cease the giggles that left him at your baby talk. "That's not funny, you're not funny, stop it."

When you continued to stare with a suspicious brow arched high, he huffed.

"Yeah-Okay, well, you know what? Don't think I don't see you gripping onto that pillow like your life depends on it."

And just like that, you were poker-faced. You didn't think he'd notice, really only ever squeezing the pillow when you anticipated the next scare. But it had eventually grown into a constant hold. One so tight that your knuckles had lifted a shade until you finally released in order to deliver a playful slap to his chest.

"Well, unlike you, this pillow is being much more comforting."

With that, you completely turned yourself away from the boy, hugging the pillow closer than you had ever been Freddy. Natrually, he scoffed, slack-jawed at such a claim coming from you.

"You are so dramatic." He sassed, returning the same playful slap you had given earlier to your thigh. "C'mere."

When all he received was a doe-eyed stare, he was quick to pull you back over himself, making it so that you had no choice but to straddle him to be comfortable. And finally, that's when he caught the hint. You weren't dropping any on purpose this time (ironically enough), but your lowered eyelids and fingers gently twirling around the hair at the nape of his neck was where and when it finally clicked.

"C'mere..." He teased one last time, pulling your lips towards his by the chin. You melted into his touch, his kiss, with ease. Though your words may have had a joking cadence earlier, you completely meant it when you said Freddy's kisses were amazing. His lips always seemed to be so soft, the boy never minding it anymore when your chapstick or lip gloss would get all over them. He simply left it, the taste he'd lick at later reminding him of yours.

With the movie still playing in the background, the dark ambience provided the perfect mood lighting for things to continue. Growing more heated, his kisses left your lips and began to trail along your jaw, your eyes fluttering shut as you hummed in satisfaction the lower he went. He nipped at your earlobe, causing you to giggle lightly as he whispered even more yet unexpected gratitude.

"Thank you..."

"For what?" You questioned, your voice light and airy and your brain foggy, swept away with love. Or maybe lust. A palpable mixture of the two while he answered fondly.

"For staying up with me tonight. For staying with me at all, ever."

"Always." You murmured, petting his curls while he pushed his face into the crook of your neck. It wasn't long before he was dusting light kisses anywhere his lips could touch, your eyes opening up just a bit to peer at the computer screen. The movie was still going (no reason for it not to be), and you could sense another scare was abound. But alas, you remained distracted yet again, Freddy's ghost kisses slowly morphing into that of actual ones. Which quickly escalated to playful nips and licks.

"Stop it, you're gonna leave a mark." You whined, pouting near his ear as he chuckled.

"That's the goal."

But he never actually completed it. Or, he might've...

You weren't exactly sure, his mouth having been latched to that sweet spot on your neck for quite some time now. Surely, a hickey had long been already placed there, but it was once you actually took notice of the slow rise and fall of his breathing, you realized he had fallen asleep.

Mid-hickey.

"Are you shitting me..." You huffed, your bitter words barely even a question realizing that you were now on your own for the next few movies that continued to autoplay. You didn't have the heart to stop them, knowing you'd wake Freddy, and he'd pitch a fit of some sort.

"Hey, why'd you turn it off? That was a good movie, you can't just cut it off in the middle like that!"

"No, stop it, I was watching that...!"

"(Y/N), we didn't even get to finish it! Why didn't you just wake me up?"

Yeah, yeah, whatever. All excuses you had heard a thousand times before, the boy never one to admit he's a deep sleeper. Plus, it'd further push the notion that you were indeed scared. Well, you weren't before, but the longer your gaze remained fixated on the plot and sound, the more your anxiousness grew. Your simple thoughts and wonders transpiring into more paranoia.

"Ahem..." and other miscellaneous coughing noises left your throat. It was a purposeful attempt to "accidentally" wake Freddy up. It was in hopes that you really, truly wouldn't have to suffer through this alone, as dramatic as that seemed. But the plot of the movie was thickening, and the scares were growing more intense. Almost hard to watch, and yet, you couldn't look away. Even when you really wanted to, those moments stifled by Freddy's slumped figure against you, holding you in place. Hell, you had practically buried yourself in the fluff of his curls as much as you could.

But it wasn't enough, and neither were your half-assed attempts to wake him through noise. So, your next best option was to fight to ignore the movie entirely. Completely tearing your eyes away from the screen, you scanned your surroundings for your phone.

You were lucky to see that you had placed it within reach, carefully going for it and turning down the brightness just enough so that you wouldn't go blind...

─────────────────────

Billygoat💀

Yo when are u coming home😃?

Why is something up?

No just curious

Oh

Idk, we'll be home when we get there, ig

─────────────────────

You huffed, rolling your eyes at the lackluster response. Didn't this boy understand that this was a matter of particular emergency?

─────────────────────

Billygoat💀

Gee, Billy. Thx for the insightful and helpful info

I'll be sure to consider that when I'm looking at the clock😐

😐

Did you want something or are you just distracting me from getting more candy rn, cuz...

