#idk I just ask myself what if they are normal and have normal childhood and shit what will they become

[faunandfloraas]

im so glad im not the only person that looks at seungmin and goes "❓tism❓" bc he is Way Too Relatable to me as a person w autism

yeah..... like I say it in jest but also..... well, yk. sometimes you notice something and you notice something and you notice something and you go Hmmmm

[bibleofficial]

i’m myself at home, me in public, & i runs it all

[crazy-fangirl2524]

What I think Andrew and Neil’s personality/life/relationship will be like without ALL the trauma and so the “real” them without all the baggage

(Obviously just my opinion and interpretation)

Andrew:

He would still be a super protective person especially as those he views as family (nicky, Aaron, his parents (??), friends he knows he can trust)

Would still have gone through a goth/grunge phrase

His sweet tooth is still atrocious

The type of guy to stop people from physically bullying others (verbally he does not care if the person can’t take it its a them problem)

Tons of piercings everywhere

Doesn’t try in school because he doesn’t have to with his eidetic memory yet he is only second right behind Aaron

No one is shocked that he is gay

I can see him studying things like philosophy literature classics history or just any of the intellectual degrees (he will do double major)

Definitely got scholarships for any universities he applied to (same as Aaron)

Chooses to go to the university that Aaron chooses (“Andrew ucla’s criminology is the best in the whole world why are you choosing John Hopkins” “John Hopkins’s literature and classics is the best in the world” “Andrew-“)

Doesn’t have a lot of people he considers as friends but he does have a select fews and he is not really in a friend group more like some scattered friends but he hoard like gold

Most likely to become a university professor ? Or a baker or whatever he wants and he will be so successful in it because he will put his heart and soul into it

Had a few flings here and there (maybe one or two relationships but no one can ever be on par with him) until he meets Neil (because in every universe they are still meant to be)

Neil:

Still skeptical and doesn’t trust easily

Those he considers as friends he holds on so tight he will literally die and kill for them

Still got a smart mouth that gets him in trouble

Troublemaker in school and people either love or hate him theres no in between

Math nerd

Would have been valedictorian but he doesn’t pay attention in class and skip classes if his friends ask him to

He will be in a friend group that everyone will ride and die for each other and is the friend group that everyone is envious of because they know it is for life even if they all separate in university

Obviously he will get a maths degree

Becomes mathematician or whatever it is smart people becomes in the future

Obviously he will be successful as well

Even in university he will somehow find a friend group and once again its the best people in the world for him and now he got THREE families (or however many because everywhere he goes this attractive troublemaker just attracts and makes his own found family without meaning to)

Throughout highschool or university or work (until he meets Andrew) he would have never dated because he genuinely does not get the point and no one ever interests him that way (until he meets Andrew)

Andreil:

No matter how they meet whether its highschool or in university or meet cute or meet ugly or whatever its always Andrew that falls first and finds the troublemaker attractive and neil is just the oblivious guy

But Neil is always the one that falls harder

Its always slowburn and kills their families and friends and makes everyone wants to just kill them

Their communication skills are what every couple wishes they have

Andrew still gives neil so much nicknames

Their personality will always complement each other and Neil’s fire will always spark’s Andrew’s interest and Andrew’s steady presence will always hold up whatever Neil has

The soul deep understanding will always be there

In any universe they will still inevitably end up together because their souls are made for each other

[dhampir-dyke]

wurghrgh

[adragonsfriend]

Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!

That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,

It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.

Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.

Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?

"So it's not actually that bad then?"

"You should tell her again."

"Are you sure you explained it right?"

The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!

With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.

And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.

Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.

There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.

The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.

Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.

Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.

And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.

Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal

[broooooo]

Dronehood

____________________

In today's world , the world has been slowly taken over by drones, whether it was by force, choice or persuasion, men are being converted, covered in a shiny black latex, a second skin, a well built muscled body, constantly aroused and hard. The mind does seem to remain keeping the hosts personality, but there's a big focus of obeying the master and the pleasure of dronehood

At first the world was scared, but as the drone army expanded, it slowly became normal, as if it's a rite of passage for teenage, adult men. It's even become a kind of entertainment to watch a conversion happen, could inspire others , or worn them.

Then there's me

I am Aaron, 21, regular build, living in an apartment, IV never been opposed to the drone movement. It's interesting to watch.

Deep down I wouldn't mind becoming a drone myself, it genuinely sounds fun.

Iv watched my childhood friend, Jason, become one before my eyes, he had wanted it for a while, and decided to get a slow conversion, he wanted to experience all the feelings grow and build.

The conversion itself is simple, intercourse with a drone, you may or may not include leather articles of clothing such as gloves or boots for extra pleasure. When it's done, the new drone is given a serial number name, but can keep their human name for interactions with others, plus they can take off their head mask for easy identification.

I myself don't leave my room a lot, i just watch from my TV or the window, hearing it through my walls too at times. Jason's my roommate, but he's never home, he's busy converting others or just hanging out with other drones.

Somewhat makes me jealous, before his conversion , we were the same, locked in your rooms not doing much, it honestly is a better life for him, and I'm happy,

It's possible to request a drone conversion, many have done it, Idk why I haven't done it yet, I guess I want to keep my peace for a little while, but ik at some point it will get too much to bear and then I will know I'm ready.

_________________

It was a normal day for me, watching my conversions , and contemplating life. When suddenly I hear the front door open, I rush out to see him, Jason standing in the door way, his heavy leather boots stomping on the floor as he closes the door. He looks at me, I haven't seen his have a week's.

JASON!?* ITS been so long, how.. have you been?*

He smiles and embraces me in a hug

*Iv been well, I missed you*

My face goes flush red, as I hug him back.

His latex skin is soft and shiny , the feel of hard muscles, it makes my heart race.

We pull away and I ask*

What are you doing here Jason?* Don't you have missions ?*

Jason laughs and says * well I do live here, plus even drones need rest.*

I answer back"

Well that makes sense , yeah*

Jason goes sit on the couch to watch TV.

*mind getting me a sparkling lemon water Aaron?.

Oh? Ok sure , I'll make us both one *

I go the kitchen, fill two cups with soda and prepare to cut lemons, during all this my mind races with thoughts, the sudden appearance of Jason and the feeling of his skin, it felt great. I feel hot, almost dreaming of it

As I'm cutting lemons the knife slips and cuts my hand, breaking me out of my dream like state

GAH*

Jason turns and runs up to me concerned

Are you ok?*

I'm fine just cut my self.

I go to clean up the blood and find a bandage, but problem, we where out of bandages

*darn we're out of bandaids.

Well I have a suggestion*

I turn around to see Jason's bear hand outstretched holding a latex glove.

You took it off? Isn't that yours?

Don't worry, I get a new one, my body can create it naturally.

I look at the glove as I hold it, it's soft,

The glove has a healing effect to it, it protects us drones from major injuries.

Huh, convenient , as I smile* thanks

I put the glove over my disinfected hand, I move my fingers about feeling it, it was soft, silky and comfortable.

So this is how it feels?* I say

Yeah, it's quite the sensation isn't it?,

Very much so, no wonder many ppl become drones.

Jason helps me finish the drinks and we go sit on the couch together.

Have you thought about dronehood much Aaron?

I turn to him and choke a little ,

Have I thought about it? It's ALL I can think about xd* I say with laughter, I observe it happen from my room, since your never hear.

And before you ask, no, I don't think I'm ready yet.

Jason looks into this drink and back up to me, he leans a hand over to touch my shoulder,

He smiles and says, * when you're ready then, no force, I want you to enjoy it as much as possible.

I peek up, *I KNEW IT, you planned this, laughing.

You were always a trickster you, we both laugh

Well Aaron , I. Do hope you enjoy that glove, it will help you decide, I'm sure of it.

