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hwathinker · 9 months ago

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"aww, why are you crying baby? come on, i'm gonna take a break now can i?"

pairings ; best friend!yunho x fem!reader warnings ; i don't think there is.. (i'm joking.. there's cockwarming, blowjobs(?), petnames) just yunho being a tease and annoying.. i really love the cocky + nerdy concept on yunho ;) wn ; hey! i finally got a free time today, so i decided to spend it on writing something. i'll be taking requests by the way! i'm hoping to see some smutty reqs from ya'll hahaha

"come on y/n, its not that hard to memories these shit." yunho said, poking your head which was buried to the book you were supposed to read. you had spent over an hour in his apartment, just for a study session. you also promised yourself to study for real this time but i guess the tiredness and laziness in you held you back. you shook your head aggressively, making him stop touching you. "y/n, we have a really tight schedule and i know you know that. plus our presentation is in 3 days. spend your time studying so you won't have to struggle to go out with me." you shot your head up as soon as yunho mentioned about going out. your parents doesn't really let you go out unless you do something great in school. but with pleasing them by doing house chores, you know you could get out easily. well, not every time.

"ugh.. how many times do i have to read these?!" pointing at the open book, you looked at him. "if you really want me to memories this then how about you?" you held the book up close to your face, shooting your eyes up to him then at the book back to make sure he isn't peeking. yunho sighed, letting go of his pen and turning to you. he looked at the book title, making a face to remember something. "well, physics huh.. what page are you in?" he asked, shifting his body and putting his arm on the table so that he can rest his head on his fist with his cheeks. you quickly went to the first page, knowing that he doesn't pay that much attention on a first page of a book. "uh.. page one. i'm not telling you what it is though." you said, burying your head to the book once again and shifting you gaze between the book and yunho every 4 seconds. yunho smiled, pretending to remember what was on the first page. "physics is the natural science of matter, involving the study of matter, its fundamental constituents, its motion and behavior through space and time, and the related entities of energy and force." you read what was on the page along with what he said, your eyes slowly going wide as he do.

"the fuck?! how in the earth did you remember every damn word in this one ass page?!" you slammed the green book on the table, going up close to him with rage in you. "i don't know, maybe i started to pay attention to the first page now. or maybe not, because i'm smart." he said, going back to his position and continue his revision. "or maybe.. you could help cover for me?" you said, leaning your head on the table as you puppy eyed him as you smile. yunho gave you a silent answer, which was a no. "come on yun, i know you like obeying me." you teased again, smiling ever so widely. "how about you study or i fuck that mouth off." he shift his gaze to you, placing down the pen under his palm.

you pouted, covering your face with your hand. yunho let out a small chuckle, grabbing you by your waist to get you more close. "i've never seen you this shy, y/n. you always fight back my teasings." he said, laying head head on the table too, close to your covered face. "i'd rather have a cock inside me for long enough than having to suck one that has a possibility of piss on it." you mumbled, hoping he won't hear a single thing when he's just right there, in front of you. yunho took your hand away from your face, meeting his eyes that was already staring at you. "do you want to try?" he bit his bottom lip, smiling lightly. you think, furrowing your eyebrows and pouting your lips. "i don't know. so you're hard?" you looked at his reddening face as your hand quickly went to his.. harden clothed dick. oh he is. yunho slaps your hand away quickly, holding them in his big ones. "suck it." he ordered, watching your smile grew wider. "why so needy? were you already planning this all along?" you said, shifting closer to him so there's no more space between the both of you. "sure. i'll do it. but you'll have to do a favor for me, too." you said again,getting up from the table and wait for him to strip. he stood up, sliding his sweats down and place them beside the table. but this time, he went to the sofa, sitting on it then leaning comfortably back while manspreading.

you looked at him with lust, his tongue going over his bottom lips, wetting them then biting them afterwards. he watches you walk towards him, your knee purposely hitting his crotch as you lean in to give his jaw a nice lingering kisses, to his lips. "how long have you been keeping this from me, hm?" you mumbled in the kiss, enjoying his taste. "ever since you appeared like a damn angel in front of me and decided to become my friend." he held your jaw with his hand, caressing them. you ran your hand from his bicep, down to his chest. gently touching every part as possible to make him shudder. you pulled away from the kiss, going down as he watches your every move. your tits, holding onto its dear life in the top you had. it looked like it want to pop out in any second you make a risky move. and your tight low rise jeans. ah, don't mention it anymore. he loves it when you wear that kind of clothes.

after you had took off his boxer, his dick sprung out, precum leaking to his base. "fuck, who are you going big for? me?" you said, grabbing his cock gently, kissing the pink aching tip. he hissed in pleasure, throwing his head back. "who else do i have to keep this dick for? of course it was for you, angel." oh god, that nickname has you every time. you licks his cock slowly, going down and fitting the whole base in your mouth. as you suck him off. him, on the other hand are sweating, tears started to form in that boy's eyes. he had his hands placed prettily under your chin so he has a better view while the other caress your hair ever so sweetly. he is this sweet when receiving a blowjob? oh you could do this everyday if it means he is. "mmh, such a good girl. other boys must not be this thick, right? i know you enjoy this so much, baby." he said in between moans, grunts. you swirl your tongue, making a popping sound when letting his cock go. he felt empty, and cold.

yunho pouted, watching his dick being held and watched by you. "y/n.. why did you do that? more please.." he begged, grabbing your free hand and holding them in his. "i want a favor back." you gently pump his cock, watching him biting his bottom lip. "what is it hm..?" he hummed, thinking about what you possibly want. you leaned and lay your cheeks on his cock, looking up to him. "i want you to cover for me for the presentation soon."

and that, you were being sat on his lap while he does his revision. your top thrown away even god don't know where, your jeans and red panties thrown at the sofa. now, you're being forced to sit on his dick that has cummed a few times because you moved a little. you were facing behind, hugging him so tightly, hoping to not make a certain move or he takes a break to play with your hardened tits again. i said, again. you shuddered at the feeling of his liquid constantly coming out and its touching your walls. "y/n baby, don't move please? i've said this a thousandth times already." as he put his pen down, he pulled you so that you're leaning on the edge of the table and facing him. "aww, why are you crying baby? come on, i'm can take a break now can i?"

hehe a small yunho smut for ya'll <3 i miss this man so much and have you seen his airport look? god damn i would devour every single inch of it. and have ya'll seen seonghwa's gianna boyfriend?? goshh if he's not putting a shirt on i'm gonna suck those tits LMAO lmk if theres any error guys.. and remember to drop some hot ass smut thoughts on my inbox please im beggin u

#ateez x reader #ateez #hwathinker⦮⑅⦯#ateez smut #ateez fic #ateez imagines #ateez drabbles #jeong yunho #yunho smut #ateez hard hours #atz smut #yunho #jeong yunho smut #yunho x reader #yunho imagine #yunho fic #jeong yunho fic #jeong yunho imagine #yunho hard hours

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whenmemorydies · 3 months ago

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See this?

Carmy is about to pull this shit. He is really about to go in and likely blow up one of the only good relationships he has left from The Beef. After yelling at Tina from the pass. After stressing out everyone and their fucking dog cos he thinks this is acceptable behaviour if its all in service of a star?

This part of 3x03 Doors was such a jagged scene for me because of a few things (including what I've said above). What else got me:

Tina is someone Carmy knows, that Carmy loves (go back to their scene in 1x08 Braciole talking about Mikey. Go back to Carmy's soft "hey Tina you go ahead, you take the night off okay? I got you.");

Tina is an older woman of colour who has made the commitment to skill up so that she can work at The Bear after working at The Beef. Carmy has seen the work she has put in but in this moment, he pays none of it any mind. Imagine being T. Imagine how that would feel. Imagine how it would feel knowing all we know after watching Tina's journey in 3x06 Napkins. The thing is, Carmy doesn't need to know all of T's backstory to know his behaviour is unacceptable. The fact that he knows some of it and proceeds to act in this way is just more evidence of his white privilege showing its ass.

Carmy does not have the self reflexivity here to look at his young, white, male self yelling at this older WOC and see how fucked this is: how he's become another white guy in a litany of white men barking at workers of colour, not seeing Tina for the whole human she is but reducing her to a means of production. The racial dynamics on this show are so evident but don't get talked about nearly enough. I know the writers have crafted those dynamics on purpose because as beautiful a character as Carmy is, he's also a product of his environment as a white chef trained in a highly racially segregated field. This has repercussions for his relationships in season 3, particularly with the BIPOC characters in his life. @november-rising speaks about Carmy's behaviour in relation to Black women's experiences of love and professional recognition devastatingly here. Read their post and the reblogs.

While this shit made me so mad this season, it was also in character - as I've said here - for a white guy trained in fine dining to revert to established patterns of behaviour. Though, I'm gonna need the writers of the show to show US that they did this on purpose and have Carmy ATONE for this shit in season 4. Otherwise, what kind of redemption arc will this man have? This shit is hurtful to the BIPOC characters and BIPOC viewers of this show in no small part because white men the world over have a LONG history of using BIPOC people as a means of production and as a means of production alone. If you're unsure about this, please go look up the Transatlantic slave trade. Please go look up the history of colonial indentured labour. Please go look up The British East India Company. Please look up the forced labour regime in the modern prison industrial complex. Please go read a fucking book. And no I'm not saying Carmy is responsible for the slave trade (LMAO please hold fire if this is where your mind is going). I'm saying BIPOC folks carry with us a long ass history, an intergenerational history of this shit. But guess who else does too? White folks. So don't act like they dont.

This shit is also hurtful because we know how respectful Carmy can be. We’ve seen him in seasons 1 & 2. We know he knows what being a practical ally looks like (even if he may not have the language to name what he was doing) when he made sure to bring the staff of The Beef with him to The Bear and invested in them accordingly. We know he loves and respects them, none more so than Sydney. But there were so many times where he did not act like it in season 3. And when folks have got histories - not just personal but cultural too - as long and as loaded as we ALL do, actions account for a lot. What you do is the shorthand for who you are in the world, whether you like it or not.

Ok back to the scene.

Who comes in and simultaneously saves Carmy's ass and ANOTHER of his relationships? Who protects Tina and keeps the kitchen from exploding AGAIN?

Who supervises her sous chef like a fucking pro?

Sydney. Sydney. Sydney.

And who knows that he's in the presence of greatness but doesn't know how to articulate it cos he's not integrated, not by a fucking long shot. Who needs to attend some anti-racism training along with Al-Anon and therapy (so he can get the benefit of understanding his role in this system and get a better understanding of his own mind)?

Yeah you Carmen, you.

Better get on that shit before you lose the woman who is the beat to your whole heart another means of production to a chef who's going to pay her better, give Syd insurance from the jump and total creative control. Just saying.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #carmen berzatto #the bear meta #the bear season 3

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lamuradex · 4 months ago

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Okay. Here are the things about The Count of Monte Cristo I adore, but I am certain adaptations will get wrong without having watched any adaptations.

Edmond's father being a major motivator for his revenge. Films, for brevity, mainly seem to focus on Mercedes and his ruined marriage. Thanks Hollywood.

Villefort having no connection to the other people who betrayed Edmond. One of the most tragic elements is that Villefort is actually about to save Dantes, right before he sacrifices him to save himself. I'm aware of at least one musical that has Villefort conspire together with Danglars and Fernand. I love the songs but that bothers me.

