#svsss ficlet

[silentheiss]

When Shen Yuan transmigrates in his definitely-not-favorite novel, he’s ecstatic. Sure, dying sucked, but he got a second chance! In a body that looked exactly like his, only healthy and with a perfectly good golden core, too!

He’s a rouge cultivator now, with a cool sword, enough money, long-ass hair and zero actual responsibilities!

So, all in all, Shen Yuan hit a jackpot. He travels, makes notes of monsters he sees and sometimes fights, collects rare herbs and flowers and feels just great.

He feels decidedly less great, when after defeating a Six Eyed Spider Viper in some nameless, remote village, he receives a bride as a payment. It shockes him into a stupor for long enough for the villagers to think he actually agreed, so as soon as he can talk again, he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind:

“This one is already married!”

It doesn’t work as well as he hoped.

“So Nie Rong can be a second wife.” An auntie, possibly Nie Rong’s mother, waves her hand dismissively at him.

“No, no,” Shen Yuan scrambles. “This one wasn’t being clear enough. This one is not in position to take wives! He is- is, uh.”

“Master is a wife?” Nie Rong chrips, her cheeks reddened.

“Uh. Sure. Yeah.” Shen Yuan would like to leave the village immediately. A thrill of defeating a cool fucking monster wasn’t even worth the embarrassment!

“Master’s husband must be quite powerful to get such a cultivator as a wife.” One of the villagers says, eyes glinting with suspicion. “Who’s he?”

“This one’s husband is indeed very powerful.” Shen Yuan squeezes out of himself, taking a step back. “Very possessive, too.”

“How come he lets his husband travel so far?”

“Oh! It’s easy, really. This one’s husband’s harem is big enough to slip away for a week or two!”

An agitated murmur passes through the small crowd. Shen Yuan sighs, feeling the control of the situation slipping through his fingers.

“He doesn’t sound like a very good husband.” One of the aunties says. “Maybe you should divorce him and marry our Rong-er after all.”

“This one’s husband is not someone one just divorces.” Shen Yuan takes another step back. “Thanking everyone for kind words, but-"

“Oh.” Nie Rong says, eyes downcast. “It’s the Emperor, isn’t it? That’s why Daozhang can’t leave?”

“Yes!” Shen Yuan yelps before he can really think. “So you can see how the situation is difficult for this one.”

It’s a shit solution to a problem. Might be the worst, actually. But then again, Luo Binghe would never know and Shen Yuan gets a perfect excuse if something similar ever happens again.

And it does happen. Quite too often, if Shen Yuan is honest — shouldn’t all the girls belong to the protagonist anyway?!

So, Shen Yuan uses his perfect excuse: No, he cannot marry your pretty little daughter, he’s an Emperor Luo’s husband. And: No, fellow rouge cultivator, he will not share your bed, he’s spoken for!

Everything works without a hitch, until one day Shen Yuan walks into an inn where he’s been staying for last couple of days and comes face to face with the Emperor of Combined Realms, Lord Luo himself.

Shit.

[ineffectualdemon]

Shen Qingqiu decided he wasn't going to spend the next 5 years moping!

He had the author up talk to! He could finally ask all the world building questions and get all the monster details he wanted!

With that in mind he grabbed his favourite bestiary and walked elegantly to An Ding.

He definitely did not run like a little kid eager to talk to their friend about the latest power ranger episode.

He let himself into the other's leisure house, ignoring the disciples who tried to stop him.

"So," Shen Qingqiu began setting the bestiary in front of a very startled Shang Qinghua, "I have questions." He continued as he opened the bestiary to an illustration of a creature made of darkness and tentacles. With too many mouth and even more teeth.

"Ah" Shang Qinghua began after squinting at the page "Would."

He smiled up at Shen Qingqiu as if he was happily playing a game.

Shen Qingqiu meanwhile went completely still. His face blank and his fingernails digging into to the wood of the desk as that word bounced around his suddenly void of a brain.

They say the cry of "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WOULD'!?!????!!!!" was heard all across the peaks and even into the foothills.

The sight of the Xiu Ya sword chasing the An Ding Peak Lord all across An Ding was reserved for the disciples of that peak alone.

They would have interfered but their Shizun didn't seem in any real danger and judging from the cackling was actually enjoying himself for once.

[lurkinginnernarrator]

“Shen Qingqiu! What is this nonsense about Qing Jing requisitioning a disguise for one of its members?! You would dare send one of your little disciples trussed up like a pretty young mistress! Even I thought you better than”–

Qi Qingqi’s voice cut off on an extremely strangled note. She and the other Peak Lords all seemed unable to capture an ounce of oxygen.

Cang Qiong’s finest were gathered in a elegant war room, massive tables shoved to the side, covered with maps and intelligence reports: A mind-numbing amount of information scattered across sheaves of paper and neatly written on large boards; they spanned the walls not open to the serene nature of Qing Jing’s outdoors.

The murmuring of focused and purposeful Qing Jing disciples hushed at Qi Qingqi’s outraged exclamation and the sudden appearance of a majority of their shibo.

In the midst of the room, Shen Qingqiu stood, hands frozen in the action of sheathing a dagger to his inner thigh. While normally, such a sight would be arresting enough, it paled in comparison to the vision Qing Jing’s Lord made currently.

His eyes caught wide and surprised were rimmed with coal and rouge, claret lips parted infinitesimally. Gentle strands of hair framed his face and cascaded down his curved back. Hair ornaments tinkled and glittered in the silken black waves.

Delicate, airy robes flirted with graceful wrists, red lacquered nails making a pleasing contrast. Carmine and the tones of blushing rose danced about Shen Qingqiu, gentle fabric draping from his shapely frame; soft skin of his collarbones an–and the rounded mound of his, hi-his bust? Exposed. As was the refined line of sinewy thigh.

S-sshink!

Shen Qingqiu’s hand leaves the handle of the blade, nebulous skirts falling back into place, his pale thighs veiled from sight once more.

“Qi-shimei, Liu-shidi, Zhangmen-shixiong?”– Shen Qingqiu's eyes quickly take in the numerous uninvited visitors, yet his lilting voice doesn’t quicken from its whiplike cadence –”To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from Yue-shixiong and my shidimen?”

For some unknowable reason, Sect Master Yue and the Bai Zhan War God forsook courtesy for silence.

“Rather, to what does this Master owe my beloved sect siblings appearance,” the polished voice drawled, “ whose purpose is no doubt to meddle in the affairs of a Qing Jing operation? Without, may I add, any proper knowledge of the purpose of this operation to begin with?”

Mu Qingfang, who to this point was standing unobtrusively to the side, stepped forward, courteously greeting the Maste– Lady? Of Qing Jing.

His fellow peak lords prayed blessings, to be gifted such a level headed martial brother!

“These shidi apologize for the discourtesy, Shen-shixiong.” Mu Qingfang’s voice may have hesitated, or stuttered, and almost uttered ‘shijie’ but no one noticed because they were too caught up in their own lawless thoughts.

A Qing Jing disciple helpfully handed Shen Qinqqiu a fan. With a crack! It met his open palm, a gavel descrying doom.

Haloed in light, the Qing Jing Master stood like a wrathful goddess, a holy judge tired of the sullying presence of mortals.

Qing Jing’s Master, when garbed in his usual attire, was a sharp, intimidating figure. Graceful in his execution of masculinity, not unlike a dagger. Moreso, then, donning the mantle of femininity. Some intangible attributes changed, that when masculine, repelled, yet when feminine compelled. Those certain peak lords were unprepared to handle such a thing.

Shen Qingqiu tsked, turning his back he subsequently ignored them after hand-waving a disciple into acting as the hospitality.

The wrong-footed peak lords were bundled off to the side and laden with tea and light victuals, being appeased into silence and unobtrusiveness by snacks. If some of the scholarly disciples secretly thought of it as the kiddie table, that's for them to know, isn’t it?

[svsss-brainrot-blog]

Luo Binghe and Shen yuan interaction where Luo Binghe can read Shen Yuans thoughts.

It comes with the dusk, after a long day handling strange flowers for trade, when Shizun deigns to allow his humble and devoted husband to bathe him, and run the teeth of his ivory comb through long, dark tresses.

“Ah, Luo Binghe,” echoes in the back of his mind, like a sacred whisper, something warm flowing within it. “You are far too good to this old man.”

His hands still for a moment, halfway through a stroke of devotion. With a curious hum, Shizun’s eyes open, catching his in the mirror, and a trace of confusion slinks through that place behind his own thoughts.

“Binghe? Is something wrong?” His eyes search over him in that way they always have, but there is nothing to see when his mind is where the curiosity lays.

The thing is, Luo Binghe is not unused to having another’s thoughts in his mind. But he has never had Shizun’s. Even more so, it seems his revered master and husband has no idea that he’s doing it. Perhaps one of the Tethered Thought Lilies from earlier had managed to cling some of its pollen to the demon’s sleeve without notice. A careless mistake, he ought to know better. He’ll have to scour the room to make sure he didn’t track anything else in by accident.

“Nothing is wrong, Shizun,” Luo Binghe assured him, resuming the task at hand. The lilies were not very potent, and with the level of cultivation he and his husband possessed, they could not garner an effect for more than a few incense sticks’ worth of time, if that. “This humble disciple was only admiring the beautiful view.”

Right on cue, a fetching trace of pink races to color the fine, soft pale skin of Shen Qingqiu’s face.

“I swear he’s trying to get me to explode some days! What shameless words! How much more must I be expected to endure before he makes his move?”

“Shizun must know,” Luo Binghe continues, setting down the comb in favor of nosing along his husband’s neck. “That he is the best sight this unworthy one could ever see, in any lifetime.”

“This is it,” come Shen Qingqiu’s thoughts, trilling with something like anticipation. “The part where he kisses me and whisks me away...”

Luo Binghe smiled, and, just to be contrary, pulled back to pick up the comb once more.

“Huh? He didn’t…?”

Luo Binghe twisted the long, luxurious hair into a simple braid. “May this lowly one accompany Shizun to rest?”

“What. The. Hell.” His Shizun’s voice nipped at his mind, filled with a buzz that the demon lord could only identify as the beginnings of irritation. “Where the fuck is my kiss, Luo Binghe?! All that talk all day of love and devotion and you aren’t even going to kiss your one and only fucking husband goodnight?! What was all that buildup today for if you were going to back off at the last moment?!”

“If it pleases Binghe, this master will permit it,” is what his husband actually says with grace and elegance, but Luo Binghe is struck dumb for a moment by the sheer intensity and vulgarity that just swept through his mind. Something sharp and unpleasant digs into his consciousness where he can feel their short, unplanned bond.

With a smooth motion, Shen Qingqiu stands from the vanity and slips away, and as soon as his hair leaves Luo Binghe’s hands, the thread that binds them snaps.

“Shizun wait,” the demon calls, quickly moving to hold the other around the waist, nearly melting as the feeling of connection returns.

