#tommy remembers last. an accidental kill.

[hollypies]

Redrawing/remaking my HLVRAI flowercrown au!! Benrey and Gordon are up first!! (If anyone's curious you can go looking for my old flowercrown au stuff, just be noted its was made four years ago LOL and all the old info is completely irrelevant) click for better quality, tumblr killed it 💀

Up next, Tommy and Gman Coolatta!

In the old version of the plot for this au, it had a lot to do with it being a game and such. However over the years it's changed! No longer a game, instead the Rescas explosion seemed to have had a .. strange affect on Gordon, due to him being right next to it. At least, that's what they all believe at first.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Rain Confessions

Summary: A dance in the rain at Jackson's last day of the summer celebration leads to you and Joel finding out something surprising about the both of you after you sneaked off to have some alone time.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: E

Wordcount: 3.5k

Warnings: falling in love, a whole lot of backstory nobody asked for, implied past SA, age gap (around 15-20 years), fluff, baby fever, smut (semi public sex, unprotected sex) accidental breeding kink (?), pregnancy surprise at the end

A/N: This is my entry for @undercoverpena April showers challenge! I had so many ideas for this challenge, but this is it (for now lol)

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If you had learned anything about the community of Jackson since arriving here almost two years ago, it was that the people would always find a reason to have a town celebration. 

It was foreign to you at first, celebrating the first summer harvest a week after you arrived. Seeing everyone in the middle of town, celebrating while music was played by some towns people on their instruments. Children playing with wide smiles, safe from all the horrors that laid behind the walls of this tiny town. So much food everyone wouldn’t have to cook for days. 

Dancing. 

Happy people. 

You had a full blown panic attack the first time you had attended a town celebration, overwhelmed from how… normal everything seemed now. Almost like it had been before the outbreak happened. 

You only had little memory of how it was before. You had just turned 20, moved to another state, far away from all of your family for a job you were excited for, but would never get to work in. 

You had been shot on outbreak day, waking up almost a month later in a make shift hospital in what would later become the Dallas QZ. You remembered being told how lucky you were that an officer had brought you in in all that chaos. There would be many times after you had healed and been released, that you asked yourself if you really had been that lucky. The question about why you survived, being a constant thought inside your head. 

Whatever had happened to you had fucked with your memory, leaving you with big gaps about your life before you woke up in the hospital. 

You had stayed in Dallas until the QZ fell, leaving with a group of what you thought back then were friends. You had worked with those people, those men, for many years at the QZ. They had never given any indication about not being decent people. You trusted them.

Trust that you clearly had misplaced. 

You would learn in the following years that they had only taken you with them so they had something to offer to whomever could help them survive. 

It would take years for you to finally escape from them, kill all of them, leaving you with nothing but the clothes on your body stumbling through the deserted lands of what you would learn was Wyoming until a group of people found you. 

You had asked them to kill you, tired of life. 

But they had taken you in. Maria saw something in you that day. 

You became a part of Jackson. Working in the greenhouse every day because as it turned out, you had a green thump.

Yet you were still keeping to yourself. 

The years of abuse you had endured, did not make it easy to trust new people. You only had little friends. Lauren, who worked with you at the greenhouse, and Tommy who made it close to impossible not to be friends with. Maria who became like a big sister to you. 

You weren’t looking to meet more people, let alone find something more than just friendship until Joel Miller stepped into your life. 

You had been pared with him on your monthly patrol, something every citizen of Jackson had been tasked at least once per month, not even knowing he had joined the community, or knowing that he was Tommy’s brother.

He was quiet, reserved, cold, but only to the people who were to scared to look past the facade he put on. 

It was like you could see right through him, the way he was masking the pain he carried with him all day. Maybe because you had been doing the same thing. 

The first patrol you went on together left you drenched to your bones, surprised by rainfall, making you sick for a whole week after with Joel being the only one who would check on you. 

Something you didn’t understand at that time, because you did not know the man. 

You still weren’t sure who made the first move of spending some more time together. It seemed to just… happen. Eating together at the Tipsy Bison after he came back from his job at Patrol. Him visiting you in the greenhouse when he found himself lonely, telling you about his complicated relationship with Ellie at the moment. 

You spending time at his place to teach Ellie how to bake, because she had been nagging you for weeks to do so. 

He never pushed, always listened to whatever you had to say, both of you opening up to each other about what you had went through before getting to Jackson. 

He had held you after you talked about the years you had been in captivity, vowing to never let anyone ever lay a hand on you. 

It was after the first baking lesson, Ellie long gone to bed, that you found yourself in Joel’s arms for the first time, his body on top of yours, his cock filling you slowly, while he whispered words of praise against your ear. 

Yet it would take another couple of months for the two of you to admit that you had feelings for one another, oblivious to what everyone around you saw with their eyes closed. 

There hadn’t been some grand gesture like in the movies. 

It had been a normal night where you felt a little restless and decided to walk towards the stables to wait for Joel to come back from patrol. The way his face lit up when he saw you as he rode through the gates, taking you by surprise even though your face was a mirror image of his. He had wrapped his arms around you and whispered how much he missed you before he kissed you softly, the world around you disappearing when he admitted to you that he’s been in love with you for a while now. 

You had moved into his house the week after.

And now you were in your shared bedroom, getting into clean clothes while Joel sat on the bed, looking at you with warm eyes. 

„We could just stay in? Have some time for ourselves while everyone is busy celebrating the last day of summer?“ He asked and you smiled softly, putting your pants on, while his eyes continued to undress you. 

„And do what?“ You asked. 

„I can think of a thing or two. I’d start with getting you out of this jeans again,“ he winked and you smiled shyly at the way he looked at you. 

You hope he would forever look at you like that. 

„You know your brother would come looking for us. We promised we would be there. And Ellie asked you to come too,“ you reminded him and he sighed. 

Things between him and Ellie were still hard, but she was slowly coming around. There would be a small art installation from the school at the town square and Ellie had drawn a couple of paintings she was excited to show off. 

Joel got up from the bed and walked over to you, his hands coming to rest on your hips. 

„You gonna let me dance with you?“ He asked and you sighed, pulling your arms up and crossing your hands behind his neck, looking up at him. He was smiling softly at you and you were pretty sure you would never be able to love another person like you loved Joel Miller.

„Always,“ you smiled before you got on your tiptoes to kiss him softly. 

You were watching Joel and Ellie from afar, both of them standing in front of a painting she did from a landscape across town square that was currently filled with people. Ellie had told you that it was the mountain view she had woken up to for an entire week while she was sick on the road, Joel taking care of her until she felt better to continue their travels on their way to find Tommy here in Jackson. 

Joel was visibly struggling to keep the tears at bay as you saw Ellie explain it to him before they hesitantly hugged each other. 

You were sitting under one of the tents that had been put up earlier today, the sky not looking like it would be dry outside much longer. Yet it was warm enough to only wear a T-shirt.

„You think they gonna be okay?“ Tommy asked, sitting down next to you, little Elijah in his arms. Maria had given birth not too long ago to a mini version of Tommy much to her delight. She waved at you from next to the grill, and you waved back before you reached your hand out to Elijah who took your finger with a squeal. 

„I think so. She’s beginning to understand why he did what he did. And he’s understanding why she’s so upset. They miss each other,“ you said and Tommy nodded. 

„I would have done the same if it was my kid,“ Tommy said and you nodded. 

„Yeah. Me too,“ you smiled at Elijah who now was trying to suck on your finger, making you chuckle. 

„Are your parents not feeding you enough, little man?“ You said with a grin. 

Without answering he proceeded to pull your finger in his mouth, making you giggle. 

„Maria just fed him twenty minutes ago. He’s just ravenous,“ Tommy rolled his eyes.

He turned his head when he heard Maria call for him. 

„Can you take him for a moment? My wife calls,“ he asked. With a smile you nodded, opening your arms for the little boy to be placed against your chest, kissing his forehead while he still sucked on your finger. 

„Aren’t you just the cutest little thing?“ You hummed with a small smile as he snuggled against you. When you looked up you found Joel’s eyes locked on you from across the little square and you felt your cheeks warming at the look he was giving you. 

In the past couple of weeks you had the recurring dream about having a baby on your own, a mini version of Joel. You dreamed of watching him with a tiny baby on his chest. You dreamed of your own little family. 

Elijah used this moment to nibble on your knuckles, making your eyes widen before you looked down at the little guy again. 

„You really are hungry huh?“ You laughed.

„He’s teething,“ Maria said, smiling down at you with a plate of food in her hands, Tommy following behind her.

„You gonna eat some spare rips next summer, huh?“ You teased, tickling the babies side, making him giggle. 

„He sure will be,“ Tommy said proudly, before he took Elijah back. 

Music started to play from the band that had formed earlier this year from the town and you could see Tommy smirk. 

„I think you had an admirer,“ he winked before you turned around and found Joel walking towards you. When he was close he held one hand out which you took. 

„You promised me a dance,“ he said and you couldn’t help but smile. 

„I did, didn’t I?“ You said before you let him guide you towards the middle of the square were people had already gathered to dance. 

The band was playing a song you did not recognise. It was a slow song for a change, Joel and you having danced to two songs before laughing loudly at the way you just could not manage to not stumble over your own feet. 

But now you were in his arms, your cheek against his chest as he slowly swayed you to the beat, his lips against the top of your head while he murmured the words to the song. 

You took a deep breath of his familiar earthy scent that always felt like coming home. 

It was then that you felt the first drops of rain. Feeling his arms tighten around you he cursed quietly as it began to rain, the sky opening up, drenching you within seconds, your clothes clinging to your body. 

The normal reaction would be to seek shelter from the rain, just like the people around you who quickly ran towards the tents that had been put up. 

But you looked up at Joel who was already looking at you, his hair clinging to his face, drops of water falling from his nose down on you.

The band was still playing, the song changing to a distinct version of Purple Rain, making the people who were now in the tents laugh, but you just smiled, letting Joel twirl you on the improvised dance floor before you came to rest against his chest again, both of you laughing. 

You danced for a couple more minutes, before he kissed you deeply, holding you close against him.

„Get a room!“ You heard Tommy yell and you smiled against Joel’s lips, before you took his hand and led him away from the town square.

He had you crowded against the wall outside of the greenhouse as soon as you rounded the building, his lips on yours, his hands rounding your face. 

The greenhouse was closer, your house being on the other side of town. 

It was still raining, the both of you under the small and apparently leaking roof that was above the outside work station, just out of view from the building. You could still hear the people down the street celebrating when he picked you up to sit you down on the work table, your legs parting so he could step between them. 

„We should get out of these clothes,“ you mumbled against his lips, your fingers working on opening his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. He sucked your bottom lip between his. 

„We should,“ he agreed, before he pulled your shirt over your head, growling softly before his head lowered between your tits, pushing your bra down, sucking your nipple into his mouth. 

„Shit….“ You moaned, your hands pushing into his hair, your eyes dropping close. 

There was a tiny part of you, that knew it would be a better idea to get back home and out of these clothes, but you wanted Joel so badly, right now. 

„Love these perfect tits,“ he hummed, playfully biting into the soft skin above your left breast. 

„Joel please… Just….“ You pulled his head up so he was looking at you, your eyes wide and needy. 

„You want me to fuck you? Right here? Again?“ He asked and you nodded, memories of all the times he had you right here while the people were working inside, filling your mind, a shudder running down your spine. 

„Sure is gonna be fun to get you out of these drenched jeans,“ he joked and you chuckled before you jumped from the table.

It was a little struggle, the wet denim clinging to your legs like a second skin, but after a little bit of Joel’s help, you had them down to your ankles and Joel kissed you softly. 

„Turn around,“ he hummed and you did, your hands on the edge of the table while you heard Joel’s belt unbuckle, followed from an annoyed huff that let you turn your head over your shoulder to find him too struggling to get his jeans off, making you smile to yourself until you saw him free his cock, his pants just so pushed down to get it out. 

He looked at you with a bashful smile, before he took a step closer, his big hands moving over your ass. 

