#i'll be honest - this episode is next and i'm meaning to watch it but i'm procrastinating lol so i'm talking about the title

[marley-manson]

I think the title of The More I See You backs me up on my take that Hawkeye is someone prone to prioritizing his immediate emotions and exaggerating or shifting his perception based on how he feels in the moment.

Well I mean, I don’t really need a song reference to cite for that take I guess, it’s definitely a facet of Hawkeye’s emotionally driven personality. I should say my take that this attitude comes into play in certain specific moments, esp in this episode, like telling Carlye everyone he’s been with since her has been a pale imitation - probably not objectively true, very much doubt that Hawkeye has obsessed over her for years and thought of her every time he made out with a nurse, but Hawkeye is the type of guy who would say something like that and believe it in the heat of the moment after seeing her again for the first time in ages.

Like okay maybe they just chose a random love song to reference lol, but “the more I see you, the more I want you” does feel like an apt summarization of Hawkeye’s attitude towards people, including the presumed corollary of separation engendering emotional distance.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i need to kill belos immediately <3

[a-confused-spoon]

So about Caitvi...

I'm no one to judge whether or not caitvi is good representation. As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy if the lesbians watching the show are happy.

...you know what does piss me off though? A teeny tiny bit more than just "a little"?

Seeing some people defend the absence of a conversation between Caitlyn and Vi with "actions matter more than words".

Like...okay, first thing first, season 2 makes it pretty clear that's bullshit given how every other pairing previously at odds resolved things through the almighty power of talking things out: Vander wrote a letter to Silco and they became gay dads in the au, Ekko went through all possible combinations of words to convince Jinx not to blow herself up, and whatever the fuck Viktor and Jayce had going on in the finale... So yeah, crazy thing to say about this season;

Secondly, when we say "actions matter more than words", are we just not counting the verbal promise of not changing followed by abuse/ pain caused by the very much action of hitting a victim of police brutality who has utterly betrayed herself and her people for the sake of helping the same exact person who hit her because she pointed out "hey, maybe don't risk shooting a child"?

GRANTED this and most of what I'll say next is applicable to most of season 2 imo- we barely get to sit with the seriousness of a situation we just have to skip to the next one, so I wouldn't say it's a caitvi thing alone... nevertheless it's present there too, so back to the main conversation-

We know Caitlyn regrets it, but does she ever understand why it's so fucked up that she did that? Vi has a rush of emotions after realizing what Cait has done and is happy to stay with her, but once they... finish in that prison, does Vi really respect herself as an individual who has gone through some tough shit or is it a passive "fuck it we ball" attitude all the way to the finale where she wears once again the enforcer badge?

Caitlyn's personal character development (one that has to do with seemingly grief alone and nothing to do with classism and power dynamics which are a massive part of the problem both on a micro and macro level) shouldn't be something that "makes up" for what she did to Vi in episode 3, and because Vi's character was criminally neglected we never really get to see her actually give a shit about herself beyond, allegedly, her relationship with Cait- which is fucked, considering Vi always ever only sees herself in relation to others (Cait or Jinx for the most part) and never as a stand alone person.

That's why that conversation was pretty much needed here.

Aside from the fact that having a conversation with a partner isn't just saying "sorry", it's about being vulnerable, letting them know you see them, telling them where you stand, being just openly honest with one another etc. (aka is an integral part of the relationship itself), it also would've been an excellent way to let all the development they couldn't show for a lack of time still shine through dialogue.

No, it's not a "wanting things spelled out", it's a "they quite literally did that a bunch of times already in this very season, so they might as well do it for the main romance too since a conversation would also be fitting for the current situation"; examples might include that one scene with Silco and Ekko in episode 7 about forgiveness, or that one scene of Isha and Jinx where Jinx literally spells out "hey you remind me of Powder, meaning myself when I was younger, the younger self I thought I left behind-" (insert that one clip of Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove).

And before anyone puts words in my mouth, this isn't coming from a place of hate for either Caitlyn and Vi or Caitvi as a ship; engaging in criticism isn't hate for what's being critiqued, so please don't assume that some conversations don't come from a place of love for the show and the characters just because they don't openly praise every bit of what we got.

edit: ...tell you what, the more I think about it the more it seems that the issues I have with how this ship comes to be aren't even super specific to these characters and their relationship, but are actually the same exact things I don't love about the general writing of season 2 on a bigger scale (lack of commentary on class oppression, character arcs that feel unfinished or cut short, the theme of love and forgiveness ending up undermining the seriousness of some situations- I'm not complaining about the theme itself nor I'm saying it comes out of nowhere, I'm saying that probably due to the pacing/lack of time we can't sit with how fucked up some stuff is before getting to the point of "love > anything else"... which isn't a wrong sentiment, I'm just talking about the journey to get there)

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

We are up to seven live airing QLs from Japan! Five of these are on Gaga and two are being generously provided via fansubs.

A brief interlude for me to climb on my soapbox: if you are a fan of Japanese queer media who is not based in Japan, you really should be supporting GagaOOLala. They are the sole international distributor of most of these shows and the only reason international fans can watch them as they release. They’re a queer-owned Taiwanese company specifically focused on providing international access to global queer media, and their monthly subscription is much cheaper than other streaming services. They’re not perfect but they are quite responsive to feedback about their catalogue and approach; please consider subscribing if you love these shows!

I’m really loving most of these shows and I highly recommend jumping in to the weekly watch!

Takara's Treasure

I fall more in love with these two every week. We finally got some answers on Takara's backstory, and as expected, it is the mother who abandoned him that has been harassing him. Taishin blazed in to give that lady a piece of his mind before even realizing who she was, and it only made Takara love him more. The revelation that Takara is holding back with Taishin because he doesn't want to be covetous like his mother sent me into a bit of a tailspin. I loved Taishin getting his moment to reciprocate Takara's care, as well as Takara's amusement that Taishin still hasn't pieced together what they are to each other. I'm excited for it to finally click for him soon.

Sugar Dog Life

I'll be honest, this first episode did not hit right for me. I always struggle with copaganda heavy romances, especially when the show is intentionally framing cops as benevolent and explicitly linking that to the romantic arc. But I liked the cooking parts of it a lot! We'll see how it proceeds. This one is being fan subbed, so if anyone is having trouble finding it feel free to hit me up in DMs and I'll point you.

Cosmetic Playlover

This one is coming in hot with two episodes a week, because Japan is trying to kill me. I like the concept and vibe but the execution is a bit all over the place; it feels like they want this to be a dark story but aren’t willing to fully commit to that, so dark things happen but then get treated too lightly. The pacing also feels a little wacky and we’re rushing through plot and relationship development in a way that leaves it all feeling a bit ungrounded. Sahashi went from harassing and threatening to out Natsume to kissing and claiming to be serious about him in the space of 15 minutes, and then suddenly in the next ep there’s a new villain and suspense plot. This one is just not clicking; I’m tilting my head with a furrowed brow.

I Hear the Sunspot

Sigh. I really didn’t need another arc about a third party interloper coming between the boys, but here we are. Maya is a throwback to the bad old femme fatale archetype steeped in misogyny and I don’t love it. She’s arrogant, manipulative, and mean for no good reason, and she doesn’t feel like she fits in this story about decent people trying their best. There was a way to do this plot with a more sympathetic portrayal of her, but unfortunately they didn't take that route. I’m disappointed that she’s with us for multiple episodes, and it’s hard to believe this rude little girl can really come between them. I said last week that it felt like they regressed Kohei and Taichi’s relationship in the time skip and I’m feeling that even more now. Aside from this mess, I really liked all of Taichi’s scenes with his friends this week as he continues trying to work out his feelings for Kohei. I hope we get back to Taichi and Kohei spending time together again soon; that’s the real heart of this show and I already miss it.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Sigh. Last week I was mad at the characters around Hiroko, but this week I am forced to be mad at the show for how it's dealing with this entire plot involving Hiroko's decisions about her privacy at work, Risa's inappropriate interference, and Ayaka's bizarre conclusion that she should announce her love for Hiroko to the whole office. This whole love triangle and forced outing plot was ill-considered and it's dragging the show down; we should not have had Risa being so wrong and manipulative or ventured into queer workplace politics at all if the show wasn't prepared to take it seriously. On the plus side, we finally got the backstory for Hiroko, and it was surprising in a good way. I hope this show can get back to the zany comedy it was doing so well before it got bogged down in all this mess.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Episode 3 just went up on @isaksbestpillow's blog, and it's a fantastic one. I was howling watching Mitsuya wailing on his ex and poor Ishida trying to process this new rival on the scene. Shige continues to be the MVP and I loved the way he encouraged Ishida with a mix of sage advice and sexy sass (also loved that Mitsyua immediately knew that gossip ratted him out). And I screamed again when Ishida got worked up and confessed; I didn't expect that to happen so fast and it was excellent! This show feels so mature in the best way; I really feel like I'm watching adults who have lived.

Tagging @bengiyo to add the anime update!

[chuplayswithfire]

Izzy Arc Thoughts, the post!

Having now watched the three episodes three times over (some of them more than that shhhhh), I still have a BUNCH of thoughts about the rest of the crew I want to percolate on, but I had some thoughts on Izzy that I finally feel confident in, as to what's going on in with his character since the end of season 1, and especially the arc he has between Impossible Birds and The Innkeeper.

Being upfront: I wasn't sure what kind of arc the show would do with Izzy and we still obviously don't know the full scope of it, as we have five more episodes to go, but it's definitely been intriguing in a way I didn't anticipate. I figured Izzy would continue on with his antagonistic role, and he still might, but it seems like D Jenks is having fun letting Con have a role with more emotional nuance than in season one, and seeing as that role has an impact on everyone else, I wanted to share my thoughts on what I think is going on with him in the episodes that we've seen so far. I also wanted to start my in depth analysis with a character I don't care about nearly as much (being honest!) as I do the rest of the crew, but who also has a huge impact on two characters I do care very much about, Ed and Stede. I'm planning to analyze Ed and Stede in each episode before we get eps 4 and 5!

This is a long post! It features many quotes directly , transcribed by me and taken from the captions by Max. I used a read more because the whole thing is over 6k in length and analyzes the dynamic presented between Izzy and Ed and Izzy and Stede presented in episodes 1-3 of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death. If the read more doesn't work, that is not on me, sorry.

Alright, so recap: when we left Izzy, he had lashed out at Ed for the person he was choosing to become and the manner in which he was expressing himself and his feelings - the blanket fort, the binging sweets, the singing for the crew, the sharing his feelings and asking to be called Edward, the encouraging a talent show, and then, the cleaning up and comfortably wearing a colorful printed robe of nice, soft fabric. (Quotes: "I should have let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death." "(growled) No. This, this is Blackbeard. Not some (breath) namby-pamby in a silk gown, pining for his boyfriend.”) When these insults get the aggressive reaction from Ed that Izzy associates with the version of Ed he prefers, he encourages him with a smile, hand cupping Ed's cheek, and choking out "There he is." Ed shoves his hand away, backing away with a closed off expression, and Izzy's smile dies and he closes the distance between them. He states what he wants from Ed, makes a threat, and walks away without waiting for a response. (Quote: "Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard. Not Edward. Edward better watch his fuckin' step.”)