Caderousse. I can imagine some versions cut him out as superfluous. The musical seems to replace him with Villefort. But he's the fourth conspirator! And the first to fall.

A whole bunch of the subplots. Do the films need all the stuff with Monsieur Noirtier? Maybe not. Is Monsieur Noirtier the best character in the book? I think so. He's the most magnificent bastard in the plot.

The Morrels. Again, is it strictly necessary? I don't know. But, again, is there the scene where they reveal Monsieur Morrel's last words were to remember Edmond Dantes, making it my favourite scene in the book? You bet your ass!

Seriously, so many subplots I can see them cutting, but each one pays off in some way. Vampa, Franz, Eugenie Danglars, the Abbey Fariah's book

That scene at the end where The Count goes back to the Château d'If is beautiful

Adaptations will try to give it a happy ending, getting him back with Mercedes or something. But that isn't the point of the book.

Only a handful of characters get out of the book happy. And most of them have gone through hell first.

Also, The Count never actually fights anyone with a sword. He could, he's apparently lethal, but he never does. He's about to once, but then Fernand fucking panics when The Count puts on a sailor suit.

He literally leaves the room, gets changed, and then comes back in a sailor's uniform. It's so extra and I love it. And Fernand loses his shit! Understandably.

The whole revenge plan is so extra, so complex, so convoluted, there is no way you could adapt it all into a film.

And all because Edmond knows the Abbey Fariah wouldn't want him just killing them. Because that would be against God.

So instead he unleashes hell on them!

It's classic "No, I didn't kill them. They're just trapped in never ending misery for the rest of their days. So it's fine."

Bleed them dry of money, out them as a criminal, introduce poisons to his wife and introduce his illegitimate bastard to society.

I can see why you could never truly adapt this book.

Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

#sorry for the rant #the count of monte cristo #count of monte cristo #spoilers #I guess?#i am obssessed with this book

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gremlinmodetweeker · 3 months ago

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König is Naturally Nerd!König

A lot of people suggest nerd!König (which is essentially regular König in my books) would be into DnD, or Star Wars, or Lego, but I disagree.

Normal and Nerd!König are obsessed with miniature armies. He has little models of airplanes and tanks that he puts on display in his room. He only has two World War models (and even then it's WW1), and those are the planes that Baron von Richthofen flew. Otherwise, he collects medieval minis and paints them.

He creates whole dioramas of them, and they're surprisingly good. He has the money to sink into his hobby, and it fills his time when he's not at work. He fidgets a lot, but he's gotten good at doing fine detail work. They're not award winning, but they're really quite good.

In addition, he's a major reader. If you want to know more about what König reads, check out this post here. If you don't want to read it, the gist of it is that König loves reading and reads all the time. He's probably the type to sniff and say the book was better than the movie. He's right, but he doesn't need to be so snobby about it.

Through the military, he has an extensive knife and gun collection. He can use all of them, sure, but he really doesn't need that many. He used to have only one room dedicated to them, but he's since had to move twice and torn down a wall most recently to make a big enough room for everything. He kinda sucks that way. He really takes up a lot of space.

However, Nerd!König didn't end up joining the military. He instead went into nuclear engineering and earned an excellent living to fund his expensive hobbies. He also ended up having more time to devote to his crafts, which led to...

More under the cut.

Nerd!König is a Snob

König is a pathfinder 2e type of guy. He's that pedantic. He'll have the rule books memorized, and he has links to download the pdfs ready at the flick of a wrist. He's ready to convert you. Your DnD supplies will be absorbed into his Pathfinder 2E.

A big reason he's into Pathfinder 2E is because he was introduced at a young age and so collected the supplies, but when he heard about the Wizards of the Coast scandals he decided he'd use that as his reasoning. He gets up on a soapbox about it whenever he can. He really, really hates Wizards of the Coast. It's a firey rage that burns within.

He also likes Warhammer. He's a disgusting Warhammer lover. He plays a ridiculous Adeptus Mechanicus army that he's painted himself. It's surprisingly good painting, too. Having painted Adeptus Mech before, I'm telling you it's really hard. He makes it looks easy with craft paint and crazy glue. He's disgustingly good at it. I hate him for it. How dare he be so good. He is genuinely a fantastic painter. That said, we saw what happened with the last Austrian painter, so maybe it's a good thing he stuck to painting minis.

Nerd!König also loves to collect ancient weaponry. To make it worse, he actually practises with it and has become pretty decent with it. He's feared among the LARPing community because he's known to be a fearsome competitor. He'd be more well liked if he didn't accidentally break people's wooden shields so often. As it is, he's not fully blacklisted, but he's skating on thin ice. He'd be banned for sure if it weren't for the fact that the forest on his property is amazing for LARPing.

Finally, he's into Renaissance fairs. He goes and does public sword fighting, once again, LARPing. He'll also show off his weaponry collections, and will gladly go on hour long spiels to anyone unfortunate to ask about the history of an item on his table. He is on good terms with the blacksmiths, and he's always having to pay the local seamstress to fix his clothing back in the traditional style. He will also go up to the ferret keeper and play with their ferrets, and then beg you to get some. He just wants a cute little ferret. Can't he have a couple? No, not one! They need playmates. You need at least three.

Either way, Nerd!König is a big silly guy. He's a bit friendlier and gentler than regular König honestly. He also is super passionate about his hobbies. He's so excited to show you his hobbies, and he really wants you to enjoy them too.

Just so you know, all these hobbies are expensive. Very expensive. It's a good thing he's making so much money, because otherwise you'd go bankrupt overnight, because, "Games Workshop released a new edition of the walkers! I need them for my army!"

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traegorn · 11 days ago

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So when I do finish this book I am writing (speaking it into existence bc adhd is a BITCH) Like what's your experience with publishing? How much does it usually cost? What kinda income does one get? I don't really care about making money but it would be super neat to make something since I cannot work. How do taxes work on that also? Google is confusing me

So far i have an idea and half a first chapter with thrilling notes such as " add a cat" and "insert spell here"

So I self publish, so that's the world I know. If you want to find a traditional publisher, you'll need to query agents and do a bunch of other stuff. My only advice for traditional publishing is that when going that route, money should always flow towards the author. If they're asking you to pay for something, they aren't a traditional publisher and there's a good chance it's a grift.

So let's talk about what I do know.

(And this turned out to be long as hell, so I'm putting in a "keep reading")

When you self publish, you are effectively acting as the publisher. If you want someone to do edits? You'll have to hire an editor. If you want someone to do the book layouts? You'll have to hire someone to do it if you can't do it yourself. You need a cover? You get the idea.

Now I don't pay an editor, so I can't really give you a price range on how much they cost off the top of my head. I do know they can get expensive though.

I also do all my own interiors, but I have a graphic design background and have been doing print layouts for decades. If you want to hire someone to do the interiors, that can run you $100-500, so I recommend just... learning to do it yourself.

Frankly, it's not terribly hard. I do mine in Apple Pages on my Mac for my paperbacks and Amazon has a free program for formatting eBooks (which you can export both as the Kindle format OR the more universal ePub format). With your print version, you just want to make sure you get your margins right, along with using a standard font like Times New Roman.

Like, literally just pick up a book and study the layout. Look at the front matter (copyright page, title page, etc) of a handful of books and mimic what you find there. I don't know why so many self published authors get that bit wrong. It's a book. Format it like a book.

Now the cover... this is where you'll probably end up spending something. I do my own covers for my comics, but hire out for my novels because I can't do the kind of covers expected of my genre. And you do want to match your genre, because you want a potential reader to know what they're getting into. I've seen so many self published books with terrible covers and it drives me nuts.

Cover design can run you anywhere from $35-$400 depending on who you choose to contract, and this is where I recommend you spend your money. On the cheap end you have companies like GetCovers. Now they primarily do covers made from edited stock photos, and I've honestly been pretty satisfied with their work... but you have to hold their hand and be very clear with what you want.

GetCovers is a part of Mibl Group, and it's pretty much all of their most inexperienced employees. The whole point of it is to get them the experience to work on bigger projects down the road. They have cheaper packages, but for their best work you'll probably only spend like $35-$45. If you're working in a genre that mainly uses stock images, that's who you want.

I often end up retouching the covers they do though, because I'm impatient. Like there are edits to The Witch and the Rose and Shadowcasting I made after they handed me the completed files. You're going to have to be very specific with what you want. The first version of the Bloody Damn Rite cover they did... was awful. But they did the revisions I asked for, and the version they delivered in the end was great.

Now if you want, like, original art or just more complicated, custom stuff? You're looking at at least $250 on the cheap end, but sometimes you end up in the ballpark of $700-$1000. Like on their regular site (just to use the same company as GetCovers for comparison), the Mibl group charges like $300 for a more complicated stock photo based cover (that requires more complicated edits) and at least $700 for covers that require digital painting, 3d modeling, etc.

There are a wide range of prices depending on what you're asking for. But, y'know, you're paying that once for a commercial piece of graphic design.

I'm cheap and can do some of the work myself, so I go for the $35 cover. I also figure out what fonts they used for the covers, so I can go buy my own commercial license for them and replicate a similar logo on my title page. You don't need to do that bit, I'm just finicky.

Actually publishing the book is easy. You'll want to use a self publishing platform like Kindle Direct Publishing or IngramSpark (or, if you're like me, both). I sell KDP books on Amazon, but all other distribution is through IngramSpark. You make more money on Amazon by using KDP, but even though they offer distribution, no book store will ever order through them. So I turn that option off, and then I take the same book and I make it available through IngramSpark.

On amazon I make a little more than $2 on a $3 ebook, and about $4.00 on a $12.99 paperback. When a bookstore buys an IngramSpark version, I make about $2.50 on a $14.99 book (if you wondered by my books cost more when not buying it through Amazon... that's why). Now if you buy yourself author copies, they cost way less -- in the end I think I can get them for like $5 a book? So when I sell them in person, my margins are much higher.

But, y'know, you have to actually sell them.

Because that's the hard part. When self publishing, you only have you to market it. I don't know how many books I'd be selling if I didn't have a pre-existing audience -- and even then it's not a huge amount. I've sold about 200 books this year? Which isn't nothing, and I appreciate every single person who's purchased one of my titles, but it's obviously not enough to quit my day job for, y'know?

That said, I've known people who do sell enough to make a steady living. So it's possible for sure.

But it's not going to happen overnight, and it won't be easy.

As for taxes, you'll need a 1099 and do stuff with the Schedule C. I always forget exactly what until I'm actually doing them, but it's not super hard, just annoying.

