#i wish i could be here every day again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chellestrash · 11 months ago

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going back to the tattoo studio and immediately helping my friend re-pierce her ear feels like going back home after a really really long day at work

#this place and these people just make it feel like this is where i’m supposed to be #it’s just sad that right now i can’t make living out of this #it’s sad i need to do something else and it’s sad how happy i am here #i wish i could be here every day again #not just sometimes when i have a moment after work #i hope i’ll get to be back here again at some point #i really hope this chapter isn’t over yet #OKAY BLA BLA BLA #shut up #michelle talks

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jkvjimin · 5 days ago

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"your bias is your personality" my bias:

❝I hope people can take a break, self-reflect, and look back on their goals. I wish that everyone, including myself, would not neglect themselves because they are too focused on their work, when working or doing something. Rather, I hope they can think about their health and happiness, and other aspects of their mental well-being. Sometimes it's okay to take a break.❞

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIM TAEHYUNG! (dec. 30, 1995)

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angelmush · 2 months ago

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starting to feel my enjoyment of cooking seeping back in after a long period of intense burnout that had me really slogging along preparing meals with gritted teeth for a good month there. i credit the return of this spark to the much needed break i took on our 3 day vacation that resulted in us eating solely theme park food. while delicious, in all its greasy overpriced glory, i found myself missing the kitchen. so last night for dinner i made heavily spiced chicken wings with crushed peppercorns and garam masala that rendered slowly in its own fat while roasting in the oven, resulting in flavorful charred crisp skin and a really juicy bite. we picked them clean over steamed rice with lime and scallions. i also baked a loaf of marbled pumpkin and dark chocolate bread yesterday for my neighbor as a thank you for doing me a favor last week. it looked delicious. the crumb was tender and plush and velvety, the spiced ginger molasses pumpkin batter swirling alongside the bitter dark chocolate espresso batter, with puddles of dark chocolate bubbling across its top. it looked so lovely i whipped up a second one for us to have for ourselves that's in the oven now, i think it could be a really good breakfast pastry for us this week.

#ugh it feels sooooooooo good to be enjoying cooking again #it was so bad the last like month or so i just #have been sooooo burnt out #it's genuinely insane what a 3 day vacation can do to reset you :(( it makes me sad lol #i wish that everyone could rest to their hearts content forever #i think i am someone who is extremely prone to burnout and i need about quadruple the amount of quiet alone resting time #that the average person does #so when i get burned out its like excruciating to pull myself out of it again #but im also the primary cook of my household so there isn't really time to take a break and recharge and find my joy for it because #we have to eat lol #3 times a day #every day #forever #BUT #i am feeling so much better about things now after making that dinner and baking a little bit #its feeling soooo autumnal around here lately too which helps #the changing of the seasons is so good for my cooking motivationg #idk #i was feeling pretty depressed that i was starting to resent cooking for a while there since when i enjoy it it's like #life-giving #soul sustaining #wonderful hobby that gives my life purpose and meaning #and it was breaking my heart that i wasn't feeling that way anymore #but i can feel myself coming back #writing about food helps me too #something about describing it #and sharing it with other people who are delighted by it #makes me enjoy it a little extra #sigh #i feel like im returning to myself finally !!!

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skunkes · 3 months ago

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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.

anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.

like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.

I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.

this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it

#skunk mail #Anonymous #ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and #make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim #sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim #and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own #and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye #even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will #separate my life into Before and After. over and over again #(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out #we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life #not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it #human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories #go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it #i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*

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talkorsomething · 7 months ago

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I have Got to get more transgender

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #transmasc #trans ftm #transgender #i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever #so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL #it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks #such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also #or like. exist in general maybe #reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically #idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again #i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this #i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian #like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty #miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes #partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it #as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once #didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.

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rosicheeks · 7 months ago

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🙃

#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately #just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same #haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh #pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now #monday was my last day #and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday #I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy #figured it was the med change or something #so I was feeling pretty optimistic #I’m in between programs now #and today was not the best #not as bad as some of my days #but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday #I just wish I could feel that every single day #I’m working on it but still #waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management #and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting #which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move #but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought #idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about #but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me #I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around #(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here #in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed #they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars #I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie

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cerbreus · 10 days ago

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the holiday malaise is getting to me a little bit

#despite my efforts #last year i was happy and i had a boyfriend i loved to bits and i was looking forward to the future and happy with where my career was goin #i had little things to look forward to on holidays for the first time ever and big things to look forward to in the following year #generally a lot more hope and happiness and looking forward to things after many many years of working hard at getting to that place #this year im..... just trying to keep myself busy and distracted #i don't have someone to celebrate big and little things with anymore or events in the year #things are still incredibly caustic with my dad so i can't spend the holiday with family (same as it's been since i moved out)#i don't know what next year is going to be like for me much less my future in general #trying to have hope and make it what i want it to be but i'm still struggling to find a trail that feels passable #also really feeling more and more like i'm just a passing single note in the symphony of other people's lives and not in a good way #ah well #gotta keep trying #a life and future i'll be content and happy with will come to me.... just... a matter of when #i hope it's easier to be optimistic next year and every year that follows #it really doesn't help that politics are so fucking dire here though #personal stuff #waugh sorry to be a downer #holidays are back to being miserable times of the year for me #events and holidays always bring out the malaise ™ in me fr #i'm doing fine being single again i don't feel like i'll never love again or something (impossible for me- i'm a lover after all)#just been a lot of change all at once and a lot of really bad luck all at once and other realities settling in (my age) (my unemployability #a lot to grapple with #i wish i could just live in the woods and spend my days baking and rockhounding/mudlarking and foraging

