#--it becomes a question/exploration about what drives him more personally XD

[divinekangaroo]

I clipped this from your post because it’s easier than trying to inaccurately summarize! But I was wondering what you think about this dynamic. Whether you see it as a core part of his characterization and what you think it says about him, or whether you see it as kind of a visual shorthand in the series that isn’t indicative of anything about his approach to sex? It seems to me to be very consistent over the years and I’m curious about your take.

Yeah I think the repetition/consistency in how they show this makes it a super deliberate and very core part of his character, at least in how I read it – wouldn’t be nearly as fascinated with the story if it wasn’t.

And I don’t think it’s an accidental visual shorthand because of that repetition. I remember reading somewhere CM said that in S6’s TxL hotel sex scene they actually filmed two full sex scenes, one on the sofa and one in the bed – but in the end they only showed the last few seconds in the bed focused on the faces, as better articulating the purpose of that scene. I think they are very particular about how and what they show about Tommy having sex.

The particularity does add to this sense of overly-performative sex (EVERY sex scene feels performative and slightly contrived to me, even Tommy with Grace, even him using passionate sex with Grace in S3 to distract her XD, even him drunkenly/passionately sealing the ‘transaction’ with Lizzie in S5’s My Property scene) but I think they manage to stay on the side of the line that it feels like Tommy being consciously performative/contrived, rather than feeling like I can see the director’s hand. It’s the same sense when looking at Tommy’s various desks: yes his desks absolutely reek of being a contrived stage, but it’s *Tommy* being conscious about setting the stage, not the set designers/directors.

My reading / what I think the sex says about his character:

his ‘thinking mind’ constantly tries to frame sex as a transaction because he sees himself/his labour/his work/doing killings/offering sex – basically any act of his body as the fundamentality/essentiality of labour – as a unit he can trade for something else he wants. There’s some kind of less thought-out complex/trauma background thing here, where he believes that his worth is only what he can bring in and do for the family – labour, killing, smarts, sex, whatever. Mostly that’s his intelligence/schemes/business smarts, or his ability to push through risk/stress for high stake outcomes (stretching to do things they won’t out of fear), but sometimes that’s also his body (if combined with intelligence - trade your goods smartly, not stupidly, for advantage worth more than the momentary loss of bodily boundaries).

his ‘unthinking mind’ does actually want sex physically because it feels good. Physical release/oxytocin/endorphins etc? libido? I assume this, because otherwise they just wouldn’t bother showing him seeking out prostitutes; he’s not doing that for ego because he was satisfied in S1 that people thought he wasn’t having sex even though he was. But he is also sort of scared of sex because it leads to an intimacy that he can be used or hurt through it, hence why he defaults to prostitutes (S1, S2, S4 - or even the Zelda fling/no possible relationship) when he’s most wounded. Could theorise this is due to actual sexual abuse, but seems more like it’s because he hurts so deeply every time he’s connected deeply with someone – he loved Greta and was broken when she died, he loved Grace and was broken when she died - so, this supports his transactional approach because transactions are conditional, negotiated up front, well defined and ‘safe,’ they can’t get intimate or personal. He can use the transactional approach to justify himself seeking sex, while at the same time netting him something which feels good.

But whatever’s in the middle of the above two, is actually madly desperate for personal connection and intimacy. Despite him trying to apply sex transactionally or as a feel-good-only thing, he falls into some kind of intimacy and connection with the people he has transactional sex with, so frequently it’s a definite pattern. (I could write absolute buckets about May right here)

Even when he tries to avoid intimacy/connection – prostitution - returning from war, he sticks with one prostitute and has a very intimate connection with her? All right that's not typical?? And between S3 and S4 when the family’s shunning him, instead of just being promiscuous and anonymous, instead he has a relatively small rotation of regular prostitutes, knowing their names by preference to anonymity? Even the scene we see where he insists on someone new that he doesn’t know, this sparks from Lizzie pushing him about family/intimacy/connection. I read that almost as a “look at me Lizzie I don’t NEED connection stop pushing me” in front of her to try to make a point (to her, who used to be his intimate sexual connection, in a way that hurts her too to put her in her place? to himself?), immediately followed by him handing Lizzie cash/emphasising transactional approaches.  And this is then followed by that absolutely hysterical fail of a sex scene with the ‘someone new’ prostitute, which I swear is filmed to show Tommy did not, in fact, have any sex, or if he did, it was so lame they didn’t even muss the bed.

Even S6 and the prostitute in America, it’s fascinating they make the effort of showing that having happened, but then focus so much on all the intimacy/connection in the phone call with Lizzie/kids. He needs sex but he's hungry for connection and made vulnerable by intimacy.

(And I could go on about the number of ‘woman on top’ scenes and why that particular position, or specifically the filming/dialogue with May which is one of the more fascinatingly filmed and verbalised transactional relationships because of her class, or why I think Lizzie, the actual prostitute, has the least amount of flesh/nudity showing at all from all his women while he's often MORE naked/exposed in their scenes -- I’ve only been able to watch properly the once through, but had so many thoughts on how they dealt with the framing/camerawork.)

But all up, it feels like it’s trying to show him as a character who performs sex to get something out of it that’s not sex (transaction/treats self as a fundamental labour unit of exchange), but still needing/wanting/enjoying sex (because otherwise why would he pay for prostitutes/why even put sex on the negotiating table men don't do this??), but also constantly he cannot shut down this tendency/urge of his to more softly want/need personal connection almost more than the sex.

It’s just not a common way to portray a guy ruthlessly heading a gang, and that’s why I think it’s so deliberate. They take the expected image of how a guy heading a gang would approach sex (prostitutes, seduction, sexual prowess etc) but it feels like they’ve turned that expected image/action well on its head (cares for prostitute/s, suffers the Mosley-threat and Diana-rape, sexual prowess is mostly in service of women, attempts to depersonalise himself to a unit of trade), and then they use camerawork and the pre-post conversations to show this intriguing drive for intimacy instead of sex.

I hope that’s answered the question? It’s tricky; some of these thoughts more suited to a conversation/branching dialogue than a single post or I get repetitive XD

Tangentially, there’s more thoughts too on how they weave prostitution through as a theme, or the way he’s often in conflict between those motivators of ‘transaction/physical/intimacy’ -- he trips himself up; he gets hurt by trying to lean into one or two of those, and forgetting the other/s, and can’t really ever get them in balance.

[writingonesdreams]

Happy Blorbsday!

I'm also here with questions about Cameron. I think I kind of missed that he was one of your OCs, but then I saw that "I can fix him" incorrect quotes and definitely needed to know more.

How does he become part of the group? How does Zephyr feel about him? How does he feel about Zephyr? Does that change? What do they learn from each other? What do their interactions look like? (I know you answered this a bit in another ask but now I really just want to know all the details of their dynamic 👀)

Happy Blorbsday, Avra^^

Cameron is quite new character and even newer addition to the main cast. I had a different character reserved for later parts of the story that would show more of Zephyr's blowing up problems, until Cameron walked in and declared he would take all these parts and more upon himself.

I plan to properly introduce him in the next snippet called "Snake charms". Cameron was send from the International Dragon Management Organisation to check if the Dragonknight Academy would truly get a licence and legal backing for their interferences and interaction with dragons.

I don't much want to spoil that first meeting and how it will turn out :D. To be vague, Cam as a person is very much an antithesis to Zephyr. He is carefree, flirty, provocative, likes to rile people up. His main hobby is analysing people quick and well enough to know their sore spots and hit them at the first opportunity for fun.

He is also calculating, self-aware, egocentric, tends to think way too deeply about himself - he is my first enneagram type 4 character to date - and enjoys tricking people, making up personalities and masks only to change them with the next person. It's all fun and games, but it also makes him good at seeing people's masks.

His entry into the group happens through Skye and the sheer relief it brings her that someone can see through her very pressure inducing niceness disguises. It's the first someone enjoys Cam's skin deep guesses, quite a shocker for him XD, meeting someone as self-aware and arrogant and terrible as him.

He is also openly flirty with Skye, which flatters her, and drives Leander crazy...but leaves Zephyr weirdly calm and polite, like it's no big deal. I can't wait to write the scene where Leander tries to shake some sense into him with "dude, he was openly hitting on your girl and you invited him to lunch".

Anyway, Zephyr and Cameron go on a dragon management mission together to see the Academy operating in action (the next snippet afterwards "How the snake and the hawk went on a dragon hunt"), where Zephyr's behaviour outside the Islands and his friends' watchful eyes is revealed...another big spoiler lol. Let's just say Zephyr acts a lot different around people he doesn't care about and Cam gets to be quite horrified and fascinated by this.

Big reveal or not, horrified Cameron is packing, when Zephyr invites him to stay with the Academy as a consultant, even offers him to learn the Art, if he wanted. Cam, not used to being invited anywhere, is moved impressed and worried yet again. Zephyr warns him off now that he ain't worried with Skye and him being friends, but for having bad intents with his provocations and playful jabbing, he will get his revenge by becoming his friend.

This is the start of their dynamic that I'm currently experimenting with in the Star Wars inspired h/c AU - where Skye, Cameron, Leander and Zephyr want to create a magic enhancing soul bond, except it isn't working, cause they aren't as close as they should be, and ironically, Skye is closer with Cameron than even Leander is with Zephyr, and that is a high standard already. I want to explore what they look and act like at their best, when their relationships are close and open, but still missing something, when their natural differences and rivalries play off each other, when they are already caring, knowing, invested and with years of memories behind them.

Thanks for the interest in my new boy^^ and let me know what you think✨

[eldritch-araneae]

Bumblebee

Welcome to my long post about this boi because he's my fav ahah!

First impression:

In 2011 it I watched the first Transfromers baymovie. It was the "ohh he's an alien who quickly befriended a hum that so cool I love him!" thing, I so easy to please when it comes to interspecies relationships. I enjoyed the movies and Bumblebee quickly became my fav.

Then love for him solidified more and I found out about his G1 version and his info immediately spoke to me om personal level. He's cute, getting along human and seem gentle, but he also struggles with hiS place in the world and among his own friends.

It hit close to home.

Impression now:

I know I keep repeating myself a lot, but Bumblebee deserves a good writing! I want to see this original self with his struggles to be properly explored!

It only he wouldn't fall into " cute mascot of the show" box =/

He has so much potential for incredible character arc. This subject rarely appears, and if it does, it usually resolved quickly, which is not how it works.

In Plight of the Bumblebee from old marvel comics, he gets depressed ( yes, not just upset) about he don't feel belong among Autobots. He feels useless and even responsible for losing the battle ("If I were more help" ), firmly believing no one will notice if he's gone. He wishes to be a human because humans are weak, and if he was a human, someone would need him.

Then he just runs away without a word.

And then much later in Go for a Gold & Win if You Dare he compares himself to meteors, that burn in atmosphere before making any impact. And even if they do - they crush to pieces. Not to mention he constantly talks himself down ( "I'm not smart as Wheeljack", "I'm not strong as Grimlock") almost through entire the comic.

This this depressing as fuck, and believe me, just because your friends saved you or because you realized the importance of teamwork those feelings will not go away. Sure you will feel validated for few day, but they will come again, and again, and again.

He feels alienated from his own people, he feels weak, useless and unwanted, he has a constant need to prove himself, even if it kills him. His highest stat is courage, and this is probably why!

All this brings up an important question I haven't found a answer: what happened to him?!

Insecurities, especially like these, never appear out of thin air!

He shows signs of neglect at best, or abuse at worst.

Dreamwave's Guide said that Sunstreaker is bulling him and constantly makes fun of his failures in front other Autobots who laugh, believing it's just teasing. But cmon, I don't need tell you how damaging this shit is, especially when it's done for years.

But sadly, it's just a guide, it's not even a comic, so why?? Why not explore this??? Like seriously!

Even in TFA where it was shown that Bumblebee was abused in bootcamp, but the show never, ever made it a trauma, which is ridiculous! Optimus, Ratchet and Prowl had their own struggles, but Bumblebee must remain okay? As if being constantly picked up, and his legs being detached while he was locked isn't traumatizing enough??? I swear, people don't realized how bulling can break people and drive them to suicide ugh.

Another thing that bothers me is why Bumblebee needs to die (Goldbug) in order to become mature and stop stressing about what others thinks? And if he reverts back to Bumblebee, his insecurities are suddenly back as if nothing happened??

This is why I will not calm down until I see proper writing for him. I will demand his presence in each TF media and I don't care if fandom hates him xD

Because cmon, you can have a character with struggles and dark secrets who is also is full of hear and tender =/

Seriously, hire me Hasbro!

Favorite moment:

Ohhh there are so many across multiple continuities! I love every moment when he interact with his human friends and Windblade! ))) And generally Bumblebee is such delight to see, even if I picky about his looks ahah.

Idea for a story:

This is entirety of Sparkpulse! He not only has insecurities, but he has to deal with horrific trauma and phobias. He' not just a cute mascot or angry boi - this Bumblebee can do both!

He's like force of nature, a benevolent being who will bear many blessings to people he care about, to people who treat him kindness and respect...but if you wrong him, you will pay in full.

I explore a lot for ideas here. Like anger is not being inherently evil emotion, but a useful and powerful tool if controlled.

Or the fact that cute and kind character can be genially terrifying if he want to be.

He has so much compassion, but at the same time he can be relentless and merciless. Yet even here, he knows the price of life and will only resort to killing if literally anything else failed.

He's dedicated and wise, but also too hard on himself.

He's incredibly strong, but this strength is not limitless. Bumblebee must learn to rely on others, that it's okay to be weak, that he doesn't have to be useful in order to live.

This journey is long and full of hardship, but he's not alone and with his friends help he will let himself to make a first step towards healing.

Unpopular opinion:

I would only say that Bee is not bad character and actually can very complex. It's just Hasbro refuses to write him properly, sadly not many ppl see it and explore possibilities.

Oh well, I will have to do it myself then)

Favorite relationship:

I love his relationship with Windblade, like said in her post, it's very Ghibli like and full of love. I also love his relationships with humans! I would say much more, but I'm a bit tired and I don't know where to start.

Also his relationship with Starscream is such fun concept, that I will dive into it in my cont!

Favorite headcanon:

Oh gosh, there are way too many of them, the entire Sparkpusle is build on headcanons and ideas xD

[stormyoceans]

[VICE VERSA episode 3 parts 1&2]

Talay with his anti-fantasy bias again, thankfully Puen answers him for me

Hey Nurse, don’t you have a /job/

WHAT DID PUEN DO TO MAKE TALAY WANNA KICK HIM

Maybe Puen was on to more than I thought when he brought up hurting him (WHILE LITERALLY IN BED)

“It’s extremely difficult to find a match” Bitch where, the only example you have are two girls who clicked on the same day

These two seem to have switched, now Talay’s the chill one while Puen is fussing over going back

“If it’s you, I’m okay” Puen: *d-doki*

“I don’t like pink” Talay shut the fuck up

Also just because the pants belong to Tess doesn’t mean you HAVE to wear them

“Open your mouth willingly or I make you” There he goes again with his dom streak

“The café doesn’t really wow me” That’s because you’re not in a CAT café my man

Talay please don’t ever apply for the job of forensic sketch artist

“Were you born with straight hair” Nope my hair is hella gay

DID YOU GUYS EVEN PAY FOR THE MEAL

Okay but Tess is just the kid of the guy who owns the film company right? How on earth did the script become his business? What the heck is his position

It went by fast but Up and Aou went to “pee” /together/, HMMMM

“You once had a 39 degree fever” Puen should’ve said “yeah but this is a /forty/ degree fever”

AOU SPITTING OUT HIS DRINK IS SO FUNNY SLDKJFSKLD

Right so this is where I really don’t Puen simply because I h a t e drunk drivers, it’s one of the most irresponsible things you can do and I wish they’d chosen something less severe to show that he’s not treating Tun’s life with respect

(Jimmy’s drunk acting is still pretty funny though)

I feel so fucking bad for Up and Aou man, they worked so hard on this and now their friend is acting like a clown and about to ruin the whole thing and they don’t understand why

DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH WHEN THERE’S FOOD IN IT PUEN, FUCK

It’s pretty thoughtful of Talay to ask him what’s wrong rather than to keep chastising him

Poor Tun is literally living the “what if you woke up famous” question

Up’s “HELLO!” I’m screaming

Call me an uncultured swine but isn’t social satire also a form of comedy

Maybe Tun shouldn’t have gotten physical but I don’t even give a shit, throw those asshats in the trash instead of the scripts

Like yes apparently the scripts sucked and yes they thought they were alone but would it kill you to be professional (and respectful, like they literally SPAT on the scripts) at your workplace, Jesus

Going by their flaws I’d probably hate Tun’s script the most lmao, I hate plotholes (well, big ones that truly kill a story)

I think I’d be with Up; toss a middle finger at 26P and try every other film studio

As much as I have my gripes with Puen being stupid I appreciate that he regrets it so sincerely

I NEED TO KNOW IF THOSE GOOFY EXPRESSIONS WERE ALL SEA, LIKE THE DIRECTOR SAID “okay go nuts with your face” AND HE DID

“The old Tun has died” You have no idea

Screw the person who has to clean these windows lmao

Love how Up’s sentence is five times the size of the other two XD

the way i ended up writing an entire in-depth analysis for this episode yesterday only to lose it forever because of my shitty internet connection :)))))))))

not even gonna try to replicate it but the point was!!!!!!! i feel like people either want to ignore the drunk puen narrative or use that to condemn him and i think both attitudes are kinda doing a disservice to the character. the show can’t really explore that side of him because it would clash with the tone of the story, but it does help the viewers form a pretty clear image of puen in their heads, of someone who is acting irresponsibly and should know better than drink and drive, and at the same time of someone who is very lonely and unsatisfied with his life despite being famous and rich. puen is a deeply flawed and human character, and throughout the show he makes tons of mistakes, because at his core he is a selfless man who desperately wants to be selfish for once, which is understandable to a certain extent, but not when he ends up hurting others (in this case, up and aou and, in a way, even tun)

in episode 6 puen says that talay “is the light that saved me” and that’s so true!!! but what i’ve always loved the most about them is that talay is just the lighthouse guiding puen in the right direction: talay is stern but caring, he points out how wrong puen was but never judges him for it, and when he realizes how bad puen feels for what he’s done, he tries to cheer puen up any way he can, but never steps in to fix the situation for him. talay is there to give puen advices and support, but puen is the one to actively make amends and change his behaviour. before being lovers, puen and talay are friends who make each other better, and that’s why i like them so much

ANYWAY!!!!!!

