#idk I just ask myself what if they are normal and have normal childhood and shit what will they become

[crazy-fangirl2524]

What I think Andrew and Neil’s personality/life/relationship will be like without ALL the trauma and so the “real” them without all the baggage

(Obviously just my opinion and interpretation)

Andrew:

He would still be a super protective person especially as those he views as family (nicky, Aaron, his parents (??), friends he knows he can trust)

Would still have gone through a goth/grunge phrase

His sweet tooth is still atrocious

The type of guy to stop people from physically bullying others (verbally he does not care if the person can’t take it its a them problem)

Tons of piercings everywhere

Doesn’t try in school because he doesn’t have to with his eidetic memory yet he is only second right behind Aaron

No one is shocked that he is gay

I can see him studying things like philosophy literature classics history or just any of the intellectual degrees (he will do double major)

Definitely got scholarships for any universities he applied to (same as Aaron)

Chooses to go to the university that Aaron chooses (“Andrew ucla’s criminology is the best in the whole world why are you choosing John Hopkins” “John Hopkins’s literature and classics is the best in the world” “Andrew-“)

Doesn’t have a lot of people he considers as friends but he does have a select fews and he is not really in a friend group more like some scattered friends but he hoard like gold

Most likely to become a university professor ? Or a baker or whatever he wants and he will be so successful in it because he will put his heart and soul into it

Had a few flings here and there (maybe one or two relationships but no one can ever be on par with him) until he meets Neil (because in every universe they are still meant to be)

Neil:

Still skeptical and doesn’t trust easily

Those he considers as friends he holds on so tight he will literally die and kill for them

Still got a smart mouth that gets him in trouble

Troublemaker in school and people either love or hate him theres no in between

Math nerd

Would have been valedictorian but he doesn’t pay attention in class and skip classes if his friends ask him to

He will be in a friend group that everyone will ride and die for each other and is the friend group that everyone is envious of because they know it is for life even if they all separate in university

Obviously he will get a maths degree

Becomes mathematician or whatever it is smart people becomes in the future

Obviously he will be successful as well

Even in university he will somehow find a friend group and once again its the best people in the world for him and now he got THREE families (or however many because everywhere he goes this attractive troublemaker just attracts and makes his own found family without meaning to)

Throughout highschool or university or work (until he meets Andrew) he would have never dated because he genuinely does not get the point and no one ever interests him that way (until he meets Andrew)

Andreil:

No matter how they meet whether its highschool or in university or meet cute or meet ugly or whatever its always Andrew that falls first and finds the troublemaker attractive and neil is just the oblivious guy

But Neil is always the one that falls harder

Its always slowburn and kills their families and friends and makes everyone wants to just kill them

Their communication skills are what every couple wishes they have

Andrew still gives neil so much nicknames

Their personality will always complement each other and Neil’s fire will always spark’s Andrew’s interest and Andrew’s steady presence will always hold up whatever Neil has

The soul deep understanding will always be there

In any universe they will still inevitably end up together because their souls are made for each other

[dhampir-dyke]

wurghrgh

[adragonsfriend]

Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!

That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,

It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.

Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.

Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?

"So it's not actually that bad then?"

"You should tell her again."

"Are you sure you explained it right?"

The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!

With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.

And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.

Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.

There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.

The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.

Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.

Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.

And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.

Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal

[broooooo]

Dronehood

____________________

In today's world , the world has been slowly taken over by drones, whether it was by force, choice or persuasion, men are being converted, covered in a shiny black latex, a second skin, a well built muscled body, constantly aroused and hard. The mind does seem to remain keeping the hosts personality, but there's a big focus of obeying the master and the pleasure of dronehood

At first the world was scared, but as the drone army expanded, it slowly became normal, as if it's a rite of passage for teenage, adult men. It's even become a kind of entertainment to watch a conversion happen, could inspire others , or worn them.

Then there's me

I am Aaron, 21, regular build, living in an apartment, IV never been opposed to the drone movement. It's interesting to watch.

Deep down I wouldn't mind becoming a drone myself, it genuinely sounds fun.

Iv watched my childhood friend, Jason, become one before my eyes, he had wanted it for a while, and decided to get a slow conversion, he wanted to experience all the feelings grow and build.

The conversion itself is simple, intercourse with a drone, you may or may not include leather articles of clothing such as gloves or boots for extra pleasure. When it's done, the new drone is given a serial number name, but can keep their human name for interactions with others, plus they can take off their head mask for easy identification.

I myself don't leave my room a lot, i just watch from my TV or the window, hearing it through my walls too at times. Jason's my roommate, but he's never home, he's busy converting others or just hanging out with other drones.

Somewhat makes me jealous, before his conversion , we were the same, locked in your rooms not doing much, it honestly is a better life for him, and I'm happy,

It's possible to request a drone conversion, many have done it, Idk why I haven't done it yet, I guess I want to keep my peace for a little while, but ik at some point it will get too much to bear and then I will know I'm ready.

_________________

It was a normal day for me, watching my conversions , and contemplating life. When suddenly I hear the front door open, I rush out to see him, Jason standing in the door way, his heavy leather boots stomping on the floor as he closes the door. He looks at me, I haven't seen his have a week's.

JASON!?* ITS been so long, how.. have you been?*

He smiles and embraces me in a hug

*Iv been well, I missed you*

My face goes flush red, as I hug him back.

His latex skin is soft and shiny , the feel of hard muscles, it makes my heart race.

We pull away and I ask*

What are you doing here Jason?* Don't you have missions ?*

Jason laughs and says * well I do live here, plus even drones need rest.*

I answer back"

Well that makes sense , yeah*

Jason goes sit on the couch to watch TV.

*mind getting me a sparkling lemon water Aaron?.