The next time we see Izzy, Ed has donned his leathers, made his face up with dark make up to look more fierce, and is cutting off Izzy's pink toe and feeding it to him. We know from episode 9 that cutting off toes and feeding it to people was a classic Blackbeard move. For Izzy, this is several things: 1) confirmation that Blackbeard is back, the one who would never let a threat stand and does a good maim 2) a punishment for said threat (Quote: "Threaten me again, ever... I'll feed you the rest. Understand?" "Y-Yes, Blackbeard.") 3) a confirmation that he has his boss back, that whatever Stede has done to his boss' brain is over.

We get confirmation of that third point when Izzy speaks with the crew as they're getting rid of Stede's books and possessions - "Blackbeard is himself again," with a broad smile. Later, we see Izzy abandon the crew on a small island, presumably on Ed's direct orders, as he waves goodbye to Bonnet's playthings - them - as they depart. Izzy has a gun as he stands beside Ed, and they're watching as Frenchie finishes the new flag and hoists it.

That's where we left Izzy in Season 1: standing besides Ed as Blackbird returns to being Blackbeard for a brand new era of being Blackbeard, greatest pirate who ever lived, terror of the seas.

And when we return to the show, that's kind of what we get. Edward is being Blackbeard and Blackbeard is the terror of the seas, a Wanted Poster with so many crimes they're covering both sides of the poster (and yeah some of them are very silly, what midwifery was Ed up to, exactly-), and yet, Izzy is not happy when we see him.

What I think the show works to establish in episode 1 is that what Izzy wanted back was the man he saw as the old Blackbeard, who wasn't afflicted by these feelings of love or softness or "weakness", which he views as something that Stede Bonnet inflicted upon Edward. We know that, because it's how he phrased it to Chauncey - that "[Stede] had done something to [his] boss's brain". He seemed to view these feelings as something akin to an infection from Stede, that was corrupting the Blackbeard he knew and respected to something less than. Izzy wanted the old Blackbeard back and he thought that when Ed took his toe and fed it to him, said he'd killed Lucius, all that I recapped, that he'd gotten just that. A return to his preferred normal, where everything makes sense exactly as he thinks it should. Ed back to normal, it's Blackbeard time, getting rid of the dead weight and all that.

Except that's not what he's gotten at all, and I don't think Izzy had fully grasped why prior to episode 1. He has suspicions, of course, but it takes him a while to build to a confrontation about it.

Because see, Ed switched from healthier coping mechanisms like crying, eating sweets, creative outlets, and talking to people about his feelings to much more acceptably pirate means of coping with his feelings - violence in the form of raids and drugs (rhino horn, which thought people joke about it being an aphrodisiac, has a variety of believed medical uses in Vietnamese medicine, treating ailments including hangovers, fever, gout and potentially terminal illnesses, like cancer or stroke). Raids and drug use should be totally acceptable means of managing your feelings as a pirate, except that Ed is going too far with them, pushing the crew to the breaking point and beyond. They're raiding every day, they're not taking breaks, they're not having days off, they're chasing down ships as fast as they can take them down and now they're going to be throwing away loot. Izzy is realizing that actually he has not gotten the Blackbeard he wanted and things are not great. He's also lost at least two more toes.

He and Ed have an early exchange - Izzy looking sickly, skin sallow, what appears to be hair dye or make up trickling from his hairline, Ed prepping and snorting rhino horn like it's cocaine:

Izzy: "The crew are lookin' a tad worse for wear.” Ed: "Did everyone get cake?" Izzy: "Yeah, they got cake." Ed: "Well they're, they're welcome to have some rhino horn. Just ground up a fresh batch." (snorts rhino horn) "Oh fuck! You want some?" Izzy: "No, not right now, no." Ed: "Well then, get back to work ya fuckin' lightweight!" [cut to Izzy among the crew] Ed voiceover: "Can't do the job, someone else will."

Throughout this scene, Izzy looks increasingly distressed as Ed does drugs - he looks his most distressed during the voice over however, his jaw flexing, his eyes watery.

This is what appears to have shaken him the most - the idea that he's replaceable, that Ed can and would get rid of him in favor of someone else. It's obviously incredibly distressing to Izzy, in a way that I genuinely don't think the loss of his toes was. Izzy clearly values his relationship with Edward - while in season 1 he definitely wanted a promotion and liked the idea of authority, of being captain, the fact that he was swiftly mutinied and nearly murdered seemed to put a kabosh on his ambitions, and reoriented him to staying at Ed's side. We know that Izzy at least believes that loyalty is important - we know that he thinks he's acting from loyalty when he tries to make Ed watch as his boyfriend (in Izzy's words) is murdered.

Izzy values his position with Blackbeard. He serves Blackbeard, respects him, was honored to work for a legend. And while this is supposition, he seems to have considered himself and Edward as having a close, intimate relationship that did not require words or confessions or honest expression of feeling, this kind of bond where words aren't necessary, because they're tough, manly men who don't need to express their feelings.

But.

Then we get this line. Then we get, "can't do the job, someone else will." Seven words, and they shake Izzy to his core, make him finally start questioning his until then unquestioned belief in the ways of the world and his relationship with Edward. It shakes him enough that he actually breaks in front of the crew, in a scene that's incredibly funny, but also leads to them extending him some genuinely unearned compassion, as they question the healthiness of his relationship with Blackbeard - even as Izzy is finally questioning if he has a relationship with Blackbeard.

Following his breakdown, Izzy has the crew bring the treasure above deck, but doesn't go through with making them throw it overboard. Instead, he takes those new doubts and brings them to Ed, pushing for a conversation where he is clearly for the first time in their working relationship expressing his thoughts on said relationship in word form.

Izzy: "The crew are refusing to part with any treasure." Ed: "Why?" Izzy: "Because it's fuckin' treasure." Ed: "Not good enough. (stops toying with knife, slides it in Izzy's direction.) And that's another toe. Take your boot off." (stands from seated position, walks over to Izzy.) Izzy: (starts by looking down at the ground, then slowly raises gaze to Ed's face as he speaks.) "Who am I to you?" Ed: “...What?” Izzy: “We’ve worked together for years. (sniff) You know me better than anyone has ever known me, and I daresay the same is true for me about you.” (a musical beat plays. Izzy lowers his eyes from Ed’s face, looking in the middle distance.) Izzy: I have (several second long pause) love for you, Edward.” Ed: (starting as Izzy is speaking, right after the word love) “Oh, come on.” (walks away from Izzy, circling around him.) Izzy: I’m worried about you. We all are. The atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned.” (pause) “But if we could all just maybe (pause, swallow, visibly struggling with words) talk it through.” (musical beat) Ed: (slowly looks up) “As a crew?” Izzy: (face falls subtly, taking on a starker look of upset)

The scene transitions away, but let’s really dig into all of this for a second, because this is crucial. This is Izzy going from matters between us are unspoken but profound to I have doubts and I am verbalizing my thoughts in the hope that they will be assuaged. Izzy is expressing aloud his thoughts on their relationship for the first time, because as Izzy puts it, he thought he knew Edward better than anyone. He thought he understood him better than anyone else alive. Now, we know that Izzy doesn’t understand Edward already - we’ve known that he doesn’t actually see the person Edward all along, but this was made especially clear in episode 6, where his voiceover notes that he is “starting to suspect that Edward has no intention of ending Stede Bonnet’s life”, at a point in time when Ivan and Fang are confident the plan is off and everyone else seems pretty clear there’s a co-captaining effect going on.

The point is that all this time, Izzy has been acting from a place of assuming he knows Edward best of anyone in the world, that he understands him, that he can follow what’s going on with him and that they are intimately bound together, in this deep and unspoken love for each other that doesn’t have to be said allowed, but only has to exist, unacknowledged but deeply felt. 

But then Ed said that he could be replaced. Then Ed said that he could find someone else to do Izzy’s job. 

And this introduced doubt into Izzy’s mind, for the first time. This is what made Izzy verbalize all these things - what made him ask who he is to Ed, what made him state that he has love for Ed, that he worries for Ed, that he and Ed understand each other better than anyone else… because now he has to say them aloud, because he has to be reassured that these things are true. 

That he is someone important to Ed. That Ed has love for Izzy and knows that Izzy has love for Ed. That Ed understands Izzy, that Ed knows that Izzy understands Ed. For years, he has thought that he and Ed understood each other in this profound way, that they alone truly knew the other, and he has to question if that’s true. 

He’s being vulnerable, in a way vaguely akin to the vulnerability Ed offered in episode 10, and it clearly doesn’t land. He wants reassurance that this deep and profound love and intimacy he was so sure was there, is real, and Ed can’t give him that reassurance because it’s not true. Not in the way Izzy was so sure it was. Not in the way he ruined Ed’s life to believe. 

Izzy finally decides to put himself out there, and all that Ed gets out of it is the echo of Stede Bonnet, and it makes Izzy’s face fall like a rock. There’s the answer he didn’t want: the relationship he believed he had with Ed is not there, and Ed is still, utterly, truly, fixed in his feelings for Stede Bonnet. 

(and like just to clarify, I really don’t feel bad for Izzy here - he doesn’t have the relationship he wants with Ed because he’s never tried to really understand Ed, or listen to him, and he isn’t what Ed wants in a partner, but, objectively, Izzy does make himself vulnerable here, and he’s shot down, because Ed just doesn’t return his feelings)

Which leads us into the continuing scene. Ed goes to confront the crew about the atmosphere of the ship being poisoned, which everyone denies at gun point, leading Ed to shoving the gun under his chin and having a little conversation with himself, unsettling everyone around. 

Ed: “I know who we should ask, ol’ Blackbeard. Hello mate. You think the vibe on the ship is poisoned? I don’t know, Blackbeard. Maybe a little toxic sometimes. Maybe it’s a bit uncomfortable sometimes. You do make the crew a little bit uncomfortable sometimes. They think you’re crazy. Well, I’m not crazy. I don’t feel crazy. I feel pretty fucking good actually.” (the camera is focusing on the faces of all the crew as he gives this monologue, gun still cocked under his chin.) Izzy: “Fucking End!” (Screamed at Ed’s back) Ed: (slowly turns to Izzy.) Crew: (Fang looking shocked and saddened. Frenchie shakes his head very minutely, looking at Izzy.) Izzy: “The atmosphere on this ship is (word drawn out) fucked.” (working his jaw, looking down and to the side as he says this.) “Everyone knows why.” Ed: (nods once, sets his chin, walks forward.) “Well I don’t. Enlighten me.” Izzy: (smiling with mouth shut, suppressing a laugh. Shrugs.) Your feelings for Stede fuckin’ Bonnet.” Ed: (Nods as soon as Izzy says Stede’s name. Shoots him in the leg.) Izzy: (cries out in pain drops, clutching his knee.) Ed: “Frenchie.” Frenchie: “Yes?” Ed: “Congratulations, you are now first mate.” Frenchie: “Oh, no. I don’t, I don’t  think I’m qualified.” Ed: “‘course you are mate. You can start by cleaning up that mess.” (tilts head towards Izzy. Turns to rest of crew, onlooking.) “And the rest of you, you throw this shit overboard and get suited up.” (claps twice, turns away.) “We’ve got a record to break.” Izzy: (still groaning in pain.)

