#childbirth

[reasonsforhope]

"When Ellen Kaphamtengo felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen, she thought she might be in labour. It was the ninth month of her first pregnancy and she wasn’t taking any chances. With the help of her mother, the 18-year-old climbed on to a motorcycle taxi and rushed to a hospital in Malawi’s capital, Lilongwe, a 20-minute ride away.

At the Area 25 health centre, they told her it was a false alarm and took her to the maternity ward. But things escalated quickly when a routine ultrasound revealed that her baby was much smaller than expected for her pregnancy stage, which can cause asphyxia – a condition that limits blood flow and oxygen to the baby.

In Malawi, about 19 out of 1,000 babies die during delivery or in the first month of life. Birth asphyxia is a leading cause of neonatal mortality in the country, and can mean newborns suffering brain damage, with long-term effects including developmental delays and cerebral palsy.

Doctors reclassified Kaphamtengo, who had been anticipating a normal delivery, as a high-risk patient. Using AI-enabled foetal monitoring software, further testing found that the baby’s heart rate was dropping. A stress test showed that the baby would not survive labour.

The hospital’s head of maternal care, Chikondi Chiweza, knew she had less than 30 minutes to deliver Kaphamtengo’s baby by caesarean section. Having delivered thousands of babies at some of the busiest public hospitals in the city, she was familiar with how quickly a baby’s odds of survival can change during labour.

Chiweza, who delivered Kaphamtengo’s baby in good health, says the foetal monitoring programme has been a gamechanger for deliveries at the hospital.

“[In Kaphamtengo’s case], we would have only discovered what we did either later on, or with the baby as a stillbirth,” she says.

The software, donated by the childbirth safety technology company PeriGen through a partnership with Malawi’s health ministry and Texas children’s hospital, tracks the baby’s vital signs during labour, giving clinicians early warning of any abnormalities. Since they began using it three years ago, the number of stillbirths and neonatal deaths at the centre has fallen by 82%. It is the only hospital in the country using the technology.

“The time around delivery is the most dangerous for mother and baby,” says Jeffrey Wilkinson, an obstetrician with Texas children’s hospital, who is leading the programme. “You can prevent most deaths by making sure the baby is safe during the delivery process.”

The AI monitoring system needs less time, equipment and fewer skilled staff than traditional foetal monitoring methods, which is critical in hospitals in low-income countries such as Malawi, which face severe shortages of health workers. Regular foetal observation often relies on doctors performing periodic checks, meaning that critical information can be missed during intervals, while AI-supported programs do continuous, real-time monitoring. Traditional checks also require physicians to interpret raw data from various devices, which can be time consuming and subject to error.

Area 25’s maternity ward handles about 8,000 deliveries a year with a team of around 80 midwives and doctors. While only about 10% are trained to perform traditional electronic monitoring, most can use the AI software to detect anomalies, so doctors are aware of any riskier or more complex births. Hospital staff also say that using AI has standardised important aspects of maternity care at the clinic, such as interpretations on foetal wellbeing and decisions on when to intervene.

Kaphamtengo, who is excited to be a new mother, believes the doctor’s interventions may have saved her baby’s life. “They were able to discover that my baby was distressed early enough to act,” she says, holding her son, Justice.

Doctors at the hospital hope to see the technology introduced in other hospitals in Malawi, and across Africa.

“AI technology is being used in many fields, and saving babies’ lives should not be an exception,” says Chiweza. “It can really bridge the gap in the quality of care that underserved populations can access.”"

-via The Guardian, December 6, 2024

[animentality]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I had a daughter and I raised her until she was 6 and then I woke up.

It was so realistic too. I’m a trans man and I even experienced childbirth, that shit fucking hurt like cramps but on steroids and crack.

Her name was Judith, her favourite colour was purple and she loved dinosaurs and I miss her so much and she doesn’t even exist.

There was absolutely no need for it to be so realistic and detailed I’m devastated. 😭

[a-reyy]

Billy Batson has access to the memories of previous champions, and some of them are woman. I think that sometimes he forgets he’s a man and just drops comments like these:

At the watchtower:

Dinah who is currently on her period: God my cramps hurt.

Billy who was a mother in a previous life: When you Ollie decide to have a kid it’ll feel like nothing, I promise.

Dinah who’s confused: what?

Billy:…You know, compared to the pain of childbirth, cramps are nothing. I speak from experience.

Dinah even more confused: You speak from experience?

Billy: Yeah, you should have seen my little Simon, he was so cute…Too bad he’s dead now.

Dinah: Why did you say that so casually?

Billy: It was thousands of years ago, plus he died of old age so I’m at peace with his death.

Dinah:…I’m gonna go now.