Oh? Ok sure , I'll make us both one *

I go the kitchen, fill two cups with soda and prepare to cut lemons, during all this my mind races with thoughts, the sudden appearance of Jason and the feeling of his skin, it felt great. I feel hot, almost dreaming of it

As I'm cutting lemons the knife slips and cuts my hand, breaking me out of my dream like state

GAH*

Jason turns and runs up to me concerned

Are you ok?*

I'm fine just cut my self.

I go to clean up the blood and find a bandage, but problem, we where out of bandages

*darn we're out of bandaids.

Well I have a suggestion*

I turn around to see Jason's bear hand outstretched holding a latex glove.

You took it off? Isn't that yours?

Don't worry, I get a new one, my body can create it naturally.

I look at the glove as I hold it, it's soft,

The glove has a healing effect to it, it protects us drones from major injuries.

Huh, convenient , as I smile* thanks

I put the glove over my disinfected hand, I move my fingers about feeling it, it was soft, silky and comfortable.

So this is how it feels?* I say

Yeah, it's quite the sensation isn't it?,

Very much so, no wonder many ppl become drones.

Jason helps me finish the drinks and we go sit on the couch together.

Have you thought about dronehood much Aaron?

I turn to him and choke a little ,

Have I thought about it? It's ALL I can think about xd* I say with laughter, I observe it happen from my room, since your never hear.

And before you ask, no, I don't think I'm ready yet.

Jason looks into this drink and back up to me, he leans a hand over to touch my shoulder,

He smiles and says, * when you're ready then, no force, I want you to enjoy it as much as possible.

I peek up, *I KNEW IT, you planned this, laughing.

You were always a trickster you, we both laugh

Well Aaron , I. Do hope you enjoy that glove, it will help you decide, I'm sure of it.

I turn to look out the window and smiles

*thanks, i-, will definitely have an answer soon I'm sure.

___________

Afterwards we hang out the rest of day, it was a fun reunion, full of talk and catching up untill sun down

We both go to bed , crashing instantly as I'd been so tired after today.

The next day Jason and I bid farewell as he leaves for a mission.

I'm left alone and go to my room , sitting on my bedroom couch

_____

Hm, planed or not, I'm happy I have this glove. I turn on the TV to watch some more conversions

I feel hot and steamy imagining it, before I know it I'm rubbing my bulge with the gloved hand , my dick getting erect from what pleasure I can muster,

And idea popped into my head, I head over to Jason's room, and my mind was validated when I saw them, an extra pair of leather boots,

*planned this too Jason? Well idc, thanks*

We happen to be the same size, even so is force my feet into them, the boots go up to my kne, tall and shiny, sliding my feet in, my heart and mind are racing , my dick is rock hard , the sensations are over powering, I lace them up tight, whist I remove my clothing.

I stand up to look to the mirror, naked with only a latex glove and leather boots on, the weight of the boots and the tightness, protecting me, I go to my bed,I start to edge off slowly, aroused to high heavens and enjoying it all. Whilst the sounds of conversions from the TV hum in the background.

I never realized it but the dream like state I was in of edging and leaking lasted 3 days, I was covered in pre, drooling and gooing out, the latex glove and boots has started to spread up my legs and arm, then came Jason, he stood in my bedroom doorway, smiling, he comes over and jumps on top of me, squeezing my nipples hard

I moan hard and leak over me

*ready Aaron?*

Laughing through the intense pleasure ,

*hehe yeah. Convert me friend* I'm ready*

Jason's glowing purple eyes look into mine,

___________

Jason's hard latex dick at the ready, and with a passionate kiss it commences, what felt like a. Eternity, lasted a week of slow intense sex and conversion. As I expected it all

By the end of it, we and the bed were wet in pre, drool and juices, through the days, the latex nanites from Jason's dick slowly transformed my body, spreading the latex all over whist giving my muscle to fit, the climax of the conversion was then.

Jason fucking my tight ass, we both prepared for it , cum

It was a screech of intense pleasure, black nantite filled cum sprayed in ropes out our dicks, lasting 69 minutes of constant cumming, fucking and kissing, and the cum pool around us and soak back up into our bodies, , strengthening the conversion.

When it was all over , we lay there together tired and in love

My eyes start to glow to an intense blue. My mind was reshaped and ready,

Looking to Jason's eyes I say.

* I am ready to obey , ready to spread , ready to cum alongside you *

Jason smiles and kisses me, *ik.. drone 6923..*

My eyes flash, * yes... My new name.. thank you..

Drone 8696..*

___________

In the end we two drones, continued to make out intensely, passionately, never running out of cum

Untill the next mission is handed to us, and. I join Jason on my first crusade, We will enjoy each other forever.