I turn to look out the window and smiles

*thanks, i-, will definitely have an answer soon I'm sure.

___________

Afterwards we hang out the rest of day, it was a fun reunion, full of talk and catching up untill sun down

We both go to bed , crashing instantly as I'd been so tired after today.

The next day Jason and I bid farewell as he leaves for a mission.

I'm left alone and go to my room , sitting on my bedroom couch

_____

Hm, planed or not, I'm happy I have this glove. I turn on the TV to watch some more conversions

I feel hot and steamy imagining it, before I know it I'm rubbing my bulge with the gloved hand , my dick getting erect from what pleasure I can muster,

And idea popped into my head, I head over to Jason's room, and my mind was validated when I saw them, an extra pair of leather boots,

*planned this too Jason? Well idc, thanks*

We happen to be the same size, even so is force my feet into them, the boots go up to my kne, tall and shiny, sliding my feet in, my heart and mind are racing , my dick is rock hard , the sensations are over powering, I lace them up tight, whist I remove my clothing.

I stand up to look to the mirror, naked with only a latex glove and leather boots on, the weight of the boots and the tightness, protecting me, I go to my bed,I start to edge off slowly, aroused to high heavens and enjoying it all. Whilst the sounds of conversions from the TV hum in the background.

I never realized it but the dream like state I was in of edging and leaking lasted 3 days, I was covered in pre, drooling and gooing out, the latex glove and boots has started to spread up my legs and arm, then came Jason, he stood in my bedroom doorway, smiling, he comes over and jumps on top of me, squeezing my nipples hard

I moan hard and leak over me

*ready Aaron?*

Laughing through the intense pleasure ,

*hehe yeah. Convert me friend* I'm ready*

Jason's glowing purple eyes look into mine,

___________

Jason's hard latex dick at the ready, and with a passionate kiss it commences, what felt like a. Eternity, lasted a week of slow intense sex and conversion. As I expected it all

By the end of it, we and the bed were wet in pre, drool and juices, through the days, the latex nanites from Jason's dick slowly transformed my body, spreading the latex all over whist giving my muscle to fit, the climax of the conversion was then.

Jason fucking my tight ass, we both prepared for it , cum

It was a screech of intense pleasure, black nantite filled cum sprayed in ropes out our dicks, lasting 69 minutes of constant cumming, fucking and kissing, and the cum pool around us and soak back up into our bodies, , strengthening the conversion.

When it was all over , we lay there together tired and in love

My eyes start to glow to an intense blue. My mind was reshaped and ready,

Looking to Jason's eyes I say.

* I am ready to obey , ready to spread , ready to cum alongside you *

Jason smiles and kisses me, *ik.. drone 6923..*

My eyes flash, * yes... My new name.. thank you..

Drone 8696..*

___________

In the end we two drones, continued to make out intensely, passionately, never running out of cum

Untill the next mission is handed to us, and. I join Jason on my first crusade, We will enjoy each other forever.

______

: D

I enjoyed this one , genuinely think it's one of my best works yet

Hope you enjoy it, fellow drones

[sanjisleggy]

no more hiding (smoker x reader)

req: Hi!!! Could you maybe do a Smoker x pirate reader. Like trying to hide the relationship and stuff from the other Marines and her pirate crew. (Whichever crew you want) idk I just want cute pirate x Marine stuff maybe little angsty if you want but need cute things

a/n: omg i’ve been thinking about this request for the past three (3) days and i might have gotten very carried away with the angst at the start, istg i couldn’t help myself ajskdhjakshja i hope the subsequent fluff in the flashbacks and ending was enough to make up for it!! ;;0;; i legit had a lot more angst planned but i cut it out bc the request asked for more fluffy stuff :’D

contents: suggestive themes (nothing explicit though, idk why i wrote Smoker and reader so h0rny for each other but alas it is what is), angst to fluff, mentions of wounds and stitching of said wounds

wc. 2.3k

i.

Smoker can’t help the tinge of bitterness that gathers at the back of his throat, the taste so strong that not even his usual nightly cigars can chase away the smell. it’s a rather rare occurrence, only really happening when he gets anxious and it’s been a long time since anxiety overrode every other emotion in his body in such a way.

though the experience is slightly uncomfortable, he supposes it can’t really be helped since it involves you; his childhood friend (the only one, in fact), his closest companion and the love of his life. 

the Vice Admiral wonders what’s taking you so long. you always show up at his doorstep roughly half an hour after he’s sent out a trail of smoke to go look for you—the signal you’ve used since you were kids. back then it was for innocent hangouts beyond curfew and now it’s for late night meetings that often end with either one of you on top of the other, tangled in his bedsheets.

as much as Smoker would like to think about your latest escapade, his nerves are starting to get the better of him and his mind begins to race. 

ii. 

“you joined Tomohana’s crew?! what’s the matter with you?” his voice cracked slightly near the end of his sentence. you normally would’ve made fun of him for it but the air between him and you was a bit too tense for jokes like that. 

“ i know you know they’re not like normal pirates,” you replied as calmly as you could considering your best friend was yelling at you. “everyone in Loguetown loves him and his crew, they’re always fighting off rowdy pirates to protect the neighbouring islands.”

”that should be the Marines’ job.”

”exactly! but they don’t really do that a lot, do they?” you could tell you’d made a point so good even Smoker couldn’t rebut. “with Vice Admiral Gokiburi around, all they do is make our lives miserable.”

”it won’t be that way for long and you know that.” 

“oh please, you just got promoted a month ago and you’ve been with the Marines for how many years now?” he glared down at you but even his deep scowl wasn’t enough to hide the redness in his cheeks. “we’ll be in our mid-thirties before you take his place.”

”so?” Smoker snapped, fists clenched at his sides as hints of white smoke trailed out of the corners of his mouth. “at least i’ll be makin’ an actual difference! unlike you.” the tone of his voice dropped to an eerily calm albeit deep one. 

“what about me?” you challenged before you could help it. you knew from experience that adding fuel to the fire was not gonna end pretty but in that moment, you needed to know what he meant.

iii. 

why now? why am i remembering this now?

Smoker finds himself outside your door at midnight. the radio silence from you had been too much to bear and he just needs to know if you’re okay; and yet there he stands, fist halfway to making contact with your door when the bitter memory of your most painful fight decides it’s time to claw its way into the forefront of his mind.

after that incident,

after i called you all those awful things

you stopped talking to him for five years.

iv. 

it had been Tomohana of all people who’d told you about Smoker that day. he didn’t provide many details but it was enough for you to show up at his front door after years of no contact. after knocking, you could hear the sound of furniture being toppled over and heavy, unstable footsteps before the door swung open.

Smoker’s eyes widened upon seeing your face and he became so still that one of his cigars slipped out from between his teeth, hitting the ground unceremoniously between your feet and his. without saying a word, he stepped aside to let you in.

amidst the countless empty bottles of varying types of alcohol and a handful of presents you presumed were from his subordinates, the two of you sat in silence. 

“i heard you got promoted,” you said suddenly, after almost ten minutes of nothing. “congrats.” as though surprised at hearing your voice, Smoker cleared his throat before responding.

”thanks.” he paused for a few seconds. “i’m Vice Admiral now.”

”i know.” you offered him a small smile. “you don’t seem very happy about achieving your childhood dream though.”

”i…” he clenched his teeth, his already flushed face turning even redder from something other than alcohol. “i wish i could’ve celebrated with you, is all.” his eyes turned down to stare at his feet. for a man so huge, he looked awfully small. “i miss you. i’m sorry i said those things all those years ago. i didn’t mean any of it.”

hot tears began to stream down your face before you could even fully process what he was saying. 