Billy: Bye bye :)

[cuties-in-codices]

nero giving birth to a toad

illustration from a copy of the "weltchronik" ("chronicle of the world") by rudolf von ems, bavaria, c. 1400-1410

source: Getty Museum Collection, Ms. 33 (88.MP.70), fol. 226r

[natjennie]

okay, bear with me this requires a lot of context. imagine that you wake up on a space ship with an alien species capable of telepathic communication with you. they are also capable of instilling you with the knowledge that everything they say is completely true, there is not a hint of uncertainty in your mind. they have weapons capable of obliterating earth pointed at the planet, and are forcing you to do one of two things in order to not fire. within the fiction of the scenario you are not being given the choice, but you the real you is picking which one of these things you'd rather have happen.

you must eat an 8 ounce serving of human baby meat, by default prepared like a steak (different preparations can be requested). you do not have to keep the meat down once you're done, but you have to get all of it in your body at one point. they do not provide any information about where the baby came from or how it died. if you complete this, they will deposit you back on earth and you will be free from legal repercussions of cannibalism, and it is generally agreed that you are also free from moral blame as it was against your will.

you will be surgically impregnated with a human embryo and must carry it to term and give birth. the embryo does not contain your dna, but otherwise you don't know anything about its origins. the aliens have advanced medical technology that gives you sufficient anatomy to carry and birth the baby, and keeps you healthy throughout, with no risk of long term complications or death. you have the choice to keep or give away the baby once you have given birth, and will be deposited back on earth.

if you refuse to comply in either situation, they destroy the earth and you are forced to live the rest of your life aboard the space ship as a prisoner, until you die of natural causes.

so,

[odinsblog]

In her final hours, Amber Nicole Thurman suffered from a grave infection that her suburban Atlanta hospital was well-equipped to treat.

She’d taken abortion pills and encountered a rare complication; she had not expelled all of the fetal tissue from her body. She showed up at Piedmont Henry Hospital in need of a routine procedure to clear it from her uterus, called a dilation and curettage, or D&C.

But just that summer, her state had made performing the procedure a felony, with few exceptions. Any doctor who violated the new Georgia law could be prosecuted and face up to a decade in prison.

Thurman waited in pain in a hospital bed, worried about what would happen to her 6-year-old son, as doctors monitored her infection spreading, her blood pressure sinking and her organs beginning to fail.

It took 20 hours for doctors to finally operate. By then, it was too late.

(continue reading)

[road-kill-eater]

[hellfire435678]

She. Gave. Birth. On. A. Boat.

[incognitopolls]

The "husband stitch" is an unnecessary and potentially harmful practice of using more stitches than necessary to repair a person's perineum if it has been damaged during childbirth, the intent being to make the vagina tighter and therefore more pleasurable for the husband.

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[reasonsforhope]

"The first modern attempt at transferring a uterus from one human to another occurred at the turn of the millennium. But surgeons had to remove the organ, which had become necrotic, 99 days later. The first successful transplant was performed in 2011 — but even then, the recipient wasn’t immediately able to get pregnant and deliver a baby. It took three more years for the first person in the world with a transplanted uterus to give birth. 

More than 70 such babies have been born globally in the decade since. “It’s a complete new world,” said Giuliano Testa, chief of abdominal transplant at Baylor University Medical Center.

Almost a third of those babies — 22 and counting — have been born in Dallas at Baylor. On Thursday, Testa and his team published a major cohort study in JAMA analyzing the results from the program’s first 20 patients. All women were of reproductive age and had no uterus (most having been born without one), but had at least one functioning ovary. Most of the uteri came from living donors, but two came from deceased donors.

Fourteen women had successful transplants, all of whom were able to have at least one baby.  

“That success rate is extraordinary, and I want that to get out there,” said Liza Johannesson, the medical director of uterus transplants at Baylor, who works with Testa and co-authored the study. “We want this to be an option for all women out there that need it.”

Six patients had transplant failures, all within two weeks of the procedure. Part of the problem may have been a learning curve: The study initially included only 10 patients, and five of the six with failed transplants were in that first group. These were “technical” failures, Testa said, involving aspects of the surgery such as how surgeons connected the organ’s blood vessels, what material was used for sutures, and selecting a uterus that would work well in a transplant. 

The team saw only one transplant fail in the second group of 10 people, the researchers said. All 20 transplants took place between September 2016 and August 2019.

Only one other cohort study has previously been published on uterus transplants, in 2022. A Swedish team, which included Johannesson before she moved to Baylor, performed seven successful transplants out of nine attempts. Six women, including the first transplant recipient to ever deliver a baby back in 2014, gave birth.

“It’s hard to extract data from that, because they were the first ones that did it,” Johannesson said. “This is the first time we can actually see the safety and efficacy of this procedure properly.”

So far, the signs are good: High success rates for transplants and live births, safe and healthy children so far, and early signs that immunosuppressants — typically given to transplant recipients so their bodies don’t reject the new organ — may not cause long-term harm, the researchers said. (The uterine transplants are removed after recipients no longer need them to deliver children.) And the Baylor team has figured out how to identify the right uterus for transfer: It should be from a donor who has had a baby before, is premenopausal, and, of course, who matches the blood type of the recipient, Testa said...

