#idk if it helps? but is a distraction i guess :(
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anachronismstellar · 2 months ago
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...... Like I know it might not be the best times but I can offer yall a sqh 12/12 achievement fic in these tiring times? :(
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beastblade69 · 5 months ago
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well that's fucking awesome. all of the damage russians have done to our electric infrastructure can be repaired in one year minimum. IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE TAHN ONE YEAR TO REPAIR ALL OF THE ELECTRIC STATIONS RUSSIANS HIT WITH THEIR MISSILES. AND WE AIN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT CIVILIAN OR ANY OTHER INFRASTRUCTURE. ONLY ELECTRIC ONE. MORE THAN ONE YEAR. AND WE ARE STILL NOT STRUGGLING ENOUGH IN ONLINE PEOPLE'S OPINION. FUCK OFF
#like look I'm just a guy who fucking wants to relax on my summer break and enjoy the last months of being unemployed and careless#and all I fucking get is “the electricity will soon be out” notification on my phone#LIKE OKAY I FUCKING GET YOU YOU ARE USED TO US FUCKING STRUGGLING AND I MAY BE SEEN BYPER PRIVILEGED FOR COMPLAINING#BUT IT'S SO FUCKING EASY TO JUDGE SOMEONE WHILE YOU FUCKING HAVE EVERYTHING I CAN EVER DREAM OF (basic human needs)#like YES THERE'S AN ONGOING WAR IN MY COUNTRY AND I KNOW IT. BUT WE DIDN'T CHOSE TO LIVE NEXT TO FUCKING RUSSIA#we just want to live safely and have access to the most basic things that many people all around the world take for granted#we want to feel safe on our land#we want to stop fucking worrying that the next building hit by russian missile will actually be ours because no one is safe#and still I fucking see those fuckos online telling me how we “don't act like people who live in a country that goes through a war”#well I guess in that case we should all stop buying food and clothes to be REAL people who are suffering from a war#like you for real?? you gonna fucking make us give up the only sourse of distraction and dopamine we can get?#you fucking judging people for buying stuff because “you shouldn't buy new things#there's an ongoing war in your country“ you fr?? so like what we all shall fucking give up and die??#buying new things often gives people some dopamine which actually helps to stay somehow stable (as sane as it's possible)#or do you want us to be a fucking nut-state? idk some mental-case-state. fuck off#stand with ukraine#russia is a terrorist state
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svnflowermoon · 8 months ago
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why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????
#luc posts#like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :(#and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle#if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break#and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time#and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho#can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee#ugh#it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work#like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont#and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses#like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well#likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs#likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :(((((#i hate school so mucb#i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function#like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die#bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso#someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh
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holographicbutch · 3 months ago
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Why have I felt on the verge of crying all day literally nothing has happened
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phagodyke · 5 months ago
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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cherriesandcharms · 6 months ago
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...
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kinos-fortress-2 · 1 year ago
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i just woke up and realized my art did developed holy crap
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solaaresque · 2 years ago
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fucking love when my stepmom takes away my phone so i don’t “talk to my friends” like what. what is the fucking logic behind that???
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puppyknucklezzz · 26 days ago
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ngl, just using tumbl more has actually been doing me some good, i wa crashing out and completely stopped doing the little things that make me happy, like yapping with fellow fans of shit, listening to music, bird watching and tree hugging and shiz. like ... man ... I was losing myself frfr, lemme get back in these discords and aminos and shit. watch some adventure time and bluey and dead end paranormal park and stuff. t h a t s the self care i been missing frfr.
