#anyway confessions at 6am after a sleepless night while feeling delirious from being sick with a cold 👍 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

robinsnest2111 · 2 months ago

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maybe one day when I can get a hold of a therapist with expertise that fits my particular issues, I can finally address the crippling feelings of jealousy and worthlessness whenever people who's kindness I treasure deeply are nice to others 🤔

#hate to admit it but deep inside i am just the absolute worst. jealousy and worthlessness are eating my insides every single day #not as bad as it once was. I've gotten pretty good at repressing my reactions. but i still feel it like a knife twisting in my chest and gut #and i don't think that's normal ✌#hate to admit it but this jealousy and the resulting feelings of worthlessness and me wanting to avoid The Bad Feelings #and unnecessary drama: if i remove myself from the situation/person i won't hurt anyone. sound logic when you're in distress. stupid asf tho #has caused the breakdown of a few friendships. and I'm not proud of how many people I've hurt this way over the years.#just wish i could get All Of This under control while avoiding all human contact #but i'm part of a social species and if i'm on my own for too long i go crazy crazy and that's not good either #will i ever get on top of this? who knows #...would that be considered black and white thinking?#like when people i care for and am happy to receive love and attention from give that same attention to others #and it feels like they won't ever give it to me again or that i am not special/our bond means nothing #and it makes me feel this ugly ugly jealousy -> shame -> worthlessness -> shame -> gotta isolate thing???#IDK?????????? i'm just working here (in my fuckdd up brain and body) i don't control the manifestation of my mental issues #anyway confessions at 6am after a sleepless night while feeling delirious from being sick with a cold 👍#might delete this later idk yet

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