“They’ve really embraced the idea of practicing improvement as you go along, to understand how to make this safer or more effective. And that’s reflected in the results,” said Jessica Walter, an assistant professor of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, who co-authored an editorial on the research in JAMA...

Walter was a skeptic herself when she first learned about uterine transplants. The procedure seemed invasive and complicated. But she did her fellowship training at Penn Medicine, home to one of just four programs in the U.S. doing uterine transplants. 

“The firsts — the first time the patient received a transplant, the first time she got her period after the transplant, the positive pregnancy test,” Walter said. “Immersing myself in the science, the patients, the practitioners, and researchers — it really changed my opinion that this is science, and this is an innovation like anything else.” ...

Many transgender women are hopeful that uterine transplants might someday be available for them, but it’s likely a far-off possibility. Scientists need to rewind and do animal studies on how a uterus might fare in a different “hormonal milieu” before doing any clinical trials of the procedure with trans people, Wagner said.

Among cisgender women, more long-term research is still needed on the donors, recipients, and the children they have, experts said.

“We want other centers to start up,” Johannesson said. “Our main goal is to publish all of our data, as much as we can.”"

-via Stat, August 16, 2024

[animentality]

[unbfacts]

[roundbellylovesblog]

[99liv3s]

A Birthing Show

(Wrote in collaboration with @ashmallow)

The two girls waddled onto the small stage, applauded by the 10 members of the audience: 7 men and 3 women. These 10 had paid a considerable amount of money for exclusive access to what the girls were offering: the chance to witness and control both their labors. Monica was a short, pale, black haired girl with brown eyes, thin except for her noticable pregnant belly, her hair in a low ponytail that hung over her right shoulder. She was wearing a gray maternity gown that seemed to enhance her pregnancy features. The other girl, Ash, had shoulder length brown hair, a bit darker skin, and her eyes were brown as well. She was a bit taller than Monica, but not by much, and though she was a bit less skinny than Monica, Ash's bump looked considerably bigger. Ash was wearing a small shirt and a skirt, which protruded outward over her large belly.

The girls took their place in front of the waiting audience, showing off their protruding bellies, as the ten audience members settled in their seats. "Welcome," Monica said to them, smiling. "In a few moments, the pills the two of us ingested will put us into labor, and the show can begin!" "As the ad stated, you will all be here to witness us labor and give birth simultaneously, and as an added bonus," she pointed toward two tablets lying on a table in front of the audience, "Those pads there will control how our labors play out, giving all of you complete control of this experience!" "My name is Monica, and my fellow partner in birth is named Ash!" "We hope you all enjoy the experience, and thank you in advance for your generous payments!" On the stage were two chairs, which the girls both sat in, as well as two beds. The two of them rubbed their bellies absentmindedly as they smiled at the crowd. “I’m so nervous” Ash whispered to Monica, looking down at her big 34 week belly, wondering what the audience would do. "Me too." Monica whispered back, smiling at Ash as they waited for labor to begin, while the audience chatting with each other. One woman spoke up: "So, how does this even work?? How can we actually control your labors?" Monica smiled at her, rubbing her belly slightly. "The pills we took contain little microscopic machines that will settle into our lower bodies," Monica answered. "They're connected to the pads, and can do all kinds of stuff once they jumpstart labor!" The woman, beaming, nodded and thanked Monica for her answer. A minute later, Ash felt a twinge in her lower abdomin, and a sharp intake of breath indicated that Monica was feeling the same thing.

“Oh oh oh! I can feel contractions starting!” Ash gasped out, panting, though they were not very strong because it was still the early stage of labor. However, Ash could tell her cervix was trying to open, and she felt a lot of pressure building up on her lower back, radiating out towards her crotch and legs. "Oooh, I can too!" Monica panted out softly, clutching her belly as she felt the pressure start to build in her pelvis. The small crowd watched with smiles of wonder and entertainment on their faces. "Can you two touch each other's bellies?" Asked one guy in the back. In response, Monica and Ash started rubbing each other's bellies all over and bumping them gently together, giggling a bit. Then, they could all see Ash's belly visibly squeezing and relaxing. “Ahh… ahh… the contractions are getting harder!” she cried. Monica grimaced as she felt a contraction hit her as well. "Ooohh," she moaned out, as several people of the audience leaned forward, two in front grabbing the pads. "Yeah, mine are too!" “I think they’re making the baby more active!” Ash whispered as she felt her belly twist and turn with movements, as if the baby was turning upside down over and over, spinning inside her. Monica looked over at the watchers, seeing them tapping commands into both pads, and then a sudden surge of pressure hit her pelvis. "Uugghh!!" She cried out, clutching her bump, as Ash moaned from the pain of the active baby. "Uugh, let's... sway together," Monica suggested.

