#and of course i Experienced it as a child but i dont remember any of my childhood

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

repeating my therapists words in my head like the bike message in pokemon

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello, could you do, gummigo x wife reader, where the two say goodbye before gummigo leaves with his brothers, to steal Maple Syrup from the Kingdom of Candy Canyon, but when they fall off the map with Pomni, he tells him about the reader Afterwards, when Caine kills Gummigo, I think, the team goes on an adventure again to the same place as Candy, but he finds the village where Gummigo lived. Pomni goes to look for Readee to tell her, and when he finds her, The reader invites her to come to the house, where Pomni discovers that they both had a baby, and Pomni doesn't know how to tell the reader.

pomni visiting npc!gummigoos wife!reader after caine poofs gummigoo

short post! not much to say here in the beginning notes lmao notes: reader is gn, maybe afab due to the baby but one can assume they dont have to be given digital world physics + npc stuff Cws: guilt

one can assume that gummigoo still exists, just poofed and sent back to the void waiting for when he needs to be used once more. though i personally think that if he were to return, he would not remember anything that happened in episode 2... so lets explore two ideas in this post! ill divide each by a gap

assuming gummigoo does not return in the quest that involves the reader, and pomni stumbles upon you and sees your child... oh god she feels so horrible. as far as she knows shes doomed gummigoo- and that he no longer exists. ragathas reassurance that he may come out again did little to comfort her

she cant bring herself to be around you for long

she wants to tell you, she feels like she needs to- but you talk like everything is perfectly fine. of course you would, you werent sentient. you had all of these false memories. to you gummigoo had only been gone for a short period, off trying to get the syrup to save your village

ultimately i feel like pomni may swallow her guilt, what if she told you what happened and the exact same thing happens to you? poofed. she wouldnt let you go to the circus, but does that really matter? does this place still exist when the circus members are there?

its all so suffocating, she cant stand it. and the fact that youre trying to ask her whats wrong only makes her feel worse- she feels like shes going to puke

she likely holes herself up in her room as soon as the adventure ends, trying to recover.. its not going to get easier, is it?

but on the chance that gummigoo is around once more, just without his memories of... everything he experienced that day..

its not much better, but at least pomni can try to convince herself that at least he still exists- even if not consciously. it kills her a little inside to see the three of you interact with each other

completely unaware that you arent real people

you talk about how your child is the light of your life

but theyre just lines of code

the visit is brief, she doesnt find much of a reason to stick around

theres still the thought in her mind, almost telling her that shes obligated to tell you and your family everything thats going on

but you look so peaceful and shes not sure she can handle shattering your reality and just leaving you all alone- she has to go back to the circus eventually and shes learned her lesson that she cant bring any of you with her

similarly, the idea of "do you even exist when you arent needed" plagues her mind- would telling you and leaving you here do anything? would you all just forget again? that feels... needlessly cruel

[l8rs-gat0rs]

Okay I literally just found your account with your post talking about Billie in SWARM I WEN ABSOLUTELY FERAL YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SHE IS ETHREAL

…okay anyways I have a request

So what if you end at the group’s house and you get the counseling cause like you have bad anxiety and social anxiety and you just push everyone away and run from your problems so that’s essentially how you end up at the house. And then you end up wanting to leave like Dre did but it’s because you don’t think that they can help you. BUT Eva convinces you to stay and like you slowly fall in love…or something..maybe add some smut. Literally add anything you want I am just so excited to read it♥️

Save Me From Myself

Pairing: Eva x Female reader

Wow thank you so so much for this request! I actually have social anxiety so I am excited to write about it. Also trust me, I went feral too. She is definitely ethereal. The sexual tension she had with Dre was crazyyyy and she's such a good actress, the micro expressions and everything really got me. I didn't put smut into it only because it feels more like a soft fluff story that doesn't really need any smut, so I hope you're okay with that :)

Warning(s): angst, social anxiety, general anxiety, slow burn, y/n use

summary: You have social anxiety and Eva has been helping you with it. After messing up a game of Twister, you feel like you can't be helped so you decide to leave. Eva stops you from leaving, which leads to a confession...

Word count: 2k

Disclaimer: I have never talked to a therapist abt my anxiety or social anxiety at all, so If some things aren't accurate I apologize, but I'm just writing down what I have experienced and how I interpret it.