I'm tryna get more than Eugene and I can't be texting you at every house

Fine k bye

Seen

─────────────────────

Well, that was a bust. If a conversation couldn't be had, your best bet was to rely on other social media. Although Instagram has been pretty dry lately, so it wasn't long before you had gotten bored of your feed and clicked the home button.

TikTok was always a good choice, though! You couldn't count how many times you had sat and scrolled on that app for... much longer than one should. But you quickly found it wasn't as entertaining when you couldn't even turn the volume up to hear anything.

Pinterest had become your last hope, saving a few pictures to your organized boards every so often as you scrolled through the different sections. But even that grew boring, and again, wasn't much help to keep you from listening to the horror going on in the movie. You didn't want to click your phone off, letting the darkness consume you once more. But to sit there with it on while not even using it seemed silly, so with reluctance, you clicked the side button and let it drop back to your side.

As much as you forced yourself to remember that it was all fake... just actors in costume and makeup; just musicians and soundboard creating the melodic effects; just CGI and scripts being read off of a paper... it didn't stop the feeling of being watched slowly crawling up your spine. Your arms littered with goosebumps, and- !!

You forced yourself to calm, even if it didn't work all that well. It was just the house settling. A sound easily mistakable for someone inside going bump in the night. But it was just you two. Just you, Freddy, and an old house. That's all.

And still, your eyes couldn't help but wander around anyway. The fort, every single blanket, pillow, and whatever else in its place casting odd looking shadows that seemed to warp and grow the longer you looked. And the worst of it all, the small entrance, a blanket for a door lazily draped over the opening that wasn't quite closed off. You could peer right through the tiny space, which granted you access to see right outside the open door into pitch-black nothingness.

'It's just the hallway.' You reminded yourself. 'You've been here hundreds of times; you know exactly what it looks like, (Y/N). There's just pictures and shelves, and the rug, and the doors to everyone else's rooms... it's just the hallway.'

You wished nothing more for than to be able to close that little bit of the blanket. But your jitters stopped you, barely even wanting to move, not that you really could with Freddy still holding you against him like you were a stress ball or a stuffed animal. A stress animal.

!!! "Fuck..." You whispered, this time having jumped at both a scare from the movie and the coincidential timing of Freddy's crutch tipping over on its own. Reasonably, it just fell over. Like any other crutch, it wasn't made to stand on its own and at one point or another, was going to lose its balance and drop from its leaned position on the side of Freddy's bunk bed.

But you were jumpy, adrenaline feuled, and oversuspicious. You were not thinking reasonably.

"Freddy, what was that..?!" You whisper-shouted, rapidly tapping at his shoulder until he stirred. Not fully awake, a staggered and voice-cracked, "Hmgh?" leaving him before he was already beginning to let sleep take him again.

"Dude, Freddy..." You trailed, tapping him some more which swiftly turned into gentle shakes. "Please wake up, I don't wanna be awake by myself."

"Then go t'sleep." He mumbled without second thought, barely conscious, which you couldn't really blame him for. But still, the fact that he didn't budge made you guilty. Waking him up over something that was probably nothing wasn't really fair. Not to mention, he was right, in a way.

"Move." You commanded, sinking yourself further so that you could lay against him rather than sit. With all of the previously mentioned factors in mind, maybe sleep was just what you needed.

You couldn't be scared if you weren't even conscious.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Your restlessness proved otherwise, twists and turns slowly shaking Freddy awake until he had enough. Gently holding you from being able to tossle about, his eyes gently peeled open just to squint harshly at the light of his still-running laptop. He couldn't gauge what movie was playing next, but a short and small whine pulled away his attention from the screen and onto you. He smiled softly to himself, grazing over every single feature he could make out on your face.

Your brows, which were kintted together in your sleep before dropping down to your eyelashes. He had to resist from curling over them with knuckle of his index finger, instead watching as your eyes seemed to move about under your closed lids. It made him wonder what you were seeing in your dreams, and why it caused you to pout your lips and wiggle about in what looked like distress.

"Hey..." Freddy hummed as softly as he could, brushing hair out of your face in hopes to coax you awake as gently as possible.

"(Y/N), wake up."

This continued for a couple of short minutes, him cooing your name and you seeming to both fight sleep and your dream at the same time. A battle you were loosing, which only caused you to huff and hum some more. It led the boy to believe that it couldn't have been a good dream you were having. A nightmare, even. And anyone with a working brain could only assume why.

"(Y/N), wake up. You're just having a nightmare, 'kay? I'm guessing sleeping with horror movies playing in the background has gotta be some sort of fucked up subliminal for your brain, huh?"

He was more or less talking to himself at this point, only growing fully serious when small tears managed to ease their way from your closed eyes and down your cheeks. Crying was the ultimate no-go for one Freddy Freeman, your tears damn near a trigger for him with the way he responded.