„Gotta make this quick so I can get you home and out of those clothes,“ he said, before he wrapped one hand around his cock and lined himself up. 

„This okay?“ He asked. He always did, every single time, needing to hear you consent after you told him about how you had been treated in the past. 

„Yes,“ you nodded and he winked at you before slowly sinking into you, inch after inch of his cock filling you, stretching you, until he was nestled deep inside of you, his hips flush against your ass. 

You turned your head back forward, letting it fall down, your eyes closing. 

„Baby…“ he sighed, letting his head fall against your back. He kissed your spine before he began to move, finding a slow rhythm that had you positively losing your mind. 

The rain was still falling hard, dripping down Joel’s back as he fucked into you.

„Need it harder,“ you whined, finding your back pushed against his chest the next moment, one of his hands across your chest, holding one of your tits as his thrusts got deeper. Faster. Harder. 

You brought your hands up, both holding Joel’s arm that was across your chest as he fucked into you. 

His lips found your neck, licking up the rain that was still dripping down your body and you whimpered. 

He took a couple of steps back, pulling you with him until you were back outside in the rain, the warm drops hitting your flushed skin. You leaned your head back against Joel’s shoulder, your eyes opening to find the sun coming out just when Joel’s other hand slipped down between your legs, his hands covering your pussy, his fingers parted to feel how his cock entered you before he moved it in slow circles, stimulating your clit. 

It was too much. 

The rain, his cock fucking you, his hands all over you, his mouth sucking softly at your neck, in the middle of the garden you were working in every single day. 

You came with a soft cry of his name, clenching around his cock, struggling to keep yourself on your feet as he continued to fuck into you. 

„Good girl,“ he hummed against your ear, his hand on your breast tightening, groping, and you gasped. 

„Wish you could cum inside me,“ you hummed and he cursed. 

„Wish I could….“ You stopped yourself, not wanting him to know your deepest secret. Not before you had an actual talk about it. 

„Wish you could what?“ He asked, his thrusts getting slower. He turned your head so you were looking at him and you were sucking your bottom lip in. 

„Wish I could have your baby,“ you whispered, whimpering when you felt him twitch inside of you immediately, his eyes darkening. 

„You want that?“ He asked and you nodded. 

„Fuck,“ he groaned, beginning to fuck you again, somehow ever harder than before, both of his hands now on your tits as he pumped into you. 

„You wanna have my baby?“ He asked. 

„Want me to fuck you so full of me, until it takes?“ He grunted and you moaned. 

„God yes. Yes please Joel. Fuck a baby into me,“ you whimpered and he groaned, his thrusts getting sloppier and you could feel him pulse inside of you before he pulled out, coming against your thigh, his head falling against your shoulder. 

You were both panting, trying to fill your lungs with air while the rain around you seemed to finally slow down. 

Suddenly nervous about what you said you were trying to form an excuse about it, when Joel spoke up. 

„You really meant that?“ He asked, his voice soft. 

Gulping you turned around in his arms, avoiding his eyes until he tilted your head up to him, so you had to look at him. 

„I don’t… I guess I do? I… At first I thought it was just the fantasy about it, but the longer I thought about it….“ You mumbled. 

„How long have you been thinking about it, sweetheart?“ He asked softly. 

„Since I moved in?“ You said and he huffed before he shook his head with a soft smile on his lips. 

„How about we get home and out of these wet clothes and talk about it?“ He asked.

Slowly you nodded and he kissed you, before he helped you get dressed, which was almost more complicated than getting out of the wet clothes before. 

The rain had almost completely stopped as you made your way towards your shared house, Joel holding your hand, stealing glances at you as you looked towards the ground. 

He would be lying if he said he hasn’t been thinking about it. 

And yeah, maybe it was reckless, he wasn’t the youngest anymore. This world was not the best place to bring new life into. 

And maybe it wouldn’t even work, having a baby.

But as he looked at you, with your shy smile on your lips, he knew he would give you everything you wanted to make you happy. 

Both of you not knowing that that one time almost two months ago when you were out for patrol together and he had fucked you against a tree, the second he had pulled out to late was enough to already have you pregnant. 

But you would found that out a month later. 

[storywriter007]

Run as Fast as You Can - Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader

summary: in which y/n realizes thomas shelby is not the man she thought he was

warnings: alcohol consumption, cursing, gun use, domestic violence, yelling, abuse. just really dark.

genre: angst

word count: 1.5k

-> peaky blinders masterlist

✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒✧.⭒

she loved tommy, she really did.

but, sometimes, she remembered all the warnings about him.

"thomas? that man's crazy!" the parlor-lady said.

"shelby! sweetheart, you're barely drinking age! what the hell are you doing with a grown-man?" her mother shamed.

"thomas shelby? run as fast as you can." the shop lady warned.

she was 21, so of course she ignored their stupid warnings. they were stupid, after all. to her, tommy was kind, he was smart, and he was caring. he wasn't the big bad guy everyone had made him out to be. why was a man dictated by the ideas everyone had of him instead of who he was?

y/n and tommy had met at a bar in london. y/n was working, and he was buying. they hit it off. why wouldn't they? she was young, ambitious, wide-eyed, kind, and excited. of course, he'd like her.

the first three months, everything was perfect. he was so gentle with her. he never yelled or got angry. he always brought her flowers. they were always flirting. she would often go to his office and just sit with him while he did hours of work.

but after the three month mark, y/n realized she should've listened to all of the warnings. she should've never, ever, messed around with thomas fucking shelby.

now, every disagreement they had came back to their age.

"you're too naive, y/n."

he'd say, over and over again.

"you don't know these people like i do."

he'd continue.

"you're so immature. i thought you were a lady, not a little girl."

and every time, y/n went to bed crying. she had no idea where this mean tommy came from, but she wanted him gone. so, she did what every reasonable woman would do.

"tommy, i want to break up." she said, shakily.

he reached towards his desk drawer and pulled out a gun. he came towards her and held it to her head. she was young, she was naive, she was stupid.

"don't be stupid, sweetheart. you love me." he said, his finger resting on the trigger. "i don't want to put a bullet in your head. don't make me."

that was the first time tommy had ever threatened to hurt her. that was the first time he used his power on her. that wouldn't be the last.

now, y/n woke up in the cold bed of tommy's, all alone. they'd gotten into a fight the night before, of course they had.

"don't even think about touching that fucking door!" he screamed.

tommy was so protective of that room. he got pissed when y/n accidentally touched the door handle, thinking it was the washroom.

the next thing she remembered was a strike across her face. she held her cheek and tears began to fall.

"don't touch me." she said through tears, backing up as tommy came closer to her.

"don't be like that sweetheart. i mean, you pissed me off. come here, don't be like that."

now she was weeping as he held her head to his chest and ran his fingers through her hair.

"i know you're young and you do stupid things. i did too when i was your age."

god, he made her feel so stupid.

he gave her whiskey for the pain. and now, she laid in a bed that wasn't her own. now, she had a small bruise on her cheek. now, she really wanted to know what was in that room.

she loved tommy. she really did. she knew if he caught her, he'd kill her. but he loved her too, right? he surely wouldn't. he was on a business trip all day, he wouldn't ever find out.

so y/n walked into the room that tommy had forbade her from every stepping foot in. she quietly opened the door as she looked around.

it wasn't anything special. there was a bed, that was messy and unmade. there was a dresser, with jewelry on it. there were some clothes in the closet. nothing else. nothing unusual. y/n walked straight out, wondering why the hell tommy didn't want her in that room.

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tommy had finally come back home after being out all day. y/n was in the living room when he came in. she didn't say hello. she still had a bruise on her face.

they sat down to eat dinner. it was silent.

"how was your day?" she asked, hating the silence.

she remembered how they used to talk for hours.

"good." he said, briefly. "yours?"

"good." she said, too. "what'd you do?"

"business."

"were any of your brothers there? oo, did you meet anyone cool?" she asked, with a smile.

"no." he said, annoyed.

she quieted down, and finished her plate without uttering another word. he got up to go to the kitchen, and y/n noticed something fell out of his pocket.

she picked it up. it was a photo. a photo of him and another woman. she had blonde hair and blue eyes. they were smiling, and he looked so happy. he came back, and she handed the photo to him.

"you dropped this." she said, naively.

he chuckled. "thank you."

he placed the picture back in his pocket. y/n thought it was a picture of an old friend, maybe a friend who'd passed away. tommy had never mentioned another women to her, she didn't think it would be another girlfriend.

"who is she?" y/n asked. "she's real pretty-"

"shut up." he said. "you don't need ask questions about everything ya see."

she held back tears.

"i just wanted to know who she was, i didn't mean to make you mad-" y/n started.

"if you didn't want to make me mad, you wouldn't have fucking asked!" he yelled.

"why are you always yelling at me!" she asked, trying her hardest not to cry.

"because you're always doing something wrong!"

"i'm walking on ice around you all the time!" she said back. "you don't have to be so mean!"

he walked up to her, and she backed up. he grabbed her face in his hands.

"that's not mean, sweetheart. i can show you what mean is."

he let her go, throwing her back a bit as she left. the photo fell from his pocket once again as her stormed off. she picked it up, and this time turned it around.

grace, my love, my life.

she felt her heart shatter. who was grace?

"who's grace, tommy?" she whispered.

he heard her.

"what the fuck did you just say?" he asked, turning around, and slowly coming closer to the young girl.

"who's grace?" she said, again.

he poured himself a cup of whiskey. he drank it, while chuckling.

"tommy?"

he chucked the glass at her head. luckily, y/n ducked just in time.

"don't ever say her name!" he yelled, clearly now furious. she'd never seen him this mad before.

"my love? my life? tommy, is she your wife!" she asked.

"shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up!" he said angrily, walking towards her.

it all made sense now. tommy was married to grace.

"is that why you won't let me in that room! because-" she said. "because that used to be your guys' room!"

he came towards her, anger coursing through his veins. she backed up, slowly going up the stairs.

"i saw it tommy! i went in there!" she said.

"you did what?" he screamed. "you went in there? you fucking went in there?"

"stop it. stop it. stop!" she begged. "i'm scared, tommy, stop."

she was pushed up against the door of his room which she was allowed in. tears streamed down her face.

"i love her!" tommy yelled angrily, taking y/n's body off the door frame to slam her into it. "don't fucking talk about her!"

love her he said. he didn't say loved her.

"what do you mean you love her! you're supposed to love me!" y/n asked, through fear and tears.

"you're far to immature to understand what love is!" he screamed.

he pulled a gun from his pocket and held it to her head.

"why the hell were you snooping around that room!"

"because i was curious!" she cried.

"your curiosity is going to get you killed!" he raged once more, holding the gun to her head again.

"tommy, stop. stop, stop!" she screamed through tears.

his finger rested on the trigger, and now, it seemed as if he really wanted to kill her.

"i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i'm sorry!" she profusely apologized.

he just slammed her into the door frame again.

"shut up!" he said.

y/n kneed him, and ran. he chased after her.

"y/n, don't you fucking walk out that door!" he yelled. "don't you fucking do it!"

she ran out the door. the cold night was safer than his home. he ran out the door too and fired a shot into the air. terrified, y/n ran faster.

she should've listened. she should've listened to everyone. she should've listened to their warnings.

she should've listened to them when they said to run as fast as you can.

[kkcauseway]

Hurry Home

Husband Joel Miller x pregnant f!reader

Summary: Your due date is fast approaching and the last thing you expect is to go into labour when Joel isn't home, meaning you have to call him out of work. Even more so, you don't expect that Joel will end up delivering your daughter in the truck on the way to the hospital. Content/warnings: TW-Childbirth. Joel being the cutest most supportive husband. Accidentally giving birth in Tommy's truck on the way to the hospital. So much fluff. No outbreak/ no use of y/n. Word count: 3.4K A/N: Another cute pregnancy fic because I am obsessed with making them! Hope you enjoy!

Main Masterlist I My other pregnancy fics

It’s 6am and you’re not usually awake but in the final stages, final days of pregnancy you’re finding yourself restless so you’re awake usually before Joel’s alarm is anywhere near ready to go off.