#self publishing #writers on tumblr #author #booklr #books

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years ago

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In desperate need of how SKZ would spoil their girlfriends and the gifts they’d get for them like…I feel like lixie’s love language is gift giving so he’s the type to drop half his paycheck on his s/o😩✋🏾

how stray kids would spoil their s/o

genre: fluff

warnings: none

please like and reblog if you enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

not only will channie spoil you

he will literally refuse you buying ANYTHING

i just keep thinking of that one clip when he and felix were arguing about who got to pay for stuff at the convenience store... oh the chaos...

like he's so petty about it but it's like a need for him

he needs to buy you stuff

let him buy you stuff!!!

it's just a tendency for him. ingrained in his personality for sure; not something he can control

lee know

he honestly doesn't really think about it at all

in his mind, what's his is your

you want his money? take his freaking money lmfao

spoiling you and treating you to things comes as second nature to him and something he doesn't take much consideration to

it just feels right to buy you stuff you want, and he doesn't give it a second thought tbh

it's just really not that deep to him 🤷

changbin

this man has his wallet out permanently istg

just waiting to pay for things, credit card ready to swipe asap

he's always buying you stuff

just because

like there is no reason for it

maybe he likes being a provider, sure. or perhaps he likes you depending on him to an extent

idk whatever is going through this man's brain, i just think it's in his nature to want to spoil his loved ones

hyunjin

hyunne likes indulging your hobbies

if you are a bookworm, for instance, he will spend not only his money but his time carefully picking out books for you to enjoy

or if you are an artist like him, he will buy you all sorts of paints and pencils and sketchpads. you name it, he's getting you it!

also he has expensive taste, so when he wants to get you a fancy gift he is not stingy with that credit card of his

with him, if he's in love, why should he limit that love? if one way to show love is to get something you've been wanting for ages, why shouldn't he?

han

he would much rather he spend money on you than the other way round

not for traditional reasons or anything like that. more that he feels guilty, like he's not giving enough

he's a very generous soul but sometimes in relationships, he likes to just sit back and relax

and then he feels like he's not putting enough effort in so he over-compensates by spending a tone load of money on you

you reassure him that he is fine the way he is and doesn't have to do that but now it's become a habit he very much enjoys

felix

you are so incredibly right anon

i mean for felix is feel like all love languages fit him because he is basically the human incarnate of love but yeah

gift giving is one of them

felix loves buying gifts i know i have said this so many times in every single felix related content i write but he just can't stop buying stuff for other people

he loves spending money in general, so what better way to do that than spending money on gifts for the person he loves most?

seungmin

he's quite sensible with his money and only usually really buys something if he needs it

but spending money on you is a bit of a different story

he doesn't limit himself nor does he ask if you actually need that item you've been wanting to be. if you want it, you got it.

will literally ask for your wishlist and buy you everything off it, i'm not exaggerating

he's not one to beat around the bush, our seungmin! he goes straight to the point, as he should 💅

jeongin

jeongin is a reallyyyy good gift-buyer

he's perfectly balanced, really. he likes getting you gifts here and there, some of them are personal and others are expensive. he likes to get both kinds of gifts so that your heart is touched but also you get something a little fancy from him too <33

much like felix, he likes spending his money. and he feels he isn't being wasteful with it when he is buying you stuff because it makes you super happy aww

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otrtbs · 2 months ago

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Hi I hope you're doing well 🌷

I had a question. I'm totally asking out of pure curiosity, it's not a criticism or anything of the sort.

In ahb (this masterpiece of yours) Sirius's favorite painting is Degas' Dancers.

I wanted to know if you knew the background of this painting and if making it Sirius' favorite was a deliberate choice or if you had no idea at all.

Because the Ballerinas in Opera Garnier in Paris were all really young and mostly, they were poor. The dancers were often their family's hope to crawl out of misery.

The audience was full of men.

In fact, the sad flip side was that there was a whole prostitution network behind the scene. With these young girls. Men could pay for backstage access to watch ballerinas change and sometimes rape them.

So Degas was a big customer.

That's how he painted the dancers and most of his works.

That's again how he sculpted the ballerina, her tutu was added meaning the 14 year old girl was posing nude.

Degas is also suspected of being Jack the Ripper, there are a certain number of credible leads and potential evidences.

That's why I was wondering if you knew.

Since there is this whole chapter where they insult Picasso (as they should) I found it strange that Degas being a known major p*do did not receive the same treatment.

Ps: I'm french, I don't know if I made any mistakes writing this, if I have please excuse me I tried my best 🙏

Okay hi, hello! I am doing well and I hope you are as well! You have unlocked Art Historian Thesis Nat, so I am going to put an extremely lengthy post under the cut, I'm so sorry (this is literally my area of study,,, i fear i am incapable of being brief about this)

I do want to clarify that right off the bat, I don't necessarily think many of these art historical figures are "good people". Like none of them are the best, most moral, upstanding citizens you should model your life after (but they're also dead sooooo). But I also understand that I did take some time in my fanfiction to make my hatred for Picasso very clear, and so I can also understand the confusion in not extending that same hatred towards Degas. But there are a few reasons for that, that I'll try to explain below!

The direct historical documentation of Pablo Picasso's violence towards the women in his life is vast and damning. If you want particularly good insight into his violence and abuse, then I recommend reading Marina Picasso's (Picasso's granddaughter) memoir titled: Picasso: My Grandfather. I also recommend Françoise Gilot's (romantic partner of Picasso) books, Life with Picasso and Picasso and Matisse. It is through the memories of the people who loved Picasso and who loved him in turn, that we hear of his sadistic nature that drove his lovers to suicide and we get personal letters that he wrote to Gilot in which he says things like "Dora, for me, was always a weeping woman… And it’s important, because women are suffering machines" and "For me there are only two kinds of women: goddesses and doormats." His granddaughter has this to say about him: “He submitted [women] to his animal sexuality, tamed them, bewitched them, ingested them, and crushed them onto his canvas. After he had spent many nights extracting their essence, once they were bled dry, he would dispose of them.” And Gilot says: "I am the only one to not have been sacrificed to the sacred monster(…) and is alive to tell the tale. He was a wonderful person to be with, it was like fireworks, amazingly creative, so intelligent and seductive(…) but he was also very cruel, sadistic and ruthless with others and with himself (…) It was the greatest love of my life, but you have to protect yourself (…) The others did not, they clung to the powerful minotaur and paid a very high price."

Why this matters: The evidence for Degas being so virulently misogynistic and cruel towards women is extremely less substantial and more speculative in nature.

Degas being Jack the Ripper. Degas being Jack the Ripper started off as a tiktok theory posed in early 2024, (though you can find an article as early as 2004 written by The Guardian's art critic here) and while fun to think about and speculate, it isn't true. August and September and November of 1888 is when the Jack the Ripper crimes were committed in London and Degas was in the South of France at that time receiving medical treatment because he was in extremely poor health. (Which you can find in The Letters of Edgar Degas edited by Theodore Reff (I'm sure there's. free PDF version out there somewhere)). Also, self-admittedly speculative, but Degas didn't visit the East-End of London when he did make his excursions to London because he was classist 😭. So, it would be odd for him to know the ins and outs of the streets where the murders took place. And also he had failing eyesight starting at 36, so the odds of him being Jack the Ripper are extremely slim.

The Ballerinas Yes, while it is true that the ballerina's were often subject to horrific conditions and were prostitutes for the "wealthy" patrons of the opera house, this does not mean that Degas partook in that. in fact, most historical documentation surmises he didn't. Degas considered himself a "realist" painter rather than an impressionist painter, wishing to document "real life" in all of its ugliness, beauty and unstylized truth. Therefore his primary concern was documenting the opera house and ballet in all of the moments, not just when the girls were dancing on stage. And in many of his paintings, Degas captures the opera patronsn in his ballerina paintings as lurkers behind the stage curtains as sinister black shadows, or as men predatorily watching in nice suits (e.g. Ballet, 1876 and The Rehearsal of the Ballet Onstage (1874)). But Degas himself, was NEVER a ballerina patron, he is even quoted as saying "People call me the painter of dancing girls. It has never occurred to them that my chief interest in dancers lies in rendering movement...". (now this is not because Degas was morally outraged at what was happening to the ballerina's, but because he viewed the men abusing the girls as committing a sin against God by sleeping with prostitutes). But while Degas had access to backstage, he was never a customer. And in fact, Degas is a notorious, well-documented celibate. This is because Degas believed sleeping with women would make him lose his special painting ability. No lie. Here's a direct quote from Vincent Van Gogh in his a letter to his brother Theo about the artist: "Degas lives like a little lawyer and does not like women, for he knows that if liked them and went to bed with them, he would become intellectually diseased and would no longer be able to paint." Degas was also known to reject ballerina's advances as well (again, fearing women would take away his magic painting power).

Feelings towards women By all accounts, Degas friends describe him as being reclusive towards women to being jovial with them, but always kind to them outside of a working environment. He even developed friendships with his fellow contemporary women painters. In a working environment, Degas was obsessed with perfection, demanding ballerinas contort their bodies in painful positions, and making them hold those positions for hours at a time. By all accounts, this was not because he hated them, but was obsessed with capturing their movements, the limitations of the human body, and he demanded perfection from himself. (x x x) (i.e. his obsession for his work and drive for perfection as a painter made him demanding and harsh towards his subjects, not his pure hatred of women).

Conclusions: So by many accounts, Degas was not particularly fond of women, and had little regard for his dancers. But the claims that he must have slept with the ballerina's and been a patron/customer "because that's what all men did back then" are not backed by any evidence. only evidence to the contrary. I went in on Picasso because those that were close to him have written first-hand accounts of his monstrocity. This is not the case with Degas. So, while I didn't tear him down like I did Picasso, I wasn't lauding him as a saint either. I highly recommend reading the article called Degas's Misogyny by Norma Broude which details the ways in which modern times have run away with this idea of Degas being a sadistic woman-hater and how we've gotten to this point. Anyway, TLDR; I was aware of the dark "underside" of the Paris Ballet at the time in which Degas was painting his works. Do I think he is Jack the Ripper and a man who participated in ballerina prostitution? No, not at all. At the end of the day, I am just an art history girl, telling anyone who will listen that there is not enough documentation on Degas to take these claims as 100% truth, or put that man up there with Picasso. Peace and Love! <3

#asks #ARH talks #ARH ramblings #like not defending degas here per se.. he was a classist and just generally rude and off-putting.#but like he was a wealthy french guy in the 1800s ... fork found in kitchen i fear #his paintings still slap #sorry for the BOOK.#i ain't reading all that. i'm happy 4 u tho. or sorry that happened.#but i did try to include sources !!!!!!!!!!!#okay im done

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bittersweetcreep · 4 months ago

Text

Conception Part 1 Red Luna!Darling x Yandere! Damian

Part 2 here

Summery: Damain was taking Luna out on a nice dinner date. She thought this date would be like their many other dates, but being drugged was a first.

WARNING: Being Drugged, Slight Minipulation, Unprotected Sex, Sexual Content, Intentionally Conceiving a Child

Author's Note: Things to know before reading. Luna and Damian are both young adults in this time period. Luna wasn't educated on sex or that sex is used for reproduction. Also, a reminder that Luna is a mute who communicates through sign language and morse code. I'll use °theses° when she's "speaking."

Standing in front of the mirror was a young woman with long (h/c) hair that reached past her tailbone, (e/c) eyes scanned over her outfit. She was wearing a black sparkling halter neck mini dress with an innerside boob window with chains. Long black gloves covered her arms while thigh-high pantyhose adorned her legs, and to pull it together, she wore a pair of black sparkling open toe heels. Luna didn't bother to put on makeup (mostly because she doesn't know how to), so with one last look in the mirror, she walked out of her living quarters and up the elevator.

Opening the doors to her 'home', she was greeted by Damian, who was wearing a black tuxedo leaning on a limousine. Walking into the raven-haired man's arms, she great him with a kiss, which he deepened as he placed a hand on her hip and the other behind her head. Patting on the man's broad chest in a pattern that's coded °Have you waited long?°. Breaking the kiss, Damian replied with a wolfish smile, "If waiting long means I get to see you dress like this, then I'll gladly wait for you as long as it takes." With one more peck, the Wayne opened the door for his girl, once inside the limousine they took off.