“Stupid.” Shizun’s voice cuts through at the first brush, cold and cruel. “What idiotic thing was I thinking? He had his fill just this morning, he would not care enough for it again so soon. And why should I care? Not every word is meant to ply my willingness. Stupid, stupid, stupid!”

And then, a thought so quiet, it barely registers under all the other cacophony. “Did I do something to displease him? Is that why?”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe calls, once more burrowing into his neck. Guilt cut thick through his heart, making the scar on his chest ache. Shizun would fret, and undo all the effort Luo Binghe had put into his relaxing bath, but he could not bear to let his most beloved think he was unwanted. “…Shizun could never displease this lowly demon.”

“What.” Shen Qingqiu’s thoughts echo his words.

“Forgive me, Shizun,” Luo Binghe asks, tightening his hold. “It seems this unfilial one had some pollen left on his sleeves from the Tethered Thought Lilies. I should not have pried.”

“FUCK,” his inner thoughts declare as he abruptly pulls away.

“Luo Binghe!” his master chastises with a scandalized expression. “You-!”

“Shizun’s thoughts are so straightforward,” Luo Binghe says, bowing his head. “And this one did not think the short duration would be of consequence. But this Luo Binghe was wrong.” Still, he reached out, pulling the other close once again. “But this one did not mean to upset his husband, whom he loves dearly and longs for with great affection.”

With as much repentance as he could muster, Luo Binghe laid a chaste kiss at the corner of his husband’s lips. The immortal master simply stared at him for several long moments, tumultuous emotions flittering through the back of Luo Binghe’s mind faster than he could decipher.

“Take me to bed if you’re truly so sorry, you foolish thing.”

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe purred, lifting the other easily into his arms for a proper kiss as he carried them to their chambers. “I love you.”

“Fool,” Shizun sighed, acting put upon even as a trill of pleased satisfaction rumbled through Luo Binghe’s thoughts.

“I love you too.”

[allpiesforourown]

Superstar Luo Binghe au. All the directors beg him to be in their movies because his fame will immediately assure success for anything they make. He’s handsome, charming, dedicated, and most of all, extremely talented. He even does his own stunts!! Women love him, and men who say they hate him will still watch his movies so they can figure out how to be more like him. 

The only weird thing about Binghe as an actor is that he refuses to star in romantic films. He won’t kiss anyone, won’t pretend to date someone on screen, won’t even let another actor take over his role for the scenes he doesn’t want to do. His reason? He’s completely loyal to his husband.

Everyone thinks it’s stupid, obviously. You aren’t “cheating” by pretending to love someone else, it’s literally your job! Luo Binghe still refuses and says even he’s not good enough an actor to make anyone believe he could ever love someone other than Yuan-ge.

His fans hate this mysterious Yuan-ge. Because of his (probably insecure and jealous) spouse, all of Binghe’s fangirls cant see him sweep some y/n character off their feet. It’s even worse because they don’t know anything about this guy. Whenever someone asks to see or learn about Binghe’s husband, the star says he’ll never reveal Yuan-ge to the public, because he’s too beautiful and he doesn’t want everyone falling in love with him. 

People kind of run with the idea that obviously this guy must be a total weirdo who Binghe is embarrassed to be seen with. That has to be the explanation, because no matter how perfect someone is, how can they have such a chokehold on THE LUO BINGHE??

Then, one day, years after Luo Binghe’s initial rise to fame…. He goes on a talkshow. With his husband Shen Yuan. 

Obviously EVERYONE tunes in. No one uses TVs anymore bc of the internet, but just for this show, viewer ratings are the highest theyve ever been. Everyone wants to know what the fuss is all about with this guy to have Luo Binghe so down horrible. 

And Shen Yuan isn’t a weirdo. He’s also not some pretty yesman. He makes jokes that make the audience burst into laughter. He’s opinionated, which is really refreshing when every other celebrity stays neutral on every topic to avoid losing fans. He’s polite, but he’s not a pushover. He’s likeable, but he’s not a try-hard about it. Referencing memes makes him an instant hit with the younger generations, and the calm gentle way he talks makes him a hit with the older ones. All of a sudden everyone is going, okay we see why Luo Binghe is obsessed with him. 

Except… while shen yuan was making jokes and charming everyone, Luo Binghe was at his side, pathetically pawing at his husband for attention. The actor keeps whining every two minutes to be reassured yuan-ge still likes him. Whenever Shen Yuan compliments the host, Binghe looks like he’s about to cry. Whenever Luo Binghe jealously wraps his arms around shen Yuan everyone watching just rolls their eyes. Seeing them together people realize… shen yuan is the one that’s out of Luo Binghe’s league.

In just one hour public opinion goes from ‘no one can be worth binghe acting like that for’ to ‘luo binghe is so annoying, let shen yuan talk!!’ 

The next day someone finds shen yuan’s twitter and it blows up. He has his own fan pages now. There’s no pictures of him online other than the footage from the talkshow, so the fan accounts just post that over and over again. Shen yuan retweets a post about him with the caption “i never realized she was holding a plate of corn in this scene” and everyone loses their mind. Everything he says immediately goes viral bc that’s luo binghe’s attic wife.

People start nagging Binghe to post about Shen Yuan bc theyre so attached after his one and only publicized appearance. Binghe is super possessive, but yuan-ge tells him not to worry, so he relents and posts pictures of him and shen yuan on vacation. They’re together, holding hands… but shen yuan’s face and body are blurred out. It’s HORRIFYING. He looks like an eldritch monster bc luo binghe refuses to let anyone look at his yuan-ge in a swim suit, go away you perverts!! His instragram is now just full of pics of shen yuan where his eyes are blacked out so noone else can see how pretty they are. It’s nightmare fuel

Shen Yuan is unfortunately too unbothered to post pictures of himself. Everyone’s tired of Luo Binghe for “hogging shen yuan all to himself” when Shen Yuan is practically an internet celebrity now. 

People go to watch movies and their theatre conversations sound like this:

“Oh, Luo Binghe’s in this one!”

“Who?”

“You know Shen Yuan’s annoying husband?”

“OH THAT GUY..”

[jiangyanlissidepiece]

(POV: little Ning Yingying overhears the peak lords gossiping about her Baba and corrects them!!)

—

“What?” Ning Yingying blurted out before she could stop herself, pure confusion on her face. “Shizun doesn’t sleep with women!”

Several faces blanched, and Yue Qingyuan rapidly began to look constipated at her bluntness.

“Oh honey,” Qi Qingqi said, pitying. “You shouldn’t even be hearing about this.”

Ning Yingying shrugged off the hand the older cultivator placed on her shoulder, now even more upset. “He doesn’t sleep with my aunties. That would be weird. And gross.”

“Your aunties…?” Mu Qingfang’s eyes cleared. It looked like he was rapidly putting things together in his mind.

“Your aunties are at the Warm Red Pavillion?” Qi Qingqi seemed stuck on that fact, eyebrows raised high.

“Yes!” She tried not to stomp her foot. Just because Baba didn’t mind when she acted childish, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t. “Why else would he go and visit there?”

Wei Qingwei coughed awkwardly. “Well, I mean…”

Qi Qingqi stomped on his foot, and he let out an unmanly screech.

“Why do your aunties live at the Warm Red Pavillion?” Qi Qingqi asked carefully, eyes narrowed.

“Ba—Shizun says it’s because he doesn’t have enough money to pay for them to leave.” The little girl looks sad, but then she brightens up again like a flower in the sun. “But he says he’s getting there, so they might leave soon!”

“Oh.” Shang Qinghua said, looking paler than usual. “Well that’s fine, then.”

“Did you almost call him something else?” Asked a female peak lord who Ning Yingying didn’t recognize.

“Baba says I can’t call him Baba in public…” Ning Yingying informed them glumly. “Because people might think he didn’t adopt me. And that they might treat me differently. I think that’s kinda stupid, though, but don’t tell him I said that…”

Yue Qingyuan put a hand over his entire face, and groaned.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Staring into the void thinking about my unloved little guy favorites and feeling the thoughts mix with my adoration for stupid niche crossovers. I want a svsss x Naruto crossover but instead of anyone especially notable from svsss who crosses over it's my favorite "really not as bad as he could be" award winner, Ming Fan

Squinting back at naruto and flipping a coin to decide if he lands in warring states era or modern konoha and deciding I like both of these options, so we're going to do 2 separate stories/timelines. Or maybe we'll have him land in the past then get flashed forward to future Konoha when he tries going home so he gets the best of both worlds, who knows— I'll decide when I get there.

With that said, buckle in baby because it's time for:

✨️ Ming Fans very unfortunate fall into the mess that is naruto canon ✨️

Ming Fan gets flung into another dimension due the ultimate possible sin in svsss: being a background character.

Some obligatory crazy adventure was happening to Luo Binghe and SQQ involving some magic artifact, and in your stereotypical "someone not too important to the plot touches the object and gets exploded, proving it's dangerous to touch + upsetting SQQ so LB can appropriately comfort him" (probably originally a wife plot) scene, Ming Fan gets zapped into naruto canon. Woops!

If it helps him feel any better, SQQ really is upset by this. Binghe is not. At all. He might think it's karma but also this guy doesn't know the first fucking thing about appropriate levels of karma so maybe he should keep his mouth shut.

(Neither of these facts make him feel better but do you know what does? Imagining SQQ yelling at Binghe for this. He's so fucking sure it's that guy's fault somehow. It's always his fault somehow.)

So boom, he gets zapped into the worst possible (and my personal favorite moment for inconvenient time travel) moments; The final battle between the Uchiha and the Senju.

Specifically, he gets zapped directly onto Tobirama's sword. Queue shocked Pikachu faces from everyone— including Ming Fan but with added dramatic blood and cursing in chinese. Bc hey!! They don't speak the same fucking language actually!!

Unfortunate.

So Tbrm and Izuna both jump back away from this unknown as Ming Fan continues to bleed and curse and be very fucking confused as to where he was.

He took the hit in the shoulder of his non dominant arm, it's a pretty clean cut and he's a cultivator so he'll be fine with some rest but MAN if it don't hurt like a bitch. On top of the motion sickness of being launched through time and space too, and wrapped up in a little bow of "surrounded by hostile looking strangers all yelling in a language I don't understand"

Yeah he's not having the greatest time right now.

So like, Ming Fan just sort of appeared out of nowhere, right? Which has Tobirama extra fucked up bc, yk, hiraishin.

Izuna doesn't know that he was just saved from death death, so he's appropriately grateful at avoiding being stabbed but also like. Who the fuck are you. How did you get here. You just interrupted my battle with my rival and I take a little offense to that actually.

Everyone is yelling and confused and Ming Fan is seriously debating hopping on his sword and flying off because fuck this.