#i be forgetting enjoying my special interests is as essential as air#like#my quality of life goes down fr when i haven't watched some adventure time in too long#i start forgetting who I am when i don't indulge in philosophy for too long#i need these things they help me maintain my health fr#that's a big thing about being in mental facilities and shelters#you lose so much autonomy in not just big ways but the little things#I can't wait to be able to control my own thermostat again or lights or be able to get up a 3am and go for a walk and go to sleep with my#phone on the charger next to my pillow playing music out loud and like sleep in my cute clothes and be a girl openly and do witchcraft in my#own environment and just fucking be myself#there's no room for that when you're in that down bad arc#beggars can't be choosers rhetoric be having people in my position giving up identity and shit#like im currently masked tf up at this Christian men's recovery shelter and rehab center#they serve slop and theirs no privacy and just no room to be a fucking human#that's what really motivates me to be an activist#i feel like that's where im supposed to be#that's where my input is needed#i feel like#i have faith in everyone else#like o feel like the person that's gonna change the whole game championing trans rights or anti-racism is already out there on their come up#my place is not to help neurodivergent awareness and like better the mental health and crisis resources systems and shit#idk i wanna spread knowledge about just how ADHD and OCD and ASD and shit actually work and that's its more than being distractible or#germaphobic or fitting into one of two stereotypes (sheldon cooper or the girl from music)#*my place is but to help not *not* that was a typo#but yeah i wanna do that but also to help make shelters and psych wards places you actually like to be while you're there#like a better business bureau (hard word jfc) but that actually matters and makes a real difference#so i guess i wanna be a mental health activist? is that what that'd be? maybe with a touch of rights activist?
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dead-or-alive-images · 3 months ago
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coridallasmultipass · 7 months ago
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In my dream last night, someone in the grocery store aisle asked me to read the raisin box which was in front of me, and it said to microwave it first to soften them. Weird, huh? It was like $6.99 for a small pack of snack raisins so I said FUCK that. SMH @ dream-flation.
We can't even have dream raisins anymore. Because of woke up.
#ngl kinda wanna try it but i think thatll only make hot raisins not softer ones idk#just thought this was funny i typed it on twitter along with screenshots of the nonsense i typed as i was asleep#ShitPost.exe#Cori.exe#Posts.exe#dreams#i rly hope i dont get dropped back in this dream world it really sucked (light-hearted)#the ppl were so incompetent and could not fight the monsters with me. there was a clowncar moment with them.#and the team of assassins i got stuck with tried putting WHOLE ENTIRE PILLS into the targets food i had to stop them#..and show them it needed to be crushed but the task took forever because the pills got sticky! the ppl walked away and i was like#'i gotta get out of here this is never gonna work and i dont wanna see the reaction' so i woke up lol#it sounds silly but it was very Not Fun#like fighting the monsters didnt even occur to these ppl they just took whatever damage the monsters dealt and ran away#like unarmed npcs i guess despite the fact i was also unarmed. i got stuck under a stage until a monster got distracted bc no one helped#it was mildly stressful and id rather not deal w ppl from that world again#actually yeah it really was like dealing with bugged npcs like the clowncar moment#we were trying to escape the big monster i was fighting and it took forever to convince them to sit on each others and my lap#they kept getting out and running around the car#once we got in. they opened the doors and ran around again like dude stop we need to get out of here
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jackalhadrurusluvr · 9 months ago
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repeating my therapists words in my head like the bike message in pokemon
#i am not responsible for other people#i am not responsible for their actions or feelings i am not in control of that#if its not in my control then i need to take a step back and accept that#tw drugs#soooooooooooo my dad picked up the op of the iods. which he was addicted to for about a decade and stopped a decade ago#like if he had gotten them when the hospital offered it to him it would be whatever yk because he has suffered burns#but he said no at the hospital and stressed that he wouldnt take that poison again#his words idk anything about them#and now that we're talking about weaning him off of his gabapentin (what hes been taking for pain)#he picks them up dawg you say youre not in pain enough to take regular old medicine anymore#i am quite so very stressed about it. our genepool is very heavy on addictions and yk my mom never stopped so i Experienced it#and of course i Experienced it as a child but i dont remember any of my childhood#but i would really rather my father not get addicted to them again i think that would be really quite terrible#i confronted him about it and he said he was just going to keep them as a backup just in case#like ofc i dont want my dad to be in pain. but he cant just say hes feeling really good and then pick them up#because that sets off the “he just wants to use them for Using them” alarm in my head#but i am not in control of him i cant control his actions i tried my best and now whatever happens happens i guess#trying very hard not to freak out very hard right now (everything in my body wants to have a cheeky panic attack and/or spiral)#have no close friends/friends i feel like i can just vent to for freesies is kind of a nightmare#i miss my Friends i miss my Friends i wish i could tell them my situation and just feel like i am Supported and Cared For#being lonely is all fun and games until bad things are happening in your life and you have no one to distract you or help you
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autisticlee · 9 months ago
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always told "is better to have 1-2 good friends than 20 not so good friends" or things like that. but... kinda not better tbh. can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there when you need someone. is nice to have more options. gareuntee *someone* can be there at any time.
