#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nomairuins · 17 days

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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower #so thatll hopefuly be tmrw #i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in #the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk #i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating #1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like #We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex #and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on #schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk #it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything #which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it #but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become #nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless #and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep #schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i #dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite #of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better #i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish #my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just #say nothing. yay

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