This morning is no different.

He’s only just got up himself when you walk into the kitchen. “Mornin’ baby” he utters sat at the table sipping at his coffee. He observes how sunken in on yourself you are, and you only give him a small smile in response. “S’wrong?” He sits straighter immediately noticing something’s amiss.

“Just real tired and achy” you moan as you move over to grab yourself some coffee “please don’t lecture me about coffee today I need it” you speak over your shoulder before turning back to pour.

“Baby m’not gonna lecture you.” He chuckles “you know I only do that as a joke about you sendin’ the baby crazy, you know I don’t mean it. S’goin on? I can tell somethin’s up.”

“Like I say I’m just really tired but no matter what I can’t sleep. And my backs absolutely killing” you utter back still to him as you add sugar. With your coffee made you turn to face him leaning on your elbows against the kitchen island.

He can see just how tired you are so doesn’t want to push anymore. Changing the subject seems the right port of call. “Shall I pick up some takeout for dinner on my way back?”

You could really go for eating your body weight in spring rolls right about now…

After taking a sip of your coffee which perks you up instantly you reply “yeah sounds like a plan. Chinese?”

“Whatever y’want baby.”

“I’ll let you know if baby changes her mind but right now it’s Chinese for the win.” You laugh taking another sip of your flawless coffee. Joel always makes it so perfect and it’s one of the very first things you bonded over when you met. Strong black coffee. You know after a few more sips you’ll have had enough and you know that your midwife advised against it, but being as exhausted as you are you rely on that morning coffee boost.

“Which job are you working on again today I keep forgetting?” You chuckle cursing your baby brain for making you forget literally every single thing of importance. The only things you remember now are which shops supply your favourite snacks, most of which you feel bad for eating but then say fuck it and eat them anyways because the baby wants them, and calories most definitely don’t count when you’re pregnant.

He takes a big swig of coffee, and you watch the way his throat moves as he swallows it. Fuck… it should be illegal how sexy he is. As he toys with the mug he replies “workin’ at the Stevenson’s again. We’re behind schedule ain’t we and I don’t think the weathers gonna hold out on us again today so that’s probably gonna fuck it all up.” Great which most likely means he’s gonna be late back tonight. You huff as he continues. “N’Tommy hurt his back yesterday so that’s gonna slow us down, plus I still haven’t heard back from the suppliers and without them I can’t fin- baby?” He stands and instantly runs over to your side.

Whilst he’d started droning on about his day which you are genuinely interested in no matter how boring a pain had begun washing over your body and from that point on you weren’t able to hear what he was saying. You just leant against the island as you held the underside of your bump groaning softly. The second he noticed he jumped into action.

“Baby what’s wrong?” He rubs at your back waiting on a response.

You take a deep breath as you stand up straight “I don’t know, that wasn’t nice.”

He keeps rubbing at your lower back as he stares at you. He knew something was wrong he could sense it the moment you entered the room.

“Do I need t’have the day off? You know I will baby just say the word.”

“No I’m sure I’ll be okay, just a bit crampy today. Maybe it’s them Braxton hicks the midwife was telling us about?”

Joel’s eyes keep flicking between your bump and your face, nerves evident. You chuckle softly as you stare at him “look I promise I’ll call you if I need you, but you’ve got a busy day you said it yourself you’re behind.”

“Yeah, but you’re more important than work you know that clients will understand if-”

You smile up at him jumping in placing a hand to his chest. “Joel, I promise I’ll be okay.”

He nods definitely reluctant to leave placing his hand over yours and stroking it “Fine, but I want you restin’ up today, okay?”

“Promise.”

“Good girl.” He kisses your forehead as he moves his hand to stroke over your bump.

—-

It’s a few hours later whilst he’s at work that his phone begins vibrating in his pocket. With the noise going on it’s impossible to hear anything so with the worrying morning you had he made sure vibrate was switched on. When he takes it out and sees your name lighting up on the screen, it’s like he knows instantly that something’s wrong. You’d never just call unless you know it’s his lunch break so it’s serious. And he’s sure he knows what’s going on before he’s even hit accept.

He quickly removes himself from the house to a quiet place and rips off his gloves.

“Baby you, okay?”

“She’s coming, this is for real.”

“Shit baby really?”

“Yeah, they’re getting worse. I thought I’d be able to get through it till you got back. I thought it was just Braxton hicks, but I just had a really bad one a few minutes ago, it’s happening I’m sure of it.” You pant heavily down the receiver.

“Okay baby, it’s okay you’re okay, you’re okay.” He repeats and isn’t in hundred percent on if the words are actually for you or for himself. And he’s pretty sure if you tell him your waters have gone that he’s going to have an aneurysm. “Have your waters broke?”

“No” you pant “not yet.”

He can’t help the slight sigh of relief that leaves him. “Okay baby m’comin’ just gonna tell Tommy n’I’ll be on my way, okay?”

“Oh god I’m having another one!” You begin moaning down the phone, it’s agonising and it’s even harder having to do it alone.

“Just breathe. Just breathe that’s it, I’m on my way baby I won’t be long.” He reassures as he runs through the house to find where Tommy is.

“It really hurts Joel!”

“I know baby I know, m’comin’ I promise, sorry m’not there but m’comin’.”

Having found Tommy outside on a what he’s calling a ‘cigarette recharge break’ he runs over to him.

“You best not be comin’ here t’scold me again I told you they help with stress.”

“Tommy I couldn’t give a flyin’ fuck about you smokin’ right now. I gotta go babies comin’” he utters quickly moving the phone to press against his shoulder as he speaks to him.

“Really?” His shocked expression making Joel chuckle as he freezes cigarette millimetres from his mouth.

“Yeah, m’serious I gotta go.”

“Shit.” He takes a quick puff before throwing it to the floor putting it out with his boot. Puffing out the smoke. “I’ll drive you. I’ll tell Bob t’hold the fort, I’ll leave and come back.”

“Sure?”

“Definitely.”

He nods moving the phone back to his ear. “Baby y’still there?”

“Yeah m’here, shit they’re getting close Joel. I can’t talk through them anymore that’s when the midwife said it’s getting serious!” 

“S’okay, Tommy’s gonna drop me to yah okay, is the bag still ready?” He’s out of breath as he questions running to Tommy’s truck.

“Yeah, it’s by the door and the- ugh- the car seat. I’m so glad we planned ahead.” You’re breathing heavily still recovering from the pain.

“Okay, good that’s good.” You can hear the truck door slamming in the background “we’re in the truck we’re comin’, okay? Did y’call the midwife?”

“Yeah, I called earlier. When I called, she said they were still too far apart to go yet either wait till they’re closer together and lasting longer or if my waters break and they’re getting closer so I don’t think it’s gonna be long till we can go.”

“Okay, okay baby m’comin, I’ll be there soon baby I love you. You get yourself ready and call me again if y’need me.”

—-

When Joel makes it home, you’re trying to put your shoes on but are instead struggling through a pain. He rushes to you rubbing at your back as you pant through it. “You’re okay baby I’m here I’m here.”

“We need to go! They’re so close now they’re basically on top of one another, I called triage again the midwife said to go now.”

“Okay baby. Tommy offered t’take us save me drivin.’ You get ya shoes on I’ll get all this in the truck.”

You nod watching as his flustered figure leaves with the bag and car seat. When you’re able to move again you slip on your slippers and he’s back to help you walk towards the truck.

You’re leaning on him as you walk and when he gets to the truck, he releases you to open the door. That’s when you feel something major change below and you gasp as you hold onto the underside of your bump.

“What? What is it?” He looks back at you.

You look down at the floor the puddle now growing surrounding your feet. “My waters Joel!”

“Okay it’s okay it’s fine means it’s definitely happenin’, but we are gonna go now, okay?”

“Oh fuck Joel!” Your body keels over as another pain rips through you. “Fuck holy fuck…” Joel’s quick to be rubbing at your back, hoping to help if only a tiny bit.

He’s so beautiful when it comes to helping you through the pain, he’s exactly what you need. “You’ve got this baby.” He whispers as he holds you close whilst still pushing on your back. It’s agonising, but slightly more bearable now he’s at your side.

Once you straighten, he looks into your eyes with a smile brushing shine hair out of your face. “Okay?”

You nod, and with the all clear he helps you climb into the truck. You can’t help the way you groan uncomfortably at the movement.

“Hey sugar.” Tommy looks back to you.

“Hi” you groan as Joel shuts the door when you’re in. “I’m sorry you had to come out of work.”

“I’m glad of the break don’t worry yourself sugar, you’re more important than work. This niece o’mine is so much more important.”

Joel climbs in the other side groaning as he pulls the door to.

“I’m not strapping myself in I’m too uncomfortable” you groan as you move to sit leaning against the door, kick off your sodden slippers and put your legs over Joel’s lap. He rubs your shins gently with his hand as he studies you. “That’s fine baby.”

The journey is agony every pothole and bump in the road moving you in ways they shouldn’t. Causing extra spasms in your back.

After ten minutes of driving your pains still getting worse with hardly any space between them anymore you can’t help but work yourself up. “Fuck it wasn’t supposed to be like this.” You groan as you squeeze onto the hand Joel’s given you.

“Baby, you know that this baby don’t ever do anythin’ by the book how long did it take f’us to find out she was a girl cus of the way she was dancin’! And how many times has she scared the shit outa us by goin’ quiet. She likes to do her own thing that’s all.”

You just huff struggling as another pain begins to take over. “But I need everything to be okay, what if it’s not okay!”

“Hey, no no do not start doin’ that, calm down and just breathe take it easy, she’s comin’ in her own time and she’s gonna be just fine.”

It’s when you’ve been going another fifteen minutes or so and the hospitals another ten minutes away that you suddenly feel like you need to push. When you think on how fast that seems to be you don’t believe it, but the pressure tells you it’s time.

You reach the hand that isn’t squeezing Joel’s into your leggings and that’s when you realise what’s going on “oh god.”

“What baby?” He turns to look at you worried as your eyes bug. He notices where you’ve put your hand, and it sends his heart racing.

“I can feel her head. I need to push!”

His body jolts. “Shit really? We ain’t too far from the hospital now.”

You nod eyes wide. “Joel she’s coming!” You scream as another agonising pain takes over.

He unbuckles his seatbelt as he turns to face you fully. “Hey shhhh, It’s okay baby don’t panic we’re here to help. If y’need t’push an’ get her out just do it okay? Tommy’s gonna keep drivin’ we ain’t too far away now, but if y’gotta get her out just push darlin’.”

“But I don’t want you to look at me down there like this you’ll think I’m gross. You’ll hate me!” You groan tears welling everything feeling way too much right now.

Fuck… You’re about to have your baby in Tommy’s fucking truck…

He chuckles softly “I’d never think that ever when it comes to you darlin’, you’re brinin’ my baby into this world I could never think that’s gross.”

You’re not a hundred percent on if you trust him, but you don’t have time to dwell on it as that wave begins taking over again. Rendering you unable to focus on anything but that feeling, it consumes you as it rips through you. Like absolute fucking torture. “Oh god there’s another one coming I need to push!”

“S’okay baby just do it, lemme get your leggin’s off you just push if you feel like y’need to okay?”

You nod before taking a deep breath and begin pushing before your leggings are even down. Making the most of pushing with the pain whilst it’s there. Joel quickly takes off your leggings and panties. He then spreads your legs so he can watch what goes on.

Whilst the thought of it has you more embarrassed than you’ve ever been. You don’t even bat an eyelid on him looking down there now. You’re in too much pain to care, are too determined to bring your child into this world to focus entirely on the fact that your husband is watching you basically split into two.

You push for what seems like eternity trying your best to put as much energy into it as possible before taking a deep breath.

“I can see her head” he looks from between your legs to your red sweaty face. “She’s really comin’ baby; you were right she’s right there!” He explains in praise as you pant. You don’t miss the way his eyes go misty; he’s really trying to hold himself back from getting emotional.

“I don’t wana wreck Tommy’s truck!” You utter through pants, your chest heaving like never before as you cry softly.