but reality is I can't have many friends and can't expect 2 friends I do have to pay attention to me when need someone. afraid to annoying them and make them leave like everyone else. so all I can do is suffer alone ._.
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pears-trinkets · 9 months ago
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#the whole vet situation gives me such trauma whiplash im too busy with that that i havent really given myself a chance to process today#all i can think about is how painful eating must be for mischa#i noticed she slowed down a bit and wouldnt eat kibble or hard snacks but i thought it might be one single tooth ache idk#i actually thought she was doing better because she slowed down because she has been gulping down food way too fast since the shelter#the last time she had tooth problems like 2-3 years ago i asked a friend to come with me to the vet and she said omg yes of course#and then she resumed texting me normal stuff throughout the day of the appointment and only after i didnt reply the whole day she noticed#like 10 hours too late she was like OH SHIT HAHA!! and this is literally what happens every time when i ask someone to be there for me#when i make myself really vulnerable and ask for help and say that i cant do something alone they let me down#while knowing that i have no one else#i asked my mom to come to the vet once and she literally only talked about herself the whole time distracting me#and then she was like haha yeah lets just drop off the cat at home and go get some lunch hihi!!!!#she never remembers vet appointments even when we just talked about them and loves making fun of me for being stressed and tense#like OH NO WONDER YOU WERE MOODY like im on my period or something#i texted a friend about mischas health issues and me losing my job and she hasnt replied since january and doesnt really talk to me anymore#so i guess that friendship is done too#ill have to go there on thursday alone and overdraft my account and wait until the evening and care for mischa all alone#i cant even talk with someone about this because no one understands or judges my emotions and no one cares anyway#and then ill have to go back to work where everyone knows that i will be gone soon and will pester me about it#they all think of me as a temporary intern anyway and ask WHEN WILL YOU GO FIND A REAL JOB while they make me do theirs#everything and everyone at that job is so horrible and so many people leave and they never learn#a colleague i helped teaching everything suddenly turned on me &my other colleague & made our lives miserable while badmouthing us viciously#and everyone in the office chose her over us and let her get away with it while she screamed at us and behaved like a child#its so ironic how i stayed because i needed money to live and now when i go i will have 0 because of the surgery#i mean its worth it but like#what the fuck is life and what will it fucking be next month
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sweatersstyles · 11 months ago
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I’m sad and tired and stressed so I’m gonna rb some of my favorite fics from my master list to try to cheer myself up 👍🏻
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rafey-baby · 1 month ago
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clumsy!reader is still bad at yoga and yoga instructor!rafe wants to keep her all to himself...
18+ mdni!
c/w: rafe being touchy & blatantly flirting w her, him getting jealous, slightly suggestive, reader being oblivious
wc: 1.9k
idk if anyone missed him but he's back & better than ever !! (after a small vacation that ended up being almost 3 months :D)
some parts are more or less inspired by this, this, this & this ask
part 1
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Rafe is in the midst of helping someone fix their posture when he hears the gates of heaven opening in the form of a melodious giggle chiming from the back of the room. He lifts his head in order to detect the source of such a vibrant sound; noticing that his favorite client is currently directing her attention towards some guy next to her.  
The joyful expression she’s sporting makes a scowl paint over his features. Why is this random man making her laugh like that?  
“Yeah, you got it. Just keep workin’ on it though,” he quickly dismisses the person he was helping before stomping over to find her practically lying on the floor with the guy’s hands on her calf, along with his mat pulled far too close to hers for Rafe’s liking.   
“I think you should bend it more here, right? I’m honestly not too sure,” the guy chuckles as he tries to figure out what she’s doing wrong.  