Madara and Hashirama finally enter stage left and are both like "well he's not one of ours" so now everyone is eyeing him even more suspiciously and a couple people are for sure lowkey tensing to attack

Enter convenient svsss mcguffin! Because "idk it sounds like something SQQ would know how to do," Ming Fan knows some language technique that allows him to speak/understand a language for a certain amount of time.

So he grabs his sword and circulates his qi to prepare the technique, and everyone tenses up because hey what are you doing over there buddy

Tobirama, a really good sensor, can actually sense the differences between Ming Fan's qi circulating through his dantian vs how shinobi would circulate chakra through their chakra coils. So he's holding a hand up like 'wait let him cook' @ the Senju who tensed up for a possible attack, if only because he wants to see where this goes and is confident that if he tried anything fr, well, he's kind of surrounded on all sides rn by two entirely different factions

The Uchiha meanwhile don't want to be the first to strike, so everyone's just kinda cautiously gripping their weapons in this very odd battlefield stall

And boom: now he can speak their language.

I'd say the first thing he does is grab Tobirama and shake him while cussing him out about watching where he's swinging that sword of is but he's smarter than that. (For sure it's what he wants to do tho. He is picturing it. Oh man is he picturing it.)

So like, actual communication for now

Now. PIDW is fucking filled with all sorts of mcguffins, "I touched something I shouldnt have and when I opened my eyes I was somewhere strange" is alarmingly common, and the sect absoloutley has some sort of "teleportation checklist" to run through whenever your random, unfortunate disciple gets fucking zapped.

(I like to hc that Shang Quinghua had some sort of hand in making an "official" checklist taught across the peaks, and that different peaks treat this checklist with uhh,, different amounts of respect. (LQG thinks its useless but has simultaneously run the tally for peak lord whose gotten stranded by artifacts he shouldn't have touched the most. These two facts may be directly correlated.))

Anyways; Ming Fan gets to doing that checklist. He's demanding to know where he is, when he doesn't recognize the name, how close he is to the sea, what year and time of the year it is, where the nearest sect is, etc.

At first this is directed at Izuna and Tobirama both, but when Izuna fails to answer as directly as Tobirama does (with quick, flat answers) and also tries to return the questions ("who are you, how did you get here, etc.") he directs his attention soley to Tobirama. Even though hes a little BITCH and stabbed him

(Ming Fan can recognize he teleported directly onto his blade but this will not change him being butt hurt ab it)

For everyone watching, this is weird as all hell! Who is this guy? Why these questions? Ew why is he deferring to the Senju, our Izuna-sama would be so much better to ask—

Now, quick side note, the thing about Ming Fan is he's just like a dude. He's just a guy. But also he's really not, but also he really is? If that makes sense?

He's the senior most disciple and (correct me if I'm wrong here bc its been a while) SQQ's head disciple, which means he'll be the next peak lord in however many years when SQQ and his generation chooses to ascend. So he's definatley not a slacker when it comes to power or wit. Even if he does rank pretty low in the overall SVSSS canon, but also like, yeah, background character vs actual heavenly demons n shit.

So he's definitely a pretty impressive guy!! But also he's just a guy. And he's in contact with the power houses and freaks that is SVSSS main cast (*cough* Luo Bingghe *cough*) So his sense of self and where be ranks power wise is probably skewed to a degree. (Though I imagine that when left to his own devices and not having to defer to his shizun, he definitely suffers from "haughty bitch disease" (tragically not fatal, for now at least)

Thus; cultivator version of just a dude. I love him!!

(arguably the only better option for the "svsss just a dude award" would be Gongyi Xiao, who I also love dearly but he's not here right now, so, winner by default Ming Fan!!! (Story of his fucking life tbh))

Anyways, back to plot:

So, thinking that Ming Fan immediatley recognizes Tobirama's hiraishin design bc it was actually enscribed on whatever artifect got him sent here. Wwoahhh mystery or something idk but theres that

(Was Airplane thinking about naruto when he created this specific object? Did he maybe google "sealing design ideas" then copy paste the hiraishin directly into his work, knowing no one but him would know what he had done since there was no artwork to go with it? Maybe. Perhaps. Just possibly.)

I honestly dont really know where itd go from that, but like Ming Fan probably sticks around specifically to harass Tobirama in the hopes he can send him home.

He points at the Hiraishin and goes "Your talisman brought me here. Take responsibility."

Tobirama understands this as his activation of the Hiraishin in battle literally summoned Ming Fan (only half true) and the poor mans presence here is thus entirely his fault. (Ehhhhh not really)

Ming Fan will not correct this assumption.

Either way though, Tobirama would not give up the chance / excuse to interact with and help return an interdimensional traveler. Can you say science experiment?? Because Tobirama sure fucking can!

Tobirama ends up having a fucking field day trying to find ways to replicate Ming Fan's different techniques with chakra instead of qi, and just in general studying how the energy in their bodies flows and works so differently yet so similarly

Anyways !

Through convoluted reasons peace happens somehow

Ming Fan calls Izuna a dumb bitch to his face maybe, idk that sounds like smthn hed do. But also like more politely bc they have different ways of speaking and SQQ probably gets on his ass about 'if you're going to insult someone do it in a way that reflects well on your own and the peaks teachings'

Actually I love that and now I need Ming Fan and Izuna cat fights

Actually I need Ming Fan and everyone cat fights, Izuna just gets the worse of it bc in my heart he is diva coded in a similar way to Ming Fan

Tobirama also bites back but hes too interested in the opportunity to study Ming Fan to risk being proper rude like he usually would to like, pretty much anyone else.

"Did this guy call me and my entire clan useless warmongers with the collective IQ of a tree stump? Yes. Do I want to cut him open to see if his organs match my own? Also yes. And my chances of getting to do this are very slightly raised by at minimum not pointing out that he has the attitude of if chihuahua got fucked by the worlds angriest hairless cat and spat out a human shaped baby."

Madara is NOT safe from the Ming Fan bitchfest but hes too busy happily drinking with Hashirama at the prospect of peace to give him his full attention, so he lets Izuna handle the cat fights

Hashirama meanwhile thinks hes kind of a tool but is also too busy happily drinking with Madara to really care, and is also the sort of guy to think that bitchy people are funny (as long as he isnt the one who has to deal with the consequences they bring) so honestly? Hes also having fun watching him and Izuna fight

Ummm stuff happens, peace is achieved, Konoha is developed and Ming Fan is in the thick of it bc he still needs Tobirama to send him home. He's kind of just,, there. Hanging out. Doesnt really have anything to do here, isnt particularly invested in this city building shit. As head disciple he has experience with things like management and the like, but nothing on this scale. He is however familiar with the concept of government-esq bodies overseeing superpowered people in societies equivalent to something close to a village. So that might come in handy, idk

But yeah, Ming Fan is just kind of hanging around, maybe he's brought in as a fresh pair of eyes / consultant

When it comes time to elect a Hokage, it's Madara vs Hashirama, with both of their younger brothers obviously backing their elder brothers.

Ming Fan, who has taken many, many missions across many different villages, countries, kingdoms and more, has seen this fucking story go down a million different ways. Better yet, he's seen this story go down a million different ways, often with SQQ hanging over his shoulder providing live commentary and a fucking insiders POV on the mechanics of this

The thing about Madara is that he is clearly respected by his clan, and feared by others. But he's not really,,, approachable.

Meanwhile Hashirama is the same, but he is approachable

And Izuna? Well, he has a real charm to him that his brother lacks. A charm that could realistically stand pretty well against Hashirama's own charm. He's popular, genuinley, among his own clan and surprisingly among some Senju as well. Whereas Madara was 'the force to be reckoned with' Izuna occupied a sort of middling space, always standing against Tobirama. Plus, hes easy on the eyes and can rock a pretty effective 'open and friendly smile.'

Not to mention he was the Uchiha's spy master, probably would go on to be Konoha's in the future, so he's a pro at managing people

Between Madara and Izuna, if you want an Uchiha to run for Hokage and win... wasn't Izuna clearly the better option?

Ming Fan brings this up to Izuna one day and he's actually kind of blindsided by this. The idea straight up never occurred to him, too used to being in the position to back his brother and raise him up to ever consider wanting the position Madara desired for himself.

He considers it for all of 3 seconds, a noticeable hesitation, before he laughs and shakes his head, saying that he would never steal his big brothers dreams like that. If he has the skills to win the Hokage position, he'd just use them to make sure Madara does instead

(Madara, overhearing their conversation from the hallway, retreats silently to think.)

A week later, and right before the intentions of Madara and Hashirama are announced to officially begin running for Hokage are announced, and a switch is made. A strangely quiet Madara switches out with Izuna at the last minute, a surprise to literally everyone but Ming Fan, who huffs approvingly

(This... has been his dream for so long. The village, his clan, safe and at peace. To be able to lead that would be... everything. But if his own baby brother would be more likely to be choosen for that over himself... At the very least, Madara wants to see an Uchiha with the hat.)

It's worth mentioning also that at this point, Ming Fan has a decent amount of influence on his own. Like, obviously, he's hanging out with the clan heads and heirs, he isnt contributing too much to the village, but he is contributing. He's pulling his weight, and he often spends time just kinda wandering around, talking to people, learning about this different world and the things it has to offer— different food, clothing styles, stories, the culture, just all of it

And that on its own is enough to endear him to plenty of people. Plus, as Konoha grows and more clans join in, he remains at its center sort of by default of having landed in that position from the start.

I think he's especially popular with more common people, bc he'll often be wandering around, just kinda exploring and all that, and if you complain to him theres a chance he might take that complaint all the way to the top, and your complaint (if its serious enough) might actually be dealt with. And as Konoha grows and more and more people clutter the information train, that's really fucking valuable!

All of that is to say that when Ming Fan makes a mostly careless comment in public about thinking Izuna would make a better Hokage, well, it's an endorsement from a well respected person. Who knows if it truly impacts the outcome, and god knows Ming Fan isn't like, actively campaigning for either of them—he probably doesn't care too much on who wins, finds them both agreeable enough as leaders (they both annoy him in different ways but at least with Izuna he's clearly grown begrudgingly fond of the back and forth they have)

So! It's an incredibly close race, but in the end Izuna wins, becoming the first Hokage

(His dramatic ass is absolutely on board with Hashirama's idea for a carved face in the mountainside, even as Tobirama, Madara and Ming Fan both physically cringe at the idea)

Ming Fan ends up being stuck there for a couple year, which is... annoying, but he's an immortal cultivator and has had much longer missions, so overall he's mild about his displeasure. Clear progress is being made by Tobirama, who is open about each new discovery he makes between Ming Fan and a normal mortal of this world

("To discover what made the hiraishin bring you here from another world entirely, we must first map out exactly what makes you and me so biologically different that the seal would react so strongly")

Anyways, Tobirama finally figures out how to fuck with the hiraishin enough to send Ming Fan back !! Yay, the day is saved and everyone is different levels of sorry to see him go, ranging from mildly fond to 'oh thank fucking gone, LEAVEEE ALREADYYYY' from the many, many people he's probably annoyed while here

Izuna and Ming Fan say goodbye and "Ill almost miss fighting with your bitch ass" in the weird language of insults they've developed, which to others just sounds like "dont go missing me too much, even tho youll never find someone else on my level to talk with again 💅"

Izuna gets one last jab in as Ming Fan is teleporting away but literally right as he's dissapearing Ming Fan gets one back in, making him officially holder of 'Got The Last Word' and this will piss off Izuna for the rest of all time

And so Ming Fan is safely returned hom— OH FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHERE IS HE NOW?? GODDAMIT TOBIRAMA

Yeah, so, Ming Fan is instead zapped some decades into the future, into Kakashi's genin days

I mean, congrats to Tobirama, he just invented time travel, so, thats cool

Ming Fan doesnt actually give a shit though because this is not what he was promised, Tobirama you useless hack—!