Special thanks to @hereforthepoet for helping me with this fic :)

~~~~Happy Reading!~~~~

You lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, replaying the story of how you ended up here over and over again in your head.

Eva had found you when you were a blushing, stuttering mess trying to speak to the waitress in a restaurant.

Were you blushing out of embarrassment? Yeah.

Anxiety? Yeah.

Because she was hot? Absolutely.

Eva smiled at you when you looked up from your head in your hands and made eye contact with her while she was sitting at a table facing you.

You groaned and shoved your face back into your hands because yet another hot woman had seen you embarrass yourself.

When you looked back up you jumped a little, seeing as Eva was now right in front of you.

The two of you had food together, Eva noticing your stuttering, rambling and fidgeting with your rings. The tell-tale signs of your anxiety.

You told her about how you managed to push everyone in your family away after your parents died, you were an only child so there weren't many people to push away, but still.

You lived by yourself in a tiny apartment, you were thinking about getting a cat, but then, Eva invited you back here with promises to help with your anxiety.

But here you were, in the bed, Eva had lent to you.

You felt like a lost cause, all the other girls in the group had shown major signs of progress over the course of a few weeks, but you were still here, holed up in your room because you could barely even talk to the girls, despite the fact it had been almost a month already and you have had numerous sessions with Eva.

You heard a knock on the door and you mustered a small "Come in."

You looked up and saw Eva walking through the door, causing your heart to race.

Come on y/n, don't embarrass yourself in front of her for the 10,000th time, please.

"Hey y/n, why aren't you out there with the rest of the girls, we're playing twister right now."

Don't stutter.

"Oh- uh, I don't know, I'm don't-

wait. I mean I don't-

I- I'm NOT feeling that great, I guess."

Jesus Christ.

She looked at you for a moment before walking closer to your bed and sitting down on the corner of it, by your thighs.

"Remember what I told you during our last session y/n?" Eva started, as she leaned over you, bracing herself up with one hand on the other side of your thighs, and using the other to check your temperature.

Your brain short-circuited as soon as you felt her skin against yours.

"I told you, the reason you stutter is that you either rehearse what you are going to say over and over in your head before saying it, or you think so fast that the words mess up when you try to say them out loud. Either way, you need to focus on what you want to say rather than thinking of all the ways you could say what you want to say."

"Yeah, I know..." Uou muttered.

"Well how can you be working on it when you don't even hang out with the rest of the girls?" Eva smiled patiently.

"I'm working on it, I just..." You trailed off, looking anywhere but Eva's eyes.

"Hey, eyes," Eva said, causing your eyes to immediately shoot to hers.

"Good girl. Now, why don't you come out of your room and join us." Eva got up from the bed and held her hand out for you to take it.

Your stomach turned at the Praise but you ignored it.

You took Eva's hand and picked yourself out of bed.

Eva didn't let go of your hand as she led you out to the living room. You willed your hand not to get sweaty.

"Hey guys, look who's here!" Eva announced to the group.

"Woooo y/n!" Cricket cheered while holding the spinner.

"Come, join us!" Isis urged, smiling at you from under Salem's arm.

You looked at Eva uncertainty, but she just gave you a patient smile and nodded, urging you to join them.

"Uhh, yeah, sure." You nodded, looking back at the pile of girls twisted around the mat.

Your heart started to beat rapidly.

Come on y/n, you cant be the one to fuck up the whole game.

Don't lose, don't lose, don't lose....

"Okay y/n, let's spin for you."

"Right leg green!"

You moved your right leg to the open green dot.

"Eva, want to join?" Cricket asked as she spun the spinner.

"Nah, I'm good. I like to watch" Eva said with a smirk.

You shivered at her words even though it was a normal comment.

Jesus Christ y/n get a grip. She's your mentor.

But she had also been the one holding your hand through the entire process of trying to get over your anxieties.

Did you have feelings for her?

"Left foot red" Cricket called out to Grace.

"Don't fuck it up!" Audrey laughed, balancing on one hand.

"Shut up!" Grace responded playfully, before carefully placing her foot down.

"Bam!" She cheered, causing the other girls to giggle.

You smiled a little but the tension would not leave your chest as the game continued.

The girls keep playing as normal, each taking their sweet time moving to their respective places while the others urge them to hurry up. You're trying to focus, to stay present, to participate...but all you can think of is the loud beating of your heart. How the girls' laughter fades and your consciousness seems to trade places with your subconscious; "They're only letting you play out of pity." "You need to leave before you embarrass yourself." "You look ridiculous standing like this and they know it, they're all thinking it." You vaguely hear directions for someone's turn being called but there's a water-like roaring in your ears and your palms are sweaty and-and-and-

"Y/n!? Right hand yellow?"

"What?"

You can't think slow enough, you can't move fast enough, your body is shaking and- 

Everyone's falling. A twisted mess of loud laughing bodies and you can't breathe.

"Y/n? Are you okay? Breathe!" You hear Eva say.

You shoot up from the pile of girls and suddenly the laughter has died and they're all looking at you with concerned expressions.

Staring.

They think you're pathetic.

You're so embarrassing.

"I can't do this anymore!" You suddenly shout through your heavy breathing.

"Woah, it's okay y/n-" Cricket starts, putting the twister spinner down.

"No, it's not! Look at all of you! You're getting better every day. But me? I'm hopeless. I can't even play a game of twister without fucking it up! I can't stay here any longer. I've overstayed my welcome and I can't be helped. I'm too broken." You said before turning away from them.

You heard the girls start to protest and get up but out of the corner of your eye you saw Eva shush them and make them sit back down. Tears started spilling from your eyes and you ran to your room.

When you got to your room, you took your suitcase out of your closet and opened it on your bed.

You started to pack when you heard Eva's hurried footsteps approach your door.

"Y/n, what are you doing?" She said sadly.

"I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore" you were unable to look at her so you continued quickly packing.

"Hey. Stop." Eva said as she gently stopped you from going over to your suitcase with the clothes in your hand.

You stopped and looked down at the floor, still unable to look at her.

"Look at me. I wanna see those gorgeous eyes." She gently grabbed your chin and turned your face to look at her.

"Here, give me those," she took the clothes from your hands and put them on the other bed that was next to yours.

"Sit." She guided you to sit down next to where she left your clothes.

You sat down and took a shuddering breath in as tears continued to fall and your lip quivered as you silently cried.

"You're even gorgeous when you cry." Eva smiled, causing you to let out a choked laugh as you tried to halt your tears.

"You're just saying that" You felt your face heating up.

"No, I'm not. don't degrade yourself like that. You are truly beautiful, and I'll keep saying it till it gets through your pretty little head." She got on her knees in front of you and put her hands on your thighs.

You looked down at her hands on your thighs, hyper-aware of her touch.

"Y/n please don't leave." Eva spoke up somberly.

You looked back to her eyes before responding.

"I- I can't Eva. My thoughts are so confused a-and I can't be helped. I don't deserve to stay here." You sniffed as your tears subsided.

"That's not true! Everyone is able to be helped, some people just have a longer process than others. Also, even with all the facts considered, you're here because I want you to be, not because you're a patient or something." Eva explained.

"Yeah, I guess...but I'm still...c-confused." You internally cursed yourself for stuttering and you looked down back to her hands that were still on your thighs.

"About what?" She smiled softly.

You sighed heavily trying not to stutter.

But of course, you did.

"Y-" You sighed in annoyance as Eva looked at you expectantly.

"Y- You!" You managed to get out, causing Eva to let out a laugh.

"You're confused about me?" She asked with a smirk.

"Yes! Why is that funny!?" You huffed.

She laughed a little again before responding.

"It's not, it's not, Why are you confused about me?" She asked you curiously.

"Well, I- I don't know. Just...my feelings towards you..." You said more quietly.

Eva's hands rode a little higher on your thighs causing your eyes to widen for a second before you steeled your expression.

"And what are you currently feeling towards me?" Eva asked, staring down at your lips.

"Attraction" You breathed out, getting lost in the way she looked at your lips.

"And, that's a bad thing?" She smirked, her eyes looking back up to yours.

"I- I mean no! But like, you're my mentor or whatever. I shouldn't be feeling attracted to you. Right?" You backtracked.

"Who said that?" She laughed.

Wait, that's true...

"Uhhh, no one I guess. It just- I don't know I thought it might be wrong or something. You never dated anyone else here." You gestured to the door.

"Who says I didn't?" Eva smirked once again.

"O-Oh! I'm sorry I didn't mean to assume!" Your eyes widened.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Eva smiled.

"S-so, who was it?" You said quietly after nodding.

"Isis, it wasn't very long though. We both decided we were better as friends" Eva shrugged.

"Oh, I see." You said, mulling over all the interaction you've seen Eva had with Isis.

"But back to your feelings?" Eva urged you to continue with her brows raised and a questioning tone.

"I guess, over my time here I've been slowly falling for you and...I've tried to suppress it, but I guess, the feelings have always been there, bubbling up,"

You sighed once again before continuing.

"I mean, I don't know... You're just so...." You started, before looking at Eva and feeling your face heat up.

"Go onnnn." Eva urged.

"Hot." You ended quietly.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you!" Eva said loudly.

"Oh shut u-"

Before you could finish your reflexive response, or even have time to be anxious about it, Eva pushed up off her knees and kissed you.

You were shocked at first but you quickly closed your eyes and melted into her lips.

You couldn't lie and say you hadn't thought of kissing her multiple times.

Once Eva pulled away she sat back onto her knees.

"I can't lie, I've thought about kissing you so many times." She let out a breathy laugh.

"Woah did you just read my mind?" You pulled back shocked.

"What?" She looked confused.

"Nevermind,"

You shook your head before continuing,

"Okay, back to kissing."

"I think..." You added shyly.

[princessangelcake]

dear diary,

i just lied to a doctor at maudsley hospital.

am i crazy?

i told her i binge 3 times a week. she then asked me how many times every 3 months, i said 4. She then said "but you just said you binge 3 a week, so 3 x 4 (weeks) that would be 12 times a month.

i said oh sorry i thought you said… la da la da da.

i tend to do this a lot in therapy. lie. exaggerate. i think i do this because i dont want to be rejected. i dont want to be invalidated again. i crave that doctors approval of "there is something wrong with you and you need to be taken care of" i want to be in the hsopital rotting. im not sure why.

one of my favourite lies has to be "i burn myself with cigarettes" while the cigarette part is true. the burning not so much.

i cant stand fire / heat on my skin. ive cut myself. ive pinched myself, ive banged my head against walls. ive done as much as i can to make myself look like im insane, maybe i am. but all the self harm is deserved. i deserve to feel that pain, deserve to feel stupid. the anatomy of my brain has changed. i no longer feel like myself. i am she. "she was happy" i said when the doctor asked me how my perrsonality was like when i was small.

im sure she knew i was lying. i was not a happy child. i was not. i have internalised everything. i look happy on the outside, which is the facade i want to put up until the 27th of august. when im supposedly meant to be ending my life. i made that up on the spot when i told her. not sure why. but i should be admitted by then. by then i should be able to taste that disgusting hospital food. at least ill be taken care of and loved. liked rather. i like the hospital smell.

the truth is, nobody in this world will ever understand me or my brain. i am too tired to explain i fear. why should anyone be inside of my head?

i told her i tried to hang myself when i was 12, which im sure i did try, yet i cant remember much from my childhood. i feel insane. i feel stupid and pathetic. i dont have any more coping mechanisms.

i told her ive been sexually abused 4 times, which is true, but i only remembered that this morning. before today i forgot all about that. brushed it under the rug "its not a big deal to me" because its not. that's what the woman who raped me 8 years ago told me, like a good girl i shouldn't tell mummy or daddy about this. keep it between us, which i did until this morning, my apologies.

yes my neighbour forced me to lick his dick, yes i was forced onto the bed by my cousin, forcefully fingered and kissed, like a doll that was made to be fucked and abused. that was an uncomfortable experience. of course i consented to it. i was only 11 after all, i had my full consciousnesses. yes me and my sister had continous sexual experiences when i was young, she rubbed pussies with me in the bathroom at night when i was..9, so what? yes oliver tried to have sex with me when i was just a little girl. yes ive experienced a lot of sexual things as a young one.

that doesnt mean i am truamatised, i am not. i am simply just living. stop making it a big deal.

i am sex. sex is who i am. what is wrong with that?

yes i was bullied, verbally degraded, sexually abused, told i was too fat to be attractive to anyone, yes i am all these things. oohhh i am so useless. i am a fuck rag doll to be used and abused. i believe that so strongly.

so, all of these things i mentioned to the doctor, what has any of this got to do with an eating disorder? nothing at all. my mouth just runs and ran during that whole thing.

maybe i shouldn't have lied to the oh so sweet lady doctor, but i needed to. or she wouldn't have taken me seriously. "just another fat fuck of a black girl who thinks she's different. thinks she's sick but she's not".

i would truly end my life there if i was not to be taken seriously.

so, i sit here and await the results of my eating disorder assessment, otherwise known as the string of half-lies i put into the system. i love this country. i am a living breathing object of a lie. everything about me is false. i should not be here. i should not be here at all.

[anon-e-has-a-tmblr]

Well now that all the sentimental stuff are out of the way, let's talk about the weirdest stuff I've experienced since starting T 5 years ago.

(in case you dont know, T is refered to Testosterone. I personally use a skin oinment but these stuff could also apply to injections, from what I heard).

My body hair. I have become the haoriest man in my entire family, from all sided. It's at the point where 95% of dust in my appartment is my own body hair. It's quite rediculous xD I mean, I could understand the extra hair growth on my shoulders, where I place the skin oinment jell, but I got hair all over my body. And it doesn't seem to stop any time soon xD

My body odor changed. Assuming I'm not stinky after a day of manual labor, my body odor had become more bareble? Now this one is something I heard to the contrary. People told me their body odor had a "punch" added, making it stronger. But me? It became a bit sweeter, for some reason??? And if we talk about body odor, I did finally understood why teenagers use so much axe body spray. I personally didn't use it more than 4 times total in the last 5 years, all of which were used in the summer when I ran out of my usual doedaraunt and the store where I was at that time carried only axe.

My fashion style. Which actually didn't change at all since I was 14. The only realy chamge in my wardrobe that I had to do was after top surgery, when I finally realized how oversized my shirts were. I got rid of about 70% of all shirts that I ever owned up to that point, most were donated to thrift store and some were thrown away. Since many of these shirts weren't used much, they were in perfect condition. And of course, I washed everything before donating. That's just what I do when donating stuff.

My shoe size chamged slightly. Now, this one is kinda to be expected but I've seen only 2 other people talk about it. In my particular case, I went half a size up (from 40.5 to 41). I noticed it when I needed dark shoes for a side hustle 3 years ago, and I realized I can no longer wear a pair of my mom's black sneakers that she let me wear on occations (since she didn't wear them anymore by that time). In the past that pair fit me quite alright, and if I was wearing think socks it felt like it's a hit loose on me. And then when I tried wearing them 3 years ago - I knew they're too small. What a weird phenomenon!

Heat tolerance. Or more specifically, the lack there of lol. Now, in my case it also could be age related, since I do remember as a child being comfortable at any weather, and even wearing hoodies during the nights of August (back then we lived in the plain region of the country, where nights are sometimes as warm as the day). Now? I melt every spring, and usually I wear a coat only during the rainy days of winter. Now, driving a motorcycle has changed my perseption of heat/cold again, so this one is still a developing experience.

Skin health (as much as it can be called that lol) during my military years and after, my skin was very dry. How dry, you may add? I'd accidentally bump into people with my elbow and they'd ask me why I scratched them in the arm. I mean, I got chemical burns on my face from skin care products XD and I also developed an allergic reaction to a chemical preservative that gets weirder as time passes, but that's just another point against my skin. Now, it's a common knowledge that testosterone makes your skin oily, just like estrogen makes your skin smoother. So it seems like that addition of oils to my skin made it so, that now it's just considered "dry".