So that was a lot. 

Izzy has realized, over the course of this episode, that his relationship with Ed is not what he thought it was, is not what he wants it to be, and that Ed is still and probably always will be, in love with Stede fuckin’ Bonnet. This is why Izzy decides to say what he believes to be true - that the atmosphere is fucked because of Ed’s feelings for Stede. It’s important that we know this is not actually true - while Ed being ghosted by Stede did start his spiral, Ed was able to stop that spiral with the help of community and reaching for healthy coping mechanisms. Ed spiraled again after Izzy intervened, insulting, threatening, and demeaning him as discussed in the recap, and the spiral isn’t about his romantic feelings - it’s about, as s2e3 The Innkeeper firmly establishes, his feeling fundamentally unloveable and monstrous. Throughout s2e1, Ed is clearly denying the crew days off and meaningful rest out of pursuit of as many raids as possible. He’s trying not to touch the ground, flying high both via drugs and adrenaline, and his exchange with Frenchie at the end of the impossible makes it clear he doesn’t want to stop. 

It’s also very important, that throughout this entire thing, the only crew member Ed actually hurts is Izzy, who doesn’t actually object to losing his toes. Now, I’m on record for being one of the many people who think Izzy is actually glad that the toe scene happens - I don’t think he actually especially wanted to lose his toes, but, he was glad to get back the Blackbeard who would cut off toes, and I do think he felt there was a certain intimacy in being the only one experiencing violence. Izzy is a masochist and has previously expressed delight in being the subject of violence - was very happy to be choked by Ed in s1ep10 - so while this is not safe or sane, I do think it’s consensual, in the sense that Izzy thinks this is part of their mutual love, their unspoken but deep and crucially intimate togetherness that leads them to know each other on the deepest level. 

And then Ed says he can be replaced. And then Ed makes it clear that even when Izzy is emotionally vulnerable, Ed’s heart is with Stede. And Izzy realizes, he doesn’t have that place with Edward that he thought he did. He doesn’t have that special relationship. This is not intimacy, for Ed. And Ed shooting him and turning away isn’t even the final nail in that door. 

Because, in s2e2, Izzy is still alive. The crew has hidden him in the walls and are trying to preserve his life, even as Izzy screams for them to kill him and calls them cowards for not doing so. The crew is gathering medicine, preparing an amputation, figuring out what to do with Izzy to try and keep him alive, and Izzy wants them to kill him. (Quote: “Kill me you fucking cowards! Kill me -”)

I would say it’s because he’s realized the relationship he devoted his life too and considered sacred, the relationship he considers most valuable… is not that to the man he loves. Ed replaced him and pirate code says the first mate should kill him. The first mate (Frenchie) refuses to kill him. Frenchie is not much for that, and neither is JIm. Both of them, having experienced a better life and place of work when Stede was captain and Ed was their co-captain, are trying to preserve Izzy’s life the best they can. Jim especially clings to the memory of when life meant something on this ship, even Izzy’s life. 

Which - this makes sense coming from Jim, and I think it’s why they chose Jim, because Jim wasn’t present for Izzy being captain or the mutiny. Jim has the least complicated relationship with Izzy aside from Fang, who is notably not present in any of the scenes to do with rescuing Izzy, despite having been clearly shocked and appalled that Izzy was shot. 

Izzy, is not thrilled to be being kept alive, but the fact that Izzy is kept alive, means that Izzy has to process his feelings - and face Ed again, who, having shot Izzy, mourned and sobbed, has woken up, cleaned himself up, cleaned his space out, and decided to seek death. 

From Izzy. 

This, I think, is the second most crucial moment in Izzy’s arc and transition, because Izzy thought he was someone of incredible importance to Ed, and he also thought that he knew and understood Ed better than anyone, and that Ed crucially, understood him just as well. He thought that even without any emotional honesty or vulnerability, they knew each other more than anyone else possibly could. 

He thinks that Ed knows him. 

And Ed comes to him, and they have the following exchange:

Ed: “Morning.” Izzy: “My leg?” (looking down his body.) Ed: (laughing) “Yeah. Oh, no, that’s gone now. Up in Leg Heaven.” (sets the smelling salts down, turns to look down at Izzy.) Izzy: (looks up at Ed.) “Have you come to take the other one?” Ed: “I think one’s quite enough. I just popped down to say a proper goodbye.” (reaches behind him, draws gun. Izzy: (watches the gun, looks down from Ed’s face to gun and back as Ed cocks and loads it.) Ed: (looking at the gun, not Izzy.) “Had a dream about you last night.” (flips gun to offer the handle to Izzy.) “Take it.” Izzy: “Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.” (slaps at Ed’s hand, looking away from Ed.) Ed: “Hold it! Hold it.” (they are speaking over each other. Gets the gun in Izzy’s hand, directs it at Ed’s head. Looking at Izzy.) “I dreamt that ya killed me. Shot me right through the skull.” (moving the gun and Izzy’s hand, drawing it to his forehead, leaning closer. The camera moves between Ed’s face and Izzy’s.) Izzy: (smiles slowly then sneers.) “Good for you.” Ed: (blinks and nods slowly.) “It was good for me. It’s just what the doctor ordered.” (The camera moves from Ed’s face to Izzy’s showing him with that frown as Ed stands over him, leaving the gun in Izzy’s hand.) “Anyway, it wasn’t even like that.” (walks away from Izzy.) Izzy: (eyes tracking Ed as he walks away.) Ed: “Not in my dream.” (moves to stand at the foot of Izzy’s bed, back to Izzy.) “I was standing.” (inhales). “Just like this.” (Closes eyes. Spreads arms.) Izzy: (from his view, Ed is standing against the light, back open, arms spread. He blinks and raises the gun audibly.) Ed: (Swallows, holding his arms out.) Izzy: (smiles, sniffs audibly, dropping the smile as he clenches his teeth. Laughs harshly, mockingly, gun raised.) “Ohhhhh, ah, you scared, Eddie? Too scared - too scared to do it yourself? Ay.” (laughs) “Go on, clean up your own fucking mess. I’m not doin’ it. I’ve been doin’ it all my fucking life.” Ed: (looks down, disappointed. blinks.) Izzy: Fuck off. Ed: (nods, swallows.) “Farewell, old chum.” (whispered. He walks up the stairs and away from Izzy.) Izzy: (watches, shaking, nodding slowly himself, breath hitching.) Ed: (reaches the top of the stairs. A gunshot sounds. A creak. Ed lowers his eyes, looking down at something off camera. Nods. Exhales.) “I loved you” (a pause) “best I could.” The scene transitions from there, and the next we see of Ed, he is initiating plan two of suicide attempts: steering the ship into a storm and goading the ship to kill him or die with him.

But Ed’s deal is so many more posts from here. No, we’re focused on Izzy for the moment, so what did this whole exchange mean for him?

First, the thought that Ed had come to do more damage. That Ed was there for Izzy, that this was about Izzy. But it’s not. Ed has had enough of that. He notably does not apologize. Izzy notably does not seem to expect one. There is history here, and the last time they were in positions like this, the camera angle was flipped - Ed at Izzy’s right, a hand covering Izzy’s mouth, making him eat his toe and the idea that things could go as they had been, that the Blackbeard Izzy had schemed and tried to have a man killed over was back. This time, Ed is at Izzy’s left, with a gun, and he doesn’t touch Izzy except to hand over the gun.

This is where it’s so important that Izzy believed he and Ed knew each other best of all. Because in episode one, Izzy was getting worried for Ed, but it’s in episode 2, in this moment, as Ed hands him a gun, that he realizes Ed wants to die. And it’s in this moment that he realizes that Ed fully believes Izzy could. That Ed has taken these actions believing that they would lead Izzy to kill him. That Ed wants to commit suicide via Izzy, that he thinks killing Ed is something that Izzy wants, could want, could do. 

This is Izzy, realizing that he and Ed don’t understand each other nearly as well as he thought. This is Izzy, realizing that Ed looks at him and sees a man who could and would kill him, when Izzy thinks that he couldn’t ever do that. This is Izzy, having the true final death knell on that relationship he believed they had, the intimacy he believed they had, the lack of a need for words. He thought all this time that he knew Ed best and that Ed knew him, and he doesn’t want to kill Ed - and he’s also hurt and angry and upset to know Ed genuinely thought he would. That Ed would come to him for this, because Izzy doesn’t think he could kill Ed, but Ed thinks he could. 

In his mind, Ed should know that Izzy could never kill him, should trust him, should know without having to be told that it would never happen, but here’s Ed in the flesh, asking him to kill him. 

It’s over, everything he thought was there. 

And Ed? Ed did care about Izzy, in his own way, but every overture he made was denied, shot down, Izzy not interested in the bird guy, the ship, the clouds and how they contribute to a plan, the drugs, and like, Izzy is allowed to not be interested in any of those things - but these are the things Ed was interested in. These are the ways Ed tried to connect most recently, and Izzy shot them all down. To Izzy, there was a deep and intimate connection in spite of all of that. To Ed, every way he could connect with Izzy was shot down. He loved him the best he could, which wasn’t a way that could provide either of them what they wanted. Izzy had love for Ed, but that love could not be fruitful or nurturing to either of them, because it was unspoken and therefore ripe for misunderstanding. 

Izzy stews down there in the ship, in his own thoughts, while Ed steers the ship into a storm and makes his last effort to die, to have it all end - to push the crew to killing him, or dying with him. And then he ties his leg up, makes his way above deck, shoots Ed in the arm to keep him from killing them all, and tries to kill himself instead, staring at Ed as he tries to shoot himself with the gun Ed wanted Izzy to kill him with. Despite the gun being aimed for the temple, he fails and falls back, leaving himself staring up as it rains on him, hiding any tears. Fang brings Ed down, and the crew gather together, Fang supporting Izzy’s weight, as Jim lifts a cannonball with a scream and prepares to bring it down on Ed’s head. Izzy watches without interfering.