______

: D

I enjoyed this one , genuinely think it's one of my best works yet

Hope you enjoy it, fellow drones

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for avoiding my husband on purpose, like, all the time? my husband (m36) and i (f34) have been married for almost 10 years (anniversary in a few months). we have 3 kids (m10, f8, f1) and he works full time while i stay at home. even before we got married i didnt really have friends other than him, and i always had a hard time finding excuses to get out of the house. frequently, he gets to hang out with his buddies who he also works with, and ever since we had kids he's always going out and leaving me home alone even when hes not at work just to idk. hang out at bars and pretend we don't exist. well lately ive been making time for myself to go out when the kids are at school (my youngest is pretty well behaved so i just take her with me instead of paying a babysitter) and i had managed to get kinda friendly with some of the wives of my husbands coworkers (theyre all members of the same union, so we see each other at those functions every once in awhile). i thought it was all going well and i was having fun and enjoying getting to be social for once, but about 2 weeks ago, the whole family was invited out for lunch (a picnic type thing) with his buddies from work's families. all was going well and for the most part even the kids were having fun, but then my husband got absolutely fucking trashed for no reason. none of the other guys were acting like that, and we've had conversations about him not doing that sort of thing, but he NEVER listens. he's always acting like this, but usually i dont have to see when its in public. well he embarrassed me so fucking much. he was trying to start fights, messing up his clothes, and wouldn't listen to me at all. just in his own world as always. i should've known because its been a decade of this, but i could have sworn it wasn't this bad before. he wasn't like this when we dated you know? so we got home and i was just. grossed out and annoyed. i slept on the couch and pretty much ever since then, i haven't been talking to him. i got a text from one of the ladies saying that a wednesday hangout thing i had been invited to had been canceled, but i pretty much KNOW 100% that it wasn't, and that they just don't want to be associated with me now. the kids don't really seem bothered by the tension around the house (i think its sort of normal to them since hes frequently not around anyways). i wouldn't be near as annoyed if there wasn't a part of my brain telling me "he did it on purpose". i know that's just how he acts but i could SWEAR its almost like he just doesnt want me to have friends. he doesn't want to hear about it, he just wants me THERE at home, watching the kids and existing solely for his convenience. i used to consider divorce, before we had our youngest. but i haven't had a job since high school, and i couldnt put the burden of asking for help on my sisters. they hate him, but i couldnt ask them for that support. and i dont even know what the kids would think, i cant do that to them. but yesterday, my husband brought it up (cornered me in our room pretty much) and asked why i was ignoring him. what if he really didnt know why? i TOLD him, but its like he forgot or just expects me to be "over it" by now. all i wanted was just this one thing, to HAVE FRIENDS, have that time away from being just "mom" and do what i want. he gets to do that so why cant i? or AT LEAST he could put some more effort into being around and doing things as a family? but i still wonder if im being the asshole, for giving him the cold shoulder for this long. he didnt have a happy childhood or good examples for parents so maybe he just thinks this is normal? i never asked because i assumed he knew it wasn't. and he does seem like, disappointed that i wont come to bed. maybe ive been driving him off and that's why he doesnt like to come home? idk at this point, im at a loss. aita?

[bebx]

more thoughts regarding Henry Creel’s time at Hawkins Lab because I’m so (not) normal about that guy.

okay, so do you guys remember when Doctor Brenner rewarded Two with a candy when he did good during the lesson?

now don’t mind me imagining him giving young Henry a candy, when Henry was the only kid there, as a reward to try to urge him into complying / into trying to do good. I’m not saying candy absolutely worked for Henry, but after all he was still a kid. and I don’t think Virginia was the kind of parents who allowed her kids to have candy. so idk dude, imagine young Henry not wanting to give in and accept Brenner’s so called gift before he gave in and did what Brenner wanted in the end, because I bet, at the beginning, Brenner gave or tried to give Henry candy without Henry having to do anything for it, and once Henry — a kid, mind you — got a taste of candy and asked for more, Brenner said he had to do something to earn it first.

just imagine Henry wanting candy. imagine Henry agreeing to be good for Brenner because he just wanted the candy. imagine candy being the only “normal” thing Henry had during his childhood. imagine Henry, now as an adult, still having a secret longing / nostalgia for something as simple, as childlike as candy.

@twihs-blog I think I made myself cry…

[literaila]

Heyy so I've readed your fanfic A Typical Family and I can't stop re reading it because, well, let's just say that the manga is not at it's finest (Prettysureyouknowwhatimean.) and your fanfic is doing a great job helping me with my mental stability caused by Gege Akutami 😀 so thank you!

I love everything, I sure as hell needed that fluff. But one of the things I like the most is actually y/n's past, I like that you didn't went into details about what happened to her and it was just mentioned like two or three times. I like that a lot because it makes the character more intriguing and you give the reader the posibility of being as creative as possible when it comes to her past, I atleast came up with a few ideas of how she used to live.

But after Chapter 29 I couldn't help myself but wonder what really happened to y/n with her family during her youth. In details. Because I felt that there was A LOT going on-

So yeah, that's why I searched for you in tumblr, fell in love with you after scrolling down your account for a bit (which means hours) and decided to ask you if you could specify more about her past? What happened to her? How was her daily life living in a place where she was missunderstood by her own parents? How did her parents treated her? Did she always felt lonely? Is that why she's so insecure when she became a mother? I REALLY am intrigued.

Thanks again for everything and let's hope to find that annoying cat's hideout 😄🔪

(idoindeedunderstandexactlywhatyoumean)

ah. my dear reader.

she started as just an archetype of sorts, i suppose. like a person in my head but not enough of a person to interfere with the story in any particular way

the focus was abandonment issues so that satoru/suguru leaving could actually have some purpose.

but as i’m sure everyone is well aware—i don’t do simplicity, and i wholeheartedly believe that each and every character (in any media) should be a little… messed up? hurt? battling their own demons??

i think about things in the ways that it’ll improve or harm a story. and satoru leaving reader after being left by everyone else—that’s what i latched on to originally

(actually originally originally it was just a one-shot of megumi calling reader mom and being upset about it… ah how things change)

so i continued with that idea and im not sure when exactly i decided that her parents were awful, but they were. it made it easier for her to avoid talking to satoru about any issues, and easier to understand why she would care so much about these kids and them growing up with (no offense to gojo) a child for a father.

and at the beginning you can tell (or maybe only i can idk) that she is less self conscious about herself, and more worried about the kids. how are they going to react to this? how can a recently graduated person become a mother in under an hour? so it’s not that she’s insecure because she didn’t have a good childhood—that’s just how she is. too thoughtful, a bit anxious.