Arriving at their destination, their chauffeur opened the door for them. Damian was the first to step out and offer his hand, which Luna took. They were greeted by a young man with brown eyes and curly hair with freckles wearing a server uniform. "Greetings, we've been expecting you. I'll be your host for this evening, now if you'll kindly follow me I'll show you two to your table." He escorted them to a private room where he took their orders.

After finishing their food (and dessert), they just talked/signed to one another. The topic? Art supplies, specifically Luna's interest in trying out graphite sticks and pencils. °I'm just trying it out Damian, there's no need for you to buy me a whole graphite kit. You just got me that charcoal set.° all he did was give her that wolfish smile she loves with a hungry look in his eyes that always made her knees weak. Feeling herself slowly starting submitting to his command, she tried one last time to stand her ground.

°I'm really grateful for the gifts truly, but there's no need for you to buy me things that I can easily pay for myself.° she thought of all the times he would pay for her charcoal art supplies, buy her more sketch books when she used her's up, paying for all of their dates too and declineing her many offers of paying or even splitting the bill. But paying for all of her groceries and utilities is something he shouldn't be burdened with. °I have a stable income, and it's not your responsibility to take care of me.° "But you are my responsibility. It's my job to take care of you, on and off the battlefield." He reached over to take the (h/c)'s hand, giving it a light squeeze. "I love you, Luna. I want to take care of you. I want to spoil you every day, so please trust me to take care of you. Trust me to provide everything you need so you don't have to worry about anything."

Seeing his coy and heartwarming smile with that passion filled gaze made her heart flutter. She loves this man, the man who lets her sit on his lap to draw while he silently watches. The man who taught her how to use a sword in combat, the man who has her back when going on missions together, the man who bandages her wounds after fighting a criminal. He's the man she loves more than anything else, and she knows Damian loves her too.

The ravenette couldn't help the smile that crept on his face when he saw Luna's adorable lovestruck expression that she's unknowingly wearing. 'So fucking cute.'

Lightly rubbing his hand with her thumb, she finally submitted to his charms °I'm no match for you.° the moment was ruined when their waiter came in carrying a tray that had a pink wine bottle and two wine glasses. This annoyed Damian, but he held his tongue. "I hope you two are enjoying your evening tonight, my i Interest you in pink moscato rose wine?" °I've never had wine before. From what I can tell, wine is usually bitter, no?° with a customer service smile, the waiter reassured her. "Yes it is, but Pink Moscato is a deep, luscious wine known for its signature sweetness and fruity flavor. It typically tastes sweet and can taste similar to apple or grape juice. it can be served with the dessert course of a meal."

(E/c) eyes lit up when the word 'sweet' was mentioned, and as the waiter continues talking about the wine, Luna listened intently hanging on every word he said "Would you like some?" Nodding her head enthusiastically, the waiter placed both glasses on the table, opening the bottle he tilt it towards her glass, and a translucent gold liquid began to fill her glass.

°I hope this isn't too much to ask, but my I know the brand of the wine?° the waiter's eyebrows knit together, his smile a little strain. With a nervous chuckle, he showed the label on the bottle to her which read 'Sweet Bitch Moscato Rose'. Confused she look towards Damian °What does bitch mean?°

Their poor waiter looked mortified while Damian brushed out in laughter. Once his laughter died down, he reassured the (h/c). "Nothing you need to worry about." He received the cutest confused puppy dog look ever. She did the head tilt and everything too! Deciding to drop it, Luna turned her focus to her glass of wine (their waiter made a break for it when attention wasn't on him) picking it up. She took a tiny sip. A sweet and fruity flavor took over her taste buds just as the waiter said.

She continues to sip from her wine glass with a satisfied smile, really liking the taste of the wine. 'Sweet Bitch Moscato Rose huh? I should buy a bottle for myself sometime.' "Don't even think about it. I'm the one who's going to buy you a bottle." Luna's surprise was clear on her face, Damian told her with a cheeky smile."I know you too well to not know the expression you're wearing. It's the same expression you make when eating sweets."

She blushed at the thought of him watching her eat without her knowledge. In an attempt to cover her blush, she chugged the rest of her wine. Setting her glass back on the table, she noticed a strange throbbing in between her legs.

Her body instantly started heating up. She felt tingly all over, clenching her chest where her heart would be. She could feel it pounding like crazy. A clear wet fluid dripped from between her legs, soaking her panties and inner thighs, as well as getting all over her seat.

Leaning down, she rested her head on her arm. Her mind was staring to fog up, and her brain became scattered. Questions raced throughout the (h/c)'s head. 'What was happening to her body? Why is she getting wet? How is she getting wet? What was in that drink?'

It was a real treat seeing Luna's usual calm and composed expression turn into something erotic. Her pupils dilated, her cheeks were flushed, and she was shaking and panting heavily, too. Damian's lips curled upward into a feral smile, ready to devour her. He felt his own arousal, causing his pant to tighten around him.

With a weak hand, Luna grabbed her spoon and started to tap it on the table. °Damian, what kind of drug did you give me?° 'Clever girl.' Damian, though, with a cocky smile. "You catch on quick, my dear Luna." Weakly, she sat up in an attempt to show no weakness in front of him. °what purpose is there for drugging me?°

Getting out of his chair, he made his way over to Luna, picking her up bridal style. Damain replied with a simple "You'll see." Then carried her out to the limo. Their chauffeur opened the door for them, getting in the ravenette place Luna on his lap.

The (h/c) heard the sound of the driver's door opening and closing, then the sound of the limousine starting up. Next then she knew they were taking off. Luna tried to look out of the driver's weindshield window in the hopes of searching for familiar surroundings, but her view was cut off by a black tinted window rolling up, blocking her view.

Damain grabbed her by the chin, turning her attention towards him. "Keep your eyes on me, dollface." Feeling his hand snake in between her legs he began to rub her clit through her panties. She gasped, she couldn't believe he's touching her there! But the way his touching her feels so damn good. 'Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, please don't stop Damian!'

Luna has become a maoning mess with her tongue hanging out while making lewd sounds as best she can. Throughout all of this, she didn't take her eyes off of Damian. He loved it.

Damian shoved his tongue in her mouth and began to explore it. He slides his tongue over her teeth and then teases her tongue. Luna responded back by teasing his tongue, too. their tongues began to twirl around one another. Luna gasped when he pinched her clit and gave it a little twist. The (h/c) was drowning in her own lust to the point she forgot they were in a limousine and barely noticed it stopped.

Fighting through her foggy haze, Luna pulled away from Damian's lips. A string of saliva was the only thing connecting them. Catching her breath, she quickly composed herself as best she could and began to sign. °I should get out. Thank you for tonig-° she yelped when he pinched her clit again interrupting her "Who said I was dropping you off at 'home'?" He moved her so she was straddling him Luna felt something hard pressing up against her cunt and for some reason feeling how large it is made her body produce more slick.

The door was open by their chauffeur, who stepped aside as Damian got out of the limousine, all while never letting go of Luna once. Turning her head to see they were at a nice luxury hotel, (e/c) eyes looked at the large glowing sign that read Red Royalty Love Hotel. Before she could even ask him what they were doing there, Damain carried her into the hotel, passing the front desk and straight into one of the rooms.

The room's walls were painted a crimson red with a black tile floor and a large white rug. In the middle of the room was a large round bed with red sliding chiffon curtains. The pillows and bed coverings are pure white, and the bed itself was covered in red rose pestle. The only source of light was the million of candles scattered around the room.

Using his foot, Damain kicked the door close and moved forward towards the bed. Gently sitting Luna on the bed, he gave her a deep passion kiss. "I'm going to make love to you." She gave him this pure look of innocent confusion as she signed °Make love? What's that?° If Damian didn't know any better, he would have assumed she was teasing, but he knew she genuinely didn't know what sex was, but not for long.

"Love making or sex is an activity two people who love each other do to express their love for one another." Giving her another passion kiss, he continued."You do love me, right Luna?"

°Yes you mean everything to me, and if you want to have sex we can. Anywhere anytime. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it to the best of my abilities.° giving a dark smile to the (h/c) Damain stood up straight and started to unbuckle his pants, once undone his cock sprang out to stand tall and proud.

Looking at him Damian was about 7 inches and is pretty girthy with a large cockhead, you can notice a few veins popping out as well as pre cum leaking from the tip.

"Luna, this is my cock. We're gonna need it to have sex." With a curious look, Luna began to inspect the part of Damian she's never seen. She placed her hand on his thigh for support while she used the palm of her free hand to slowly slide up from the base of his cock all the way up to his tip letting her fingernails glide across his shaft.

This action earned her a deep groan from Damian and the words "Fuuuck baby~, If you use your nails like that, I mean just cum on ya~." Looking up at him then down to his cock Luna realized touching him there brings him pleasure. 'Cum... if I pleasure him he'll cum. Whatever cumming is he wants it.' Seeing his face filled with pleasure Luna now know what she needs to do 'I'm going to make him cum. But how?'

Not knowing what to do or where to start, she looked up towards Damian with this lost and pitiful expression that screams help me. 'Poor thing' gently stroking her head, he gave her a soft smile. "Aww, my poor baby girl~. Here's a tip, use your hand to strock it." Looking back down, Luna wrapped her hand around his shaft and did what he said.

Damain started to moan and groan, loving how soft her hand felt around his dick. "Yesss~, just like that baby. Keep going, keep going, up and down up and down, that's it. God damn your hand is soft.~" This reaction encouraged Luna to keep going. Filled with confidence, she continued to stroke him.

While stroking, Luna paid close attention to Damian. Listening to his moans and looking at the expressions he would make to find out what pleased him the most. The (h/c) notice the veins on his cock are quite sensitive and everytime she touched them Damian would spew out curses while his cock twitch with arousal.

Focusing on those sensitive veins, she continues to strock him, making sure to glide her hand across every vein. Feeling the pulsing of his veins and the twitching of his cock underneath her touch make her pussy wet with arousal and it seems she wasn't the only one. Her fingers were drenched in precum, and when she pulled her hand away, there were many strings of sticky precum connecting her fingers to Damian's cock.

Without thinking, she placed her lips on his dick giving it a kiss, then started to leave a trail of kisses starting from the base and trailing her way up to his tip. Then she trailed her tongue up his shaft by once again, starting from the base. Damian's eyes were rolled in the back of his head in pure bliss, his body consumed by pleasure. Without warning, Luna put his dick in her mouth deep-throating him in one fluent motion, stopping right at the base, which caused Damian to let out a long, drawn-out moan.

Without stopping for a second Luna started to suck his cock. While sucking him off Luna felt him getting harder inside her mouth. Precum filled her mouth. "Fuck Luna-! I'm gonna fucking-! Cum!" 'He's cumming!' Determine to make him cum she picked up the pace sucking him faster. Suddenly, Damian roughly grabbed the (h/c)'s head, pushing her to take all of him in while her mouth filled with what she assumed was his cum.

Not knowing what to do with his cum Luna swallowed it all. Pulling away from his cock she took a minute to catch her breath but that didn't last long as Damian pushed her on her back and spread her legs. "Your turn Luna~"

He pulled her panties off, but before Damian could get a good look at her clit Luna quickly covered herself with one hand while she quietly signed with the other one in a panicked frenzy. °What are you doing!?° Giving her a reassuring smile, Damian explains,"You made me cum it's only right if you cum too." °I can cum too?° leaning forward he gave Luna a reassuring kiss "Yes you can and when you cum you'll feel really good. So don't you worry, just lay back and I'll take care of you."