Relevant to the point above, my head became extra oily. My head was always oily, I even joked about it with my mom in that regard, that my head just took the oil of my entire body and left it scraps lol. And although it has since settled down, for the first year I'd wash my hair before bed, and in the morning on my way to class I'd feel like my head was dunked into an oil vat. It was rediculous and very uncomfortable, and some day I even washed my head twice. Before starting, I'd wash my hair 2-3 times a week. One think that didn't cjamge in that regard though, is the fact that for the past decade I no longer use hair conditionare. After all, my hair is naturally so oily that conditionare would just cause it to feel greesy.

Cooking. Although more relevant to me no longer living with my parents, early on I found myself cooking meals more often. Now, when I was in middle school I went to a professional cookong class and graduated with a cooking certification. I know my way around the kitchen. But for some reason I hated standing in the kitchen and cooking food. The hatred was so severe, that the pantry would be full of goods and the kitchen would be clean and ready to be used, and yet I'd still order out and eat outside. In a drastic contrast, last summer about a month after I moved out, I caught myself saying to myself "I love cooking". Talking about charecter development xD now granted, that change was gradual, and I would cook at my parent's house on occations. But those would be rare and myy dad would even note the occation, since it happened so rarely. But still.

Oinment vs injections: truth be told, I did try to switch to injections. I started with skinnoinment gel, and about 2.5 years in I tried with a doctor's supervision to switch to injections once every 3 months. You see, here we have only 2 types of injections: monthly i jections and quarterly injections. I switched to the latter, since I was a couple of years in and that was the usual course for most guys. My body did not approve that change, to put it mildly xD. At first it got super hyped, but instead of saving and releacing testosterone slowly and gradually, my body was using everything in the first couple of weeks and the rest of the time I'd be left all drained and very much discontented. After a couple of months like that we decided tbat for now, I'll stay with the skin oinment. To be honest, that drastic change was not expected, and even my doctor was shock by this.

That's it for now! Feel free to ask me more about this whole jurney

[universalcaffination]

My brain just clicked on this with something new, I barely remember generations' full plot but ooh well

Word vomit on mobile time yay 🖖

Sorren the antagonist of generations, is only so because he's trying to return to the nexus. The same nexus he was pulled out of the same day kirk fell into and was legally declared dead. His "I will do anything I can to reach this goal I dont care what damage I might leave in my wake" in his desperation to return makes him the antagonist that must be subdued.

He's not the leader of some planet or far off place place trying to destroy a different planet that would cause a war, or any of the extreme movie villan types. He's a dude that's ego and selfishness are hurting others, for no other reason than to return

And why?

He is a widower. A wife who died during childbirth along with the child if I remember correctly?

The nexus gives the people that go inside it anything they could ever dream of

And so the nexus gives him his wife

Not literally of course, it's all in the mind, but it's so vivid it might as well be. This is how he copes, and when he's torn away from that in the prolog in generations, it's like he's been torn away from his love all over again. No wonder he has to return, it might be the only part of her he has left

What does this have to do with the original post? Well...

Does "my partner has died and i must find a way to get her back no matter the cost" ring a bell?

That's why it would have been far more cinematocally engaging because the villains entire goal not only is similar to Kirk's past pursuits. Tng characters remarking something like "sorren stole a shuttle to get to the asteroid? Kirk stole the whole enterprise to run to genesis". but the end that they're reaching out for is the same, even if it was unintentional for kirk.

My partner has died (several times technically) and in my grief i try and find them (kirk is successful sorren doesnt). I fall into the nexus, which recognizes the fear of being torn away from my love like before, and gives me my dream life of a warm home, energetic pets, quiet peace, and my partner by my side for the rest of my days (which is actually quite a long time, since the nexus prevents or slows down aging iirc.

And technically this does happen, kirk is in his Will shatner cabin making breakfast, for a lady we don't see,, and only hear a few sentences about,,, specifically making her favorite meal so it cushions the news that he's going back to starfleet,,,,,,,, this is the memory he is reliving when picard meets him, and it's like.. . Even they both recognize how sad that is, that his history of having to choose between work and a love life and choosing the enterprise every time, is the memory that he is experiencing

I know mr nimoy didn't want to be in the movie (good on him), but I really feel like the scenes with kirk in the nexus are so out of character it's basically shatner acting as himself with the things he likes, but something related to starfleet or the enterprise or fuck, even just being with his friends and his son is alive and loves him or fucking anything that could have been a very emotionally compelling (and revealing) moment, if what Kirk's dream life was wasn't just shat being narcissistic

On the enterprise again with the crew, on the family farm in Iowa, his fucking brother and son and dead family are alive... or nestled in a log cabin making breakfast for your partner... who comes down stairs and greets you... with a sleepy rub to his eye and a delicate touch of two fingertips... moving to the kettle to make two cups of tea... who is your bonded th'ya'la and you've loved since you first met all those years ago

Picard easing kirk out of the nexus, able to make him recognize this wasn't real, but it could be, is what manages to pull him away from the siren song he fell prey to so long ago. Unlike sorren, who was ripped out of the nexus and told he wasn't allowed back into eden, who had no wife to be with in reality. Comparing the two and their similarities/differences could have made for a very cool plot, told from the picard/tng perspective so it's learning about both side by side

Or something along those lines

Thinking about if kirk actually was to fall into the nexus and picard found him and brought him back into reality 80 years later...

Picard seeing kirk's dream existence as living in a cosy home with his favorite dog while making breakfast while picard tries to talk to him, only for spock to come down the stairs in a cosy bedrobe like he just woke up, much to picards immense confusion. It's only then while kirk looks up with so much affection while spock makes a comment about them not expecting any visitors so far in the country - while greeting his jim with a little morning finger kiss - that picard notices the blend of vulcan and terran aesthetic decorating the house. Realizing then that Kirks dream life to live with spock in quiet peace...

Using that to his advantage to tell kirk this isn't real and that's not actually spock (to which he receives a raised vulcan brow), but if kirk comes back to reality with him to stop sorren he can be reunited with spock, the real spock, who has refused to believe kirk is dead and has been searching for him for 80 long years, and that leaving the nexus means they could find each other again and share in this vision in reality and together. That makes kirk pause and after some time finally agree to come back (even the nexus' version of spock informs him of the logic of returning to reality, because of course he would)

Kirk not actually fucking dying at the end of generations because I still refuse to believe they did something so dumb. Reuniting with his t'hy'la who is so overcome with emotion a tear actually escapes his eye as he cradles kirks head, which kirk gently wipes away with a finger before they kiss and embrace like on genesis when they found each other before.

Kirk not having aged for 80 years which actually lines up with the vulcan's longer lifespan so they're pretty close to the same page now and can grow old together in a way that would have been impossible otherwise

Spock telling picard he owes the man a life debt for discovering the half of his soul the universe had told him was extinguished

I just want these boys to find a happy ending okay...

[areyouafraid]

Erm

i was just thinking and again im not saying that that was my experience i dont necessarily think it is + i think the way i worded this was inadvertently a little antagonistic like im not trying to imply older siblings are bad people for "leaving behind" their younger siblings when they move out of their shitty parents' households, 9 times out of 10 theres really not anything they can do and its not the kids' fault

i was thinking more in the sense of like. idk. if u know my lore u know im a youngest child. i was talking to my brother recently about some of his experiences and i finally kinda. realized i guess that our household was pretty objectively physically and psychologically abusive. that is never a distinction i would have made on my own. and i said like even though i really didnt get the worst of it to the extent that im still not sure if i would say i was abused i do know that you still cant be in that environment and have parents like that and not be affected at all. like its not like my siblings had these horrible childhoods and i had a normal one, i just had a less horrible one

so like for context there was a pretty big age gap between me and the others, like enough that by the time i was like 9 or so my brother (second youngest) was in high school and my other 2 siblings were adults and had their own places to live. by the time i was 12 i lived alone with my parents. historically my mom has always been the fucking crazy volatile one and my dad has always been the passive enabler. i remember my older siblings always telling me how easy i had it and how much worse shit used to be, which kinda just made me feel guilty or like they were upset i wasnt getting hurt more? like would you have felt vindicated if mom beat the shit out of me or something?

but they never really talked about it with me at all until that conversation i had w my brother last week. i obviously never saw anything that happened because i was way too young to remember a time when we all lived together. the most i really understood was that thwre were like more serious beatings but some of the shit that he told me genuinely shocked me. im gonna try not to repeat too much of what he told me but some of it genuinely reminded me of the shit that shanda vander ark did to her son before she killed him like it was fucking actually psychopathic. it did again make me feel almost complicit that i had no fucking idea which realistically doesnt make any sense but i also kinda feel lied to in a way. like what else does everyone know except me that they were never going to tell me? and of course like this was the second youngest this shit was still happening in the "final years" i guess so who fucking knows what happened to the oldest two. my sister doesnt really talk about her childhood

as far as like what happened to me i never really saw / experienced a lot of the physical stuff. i got smacked / punched / etc a few times but nothing like what happened to the older kids. i do think that its largely because my parents were aging more than anything like by the time i was the age that the other kids were when that shit was happening they didnt have the energy / motivation to whip me with tree bark or whatever. i dont think it's because my parents liked me more. i never really felt like my parents particularly liked me just in general. i also dont think its because they feel any kind of remorse because my mom is still to this day trying to justify and deflect blame for everything she did to my brother. a lot of what happened to me was more psychological and again im still not even completely sure if i could confidently call it abuse. i dont think im qualified to make that call as to where the line is drawn between doing something that upsets your kids and abusing your kids (which is another reason i dont want children ever). idk thats a convo for therapy LOL!!!!!

youre going to think im stupid as fuck for this but some of the memes i used to see about youngest siblings being little shits or spoiled or whatever or the concept of "youngest child syndrome" used to kinda upset me and i still cant really articulate why. like im not here to defend the honor of #YoungestChildNation or whatever but IDK i guess in a weird way it kinda reinforced the idea that maybe this is my fault somehow and i just suck or maybe this is how my siblings think of me or something again i really dont know why. i think a lot of it too is people blaming their younger siblings for their parents being shitty and i mean i dont know how other peoples families work i cant comment on that its not my business and there are a lot of different fucked up family dynamics out there but ig it feels kind of reductive and not really like acknowledging the real problem, maybe your parents just suck

i think for a while when i was a kid i kinda felt like my siblings didnt really like me or want anything to do with me (which i will say was definitely in my head, i do have pretty good relationships with most of them now. there is some tension between me and my eldest brother but that's complicated). there was also a stretch of time where they just werent in the picture bc they were all adults with their own lives and for a few years i kinda felt like i was an only child lol. idk. i guess it kinda feels like in a lot of senses i did have it easy but i also did it alone and i remember even as a young kid kinda feeling like i didnt have anyone to fall back on. i felt like no one was going to protect me besides me and thats probably part of why i have this fear / hatred of being dependent on people. it probably makes no fucking sense to say that while im living in my parents house and taking money from them to pay for medical procedures and therapy lol idk i could just be mentally fucked. I dont want to write thus post anymore

how many youngest siblings feel like they get "left behind"? im not saying i do but im just thinking

[rieson]

chapter zero; prologue.

You’ve experienced your fair share of long silences ever since you met your best friend Perona, and even so - those stretched out silence mostly consisted of her being taken aback by your suggestions and cracking out a loud laugh after.  

This was different, there was no laughter, not even her signature ‘horo-horo-horo!’ laugh that scared you when you first successfully made her laugh with a joke.

The dorm was quiet, so quiet you could even hear the wall clock ticking every second, it made you nervous.

Even more so when Perona started tapping her feet rhythmically, you fiddled with your fingers, gaze downwards and ─oh when did that stain get in the carpet? Raising a questioning eyebrow, you craned your head to look at the stain closer but your body moves along as well, making the bed squeak. 

You could feel Perona’s gaze on you as you pulled a face, awkwardly trying to cover up your embarrassment, you opened your mouth to say something but Perona beats you to it.

“You know it’s up to you right?” She says, crossing her legs.

You finally made eye contact with her. “Huh?”

“Whether you want to take a break or not is completely up to you [name], it’s YOUR channel and YOUR content, you’re the─” she put her arms up and wiggled her fingers, the corners of her mouth lifting up to a cheeky smile, “─mastermind here. I am but a simple advisor to your great plans.”

“Really?” You perked up, letting out a big sigh and slumping down right after.

“Oh wow you really were stressed about that huh?” Perona looks at you sympathetically before getting up and sitting down right next to you, her hand on your back.

“I just.. I wasn’t sure what to do Per, i want to step back and give myself some time but if i do that then─ then i’ll just get even more stressed because i’m not being productive and it's just so─ ..ridiculous.” You let out a bitter laugh “Why am i even like this?”

“Hey, it’s okay, do whatever you want whenever, don’t force yourself, i’m sure whatever you choose it’ll turn out okay. Plus, i’m sure your subscribers won't die if you took a break.” She shrugged.

You let out a chuckle, “You sure about that? Remember that one time i was 6 hours late to post a scheduled video and people went crazy?”

“OH! Yeah! You were trending on twitter for awhile horororo! It was funny to watch that unfold.”

“Was not..”

“Totally was! Hawkie even asked me if you were doing okay.” She smiled at the memory, pushing herself back and letting herself fall onto the mattress with a ‘thump!’.

“..Did he give you permission to call him that?”

“Course not, the old man never allows me to have any fun so i’ll just do it myself!”

You grimace, “Doesn’t he get mad?”

“Oh he does, but that’s just his default at this point.”

You try to bite back a smile on how she talks so casually about her supposedly ‘father-figure’ Dracule Mihawk, more famously known as ‘hawk-eye’. Although you’ve been friends with Perona for a long time and have had playdates with her as a child (that you have no recollection of), you still dont know alot about the dude. You’d like to know more though, maybe you’ll ask Perona one day. If you remember to.

You smile, following perona and falling to your mattress, now you both are laying down, looking up at the fucked up ceiling you’ve always messed with ever since you moved in here. 

That particular spot of it always fell victim to whatever you were up to back then, you’re pretty sure Perona has tried to put a ghost print up there to cover up the mess you weren’t able to get out of the ceiling. You could see the tacks.

“Should we fix the ceiling already?” You spoke up, turning your head to look at perona.

She doesn’t look at you back though, only squinting at the ceiling before answering “As much as i hate the fact it makes your side of dorm look ugly.. Nope, we are leaving this as a mark.”

“Hah? What mark?”

“A mark of your stupidity.. HORORORORO!”