Joel’s lips part and he places his hands to your knees as he’s obviously about to scold you for even thinking that, but Tommy beats him to it.

“No problem sugar I wana meet this niece o’mine I don’t care. My truck should not be a concern o’yours right now honey.” He utters through a chuckle eyes still focused on the road.

Joel nods, “let’s just get her out okay, no one’s gonna be mad if y’ruin the seats in his truck, they can be cleaned, heck replaced if necessary. Just go with what your body is tellin’ yah and push if y’need to.”

You nod. Okay it’s time to do this.

You continue pushing with the next few pains that hit you which at this point with them practically on top of one another it’s a case of push, breath, pant repeat.

“Okay her heads gonna be out on this next one baby, I got a feelin’, keep goin’!” He exclaims and that’s all you need to hear to push again screaming the truck down as you do, you grab your thighs pulling them towards you as you put all your energy into pushing down, and with that her head pops out. You gasp releasing your thighs throwing your head back as you swallow and pant.

“God baby she’s so beautiful, almost there now come on let’s get her out.” He chokes.

“Wait, I just, I wana…” you struggle to get the words out so instead just move your hand so you can feel her. You chuckle wetly as your hand makes contact with her head. You look down between your legs mesmerised by what you’re seeing. You can’t see her face, but her tiny head is covered in brown hair identical to that of her fathers. “Oh my god she’s got your hair.” You cry looking to Joel who is very clearly still fighting back tears of his own.

“Yeah, she does baby. Now come on push and get her out, okay?”

You nod psyching yourself up ready to push with the next pain. It isn’t long till you’re pushing with all you might, grasping your thighs to help you push, having full understanding getting the shoulders out is even harder. You feel her slowly making an appearance and after a final push she’s here!

You cry out as she leaves your body crying instantly and when Joel picks her up to hand her over to you, you sit up slightly and take her against your chest. Crying uncontrollably in cries that match your newborn tiny daughters.

“She’s here, she’s finally here!” You weep as Joel moves closer to you brushing a hand over her tiny head.

“You did it baby m’so proud of you.” He chuckles through cries as he leans over to kiss your forehead. The second she was here he couldn’t keep the tears in any longer. So here the three of you are in Tommy’s truck crying your eyes out.

“Oh my god I did it!”

The shock is so real. It’s all official now…

Parents for life.

“Shit did I ruin the truck?” You quiz trying to look down at the seats.

“Fuck the truck sugar you just had my niece I couldn’t care less.” You can hear the wetness in Tommy’s voice as both you and Joel look in his direction. You meet his eyes in the centre mirror, and you can see they’re red.

“Tommy miller, are you crying?” You chuckle wetly.

“You know I am sugar. How could I not be she’s here!”

“She’s here!” You exclaim again looking down at her kissing the top of her head as you wrap your jacket around her to keep her warm till you make it to the hospital.

“She’s so beautiful baby m’so proud of you.” Joel sobs with a smile.

“Look how tiny she is” you chuckle moving one of your fingers to brush over her forehead to her nose and then over one of her tiny ears. “She’s absolutely beautiful.”

When she stops wailing and is content wrapped in your jacket you pull her away from your body holding her cradled in your arms so you can study her.

“Babe, she looks just like you.” You chuckle as he moves nearer to admire the other most important woman in his life.

It hurts how much you love her already.

When she scrunches her face obviously not happy and wanting food you can’t help laughing. The way her eyebrows furrow, her face goes red, it’s miniature Joel. “Look it’s angry Joel! She’s your twin!”

He sniggers wetly watching the way she wails softly and hating seeing her that way he brings a hand to brush over her head as you bring her back to your chest. The way he shushes her is beautiful to listen to, how attentive he is with her already is something to be admired. As you both try to soothe her Tommy pulls into the hospital.

Thank god you finally made it.

[ferry-man-sam]

[Crawling into your inbox like a messed up little gremlin frothing at the mouth-]

Can you tell us more about the au of Gordon injecting himself with alien dna?? Food please?? 👀

Omggg yes I CANNNNN

I was originally gonna write a fic for it to get it all down on paper but I’m having a lot of trouble finding a good starting point and perspective, so I guess I’ll ramble about it here.

Ok so Gordon’s kind of a mess of a mad scientist in this au, he kinda goes off the deep end after the divorce and losing custody of Joshua and takes interest in an abandoned project he comes across at Black Mesa.

The project was an attempt to replicate whatever the hell happened with Benrey, which was some kind of fucked up accidental alien fusion with one of the guards. Benrey still exists at Black Mesa, as a traumatic event outside it’s walls has lead him to believe it’s the only place he belongs, and works as security for anomalous entities in exchange for video games and shit. He exists as more of a myth to most of the scientists, but Tommy knows all about him, and was on the team that initially handled Benrey’s containment. Considering Benrey’s expansive abilities and considerable strength the government sought to create some kind of super solider using his DNA, but all of the experiments failed and all the test animals died. They tried just about everything but gave up, deciding it was more trouble than it was worth.

Enter GORDON, baked out of his mind on caffeine and lack of sleep, desperate to better himself and to make himself a bit stronger, reading all this and getting a very bad idea. He takes some time off work and steals some shit from the lab to tinker with old samples and formulas, and on the last day before he goes back to work he has a bit of a mental breakdown and injects himself with something he made and passes tf out.

He wakes up the next day and doesn’t remember doing it so he goes to work, where he’s confronted for stealing old test samples and notes for the forbidden project, and he kinda freaks out and transforms into an alien killing machine and kills all the scientists who could have possible known what the hell he did. Less experienced with alien superpowers, Gordon is subdued by Benrey, who is incredibly intrigued to meet something even remotely similar to himself.

Gordon turns back into a human after passing out, but is placed under heavy containment (hence the chains) and a group of scientists is recruited to try and get some answers out of him. Dr Coomer, because he already knew Gordon prior to the incident and they wanted a familiar face to put him at ease (lest he transform and wreck more havoc) Bubby because he’s the perfect life form, a more human version of the experiment that gordon somehow managed to pull off, and Tommy because he’s already familiar with Benrey and has experience dealing with this kind of thing. Benrey is there too but he’s just there to make sure Gordon doesn’t get out of hand again, because they literally have no idea what he’s capable of.

Phew! I think that’s about everything I thought of. I just really like monster Gordon, I think he should be able to go apeshit, as a treat <3

[cearthduo]

I’m so glad to have someone who actually acknowledge C!Dream more than just Tommy’s abuser because to me while that is a part of his character I always feel like just focusing on that and Tommy and dream as a abuser and victim is not a disservice for Dream character, but also Tommy’s character. like Tommy is more than just a victim kind of found it ironic that the people who always use exiles as an example end up kind of accidentally dehumanized Tommy in a way. I got this entire essay in my head about how the fandom is so overprotective of Tommy to the point that they would excuse every single action that he did that even in universe is presented as a bad thing, but that’s a story for another day 

I agree wholeheartedly. Tommy apologists like to pretend they're the "good people" when really all they're pushing is the rhetoric that a victim will never be more than their abuse. Everything tommy has ever done is just pointed back to "he was abused." Even if you talk about something as early as L'manberg it'll always be "he was a kid, he went through a lot" To a lot of these people, Tommy is nothing more than his trauma. He's hurt, a wounded animal, he can't do any better. And it's such a disservice to Tommy's character when people infantilize him like that.

I think the discs are a good example of that last point. I remember seeing a post recently explaining away Tommy's unhealthy obsession with the discs saying "it reminds him of the early days" or something. And I can not even BEGIN to dissect how wrong that is. Tommy's dependence on and obsession with the discs is presented as a BAD THING narratively since the beginning. I mean. before Tommy went through anything he was already putting the value of these discs he found above the happiness of Tubbo. He kills Tubbo's pet bee and when he asks for the discs in return, do you know what Tommy does? He burns down Tubbo's house. And it's like, how can you present Tommy's obsession with the discs as a cute normal thing when it's always shown as being a negative aspect of his character. He gets actual character development during the staged disc finale and the actual finale when he's able to finally put Tubbo's life above the discs. And these people, who are supposed to be so well versed in the character, can't seem to grasp that small of a character trait because they haveeee to infantilize Tommy because he's a victim. I would love love love to see your essay btw! I love seeing people's takes on this topic because it's rare people ever talk about it and it's something i'm kinda passionate about. So if you ever jot down your thoughts on here, know i will reblog tf out of it LMAO.

[pascalsangel]

The Greenhouse Keeper

authors note: this is my first time writing fanfic 🥹 so please be kind!! i'm hoping to make this into a series, i'm trying to go for an enemies to lovers, but i'm not sure how strong it's coming across. it's not proofread 🥲so sorry if there are any errors. any feedback or comments are greatly welcomed!!

pairing/AU: joel miller x female!reader - jackson era

word count: 1,708

summary: joel got a reassignment and that’s where he meets y/n

also, if you are reading this, then please do your daily click:

Tommy and Joel had recently been out for their usual patrol run with a small crew when things quickly turned south. Joel had accidentally veered off from the group to check the surrounding wooded area. He didn’t hear the single infected that had snuck up on his right side. He acted as quickly as he could’ve when he finally noticed the infected running up on him, but it was too late. 

He had got a good shot which killed the infected, but he had lost his balance when he pulled back to avoid being bitten. He tried to catch his fall, his right ankle ended up taking the most damage as he rolled it. The makeshift doctor at Jackson had given their best guess of a sprained ankle, but they couldn’t say how severe. They recommended a minimum two weeks of rest and elevation which Joel rolled his eyes at. Now, he was at dinner with his brother trying to figure out how soon he could get back to patrols. 

“Tommy, we both know that this is a bunch of bullshit. I don’t need to be reassigned. I’ll be fine to go back on our next patrol shift,” Joel sighed out. He pushed his plate away, losing his appetite from his frustration. “I mean for fuck’s sake where is she even thinkin’ of putting me?” 

Tommy looked at him with disbelief. “Joel, we both know that you can barely walk on your fuckin’ leg right now. You’re not ready for patrols. You were grimacing in pain just walking on your way for cryin’ out loud. Maria is doing what’s for the best.” 

Maria overheard the last part of their conversation as she pulled the seat next to Tommy out to join them. “What am I doing for the best?” she said. 

“I was just telling Joel here how much he’s going to love his reassignment to greenhouse till his ankle heals.” Tommy said through a smirk. 

Joel leaned back and crossed his arms. “You're joking, right?” He said, as he slowly looked between the two. 

Maria looked over at Tommy, seeking out any sort of help to console his brother, but his grin just kept getting wider. “Joel, listen. I know the greenhouse is probably the last place you’d want for reassignment, but it’s just until your ankle heals. There are no other role openings at the moment, so this decision is final.” 

“Fine, but I’m not happy about it,” he grumbled. 

You were pulling out your set of keys to the greenhouse to open it up when you heard your name being called behind you. You were there a bit earlier than your scheduled time, so you were surprised that someone was stopping by already. 

Maria approached you with a small wave. As you looked past her, you noticed Joel Miller was slowly making his way over to join you guys. You knew who Joel was, everyone in Jackson knew who he was, but you’ve never actually met him. You were a bit flustered that he was here right now since you’ve noticed him around the commune and have always found him to be attractive. He commanded each room that he stepped in, and it was hard to ignore him with how much space he took up with how broad he was. His hair has grown out since the last time you’ve seen him and had more white peppered throughout it. You hid your smile at his attempt of growing out a beard and the small empty patches throughout it. You desperately wished that he would spare you a glance, but he rarely interacted with anyone that wasn’t Ellie, Tommy, or Maria. Butterflies were fluttering in your stomach at the possibilities behind his appearance. 

“I’m so glad that I remembered that you tend to open earlier, I caught you just in time.” She said, just as Joel finally reached her side. She gestured over to him, “Joel, this is Y/N, she’s the greenhouse keeper. He was recently injured on patrol, so I’m reassigning him to work with you for the next couple of weeks.” 

