#i wasnt just yelled at
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wee :D
im probably gonna cry!
yay :D
#yeah this is fine#i wasnt just yelled at#it was my fault anyway so i guess i deserved it#anyways#chilei's on skooma again
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A writer and His number one fan hater
#svsss#shen qingqiu#shang qinghua#platonic cumplane???#Shen Yuan#scum villian self saving system#scum villains self saving system#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#I actually have a lot of thoughts about them that i wasnt able to articulate right with words or drawings#i just think#That Shen Yuan really did like the story#like he was upset on behalf of a good character#he was upset about its potential#he absolutely wanted more for him and was upset that it was thrown away to please the masses#he had no idea what Shang Qinghua was going through#absolutely just ranked on him and YEAH IT WASNT THE BEST WORK BUT clearly it still was good enough to make Shen Yuan care#like ah#I would love to read more dynamics about them about a struggling writer and his most trusted hater to yell at him to write his heart out#also Shen Qingqiu going through svsss and seeing how much thought Shang Qinghua actually put into the story#and how much effort he actually had in it before he had to settle and scrap#like AAAAHH Im not the analysis type and my thoughts about them really are all other the place but really I think nothing is stronger then#an author and a reader#cause my man read to the very end the ABSOLUTE END#hE CARED HE CARED HE REALLY CARED NO MATTER HOWWWW MUCH HE CRIED ABOUT IT#alright dont look at me they make me go crazy#my art#nibbelraz
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don't know shit about this fandom but my friend showed me the youtube videos and i was like oooooo… i have no idea what kinger looks like.
anywho; sketches. will probably clean these up & color properly at some point bc jax got so stretched that he is approximately 3 pixels now. but until then i figured i'd just put it out here bc i have to do college instead of drawing now!
#lychee's trash art#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc gangle#tadc zooble#tadc ragatha#tadc pomni#tadc jax#tadc fanart#probably won't make any more but who knows; you never know#have not really posted as of late but oh god the world is burning and i'm going to fail so yay#side tangent but in my head pomni is soooo filipino and i can't explain why;;;;#if there's elements of other people's designs sorry i just kinda scroll and absorb sometimes#if anyone sees this yell at me if you want credit and i'll take your word for it#i'm queuing this at three am as per usual... if this wasnt scuffed id be worried to miss something#y'know the Critical Detail. always happens man.#(3am = the only time left to draw if i'm lucky)#tadc human
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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I wanna give him a blanket. Can it maybe just materialize outta nowhere?
(I know fabric wrinkles suck to draw. You don't gotta 😵)
#i uh#i got carried away. Oops. wtf is wrong with this guy??#Lmk if you need translations for the particularly glitchy part.#also just to clarify the physical glitch is not what /caused/ him to say that it just particularly irritated him and so he lashed out-#-before he could think ab it. i almost contemplated a frame of him apologizing & then i thought about it... he would not. nuh uh.#Last ask with this setting for now. It /will/ come back though because he sleeps there.#stayed up a little too late to finish this... i was so excited all day to do this one lmfao#it wasnt supposed to go past where he calls you a plethora of names but i needed to make it somehow transition back to the storefront later#thank you brave anon for your attempt. not really how it works here though. The fabric folds isnt really the issue lol.#as an apology you get the longest one to date. thanks o7.#spamton#spamton g spamton#[you've got mail!]#he switched up so quickly after it dissapated beause he realized he was just yelling at a camera... embarasing.. what a freak#going crazy in the tags today not sorry
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Redrawing/remaking my HLVRAI flowercrown au!! Benrey and Gordon are up first!! (If anyone's curious you can go looking for my old flowercrown au stuff, just be noted its was made four years ago LOL and all the old info is completely irrelevant) click for better quality, tumblr killed it 💀
Up next, Tommy and Gman Coolatta!
In the old version of the plot for this au, it had a lot to do with it being a game and such. However over the years it's changed! No longer a game, instead the Rescas explosion seemed to have had a .. strange affect on Gordon, due to him being right next to it. At least, that's what they all believe at first.
#art#help how do i anatomy#gordon freeman hlvrai#gordon hlvrai#hlvrai gordon#hlvrai#hlvrai benrey#benrey#benrey hlvrai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#hlvrai au#hlvrai benry#hlvrai art#basically! during this au each time Gordon dies he “respawns” back at the beginning. right agter the rescas explosion#however he cant bring his body back quite right each time. the different flowers represent who killed him. and the plave of injury .#benrey killed him first. through the eye. it was a misunderstanding! they were just messing around and Gordon . they thought he wasnt human#because he doesnt seem human anymore? they sense it. (so can tommy but that didnt stop tommy from yelling at benrey immediately after)#only as soon as benrey opens their eyes again theyre right back at the beginning and Gordon is trying to pull a flower from his eye. the#the same eye they shot through. augh fuck. anyway benrey is the first to remember. dr coomer and bubby are next to remember (#the betrayal and then the clones killing Gordon and then being brought back to the beginning. even more flowers. one less arm#tommy remembers last. an accidental kill.#Gordon doesnt “technically” remember! and each time hes brougt back he seems to believe the flowers are almost normal. just rescas stuff.#he can even still see out of his other eye? its fine probably. (everytime he rips a flower petal it hurts. like hes tearing through skin)#flowercrown au#feel free to send asks about flowercrown! i will answer and yhen kiss you with tongue /joke!