Ash held the sides of Monica's hips while Monica held Ash's, and they slowly swayed together to ease through the pain. Seeing the girls trying to relax, the audience was not satisfied. Suddenly, Ash's 2 cm dilated cervix became 5 cm dilated. “Ahhhhh I can feel the head trying to go through!!!” Ash moaned out. "B..breathe Ash... breathe through... aaggghhh!!" Monica began, but cried out as her pressure worsened, and she involuntarily spread her legs. "N..no... we mustn't push...yet... oooohh..." she groaned, clutching her belly as she felt herself opening quickly as well. The audience smiled at the girls' discomfort, and tapped more commands, causing both girls' water to break all over the stage. Panting, the two of them slowly scrambled to the nearby beds, and lowered themselves onto them. “Ahhhhh I can feel the head going into my birth canal!” Ash screamed out, holding her big belly in pain. “Ahhh… ahhh…” Her belly was contracting intensely, but one of the audience pressed a button, and her contractions grew even harder. “Ughhhhhhhh…” Lying on the other bed, Monica spread her legs and moaned loudly, squirming in pain. "Oooohh god, this hurts!!" She moaned. "The... p... pressure..." "Ash, it hurts!!" The two girls looked into each other's eyes, both locked in the pain of their labors and their moaning.

“I want you girls to strip naked.” An audience member said after they reached a calm point between contractions. The girls nodded, then they both stood up and reluctantly took off their clothes, revealing their big contracting bellies and swollen breasts, as well as their dilating vaginas. Ash's tits were milky, and as another contraction took her, more milk squirted from them. Still moaning and mewling, both girls laid back onto the beds completely naked. They knew it would have come to this sooner or later. As audience members played around with the tablets, Monica let out a loud, drawn out moan, clutching her belly as a huge amount of pressure hit her pelvis. Meanwhile, Ash felt her dilation increase rapidly, and the pressure on her hips increased as the baby's head painfully pressed against her cervix, which barely opened. Becoming quite aroused by Ash's milk squirts, the audience made her boobs start lactating more. Streams of milk ran down her breasts and onto the bed as she moaned loudly in pain from the dilation and contractions. "Can... we come and help suck that up?" A woman in the audience asked. Ash nodded, and half the watchers scrambled onto the stage, trying to drink up Ash's milk.

"Aaaahhh, it hurts so bad!!!" "OW OW OW AAHH I CAN'T AAAGHH!!" Monica yelled out, clutching her belly as she felt the pressure and pain ram her cervix hard. After a few high loud moans, she screamed out, "OOH, I GOTTA PUSH!" Ash felt her cervix dilate rapidly as well, and the heaviness of the head started to fill her vagina. The audience murmured in satisfaction to the girls' suffering. “Ahhhh I can feel the hair!” Ash screamed out, reaching down and feeling a sliver of the baby’s head trying to stretch her lips wide. “The pressure!!" "Ahhhhh… it burns… ahhhhhhh!” The burning was agony, but someone tapped a control, and Ash felt the head slip back in. Meanwhile, Monica thrashed around on her bed, moaning and crying, the pressure feeling like it would tear her apart. "IT'S GETTING WORSE!! AAAAHHH!" She screamed, her legs spread and trembling in pain. Monica involuntarily pushed, and she felt her pussy bulge outward. "OH GOD OH GOD AAAAHHH!" As the audience watched, they started to see just how big the head of Monica's baby seemed to be. With more loud howls of pain, Monica seemed to stretch more and more with each push. Ash cried out again as she once again felt her baby's head start to crown, but the audience kept making the head go back in every time she relaxed, prolonging her suffering. "OWW PLEASE LET IT OUT!" Ash begged, as the burning hit her over and over.

By now, those audience members that were trying to suck up Ash's milk had had their fill, and settled back into their seats to enjoy the show. Both girls' vaginas were on full display as they shouted and yelped in pain. Ash's baby had peeked out and gone back in another four times. Meanwhile, Monica was clearly struggling, a huge head still lodged in her opening. Ash suddenly screamed as the already overwhelming pressure hit her even harder, and her baby's head immediately shot out. As it hung out of her vagina, Ash moaned loudly, as it seemed her body had had enough of the baby playing peekaboo. The audience murmured in amazement, but at this point, the girls were in so much pain and agony of labor, they no longer cared what was happening around them. "Monica push!" Ash said over Monica's cries. "OOOOHH I'M TRYING..." Monica wailed out, and indeed, she had been pushing, but the head seemed to be stuck. With loud grunts and groans of effort, Monica tried to bear down again, but there was still no movement. "Maybe... change... positiaaaahhh" Ash began, but was distracted by her own baby's emergence. Ash pushed, and with a gush of fluid, her baby was fully born. The audience applauded and cheered as Ash reached for her newborn. It was a girl!