You were hoping that a friendship could blossom from working closely with him. He seemed like the no-bullshit type, he would make it apparent if he truly wanted to be friends or not. His friendship would be a secret into getting to know the real him, the person that he is around those that he loves. It is no secret that you’ve struggled to make genuine connections with others since arriving at Jackson a year ago. As the greenhouse keeper, people have tried to take advantage of being acquainted with you. It was hard to tell if you people truly liked you or because they thought you would sneak them more potatoes. You were envious of the tight knit group that Joel had. 

“It’s so nice to meet you, Joel. I’m sure that we can find a way to accommodate your injury.” You said as you met his eyes, you were surprised to see so much frustration reflected in them. 

He simply stared at you and gave a curt nod. He was acting as if you were the one inconveniencing him. 

Maria cleared her throat to air out the silence clinging in the air, “Well, uh, I’ll leave you two to get to know each other and to figure everything out.” 

You watched as she walked away, hoping she would turn around and free you from this awkward moment. You have been fantasizing about this very moment, finally meeting him, but the version in your head was slowly crumbling to the harsh reality. He was being very short with you and the two of you had just met. You always try to believe in the best of people, but you have been burnt too many times by others. It felt naive to give him the benefit of the doubt and think that he was just frustrated with the situation and not you. 

  “Right, um, if you just want to follow me inside, and we can get everything sorted. I noticed you walking up, is it your leg that's hurt?”

“My ankle, probably just a sprain.” He grumbled.

“What happened?” You asked, hoping that this would open him up to share some small talk. 

He sighed, “listen, if you could just set me up somewhere and give me a task, then I’ll be out of your way till I’m done with this reassignment.” 

“Oh, yeah um, I can do that. I don’t know how much you know about greenhouse work, but I’m sure I can find something that you can do.” 

You looked around to see what projects you were working on in preparation for summer. The easiest thing that you could think of for him was repotting the seedlings you had into bigger pots, they still weren’t ready to be transplanted into the garden. You started to move one of the tables out from the corner when you felt a hand on your wrist. You were shocked at the contact.

“I got it,” he said. He started to pull on the table when you stopped him by pulling on the other end. 

“It’s okay. I can do it, I don’t want you to hurt your leg anymore than it already is.” 

“I’ve said I got it.” He said with a sternness while giving you a nod to move out of the way. 

“Don’t get mad at me when you have to be stuck with me for longer than what you thought.” You crossed your arms and watched as he moved the table around. He looked at you expectantly, waiting for a sign on where you wanted it.  “Over here is fine,” you said, as you pointed out an area for the table to end up at. 

“Let me go grab you a chair. Or do you want to do that yourself, too?” You hadn’t meant to be snarky with your last comment, but he was being frustrating. 

You went to the storage closet in the back to grab the chair and a small soil bag for his ankle and stood in there for a moment trying to collect yourself. You had never had someone get on your nerves as easily as he did. You took one long breath and stepped out. Joel was leaning against the table and looking around the greenhouse when you came back with the supplies. He was surprised with the attentive care and transformation you have brought to the greenhouse. He remembers briefly glancing around when the previous keeper was here, and it looked like the space had never been touched. You had everything  neatly organized, labeled, and growing in vibrant shades of green. He quickly stood up when he noticed you coming back down the aisle toward him. He reached out to help with what you were carrying, but you leaned away from his aid. 

“My plan was to have you working on repotting. I also brought an extra bag of soil over here, so you can rest your ankle on it while you work, if you want. Take a seat, and then I can show you how to repot the seedlings.” You said as you looked him over and offered a small smile. The moment in the supply closest helped a bit, and you were excited to show someone your passion for planting.  

His gaze finished scanning around the greenhouse and landed on you. “Oh, that all won’t be necessary. If it’s just repotting, then I don’t think I need your help.” 

“Are you sure?” You couldn’t believe him right now. He was just going to openly deny your help. “It’s really not a big deal for me to show you the process. I know it seems straightforward, but there are some tricks that I know of to make sure they get the best transfer.” 

“Nope, I think I’m good. Just going to finish out my time here, if you don’t mind.” 

“Fine. I guess I’ll leave you to it.” You turned around to go outside to start watering the plants in the garden. You wanted to scream or throw something. He was acting like a pompous ass. You couldn’t wait for the day to end. 

[mattbegins]

My 911 7x05/7B predictions

- Eddie and Marisol break up (she’s only had one line and one appearance in the last four episodes and I find it kind of ooc that the reasons Eddie didn’t want to be with Ana wouldn’t also apply to Marisol, there’s been such little build up or even scenes with them to suggest otherwise. That might change this season, but we haven’t seen a successful relationship launched between a recurring character and a newly introduced character since Michael and David (I don’t count madney because even though Maddie was new they’re both mains), so I don’t know how they’d do this for Eddie and Marisol without it being rushed and kind of clumsy)

- Buck and Tommy will have a good run but I don’t think they’ll last to the end of the season. Tim Minear said as much himself and described bucktommy as an important but “sort of the entry-level relationship” as Buck begins to understand his sexuality, but because of Tommy’s redemption arc and the clear joy Buck has about their relationship I don’t think they’ll end because of something bad between them. I’d hope it would either be that Tommy has to move due to some sort of career advancement, or someone realizes feelings between Buck and Eddie and Tommy doesn’t want to be a replacement, and not them killing him off. With that in mind, my genuine theory is that buddie would be what ends bucktommy because Minear hasn’t completed the rest of the season yet and has repeatedly expressed concerns about making sure he doesn’t create anything that messes with ratings and views, so if anything he may have been testing the waters with bucktommy to pave the way for buddie if it was received well- which it was. Whatever it is, I don’t think it’ll happen off-screen like with Natalia.

- There’s going to be some drama or angst surrounding Hen and Karen’s baby (they really deserve a break but they never seem to get one when it comes to their kids and I’m nervous, but they’ll get a lot of support from Chim and Maddie especially and I can see the relationship between these sets of parents getting even stronger)

- The silly Jinx/Cursed type episode this season will involve Chimney’s bachelor party (might be There Goes the Groom) as the 118 boys stumble into some wild shenanigans. For anyone who’s seen Psych 3x04 and 6x02 and/or remembers 911 2x15 Ocean’s 9-1-1, THAT is the kind of chaos I’m looking for where maybe they accidentally get involved in some kind of nonsense and wind up getting interrogated by Athena or get drunk/dosed and have to retrace everything that happened that night (bonus points for the trope of something happening between Eddie and Buck during that time because it would be hilarious timing but honestly not a bad way to get the ball rolling). Anyway, this would explain the ruined suits in the bts photos and I honestly see them just showing up to the wedding all messy and disheveled like John Watson in Game of Shadows and Maddie being shocked but not surprised despite having made them promise nothing will go wrong or something.

- Christopher’s current storyline arc is going to get a wholesome resolution closer to the end of the season as he works through his feelings and trauma from his mom’s death, and I think/hope Eddie and Buck will get to share a proud co-parent moment seeing him go off to a school dance or a date and knowing that he’s in a better place than he was at the beginning. The scene with Shannon’s letter was so beautiful but I think this narrative still hasn’t come full circle yet because we haven’t seen it change his dating behavior, he just put the photo back up, and I think the resolution really has to involve all three of them as a family (in whichever sense that ends up being).

- Whatever grand emergency features in the season finale, I don’t think it will involve the traumatic injury of a main character, I think it’ll be a really personal and emotional type of situation rather than something physical. The three episode premier was so intense and ongoing that I have a sense they might follow the pattern of s3 and s5 which each had a major physically endangering episode in the middle (Fallout and Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1) and then scattered large emergencies near the end with a finale that provided a lot of closure and personal resolutions for character struggles to carry over into s8. This might be the thing with Chris, or possibly more personal growth for Buck, but I think it has to be Eddie, Chris, or Buck because they have the most loose ends right now. The middle emergency has a good chance of being Ravi if they go with him getting the Albert treatment. Regardless, the hype for the show since being taken up by ABC has been huge so I think the finale will still have some sort of massive implication that’ll hook people in for the next season.

- Bonus minor prediction: Buck and Tommy cross paths at an emergency because I think that would be cute

[georg-prime]

AaA finale wishes

Things I'm expecting to happen in no particular order:

Next trial is the last one, it's the earth trial but here it doesn't necessarily need a green witch to solve it

Agatha helps both Jen and Billy to regain the memories they lost after their own near death experience

Jen and Billy get out of the road without Agatha but not because they wanted to (either she push them out somehow for some reason, or Rio separate them on purpose then tries and keeps Agatha trapped so that she dies or something)

Timey wimey stuff happen because 'time is an illusion'

we see how Agatha was born/why her mother decided she was evil from birth

We see how Agatha and 'Rio' met and fell in love

How Agatha aquiered the darkhold

Some twist about Nick Scratch

Billy getting his full Wiccan appearance with a blueish suit and a red cape

Jen begins to teach other people, spreading good important witchy knowledge

Things I hope we'll get:

Part of the timey wimey stuff is that Wanda's kids were created from preexisting souls (at least pieces of them) who then went back to the body they were meant to be, hense Wanda's "thank you for choosing me to be your mother". Billy's reunion won't be with Tommy yet, nor Wanda, but with himself: he always has been Billy Kaplan he just also was Billy Maximoff for a bit too

We learn that an other teenager had a near death experience near Westview when the hex went down, but his powers suddenly manifested in a more violent way while he also had no idea who he was anymore. Tommy's souls might still be broken in two which could be why Billy can feel him in a way without really being able to know where he is. Or Tommy really is in a certain institution after he accidentally made things explode, and it's a place build to block all kinds of powers

Explanations about 'Rio', her origins and powers, and purpose. Is she really big cosmic entity Death, or a temporary limited to Earth jurisdiction, nerfed avatar of Death? Is she solidifying people's soul into flowers to transport them? Where does she take them, is it Mephisto's Hell dimension or Dormmamu's or an other - frustratingly - unspecified afterlife place. Would be nice if it was Battleworld for some of them so that we get a chance to see at least Alice again.

Speaking about Alice, if she isn't taken to Battleworld, a version of her from an alternate reality appears at the end.

Implied that Agatha starts or think of starting a magic academy like the MCU's version of Strange Academy

Someone drops the word 'mutant' - like they did in Miss Marvel - for Agatha, and possibly Billy.

Rather than 'Rio' getting Agatha to die in one way or an other, Agatha (maybe with Billy's help) 'frees' her from this Death job, and she just stays/goes back to being a green witch. She's very pissed and might try to/swears that she will directly kill Agatha but it is implied that they might now be more likely to reconcile one day - especially after also having here talked (screamed at each other) about Nicolas.

Billy goes home to his parents and tells them he remembers everything

America Chavez (and/or Kamala Khan and/or Kate Bishop) shows up in the credits

Somehow we learn Sharon "Ms Hart" Devis was using magic so that her flowers look perfect

The Bohner family reunion t-shirt was foreshadowing hilariously, and Ralph is actually Nick - is set up to be an antagonist in a sequel/spin off or something, it introduce Mephisto to the MCU like Thanos was before he appears in Ironheart

Just hopefully it's really as satisfying as they say it is, and not super depressing. In my honest opinion superhero fatigue isn't a thing, people just kept getting disappointed that those movies/shows rather than being cool and fun and safe entertainment, where the protagonist save the day and get the girl/guy, where now almost systematically full of tragedies or at best bitter-sweet.

Just give us some Halloween themed fun please haha 😅

[divinekangaroo]

I clipped this from your post because it’s easier than trying to inaccurately summarize! But I was wondering what you think about this dynamic. Whether you see it as a core part of his characterization and what you think it says about him, or whether you see it as kind of a visual shorthand in the series that isn’t indicative of anything about his approach to sex? It seems to me to be very consistent over the years and I’m curious about your take.

Yeah I think the repetition/consistency in how they show this makes it a super deliberate and very core part of his character, at least in how I read it – wouldn’t be nearly as fascinated with the story if it wasn’t.