“No cause I have no idea how everyone else makes it seem so easy. It’s so hard to get it right, I feel so stupid half the time,” she complains with a huff, not even noticing Rafe looming within earshot.  
“Seriously, I thought this was a beginner’s class but it feels like some of these poses are meant for like literal pros,” he continues with a shake of his head. 
“I know, right?” another peal of laughter bubbles from her throat as she shifts into a seated position, giving up altogether.  
“Everything alright?” Rafe doesn’t mean for his tone to come out so clipped but there’s something in the way the guy’s touching her so freely that makes his hands curl into fists. 
He keeps reminding himself over and over again that this is a client, which means that he can’t just smash his face in— no matter how severely his fingers are itching for it right about now.  
“Oh, I was just trying to help her with this,” the guy explains in tandem with her head turning to look at Rafe. She seems startled.  
“Well, why don’t you focus on your own form for a change? I mean, s’kinda my job to help her, yeah?” he scoffs, making the guy halt his movements in a state of surprise before he's lifting his hands up in apology.  
“Damn, sorry dude,” he mutters out from under his breath while Rafe merely glares at him with the words stay professional bouncing around his skull.  
A tense silence follows, making her grow quiet while she takes slow sips from her water bottle as a distraction; wondering why he seems so bothered to see her talking to someone else.  
However, when he finally turns his attention towards her, she shrugs it off as him merely having a bad day because it seems like the only logical explanation to her. Because at the end of the day, him being jealous makes as much sense to her as her math homework in high school.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rafe is convinced that the universe is purposefully trying to poke and prod at his limits, giving his carefully curated facade opportunities to crack— allowing for the borderline psychotic aspects of his personality to breathe through the crevices. Because only a week later, Rafe sees her entering the gym with another guy she seems to be awfully friendly with. 
“That’s crazy, I don’t even wanna know what Kie said to that,” she rolls her eyes jokingly while he’s showing her something on his phone.  
”Yeeeah, guess you could say she wasn’t the biggest fan,” he laughs in a carefree manner, raking a hand through his disheveled, sand-colored hair.  
“For some reason I’m not surprised,” she mutters out before she notices Rafe standing in the hallway leading to the yoga class. “Oh, gotta go so I’m not late. See you after?” 
“Yeah, I’ll be here. Think Pope said he’s gonna join me for leg day, so we’ll see if I’m still standing when you get back. But you have fun,” he offers her a wave before walking away towards the locker rooms. 
And at last, her warm eyes meet Rafe’s. “Hi,” her voice is soft, nearly shy; a stark contrast to her demeanor only a few seconds ago.  
“Hey,” he greets her in a casual manner, although his mind is somewhere else entirely. “So, that your boyfriend or?” he tries to approach the subject with nonchalance because it’s not necessarily any of his business.  
He’s not even sure why he’s asking— keeps telling himself that he’s just curious and tries to appear friendly by making small talk. After all, some clients have given him feedback on his apparently intimidating aura, claiming they don’t always have the courage to ask for his help because they get anxious he’ll judge them. Therefore, it's something he’s been trying to work on.  
“What? Oh, JJ? No, he’s just a friend. He goes to the gym here, so I usually just tag along with him. Free ride, right?” she answers with a lighthearted tone.  
“Right. Yeah,” he scratches at the back of his neck, contemplating whether or not to ask the next question since he doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries. However, there’s something deep in his stomach that grumbles at the prospect of her being in a relationship, makes him feel nearly insane and ultimately, makes the decision for him. 
“You, uh, you got one?”  
“What?” she asks, features coated in confusion. 
“A boyfriend, I mean,” his gaze is unwavering, eager.  
“Oh, um— no, I don’t. Why?” her puzzled eyes flit over the lines of his countenance, seemingly trying to grasp onto his motives. 
“Just, uh…wondering. I mean, he’d be kind of a dick if he’s not drivin’ you here himself,” he shrugs, a strange sort of relief making his shoulders feather-light when she lets out an airy giggle in response.  
“Yeah, honestly sometimes wish I had one just so he could drive me around and stuff,” she jokes while they begin to pad over to the class. 
“You don’t have your license yet?” he raises his brows in surprise.  