"Hey-hey-hey, no, don't cry. (Y/N), wake up, wake up..."

And with a couple more eager shakes, you jolted up, nearly hitting your head against the "roof" and taking the whole fort down with you before Freddy stopped you. Your breathing was shallow, shaky, as you struggled to take in your surroundings and collect any proper thoughts together.

"Oh my gosh..." You sighed, having hardly any remembrance of the actual nightmare. All you had left was the feeling it parted you with, your heart pounding out of your chest and jumping slightly once more when you felt a hand slip into your own.

"Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"

"Oh..." Was all you could say, squeezing at his hand while attempting to form proper words. "I-... It... I'm sorry, I was just scared. I didn't mean to wake you. Well, I mean, I did try to earlier, but before I fell asleep. But-"

"(N/N)," He sighed, using a nickname in further attempts to bring you comfort. "You don't have to apologize, it's okay. Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to watch something else?"

"'Cause I just wanted to spend time with you." You admitted with ease. "Make you happy, y'know?"

"Wh- No, I am happy. I'm super happy, I'm always happy when I'm with you. Like you said when we first got home, it doesn't really matter what we do."

"Just as long as we're together." You finished, nodding to yourself.

"Exactly. But, minus the sappy shit... you were actually scared...?"

You narrowed your eyes at his snort, Freddy continuing on as if you wouldn't slap him at any given moment.

"I knew it, I knew it! Nobody who's normal death grips a pillow for no reason, you little liar~!"

"You were scared, too!!" You shouted a little louder than intended, shoving him lightly. "You jumped like ten feet in the air when we were watching "The Nun"."

"That's not fair. You know the religious horror stuff always gets me!" He laughed wildly, nudging you back as he went on. "Did you know that when they were filming, some of the cast members actually experienced real freaky-deaky shit?"

"No, but I do know that the girl from that movie is Vera Farmiga's sister." You stated matter-of-factly, Freddy's eyes going wide before turning to the screen. One of "The Conjuruing" movies, neither of you knew which, was playing and there the woman was, co-starring with Patrick Wilson.

"No way, oh my god...! I thought she looked familiar, but I didnt-! She has a sister?!"

You giggled at his passion, forgetting all about your worries and your scares while you two gossiped and ranted for as long as you could stay awake. Every fact branching off into more conversation until you two layer sprawled out in your fort, wrappers and bags everywhere while huddled in each other's arms. A perfect way to end the Halloween night, or any night, for that matter.

Bonus Ending (bc I like to spoil my readers🤭😼):

The light of the early morning sun blared through the window, neither of you two affected by its rays due to the comfort and darkness of your cave-like fort. A peaceful slumber had taken over the both of you, blissfully unaware of the chaos about to strike.

"Aah..."

"Whfmgh...! Wha'the fuck, dude...?!"

While your "scream" was barely that (more of a monotonous noise drenched in tiredness), Freddy was quick to react with slurred words to the sudden beams of light and wrecking of your guy's structure with wild movements. It was then replaced by a glare towards his brother, Billy staring down back at them with the same expression.

"I'm taking my blanket back. I was cold all night and could barely even make it to my bed because of... whatever this is, in my way."

"Bro, you just destroyed-!"

"-I don't care. Use your own shit next time."

You couldn't help but push your face further into the pillow. You tried your hardest to will yourself back to sleep, even if you were unable to help but smile at the amount of sass going on in the room. From two teenage boys, no less. But then again, what did you expect?

"Okay, so actually, you weren't even here when we used your stuff, so it was free game."

"What, am I supposed to call dibs on my own blanket, now?"

"What are you, five?" Was Freddy's quick-witted retort, pitching his voice up high to mimic that of a whiney baby. "Oh, woe is me, I'm Biwwy Batswon, and I can't sweep withouwt my bwankie, wah-wah-wah!"

The brunette's glare worsened, Freddy slightly feeling the pressure of this and going quiet for a mere, peaceful, four seconds while Billy spoke.

"...You're only acting like this 'cause she's here. And as soon as she's gone, I'm beating you with your own pillow."

You snorted, having yet to lift your face from the pillow nor choosing a side to the argument.

"Yeah, well, you wanna know who wasn't here? You! Or anyone else while I was stuck here! Lonely, all by myself with my girlfriend and way less candy than you, so you should consider yourself lucky that yo-"

"-Fine, you know what...?!" Billy interjected, moving across the room with an eerie silence that caused you to finally pop your head up and peer through your messy bed-head hair.

"Take it all, I don't give a shit...!!"

And with that, Billy practically launched his giant pillow case of candy in the direction of you two, suckers and gummies and whatever else flying everywhere while most others pelted the two of you like hail.

Natrually, you both screamed.

And, for legal purposes, it all ended in harmless laughter🫶🏽.

I miss Halloween, bruh, even tho the vibes have been kinda lackluster for it the past few years🥴.