Relaxing her muscles, Luna lay down on her back, resting her head on one of the pillows. She moved her hand away, exposing herself to Damain. Spreading her legs apart he started by giving her pussy a little kiss earning a small gasp for Luna, spreading her lips he used his tongue to make slow, broad licks, widening his tongue as much as possible.

Luna couldn't stop her whimpering from escaping her lips, but how could she be quiet when she's feeling this hot tickling sensation coming from her cunt, it just feels so good. 'Did Damian feel like this when I was pleasing him?'

Moving up, he began sucking and licking her clitoris. Letting out a loud mewl, Luna thought, 'That's sensitive!' He continued to play with her bud. Damian then pushed his middle finger inside of her cunt , causing Luna to gasp loudly. It was a foreign feeling to have something inside of her, a foreign and pleasurable feeling.

The ravenette added a second finger inside of Luna, causing her to whimper. In an effort to loosen her up, he moved his fingers in a scissoring motion. Feeling her insides being spread apart made Luna shake like crazy. At first, he pumped his finger in a slow and gentle pace, but he picked up the pace when he felt her walls clinching around his fingers. Thrusting his fingers at a hard and rough pace, he noticed Luna began to shake while panting heavily. "Come on baby, cum for me."

With a long, drawn-out whine, Luna came. A milky white liquid oozing from her pussy dirting the bedsheets. Damian beg to lap up her cum, once satisfied he began to take off his and Luna's clothes throwing them to the side.

Lining his dick up with the (h/c)'s entrance, Luna signed, °Will it fit?° "Yes, but once I put it in, I'll give you a moment to settle. My cock isn't exactly the size of my fingers." Giving the ravenette a nod Luna mental prepared herself but when she felt Damian's cock going inside of her her mental preparation was thrown out the window. 'So deep.'

Like he promised, Damian gave her a moment to settle. Although all he wanted to do was to start fucking her 'She's so fucking tight!'

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Luna gave him a kiss. When she pulled away from the kiss, she nodded her head, giving him the ok. Damian tried to hold himself back from fucking her like an animal by forcing himself to thrust slowly. Luna was grateful for the slow pace, but soon, she wanted something faster, something rougher.

Placing her hand on Damian's back, she patted it in a coded pattern °Faster, harder.° Roughly grabbing her legs, he pushed them around her head, folding her into a mating press. Then he started to ram his cock inside of her furiously thrusting downwards into her pussy. Damian loves the way how her pussy keeps clinches around his cock and how it sucks him in deeper inside of her fighting to keep him in when he pulls out for another thrust.

It wasn't long until Damian came inside of Luna filling her up with his cum. He thrusted a few more times, shoving his semen inside her cervix. When Damian pulled out, he moved both of them under the covers. Pulling the (h/c) into his arms, he gave her forehead a kiss. "Get some rest. I'll take you home in the morning." Before she closed her eyes, Luna signed one last thing. °I love you, Damian.° "I love you too, Luna."

After Luna fell asleep, Damian began rubbing her stomach, thinking of when and where they'll have sex next. 'Just until I know she's pregnant.. maybe.'

#dc #yandere dc #dc x reader #yandere dc x reader #yandere damian #yandere damian wayne #yandere damian x reader #yandere damian wayne x reader #x reader #yandere x reader #reader insert #fem reader #red luna!darling

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pinkthrone445 · 11 months ago

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hi my love! I hope you are well. <3

can I suggest a smut + fluff where the reader is insecure about some scars she has on her body, and the poor girl is scared that Melissa won't find her pretty? And when Mel finds out about this, does she show how beautiful and precious Y/N is to her?

Thanks for the sweet request! I'm good and I hope you´re too. I also hope that you like this💕

🎄Happy holidays yall! Smutsanta it's bringing hot requests for naughty people and your names are on my naughty list! Enjoy!🎄

~Let me remind you~

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender: Fluff - Smut ⚠️

Warnlings : (+18) strong words, fingering, vulgar language. Age gap(legal)

Summary:The thought of being intimate with the redhead was scary and your insecurities played tricks on you, but Mel takes care of chasing away all your fears.

Tired, that's how you felt. Your mind anywhere but where you should be paying attention, on the professor who was talking in front of you explaining the important topics that would go into your next exam. In your mind, the last conversation with your girlfriend, Melissa, kept playing

-"I can't believe that this is your last exam and you'll already be an elementary school teacher, and it's so good that you're already assured of a position at Abbott when you leave here from college. We should celebrate this! What do you think about renting a cabin for the two of us for the weekend? We could have a relaxing soak in a hot tub, go to a restaurant, spend a lot of time together..."-Spending a lot of time together, that played over and over in your head. You and Melissa had been dating for a couple of months, because of her schedule and yours, you had never been together too much time like a whole weekend, a weekend dedicated just to you and her. While you were excited to spend so much time with her, it also made you nervous to think about how intimate it would be. The times you and Mel had been together before, it had been in a hurry, a quick visit to the dorm room at the university, where she didn't have time to completely undress you and only took off your pants to put her hand inside to make you cum before your roommate arrived, or a quick visits to her school, where you went to her car to do it, where there wasn't much room and she couldn't see you well.

But this time would be different, Melissa would have all the time and space in the world to be with you and see your body, see every inch of your body. See every imperfection on your body. A sigh left your lips, you felt sad just imagining her seeing you completely naked, and if she didn't like it? What if she regretted being with you? What if she was disgusted? It would be hard to go to the same school to work if you knew she was disgusted by you or if she couldn't stand to see you.

The sound of your teacher ending class and your classmates getting up to leave, took you out of your thoughts. After taking your things, you went back to your room. A couple of hours later, your cell phone rang, it was a message from Melissa, to know if you would go out together, to book the cabin. Although you weighed in on a thousand excuses, none of them carried enough weight to tell her that you wouldn't go, so you ended up accepting your girlfriend's invitation.

As the weekend approached, your nerves grew bigger and bigger, the knot in your stomach hurt more, and you had more and more doubts about whether you would be able to do so.

The day arrived and Melissa excitedly picked you up on campus, helped you carry your bag to the car and let you choose the playlist while she drove. When you arrived at the cabin, it was a beautiful and very decorated place, it was a romantic and delicate house, so romantic that the only thing it did was make your nerves grow.

Melissa had made many plans to make the most of the weekend, romantic dinners, evening walks on the beach, brought movies to watch, and asked to be left with groceries at the cabin so she could cook your favorite meal for you. But your mind only traveled to the same moment, the moment when you're in bed together and she sees you completely naked. You tried to avoid it by doing it somewhere else where she couldn't completely see you. When you were in the restaurant having dinner, you proposed to go to the bathroom because you knew that they would have little room and it would have to be fast, but the redhead denied saying that she felt too full to move. When you walked along the beach you proposed it to her again, since there was little light and she couldn't see you very well, but Mel shook her head again, saying how uncomfortable it was after having to scoop out the sand that sticks to every inch of your body. With no other ideas, you sighed and didn't keep trying.

Arriving home, while Mel was putting down her coat, you went upstairs to the room planning what to do, but you were startled when you felt the redhead's hands on your waist as she kissed your shoulders

-"Don't panic, it's just me... Let me tell you, that dress looks beautiful on you and I'm so happy we were able to go out together, it feels nice to spend time with you without hurries..."-She spoke in a soft, loving voice, and you smiled

-"You look beautiful too... Thank you for everything you planned..."-You replied smiling but a sigh left your lips and the redhead looked at you worriedly

-"Are you okay hon?"-Mel asked turning to see you face to face and you nodded not very convinced, your eyes were a little watery from the fear you had and that did not go unnoticed by her, it only worried her more and she hugged you tightly-"hey hey, What's going on? You know you can trust me"

-"I know, it's just something very stupid..."-You whispered and she frowned

-"It's not a stupid thing if it makes you want to cry"-Mel kissed your forehead and you sighed hiding in her neck

-"Can I ask you something?"- You whispered against her neck and she nodded, gently massaging your back-"I know this weekend is just for us, to enjoy and have a good time, but when we do, sex I mean, can it be with the lights off?"-Your voice was just a whisper, like the voice of a frightened child, or like when you try to scream in a dream and your voice doesn't come out. The redhead looked at you confused, stopping her caresses

-"Why are you asking for that hon? It's not the first time we'll do it, plus if you don't want to do it you could have told me, you know I would never force you to do anything, it just confuses me that you were quite insistent on doing it in different places earlier tonight...If it's because you're not waxed, I've told you before that I don't care"-Melissa looked at you trying to figure out the reason and you sighed

-"It's not that... The previous times we've done it, you haven't seen me, you've only touched me, you never took all my clothes off... And I'm embarrassed... I'm ashamed and scared that now that you'll have time to take a good look at me, you won't like what you see"-You responded by avoiding her gaze and she gently grabbed your cheeks to get you to pay attention to her

-"You have a perfect body, what are you talking about?..."- she asked with concern in her voice

-"It's not perfect... You only say that because you haven't seen it, but it's full of marks and some scars... My previous boyfriends and friends made it very clear to me how ugly my body looks with that..."You answered and now it was her turn to sigh shaking her head

-"My love... No one it's perfect, we all have our flaws, I mean, look at how many wrinkles I have or how the skin on my arms hangs a little... And let's not start talking about how the years had left my crotch... But, when we are with the right person, it doesn't matter anymore how ugly we see ourselves, we can be perfect in someone else's eyes. The things you are ashamed of, will only become reasons to love yourself more in the eyes of the right person. Where you see scars that embarrass you, I see reminders of how strong you are, it should never be a reason to feel ashamed, but to feel proud. The marks on your body show life experiences, no one would ever complain about the words and marks we find written on the pages of books that tell us a story, no one should ever complain about the marks on your skin that tell your story. Your body is yours and you shouldn't let anyone say anything bad about it, nor believe them when they do... But when you have doubts and don't feel pretty, I'll be there reminding you every day how perfect you are. Okay?"-Melissa spoke in a soft voice and you nodded still hidden in her neck. She carefully grabbed your blouse-" I want to see you... Can I take off your blouse?"-She asked and you nodded again, pulling back a little so that she could take it off-" Can I take your pants off?"-she asked again and you nodded, letting her do it. Mel very carefully and delicately removed your bra, knelt carefully at your feet, and also removed your underwear. A shiver ran through your body and you tried to cover yourself with your hands when she stood up in front of you, looking at you very intensely, but the redhead didn't let you. She took your hands gently, kissed your knuckles and then took your waist carefully, you thought maybe she would start kissing you, but instead, she carefully turned you around making you stand in front of a very large mirror in the room. Seeing yourself so exposed only made you embarrassed and you looked down. Mel clung closer to you, hugging you from behind and resting her head on your shoulder, with her hand she grabbed your chin and made you look in the mirror-"Look at yourself sweetheart, there's nothing wrong with you"-Her fingertips rested gently on your scars, running very gently over them-"Nothing wrong with you, just reasons to love you more... Do you believe me?"-whispered against your ear and kissed your neck

-"I'm trying"-You responded smiling when you felt her kisses

-"I'll kiss you until you believe me"-She replied and you felt how her hands caressed your waist and legs, her mouth leaving kisses and marks on your skin. The whole situation was very intimate, very intoxicating, her perfume and her soft skin surrounding you, her hands running over your body, her soft words and caresses in places that even you wouldn't touch. The shame you had turned into desire, a desire to continue listening to her sweet voice, a desire to continue to feel her caresses, a desire to be in her presence forever. But even so, you were still finding it hard to look at yourself in the mirror. Melissa's hands gently moved to your crotch, parting your folds with one of her fingers, while her other hand massaged one of your breasts, that by the desire and the moment, your nipples were very stiff and hard, very sensitive to her caresses.