“So mean.” You jokingly reply, rolling your eyes. Perona only replies with more of her signature laughter, you smile.

You took in a deep breath, “Hey perona?” 

She hums.

“I’ll take a break.” 

                                    ────────────────────────────

Work was rough today for Ace, being a barista with little patience for entitled customers usually makes him the prime target for rude customers to call the manager on him.

It doesn't phase him whenever that happens, he usually just gives the customer a 'really?' look and goes to the back to get Thatch. Oh yeah, he's the manager here.

He's really lucky to have one of his brothers as the manager, because Ace doesn't think he could've handled working this job any longer than 4 months if it weren't for Thatch rooting him on.

Plus, Thatch has far more patience than he does ─ so it's good to have someone to take over the customer service for him when he's at his limit.

"Let me handle this one, Ace. You go and help Shachi with his order, heard a customer is stressing him out with a complicated custom order." Thatch says and chuckles, patting Ace at the back.

Ace sighs, "Man, can't people be kinder to the workers? Being a barista really isn't for the weak.."

"Yeah. But you get used to it after working in the industry for awhile, not to say it's a good thing but hey. If it's what you gotta do to get a paycheck, right?" 

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks brother." Ace cracks out a tired smile and Thatch responds by nodding at him with that smile of his.

"Anything for my little bro! Now go and help your co-worker out, you can go home right after. Your shift ends in a few minutes." 

"Aye-aye!"

Ace spent no time getting to Shachi and asking what the customer wanted, grinning at him when he saw the look of relief on the dudes face and finally gets onto making the drink.

He got into a good rhythm with Shachi, jamming to the music that echoed through the whole place and continued on.

Finishing the last few touches of the drink, Ace puts the lid on and rings it. It didn't take long before the lady that ordered the drink came up to take it, Ace paid her no mind and simply gives her a nod.

"Thanks dude! You're a lifesaver." Shachi spoke up gratefully, Ace grins.

"Of course! That was my last drink for this shift, goodluck on the night shift brother!" 

"Thank you! Be safe on the way home dude, I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Will do, see you tomorrow also!" And with that, Ace goes into the back and takes off his apron and stores it.

Cracking his neck until he heard a satisfying 'Pop!' Ace went out of the back door to the parking lot.

There it is, His sweet baby Harley Davidson Street 500, He's been waiting all day to ride his bike again and go home to see his brothers. Ace also couldn’t wait to have another youtube marathon where he would watch your videos in order it was uploaded. It's his favorite way to pass time (other than annoying his brothers, that is.)

Ace didn’t spend anymore time standing around planning what he was going to do when he got home, he pulled out his phone and texted his brothers to let them know he was on the way home.

────────────────────────────

                                                                                                   ────────────────────────────

Shaking his head and clicking his tongue while smiling, Ace closes the messages app and opens spotify, his left hand pats his pockets to search for his earbuds while his right scrolled through the playlist he has, settling on one, he clicks on that and pulls out his earbuds and proceeds to connect it to his phone. Putting the earbuds on, Better Than Me ─ The Brobecks, starts playing. He nods, satisfied.

He starts getting ready to head off, putting his helmet and jacket on and turning on his bike, he gets on and starts testing the waters with the bike’s engine. Once he does that, Ace finally heads off, on his way to go to the local grocery store and head home.

PROLOGUE END.

next ->

hello ! hi hi it's been awhile huh?

i'm back now, and my writing has improved ! i've decided to revamp my old au's starting from the most earliest one ; midnight espresso, a modern one piece smau filled to the brim with humor and young love HAHAH

i really hope you enjoyed the prologue just as much as you liked the old one (for old readers!) but if you're new around here, then hello ! nice to meet you, welcome and i hope you enjoy your stay.

this au will be updated every now and then - there is no confirmed schedule as my motivation for writing is a rollercoaster but i will however post a new chapter once i finish editing them. thanks for being patient everyone!

MASTERLIST / ASK FOR A TAGLIST HERE / ACE'S PLAYLIST

[enchantedblackrose]

All the Pieces Pt 3

Gif not mine. Full credit to the owner. Taken from Google Images

All the Pieces

Sirius Black/Fem Reader

Warnings: unedited, mild language, alcohol consumption, brief mentions of underage drinking, small mention of bullying. Lengthy author's notes at the end. Also this was a huge PIA to write so hopefully it doesn't read too disconnected

Part 1|| Part 2|| Part 4|| Part 5

Part 3 of ?

When you touch me gently I remember how you know And the sun shines rings around your smile And I'm here laughing like a child -Pieces, Dan Powell

If it was any other person on your doorstep, you'd probably berate them for inducing that almost heart attack you just experienced. Instead you grab the familiar face by the sleeve of his worn jacket, pulling him into your living room.

"I could deck you, Remus John Lupin. I thought someone came for him. Ugh. Come here." Your arms wrap  around him for a tight hug, which he returns. "He's here, Remus. He's safe." You feel Remus let out a deep sigh of relief. Pulling away, you look at him with gentle scrutiny, knowing what a toll last night took on him. "You look awful. Did you walk far? You should've told me you were coming. I could have met you."

Remus shakes his head. "I caught a train and apparated most of the way."

"Stop fussing over him, y/n. Let the poor man get past the door."  Sirius's teasing voice calls out from behind you; no doubt his canine ears allowed him to hear the familiar voice even through the closed bedroom door and knew it was safe to come down.

The two men embrace; this encounter being much more relaxed than their last. No Peter, no warranted need for revenge, no threat of execution.

As you all stand in your living room, a haunting thought hits you: you three are it, the last of your true friends. Peter is the traitor. You suppress a shudder, swearing to make the most of this moment.

"You know," you say with a grin, "I happen to have a large bottle of firewhisky. Fancy a drink, boys?" Sirius's grin mirrors your own. Remus has a small tentative smile, but it's all the encouragement you need to send you to the kitchen to fetch the bottle.

The small, quaint kitchen appears even smaller with the disregarded dishes from breakfast still sitting out on your table. The sight causes a small frown to appear on your face. All the rest of the morning and most of your afternoon had been lost to the unplanned nap with Sirius. You fill your sink with soap and hot water. A few flicks of your wand and your dirty dishes are submerged in the water, scrubbed, and rinsed. The process begins again as now clean plates make their way to the drying rack, which is concerning because you dont believe you cast a spell for that. Confused, you turn to see Remus in the kitchen. He winks and wordlessly reaches your top cabinet without so much of a stretch to retrieve the bottle of firewhisky. You follow him back to the livingroom, toting three glasses.

"Cheers to freedom," you say once everyone has a full glass, "and to being reunited with old friends."

"You hear that, Remus? She thinks we're old." You roll your eyes good naturedly. Remus rests a hand on Sirius's shoulder, giving it a brotherly pat. "We are old," he says simply, before all three of you raise your glasses to your lips, sipping at the burning liquid. You each settle comfortably in your living room. Remus sits in the armchair, leaving the overstuffed couch for Sirius and you. You sit at an end, while he opts for the middle seat, but in a respectable distance of your space. The bottle of alcohol sits in arms reached on the coffee table.

"I thought you swore off this stuff y/n." Remus says with a twinkle in his eye as he takes another drink from his glass. "You know, considering your history with it.." You groan and Sirius throws his head back in laughter.

"I almost forgot," Sirius says breathlessly from laughing. "Was that seventh year?"

"Sixth. Just before we got together. I suppose I was trying to impress you," you tell him.

"You matched me drink for drink that night."

"Which was mad seeing how I never had a drink before. I spent all next morning and afternoon in bed, throwing up. It was awful."

"You're forgetting the best part," Remus interjects.

"Dancing on top of that old table in the Shrieking Shack, singing the chorus of "Rock and Roll all Nite" at the top of my lungs was far from the best part. I only wish I could forget it."

"That wasn't singing, love. More like cats dying," Sirius quips while he and Remus laugh. You say nothing, well aware how accurate the description fits. You take a long drink from your glass.

"Yes, well as, uh, entertaining as that moment was, I wasn't referring to it," says Remus. You look at him questioningly. "Have you forgotten sneaking into the Slytherin boys' dorm, stealing all their robes, turning them hot pink, changing the crest to a mountain troll, and then returning them to the dorm?"

"Oh,  Merlin. That was the same night wasn't it? James had never been so keen on lending me his invisibility cloak until I concocted that plan!" The two men laugh and you join in.

"You know most of my other friends thought I was strange for being into muggle music." You say as the laughter dies down.

"Lily shouldn't have?" Sirius asks after he swallows his drink.

"No. You're forgetting Lily and I weren't friends first. We didn't really talk or hang out until she and James started dating."

"That's right. I forgot. I remember the two of you constantly together."

"Because we bonded over you two idiots. Prior to that, she never came out and said it, but I think she thought I was daft hanging around you lot most of the time. The other girls were more forgiving, but they had crushes on you all." You give a careless shrug. It was no secret how sought after the boys had been in their schooldays.

"I never quite understood how you became friends with us," Remus says.

"It was easy with you. You were so nice, calm, dependable, and not obnoxious. Peter…" you pause, choosing words carefully, not wanting present feelings to influence memories. "He was quiet and lonely. Pretty much agreeable. Again, easy. James and Sirius? I was determined to never speak to either after that boat ride our first night."

"We saved your life that night!" Sirius interjects.

"You two were the reason it needed saving! Standing up in a fucking boat because you two saw whatever in the lake. James knocking me overboard in the process."

"It was a giant squid and we rescued you."

You roll your eyes. "I was drenched, freezing and completely mortified. And as apologetic as James was, he kept calling me the wrong name." You all laugh. 

"It wasn't until second year that I thought they might be okay. We had already become friends," you say looking at Remus. "I missed about a week of classes due to acute bronchitis. You spent time with me afterwards, helping me catch up. When you missed later that month, I was ready to return the favor."

Remus nods, remembering the time fondly. "You were an excellent note taker. Much better than the other three."

"Did you even take notes?" You ask with a playful glance to Sirius.

"In second year? Probably not." He grins ever so cheekily. You shake your head, but are smiling.

"So we became friends and you befriended James and Sirius by default?" Remus muses.

Sirius feigns hurt. "Are you implying we were some sort of consolation prize?"

"Actually," you interject, "They saved me once again. A group of four older boys were harassing me, just dumb taunts and knocking my books out from my hands. They came right over, not caring about being outnumbered. Got the gits to leave me alone. James finally learned my name and I realized Potter and Black weren't so awful after all."

"Those guys were jerks. It didn't sit well with us to see anyone bullied like that."

"Unless of course it was Snape," you counter.

"That was different," Sirius's free hand clenches into a fist as he takes a hard drink.

Remus is quick to change the subject. "Do you still have that remembrall?"

"The one we enchanted to go red only for James? Mhm! It's at my flat in the city."

"Do you mean our flat?" Sirius asks.

Your smile falters. "No. Sirius. I got a different place. After…everything. It was too hard."

A deafening silence falls. Each of you taking long sips from your glasses.

"Oh!" You jump up suddenly, which given your somewhat inebriated state is not the brightest idea. You stumble slightly, but Sirius steadies you, grabbing you by your hips. His fingers linger and your eyes meet. You lose yourself; for a moment you're sixteen again and his touch is more intoxicating than the alcohol. His gaze tells you he feels the same.

Remus clears his throat loudly before taking a drink from his glass.

"Thanks," you mumble, setting your glass on the table.

Sirius releases you from his grasp, though you still feel the ghost of his touch. "'Tis no trouble, darling." You sense his eyes on you as you disappear from the room, heading upstairs. Your head is buzzing, but you blame that on the alcohol…

You return downstairs to the living room, the fetched item tucked securely out of sight under your arm, and find the boys, men talking with easy smiles. It makes you so happy to witness and spend this time together. Your presence has their full attention.

"Follow me, please." You fill your glass with more firewhisky. Sirius mimics the gesture and offers Remus a refill, but he just shakes his head no and silently indicates to the liquid still in his glass. You grab your wand and lead your little group outside to the backyard. The sun sits low in the west, the sky becoming more plum and black than pink and gold. Buckbeak sits on the ground near your shed, one wing tucked over its head.

You hand Sirius your wand and then produce his prisoner robes. He laughs and even Remus looks as if he approves. Sirius waves your wand and the dingy, tattered garment is set ablaze. 

After a while, you all make your way back inside. You prepare a light dinner and the eating and drinking continue with more laughs and shared memories. Hours pass. The contents of the bottle nearly drained signal the night coming to an end.

"I'm one drink away from dancing on tabletops and singing, or, screeching some A-ha, or something equally as embarrassing." you laugh. "I'm going to bed. Remus, I offered Sirius your room, but you're welcome to the couch. There are blankets and pillows in the hall closet." 

"Thank you, y/n. But I should be going."

"What? No. Stay. I insist. I need to see your bemused face sipping tea when I come downstairs with a bloody hangover and you're just fine."

Remus grins. "I hate depriving you both of such a moment, but I have an appointment tomorrow morning. I've already rented a room." You frown but don't press the issue any more. "Though if you don't mind, I thought I'd travel by floo."

"Of course. Help yourself. Powder is on the mantle." You hug him close and kiss his cheek. You excuse yourself, giving the other two time to say goodbye.

As you head for the bathroom, you pause hearing their low voices.

"I'm so sorry, old friend, for believing you... betrayed them. I should have known better. I-"

"There's nothing to forgive. I doubted you, too. The war made us all fear the worst.."

Mentally, you chastise yourself for eavesdropping and begin washing your face.

Sirius has made his way upstairs. In passing his room, you say goodnight. You're about to close the door to your bedroom when he calls your name and you turn to see him stepping towards you. Without warning his lips crash down on yours. Your fingers intertwine in his dark curls at the nape of his neck as you let the kiss deepen. His hands grip your waist and he hoists you up off your feet with little effort just as he did many times all those years ago. Your legs wrap themselves around his waist as he carries you to your bed. He drops you gently and only breaks the kiss to look at you. Still hovering over you, his gray eyes search your face for the answer to an unasked question. You nod in response, but he continues to gaze at you longing to hear you say it.

"I want you."

A slow breath of relief leaves him and his mouth finds its way back to yours. 

The night ends with two former lovers once again completely losing themselves in a perfect moment.

//

There's an unspoken understanding that the night you and Sirius shared together was more than a drunken hookup after a long night of reminiscing. But you don't repeat the night, though you share your bed with him. Nights are hard for him. Sleep doesn't always come easy and he often wakes in the middle of the night screaming, or panicked with sweat pouring off his body. But your presence brings him a comfort he can't otherwise achieve. And so, you spend your night together in your bed. Sleeping.

As days turn into weeks, a comfortable routine has set. Remus visits about once a week. Surprisingly, Sirius has taken to caring for your garden. You go into town as needed and you and Sirius cook dinner together most nights. Buckbeak, now known as Witherwings per a letter from Hagrid that reached Sirius, roams your yard freely, occasionally taking flight in the safety of the countryside night skies, always returning by daybreak. As precautions for the hippogriff and Sirius you casted Protego totalum over the cottage and yards. 

During this time together, Sirius learns how you took over your parents' shop*, how you've taken on a promising young woman who mostly looks after it, leaving you to spend more time here at the cottage, which also belonged to your parents. With tears in your eyes, you told him how they died months apart just over two years ago. He comforted you, remembering them both fondly and told you they'd be proud of you.

The day is still young when you tell him you have to go to the shop to take inventory. Before you leave you call out to him.

"Since it looks like rain, can you please go through some of your things in the attic?"

"Yes, dear," he uses the term mockingly and you playfully glare back at him.

"Try not to burn the place down while I'm gone." With that, you close the door behind you.

It's late afternoon when you return home. Sirius is waiting for you. A midnight blue box in his hand.