~ Star✨️

Back to Master List

[g0thsoojin]

🪦

even if ppl belittle the situationship breakup pain it is real. what i've read abt it it is that it can hurt sm more than a relationship breakup bc in a relationship u have had an established and outspoken connection, u have been theirs and they have been yours. in a situationship u fact and feel like in a relationship, but u dont really have any business with what the other person chooses and does. in a relationship u kinda do have to talk to eo bc u have chosen to be committed to eo. if u break up, it's often smth u've discussed or talked abt or fought abt and reached that conclusion together, or it's smth u have felt has been coming. in a situationship, since u dont actually owe eo anything, the other person can ghost u or start dating someone else at any time without even telling u abt it. it's smth sudden that happens without u even knowing or thinking it would. and it comes out of nowhere and therefore it hurts more.

and yeah like i were in a situationship with him for over a year. and for a few months last year he started acting as if i was his gf (which was welcomed bc im in love w him lol), and we had that connection and built up our emotional bond. so it isnt just my "fantasy" or imagination or even a crush. bc we did share smth real, even if we didnt name it. then that everyday contact suddenly stopped from his side - and after i tried to ask him more how he felt for me several times and he always pulled away. and since then i was under the impression i gave him space bc he told me he didnt know what he could give me. every single day for 10 months i've been living on the hope and belief our love was real and that when he was ready he'd come to me to talk about the bond we shared and if we could possibly be in a relationship and what his feelings were for me.

but that didnt happen. and one day while checking his blog i suddenly see that he is in a relationship - and it isnt with me even if he's said things abt me being the second closest person to his heart etc etc etc. then my entire reality from one moment to the next was thrown upside down. that affects me heavily. and esp since i have bpd that makes stuff like this even harder to deal with.

plus a sudden situaionship breakup can also trigger issues and childhood wounds if u dont have a secure attachment style. i dont... i had an anxious attachment to him and this that he did without even talking to me about it only confirms all of my fears, that he is abandoning me and us and that im not good enough and not worth anything. so there's just sm pain surrounding this.

i am just so in love with him and never has felt like this for anyone else ever. i wanted to be with him. i wanted to do whatever it took for us to become real. so it hurts that he didnt even at one point feel like what we had was worth talking to me about. bc i know the irl aspect was very important to him, so i just dont know why he didnt even try to talk to me and see where i stood. he just rather found someone else, someone better, and threw away everything we could've had. bc it meant so much more to me than it did to him and that's just the teuth but ohmyfkngod it hurts so bad idk how to survive this pain i just want it to go away

if i could i would go back (and do it differently so i'd have a better chance lmao...) but rather than this pain i wouldve rather not known him at all. not having had those amazing months were i felt like his gf... i dont want to know what amazing thing im being robbed of bc it hurts so fkn bad

[atlasscrumpit]

ooh ooh i love love LOVW your yandere mk they are soo good and i just binge read them all

so i have a requests where maybe the reader is like the winter soldier bc i can see reader misbehaving or some shit and them just fucking taking her arm away until she earns it back

but what about the sad parts, like she was with hydra and she was forced to kill peole

idk feel free to ignore

Something missing

Hope you like it!

You sat on the floor in your room, one arm wrapped around your knees.

The other arm was in the next room.

You knew better than to cry, crying meant weakness and you weren't weak.

You wanted to cry, you wanted to cry and curl up in bed, but that would show weakness.

The door opened and you instantly stood up, ready for a mission, then you realised.

"Love, it's okay. You don't have to do that with us remember?" He said as you sighed and nodded, relaxing a little.

"Sorry." You whispered as he smiled and came closer.

"I know it's uncomfortable without your arm love, but that was one of the rules. That if you misbehave we have to take it away." He said as you looked away from him.

"What would you do if I took Marc and Jake away from you?" You muttered as he looked at you in confusion.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked as you glared at him.

"You need them to survive, just like I need a fucking arm!" You screamed at him making him flinch.

"N-Now, love. You don't need to result to violence. Let's just talk about this." He said as you rushed passed him, pushing him out of the way.

You a rely had a second before strong arms wrapped around you.

You couldn't really fight with one arm.

"We told you the rules and the punishments, Y/N. Don't act like we are the bad guys here." Marc said as you struggled in his grip.

"Enough!" He shouted making you gasp in fear, you froze, your brain automatically ready to obey.

It was pathetic that it only took one word.

"I'm sorry, sir." You whispered as Marc closed his eyes and sighed, loosening his grip.

"Darling, it's okay. I'm not one of them, it's Marc, remember?" He said gently turning you around, he could see the fear in your eyes.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I just don't want you to do anything you regret." He whispered, reaching forward to hold your face.

"Please don't punish me." You whispered, slowly looking up at him.

"It's okay, love. You took your punishment, you were good for us. Come on, your punishment is over." He said, pulling you along. He got you to sit on the couch before he grabbed the bionic arm he'd taken from you.