He was sent back from the battlefield where he appeared, something about eliminating the chances of the specific location being involved in the act of breaking through universes, and reappeared in that same place.

He pretty quickly makes his way over to Konoha via flying sword, easily dodging the many patrols in the area who are at pretty much full swing due to the fact that we're nearing the start of the second shinobi war.

(Sakumo has not yet been assigned that doomed mission of his but will be any day now)

Ok so. POV you're one of the guys guarding the gates of Konoha.

And out of seemingly nowhere this fucking GUY. Just. DESCENDS FROM THE SKY FROM THE BACK OF A SWORD. Immediately starts angrily yelling at you about demanding to know where Senju Tobirama, the fucking nidaime who died years ago, currently is. And that he needs to get his bitchy little quack doctor ass out here RIGHT FUCKING NOW and do what he GODDAMN PROMISED

As Im sure you can imagine, the gate guards. Do not react too well to this.

I think Ming Fan received a konoha headband, and he usually doesnt wear it unless he's like, going into battle and needs to be able to be identified by his allies. And he wasnt wearing it when he was ready to hop on home, so he takes it out now and kinda shoves it in their face like THERE LOOK IM ONE OF YOU NOW WHERE IS TOBIRAMA.

They might have tried to arrest him but he was rocking with that "do you know who I fucking am, let me speak to your manager RIGHT NOW. Who is your hokage is Izuna still in charge I will ask him to light your ass on fucking fire if you dont bring me to him 5 goddamn minutes ago" swag and, like, he was just so confident about it the gate guards didnt?? really know what to do?? HE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT GUYS AND THATS SCARY

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOULL ASK THE SHODAI HOKAGE TO (WHAT, RISE FROM HIS GRAVE?) TO GIVE US A SHAKING

(He wouldnt lmao, Izuna would probably have given them a gift basket for inconveniencing Ming Fan tbh. This fact however will never and has never stopped Ming Fan from using his name as a blunt force weapon against those who dont know better.)

So.

Ming Fan is brought to the Hokage.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE AS WE NOW INTRODUCE KONOHA'S SANDAIME HOKAGE IN THIS TIMELINE MING FAN HAS NOW LIGHTLY FUCKED UP,,,

KAGAMI UCHIHA !!!

Yeah so with Izuna as the first Hokage, the hat then went to Tobirama, who then passed it down to Kagami, who is currently looking at Sakumo as his possible successor

So, a very peeved Ming Fan is escorted to the Hokage's office. On his way over, he's taking note of the buildings and the clear passage of time. He looks at the mountain and finds 2 new faces besides Izuna's own annoying one, and catches wind of exactly what happened pretty fast.

Hopefully Tobirama isn't dead yet though, because oh man does Ming Fan have some words for him

(Ming Fan is annoyed to find his favorite little shop from before has been replaced by some stupid fuckin ramen restaurant. Ugh.)

Ming Fan finally arrives, and Kagami, who actually interacted with him more than a few times back in the day, does a fucking comedy spit take and blurts out, "Fan-dono?????"

Ming Fan does not recognize him at first and when he finally does, it's him going oh you're that hanger on brat who was always begging Tobirama to teach you.

Not. The most flattering take. But Kagami will take it.

So Kagami is like, Hokage now. But also he has memories of Ming Fan as both Tobirama's friend and also Izuna's friend and also just like. "Respected guy my mom told me to be good around."

So theres all sorts of things happening in his head rn on how to react to this situation

Ming Fan meanwhile has never interacted with a Hokage he wasnt allowed to call stupid to their face (to be fair Izuna would immediatley call him stupid back) so he is not giving Kagami the respect expected of like. Literally any ordanary shinobi to give him.

But he lucks out and gets a pass on it bc Kagami still has him slotted into the "sensei and Izuna-sama's respected friend" part of his brain that makes him feel like a kid again

(behind him, the ANBU squad does not like or agree with this turn of events. at all. who the FUCK are you to talk to the Hokage like this what the FUCK)

I think Danzo fucking despises Ming Fan, just because its funny. Ming Fan called him a nosey little brat one too many times as a kid and Danzo developed a childish grudge that he totally forgot about later in life— till he runs into Ming Fan again, years later, looking annoyingly exactly the same, and reawakens the rage of a slighted 12 year old

Sarutobi I dunno, I think hes somewhere between Kagami and Danzo on "this guy hits the buttons in my brain that make me feel like Im a kid being scolded by my sensei again" and also "holy shit FUCK this guy"

Anyways! Heres the thing:

When he left, Ming Fan absoloutley took some of Tobirama's research with him. It was probably some sort of exchange thing— way back when Ming Fan agreed to be a little science experiment in the first place, he probably made a deal of "yeah ok fine but I want every crumb of research you pull from me and I wanna take it home when I go"

Tobirama kinda shrugged and went "yeah fair enough, but were gonna have to agree on what kind of person is allowed to see some of it"

Shook on it, the end

So Ming Fan has this big ass thing of notes up his sleeve— filled with stuff about the differences between a shinobi and a cultivators bodies, some different fun notes Tobirama took while adapting some of Ming Fan's techniques to be used by chakra and vice versa w Ming Fan trying to use Tobirama's techniques with qi, notes on editing the hiraishin to try and get him home, etc.

Theres also probably just some other random stuff— mostly medical and jutsu / sealing guides, which Ming Fan traded information to bring home thinking the sect would benefit from it. If nothing else, his shizun will get a kick out of it

(oh boy would SQQ get a fucking kick out of seeing goddamn naruto lore written out in detail and refffered to as texts from another dimension)

^ so all of that is to say that Ming Fan has the traces of the seal to try to bring him back home, but he cant fucking use it himself bc he doesnt know how to preform the hiraishin, which is a major component of it

(and also part of why Tobirama let him take it to begin with, unconcerned of Ming Fan or someone else ever using it to come back bc they've already established his different biology somehow makes him physically unable of using the hiraishin)

So he just needs to find Tobirama again, or minimum someone who can use the hiraishin, and he can at least just try again. Maybe the last time sending him forward was a fluke? It probably only needs some minor tweaks, right? So just— get him Tobirama, and they'll sort it out

Learning Tobirama is dead, Ming Fan is,,, well, he was already prepared to say goodbye when he left the first time. And looking at the statues, Tobirama clearly lived an accomplished life. Same with Izuna— Ming Fan kind of resolves to just not think about it.

When he asks about Madara, Ming Fan is informed that a year after he left, Madara apparently turned traior and attacked the village. This is. A lot. For him to swallow.

Ming Fan has a moment of blaming himself for not having seen the darkness festering inside Madara, but brushes the feeling away. There was nothing he could have done, and he has been down the road of blaming himself for not catching a tell that hinted towards secret evil intentions one too many times during his missions to do it again here.

(Still, a complicated feeling rises in him. He'd spent years, at that point, by the founders side. To hear Madara had gone and tried to kill them all— If nothing else, Ming Fan had truly thought Madara loved his brother.)

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO IS SOMEHOW ALIVE? FUCKING HASHIRAMA AND MITO !!!

Hashirama, having never become Hokage, was never poisoned! Instead he retired, now too old to fight even if he wanted to, and lives in the Senju compound with his aging wife and big family (including his granddaughter, Tsunade)

In the last few years, it's seems like he's become sick, only a few people allowed to visit him, and almost only senju. Very sad, he's expected to die any day now

SO !

Ming Fan hops over to the Senju compound, and though literally everybody expected he wouldn't be allowed to see him, Hashirama permits him to enter his rooms

(The list of those who can see Hashirama is as follows:

His wife

His children and grandchildren

The Hokage

and on one very memorable occasion, the current Uchiha clan head, Uchiha Hikaku)

Ming Fan being added to that list,, well, he may not realize it's weight, but its safe to say that once the fact gets out, it's enough to pretty instantly cement him as trustworthy to most of Konoha. Especially those in higher circles

So, Ming Fan goes to Hashirama's side, and Mito greets him. She explains that the Mokuton is as much as a curse as it is a blessing, and opens the door for Ming Fan to see exactly what she means.

For the past few years, Hashirama has been stuck in the process of turning into a tree.

There... isn't much more to say about that.

They had prepared a room for him to spread his roots in, open aired and protected by enough seals to blind a man if they attempted to look in. With grassy floors covered in wildflowers, and a small stream that Mito says they decorated with rocks from the Naka river.

Hashirama sits at the center of it all, more tree than man, asleep most days but having miraculously awoken just in time for Ming Fan's arrival.

Hashirama jokes that it must be fate, and Ming Fan, sobered in this moment, nods and says that his Shizun has often said that everyone is bound by the strings of fate. Whether they obeyed the strings was up to them, but so long as they walked, the strings would continue to guide them to the places they needed to be.

Hashirama laughs, and tells him that he half expected to be cursed out once he'd heard that Ming Fan had been stranded here by his brothers seal.

"Is that really how you wish for this reunion to go?" Ming Fan asks, and Hashirama only laughs again.

"I'd rather hear you curse my name than sit and suffer through you playing polite because you're too offput by this old mans condition to say what you're thinking."

Ming Fan sighs, laying on the grass and staring up at Hashirama's leaves and halfheartedly curses at Tobirama's name, lamenting his situation as Hashirama listens with a smile.

"You don't seem as distressed as I'd expected!" Hashirama notes, and Ming Fan only shrugs. "I'll figure it out, I'm sure."

"How uncharacteristically optimistic of you!"

"I suppose that's just you rubbing off on me then."

Hashirama and Ming Fan talk for quite a while, and it reminds Ming Fan of older nights, when Konoha was still young, before even the Hokage was elected. Nights occasionally spent drinking together, sometimes alone, sometimes with others— Tobirama, Izuna, Madara, Touka, Hikaku, an array of clan heads and heirs, people who've come to make a home, find some peace, and in that moment only share a drink.

To Ming Fan, it had only been a couple of years since those early days.

To Hahirama, it had been decades.

Ming Fan is invited to stay at the Senju compound for as long as he needs to find a way home.

When he stands, he turns to Hashirama, and offers a bow. Lower than any he's offered before, in this world.