“why’d it take you so long then?” you replied with a sniffle—the sound seemingly triggering something in the man as his head snapped back up to look at you. “all this time—” you had to pause to take in a deep, shaky breath “—i thought you hated me.”

upon your admission, the one and only Smoker, a Vice Admiral of the mighty Marines, slid off his seat to kneel before you. although he was drunk, at that moment he was the most sober he’d ever been in his life.

”i could never hate you, doll.” he grabbed your hands in an uncharacteristically soft manner before bringing them up to his lips. your heart pounded so violently within the confines of your chest, you wondered if he could hear it. “i’ve loved you ever since we were kids.” 

speechless, all you could really do was stare at him with your mouth parted.

”please let me make it up to you, (Y/N),” Smoker pleaded with a pitiful look in his usually hardened eyes. you briefly wondered what his subordinates would think if they saw him like that, especially the girl with the spectacles who seemed to admire him so much. he looked so little like the aggressive, no-nonsense Marine the locals now knew him as and so much like the Smoker from when you were just children. 

you realised, in that moment, how much you’d missed him, too.

v.

it’s taking all he’s got not to show his anger and fear as the Vice Admiral watches you stitch yourself back together in quite the literal sense. he’s clenching his fists so hard he can feel his nails dig into the meat of his palms, he won’t be surprised if he draws blood.

the white-haired man isn’t quite sure what exactly he’s angry at: you? your crew and Tomohana for letting you go home wounded to patch yourself up? even maybe himself?

before Smoker can make his decision, he’s torn away from his own thoughts by the sound of a pained whine being forced through your gritted teeth. wordlessly, he closes the gap between him and you and kneels by your feet. carefully, he finishes up the final stitches as your hand grips his shoulder tightly to cope with the pain. 

unknowingly, his Devil Fruit power kicks in, causing a whisp of white smoke to curl itself around your face and body. the familiar cooling sensation of his smoke caressing your skin soothes the stinging pain of your open wounds and the aches in your tired joints. 

you already know he’s mad, not just at you for getting hurt once again but at everything else, as well. it’s just the kind of guy Smoker is: always angry or uptight over something. and yet, he ties off the final stitch so carefully and when he’s done, he simply sighs before resting his cheek atop your thigh as he tenderly runs his palm up and down your bare leg, as if trying to remind himself that you’re still there.

from the way he exhales his following breath, you can tell he wants to say something.

vi.

“leave the crew,” he said suddenly, breaking through the comfortable silence that had befallen the two of you after an evening of post-dinner cuddling. his hand reaching up to rub the back of your neck as you rested your head on his bare chest. the night was hot and humid but neither of you cared how sticky your skin felt pressed against his, you’d both grown up in this weather after all. “i make more than enough berry for us to live comfortably.”

”you know that’s not what i’m worried about, love,” you replied with a chuckle as you adjusted your position by Smoker’s side to bury your face into the crook of his neck. the Vice Admiral’s chest rumbled in a way not unlike a cat’s purring as he pulled you closer, pressing his lips to the crown of your head. “the crew helps to protect a lot of the locals from the neighbouring islands and i wanna make sure there’s enough manpower before i consider quitting.” 

“can’t believe i’m sayin’ this but i hope a hundred of new recruits show up at that bastard Tomohana’s doorstop first thing tomorrow,” the man beside you sighed, only half-joking, before he rolled his body over yours without warning.

”hey!” you protested, wiggling under his weight. he chuckled as he trapped you beneath him, pressing kisses all over your face.

”tell him to hurry up and gather more crewmates already, doll,” Smoker murmured against your skin, “it’s not like they’re doin’ anything illegal anyway so why the secrecy, hmm? tryin’ to keep my girl away from me?”

”it’s not like that and you know it.” you hugged his head to your chest with both arms, smile growing even wider when you felt his muscles relax from your touch. “besides, they’d have to know about us to begin with.” 

“i’m tired of sneakin’ around,” he mumbled into your chest, muffling his words ever so slightly. “the cadets can get so nosy sometimes, it pisses me off.” Smoker admitted whilst rubbing your sides tenderly. “‘sides, all this hiding makes it feel like you’re some dirty secret.”

vii.

before he can say anything, you speak your mind first.

”i’m done hiding. i quit the crew earlier today.” Smoker’s head snaps up from your lap for his widened eyes to meet yours. staring back down at him with a small smile on your face, you cup his face with your right hand, feeling the stubble on his skin when he nuzzles into your touch. “some cocky new recruit challenged me for my position afterward. he was a pretty good fighter but i beat the shit out of him.”

”that’s my girl.” Smoker says with a chuckle, his hand giving your calf a light squeeze as he stares at you for a good few seconds. “so you’re finally free?” he asks with a glimmer in his eye. 

”you say that as if i was held hostage or something.”

”can’t help it, doll. that’s pretty much what it felt like for the past three years.” he presses yet another kiss to your bare thigh. “so… move in with me?”

”tomorrow,” you reply simply but definitively, much to his pleasure. “but first,” you gesture for him to stand up before holding out your arms in his direction, “carry me to bed.”

Smoker raises an eyebrow at your request though he can’t help the smile on his face. he wonders how ridiculous he must look, like some lovesick fool.

”please?” you pout and within seconds, you’re swept into his arms bridal style. you let out a soft yelp of surprise despite how carefully he’d picked you up. “i’m okay, you didn’t hurt me.” you’re quick to reassure him when a look of worry washed over his face from the sound you just made. you can feel his shoulders relax in response.

“bath first, then bed.” he states simply, already walking towards your bathroom.

”together?” you grin up at him, tracing a finger down his chest. a redness blooms across Smoker’s rugged face as he shoots you a frown that looks more silly than intimidating. he doesn’t even grace you with a verbal answer, deeming it too ridiculous to even acknowledge fully.

of course he’s going to join you. the day he says no to such a request is the day hell freezes over.

viii.

the night air feels more cooling than usual, you realise as you snuggle closer to your beloved, trying to steal as much of his body heat as you possibly can. using his bicep as a pillow with your head nuzzled into the crook of his neck, you hug him like a koala to a tree: your arms around his middle and your legs locked around his right thigh. admittedly it’s not the most comfortable position for Smoker but he’ll die before he complains about it. 

for the first time he’ll be able to sleep the night at your place and wake up by your side under the morning sun. no longer will either of you have to rise before dawn breaks to sneak back home, pretend the other has nothing to do with you until the moon takes the sun’s place and his smoke trail guides you back to him. 

Smoker is careful not to touch your stitches as he turns towards you slightly to pull you closer. he runs his hands over all the bare skin of yours he can reach, leaving goose bumps in his fingers’ wake, his heart fluttering when you giggle and wriggle your body in response.

i can’t wait to come home to you every night and see you every morning.