"Sit still, okay?" He said as he lines the arm up to the matching connection on your shoulder.

He did was was necessary and you wiggled your fingers a little.

"You're punishments aren't that bad." You whispered as he looked up at you.

"What do you mean, love?" He asked, resting his hand on your knee.

"Taking my arm away isn't that bad, not as bad as the others. They would...hurt me, a lot. At least you don't hurt me." You whispered not looking at him, he stood up and sat beside you on the couch.

"I don't want to hurt you, baby. I'm just trying my best to help you understand the rules and that you can't hurt us or try and escape. It's not because you're dangerous or I want to punish you, it's so I know I can keep you safe. I'm terrified every second that they'll find you." Marc said as you felt tears in your eyes.

You'd never seem Marc show much vulnerability.

"You like having me here?" You whispered as he smiled and kissed the side of your head.

"Of course we do, angel. You're the best thing to happen to us, you will never ever be a burden on us." He said making you smile softly.

"Can you...can you promise that you'll protect me?" You whispered resting your head on his chest.

All of them felt like their hearts would melt, it had taken a while for you to trust them, but this was definitely a good start.

"I promise from the bottom of my heart that we will do everything in our power to protect you." He whispered back, wrapping his arms around you.

"They'll never have you again."

[lastoneout]

Is it really accurate to call what happens to Zelda in TOTK fridging? I was under the impression that fridging meant “villain hurts or kills character to motivate MC.” But Zelda’s sacrifice feels like the opposite of that to me since she makes a choice of her own agency right at the end of her character arc. Also, while it’s true she has absolute love for and faith in Link, she’s also making her choice for the sake of the kingdom she grew to love (she would be leaving behind the schoolchildren she loved and taught too). It actually really resonated with me, considering how she had spent the previous few years living her life and forming connections with the people of Hyrule.

I've been mulling over this question since I got it and like, it's frustrating bcs I do think overall thematically and in terms of Zelda's personality and fate and powers and stuff that this choice makes sense, and I actually really like it in a lot of ways, but like...just because this was well written and thematically made sense and was supposed to be a tragedy doesn't mean it was the ONLY way a sequel to BotW could have gone, and it really shows a lack of creativity on Nintendo's part that they cannot seem, or are unwilling, to tell a LoZ narrative that does NOT feature Zelda getting shoved in a box for a significant portion of the game.

I'm also less willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one, if only bcs you have to use parts from the light dragon to upgrade your armor. It might make sense to some degree, but Zelda just feels very much like she exists to sacrifice her entire body and mind and soul to help Link ~fight better~ and the fact is that is a role a lot of female characters get shoved into, where their very bodily autonomy is treated as disposable bcs it's To Help A Man, and it adds to the feeling that they didn't like, think of how it's kinda maybe a little yikes to use a female character for her body like that.

So idk...it may work in this narrative, but it's been over 25 years of Zelda being put in a box for whatever reason, it's starting to get...suspicious, that Nintendo can't manage to imagine a narrative where she isn't.

Also I guess fridging might be the wrong word in this context, but this is essentially what I meant by that.

[nicegaai]

having nor/ice thoughtssssssssssssss sad sad whiny kitty cat noises. wahhhh. im thinking about them wahhhhhhhh. WAHHH

what if i took all my small canonverse ideas and compiled them into ONESHOTSSSSS........................................ and what if they were CHRONOLOGICALLY ARRANGED ..... and showed RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSION over the course of 1000 years ...... and it wasnt that deep but i pretended it was and called it something like "i was meant to keep you warm" because i love to steal fox/i/ng lyrics. maybe even id find a way to make this a 5 times + 1 time format.

if i can wrestle my way into figuring out what goes on in nors head i could do it. ive figured that i want ice to never ever see him as a brother. my vision is that nor is iceladns hot babysitter fantasy and first crush that never goes away. he wants to marry him when he grows up but then his feelings stay that way and it never ever ever ever ever goes away and only gets worse. u understand? do u see it

and UNFORTUNATELY nor knows ic/eland likes him from the beginning. he can tell from like ice's adolescence onwards and is like yeah idk about all that...... but the attention is flattering and he loves this little guy so much and thinks its sweet. he doesnt get to visit often but ice writes him a lot because hes in love with him ykwim and nor loves him so much too (platonic) and always writes back.