"Thank you for your generosity."

Hashirama smiles, and accepts the gratitude for all that it means.

That night, Senju Hashirama falls asleep, and never wakes again.

SOOO ANYWAYS !!

Ming Fan is now staying with the Senju!! In this verse the family is a bit bigger than canon, due to Hashirama's continued survival throughout the years and how that impacted general Konoha politics. This is also before Tsunade left the village, with her little brother Nawaki still alive and Orochimaru's student (though much like Sakumo, their tragic fates are destined to happen any day now)

Through Ming Fan interference, both of these characters eventually avoid these fates, dont ask me how tho but just know that it happens, so.

Ming Fan has 2 goals!

Find someone who can preform the hiraishin!

Find someone who can alter the seals Tobirama used last in an attempt to get him home!

Luckily for Ming Fan, Mito knows just how to help in both of these cases! She can cover number 2, as Konoha's leading (and oldest) seal expert, and her darling grand-niece, Kushina, just so happens to be dating the only guy in the world who knows how to use the hiraishin, isn't that convenient?

With Mito agreeing to help alter the seal and someone to actually use it set in place, Ming Fan has nothing left to really do other than just,, wait.

The good news is that, since he brought Tobirama's research with him and the alterations shouldn't take nearly as much time as last time, it should only be a few months!

This is where we get Ming Fan once again fucking around the village, and how inevitable interferes with Nawaki and Sakumo's deaths

Maybe he's bored and goes with Nawaki on his mission? He's definitely interacting with him, they both live in the senju compound after all!

Nawaki idolizes his grandfather Hashirama, and Ming Fan is apparently a good friend of his!! So hes totally harassing Ming Fan to know more about that!

I think the "time travel" bit is kept secret from the public, just bc like, messyyyy, and Ming Fan's own involvment in early Konoha is pretty unknown in general just bc he was overshadowed by more relevant historical figures— plus its not like he had a clan to continue to remember him.

So very few people even know he existed, let alone that he's that same guy from history

Ummm Ming Fan and Sakumo friendship, I like to hc skaumo as being friends with the sanin so maybe hes around the Senju compound sometimes, idk

A panicked Sakumo is called in for a super last minute mission and tushes over to beg Tsunade to babysit only to realize shes also out, then somehow ropes Ming Fan into watching over Kakashi

Ming Fan ends up lightly making fun of Kakashi's use of chakra (his own pov of how to use chakra being heavily skewed due to experiments with Tobirama) and ends up being roped further into helping to train Kakashi using techniques, tips and tricks told to him by Tobirama

Ming Fan does NOT want to teach Kakashi, Kakashi is very much harassing him into doing it and Ming Fan is less teaching and more 'throwing techniques at him in the hopes hell go away only to find that Kakashi has figured out how to do it correctly on his own and wow thats really alarming actually'

I think Ming Fan would like Kakashi and also be a terrible fucking influence on him bc he is absolutely encouraging him to be as mean and bratty as possible (with other people)

Ming Fan is the kind of guy to teach his students to be evil under the table so they can get away with it, like, "ok so I heard you tried to sabotage someone. And Im really disappointed actually bc you chose such an obvious way and if you're going to sabotage someone at least dont do it in a way that will tie back to you, like, really" kind of energy

Minato receives Kakashi as a student around this time and has to beg Ming Fan to stop bc the things hes teaching Kakashi keep clashing with shit he's trying to teach him and also "did you really tell Kakashi to try and beat up Obito behind the ramen shop to establish dominance because he almost did and I can not express how bad this is for team moral"

Minato is STRESSED but unfortunately this is not Ming Fan's problem. Sorry. Do better.

Without Izuna around to shoot the shit with Ming Fan actually finds himself incredibly bored. He got used to having someone he can be catty around, now hes like. All bored. And maybe a little lonely.

LONELY? WHO SAID THAT? HES NOT LONELY WHAT THE FUCK SHUT UP !! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT !!!!

He goes to the stupid ramen place that replaced his old favorite shop and discovers he does not like ramen.

This does not improve his mood.

He's fucking bored is the thing, which is why he decides to take missions. And how he ends up with surprisingly high clearance (due to being technically a founder)

And how he ends up on the same team as Sakumo for a very specific mission.

And how, when the mission goes wrong, he sends Sakumo home saying that he'll rescue their mission partners bc at least he's not stupidly recognizable the way Sakumo is.

And how Sakumo never falls from grace

And how just a week later, Sakumo is announced as Kagami's pick for the 4th Hokage.

Sakumo is very grateful towards Ming Fan for the mission thing, considers him to be a good man. He is a little bit blind to the awful fucking influence Ming Fan is on Kakashi, much to Minato's despair.

ANYWHOOO

some months pass and the seal is now complete! Minato is brought in and let in on the secret, and agrees to help!

(getting rid of ming fan? holy shit sign him up!!)

Ming Fan says his goodbies, Nawaki and Kakashi are especially sad to see him go while the adults are all different flavors ranging from "understanding but fondly sad to YES GO GO GET OUT GET OUT LEAVE ALREADY GO PLEASE THANK YOU GOODBYE"

Mito is in general amused at all the shit Ming Fan has managed to start while here, she's a fan of watching him fuck around from afar, eating popcorn

So.

Third times the charm, right? Right???

As Ming Fan immediately realizes, no, no it is not the charm.

Ming Fan reappears on the fucking eve of Konoha's destruction by Pain's hand.

Now. As already stated: I love Ming Fan "just a guy but not really" so much! I think he is decently powerful on his own, just overshadowed by the general cast of SVSSS, and I also think that these past few years hes spent here in naruto, sparring with people like the founders, participating in experiments with Tobirama to see how far qi can be pushed in contrast with chakra, learning new techniques and adapting to the different levels of ambient chakra and qi in this world— well, he's not ready to split skies or anything like that but its safe to say that Ming fan was, and now is even more pretty fucking strong.

All of that is to say Ming Fan may be more attached to Konoha than he realized bc when he sees it being destroyed it isn't just the anger of a righteous cultivator seeing innocents be attacked that's lit inside him, nah Ming Fan is about to throw the fuck down

(It takes him not even a second to affix the konoha headband to his belt before he jumps into the fray)

So! Lets take a peek at the Hokage time line in Ming Fan's absence!

Kannabi bridge went unfortunately similar to canon, and Obito fell into Madara's hands.

With Sakumo still alive at the time, Kakashi was able to recover from this without the major personality shift, and due to a combination of Sakumo and Ming Fan's additional training, when it was Rin's turn on the chopping block, she instead survived and now continues to live as the Konoha's second jinchuriki

Obito attacked Konoha with the intention of releasing the kyuubi, and at the time Kushina and Minato were in the Senju compound for the birth

Mito got in his way, delaying him long enough for Sakumo to also arrive

In the fight, both Mito and Sakumo died (fucking thanks, Obito. I dont think Kakashi's gonna be able to forgive u for that one this time around) but Kushina and Minato survived, and Naruto was born healthy and without the fox sealed into him

Kakashi is understandable devastated, and as recovery efforts begin, he's taken in by Minato and Kushina. He offers little fight against this.

With Sakumo's death, Kagami was once again appointed as the Hokage. After only a year or two of stabilizing Konoha + preparing his successor, he quickly gives Minato the hat, and retreats once again to retirement.

Minato makes Kakashi and Rin both ANBU, expressing his desire to have them by his side (at least this time they're slightly older, with Kakashi at 15 and Rin at 17) and puts them on home guard, specifically as Naruto's ANBU guards. It's an easy job, and helps Kakashi in particular to heal some, even if he gets even more rigid about things like rules and formalities

With Izuna as the first Hokage and Kagami as the third (and technical 5th) Uchiha-village relations were actually very good! Thanks to this, the Uchiha massacre was avoided entirely

Kakashi is raised pretty much as Naruto's very protective older brother, with Rin in a similar boat but she still has her own family so there isnt quite so much trauma fueled dependency from her end.

Naruto grows up to be alarmingly talented, with Kakashi and Rin tutoring him, and Minato and Kushina obviously doing their best (though Minato remains mostly busy due to the unfortunate realities of being a Hokage. Meanwhile Naruto is absolutely a total mommas boy)

Kakashi and Rin end up actually fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Naruto wants NEITHER OF THEM!!!!! HES A BIG BOY NOW STOP CODDLING HIM!!!!!)

Canon then proceeds mostly the same, though with some very obvious major changes

Somewhere along the way, Itachi is convinced to ditch Konoha even without the massacre, and later down the like Sasuke also follows suit to investigate what happened with his brother— though this time he leaves with orders from Minato to go undercover, and investigate Sound

(fucking THANKS dad!! -Naruto, probably, when he finds this out)

COOL! SO! WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY!

Ming Fan fucking bodies Pain right before he kills Kakashi. (Sorry Kakashi, no fireside chat with your father for you)

Now, Ming Fan had a pretty lasting effect on Kakashi's life overall, but he was only around for like, idk, half a year maybe. And Kakashi was young during the time, so his memories of the man remain very blurry and overall half forgotten.

So Kakashi doesn't recognize him immediately— Though from Ming Fan's side, he's immediately mistaking him for Sakumo, then realizing no, wait it isn't him, doing the mental math and making an educated guess that this has to be Kakashi then.

But that doesnt matter rn bc it is THROW DOWN OCLOCK !!!!!

The overall battle goes mostly according to canon but w less casualties since Ming Fan joins in, but then Naruto does his talk no jutsu or however that goes, Pain agrees to revive everyone, boom there done.

So tbh my knowledge of Naruto gets HELLA blurry from here on out, so we're gonna keep it vague, but, like, MING FAN IS HERE AGAIN YAYYYYY

Unfortunately p much everyone who could have instantly recognized him is fucking dead now. Kagami, Danzo and Hiruzen got picked off in previous battles or smthn, Mito and Sakumo are fucking dead, the kids who grew attached to him were too young and the time they knew him too short to really remember,

BUT.

Despite literally only being around for like, 6 months. Ming Fan succeeded at being so annoying that Minato never fucking forgot his face <3

(also there are probably some Uchiha around w sharingan memories of him)

So Minato sees this guy and goes through all the stages of grief at once. Meanwhile Ming Fan is seeing the hat and raising his eyebrows and going no way Sakumo chose THIS bitch boy for the job.

Meanwhile Naruto is standing direcly next to Minato going DAD WHOS THIS WHO IS THAT DAD HEY DAD HEY DAD WHO IS THAT DAD—

(Listen this is a hard day for everyone. Minato included. But this. This. He could just. Really use a fucking break. Thanks.)

But anyways Ming Fan is here and even if he got the option to go home, like, right now, he honestly probably wouldnt take it bc now hes kind of pissed. What do you MEAN Konoha is under attack? What do you MEAN some masked figure killed Sakumo years ago and now is back and also claiming to be Madara Uchiha and theyre trying to fucking kill everyone??