With some difficulty, Monica repositioned herself on the bed, finally getting onto her hands and knees, with her belly sitting on the soft bedsheets, which tickled her popped out navel. Her vagina now hanging in the air, everyone could now see just how big the baby's head was, but the change in position seemed to do the trick. Monica let out another wail as she pushed and the head eased out slowly. Ash watched along with the audience, as she waited for the contractions that would deliver her placenta. The audience tapped some commands that increased the intensity of Monica's contractions and she shrieked as her belly visibly pulsed. With a squishy pop, the head finally ejected from Monica's pussy and hung out of her in the air. "You did it Monica!" Ash cheered, as the audience murmured. She felt contractions and prepared to push out her placenta. However, as she listened to Monica pant, she started to feel pressure again. Monica, still on her hands and knees, looked over at Ash, who was grimacing in pain. "That was... rough... hey are you ok??" Monica asked. Ash shook her head, her eyes closed. "Placenta hurts that much?" Ash moaned softly, as the audience's murmured increased; They had definitely figured out that things were not going according to plan.

A few minutes later, the pressure increased, and Ash cried out, "OH GOD IT'S ANOTHER BABY!" Members of the audience gasped, as Monica began to wail again, her big baby deciding it was ready to finish coming out. Monica yelled and moaned as she pushed. Ash breathed heavily, feeling the strong contraction that would push the twin out of her. Ash bore down, already feeling the head hit her already sore vagina. The audience watched intently, so engrossed in the show before them, they seemed to had forgotten the pads. Monica's loud screams echoed throughout the room as the huge baby finally slid out of her and gently onto the bed. It was a big baby boy. Ash smiled, still panting, as she saw Monica finish giving birth, slumping onto the bed in exhaustion. Then, she felt the familiar burning, and screamed out as she felt her second baby crown. "OW OW AH AH AH AHHHH!!" With one more very painful push, the entire baby fell onto the bed beside her sister, and the twins cried loudly.

As the two girls panted exhaustedly, the 10 watchers got to their feet, clapping and cheering. Monica, who had turned back over and was lying on her back, holding her newborn in her arms, smiled softly. Ash continued to lay on the bed, her eyes closed as her twins, their cords still attached, both hanging out of Ash, squirmed and cried. "You both did amazing," one watcher said. "Yes, it was incredible!!" Another said. Clearly satisfied, the watchers filed out, chatting to each other about what they had witnessed, leaving the two girls alone on stage in the beds with their babies. Ash had scooped up her daughters and was now breastfeeding them. She smiled over at Monica, who was rocking her newborn to sleep. "Well, that was fun!" Ash said, holding her daughters on her breasts. "And we made lots of money too!" Monica smiled back at her, nodding. As much as it had hurt, she had to admit to herself that she also enjoyed the experience. "You know what, let's do it again soon!" She proposed. Ash giggled and nodded.

End

[potatoplace]

betty

Azriel x Archeron!Reader

the 1 (part 1) | So Long, London (part 3)

mini-series masterlist | ACOTAR x reader masterlist

Story Summary: In the aftermath of your fall, your sisters stay by your side, comforting you as best they can. The Shadowsinger is lurking, hoping for a chance to apologize. Will you tell him to go fuck himself or take him as your mate once more?

Warnings: suicide mention, self harm, difficult birth, chronic pain (idk if I should tag that?), FUCK AZRIEL

Words: ~3.5k

Author's Note: So. This was supposed to be the HAPPY ending. And it kind of is. So. Yeah. I just couldn't think of a way to make it actually happy except in the way that I did. Because tbh Azriel fucked up TOO. HARD. There's honestly no way to fully come back from what he did... grrrrr. I hope you guys like it anyways, sorry that I can't deliver on some actual fluff to heal your hearts 💔 also the first bit before Feyre finds out about Reader is the same as in 'Gone'. And the final alternate ending will be out tomorrow!

18+ only pls

💙🤍💙🤍💙

Azriel quickly made his way back to Elain, doing his best to put the interaction he had just had with you behind him.

His mate.

Elain’s sister… That’s the only way he had ever thought of you.

As a human you had been��� Less than average. Hard to look at.

At least in comparison to Elain.

Elain was a breath of fresh air, so lovely and innocent and so entirely unlike him.

And turned fae, she was even more breathtaking.

He had waited for her to realize how truly damaged and scarred he was, and not just on the outside. How entirely unworthy of her he was.

But she hadn’t. She had seen him, loved him, even with how broken he was on the inside.

And he had meant his words to Nesta, when he had said no one would ever compare to Elain, even his mate.

And he was right. You didn’t compare to her.

But as he reached her side and wrapped his arm around his lovely Elain, he couldn’t help but… wonder.

Had he just made a mistake in rejecting the bond so easily?

His free hand came to rub at his chest, which felt like it was being scraped with a knife, a dull, throbbing pain.

“Are you alright?” Elain’s sweet voice asked, and he tilted his head to look down at her.

“Of course, sweetheart. Join me for a dance?” He asked softly, leading her by the hand to the dance floor after she nodded, a beautiful smile gracing her lips.

The ring in his pocket, so dainty and light, felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds.

He had planned to propose to Elain tonight, present her with the beautiful ring that he had picked out just for her. But now, after your confession and the pain from a severed bond in his chest, it just didn’t feel like the time.

Only a minute into their dance, Feyre screamed in agony, all heads whipping to look at their High Lady.