“Open your mouth willingly or I make you” There he goes again with his dom streak <<<<< CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO PUT THIS IN MY TOP 10 MOST UNHINGED PUEN MOMENTS IT DEFINITELY DESERVED A SPOT THERE SHAME ON ME

Okay but Tess is just the kid of the guy who owns the film company right? How on earth did the script become his business? What the heck is his position <<<<< i think it’s because tess’ father always wanted him to work for the company, and in episode 1 we see tess’ brother bringing talay along to help out with all the people wanting to sell their movie project. that’s how he meets tun again, and in episode 2 when talay goes to bar and meets up and aou as well, he says “your screenplay is bought. i talked to my brother for you”, so i think talay acting as an intermediary also made the project his responsibility in the company (it’s like he’s their agent, sort of?)

I NEED TO KNOW IF THOSE GOOFY EXPRESSIONS WERE ALL SEA, LIKE THE DIRECTOR SAID “okay go nuts with your face” AND HE DID <<<<< IM PRETTY SURE THAT WAS JUST SEA BEING HIMSELF because apparently stealing phones and making funny faces is his hobby

also i don’t talk nearly enough about my love for up and aou but GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 9, Part 1

Ahhhh...poor son of a bitch.

1. Heyyyyy, green tape

Hmmmn, Koogi seems to use green a lot...is that just more common a color for duct tape in Korea? But thing is, her main outfit for Bum is green tones. And he likes froggies, which are green. 

Also, we never do see Sangwoo use this tape with CEO daughter girl (just ropes, a cloth for her mouth, and this weird metal thing to cover her eyes). Or with Bum, for that matter (I only saw it so far used with Koogi’s illustrations, which are a different matter altogether...I might be mistaken, I won’t skip to that part, but Sangwoo might have used it on Bum in the last chapters, which could signify how far his mentality has deteriorated). 

But this guy is different. Sangwoo has no emotional attachment to him.  The duct tape could be, in a way, signifying how worthless this person is to Sangwoo. That he’s nothing more than a box full of unsavory memories he would rather tape shut forever and throw away to rot.

2. Ooohp. Bastard’s bringing out his iconic apron

Sangwoo the butcher.

But this is something new that we haven’t seen before. Again, Sangwoo has never once wore this with Bum. So that means Sangwoo truly has no intentions of going easy on this guy. Blood is going to be pretty much spurting every-the-fuck-where. 

So even though Sangwoo doesn’t consciously plan to kill someone, he has his habits and ideas down to a pat so that once he does get into that territory, he can more or less get right down to it. Sangwoo seems to do what he can to ‘separate’ himself from his atrocious acts, but also fulfilling an ‘aesthetic’ that fits with the atrocity he has become. 

Like, that apron.  Too risky to wear regular clothes, so apron is the next best thing and can act as a barrier of some sort once the blood goes flying. It’ll reduce how much splatters onto his skin and how much of his body he has to actually clean. It’s also just keep things less gross and more sanitary that way lol.

3. I am the type to find this funny and really be amused by Sangwoo’s smartass-ness

I suck at being a smartass and I can’t do it, so I really appreciate it whenever someone else can, even if it’s mean lol. But if it’s mean, it’s a guilty pleasure for me, like right now. x’D

4. Honestly, Sangwoo, how did you get yourself into this situation...

Oh!  So he was able to get out of the blow job. Nice. The guy was actually respectful. If Sangwoo were sane, he’d understand this and just run away instead of luring this guy in to kill him. 

But, really, why did Sangwoo put himself into this position?  I don’t have anything foolproof as evidence, but I really don’t think Sangwoo is the type who actually needs to kill at specific intervals as an outlet.

If anything, Sangwoo has a more...instinctual response to sexual situations, like Bum. For Bum, he becomes hyper-aroused and zeroes in on the pleasure to a point that it overrides his more logical line of thinking. The “he’s a killer I should be scared” becomes “it feels so good and nothing else can exist but this pleasure”.

For Sangwoo, he has two modes. The first one is passive, where he’s just following his partner’s whims and saying that he’s enjoying things but he’s actually just powerless to resist. It’s his instinctual reaction after being forced to just...take his mom’s advances. He feels empty, like a doll that is just meant to be used and taken for pleasure. It’s no better than being a corpse that is fulfilling another’s necrophilic tendencies.

The second mode, I believe, came to be as a self-defense mechanism to the first mode. In order to avoid ever feeling like that, he is in control of everything. He has complete dominance over his partner. In a way, the extreme violence is the only way he can genuinely feel pleasure because he’s ‘safe’. He can literally go one way or the other, his trauma has made it impossible for him to have any other mode than ‘docile’ or ‘predator’. 

5. Well, even without the possibility of murdering someone, Sangwoo choosing an alias is no surprise

He did go into a gay bar, lol.

I also find it interesting that this is where we get a look into Bum’s thoughts. And it’s regarding Sangwoo’s alias. 

Also, now I am wondering if Sangwoo ever resorted to using aliases with his other prey. Because if he had, then this does add a whole other layer of premeditation to his serial killing. Even if he’s not purposefully scouting for prey, it would at least mean he’s always prepared in the event that he comes across prey. 

That is what makes Jieun such an outlier and also Sangwoo’s downfall in terms of getting caught. Jieun knows Sangwoo personally. There is a connection between them. And her disappearance could easily be traced back to him. Sangwoo isn’t an idiot. He knows how to pick and choose his prey and he probably makes sure to never make it so that the prey can call him by name. 

That is also what makes Bum such an interesting outlier. Because Sangwoo is risking A LOT just to keep him--someone who knows Sangwoo’s real name and actually has witnessed his personal life, both in the outside world and behind closed doors. Sangwoo chose him over the girl. Sangwoo broke his legs, not only to keep Bum from escaping, but to keep Bum with him. 

This does suggest that Sangwoo is not serial killing for the thrill of it (at least, not just for that), but because he’s in search for something that could replace the kills. Sangwoo doesn’t want a pile of dead bodies under his feet--he wants one alive body to stay by his side and love him, in spite of those dead bodies. 

6. ....cute motherfucker

Koogi, I resent you so much for making him this cute...

Honestly though, it just strikes me how Sangwoo keeps trying to keep on a carefree and happy facade even during times like these. We do later see him doing that as a habit as a child, so it fits that he does that on steroids during his adult years, especially considering the things he does. I’ll refer back to this when we get to Jieun’s death scene.

7. Shows of weakness

Ah damn I’m going to have to revisit this part. I have a lot of thoughts on it, but I’m too sleep deprived to actually make sense of it. But this part is important in understanding Sangwoo’s mentality and the ways he tries to train Bum to fit a certain image.

Aaaaaand today is a new day!!  So going forth:

During the times Bum showed fear and was trembling, I do think a major part of why Sangwoo hates it so much is because it reminds him of how much of a monster he is. But I also think it’s because it reminds him of his mom, which he does say about Bum’s trembling. Because no matter what happened to his mom, she never learned her lesson. If she were able to change, then Sangwoo’s childhood would be less painful. 

But Bum being quiet and looking scared, but still able to meet Sangwoo’s eyes...that reminds Sangwoo of what he was while with his parents. And even though Sangwoo does hate himself--to a point where he doesn’t want to change because he has no belief he can be better--I do think he’s grieving for that child who had no clue that things will just get worse and worse from there. 

Especially since, from what I’m assuming, he knew how to manipulate his image so that he could avoid being beaten and locked up like his mother. So he would hold more respect towards his conditioned response versus his mother’s conditioned response. He probably refused to admit to himself how he felt back then, because obviously that’s a cruel thought to have and Sangwoo’s level of empathy was still average to high at the time. But it still doesn’t erase his resentment towards her inability to be better (I think this also contributed to why Sangwoo presumably felt ‘free’ after his first kill).

I think I’ll have a better grasp over my thoughts once we get to Jieun’s death >_< 

8. *opens mouth, then silently closes it*

That first sentence probably is not meant to sound the way Sangwoo makes it sound. xD  Which is a bit too gay for someone who firmly claims he is wholly hetero.

Oh actually this is funny. Since the only other person in the basement is a guy, the card dude probably thinks Sangwoo really is gay or internalized-antigay or something. But the truth is a lot more complex and sinister than what it appears to be on the surface.

9. Ooooooh, high stakes indeed

Lol, this does drive home the idea to me that Sangwoo is really pissed at Bum. Because, again, he would’ve never went to that gay bar had it not been for Bum. So, in a way, even though Sangwoo internally knows Bum isn’t the one going out in a body bag, this instillation of fear is a punishment for making him question his sexuality in a way that triggered Sangwoo’s trauma. Because there is literally no safe way for Sangwoo to explore his sexuality considering his past and his current lifestyle.

On the other end of the spectrum, I wonder how Bum is feeling about this. He probably genuinely believes that Sangwoo is genuinely putting Bum’s life on the line, in a way that if he fails the card game, he’ll die. Like. I definitely would. No matter what past form of affection Sangwoo showed, if he says he’ll kill me, I would full-heartedly be like “Yeah. Yeah, I don’t doubt you, hun.”

And, still, Bum knows better now than to complain or beg. Because unlike his mother, despite his own mental issues, Bum can be trained and that is why Sangwoo keeps him around.

10. Where do you come up with these things, you bastard

I mean, seriously, he has so many ideas on how to break a person. These are more psychopathic than sociopathic tendencies, I think, so that’s why Sangwoo right now, is a high-functioning sociopath.

11. Oh my fkkn god tho, this smart boi XD

Or maybe I’m just dumb and have no clue how to play cards. 

Or maybe Sangwoo has been spending time with Bum playing cards.

Or maybe Bum is just good at cards and has spent his time practicing them.

Either way, the fact that Bum is able to fkkn pay attention during these times shows that his own trauma and mental issues have no bearing on how smart he actually is. He doesn’t have strong observation skills and is slow to understand people, but that’s more of a natural character trait, even if it is more emphasized by his mental disorders...mmmn, I do kinda wonder if Bum could have some traits shared with autism but I’m too neruotypical and untrained to say whether or not he does.

12. No seriously, we have creative Sangwoo here with this card game from hell...

...Then we have Bum here able to pull out logical conclusions like his mind is clear despite the immense anxiety and pressure of the situation. There’s a reason why Bum is still alive. For some reason, the longer Bum is stuck in his situation, the more 

13. Seriously, I could stab him in the eye for being so cute despite being revolting, it’s not RIGHT KOOGI

Stab stab stab stab

14. It probably doesn’t mean much, but I still can’t help but point out how Sangwoo is making sure to be close to Card!dude and facing Bum

This would be the most logical choice since it will ensure his victim doesn’t try to escape. And even if he does, he can quickly do shit like pulling back his hair if he tries to be ‘bratty’. Also, being behind someone like this is meant to represent a menacing appearance and being the ‘controller’ behind the scenes. Sangwoo has the upperhand since card!dude can’t see him and Sangwoo can do whatever he wants to the guy. 

But this also puts Sangwoo and Bum on more equal ground. Sort of like “partners in crime” because they can face each other and communicate via body language. In a way, Sangwoo can help Bum or make Bum do things, influencing his next move. While, at the same time, keeping a literal eye on Bum but without the upperhand he has on card!dude--because Bum can also keep an eye out on him. 

15. I’d probably laugh if I were Sangwoo too lol

I bet you Sangwoo didn’t expect Bum to actually get the goddamn ace. The fact that Bum is this fkkn lucky is indicative of how Bum is lucky enough to even be alive at this point. Bum has been able to avoid his ‘fate of death’ over and over again that, honestly, the sheer disbelief of it is ridiculous. But it’s also like Sangwoo is saying ‘Of course you’d get the goddamn ace. Of course you would, you little shit, why am I even still surprised by you at this point’.

In a way, Sangwoo might also be thinking that ‘Huh, it’s like I meant to mess with the cards so that’d they be in your favor.’ But of course, he can’t have that because Bum being ‘too’ happy about things means he won’t be able to control Bum. So, for Bum’s case, he’s doing a second round to train Bum further, rather than to fuck with him before he kills him (like what he’s doing with card!dude).

Other than that, this is also indicative of just how well Bum is dealing with the anxiety of this moment. Card!dude might have done better (though he can’t have that much control over the cards) under normal circumstances, but between the both of them, Bum is actually calm enough to think things through. It says a lot about his capabilities lol. It makes me wonder what kind of person he could’ve been had he been raised well.

ALSO, AGAIN WITH YOU BEING CUTE SANGWOO. NO. ESPECIALLY NOT UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ASSHOLE. STOP IT.

16. Lol, even though this is a throwaway line, I think this is indicative of who Sangwoo has already chosen

This is really like a “come on, partner in crime, get up to my level here and let’s fuck with this fucker together”. But the thing is, Bum is just as much a victim as this guy. There is literally no way for Bum to think any other way but Sangwoo fucking with both of them, not just card!dude. 

Because the thing is, if Bum forgot himself and reacted the same way as card!dude, Sangwoo would kill him, along with card!dude.

But yeah, it does make me think of how Sangwoo would’ve reacted if card!dude actually won. How would his script go? Would he still do a practice round? Or would that have been enough for Sangwoo, and he would’ve skipped to the next part of his plan?

I don’t think this second round was something Sangwoo expected. And that really drove home to him how Bum keeps surpassing his expectations again and again. 

17. *wince* Oohp.

The trembling and slight protest. Definitely not what Sangwoo wants to see. I can’t blame Bum for responding like this, BECAUSE A FKKN SERIAL KILLER IS PRETTY MUCH TRYING TO SCREW HIM OVER, but at the same time, he should know better than to respond this way. 

I also do think, other than the threat to his life, Bum is perceiving this as Sangwoo ‘choosing’ card!dude over Bum. It’s like a rejection and that probably hits Bum’s rejection sensitivity. If it was just a threat to his life, Bum would probably be able to still stay silent at this point (uh, most likely not because again, life is on the line, but still maybe). However, there’s also this sense that Sangwoo doesn’t actually want him to live--that the card game is just an excuse to kill Bum.

18.  think it says a lot that Sangwoo still responds to Bum’s protest via ‘patting’ him on the head rather than pulling on his hair. 

If card!dude was more intuitive, then he probably would’ve noticed that something was off in the way Sangwoo was treating Bum. More leniently. Because any small variation in treatment is not a promising outlook for card!dude.

But the thing is--now that I know how the ending is--Sangwoo is just doing this as a way to fuck with the other dude.  Actually he was probably proud of Bum winning so that he could further fuck with card!dude and make him taste the bitterness of false hope. Sort of like a “heh, you did better than I thought you would”. 

Sangwoo does want him to live because this card game is not about ‘who’ to choose. Sangwoo has already chosen Bum. This is just a matter of how much satisfaction Sangwoo can get against his revenge on the other guy.

Though, Bum is genuinely worried because why would he think that lol. There is also this thing where Sangwoo chose to kill a pretty girl and keep him, a skinny male loser, alive. So from his stand point, Sangwoo’s choices are difficult to pinpoint. Bum also won’t see himself as more ‘attractive’ than card!dude, so he most likely was scared that Sangwoo’s choices has changed once again and he would be thrown away like CEO daughter.

19. Hmmmn...

Now that card!dude has been given a second chance and can see Sangwoo’s willingness as a show of ‘favorability’, he has more control over his anxiety (which I do think is different from Bum, who has this sort of ‘on-off’ button for his anxiety, versus card!dude who seems to have more of a ‘reduction-enlargement’ slider). He probably feels more confident. 

And this is probably exactly what Sangwoo wanted, because then that will make the fall so much sweeter, the look of horror that much more gratifying.

20. Really, and there were people who wanted Sangwoo and Bum to have a happily ever after

The psychological warfare Sangwoo is putting onto Bum is so brutal that it’s really difficult to keep reading. Again, Koogi making it so that Sangwoo got better, then got worse when he realized he couldn’t handle what it means to ‘improve’, and then die...it made me respect this work so much, because nothing about this is romanticized.  And furthermore, Bum didn’t die, but at the same time, he was scars that will never be able to heal. His mentality was worse in the end than it was in the beginning, which is a goddamn feat because there wasn’t much left for him to fall.

Another alternative that I saw float around was Bum and Sangwoo dying together and...no. No no no. That’s too romanticized as well. And Bum being left alive while Sangwoo dies has this very...god I don’t even know how to explain. It’s not a happy ending. For me, there’s no vindication for it because I got to see just how deeply Sangwoo was suffering, which made it impossible for me to enjoy his death despite every incredibly shitty thing he has done. It was literally just...a masterpiece. One that showed just how, really, there are places on earth that truly have no hope and the suffering only ends with death. 

I usually never like nihilistic stories like these. Like seriously, there’s a reason why I avoided Killing Stalking like the plague. But after so many stories where things have a happy ending just because they MUST, it doesn’t only get tiring, but destructive for me. 

And Killing Stalking is special to me because instead of showing that everything was hopeless in the beginning just BECAUSE life is hopeless, period...it shows that things could’ve gone differently because Sangwoo and Bum were never truly without hope in the beginning. Sangwoo wasn’t a classic serial killer. Bum just needed better guidance. They just needed to be given a goddamn chance, like so many people in the world in general.

