#idk I just want a real true friend

[rosicheeks]

🙃

[saturnniidae]

Those posts that were like 'if rtte starts before Hiccup and Astrid get together, then why does he have the little braids in his hair!!' As if he and Astrid haven't been having sleepovers occasionally spent braiding each others hair for years 🙄

[butnotbubblegum]

using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

[gayve-strider-man-rider]

love paying thousands of dollars so I can sit in a lecture hall and over think my identity instead of maths

[smimon]

Something something hope confirmed something something I had no faith but kept going only to succeed in the most unexpected moment something something I was about to continue anyway but if I lose both the faith and the hope in the future, I should remember this one time it worked

This is a post about my creative process and it is very personal to me but it might be difficult to understand because I am not good with words and it is basically the very point here

So yeah many of the comics I make come from my need to communicate certain messages, and I am very bad at communication so it usually doesn't work.

I look at the "failed" stories and save them for later, hoping to perfect them when I have more skill, but in the meantime I recycle the same motif in a new story.

New fandom, new characters, new setting, new tone, new genre, same heart, same me.

And I keep adding them, rows of iterations of the same message dressed in new clothes like character skins in video games. And I keep thinking: I will return to you all and complete you all in the future, and this way my message will be heard, it will be heard in many voices until it maybe gets to someone.

Then something unexpected happened with giant K series. I explained it somewhere, this series is based on a kind of motif I have been using for years, every few years a new retelling, new layout, new skin, but at core always the same.

(How to explain it? It is a silly comedy series, but at the same time it can be a reflection of a strained mind, silenced heart, confused soul. I don't have the right words yet.)

And this time, for the first time ever, it worked. I managed to start posting it, I managed to complete the plot, I managed to make it consistent, whole, harmonic.

And I almost dropped the series soon after it started, ready to put it among its ancestors to wait forever for a revival. But a friend encouraged me to keep going, and after The Post I managed to regain faith in it myself. And then, just recently, I realized that I did in fact manage to tell the story. I alreay told it. This did not change much in the world, but it changed a lot in myself.

And I started to think that maybe I couldn't complete the message before because I didn't have the right material, not enough building bricks that could fit together to form the shape of my thought. And maybe I will never get to complete the other variants of this motif, because the tools I have used constructing them were not the right ones. It was always trial and error, and I am lucky to have somehow landed a way that worked.

(I can still use the plots built around the older takes to tell stories to entertain so it's not like they are useless or something. Also I love them dearly and will never leave them)

I don't know, I am just so happy this lil series got to exist, and that it brings people joy. It brings something else to me too, something I cannot exactly express with words. I might make another comic about it one day lol

[obnoxiousarcade]

I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

[darktetras]

Met people at the park today who I thought were cool af at first but I got humbled so bad after they left bc they were being shady as hell and I didn't pick up on it at all but my mom did

[perilegs]

it's funny that now that i don't really have much about my body to be dysphoric about my brain makes up psychological dysphoria and it's so dumb

[stillcominback]

💕

[kendallroygf]

Your Kendall post speaks volumes. I never knew how to articulate it properly but I always think (idk if it’s canon or not) His ex wife is Jewish, his best friend Iranian and his daughter, South Asian. But he’s aligning himself with parties like ATN etc. I don’t know, it’s a funny thing to me because wether or not the writers did this on purpose or not but the people he’s closest to (aside from his sibs) are as you said, from marginalised communities. Does he think the amount of wealth a person earns suddenly makes them immune to a system that wasn’t originally built for anyone aside for people like him. I wonder what his stance would’ve been on Mckenen if he were in the room when they were all deciding who should be president. It’s more personal for him, his daughter is quite literally apart of the community that Mckenen demonises. Not even just for Kendall but for Stewy & Marcia too. Like they can’t be seen opposing people like him because where does that put them? Just being poc in a cooperate world is threatening enough. This is me putting too much thought into it while also knowing the writers maybe didn’t when it comes to the Sophie/Marcia/Stewy and the role they have to put on.