And I don’t think it’s an accidental visual shorthand because of that repetition. I remember reading somewhere CM said that in S6’s TxL hotel sex scene they actually filmed two full sex scenes, one on the sofa and one in the bed – but in the end they only showed the last few seconds in the bed focused on the faces, as better articulating the purpose of that scene. I think they are very particular about how and what they show about Tommy having sex.

The particularity does add to this sense of overly-performative sex (EVERY sex scene feels performative and slightly contrived to me, even Tommy with Grace, even him using passionate sex with Grace in S3 to distract her XD, even him drunkenly/passionately sealing the ‘transaction’ with Lizzie in S5’s My Property scene) but I think they manage to stay on the side of the line that it feels like Tommy being consciously performative/contrived, rather than feeling like I can see the director’s hand. It’s the same sense when looking at Tommy’s various desks: yes his desks absolutely reek of being a contrived stage, but it’s *Tommy* being conscious about setting the stage, not the set designers/directors.

My reading / what I think the sex says about his character:

his ‘thinking mind’ constantly tries to frame sex as a transaction because he sees himself/his labour/his work/doing killings/offering sex – basically any act of his body as the fundamentality/essentiality of labour – as a unit he can trade for something else he wants. There’s some kind of less thought-out complex/trauma background thing here, where he believes that his worth is only what he can bring in and do for the family – labour, killing, smarts, sex, whatever. Mostly that’s his intelligence/schemes/business smarts, or his ability to push through risk/stress for high stake outcomes (stretching to do things they won’t out of fear), but sometimes that’s also his body (if combined with intelligence - trade your goods smartly, not stupidly, for advantage worth more than the momentary loss of bodily boundaries).

his ‘unthinking mind’ does actually want sex physically because it feels good. Physical release/oxytocin/endorphins etc? libido? I assume this, because otherwise they just wouldn’t bother showing him seeking out prostitutes; he’s not doing that for ego because he was satisfied in S1 that people thought he wasn’t having sex even though he was. But he is also sort of scared of sex because it leads to an intimacy that he can be used or hurt through it, hence why he defaults to prostitutes (S1, S2, S4 - or even the Zelda fling/no possible relationship) when he’s most wounded. Could theorise this is due to actual sexual abuse, but seems more like it’s because he hurts so deeply every time he’s connected deeply with someone – he loved Greta and was broken when she died, he loved Grace and was broken when she died - so, this supports his transactional approach because transactions are conditional, negotiated up front, well defined and ‘safe,’ they can’t get intimate or personal. He can use the transactional approach to justify himself seeking sex, while at the same time netting him something which feels good.

But whatever’s in the middle of the above two, is actually madly desperate for personal connection and intimacy. Despite him trying to apply sex transactionally or as a feel-good-only thing, he falls into some kind of intimacy and connection with the people he has transactional sex with, so frequently it’s a definite pattern. (I could write absolute buckets about May right here)

Even when he tries to avoid intimacy/connection – prostitution - returning from war, he sticks with one prostitute and has a very intimate connection with her? All right that's not typical?? And between S3 and S4 when the family’s shunning him, instead of just being promiscuous and anonymous, instead he has a relatively small rotation of regular prostitutes, knowing their names by preference to anonymity? Even the scene we see where he insists on someone new that he doesn’t know, this sparks from Lizzie pushing him about family/intimacy/connection. I read that almost as a “look at me Lizzie I don’t NEED connection stop pushing me” in front of her to try to make a point (to her, who used to be his intimate sexual connection, in a way that hurts her too to put her in her place? to himself?), immediately followed by him handing Lizzie cash/emphasising transactional approaches.  And this is then followed by that absolutely hysterical fail of a sex scene with the ‘someone new’ prostitute, which I swear is filmed to show Tommy did not, in fact, have any sex, or if he did, it was so lame they didn’t even muss the bed.

Even S6 and the prostitute in America, it’s fascinating they make the effort of showing that having happened, but then focus so much on all the intimacy/connection in the phone call with Lizzie/kids. He needs sex but he's hungry for connection and made vulnerable by intimacy.

(And I could go on about the number of ‘woman on top’ scenes and why that particular position, or specifically the filming/dialogue with May which is one of the more fascinatingly filmed and verbalised transactional relationships because of her class, or why I think Lizzie, the actual prostitute, has the least amount of flesh/nudity showing at all from all his women while he's often MORE naked/exposed in their scenes -- I’ve only been able to watch properly the once through, but had so many thoughts on how they dealt with the framing/camerawork.)

But all up, it feels like it’s trying to show him as a character who performs sex to get something out of it that’s not sex (transaction/treats self as a fundamental labour unit of exchange), but still needing/wanting/enjoying sex (because otherwise why would he pay for prostitutes/why even put sex on the negotiating table men don't do this??), but also constantly he cannot shut down this tendency/urge of his to more softly want/need personal connection almost more than the sex.

It’s just not a common way to portray a guy ruthlessly heading a gang, and that’s why I think it’s so deliberate. They take the expected image of how a guy heading a gang would approach sex (prostitutes, seduction, sexual prowess etc) but it feels like they’ve turned that expected image/action well on its head (cares for prostitute/s, suffers the Mosley-threat and Diana-rape, sexual prowess is mostly in service of women, attempts to depersonalise himself to a unit of trade), and then they use camerawork and the pre-post conversations to show this intriguing drive for intimacy instead of sex.

I hope that’s answered the question? It’s tricky; some of these thoughts more suited to a conversation/branching dialogue than a single post or I get repetitive XD

Tangentially, there’s more thoughts too on how they weave prostitution through as a theme, or the way he’s often in conflict between those motivators of ‘transaction/physical/intimacy’ -- he trips himself up; he gets hurt by trying to lean into one or two of those, and forgetting the other/s, and can’t really ever get them in balance.

[hollypies]

Gman and his son, Tommy Coolatta!!!

Hrrngh, flowercrown ref redraw TWO!!

Even tho Gordon doesn't really know Gman, just due to being Tommy's dad he gets his own flower :) . Although none of Gmans flowers will sprout on Gordon himself, they are scattered around a few small spots of Black Mesa (any time Gman freezes time leaves these flowers)

Tommy was the second to last to remember the resets, and unlike the other times Gordon was killed by his friends, this one was accidental. During the fight with Gordon later, he's a bit easier on Tommy then the others.

[kitkatt0430]

Tommy - I'm not going to judge the vigilante for killing the people who attacked us because I don't remember what happened, but I do think that if he doesn't reserve killing as a last resort then he's never going to achieve his goals because he'll just be contributing to the problem. Oliver - is uncomfortable Tommy - clearly Oliver is thinking of his guilty over Sara's death now, I should back off

Meanwhile Dig is in the background doing his bodyguard thing and getting all the same clues that Tommy is ignoring about Oliver potentially being the vigilante

I'm really enjoying writing this S1 AU series. Tommy's gonna find out the truth fairly soon-ish and then I think maybe I'll finally include someone else's (Oliver and Dig's?) PoVs in this thing.

Tommy and Dig also got to have a nice interaction prior to this when Oliver ducked out on both of them. Trying to set them up to wind up friends and someone they're each comfortable talking to about their reservations with Oliver's vigilantism once they're both in the know.

I think here it may actually wind up Felicity that Tommy has the most friction with at first since she doesn't always think before she speaks and thus has a bit of an accidental innuendo problem. Since the main ship is intended to be Tommy/Oliver, I can see him not being thrilled about about her waxing poetic about Oliver's arms. Once he gets to know her and realizes she genuinely just has no filter (and he and Oliver talk through his jealousy a bit?), he'll be on better terms with her. But since this is still a ways off from Ep 3, I reserve the right to change my mind on this later.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

oh just remembered the cool dream I had last night.

basically, c!dream was a warden. not a hybrid a full warden. Tommy was mining and accidentally made his way to the deep dark through a mysterious tunnel and walked straight into him basically. for some reason tho c!dream identifies him as like something to protect and not kill like idk maybe he thought he was a baby warden so he just fuckin kidnaps tommy and holds him in his den (which is one of the ruins of the underground cities) and refuses to let him leave.

anyway like the thing was the wardens were the old denizens of the cities in my dream. idk if that makes sense in minecraft lore I don’t play minecraft. but like they did some sort of forbidden ritual to survive and became the wardens. they were fully sentient and stuff too but like they spent so long unable to leave the decaying ruins for some reason they all became near feral. but like c!dream became more “human” for lack of a better term the more time he spent with c!tommy but that just made him crueller and more possessive and willing to use the forbidden knowledge he had in droves for his own purposes. idk what the deep dark residents were trying to do but it was sinister and c!dream fully believed in continuing their work.

[peninkwrites]

📓!!

OKAY. I've talked about this AU before but I'm gonna go into more detail. It's an AU for this cancelled BBC show about gay zombies called "In the Flesh".

Essential need-to-know about the world:

The Rising happened a few years ago, it was a zombie apocalypse in the sense that everyone who died in the year before crawled out of their graves. Zombies did eat people's brains (and sheep brains) but bites did not "turn" you, there was a finite number of resurrected. Zombies are now treatable, so the dead can go home to their families.

But of course there's mistrust and conflict because the things that were eating people's families are now just waltzing back into society.

As for plot: (some stuff carries over like directly from the show when I say this show was sooo c!Wilbur core. whew)

Wilbur killed himself and was resurrected during the Rising. He's been treated and can now go home to his small town with his family. His family includes his dad Phil, his dad's best friend who moved in with them during the Rising, and his little brother Tommy.

Tommy joined the militia during the Rising. He hates zombies, and he especially hates his brother for abandoning him. Most militias are shut down, but Tommy and some others are still patrolling the woods, killing zombies, and of course led by Dream, who Tommy seriously looks up to. (I'm thinking Sam and Sapnap are also part of the militia, Sapnap stops though once Quackity comes home, Tommy doesn't stop when Wilbur does because he's mad at him) Sam isn't like, bigoted against the resurrected, just obsessed with keeping people safe.

Quackity is also resurrected. He came home from the treatment center to find that his two fiances got married without him (because as far as they were concerned, he was dead, they were trying to live again) but he's still hurt and feels like he doesn't belong there anymore. He's more radical, he doesn't try to hide he's resurrected, so he gets a lot of shit in this tiny town. (Schlatt is a fanatical preacher claiming the resurrected are demons from hell)

Tubbo is new on the town council, assisting Schlatt, but he's not one of the fanatics, instead he's volunteered to serve as a nurse helping the resurrected with their treatments in secret, something that if found out would lose him his job and probably worse. In his rounds, he befriends Ranboo, a resurrected who is desperately trying to hide what he is. He doesn't remember his life before the Rising, and he doesn't have anyone.

Some fucking Insane scenes from the show I intend to carry over:

(SPOILERS for the show in the flesh and this AU if I ever get around to it lmao)

Wilbur disappearing for a few days and scaring the shit out of his family, because the last time that happened, well. Techno goes after him, they have a talk, and when he returns Phil is too calm, so Wilbur goads him into yelling at him so Phil finally breaks down and screams himself hoarse about finding Wilbur's body and carrying him home. Genuinely, the scene from the show is one of my favorites of anything ever.

Quackity is having some tension with Sapnap and Karl, he's resentful, they're unsure. (Okay, in the show, it was this guy who came home to find his wife remarried with his best friend, so polyamory wasn't the solution. I haven't decided if I'm going that route or making it them all being engaged but it still being complicated because Feelings) But basically, Quackity and Karl (maybe Sapnap? I haven't decided) accidentally get locked in a garage. At which point, Quackity's watch starts beeping reminding him he needs his shot. Because the Resurrected Need to have their medicine administered once a day or they Will go rabid again. At which point Quackity is freaking out, he gives Karl a wrench and tells him if he starts acting weird he needs to be ready to bash his skull in, Karl is freaking out because he doesn't want to do this, and at the last second, Sapnap breaks down the door and tackles Quackity to the ground. But after that, Quackity is the one who doesn't feel like he should be there, because he thinks he's too dangerous (that, or I think in the show the guy was arrested and sent back to the treatment center which is so bad, haven't decided yet)

Dream gets pissed off and defensive when Tommy starts to forgive his brother, so he kidnaps Wilbur and drugs him with something that negates the effect of the treatment, hoping he'll go rabid and Tommy will be forced to kill him, but Tommy can't shoot his brother, and Wilbur somehow manages to stop himself from attacking him until. Idk maybe Techno tackles him before someone else can shoot Wilbur.