“Feyre? What’s wrong?” Rhys asked, already holding Feyre in his arms.

She broke away from him a moment later, sprinting further into the House without any warning.

Rhys followed immediately after, running after his mate, and the rest of the inner circle followed quickly.

They found Feyre peering over a balcony, sobbing at whatever she saw before summoning her wings. In the next moment, Feyre was jumping over the edge, diving down towards the rocks below.

Just a few seconds later, she returned, a body clutched tightly to her chest-

You. His mate.

Feyre set you gently on the ground, her hands already glowing with healing powers. “Someone go get Madja. Now.”

Cassian took to the air as soon as she gave her command, flying in the direction of the healer’s home as the rest of them stood, watching Feyre work to heal your broken, battered body with mouths wide in disbelief.

Your other two sisters fell to the ground around you, careful not to touch you lest they cause any more damage.

“What… What happened?” Elain asked tearily. His soft, sweet Elain, tears already streaming down her face, sorrow matched by Nesta.

But Feyre… Feyre was sobbing as she worked to heal you, mending the vital organs that had been damaged in the fall.

Because you had fallen. Somehow, you had fallen over the edge of the balcony that would reach above your waist.

You were so small, so fragile.

The torn bond in his chest felt like a gaping wound, Truthteller twisting inside the muscle over and over and over as he looked at your dying body, the reality of the situation hitting him all at once.

You are his mate! He had rejected his mate!

Cassian returned with Madja in record time, who immediately set to healing the bones that were shattered into a thousand pieces.

“Everyone besides the sisters should leave now, I need to focus,” Madja said sharply, leveling a glare at Azriel himself.

He had been softly sobbing, tears cascading down his face without him even realizing.

Rhys, Cassian, Mor, and Amren all turned their eyes to Azriel, confused at the level of grief he was displaying, nearly level with your sisters.

Quickly, Azriel turned and left the balcony, making his way to another abandoned one, taking to the skies a moment later. He hoped the cold air would clear his thoughts, rid him of this feeling of regret he was holding now, after seeing you nearly dead.

But still, his heart ached with the need to see you, the need for the bond to be whole and healed again, to give it a chance.

Because now, he could see that he had made a mistake. Now that you had nearly left him in a way he hadn’t anticipated, hadn’t thought would ever happen.

Elain… Elain would be sad, of course. And he would miss her truly… It was a shame you were sisters, or he may have been able to figure out a world in which he could have the both of you to love him.

Most likely, Elain wouldn’t want a relationship with her sister’s mate, either. It would be… Cruel of them to continue on, with you still around them.

He didn’t know how he hadn’t realized that the moment you had confessed.

But there was no changing that. There was only the path forward, and that was for him to find some way to repair the bond between you, and do whatever he needed to win his mate to his side

💙🤍💙🤍💙

The first time you woke, it was to blinding pain in every inch, every cell of your body.

Without opening your eyes, your body wrenched itself to the side to wretch up whatever remained in your stomach, the movement sending more stabs of pain through you.

You weren’t awake for more than a minute before you succumbed to the pain, falling into blissful nothingness.

The second time you woke, you could hear muffled words, sounding like they were passing through several layers of cotton stuffed into your ears.

The voices sounded like your sisters, arguing in hushed voices.

Probably about what a failure you were, not even able to take your own life, even by jumping from-

A balcony.

Azriel.

Your mate.

The pain of your body was nothing to the renewed agony of the severed bond, ripped so suddenly after finally being recognized by your mate.

A scream left your lips without a thought, and your hands attempted to raise up to your chest, to attempt to soothe the pain ravaging you so thoroughly.

But they were stopped, held down by gentle hands, and two more cupped at your face, the kindness in them reminding you of only one person-

Twin.

Your eyes cracked open the slightest bit, the connection between you and Feyre giving you just enough to meet her pretty blue eyes with your dull brown ones.

“Y/N, you’re awake,” Feyre said softly, the words echoed into your mind so that you could actually hear her. “Try to stay still, sissy. We healed you as much as we could but you could still reinsure your muscles. Just stay still, I’ll get you more pain potions.”

Tears leaked out of your eyes. “Bond. Hurts,” you managed to whisper to her mentally, and her eyes widened.

One of her hands left your face, the other one curling around to lift your head and tilt a potion into your mouth, the liquid bitter but instantly easing the physical aches within you, tiredness sweeping over your senses and pulling you under.

But you could still feel the pain in your heart.

The third time you woke, the pain in your body was only a dull ache, but your hands shot up to rub at the ache in your chest.

No hands stopped you this time, but you heard three soft gasps as you moved, and after a moment you let your eyes flutter open, squeezing shut after seeing how bright it was.

“Oh, shoot,” Elain’s soft voice said, and you hear her soft footsteps and the swish of fabric before she returned. “It’s darker in here now, you should be more comfortable.”

You let your eyes open again, pleased to see there was only the dim glow of the fireplace and a few candles dotted about the room.

