#platonic cumplane???

[nibbelraz]

A writer and His number one fan hater

[juicedpeachy]

lmao

[hyperlinkproxy]

one of the major appeals of cumplane to me is that shen qingqiu has all these impressive and interesting guys chasing after him and willing to wait on him hand and foot. but the one guy who he somehow favors the most is the overworked loser he's always fighting with???

insanity. if i were liu qingge i'd break something.

[drivebypainter]

What’s this? A fan fiction written by yours truly?! Yes! It is!

50% of All Marriages End in Divorce by Teacat11

Rated: Mature

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Fake Pregnancy, Queer Platonic Relationship, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Obsessive Luo Binghe, Confused Mobei-jun, Tired Shen Yuan, Shang Qinghua & Shen Qingqiu Friendship, Canon-Typical Violence, Oblivious Shen Yuan, Awkard Kissing, Enthusiastic Kissing, Dubious Kissing, Delusional Thinking and Activities, Real Marriage, Happy Ending.

Summary:

"“Well it goes like this, if we get fake married it won't be suspicious to Mobei-jun or anyone else if we both wander off together to look for Moon-Dew Sun Mushrooms-“

“Sun-Moon Dew Mushrooms.”

“-and if one of us pretends to be pregnant-“

“WHEN DID PREGNANCY COME INTO PLAY?!”

“-then Luo Binghe won't hurt us, after all, he wouldn’t hurt a pregnant person or the pathetic husband of said pregnant person! Which means we could avoid having to die in the first place!” Shang Qinghua finished his explanation with jazz hands. Shen Qingqiu felt like spitting blood.

Or

Months after the Immortal Alliance Conference disaster, Shen Qingqiu learns a bit of crucial information: Shang Qinghua, the treacherous rat behind the disaster in the first place, is a transmigrator! The two immediately begin to work together to find ways to survive Luo Binghe's return and the subsequent demise of their sect and lives, and with few options and time running out, they come to a quick and easy solution to save their skins; get fake married."

[ineffectualdemon]

Shen Qingqiu decided he wasn't going to spend the next 5 years moping!

He had the author up talk to! He could finally ask all the world building questions and get all the monster details he wanted!

With that in mind he grabbed his favourite bestiary and walked elegantly to An Ding.

He definitely did not run like a little kid eager to talk to their friend about the latest power ranger episode.

He let himself into the other's leisure house, ignoring the disciples who tried to stop him.

"So," Shen Qingqiu began setting the bestiary in front of a very startled Shang Qinghua, "I have questions." He continued as he opened the bestiary to an illustration of a creature made of darkness and tentacles. With too many mouth and even more teeth.

"Ah" Shang Qinghua began after squinting at the page "Would."

He smiled up at Shen Qingqiu as if he was happily playing a game.

Shen Qingqiu meanwhile went completely still. His face blank and his fingernails digging into to the wood of the desk as that word bounced around his suddenly void of a brain.

They say the cry of "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WOULD'!?!????!!!!" was heard all across the peaks and even into the foothills.

The sight of the Xiu Ya sword chasing the An Ding Peak Lord all across An Ding was reserved for the disciples of that peak alone.

They would have interfered but their Shizun didn't seem in any real danger and judging from the cackling was actually enjoying himself for once.

[disgracefulthings]

AU where, after throwing Luo Binghe into the abyss and Shen Qingqiu stops eating because the food on his peak is too bland, he discovers that a. Shang Qinghua is a good cook and b. that it's very similar to Binghe's cooking. He decides to have his meals over on An Ding, which confuses his fellow peak lords, but they are also very relieved because he is actually eating.

When Luo Binghe escapes from the abyss he ends up hearing rumors about this, and sees Shang Qinghua as a romantic rival. Instead of taking over HHP, he decides to open a restaurant because clearly the way into his Shizun's heart isn't to become a respected cultivator, but through his stomach. Shang Qinghua does have one thing over Binghe, and that's his ability to make modern dishes that Shen Qingqiu misses.

Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua are very confused and have no idea what Binghe's restaurant has to do with his plans for revenge, and they think it's safe for Shang Qinghua to go in to spy because Luo Binghe would want nothing to do with him.

However, when Luo Binghe spots Shang Qinghua in his restaurant, he challenges him to a cooking competition with Shen Qingqiu as the one and only judge. Shang Qinghua doesn't want to die, so he agrees, but he is afraid that Binghe would take Shen Qingqiu if he loses, so he decides that he needs to out cook Binghe to save Shen Qingqiu's life.

Shen Qingqiu has no idea what's going on (classic Shen Qingqiu) and agrees to judge. Binghe makes him his favorite dish from Qing Jing Peak, while Shang Qinghua makes him his favorite modern dish.

In the end, Shen Qingqiu can't choose because both of the dishes are really good, and Binghe breaks down, saying that if Shen Qingqiu really likes Shang Qinghua's cooking, then he is willing for both of them to marry Shen Qingqiu.

Shang Qinghua, who had no idea that those were the stakes, backs out of the competition because he had no interest in marrying his bro (Mobei-Jun has been stewing in jealousy this whole time and decided that in order to win Shang Qinghua's heart, he needed to cook for him. When it's revealed that Shang Qinghua doesn't love Shen Qingqiu, he takes him back to his palace and presents him with all the food he has learned to make. While not as good as the protagonist's, Shang Qinghua is still moved because he never thought anyone would make something for him, much less his spoiled king)

Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe do make up and get married, and Binghe reluctantly asks Shang Qinghua advice for making modern meals

[greeniegaes]

SQH and all of his meals in the modern age are made in the rice cooker. Like, yea, rice. But he’ll put a steamer basket on it and make dumplings. Make a boiled egg for breakfast.

Eventually he finds this guy online who looks drop dead gorgeous and he teaches people other stuff to make in rice cookers. Everything from cheesecake to curries to yoghurt. The dude is insanely good with the thing, and SQH is smitten with this one dish wonder guy.

Eventually he goes on social media and the first thing he found after making his noodles was that his favorite foodie died from food poisoning.

He accidentally also died after spilling his food.

Eventually after his transmigration he hears about this wondering cultivator who has this mysterious creation he made. So obviously SQH has to see it

SQH: “is that a rice cooker.”

SY: “…perhaps.”

SQH: “bro I missed those so much they are so useful

SY just kinda nods his head, no clue who this guy is and cautiously eating his yoghurt.

SQH: “ugh there was this really pretty food guy who used them for one pot meals. He died eating yoghurt and I can’t stomach the stuff anymore”

SY: “oh yea, that was me”

SQH:?!?

Like imagine realizing your fave online pretty boy foodie read your twenty million words of bad smut. Rest in peace SQH’s pride

[bloodyfries]

Runs into room

Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu probably talk to each other really informally and share "private" information about their lives. They obviously do this because that's just modern culture... but it freaks everyone else out

Jumps out of window, Shen Qingqiu style

[hyenashark]

cumplane using modern slang and everybody thinks they have some secret undecipherable code language. somebody says “what is love” and they both simultaneously go “baby don’t hurt me.” they tell each other to “kay why ess” on a regular basis (sqq says it moreso than sqh). during peak lord meetings sqh will scribble a nonsensical meme on a napkin and slide it over to sqq and he’ll crack tf up. sometimes they’ll just purposely mess with people by stringing together the most contrived possible sentence while acting as if it’s completely normal and watch whoever they’re with speedrun all five stages of grief

[tempo-takoyaki]

It's maid day! *maid-fication beam*

[skipblebee]

I was rewatching Twisted while working on some projects and this scene reminded me of them lol

I love Twisted SO much u guys should totally check it out :]

[nibbelraz]

Friendship prompt for @nyan_wushi for the Svsss for Gotcha 4 Gaza

They're the bestest of bros who are always there for each other, even if it's a little hard for Shen Yuan to admit. He shows he cares in other ways ✨️

[luminacerin]

Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua returning to the modern era only to find out all their favourite memes are now outdated and considered ‘cringe’.

A devastating day for the two Peak Lords indeed.