Instead of outright nihilism, it’s more in line with existentialism and that things reach the point of no return if nothing is changed. Or that if there are changes, it’s the type of change that makes things worse and doesn’t allow for healing.

Anyways, I don’t quite have all my thoughts on this together, so this is something I have to revisit once I’m done reading KS.

[btsslowburnfic]

Sonata-First Movement

The dear @omgalyssag17​ asked: hi i saw you have your requests open and was wondering if you’d be interested in writing a story where yoongi moves into a haunted apartment/house (human!yoongi x ghost!reader pairing). i like giving authors lots of room for creativity so let your imagination flow. And I did. So much so that the story will be told in three parts over the next three weeks XD I LOVED THIS PROMPT SO MUCH Series Summary: Yoongi travels to a lake house to get some work done in peace. While he is there he has several strange encounters that make him question his own sanity.  AN: Y/N as a ghost is slightly neurotic at times because she hasn’t really had conversations with people in about ten years. She’s trying so hard to be a good hostess XD Series contains angst, humor (well I think so), and fluff.  WK:5kish Day 1

Yoongi parked his car at the end of the gravel driveway. The drive up to the Lakehouse had been pleasantly uneventful. It was starting to get foggy though, so he was glad he had left Seoul when he did. He reached into his front pocket for the set of rental keys. They were neatly labeled: cabin, boathouse, boat. 

The wooden front door opened easily although it creaked loudly. He decided to take a look around before bringing in his luggage and equipment. He was on a rare break from work. While the other members had gone traveling or home to spend time with their families, Yoongi had decided to get some work done. But he would do it away from the city. He told the Agency to find him somewhere nice and quiet. And with a piano. That last part proved to be more of a challenge, but they had discovered this remote cabin which had belonged to a pianist. The property had been listed as “for sale” for several years and the family decided instead to rent it out to at least recoup some money.

The air smelled slightly stale so he left the front door open and began to explore the property. It was a small 2 bedroom cottage-style lake house with large windows running along the back of the living room. The sliding glass door led out to a small deck, overlooking the lake. It was beautiful. Or at least it could be. Yoongi looked through the glass and could barely make out the lake that he knew should be there. The layer of fog was rolling in against an already grey sky, causing the horizon between the water and air to blend together into a monochrome greyscape. 

There was a small kitchenette in the corner of the main room, and on the opposite side, a piano with a desk sat next to it. Perfect. A fireplace adorned another one of the walls, providing both a heat source and a beautiful focal point.

He continued to walk through the house, discovering the bathroom and two bedrooms. The larger of the two also had large windows and a sliding glass door. Yoongi shook his bangs out his face and stepped out onto the wooden deck. The deck was small and surrounded on most sides by built-in benches. There were also several empty wooden planters. Whoever had lived here must have enjoyed flowers or herbs, he mused to himself. He gazed out towards the lake where he was able to barely make out the boathouse. In addition to the stored motorboat, there was a kayak stacked against the boathouse and a rowboat tethered to the dock. Good, he thought. He doubted he would use the motorboat at all on this trip, so it was nice to have options. The steps down to the dock were made up of several twisty flights of stairs. He decided he would check out the dock tomorrow. 

Yoongi went back through the house to get his equipment set up. When he came back, he discovered the front door had shut. Dammit, he thought and sat down with his armful of equipment, squeaking the front door open again. He placed his laptop and speakers down on the desk. Now to get his luggage and food bags. He knew there would be no delivery service out here. Hell, he’d be lucky to get cell service out this far. Which is one of the reasons he had decided to work out in the country. He knew he wouldn’t be distracted by his phone or by the members messaging him. It would truly be a break from everyone and everything. He grabbed his suitcase and used it to prop the door open and then took several trips out to the car to unload the bags of food he had bought on the way up.

Yoongi began to hum to himself while unpacking the food. Cold in the refrigerator, room temperature in the cabinets. He was a very neat person and was very satisfied when all of the groceries had been put in their place. He went back to get his suitcase from its place by the door. Yoongi scratched his head. His suitcase had been by the door, hadn’t it? Maybe he had wheeled it into the kitchen without thinking. He walked back over and looked around quickly, still not seeing it. Ok. Maybe he hadn’t brought it in from the car and just thought he had. He knew in the back of his mind that he had to have brought it in, because he was using it to hold the door open. Maybe it was on the front porch? He turned the corner and saw the suitcase sitting by the front door. He jumped a little bit and shook his head. Maybe he was more sleep deprived than usual and it was making him dumb. “What the hell?” he said out loud. He walked over and firmly grabbed the suitcase as though he was afraid it was going to wander off.

He turned on the light in the master bedroom and put away all of the clothes, storing the suitcase under the bed. Now, he could finally get some work done. After coffee. Coffee was an important step. 

----------------------

You sat over at the desk, observing the newest cottage guest. The delightful scent of coffee wafted through the air. There were several things you missed about being alive, and one of them was a nice, hot cup of coffee. Especially out on the back deck, first thing in the morning. You often wondered if you were actually stuck in hell; able to smell coffee and not drink it. You were able to see every person who trespassed in your house, but none of them could see you. 

At least it looked like this guy would be a considerate guest. Too often it would be loud families with their ill-behaved children banging on your beloved piano. Sometimes it would be drunk fishermen. At least they could be entertaining. And they were also your favorite to mess with; they were never sure if there was a ghost or if they were drunk. Hilarious. Death had very few benefits but that was one of them.

You watched him pour himself a cup of coffee. Now that you noticed, it was very late to be starting a pot of coffee. He must be a night owl. You got up so he wouldn't sit on you. It always felt so weird when the living touched you; their solid body parts passing through your non-corporeal form. It didn't hurt but it made your body feel like it was being stretched in ways that it shouldn't be able to. 

He sat the cup down and started to unpack what looked like headphones, a microphone, and some other things that you knew had to do with recording music. Oooo interesting, you thought. He was a very meticulous person. You had noticed the care he had taken into putting everything in its place even though you could tell he was eager to begin the task at hand. He plugged in the electronics and began to press some buttons. He put on his headphones and began vibin to some beats.

You frowned. You wanted to hear the music too. You reached over and gently flipped the bluetooth switch on his headphones off.

Yoongi stopped and took off his headphones. He looked at them with a concerned expression. That was so strange. He had charged them all last night. It didn’t even occur to him to check the manual power switch; there was no reason to. He frowned and placed the headphones on the desk. He dug the charger out of his bag and crawled down on the floor to plug it in. 

You smiled as you watched him try to turn himself tiny. It was pretty cute. He slowly backed out of the space under the desk, and while still on his knees, pressed play. The lakehouse was filled with music. You felt the space in the middle of your body, where you once had a beating heart, relax. You hadn’t heard music in forever. You would occasionally play the piano, but most of the time it just made you too sad. 

Yoongi took out his notebook and began flipping through it, trying to find the page he had been working on. You spied over his shoulder, trying to see what his project was. Notes? Lyrics? Ouch. You felt his hand go through your face as he raised his arm to run his fingers through his hair. Ok, ouch wasn’t the right expression, but it had surprised you nonetheless. He continued to fluff his hair several times. It was very fluffy, now that you noticed it. You wanted to touch it. You really tried to not be a creepy ghost. But you hadn’t had visitors in so long. And it looked so soft. You let yourself pet his dark, black hair.

Yoongi froze and looked behind him. His nose scrunched up as he turned his neck and looked above him, searching for the draft that had just blown his hair. Seeing nothing, he continued on with his work.

His hair was soft. You knew it would be. Alright, you decided, enough of being creepy. He seemed nice enough. You traveled over to the living room and laid down on the couch. Being dead was so boring.

Yoongi continued working and drinking coffee for several hours before deciding around 4 am to go to bed. This was a poor decision because there were no curtains in the lake house, and the sun came in at 7 am. He groaned and pulled a sheet over his face.

You laughed as you saw him wrestle with the too small sheet. He would pull it up, his feet would become uncovered. He would pull it down, and a sunbeam would fall directly onto his face. Poor guy. The next time he pulled the blanket up, you gently tucked the comforter over his feet. He didn’t even notice, he just let out a satisfied groaning sound as he rustled around trying to get comfortable. Finally, he was able to fall back to sleep.

Day 2

Yoongi woke up around noon. He scolded himself for not thinking of bringing an eye mask along. He was used to sleeping at strange hours, in a state of permanent jet lag, so he usually remembered to pack it. Oh well. He groggily shufflled to the kitchen and grabbed an iced coffee. The lake was beautiful this morning. The sun was shining and reflecting against the water. He decided to wash up and head down to the dock.

You watched him down the iced coffee like it was a lifeline. Did this guy know that drinking-water also existed? You wondered as you followed him around. You watched him look out over the lake while drinking the coffee. The corners of his mouth upturned as he looked out over the water. With a determined look on his face he went over towards the bathroom leaving you to hang out in the living room. You walked over to the desk area where he had left his stuff out. You decided to look through his notebook and found several pages of lyrics. He was really good, you thought as you flipped through. You took your time reading some of the pages and notes. You also saw some compositions written down as well. 

Yoongi walked out of the bathroom wearing a towel and sopping wet hair. Since he was the only one there he hadn’t bothered to take his clothes into the bathroom with him. He walked out into the living room and saw his notebook jump off the desk. That’s weird. He thought as he walked over to pick it up and put it back on the desk. He ran a hand along the back of it to see if it felt extra slippery. No. He did the same to the desk. Weird.

You were trying to NOT be a creepy ghost and yet here was a hot guy wearing a towel in your living room. You looked around, where to go, where to go? You couldn’t go to the master bedroom, that’s where he would go next. You saw him bend over to pick up the notebook. If you had blood left in your body, you are certain it would all be rushing to your face right now. Must leave. You hastily made your way to the guest bedroom, carefully opening the door and stepping inside. You took a few deep breaths out of habit.

Yoongi sat the notebook down on the desk and heard a creaking sound coming from the other side of the cabin. The drafts in here were unbelievable, he thought and he headed to the bedroom to get dressed.

You kept yourself in forced isolation until you heard the sliding door of the living room open up. You peeked out the window and saw him making his way down to the dock. Finally, you thought, as you went back into the living room. Ever since you had heard the music last night you had been wanting to give it a go on the piano. You looked down at the dock to make sure he had made it before you took a seat at the bench and began to play, 

Yoongi felt the sun shine down on his dark hair. He usually blow dried it, but between the hot sun and being on vacation, he figured he would let nature take care of it today. He sat down cross legged on the dock, looking out across the Lake. He could see a few other houses lining the perimeter and several patches of trees. The water lightly rippled, splashing gently against the rowboat. He looked over the side of the dock. It was shallow and he could see minnows swimming in the water that had been warmed by the sun. He smiled and took in a deep breath of the fresh air. He took out his pen and began to write.

You couldn’t remember the last time you enjoyed playing the piano. It had been probably about 6 months before you died. If you had to guess. Time is a funny thing. It speeds up as you get older. And once you’re dead, it’s like the blink of an eye. It wasn’t enough time. You sighed sadly. But, playing this music made you happy. It made you so happy that you had lost track of time until you heard the unmistakable sound of the glass door sliding open. You were pretty sure you were able to stop in time. You made a cringe face and turned to the door to see if your guest had noticed.

Yoongi stood extremely still. He had definitely heard the piano playing. Only for a second or two. But the sound was unmistakable. Maybe a mouse was in the dampers. He cleared his throat and walked over to the upright Yamaha. You stayed absolutely still as he reached over you, his face inches away. You didn’t have to hold your breath, you didn’t even breathe anymore, but you found yourself nervously worried about it. He smelled good. Stop being creepy! Yoongi opened the lid quickly, hoping to catch the mouse in action. No mouse. Strange, he thought, and closed the lid. He stepped back and eyed the piano suspiciously.  Wait a minute. He looked at the sides and then he opened the lid once more. “Hmm? What’s this?” he reached in and took out a yellow, legal-sized envelope

You had forgotten about that. 

He held the large envelope in his hands, inspecting it. He turned it around. There was nothing written on the outside but he could feel the contents inside of it. He bit his lip, unsure of what to do with this. He sat it down on the desk and headed to the kitchen to eat lunch.

You tentatively pressed your fingers against the envelope. You were surprised no one had found it yet. You were certain your family would have quickly sold the house, so you had placed the document somewhere safe. But no one had come to buy the house. Maybe because you had scared them away. The first few years of your haunting you hadn’t been quite as kind of a ghost. Time had mellowed you and allowed you to come to terms with your death. You looked over at the man who was starting to shake ramyeon packets and boil water. You gently tore the corner open and waited a minute to see if his curiosity would get the better of him.

Yoongi walked back over to the desk while he waited for the water to boil. Now that he looked harder he saw that the envelope had been opened ever so slightly. He felt a little odd, but decided to go ahead and open it. He carefully slid the contents out onto the desk. He saw a picture, sheet music, and a letter. He picked up the photo first. It was a picture of a young woman who looked to be about his age, sitting out on the back porch, petting a large yellow dog. She was looking off at the lake smiling and it appeared she hadn’t known someone was taking her picture. Yoongi looked out, holding the photo up in between himself and the window. He matched up the benches and planters perfectly. It was definitely taken here. The next thing he picked up was the sheet music. It was untitled and about 20 bars of music filled the sheet. He placed the music on the piano’s stand. He picked up the letter and began to read.

“I don’t think I’m going to have enough time to finish this composition. I really like it and I would love to hear it completed. I sit down every day and try to but the headaches are getting worse and it’s hard to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. I wish I had more time. But I suppose that’s to be expected, isn’t it? I thought there would be more time. I can only hope someone takes Barley and gives him a good home. Dogs don’t know about death right? Animals fear pain, not death. I fear both even though each gets worse and closer every day. As for the piano, I just hope it goes somewhere where it will actually get played by someone who loves it. I’m hoping my family finds this, but if you find yourself reading some random dying girl’s letter, please let my family know I tried to hold on for as long as possible. And I really tried hard to finish this. I just can’t anymore. Thanks for reading this. Whoever you are. Have a great day and remember: life is short. [y/n].”

Yoongi felt tears running down his face as he finished the letter. Jesus. Had this belonged to the girl who lived here before? He looked at the picture of the girl and the dog and flipped it over. “Me and Barley May 2010 BEST DOG EVER.” Yoongi gently placed the letter and photo on the corner of the desk and ran a hand along his chin and then his cheeks, wiping the tears quickly with the back of his hand.

You watched as he cried and felt bad. You had written that letter probably a week before you died. Maybe a month? It was hard to tell. Time passed differently when you were dead. And the last few days, weeks(?) of your life had not been easy on your body or mind. All you remembered was the instant feeling of calm and peace. At first. Until you realized for some reason you were trapped in the lake house. You watched him sit down quietly and look at your composition and put his fingers onto the keys.

He began to play. At first it was so soft you could barely hear it, but as he continued to play it got louder. You remembered the song so well. You were slightly biased, but you thought it was, “Beautiful.” you heard him say as he came to the end of the song. He sat like that for another few seconds and then played it again from the start.  He picked up the music sheet and sat it down on the desk. He got up and moved over to the desk chair, taking out his. He started to copy the notes onto his notebook and then started to add notes to it.

Was he going to finish your song? You sat in awe as you watched him play with the chords and rhythm to try and figure out what would work best with what you had already composed. You sat down on the piano bench and watched his face as he concentrated on how to approach the music. The timer went off in the kitchen and Yoongi got up to assemble the noodles. He brought the hot bowl and chopsticks back with him, careful to not sit it on the desk. He read the letter again.

“Well, I’ll try to finish it for you,” he said. “But I don’t know if it will be what you would have picked.

You gave him a sad smile. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken to you. “That’s ok.”

Yoongi looked over towards the piano. He kept feeling something. Something randomly around him. And this time he had sworn he heard something as well. “I need to stop talking to myself, I’m starting to imagine answers.” He said, taking several more bites of noodles. You just laughed. A small tinkling sound. Yoongi got up and went over to the back porch to look for windchimes or something. Having found none, he shook his head and sighed. He quickly finished up his lunch and sat down next to you on the piano bench. He reached over for the sheet music, and then very delicately placed your picture next to it.

“Alright [y/n] let’s finish writing this composition.” he said as he gently placed his fingers on the keys. He played the song again, this time adding a few of the notes he had added. He was satisfied with a few of them but others he scratched out with his pen. He began again and again, trying to work through the bridge. You understood his frustration. This was the part you had gotten stuck on as well. You liked the few notes that he had successfully added. Suddenly, without thinking, you thought of what would sound good next and played a series of notes. 

Yoongi sat there not moving. The keys to his left had definitely just played by themselves. And not random keys like a mouse on the dampers. They were notes that matched the song perfectly. What the hell.

You froze. Shit shit shit. You were going to scare this guy off. The only person who had actually spoken to you in a decade. You felt like you wanted to cry. Dammit [y/n] you scolded yourself. Yoongi was afraid to turn to his left. He knew it was silly. There wouldn’t be anything there, other than that feeling he kept getting in the house. He was going to make himself do it though. He very slowly turned his head and looked at you. At least, it seemed like he was looking at you. But from his perspective, he just saw the windows of the lake house. He let out a deep breath. “Here I am, afraid of ghosts.” He said out loud. “Well, if there is a ghost here, thanks. Those notes work well,” he said as he wrote down the keys you had pressed and then played them himself. The two of you stayed like that for about another hour before Yoongi decided he was going to work on another project. You decided to go out on the back porch and give him some privacy. 

The rest of the evening Yoongi didn’t feel anymore of that warm buzzing sensation he had felt since his arrival. You had stayed on the back porch until it became dark to give him a break. You were so afraid earlier that you were going to scare him off. Usually you couldn’t wait for the guests to leave because they were annoying, but you wanted him to stay. He was nice and quiet, and cute, and working on your song, and cute. And oh my goodness, you thought listening to yourself. You had a crush on this guy. Ugh. You didn’t even know ghosts could get crushes. You sighed, once again bemoaning the fact that being dead was standing in your way. You didn’t get the chance to date much when you were alive. You went straight from University to writing music up at the lake. You thought your love life could wait until you had established your career more. Just another thing you had been wrong about. You sighed as you re-entered the cottage and saw Yoongi still sitting at his computer jamming away with his headphones on. Did he ever stop working?