[hlvrfreakyfriday]

HLVRFF: Chapter 7

It’s been a few days since the switch first happened.

And thankfully, said days have been considerably calmer than that initial night and following day. No more accidental shape-shifting or skeleton summoning for Gordon, and Benry has been doing pretty well about being careful with Gordon’s body.

Benry also apparently made a blog. Seems he thought that telling strangers on the internet about his non-human status and current situation was a fantastic idea. Gordon was of course upset… but eventually joined in on the blog anyway. Like, fuck it, why not? And it turned out to not be that bad- answering questions from curious ‘anons’ gave Gordon something to do, filling in the time he’d usually be using for his Twitch streams (Gordon really doesn’t want to explain this shit to his viewers).

At least, the blog thing was nice while it lasted, anyway. Soon as the asks slowed down, Benry quickly lost interest in it, and Gordon wasn’t really sure what to do with the blog himself. So there goes that distraction. Guess people claiming to be cosmic beings from beyond the veil just isn’t that interesting to the internet.

God, he’s bored. That’s another thing that Gordon’s discovered he hates about this.

He can’t do his streams while looking and sounding like Benry, and he’s also afraid to go kill time away from the house, the risk of a body horror-inducing anxiety attack happening in public being one he doesn’t want to take. He could go visit Tommy or Coomer and Bubby, he supposes, but he doesn’t wanna bug them too much. That, and he still doesn’t want to leave Benry alone in his body.

With nothing much to do to keep him occupied, Gordon has been finding his thoughts wandering. Thinking about his youth again, but also wondering about Benry’s. He recently learned that the entity is not in fact ancient like Gordon always assumed, but a year younger than Gordon himself. What kind of childhood did he have? Benry pretty much never talks about his past- his explanation of his skeletons the other night being the first time Gordon’s ever heard anything about Benry’s life before he worked as a guard at Black Mesa.

Well. There was also the time Benry insisted that he and Gordon knew each other as children, but Gordon’s fairly certain he'd remember playing with a kid that looked as distinct as Benry. He may have taken a few knocks on the head as a child and can’t remember a lot from back then, but his memory isn’t THAT bad!

.....

Maybe he should shoot his mom an email sometime. See if she remembers what all friends and playmates he had as a kid.

In fact, he may as well do that right now. Not like he’s got much else to do. Gordon grabs his phone and opens up the email app.

~~~

From: Gordon Freeman To: Beverley Freeman (mom) Subject: childhood question

Hey, Ma.

Random question, but do you remember any of the kids I played with when I was little? Like, from six years and earlier. I got to thinking about it recently and it’s bugging me that I can’t remember.

Oh, and sorry I haven’t called much lately! Been busy between my streaming schedule and getting dragged into impromptu hang-outs with my friends.

~~~

Gordon hits send, and now plays the waiting game.

Not just for his mom’s reply, but also for Benry to get done washing Gordon’s hair, so he can then get started on lunch for the two of them. Benry had missed getting a shower last night, and like hell Gordon’s gonna let Benry ruin his hair care routine. Gordon works hard to keep his hair so nice, damn it.

While Benry’s taking this lunch time shower, Gordon is sprawled on the couch, browsing the ‘net on his phone for lack of anything better to do. His attention is drawn from the phone, however, when there’s a knock at the door. Did Benry order a package or something? Gordon ponders as he makes his way over to answer the knock. He opens the door and-

“Benny!”

“Oh, hey Benry. Is Gordon in?”

-Gordon immediately slams the door closed.

Which he instantly regrets, because that’s his ex-wife and son out there that he just closed the door on. Fuck.

What does he do? What CAN he do? Anna still doesn’t know that Gordon’s roommate for the past four months isn’t at all human, and he’s not sure if dropping that bombshell on her like this would be a good idea. He could try to pretend to be Benry… but he’s a bit shit at it, he’ll be honest. And Benry would probably be even worse at pretending to be him, too. Anna may not know Benry very well, but she knows Gordon too well to not notice something’s up. It’s not at all hard to imagine just how horribly that plan could backfire and bite them both in the ass.

God damn it. Bombshell it is, then.

Gordon slowly opens the door back up, and is greeted by the sight of a confused Joshua and annoyed Anna. He can’t help but wince at her judgmental stare.

“Uh… hi,” Gordon says awkwardly.

“Yeah. Hi. You wanna tell me what that was about, pal?” Anna says, irritation clear in her voice.

Gordon takes a deep breath. Hoo boy. “Yeah, I uh, have a lot to explain, actually. Come on in,” he says, stepping aside to allow the two entry. Once they’re all fully inside, Gordon kneels down to meet his son’s face. “Hey bud, could you go play in your room for a bit? Your mom and I have some grown-up stuff to talk about,” he says to the six-year-old boy. Joshua gives him a strange look, but nods his head, uttering a little ‘kay' before running off to the back of the house. Gordon then motions for Anna to follow him into the kitchen, and they both take a seat at the table.

“Okay. So, explain,” Anna prompts.

Gordon sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. “God. Okay, uh. Two things, one of which I probably should’ve told you about way sooner. It’s kind of connected to all the Black Mesa bullshit, so it’s gonna sound… a little crazy,” he says. Anna quirks a brow at him at the mention of Black Mesa, but says nothing, waiting for him to continue. He taps his borrowed claws on the table as he tries to figure out how to explain… all of this. Another deep breath, and he looks Anna in the eyes as he says, “I'm not Benry. It’s me, Gordon. I’m in Benry’s body, and he’s in mine.”

Anna blinks at him, and gives him a look. “Wow. That is… probably the weirdest and also shittiest excuse for slamming the door in my face you could’ve possibly made,” she says, wholly unimpressed.

Another sigh from Gordon. “Look, I know how it sounds,” he then says, “I wouldn’t believe me either, if I had never been through the- uh. The accident at Black Mesa, but you’ve gotta believe me.”

Anna crosses her arms as she leans back in her chair, still very much not believing what ‘Gordon’ is saying, but admittedly curious to see where he’s going with this.

Gordon drums his fingers on the table again as he considers how to convince Anna. “Okay, look. The other thing I was gonna tell you, that I probably should’ve told you about sooner? Is that Benry isn’t human. He’s the reason we’re stuck like this,” Gordon explains.

“Riiiiight,” Anna says, “'Benry' isn’t human. Y’know, all you had to really do is just apologize, instead of making up this wildass excuse that Gordon’s no doubt going to debunk, so you can stop with… the… uh…” she trails off when Gordon begins to sing out a sustained high note.

As well as several orbs of blue light.

The lights linger in the air after he stops singing. Anna reaches out to touch one, transfixed, and it bursts like a bubble upon contact, followed by strange sense of calm briefly washing over her.

She looks back to Benry… Gordon? And says, “What the actual hell?”

“Benry calls it his ‘Sweet Voice',” Gordon explains. “I have absolutely zero idea what it is exactly or how it works, or why it tastes like Jolly Ranchers of all things, but, yeah. Do you believe me now?”

Anna looks away, thinking. Does she believe him? That ‘Sweet Voice’ stuff seemed pretty solid evidence for the whole not human thing… But is he really Gordon?

…She has an idea for how to find out.

“I’ll believe you if you can answer this question right,” Anna starts. “How did you- assuming you are Gordon- and me first meet? What exactly happened?”

Oh, god. Gordon kinda wishes he couldn’t answer this question. It’s a mortifying memory he'd rather forget the exact details of… which Anna knows, and thus also knows Gordon would never tell anybody else about it. Perfect question for this, really.

Gordon buries his borrowed face in his hand and groans to himself for a moment, and then he begins. “It was a party at some guy named Mark's place. After meeting and chatting with each other for a bit, me and you somehow got roped into that ‘seven minutes in heaven’ thing and locked in the hall closet.” A pause. Here’s the fun part. “…We were in the middle of kissing when the beer I had there started mixing badly with those fucking gas station hotdogs I'd eaten just before the party- honestly I don’t know what I was thinking eating that shit. But, uh. Yeah. I very nearly threw up in your mouth. And then did throw up all over Mark’s clean linens,” Gordon says, grimacing at the memory.

“Unsurprisingly, I never got invited to any more parties at that guy’s place. But what did surprise me, was that you still wanted to see me again. You said you wanted to give me a second chance at a good first impression,” Gordon says with a fond smile. Anna returns the smile, but it quickly falls from her face as a sudden realization hits her.

“…Holy shit. It really is you,” Anna says, eyes wide. “How the hell did this happen? I mean, you said Benry did it, but, how? What IS Benry? I always thought his weird paleness was ‘cause he was anemic or something, not a- an alien or a monster- Oh god, is it safe for Joshua to be around him? Hell, is it safe for YOU to be around him!?”

Gordon raises his hands up in a gesture for Anna to slow it with so many questions. “Whoa, hey, gimme a chance to answer!” Anna settles down and utters a small ‘sorry' which Gordon handwaves away. “This happened because Benry was poking around in my dreams- ‘cause that’s just one of the many impossible things he can somehow do- but I was having a bad nightmare at the time. When it got abruptly ended, I got shoved out of my head and into his, while he was left in mine. Neither of us knows how to switch us back, but a friend of ours knows someone who does, so we’re just waiting on them.

“As for what Benry is… I’m not entirely sure? Some kind of... eldritch space god cosmic horror… But uh, despite that fact, he’s not dangerous,” Gordon says at first, before quickly correcting himself. “Well, okay, he can actually be extremely dangerous if he wants to be, but thankfully he cares more about video games than pulling any weird madness-inducing cthuloid shit… Plus, I’m pretty sure he'd take an entire firing squad for Joshie.”

“Joshua does like to go on about how cool and nice he thinks your roommate is,” Anna says with a small smile. “But, how did you end up rooming with this… guy, anyway? I’m guessing the thing about him being another former co-worker from Black Mesa was just a cover story?”

“It wasn’t, actually,” corrects Gordon. “He really did work as a security guard there. I have no idea how or why he ended up in that job, though.”

“You don’t?” Anna asks.

Gordon shrugs. “He doesn’t talk about himself much, and I don’t ask.”

Anna gives him the ‘I love you but are you fucking serious’ look. “I, ah, think that maybe you SHOULD ask, especially if you’re gonna be living with him indefinitely.”

Gordon rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, you see, when he first moved in here, I set up a bunch of ground rules for him to follow. He agreed, but only if I let him set some rules, too. One of his rules was to not ask him invasive questions,” Gordon explains.

“Asking your co-worker why he picked his job counts as ‘invasive'?” Anna asks, raising a brow.

“I mean, maybe? I don’t know!” says Gordon. “He’s a weird alien-thing, I never know how he’s gonna react to stuff.”

“Okay, okay… But still, why he’s living here with you? You’d said it was because he had no other place to stay after losing his old job. That still true, too?”

Gordon nods. “Apparently he just lived in the facility dorms before. And he’s here specifically with me because he had to live with a member of the Science Team, and I’m the only one on the team who had the space for him.”

“Why does he have to stay with one of you guys?”

“…For reasons I legally can’t talk about,” Gordon says simply.

Ah, he did say this Benry stuff was kind of Black Mesa related, didn’t he, Anna thinks… Wait.

“…He didn’t cause the accident at your old workplace, did he?”

Gordon shakes his head. “No, he… well, he was there when it happened, and him being there may've factored in… But he didn’t directly cause it,” he explains. He purposefully neglects to tell Anna that he’s the one who caused the accident. He’s not quite ready for that conversation yet.

He’s also not ready to tell her Benry’s one of the major causes of a lot of his PTSD, either. Or about all the people he killed for seemingly no reason. OR about how he turned into a giant fucked up monster and tried to kill Gordon and his friends… She, uh, would probably start to worry herself to death over Gordon and not let Joshie come over anymore if she knew about all that…

Speaking of Joshua, the six-year-old is all of a sudden dashing into the kitchen, b-lining for Gordon.