(mostly just to tie in satoru and readers relationship because i figured they’d need some balancing somewhere)

but then as the characters become more of their own, i needed more from her character. why does she care about these kids so much beyond just having morals? why do they trust her almost immediately?

and this began in the part where she’s consoling tsumiki—because i wanted to give baby a moment sorry not sorry. suddenly she missed her estranged parents and understood how sad miki felt. how much losing your mother matters.

but i’ve always made it fairly clear that tsumiki is just trusting. so easy one there.

but with megumi—reader is more worried that satoru is going to raise him under his wing. and obviously, that’s a horrible decision. satoru is barely a normal teenager to reader so… yeah she doesn’t trust him with megumi. who is obviously impressionable and easy to persuade.

plus the boy is rough for a six year old—needs a gentler hand than some people (ahem, satoru) can give him.

but unlike tsumiki, megumi was going to take time. so instead of a moment they have lots of little things—like the fact that she can read his emotions even when he’s trying to close them off, or that she watches him interact with both tsumiki and satoru very differently.

their trust is built on silence—but once megumi can depend on someone there’s really no going back.

and none of this has anything to do with reader necessarily—but her foundation is made from the two children, and satoru.

and then i had to push some more on the two of them. because—they are in love (they don’t say it ever, but it’s obvious), but they need a reason to hide it.

for satoru it’s because he has been raised to be the most important thing, and to not really trust anyone. and when suguru leaves he realizes that no matter what no one will understand him—he’ll always be a level ahead, a step too high.

so for reader it has to be different. some echoes of pain. and as soon as i realized how scared she was for megumi—i had to give her a reason to be scared. i imagine that she’s always been terrified of jujutsu, not because it’s difficult or because there was some nasty curses, but because it essentially ruined her life.

i imagine her parents to be average, run of the mill people. i think she depended on them when she was very young, and was naturally trusting (like tsumiki) as a child. she’s the type to believe that her parents are the best people in the world.

but once a little girl begins to see things that aren’t there—to scream and hide in closets, or cry while being dragged into the kitchen—things shift.

i don’t think it was bad at first, but when her cursed technique manifested, her parents understood that she was something other.

outwardly, they provided everything a child needs. food, home, clothes, education. but they refused to listen to her when something was wrong, they would leave the room when she entered—because she carried that negative presence with her.

so, i think to reader, they treated her like she was the curse.

and when yaga shows up, rattling about jujutsu high and these strange things that only the two of them would be able to understand, there was no returning back into the child her parents had loved.

she was different. too different for them to understand—or want to even try to.

i doubt they gave her a choice in going to school. if they could get her out of their house, get her curse out of there—they were going to.

(not to mention that there’s no reason for her to stay at home—not with two people who couldn’t care less about her).

so she was essentially sent away at fifteen and (like reader says) they were gone not too long after that.

(i think both the first and second years found out about this because yaga was trying to be nice and tell them not to push and accidentally revealed too much information. also he’s a gossip oops).

with the type of childhood she had—bad but not awful, nothing to run from—it makes it hard for her to connect with other people. and reader truly does believe she is the curse because that’s all she’s been taught.

but everyone at jujutsu high can understand, even if it’s the smallest amount. going there changes her life, simply put.

with at least five other people there to understand the things that she does—the burden is divided equally among all of them. she doesn’t have to hold it all alone.

so she connects with suguru, begins to realize she was just a child and not a problem. she learns how to control her cursed technique and is no longer scared that she’s doomed to forever push people away.

and she makes friends. friends make all the difference in the world, obviously.

plus, there’s satoru and he’s a burden of his own.

but at least she gets to choose it this time, no matter how difficult he makes it.

[miss-ery-3]

i dont have much to report on weight wise, as i havent weighed myself since thursday, because i've been drinking alcohol and therefore i am retaining water

i can feel how i am all swelled up rn - my rings feel tighter than normally. i'll weigh myself again once the water retention goes down

but, ofc, i have even more stuff about my whole ✨love life situation✨

i am seeing my bf tomorrow, and i will tell him that i dont think our relationship is going that greatly, and then i'll take it from there. i dont really like to think too much about it, but i also feel more at peace w it - and i think my lil crush is a huge part of that. i really dont need anyone to tell me that i'm a horrible person - i am truly doing my best, both in terms of navigating my feelings and my relationship and my mental health. i'm really not in a good place right now, but at least i can kinda pretend, that my troublesome feelings are some fun new drama that i can share w my friends (you guys teehee)

if you don't care about my love life drama, then its totally ok. if you are, you're in for a treat (maybe idk)

lets call my crush-situation W

aight, so W and i talked all night thursday, and i have quite a lot to report about that night, and then a little about last night

my friend started talking about one time i had a ons w one of my friends, like 3 years ago, and i was quite embarrassed to talk about it. but the others laughed and idk, i figured it was fine. W switched between not laughing at all, just looking down at the table, and then awkwardly laughing a bit while looking at me, and then the table. i dont know what that means??? just as the conversation ended he was like "do u wanna go for a smoke" and then we went outside, and talked about other things.

we had been drinking and joking all night, and he decided to tell some group of girls sitting in the bar, that he and i are childhood friends (big lie, i've known him since summer). and i was like "aight, whatever" and then he lied and told them that i had written him tons of love letters when we were children. and i just laughed and lied and said "yeah haha, i was totally in love with you". when we left the bar, like 2 hours later, and we were all alone, i teased him about something we told the group of girls, and then he was like "yeah yeah whatever, i know that you'll just send me another love letter. you're like tooootally into me hahaha" and i was like "oh yeah, haha, totally. u got me" while walking away and laughing. i might just be fucking overthinking everything but also... why lie about writing love letters? there are much more embarrassing things (for me) he could've said. idk, help me

he texted his girlfriend throughout the night (i think) but looked quite annoyed/not happy whenever he did, and at some point he left the table for like 15 minutes (probably to talk to her). idk

he kept touching my stuff. like my cigarettes and my lighter, he would just sit with them and play with them. i found it quite cute, idk