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robinsnest2111 · 1 month ago

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maybe one day when I can get a hold of a therapist with expertise that fits my particular issues, I can finally address the crippling feelings of jealousy and worthlessness whenever people who's kindness I treasure deeply are nice to others 🤔

#hate to admit it but deep inside i am just the absolute worst. jealousy and worthlessness are eating my insides every single day #not as bad as it once was. I've gotten pretty good at repressing my reactions. but i still feel it like a knife twisting in my chest and gut #and i don't think that's normal ✌#hate to admit it but this jealousy and the resulting feelings of worthlessness and me wanting to avoid The Bad Feelings #and unnecessary drama: if i remove myself from the situation/person i won't hurt anyone. sound logic when you're in distress. stupid asf tho #has caused the breakdown of a few friendships. and I'm not proud of how many people I've hurt this way over the years.#just wish i could get All Of This under control while avoiding all human contact #but i'm part of a social species and if i'm on my own for too long i go crazy crazy and that's not good either #will i ever get on top of this? who knows #...would that be considered black and white thinking?#like when people i care for and am happy to receive love and attention from give that same attention to others #and it feels like they won't ever give it to me again or that i am not special/our bond means nothing #and it makes me feel this ugly ugly jealousy -> shame -> worthlessness -> shame -> gotta isolate thing???#IDK?????????? i'm just working here (in my fuckdd up brain and body) i don't control the manifestation of my mental issues #anyway confessions at 6am after a sleepless night while feeling delirious from being sick with a cold 👍#might delete this later idk yet

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abnormalpsychology · 2 months ago

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thrilling sequel to my poll from back in January

#I wish I was kidding about the eulogy one. I really wish I was #decisions decisions. who to chose #the people I actually like…?? or the people who like me?#these are so stupid I love making them.#bbge polls #bbge.text #more info on each #bc I want to yap abt em #1 - PLEASE return my calls… this girl was so kind and gentlemanly and we had suchhhh awesome chemistry #she goes to an Ivy League so it could be she’s just hella busy w work not ghosting me #I hope it’s that I really liked her :’)#2 - I actually did ask him out. kinda indirectly . and casually. too casually bc now neither of us have brought it up again #he makes me so happy to be around 😭 it makes me kinda emotional #he’s just like… sHOCKING and endearing and never the same #I love him unfortunately no matter what. as a human #3 - SAME FOR HERRRR OMG :( my beloved.#no one has ever been kinder to me maybe.#‘British’ is a downside here bc that means v long distance and . also bc I thought it would be funny to count as a point against her lol #we met during the summer and I miss being around her every day #4 - OKAY. we TOTALLY have chemistry and NOO ONE has acknowledged it. but it’s THERE every time we talk.#and I’ve never really had that w somebody before in this way idk 🫥#I accidentally referred to her as my ‘partner’ when our party members were teamed up together to do something and it was probably FINE but #it sounded so romantic I got embarrassed asf #she can probably tell I like her I don’t think I’m slick 😭😭#and I feel like she might like me too? or we just get along real well I’m not sure #bc we get along like. REALLY well #5 - I stare at her all the time… she is stunning. she writes great poems. soft spoken in this incrediblyyyyy endearing way #I worked up the courage to talk to her n get her number for WEEKS!!!! and then. nothing lol #6 - he’s a great conversationalist… and I know he’s single….. but he also likes Quentin Tarantino like. abnormal amounts idk #shit . I’m out of tags. for the rest uhhh use ur imagination bye :)

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end-orfino · 9 months ago

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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

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freepassbound · 3 months ago

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If I knew why every couple of years it becomes almost impossible for me to just communicate with people...

#...I guess I'd be a significant distance toward a much more healthy mental life #wouldn't that be nice hmm?#every day this week I've said to myself #'today will be the day to start again'#...every day I've lied to myself #if at any point over the last two months I have said #or 'said' (as in messaged)#a single word to you #shared a single post with you #sent you a single emoji #I love you and you have a special place in my universe #because I braved the fiercest dragons of my mind to get that message out #I can't say it #but I can leave it here #and hopefully you see it #and if you've reached out #I'm so very sorry #but also thank you so very much and I love you #I wish I could respond like a normal human being #I wish I could take the hand #*sigh*#that's enough tag rambling for the night #it's already tomorrow #free floating anxiety

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jazzzzzzhands · 3 months ago

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Oh I got an ask!! And ohh it feels good to draw again!