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Day 50
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#i deadass almost forgot abt it twice on day 50 im used to llooking in the same spot but it wasnt there anymore because it MOVED#i was genuinely stunned and was just saying 'oh.' or 'wow.' or the variants of out of words to describe what im feeling#that and the occasional yelp of surprise#so i deadass forgot about the train in the flurry of emotions . until i heard it SCREAMIMG and i had also yelled at that moment#i had put my head in my hands for a solid few seconds as i jusr kept hearing that fuckass train in c comand 1 go COOOCHGOHDHOGIHAB#before i actually functioned again and probably over shielded all agents i could near the possible path#i didnt qant ANY of them to die !!! on day 50 too!!! come on man its basically a free day#other thing was that i let Ryn have the last work. was going to be vincent with mosb but we were a few enerfy short#uhmm. say it as a sorry for letting your wife (girlfriend) die ryn. sorry ryn .... you get to have the final fuck ass abno work of the day#x lobcorp#its mostly my thoughts than trhing to be in chafacter. tis not in character. i just needed a pad for some comedic timing#/<QUEUE>/
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important thing that I don't think I've mentioned is that Henry was THERE for Cassidy's murder- or the end of it at least. It was a breaking point cus of the obvious violence of it but also the sudden reality of the situation hitting Henry like a freight train. Hiding the bodies after the fact and watching a child die and doing nothing in the moment are different things. No backing out now. In far far far too deep.
#this is why he agrees to make the funtimes i think cus hes just#part of it now#fully#this is mooostly why henry feels responsible for cass in particular btw he couldnve saved her if he wasnt so ineffectual#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#william afton#henry emily#cassidy fnaf#yelling about the bear#child death
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on another note, its genuinely SO FUCKING SAD that dorian and orym both really want to explore this but the situation is so large and fraught that they didnt even get the little joys of being like ! you liked me this whole time?? i liked you this whole time!! and have sweet little moments of realization and exploration together without the heavy weight of expectation to 'stay on task' both by the literal whole world and themselves
like fr what can u even do when u and ur crush are both the "i dont wanna bother anybody" guy but the worlds gonna end
but hey they have a whole future of that ahead! so no worries right? right???
#cr yipyappin#SORRY this blog is just me yelling abt dorym for the past few weeks i just noticed lmao i swear theres art here#god i would have given ANYTHING for them to feel they had a bit more time to at least have a short little convo as if the world wasnt endin#itll happen theres time theres time#dorymposting#god i cant wwait for the vod to just watch it over and over#anyway DORYM EXU TRUTHERS LETS GOOOOO
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The funniest thing to me about the whole dick killed the Joker thing is how everyone's like oh Jason would be so touched if he knew when I personally think he'd be so pissed off considering you know he needed the Joker alive to do his whole dramatic you must choose Bruce stand off and Dick almost ruined it all by killing the clown
I know it all comes down to the usual of people not understanding the point of utrh and the faux importance of the Joker in the whole plot but I still can't get the image out of my head of Dick actually succeeding in killing the Joker and Jason having a meltdown since he has to toss years of planning and start from scratch all bc Dick and his anger problems
#dc#dick grayson#jason todd#joker#jason finds out later from steph that Dick killed the joker#and bruce brought him back to life#steph expecting Jason to get mad at bruce#but he just goes to yell at Dick to keep his anger in check#no one asked you to kill the joker dick#almost ruined months of planning dick#what do you mean it wasnt even really for me#it was for who now#i dont know who that is
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[Image ID: An inked digital drawing of Digimon character Amphimon. Amphimon is a cyborg humanoid wearing an altered diving suit, they have large chunky gauntlets and boots, lightning bolt embellishments across their design but most notably on a buckle at their waist, on the bottom of their chest armour and on their diving helmet window. They have diving helmet style shoulder pads, a large jellyfish like skirt connected to the buckle made up of two layers- a puffier top layer with jellyfish markings on it and a longer flow-ier bottom layer- and large circular pads at their hands, feet and knees. The ones on their knees and hands have a cross symbol on them and the ones on their feet have a minus symbol. They have large jellyfish antenna coming from their diving helmet and the exposed parts of their body- such as their forearms, waist and at the inner upper thighs- appears made of straps. They’re in a front facing action pose, with their right leg and arm pointed down whilst their left leg is raised the calf slightly tucked in, and their left arm is raised over their head. /End Image ID]
I haven’t seen all of ghost game yet but Amphimon is by far my favourite new digimon from it