although it’s been a long day, neither of you get much sleep that night. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for avoiding my husband on purpose, like, all the time? my husband (m36) and i (f34) have been married for almost 10 years (anniversary in a few months). we have 3 kids (m10, f8, f1) and he works full time while i stay at home. even before we got married i didnt really have friends other than him, and i always had a hard time finding excuses to get out of the house. frequently, he gets to hang out with his buddies who he also works with, and ever since we had kids he's always going out and leaving me home alone even when hes not at work just to idk. hang out at bars and pretend we don't exist. well lately ive been making time for myself to go out when the kids are at school (my youngest is pretty well behaved so i just take her with me instead of paying a babysitter) and i had managed to get kinda friendly with some of the wives of my husbands coworkers (theyre all members of the same union, so we see each other at those functions every once in awhile). i thought it was all going well and i was having fun and enjoying getting to be social for once, but about 2 weeks ago, the whole family was invited out for lunch (a picnic type thing) with his buddies from work's families. all was going well and for the most part even the kids were having fun, but then my husband got absolutely fucking trashed for no reason. none of the other guys were acting like that, and we've had conversations about him not doing that sort of thing, but he NEVER listens. he's always acting like this, but usually i dont have to see when its in public. well he embarrassed me so fucking much. he was trying to start fights, messing up his clothes, and wouldn't listen to me at all. just in his own world as always. i should've known because its been a decade of this, but i could have sworn it wasn't this bad before. he wasn't like this when we dated you know? so we got home and i was just. grossed out and annoyed. i slept on the couch and pretty much ever since then, i haven't been talking to him. i got a text from one of the ladies saying that a wednesday hangout thing i had been invited to had been canceled, but i pretty much KNOW 100% that it wasn't, and that they just don't want to be associated with me now. the kids don't really seem bothered by the tension around the house (i think its sort of normal to them since hes frequently not around anyways). i wouldn't be near as annoyed if there wasn't a part of my brain telling me "he did it on purpose". i know that's just how he acts but i could SWEAR its almost like he just doesnt want me to have friends. he doesn't want to hear about it, he just wants me THERE at home, watching the kids and existing solely for his convenience. i used to consider divorce, before we had our youngest. but i haven't had a job since high school, and i couldnt put the burden of asking for help on my sisters. they hate him, but i couldnt ask them for that support. and i dont even know what the kids would think, i cant do that to them. but yesterday, my husband brought it up (cornered me in our room pretty much) and asked why i was ignoring him. what if he really didnt know why? i TOLD him, but its like he forgot or just expects me to be "over it" by now. all i wanted was just this one thing, to HAVE FRIENDS, have that time away from being just "mom" and do what i want. he gets to do that so why cant i? or AT LEAST he could put some more effort into being around and doing things as a family? but i still wonder if im being the asshole, for giving him the cold shoulder for this long. he didnt have a happy childhood or good examples for parents so maybe he just thinks this is normal? i never asked because i assumed he knew it wasn't. and he does seem like, disappointed that i wont come to bed. maybe ive been driving him off and that's why he doesnt like to come home? idk at this point, im at a loss. aita?

[bebx]

more thoughts regarding Henry Creel’s time at Hawkins Lab because I’m so (not) normal about that guy.

okay, so do you guys remember when Doctor Brenner rewarded Two with a candy when he did good during the lesson?

now don’t mind me imagining him giving young Henry a candy, when Henry was the only kid there, as a reward to try to urge him into complying / into trying to do good. I’m not saying candy absolutely worked for Henry, but after all he was still a kid. and I don’t think Virginia was the kind of parents who allowed her kids to have candy. so idk dude, imagine young Henry not wanting to give in and accept Brenner’s so called gift before he gave in and did what Brenner wanted in the end, because I bet, at the beginning, Brenner gave or tried to give Henry candy without Henry having to do anything for it, and once Henry — a kid, mind you — got a taste of candy and asked for more, Brenner said he had to do something to earn it first.

just imagine Henry wanting candy. imagine Henry agreeing to be good for Brenner because he just wanted the candy. imagine candy being the only “normal” thing Henry had during his childhood. imagine Henry, now as an adult, still having a secret longing / nostalgia for something as simple, as childlike as candy.

@twihs-blog I think I made myself cry…

[thepenguinweeb]

rewatching part four, you say…

*slams metaphorical credit card on table* rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan rohan please i am normal and sane about the manga artist

anyways perchance maybe reader is an assorted background stand user in morioh™️, and Jotaro or Joskue or whomever pair them up to look for things/people that stick out around the town (post shigechi death). Rohan is all like “that’s stupid, I can’t use my stand on every single citizen of morioh” only to be told “that’s fine, y/n can help narrow down the search”

maybe reader with a stand that lets them see auras or something similar. Neither knows what the others stand is or does and they kinda make idle banter about it as they go about the streets searching.

Stuff like “how are you supposed to help narrow this down” “stfu i’ll just tell you who looks suspicious, what are you even gonna do when I do though?” “i don’t want to tell you wtf” and “they wouldn’t have put us together if our stands weren’t benificial” and “you know, if i really wanted, I could just get the information myself (heavens door go brrr) but Im being kind and trying this new thing called ‘consent’”

Chance for comedy bc obviously they’re not gonna find bbg yoshikage, definitely could read one person with a negative vibe and be so shocked/discouraged by what they find after hours of walking that they turn in for the night. Rohan walks reader home, could be flirty as they actually talk about how terrifying heavens door could be (ie: koichi kidnapping)

if you go with the aura thing, maybe also a conversation about what his looks like and what readers first reaction to it was. talking about how well they compliment each other and that it’s no shock they were paired up for the search

idk, idc, go nuts man. the manga artist is hot and i’m not ashamed to admit that. need him. sorry this is so long and informal 😭

[ ♡ Kishibe Rohan x reader ]

[ ♡ When Jotaro pairs you up with an unfamiliar man as your partner to search for clues about a killer living in Morioh, you find an unlikely connection despite his.. less than friendly demeanor. ]

[ ♡ Requested by: anon !! <3 ]

[ ♡ A/N: YES YES I LOVE ROHAN THANK YOU !! DW about the long ask, I cannot emphasize how much I love when people rant in my inbox about their sillies. Anyway I loved this concept smm I hope I did your idea justice !! I kinda might have gone a bit overboard lol I usually don't write this much ]

[ ♡ Word count: 2k ! ]

Divider by @/cafekitsune !!

You've lived in the quiet town that is Morioh since your childhood. Your life, up to this point had been quite average, to say the least...

Until now, that is.

A few months ago, you'd been shot with a mysterious arrow, which seemed to awaken some kind of strange power within you.

You'd always been good at judging people's characters. It's what being a chronic people-watcher does to a person. Perhaps that's why you could see people's "auras" since the arrow incident.

To be quite honest with yourself, you didn't think much of it. It came in handy a few times, but life went on as normal.

But it seemed life had other plans for you, as not long after your discovery of these powers, you met a man, Kujo Jotaro.

Well.. not so much as met. More like, watched for a few days by him because he caught you using your Stand in public and thought you were an enemy.

But, you've cleared your name since then and became loosely accquainted with a group of people who were all Stand users, much like yourself.

All was well in Morioh.. you thought so, anyway.

Oh, but poor Shigechi.

It was Josuke who informed you of his death. You were just as struck as everyone else, despite not knowing the boy personally.

He didn't deserve to die.

And so, an investigation began. Clearly, there was something going on in Morioh, way bigger scale than what the group initially expected.

But nothing came back. You asked about it every day, to see if anyone had any news, but nothing. All you could be sure about was the fact that a killer was lurking in Morioh.. who was, also, most definitely a Stand user.

Just then, you got a call from Jotaro. He told you to meet him at a certain address. And don't be late.

You honestly didn't know what to expect. Despite its unlikeliness, deep down you hoped it was only good news - that they somehow found the killer and had him arrested, so Morioh would return to normal.

That, of course, wasn't the case.

You arrived at the location quite soon, as it was not too far from your own home. The address took you to a nice-looking house, though you weren't exactly sure why Jotaro wanted to meet you at a random house.

You spotted Jotaro immediately. Not a hard task, considering the man was 190 cm and wore a huge white coat at all times.

But then, next to him was another man, unknown to you. You know you've seen his face before.. more than once, too. Yet you still couldn't put it together..

"Y/N. Good. You're here." Jotaro nodded once you approached.

"Right. So, uh.." you made a point to glance at the other man, who you noticed was staring at you trough a sharp gaze.

"Kishibe Rohan." He extended his hand toward you, his eyes almost piercing trough your soul with the intensity. You had to wonder if he was always like that, or if he just didn't trust you.. perhaps both.