and yeah they go through periods of living together for various reasons. sickness unions famines etc etc. not ever for long and nothing ever happens. if adolescent iceland pushed boundaries, nor would humor him a little with like...a kiss, bc he spoils him, but ultimately he hard-shuts it down. and ice would be traumatized forever and block the memory out / be eternally tormented at night by the time he did such and such so is the worst person alive etc

and ice begins teen life with the whole he will never love me and i am a tormented soul shtick. now he writes to him less, tries to put more distance between them... so it hurts less and all that. hes not GOOD at pretending he hates nor or whatever but its easy to lose connection when messages are rare and visits are rarer

he spends much more time at denmarks than with no.rway. he sees den.mark as a proper older brother / uncle / fatherly figure. hes closer emotionally to him and lives with him more and all that. his tutors are danish and he goes to boarding school in cop.enhagen in the 1800s. idk how this ties into the romance necessarily but its timeline relevant. whether or not denmark picks up on the crush , i dont know. i could go either way lol. also, den + nors relationship is strictly brotherly btw. ironically. because theres not enough fics where theyre platonic and i really do enjoy them that way too

nor and ice remain distant for several hundred years. its once ice gets into his pushing for independence mixed with modern technology for better communication ..... somewhere between say, the invention of the airplane and landline phones, nor and ice repair their relationship. iceland is coming into adulthood (independence) for real, and is SO mature about his international relationships. he can be so mature and normal about norway. he can sit down with him and have lunch and discuss business and norway wont talk down at him for being young at all (lie) and he'll be so chill about that and not yell at him (he only does it once) (he only has to do it once)

all this isnt to say n.orway himself didnt attempt to stay close over the years, but ic.eland wasnt reciprocating, and even if they saw each other every year at christmas (doubt) that doesnt make them really CLOSE. but i think iceland was always particularly special to him bc of how close they were as kids. and they WERE both kids back then. little icela.nd sent him letters while nor was like 14 at best. i believe in teen mom norway and his eldest sondaughter icey. at least from nors perspective. even tho hes so absent so much of the time. when he comes around he showers him in gifts as a love language even way back when

anyway, ice.land still has an obvious crush on nor and nor finds it SO cute. like he could just pinch his cheeks and coo at him for it. ice tries to keep a lid on his emotions but can only do so much. nor doesnt SAY anything to point sus behavior out. but as soon as he notices,,,, its like there was no time apart, to nor. ice is so closed off and stiff and weird around him and nor wishes he would relax so they can connect properly and he honestly CANT

the solution is to drink otgether i think. at some point. maybe not immediately but they'll get to it.

icela.nd isnt like oohg im too young to drink, i think hes just lived long enough that hes a bit Over It / doesnt want to act like an idiot / really doesnt want to act like an idiot in front of nor. but nor could peer pressure him into anything if he really tried so they finally get tipsy together and i think that goes a long way to repair their relationship.

they do this many times and as long as ice is careful to not drink a lot he'll be fine. hes gotta keep his wits about him and still be able to feel shame. one time he indulges a little hard and i think ice trauma dumps on him and they kiss to make up for the time nor pushed him away and nor didnt realize he was still hurting so much about that. nor is tipsy enough to do it (not even drunk) and afterwards he goes ohh wait i kind of enjoyed that. and do it a few more times then make out for a while and it doesnt go anywhere, they fall asleep

the next day they completely remember kissing and know the other remembers it and just mutually dont talk about it.

icelan.d is VISIBLY struggling even harder around him for at least a few days until he gets a handle on his emotions. and nor has a lot to think about. in general.

i dont know where the dna stuff comes in. im falling asleep while typeing this

but icelan.d obvioiusly is like wtf? we arent related. thats impossible. i cant even fathom this. and nor.way is like you are the closest i will ever have to family and i am your biological father and icel.and is like what the fuck ew you can say brother as much as you want but never say father again im begging you and nor is like Bet.

and then they test and they're first degree related. father or brother would be appropriate. and nor is like yeah obviously (already believed this when he kissed him) and ic.eland is like (max harlow voice) SUICIDE !! SUICIDE !!

icelan.d sits with that information for a while but his crush still doesnt go away. nor gives him space and also sits with the information. he never thought he'd end up here but he decides that hes into it. its kinda hot. I Do believe in slutty n.orway supremacy i thnk hes slept with most of europe and doesnt have a strong internal sense of familial boundaries considering he is a landmass and is like yeah id do that again we're both adults hes cute whatever

next time they see each other nor comes onto him. and ice is squeemish about it but this is also everything hes ever wanted. whats he gonna do, say no?

at this point i fell asleep but im awake again uhhhh

ic.eland gets to cope with being a creep a weirdo and getting what he wanted in the worst way possible and nor gets to torment him with the brother thing not as a kink but bcz it makes him uncomfortable and he thinks its funny.

i forgot to talk about the actual oneshot ideas that inspired this in the first place didnt i. oh well

aaaaaaaaaaaaand post

[red-dyed-sarumane]

WAIT I GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!! top 5 story themes that you love to see!

this is so funny bc i almost sent u this before i decided on sending characters instead. i might be taking this a little outside of what u meant idk but

self sacrifice/destruction of the self. when a character either sees themselves as unimportant or sees their goal as more important than their own self and before they realize it theyve not only hurt themselves but the consequences are ingrained in the whole narrative to an extent it cant be ignored. it hurts me deeply but i love it

unconditional support. i would say power of friendship but the execution is important to me. im thinking like the end of okami here the whole even in the face of ur darkest hour there are still people who think of u and believe u can still do ur best. makes me cry. someone should invent that in real life

isolation as horror. i dont just mean in a strange place with no one around. i mean someone experiencing something no one else will believe & having to live with it. being around infinite other people but unable to connect with them. whatever theyre dealing with they have do it alone and not for a lack of calling for help.