OKAY, and then to last night (friday) i was in another bar last night, helping out, 'cause i kinda work there (ish, like, volunteer-work) and W was supposed to have a shift later in the evening

he calls me to tell me that he will be running late, 'cause he was at an event, and shit hit the fan, idk. then he asked me if i could cover for him, and i said that i for sure could cover for him. we only talked for 1,5 minute, but idk. my fucking hands went sweaty and i couldn't stand still. i don't think i've ever picked up that fast. uuuughhhhh i feel so weird. whatever

he showed up like 1,5 hours too late (but it was ok, 'cause there really wasn't much to going on), and went directly out to find me (i was smoking) to hug me and apologize for coming so late. then i kept feeling his eyes on me, and i could hear him mention my name a lot of the night

we ended up doing some cleanup together afterwards, and it was just... really nice. we have such a good time whenever we're together and i feel so comfortable around him. except for the part where i keep thinking about how hot i think he is and how want to give him a big old smooch. i had hoped to talk to him some more, but we both went home when cleanup was done, and idk. its fine

i have not been able to keep him out of my head all day. its truly torturous

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Rating ateez on how much childhood me would've clung to them:

8. Hongjoong: There's no reason other than he's maths teacher coded and I never liked maths so I never went near the maths teachers either. I am mathphobic.

7. Jongho: Idk man he looks like he would've put me in air jail.

6. Yeosang: Bro's so pretty I would've been too shy to go up and talk😭😭 But I would've probably clung to him a little once I started talking.

5. Mingi: A bit intimidating at first but later you'd find me climbing up to his face to bite his head just because it looked tasty.

4. Yunho: Again, I'll be climbing up him but would just stay in his arm. He isn't as biteable as Mingi.

3. Wooyoung: Would probably instigate me to climb Mingi and bite him. Two peas in a pod.

2. San: No.1 most Huggable Hug Shaped Hug person I'd like to hug.

1. Seonghwa: Will sit on his lap and fight children who try to share the lap with me. You'd normally find me hanging from his neck like a human necklace. Bro would have back issues by the end of the year.

Also I have this weird feeling in my brain that Jungkook from BTS is made of Blueberry cake and Jimin is made of Strawberry parfait. Both of them are cake.

Proof:

Jimin-

Koo-

Do not ask me why I just have pictures of their booty lying around. I don't have any idea either.

you must really miss your childhood kaya :') that's actually cute (me i don't want to go through the trauma my childhood brought me again i'm good 😃)

but n e ways here's my personal rating (disclaimer: i was never a clingy kid and i was shy asf and also somehow both way too mature as a child and dumb asf idk how that works)

8. mingi: we'd prob just stare at each other without talking i'm sorry (but present me would prob get along best with mingi which is funny)

7. wooyoung: i really didn't like loud people as a kid and that's bc i wanted to be them- carefree and wild. he would have to involve me himself but i would make myself appear very uninterested.

6. san: i would be way too shy to talk to him bc i know even as a child i would have thought wow he would have been my first crush before i knew what a crush meant.

5. yeosang: absolutely right bro's so pretty i would want to talk to him so bad and honestly he might be the only one childhood me would have made an effort to talk to

4. jongho: too mature for our age? check. we would team up to talk about life and make fun of ppl

3. yunho: he seems like such a friendly person i would prob just watch him talk and slowly open up to him hehe

2. hongjoong: childhood me and him have the same interests so we might have actually gotten along pretty well (plus he may be math coded but childhood me loved maths

1- seonghwa: there's absolutely no need to think about this. his presence is so welcoming and i feel like he would have made an effort to bring me out of my shy bubble and we would have had a lot to talk about

(yours is like reality show material AHAHAHAHA now i want to see atz try to befriend a kid like you)

also thank you for gracing me with some cake today 😃 and honestly, i really do think jimin as strawberry and jk as blueberry makes sense.

if we're talking about flavours im having a thought- yunho feels like he's made of vanilla cake LDFGJDKLFJG DONT ASK ME WHY

(hj is the white frosting cake that when you cut reveals a rainbow sponge KJHFJGKHDFJKG) (san also has a cake on him i assign him chocolate)

[dougiejack]

get to know me

Tagged by @butchmarner ♥️♥️

Do you make your bed?

lmao no. never have, probably never will. Not with any kind of regularity.

Favourite number?

When I was like 15 I decided I needed to assign myself a favorite number and also that it could NOT be anyone else's favorite number and the one I landed on is 13,306.

What's your job?

I'm a chef. I used to be a restaurant chef, now I am a corporate chef (which means I get to work normal person hours and have a life)

If you could go back to school, would you?

yes and no, I would like to get a "real" degree so I could theoretically get a desk job at some point in the future when my body quits on me, but the idea of actually doing school again sounds terrible.

Can you parallel park?

I can but I rarely do, I am a "back into the spot" ass bitch tho.

Do you think aliens are real?

I think they exist in the sense that there must be another planet with life somewhere in the universe, I don't believe they are here

Can you drive a manual car?

No but one time I had a dream that I could that was so realistic that my friend was willing to let me try it in her car just to see if I could.

Guilty pleasure?

I actively try not to experience guilt over that which brings me pleasure.

Tattoos?

I have a few, they don't go together or look good lmao. I like it that way.

Favourite colour?

Purple

Favourite type of music?

Late 90s alt-rock and early 2000s emo

Do you like puzzles?