hmm i don’t know how qualified i am to speak on this but in terms of ‘aligning himself with atn’ i truly think it’s never been an conscious choice for kendall to do that. like it came with the job. logan groomed kendall to one day be in charge of waystar and subsequently atn for however many years and i think a consequence of that is that kendall doesn’t really have any concrete ideologies/beliefs, much like roman. but similar to shiv (although her politics are way more clear) he has this abstract idea of ‘doing good things’ with waystar and wanting to be a ‘good person’ but this in itself kind of centres around logan . like his desire to ‘be good’ is just a desire to be good in comparison to his father (i’m a good person i’m better than you etc) but ultimately kendall (in s1 mostly) wanted to be the Good Guy but without much foresight on what that actually looks like and i think that’s where his relationships with stewy, rava and sophie come in i suppose. but i don’t think kendall intentionally created a relationship with stewy and rava or adopted sophie out of tokenism or anything. i simply think he connected to stewy and rava in some way mostly because they oppose logan and what he Represents very outwardly and consciously or unconsciously that’s what kendall was looking for. it stems from that patricidal drive + resentment kendall’s always had for logan but ultimately i think kendall is too self absorbed to think more deeply about what stewy or his daughter might face esp in terms of the toxicity of atn or what part kendall himself plays in it all. but i think i agree with you in the sense it seems kendall does think material wealth kind of shields you from having to deal with institutionalised racism + i played back that scene and kendall says wrt to atn and waystar he’s ‘trying to keep the world safe’ for his kids so i do think that he thinks that sophie was ultimately safe from all that and he probably assumes people like stewy and marcia are too. so with that in mind i don’t think he really counts his daughter as part of the many marginalised groups that mencken demonises even though sophie as we see isn’t exempt from facing racism. like at all. as for what kendall’s stance would be on mencken if he was in that room in ‘what it takes’ i could not say for sure but i think that itself goes back to kendall not having any concrete ideology or politics except on an entirely abstract level. like mencken’s a ‘nazi’ but ‘on a business level, they need to have a relationship’ so i think honestly his stance would be completely determined by his state of mind wrt to himself and his father. but no yeah i agree it’s probably extremely difficult for stewy, marcia and stewy who have all at one point been othered or treated as nrpi by the roys while still being closely connected to it all.

[autisticlee]

it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!

i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"

why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)

ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!

this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!

why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.

[trans-leek-cookie]

someone talking about the ways media and common tropes/depictions of things that are either explicitly or implicitly linked to marginalized people are demonized and presented badly is not a fucking opportunity for you to flex how you're doing it Differently And Better

[idontdrinkgatorade]

what if i wrote my college application essay about the trauma of my mom treating my romanian heritage as if it's freakish

[firebuug]

look at my bug look at centi ⬅️toyhouse page

i aant to slap more of him here i mostly ramble about him to my friends. he is my chainsawman oc he is the crntipede devil and he is a silly little cartoonishly evil yet genuinely murderous and vengeful ancient bug beast who has been around since humans first feared centipedes. he is a quite silly rapscallion who uses whatever prnouns and has no gender but mostly uses he/they/it. neopronouns r also awesome but he genuinely doesnt know what a prnouns is

its been around for ages and used to be rlly strong and monsterous but over time it got a little weaker but still kept that giant ego and its love for hunting humans n watching them fear him. except now in the face of more threatening devils like gun devil and shit hes more regarded as a pest or nuisance rather than a catastrophe. hes kinda like a roach in which hes hard to kill bc the moment hes teetering he skitters off and burrows away to escape. hes horrible

everything wlse is on the toyhouse. look at them i gave them a funny little theme and stuff. meow

[evansbby]

vent part 4

[whimsyprinx]

time to make a realistic set of goals for 2023 i guess