A groan left your lips and you closed your eyes resting your head on her shoulder, but that made her stop all her movements. Confused, you opened your eyes and saw her seriousness in the reflection of the mirror

-"I want you to see yourself, or I'll stop my movements... I want you to see how perfect you are and get used to seeing yourself the way you are, I want you to see how I touch you, I want you to see yourself react to my caresses, I want you to see yourself until the moment you come on my fingers"-Mel bit your ear and you let it out a quiet cry. When she saw that you were still looking at yourself in the mirror, she resumed her movements. Her index finger began to caress your sex gently in circles, slowly but firmly. Your hips began to move involuntarily against her hand, wanting to keep up with her, but she pulled you closer to her body. Her crotch brushing against your ass only made you desperate and move more against her. The redhead moaned in your ear and her movements picked up faster. You were overwhelmed by the delicacy of the moment, how could she say such sweet words while her fingers opened and touched you like that. Her touch felt hot and addictive, like the warmth of a campfire when you're cold, her heart beating on your back, heaving and uncontrolled like yours, her breath hot against your neck, her lips giving little kisses and bites on your skin, one of her hands holding you against her crotch while the other hand caressed your button desperately. Feeling and seeing all that in the mirror, made your body start to spasm. But seeing how your breasts began to bounce and your hips moved uncontrollably against her hand made you orgasm on the redhead's fingers. A moan in unison left your lips and hers, with her free hand she took your jaw and kissed you gently while her fingers were still making lazy circles over you clit.

With your body tired and agitated, you turned around hugging her and hiding in her neck again, not out of embarrassment this time, but out of lack of strength. Mel kissed your head and carefully guided you to the bed, still hugging you.

After a couple more rounds and sweet words, you fell asleep on her chest, both of you completely naked and your legs intertwined.

The next day, you woke up when the sun had already risen a couple of hours ago, you were confused by not seeing Mel next to you, but when you heard the noises from the kitchen, you knew that she was surely making breakfast. After stretching a little, you got up to look for something to wear, but you stopped in front of the mirror looking at your completely naked body with a smile, you were full of delicate and soft marks, but especially, Mel had taken it upon herself to kiss and highlight with marks all the contour of your scars, with your fingertips you ran your scars smiling and then you got dressed.

Going down to the dining room, you smiled at all the food on the table and the amazing smell, carefully approached the redhead and hugged her

-"Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?"-she whispered against your hair and then kissed you

-"So good... I wish this weekend would never end, I don't want to forget everything that happened last night... I appreciate it so much..."-You whispered. Melissa walked away from you and turned on the stereo, smiling as you looked at her in confusion

-"You know, I read an article that said that when we associate a song with a moment, it makes it stick more etched in our memory, I'll put a song, so that every time you hear it or every time you doubt how beautiful you are, you remember this moment, how much I love you and how perfect you are"-She smiled before putting on the song and starting to sing it for you as she hugged you.

(This is the song that Mel it's singing, I dedicate to all the soft souls out there❤️)

#melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti #abott elementary fanfic #melissa schemmenti abott elementary #abott elementary #melissa schemmenti smut

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sailorblossoms-snowbaz · 6 months ago

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Baz's raised eyebrow:

(yet another "Simon identifies as 'Baz-sexual' for very good reasons' post)

few things have annoyed me more with these books than when people do not take Simon's "I don't know anything about anything but maybe I'm just a Baz-sexual" comments seriously (dismissing it with a combination of not paying attention to what he's putting down and good old confirmation bias). He even says it in less "goofy" ways with lines such as "he's the only person I have ever wanted" (in the context of thinking about having sex) (note the emphasis on ever) (yes, it's one of the clues saying he didn't want to have it with Agatha, in case it's not clear)

"Like Baz has only ever wanted Simon, Simon has only ever wanted Baz," is necessary to bring up before I get to my point here. I have seen Simon being read as in love or attracted to Agatha ("he must have been or else how they had sex?"... I mean, Simon tells you why it happened without attraction, but even if he didn't, we could make an alphabetized list of reasons it can happen without it, the desire to fit in is no joke) or the idea of Simon liking all sorts of girls, including the girl he pointedly doesn't notice despite her being obvious to others, for the sake of drama and conflict. I have wondered if they don't believe the characters, or if they find the highlighted sentence here boring. "It's boring if the characters only want each other," "in real life people want multiple people" – indeed, but not everyone is wired the same (and why are we stuck on "real life" so much anyway in stories about half-dragon and vampire boys falling in love). But it's not like this sentence is without conflict. Note Baz's eyebrow...

In CO, when Simon says Trixie is cute, Baz's reaction is a boyish "I'm going to puke" comment, which is likely part of how he dealt with jealousy and thinking Simon was straight for years: masking his feelings with "harsh" or sort of "edgy" jokes (probably not the right words to use, but getting too hung up on precise wording is the reason I never finish these posts). In awtwb, Simon calls Pippa cute, and Baz raises an eyebrow...

By those reactions, we could say the idea of Simon calling someone cute because he finds them attractive crosses Baz's mind – or is something he feels in some way, even if the thought doesn't explicitly cross his mind. It's something the reader might assume as well... however, I don't think the way Simon uses cute – which can be used in many different situations – says anything about attraction for him. I mean, a gay man can see a girl being cute or gorgeous as well – Baz certainly does! (attraction is portrayed in these books as thoughts derailed, repetition, sentences being cut off, fixating in a detail no one else notices like they do – you see it with Baz and Simon, Agatha and Niamh, Shepard and Penny. Shep doesn't just call Penny cute – he loses his entire goddamn mind for a whole page about her cuteness and her knees. It's not just a passing comment).

I don't think those scenes when Simon says "cute" is highlighting something about him, other than the fact that he's able to note cuteness. I think it's saying more about Baz's insecurities (I know I once posted something long about it somewhere...) Baz brings attention to it in a way with his reactions... because he's bothered by it. It's something that's sort of hidden and sort of contained, but it's there.

Baz doesn't find himself desirable, partly because of his vampiric nature. But part of it is also about the complicated and messy fear that perhaps... Simon has a problem with being with a man (I know I have unpacked this in other posts, finding them though...). Perhaps "a girl would be better" (It's messier with boys than with girls, it's a thought that comes out before he catches himself with "I don't actually know anything about being with boys or girls".... "I don't know anything about being in a relationship," he says, while still being able to catch there was something wrong with Agatha and Simon's relationship when Simon talks about – because Simon will process things he would rather avoid when it's about opening up to Baz, he wants Baz to know things that would help Baz understand him better, even if he himself would rather not understand... still Baz can't let go of the programming of all those years believing in the golden couple – he has spent a longer time believing that than dating Simon, after all) (Agatha is alive and beautiful, the sort of beauty that's used to "embody" "desirability".... and Baz is "not alive"...) (as a side note, have you noticed the idea – or the actual action – of sex with Agatha is used both with Simon and Baz to indicate a lack of desire toward women?)...

While Simon thinks of Baz as the only person he has ever wanted – Baz is as desirable as it gets for him – Baz struggles with feeling desirable at all. Baz doubts and wonders and has to catch himself – even if he doesn't notice he's doing that. Even if he doesn't consciously think "a beautiful girl who is alive is more preferable than me, a gay male vampire." That is a far more interesting conflict than Baz having legit reasons to be jealous, I think. The fact that he has truly nothing to feel jealous about, and yet... he just can’t help it. It's hard to go against years of programming, of going against the idea that everything about yourself is undesirable and it's better to hide it – another way he matches with Simon. They also match in their insecurities, with small differences: Baz is so amazing and attractive while Simon doesn't feel like he's good enough for him, he can do better than him, etc... while Baz clearly only has eyes for Simon, Simon feels like Baz is merely stuck with him. And the conflict here is that you think "they need to TALK and voice their thoughts for the love of god, what do you mean Baz doesn't know Simon sees him as the love of all his lives??"... talking is not enough. That Simon and Baz only have eyes for each other is not without conflict. Sometimes we need to keep hearing some things, and even then... the fears and insecurities don't go away. Especially when we have spent a really long time believing ourselves to be unwanted, undesirable, something to be hidden. When we have been exposed to things that confirmed those beliefs for longer than we have been exposed to things that challenge them

#this is an old post (that was in my drafts)#i have been feeling like letting this blog go but I'm hauted by the 30+ posts in my drafts i never finished #snowbaz #long and barely comprehensible as always #i might have lost the point along the way #simon snow #baz pitch #simon snow trilogy #carry on #baz grimm pitch #baz x simon #awtwb #wayward son

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totheseok · 6 months ago

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seunghan thoughts because I miss him

so we've all seen that video where they were playing the huge jenga

and when it fell he reached to kind of break its fall so that it wouldn't hurt shotaro

so I'm imagining that like

it's really common that he gets hurt a bit in the process of helping others and then brushes it off

imagine he comes home after filming that episode, maybe he's staying at your place for the night, and u see a small bruise, scratch or cut on his hand and ask about it

and he's probably just like "oh it's nothing the jenga tower fell and I got hurt a bit"

btw if you've ever had even the normal sized tumbling tower fall on your hand that shit HURTS ok the amount of times I've gotten bruises and cuts from them *shivers*

point is he tends to put other people before him

he's definitely the type of person to start picking up the larger pieces of a broken glass while waiting for someone to get a broom, just so no one else gets hurt

even if he gets hurt in the process

:(((((((((((((

imagine his s/o, you, then taking care of him cus he always does it for others

side note I just KNOW he loves hand kisses

but he wants to take care of you :(

it's just a big adorable wholesome mess with both of you babying each other

he's also SO attentive

he'd definitely keep small things about you in mind

like maybe you mentioned a snack you liked growing up and this man goes out of his way to find it and mass purchase it (like an Asian dad)

or you mentioned a book that seemed interesting when u visited a bookshop while out with your friends

Trust he's bought every book in that series for you the next day

maybe u said u ran out of catfood

when he comes over the next day, he's got a bag of the catfood

and it's tye one you use cus he checked

10000% has a period tracker for you on his phone

stocks up on snacks, pads and heating pads a week beforehand in case it shows up early

definitely the type of person who doesn't want you to consume too many painkillers because of the side effects but he won't stop you when you need them

he definitely try to look for natural pain killer recipes (as someone with horrible cramps, boiling black seed in water and drinking the water while it's warm is a VERY effective pain killer)

he strikes me as the type to pay attention to what you don't like doing and tackles those things before you

like maybe you hate doing the dishes and so when sees dirty dishes he gets to cleaning them before you can even think about it so that you wont have to

he definitely listens to you rant about your favorite book or show

even if he hasnt watched or read it

he will always listen and he loves it

he'll listen to your theories about what will happen next

and listen to you rant about how the second lead shouldve been end game

he also knows all of the tea

like omg your friend's ex is texting her again

is it pineapple or orange?

its GRAPE?!?! no way

i could honestly go on about this for hours but i'll stop here for now

#i miss him sm #seunghan come back #seunghan #seunghan fluff #seunghan imagines #seunghan x reader #riize #riize x reader #riize fluff #nini's thoughts ॢ₎

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chaifootsteps · 7 months ago

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once again begging HB fandom to please, please rewatch season 1, especially murder family & loo loo land

I saw a post claiming that Stolas made the full moon deal for Blitz's benefit, because asking for compensation with the only thing Blitz has shown interest in (sex) was apparently nicer on Stolas' part than just like... asking Blitz to rent the book from him with money or something

and I'm just like what??? this kind of take can only come from a headcanon because there's nothing in the show to support it apart from Stolas' own self-delusion (which doesn't excuse him given all the evidence to the contrary he should have noticed).