I love puzzles

Any phobias?

spiders, vomit, large dogs

Favourite childhood sport?

I hated sports as a kid. hated playing them, hated watching them.

Do you talk to yourself?

All the damn time

Tea or coffee?

Coffee, but I have to put so much nonsense in it to make it not taste like coffee that I might as well just drink soda lmao.

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

I think I wanted to be a singer/actor? Not to psychoanalyze tiny Eliot but basically the only time I would get a positive reaction from people was by making them laugh or entertaining them in some way, so it was always my dream to entertain professionally.

What movies do you adore?

Titanic, Star Trek 2, 3, 4, 9, and 11 (I think the pine-verse is 9 through 11 but I might be misremembering), idk I can't think of movies which is insane because they used to be my whole life (ask me about working at blockbuster it was the best time of my life)

Thanks so much for tagging me! I'm gonna tag @devilssacrament @hischiersjohnston @hischierlovebot @mikathemad @dartducks @imperatorrrrr @hockey-stressed

[berrysquared]

May I ask for lore from your superhero au?

Love your art style btw! *^-^*

AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH !! This means so much to me truly ahhhh 💕

A lot of lore for the au is still in bits and pieces beacuse uni decided to kinda hit me like a truck this semester :’) im sorry about that

With my hotguy au the only rule I set for myself is that I’m fully following the guidelines for characters set by Scar on that one stream he did. So each role is (kinda) exactly what he wanted it to be (even if it meant making jellie an actual mayor and trying to make that work) and Im just trying my best to actually pull it together into one big au that is 90% just very silly and 10% angst backstories. I will be adding some characters which weren’t in the list tho! Like Scott (who for now is a starlord alien pirate who travels with Cleo on her space piracy adventures) and Joel (idk what he will do yet but hes gonna be there)

As for specific lore that hasn’t been out in the world yet, i can give you some of grians backstory I came up with help from the one, the only @1captainjordan4 my beloved 💕

(As I was writing this i kinda realised that this got really long im sorry, i will put it under keep reading ;-; also im not the best at writing stuff out so excuse that)

In this au Grian and Pearl are siblings who have been orphaned and have been living as street rats all their childhood. They have become accustomed to stealing and fighting (and got kinda good at it) from a very early age and steadily have been falling more and more into criminal circles.

During that time Grian got approached by the Watchers organisation who promised to provide for both him and Pearl in exchange of him spying on their behalf, being a messenger etc. Desperate, he accepts their offer but hides it from Pearl and just says he got a legit job or smth, knowing she would not approve of it as it is too dangerous and would try to discourage him and look for another way.

The missions grew more and more dangerous and with each one Grian distanced himself from Pearl further and further. (Which in turn pushed her to seek the truth and become an investigative journalist)

As time goes on Grian gets a job as a scientist and actually tries to live a normal life as a “retired villain” but still is unable to fully escape the Watchers who force him to take jobs every so often. This pattern continues until he gets indebted to Scar who saves him and in true Grian fashion just Has To stick around and help him until the debt is repaid and thus becoming cuteguy!

More or less

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

How do I stop being so afraid of dying

I'm either the best or worst person to ask this question , i'm not sure which but i know my answer could feel abrasive so bear with me here

Before i get into any of my feelings on the matter, Just remember, you are here now. Present-ness is all there is. Present-ness is the antidote to fear. Anything you can do or touch or observe to evoke your senses and remind yourself to be present , start with that <3

now, For context, i have spent majority of my life completely enamored and obsessed with death, desperately seeking it out , as well as answers tothe questions of ~what happens to us~ because when my dad duering my childhood i felt i could no longer exist in the physical world without him, nor could i handle the mundane-ness of life, i could not be normal , i could not think about anything other than dying, it felt like the answer to every problem, in a way i was jealous of him, i craved that escape -

this persisted throughout my whole life until maybe like, 4 or 5 months ago lol, i finally like, Found some peace within myself, and now i don't actively want to die anymore :) But i do still feel deeply accepting of it and not afraid at all, because i believe you never really die, the energy of your soul just moves on to a different plane of existence where U actually have much more freedom & safety. ok I'll put the rest under readmore for length's sake

Like it just felt very safe to me, to die. And i believe that was maybe a psychic link between me & my dad, i could feel him around me all the time, and i felt he was in true comfort and safety,, But i also wondered if that was just my imagination trying to help me cope. As a kid our family had no religion so i never believed in the heaven/hell dichotomy and had no established preconceived notion of what happens when U die, only my intuition. But that was not enough for me, I needed real tangible answers, So you could say my dad's death lead me on the lifelong spirit-knowledge-quest which is pretty much the foundation of my entire personality at this point lol.

And ok here's the part where i can actually try to answer your question - Like i mentioned previously, you do not die. You really truly just leave your body & move on. You go to the astral plane, you rest, you heal. your family, ancestors, friends, anyone waiting for you on the other side will be there to guide you through your transition. All the burdens of your life will be instantly released and so your soul can only feel it's truest most loving essence. The eventual goal is to return to "source", however, you will probably not want to do that yet. Anything left unfinished in the physical plane you will want to deal with. Often our souls linger around in the astral to watch over & help our loved ones still living in the material. If there's still karmic attachments we will generally wait for them to pass too, so we can eventually reincarnate together and try again.

This is the general gist of info i've gathered over years and years of seeking the answers. Pretty much everything comes back to this. And as i've become more open to communicating with the other side, I am more sure of it than ever. That's actually why I don't feel so eager to die anymore, because I want to be a bridge for them, so they can have more direct influence in the material world. Because they really want to help us T-T they really want us to live without fear. Fear stops us from living this life to the fullest, they want us to replace fear with love.