EDIT: ADDED THIS SECTION:

A quick addendum: even though I watched episode 2 so many times, I didn't realize that Izzy tried to kill himself after Ed left the room! The gunshot that Ed hears is in fact Izzy trying and failing to shoot himself right then and there, in that moment that Ed departs. Izzy's forehead was so wet and the background of him falling back and water splashing was such that I truly thought that took place in the rain, and that he tried to shoot himself after shooting Ed. Thanks to @glamaphonic for letting me know. This does leave me even more certain that Izzy is motivated to do this because he has finally understood both that Edward wants to die, and that he and Edward never understood each other as well as he thought, which brings the last years of his life into question. He tried to kill himself, failed, and came up to stop Ed from bringing down the ship. It's not just that Izzy stews down there - as Ed departs, leaving Izzy behind, Izzy takes the shot. He tries and fails to kill himself, and wakes and climbs the steps to take the shot at Ed he couldn't before.

The next time we see Izzy is s1e3, The Innkeeper, when Stede crosses over to the Revenge and finds the crew amidst the wreckage. He’s eating a raw bird with the rest of the crew, and then is brought aboard the Red Flag. As Stede asks the crew about Ed’s location, Izzy watches him. He’s the only one not eating soup, hands tucked over his chest. 

As Stede starts asking questions - dangerous questions for Izzy and the former crew of the Revenge - he walks over with a crutch. 

Izzy: “Bonnet. Good to see you.” Stede: “Piss off, Izzy. I don’t wanna hear from you.”

Stede talks to the rest of the crew, as Izzy grimaces. Stede pays him no attention. The next time Izzy speaks up: Stede: “What about my painting? Why is it all stabbed up?” Izzy: (looking up through his hair, smiling.) “That was me.” Stede: (sighs and walks away without response.) Izzy: (blinks slowly, looking dismayed. We see him start to turn his head in Stede’s direction.)

Well, that seemed like someone trying to pick a fight, and disappointed he didn’t get one, too me. In Izzy’s mind, Stede is his romantic rival, the man Ed loves where he didn’t love Izzy, and, currently, also a threat, because if he keeps asking questions and reveals the mutiny, they’ll all be killed. 

But Stede is one more thing. Stede is another dagger in Izzy’s heart, as we continue transcribing:

Izzy: “Don’t cry Bonnet. We just redecorated.” (has clearly been following Stede.) Stede: “I don’t mind, actually. I think the knives really help bring the place together.” (calmly stated before he walks away to look at the rest of the furniture.) Izzy: (drops his head, looking away as though trying to gather words.) Stede: (turns to look at Izzy.) “What’d you do with him? I know he wouldn’t have left by choice.” Izzy: (sniffles) I know you think you understand him. Stede: (interrupting) “He was either gonna watch the world burn or die trying, so which was it?” (leaning forward despite the considerable distance, still calm.) Izzy: (swallows, dips head. Starts moving forward, gritting teeth through words.) “Alright Bonnet. Have it your own way.” (stalking forward to Stede on his crutch.) “He went mad. He tortured the crew. He took my fuckin’ leg ‘cause I dared to mention your fuckin’ name.” (emphasis on the curses, slams fist when he says your name.) Stede: (in drawn breath, turns away) Izzy: “He was a wild dog, and we dealt with him like one.” Stede: “You sent him to Doggy Heaven.” Izzy: (stares in silence, head shaking. Flashes back to Ed laying in the rain, breathing out “Finally,” and laughing as Jim brings a cannonball down on him as Izzy watches. Stares. Turns to look away from Stede, face twisting. Shakes his head. Shuts his eyes. Breathes the word:) “No.” Stede: (turns to look back at him.) Izzy: “I could never do that.” (looks away, still not looking Stede in the face). “We deserved him on a beach (sniffles) left nature to do the rest. More than he would have done for us.” Stede: (turns away, breathing out.) Izzy: (continuing) “You and me did this to him. And we cannot let this crew suffer anymore for our mistakes.” Stede: (turns to look at Izzy) “Why would they suffer?” Izzy: “If your captain senses mutiny, she’ll kill us all. That’s pirate code.” Stede: (camera lingers on his face as he swallows.)

Doggy Heaven has a heavy meaning in this series, considering that Ed was supposed to send Stede to Doggy Heaven, and couldn’t because of his love for Stede. Ed couldn’t bring himself to kill Stede, but here is Stede, who Izzy views as a romantic rival, guessing that Izzy could kill Ed. Acknowledging that he, like Ed, believes that Izzy could kill Ed. Izzy, who thinks he couldn’t and wouldn’t and has love for Ed, and sees himself as loyal. 

But Izzy did stand back as Ed was killed, and that’s why he reaches for dehumanizing language to defend the action - he calls Ed a wild dog and that they dealt with him like one. 

(It’s the first time in the show that a white character makes a racist remark without immediate consequences. Before anyway says otherwise, yes it is always racist for white people to dehumanize a man of color. It is always racist to say a person of color is or was an animal or liken them to being an animal. He could have said that Ed was a danger to the crew in any number of ways but he reached for likening him to a creature less than human and yeah that’s a racist thing to do. I believe the show did not follow through with consequences for this action because it’s clear that Izzy is STILL trying to pick a fight with Stede.)

The commonality in all of these scenes with Stede are twofold. One, Izzy is trying to distract Stede from the truth of the mutiny and what the crew did (and the fact that Ed is still aboard the Revenge, left for dead [or as Izzy put it, for nature to do the rest]). The second is that Izzy is trying and failing to pick a fight - failing, because Stede won’t take him up on it. At all. Stede is not engaging with Izzy at this point outside of the practical matter of seeking information, and that’s all he has to spare for Izzy - he’s already told him to piss off once, and that’s as much energy as he spends on it, but Izzy comes at Stede antagonistically more than once - three times, actually, and I think it’s because if he has a fight with Stede, and Stede says all the things he’s thinking, about how awful Izzy is, how he’s a traitor, how could he have hurt Ed, any of those things, then Izzy can fight about it, and he can justify it to himself, and he can ignore the thought from now on, because it’s the same thought that Stede fuckin’ Bonnet is having, and those thoughts are worthless.

But Stede doesn’t give him that. Stede doesn’t give him a fight at all. Stede walks away from Izzy again and again and again and in doing so does not grant Izzy an out, an out that can ONLY come from Stede, because no one else is going to disagree with the mutiny. 

Stede is the only one who could give him that fight, and Stede refuses. And Izzy continues to have to sit with his own thoughts and justifications and they clearly aren’t enough for him, because he’s continuing to push. 

Izzy is also trying to protect himself and the crew, here. It’s very much about that. He is trying to keep himself and them from dying by being caught out for mutiny, but I think it’s interesting that it’s only here that he tries to take accountability for what he said and did to Ed, and it’s in service of avoiding what he’s actually done. Izzy says that he and Stede did this to Ed - this that resulted in, as he says, Ed going mad and torturing the crew and having to be mutinied and abandoned on the beach. Izzy needs Stede to feel equally responsible - so that Stede will help protect the crew, but also because I think Izzy is feeling guilty and has been, because he could watch Ed die, and he could hurt Ed, and he didn��t think of himself as that person, but he is and was, and thinking that he caused all of this himself is too much. Better to give some of it to Stede, and help the crew out as well as himself. 

He had love for Ed, in his own way, and he thought they understood each other and had a partnership, but here’s Stede fuckin’ Bonnet, who only knew Ed for a matter of weeks, and understood him better than Izzy did and wouldn’t do the thing that Izzy did, and this is the final nail for Izzy, the thing he’s struggling with in this whole revelation that Ed didn’t have any romantic love for him, that there was no special intimate romance between them that didn’t need to be said or expressed or acknowledged with words or vulnerability to exist, because Stede takes one look at the situation and can summarize what happened. Stede knew that Ed would want to die, because you can’t actually burn the world down. You can say “burn the world or die trying”, but the only end result is dying trying. 

And Izzy, I genuinely don’t think, understood that Ed wanted to die. Not until Ed offered him the gun. Not until Ed spelled it out. Izzy knew that Ed was fucked up over his feelings, but I don’t think he understood where they were leading. 

But here’s Stede, and he did, and Izzy can’t take that, which is why once the truth is out and the mutineers are locked in the brig awaiting probable execution, Izzy tries to pick a fight one more time, even now that there’s nothing to distract Stede from. 

Izzy: (hears footsteps and turns his head.) Stede: (comes to the brig, staring through the bars at Izzy, then the rest of the crew.) Izzy: (smiles) “Go on Bonnet, give me your worst.” Crew: (looks up at Stede slowly.) Stede: (Looks at all of them, silent and not visibly angry, somber. Tilts his head down, eyes closed. Opens his eyes, shoves against the bars and turns and walks away without a word.) Izzy: (Drops the smile. Stares forward into the distance, eyes visibly wet with tears, blinks several times).

 So, clearly trying for a fight, wanting one, and continually being denied. Izzy is almost certainly grieving Ed, the relationship he thought they had, and also his leg, and Stede is the only other person here who would even possibly mourn Ed too, and Stede refuses to give him any response. Even when goaded, even knowing the truth, he has nothing to say to him. The next time Stede and Izzy are in the same room, Stede has concocted an escape plan, and doesn’t look at or speak to Izzy at all as he gives instructions and organizes the escape.

And when they have made it back to their ship, when they’re getting the wheel and rigging set for escape, they have a final conversation:

Izzy: (walks up behind Stede, who is watching the Red Flag.) “I just wanted to thank you for-” Stede: (walks away without letting him finish.) Izzy: (looks down, is left standing alone as live moves on the ship.)

Over the course of these three episodes, Izzy’s plot is realizing that he was fundamentally wrong about his relationship with Ed, his understanding of Ed as a person, and the depths of Ed’s feelings and despair. I think he’s also realizing that he was wrong about his relationship with Stede - he saw Stede as a romantic rival, and someone who hated him as much as he hates Stede, but given the opportunity to antagonize Izzy again and again, Stede refuses, because he doesn’t care about Izzy nearly enough. 

Izzy has misunderstood the nature of his relationship as it were with both of these men, who are, and always were, predominantly, chiefly, and only, interested in each other.

[alexas-fandom-and-random-blog]

Well it's late night for me and helluva Boss Mastermind episode just dropped and I'm kinda in the mood to do a live reaction to text of first and honest impressions thingie. So let's go!!

------

Awww. Loona hesitating to burn their first job pic was precious❤️

Holy shit okay Satan's design is the first Sin I actually legit adore! Freaking amazing!😳

Can the the rip-off-Elsa brother (won't bother remembering the name) PLEASE stop calling Stella hot? Neither funny, nor character driven just really freaking creepy! Stop!

Vasago first impression. Uuuh okay? Is the gimmick he's simply gonna talk to another language.

STRIKER JUMPSCARE!!!!

Hiiii baby!! Looking good in that suit! Daaaamn! Good to see ya!~🥴

Warning up to the new VA each episode ngl. Doing a sexy job with it😚

I can't decide if I love or hate the "LINE?" joke... Could work as him not giving a fuck to spell the "fancy" word I guess😆 but mostly it makes him look kinda stupid so yeah... not a fan.