Yoongi had worked on several projects that afternoon and was feeling very satisfied with the progress he had made. The earlier piano incident left him feeling a little skittish, especially now that it was dark outside. He wasn’t easily frightened, but as he thought back to the past two days, several incidents were very strange. He didn’t believe in ghosts. He told himself. Over and over again. Probably a little too much for someone to not actually believe in ghosts. He reached over to the piano stand and took the picture off the stand, sitting it down on the desk and running a finger down it.

If Barley was alive, he would be a very old dog by now, Yoongi thought. He wondered if the woman’s parents were the people renting out the lakehouse. He would have to have the Agency contact them and ask about her in a delicate manner so he could give them the documents.  Yoongi stood up and stretched his arms over his head. He would usually make some coffee and continue working, but he found himself unusually tired and not particularly wanting to sit in the living room full of wide open windows and wide open spaces. He took his phone and a drink into the bedroom. There. If you’re under the covers, ghosts can’t get you, He found himself thinking. I’m so stupid. There’s no such thing as ghosts. “There’s no such thing as ghosts.” He said out loud, like that made it more real. You just laughed. Yoongi froze. That tinkling sound again. Ok. It was time to pull the sheet over his head and go to bed. Which he did. 

You felt bad and resolved that tomorrow you would be quiet, and not touch him, and not have impure thoughts about him. You would try so very hard. But, for a few minutes, you were going to watch him sleep. Just a little. Ghosts are allowed to be a little creepy.

Day 3

Yoongi woke up around 9 in the morning. It was raining outside. He felt his shoulder ache; the joint affected by weather ever since his accident. He groaned. He was hoping to take the rowboat out today but it would have to wait. He stayed in bed for a while, checking his phone even though he knew the reception made it almost useless. 

He walked out to the kitchen and started to make the coffee without thinking. Wait a minute. He hadn’t set the coffee and filter out. He knew he hadn’t. And yet when he came out, the carafe, water, filter, and coffee were all laid out in a nice row.

See? You didn’t want to be creepy or scary. You wanted to be helpful. Yoongi let out a deep sigh, trying to fill himself up with bravery. “Whoever is here needs to stop messing with me. My head is fucked up enough without thinking I’m actually going crazy as well.”

Oh. You thought the coffee would make him happy but instead it had made him upset. You pouted. What could you do to make him not afraid? It was difficult being a ghost. You walked over to the piano and decided to play a nice happy song for him. Something not scary at all. You began to play the tune of “You are my Sunshine.” No one could be scared of that song. No one. Except apparently Yoongi was.

“Ahhh….” he let out a tiny scared sound. He looked over at the piano playing by itself and covered his ears and headed for the front door. He opened it and stepped outside into the rain. Shit. Shit. The piano is playing by itself. He thought. Shit. It’s raining. No. It’s pouring. The awning over the front door was very small. He ran over to the car to try and get inside but he had locked it. He scolded himself. This was the country, why the hell did he lock his car? Who was going to take it. Shit. He couldn’t walk anywhere else. He would have to go inside and get the car keys. He walked back to the front door and pulled on the knob. It was locked. SHIT he had also locked the bottom lock out of habit last night and hadn't unlocked it in his haste to get out of the house. Wet, scared Yoongi paused for a moment and laughed. This was ridiculous. The whole situation. He wiped his wet face with his hands and ran his fingers through his soaking wet hair.

You sat there feeling very sad. You had just tried to help. You felt like the two of you really shared a connection through the music, and he had talked to you, and you sat out coffee for him, and played a very cute song. Why was he being such a scaredy cat? And why was he still outside? It was pouring and his car keys were sitting on the fireplace mantle. A minute later you got your answer as you saw a very wet Yoongi at the back door. He was absolutely soaked. 

Yoongi arrived at the back porch. Surely he hadn’t locked all of the sliding glass doors. He looked in through the windows and was shocked to see the profile of a girl sitting at the piano. Oh God. There was someone actually in the house. What if the girl wasn’t the only one? What the hell was going on? Yoongi felt his heart beat racing in his ears.

You got up, slightly annoyed by the fact he would rather be in the pouring rain than hang out with you and walked over to the door, opening it ever so slightly. Maybe he wouldn’t notice and think it was the wind. Or maybe he believed in ghosts now, you sighed.

Yoongi watched the woman through the fogged up windows walk over towards him and open the door just a crack. He heard her let out a deep sigh like he was being annoying. He opened the door the rest of the way and slowly walked inside.

“Wow you look even better when you are soaking wet,” you mused from your spot by the fireplace mantle.

Yoongi shook his hair out of his face and looked over at you, “Thanks, but who are you and why are you here….” His eyes widened as he was finally able to see clearly.

Your eyes also grew wider and you looked behind you to make sure he wasn’t speaking to anyone else. You looked back at him, “You can see me?”

Yoongi slowly nodded his head. The woman definitely looked like she could be twins with [y/n] from the photograph. “Of course I can, you’re ogling me from the fireplace.”

[theoniprince]

If you had to pick one name/alias/moniker to go by, fandom-wide, what would it be?

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

First of all thank you so much for asking me!!! 8D It was a pleasure to answer all these questions. During this I got quite emotional (haha Stanpat, Eddie). It showed me again how much I love this 8DDD

( I apologize in advance for all misspellings and my sloppy English =_=)

If you had to pick one name/alias/moniker to go by, fandom-wide, what would it be?

Oh, what a start XD I'm not that into nicknames. Generally people using my first name to address me or my username which is mostly onyprince (in reference to a character from Hakuouki) ID Sometimes they say Oni or J(ay) (Nickname for my first name). Do as you wish (though I like ‘J’ the th most) 😉

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

Twitter. But everything I post there is also here. Feel free to follow my account, but you don’t have to. https://twitter.com/oniprince_

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

Oniprince_ (Twitter) yeah… you see, I am pretty boring XDDD

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

Actually 23 years ago (haha I am old XD) When I was eleven I saw the miniseries with my cousins for the first time. The horror factor wasn't that important to me or maybe I didn't see it that way. It was more like an adventure story with an unfunny and nasty clown. A group of friends who had to endure an adventure. In any case, it entertained me well, even if I was not aware of some elements like that it’s a story about growing up, friendship, love and all these issues around becoming an adult XDD Then with 13 I read the book. It was a  new experience, and I loved every single word. Over the years I talked with friends and Kingsianer (XD) about it and read it for a second and a third time. At this point I could start a list with things I don’t like about the movies, but I’d rather mention on thing I really appreciate about them: they are a good opportunity for a new generation to explore this universe. Every adaption like the book itself is a reflection of a specific decade and what is more yeah… immortal, universal and diverse than a story about growing up. It was a discussion with a dear friend about book to movie adaptions some weeks ago that probably brought me back to this fandom

Nevertheless there are things from the book I would have loved to see in the movies. Let’s be honest at this point if you want to adapt such a brick of a book you simply have to cut some elements. You can’t please everyone

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

Ships:

Stanpat - orz q__q they are such a sweet couple and it is so heartbreaking, they never ever had a real chance to become parents. They would have been excellent parents. Imagine them on a beautiful summer day. They have a picnic with their children and Stan would watch birds with them. He would tell them all about the birds and keeps a journal about their observations with his kids

Reddie - Despite the constant teasing their realtionship seems like a natural, casual und easy thing from the start. And Eddie likes the nicknames. These secret names are like another identity. He can be someone else. They take care of each other. Their relationship is a deeper friendship that runs mostly on an emotional level and is sometimes expressed through small, physical gestures. The chemistry between them is indescribable. It is cute when 90s Eddie immediately starts to giggle as soon as Richie makes a dumb joke at their reunion. And thing about the little moments when Richie pokes Eddie and calls him cute. I am won’t quoting this one passage in the book that leaves much room for speculations, but there is no doubt their special bond is official. In any case, the decision to make Richie gay in the movies gave the ship another push. I don’t complain. I love it. Though I still think Eddie would have been a better option. There are already some scenes in the book which are like an invitation to speculate about his sexualityTheir chemistry is very obvious and believe me, there is nothing I would more appreciate than a happy end for them Q__Q

Benverly  „Your hair is winter fire

                   January embers

                  My heart burns there, too

This is one of sweetest things I have ever read in a book and that is all I need to explain why I love this ship.

Fav, Characters:  Hmm when I read „IT“ for the first time I had a crush on Bill. He ist the born leader and in my childish, pre-teen way found his stuttering cute. There is something about him that cast a spell on you. It is perfectly understandable that he was a role model and an inspiration for his friends – especially for Eddie. In my personal opinion book!Bill ist the best Bill.

Richie - I love this chaotic megane dude. He is this silly type who use jokes, pranks to protect himself. His voices are like safe heaven (the same goes for Bill, whose stuttering almost disappears, when he pretends tob e someone else). He hides himself and his insecurities behind them. It is a shame that he doesn’t know what an impact he had on his friends. Richie seems to never ever shut up and sometimes his trashmouth is still talking, when he better should be quite. And I am famous to fall for funny characters. He can lights up the mood immediately ( and OMG…. I love Harry Anderson in the miniseries. A real entertainer, BUT BILL HADER…. Bill Hader…just to make it clear BILL HADER  did such an amazing job. He rocked the movie and I still think, not just because I love this dude since over a decade, without him… the movie wouldn’t  have been so entertaining)

Eddie - He is in these abusive relationships. First with his mother, who keeps him small and makes him believe that he is weak. At the end her own fears of beeing left behind prevented her son from becoming a self-confident adult. Eddie always thought he is weak and fragile. Although he knows that he doesn’t need all this medication, his childhood experience were the reason for his coping-behavior as an adult – he still uses his inhaler. He married a woman who is like his mother. Mike's call was something of a turning point. Until this call Eddie could not overcome his fears and had to face them again as an adult. I can remember. While reading the book there were several moments of silence and I stopped reading and thought: poor Eddie.

Ultimately, his story is about a hero who surpasses himself, overcomes his fears and by sacrifice himself he protects what is most important to him - his friends. It just touched me. Eddie gave his life for his friends and I think you can say he's my favorite character. His death may be a tragedy, but it was necessary for his character arc. My theory is that Eddie represents someone who has lost track in his life and prefer to stick on old but unhealthy patterns.It is almost like Eddie stands for missed opportunities, but at the same time it is never to late to change something. He is a hero. There are so many things I would like to talk about, therefore I should start an own thread XDDD

Oh and Bev - I could always identify with her (not bc of abuse or domestic violence. My childhood was amazing). She is the only girl around the losers and I was the only girl in my  favourite clique too. We spent most of our time outside  - it was great. Of course I had other friends (female) as well, but with my boys… it was always special).. As you know as an adult she falls back in old patterns. Her husband is tyrannical man like her father. Again Mike’s call is a turning point.  Maybe the Benverly arc is the most satisfying. I was… I am very happy that Bev got her happy end.

Last but no least - I like Ben, Mike and Stan too. They have all there unique character treats and you sympathize with all of them. The Loser’s club is bunch of adorable idiots who just doing their best to become adults. I think it is normal that their friendship feels more intimate in the book – I highly recommand the book.

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Mostly fanarts, but recently I thought about posting my own theories and sharing my hcs and random stuff about the characters and the different relations.  

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

The fandom is full of amazing artists and writersand actually it would be a, but i want to name those who inspired me the most (mainly artists – hopefully I copied the links correcty):

https://tonyofthetrees.tumblr.com

https://meowsteryyy.tumblr.com

https://slashpalooza.tumblr.com/ ( you have to check out ‚Loose Ends‘)

https://coldcigarettes.tumblr.com

https://vvanini.tumblr.com/

https://eggocrumbs.tumblr.com

https://twitter.com/10_sgan

https://twitter.com/kasphacked

https://twitter.com/tac_nor

(oh.. the list got longer than expected IDDD)

Do you know this?

https://ragnarozzys.tumblr.com/post/189890790551/those-early-hours-after-a-sleepover-when-you-wake

Have you ever seen something as cozy and cute before I///D? – me neither XD

Trust me they are all worth a visit and I am sure most of us already know them 8D

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

My art I provide on tumblr can be found here:

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/tagged/myart

Honestly I like these the most:

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/649446311120273408/my-first-reddie-sketch-now-scanned-the-quality

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/649548606679007232/close-to-you-now-scanned-with-coloured

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/650697175346593792/hammock-iconic-richie-is-reading-a-monthly

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Oh… unfortunately I am not feelin‘ very confident about my own artworks. Sometims I have the feeling I am not creative enough and that my ideas are more or less boring. Nothing special ID Totally dumb – I know. As I mentioned before I came back lately to the fandom… I guess I missed many amazing IT weeks. I participated in some weeks/mainly shipweeks in other fandoms (Yakuza/Ryu ga Gotoku, FFXV) If I find an interesting annoucement I can imagine to participate in the future ; )

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

In general… the fandom is really friendly – I hope so. Lately I have seen some salty comments on different stuff, topics… and well.. I have just an advice: life can be exhausting enough and time is always running. Don’t spend time on things you don’t like. Discussions can esclate quickly and worde can hurt too. So, just thing about before you jump in.

Thanks again! <3

(Special lil sketchy piece of art I did for this ask)

[vios-rockland-corner]

Dollmaker Talk PT 2

*snaps fingers*  Guess what?  I got the “okay” sign to talk a little bit more about Runawayoutlaw’s unfinished Dollmaker build.

That means yes I will be going into my thoughts about the characters and setting this time.  I focused on Dollmaker being outside the Rockland canon and the game mechanics last time.

(MAJOR spoilers below for the unfinished Dollmaker build)

First of all, what is the plot of Dollmaker?  Well the MC this time around is a medical student attending a seminar that day on improving relations between demons and humans for the greater good.  One of the very speakers at the lecture is none other than Dr. Sano Kojima.  The MC apparently catches his eye and you two seem to get along fairly well considering you admire him for his position (he’s a demon ambassador) and he appreciates that you seem to be specializing in demons for your medical degree.  All seems to be going well and you look forward to discussing the profession with him more...only to get caught off guard when he knocks you out and brings you to his home.  The atmosphere quickly changes when you wake up and he cuts straight to point that his main goal is turn you into a human doll!  He puts a binding spell on you so you can’t escape the house, but he gives you the freedom to walk about as you please.

That’s pretty much the gist of the game.  From there it’s about exploration and getting to know the inhabitants of the house, and on rare occasions, seeing some visitors.

Sano Kojima

As I stated in my previous post, both Sano and Akira have been introduced beforehand in BTD.  This game was meant to revamp the characters and stories.  For the most part, I’d say personality wise that Sano stays very similar to his BTD counterpart.  He’s very calm and professional.  He’s very much into his research and appreciates compliance from the MC.  He can still kill you in this, but the only such ending I found is if you fight back repeatedly right away.  Like I said, he prefers compliance.  He is probably one of the more sane of the three main house inhabitants and possibly the nicest?  It’s hard to say when I feel like both Sano and Annabelle’s routes weren’t quite finished yet.  That or I haven’t found everything yet.  

I will say compared to the BTD game, Sano here doesn’t show nearly as much sadism or malice.  He DOES still want to turn you into a doll though, but again I don’t think his route was fully finished (or I haven’t found the right paths yet).  I didn’t get a full ending with him completing the doll transformation, so other than the beginning, we don’t get to delve into that obsession as much as I would have liked.  I remember playing BTD and getting that one ending and thinking, “Oh!  I love that concept, I wish I could have seem more of the character focused on that.”  Dollmaker is obviously supposed to do that, but the creator didn’t get around to the finishing touches.  I kept getting stuck in the same loops with “Sano’s route,” so I can’t say much else.

Annabelle Winter

Annabelle is a brand new character.  There’s a bio for her luckily in the game to explain some of who she is (a former lead singer), but otherwise I probably was able to get the least information about her in the game.  I remember some notes about her one tumblr way back when Dollmaker was being developed.  Basically, she’s supposed to be Sano’s “first doll.”  You, the MC, would then end up being the second doll.  You can tell this really doesn’t sit well with Annabelle, even if I couldn’t get much more information about her feelings in the game.  There’s a conversation between Akira and her you can spy on, but you really aren’t quite sure what’s happening.  Her room was also always locked for me.  I don’t know if the programming for it all hadn’t been completed like Sano’s wasn’t, or I just wasn’t performing the correct actions.

The existence of Annabelle is interesting though because then it does make you ask questions like: What’s her relationship with Sano?  Are they lovers or something else?  Is she jealous that he’s making a new doll? Does Sano plan to throw Annabelle out after he has you? Does this mean the MC could also get tossed out later? What’s her relationship with Akira?  Stuff like that adds more tension to the atmosphere.  On the plus side, at least you know Sano’s successfully turned someone into a doll before, so you know the procedure should go fine (yay?).  Personality wise, I didn’t have enough to go off of to get a real good idea of what she’s like.  She can be a little bitter and creepy, that’s for sure, but also talks sensibly with someone like Akira.  It’s hard to say.