After a moment, you recognized that you were in the room that had been set aside for you in the River House, laying on the plush bed with your sisters huddled around it on chairs.

“What…” You started, but found yourself coughing, your dry, sore throat protesting the action. Feyre quickly offered you a glass of water, helping to raise your head and tilting the glass to spill the cool liquid down your throat.

Once you had had your fill, she set the glass back down on your bedside table, then helped you sit up against the headboard. She fussed with the pillows, making sure that you were only laying against the plush padding, then tugged the blanket up to cover your chest and shoulders.

Feyre was sniffling softly as she looked at you, her eyes gleaming with unshod tears, but her face was puffy and red so you knew she had been crying recently.

“What happened?” You asked quietly.

How did I survive?

“I- I felt you go unconscious, through our mental link. And I- I found you on-” Feyre’s voice was cut off by a sob.

Nesta sighed, to your left. But it wasn’t an angry sigh, like you were used to. Your head turned to look at her, seeing tears on her own face as well.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen her cry.

“She could you at the rocks below the House of Wind,” Nesta explained, her hands sneaking under the blanket and taking your left one in them, her thumbs rubbing over the back of it in a comforting manner. “You were… You were nearly gone, when we found you.”

“She and Madja saved you, but they said you might have some… Residual pain, because of the amount of damage,” Elain said softly, her own hands resting on top of the blanket over your right hand.

You blinked at the three of them, lost for words.

The pain in your chest flared again, reminding you of exactly why you were in this situation.

“I… I’m sorry for worrying you…” You whispered, guilt overtaking you as your right hand came to rub at your heart, attempting to soothe its pain, as futile as it was.

“Why are you sorry?” Nesta asked sharply, and you flinched. “I- I just meant that you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s Azriel who should be apologizing, and to you.”

Tears flooded your eyes at the mere mention of his name, and Feyre’s fingers wiped them away with a soft cloth with so much care that you began to sob.

“Oh, sissy, I’m sorry,” Feyre said, and climbed into the bed next to you, her body curling into yours like it did for so many years in that cold, run down cottage. “I’m so, so sorry,” she cooed as she rocked your body gently, joined to her back by Elain and Nesta to your left. “For what it’s worth, he realized what an… Error… He made,” Feyre said softly, but it only made you cry more.

That meant that he had hurt Elain, and that was the last thing that you wanted.

“It’s okay, Y/N, really. I don’t…” Elain paused, trying to find the right words. “I don’t want to be with my sister’s mate, especially not… Not with the circumstances. He won’t tell us exactly what happened, just that… He rejected the bond quickly, and is now searching for a way to heal it.”

Your sobs quieted at that information, your mind confused.

“What?”

“Azriel is… Attempting to make amends with you,” Nesta said, clearly angry with just the suggestion. “Though what he thinks he can do to fix it, I don’t know.”

Elain sighed. “Really, I’m sorry Y/N. If I had known he was your mate… I never would have accepted his advances.”

“It’s okay, ‘Lain. I… I should have told him sooner, given him… An actual choice, not sprung it on him last night.”

“Starfall was a week ago, Y/N. He’s been stalking your room since we brought you here, his shadows are practically coating the door at all times. Feyre hasn’t let them in, though,” Nesta explained.

Your brow furrowed. A week? You had been out for a week?

“You needed the time to heal as much as you could. You woke up a couple of times, but it never lasted for long, your were in too much pain,” Feyre said softly, one of her hands running though your hair.

“Can… Is he… Is he waiting now?” You asked quietly, though you weren’t sure which answer you were hoping for.

Your sisters exchanged weary glances, but Elain was the one who nodded in confirmation.

“Would I be able to speak with him?”

Nesta sighed and squeezed your hand tightly. “Are you sure? I could go roast him alive instead? Save you the trouble of taking him out?”

Despite the pain still throbbing in your heart, your lips curled up at her suggestion. “No, I’ll be… Fine, Nes. I just… Need to do this.”

“Okay, we’ll tell him that he can come in. Would you like any of us to stay?” Elain asked, her eyes soft and worried.

You shook you head. “No, I think it would be better for us to talk alone.”

“If you need us, or to have him leave, just reach out for me, okay sissy?” Feyre suggested, giving you one last squeeze before she slipped from the bed.

“I will, FeyFey,” you said, giving her a soft smile in an attempt to reassure her that you were fine.

Nesta opened the door to your bedroom, shadows instantly flooding inside as she did. You could spot Azriel’s massive frame in the doorway, his wings drooped to the ground.

You heard Nesta hiss something at him, too quietly for you to hear, but the way his wings fell further and his accepting nod came across, you were certain that she had threatened to cut off important body parts if you ended up even more hurt.

Azriel entered the bedroom, his eyes cast to the ground as he stood in the center of the room. Elain left next, avoiding looking at Azriel as she did. Feyre was the last to go, leveling Azriel with a deathly cold stare. You knew that she was the most shaken up by the experience- you and your twin had always had a strong connection, almost like you could read each other’s minds, even before Feyre obtained the magic to actually do so.