Whatever, moving on!

Tone down Moxxie pulling uwu and crying faces please? Just a bit. It's too much is all I'm saying. He's baby but like it's not endearing if you do it constantly 😢

Animation is so gorgeous tho as always. How rip-off-Elsa moves and uses his power is so smooth!

So Striker just made a guest appearance and fucked off with a wicked smile. I can't!😆

I mean good for him for getting that immunity deal but not even a tiny bit of verbal interaction with I.M.P? Moxxie? Anything? No?? You're killing me man. I am robbed and inconsolable 😭

The Sins interactions are mostly annoying but lmao at Mammon's clown noises bahahahah! Love it!

Uuuh Satan's voice might be doing things to me👉👈

Goddamn his design is amazing too!

Fizz!!! He's trying! Bless his heart he cares about his friend a lot imma cry!

Oh wow! Kudos to Blitzo for giving that speech. Dare we see social commentary that actually hits? And he's using it to save his family? Respect!

The guards are threatening af! I love how creepily slow they move and how that one touched Blitzo after the execution announcement was so foreboding. Really good way to convey the imminent danger. Niiice!

Muzzle on Loona just showing how little she's allowed to be. Even lower than the imps basically. This is sad.

Stolas to the rescue! Ye- Song? OhmyGod🤦 nah man just... okay whatever I'm skipping it, it feels really awkward to have in this situation.

Skip skip skip

Okay no back up back up. Satan singing???

That's-

....

No still don't care about it, too awkward sorry.

Skip skip skip

"This is a sturdy door"

Frick that caught me off guard! 🤣🤣🤣

Oh my god noooo. Via making that sound while crying broke my heart!!! Poor Baby bird!😢

Yeah see having Stella be non abusive and manipulative with her is an amazing idea and I love it but goddamn it, it doesn't work if you present her as absolutely brain-dead and obvious about everything the rest of the time!!!!

...well that was embarrassing 😂

Actually felt more bad about Stolas assuming he'd be sacrificed than the sacrifice itself.

Heroic I know but holy shit 🤣

Really love Satan's entire schtick. Very much a fan! The guy is so entertaining to watch!

Vasago really didn't do much in the end besides fanboy over Stolas did he?😆

"For the next 100 years"

Bahahahahahahahah!!! Get fucked rip-off-Elsa lmaoo!!! That bit was gold!!

And Stolas is common folk now. Okay I guess. I'm very neutral about that.🤷

Ohooo?? Blitzo actually getting support from this whole ordeal?? Oh kudos! Great direction! Very much support it!

More of soft Loona yes!!🥺❤️

(and I'll be willing to pretend the kicking his balls awful nonsense never happened 🙄)

Ah the last scene with Stolas? That was actually so very soft and sweet. Beautiful quiet moment to close off to

----

And that was it🫠

Whelp I didn't think I'd have this many reactions watching the episode.

Overall not bad. I'm going to bed now tho I'm tired🥱

Oh And in conclusion:

Bring Striker back soon!!!!🙏

Goodnight!

[igglemouse]

I have no idea what my friend, my dearest Sofia, think's she's doing. Her ego is about the size of this country and so she truly believes she can just decide to become an actress because she looks good? Is that it? I almost feel like this is a personal thing with her, she wants to prove to me that...

OH! Right! Hello! I'm Teresa Tejedor and yes, I am an aspiring actress, and so is my friend Sofia, for whatever reason. She's been a sort of model I think and she believes that acting is the usual next step in her career. For whatever reason. I know better, I know it's just her latest get rich quick scheme.

But lets be honest for a moment, she doesn't have what it takes. She just likes the idea of being an actress, the fame, the luxury. You know, the designer shoes and dresses, the attention, the flashing cameras, the red carpet, but she has no idea what it takes to make it there. Not like I do.

It takes years of looking at yourself in the mirror and going "Damn I look good," and knowing with full confidence that you look so incredible that people will pay just to watch you do things. That's what being an A-list actress is about and she's not up for it. I am.

Even now I spend hours and hours before my mirror reading crappy skits for commercials, yes, commercials, because a lady has to start somewhere.

I hope that I move past commercials and move into comedy. I'm not sure why but there is something about the genre that I enjoy. It simply feels good to laugh, doesn't it? I like the easy-going nature of a sitcom or a romcom and how it never asks to be taken seriously. It wants you to enjoy yourself in that moment and that moment only and while playing the romantic interest of some comedian might not win me any kind of Simmy Awards it'll sure be a lot of fun.

My dad said be an actor but be a comical one! Alright, no, he didn't say that but imagine he through song and dance?

Enough about acting, I'm sure you only care so much about that and maybe you care a little more about me? Understandable, I'm someone you might want to know just a little more about and for now all I'll say is I've spent most of my life her in the DSVEEEEE! That's Del Sol Valley, for you lames, born and raised!

That means I'm pretty familiar with the people and places here and have a few friends I can lean on with one of them heading over now.

This is Phi Suttikul, a woman I met while waiting tables at the old Sunrise Diner, remember that place? The owner was crazy! Martin something? Any ways, the old man owned the place and shut it down to focus on his place in Oasis Springs for whatever reason. Either way, suddenly being jobless has allowed me to finally focus on my dream but it has left a bit of a void for Phi.

"I just feel out of place here," she tells me. "Everyone in this town is chasing fame and everything that comes with it while I'm just...well, here."

"Girl, you need goals! You don't have to be an actress or musician or influencer, just find something to reach for?" I tell her this over and over again because it really does feel like she just moves through each day with little to no purpose. "You've put your resume out there and are getting no job offers at all?"

"Nope, nothing!" she puffs out as if the entire job search has been exhausting for her. I can only imagine. "How about you? Any auditions?"

I give a shrug of my shoulders and wave of my hand. "I might be selling laundry detergent, if I get the part."

She chuckles at that. "Hey, better than nothing? How about Sofia, heard from her lately?"

I give my head a small nod but I admit to having a fully smug smirk firmly on my face. "She thinks being an actress is just about looking the part and is already planning her red carpet walks and outfits."

"Uh huh, that girl really shoots for the moon," Phi snickers with familiarity. She might not know Sofia like I do but she knows her well enough.

"She usually does get what she wants though," I begrudgingly admit.

"Mmhmm, she wants the good life and I wouldn't be surprised if she got it. Millions and millions, adoration, and respect. Some people are just born fortunate-"

"Yeah, don't we all, don't we all," I cut her off because I'm ready to move on from the topic of Sofia. You know the more you mention her name the more power you give her? Actually, I believe that is true for most people. "Sooo, what plans do you have for the week then Phi?"

"Well...umm..." she pauses because she likely plans on smoking weed all week and doing absolutely nothing.

"Oh Phi! We really have to get your life jump started!"

I'll be honest though I don't really have much planned either, at least for the rest of the day. I have an audition tomorrow and I plan on acing that and we'll see what happens from there. For now I just have a simple bowl of apple salad because I am incapable of cooking. No one is perfect.

Before I do call it a night I get in some extra mirror time because practice makes perfect and if I'm going to be the movie star I think I can be then I need to spend a lot of time practicing! This is a cut throat business with hundreds of people all vying for scraps. Just think about how many other women would love to get this role selling laundry detergent, how many would kill for this role, and how many would be content with just starring in commercials.

So I have to be the best I can be and I have to 'break a leg' as the saying goes.

But my life is not a stage and I do want what most people want out of life. Someone to share my victories and defeats with, someone to laugh with and at, someone to love. Who doesn't want a little romance in their lives? If only I knew where to look. Where does one find the perfect partner?

I hear cupid's corner is an option and so I flip out my phone and scroll through the choices and honestly most are not very appealing. I do pause on a nerdy kind of guy, not usually my type but something about him interests me...

My dating life is another problem for another day! We'll see what comes of it I guess!

Teresa Tejedor - Next Episode 1.2

[gffa]

I have been Processing My Feelings mostly through sleeping a lot (thanks, shark week), cleaning (so much stuff to be done, especially when you're on a budget so everything takes twice as much work), playing Pokemon Go (I SAW AN ARTICUNO, but it fled on me ): but that's okay, I know it only has like a 3% chance to get it, and if I saw one, maybe I'll see another sometime), and binging TV shows/YouTube videos. TV SHOWS THAT I HAVE HAD THOUGHTS ON: - FROM, season 3: I think it might have been a mistake to watch it week to week, because I've watched seven episodes now and it feels like hardly anything has happened this season, like, you only have ten episodes and the wait between seasons is so long! Get back to moving the plot forward! But a lot of people said the same thing about s2 and I found that one to move along great--but I binged the whole thing, so the pacing probably seemed better. I'm still invested, some emotional stuff has happened this season, but I want more answers/plot already!!!! - SHRINKING, season 2: Just as much of a comfort watch as the first season, still pulling a bunch of laughs out of me. The cast is incredible, the writing is funny (I'm a sucker for a Bill Lawrence show, though), and I have had genuine emotional reactions to some of the storylines this season, because I have come to care about the characters. It can be a light watch most of the time, one to put on when I want something to laugh at, but it can pack a punch in the way it needs to. - ENGLISH TEACHER: I think every episode got me to laugh at least once, most of them got me to laugh out loud multiple times. Some people are going to find it kind of preachy or tryhard, but I felt like it was trying to take an honest look at this one person's attempts to navigate the difficult societal elements at play (being gay in your 30s, no longer a kid, not a boomer, but not always seeing eye-to-eye with where the younger generation is, wanting to do the right thing versus not always knowing what that is, trying to be empathetic while being genuine, etc.), and if nothing else it got me with the sideswipe at Tumblr. That hurt, you guys, but also LOL. - 9-1-1, season 8: Still very much worth watching (especially every time Eddie is a hot mess and kind of a bitch, I've never loved him more), but I did not enjoy the Councilwoman Ortiz storyline (it felt more mean-spirited than I wanted) and I'm not looking forward to catching up on this week's episode (I've heard some of what happens), but overall, it's still a comfort place for batshit storylines. BEENADO WAS HILARIOUS, everything about Athena on the plane was fun (and less frustrating than her usual cop storylines, I love you, girl, but oh my god), and I even liked the Gerrard storyline by the end. Next to catch up on: Abbot Elementary, binge Squid Game s2 when it comes out, and finally watch The Devil Judge. (Watch, I'll have my schedule all planned out and then probably throw it out the window for Grotesquerie or something, SIGH.) Any other suggestions for comfort shows or just really bingeable recent shows or just tell me what you're watching, so that I can keep my brain off the doomscrolling track!

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay, I've officially seen the Mephisto death scene (though not the actual episode it happens, what can I say, I'm bad about seeking out spoilers) and I have to say, I'm not convinced.

You're seriously telling me that they killed off a fan favorite character and WEREN'T planning to reveal that he survived in the next season they thought they were getting? Don't make me laugh. It is shown time and time again that the twins have a teleport away spell, it's a perfectly planted scapegoat to explain how he got away! Even from the first episode, we see the twins teleport away just as a blast is about to hit them, I don't think this is any different.