"Y/N L/N.." you took his hand for an awkward handshake. Then, something seemed to click in your mind. "Wait- Kishibe Rohan. Like, the mangaka?"

"That would be me, yes."

In hindsight.. Koichi did mention something in passing about knowing Kishibe Rohan, 'the greatest mangaka alive' personally..

You smiled, hoping some banter would eventually ease him up. But just as you were about to reply, Jotaro cut you off.

"The reason you're here," he began, "is because I have a job for you both."

Both you and Rohan raised an eyebrow at that.

"You have been informed of all that has happened recently, correct?"

You nodded in confirmation.

"I want you to work together to find anyone or anything suspicious. Whatever you can find. At this point, anything could be a clue."

A small silence filled the air as you stared at the tall man. You weren't against the idea of working together with Rohan, even if you didn't know him too well. The mangaka, however..

"You must be joking, Jotaro." He crossed his arms as he turned his head to look at the other man. "Surely you don't expect me to use my Stand on everyone in Morioh?"

"Of course not," Jotaro replied in his usual tone. "That's what Y/N is here for."

You could almost feel yourself wanting to sink into the ground at the harsh glance Rohan gave you.

But, after a few minutes of convincing, he eventually was dragged out by Jotaro agreed.

An extremely awkward silence hung about as the two of you trekked trough the streets. You kept your Stand activated at all times, but so far nobody had caught your attention. Though.. you had to admit, Rohan's aura was quite unique. Perhaps it was the simple fact that he was a Stand user, but his aura was more.. powerful, more confident, more defining than the average person.

"So." It was him who broke the silence first. "How, exactly, are you supposed to be of any help?"

You glanced at him, not appreciating his condescending tone. "It's simple. I'll tell you who's suspicious and who's not." You raised an eyebrow. "And what are you supposed to be doing?"

The man scoffed in response. "As if I would tell you about my Stand."

You rolled your eyes at his attitude. "Jotaro paired us up for a reason." Your lips curved into a small grin. "What, are you this insecure about your abilities?"

Rohan glared at you, even more intensely than before. He gave you the kind of look that told you if consequences weren't a thing, he'd have strangled you by now.

"Shut your mouth," he replied. "I don't need you for this job, you know. I could always do it on my own. You should be grateful you even have this opportunity."

You let out a long sigh and clutched your temple. It would be a long day if it kept on going like this..

The sun was beginning to dip in the sky above you. You'd been wandering the streets of Morioh since the morning, and so far, nothing.

"Ughh.." you heard Rohan quietly groan beside you. "Are you sure your Stand works perfectly? You seriously haven't seen anything at all yet?"

You gave the man a pointed glare upon hearing his doubts. "Of course it works," you snapped back.

"Then how come we haven't found a single suspicious person yet? Morioh isn't such a big town." He sighed. "Maybe you should get better at judging people."

"Ah, yes, I should be more like you, huh? Be judgemental to everyone who I think is below me."

You could tell Rohan was about to clap back with some witty comment, but you suddenly stopped in your tracks, so he did the same.

You focused on a certain person whose aura was different from the rest.

"That one." You pointed a finger at them.

Thankfully, for once Rohan decided not to be a pain in the ass and actually cooperate. As soon as you pointed the person out, he summoned his own Stand.. it was smaller than you expected from someone with an aura like his, but alas.

"Heaven's door!"

Rohan, with a simple drawing, somehow knocked the person out.. and turned their body into a book?

Definitely looked weird and gross.

"..that's your Stand?"

"Shut it."

Rohan began to flip trough the pages, his expression less and less positive with each passing paragraph.

After a couple minutes, he let out a long, defeated sigh. "Definitely not who we're looking for."

"Are you gonna let me read it too, or..."

The man rolled his eyes and let you have a look. But, to your disappointment, he was right. There was nothing noteworthy about them, there was no chance they were the killer.

You let out a sigh aswell and stepped back. You saw Rohan briefly scribble something into the book, then close it up.

"Let's go," he muttered. "We've been wandering for long enough. We can just tell Jotaro we haven't found anything."

You nodded in defeat and followed behind him as the two of you walked back toward his house.

"Well.. now that you know what my Stand does, it's only fair you tell me about yours too." Rohan spoke on your way back. "Isn't that right?"

"I suppose.." you replied. Even though you were reluctant to share at first, in a strange way, the two of you seemed to bond trough the day, even if you kept insulting and hating on each other.

"My Stand is called [Stand name]. It basically allows me to see people's auras, and get a feeling of their character," you explained.

"Hm.. I see." He was quiet for a while, most likely deep in thought. "So, what about mine?"

You tilted your head to the side. "You want to know what your aura is like?"

He nodded.

"Well, it's.. bold, powerful. Definitely stands out. It's proud and shameless. Like you."

You didn't even notice the small smile that grew on your face while you spoke. But Rohan definitely did, which only gave him an ego boost, it seemed.

"Is that so?" He questioned.

You nodded in response. "It was a little intimidating at first, to be honest," you muttered. "But you're not so scary. Just.. annoying."

He huffed at your answer and rolled his eyes in a dramatic motion, not missing the way you giggled at it.

"Heaven's Door can be frightening, I'll have you know," he replied, almost sounding defensive.

"Hm, well.. I guess it is pretty horrible to have your memories read, or taken out, or altered.." you pondered on that for a moment. "Your Stand is too powerful."

Rohan just grinned, not at all insulted. "Only the best for the best."

You stifled another sigh at his arrogant behaviour. You've gotten used to it by the course of that day.

"But.." he continued, his tone changing to a more serious one again. "I do see why Jotaro paired us up now." He looked at you. "Our Stands do work nicely with each other. Wouldn't you agree?"

You gave him a smile and nodded. "Yeah. In an investigation like this, especially."

Soon, the two of you arrived back to his home. It was dark by then, but you didn't mind.

"Well, today was.." you began,

"Exhausting," Rohan finished the sentence for you. "Horrible and exhausting."

"Yeah.. that." You chuckled. "But.. honestly, it was better than I expected." You tapped your chin. "Could've been worse.. especially since you were involved."

He narrowed his eyes at you. "Hey. What's that supposed to mean?"

"Pfft.." you stifled another chuckle. "I'll let you figure it out by yourself. Since you're so smart."

Rohan just glared at you in silence for a moment before shaking his head and giving up. "You're hopeless."

Your grin widened in amusement. Oh, was it easy to rile the poor man up.. you didn't feel too bad about it though.

Suddenly, he took out his notebook and wrote down something. He tore the page out and handed it to you without a word. Taking one look at it, you could tell clearly it was a phone number.

"We should keep in touch during the investigation," he said. "I don't believe you have my phone number yet."

"Now I do," you said with a smile. "Thank you."

He simply hummed in reply and muttered a barely audible 'no problem'.

"You better head home now," he told you. "I've seen too much of your face for today."

You wanted to take the insult to heart, but all you could do was giggle at it. "As if that was a problem."

"Get out."

"You're no fun.." you complained, but you did as he wished and turned around. "I'll call you if I find out anything, yeah?"

"Right," Rohan agreed. "Same goes for me."

You waved at each other and parted ways. The night suddenly felt a lot colder and more quiet without Rohan's annoying, yet admittedly somehow endearing presence.