[jade-len]

my very straight male friend, in the middle of reading svsss vol 3 i tricked him into reading, completely out of nowhere (part 4):

he's so mean damn akkdhxn

how could she betray me like that.. anyways honorable mentions:

@vivitur-moritur is this the bingqiu you wanted LMAO

[ineffectualdemon]

(AO3 link)

Shang Qinghua arrived back to Cang Qiong and headed to report to the Sect Leader only to find himself pulled into an impromptu meeting with his fellow Peak Lords.

With a noticeable absence and more notably addition. 

"Zhangmen-shixiong, may this one inquire as to what is happening?" He asked nervously as he the yelling from his fellow peak lords explained nothing and Luo Binghe stood still with his arms crossed, his jaw clenched tight, but silent.

"Lord Luo seems to think we have hidden Shen-shixiong away," Yue Qingyuan replied with confusion clouding his eyes.

"Which is nonsense! Qingqiu is sitting in the next room plain as day!" Liu Qingge shouted, one hand on the hilt of his sword the other pointing to a side room.

"And as this Lord has explained that thing is not Shizun." Luo Binghe replied with the slow carefulness that precedes great violence.

"We all here have seen and spoken to Shen-shixiong daily while Lord Luo was dealing with demon matters this past week. We have seen nothing amiss. Maybe he just tires of your company." Qi Qingqi really liked digging the knife in which was a huge mistake.

Shang Qinghua watched Luo Binghe's hand clench his fist tighter as his demon mark grew in brilliance.

"Alright thats enough! I can confidently prove whether or not Shen Qingqiu has been replaced!" He said loudly, his casual tone cutting through the noise and tension better then the volume.

Before he could think better of it Shang Qinghua walked briskly over to the side room and walked inside, shutting the door behind him.

Hardly any time at all passed before he was back in the room, the door closed firmly shut behind him and sealing and silencing talismans stuck to the outside.

"Shen Qingqiu has been replaced." He stated firmly. The room went eerily quiet and Luo Binghe, thought not smiling, relaxed as his posture took on an amused lilt.

"How can Shang-Shixiong be so sure?" Someone spluttered.

"He said I was his closest friend." Shang Qinghua said grimly.

"...but you are?" Liu Qingge said, his eyebrows tight as if he was puzzling over paperwork.

And he was right. Everyone knew Shang Qinghua was Shen Qingqiu's closest friend and confidant. Something that pissed off and confused everyone close to Shen Qingqiu to some degree. 

Shang Qinghua huffed.

"Of course I am! I know that! You know that! Everyone knows that! Even Shen Qingqiu knows that! But would he ever say it?"

That got everyone to pause.

No.

No he wouldn't.

Potentially not even on pain of death.

"Then what is it and where is Shizun?" Luo Binghe demanded, pushing past Liu Qingge who just mad a disgruntled sound.

"This one's guess? It's a Cuckoo Spirit. They're a type of dream demon. They hunt by reading the inner thoughts of their victim and replicating their mannerisms and behaviours as closely as they can based on dreams and so on. They then keep their victim asleep and assume their life. Feeding off both them and the people around them. This one guesses Qian Cao has had a lot of people on Qing Jing come down with fevers or are strangely lethargic recently." Shang Qinghua turned his attention away from Luo Binghe at this last and directed it as Mu Qingfang who looked troubled. 

"For the last three days. And four days ago Shen-shixiong complained of feeling tired when we had tea, but his meridians seemed clear. The imposter also stood up to scrutiny when this one examined him." Mu Qingfang explained.

Shang Qinghua nodded.

"Did Mu-shidi feel ill after the exam at all?" Shang Qinghua asked, even as he pushed past the sect leader and the demon emperor to pull out paper and ink and start scribbling quickly. 

"...yes actually, a headache." Mu Qingfang quickly crossed to join Shang Qinghu, tension tight in his frame.

"It used it's abilities to change your memory and perception." Shang Qinghua looked to his upset Shidi and gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder. 