I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure the plan was to reveal Mephisto was never dead and I have a knack for calling this kind of thing so just trust me, all right?

And this isn't just denial talking, could that blast have killed him? Yeah. But, he's not only a fan favorite character that many watchers liked more than the PRINCESSES, the perfect way for him to escape has been planned since his introduction!!

But, Praxina was clearly meant to be the villain in season 3, fighting Iris since she blames her for her brother's death, right? Yeah but that doesn't mean he's actually dead, just PERCIEVED dead

An explosion like that? There wouldn't really be any suspicion if they couldn't find his remains since he got magically blown up, there's no way to prove he died and since Prax literally watched him sacrifice himself for her, she would assume he was dead even if she couldn't find any evidence because...why wouldn't you? He exploded and didn't come back right away.

So where is he? Obviously, we don't know this since we didn't get season 3 but I'll share my guesses on the matter

1. He could be in a different kingdom

It's possible but I don't see it being what actually happened but him turning up in the kingdom of a princess who didn't help fight Gramorr and doesn't know who he is with amnesia and being her jester or something for a few episodes could be fun

2. He's at down near the wreckage where he supposedly died

He didn't have to have teleported far to have survived, and we don't know if anyone went down there to try and recover his remains, he could just be at the bottom and unconscious

3. He's in some random human's house

He teleported to earth with amnesia, some nice human took him in, probably a character who's just being introduced at the start of s3, and is nursing him to health as he tries to remember who the heck he is. I always liked how Mephisto had more knowledge about earth and humans in general than Prax so I'm not sure how I'd feel about this one to be honest

4. He's passed out in the woods

He teleported to earth, landed in a random forest near the cave the twins usually hang at, maybe unconscious, maybe just injured, maybe with amnesia, either they find him completely KO'd or he's living in the forest when they find him

5. He's in the cave

We have no reason to think Prax checked the cave the twins typically stay at, maybe he went there and passed out or something

6. He has amnesia

He's literally wherever and has amnesia, it's a classic. this would likely be thematically compared to when *Praxina* got amnesia and turned good for a while, temporarily forgetting who Meph is. Yes, I am aware of the overlap this has with other items on the list

7. He's low on magic

Maybe he used his last bit of magic to teleport away and with his current injured state he can't really do anymore, so he's stranded where ever her landed until he can get better, which is why he wasn't able to tell Prax he's okay

8. He's in a magic coma

I actually really like this idea. He teleported somewhere but he was injured and low on magic so he had to use an emergency spell to put himself into a magical sleep as he heals to, yknow, not die. He can be in any of the prior listed places for this, cave, woods, floor, I imagine the princesses would eventually find him and wake him up

These are the ideas I have right now

I imagine the conflict resolution would be a fight that is ended by Mephisto stopping Praxina and a reunion, as I can't really see Prax still wanting to fight LoliRock when she sees her brother safe and sound.

I can go more in depth on how I envision this going later but I have to get ready to go home now lol

[duchessonfire]

Heyyyy Duchess! 🥰 Omg, I literally cannot with how much I’m obsessed with every single Cegan fic you’ve ever written. It’s like, no matter what AU they’re in, they always find each other and fall in love (in that slightly twisted, totally them way). And honestly? We’re all here for the toxic-but-make-it-hot vibes, lol. 😂

Anyway, no pressure or anything, but I gotta ask... Is Savior!Carl making a comeback soon? 👀 Like, for real, I’ve spent way too much time imagining what could possibly happen next. After that whole condom-gate mess (iconic, btw), our ship hit that sweet spot we were all dying for: Negan lowkey obsessed with controlling Carl and making him his everything, while Carl just wants to feel needed, owned, and finally free from all that fear of being discarded. Ugh, chef’s kiss. 👌✨

But like... That balance is hanging on by a thread, and even though I remember you saying in the comments that things would stabilize by the end of Part 3, my brain is straight-up incapable of imagining how they’d get there without your genius storytelling. I desperately need your words to make it all click. 🙏

That said, if you’re cooking up something new or just need more time to vibe and create, no worries at all—I’ll wait as long as it takes. You’re amazing, Duchess, and your writing has honestly made my life so much brighter. Love ya!! 💕 Keep being the literal queen of Cegan fic. 😘

Hiiiii!

Omg thank you so much for your sweet message, you're too kind 😭❤️

I can't even begin to tell you how much space Cegan takes up in my head, it's actually ridiculous. I spend what feels like every minute of every day *obsessed* with them. A lot of it, let's be honest, has to do with how smoking hot Jeffrey Dean Morgan is, but also I'm still riding the high of the few interactions Carl and Negan had in the series. (If I think too much about the fact we could have had so much more, I'll start throwing up ☠️). They are just THE PERFECT toxic but sweet relationship.

Thank you so much for telling me your thoughts on the Savior!AU, it really means a lot to me ❤️🥺 I will get back into it soon, but it's going to take a while because I want to do a full re-read of it starting with Part 1 + re-watch TWD from the line-up episode all the way to S8 before I start writing again. That way I can really immerse myself back into this universe and into Bad Wolf Negan (which is my affectionate title for Negan before the cell). I've spent the past 3 or 4 months working on my Dead City fic where Negan was very kind and soft and a gentleman so I need a good refresher on how dark and awful Negan can be before I get back into the Savior!AU 😅

First, though, I'm going to post the first chapter of a new fic I have been planning for *a while*, because the Cegan Bingo event ends on December 4th (the day before my birthday 🥰) and I just need to post one more square to hit a bingo!! I'm VERY excited about this new fic. It's going to be super long (as usual...), and it will be set in the real world, no zombie apocalypse. It's also going to be FILTHY 🔥🔥🔥🌶️🌶️🌶️ Like, literally the dirtiest, kinkiest fic I've ever written in my life, and I'm super excited for that. I'll do my very best to post the first chapter within the next two weeks so I can make it before the end of the bingo. 🤞

Thank you again for your sweet message and I hope you'll like all the Cegan that's coming 🤗❤️🥰💐✨

[neko-loogi]

Oh boy, Hazbin's episode one is finally out.. here are my thoughts on it.

Before I start, I'mma just say, I'm so happy that they actually posted the first episode on YouTube, cuz there's absolutely NO WAY I am paying to watch this shit on Amazon Prime, hell nah. That's good money being wasted on a shit show, no thanks. Anyway, let's move on.

Warning: minor spoilers!

***

Alright so the first episode, all I can say is, it's a rough start. I have SO MANY things to talk about that I feel like this post is going to be extremely long. So bear with me my friends. To make things simple I'll just number everything for y'all cuz I'm such a nice person :)

1) Introduction..

I'mma be real with y'all here, I'm noticing a pattern with Vivziepop's shows in terms of episodes. Like, the thing I don't like about Hazbin Hotel right now is that they do nothing to establish the characters at all!

You have to watch the Pilot (and I guess do some research) to understand the characters a little better, but the thing with Viv is that she claims that the Pilot episode isn't canon, and that "you shouldn't watch it" because it doesn't count.

And yet, she doesn't even bother to introduce the characters in the first episode! So if you're watching this show for the first time, you won't understand what the characters motives are or their personalities. She literally did the same thing with Helluva Boss! And now she's doing it here, and it bothers me so much.

And don't come at me saying "Oh but that's the point of the show, we'll get to know about them later!" Like, the characters talk to each other as if they had already met before, which means that we won't get introduced to them. They're just there in the series with no explanation.

Moving on..

2) The characters..

Oh my god, where do I even begin? The characters are terrible- I absolutely dislike every single one. They completely butchered them all.

I'mma start with Adam because holy shit he's the worst one of all, he literally serves no purpose in the show, other than to talk about himself and stroke his massive ego in front of Charlie. Not only this but his character design is so stupid- nothing about him screams "I'm an angel, I'm supposed to be the good guy here!".

Alastor just sucks. He's such an asshole in this series and he doesn't care about anyone at all. Like, I get that he was kind of sadistic in the Pilot I guess, but that's because he was meant to be intimidating and someone not to be messed with. But here he's just a super powerful guy who really likes old timey shit, and he's a dick to everyone for no reason.

Angel Dust all he does is be horny 24/7 which really isn't a good personality trait. I mean, he's a porn star, I get it, but he doesn't have to be spewing sex jokes all the damn time, it's annoying.

Vaggie is boring as hell, and honestly it doesn't even feel like she's dating Charlie, she feels more like a weirdly overprotective older sister if anything- plus their relationship feels forced in.

Nifty has been reduced to a weird yandere type character and honestly it's super lame. She deserves better.

*Edit: Vaggie also has no redeeming qualities, or a personality at all. She's literally just Charlie's girlfriend, that's it. There's nothing else about her. She doesn't have a single purpose other than to be Charlie's girlfriend.

Next up..

3) The voices..

Oh boy, some of the voices are not that great to be honest. I still don't like Alastor's voice, he sounds like if Shrek had a congestion and tried speaking with a higher pitch. Angel Dust's voice is TERRIBLE, it's so irritating to listen to- like, you can tell the voice actor is really forcing himself to sound like the Pilot VA. But it doesn't come naturally to him! Angel Dust's voice cracks so many times and it sounds so annoying.

This one is just a personal opinion but I really don't like Husk's voice. Like, I kinda miss his old voice because he actually sounded like a drunk old man, but here he just has your typical black guy who works at a casino kind of voice. (Literally, if King Dice from Cuphead had a deeper voice). Like, the voice is good, don't get me wrong, Keith David is an amazing voice actor, it's just that his voice doesn't suit Husk in my opinion.

Oh, and don't get started on Brandon Rodgers voicing Katie Killjoy- I swear to god I just wanna rip my ears off. I hate Brandon, okay? No offense but the guy's voice is annoying, he's not funny at all- I am so disappointed that they cast him to voice Katie, she deserves so much better!

Charlie's voice is alright, I mean she sounds like your typical quirky Disney princess. Vaggie sounds incredibly monotonous and Nifty sounds off, it almost sounds like the VA is using a microphone with a different quality than everyone else.

Furthermore..

4) The songs..

So there're two songs in this episode, and yeah they're boring. Basically, both songs are kinda like a rip-off of "Inside of every demon is a rainbow" from the Pilot, as they are both fast paced and explain Charlie's motive with the whole Hotel stuff.

But here the songs are divided in two, the first being "Happy day in hell". Which we've already seen countless of times in the trailers and whatnot. The song is a super Disney musical type of shit, which is alright I guess. But the second one "Hell is forever" sung by Adam is so unmemorable and boring. Yeah I personally didn't like these songs at all. I even ended up skipping through them when I watched the episode. That's how you know how bad they are.

And finally..

5) The comedy...