morality in dealing with the unreal. isekais where the person is aware they're in a story or game whereas they themselves are very real. whats the right way to deal with the world theyre now in. if it comes to a decision of hurting themselves or the world theyre now in, which do they choose. which is the 'right' choice. fascinating to me. (thinking like oneshot here or kamitsubaki city with the vwp girls feels similar to this to me)

obsession. letting a curiosity consume them as they dive in too deep trying to figure it out. focusing too hard on something it distracts from what's immediately important. needing a specific other person in their life so much they dont function right at the mere uncertainty of the other continuing to be there.

[drunkonimagination]

what is your opinion on alastair getting back with Charles?? there's been clips like the one where it's snowing and it's from Thomas and I think he sees Charles and Alastair??? What are your ideas/opinions?? (ps I absolutely love you blog I'm too scared to spam you tho because of all the good ideas you have!!!!)

omg hi!!!

first thank you so much, that's so sweet 🥺💕 and oh please, feel free to spam how much you want, it makes me more than happy jsksjjs <3333

so about charles and alastair's relationship...

let's say that i am 99% sure alastair won't be back with charles at the beginning of chot, despite the feeling we might get from those few snippets.

like. did charles have some sort of realization after his near-death experience and tried to get alastair back when he required his presence at the end of choi? probably.

if that's the case, did alastair actually agree on that? hardly.

i am pretty sure that after all he went through, and how much he suffered from charles's behaviour and manipulation, he won't retrace his steps that easily.

and even if charles had some woke moment and decided to put an end to the hiding and be more open about his future relationships with men, i can't really see alastair accepting either. maybe he would be surprised, sure, and a bit of skeptical too but

1) he wouldn't easily believe every word that escapes from his ex's mouth after all the pain he put him through and most importantly, charles hurt him, really hurt him; and that cannot be ignored. even if charles really changed and alastair still loved him (which he obviously doesn't) he still would need time to simply consider the idea of coming back with him.

2) he has just spent hours kissing thomas f*cking lightwood in the sanctuary. and, yes, he could have told thomas minutes earlier that 'it isn't possible, it won't ever be' but this doesn't mean their connection didn't mean something everything to him. like he could deny it how much he wants but deep down alastair knows that thomas is the one he wants, the one for him.

so alastair and charles getting back together is something i can hardly see happening.

charles trying to get him back instead? that's definitely a higher and kinda predictable possibility.

i also believe this would be his main role in chot akjsjs (even tho i hope we can see some kind of development here, especially in his relationship with matthew/his family).

i mean...he was trying to do it in choi all the time, so who's preventing him from trying even harder in chot? especially after that near-death experience in which he supposedly realized ✨something✨? probably cordelia lol

uh, and about that scene you mentioned (i think you mean the snippet of the two of them outside in the snow where thomas says that alastair visited charles that day?) yes!!! it could be definitely linked to what i was talking about (like charles requiring alastair's presence for whatever excuse he invented to talk to him??) but idk honestly, he could have visited charles for any other reason for all we know 🤷🏻‍♀️ however im quite sure they're not seeing each other (also because wouldn't it be weird that shortly after visiting charles alastair is smiling at tom and caressing his cheek like the pathetic lovesick loser he is? nah, he's not with charles kjkw)

anyway, to make it brief, says the woman who wrote multiple paragraphs to answer this overall i don't really think they will get back together, even though charles will definitely try to get him back at some point (and that will turn into thomas's main problem in chot, making all his insecurities come back to surface all at once <3)

p.s. i hope you meant my opinion on the possibility of charles and alastair getting back together in chot and not about charles and alastair's relationship itself, bc in that case...my answer is just no. jslxkjsskl

and not just bc thomastair is my entire personality lol, but i honestly think that despite charles's manipulation and egocentrism, the way he hurt alastair, their different wants/desires, etcc.... they're just not meant to be?? charles probably just believes he wants alastair when he actually doesn't (i don't even think he knows the real alastair and he probably never tried to, all caught up in his career and politics) and for alastair, well....the fact that after breaking up with charles, the man he's supposed to love and with which he had a long and intense romantic relationship, he seems more relieved than anything else says a lot....and it says even more if you compare it to alastair's reaction after thomas, a friend, got angry and disappointed at him on the same day.