"Don't be too upset with yourself Shidi! They are very dangerous creatures and extremely rare. The most important thing is Shen-shixiong is still alive. They can only maintain form if they still have a living connection." Shang Qinghua turned to look at Luo Binghe who had joined him on his other side.

"Meng Mo agrees and is impressed with your knowledge, he wouldn't have guessed or caught a Cuckoo. He thought his clan had wiped them out. He actually seemed afraid of them." Luo Binghe was still tense but knowing his Shizun was still alive was keeping him together. But it wasn't a surprised that the dream demon feared the creature. They had a terrifying ability, to make dream illusions work in the waking world. 

Their original feeding grounds were the dream demon clans, because who was easier to fool then those who were always half in a dream? 

In PIDW he had meant their inclusion to be a real horror movie moment but also a chance for character growth as Luo Binghe was forced to contend with something that shattered his confidence in his dream magic and made him face reality. 

In practice it was used to make a recent wife who was married "for political reasons" admit she actually did love her husband and wanted his pillar. 

Maybe Bingmei didn't need to know that. 

"If it hadn't flubbed so bad I wouldn't have caught it." Shang Qinghua admitted to distract himself before picking up his papers and turning around.

"Right. First off we must find Shen Qingqiu. Junshang? You search for disturbances in the dream realm. Something that feels off. But do not attempt to interact with it yet! Just use that to help us locate Shen Qingqiu. Liu Qingge? Mu-shidi? I need you to get these ingredients and turn it into an incense. Everyone else search every cave and grotto and outbuilding on this mountain to find Shen Qingqiu. If you find him do not touch him! We must break the bond first and we have to do that quickly before it realises we know. Right now this one has told it that Luo Binghe is unstable and we need to confine "Shen Qingqiu" for his own protection. It objected like Shen-shixiong would but not strong enough." Shang Qinghua was a little surprised they just let him take charge like that but Yue Qingyuan nodded.

"That Shang-shidi left the room on his own two feet after suggesting such a thing and Shen-shidi didn't break down the door and take Lord Luo and leave is even more proof than it calling Shang Qinghua its closest friend." Yue Qingyuan kindly pointed out for Luo Binghe's benefit, who was looking a little murderous. 

After that things moved swiftly. Shen Qingqiu was found in an old storage room on Qing Jing with help from Luo Binghe. One plastered with talismans to block the Emperor from tracking his blood.

Once the sleeping Shen Qingqiu breathed in enough of the cure to break the demon's hold dispatched the thing quickly, while the smoke from the same incense kept it from using its normal tricks to escape.

Shen Qingqiu once awake and finally devoid of a crying Demon Lord, due to said Demon Lord baking something, asked to speak to Shang Qinghua.

"Binghe said you convinced everyone but didn't say how." Shen Qingqiu, looking pale but mostly alright, asked.

"I walked in and asked if it knew who I was and 'you' rolled your eyes and said: 'um my best friend? Who else would you be you dumb hack author!' and I immediately knew because you'd never admit that." 

Somehow Shen Qingqiu looked more ill that before Shang Qinghua explained.

"Ew? Why would it so that? Bro no offense but I would rather kick in you in a well of dead fish then say we're friends." 

A different man would be offended but Shang Qinghua just chuckled. That's his tsundere Cucumber Bro! 

"I know bro "

Shen Qingqiu shifted in his seat at that, like what he said left a sour taste in his mouth and sand in his shorts.

"You're not..." Shen Qingqiu started before hiding behind his fan, "You're not not my best friend though." 

Shang Qinghua blinked at him before tearing up.

"Bro!'

"NOPE! I NEVER SAID ANYTHING!"

"You love bro!"

"I HATE YOU!" 

Shang Qinghua smiled as Shen Qingqiu loudly protested their friendship while also nudging his favourite treats towards him.

Ah, friendship was sweet when it was with your number one anti fan! 

[disgracefulthings]

Shen Qingqiu: Since the story is now over, what should we do now?

Shang Qinghua: Well, since we're immortal, I say we write down every future atrocity and stop them from happening

Shen Qingqiu: I CALL KILLING HITLER!

Shang Qinghua: FUCK YOU I WANT TO KILL HITLER!