After their one night stand Blitz never shows an interest in having sex with Stolas. At the point they were at in murder family Stolas had no reason to assume Blitz still wanted sex from him, there isn't much more Blitz could have done to make it clear he wasn't interested!

Blitz ghosts him after their one night stand (by Stolas' admission on the phone call in full moon, it's 'never a good time', suggesting Blitz dodges Stolas' calls constantly and Stolas never gets a hint), tries multiple times to get him off the phone/get to the point in murder family & spends basically all his lines with Stolas in Loo Loo Land shutting it down whenever Stolas tries to flirt/make a move on him (one of which results in Stolas interrupting him mid-protest to condescend to him by saying he's 'cute when he's serious', ignoring totally the thing Blitz just told him not to do)

even later in the series when Blitz is supposedly developing feelings for Stolas and (according to stol/tz logic, not mine) enjoying being forced to sleep with Stolas he still sends him text replies of one or two word answers. it doesn't help that this interest Blitz supposedly shows is never onscreen. Even the two scenes that are the best 'evidence' of why Stolas would get mixed signals are still a reach - Blitz doesn't exactly seem super enthusiastic about sleeping with Stolas in The Circus and he's disinterested and annoyed by Stolas the whole time during their "date" (Stolas' phrase, not Blitz's) in Ozzies. when it comes to being expected to sleep with Stolas at the end of the latter episode he turns it down flat and Stolas' texts show he still doesn't get what the problem is.

Stolas' level of self delusion is his own problem. Not Blitz's. If he couldn't notice that Blitz isn't smiling in a single photo on his own then there's no reason to make Blitz responsible for not screaming in Stolas' ear to get through to him because it clearly wouldn't have worked. Stolas did not want to hear it. Going by what I suspect their convo in full moon will be like, he still doesn't and probably won't take in any criticisms Blitz is allowed to make (and goodness knows the show loves to make characters criticize Stolas in the flimsiest way possible so he can easily talk around them or rebut them)

Also saw the take repeated yet again (as many others have) that Blitz "never once explicitly tells Stolas no".

Besides the fact it's blatantly wrong & just a rewrite of what actually happened in the show - he says no in Ozzie's, he repeatedly tells Stolas to knock it off and voices his discomfort several times in Loo Loo Land - it's frankly disturbing to see this repeated so often.

Like part of the entire problem is that Stolas has put Blitz in a situation where he cannot say no. That is why this is sexual extortion: Blitz needs the book to keep his business running so Stolas has forced him into treating him with kid gloves to avoid making him angry and bankrupting his company (and putting his employees and daughter out onto the street if he can't pay them) as a result.

Even if Blitz was far less vocal about telling Stolas off when he annoys him, that wouldn't make the full moon deal or Stolas' rationalization of it OK. The fact that he does say no multiple times and indicates how he doesn't want Stolas coming onto him outside of their deal (again, the panic button for Stolas in his office & the way he has to go out of his way to clarify to Stolas that he had better not try and come onto him in the theme park - only to be interrupted and demeaned - suggests Stolas' understanding of boundaries is poor and that Blitz does not nor should not feel safe around him) should indicate well enough that Blitz is not interest in sex with Stolas and would have cut him out of his life in early s1 if he'd had the choice. But he didn't and it's disturbing to see the fandom apply revisionist history to suggest that isn't the case.

And what's worse is it's obvious Vivzie agrees with them, or wants to make it seem like she does because she can't be bothered to write actual character development for Stolas to make him a love interest that wouldn't be a total horror show for Blitz to be with. Instead Stolas achieving the bare minimum of saying Blitz's name right (and being nice to him on the phone offscreen) is enough, apparently

I remember you or someone else made a compilation of Blitz saying no or pushing back on Stolas as a video. It feels like we're at a 'don't make me tap the sign' type of point where that series of clips should just be the reply to anyone still pushing this claim.

That was indeed me, and here it is. Also, thank you for this ask, because every word is 100% correct.

#Anonymous #video reply #stolitz critical #helluva boss critical #viv stuff #actual blog post

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andreafmn · 4 months ago

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Collision | Chapter 25

Word Count: 3.8K

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

A/N: I cannot believe two of my Twilight fics are coming to and end (just their first books) I'm excited and a little scared, but also so grateful for everyone that has stuck around these past couple of years with them. Hope I see y'all on the next books as well. 💖💖 Also, I need to stop making characters just for the plot and then falling in love with them when I know how things will end up 🫣🫣

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The next day, (Y/N) was supposed to go back to work as though nothing had happened. She had to pretend Alice had not come to town or taken Bella off to Italy without her father knowing. That Edward wasn’t planning on taking his life because of a girl he had left for dead half a year before. That Harry had not passed under her hands only two days before. And she had to pretend that she didn’t know Carlisle was gone, that she wasn’t the only one he had walked away from.

But pretending was something she had gotten used to. Putting on a mask was the first thing she had learned when she was younger. She had faked being happy for so long that truly feeling it became intoxicating. And once it had been taken from her, she collapsed.

Still, falling back into usual patterns of behavior was easy enough to do.

She had gotten up that morning and left her mother a plate of breakfast before heading to the hospital. There, she walked the halls with a kind smile on her face and her mouth muttering thank you to everyone who offered their condolences. It was much too easy to pretend she was fine.

“I heard you went by the Clearwater house,” (Y/N) smiled as she noticed Eden walking into the locker room while she slipped on her white coat. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you. I wish I had stayed longer to have seen you.”

“I thought it’d be good to pay my respects,” he said. “It was a hard-hitting case.”

“Well, thank you. Not many people would have done that.”

“Yeah, of course,” he smiled, hiding the redness that was creeping onto his face with the door of his locker. “I, uh, wasn’t expecting you back today. I thought Davis gave you the rest of the week off.”

“I’d go crazy if I had nothing to do,” (Y/N) sighed. “Work will keep my head busy enough.”

“Hm,” was all Eden responded as he left his things in his locker and slipped on his own coat.

(Y/N) couldn’t help as her eyes lingered over Eden’s body. She stared at the way his navy scrubs clung to his figure, the seams of his sleeves stretching to their limits as his arms flexed before they were covered by the white coat. It was something she had only noticed she had been doing about a month before.

Somewhere along the way, she had begun staring, listening, remembering a little more. (Y/N) found herself noticing Eden a lot more than she had ever any man before, apart from one. Even as he seemingly held only disdain for her in the beginning, she couldn’t help the way she’d gravitated toward him. Thankfully, she had a reason to follow him around, but she knew that somehow, she’d do it regardless.

“(Y/N)!” His voice broke her out of her trance, a teasing grin splayed on his face. “All good?”

“Oh, uh, yes,” she stammered as she composed herself. “Morning rounds. Coming.”

“Seriously, if you need to take time off, you can,” he muttered softly, making the girl’s heart hammer rapidly against her chest. “You shouldn’t jump back in if you’re not ready yet.”

“I’m fine, seriously,” (Y/N) smiled, trying her best to subside the warmth that was overtaking her face. “I just zoned out for a second. I promise I’m ready.”

“Alright, then.” Eden conceded. “But if you need to tap out at any point, please let me know. Don’t keep it to yourself.”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Dr. Mollins.”

“Come on, (Y/N),” he grinned, “I think we’re past formalities when we’re off the clock.”

“Alright, then. Thanks, Eden.”

The Uley girl didn’t understand when her mind had shifted. Though she did focus on work and gave her everything to her patients, she found herself seeking Eden out. Since the shift between them from two days before, she felt comfortable seeing the man in a whole new light.

She had found herself liking the way he laughed, the way he smiled, even the way he stood. And, she thought, maybe that was the reason she had pushed the thought of Carlisle to the deepest, darkest corners of her mind. When she was around him, she didn’t spare a single thought about the vampire. Not even in the days after she had learned of the immortal’s disappearance.

Her heart did ache, she couldn’t lie. There was a constant tightening in her chest that she ignored every second of every day. But that was as far as it went. Maybe it meant she was healing. Maybe it was simply because she had not seen Carlisle. A part of her knew the answer. The part that she tried to silence so long ago with alcohol and distractions. The part she would continue to ignore until it was too much to bear.

But (Y/N) could do it. She could push down the overwhelming connection she had with Carlisle and allow herself to build something different with someone else. If Carlisle hadn’t cared enough about her to stay, she wouldn’t care enough to find him—at least, she knew she shouldn’t. And the girl always loved the rational side of her brain. It had kept her safe for long enough.

It was that side that kept her moving forward. The part that allowed her to go on day by day as though nothing affected her. It allowed her to lie to Charlie when he called about his daughter, allowed her to fix the strain she’d created in her relationship with Paul, and allowed her to set her gaze on someone else. If Carlisle was allowed to turn his feelings off and not care about the consequences, then so could she.

And for the past couple of days, that’s what she did.

(Y/N) had regained some momentum in her life. After allowing herself to feel what had been bringing her down, she decided to shift gears. She focused on her work, her school, and her family. And when she wasn’t focusing on that, she focused on Eden.

For those coming days, the pair that had seemed not to want anything to do with each other now could not seem to leave each other’s side. After squashing any animosity that had lived between them, they quickly realized how much they had in common. From their academic upbringings to the music they listened to while they relaxed. For the first time in more than half a year, the girl felt flutters building in her chest, and everything seemed to be settling in for her.

Yet, in all normal fashion, that didn’t last long.

“Did you know?” (Y/N) heard through the phone four days after Bella had left with Alice. “Did you know they were coming back?”

“What are you talking about, Sam?”

“The Cullens,” he seethed. “They’re all back. Just moved into their house.”

(Y/N) felt her hands begin to shake. She’d had a feeling when Bella had gone that this could have been an outcome. But—silly her, thinking rationally—she believed they’d keep truth in their word and never come back. “I-I didn’t,” she stammered nervously. “Are you sure? I mean, I know Alice came for a visit…”

“You didn’t know, (Y/N)?” Sam questioned softly this time, hearing the panic in his sister’s voice. “I thought they’d at least give you a heads up about it.”

“No, I… but… last I heard, Edward was on a suicide mission, and Bella and Alice went to save him,” she said. “But she didn’t say anything about them coming back.”

“Damn, I’m sorry, Bean. I thought you knew,” he sighed. “The older woman called and said they were moving back in last night.”