“No, I do. I just don’t really like driving. I don’t know why but it’s so stressful to me. Usually try to avoid it as much as I can,” she elaborates while gathering her hair away from her face and securing the strands into a ponytail.   
“Oh yeah? Well, if you ever need a ride home just let me know, alright?” he says, fighting the urge to tuck a loose tendril that has managed to escape the restraints of her hair tie back behind her ear.  
“Really? That’s so sweet of you! But, um, wouldn’t wanna be a bother,” the hesitation is present in her voice.  
“Nah, couldn’t bother me if you tried,” he promises, wishing they could talk for longer. However, the ocean of people flooding inside the room behind them cuts their conversation short.  
“You’re just saying that,” she dismisses him with a playful scoff. 
“M’being for real. You’re my favorite face around here. Plus, makes my job more fun when you’re always stumblin' on your feet,” he can’t help his mouth from twisting upwards at the way her eyes round out in response to his words. 
“Shut up. I’m gonna go set down my mat now, before there’s only space right in front of you,” she offers him a giddy smile that makes him grin like an idiot. Then, she’s tiptoeing away from him in order to locate a vacant spot. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rafe has become awfully familiar with these newfound feelings of fondness for the girl who’s by far the most helpless little bambi he’s ever encountered. He thinks she should honestly pick another hobby at this point, because maybe yoga just isn’t meant for her. However, he’d never say any of that out loud because even the thought of not seeing her getting all flustered while she loses her balance whenever he’s near makes him feel physically unwell.  
He’s not entirely sure whether her apparently oblivious brain simply hasn’t caught onto the fact that he so clearly has a thing for her, or if she’s well aware and merely chooses to be a tease about it. Nonetheless, the moment she walked into the class today, he could feel his workout shorts tightening and all she’d offered him was a simple smile.  
And now she’s right in front of him, all tangled limbs and pretty eyes blinking up at him— practically begging for his guidance and for him to put his hands all over her (something she doesn’t seem to mind all that much).  
“You put this cute little set on just for me, huh?” he rasps out while his thumb smooths over the bubblegum pink fabric; feeling it out as he pinches the stretchy fabric between his fingertips, making her breath get caught in her throat in the process.  
“Oh, um— just wanted to…try out some new stuff I ordered. You think it’s cute?” she stares at him with something bashful glimmering in her eyes. 
“Mhm. Fits you nice,” he mumbles out as his gaze lingers on the way the tight material wraps around her figure, not leaving much to the (his) imagination. He bets it’d be so easy to just rip right through these cute yoga pants and pull her closer with a firm grip on her hips before burying his face between her plush thighs.
“Thanks,” she peeps out, flustered.  
He tries to shake off the improper, filthy thoughts with a clear of his throat when he gets caught staring at her for a little too long.  
“So, you actually wanna bend your leg on the other side of your body on the mat and support your foot with your left arm not the right one. Easy to get them confused,” he chuckles as she shifts her position according to his instructions as best as she can. 
“Like this?” she seeks reassurance with a soft tone.  
“Yeah, just like that, Bambi. Good job,” his mouth quirks up some while her mind begins to cloud over in response to his low cadence. She’s not entirely sure what exactly it is about him that makes her feel so fuzzy on the inside, but she thinks it’s nice, thinks she wants to always have him this close to her— wants him even closer.
She doesn’t remember the last time she’s had such an intense crush on someone— slowly turning into a crazy person by each second of not knowing whether he’s merely flirting with her for his own amusement or because he’s actually into her. However, she thinks she’s embarrassed herself in front of him far too many times for the latter to be true in any reality.  
“Then need you to move your right hand here,” he adjusts her form with a grip on her wrist while he maneuvers her to his liking; tingles erupting all over the skin he skims over with his fingertips.  
Her head is spinning.  
“See? Knew you could do it. Feels nice, hm?” he rumbles out, letting his hands rest on her shoulders for support, despite the position not really requiring it.  
She hums her response because she doesn’t trust for any coherent words to stumble out of her mouth at the moment, all the while Rafe is desperately trying to not pay attention to the nearly painful situation in his pants.
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