#digimon#amphimon#digimon ghost game#jellymon line#digimon fanart#digital monsters#digifanart#jellymon#digiart#digisafe#i guess i should start tagging that too#dinu yells into the void#dinu yells in the void#x_x hello everybody. i am tired.#i meant to draw three other megas too but uh. not today i dont think.#ill see about drawing them over the week and if i like the result ill post em#i dont think i mentioned watching ghost gamr here. i saw a couple episodes#i might watch all of it one day#i wasnt impressed bynthe episodes i saw but i dont mean that in a#‘its bad way’ i mwan it in a like ‘its not For me’ way you know?#i also generally have the unpopular opinion i think of not rly caring for most of the new ghost game mons. sorry#but i REALLY love amphimon. it was love on first sight when i saw that design. i love this butch badass diving suit jellyfish woman#and ill consider watching all of gg just for seeing amphimon alone#anyways. im gonna make dinner now#dinu's sketchy art
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Inspired by the fucked headache I had last week I came up with a new hc - when home, Edge will use an eyepatch over his left eye whenever he has/is getting a migraine, since the pain is worse on that side due to the scar
He would never wear it in public but that's not usually a problem since he becomes very light sensitive with migraines and wouldn't be leaving the house for anything less than a dire emergency anyway
#sans absolutely poked fun abt a little but not too much bc he can't risk actually embarrassing papyrus abt smth useful/an accommodation or#he'll stop using it. so just a little teasing here and there abt undyne or pirates. but then he drops it#i know this wasnt the point of the post but i just really need anyone who sees this to know that the uf brothers care abt each other so#much but they're so uncertain how to broach it so sometimes they yell or mock or what have you but they are always trying to be aware of#the other. they really care a lot and there's a lot of open wounds there from their rough past but they do try to allow gentleness#sometimes. especially post surfacing. it's a long and horribly rough road to get to a point of healthy normalcy but they do try#that's really important to me#they both try#sun spots#underfell papyrus#underfell sans#uf edge#uf red
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thinking about that one Perpollo time travel reading the books fic/s I read that repeatedly bashed Annabeth (and Piper) and called her abusive and Percabeth co-dependent (Both during and post MoA, you know when one of them was missing for some months and after being in TARTARUS TOGETHER)
But then turned around and somehow accidentally made Apollo literally so so fucking groomerish (and not because Percy was 16 in it) and possessive it was almost funny
And how do I know it was an accident? Both the author and several fans of the author came into the comments to defend that it 'wasn't as bad as Percabeth' when people politely pointed out that Apollo was kinda being really possessive
Yeah so basically if anyone asks me this was the exact reason I dont ship Perpollo
#they also had Percy challenge Mr D to a duel over what BACCHUS did in MoA (there was also an Percy ascension plot)#I stopped reading it sometime before they got to the end of BOO (they did both pjo and hoo) but I dont think that duel even happened lmao#They also decided to destroy Mr D's relationship with ALL his kids over WHAT BACCHUS DID (They also had all the dead characters live)#Like...i'd understand if it was just Dakota that was upset but Castor and Pollux????#Piper wasnt as bullied as much but basically one thing I remember was that she was yelled at for the Jason birthday scene in MoA#for.....wishing Jason to wish that they'd stay together instead of.....defeating Gaia....in her internal dialogue#also accidentally charmspeaking Jason in MoA#Heroes of olympus#Hoo#wolffox speaks#LIKE HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE A RELATIONSHIP MORE TOXIC THAN THE THING YOUR TRYING TO MAKE TOXIC???
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im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-
and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..
it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now
i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...
#ganondoodles talks#elden ring#zelda#in a way#AND it adds to me just ranting#and complaining#like i wasnt literallly a few days ago beating myself up about that#now i have the next thing#and its almost as bad as it was with totk#with the only difference being that i dont have the energy left to yell that much#and that its the second time now in such a short time span relatively to how long i keep my interests and how long it takes to find one#so in a way it hurts even worse#.... also when the whole thing is kinda bad then at least the whole thing is kinda bad#but here its like specifically my fav#and i dont want to and cant let him just .. go#but at the same time ............. its been so shifted around completely idk what to make of it#idk what the point was to make and present him like he was in the base game and then do such a turn in the DLC#and it feels less like he was someones important favorite nd more like most hated character#bc why would you do that to him like this#you can argue all you want about how it makes sense actually and wahtever but this is what i feel right now ok#what am i even drawing for anyway#what am i even thinking about any stories for anyway#why am i caring about anything anyway#i wish i knew and could stop
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like all the other insane shit(armand being involved in the trial, loumand divorce, loustat reunion, etc.) i expected to some extent but i was not expecting vampire daniel this early and i cannot get over it
#if it wasnt 3 am i wouldve been yelling#it just completely threw me in the best possible way#interview with the vampire#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#daniel molloy#🍊
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