This show isn't funny guys. Viv's comedy isn't good and she genuinely doesn't know how to be funny. The only time I actually found a part of the episode funny was the scene where Vaggie was holding the camera while trying to make a commercial for the Hotel, and she asked Nifty to say some lines but all she did was just stand there blankly staring at the camera and not saying anything. That actually got a short chuckle outta me, but aside from that? Nothing else in the show is even remotely funny.

Alright that's it, that's all I have to say about the first episode. I'm done with this opinion post- If the other episodes get posted or leaked, I'll definitely watch them and give my opinion on them. Thank you all for reading and I'll see you next time!

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Time the Series - Episode 1

Another time traveling show. This time by expectations are basically on the floor.

So before I say anything here's the official synopsis: Foam, a famous actor, saw Chris, the lover, killed in front of him by the police. But fate gives Foam a chance to go back and correct the past for what he did wrong, causing Chris's death. When a mysterious man gives a clock that can travel back in time to Foam, will Foam be able to fix the past and save a lover's life? Only time will prove it! MDL You can watch it on YT, Gaga. Uncut on WeTV.

I watch the cut version, if anyone watches the full version please let me know what I missed. Not that I'm all that invested but still. This is basically a "I watched it so you don't have to" type of review so obviously, all spoilers from here on. Skip to the end for my short review.

We begin with a police chase that ends with Chris being caught but then there's a sniper and he gets shot. Very exciting already.

Cut to Foam waking up in bed and promptly pouring himself red wine while he cries and reflects on his lost love. Warning for singing and guitar playing in flashback.

The next day he's passed out and won't answer his phone and everyone is very upset, cause he's an actor and there's a lot of people waiting for him to shoot a commercial. There's already a war of managers happening btw. The one in pink is Foam's manager, the other one wants to be his manager. I'll be calling her the bad manager from here on for reasons which will become obvious.

So eventually he arrives and they shoot a commercial for some skin product that is amazing for the skin if we believe the people that show up to help Foam with his lines, cause the boy is struggling.

And apparently it's his birthday and he makes the weirdest call to his mum to ask her to wish happy birthday and the subs have the mom saying "Hello, dear" but there's actually no sound from the other side of the conversation. Amazing.

After this the drama really begins. And I mean there's so much happening and none of it is good.

So really quickly: - Birthday party where Foam is the DJ and there is some really bad dance acting happening. - The bad manager drugs Foam and assaults him and is interrupted by the good manager. - The two managers insult each other in front of passed out Foam and a physical fight ensues. Slap, screaming, slap, insult, slap, begging, more slapping. This is all very dramatic btw, almost lakorn level dramatic. Glass on the floor, bad manager picks it up and stabs the good manager. - Bad manager's bodyguards take her and Foam wakes up with the bloody glass shard on his hand.

Panic sets in, everyone comes and for some reason some dude is filming this whole thing. And we get our second police chase of the episode. This time Foam is the one doing the running.

Foam hides in a dark ally where he meets a stranger with a shining pink necklace that invites him to his place and of course he goes, because why not?

Then he recognizes the necklace/watch because he gave his boyfriend one that looks exactly like it. And then this:

Guy in alley - gives Foam pink shiny watch - dead boyfriend appears.

They immediately jump each other, as you do when all of a sudden your dead boyfriend is in front of you again, and Foam wakes up thinking it was all a dream. But was it? I have no idea.

Foam wakes up, hits himself, hurts himself and wonders why he's in his old apartment. He goes outside and it's five years before Chris died. The end.

So... to recap. I don't even know what to say. This is from MFlow, the same company that brought us the mess that was Beyond The Star so my expectations were really low.

With that said, I can't in good conscience tell any of you to watch this. It's not good. From the previews it seems Foam is going to meet Chris all over again except he won't remember him. Fun times all over again. I'll be honest. I probably won't be watching this, but come next tuesday if I have nothing better to do I might check it out. Depends how much I remember the experience and how curious I get about how they will deal with the time traveling. I obviously have not learned my lesson.

If anyone watches it please let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading.💜

[thebunniesgrim]

I'm getting way too much enjoyment watching how some of Helluva Boss fandom is raving over the popular current theory that stolas is going to die in the series.  

Because of the Oops episode and how the skull and cross bones in the smoke clock landed on Stolas and other stuff  

I.e.  

Having imp assasins in LooLoo Land 

Stella  

Striker  

His lullaby saying that when he’s gone Octavia will be ok and that today could be his last (I could go on a whole tangent about that lullaby it's so good)  

Western Energy  (that's it)

I'm not saying I want stolas to die but am I also saying it would be funny to watch the fandom go up in flames about it?  

Well call me Phineas and Ferb because

Yes  

yes I am 

You can stop reading here if you want. Under the cut I'm just rambling justifying why I think what I think. there are some jokes and lighthearted critiques, but you know... you have the option to look and give your own opinions  :)

I mean I have my grievances with him like I've said in my other post (shameless plug Warning I'm very illiterate in case you haven't noticed) but like I don’t wish death upon him I still like Stolas believe it or not   

lol.

In fact I hope stolas doesn’t die and mostly I don’t think stolas is going to die at all frankly. I highly dout the writers/viv/whoever is going to actually kill off stolas mostly because like any time stolas is in danger its so underminded like- ok LooLoo land is mostly a joke (good joke too I like the end where Stolas turns the imp guy into stone good pay off), Stella played for laughs beacues shes making the hit right in front stolas and it doesn’t get paid off till the next season which is fine the seasons are short, Western Energy he was fine like an episode later.  

If home boy cant be hospitalized for more than one episode he isn't dying  

Granted I will allow some leeway as we don’t know how much time has passed since Western Energy to Oops but it- I don’t think stab wounds and broken arms heal that fast regardless of that :/ if I'm being honest especially if it was a holy weapon just saying.  

Even if he did die that brings up a lot of questions like what happens to demons when they die? Are all demons immortal and can only die due to physical damage? are Asmodeus and Beelzebub going to outlive Fizz and Vortex if imps and hellhounds/other demons aren't immortal. Were the 7 deathly sins ever babies like everyone else? If demons are immortal and can live forever and the Ars Goitias can only be killed by angelic weapons that are hard to get, I'm assuming, why do, they need to have children or heirs? Why even have children at all? If angelic weapons can kill demons do demonic weapons exist and can they kill angels or other holy beings?   

All this and more on You Can't Answer These Questions at 8 

Lol  

anyways

but in all seriousness 

Here’s the real question  

If they did actually kill Stolas, will they bring him back?  

Riddle me this batman  

there's a very the very real outcome of them bringing stolas back through some magical demonic bs anyway so like it really won't matter. They're not going to have Stolas bite the dust permanently and if they are... respect honestly (the balls frankly).  

People will cry, I'll laugh because I'm heartless, he’ll be like resurrected or something, and everyone will be happy or mad idk.    

Like it's one thing for Millie to get hurt in the other episodes because there wasn’t a major plot point you know? (and she’s not important) There was no lingering scene on it with sad music. In when stolas got hurt it was this big thing and for him to just be like fine an episode later is like what? How are you going to have this big emotional climax with no emotional orgasm (sorry) afterwards. And like no I'm not letting this go what the heck? You had the whole fandom screeching about Blizto going to sloth just to do nothing with it and put a twist about Barbie and then also have stolas be perfectly fine and dandy the next episode afterwards. Are there no stakes in this show? Like I get that Helluva Boss wasn’t planned in the beginning but like come on... When Viv approves of the episodes does she look back at the other episodes? Is she even there? Is she ok? Is she and everyone else seeing a bigger picture that I'm not? Has she sat down and watched Helluva Boss from the very beginning and watched them from episode one to now? I mean really not just a once over to send it off to youtube I mean really took a good and hard look at the episodes? The way they mix episodic, and story is really messing with me I'm going to go back and watch all the episodes from the beginning just to make sure it’s not me.

I like how I said in my tangent about Hell fire (shameless plug part 2) I said I liked the new episode over all give or take some extremally small nitpicks yet here I am complaining :) guess I'm a liar   

soo yeah, I really don’t think they're going kill off their golden child, their best boy, their little botanist boo, their dopamine deficient dandy, their booboo bear, their uwu baby boi, their uke wukey cinnamon roll, their twinky little baby owl, their Boo thang, their stary eyed savant, their sad beige gay, their smoopy woopy do, their snoogum-boogums, their skidamarink a dink a dink skidamarink a doo, their-  

ok 

I'm done  

I'm so sorry   

[mikuni14]

Spare Me Your Mercy - Ep 1-5

I've seen so many different opinions about this series that I decided to check it out myself 😄

I liked the first 5 episodes, but I generally like detective series, especially those set in the provinces, in the backwoods, with a local network of weird relationships, hierarchies, dependencies, family connections. A serial killer killing terminally ill patients is an interesting plot. In that respect, the series is good to watch.

As for BL… well. How can I say this… there's no BL here? 😁 I'll be honest: this is absolutely NOT the second MoD. I have to say that I don't think I've ever seen an officially BL series that was so very non-BL. Which is very funny when I think about non-BL series that couldn't be gayer, even if the MLs had sex on screen. Beyond Evil, The Devil Judge, Killer and Healer, or even High School Frenemy are non-BL series where the MLs act like their on-screen partner is the most important person in their lives with a complete, full-ass obsession and fixation on that person, with an unearthly mental and physical chemistry sparking between them. One gesture, one sentence from any of the above series is more charged with emotion and eroticism than the entire 5 episodes of SMYM, I know you know what I mean.

In the case of MoD, with all due respect to people comparing those two series, Tan and Bun have scenes together where you can clearly see their growing fascination with each other, their relationship develops logically and linearly, and the possibility that one of them could be a murderer is an important part of the plot and a source of genuine despair and fear for the other man. I have the impression that if Kan turned out to be a murderer, the Captain would be like: oh, that's sad. Anyway. 😆

In SMYM, the actors have zero chemistry, they are awkward, not comfortable with each other physically, and we as viewers are INFORMED about their mutual interest 😆 This is something I think I've never encountered before - to create a romance that needs to be talked about, because without words it's nonexistent. For example, when Kan tells Tew at the beginning that he knows he's interested in him, I was like: ???? You know? How? Where did this guy even suggest that? As a viewer I think he wants to arrest you!

I don't know if it's a matter of acting, or directing, or filming this series, but the fascination between lovers in romantic productions is usually shown through looks, stares, gestures, facial and body play, conversation, when the characters show that the other person has an effect on them, for example, that they smile, when they think about them or see them, they are flustered, embarrassed, shy, aroused. When the sudden proximity of the other person causes emotional turmoil. Just compare the scene when Bun is tending to Tan's wounds and when Kan is sitting next to Tew with a head wound. There's nothing there. Again, all I can think is that the cop wants to arrest the doc! Arrest! Not kiss! I admit that their scenes together make me feel awkward and I burst out laughing in embarrassment when they start "flirting" and there is no romantic emotion behind their words. It's a very funny feeling. I just need to believe in the feelings between the characters and here I don't believe in it for a second. They don't just sell it to me, sorry.