"Will you marry me, y/n?"

*a/n: I kept this vague so you can imagine a shop that fits your personality/likes/whatever. I'll only specify this later if needed for storylines. I wanted something where you could be allotted time off easily. Personally I imagine maybe an apothecary? Or maybe an antique shop. What about you?

2: I'm thinking of writing a prequel? More like blurbs, highlighting moments between you and Sirius. But I need to know what you want to read. First engagement? First kiss? When Sirius realizes he's in love? Time at Hogwarts? Post Hogwarts but pre Azkaban?

Taglist <3:  @oingo233 @marimorena06 @medalloway-blog

[harrysbbby]

Don’t Forget Where You Belong - JJ Maybank x Reader - Part One

A/N: Hey guys! Long time no post! But after watching Outer Banks I felt inspired to start a new series featuring my new fav JJ. Hopefully more updates soon!

Outer Banks was a peculiar place to live. One half was uber rich- multiple houses, 30k boats and memberships at golf club. The other half lived, arguably, in poverty. No power when big surges came through, working two jobs just to get food on the table. You had been both blessed and cursed to have grown up experiencing both.

You were born on The Cut. To a single mother as your dad had dipped not long after he figured out what he thought was his summer fling was knocked up. Your childhood was pretty good even though you were poor. Swimming in the marsh near your house and days by the beach playing with your friends. Ah yes, your friends. You distinctly remember the day you met John B. It was first day of second grade as you sat in your assigned seat in the classroom. A curly-haired boy came and sat next you, inspecting your things on your desk. Being the snotty nosed 8-year old you were, you frowned at the boy, pulling your things closer to yourself on the desk and turning to face away from him. He then tapped you on the shoulder.

“What?” you asked him (rudely).

“Do you like surfing?” he asked abruptly, as any curious young child would.

“Yeah,” you replied, “My mum takes me on weekends. Why?”

“I like surfing too. It means we’re best friends now.” He said with certainty. And because when you’re 8 and someone tells you something, you believed them, you did. You believed John B would be your best friend. Little did you know, 8 years later, he still would be.

From that day on he had become your partner in crime, wreaking havoc across the poor neighbour. But how could any of your neighbours hate you when you were both so cute?

Your duo became a trio about a year later when you inducted JJ into your group. Even as a young child, the addition of JJ into your friendship circle made your stomach drop: “What if John B doesn’t want to be my friend anymore if he’s friends with another boy?”

However all doubts evaporated as the three of you became thick as thieves. The three of you got up to so much mischief in The Cut, and you created a brotherly bond with the two guys.

But the fairy tale only lasted a few years. When you were 12 you mother met a man. Nice, well-dressed and full-on kook. Within a year she married him, and your life of borderline poverty was traded for one of luxury. You were forced to move to Figure 8 aka the rich side of the island, leaving behind your two best friends.

You had been in John B’s backyard on the day you were moving.

“I’ll come visit I promise, you’ll see me on weekends. We can still go surfing.” You said, sadness laced in your voice. You really didn’t want to move. You knew it was going to be good for you. Stability, chance at a future, but it nearly tore you apart having to leave your best friends, your family.

“Yeah of course,” John B said confidently. He moved over to give you a hug after seeing your lower lip turn and begin to shake. You wrapped your arms around him.

“Thanks JB,” you separated from your hug and turned to JJ. He was still sitting sullenly, facing the marsh with his arms crossed defiantly across his chest. He refused to even look at you.

“JJ,” John B began but was cut off but JJ abruptly standing up and stomping his foot.

“No! She’s going to forget us! She’s gonna have a better kook house with better kook friends and a better kook life!” He stormed inside the Chateau, slamming the door. You sighed, as your shoulders dropped.

“He’ll come around,” John B said, patting your shoulder comfortingly.

“I hope he does.”

Turns out it was a lot harder to live the Pogue lifestyle from Figure 8. You were constantly being dressed up and dragged off to lavish parties. You started going to the private school with the rest of the obnoxious rich kids, who had no interest in surfing or fishing or anything you liked. And with your new lifestyle, it was hard to see John B and JJ. It started off well, meeting them every second afternoon after school, but as you grew older, and school got harder and life got busier, trips to The Cut became less and less frequent.

Not all the kooks were terrible though. You became good friends with two girls, Sarah and Kiara. Sarah was nice but you got on much better with Kiara. She liked going to the beach and cared about the environment. So, when Sarah and Kiara had their massive falling out when you were in 10th grade you didn’t know what to do. You had been at Sarah’s birthday party but left as soon as Kie rang you crying about being left out. By the next Monday at school, you and Kie were outsiders.

This eventually led you back to John B and JJ. You and Kie had taken the car your step-dad had bought you for your birthday, and had just been driving aimlessly. You had driven into The Cut and before you knew it you were at The Chateau.

“What are we doing here?” Kie asked.

To be completely honest, you had no idea what had led you to absentmindedly drive here. But as you got out of the car and ran around the back you knew exactly why. JJ, John B and a third boy you had never met were sat around a bonfire.

“Y/N” you heard JJ’s voice quaver quizzically. You smiled as you ran towards the two boys who were now sprinting towards you. You jumped into John B’s arms as he grabbed you and pulled you up. The three of you emitted melodical laughter as John B put you on the ground and you eyes stared back at JJ’s.

“Come here,” he said hoisting you off the ground and into his arms. You squealed as he spun the two of you around. He set you back down and you took a step back.

“What are you doing here?” John B asked as the other boy you hadn’t met and Kie joined your group from separate sides.

“I don’t know,” you said tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear, “We were just driving and ended up here.”

“That’s all?” John B smirked at you. He knew you too well.

“I missed you guys!” you yelled exasperatedly. The two boys laughed as you continued, “The Kook academy is horrible, everyone’s so snobby and now they hate me. Well, us.”

“Us?”

“Oh yeah, this is Kiara,” you said gesturing to your friend. She smiled sheepishly and waved at the three boys. They all waved back. “She’s my friend from school.”

“Well this is Pope, he’s from school too.” They said gesturing to the boy standing behind them.

“Nice to meet you.” You smiled at the boy.

“Well,” JJ said draping his arm over your shoulder, and pulling you close towards him as he led you towards the bonfire. “Welcome back to the Pogue life.”

PART 2 UP NOW:

https://harrysbbby.tumblr.com/post/618181419525718016/dont-forget-where-you-belong-jj-maybank-x

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Thinking about which entities the Apex Legends would serve, or be associated with, in the Magnus Archives universe.

It revolves around a weird little fic in my brain i will probably never write. Technically most of them are a mixture, but I'm in between rounds and I dont have time for a full analysis.

Crypto - The Stranger. Loss of self, of identity, being something other to achieve your goal. To abdicate who you are in pursuit of a goal, smile as you lie to the faces of people who assume you are friends... and plan to fade away once you have what you came for. IS that not the Stranger?

Fuse - The Corruption. If Salvo is to be believed, then things are very apocalyptic wasteland there; imagine the things that he has seen, has done, has experienced. It eats into your soul until abhorrent is merely a practicality... what's an arm between mates, ay?

Bangalore - The End, she seems like the type who wants a definitive start and finish to things. Order over Chaos, at any cost. It might start out as good intentions, but you know how the avatars get twisted. If the world has to end so her squad can make it home together, then so damn be it.

Bloodhound - The Hunt, naturally. Only their unwavering adherence to the code keeps them from falling to the warping feral mindset of the Hunt... for now. For Boon.

Caustic - The Eye, and in the headcanon, an archivist. Because of the way the archivist needs fear to live, to observe things die, to extract every second of fear from the victims so that their every last neuron firing in exquisite agony is transferred to his patron. He watches, for the Eternal watcher. He is not quite human anymore, and it is unsettling for normal people to be close... but he is not the greatest threat out there amongst the fears.

Lifeline - The Stranger. Lifeline woke up to the world she was moving about in, as a living prop for her parents, and severed the ties that held her in place. She shed all the artifice of her former life and took on a role so different that old friends (bar Octane) would likely have trouble understanding. She uses her abilities to help, and to hurt based on her own judgements.

Gibraltar - The Buried. Gibraltar is such a loud, fun guy and yet we know he is utterly buried under the weight of his past. Certainly it is not the metaphorical burial that we would normally expect from this Fear, but it can be almost more effective than dirt. He carries the weight of the earth on his shoulders, and feels a sinking dread in his heart for every grain that slips from his grasp.

Horizon - The Lonely. Trapped in space for decades... away from family, knowing that the person who she trusted most placed her in this situation and now has full access to her son? Of course, there is comfort in the solitude. She feels out of time, out of place, searching for a way to get back and yet torn by the implications of finding a path. Will she burn down the future to see her little boy again? ...of course she will.

Loba - The Web. Loba thrives on collecting information, weaving it together into a complicated tangle of deceptions laid bare, truths hidden, and creates a narrative that she can rign over. The flies who tremble in her webbing mean little to her, only weak beings to be devoured. She can see what is coming, but will she tell the others? Perhaps only Bangalore, so that they may experience the apocalypse as one.

Pathfinder - The Flesh. Pathfinder is obsessed with his origin, with who his 'parents' were, with whom his purpose rests. With being human, like those around him, you could say. He has more sentience than other MRVNs, and wants to experience life as his friends do... does he dream os bones and blood and sinew? Of feeling another's flesh on his own when he gives them a hug? The Flesh would whisper that he could have that... and warp the morality in his code.

Octane - The Vast, endless space to run and be free from mortal tethers. Being the sole focus of the universe, with no one to expect things of you, or question you, or need more, expect MORE. He can be free, without thought or care for anyone else... except maybe Che, and he would let her into his domain, whenever he remembered.

Revenant - The Slaughter. Murder was his thing when he was human, and it never stopped. He feels delight in the conquests, in the bodies he leaves behind. The bloodlust pulses through his circuits; the tears of those he leaves alive sustain him.

Rampart - The Spiral. Rampart is a walking wall of complicated thoughts and contradictory actions, she spirals deep into thought about the most complex machinery... and then tells the friend she's half-listening to a bad joke to make them laugh. Layers upon layers of personality cover her like armour, and everyone has a different idea of who the 'real' Rampart is. They all see a fraction, they follow the path she leaves, and in the middle? Who knows. Not even Rampart. There is a delight in the confusion of others, strange but excellent, and not even deliberately malicious. After all, mates have fun, right?

Wattson - The Eye. This was a child created for Knowing, and she would love the intricacies of chasing down obscure mysteries or finding out how to reroute a potentially world-ending ritual with her scientific mind. She could easily be tempte by the Lonely... but her friends in the legends make certain she is never alone. Wattson can be cruel, but often to be kind... and really, sometimes the Truth Hurts. Does it not?

Wraith - The Buried. What is wraith but a person whose mind and memories are buried away where they cannot be reached? In a sense, she is gone but still breathing. Suffocating under the weight of not knowing who she is, was, should be.

Mirage - The Dark. Fear of being alone, of being forgotten, of being turned away from all you ever knew. The fear of being nothing and no one... is almost as terrifying and all-consuming as the fear of being surrounded by people whose attention is solely on him, watching and waiting for his every word. Baite breaths waiting for him to fall from grace so he can shatter before their cameras, so they can get notoriety. His mind wants, and rejects it. He fears the darkness of being in the shadows of others... and craves it.

Valkyrie - The Vast. She craves the emoty stretch of sky, where the world looks so small and speckled below her. Something she is aware of, but separate from. The tragedy of her father's loss made her seek solitude, and even in the midst of the other heroes, she has a sense of... other, of distance. She is queen of the air, and nothing can burn her wings.

[chibimyumi]

Hiii!!, hope I dont bother you, but I've been thinking about this for a while... I guess Vincent's character design was created much later in the series, but may had it been a conscious decision to make his and Sebastian's character design quite similar? And if so, may had it been so as Sebastian has taken the "paternal" role in O!Ciel's life? (I remember I once read a phrase by Yana Toboso about parents and their influence, but I don't remember how it goes, quite well)

Dear Anon,

You are certainly not bothering me, don’t worry (^▽^)

Ah yes, I have seen mentions of Vincent’s and Sebastian’s likeness very often among this fandom. Back in 2014 Yana made a statement about this topic saying:

“Ciel’s papa and Sebas. Leaving parts of their faces aside, their facial expressions are similar, and that’s why I don’t like drawing them side by side (laughs) That Vincent and Sebas look similar is intentional, but I don’t think I’ll ever reveal the reason in my work.”

Later in 2017 however Yana did basically reveal the reason behind Sebas and Vincent’s physical similarity:

Today I was having food in a cafe and I ran into women having a heated discussion saying “Black Butler has very few handsome men”. Because I have no confidence in drawing distinguishable handsome men I can’t just increase my supply of canonically handsome men (adult males with a beautiful face and a long silhouette like Sebas). I have this fear that when I have to draw a close-up of [handsome] faces nobody could tell one apart from another 😅 【Toboso】

I do wonder whether in the manga my readers can tell Vincent and Sebas apart aside from using the mole (there is a difference in the droopy-eyes and the eyebrows though). I really experienced the difficulty of the concept of handsome men the hard way. I’ll do my best to train [my ability of drawing] handsome men though (∩^o^)⊃━☆゜.*【Toboso】

(I took a drawing of both Sebas and Vincent from a similar art-style period and traced their eyes and eyebrows for clearer reference.)

Answer: Yep, the actual reason for Sebas and Vincent’s supposed similarity is just plain old “SAME FACE SYNDROME”! And true to her word, Yana indeed did not reveal the reason in her work.

Indeed, the claim that Sebas intentionally took form after Vincent really is not true. It’s just one of the many examples of this fandom reaching, speculating, and then presenting it as fact.

Firstly, Sebas never saw Vincent or even an image of him before he took his current human form.

Secondly, Yana LOVES pestering O!Ciel, and by extension Sebas does too. Sebas has consistently shamed his master for showing any “weakness” and just loves pestering the boy in all ways possible. His go-to method to “help” his master with his trauma even is to re-traumatise him. Arguably taking form after the father O!Ciel had lost tragically would be a fair method to ensure maximum ‘seasoning and flavouring’ in Sebas’ textbook; that is, IF he knew what Vincent looked like. If Sebas actively took form after the boy’s late father, then it makes no sense whatsoever that the manga never shone light on the matter. Yana would never miss out on the opportunity to let Sebas really make O!Ciel’s life miserable in such a passive-aggressive way had that been the intention.

Thirdly, I also doubt whether Sebas and Vincent’s likeness is diegetic; i.e. does O!Ciel see it? If he does see the likeness between his butler and his late father, wouldn’t he have shown some reaction, especially upon first encounter? So far I have seen no indication of either master or servant having noticed any similarity. O!Ciel was surprised when he first saw Sebas’ human form, but any human form would probably have surprised anyone after seeing that entire goop-zoo display. After having seen what the demon is capable of shapeshifting-wise, surely the boy would have concluded it could take ANY other human form. And yet, when Sebas offered to take a different form O!Ciel didn’t hesitate to decline. That probably means that he really wasn’t bothered by this particular human manifestation. Of course one could argue that a father-look-alike is how O!Ciel likes it... but then, you’d also think there’d be some reaction.

About Sebas’ paternal role you mentioned, I THINK you were talking about this blog post by Yana in 2010?

[...] my assistant recently said: “Ciel’s papa looks so evil! Is he the final boss or something!?”” To which I replied: “he’s Ciel’s father you know” “Ahー... (agreeing)” she said. (Laughs) Somebody who is really good at heart cannot possibly have given birth to a child with that horrible a personality! Well, until the age of 10 he might have been a normal child, but he probably already had some grounding.. you know, through [evil] bloodline (laughs) We do say that “a parent who raises the child is the true parent”, and for the past 3 years Sebas has been keenly raising him to be a Thorough★ Sadist, so you could say that the evil blood inside him has awakened perfectly.