The day might've been way too long, and not even successful. But hey. At least you made a connection with someone.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

Hi! I read your post on divorced tedromeda and I wanted to ask more. In this AU, would they have had Nymphadora? If so, how do you think it would've affected Dora?

yes !! they have dora like irl and because andromeda is pregnant, she stops drinking and it's super hard but she tries yk !! things are really good between them in pregnancy because yeah meda's difficult but now she has this whole plan ahead of her and there isn't a fear of uncertainty/ted leaving her (insecurity -> loneliness/sadness -> drinking -> anger -> throwing hexes turns into insecurity -> loneliness/sadness -> forced to talk about it because her feelings are Too Big -> ted reassuring her -> happy ending!!) so they can be semi-normal, and now andromeda isn't lonely anymore and she's never alone and she has to be better and get help for her daughter and it's just great <33 and dora's born and andromeda adores her daughter and she wants to give her the childhood she herself never had and picks out her name with so much love and she loves these little changes she has . once she has those better in control she puts dora in a muggle school and all the extra classes look so fun and she puts her in all of them !! ted keeps saying it's too much which is bullshit, these things are fun and anyway, she had a way busier schedule even when she was six !!

andromeda's drinking also comes back, she thinks she'll be okay drinking occasionally but when dora's around one meda's so tired and ted can't calm her down and she needs a drink !! and it just becomes more and more frequent...

the first time she wants to throw a plate at dora instead of ted is when dora's four, and she's so so scared she files a divorce and begs ted to take dora where she'll be far away from her mother, but ted loves meda and he can't ever let her go, he can't dream of being away from her. they get a divorce but they're only fifteen minutes away from andromeda, and dora barely knows what's going on because, well, she's four !

i hc dora grew up neglected, actually. not horribly, but her mother was ill and her father needed to take care of his wife before his kid - they loved their daughter but they wanted her to do different things, so instead she had the expectations of both and ended up fulfilling none.

i do think she hated her parents - namely her mother - for a lot of her childhood, but i think as she grew up, when she was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, she started to understand her more yk ? she never fully forgave her for tainting her childhood that much, or for ruining her father, but she understood why she did what she did and how she didn't have a choice, or how it wasn't her fault

when ted died i think was when dora saw andromeda as andromeda and not just her mother, it was when she saw andromeda broke down and be sad not just angry when she saw oh. that's not just my dad that died but the man she loves. loved. she can see why she was always second to his father because she can see how much it hurts seeing andromeda upset, she thinks i'd be second to myself too, to take my mother's pain away. idk. i love andromeda.

[literaila]

Heyy so I've readed your fanfic A Typical Family and I can't stop re reading it because, well, let's just say that the manga is not at it's finest (Prettysureyouknowwhatimean.) and your fanfic is doing a great job helping me with my mental stability caused by Gege Akutami 😀 so thank you!

I love everything, I sure as hell needed that fluff. But one of the things I like the most is actually y/n's past, I like that you didn't went into details about what happened to her and it was just mentioned like two or three times. I like that a lot because it makes the character more intriguing and you give the reader the posibility of being as creative as possible when it comes to her past, I atleast came up with a few ideas of how she used to live.

But after Chapter 29 I couldn't help myself but wonder what really happened to y/n with her family during her youth. In details. Because I felt that there was A LOT going on-

So yeah, that's why I searched for you in tumblr, fell in love with you after scrolling down your account for a bit (which means hours) and decided to ask you if you could specify more about her past? What happened to her? How was her daily life living in a place where she was missunderstood by her own parents? How did her parents treated her? Did she always felt lonely? Is that why she's so insecure when she became a mother? I REALLY am intrigued.

Thanks again for everything and let's hope to find that annoying cat's hideout 😄🔪

(idoindeedunderstandexactlywhatyoumean)

ah. my dear reader.

she started as just an archetype of sorts, i suppose. like a person in my head but not enough of a person to interfere with the story in any particular way

the focus was abandonment issues so that satoru/suguru leaving could actually have some purpose.

but as i’m sure everyone is well aware—i don’t do simplicity, and i wholeheartedly believe that each and every character (in any media) should be a little… messed up? hurt? battling their own demons??

i think about things in the ways that it’ll improve or harm a story. and satoru leaving reader after being left by everyone else—that’s what i latched on to originally

(actually originally originally it was just a one-shot of megumi calling reader mom and being upset about it… ah how things change)

so i continued with that idea and im not sure when exactly i decided that her parents were awful, but they were. it made it easier for her to avoid talking to satoru about any issues, and easier to understand why she would care so much about these kids and them growing up with (no offense to gojo) a child for a father.

and at the beginning you can tell (or maybe only i can idk) that she is less self conscious about herself, and more worried about the kids. how are they going to react to this? how can a recently graduated person become a mother in under an hour? so it’s not that she’s insecure because she didn’t have a good childhood—that’s just how she is. too thoughtful, a bit anxious.

(mostly just to tie in satoru and readers relationship because i figured they’d need some balancing somewhere)

but then as the characters become more of their own, i needed more from her character. why does she care about these kids so much beyond just having morals? why do they trust her almost immediately?

and this began in the part where she’s consoling tsumiki—because i wanted to give baby a moment sorry not sorry. suddenly she missed her estranged parents and understood how sad miki felt. how much losing your mother matters.

but i’ve always made it fairly clear that tsumiki is just trusting. so easy one there.

but with megumi—reader is more worried that satoru is going to raise him under his wing. and obviously, that’s a horrible decision. satoru is barely a normal teenager to reader so… yeah she doesn’t trust him with megumi. who is obviously impressionable and easy to persuade.

plus the boy is rough for a six year old—needs a gentler hand than some people (ahem, satoru) can give him.

but unlike tsumiki, megumi was going to take time. so instead of a moment they have lots of little things—like the fact that she can read his emotions even when he’s trying to close them off, or that she watches him interact with both tsumiki and satoru very differently.

their trust is built on silence—but once megumi can depend on someone there’s really no going back.

and none of this has anything to do with reader necessarily—but her foundation is made from the two children, and satoru.

and then i had to push some more on the two of them. because—they are in love (they don’t say it ever, but it’s obvious), but they need a reason to hide it.

for satoru it’s because he has been raised to be the most important thing, and to not really trust anyone. and when suguru leaves he realizes that no matter what no one will understand him—he’ll always be a level ahead, a step too high.

so for reader it has to be different. some echoes of pain. and as soon as i realized how scared she was for megumi—i had to give her a reason to be scared. i imagine that she’s always been terrified of jujutsu, not because it’s difficult or because there was some nasty curses, but because it essentially ruined her life.

i imagine her parents to be average, run of the mill people. i think she depended on them when she was very young, and was naturally trusting (like tsumiki) as a child. she’s the type to believe that her parents are the best people in the world.

but once a little girl begins to see things that aren’t there—to scream and hide in closets, or cry while being dragged into the kitchen—things shift.

i don’t think it was bad at first, but when her cursed technique manifested, her parents understood that she was something other.

outwardly, they provided everything a child needs. food, home, clothes, education. but they refused to listen to her when something was wrong, they would leave the room when she entered—because she carried that negative presence with her.

so, i think to reader, they treated her like she was the curse.

and when yaga shows up, rattling about jujutsu high and these strange things that only the two of them would be able to understand, there was no returning back into the child her parents had loved.

she was different. too different for them to understand—or want to even try to.

i doubt they gave her a choice in going to school. if they could get her out of their house, get her curse out of there—they were going to.

(not to mention that there’s no reason for her to stay at home—not with two people who couldn’t care less about her).

so she was essentially sent away at fifteen and (like reader says) they were gone not too long after that.

(i think both the first and second years found out about this because yaga was trying to be nice and tell them not to push and accidentally revealed too much information. also he’s a gossip oops).

with the type of childhood she had—bad but not awful, nothing to run from—it makes it hard for her to connect with other people. and reader truly does believe she is the curse because that’s all she’s been taught.

but everyone at jujutsu high can understand, even if it’s the smallest amount. going there changes her life, simply put.

with at least five other people there to understand the things that she does—the burden is divided equally among all of them. she doesn’t have to hold it all alone.

so she connects with suguru, begins to realize she was just a child and not a problem. she learns how to control her cursed technique and is no longer scared that she’s doomed to forever push people away.

and she makes friends. friends make all the difference in the world, obviously.

plus, there’s satoru and he’s a burden of his own.

but at least she gets to choose it this time, no matter how difficult he makes it.