It's nice to have an excuse to doodle!

Please I welcome asks of art requests during this time of art block!

(i also miss my Groovy au if someone wants to send me an ask..)

#i mean im drawing every here and there #but it definitely isnt like my art blossom of drawing wally darling every day #i do plan on drawing him again!!#i swear i wait for clown to post so i can have inspiration again #i do wish i was a little bit more popular #it gets a little bumming ehen ur art that you work on only gets so much #and then you see a popular artist do a text post and it gets more than ur art #in other news i wish my groovy au would have gone off more #i still think fondly of it #i may draw more for it #also im very sorry but i will be deleting every scam ask #i have been getting them lately #anyways thank you to whoever sent me that ask so i could draw while im still sick #my lungs are very noisy!!#squeaky whistling things!!!#jazz is a spazz #i know more popular artist post more text updates #but im more of a pictures kind of person #i reblog stuff i love instead #to ahow yall im still alive and sharing what makes me happy #if i became popular i still would reblog a lot #which popular artist tend not to reblog much or they have it separated #nooo im lazy i have one blog tyvm #if you like me you have to like all of me which includes the things i like tyvm #i miss rambling in my tags #if you read all the way down you get a special sticker from my sticker collection

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inkshine · 4 months ago

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AAAAAAAAAAGH it's so difficult being the family member of someone with an undiagnosed chronic health problem because I WANT to support them SO BADLY but because the American healthcare system sucks ass and we can't even get a proper diagnoses we're all fumbling around in the dark. And I'm not even the person with the issue, so I can't even imagine the amount of pain, anger and confusion my actual relative is in right now.

#vent #for those of you who have been here for a while this is about my relative who I call N #who has been dealing with a lot of pain and health problems due to a chronic issue #it's something we have to learn to navigate every day and most of the time we just accept it as a part of life #but it gets difficult sometimes #for the record N isn't in immediate danger of death or anything rn #but you know. it's hard.#I just wish they could get better forever and never have to suffer from this ever again #chronic illness #chronic pain

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itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago

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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower #so thatll hopefuly be tmrw #i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in #the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk #i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating #1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like #We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex #and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on #schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk #it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything #which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it #but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become #nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless #and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep #schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i #dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite #of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better #i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish #my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just #say nothing. yay

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nebulainatree · 5 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/karamrafeek/754196219096694784/help-karam-al-nabih-and-his-family-rebuild-their?source=share

Hello, I hope you and your family are well. Can you please help me recycle the post on my account? 🌺 And help rescue my family from the war in Gaza? 🙏🙏

Hello everyone, I am Karam Al Nabih from Gaza. All my dreams have been shattered now in Gaza. I am a software engineer in my last semester, but now my home, my dreams, and my university have been destroyed.

All my dreams have been destroyed 😞 I hope you share , support and donate

Repoooost & donate please after read my story, that's urgent! 🇵🇸🍉

Please don't skip helping me and my sick mother to rebuild our lives. Any donation, even a small one, will make a difference 🙏🙏

Donate even if it is 10 euros or 15 euros or more، The smallest donation makes a difference in my life

I sincerely appreciate your help and look forward to your continued support🥺❤️

https://gofund.me/7c433301

Vatted by @nabulsi @90-ghost

Please donate or share help me reach my goal

Wishing you and your family safety and the best of luck. This fundraiser has been vetted, please share the linked post and donate if you can!

#free palestine #palestine #free gaza #text tag #image tag #There's also a photo of some cute cats in the linked post. I hope they're doing okay as well.#This post is queued to send after the linked post is reblogged so go check that out too!! It's literally linked here but. Yeah #I know I reblog so many of these every day that it almost feels kind of automatic but I got to thinking again and it's just #It's so horrible that there's so many families who need help I really hope they're all safe. I wish I could do more for everyone over there #I'm not religious but I'll pray for you and your family and everyone's families to be safe and for this genocide to end.#Lots of love and well wishes. I'm crying a little I really really hope you can be safe and get help #Nebbie text posting #<- got a little carried away rambling in here #ask tag

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renegadeknight · 5 months ago

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Can I flail about stubborn love please? Love it so much. I spent so much time thinking about when they're finally both fully open to each other. Do you have any happy snippets to share?

you can always flail about stubborn love 💛 I'm glad you're looking forward to them fully embracing their little found father-daughter dynamic, we still have a bit of pain/angst left to get through but they'll get there!

I've been taking a little unofficial break from SL to get that first part of rooftop finished up but since got that wrapped last weekend I will be pivoting back to these guys very soon. idk if it counts as happy but here's a lil snippy from the next chapter under the cut.

#thank you for the ask anon #and if you're the same anon that sent the other ask about a SL snippy I'm sorry for taking so long to get you something #the words they do be fickle sometimes #finishing rooftop was a lovely little break but I think I'm ready to get back onto my SL bullshit and get this thing finished #every day I wish I could write faster but here we are lol #anyway thank you again for the ask!#asked and answered

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