Btw, death does not hurt. if you're afraid of it hurting, please just know, it does not hurt. idk how to explain this but there is no pain. I think many people are afraid of death because it sounds painful so i just wanted to add that in.

Life continues on the other side. It's different, but you're still you, your soul is still your soul, there is no hell. You'll still have your essence and your memories. You will be powerful in ways you can't even really imagine here. Time and space will bend for you in the astral. You will be burden-free. You will protect the ones you love and even sometimes be able to come to them in dreams. You can come back here too. One day you will even be able to return to ~Godsource~ when you feel you are ready. it's all love on the other side.

So please don't fear <3 death is natural death is nature. death is mysterious but there are many resources out there to learn about the afterlife. Even just like, watching/reading people talk about their near death experiences i find to be immensely comforting, as they mostly all describe the same beautiful weightless sensations and sense of total peace/acceptance.

Even though i finally found reasons to live, I still dont rly fear death, and feel kind of excited to have the full spectrum of my ~powers~ back lol. So maybe that's another way u could think of it, like, think of all the ways u can protect ur loved ones and send them little hints of your continued existence ..

also Sorry if this answer made you feel worse in any way, it's always hard for me to gauge how my opinions of death will go over with others, as i've had such a uniquely obsessive experience with it and it's so fully ingrained into my conscious thought patterns that maybe i could seem really intense/psycho without realizing ^_^; This message seeks only to bring comfort so i hope that translates accurately

The cure to all fear is mastering the technique of being Present in The Moment. When u feel the fear creeping in, try to ground down, recenter yourself, slow down & focus on your breath, in out in out, touch things in front of you, go for a walk, look at some trees, you're still here. You're still here right now and that's all that matters. The future is irrelevant, NOW is all there is, and you are here <3

Stay strong anon, try to replace fear with love whenever u can. Easier said than done, but it is possible to gain control over the sensation of fear, with practice and dedication, i promise. Much love to you <3 PMD9

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Hi, I hope you’re doing well!! I have a question about working with your ancestors. I’ve started to fully work with my ancestors a few months ago. I’ve noticed that I only really connect with one side of my ethnic ancestry and I feel the majority of ancestors who are in my life are from that side of my family/ancestry . I also feel more connected with my ancestors from a “older” time. Idk what I am asking exactly, but is it normal to connect with one side of your ancestry/ethnic culture/ancestors than the other side of your ancestors? (“Side” as in your mothers or fathers side of the family) I connect with my fathers side more than my mothers even though I grew up spending a lot of time with my mothers family and spending little to no time with my dads side of the family. There is a lot of  trauma on my moms side of the family, perhaps that’s why I feel disconnected from them, but looking back into my childhood I always connected with my fathers side of my family and ethnic heritage more than my moms, okay now I am just talking to myself! But any advice or clarity would be appreciated since I am still very new to ancestor work!

Thank you for your time❤️❤️

Hey there, anon! I think you perhaps meant to send this to someone else. I don't do ancestor work, worship, or veneration. I can't provide any advice/clarity because this is literally not what I do.

I, personally, don't want to tell you how to practice your own practice or live your life. But it seems to me that you're overthinking this a little too much? Which I also do, so I get it.

My best advice is "do what you want forever" because this is a very personal thing for you. My second piece of advice is to seek out blogs and books that actually talk about ancestor work/worship/veneration.

I'll throw this out to the dashboard so other blogs can comment or provide resources. Make sure you check the comments and reblogs of this post, anon!

~Jasper

[cherienymphe]

do people not understand that these fantasies are kinks? like humilation kink, domination kink, breeding kink, knife play, blood play, etc.... and kinks are developed in different ways either based on trauma, childhood, or just down right experience and exposure????

i don't think we can have control over our kinks, we like what we like and that's it. we cope with how we can and how we want. this is a safe space. this is fantasy. it's not real.

none of us actually want to get raped, like how a lot of people don't like being scared yet they still go to haunted houses or watch scary movies.

it's safe exposure, safe play.

like pls there are many articles explaining the psychology behind it. it's more normal than you think.

They're not stupid and even if they were, they're on the same internet they used to ask me dumb questions and they can go ask google those same dumb questions. Idk the motive or whatever but my blog is so obviously my safe space where I can express my fantasies and traumas in a harmless way. They know I'm not fantasizing about women being anything but instead solely myself and it's a community of people with similar kinks and fantasies and interests so idk what response they want from me but I'm not playing into whatever they're trying to do 😭 they can go be purposely obtuse somewhere else

[our-transgender-experiences]

Hello everybody! (CW: LGBTQ-phobia is mentioned)

I only wanted to know whether I'm real transgender or transTRENDER... Let me explain now. Sorry for being so long, but it's my most honest confession.

I was a stupid boy ("girl") till I was 8 and never realized I was not cishet 'cause my parents "censored" everything connected to LGBTQ+ and "unobtrusively" convinced me that I was a straight girl (tbh, politics and sex were also forbidden topics in our house; interestingly enough, my family ain't religious, all of them are atheists). I didn't even have a thought that a boy could like boys and "a woman may want to be called a man." I gave no thought that I might not be what my parents want me to be: a straight girl who loves her husband and has children.

I only learned the word "lesbian" when my aunt accidently said it (I was 8 y. o.), and after I asked my dad the meaning of this word. He got absolutely furious and only said, quoting, "These are mentally ill girls who need to be rap... ahem, who need to have s*x with men." So, like, you know now how it was in my family.

I "had" a "crush" on my best friend when I was 9-10. It was totally made up by me because EVERYONE (our parents, friends, classmates, and even teachers) would ship us, not even listening to our "no." My dad was absolutely happy that I "have found a future husband, like every normal girl," and I just felt disconnected from this. Not only with the "found a future husband" part but also with "every normal girl" part, too. Nonetheless, I suppressed every thought like this.