[millionmaggots]

did/osdd/posdd/etc havers, can i mayhaps get ur opinion on something please?

i havent rlly been posting abt it bc the plural/system space online is HELLA SCARY with all the fakeclaiming n discourse n shit, but im realizing i proooobably have some kind of dissociative shit going on 😭

- can't remember the first 10 years of my life with any detail, then it gets a little clearer until age 15 or so when i can remember pretty well / maybe normally (idk what normal really is tho)

- i lose hours at a time

- i don't have distinct people in my head except for this one lady who's basically the ceo of violent / upsetting intrusive thoughts (i don't think i experience switching)

- but i do have a very disorganized train of thought, with a lot of different things going on at once / overlapping (i also have adhd tho)

- ive heard voices (that don't sound like me) on and off since i was like 8 or 9

- ^ i got tested for schizophrenia and i do not have it

- my parents get annoyed with me bc apparently i take / move their stuff, but i often have no memory of doing it, and little/no reason to have done it, despite evidence that i did. i usually just say that although i have no memory of doing it, i guess i did and im sorry. this one happens probably at least weekly and causes me a lot of distress bc it's scary being told that i did something i don't remember / wouldn't do

- people (esp my parents) sometimes tell me im acting off / different, and it's really confusing, bc as i see it, im always acting like myself

- i have a history of acute dissociation / depersonalization, especially when i was working a rlly stressful job

- i have an absolute dogshit short term / working memory

- i space out and fail to process things ALL THE TIME, especially auditory information. i need about 20% of everything said to me repeated.

- i get inexplicable feelings of dread from things i have no (conscious) emotional connection to

- i have cptsd symptoms and at least 2 distinct triggers associated with bad experiences ive had

- accidentally called myself a 'we' when talking to my psych? i remember everything about the appointment except the context around why i would've made that mistake

- like i said, i have adhd, and my adderall helps me focus, but doesn't do anything for my general inattentiveness / spacing out / forgetfulness

- my childhood was like. fine? in terms of like parents/housing/money/friends/etc, but i grew up not knowing my gender identity or that im disabled, and i had a severe undiagnosed anxiety disorder dismissed by adults as me being "shy" and "sensitive" so there was a constant ever present feeling that i was just inherently a bit off / wrong / broken

- nothing bad was directly done to me when i was little (as far as i know?) but i was, in hindsight, emotionally abused by my principal and homeroom teacher all throughout middle school (severe depression and anxiety, i was told to "stop being so negative" or i would be put in a different classroom without any of my friends <- the people who helped me and made me feel at least a little bit safe)

tl;dr: if anybody w osdd/did, etc, took the time to read all this, i would REEEEALLY appreciate u guys giving all this a sniff test 😭 not asking 4 a diagnosis obvs just kinda a peer review

i have a psych appointment abt this in about a month but in the meantime i would love to hear from systems who know abt this kind of thing. what do u guys think is up?

(PLEASE don't drag syscourse over here bc i know it'll just make everything im dealing with worse and more confusing /gen /srs)

[obsidianpen]

I ADORE YOU

Weres my vape boo?

Saying spend too much time who?

You’re best mom, whoo!

Um u don’t have to post this but I just wanted to say I grew up with a stay at home mom and it was the greatest thing in the world. My mom had four kids in 6 years and somehow found time to watch the sopranos full series. And I wish she had more time! Like she was the hardest working most beautiful women ever and all I wish now that I’m an adult is that she had more fun because I got enough of her. Not that I’m upset I had sm time with her bc she was the bestest part of my childhood but every mom deserves time for themselves. I love my dad and he worked so hard to supply the family with money. But my mom worked tiredlessly to make sure that money was enough for medical care, food, home needs, school, etc. She made sure every dime was well spent while when she asked by dad to go get food he’d pick up 6 Pringle cans and a bag of onions. She is an extremely talented women who during her middle 40s stopped realizing that (she was also in the art field). Idk that one commenter really made me be like wtf (no hate i think they meant well) Because pls pls pls never loose ur love for writing. Not even for my own benefit, but bc I love woman who are dedicated to their interests. Because moms are the hardest working most important individuals (you are literally creating and then raising the next generation) and because moms deserve to have a life outside of their kids and husbands. I think moms are the most important people in society and I’m proud of anyone who can just call themselves a mom.

Sorry for the rants, you don’t need to respond I just wanted to say I love my mommy despite all her faults. Girl idk your faults but u seem like a good person which makes you a good mom and kids r so resilient. I don’t remember anything other than the fact that my mom tried. And that’s what’s most important. If moms loose sight of their interests (which happened to my mom), when their kids are older, they won’t know what to do with themselves. Normalize women not becoming an extension of their husband (not that I would ever suggest this happened to you but I just think it happens too often) Again sorry for the rant, I just hate the way society views women as baby carriers and nothing else. WOMAN DESERVE HOBBIES! So never ever ever feel bad about taking time to write. My sibilings and I always encourage our mom to draw and express herself and wished she did it more.

well this was an interesting rant/post!

To be clear, and i know you weren’t saying this was true of me, but it should be said - I have never once viewed myself as an extension of my husband, so no worries there, lol. As for being a stay at home mom… I did go back to work nearly full time for a bit, and it was rough. We moved across the country so he could take a job so I could be home with Bebe. It was a choice we both agreed on. I personally love being home with him. This is a season of life; I’m basking in it.

I’ve never felt guilty for taking time to write. Granted, i do it almost exclusively when he’s asleep, but still.

I think some reframing can be helpful. I don’t view myself as an extension of anyone, but at this stage in his life, I sort of view my Bebe as an extension of me, if anything. He’s still so young that he needs me 24/7 (even when he playing independently, can’t take your eyes off these guys for a mo). And that’s fine. Bebes are only bebes once. I don’t know any parent who’s ever looked back and said, gosh I wish I would have spent less time being present with my kiddos when they were young!

I’m also not someone who would ever have to worry about ‘what to do with myself’ when my kid gets older. I have plenty of ‘hobbies’ and look forward to being able to pick things like glass up again. However. I would wager that any mom/parent etc that finds themself at a loss for what to do with their time later in life got that way because hobbies were a luxury they could not afford to have while doing all the child rearing and domestic labor and perhaps also working a job job. Yes, women - and everyone - deserve to have hobbies. But no one needs to be guilted for not being able to maintain them in a society as demanding as ours when you are simply trying to be a good parent and make ends meet. You say you ‘encouraged (I assume this was meant to be past tense, as in during your childhood as well) her to draw more.’ I might be making some unfair assumptions here, but maybe she could have if someone else was helping her? Encouragement does not do the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, make the meals, get the groceries, take the kids from here to there, run the errands, blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m sorry but I really disliked the way that was worded! It implied that if was your moms fault for not keeping up with drawing, despite being ‘encouraged.’ I bet she wishes she could have done it more too, but I also bet that when she had to make the choice between ‘get shit done’ or ‘quality time with kids’ or ‘draw’, she chose option one or two most of the time.

as for me, I love drawing too, and I can’t WAIT until my kid can draw. Some of my fondest memories with my dad were when we had ‘drawing contests’ and would sit and draw the same thing together, sometimes for hours (strangely, I always ‘won’). My dad was no artist mind, but it was fun, and it’s where I started to learn to really look at things. I’m super excited to be able to teach my kid how to draw when he’s young. This Bebe is going to know how to cross hatch and shade with charcoal before kindergarten haha!