So yes, Sebas did indeed raise his master as he has explicitly been tutoring him on all matters. However that does not mean that he was trying to fill in the vacancy left by Vincent.

I hope this post has been interesting, and I wish you all a good day ^^

[jaminjims]

found family {imagine}

@catsandstrawberries​ requests: Hi I have a request. Can you do an ot7 x youngest female 8th member reader maybe late teens (like 17 18ish) maybe fathers day is coming up and reader never had a good relationship with her father or any male in her life (abuse, abondment, trauma, etc) and maybe just a bunch of fluffy and angsty scenarios of her relationship with the boys when they become more like older brothers/father figures to her. Maybe one where she choreographs a dance and shows Hobi and he openly stares how proud Cont. 🐣

He is of her and maybe it just really touches her. Or maybe one where she falls asleep on the couch and one of the boys brings her to her room. And maybe a final angsty one where she tells them how much she loves them and how hard it is to know her own family didnt care about her but the b o us are like, you're wrong, your family does care about you, were your family. Something like that. I really love your writing and hopefully you can write this, if not dont worry, much love! 🐣

a/n: ahh this was the fic i wrote 4.3k words for but then decided i didn’t like it so i started over lmao. i don’t really know why this fic was kinda difficult for me to write but it was still something i enjoyed writing a lot and i’m proud of myself for finishing it! and this is probably one of my favorites that i’ve written if i’m being completely honest. the found family troupe is what i LIVE for and this one literally melts my heart. and of course thank you so so much to the lovely catsandstrawberries for the request! i really enjoyed writing it so i hope you enjoy reading it! 

pairing: platonic ot7 x f!reader (reader will refer to the older members as hyung though!)

genre: angsty in the beginning but it turns really fluffy so just hang in there! 

warnings: brief mention of child abandonment, child neglect, bad father daughter relationship, loneliness, insomnia, forgetting to eat 

words: 6k

[disclaimer: when writing idol aus, i will only be focusing on the struggles of the reader, not of the idols themselves because i don’t personally know what struggles they go through and how they handle them.] 

{song(s) i recommend while reading: someone’s someone - monsta x}

~**~

here’s the thing about family: it’s sometimes fickle and sometimes strong

you came from a prestigious family of bankers, except you wouldn’t really call it a family 

it was more like relatives tolerating each other more than anything 

your mom had left when you were young so you only had faint silhouettes and hollow laughter to remember her by. but that just left the two of you 

you and your father 

instead the memories you grew up with were of a dad who was cold and controlling and never really around long enough for you to truly feel like he loved you 

it was always “y/n you have to look good for the family” “y/n you have to do this for the families reputation” “y/n you have to smile for the media so they think we are a happy family” 

the word family was thrown around so much you didn’t think you really knew what it meant anymore

because it was always “y/n you need to do better” “y/n why are you so flawed?” y/n you’re more of a disappointment that a daughter”

never “y/n, i’m proud of you” 

it was always what he wanted and never had he asked what you wanted

he never once helped you with your homework, never once had a family meal together

never once said he loved you 

you had to instead learn to cook yourself, learn to swim, learn to ride your bike, all by yourself 

all things a father should have done, he never did 

instead it was all fake laughter and smiles in front of the media and cold stares and loneliness behind closed doors 

you used to cry yourself to sleep because of how lonely and lost you felt but now you just opted to barely sleeping at all 

and you often forgot to eat because it would just remind you what you could’ve had but didn’t 

you also tended to be alone at school because everyone knew of you but no one really knew you 

the only thing that really saved you was dancing

it was the only way you could really express yourself without needing words and you found that comforting 

it was intimate and deep and it was your raw soul being transmitted through movements 

and it was your only reprieve from the fake media, the fake smiles, the fake laughter 

and the fake family 

so most of your days were spent in a dance studio, choreographing your own pieces and dancing your heart out and it was really the only way you knew how to express yourself

it was when you were fifteen when you had discovered that music companies were hosting auditions and you wanted more than anything to be up on a stage and preform

you had never longed for something more than you did now

but you knew your father would never allow it and maybe that was the thought that pushed you to make the decision of joining

because you knew if you continued to live the way you did now, you would never be enough for him and you were sad and lonely and just tired of faking everything

so if you were always going to be a failure to him then at least you could have fun along the way, right?

so you auditioned to every single company you could and in the end it was only one who had accepted you and for the first time you were really happy

so, so happy that you danced all the way home and cried and for once didn’t pay mind to the eyes looking in

your dad was of course furious when he found out and it hurt that he was so against your dream 

but the elation you felt at finally doing something for yourself, with no other reason but because you wanted too, it was something thrilling and if you had known that freedom would feel like this then you would’ve done it a long time ago 

but it still stung when he cut you out of his life completely, like you weren’t even there in the first place. like you never existed

cut off all means of financial support. insurance, healthcare, even schooling

all because you didn’t want to be what he wanted you to be

and you cried for the first few nights because this was your conformation. conformation that he really didn’t love you and only saw you as a means to continue his legacy 

but you continued on. confidently packing your bags and leaving that place that was never really a home to you 

and when you moved into the dorms bighit had for trainee’s, you felt like this, this was your chance. and if you failed, then you would go crawling back to your father and beg for forgiveness like you knew he wanted 

you only had one opportunity, and you used it for everything it was worth 

you had gotten a part time job, something you wanted to experience because for every other kid it was normal. got to stay out late and dance and sing and just experience things that you had never gotten to do in the confines of your old home 

in the confines of your father

and even if you didn’t get to continue your education (which you were greatly distressed about) you were happy because you were doing stuff you wanted 

it was when you were eighteen, when you spent two years as a trainee before you got the news that...

you made it 

you had made it! you were going to be put in a group! and even if they had already long ago debuted, you were going to show them that you were worth it 

you were worth more than what you father had said about you, than what he had planned for you 

but with that elation came hesitance

because you were joining a group that was composed of all males, seven of them, and you didn’t have a good experience with any males (well, male) in your life and you would be lying if you said you weren’t even a little bit scared

because you were never good enough for your father, what made them any different? what if you weren’t ever going to be good enough for anyone?

but they were different. they showed you that not every male was going to be like your father, that you were enough and more 

when you had first met them, you were a timid little thing because you had previously been sheltered and didn’t really have any friends 

you didn’t really know how to open up to anyone because no one ever cared to really try to connect 

they were all smiles and politeness and you blushed under their attention because no one really showed an interest in learning about you, not like they had

but you didn’t tell them everything. actually, you didn’t really tell them anything because you were scared that if the found out the truth, they would think you were useless just like your father

so you told them your name, age (which they were surprised about because you were young compared to them), and half truths 

about how you were not really close with your family, about how you weren’t really close with any friends 

and you expected them to look down on you for your answers but instead they welcomed you with open arms and treated you like they would treat anyone else 

and you loved it. loved that they saw you for you instead of just a rich mans daughter 

so slowly, you started opening up to them

they treated you like a normal person (a thing which you craved because it was something you never experienced) and they never only pointed out the things you were doing wrong, like your father had 

instead they pointed out your flaws and also pointed out what you had excelled at

“y/n, you should turn your body and bend a bit more for that move, but your energy was really good!” “maybe reach a little bit higher for that note? it went a little flat for a second, but your part in the bridge was perfect.” 

and it was those comments that you held close and cherished because they pushed you to do better but it was different than than the way your father pushed you

because you refined the things that you could actually fix instead of just thinking everything about yourself was horrible 

and maybe it was weird, but you really started to look up to them and that only caused you to work harder so that you would make them proud

but it wasn’t until a late night in the dance studio with jimin that really shifted your relationship with all of them

you couldn’t sleep again (like most nights) and you were dancing to a song that you had choreographed yourself 

you slightly overstepped and pushed your body forward by accident and had ended up twisting your ankle 

you almost started crying because what if the boys thought you were going to be a hindrance? what if they thought you were a failure for holding them back? 

but then the the dance studio door opened and in came walking jimin and you felt yourself shrink in, trying to make your body as small as possible because you were so scared 

and it was weird because you never felt this scared when you thought your dad would look down on you and you had only been in the group for two months and you shouldn’t be feeling this attached

and everything was overwhelming and jimin gasped when he spotted you on the floor crying with a bruised ankle 

his heart hurt to see you this upset so he quickly walked over and tried to get you to slow your breathing and when his calm and soothing voice reached your ears, you couldn’t help but relax slightly because he didn’t seem to be angry, only worried 

and then what he said next had you crying for a whole different reason

“is it ok with you if i look at your ankle?” 

he had asked. he had asked if it was something you wanted and that surprisingly meant more to you then it probably should 

and once again they proved that they were different than your father because your dad would just do, without any concern to what it might do to you. but they thought about you, about your well being 

you found yourself nodding and once he saw you were crying still he creased his eyebrows with worry, “does it hurt that bad?” 

you shook your head again and managed to get out, “you aren't mad at me?” 

and the world seemed to stop for a second and you held your breathe as you waited for his answer, and when he opened his mouth you got scared that he was actually angry

“you thought i would be mad? of course i’m not, it wasn’t your fault. it’s ok, you’re ok.” and even with your hurt ankle you leaned forward and hugged him because you were so relieved that he didn’t think you were a failure, glad that he still thought you were worth it

and even though he was confused at your reaction, he hugged you back anyway because he wanted to be there for you in any way he could

and your adoration for them only increase since then. you were really starting to feel closer to them and really starting to rely on them 

the week your ankle was healing, they made sure to check in every hour to see if everything was ok and it was a little overwhelming at times because you had never been this looked after before and it was new to you

and at least one of them would arrive home from practice early and give you everything you needed 

one time when yoongi came back early, he had come into your room and asked if you needed anything and you said no because you didn’t wanna hinder him but then your stomach growled in betrayal and you blushed 

he frowned and sat beside you on you’re bed, rubbing the back of his neck, “now, i know that i don’t look like the comforting type, but i’ll still help if you ask.” 

and your eyes widened and you shook your head, shooting up in bed because it really wasn’t that you thought he was bad at comforting but it was because you really just forgot to eat again

and that’s what you told him and he frowned for a different reason, “you forget to eat?” and then you would look down in shame because you thought he was disappointed in you 

he looked at your lowered head and sighed, lightly bumping shoulders with you, “hey, it’s ok. i’m not mad or anything. just worried.” 

and you tentatively looked up at him, hiding behind your hair, “i... just don’t eat that much. reminds me of the things i can’t have.” and then you looked back down

and yoongi thought that his heart broke a little bit because you sounded so small and sad and he was confused as to why but what he did know is that it hurt him to hear and see you like that 

he then bumped his shoulder with yours again so you would look up and then he flicked your forehead when you did 

and you looked at him with a slightly offended expression while bringing your hand up to touch the spot he flicked and once he saw the look on your face, he smirked a little, “what are you thinking about now?” and you would get this confused look on your face, because why was he asking? “why you flicked me.” 

and then he would smile triumphantly, “then it worked.” 

and it wouldn’t be till later that you realized that he had gotten you too think about something else so you wouldn’t dwell on the bad memories you had, and you smiled brightly trying to fall asleep that night

but you noticed that they all would start to bring more snacks in their bags whenever they went anywhere and offer them to you and it was hard to say no because you were kinda hungry when you thought about it 

and food started to taste a little better when you were around them 

and as time passed, they only surprised you more and more with their personalities and you started to really like just being around them, you felt like a better person 

and over time you had all grown closer too, up to the point where you would get into petty fights like real siblings (at least you liked to think of it that way, you never had any siblings)

for example, one time you were sitting on the couch scrolling through a phone the company recently got you and here comes jungkook running down the hallway 

he then jumps and lands right on top of your sitting figure on the couch and you yell because it scared you and why was he sweaty? 

“yah! get off me!” you then would push him on the face but it would get you nowhere because he was quite literally almost twice your size 

“no, i don’t wanna.” then he would shrug and pull out his phone while he was crushing you with his body weight and then you would scream out “hyung!” in hopes anyone would hear you and all of them would come running into the room because you never yelled and they thought it was an emergency 

but then it would sink in that, that was the first time you had called them hyung and they would get these goofy smiles on their faces (even jungkook, from where he was sitting on top of you) and you would look at them and then realize what you did 

you gasped and started apologizing because what if they didn’t want you to call them that? (obliviously not getting the message that they did from their faces alone)

but they would just shoot down your apologies because they would be happy that you finally felt close and comfortable enough to call them that 

and jin would walk up and ruffle your hair - well as best he could while jungkook was still sitting on you - and “come help your hyung in the kitchen.” and your smile would be worth more than anything to them and you would push jungkook off of you easily this time while yelling yes 

you then stuck your tongue out at him and he made a funny face back that had you giggling 

but something was always weighing on your mind, and it was the lack of your education. since your father had cut you off, you had no means on furthering your learning and it was something that really upset you because who couldn’t even complete highschool education? and you were afraid that the other members would be disappointed in you 

so you asked manager sejin (which he had grown pretty fond of you over the months) for a computer because you wanted to complete your education online if anything and he was completely behind the idea and backed you up 100 percent 

so you started your online learning but you had to admit, it was hard when you didn’t have a teacher to consult things with 

and you would get so frustrated because why couldn’t you just get this right? it was simple math! and you were disappointed in yourself because this was a big blow to your ego 

you were afraid that the others would would laugh at you but then you thought about how they proved time and time again that they were different than your father and so with that thought in mind you summoned your courage and went to knock on namjoon’s door

he was surprised to see you but smiled anyway and you sat down on his bed with your hair covering your face because you were still embarrassed and they didn’t know that you hadn’t finished highschool 

and he saw that you were struggling with what to say so he waited patiently because the last thing he wanted to do was scare you off