“Daddy! You can’t let Benny grow a beard when he’s him and you’re you again!”

-----------------------------

If Benry had ever thought about maybe growing his hair out like Gordon’s before, those thoughts have all been completely discarded now.

Turns out that taking care of this much hair is a major pain in the ass. It is taking him so. Dang. LONG to wash all this shit. He can’t understand how Gordon puts up with this bs. The price humans must pay for beauty, he guesses.

When Benry’s finally done with washing Gordon’s mane of hair, he slips out of the shower and begins the next arduous step: drying it all. He tries seeing if he can get away with just towel drying it… but, nah, too much hair here for that. Time to break out the hair dryer.

…Benry has no idea where Gordon keeps his hair dryer.

Pulling on some sweatpants and draping a towel around his borrowed shoulders, Benry heads out of Gordon’s master bath and bedroom, with the intent of finding and asking him where he keeps the dryer. However, soon as he steps out into the hall, he’s greeted by someone else entirely.

“Daddy!” Joshua chimes.

oh shit, Benry thinks, before responding to the boy. “uh- heyyy there, joshie bro.”

The smile that was on Joshua's face falls, and his expression is replaced by a confused one. “Heeeey, YOU don’t call me bro, just Benny calls me that,” he says. “And Benny was talkin' like you at me, too. Why you guys doin’ that?”

aw damn, sussed out by a six-year-old. After a quick glance down the hall, Benry kneels down to get more face level with Joshua, and speaks in a hushed tone, “it’s because i'm not your dad and he’s not benry. i'm benry, and he’s your dad. we got body swapped, yo.”

The boy’s eyes go wide at that, and after doing an exaggerated gasp, he whispers back, “Did a mad scientist get ya?”

“nah, it was kinda my fault. but it’s all good, man. tommy's pops is gonna fix us up when he gets back from some trip he’s on,” Benry assures.

“Oh that’s good,” Joshua says. “I like you guys better when you’re you and dad’s dad. You’re not s'posed to have a beard.”

Benry snorts. “oh yeah? what if i decide i like having a beard, huh? maybe when i'm back in my body i'll grow me one.”

"No!"

“you could call me beardry.”

“Noooo!”

“oh i'm thinkin' yes. grow me uh, an epic wizard beard.”

“Nooooooo!” Joshua continues to protest, but with a smile plastered on his little face. Benry laughs at him, but then Joshua suddenly takes off down the hall, heading towards the kitchen.

“yo, hold up!” Benry calls after the boy as he gives chase. When he reaches the kitchen himself, he’s greeted by the sight of Joshua clinging to his father’s borrowed leg.

“Daddy! You can’t let Benny grow a beard when he’s him and you’re you again!” Joshua cries.

Gordon looks at his son, but then up to Benry when he notices the other in the entryway. Gordon’s ex is also sitting at the table, and she follows Gordon’s gaze to look at Benry, too.

“uhhhhh…” Benry mumbles, lightly chewing on his borrowed lip.

“Hey, relax,” says Anna. “Gordon already explained all this weirdness.”

“oh. ‘kay, cool,” Benry says, and does visibly relax.

“What’s this about you growing a beard?” Gordon speaks up.

“lil' mans said ‘m not allowed to have one ‘cause i'd look weird,” Benry explains.

“You would!” Joshua says. “Super weird! Like that time daddy didn’t have one!”

“Hey!” Gordon says with mock offense. “I didn’t look that weird!”

“Yeah, you just looked like a sixteen-year-old high schooler,” says Anna, which gets her a frown from Gordon.

Oh no, Benry’s picturing that now. It’s a little too easy to, honestly. “yooo, gordon got a case of baby face? ha ha, nice,” he says, laughing.

Gordon continues to get ribbed by his family and roommate about his ‘baby face’ for a good bit, before Anna checks the time and announces she and Joshua have to get going. Apparently, they just stopped by real quick to say hello while they happened to be on this side of town. As usual, Anna (and Joshie) both swear to secrecy in regards to the new info they just learned before they leave. As they head back to the car, Gordon steps out with them to see them off and give his son a hug. Benry watches from the living room window, and can’t help but feel a little… something. He’s not entirely sure what. But he always gets the feeling whenever he sees Gordon interacting with his family like this.

He’s never mentioned it to Gordon. Or anybody else.

It’s fine. It’s not important.

Gordon comes back in, and Benry finally asks him where the hair dryer is (turns out it was in the top left drawer under the sink. Why didn’t he think to look there???). After hair is dried and a shirt is put on, the rest of the day is significantly less eventful. Lunch is had, video games are played, YouTube is watched, Gordon keeps giving him weird looks when he notices Benry being way quieter than normal- oh. He should probably say something, huh.

“admiring yourself, freeman?” Benry says to the man at the other end of the couch. As predicted, Gordon’s expression scrunches up into an annoyed scowl. All according to plan.

The annoyed look leaves Gordon’s face pretty quickly, though, and he replies, “No, you’ve just been weirdly quiet ever since Joshie and Anna left. Is something up?”

aw fuck he was supposed to get distracted. “nah, just don’t feel like talking. your dumb human vocal chords feel weird.” nice save.

Or, well, it would be a nice save if Gordon wasn’t very clearly mentally pressing X to doubt right now.

…Theeeeen again, maybe it really WAS a nice save, as Gordon doesn’t press any further, instead changing the subject. “…Y’know, I’ve been wondering. How did you end up working at Black Mesa anyway?”

“'cause they gave me the job,” Benry answers simply.

“Okay, but WHY did they give you the job?”

“’cause i was good at it.”

Apparently, that wasn’t the answer Gordon was looking for, as he gives an exasperated sigh and turns his attention back to the T.V. screen.

Benry kind of has an idea about what kind of answer Gordon probably was looking for, but he doesn’t really… feel like telling him. Talking about the Not Good parts of his past would just bring up unnecessary drama and shit, and nobody wants that. Besides, it’s the past. Can’t change it. No use worrying about it.

It's not important.

--------------------

Welp, Gordon can now tell Anna that he knows so little about Benry’s history not for lack of trying. He didn’t bother trying to get any better answers out of the entity, as he’d probably have better luck getting blood from a stone. Same reason he didn’t try asking again why the guy was being extra quiet.

Whatever. If Benry doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, that’s none of Gordon’s business.

It’s late at night now. Benry has since gone to bed, while Gordon’s still wide awake. And bored. God he is so fucking bored. Benry’s own usual go-to for keeping himself occupied at night is just more video games, but Gordon’s not really in the mood. He decides instead to open up the Tumblr app on his phone and see if there’s any new asks for the blog.

And of course, there aren’t.

Something does catch his eye, though. A conversation he had with one anonymous asker, about trying to get over his issue with Benry’s shape-shifting by voluntarily practicing it. Admittedly… it’s not exactly Gordon’s ideal way to pass the time, but he knows he really should get on it. Help ease his anxiety, and thus lower the chances of a repeat of that first night.

Gordon takes a deep breath to steel himself. Okay. Okay okay okay. Let’s do this shit.

…Uh. How exactly does he do it, again?

Every time he’s shape-shifted before, it was totally involuntary. Maybe… if he just thinks about doing it? Same way one would move their arm by just thinking about moving it. Yeah, let’s try that. Lifting his borrowed right arm, he focuses on the thought of it growing a little longer, like when he reached for that glass on the high shelf.

And much to Gordon’s surprise, that… actually fucking works. His borrowed right arm is now several inches longer than his left. And there wasn’t even any weird squirming in his insides or flesh-tearing feelings when it happened, either. He turns and twists the limb this way and that, taking in how, aside from the added length, it still looks like a totally normal arm (well, normal for Benry, anyway). Hell, it even FEELS normal. He was expecting it to feel weird and wrong, but it… really doesn’t. Changing shape is just that much of a normal, natural thing for Benry’s body, he supposes. He feels a little silly for putting this off for so long, now.

Gordon’s about to will it back to normal proportions, when he catches his reflection in his bedroom mirror. He gets a little chuckle out of the imagery of Benry with the mis-matched arms.

But then he also gets the strangest sense of deja vu.

Before he can dwell on that any further, though, his phone grabs his attention next, notifying him on receiving an email. Shortening his arm back (which also comes easy) and grabbing his phone, he sees it’s a response from his mom. Ever the night owl, his ma.

~~~

From: Beverly Freeman (mom) To: Gordon Freeman Subject: Re: childhood question

Hey there, honey! Good to hear from you again!

Childhood friends, hmm? You didn’t actually have any regular friends when you were that young, I don’t think. You mostly just played with your little brother. You DID have this one imaginary friend, though! I found an old drawing you did of him when you were little. I took a picture of it with my phone and attached the file (aren’t you proud of me?)

By the way, do you know if you’ll have Joshua this Thanksgiving? It’s been so long since we’ve had either of you over for turkey day, or since we’ve had both you and John in the same room!

Love Mom <3 (lol it’s a heart!)

[attached file: mybestfrend.jpeg]

~~~

Huh. Maybe that’s why he can’t remember any playmates he had as a kid. Because he didn’t have any. Makes sense, he guesses.

Gordon downloads the attached file, and then opens it up in his phone’s picture gallery.

[image description: An old child's drawing on wrinkled paper. It depicts a boy with green eyes and glasses standing next to a taller monster boy with sharp teeth, claws, and multiple eyes. They are both smiling. There is a brown mud puddle at their feet, and several pink and blue orbs floating around the monster boy's head. The words 'MY BEST FREND' are written at the bottom of the drawing. End description.]

  ...No fucking way.

[shelbysdevil]

Dating ❤️ - Charlotte

Ship Meme: Dating ❤️ from here

How did they meet?

They went to Hogwarts together.

What were their first impressions of each other?

I assume Charlotte had a crush on him (like honestly many girls did cause he was always the unreachable one) and Tommy loved the bravery in the usually shy Hufflepuff and how openly hearted she always was with him.

How long did the flirting phase last?

A long while. Tommy is usually very closed off so they were friends at first even if she was definitely the one talking more while he just listened and allowed her to stay around him. But when they got used to each others company he opened up pretty fast and then started flirting right away (in his weird way)

Who had romantics feelings first?

Probably Charlotte cause Tommy never allowed himself to have these feelings or wasn’t aware of them. For a while he thought it’s just a nice challenge for him to get someone to bed who is usually so innocent and shy.

Who made the first move? How did they do it?

I think Charlotte tried to make moves very often but Tommy never realized it. He was pretty unaware of his effect back then until he noticed it and now uses it often against her. But Tommy would say he made the first move even if he probably didn’t.

What was their first date?

A dance in Hogwarts. It was before Tommy became a Death eater and it was his last good memory he wanted to have in his mind when war started. He claimed always it didn’t matter to him just to calm riddles suspicion but in fact it did matter a lot and was one of the hardest memories to delete since it was his final day as “a good wizard”.

Who initiated the first kiss?

Tommy. His love language is definitely physical touch cause he can’t communicate his feelings well but can show them. So he needed to take the lead in this.

Who said ‘I love you’ first?

Tommy remembers it was Charlotte but it could be that his memories are so fractured by trying constantly to delete and hide them that he did indeed say it to her first before using obliviate on her for the first time.

Who is more protective?

Tommy. He’s overprotective.

Who is more jealous?

Tommy but Charlotte can be jealous too

How into PDA are they?

They can’t be since Tommy tries to hide his feelings for her and their relationship is a secret to protect her. But it’s very hard for him and sometimes he tries to just give her at least something by laying his hand on her back or “accidentally” brushing his arm against her.

How public is the relationship?

Not Public at all cause riddle would immediately kill her if he knew that she meant something to Tommy and could weaken his loyalty (which he never had in the first place he just makes riddle believe that).

Favorite activity together?

Tommy just loves holding her in bed and staring at her during the whole night when she sleeps. It’s honestly his favorite thing cause when she lays in his arms he knows she is save and with him.