The girl didn’t know how to react. Clearly, she hadn’t meant enough to any of them to be given notice about things that directly affected her. Maybe she hadn’t put her life in enough danger because of him for them to care. Maybe they never cared at all. “Is, uh, is he…” she tried to ask but couldn’t find the words. “Is he, you know…”

“I don’t know, Bean,” Sam responded quietly. “All she told me was that the family was back, so the treaty needed to stand. But that’s as far as my knowledge goes.”

“Well, uh, I was just on my way into the hospital. I guess I’ll let you know if he’s there.”

“Are you sure you should be doing this, (Y/N)?” her brother worried. “Why don’t you take the day off?”

“I-I can’t. It’s better if I just go on as though nothing has changed.”

“(Y/N), you don’t have to always be strong,” he reminded her. “You’re allowed to step away if you need to.”

“I know, Sam. But I already gave enough of myself for them,” she stated. “It’s about time I start to reclaim those parts back.”

“Just… let me know if you need anything,” Sam offered. “Treaty be damned, I’ll be there in a moment’s notice.”

“Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it.”

“Alright then, go kill it, doc.”

With a semblance of confidence, (Y/N) walked into the hospital, but it wasn’t long before her heart started rushing. If the Cullens were truly back, it could mean that at any given moment, those golden eyes that had cemented themselves into her brain could be staring right back at her. Everything she had done to push him into the deepest, darkest corners of her mind could unravel with just one look.

Luckily, she made it all the way to the locker room without a glance of the man. Everything in the Forks hospital seemed the same as it had for the past six months. If the Cullens had come back, the doctor had not been by the building.

For a second, she thought when she opened the doors that he’d be standing there, slipping on his white coat and flashing her that damned smile. Instead, she found Eden already inside, getting ready for his shift. And if he could tell that something was awry with (Y/N), he did not say.

Yet, everything he said sounded far away for the girl. She knew he was speaking because she could hazily see his mouth moving, but she couldn’t quite process his words. To appear alright, she went through the motions—putting her bag away, slipping on her coat, draping the stethoscope around her neck. She had to appear fine because she was fine.

“(Y/N),” Eden’s voice finally broke through her trance. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah,” she croaked before clearing her throat. “I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Are you sure?” he pressed. “The offer still stands for you to take another day off. What happened…”

“No, I’m fine, Eden. I promise,” she smiled. “I just wanna get through the day.”

“Alright then. Let’s go.”

But before they could make their patient rounds, a nurse stopped (Y/N) in her tracks. “There’s someone asking for your, Dr. Uley,” he said. “They’re waiting for you in Dr. Cullen’s old office.”

“Oh, um, did you happen to catch a name?”

“Sorry, no,” the nurse answered. “But it’s a lady with long brown hair and these like dark golden eyes. She said you know who she is.”

And, of course, she did. “Thanks, Max,” the girl smiled. “I’ll be right over.”

“Guess we’ll start rounds without you,” Eden said as the nurse took off. “You know what this is about?”

“Yeah. Unfortunately so.”

There weren’t many people in the world that could ever fit the description the nurse had given. In her lifetime, she’d only met two, and only one of them had long hair.

(Y/N) felt sort of ambushed as she walked the trail she knew far too well. The hospital was one of the only places where any of them could seek her out, and she’d have nowhere to go. It was the perfect place to force her into an unwanted conversation. And she had an idea what it was that the woman wanted to talk to her about.

Inside the office, Esme was staring out the window when (Y/N) walked in, a trembling in her limbs she could not stop. Unlike seeing Alice, there wasn’t a surge of anger that rushed inside her. Maybe it was the dark circles forming under Esme’s darkening eyes, or the worry lines that had seemed to cement themselves in the furrow of her worried eyebrows, but (Y/N) could only feel concern.

The woman’s usual radiant beauty had dwindled, replaced by a darkening gloom that seemed to follow her like a dark cloud. It was one thing to ignore Alice’s appeal to find the patriarch of the Cullen family, but it was another to have the one person who had been moving heaven and hell to find him plead with nothing but her eyes. She had yet to utter a word, and (Y/N) already knew.

“You look well,” Esme spoke softly, frozen on the spot she stood. “Can’t say the same for this room, huh?”

“It’s been empty ever since,” she said without reciprocity of a laugh to the woman’s attempt at a lighthearted joke. “The hospital hasn’t really been able to fill the role.”

“Oh, well, I’m sure they’ll hire someone soon.”

“I think we’re past the amicable chit-chat, Esme,” (Y/N) sighed. “Just tell me what you’ve come to say.”

“I guess there’s no point beating around the bush,” the woman smiled sadly. “I’m guessing you already know that Carlisle is missing.”

“She blurted out something about that but didn’t really give me much more information on it. It wasn’t like she wanted me to find out—at least not in the way I did. But it’s not like you’ve all been very communicative these past few months.”

Esme was hesitant with her next words, taken aback by the bite in (Y/N)’s tone. She understood where her anger came from, and she had every right to feel that way. But the worry she felt for the man who had been her partner in life for so many years transcended the shame she felt for the way she and her family had treated the girl. “Alright, (Y/N). I know there are many apologies that we owe you, and I know they will never be enough. But, from the bottom of my heart, you have to know how sorry I am for what’s happened and the part I played in it,” the woman started. “But I’ve come today to plead for your help in finding Carlisle.”

“I’m sorry, Esme, but what makes you think that I’d have any idea how to find him?” (Y/N) said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Neither woman took a single step from their positions, leaving a cold distance between them—maybe out of anger, possibly just in self-preservation. “If a family of supernatural vampires can’t find him, how would I? I don’t even know how he disappeared.”

“We had just settled in our house in Ithaca when he said he was going to meet an old friend of his and we never saw him again,” she said. “I don’t want to burden you with how he was on that day, but he wasn’t himself, (Y/N). I have never seen him as defeated as he was then, and I am worried that he may have done something as dumb or worse than Edward. I have a very strong lead and someone who is quite certain that she can find him, but I know he won’t come back to us. I know it’s not my place to ask, and I understand if you want to turn me down, but I am begging you, even if it’s just to hear my friend out, just come by the house to talk.”

(Y/N) wanted to answer with a flat-out no or maybe say that she wasn’t like Bella and she wouldn’t drop everything in her life to save the man who had ripped her heart to shreds. But, at that very moment, she understood the Swan girl. She knew she had the power to show Carlisle the decency he had denied her, that she had the power to return a father to his family regardless of what he had done to her because at least some of them didn’t deserve the pain of losing him.

Still, there was a voice inside her head that tempted her to make them all pay for the torment she had gone through after they left. Even if the way she reacted to heartbreak wasn’t their fault, she couldn’t help but blame them for the indelible pain they had planted in her heart.

Before she could say anything, Esme added to her plea, sadness clinging to her every feature. “Look, (Y/N), I know this is a lot to ask, especially with how everything went down,” she said. “But all I am asking you is to just talk to my friend. Before you make any decision, just talk to her. Please.”

“I can’t promise you that I will, Esme. I just… I need some time to think about this. It’s a lot to just throw on someone.”

“Of course! Yes. Take the time you need,” the woman exclaimed. “Just please consider what I’ve said.”

“I, uh, I’ll try,” (Y/N) said. “But right now, I need to get back to work. I’ll call you once I’ve made my decision.”

“Yes, of course,” Esme muttered. “Again, I am so sorry.”

“Yeah, thanks,” she forced a smile. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”

(Y/N) turned before Esme could say another word. She was completely overwhelmed and could feel her anger and resentment bubbling inside her. Her eyes stung from tears she refused to let spill, and all she wanted was to break down.

Carlisle had not only broken her heart, but he had made some statements that she still carried with her. At one point, he had made her feel a happiness she’d never thought possible. He had sold her a life full of love and enchantment. Yet, in one conversation, he had shattered every illusion and dream she had created with him. He had shown her that someone could pretend to love you one minute and completely break your spirit the next.

But even knowing just how heartless Carlisle could be, she couldn’t help the worry that snuck into her heart. If he truly was in trouble, if he was gambling with his life, she didn’t think she’d be able to live with herself if she didn’t at least help. Unlike him, she couldn’t just turn off the love and care she’d had—still had—for the man. She especially couldn’t allow the family to live with the pain of losing someone they considered a father figure. (Y/N) knew far too well the anguish that came from losing a father, and she didn’t wish that torment on anyone—even her worst enemy.

“Hey, was everything okay?” Eden asked as they took their lunch break, a mask of concern clouding his face. “You seemed in your head when you came back for rounds.”

“I mean, it’s not not okay,” she shrugged, her gaze stuck on the plate before her. “It was… an old friend, I guess.”

“You’re not sure if she was a friend?” he chuckled softly, trying his best to lift the girl’s spirits.

“She was,” she smiled sadly. “She just came to ask for my help with something, and I’m not sure if I want to do it.”

“What did she ask for? If I may ask.”

“It’s a weird, long, and complicated issue,” she sighed. “But long story short, she needs my help with my ex. He’s been… different since the breakup, and he might be in some trouble, and she thinks I’m the only one that can help.”

“Oh,” Eden grimaced. “That is a long and complicated issue. I’m guessing there’s a bit of bad blood there.”

“Something like that,” she chuckled dryly. “He did and said some things in the breakup that cut deep, essentially…”

“But you still care for him.”

“Not just him. His family, too. They’re basically lost without their father.” (Y/N) noticed the realization in Eden’s eyes. The rumor that she had been with the town’s most acclaimed doctor had not died in people’s mouths, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he heard it, too. “I’m guessing you’ve heard what people have said about me and our last head doctor.”

“I won’t lie, I heard some whispers about that,” he confessed, “but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.”

“Well, you’re the first person other than my family to have it confirmed, but yes, Dr. Cullen and I were in a relationship before he left, and it was quite serious. Just not serious enough for him to ask me to go with him when he moved,” she explained, trying her best to keep everything to a minimum detail. “We didn’t end on good terms, and I am unbelievably mad at him. But I also don’t want anything bad to happen to him. Am I crazy for that?”

“Of course not, (Y/N),” Eden stated. He placed a comforting hand over hers, stopping the picking she hadn’t noticed she’d been doing. It was a touch she didn’t know she needed. As he drew circles with his thumb over her knuckles, she could feel herself calming down. “He was a big part of your life regardless of how he chose to end things, and you care about what happens to him because you are a good person. How could you be crazy for that?”

“Would you do it? If someone that hurt you needed your help, would you?”

“I’d like to say I would,” he said. “But I guess it’s more of a question if I’d be okay with not helping them in the long run.”

“Is it bad if I say I don’t know?” the girl worried. “Part of me wants to think that I wouldn’t care what happens to him, but there is a big part that knows that I would.”

“(Y/N), whatever you choose has to be the right decision for you. Helping this guy can’t be about him or his family. It has to be about how you will feel when you face him and if it is something you’ll be able to do without putting yourself in harm’s way.”

Those words took her aback. She had been thinking of the Cullens and their feelings; she had been thinking of Carlisle and his betrayal, but she hadn’t stopped to think of what would happen if she allowed herself to see him again. (Y/N) didn’t want the family to hurt, but she didn’t know if her wounds were closed enough for her to be selfless and save Carlisle from whatever danger he had placed himself into.

Whatever road she decided to take had to be the right one for her and no one else. No matter how much she cared for the Cullen family and didn’t want them to lose Carlisle, her decision could not be at the detriment of her own heart. They had put her through enough, and she wasn’t sure there was anything left to give to them.

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