[jemmo]

My predictions for the rest of His Man are that Junseong and Sungho continue to be disgustingly in love and (hopefully) are still in a relationship, I truly think they fit each other really well. I think Seonwoo will eventually give in to Yeonghee and end up with him at the end of the show bc he’s said before Yeonghee is his type and I feel like while he’s worried how others will view their age difference and while I’m not totally convinced he has feelings for Yeonghee, he likes being liked and Yeonghee is gonna continue to like him. I feel like Seonwoo might be someone who develops stronger feelings in a relationship than before it. As for Minsung, I think he wants to choose Hyungjun, but the love triangle and Hyungjun’s lifestyle are stressing him out so badly I would not be surprised if he ends up choosing neither of them. He clearly does not like being put in the middle of drama and obviously he could end the drama by just telling Hyungjjn he chooses Hyungjun, but I think then he’s gonna be focused on how Hyungjun’s lifestyle is everything Minsung thinks he wouldn’t want in a partner. I feel like he might be the kind of person that would be hung up on that and not even want to try for risk of it hurting more if it doesn’t work out. And for Jeongwook I think he’ll be on his own, but I hope he’s gained some awesome friends, I feel like everyone really adores him. I hope he finds someone soon bc he deserves to be loved so much he’s such an amazing and strong person, I’ve loved watching him during this show.

oh dear anon i think you could be right but i also don’t want you to be??? idk it’s hard to share my predictions bc they’re so mixed up with my bias as to how i want it to end, not just how I objectively think it will end.

i think you’re right when it comes to 2sung and jungwook. the couple will be coupling till the end at this point and i just wanna squeeze every bit of screen time I can out of them and enjoy it while I can. and the same for jungwook, even though he hasn’t made a pairing, i just love watching him and love him, he’s so soft and gentle and i feel like he’s had a very necessary and very rewarding healing experience in the house that has better prepared him for finding his dream romance after the show, I have all my fingers crossed for him. the only thing I’ll say for jungwook is I do want some clearance with him and yonghee bc whenever we’ve seen him try to share those feelings they’ve never come across how he wanted, so I hope he gets that chance for his sake, and even if I think yonghee won’t reciprocate, I think it’ll be great for him to hear and for them to form a solid friendship bc yonghee just deserves to hear how great he is and be the one that’s loved for a change, instead of just chasing seonwoo.

speaking of, I really REALLLYYYYYYY hope he doesn’t end up with yonghee. and that’s not even bc I don’t like him at this point, I’ve been happy to see him post love triangle really just having fun and enjoying himself. and i think that’s what he needs to learn from this show, that he’s allowed to have fun. he’s post coming out with a lot on his mind and I think a lot of his initial behaviour was the stress of wanting to be liked, but now he knows people like him for him, and can like him as a friend, not as a romantic pursuit, which I think he needed to see. he needed to let loose and be more him, and i don’t think that’s the person he is with yonghee. they just have no romantic spark to me and I can’t get over how awful their eventual date was, I just think they could both find what they’re looking for in other people, and it’s only this attraction at first sight that has kept yonghee so seonwoo focused, and that’s not to say it’s just a shallow attraction, I think they do have some kind of connection and have learnt a lot from each other, but I think much like with sungho, it’s not meant to be. there isn’t the spark, there isn’t the butterflies, and I don’t see any genuine attraction on seonwoo’s end. I just hope they clear things up between them and can keep a good relationship.

and as for the last remaining love triangle… yes while I think all that you said is going through minsung’s head, and he is thinking a lot about the clash of their lifestyles, i just think from a narrative perspective, like the storyline the show has been trying to tell us, the natural ending for minsung would be to not focus on that and instead focus on his actual feelings and attraction and who he has that spark with, which for me is clearly hyungjun. like come on, if 2sung didn’t make it obvious enough, this show is selling us true love, pure romance, that being the important thing, and that’s what I think this will end up as. and I can’t see it as satisfying for hyungjin to launch this late attack to then be the one he chooses, not just for the narrative but i feel like minsung isn’t exactly responding to his advances, right?? he just looks uncomfortable, they haven’t had a real moment together, maybe bc they haven’t gotten the chance but again, when it comes to these things, if you have to try this hard to get in with someone just so you can have a sweet moment and try that hard, maybe it just isn’t meant to be, bc those moments should come naturally and they have with hyungjun. idk, while the whole compatible lifestyles thing is a legit thing to be concerned about, i feels to me more like an issue the show is stressing so they have something to overcome in the name of love, yknow??? like how 2sung were talking about the fear of it being different for them outside the house, and then outside the show, but they still got together regardless. like if a dating show isn’t going to leave me with the message that love is the most important, love conquers all, love is worth the risk, then where else??

so yeah, tl;dr, 2sung endgame, minsung and hyungjun making it through the great love triangle war, and the rest coming out the other end learning about themselves and making some great friendships. if I were to make a plight for anyone else, I’d say I lean towards jungwook and yonghee bc they’re cute together, and seonwoo and hyungjin bc I truly think these two creatures of chaos are the only ones that can keep each other in check. as for actual, non-biased predictions, no clue, just gotta brace myself for the rollercoaster ride to the finish