She turned in the doorway, her eyes locking with yours. You smiled slightly and nodded at her.

You would be fine.

It’s not like there’s any way Azriel can hurt you more, what with the bond already destroyed in your chest.

The door snicked shut behind her, though you could still hear their heartbeats lingering in the hallway outside, ready to step in if they heard anything concerning.

“So…” You started, once the two of you had been in silence for a few minutes.

“So… I… I wanted to apologize, Y/N. I wish I could take back my cruel words, and undo the rejection of the bond. I don’t know what I was thinking, moving so quickly,” Azriel said, his voice the saddest that you had ever heard it.

Still, you didn’t say anything.

“I am so, so sorry Y/N. I want to take away your pain, I want to do anything that I can to help you. You are my mate and I have done so much wrong by you. Please, Y/N. Please give me another chance,” he begged.

And it broke you.

Your arms came out from under the blanket without you meaning to, reaching for him-

Your mate.

Your mate who was begging for your forgiveness.

Begging for you.

The broken bond in your chest ached even as his hands met yours, grasping them tightly as he kneeled on the bed before you, tears in his eyes.

“Please, let me try everything I can to repair the bond. Let me earn your trust and love, Y/N.”

You sighed and bit your lip, considering his words, the conviction with which he said them.

“Is… Is there a way to fix the bond?” You asked tentatively, squeezing his hands gently.

“There are ways, yes. They require multiple detailed rituals under the separate phases of the moon, with a priestess’s help. I… I’ve already had a priestess practice the rituals, in case you were to say yes. Of course, we’ll only start when you’re ready.”

You nodded slowly.

You could have your mate.

If you wanted.

“When can we start?”

💙🤍💙🤍💙

A month later, you and Azriel had completed the four rituals required to repair the mating bond.

The priestess had warned you that the bond would likely feel slightly hollow, not quite as strong as they normally do once accepted.

You swore to yourself that you didn’t care as you baked a blackberry cheesecake for your mating ceremony with Azriel- it was the first dessert the two of you had shared in your very first date, while you were still on bed rest after your…

Accident.

You swore to yourself that you didn’t care as you lifted a bite of the cheesecake to Azriel’s mouth as your family watched on, clapping and congratulating the two of you quickly before they winnowed out of the Town House, which Rhys and Feyre had gifted to the two of you.

You swore to yourself that you didn’t care once the mating frenzy had subsided, laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, hand clutching at your heart.

Phantoms pains still rang through you every day, rattling your bones. The bond was there, yes, but it had been killed and brought back to life, reanimated in your chest and torturing you in life.

You swore to yourself that you didn’t care as you slid Truthteller across your thigh in the middle of the night while Azriel slept in the next room, needing to feel a pain that was real to distract you from how much you didn’t care that the bond wasn’t whole.

You told yourself that you didn’t care that Azriel wanted you for the bond, and likely the bond alone.

The moments that made you not care were the ones where Azriel’s attentions made the bond flare to life in you, imitating the wholeness that you could have once had.

His soft kisses on your lips and sweet nothings whispered in your ears, gentle scarred hands caressing your own scars, trying to erase every pain that he had caused you.

You swore that you didn’t care as you saw his eyes linger on Elain at family dinners, convinced yourself that you didn’t see longing and lust in his hazel eyes as he took in your elder sister, finally attempting to fulfill her own bond with Lucien.

You did the same as his eyes lingered on every pretty female you passed on your walks through Velaris, wishing that he would look at you with the same heated looks he did for them.

Even as you grew with child, you promised to yourself that you didn’t care that the bond felt like it was dying in your chest, draining you of your energy.

All you had ever wanted was to have a husband and a baby, someone who would love you forever, and a sweet child to raise, to shield from the cruelty of the world.

And of course, you told yourself that you didn’t care when he came home smelling of another female, his clothes slightly out of place and hair tousled while you were on bed rest, the lingering pain from your attempt making you unable to walk on your own.

Azriel was with you during labor, and the bond between the two of you shined the brightest then, with your hand squeezing his, nearly to the point of breaking bones, as you pushed and pushed and pushed, finally rewarded with your beautiful baby girl-

The absolute copy of her father, stunning hazel eyes, thick and curly dark hair, and tiny, fluttering wings on her back.

The labor took so much out of you, the wings having torn your body open, but finally, after hours of healing from Feyre and Madja, you were given the absolute joy of holding your firstborn.

You beamed down at her, enraptured by how sweet and precious and perfect she was, her little fingers curling around one of yours.

So small. So delicate.

You knew that you would protect her with your life, with everything you had. You would never let anyone hurt her, never let anyone compare her to those around her. She would be safe, and loved, and love herself like you had never had the chance to.

So you told yourself that you didn’t care, because she was worth it.

She was worth everything.

General Taglist: @daughterofthemoons-stuff @lilah-asteria

the 1 Taglist: @blackgirlmagicforever @historygeekqueen @angelbunny222