Akira Kojima

Ah Akira!  Probably the character that was the closest to completion in my opinion.  That doesn’t mean his whole path WAS complete, but compared to Sano (one death ending vs. couldn’t progress) and Annabelle (hardly any progression and no ending found), Akira actually had decent introductions, quality time with the MC and an ending.  Granted, it was mostly the ONE ending...but I kind of loved it and it wasn’t a death ending at least.  Before I get into that, what’s he like in Dollmaker?  Well he definitely has more of a domineering and feisty personality I’d say, contrasting nicely with Sano.  He also can be both naughty and tender I’d say when it comes to romance.  He can be pretty sensitive at times.  You also learn he’s a contract killer in this game, but he doesn’t seem to really enjoy the work.  That’s the only major hint I’d say of the guy being unhappy.  I remember during the development process it was hinted that Akira has a LOT of baggage in this universe.  Baggage unfortunately that seems to make unstable enough that he will completely flip his lid if he thinks someone is turning on him.  What I’m saying is...the dude actually has a yandere ending XD  I’m not joking.  For those who know of my main blog and are probably thinking, “Did YOU enjoy that?” the answer is obviously HECK YES!  See what happens is if you get too cozy with Akira, apparently that makes him latch onto you.  

I swear to god when I played my first run, I was NOT trying to make him jealous.  I thought there was more to do so I didn’t think it was a big deal if I didn’t wake him in bed (it seemed rude to me), go to the kitchen and compliment Sano’s eye.  But those Telltale mechanics from the last post I talked about?  This is where I realized too late they were hinting that Akira gets VERY aware of what you do in the house once he starts to like you.  He doesn’t like it AT ALL if you either seem like you’re trying to leave or get friendly with anyone else then.  He goes full “snap.”  What he does is try to “train you” so that you agree the MC belongs to him and him alone then.  I love how he does it actually because I find it pretty realistic.  Yeah he gets really rough with you initially once he’s snapped, but the big thing is he throws you into a large closet.  He just leaves you with a bucket and nothing else.  And then he makes NO CONTACT with you.  You go through...who knows how many days with occasional bottles of water or food placed on the floor without Akira talking to you or even you seeing him.  Depending on your actions, sometimes he’ll pop in to check on you, but if you show that your spirit isn’t broken yet, he goes back to the no contact.  He’s essentially driving the MC insane through isolation.  It’s very simple but incredibly effective.  Imagine literally being given nothing to do for days on end with limited food and water and just a bucket to relieve yourself in.  It can start to wear on you.  Humans are social creatures too (we NEED other people).  I love MC’s with stronger spirits actually that don’t bend to a yandere’s whims all that easily.  So yeah, I kept the MC yelling and tried to just hold out as long as I could.  This puts you in a loop though and Outlaw did a nice little touch where there’s this static effect over the screen when you continue to make decisions.  This helps to emphasize how monotonous this routine is becoming for the MC and you really feel less of the urge to fight back anymore.  I can see why the MC broke in the end.  Once they are broken, Akira comes to collect you and that’s pretty much the end.

Obviously I loved playing through Akira’s path the most.  I will do one small critique here since...I’m kind of a nut about yanderes.  I think it would have been nice to have a FEW more hints before Akira’s “snap” that he suffers from something like anxiety or separation over losing people.  There might have been some and I just got lost in the build maze finding this information XD  Like I said, I knew he had baggage (and even lost a lover) from the creator’s tumblr page during development, but I think it would have been nice to have some hints like that in the game.  Just food for thought in case they want to try another yandere character in the future.  Some people don’t like if you pull a “yandere snap” out of nowhere without at least dropping some kind of hint of instability with the character prior.  I mean I’ll always enjoy yandere endings regardless honestly XD  It depends on how serious you want to take it though.  This situation was different than say Marcus from Till Death Do Us Part only because....that game basically is ALL about the “snap” there (no real progression to it like in Dollmaker).  You had just enough backstory (The MC and Marcus are divorced and Marcus gives you nightmares) that him coming back as the ex from hell isn’t surprising.  People can fill in the blanks and fantasize all they want there about what went wrong with the relationship beforehand.  With Akira, you’re seeing the relationship progression play out, so there’s a little more pressure to make the “snap” a little more believable.

I don’t know how fair it is to critique an] game that’s clearly not finished though 0.o

There’s was other stuff in the game I enjoyed like all the little Easter eggs with the plants and paintings, and Cain even popped up briefly in a bad end :P  There was other stuff I also didn’t learn about though like Mio (sorry I scared you lol), but it is what it is.

Still a nice treat.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ @sasuhinabigflash2020​​ || Day Twenty-Two: Out to Dinner ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

[ Previous ] [ Next ] [ This piece is a sequel to Day Seventeen ]

To say that their meeting was awkward was...a bit of an understatement.

For months, both Sasuke and Hinata have lived under a rather unusual assumption: that they were each the last person left on earth. One morning they’d woken, made to address their family...only to find their homes empty. Their neighborhoods...empty.

The entire city - and presumably the rest of the world - completely and utterly empty.

And yet strange phenomena seemed to keep life running as normal. Electricity never wavered. Food in stores didn’t rot. To both, it felt like being trapped in a strange gap in time. A limbo they had been dropped into with no context, no warning.

But then, while each looking to plunder a local grocery store...they’d finally managed to cross paths, each completely taken aback at the knowledge that they were no longer alone.

That didn’t make it any easier to accept, however, the meeting standoffish and each seemingly wary and suspicious. But they’d exchanged numbers, agreeing to - should the need arise - communicate with one another.

And after a week...neither has dared bridge that gap.

Sasuke, for his part, has actually adapted to the loneliness rather well. At first he mourned his missing family deeply. While theirs had been far from perfect, having them suddenly vanish left him more hollow than he could ever describe. But after an intense two weeks that nearly saw him deciding to try and join them...he’d instead become resolute. So...he was left alone to survive on his own, was he? Then he’d do it...and do it well.

And for months he’d done just that. Managed his food supply, ensured the care and defense of his home (even if there was, assumably, no one to seek to harm it...one could never be too careful), and kept himself guarded and ready for anything.

...well, almost anything.

He’d mostly been simply scouting out parts of his city he didn’t know well, taking several large bags with him to grab whatever looked useful. He had closer places to find food. But he was there, and it was ripe for the taking.

Or so he thought.

Seeing the girl, Hinata, had startled him in a way he had in no way expected. So...he wasn’t the last. Maybe they weren’t, either. Perhaps there are more somewhere, just waiting to be found.

But Sasuke had already decided he was fine not knowing. Hinata was a surprise, and a pleasant one. But that didn’t inspire some inclination to go looking for others. He had his domain and his necessities. He was fine as he was, thank you very much.

...and yet…

Every time he checks his phone, seeing her contact information...he debates sending some kind of message. What would he even say…? They’re complete strangers. He knows nothing about her, let alone something to talk about.

And yet...he wants to. Not because he’s lonely, he assures himself. But just because he’s curious. And it’s something new. Something to break up the monotony.

So after a week of deliberation, he sends his first text.

You there?

Casual enough, right? And he manages to put the mobile aside rather than wait for an answer...which comes seven minutes later.

Sorry, was in my garden! Do you need something?

Well, no. He doesn’t need anything. Nope. Just checking in. Kinda weird, tbh.

A minute passes. Yes, I know what you mean. Odd to talk to someone after so long.

...he reaches an impasse. Now what…? How is your garden?

Good! It’s just flowers. I wanted to grow something edible, but...ran out of time. Maybe next year, if...you know.

Ah yes. Winter. The thing both of them have been dreading, wondering if any problems yet to surface may in fact rear their ugly heads. I bet you’ll get around to it. I dunno anything about plants, so...don’t ask me.

They’re not that hard to learn about. I could teach you, if you wanted?

That earns a blink. Sure.

...another awkward silence.

Can I ask you a really random question?

Sure?

Okay. Just act cool. Do you want to like...meet up or something? I dunno, just seems like maybe we should at least get to know the basics about each other, all things considered. Right?

To his worry, she doesn’t respond for several agonizing minutes. Did he ask too quickly? Is something wrong?

Yeah! Sorry, there’s some loose animals in my neighborhood and one of the dogs keeps coming into my yard and digging in the flowerbeds...

Sasuke blinks. Maybe you need a fence.

Ha, maybe.

I could help you build one. I helped my dad build ours a few years ago. I kinda know how it works.

...you would?

Sure. Not much else to do, right?

There’s a brief silence as she seems to mull that over. ...okay! I’ll make you some dinner to pay you back, okay?

You don’t have to do that.

No, but I want to. It’s only fair.

Well, seems there’s no changing her mind. All right. When would you wanna start?

Doesn’t matter to me! Like you say...what else is there to do?

Nodding to himself, Sasuke replies, How about tomorrow? I know where a hardware store is, and I have my dad’s pickup. I’ll get the stuff today and head over then.

Okay! I’m...kind of excited!

All right, see you then.

...okay. He’ll admit it. He’s a little excited. Mostly because this is his first real social interaction in months. So off to the store he heads, asking Hinata for details of what she wants.

It’s not like price is an issue. Mostly just effort. And Sasuke’s got plenty of that to spare.

She decides on a privacy board fence, just to make sure the animals keep out. And he even picks up white paint and brushes for them to make it match her house. By the time tomorrow rolls around, he’s more than prepared. Boards, posts, nails, hammers, paint...he’s got it all.

They get started early in the morning, Sasuke showing her the basics and letting her help...until she smashes her thumb with a hammer. She’s then directed to painting duty, covering up the boards as he gets them tacked up.

A few breaks are taken to drink lemonade she took to making before he got there, as well as lunch. But it’s dinner she promises will be what helps make up for all his hard work.

By early evening, they’ve actually gotten it all up. Hinata insists she can finish the painting herself the next day. “For now, it’s time for dinner!”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” In truth? He’s starving. Been a while since he’s worked that hard, but it was nice.

Inside, Hinata’s gone all out. An entire ham is taken out of the oven alongside potatoes, salad, and a cherry pie.

“...I think you went a little overboard,” Sasuke observes, perking a brow as she blushes pink.

“I just...w-wanted it to be worth all you did today. I still don’t think it’s enough, really…”

“It’s fine. Like I said, it was something to do. If anything, I should be thanking you.”

The pair stand at an impasse before Hinata relents with a giggle. “Okay, okay...we’ll just call it even.”

Hinata, as it turns out, is a really good cook. Before Sasuke realizes it, he’s overeaten, having had two full plates of everything and feeling miserable.

“No room for pie?” she teases.

“Ugh, no…”

“Well, you can just t-take some home, then. Have it for breakfast tomorrow!”

He just nods, knowing he can’t tell her no. But he does help tidy up and put things away. “Think I might have to help you build fence more often if I get to eat like that.”

She flashes pink again, clearly pleased. “Y-you can come over any time! I guess just, um...give me a little warning.”

“Sure. Let me know if you need help with anything else.”

“I will! Thank you again.”

“Back at you.”

...an awkward silence blooms between them.

“Well, I...guess I’ll say goodnight…?” Hinata offers, sounding more like a question.

“Yeah. Have a nice night, Hinata.”

“You too, Sasuke. Drive home safe.”

“Not like there’s much traffic to worry about,” he counters with a grin.

“Still -!”

“I will, don’t worry.” Giving a wave, he returns to his father’s truck and revs the engine, headlights flicked on. The drive is quiet, and by the time he gets back to his house, the silence - after such a full day - is almost suffocating.

He stares up at the house he’s grown up in, seeing how dark all the windows are. How quiet it is. So, just to ward off the feeling, he shoots Hinata a quick text to let her know he made it back without incident.

Glad to hear it! Goodnight.

Night.

Considering his phone for a moment, he can’t help but wonder when would be long enough to wait to see if he can head back. Was kinda nice to go ‘out’ to dinner. He’s not much of a cook, himself. Enough to get by, but nothing like what they had.

He’ll just have to wait and see.

     I swear I tried to get this done last night but oof, my brain was not cooperating OTL I had a rather stressful day, BUT things are looking better today! So I’m gonna try to get at least one more drabble done today, if not more, cuz I am...very behind. I’ve just had a lot going on irl that makes sitting and writing difficult.      ANYWAY! This is more of the very random “last people on earth” verse I started with day 17. Our two stranded strangers are starting to become friends, seems like! No idea if I’ll do more of this for the rest of the challenge, but it’s a neat idea to explore. I just...don’t have much in way of a plot for it xD But hopefully it’s enjoyable nonetheless!      On that note, I’m gonna try to get another piece done. But thanks for reading this one, and I’ll see you guys later!

[godsnaturalenemy]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme

fill out & repost ♥  This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK (I think he’s considered cute rather than hot? Luffy is cute, he’s handsome but cute!)

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO 

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL (depends on who you ask)

How strictly do you follow canon?

I’m trying my best to follow canon and Luffy’s way of thinking, sometimes lack of thereof. He’s got this nice bubbly energy about him that I really vibe with so coming up with silly things isn’t that hard. Though I must say I’m also a sucker for serious Luffy, which he can be when needed. He’s still a fresh muse so I do look forward to see how I’ll develop him further and see what might change!

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

Do you need a ray of sunshine in your life? A friend who would never let you down and is willing to risk his life for you? A friend that keeps his promises and will always lend a hand? If you answered with ‘yes’ on one or all these questions, look no more! Monkey D. Luffy is your man! This beautiful, pure boy who will one day become the King of the Pirates is here to brighten up your day with his gigantic innocent smile and wonderful laugh! You’re up for a real adventure with Luffy! He will take you places, you’ll make many wonderful memories and meet lots of new people, explore lands you’ve never seen before and create everlasting bonds you’ve never imagined possible! Whether you want to or not, the moment he proclaims you as his nakama, your fate is sealed :)

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

Pardon? Luffy is interesting no matter how you look at it. He may be irritating to your muse with constant need to get into trouble, or perhaps to the mun his overpoweredness may come as irritating, which is valid. I will be the first to say that I call bullshit on many of Luffy’s victories but at the same time, what do we all expect from a shonen protagonist? So I don’t think he’s uninteresting, perhaps he might just come out as triggering. There are things about Luffy that trigger me, but I never found him uninteresting? Am I answering this wrong?

What inspired you to rp your muse?

Impulse. A few friends recommended taking a new muse to balance my mean bean Vergo. When thinking of who I should take, Luffy barged on doors of my humble home, broke them down and said “From today on, we’re nakama!” I never had a say in this, really.

What keeps your inspiration going?

People! I’ve met many wonderful people here on tumblr (I knew many from my Vergo blog) but met many new ones for the first time! I love throwing ideas and plotting, or just letting the muses drive, but honestly Luffy always has some ideas in his brain to make everything interesting.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you do your character justice? YES / NO

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO (on some later date I will!)

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO (again I will!)

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO (Vergo doesn’t let me)

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO (always, no one can knock my confidence down)

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

I do, but only when it’s genuine and given with good intentions. Obviously, I don’t know what mun and muse think of my portrayal unless they tell me: is there something that might trigger them, is there something they think is over the top? I am interested in such things and other opinions, but at the end of the day it’s my portrayal so I call the shots :P

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

Absolutely! It’s always nice to explore questions I might not think of or just see what interests people in my portrayal. It’s fun and gives me chance to dive deeper into the character which is always good.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

I mean yes and no? I won’t change my headcanon but I’m always interested to know why specifically they disagree. Discussing is fun if it’s done civilly, but at the end it’s my headcanon and we’re all allowed to have our own opinions. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

I don’t pay mind to it? We all take muses to portray them how we want to, not how anyone else wants us to portray them. If someone is unhappy with my portrayal they’re free to unfollow, no hard feelings and no offence taken from my side. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

It’s all cool. Not everyone is going to love every character, and while Luffy is popular, there are some things that make his character that may irritate someone. Sometimes we end up loving a specific character thanks to the mun rping them, so if someone dislikes or hates Luffy maybe I can change their view on him? Sounds kinda arrogant but it did happen with Vergo so yolo! If they still hate him that’s cool, we are all entitled to our opinions.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

Naturally! English is not my first language, it’s my third as a matter of fact, so mistakes may happen! Even though most times I notice the mistake myself as well and end up cursing because I haven’t seen it in time XD

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

I think I am! I’m really open to talking with people, plotting, joking, throwing some hcs and ideas around or just chatting about anything really! I’m an extrovert so I love meeting new folks and getting to know them and their characters. I’m a joker at heart and those who have talked to me or know me better can confirm that lol

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

➸  Tagged by : @godlivesonthemoon​ (thank you Miho!)

➸ Tagging: @biggest-mom​ (enjoy Kittu asjdaskd) and whoever might be interested! 

[ashantesstuff]

Becoming Billy Hargrove’s Friend  (1/?) // Headcanon

A/N: So I finally joined the Stranger Things fandom a week and take back every negative thing I thought about the show XD

Summary: It was hard enough to believe that Y/N would even decide to speak to Billy Hargrove let alone become the first girl he's ever fallen for.

Warnings:  parental abuse

Your friendship with Billy had come out of nowhere. You were past the shocker of being friends with him but everyone else in town...not so much

You couldn't blame them, though. Billy could be an absolute arse sometimes and quite the violent type

The way you two become friends was a bit of a sad tale but also a positive one as it brought you both into one another's lives

You lived on the same street as Billy's family; just three doors down from his home

One day, you had finished your shift at the local coffee shop and was returning home only to overhear heated words exchanged between Billy and his father

Whatever Billy had said in reply to his dad landed him a hard slap across the face that Y/N could hear from where she was pocking her head out the door

The Hargroves went inside and Y/N stood there shocked for a moment, before closing her own door

What shocked her the most wasn’t even Billy’s dad slapping it but was more so Billy's reaction. He had no intention of fighting back and he looked...sad and defeated

Two words you wouldn't normally use when speaking about Billy Hargrove

Since that day, you haven’t been able to look at Billy the same way and now you find yourself staring at him non-stop  

Nancy, Steve and Jonathan all believed you had a crush on Hargrove

But it was nothing like that, it just felt like you could now...see Billy and something in you just wanted to explore him in a way that would help you understand him more

A couple of days had passed and you were sat outside on the grass during lunch enjoying the sunshine and the quiet as you sat enjoying the solitude listening to music

That was until a tall shadow blocked the light and when you looked up all you could see was a silhouette of the person

The person shifted slightly and then you could make it out to be Billy. You were confused as to why he was stood in front of you but before you could ask the question he spoke

“I’m going to be quick and blunt about this,” He stated. As if everything he utters out of his mouth isn’t always blunt. “Why have you been staring at me like a lost puppy lately?” There was a mixture of annoyance and amusement in his voice

Y/N was surprised by the question and just stared trying to think about an appropriate response that wouldn’t piss him off

It’s not like she could straight up say “Hey, I saw your dad abusing you the other day and it just made me understand why you act the way you do...wanna talk?”