I only got internet access when I was 10-11 y.o. I was getting into puberty and hated my chest: I couldn't find a reason to explain this to my parents, who knew about me disliking my growing breasts. Subconsciously, I wanted to be like my the most favorite guitarist (he's a man) from the band of my childhood. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be like him. But I quickly thought it was because of my chest and was actually right.

The first time I saw the word "transgender" was when I turned 12. I learned about the pronouns and felt a strong connection to she/they and he/they set. I tried using "he/they," but I stopped in a day due to the simple fact that it felt unusual. I immediately banned myself from thinking of this, putting a limit: I can only be an ally. The problem was that I never had any strong position because my parents were constantly brainwashing me. So, I have seen some posts about radical feminism... and sooner became a TERF.

Honestly, radical feminism helped to accept my aroaceness, but it's the only good thing it has done to me. I started hating men simply because they were men, and I also started wishing death on all trans people for "supporting gender stereotypes." I had no reason for this: I was just brainwashed by TERFs when I was 13. I didn't support the whole feminism: I only hated trans people because... why? (P. S. I still hate myself for this period of life) TERFs forced me to think I am proud to be a girl, even though I MYSELF (!) never believed in it. Also, it is worth saying that being radfem was actually quite popular (if I can say it) in my country in 2020-2021 / 2022 (maybe it's still popular now, idk), so many girls were (or are) into that.

Deep down, when I looked through the photos of my favorite guitarist and thought he was handsome... and I felt jealous since I'm not like him, but I quickly restricted myself from thinking of this. I didn't know it was gender envy.

When I was turning 14, my ex-friend helped me to realize I had masculine features. And then I realized I was a guy with he/they pronouns (I go by he/him now). And I felt... relieved? It’s as if my life has acquired colors that weren’t there before this moment. I had no idea what my name was... My deadname always seemed to me so usual, but not mine, and my inner boy was almost killed with TERF's f*cking ideology. I googled some boy names and... I found an amazing one, which was the best for me (even if it wasn't typical for my country).

I went to the psychologist (who turned out to be an impostor and did not have a diploma). She said I was the girliest girl she had ever seen, and I'm faking it.

I have changed SO many labels, trying to find the most suitable one, but now I just label myself transgender man and don't give a damn. I have two names now: the one I have chosen when I was 14 and the most recent one when I realized nobody's gonna call me by my first chosen name. Both feel nice for me, and I'm even thinking of getting the other two (I'm fascinated by Janick, Dariusz, and Friedrich, honestly, but I believe 5 names will be too much for me). The guitarist I adore is still my gender envy. 🤣

I WANT to look like a man and transition... but I always think I'm not trans enough. I nearly killed my real self, letting my parents and TERFs decide who I am. What if I'm not trans and just faking it? What if the internet has brainwashed me, and I'm not real trans? I don't wanna be a "typical masculine man" or a "typical feminine woman," I wanna be myself. And my real me is dead. What if I'm just a gendervoid and can turn into everything: girl, boy, nonbinary, bigender, etc? What if I have lost in my dreams and I'm a girl? What if I'm just a transtrender?

Sorry for being so long. Thanks for reading. Sorry for taking your time.

you are 'trans enough', and even if you decide your not later, thats fine. you can be whoever you want, forever. i'm happy that you figured it out, despite terfs and parents.

also, you dont need to apologise for sending something, its what this blog is for!

[ohgodimafraud]

. not snz j me rambling about sexuality and orientation. tw for mentions of most kinds of self destructive behaviors

I feel like I have a hard time relating to people. Like my teen years were “can I go to the movies with my friends” “no” “ok I’ll just spend all my time on this fetish forum” and my childhood was like knowing I was doing something wrong or I was wrong and I’d be like crying all the time at night praying to be allowed to go to purgatory when I die and I was like 8.

All I like to do is talk about anime and music and like there’s not that much more to me. I told my mom I’m probably a lesbian on Sunday and she took it alright. I’m almost 25. I look at m/isa a/mane and realize we’re not so dif. I didn’t like kill anyone but all of my crushes on men were obsessive and life consuming and painful and like I’d feel like such a freak. I 100% allowed myself to be treated like absolute garbage j for some validation and for the security of having a man so I have an excuse to not be with other men and ok I fucked a man a bunch of times and yea ok I was almost blackout for 75% of those times but it’s fine and yea I wonder like how many more times I can do this and I’d be like binging and purging or burning myself or dieting or binge drinking or staying up all night or forcing myself to go to church to get some kind of release from how wrong everything felt all the time. I feel like I’ve lost so many years to like self hatred and desperation to be normal and date a guy and get married and nobody will ask me questions and nobody will say they don’t want me around or that they don’t support my lifestyle or think I’m broken or evil or gross.

I spent like years suppressing my thoughts and feelings like since childhood. I knew like what topics were not ones that should come up in front of mom and dad and my siblings like did not have that experience. I like don’t even know what I like and what I tell myself I like. I spent most of college playing house with the guy I chased down like actual prey and convinced to date me. It’d always be like I can get him to like me and I can make him happy and it was never like he actually makes me happy. I like this. I’m having fun. I feel heard and important and loved. It was just like I can make it work. I spent years being a yandere bitch and it’s like idk what’s even left bc I wasn’t ready to confront it in my teens I just would get blackout drunk and be like good luck future me. And future me is me and idk either. Sometimes I feel like my health has been bad as a direct punishment for all the things I’ve done. And Ik I’m being angsty and delulu but knowing that doesn’t make the feeling stop so it’s like. Idk. But I’m glad I can connect w ppl on here about snz fet and queerness and anime it’s v special to me