I'm interested in the series and I intend to watch it until the end. But honestly, this is the first time in my life when I would prefer if MLs were just bromance, not romance, because this relationship is one big nope, it kinda feels.. forced? What's more, I'll write something I never expected to write: I would even prefer if they didn't kiss, when at the same time I would give my left kidney for just one Saint and Shin kiss lmao

(I don't want this post to sound like I don't like this show, because I do! even with all the awkwardness of the romance 😊)

[ge0rg1ewaa]

"They set it up!" - Neymar jr

A/n : this is so confusing and idk if it makes sense. I just wanted to post something, anything. hope u still enjoy it :)

[Third person pov]

The smell of freshly prepared pasta wafted through the corridors of the apartment. The atmosphere was soothing with a blanket on the couch & a favorite movie on the TV. The setting sun and its last rays were the only thing that could be seen through the window.

Today was Y/n's day off and she decided not to bother going out, to be honest, she wasn't in the mood either. Yesterday, she broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half because she found out he was cheating on her. She didn't do anything all day. In the morning she went out to do the shopping, but since then she has been at her place, reading the unfinished book and finishing watching the last few episodes of the series she has been bingeing on lately.

After pouring herself a portion of the pasta, she headed to the sofa, taking her phone from the charger. The girl had not yet checked her social media, her phone flooded with messages from Instagram, Twitter and Messenger. There was nothing interesting in the internet world. There were no dramas at the moment, or at least Y/n hadn't run into them. One of the messages was from her boyfriend well ex now, Neymar jr, and read 'I'm really sorry. I promise you, I haven't done anything. You know I would never touch anyone else expect you. I love you. Baby please answer me. ' and stuff like that, but Y/n just blocked him. Less than a minute later, her phone rang. As soon as she saw that it was Neymar, she let him ring, but as soon as she realized that he was not going to give up so easily, she picked up the phone, but remained silent, letting him speak.

"Hi meu amor. I know you are there, but you are silent because you want me to speak, so I will speak and tell you everything. The other night after we won the game we went out for a treat but we got drunk and I don't even know how I got home. I swear to god I don't know the girl who was next to me. They set it up! We haven't done anything, I promise you. I know the pictures you saw don't do justice to my words, but I have a video where she is paid to lie next to me half naked. I'll send it to you so you can make sure too. Eu te amo muito. Eu nunca faria algo assim para te machucar. Você significa muito para mim. [ I love you so much. I would never do anything like that to hurt you. You mean so much to me.]" After he explained everything to her in one breath, Y/n unblocked him to send her the video. And he was right. The girl could be clearly seen haggling for the amount of money and eventually getting it, before taking off her dress and laying down next to the sleeping Neymar. But how did she get into his room?

"You can see for yourself what it's all about. I still don't know how she managed to get into my room and who helped her and why they took pictures, but at least I can rest assured that you know the truth." Neymar sighed, his red eyes filled with tears once again. He doesn't know how he let things get here. Only a day since the love of his life left him, but he doesn't know what is happening around him. At least now that Y/n had let him explain the ugly situation, he hoped she would return to his arms. He missed her, her touch, her kisses, her voice, her laugh, her presence in general. He was so deeply madly in love with her that he was ready to leave his family and end his career for her, and we all know how important family & football are to him.

He was just about to hang up the phone when her soft breaking voice called. "Ney, im so sorry. I should have let you explain earlier, but because of my stubborn head, I didn't and hurt both of us. I wish I could hug and kiss you. I miss you." Y/n said, her voice quiet but understandable. She knows that's not possible because of the miles that separate them every day.

" Se você descer e sair, seu desejo pode se tornar realidade. Se você descer e sair, seu desejo pode se tornar realidade. " [If you go downstairs and go outside, your wish may come true.]" Neymar replied with a small smile that could be heard in his voice.

He was here. He was finally here. Her smile shot across her face. Y/n would finally see him. She was so excited that she didn't even bother to get a jacket and flew down the stairs, opening the front door as quickly as possible. And here in front of her stood Neymar. With his classic smile and different hairstyle. He opened his arms and Y/n ran up and jumped on top of him. Her legs wrapped around his hips, his arms around her back and under her thigh to keep her from dropping to the ground. She nuzzled her face into his neck, smelling his fresh scent & he buried his face in her hair, inhaling her shampoo, which smelled of vanilla and cinnamon.

They pulled back and smashed their lips into each other's. Their lips seemed to be made for each other and fit together like a puzzle. Ney couldn't seem to enjoy Y/n's cherry lip balm & her hands were tangled in his curls.

"I missed you and I'm so sorry I didn't believe you at first." Y/n whispered, forehead pressed against Neymar's.

" Tudo está bem agora. Eu te amo." [ Everything is good now. I love you.]

" Te amo mais." [I love you more.]

[starrywyatt]

chapter 6: maybe fall in love with your friends? who knows

☆ never saw it comin'- a george clarkey story ☆

! THIS STORY READS BEST IN DARK MODE !

intro

chapter 1

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

george's pov:

i woke up the next morning and i realised i had dreamt about madison the night before. nothing suspect, just a recap of sitting and eating with her in her flat. but i've been hanging around with her recently, so that's normal right? i open my instagram and she's the first post that appears, i literally can't escape her from my mind or in real life.

she looks like she's enjoying herself in new york and that makes me happy but i would be lying if i said i hadn't missed her being around. chris is pretty occupied with abi and arthur's been in the studio all week so i've been by myself quite a lot. i filmed a video with calfreezy a couple weeks ago and i met this girl called erin. i then ended up bumping into her again on a night out, she was coming across pretty strong and she did try to kiss me but for some reason i just couldn't do it. despite how attractive she was, something just felt wrong and i just couldn't put my finger on it.

madison's pov

i exited the hotel and paparazzi were waiting for me again and it piles on the pre-existing nerves i was feeling about the show and my performance. i get into the taxi and olivia runs me through the schedule for the day but to be honest i wasn't paying much attention, i'll just go where people tell me.

we arrive to the studios and i am directed to a dressing room. "we'll need you for soundcheck in 30 minutes" a woman with a clipboard tells me. i sit on my phone and for some reason decide now was a good time to search up my name on twitter...

@user1:

madison scott is literally mother, i love her she could never do wrong in my eyes

@user2:

i remember the days that fallon had proper talent on, now they have idiots like madison scott???

@user3:

if madison scott has no fans i am dead

@user4:

i can't be the only one that thinks theres something going on with madison scott and arthur hill

what? this made me laugh, how have they drawn that conclusion, i guess i've been spending a lot of time with their group recently but that's so funny to me that's what outsiders have taken from it, that i'm dating arthur? speaking of, i receive a text from george...

friends. friends. why does that word feel like a knife to the chest? because that's literally what we are.

don't get me wrong, i'm not completely fine now but maybe george is right i just need to enjoy the moment and believe in myself. there's a knock of the door and i'm suddenly whisked away to soundcheck.  i was going to sing the smallest man who ever lived' (originally by taylor swift) as it was one of the most popular songs on the album and this is arguably the biggest performance of my career so to use it so shit on my ex boyfriend is fun.

few hours later...

george's pov:

i had spent most of the day in my room but erin kept texting me and it was almost annoying me that i couldn't bring myself to be interested in her as she's a lovely, attractive girl and we have lots of things in common but i just can't get madison out of my mind...my thoughts are interrupted by chris and abi bursting into the living room, which i wasn't expecting just yet. "what time's madi on?" abigail says, sitting down on the sofa. "in like 2 hours" i say, looking down at my phone.

chris and abigail take over the tv and put modern family on for the next couple hours. "this is mine and madi's favourite. we watch it together all the time" abigail says before resting her head on chris' shoulder. i watch the first few episodes with them but i need the toilet and allow myself a few minutes to think. maybe i should pursuit erin so no one gets suspicious or thinks that i might like madi? no, that's mean to erin.

i walk back into the living room and it was now only 10 minutes until the show starts and both abi and chris had fell asleep. in all fairness it was almost 5am but i felt bad for madison if no one was watching, so i turn off the tv and make my way to my bedroom. i decide to watch it in here instead of risking waking the other two up. i find the website with 2 minutes to go. i take a photo of the screen and send it to madi to let her know i'm watching.

the show begins and there's a couple random segments and adverts before madison comes out. i can't lie i was getting very tired but i'd made it this far i wasn't going sleep now.

"please welcome our next guest all the way from london! she's been smashing the charts and is now about to go on a sold out tour, it's madison scott!" jimmy introduces her and she walks out waving with the biggest smile on her face and i find myself smiling with her. "take a seat, take a seat" jimmy says and she sits down on the iconic interview chairs. they talk about her album and her tour. "i mean you must be having the time of your life?" jimmy asks. "yeah, i mean last year was pretty tough but you know i worked through it and got an album out of it and recently i've met some really special people and life's finally on the right tracks" she smiles. special people, ey? "right right, are you back on the dating scene? can i ask you that?" he says, slightly nervous to ask. "yeah, you can. but no, not at the moment. i think it would really have to take the right person you know, i'm having so much with my friends but maybe someone will come along. who knows?" she laughs nervously. "exactly, you're so young! have fun and maybe fall in love with your friends? who knows!" he says cheekily, and they both laugh. "maybe" she shrugs. she needs the right person? damn, what did her last boyfriend do. am i one of them special friends? i hope so.

they play a game of accent challenges and madi does terribly at it and i know i'll bully her for it later. but now it comes time for her to sing. she chose to sing 'the smallest man who ever lived' (originally by taylor swift). i didn't know this one very well as it wasn't quite gym material and also doesn't really relate to me but i was excited to see her perform it. she appears on the screen and i can see her hands shaking. i hope she remembers what i told her.

as she sings, i can see more emotion building up inside her and then the bridge hits and she just explodes but in the best way possible. the performance is literally perfection. she hits every note and it's full of so much emotion that it actually worries me a tiny bit that she's upset. she finishes the performance and all that previous confidence disappears and she stands there smiling nervously and i look down and realise i'm clapping like an idiot with the audience, i guess i was just that engrossed. the show ends and the credits roll. i reach my phone and immediately text her...

madison's pov:

i'm still in shock george actually stayed awake to watch my performance. i know he mentioned it but i kinda thought he was joking. the thought of him watching made me smile like an idiot. for god sake, how has he got me like this?

i get into the taxi which is heading to the airport. i decide to make an instagram post to commemorate the performance...

i am driving to the airport and looking out my window. i literally accomploished one of my biggest dreams, performing in new york! like it's crazy that little old me is here!

we make it on the plane and thankfully i sleep most of the flight so it passes pretty quickly. we make it through security and then i have to decide if i want to go straight to george, chris and arthur's or go home first. i decide i should probably drop my bags off and shower first.

thank god i napped on the plane because it was going to be a long evening...