and you were grateful for that, so after a few minutes you gathered your thoughts and decided to just plunge right into the conversation, “hyung,” and they still smiled when you called them that, “i’m doing online school and um, was wondering if you could help me? i mean you don’t have to or anything but i just-” and he put a hand over your head to stop your rambling and smiled that dimple smile of his, “of course i’ll help. what do you need me for?” 

and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little surprised because it was highschool sophomore math because he thought that you had already graduated highschool but he still was glad to help you anyway 

and you could tell he wanted to ask but was hesitant, so you made it easier for him, “i wasn’t able to finish highschool.” and he looked perplexed for a moment but when he took in your sad expression he didn’t say anything more so you quietly added on “i don’t have a relationship with my father so..” and you trailed off and he sighed silently because it was hard for him to wrap his head around why someone would make you so sad, especially if that someone was your father so instead he opted to take your mind off the issue 

so he spoke up, “yah, the pythagorean theorem isn’t gonna learn itself.” and so the two of your stayed up and you understood the subject more when he explained it than in any real class you ever had 

so, these teaching sessions are almost a daily routine and sometimes it would be the others helping and it became something that you really enjoyed

because no one was ever willing to help you like this 

after months of living and knowing them, it was finally the crunch time to get ready for your first comeback with them and you were so nervous 

you would stay up later than usual to practice and they would be lying if they said they weren’t a little worried about your lack of sleep but they used to do the same thing before comebacks so they let it slide somewhat

but what they didn’t know was that you were also going to be doing a solo dance performance and you were so scared that no one would like it so you finally crumbled and asked for hobi because you wanted his opinion on your routine 

but his reaction to your dance sequence was one you didn’t expect 

as you flipped and glided through your choreo, hoseok stared wide eyed at you in wonder because he knew you were an amazing dancer but when it was just you and him in the dance studio, the emotion that you portrayed... it was just an astounding site to see

and when you finished you saw his expression and blushed, hiding your face in your hair because no one had looked at you like that before

“what? was it bad?” and it was a couple more moments before hoseok really gathered his thoughts to put them into words and he just walked over to you and put his hands on your shoulders so you would look at him

“y/n-ah, that was amazing. just everything about it... aish you have me speechless.” and he gave you that hobi heart smile and you couldn’t keep your eyes from tearing up but what he said next really got the waterworks going

“i am so, so proud of you, y/n” 

and you openly cried and hearing that sentence from someone you really looked up to was something you never knew you needed and you hugged him so tight and said ‘thank you’ over and over again because you really were 

you were so, so thankful 

and he carded his hands through your hair because namjoon had told him about you not having a good relationship with your dad and knew this was probably something that meant a lot to you. but he really was so, so proud of you because you had grown so much since being that little timid girl he had met months ago 

so you went home and played videogames with everyone and just had a good time so you wouldn’t get to stressed and later when you had finally managed to fall asleep, hobi would gush about your dance to the other members (without knowing you were going to be preforming it soon) and everyone was excited and wanted to see it too

but with hobi’s encouragement came more determination for you to work harder because you were going to amaze everyone if you had anything to say about it 

so you started to stay out late to the point where you would come back to the house when everyone else was sleeping and just be so tired that you would fall asleep on the couch, not even making it back to your room

and they would wake up and see you and look at you so fondly because they could see that you were working so hard and could see how badly you wanted everyone to succeed

and it would usually be jungkook who would pick you up and bring you back to your room so you could sleep just a little bit longer

they really were so proud of you 

and then it came to your comeback date and you were still so nervous but they’re presences made it better 

it was taehyung who came up to you then right before they were supposed to go onto the comeback stage and what he said would always stick with you, “no matter what happens out there, i, we, will always be there for you, no matter what. we will always be proud of you.” and you would tear up and the makeup unnie’s would get angry and push you back down in the makeup chair but they would have this gooey smile on their faces anyway

and your performance went perfectly 

it seemed like the audience was just as memorized as hoseok had been when you preformed your solo and army, thrown off by your presence, still accepted you because they could see the bond you had with the boys and how pure it was

and even though some didn’t agree, it was ok because seven other people where proud of you and that’s all you really needed

and then because of the amazing performance the eight of you go out to eat and you all joke and laugh and the food tastes amazing

and you think, this is what a family dinner must feel like 

and you almost cry again because this is all you really ever wanted, to be accepted, to be seen for your achievements instead of your flaws 

and you've only spent five months together but in those five months, you had grown so close to these people that showed you that you were more than what your father had told you, that you were amazing and perfect in your own way and they would never look down on you for your flaws

you could definitely get used to this 

so the next day taehyung took you out on a shopping spree because he wanted to spend time with you and you both basically wrecked havoc in a gucci store trying on everything you could 

and he wold tease you when you came out of the dressing room with a size that was way to big for you and you would taunt him back and bicker back and forth 

then you both went to the store and got ice cream for everyone and you all set up a fort in the living room and it was easily one of the best days of your life 

and after that the eight of you experienced things and created memories together and they showed you what real friends were, what real companionship and love felt like

and before you knew it, fathers day was in two days and you didn’t know what you were going to do, but you still felt like you should do something because father’s day is a day to celebrate the important males in your life

you had never felt like doing something like this when you lived with your actual father, and that spoke volumes to how close you had come to these boys

so on the saturday before the actual day, you tried to wake up as early as you could and get all the ingredients you needed

when you saw that you were missing eggs for the cake that you wanted to make for them, you tried to be as quick as possible so your hyungs wouldn’t be wondering where you went if they woke up 

it was the probably the fastest trip you had ever taken but it was all for naught when you walked back through the door 

you almost dropped your newly bought eggs when you heard a scream come from the living room and suddenly there were arms wrapping around you in a tight hug

“j-jimin?” was all you could squeak out before a barrage of voices tumbled over each other in efforts to scold you for leaving and not telling at least one of them, if not all of them 

“what were you thinking!? you scared me! you scared us!” jin said in your direction, where jimin was still wrapped around you 

“yah! we thought you left! or-or got kidnapped!” hoseok’s raised voice was one you decide you didn’t like 

once jimin let go, yoongi was quick to envelope you in a hug, “aish. i never wanna wake up to that kind of scare ever again.” 

once he pulled away you spotted taehyung and jungkook pouting with their arms crossed sitting on the couch, namjoon fixing you with a serious stare. “promise me you won’t do that again.” 

“promise us!” taehyung quickly added in and all you could do was nod because your head was still trying to process what just happened over the span of the last ten seconds

it wasn’t until your pinky was wrapped around jungkook’s in a pinky promise that the situation really set into your head and you lowered your head in shame and embarrassment, “i’m sorry.” 

jin sighed and ruffled his hair, “we were just worried. sorry for yelling y/n-ah,” and it warmed you with how protective they were over you and you looked up at him teasingly, “sorry eomma” and jin frowned while you and the maknae line snickered

it was when you got up to finally put the eggs away that jimin pulled you back down to sit beside him, hugging you again, “we worry about you because you’re our yodongseng, y/n-ah” and it was that one sentence that had you all smiley and giggly because that was the first time any of them had called you that, the first time anyone called you that and you were so happy 

because they saw you as their little sister and a bond like that was something you hadn’t felt before, and one you would never want to break

“thank you” you whispered as you got up and went to put the eggs away, the boys following after you 

“so why did you go to the store?” taehyung said as he looked at all the ingredients littered around the kitchen counters 

you gasped and remembered what you were doing and quickly turned around, “all of you, out! go away!” you yelled while physically pushing hoseok and yoongi out the kitchen door 

“wha- why?” namjoon got out before almost being pushed over and into a table by jungkook 

“surprise!” was all you yelled as you got all of them out of the kitchen but seokjin waited by the door. “hyung, what are you doing?” hoseok questioned. “just wait for it.” was all he said as he started counting down from five. and as he was just about to say one, you popped your head back through the door and shyly asked, “hey jin-hyung, can you help me with something?” and then he looked toward the others and smirked at their bewildered expressions. “i told you. she always asks for me when she needs help in the kitchen, and she always needs help.” you then hit him on the arm, “yah. i’m not that bad.”

then the both of you would enter the kitchen and you would try to explain that you needed to make a cake without really telling him you needed to bake one and it just led to a lot of confusion 

in the end you gave up and told him you needed to make one but you didn’t tell him what for, still trying to preserve a least a little bit of surprise

the both of you joked and laughed about useless things while mixing the eggs and milk and flour, making a cake from scratch and the others listened to your banter and smiled among themselves 

when the both of you settled down and put the cake in the oven, seokjin called your name, “y/n-ah,” and as soon as you turned around a wad of flour hit you in the face and jin’s windshield wiper laugh echoed out

but that was only the begging 

“this is war!” and then all of them came running into the kitchen and the flour that was supposed to hit jin, hit yoongi instead and you could’ve sworn you heard namjoon face plant at one point and then fifteen minutes later everyone was covered in flower and the kitchen was a mess

and you all found yourself sitting on the floor, waiting for when you had to take out the cake. and just being surrounded by all their presences, suddenly got you emotional 

“thank you” you said again, for the umpteenth time since you’ve known them. you took a deep breath, “i never got along with my father and-,” you sniffed and they waited for you to finish, jungkook nudging you with his shoulder and taehyung gently holding your hand, “and, all of this, the comfort and compassion you’ve shown me,” tears started to fall from your eyes and hoseok who was sitting across from you leaned over and wiped them off your face, “and i’m really grateful.” 

but before they could say anything to that, the oven went off and you took another deep breath and gathered your emotions, once again pushing them out of the kitchen so you could decorate the cake you would show them tomorrow

and while they were sitting in the living room together, waiting for you to finish, they all looked at each other and they could easily say that they would do anything for you because you really were their little sister and they cared about you so much

and while you decorated your cake for them, you thought that a giving them their surprise a day early couldn’t hurt (and you knew one of the maknae line would definitely come and sneak a bite of the treat in the middle of the night) 

so you walked out, flour caking your hair and clothes, holding the vanilla frosted cake that said ‘happy father’s day ‘ in purple, messy icing 

and oh my god they were so touched they could have cried (and some of them did)

and you stood in front of them, gathering your thoughts and as soon as you saw that jimin was about to say something, you started talking. “so, uh, originally i was going to give you all this tomorrow but i figured that it wouldn’t hurt to give it today. and father’s day is not only to celebrate fathers but to celebrate the important males in your life.” and there you go tearing up again, “and when i was younger, my mom left before i could really remember her, and my dad, he-” tears fell and you wiped them, “aish, i’m crying.” then you giggled and their hearts were simultaneously breaking and filling up at the same time. “he was never a father to me, so i never knew what it felt like to have one, to have a family. and it hurt everyday to think that no one in my family wanted me.” god you were a wreck and your words were coming out blurred now. “but then i came here-”

and before you could get out anymore there were seven pairs of arms wrapping themselves around you and your burrowed your head into the chest of nearest person (which happened to be yoongi) 

“that’s not true y/n” namjoon murmured and for a second you were confused because why would he say that about your situation? but then he continued, “we will always, always, want you in our lives. we are your family. and always will be.” and you were full on sobbing and so were they

and all you could get out was a sloppy, sobbed filled: “i love you” but they understood perfectly

“we love you too, y/n” and that was the single best moment in your life.

and then perhaps the next day you did anything they asked of you which led to the younger ones being scolded about how you weren’t their maid but then you would get up and get what they asked for anyway because this was their day

and the bickering, the love, and even the fights you would have sometimes, it would all be worth it in the end if it led you back to them 

[end]

end note: oh. my. god. i’m not crying, you are. the ending? when i was writing the flour scene? PLEASE I WAS SOBBING. this is one of the fics that i am most proud of and i really didn’t mean to make it this long, but here i am. i hope everyone has an amazing father’s day, and you get to celebrate it the way you want to! everyone reading this (and those who aren’t) deserve happiness, no matter who you are. and you are more then what people say about you. i love you guys to the moon and back, make sure you stay safe! (and as always, sorry for any spelling errors!)

~**~

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[squeeneyart]

Breathe in the Salt - Chapter 20

AO3

Beta reader as always is @thesnadger!

Simon and Martin have a chat.

Martin accepts some advice.

When Martin passed the front gate the world behind him disappeared, replaced by cold, grey mist and stone.

Staring back the way he came only made it harder to remember what had been before, and his head felt the pressure of distance with no point of reference. Something deep inside him knew the perils of walking anywhere but the path leading him to the Fairchild house; to step anywhere else would see him tumbling out and away from the only landmark he had left.

Waiting for him at the front door was the woman who’d taken the sketchbook from him, this time without the veneer of professional courtesy. The hooded jumper, worn jeans, and disinterested wave announced to the world an interrupted day off. If his damp, miserable self was an affront to her sensibilities, she wasn’t showing it, so the wet jacket stayed on.

In his nerves he hadn’t really registered her appearance during their first meeting, too focused on getting rid of the evidence of his crime. She was older, maybe in her 60s, with long grey hair tied back into a low ponytail. He hadn’t seen her about town before, had he?

They walked inside without any chitchat, so Martin glanced about in silence. The interior felt right if his memory served, the same skinny halls and windows stretching from floor to ceiling. The most striking aspect still was the mural at the top of the central staircase. The rest of the house was dwarfed by it, as if the grand building was no greater than his hometown’s silhouette tucked into the corner of the canvas. 

Approaching it, the colors were more. More intense, more bold, all the brightness stolen from the world outside siphoned into an impossible sky. Maybe anything would look that much more  when contrasted with where he’d been. He was at the top of the stairs standing at its center wondering if there was any distance that could give him a proper view of the whole. 

From behind him the woman cleared her throat, though she didn’t seem irritated. He pulled himself away from the spot where he’d stopped to stare, leaving slippery footprints in his wake.

Glancing up at the mural, she only said, “Some things demand attention.”

She led him to the same room from his first visit with its outward wall of glass. Across the room sat Simon, his back facing those large, unbelievably clear windows that now overlooked the fog-covered landscape. Martin heard the woman’s retreating footsteps and the click of the door.

Martin breathed out, keeping a few feet between himself and the old man. He waved stiffly at the windows. “It’s a bit late. I was expecting this to happen last week.”