However, the way Billy was watching her was making her nervous and not able to think straight. He was giving her both an intense hostile glare but also looked amused by her. 

“Cat gotcha tongue, doll?” He said with a prideful smirk and placed a piece of gum in his mouth. 

Looking at him up close like this, you were beginning to understand why some girls wanted to date him.

He had a cheeky lopsided smile and intense pale blue eyes that made you feel flustered but also scared.

When you finally found your voice, you were surprised at what you said. “I’ve found you to be an interesting character, Hargrove,” you began. You stood up from your spot to not make yourself so small compared to him and found yourself to be a few inches shorter than him. “I was wondering if we could become friends?” 

To be honest, you had no idea why you asked that question

Immediately, you were regretting it and hoped that the ground would swallow you whole

He just stood there for a moment, completely confused and studying your reaction to see if you were serious or not. “Like friends with benefits or something?” His brows furrowed.

“No, idiot! Hell no,” you rolled your eyes at the fact that that was the first thing to come to his mind. “I mean actual friends. You know people like you hang around because you like their company and just to talk about everything and nothing to?” 

The silence felt like it lasted hours until he finally spoke again. “Sure, Y/L/N, let’s be friends,” he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and had a huge grin on his face as you two walked to the school parking lot. “As my first friendly duty, how about I drive you home?”

And that’s how you became friends with Billy Hargrove.

A/N: Ok...It felt like it was getting a bit long and too much so I’ve decided to make this a two or three-part headcanon (I don’t know if that’s a thing but yeah). Hope you enjoyed it! :)  

REQUESTS OPEN

[ofravensandgenesis]

A, J, N for Declan? 😊

Under the cut because it got long. xD

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? Martial arts and cross country hiking. His primary art style is Chen style Tai Chi Chuan, but he’s had some time under teachers of other arts, namely some Bagua and a little Hung Gar/Hung Ga. He’s not a master in any of the arts, but he does enjoy practicing them and the weapon sets. Fire arms practice folded in very nicely with this once he decided to become a LEO. He enjoys being outdoors and just fucking exploring anywhere he can find a way to get to. Tries to be responsible and not hare off without a plan, but sometimes you just gotta go run wild in nature. (Side note: his martial art abilities are based off of stories from family and friends, not personal experiences) 2. what activities have they participated in? See above. He likes doing crafts/DIY stuff and some gardening too. Standing meditation too, with some Qigong bits here and there. Tends to be a busy guy.3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? See number one. He’s good at what he does re: his martial art practice, but not like, superstar on the Beijing Wushu team levels at all. That’s a whole ‘nother level of devotion. He’s got years of daily practice in there, it’d be kind of shocking if he wasn’t good at it to some degree. xD He’s done some local martial art competitions when he was younger and won a few, but never went beyond state level competitions.4. what things are they bad at? Driving. In the sense that he drives like a grandma. Does not like motorcycles, ATVs, etc. Does not enjoy boats or planes either, particularly if he’s the pilot. Airplanes piloted by someone who knows what they’re doing he can tolerate.5. what is their most impressive talent?I mean, if he’s going to be showing off, it’s likely competition martial art sets, specifically unarmed sets, or if we’re talking weapons he likes the saber, straight sword, and spear sets best. If we’re talking domestic, he knows how to make potstickers and soup dumplings. This sounds deceptively simple until you get to trying to make the pleats look pretty.———————————————————J: Joy1. what makes them happy? Living his life, honestly. 2. who makes them happy? Family and friends. This is writer talk for “I haven’t fleshed out the other NPCs in his verse yet.” xDD He likes being around them though and just chilling, be it at a family gathering or whathaveyou.3. are there any songs that bring them joy? Yeah, he’s a fan of instrumental music and acoustic covers. Will listen generally to anything melodic though.4. are they happy often? Honestly yes…though in “current” time for him he’s dealing with “what the fuck is going on with my understanding of how the universe works,” but even still, he’s managing. Honestly is just generally a cheery guy. A real lil quiet ball of sunshine.5. what brings them the most joy in the world?See one. This boy just wants to live a good life and do good things and meet good people, man.———————————————————N: Never Have I Ever1. what would they never do? He has a pretty straight forward moral event horizon of things he won’t ever do, and that would be inhumane acts of cruelty, directed at either people, animals, the environment or otherwise. There are other things he won’t do of a lesser sort primarily having to do with upholding his civic duty, filial piety, etc. He’s the most upright moral of my Deputies honestly. x’D2. what have they never done that they want to do? He wanted to fall in love and have a nice home with someone who could come back home to him, and that he could come back home to as well. Still does, just, kind of busy with sanity-questioning supernatural issues. And the end of the world. xD3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do? [gestures to number one yet again,] He understands that people do terrible things, but like…it never ceases to shock him internally what some people are willing to do. Especially if they know better. The Reaping certainly was a bad time for him and his optimistic belief in the inherent goodness of humanity based on actions taken by both sides, but Eden’s Gate in particular.4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done? He was a naughty little gremlin at school once. This was back in elementary. There was a girl who made fun of his lunch and he told her that he had a cursed monkey’s paw and that snapping off the four remaining “fingers” would bestow different curses on her. It was a pickled chicken’s foot, not a monkey’s paw. (He read a variation of this story in a comic book a week before. He quite enjoys visiting the library.)Namely that her hair would fall out, her skin would take on a greenish-white tinge from growing fungus underneath it, her fingers and face would become all contorted, and that she’d get cramps in her legs that were so bad she’d have to hop to get anywhere.She didn’t entirely believe him, but guess what this little gremlin did? He went and got another boy and girl to help him out on this (the teasing girl was not well-liked in some circles.) They actually tried as much as some elementary schoolers could to fake her out, and managed to pull off the first two “curses” with taking advantage of some discreet use of thinning-scissors and a poorly dyed green shirt. This was not done in a way that any adult would believe, I would like to point out. xD The bully girl ran off screaming for fear of the later curses to the principle’s office, and then Declan had to explain to his parents what he’d gone and done.It was mortifying to have to explain all that to his mom and dad, honestly. He’d gotten really into it, he and his friends had been considering if tying the girl’s shoelaces together would work for one of the next curses. Maybe glue on her hands? There was a debate between liquid glue and glue sticks that remains un-concluded to this day. He had not really thought about the consequences of when it all came to light. He got more chores for a month for that. xDD The girl stopped teasing him and the others though since her mom told her to not talk to the lot of them ever again, so there’s that.He’s a morally upright sort but he’s not above pranks, even still.5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?He didn’t think he’d ever kill so many people. Speaking of the Reaping and in-game events. Some of them were so young. Younger than him. Working as a LEO, he knew that death was very possible and likely to happen and he was as prepared for it as he felt he could be…just not like this. Not so many.

[enixamyram]

Rose’s Q&A’s on Saturday

Rose was asked about World's End: She said it was fun playing a blue blooded fem bot.

Didn't hear the question but Rose said she joined a youth centre after school & did things like Joseph's technicolor dream coat and enjoyed it so much. Then she went on to drama school cause she's not really academic. She's more creative so discovered it (assuming it's acting lol) at 10 years old.  Rose also said there were a few times on set where she did self tapes for American accents. And she made Andy (Andrew West) speak lines into her phone for her to listen to later, but would often break character and ask what the hell he was reading because it was all so weird.

Dog: Rose does not have a dog but Andy does and Rose loves her - there are also videos of Rose singing with Nala (his dog).

Chocolate Cake: Rose likes chocolate cake!

Superpowers: Rose would like to stop time, freezing and unfreezing whenever she wants. And apparently Rob a bank, since she wouldn't use her powers for good. (There was also a lot of talk about space time continuum XD)

Can’t remember the question but Colin is annoying and does Rose('s accent) all the time! He asked if she was excited to go home for Xmas. And she answered with a thick accent because she was excited and Colin teased and mimicked her so much!

Song to get her dancing (not allowed to say rock and roll): Dreams and You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mack.

Character was a cocktail it would be: Tilly would be something like a gramble with a twist!

Describing life story in one sentence: uuuuhhhhh (then made fun of Andy for using one word rather than one sentence) and decided "take the work seriously but never yourself" because that's what she's like.

Tilly or Alice?: She loves both but got to explore Tilly so has a stronger connection to her. But would have loved to explore Alice in Wonderland more.

Favourite memory in S7: Andy opening the door during a scene with her and Colin and just looked really shifty. And also, Colin was being very camp!

Would she want to become the next Doctor: She'd rather be a companion because Jodie is killing it.

Which cast member was most welcoming: Bobby because she had all her scenes with him and he's so generous and told her stories about his work past.

Favourite part about Alice: Her resilience because no one believes her but she doesn't let that get to her and she’s very optimistic and fights on.

What she loves about the fans: That they travel with the show and are committed and she really appreciates it.

Memorable Scenes: Rose remembers meeting Andy for the script read during the first day. And the last day when everyone says goodbye to everyone.

Couldn't hear the question again but Rose said it was a massive scene to conquer Gothel and that was a turning point. So after the curse she picked up the pieces with her family.

What did Rose miss about Devon: Getting from A to B  It also took her five hours to drive here but she did it! So woo!

How did she prepare for the role: She didn't have the pressure of researching a real person. But reading the books helped. She read Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass and then researched Lewis Carole and about him and his inspiration.  She also watched the show to know the genre and style and wished she could have done more of her own Alice In Wonderland like the Spinoff. 

If she could voice an animated character: She would be the voice of Penelope from Wreck It Ralph (or maybe Penelope's sistet).

(Sweetest lil girl just went up and said "I Love You Rose") 

Hardest scene to film: Any scene where you cry cause you have to do it so much. They're hard and tiring because you have to be in that frame of mind for hours even between the breaks of filming.

Headcanon for Alice not trapped in the tower: (She didn't know what a headcanon was at first and we had to explain it to her lol) She'd love to see the places she could go and just sail to see the world and lands. Imagine seeing Wonderland by boat.

Fav scene in general: Scenes with Colin, Bobby and Andy. And when Rogers invites Tilly to live with him. And the improvised I Love You scene. Fav Tiera scene: First day they met for the make out scene when she introduced herself. She met her by saying "hello I'm rose were gonna be kissing in a few hours". But also loads of other stuff. 

What would get her to make a deal with The Dark One: She would make a deal if Rumple could give them their superpowers (the ones they spoke about earlier)!

If she wasn’t an actor she would be: A nature photographer.

If she could be any other character: Rose would be Henry.

What live action Disney character would she be: Ariel. Or Aurora.

Missed the question but Rose is straight  but was so happy and proud to represent a lesbian woman. She also added “happy pride month!” 

Character she wished they could have done that wasn’t already in the show: She wished we could see the Jabberwocky!

What Alice wrote to Robin in her letter: "My Love, No matter where you are I will find you. I will always love you even if I forget, I will NOT forget. Even if I do, I WILL remember you."

Hidden talent or skill: No Apart from singing with Andy's dog. 

Person who made them laugh: Andy who loved going to his whiteboard during the episode when she, Rogers and Henry were all together trying to figure things out. And after every take he would be writing different things each time.

Game Of Thrones Finale: She was very disappointed with Game of Thrones. She said it felt rushed. Some of the things she was happy about, and some she felt was too quick even if it was how she expected it to end.

And that’s it! There was a bit or a misunderstanding before Rose realised they were trying to tell her to wrap it up, lol. 

[rpgmgames]

July’s Featured Game: Black Crystals

DEVELOPER(S): Yoraee ENGINE: RPGMaker MV GENRE: Fantasy, RPG WARNINGS: Alcohol Reference, Drug Reference, Use of Alcohol, Use of Drugs, Use of Tobacco, Mild Blood, Fantasy Violence, Sexual Themes SUMMARY: Starsio, a street performer, finds himself in the stickiest of situations. Starsio was kidnapped off the streets of his home town and brought to the brothel Paprika where he is forced to become a performer. One rainy night, Starsio gathers his courage and wits and plans an escape. He convinces Arthur, an apprehensive and fidgety new found friend, to accompany him. Starsio sets his escape plan in motion with one last song…

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! My name is Hind, but online I go by Yoraee (fans of Breath of Fire may recognize my handle).

I used to make parodies of anime openings and endings featuring the Ninja Turtles (If you REALLY want to you can look them up on youtube by searching for Yoraee!)

I am a HUGE fan of Ninja Turtles, Inazuma Eleven, Cyborg 009, Hetalia, and Ace Attorney! My favorite video games are Saga Frontier, Tales of Destiny, and the Suikoden series.

I joined the RPG Maker gamedev community about two years ago when I started working on Black Crystals. I LOVE it here! :D

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Yoraee: Black Crystals at its core is about Home. Whether it be finding home, returning home, or creating home. Black Crystals features a large ensemble of characters, each with their own story and struggle, all of which revolve around this central theme.

How long have you been working on your project? *Yoraee: About two years now.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Yoraee: Yes! The jigsaw chain coop system and the spontaneous leaning system featured in Black Crystals' combat system are based on similar mechanics in the PS1 game Saga Frontier. Of course I added my personal touches to these system to make them less of direct copies. The Interact and Talk system is inspired by Undertale in the sense that a battle can be concluded without the need for combat. In Black Crystals, however, you are able to interact with the environment and alter it, so you can actually see the results of your choices in battle and how they change subsequent choices.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Yoraee: Definitely! The main two challenges for me are time and motivation.

Since I work full time, the only times I can work on Black Crystals are after work or during weekends or holidays, which limits my productivity greatly. I took some leave from work at certain points and basically locked myself in my house and worked on the game's systems, but aside from that work on Black Crystals has taken place during my little free time.

Motivation, well, comes and goes for me. Some days I'm all like "YEAH! THIS GAME IS AWESOME!!" and other days I'm like "what am I doing why am I wasting my time on this". In order to keep myself motivated, I made a habit of posting weekly on my devlog. By posting weekly, I get more regularized feedback, which gives me a good motivational boost to get me through the week till the next update.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? Yoraee: The systems design didn't change much. I had an outline of the features I wanted in Black Crystals; the interaction system, the state of mind system, the coop and leaning system. What came next was implementing these features and refining them.

The characters underwent changes in the way they are written. Arthur and Starsio's personalities sort of switched midway through writing, and the current way they are written seemed more cohesive to the story line.

Several other NPCs also underwent changes. I had a Paprika worker, Anita, for example, who played the role of both herself and Patricia. Later I split the roles and ended up with two characters; Anita and Patricia.

Finally, the whole cats thing was non existent two years ago. They sort of materialized into the game a few months ago :3

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Yoraee: Aside from music, which I commissioned, and the plugins, which are contributed by the amazing coders in the community, I'm a one-woman team taking care of all aspects of the game.

I prefer to work alone, simply because my processes are horrible and my pace is very erratic. I think I would drive potential team members mad XD

What is the best part of developing the game? *Yoraee: Seeing how everything clicks and fits together in the end :) The end product to me is always worth it.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Yoraee: I love playing other RPG Maker games. I think you can't help but think and analyse how things are done in a game while playing it if you are a dev yourself. I think its adds to the fun of the experience for me.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Yoraee: My favorite character hasn't shown up yet :( Its a secret for now!

I like Arthur's character in the current story. He reminds me of a younger me, too easily influenced by others and too scared of saying no. While writing the story I feel like grabbing him and giving him a good shake and yelling "Just say NO you passive fool!" XD

Bonus Info: The game has six main characters! :D

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Yoraee: Yes, the animations. I spent so much time making skills detailed and fluid. I think I kind of lost track of the bigger picture. My animation process is much more improved now, with a more streamlines approach to animations.

Also putting animations together in the Animation tool in RPG Maker MV. I used to manually set up each frame next to the next frame, and it took AGES for animations that comprised 6+ frames. Later it clicked that I could set a template and record the x and y positions and then just move everything around in one chunk to save me TONS of time. I need to make a tutorial on that some time because its such a time saver!

Once you finish your project, do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Yoraee: Black Crystals is episodic. The current game is Episode 1. As episodes progress more will become known about the game's universe and characters.

What do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Yoraee: Players reaction and feedback first and foremost, because to me that will be detrimental to whether or not I continue the series.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Yoraee: Just the capability of the RPG Maker engine. I'm worried about the game lagging or dropping frames when played, given the graphics size. Lag to me kills the experience so I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't happen in Black Crystals.

Also I'm kind of nervous about how people will receive the battle system ~_~

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Yoraee: Learn from the community. Its amazing the amount of resources and knowledge we have in the RPG Maker community. Don't be shy to ask for help if you need it. From my experience the community is one of the best there is.

Question from last month's featured dev @maimiestoybox: What has been the most rewarding part of your game dev journey so far? *Yoraee: Just sharing tidbits of the game and getting feedback from the community. It does wonders to my self esteem :)

Also the feeling of self accomplishment when you see the bits and pieces you created come together and your project take shape. Best feeling!

We mods would like to thank Yoraee for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Black Crystals if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[kpop-goestheweasel]

Midnight Snack - M

Anonymous said: Can you please do a rated Daehyun one please? If it can include him going down on her that would be adgdssfh thank you!

Anonymous said:  Okay, serious talk, your smut is amazing. I've read quite a lot of others actually, but holy shit yours is my fav <3 That being said, could I please request some Daehyun smut? Thank you :) Love the blog, keep up the good work XD

Okay, but first can we talk about how bad that gif messes me up? Also, I probably enjoyed writing this one a little too damn much. That boy and his damn lips just.... ruuuuuuude. I hope y’all enjoy my personal fantasy. 🙊🙈 I’m so wrecked for this boy.