So yeah he's on board to fight, Konoha headband equipped to his belt, he's ready to stick around some more before he tries to go home again.

(and then someone gasps theatrically at Pain's eyes and goes "omg the rinnegan,, the mystical eyes said to be able to traverse time and space,,," and Ming Fan goes WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY THOSE EYES CAN DO")

But also Pain is dead now. So.

(Distant Sasuke, who is still following the beats of his canon story but just undercover under Minato's orders now noises)

So like Ming Fan sticks around, battles happen, we get Kakashi and an older Nawaki remembering him. Nawaki falls back a bit into his old view of thinking Ming Fan is just the coolest, but meanwhile Kakashi kind of takes on the role Izuna used to have, and now him and Ming Fan are having little cat fights in the bg

(With Sakumo having lived so much longer + having been able to comfort his son after Obito's death, the lack of Rin, Minato, and Kushina's death, and just in general all the little things stacking up in a different way than before, Kakashi avoided his major personality shift and is a lot closer to being the strict, bratty kid he used to be than the lazy, perpetually late slack off we know and love in canon)

anyways, blah blah blah, stuff happens, lots of battles, drama, oh my,

Finally we get to the Hokage's being revived for the final battle.

For whatever reason, Ming Fan was occupied somewhere else, possibly getting wrapped up in Sasuke's shit, when they were brought back.

So like.

POV he enters the battlefield, intending to face off with Madara. Then just.

Tobirama, distantly across the battlefield: ᵒʰ ˢʰᶦᵗ ⁿᵒ ʷᵃʸ

Ming Fan, who can hear him just fine bc cultivator: OH SHIT YES WAY YOU USELESS HACK

Ming Fan spends way too much time shouting at Tobirama when he should be FIGHTING GET BACK TO WORK MING FAN

I need a Ming Fan > Izuna > Kakashi bitch fest where they all just fucking snip at each other actually, I think it'd be funny

Ming Fan probably winds up yelling at Madara too, who did not expect to see him here

"Didn't the Senju send you home??"

"Didn't you die after making a fool of yourself in front of all of Konoha??"

Ming Fan doesnt use chakra so he's able to help back up Gai in his fight against Madara, and Gai is able to leave the battle not crippled for life, which is nice

Kaguya descends, things happen, the fight is won and the day is saved, and the fighting finally comes to an end

Sasuke somehow manage to end up with the rinnegan, and instead of trying to use the hiraishan for the third fucking time, Sasuke agrees to try and instead use it (and Ming Fan's qi) as a homing beacon to try and find his original dimension w the rinnegan! Much more reliable method

And so, for the final time, Ming Fan says his goodbyes.

It's,,, an event.

The old hokage's, including Sakumo, are still around with the power of edo tensei, and he's able to give his goodbyes to them all once again, one by one.

Tobirama gives only a brief apology for the seal not working as it should before dissolving into mumbled theories of what might have gone wrong— then remembers himself and shakes his head, offering a curt goodbye

Izuna scoffs and says that at this rate, he expects to see Ming Fan again in a couple decades when the next chakra goddess tries to explode the world and the living are forced to once again turn to him for help💅

Ming Fan tells him to shut the fuck up, and if it happens then he'll just look forward to getting another opportunity to call him a fool to his face, instead of to a grave.

Izuna laughs, and waves him away

Kagami doesn't have too much to say, but thanks Ming Fan for his help. "You may be from another world, but you are just as much of a konoha man as any of us."

Ming Fan... chooses not to take this as an insult. Instead, he nods his head, and gives Kagami the full respect a Hokage would ordinarily deserve, for quite possibly the first time.

Sakumo, he finds holding his son as Kakashi clings to his shoulder. Ming Fan watches for a moment, and Sakumo catches his eye. He gives him a big, genuine smile, mouths thank you, and bows his head.

They already said their goodbyes once, and Ming Fan doesn't wish to take any of the time he has left away from his son. He nods back, and continues.

Minato, when he finds him, is hiding out on the battlefield, laying down with an arm covering his eyes. He groans, when he sees Ming Fan, but sits up.

"Don't despair, you'll finally be getting rid of me." Ming Fan sighs, and Minato snorts.

Minato is... Well, he's a lot more fond of Ming Fan than he once was. Even if the man is still a giant pain in the ass. They speak for a bit, Ming Fan advises him to go ahead and retire already, god knows its what his son would want, and Minato stares up at the sky.

"At this point? I really should have ages ago."

Minato shakes himself, and finally stands, offering a hand to Ming Fan.

Ming Fan clasps his risks, and they nod to each other, probably more civil than they ever have been before.

"Fighting with you has been.... a wonder." Minato seemed to settle on, and Ming Fan arched a brow.

"Not an honor?"

"I think we both know the answer to that."

Ming Fan rolled his eyes, but still smirked.

"Likewise. Take care of your family."

"May you finally return to yours."

And with that, they part ways.

He's walking back to Sasuke, when those who had been edo tenseid fade away. He's just in time to see Kakashi, back turned, as he watches his father go for one final time.

When he turns, he catches his eye. Eyes, plural, as it seems Obito had left him with quite the gift.

Kakashi nods to him, seeming still overwhelmed with his fathers departure, and not quite sure what else to say to Ming Fan.

It's a stark cry from their first goodbye, Kakashi so far from the young boy who once clung to Ming Fan's leg, huffing about him not being allowed to leave till he taught him just a little bit more.

It's Ming Fan, who takes the steps towards the man.

"I'm glad my lessons were ever of any use to you. You've certainly made better use of them than I ever could have imagined." He says, and when Kakashi goes just a touch red under his mask, Ming Fan thinks he might understand what Shizun was talking about, when he laments about the cuteness of his students even once grown.

"WHAT? Are you seriously gonna go, just like that?"

It's Naruto, who's apparently caught wind of Ming Fan planning to leave sooner rather than later.

"No way am I letting you leave with the bastard before he's given me an explanation!" Naruto grabs Sasuke, who with the pained face of someone who knows they're about to get what they deserve, just sort of lets it happen.

"You gotta stay for at least the celebration! We finally won, it's time to party!"

(Ming Fan laughs, and he decides that just for a bit longer— Just a night more, he will stay)

.

.

.

It has been one year to the day, since Shen Qingqiu's head disciple disappeared.

The exact allowance of a disciple to vanish, before you must consider declaring them dead.

Shen Qingqiu...

Doesn't like to talk about it. Binghe seems to realize he can only comfort him so much for this fact, and today has taken to giving him a bit of space, which he appreciates.

It's for this reason, when a swirl appears in his bamboo hut, depositing two men, that Shen Quingqiu is alone.

"Shizun, this disciple is reporting his absence for these last 6 years. I apologize for my lateness." Ming Fan cries, falling to his knees and bowing his head.

Shen Quingqiu is on his feet in an instant, reaching towards his disciple, already having to suppress the cry rising up in his throat as he falls to his own knees, taking Ming Fan's hands in his own.

"Ming Fan will not apologize for thing out of his own control, this one is overjoyed to see you home."

The man behind his disciple shifts, and Ming Fan gestures towards him.

"This Uchiha Sasuke has assisted in bringing me—"

Wait WHAT.

Fuckin. Lugh track. Roll credits. Idk. Boom. Done. Theres ur au. Fuck how did this end up being so long

[zarasu]

Cw depression, Binghe's depression becomes physical

***

The first months Luo Binghe is in the Endless Abyss, he's so busy fighting for his life and trying to stay sane that he wouldn't notice any changes in his body even if they did happen. Then, towards the end of his first year down there, he catches a break.

He is sitting in a cave, peeling his blood- and dirt crusted robes off of his body when he notices it. The scar right over his heart, where Shizun's sword pierced his flesh, is black.

First, he thinks it's dirt and tries to clean it as much as he can.

But it doesn't come off. Instead, as he scrubs the thin barrier of skin over it away, it breaks open and a strange, dark grey goo starts leaking out.

It doesn't look like anything that should come out of his body.

But Luo Binghe's body has changed so drastically over the last few months, has done so many things it isn't supposed to, that he can't muster up any fear for what could just be another demonic peculiarity.

He washes his robes in the green river running through the cave, cleans the grey goo off his chest and pulls his robes back on.

It keeps happening. Sometimes it heals just enough that he can go a few days without any... leakage. Then, he's in a fight and it breaks open again. Sometimes, it just builds up for too long and breaks open anyway.

Sometime during the second year, he finds the emotional capacity to be mildly concerned about it. Besides leaking, it also starts to spread. The black escapes the scar and starts to taint the skin around it in strange shapes, winding and curling like the long vines of a plant.

He begins to suspect that he has been cursed. Or maybe, one of the plants of the abyss has found its way into his skin and is now spreading inside his body. He doesn't know. Even if he did know, what could he do to stop it?

In any case, he doesn't get weaker. He can still fight and still flee and that's the most important part. And, in the privacy of his mind, he admits that sometimes, he kind of likes it. When the grey mud gushes out of his heart and stains his chest, when it runs down his arms and drips off his fingers.

No matter how he badly he gets injured, his body always heals, returning to a perfect, unblemished state.

The black scar and the way it stains him grey is the only thing that makes his outsides match how he's feeling inside.

The truth is, he doesn't try that hard to get rid of it. He gets used to it, even as it spreads further, until his chest is covered with curling black, possessively cradling him like thorny vines. He leaves a trail of grey if he doesn't keep his torso wrapped and clean.

It doesn't stop, even when he gets out of the abyss. The demons he fights and defeats don't dare mention it. Mobei-jun, when Binghe pins him to the ground and declares his victory, looks at his chest and frowns, but he drops the matter when Luo Binghe roughly pushes him away.

Then he's at Huan Hua Palace and, for once, has to truly hide his condition. He keeps his chest wrapped and vanishes now and then to change the bandages and clean up the goo. The drains of Huan Hua are flooded with grey and unbidden, Luo Binghe has to laugh.

He's reminded of women after they birth a child, desperately trying to keep the leakage contained.

Any child he fed this milk to would surely become a monster.

It was appropriate, in a way.

Then he's in Jinlan City, investigating a strange sickness. When he realises it's sowers, he knows he needs to be careful not to let them touch him. Anyone trying to treat him would pull up his long sleeve and be greeted by the sight of black, inhuman vines under his skin.

It's all manageable, all routine, until he turns around and there's Shizun.

Suddenly, he breathes in and, for the first time in a long while, feels something. It's not until the feeling brings a speck of colour with it that he realises his world has become entirely grey.

Shizun is as cold as stone towards him. His face doesn't betray any of his thoughts, he looks at Luo Binghe impassively and quietly while he talks and laughs with others.

Now more than ever, Luo Binghe feels like a child left in the middle of a large, grey sea, abandoned and forced to watch as he is disregarded.

Over the course of a few hours, the black vines creep down his legs. When he is alone in his room, he coughs and a string of grey drips out of his mouth onto the table.