With that pleasant smile unmoving, Simon motioned for Martin to sit in the chair across from him. “Don’t be ridiculous. That event will be much more exciting. I wanted to put this meeting together, and needed a good mix of quick and fun.”

“Starting to question my understanding of ‘fun’,” Martin mumbled. He took the seat offered to him and crossed his arms over his chest, the rainwater he carried in seeping into the plush fabric. “It seems like I’m always on the losing side of someone else’s.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Simon hummed, leaning back comfortably in his chair. “So you’d prefer something more exciting in your invitations, so you’re not left out? Did my little errand turn you into a thrill-seeker already?”

“No.” A shiver ran through him, not of fear but of an awful, biting cold. The wet of his hair sapped the heat right out of him and pulled his ponytail down heavy onto his neck. “What do you want?”

“Oh, a bit moody today, aren’t we?” The smile was still sitting idly on Simon’s face. “Peter’s been around more often, I can tell. He does that to people, sucks all patience and goodwill out until they’re… well.” He flicked his eyes over Martin with something like pity.

Martin pressed his arms tighter into himself. “So what, you push people into the sky, and he does that?”

Simon laughed without a hint of shame. “Goodness, no. Peter is just like that, no strangeness needed. I’ve often left his company feeling completely drained and irritable, though I’ve found ways to ensure the feeling is mutual.”

“Good friends, then.”

“As much as he can have them.” Simon leaned forward, no hint of bitterness in his voice or expression. “A very close-to-the-chest type, I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

With a sharp exhale, Martin said, “Look, if you’re going to ask me for a favor I’m not-”

“Now, now, I’m not one to drag on a favor forever, and you’ve paid in full. Besides, Peter is much too jumpy right now for anything to be done.” Simon turned his gaze toward the window. “I’m afraid all any of us can do now is wait.” 

A jolt of disappointment shocked Martin to silence. All of this dramatic nonsense just to be told to wait and see? He hadn’t had any specific expectations, but deep down he’d believed Simon to be plotting something soon. That even if it was a horrible outcome Martin wouldn’t be left in suspense from every angle of his life. 

Whatever shoe was meant to drop, it hadn’t, and it wouldn’t for some unspecified amount of time.

Simon regained his easy tone and continued, “And I greatly dislike this weather, all of these things clouding my view. Soon I’ll be going weeks without a clear day, and it can feel so… so claustrophobic. So little to work with on a day like this.”

He wasn’t the one who needed to walk in it. “You’re not going to explain anything, are you?”

“No, I’m not. You know how these things are. Business.” Reaching into his pocket, Simon pulled out a small envelope. “Speaking of, like a pouting child Peter has been avoiding me, and as far as I can tell you’re the only person who actually sees him.”

With a deep sigh Martin leaned forward, elbows resting on knees. Not only was he getting nothing out of Simon, but- “This is all so I can be a messenger boy?”

“Just the one time, if Peter can be reasonable.”

“I don’t- Wait. Why not trap him like you did me? Just force him to your door.”

With a sudden laugh that made Martin jump, Simon replied, “Not everyone is as easy to find as you. And anyway, it’s not wise to do that to friends, is it?” 

It wasn’t a way to keep friends, no, and he took the message from Simon without further comment. On the other side of the room, the door opened to reveal that woman. Not needing prompting he stood, looking back one more time at the other man.

Simon remained seated and swung one more friendly smile in Martin’s direction. “You’ll be seen out, then. I must thank you for your previous help, Martin. The personal significance alone can’t be overstated. It’s not my only sketchbook, of course, but several of my best works had their beginnings in it.” Was that glint in his eye one of creative pride, or was there some joke Martin was missing?

The tiniest desire to stay and hear more itched at the back of his mind, but the dismissal was clear and he let the woman lead him back through the house. Once outside he saw the weather had taken a turn for the worse into a complete downpour. The high wind would certainly blow his hood down, making for a wretched walk ahead of him.

“Ah.” He’d been taken to the Fairchild house on an impossible route, but the way home was entirely real. “I have a long way to walk.”

“Inconveniences all around,” the woman said, shutting the door behind him.

Once he was alone he ripped the phone from his pocket and and bent over it to delete his dramatic messages before they could be seen, replacing it with:

Martin: talked with simon (didnt really have a choice), dont think anything will happen with him for a while

Martin: said all we can do is wait? really cryptic

Then he pocketed it once more and walked out the front gate into the reinstated town.

The greatest relief was finding other unlucky pedestrians doing their best to stay dry along with him. Even without the ability to stop and talk he felt the silent commiseration. It wasn’t joy in the suffering of others but rather the knowledge that other people were there at all to share in the cruddy weather. He could see where a person ahead of him was avoiding puddles, and found residual warmth in the lights of nearby shop fronts. It was the kind of melancholy atmosphere that could make rain a little more bearable.

The walk down the cliff however was designed to kill him, the slope slick with mud and abandoned by an early setting sun. No waterproof phone, glasses blurred and splattered with droplets, Martin made his slow way home in the cold, in the dark. More than once he stopped to make sure he hadn’t gotten turned around by forces supernatural or otherwise, but then the ground flattened and he could finally hear the sea over the rain beating against the ground.

He was late of course, but besides some comments about tracking water into the house and forgetting his umbrella his mother had left him well alone, and even took his word when he described the weather as unsuitable for her health. He was grateful. After the last few days anything worse might’ve sent them into a screaming match to surpass any bouts they’d had in years. Maybe the day had taken as much out of her as it had from him.

Instead, after a necessary change of clothes on his part, they ate dinner and watched television, her in her chair and him on the couch. It was some old game show he vaguely remembered, not something that aired in his childhood but that he’d experienced first as reruns, the saturated colors and fuzzy image granting it a multilayered nostalgia. Someone on the screen had just answered a question and was hoping their spouse would come up with the same response.

In his pyjama pants and old t-shirt he felt little, his feet tucked under him because he hadn’t wanted to waste another pair of socks. It was as if he’d just come out of the bath with his wet hair and drooping eyes and was waiting to be told he was up too late. As if he wasn’t responsible for watching the clock himself.

His phone vibrated in the middle of the program, but if his mother noticed she chose to ignore it. Tapping the phone awake, Martin saw a notification from the group message.

Tim: ok check-in time what the hell 

Tim: just saw this 

So they hadn’t seen his initial messages. He breathed out in relief and typed out a reply.

Martin: some weird stuff, but everythings fine. simon made it so i had to go talk to him

Martin: whatever simon mentioned before its not coming yet. seems like he isnt in control of when whatever it is happens? also peter is avoiding him so i need to give him this letter

Tim: weird but

Tim: good? more time for us

Sasha: one less thing to worry about. glad it went okay.

Tim: ^^

He’d successfully avoided any panic or weirdness that his original messages most definitely would’ve caused and patted himself on the back for a job well done. No one needed that as a distraction.

Martin: oh right weird topic change but jon mentioned it, do you really all use a cot at work

Tim: oh yeah lol love that thing

Tim: jon is on it right now actually will pass on simon info when hes awake

Martin: youre all still there??

Tim: oh martin dont you know weve Never Left

Tim: we should get going soon tho now that you mention, will drag jon out of the archives while passing on simon info

Martin: good idea

Tim: and keep those eyes down!

Martin bit his cheek and looked past his phone at the television screen. No doubt it was karma for his rash behavior at the lighthouse, having “just wait!” shouted at him from all corners. The universe was making itself very clear. Simon could’ve just been telling him to let something terrible happen, but even if that was true Martin wasn’t in a place to stop anything.

But it was a great quality of Tim’s, rounding them all up and trying to save them from regrettable decisions. The least Martin could do was make that job easier and stay out of trouble. It was also the most he could do, as much as it irked him.

Martin: dont need to tell me twice! 

And with that Martin pocketed his phone, accepting his fate of inaction.

When he finally put his mother to bed the goodnight between them was not warm, but it was closer to normal. If he’d been told that one of the most pleasant parts of his day would’ve been watching the telly after dinner with his mum, he would’ve… well, it wasn’t that strange. Really it emphasized how bad the rest of his day had been.

Meanwhile the most pleasant event felt fake, even when he checked his call logs to confirm it. What a strange start to a day, he thought as he laid in bed. At least it made up for Jon not being around that evening, that and knowing Jon was getting some sleep. The man clearly needed some prompting during an intense work period to take care of himself, and Martin silently thanked Tim for doing something about it when he couldn’t bring himself to initiate a phone conversation. He knew it was ridiculous for him to be so nervous about the idea, but…

But.

Hopefully Jon didn’t think he was rude. It was one thing to chat in person, but calling without a specific topic to discuss while the others were hard at work? Because he was bored? Best to let Jon reach out when he felt it necessary, even if it meant being woken up at odd hours on a work day and otherwise sitting on his hands. Eventually this would all be behind them and he could stop being racked with guilt over the thought of making a social call. 

Martin’s stomach twisted. Yes, things would be dealt with, and he would move on from this strange period in his life.

He moved to place the phone down for the night when it buzzed in his hand, with a message in another, private chat.

Sasha: we should talk more later about what simon told you specifically. if something big is coming having someone on the inside of things might not be the worst. not saying you should seek him out, he seems perfectly of capable of contacting you, but if it happens again it could be an opportunity

Martin: you think he could be on our side?

Sasha: i think letting people say their piece can lead to understanding, even if the other person is the worst. something is going on between him and peter lukas and the more we know the better

Martin: right…

Sasha: again not saying to run into anything. wait for us etc etc but trust your gut

Martin: so your opinion on staying put?

Sasha: sometimes you cant, thats all im saying

Martin: okay, i think i get it

Sasha: good. now get some sleep, weird things tend to drain you

Martin: goodnight

Sasha: night

Well, she wasn’t wrong. He didn’t believe that Simon was a good person, not with how he’d treated Martin thus far, but that didn’t make him evil, either. And his advice was the same as what everyone else had already been saying: stay out of trouble as best he could and wait for the right moment. Even Sasha still conceded to it being the best option for the present. If Peter told him to wait as well, then Martin would be truly lost on what to do, but until then he would follow the advice of all the people who knew more than he did.

And if Simon called him to his home again, he would try to be less… difficult. And he would buy a better jacket, just in case. 

--

The next morning, he listened to a voice message left shortly after he’d fallen into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

Jon’s groggy voice drifted from the mobile. “Hi, sorry I missed things. Wasn’t expecting Fairchild to be so forward, and my sleep schedule has never been- anyway, Tim convinced me to go back to my flat, but since I slept at the institute earlier I’m currently following a few threads to see if they lead anywhere helpful. I think I’ve reached something, but time will tell.”

He continued after a brief pause. “Seems you’re already asleep, as you should be, so I’ll let you go. Let me know if you have any questions about our other… shared interest. Good night. I hope things stay quiet.” 

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

Ive had this story ive been wanting to share ever since i started following this blog (months) which is the main reason why i started shipping bkdk and why, whenever i hear people saying their relationship hasnt changed at all, or that Bakugo hasnt grown enough, or that Midoriya is just being delusinal on "admiring" kacchan(have you ever heard that one?), i get very frustrated, soooo

May you listen to my story? :T

Basically i also had a childhood friend i shared the same class with for 10 years. From 5 to 15. So a big chunk of my child/teenage years

We were besties for 8/9 of those years?

She was... What my sister calls "a fictional character in real life". She was just... A huge princess, bratty, confident, and always made sure she got her way. She also grew up to become, in my opinion, the prettiest girl my age I'd ever met.

I dont know how we became friends, but my youngest memories of us together are of me chasing after her while she, (and the rest of her admirers) did whatever they wanted.

She wasnt the best person to me.. I dont think even half of the stuff she did she realised she was hurting me for real, but she did. I was her bestie, so i couldnt play with anyone else, but while i was with her I was called useless, nerd, weirdo, annoying. Once, when we were little, she isolated me from a sleepover at her house cause i didnt want them to cut my stuffies fur. That might not seem like much now, but inside the world of a 7 year old.. It was big. Once we got older, it got much worse as i was the only girl in my class who was still flat as board, didnt have an insta, and worse off all, they found out i liked anime and games :00.. It was as if i had been outed for liking that stuff and they constantly shamed me for it.. It was absolute hell for at least 2 years until we got to a bigger school where more people liked those things and people with more strength than me and didnt take shit made her shut up.

This might already remind you of a certain angry boi from a certain bnha(or not, thats fair), but the part that connects it all is that.. I really really admired and liked her despite all that crap, for all those years.

Honestly, shes the reason i still question my sexuality. I think i had a crush on her back then.

She was just.. So awesome when she wasnt bullying me! She was confident, and made friends easily, and had a way to manipulate others that was so obvious snd yet somehow no one seemed to get it, and she just had this charm, and always looked so pretty... If she decided she was gonna do something, then she'd do it. And she was strong too.. Some stuff would happen in her home life and shed shrug it off. Then there were also these moments where she opened up a little and let me see inside. One of my sweetest memories of her was once where she appeared as a surprise to my birthday to sleepover. She begged her mom to do it cause she wanted to see me during my birthday,as i later learned. We spent the night undercovers playing and talking. My mom had a photo of us all tangled up together sleeping the next morning. I was the only one she did that for. I loved knowing that. I was proud of it.

And so, no matter what else she did, i never left her side.. I didnt have anymore friends, and despite our relationship being toxic, i couldn't leave her..

But eventually, we just, broke? Im not sure how it happened. I met other people, better people, who were good friends, and i still talk to. She also met other people, who liked taking pictures and going shopping, and gossiping. And then, for the first time ever, we were separated into different classes. We never really talked again after that.. And that just makes me.. So empty inside. I wish i could talk to her now, and tell her so much crap. How she hurt me, and how i loved her despite it, and how she was my definition of confidence and victory. Still is.

When i met bnha, Bkg and Mdr, i remembered her, and our friendship, and now when i see them together in the manga now,i just think what couldve been for us if we stuck together. Especially cause i still see her sometimes, with other friends and boyfriend now, and she really seems older.. More grown up. Not the brat i knew. Im not sure cause we dont talk, but yeah.

So i completely understand Midoriya. How he admired Bkg despite the bullying, and believes in him, and felt overjoyed when Bkg spoke to him, or simply doesnt care anymore when Bkg is meaner. He knows its just him being bratty, not exactly mean

And when people say they haven't evoluted(?) enough, i just... Get frustrated!

Theyve changed so much! The way they interqct now is different, and will probably keep changing, and whqt i think they really need to fix theur relationship is the apology.. I long for that horribly.. For maybe obvious reasons :|

I wish id had the opportunity to work through my relationship with her too.. If our relationship could be like theirs is now.. Id be overjoyed

Sooooo, just a little story for any anti-bkdk or just people that cant understamd how Deku still tolerates Bkg.

To anyone who cared enough to read this, hope you have a super duper day! ^^

(this was too big omg, im sorry Q^Q)

-The Shy Pancake 🥞

Never too big, my friend. Thank you for sharing your experience with my, I love to learn about my followers and this was very sweet to read. It's always wonderful to be able to connect to fiction based around our real life experiences, as long as we're able to separate ourselves from it, of course.

I think it's great how you're able to better understand Deku because of what you've experienced in your own life, and I love that it allows you to appreciate the relationship between him and Bakugo.

I hope maybe one day you could talk to that friend again. 💕