Rated M for ‘My mind is way too dirty for children to be reading what I write.’ 

It was another one of those damn nights. The red illuminated numbers on your nightstand boldly stated 12:14 A.M., and you had awoken with no hope of returning to sleep anytime soon. For a lingering moment, you continued to stare at the ceiling and debate with yourself between getting up and finding something to fill this sleepless night with or to remain in the warm comfort of bed as Daehyun snored beside you.

Your gaze slowly shifted to him and a small, loving smile immediately pulled at the corners of your lips as you took in his slumbering form. He looked so peaceful and worry-free in his slumbering state. You would hate to interrupt his much-needed sleep with your restless stirring. With that thought in mind, you gave a little sigh and pulled yourself from your usually so inviting bed to find comfort elsewhere. Perhaps some tea will warm you from the inside out and help relax you so you could finally get some rest for yourself. At least enough to avoid a light scolding from Daehyun in the morning for the dark circles under your eyes. You couldn’t help but to glance back and smile at him once more as you thought of how tender and caring he could be. It was a side of him you loved almost as much as you loved that playful, boisterous side that most others saw. There was hardly a dull moment in his presence, and even as he slept, you could see each emotion cross his face as he drifted through his dreams.

The hardest part of pulling yourself from the bed and padding down the hall to the kitchen was leaving behind the company of your slumbering boyfriend. Even as he slept, his presence still made you feel complete like nothing else could. It was such a treat to have him home if even for just a short while between tours and schedules that took him away for days or even weeks at a time. This perhaps may have been part of the cause of your restlessness. Tonight just happened to be his first night home after a particularly long length of time away, and as much as you craved him and the wonderful things he did to your body, you couldn’t bring yourself to let your lustful desires outweigh his obvious need for rest. As bright as his smile was when he had walked through the door and tightly wrapped his arms around you, you could feel the fatigue that weighed down his whole body. So you quickly made him a large, warm meal of all his favorite foods just to spoil him a bit -and maybe to give him a little reminder of why he loves you so much- before you pulled him to bed and demanded he finally relax and get the rest he had missed out on while he was away. You weren’t even sure his head had made it to the pillow before his whole body melted into the bed and he fell into a deep sleep with you wrapped snuggly in his arms.

Standing in front of the stove, you waited for the water to boil, hoping to catch it before the pot whistled too loudly and roused your sleeping boyfriend. You chewed on your lip and rubbed at the back of your calf with your foot, pouting over the fact that you were unable to sleep. The very last thing you wanted was to waste any of your time with him in the morning by sleeping in. You knew he wouldn’t even think about waking you when he did in the morning, so you were rather desperate to get yourself to sleep so you could wake with him.

Suddenly, two strong arms wrapped around your waist, startling you nearly out of your skin before a pair of familiar lips laid on the exposed skin of your neck. Daehyun breathed a soft chuckle against your ear as you relaxed into his hold. “Can’t sleep?” he asked, swaying you back and forth and brushing his thumbs over your stomach. Even with the fabric of your fitted tank top between yourself and his touch, you couldn’t help but shiver as the muscles under his fingers spasmed from the soft, sweet contact.

“Did I wake you?” You sidestepped his question, more concerned with his sleep than your own.

Turning in his hold to face him, you were met with his sweet, loving smile. His hands moved to run up and down your sides. “No, but I couldn’t get back to sleep knowing you’re here but not next to me,” he answered. His voice was low with a soft rasp to it that instantly ignited that flame of desire in the pit of your stomach. You watched his smile morph into a knowing smirk as his eyes darkened with his own yearning, pulling you right into his spell. “I think a little midnight snack might be just what you need to help you sleep.” A whimper nearly escaped you at the implications in his words. Always, he knew how to drive you absolutely wild before even laying a finger on you.

Without breaking the eye contact between you, he reached beside your hip and turned off the stove that had already brought your pot of water to a howling climax. That pot of water had become no longer necessary as Daehyun intended on finding other ways to help you sleep and he was more than confident in his ability to do so. “You look good enough to eat,” he husked as he leaned down to you, his lips hovering over your own. This time, you did release a whimper before crashing your lips to his. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as your body arched against his in desperate need of all the contact you could get. You could feel his lips curling against yours in a satisfied smile. His appetite went well beyond just that for food and you were always more than happy to appease his cravings. He was a complete sucker for the way you pressed yourself against him.  It amused and amazed him to no end how your body responded so eagerly and so submissively to him.

Sliding his hands down your sides, he teasingly slipped his hands under the hem of your tank top and tauntingly brushed his fingers over your skin as he deepened the kiss. The way your soft skin felt so warm under his touch drove his fervor all the further.

Focusing on the way his perfectly plump lips danced against yours, you hardly noticed when his hands slid further down your body to your bare thighs. You gave a little squeak and tightened your grip on him as he lifted you to the counter and stepped forward to stand between for freshly shaven legs. Running his hands over the silk-like smoothness of your skin, he gave the sexiest groan of appreciation before his lips pulled from yours and moved along your jaw down to your neck. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he breathed. Another shudder ran through you as his warm breath ghosted over your sensitive skin, effectively silencing any quip you may have had about just how much you missed him as well. “Nothing tastes as good as you.” Usually, you would tease him for being so corny, but it had been so long since his hands were on you and it felt so damn good that forming words was a foreign concept you couldn’t quite grasp. All your thoughts were too wrapped around the way his hands pushed up your tank top as they explored your body and the way his lips left a moist trail in their wake that cooled against the air in the most tantalizing way. It was an incredibly soothing sensation contrasting with the heat he stirred under your skin.

Daehyun breathed a chuckle at the way you whimpered in protest as he pulled from you. His eyes met yours and he gave you a smile of utmost adoration while his eyes glimmered with a hint of amusement. “Patience, Jagiya. I’m going to take my time with you, but you’ll have no problem sleeping when I’m done with you.” His words were laced with delicious promise which only made you all the more impatient. Knowing exactly that, the corners of his lips raised slightly before he pressed them to yours in a chaste kiss, pulling from you once more as he lifted your shirt over your head and dropped it nonchalantly to the floor beside his bare feet. Your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you watched his eyes absorb the sight before him and darken all the more. The way he brazenly appreciated your form had you seeping through your panties. That hungry, primal glint in his dark eyes melted you on the spot. “So sexy.” He stole another deep, breathtaking kiss before his lips moved down your body, fully intent on tasting every bit of you.

A gasp left your lips and you arched your back, submissively offering more of yourself to him as his lips encased your hardening bud. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, needing to witness your pleasure when he nipped at your nipple. And he certainly wasn’t disappointed. The way your eyes lidded and your teeth pulled at your bottom lip egged him on. His arousal strained against the sweatpants he wore. But that was going to have to wait for any attention. He had other intentions in mind.

It wasn’t terribly often Daehyun left his mark of possession on you. Though his lips loved to explore your body, he wasn’t usually one that cared to mar the perfection of your porcelain skin. Tonight was certainly an exception. In his absence, he had seen some of the comments thirsty men had left on the pictures you had posted to your social media accounts. He knew those ever so slightly suggestive pictures had been meant to tease him and remind him of what he was missing. Now, he was going to make sure to remind you of what you had been missing and leave a few lasting messages to you and anyone that dared get a peek at what was him. Though, he knew full well that the only one seeing the small scatter of love bites would be him and only him. His precious kitten was too modest and classy, knowing you didn’t need to show extra skin to draw attention. You were so effortlessly sexy in the way you carried yourself, confident but unaware of just how inviting you were. The simple black and white striped boyshorts were a true testament to that. You didn’t need sensual lace or lesser fabric to absolutely drive him wild. “God, I love these panties,” he growled, nipping at the waistband and playfully letting the elastic snap back against your skin before his eyes raised to meet yours. He watched your chest rise and fall with quick, short breaths in your aroused state. The light flush that graced your skin made you seem somehow more innocent and tantalizing. As much as he wanted to drag this out and really appreciate every inch of you, his own patience and willpower were thinning. He needed to taste you… now.

Wasting no further time, your boyfriend hooked his fingers in the waistband of your underwear and pulled. You needed no instruction to use your hands as leverage against the counter and raise your hips to help him get the last bit of your clothing off. And just like that, they fell to the floor in a small pile with your tank top, completely disregarded and forgotten as Daehyun hungrily kissed and nipped his way up your inner thigh. A sweet musk wafting from your heat clouded his mind with only thoughts of burying his face between your legs. It had been way too damn long. He needed to taste you, needed to feel you, needed to hear the beautiful sounds of pleasure you made as he took you to the edge.

His eyes again locked with yours as he gently pulled you to the edge of the counter and spread your legs further then slowly lowered his mouth to your core. He almost seemed to move in slow motion. You watched, hyper-aware of the way his tongue moistened his lips just before they brushed against where you needed them most. Your own tongue ran across your lips as you rolled your hips slightly, begging him to stop teasing with light kisses. You needed more. You needed to feel that soft, wet tongue lap up the juices that threatened to drip to the counter. You needed him to part your lips and take your bundle of nerves between his. Fuck. You needed exactly what he was going to give you.

Your little whine of impatience was all he needed. Knowing you were just as in need as himself, he could no longer deny you. His hands kneaded their way up your thighs until his thumbs met and parted your lips to give him full access to your dripping core. You could see the small smirk of satisfaction he wore as he gazed at the glistening feast before him. “I will never get over how hot it is to know you want me as much as I want you.” And finally, his tongue lapped up your leaking juices. “So wet for me. And so damn delicious.”

It was as though that first taste set off a hunger in him that he could no longer deny. His thumbs pulled your lips apart even further as his hands pressed your legs to spread wider for him as his tongue ran up and down your slit. Your eyes immediately fluttered closed and your head rolled back at the amazing sensations he expertly bestowed upon you. Teasingly, he neglected to dip his tongue into your waiting cavern, nor did he even brush against your clit until he had lapped up every drop of your liquid arousal. Then, his lips were wrapped around your bundle of nerves as he sucked on it. Your hips moved with the sensation and a moan fluttered passed your lips before he flicked his tongue over that nub. That beautiful mouth of his then moved down to dip his tongue inside of you, earning himself the pleasure of hearing his name gasped out as you laid back over the counter and fully submitted to him and the glorious things he did to your body.

With his face buried between your lips, he moved his hands down your legs and raised them slightly to give him full access to your hot, wet core. His lips wrapped around your bud once again, this time he gave a little hum and you could feel the vibrations through your whole body. You instantly arched off the counter and gave a little cry of pleasure. This encourages him all the more and soon you felt a finger easily slide into you, then another as he found you more than wet enough to take more. You heard him groan a little curse at your arousal which drew a whimper from you while his fingers began to thrust in and out, stretching you in all the right places. Already, you could feel the knot in your stomach tightening. “Baby, I’m not going to last much longer if you keep that up,” you whined, pulling at your own hair with one hand and tangling the fingers of the other in his.

Smirking to himself, he only increased his oral assault on your body. His fingers dived into you and curled against your most sensitive spot while his mouth abused your bundle of nerves with absolutely no mercy at all. You were a whimpering, moaning, writhing mess and it was by far one of the hottest things he’s ever witnessed. He knew it was only a matter of a few more expertly maneuvered thrusts and flicks of the tongue before you fell over the edge under his ministrations. The way your walls clenched around his fingers like a vice grip had him eager to take you then and there, but his self-control won over before he could carry on with that thought. In good time he would have you.

Your release washed over you like a tidal wave. Blinding white-hot pleasure rolled through your body as you cried out his name and tugged on his hair. Your hips danced over the smooth surface of the counter while Daehyun held tightly onto your thighs and kept his mouth firmly pressed to your core to make sure you got the every ounce of pleasure your body could handle. Finally, you had to push him away when the sensations became too much.

Panting, you relaxed onto the counter before giving a small satisfied giggle as Daehyun peppered your stomach with loving kisses and slowly made his way up your body until his lips met yours, giving you a small taste of yourself. You hummed against his lips and wrapped your arms around him, holding him near as he pulled away. “Thank you,” you grinned at him, running your fingers through his soft, dark hair.

It was his turn to grin back at you. “You don’t need to be thanking me yet. I’m far from done with you.”

Another giggle escaped you as you were hoisted off the counter and carried off to the bedroom with the promise of a long night filled with pleasure and reacquainting with your lover. You couldn’t have been more thankful for your restful night. Midnight snacks may have just become your favorite meal.

[whipplefilter]

People keep mentioning Lightning calling Doc "dad" by accident, and I like that idea, but.. I wonder what the very first time that happened was like? Like, what even brought it on? What was Doc's reaction? I bet it was after a win or something, sometime when he was either very emotional or very distracted. I bet Lightning must have been pretty tired to have let that slip.. like me right now.. Sorry, the ramblings of a tired fan here xD

Oh my god, anon, I got stupidly carried away with this… /O\ APOLOGIES. Here is my ridiculous thousands-of-words response. I’ve always wanted to write something that could explore a little bit of the high-pressure atmosphere of professional racing, and some of the aspects of the profession that might be somewhat maladaptive for a young racer, and figured the path to this hc might be the place to do it. But ultimately, this is Doc’s story.

Fanfic: Your Name in Lights

Summary: Racing’s changed a lot. Or maybe it was always changing, change pouring from the racers, the race itself, and into the fringes of sponsorship and spectator and spectacle. Maybe this is where it was always headed.

At the start of his first season as Lightning’s crew chief, Doc reflects on how the sport has changed, and what he and Lightning will need to be for each other. The aftermath of last season’s tiebreaker race presents new challenges–challenges Lightning’s not quite ready for.

* If longposts on Tumblr are death to you (as they are to me), vision/attention-friendly versions of this can be found on AO3 & Fanfiction.net!

They’re still learning each other.

Lightning’s ability to listen, while much improved, remains variable.

And Doc’s ability to teach–and this is according to Sally, whose tetchy ‘maybe don’t talk like you’re from Mars’ was then vetted and seconded by Sheriff–doesn’t always help. Maybe one in twenty of Doc’s directions, Lightning loses his line for thinking so hard, as though he’s convinced Doc’s words are an enigma he must first unravel.

But when Doc says “hit it with your purse” he means exactly that. Plain and simple.

Granted, in retrospect, that sort of direction makes less sense if you’d never known the woman Doc learned it from. Nothing has ever made Doc feel quite so old as that.

All this notwithstanding, at the pole qualifying for Florida Lightning posts just shy of the top. It means he’s got a good angle on that third slot if he can nail the Duel. Doc’s not concerned about the racing.

Before that, though, there remains the hassle of the start-of-season publicity junket. Naturally, Doc declined all invitations; he’s not here for the crowds or the rumor mills. Never has been. But he might have reconsidered–shared the burden–if he’d known Lightning was going to say yes to every single one.

“You got brakes, son. You’re allowed to use 'em,” Doc points out.

Lightning just says–as though he’d never once considered saying no, and isn’t sure why he’d need to defend this–“Yeah, but they asked!”

Maybe he simply hadn’t anticipated the onslaught.

Whatever fame Lightning had enjoyed as a promising rookie’s got nothing on his Year 2 as proven contender–especially not with last year’s tiebreaker and the enigma of the Fabulous Hudson Hornet still very much on the racing world’s mind. Harv, whom Doc has recently come aware of in all his bombastically East Coast glory, has Lightning’s week scheduled solid:

- Monday 5AM-10PM

- Tuesday, 6:07AM-11:15PM

- Wednesday, 9AM-2AM

- Friday, 8:30AM-11:45PM

Wedged into the fray is one empty Thursday, which is “TBD, see Cup practice lap schedule.” Which all sounds like hell to Doc, but hey, the kid’s got energy to burn.

–

Sometimes, when answering questions for the press, Lightning’s gaze will shoot toward him. Never for long–Doc suspects Lightning never means for him to see–but long enough for his eyes to speak loud and clear.

Lightning is embarrassed by how much he still enjoys this part.

The captivated reporters, the ardent fans; he eats it all up.

Shouldn’t he be above this, though? Now that he knows what real love feels like? Shouldn’t this feel superficial now? That’s what his eyes say. Or perhaps they’re only reflecting what Lightning thinks he sees in Doc’s.

But if the kid ever found the guts to ask, Doc would say no. No. Cherish that feeling. You never know when you might lose it.

–

After the first day, Lightning passes out in his trailer immediately upon re-entry.

Old habits die hard, and under the blaze of camera flashes it’s easy to reach for certain unbearably cocky personas. Certainly, he’d given the cameras some of that. But other times he was Lightning–just Lightning. Which was harder.

Still, he reached.

The novelty of that does him in, and he sleeps like the dead.

(“Oh, don’t worry,” Mack assures him, when Doc is unable to rouse him. “He always sleeps like that.”)

–

Day 2 is easier. Lightning settles some, and Doc determines that even if he’s personally refused all speaking engagements, the least he can do is show up for the photographs. It takes some of the heat off Lightning, and spares him from the more probing lines of questioning. (Even the most aggressive tabloids back down if they have to look you in the eye.)

Then Doc loses an entire afternoon to a commercial spot, wherein Lightning spends four hours reading the same four lines as gaffers swarm around the outskirts of the shot. Apparently certain things will only read on television, and they need something a little different for their MySpace audience. (Whatever that is.) And Apple, Inc., of course, has purchased exclusive rights to something or another, so they need to do a full redesign if they wanna advertise with them.

Heretofore Doc hadn’t been aware that someone could give a performance best described as both wooden and exuberant. Lightning manages this feat. His acting ain’t worth the film it’s printed on. Doc finds this endearing in its own way.

Regardless, Lightning is obliging enough and not difficult to work with, which surprises the AD, who is obviously a veteran of past McQueens. On their way out, the sun having long since set, this year’s McQueen’s only gripe is a hushed, “You know how long it should take to film a twenty-second commercial? Twenty seconds! In twenty seconds I could be done with an entire–”

“Hey, look at you!” someone shouts from across the intersection. Doc notes with some amusement that Lightning automatically assumes they’re talking about him.