He blankly stares at it for some time.

Then, he goes to confront Shen Qingqiu.

Things escalate quickly and Luo Binghe can't say he's sad about it. Finally, finally, Shen Qingqiu looks at him, shows some emotions other than disinterest on his beloved, hated face.

He chases him through Jinlan City on his sword and corners him in an alley. He knows he's frightening. He doesn't care, even when Shen Qingqiu points his sword at him.

It pierces his hand and Luo Binghe looks down, curious if it'll be blood or grey goo coming out of it.

It's red blood, surprisingly. Now that it's there, he might as well use it.

He pins Shen Qingqiu against a wall and pushes his bloody hand against his mouth, forcing the blood onto his tongue, down his throat.

Turns out his Shizun is only human, after all.

Shen Qingqiu swallows and his eyes dart around in fear. They catch on the front of Luo Binghe's robes and he abruptly stills. Luo Binghe realises that, during the hunt, the scar broke open again and stained his robes grey.

It must be a bemusing sight for Shen Qingqiu. Still, Luo Binghe doesn't expect him to care for long. He's all the more surprised when Shen Qingqiu seems to forget all about fleeing and, instead, gently grabs Binghe's wrist and guides his hand away from his mouth.

He thinks about resisting, at first, but he's becoming a little curious about what Shen Qingqiu is trying to do.

As soon as he can move, Shen Qingqiu is patting over his robes. "What is this," he asks. "Binghe, are you hurt?"

"Now, Shizun cares?" Luo Binghe laughs bitterly, but Shen Qingqiu doesn't seem to hear him. He's too busy parting Luo Binghe's robes.

He lets him. He's tired of hiding.

The black scar is uncovered, and the myriad of black vines spreading all over his body with it. They're all bleeding now, grey liquid flowing down his body in rivulets.

He looks like a broken cup, Luo Binghe thinks. Shattered and leaking everything that was inside.

"What is this," Shen Qingqiu asks, with the most horrified expression Luo Binghe has ever seen from him.

He touches the scar and his hand is immediately stained grey. He pulls it back and stares at it silently.

Luo Binghe wonders if he's disgusted.

Instead, life seems to return to his body and he suddenly grabs Luo Binghe by the shoulders. "Binghe, have you been cursed?"

He moves to touch the scar again and Luo Binghe grasps his wrist to stop him. He stains his wrist further with the touch.

"It's not a curse," he says quietly.

Shen Qingqiu looks up at him helplessly and Luo Binghe has the old, familiar thought that he is beautiful.

"What is happening to you?" he asks.

Luo Binghe is still angry, and hurt, and lost. But, right now, he finds it in himself to answer honestly. "I don't know."

Shen Qingqiu shakes his head. "This isn't supposed to happen."

A laugh escapes him. None of this had been supposed to happen. Luo Binghe feels that his life has stopped being anything like it's supposed to be from the moment he was pushed into the abyss.

But Shen Qingqiu seems more distressed about this, of all things, than anything else that happened.

He grabs Luo Binghe tighter and seems to barely resist shaking him as he insistently says: "Don't worry, Binghe, we will figure this out. We will find a way to help you."

Luo Binghe stares at him silently. Maybe he should feel more about this. He tries, but he just feels cold. He doesn't know if this is real. Shen Qingqiu cast him away so easily. Why would he be concerned now?

Shen Qingqiu seems to finally realise he might as well shake a stone with how little Luo Binghe reacts. He draws back a step, suddenly looks smaller.

"Unless... That is, I know you don't like me right now. Or rather, hate me. That's alright. I promise, you can hate me as much as you want to, but you need to be healthy to do it, alright? Just, let me help you this one time. I might know someone who can help you."

Luo Binghe shakes his head in denial and Shen Qingqiu grows fierce again, his eyebrows drawing together like elegant swords. "Binghe, don't be stubborn now! I swear, you can take your revenge however you want, later, when you're better again. But right now, nothing matters more than this."

He hesitates, looks to the side and back to Luo Binghe's chest. "Please, Binghe, let me help you."

Luo Binghe is standing on an island in the middle of a large, grey sea, and he knows he has been abandoned. There is no one coming to save him, he has been forgotten.

Except now, the one who abandoned him in the first place has come back, is reaching out towards him, is offering his hand to help Luo Binghe off the island.

Luo Binghe is afraid to take that hand. He's afraid to do anything. He doesn't know if he wants to be saved anymore.

But Shen Qingqiu is still looking at him with pleading eyes and Luo Binghe's biggest weakness has always been that he has a soft heart for the people he loves.

He doesn't know if he wants to be saved but, even after everything that happened, he can't bear to disappoint Shizun.

Slowly, slowly, he reaches out and grasps Shen Qingqiu's sleeve.

Shen Qingqiu exhales sharply and pulls him off the island and into his arms.

Luo Binghe takes a breath. The air tastes like spring.

[elf-kid2]

Listen to me. Listen.

Shen Yuan dies, and he reincarnates in the world of 'Proud Immortal Demon Way.' Fortunately, he's an NPC! A random extra! An Original Character!

That's right, he just popped out of the ground like a mushroom with a fully-formed body, a decent preinstalled cultivation base, and NO ties with any of the Main Characters! Score!

Wait, why is the treacherous Lord of An Ding Peak out for his blood?!

...Apparently, when he popped out of the ground, newly-transmigrated, with a fully-formed body, he was inadvertently stealing from the Peak Lord's secret patch of ultra-rare, valuable, hard-to-grow Sun-Moon Dew Mushrooms.

Shang Qinghua is super mad about it! And due to his status as a Scum Traitor, he has contacts in the Cultivation World, AND the Demon Realm!

So much for Shen Yuan's dreams of living an anonymous life as a Rogue Cultivator/Monster-Researcher and avoiding the Plot as much as possible; now he has a BOUNTY on his head!

Why did Shang Qinghua even have those Sun-Moon Dew Mushrooms?! Why was this never mentioned in PIDW?! When even ARE they, in the Plot? What's Luo Bingge up to, these days?

...Research indicates that these particular ultra-rare, ultra-valuable, hard-to-grow mushrooms have only a handful of uses. 1) Creating a New Body for someone-- a Dream Demon, for example-- who'd lost their original corporeal form. 2) Resurrection/Necromancy purposes. 3) World's Least-Convenient Method of Making a [Baby/Son/Daughter/Heir].

(The book also said that these mushrooms were considered too delicate and hard to cultivate to be a practical method Gardening Your Own Army of Thralls. If you wanted to do that, you'd use different ultra-rare herbs.)

So! Shen Yuan's got no backstory anyone knows about, he's made an enemy of a Peak Lord with surprisingly far reach, AND his new body may require some special maintenance!

It could be worse! At least he hasn't been in contact with The Protagonist yet!

...Oh No.

[levia53842]

Shang Qinghua wouldn't go as far as to consider them close friends. They're only martial brothers, and as Cang Qiong's resident scum rat spy, he is aware of exactly how meaningless such fickle relationships are.

But when Liu Qingge inevitable does something infuriating and destructive, it's Mu Qingfang whom he exchanges rueful, exasperated glances with behind the other Peak Lord's backs. They carry the weight of Cang Qiong's wellbeing -- Zhangmen-shixiong and the Bai Zhan War God carry their sect name to higher leagues, but it's Mu Qingfang and Shang Qinghua who ensure that nobody is dead or dying and everything is operating as it should. They're the invisible backbone; if they were to vanish for a week the sect would collapse.

None of his martial brothers noticed when Shang Qinghua was running on fumes and hasn't slept for two months straight, except for Mu-shidi, who slipped him a packet of what was essentially sleeping pills. In return, whenever a request for equipment or supplies arrived from Qian Cao, Airplane will rate it a 7/10 in urgency, making sure Mu Qingfang has what he needs as soon as possible.

Could that be considered favoritism? Perhaps, but why should he care? If Yue Qingyuan is allowed to be eternally biased towards Shen Qingqiu, he can do whatever he likes.

MQF and SQH friendship...

[monroeknoxwrites]

"Keep your hands to yourself. Your assistance is unwarranted and unwanted," Shen Jiu spat with as much venom as speckles of blood.

Mu Qingfang recognized his shixiong's threshold for pain was high. With red seeping through the multiple layers of his green robes, hair matted to his forehead and practically bed ridden, he had energy left to rebuff him. His uninjured arm clutched the front of robes closed.

A beat of silence passed. Mu Qingfang straightened, hands on his lap where Shen Jiu could see them.

"There's nothing to fear from me."

"Fear?" The vitriol and outrage Shen Jiu poured into that single word drained him further, eyes shutting as his head hit the pillow once more.

Yet still his trembling hands held the collar firm.

"Shen-shixoing has always been careful to keep his distance from me. During examinations you hardly permit me to check your pulse."

Mu Qingfang laid his hand not on the collar but Shen Jiu's chest, smiled in return at the savage look with an edge of anxiety sent his way.

"But I have checked your pulse. I understand what it is you do not wish for me to see. And I say once more: there is nothing to fear from me."

[silentheiss]

Luo Binghe watches his Shizun sleep. He’s been reading on his daybed and dozed off, his book resting on his chest. Luo Binghe loves him so much it hurts. He’s filled with longing for the man who’s within his reach. He wants-

“Mother.” Luo Binghe says in the quiet of the room. It sounds like a plea, which it is.

“You would like him.” Luo Binghe continues in a cracked voice, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “Oh, mother. He’s not like anyone else in the world, my Shizun. He is kind and sharp, and so easily flustered. He is funny, too, even though he rarely shows it. He’s good. Mother, he is so good.”

Luo Binghe cries, fat tears rolling down his cheeks, and talks to his long dead mother until his voice goes hoarse.

“He is mine.” He whispers. “He is the only thing in the world that I want to be mine.”

He wishes he could talk to her just once more, share this one good thing that he has. She would smile. She would be happy for him, she would be happy.

“Binghe?” Shizun blinks at him, still barely awake. “Are you crying?”

Luo Binghe shakes his head, wiping his face. He didn’t mean to disturb Shizun. He’s just so full of love it overflows, sometimes.

[ineffectualdemon]

"Mu Qingfang! I think I'm having a Qi Deviation!" Shen Qingqiu shouts as he bursts into the doctor's quarters with Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge hot at his heels.

It is only through extensive exposure to his martial siblings that Mu Qingfang does not jump or spill the teacup raised to his lips.

Shang Qinghua however was not so lucky.

His teacup hits the floor hard but as it was the one he reserves specifically for Shang Qinghua with the protection talisman painted on the bottom it only spills tea everywhere and doesn't shatter.

Mu Qingfang carefully does not sigh as he puts the tea down and stands to observe his shixiong.

The man was definitely flushed and agitated, his fan opening and closing slightly as he obviously struggled to stay still.

Mu Qingfang held out his hand silently and Shen Qingqiu obligingly gave him his wrist. His qi flowed strong and clear, no sign of a deviation. But as it neared his lower dantian- ah.