So I guess I’ve just responded to your rant with some ranting of my own! Sorry if I’m super off base with any of my comments. I think we should normalize letting moms - and all parents - make the choices they want to make that’s best for them and their family.

[puppyxaegon]

I have some questions.

What are all your favourite ships whether than are canon or not canon, from books, tv shows or movies.

What are all your favourite romance and character tropes.

Okay this ask is over a YEAR old but I never saw it so sorry lol,, that being said my all time fav ships in order of when I got into them include:

Frank/Gerard of MCR: This was the first ship I genuinely got super feral and invested in and learned all the lore and history and spent hours reading smut of them every night in middle school. I think this is the only RPF ship I still interact with to this day because they're just too perfect idk in an alternate universe they're together forever.

Stiles/Derek from Teen Wolf: My first love in terms of fictional ship, this one is very cutesy and nostalgic for me bc of my age at the time of watching, also my first time feeling the agony and evil of unfulfiled queerbaiting because WHY did Derek have that twink thrown up against the wall like that if not...

Marcline/Princess bubblegum from AdvT: One of my very rare sweet and wholesome ships,, I can't even think of them sexually I just love them and they make me cry

Carl/Negan from TWD: It feels weird to include this for obvious reasons but at the time Negan appeared in the show I was the same age as carl and that whole storyline rewired my brain and heavily impacted my sexuality lmao so that's that. I was just a silly little fujo and Carl was my self insert ahaha I was crazy back then

Ramsay/Theon/Reek from GoT/ASOIAF: To this day this is THE ship for me. I have never been more into a ship than Thramsay it's ruined my life a bit. Their whole arc in season 3 with Ramsays growing obsession and Theon's transformation into reek made me realize that there is something wrong with my brain bcs I was NOT thinking normal thoughts about them. Theon is also one of my fav characters like ever he's so tragic and beautiful and do I relate to him and see him as a self insert a bit too much?? Who's to say. I also think this ship is so adaptable and amazing in so many different AUs and also explores and psyches of both characters amazingly blah blah blah I could go on for hours about this so I'll cut myself off now but I'm always down to gab about these characters, as a ship or just in general.

Jennifer/Needy from Jennifer's body: I don't have as much to say about them BUT their dynamic is so ajshsksksis childhood besties who grow to be very different people but still grow up to be attached at the hip is something I love very much. Also they way they're like obsessed with each other and lowkey want each other so bad but neither of them understand it so they just end up destroying each other instead???? Spectacular I'll take 14 more.

Billy/Steve from Stranger Things (+Tommy if ya nasty): This is another ship that's like beautiful and perfect to me I think they go together so well their tension in the show is crazy and they just look so good together??? I was a Billy devotee from the start and lemme tell y'all when season 3 hit the streets????? and Billy was getting physically and emotionally destroyed every single episdose???? Trust me I was feeling things. Also regarding Billy being canonically racist,,,I'm black and I kinda dgaf I think that was kinda a random choice by the creators, its not integral to the character and its easy to do away with in fic! Also Harringrove is in the running for my personal best ship names ever.

Billy/Stu from Scream: WAITER??? MORE REPRESSED GAYS CLINGING TO EACH OTHER FOR SURVIVAL IN A WORLD THAT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THEM!!! I love how goofy and chaotic and dramatic and immature they are, ellos son toxicos but they need each other I think. Also the fact that an actual QUEER CODED THIS (gay director) theres so much subtext and little things between them so theres just a lot of explore.

For romantic tropes, I'll make this section a lil shorter because I'm already writing a novel here but I very much enjoy: Tragic/doomed/haunting the narrative characters, strong power dynamics, mutual obsession, obsessive/emotional villans, secret relationships, captive/captor, childhood friends to lovers, opposites attract, unrequited crushes/love, rebounds, and lastly whatever the FUCK Theon Greyjoy got going on.

Honorable mention ships: Eddie/Buck (911), Stiles/Lydia (Teen Wolf), Byler (ST), Phan (youtube RPF), Reylo (Star Wars), Stucky (MCU), Rick/Negan (TWD) Loras/Renly (GoT), Ryden (band RPF), Klaine (Glee), Ben/Maddie/Ren (Siren), Dan/Herbert (reanimator)

Thank you for this ask and sorry its so late bc I love talking about my blorbos!!!

[miss-ery-3]

i dont have much to report on weight wise, as i havent weighed myself since thursday, because i've been drinking alcohol and therefore i am retaining water

i can feel how i am all swelled up rn - my rings feel tighter than normally. i'll weigh myself again once the water retention goes down

but, ofc, i have even more stuff about my whole ✨love life situation✨

i am seeing my bf tomorrow, and i will tell him that i dont think our relationship is going that greatly, and then i'll take it from there. i dont really like to think too much about it, but i also feel more at peace w it - and i think my lil crush is a huge part of that. i really dont need anyone to tell me that i'm a horrible person - i am truly doing my best, both in terms of navigating my feelings and my relationship and my mental health. i'm really not in a good place right now, but at least i can kinda pretend, that my troublesome feelings are some fun new drama that i can share w my friends (you guys teehee)

if you don't care about my love life drama, then its totally ok. if you are, you're in for a treat (maybe idk)

lets call my crush-situation W

aight, so W and i talked all night thursday, and i have quite a lot to report about that night, and then a little about last night

my friend started talking about one time i had a ons w one of my friends, like 3 years ago, and i was quite embarrassed to talk about it. but the others laughed and idk, i figured it was fine. W switched between not laughing at all, just looking down at the table, and then awkwardly laughing a bit while looking at me, and then the table. i dont know what that means??? just as the conversation ended he was like "do u wanna go for a smoke" and then we went outside, and talked about other things.

we had been drinking and joking all night, and he decided to tell some group of girls sitting in the bar, that he and i are childhood friends (big lie, i've known him since summer). and i was like "aight, whatever" and then he lied and told them that i had written him tons of love letters when we were children. and i just laughed and lied and said "yeah haha, i was totally in love with you". when we left the bar, like 2 hours later, and we were all alone, i teased him about something we told the group of girls, and then he was like "yeah yeah whatever, i know that you'll just send me another love letter. you're like tooootally into me hahaha" and i was like "oh yeah, haha, totally. u got me" while walking away and laughing. i might just be fucking overthinking everything but also... why lie about writing love letters? there are much more embarrassing things (for me) he could've said. idk, help me

he texted his girlfriend throughout the night (i think) but looked quite annoyed/not happy whenever he did, and at some point he left the table for like 15 minutes (probably to talk to her). idk

he kept touching my stuff. like my cigarettes and my lighter, he would just sit with them and play with them. i found it quite cute, idk

OKAY, and then to last night (friday) i was in another bar last night, helping out, 'cause i kinda work there (ish, like, volunteer-work) and W was supposed to have a shift later in the evening

he calls me to tell me that he will be running late, 'cause he was at an event, and shit hit the fan, idk. then he asked me if i could cover for him, and i said that i for sure could cover for him. we only talked for 1,5 minute, but idk. my fucking hands went sweaty and i couldn't stand still. i don't think i've ever picked up that fast. uuuughhhhh i feel so weird. whatever

he showed up like 1,5 hours too late (but it was ok, 'cause there really wasn't much to going on), and went directly out to find me (i was smoking) to hug me and apologize for coming so late. then i kept feeling his eyes on me, and i could hear him mention my name a lot of the night

we ended up doing some cleanup together afterwards, and it was just... really nice. we have such a good time whenever we're together and i feel so comfortable around him. except for the part where i keep thinking about how hot i think he is and how want to give him a big old smooch. i had hoped to talk to him some more, but we both went home when cleanup was done, and idk. its fine

i have not been able to keep him out of my head all day. its truly torturous