To Lightning’s credit, they are. The stranger blows the stoplight and maneuvers an absurd U-turn to end up in the lane adjacent. “Huge fan,” he explains. “Huge huge huge huge!”

In the span of a signal pattern, one red light holding the world in abeyance, he then proceeds to tell Lightning his whole life story. This is how it ends:

“And like, hit-and-run, you know? We couldn’t have known. Us all chasing after the guy, figuring you know, Alonzo’s gonna be okay, he always okay. We got a good set-up, working at the garage–all kinds of parts, all kinds of tools, you know? But after we lost the dude we go back and Alonzo’s just gone, man. He’s just metal. And that was it. So I guess I just wanna say like, thank you, you know? I’m not saying it makes a whole lotta sense or nothin’ but I dunno, like. Mad props, I guess. What you did in that race like. I just thought that was tight.”

“Thank you,” says Lightning, a little stiffly. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to say more. Then he adds, “Sorry to hear about, um, Alonzo.”

“Don’t sweat it, bruh,” says the stranger, dead Alonzo’s cousin. “Mad props!” he repeats, before speeding off when the light before them flicks blue-green.

Lightning jerks off the road and pulls into a nearby parking lot, visibly shaken. “That’s–” he starts. “Uh, never happened before.”

“You’re real to them now,” says Doc, though he doesn’t remember that happening to him before, either. “Congratulations.”

But Lightning doesn’t throw the look for the rest of the evening. He’s quiet and restive and it’s as though he’s either witnessed a crime or drive in on two cars in a scandalously intimate moment, or maybe both.

He has absolutely no idea what to do with a stranger’s personal business.

Mack asks him if he’s okay, and he says yes.

Lightning asks, “Hey, d'you think Sally would pick up if I–”

Then he trails off. Turns back to Doc to give him a funny look. Doc’s not sure if the question was directed at him, or at the empty air. (He knows the answer, though: Yes, yes she would.)

“Nah,” Lightning decides, independent of the facts. “It’s late.”

–

Doc’s not sure why, but it echoes. Not the life story of faceless cars, the names of whom he has already forgotten, but Lightning. The look on his face as he realized that caring is not always pleasant. There’s a lot of damage in the world.

Caring can hurt.

By the next morning, Lightning has forgotten all about it. Which is fortunate, because if Harv scheduled things any tighter he’d strip a lugnut. Lightning needs to be good to go.

–

Lightning’s fading. It’s working hour 33 on Day 3 when he stops trying to answer questions well and instead repackages what he’s already said, and said again, and said again. This isn’t at all a failing; it’s strategic and–finally–something actually smart, but it also doesn’t have the blazing excitement of Day 1, which is what sustains Lightning in the first place. And so it becomes a self-defeating cycle, and more often than not Doc finds Lightning staring down the clock as the hands make their slow and deliberate way around the field. His eyes beg them to move faster.

They’re far from done, though. Next up, sponsor appearance.

Lightning doesn’t do or say much, just last year’s lines, now flavored by his palpable shame at his past behavior, but none of the rust buckets seem to notice. For some reason, they love him, and always have. They have a golden vision of Lightning in their minds and that’s all they’ll ever see.

Rusty–or maybe it’s Dusty–winks at Doc. These two are Bostonians, unflappable, and Doc respects them. They knew Lightning was a child–and frankly, still is–but they were willing to be patient about his growing up. They weren’t surprised when eventually, he did. Which means they’d read him better than Doc had. They’ve got the knack.

As Lightning prepares to take his leave of the stage, Dusty (or Rusty) whispers, “Here, kiddo!” He slides a can toward Lightning with his back tire. “You’re gonna need to eat something before the meet n’ greets. It’s a long-haul!”

Lightning’s eyes widen, as though he’d forgotten sustenance was a category that existed. “Oh! Thanks!”

But when the two are out of eyeshot, Lightning throws the can in the trash.

“Not hungry?” Doc asks.

Lightning looks around him, dramatically surreptitious. “Are you kidding me? I can’t drink that out here. I’m not sponsored by that. Someone will see!”

Doc looks back at the Rust-eze tent, where Rusty and Dusty are still hamming it up on stage. “Aren’t they your sponsors?”

“Uh, yes,” says Lightning. “But I think sometimes they forget how this works.”

–

Doc thinks he, too, must have forgotten how this works, because “meet n’ greet” is a misnomer if ever there were one. There’s nothing at all casual about the autographs Lightning’s firing off, and it’s a wonder he can see anything at all with all the camera flash. “Kachow,” indeed.

One after another the queue of meet n’ greeters comes, exchanges a word or two or gaping silent awe with meteorological sensation Lightning McQueen, gets an autograph for his trouble and a picture for his scrapbook, and is shepherded right along to make room for the next car idling in line, assembly line quick.

Racing’s changed a lot.

Or maybe it was always changing, change pouring from the racers, the race itself, and into the fringes of sponsorship and spectator and spectacle. Maybe this is where it was always headed.

–

Millennium Club dinner. Some corporate thing, so upper-crust exclusive that Lightning’s sponsors are not actually invited. But Lightning is.

“Actually, you are,” Lightning notes. “It says here I’m just your plus one.”

They don’t stay. They have another dinner to get to, anyway.

–

Sparklers on the ground. Cars popping wheelies as they dance away from the leaping colors, which leave thin trails of smoke in their wake. Guitar. Truckbeds filled to the brim with all manner of confection–mostly Dinoco Lite, but also festive lookalikes, for the children.

The children, to speak of them, are playing a made-up game that involves hurling small chunks of broken asphalt at each other. The smaller ones are playing with tire marbles.

This feels more like home.

Here, The King presides, looking hale and gleaming, which is good to see.

“Heard you were lookin’ for me back in town,” Doc says when Strip Weathers idles up to them.

“Paying my respects,” Weathers says. “You did the sport a world of good. Made it into something worth keepin’ alive.” He smiles at Lightning. “Long day?”

Lightning laughs faintly, and Doc turns to him. He does look a little shaky.

“I’d stay away from Claude’s homebrew,” Weathers warns, very seriously. “It’s turning everyone silly, as always.”

Lightning’s gaze darts to Doc. Kid’s not sure what to make of the fact that he’s been suddenly inducted into the club where The King makes casual jokes. It doesn’t compute, it doesn’t compute, and then it doesn’t compute.

Ultimately, however, the strangeness isn’t enough to hold his interest. As Weathers heads back to Lynda, Lightning confesses, “I, uh, really need to eat someth–”

“THERE HE IS.”

Photos, ecstasy. A distinct lack of personal space. Lightning could run, but he doesn’t. Or maybe he can’t without his engine seizing. He probably needed more oil a good long while ago.

Doc shakes his head. He is not in the habit of delivering drinks to people, but as one of Lightning’s fans begets another it appears he might have to.

He rolls through the crowd like an untouchable force, eliciting wide eyes but none brave enough to approach.

–

Of course! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! You’re the Hudson Hornet! The Fabulous Hudson Hornet! Oh, you gotta–

–

So far, returning to the track is easier than Doc had ever dreamed, because–and perhaps this is ironic–of how precious little there was to return to. He doesn’t miss it because he’s never known it; you can’t yearn for rules you’ve never bucked, asphalt you’ve never burnt. It’s all-new, right down to the smells and sounds of the track, vibrations through earth and the motion of the guy next to you. Never mind all the hoopla off the track, the business side of which has grown up even quicker than road.

And perhaps more surprising than all the change is Doc’s utter lack of nostalgia. He doesn’t wish all this around him were otherwise, or quail at the thought that it isn’t. His racing world is hermetically-sealed and six feet under and when he speaks of it, it is another beast entirely. Somehow, this makes is unpainful to speak of now.

The track doesn’t wrench him back those fifty years; it does not unbury that pain and betrayal; it does not validate the bitterness he’s spent so much of his time since curating. Lightning does not remind him of any of that, the way he surely had in the courtroom that first day. Teaching Lightning does not feel like a poor substitution for what should have been. This is different. This is something–

And that, Doc had never dreamed.

–

When he returns with a quart of oil balanced on his hood, Lightning is exactly where he’d left him, surrounded by a new constellation of fans. He’s wearing a look of extreme distress, masquerading poorly as something other than, and the Mitsubishi nearest him is weeping.

As Doc draws nearer, he understands why. More crash stories. More dead loved ones. More trauma, more pain, more loss. Stories without happy endings–or without endings at all. The Mitsubishi is still crying.

This goes on for hours. It seems everyone has some dark and metal-rending history that they would like for Lightning to know. That tiebreaker was a standout; it clearly shook a lot of feelings loose. Now Lightning has become their outlet.

Lightning is not handling it well. He’s only just learned how to listen, how to care; he doesn’t know how, or when, to stop.

That night–if it can be called that; it’s 3AM, and Lightning drew his first practice round for 7–Doc learns that Lightning does not always sleep heavy. Sometimes he does not sleep at all.

Doc has three regrets, as they pertain to docking his trailer next to Lightning’s:

1. The blare of Lightning’s television, which has been advertising hemorrhoidal tailpipe lotion for the past hour straight.

2. All the pacing. Just when Doc thinks he’s settled for the night, Lightning’s engine blares to life, and metal creaks softly as his weight shifts up and down the length of his trailer. His is not a quiet engine.

3. All the shouting. Forget the engine; Lightning’s just all-around loud for a sleeping car. Keeps yelping himself awake.

For his own self-preservation, Doc moves his trailer. For Lightning, Doc figures the best kindness he can do him as his crew chief is not expect much from their 7AM.

–

“Sleep well?” Doc asks. “Handling it,” Lightning scowls (or maybe he’s just squinting. It’s a bright morning).

Lightning posts a 196.349 average.

One of this season’s rookies, yellow bumper strip blending well with his purple paint job and gold highlights, whistles in appreciation. “I’ve definitely made it to the big leagues now,” he whispers to himself. “Hot dang!”

But Lightning all but flinches away when the rookie shouts “HEY!” Lightning swerves and mutters something incomprehensible as he drives past without making eye contact.

“Oka~y! Whatever then,” the rookie shouts after him. “Guess I’ll have to smoke you on Sunday, cupcake! Then we’ll see who gets ignored!”

“You all right?” Doc asks, when Lightning draws nearer.

“Is this over yet?” Lightning asks back, again without making eye contact.

“Sure,” Doc says. “Ten months and thirty-six races from now.”

Lightning brakes–he keeps forgetting someone is here now, to answer his rhetorical questions. Then he glares at Doc, lips pursed sour, and speeds away without another word. For the next eight hours, he’s nowhere to be found.

–

Doc must admit, he’s only half-expecting Lightning to show up for their 4PM. He hadn’t felt the need to read back on Lightning before they’d met–he figured he could guess at his behaviors well enough. After all, he’s said it before: Racecar.

And he knows from personal experience that Lightning has a tendency to go missing, and that he also has a predilection for nearly missing things that he probably shouldn’t. All behaviors a crew chief won’t typically abide, even if his racer doesn’t beat him to the punch and fire him.

If you want to race with the pros, you need to act the part. There are no exceptions.

Doc own crew chief would have shown him the door if Doc had ever given him lip. There’d have been hellfire and fury. But it’s been a while since Doc’s thought about any of this, and in a moment of deep personal honesty, he has to admit: Oh, he gave plenty of lip, and Smokey plenty of fire. They don’t call him Smokey for nothing. It had been different, though–he and Smokey were nearly contemporaries, grown men and good ol’ boys together. Lip and fury were part of the dance. It’s what they’d needed from each other.

Whereas Lightning–

For the first time, Doc thinks about what Lightning actually needs in a crew chief. It’s not that the list isn’t a mile long–the kid is undeniably talented, and undeniably smart; but he’s also undeniably stupid, and if Doc starts contemplating Lightning’s many contradictions he’ll be here all day. But maybe it’s not what Lightning needs so much as who.

Doc sighs. He’d hoped he could have stepped to the role with only a modicum of soul-searching. Clear out the cobwebs, beat the nostalgia, focus on the racing. But who’s stupid now? he chastises. The rules and the smells and the crowds can change like no tomorrow but at the end of the day, the heart of the sport will always be the same. And real racing? You race with everything you got. Everything you are. It don’t matter if you’re on the track or the infield. In this sport, there is no room for reticence. There are no exceptions to that, either.

So, Hud, he thinks. Who are you gonna be?

–

At exactly 4PM, Lightning does show up. The first thing he says is, “I’m sorry.”

It’s the only thing he says.

When Doc asks again, “You doin’ okay?” Lightning takes a rolling start from the road up to the track and he’s off to the races.

–

You’ve been here how long? And your friends don’t even know who you are?

–

Lightning’s driving sloppy. Extremely sloppy. Which isn’t a trouble when you’re alone on a track, but they’re not here to practice bad habits. When Doc tells him so, Lightning’s only response is to drive worse, and faster. Faster. He cracks 200. 201. 203, for consecutive laps. And again. Then a fourth.

“Control,” Doc reminds him, but Lightning’s past the point of responding even recalcitrantly. He’s pure, raw force, swinging around the turns, every atom blazing forward. There’s nothing left for anything but power and speed. It’s terrible but beautiful, but terrible.

Lightning leaves the track gasping for breath and on the verge of tears and absolutely every other part of him left on the asphalt behind him. The forklift posting the times does a double-take.

Doc’s not thinking about those, though.

“Come here,” Doc says, but Lightning is as insensate now as he was at 200 miles an hour. He mumbles something Doc finds incomprehensible, only willing to wheel himself in any direction but Doc’s.

Lightning closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, but immediately lets it out, sharp, and continues to dance away. 'Calm’ isn’t really an available gear after a run like his.

“Come here,” Doc repeats, and this time all but herds Lightning in the appropriate direction.

“Oh, stop,” Lightning mutters, as he shies away from Doc’s bumper taps. “I can drive myself, Dad.” But the second Doc stops prodding Lightning stops moving, so Doc keeps on.

Dad, huh? Doc mulls this over. Interesting choice, Mr. I-Can-Drive-Myself. The way it had slipped out, Lightning probably didn’t even realize. Certainly, he won’t remember.

That train of thought stretches long across the circus that is the Florida Speedway, but eventually they end up at Doc’s trailer, quiet and plain-painted and unassuming.

They don’t talk much. First it’s just Lightning muttering incoherence, as far as Doc’s concerned–likely a continuation of some long epic he’s been self-narrating for the past year or so. Then genuine silence. Lightning dozes, waking long enough between bouts to look extremely annoyed with himself.

When the ratio of rest to annoyance turns in castigation’s favor, Doc intervenes.

“You wanna tell me what just happened, kid?”

“Don’t turn this into a life lesson,” Lightning snaps, still surly. Lightning knows, and he knows Doc knows. No one needs a play-by-play. That’s why Lightning’s so annoyed–he knows what he should be able to handle. Sponsors, commercials, interviews, spotlight after spotlight after spotlight–he can dig in, he can do it. He excels at it. His name in lights? Bring it on.

But this time, he’d been wrong.

Doc tries to be less pedantic. “You can’t keep making yourself sick over this stuff.”

Nope, still pedantic. Maybe it’s just his way; Doc’s his crew chief, after all. He’s supposed to be pedantic.

“But I can’t just make them stop,” Lightning protests desperately. “All these horrible things– and then they tell me– and then their friends tell more– why would I wanna hear about all these crashes? Even the press guys will– I’m just– and I can’t–”

He reigns it in. “I can’t take that,” he summarizes, now sedate. “I can’t sit there, listening to all these horrible things that have happened to all these cars and all their entire families, and then just be okay. I can’t.”

You have to, is something Doc might say, as a crew chief. Are you made of steel or not? You have to. Just shut it out. And if you don’t know how, then you’re gonna have to learn. You’re a professional, and this is the game.

But Doc doesn’t think he can say that to Lightning. Lightning, who feels so young because this care and all its pain seems so new, so surprising to him. Lightning, now old enough to know that caring is professional.

Lightning, who is more than just his racer.

You can’t control the game, or what it sees in you. Be it an underestimate of what you’ve got left, or an overestimate of how many stories you’re able to bear, it’s all the same.

“So give 'em something else to talk about,” Doc says finally. “If you love this, then show 'em joy. Give them a win. Give them a hundred more things to remember you by.”

There’s that look again–Lightning thinking very hard, wondering if Doc’s advice is a puzzle. Trying to solve it just in case. Then his brow unfurrows. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “That makes sense.”

Doc’s expression must convey doubt, because Lightning clarifies his epiphany. “Surpass yourself, right?”

Then he grins devilishly. “Consider it done, old man!”

–

On Friday, Lightning wakes up for his 8:30. It’s a morning show–not RSN, but Florida local. They have to drive out to the studio. There will be sound stages and harried PAs and several hundred thousand cars watching from the comfort of their own garages. There’s an in-house audience as well, the hopefuls for which were wrapped clear around the building before they arrived.

Lightning yawns wide, says something about getting it out of his system before they head inside. But he hesitates at the threshold of the studio. For the briefest flicker of a moment, Lightning looks up at the glinting neon above the door and becomes betrayal incarnate. This thing had wronged him, this thing had hurt him, this thing he loved so much, it had–

Then he lets it go.

He doesn’t bury it.

He really, truly, lets it go.

And only then does Lightning roll through that door.

–

At 8:30 on Friday morning, just before the cameras start rolling, the Fabulous Hudson Hornet joins his protege Lightning McQueen on the stage of the Daytona Daily Dose–a tiny channel that only broadcasts as far as the county line. It is his first public speaking engagement since 1954.

They won’t be talking about 1954, though. It’s 2007. Doc has a hundred more things he’d like to be remembered by.

Doc glances at Lightning, who seems even more delighted by this development than the staff of the Daily Dose, and he thinks, And then some.