Mu Qingfang raised an eyebrow but kept his observation to himself.

"Shixiong's meridians are clear and well." He explained gently.

"Impossible!" Shen Qingqiu sputtered a tad too loudly, his face redder, "Something is definitely wrong!"

Mu Qingfang glanced at the other two men behind his shixiong and noted how disheveled they were.

Huh.

"Perhaps Shixiong could enlighten this Shidi about what led him to think he was Qi deviating? It could be something else serious." It wasn't but Mu Qingfang was curious.

Shen Qingqiu's fan snapped open, hiding his face. His thin face making an appearance.

"..."

"Shen-shixiong I can't help if shixiong won't communicate with me." Mu Qingfang pressed just slightly.

There was a beat then:

"Shizun?" Said in the most watery voice Mu Qingfang had ever heard

Shen Qingqiu snapped

"Its not supposed to get that hard that quick!"

The room felt like a held breath.

Shen Qingqiu stood red face and frozen, still gesturing towards his pillar.

It was remarkable he managed to voice such a thing.

"What are you talking about?"

Trust Liu Qingge to break the tension with his bluntness.

Shen Qingqiu collapsed onto a pillow, hiding his face in his arms as he slumped across the table. His ears were bright red.

Mu Qingfang did not laugh because he was a professional.

"Can someone inform this Master what occurred before Shen-shixiong's... experience?" He asked delicately and politely ignored both Shen Qingqiu's moan of embarrassment and Shang Qinghua fisting his own mouth to avoid making a sound and drawing attention to himself.

"I'd just got back from a night hunt and dropped off a present for Qingqiu when I got stuck by the stinger of the purple scorpion otter I had killed. Qingqiu explained while not immediately risky it requires dual cultivation to clear. After some discussion that guy," Liu Qingge pointed his thumb behind him towards Luo Binghe, offered to clear it for me."

Mu Qingfang filed away that they intended to treat a dangerous demonic venom without consulting their actually doctor. But that lecture could come later.

For now he simply turned his gaze to Luo Binghe and raised an eyebrow.

"This Lord doesn't know what happend Mu Shishu. We simply started kissing and this one's Husband stood up and walked out of the room saying he must see Mu Shishu as he was having a Qi deviation." Luo Binghe explained.

Behind him Shang Qinghua lost his battle to stay silent and started laughing loudly. Cackling even.

"Bro! You got hard watching your faves kiss and freaked out? Really? And you call me a virgin loser!" Shang Qinghua was laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face.

Shen Qingqiu glared at him over his arms, his face red.

"Shut it! You are a a virgin loser!" He spat back.

"Nothing wrong with virgins, big moneymakers virgins! But I since I'm here to stock up on more lube so my King and I can continue to fuck like bunnies I don't think I can be classed as a virgin anymore in any sense." Shang Qinghua waggled his eyebrows in a weird motion that made Mu Qingfang really struggle with his professional demeanour.

"you're still a loser though." Shen Qingqiu muttered.

"takes one to know one."

Luo Binghe puffed up like a big angry dog when Shang Qinghua said that but subsided when Mu Qingfang held up a hand.

"Bro…what's wrong with me?" Shen Qingqiu's voice was quiet and held a delicate quality. As he asked he stretched one hand out towards Shang Qinghua even as he refused to look at him.

Shang Qinghua sighed.

"Nothing bro. You're just more interested in watching beautiful people fuck then in fucking beautiful people. Especially when it's your Binghe and your favourite Shidi." Shang Qinghua said poking Shen Qingqiu's hand a little.

Then he looked up at the men loitering by Mu Qingfang, his eyes held a deep threat that made even Mu Qingfang nervous. Enough that the Demon Emperor and the War God both took a step back.

"And I'm sure," Shang Qinghua said with a steel like voice, "that neither of them are going to judge you for this."

Shen Qingqiu chuckled, a little wetly, but he patted Shang Qinghua's hand.

"Thanks Bro."

Luo Binghe recovered first rushing to his Shizun's side.

"Shizun! This lowly one would never judge you or make you feel bad for what you like. This Disciple just wants Shizun to be happy!" Luo Binghe said as he rushed to his husband.

Liu Qingge coughed.

"What he said. I…I liked it more than you were watching." Liu Qingge looked surprised admitting that.

Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu looked back at him wide-eyed before Luo Binghe looked back at his husband and smiled.

"Shizun, I liked it too. I liked you looking at us. I wanted you to see me make Shishu feel good." Luo Binghe purred making his Shizun hide behind his fan again.

"Well… that's….good." Shen Qingqiu replied.

"Excellent!" Mu Qingfang said with a loud clap causing everyone to focus on him, "Because now we can do the correct procedure for purple otter scorpion stings! Which involves proper consent forms and use of a room onsite in case of complications. And while we fill out the paperwork we can discuss why you didn't all immediately seek out your doctor." He continued with false cheerfulness.

Shen Qingqiu, and Liu Qingge both went pale and Shang Qinghua quickly packed up the three jars of lube he has ordered and stuffed them into a qiankun pouch to make a quick exit.

Shen Qingqiu had bigger worries now then a little unexpected excitement.

Based on how disturbed Shen Qingqiu got at a faint fluttering of getting turned on when Bingge kissed him I think its safe to say he's happy to have sex but it's not an interest

So headcanons on how he feels about kisses

Kissing Bingmei: worth it for getting him teary eyed but needs training. Probably thinking vaguely about dinner and getting Binghe a chew toy

Kissing Bingge: the faintest flutters of arousal so BAD! WEIRD! WRONG! GO AWAY!

Kissing Liu Qingge: how flustered can he make him? How red will he turn? This is very funny

Bingmei kissing Qingge: goes straight to Mu Qingfang because it couldn't be healthy to get that hard that fast

[corduroyserpent]

“Do you remember your mother?” Tianlang-jun asks the squirming, half-serpent thing he’s ninety-five percent sure is his nephew. The creature is far tinier than he thought it would be but that can perhaps be attributed to a lack of proper nutrition. He can’t imagine there is much for an infant to eat while crawling around the southern border. “It’s only been a year or so since you saw her but I don’t believe she kept you for long. It would not surprise me if your little brain discarded such memories.”

His nephew, as expected, does nothing other than continue to wiggle around in the mud.

“All that aside, I’m her older brother. She asked me to—oh, dear.” His nephew has begun to slither up his leg, dragging dirt and possibly poisonous secretions onto his elegant black clothes. Tianlang-jun lifts his foot, bending his leg at the knee; his nephew manages to cling to him despite a lack of limbs. Large yellow eyes peer out of a dirty, scale-dotted face. Tianlang-jun shakes his leg, testing his nephew’s resilience. The infant holds on, tail curled around Tianlang-jun’s ankle.

“Release me,” Tianlang-jun says. It’s a gentle order but his nephew almost certainly does not understand human speech yet. “This sort of behavior is quite unbecoming of a heavenly demon. Has nobody taught you manners?”

Tianlang-jun disentangles his nephew from around his leg and holds the child up to get a better look. Sickly pale skin, matted hair, a serpentine body that barely resembles anything human. “How ugly you are.”

The infant just looks at him. A small forked tongue flicks out.

Tianlang-jun sighs, glancing back at the army of mindless soldiers behind him. “The original plan was to give you these. Make you a lord.” He regards his nephew again, meeting those strangely intelligent eyes. “But as you are, I do not believe you have the capability to lead. You will have to be taught.” He shifts to hold his nephew like one might carry a ball meant for play, trapped under his arm. His nephew’s tail slaps against his back.

“Oh, right.” Tianlang-jun taps the child’s forehead with his other hand, sending a brief pulse of qi. In no time at all, there is a baby with four little limbs—no tail or scales in sight—caught in his grip. “That’s better, isn’t it?”

The baby blinks at him before tears well up. Hiccuping sobs force their way out of the tiny creature.

“Why are you crying?” Tianlang-jun brings his nephew to rest against his chest, awkwardly patting his back. Little hands fist in Tianlang-jun’s hair. “If this is your way of showing gratitude, it needs some work. I have a couple of suggestions—ah, let go of jiujiu’s hair.” Tianlang-jun carefully extricates his still-crying nephew’s remarkably strong hands from their undesirable goal of yanking out entire chunks of his hair. “There we go. Good child.”

His nephew sniffs, lip wobbling but tears beginning to slow. Tianlang-jun swipes a thumb across ruddy cheeks, drying the wetness that remains. His nephew clumsily grabs Tianlang-jun’s thumb and holds it.

“Excellent. It appears I don’t have to teach you how to be cute.” Tianlang-jun turns to leave the way he came, his new companion secure in his arms. “Now, as I was saying…”

[also on ao3]

[svsss-brainrot-blog]

CumPlane where they don't reincarnate as Peak Lords but one as An ancient god and the other as an ancient Heavely demon and they Just like- adopt Og!SQH and SJ together (just for shits and giggles, you don't have to write it if you don't want to)🍓✨

The dragon sniffed, it’s great horns twisting up towards the heavens as it pierced the two mortals below with its gaze.

“Really, Airplane?”

In a shimmer of light, grand scales and talons vanished, leaving behind the flowing robes of Shen Yuan’s humanoid form, the delicate gold chains strung between his branching, antler-like horns chiming softly as he moved.

“It’s a good plan!” The heavenly demon grinned, his huadian glowing red amid the dragon god’s tranquil, green, misty mountain.

The two mortals in question had enough sense to not make a fuss as the god and heavenly demon conversed in English. While both had fine features, Shen Yuan knew they were both fated for much darker paths.

“I suppose that there are benefits,” Shen Yuan eventually conceded after another long stare over what could only be the teenaged Shen Jiu. “If we can shape them up, we can change things for later.”

“Being trained by a god would put all other facets of the scum villans backstory to shame,” the writer nodded. “And if this one has a place to fall back on, the demons will be easier to navigate.”

“Right. So you take the rat, and I’ll take the scum,” Shen Yuan agreed with a nod. “When our protagonist rolls around, we’ll be set!”

“If you’re going to sacrifice us, just do it already!” the tiny scum shouts in his native tongue.

“Ah, little one,” Shen Yuan smiles, light radiant around them. “I think I’d rather like to teach you instead. What do you say?”

The blinking shock that passes over the mortals’ faces leaves him laughing.

“Yes… I think this might work just fine…”

[amystarsmith]

Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu (SY) Drabble

Basically SY feels guilty about YQY calling him Xiao-Jiu

Word Count:720

Can be platonic or romantic!

“Xiao-Jiu.” The sect leader said calmly, beginning to address Shen Qingqiu. It was a calm afternoon, until it all suddenly blew up.

“Don’t call me that!!” The Qing Jing peak lord slammed his hand on the table, causing his own tea cup to tumble over. He didn’t care about the hot tea getting on his clothes or on his hands, he didn’t care about the cup shattering to the floor in an instant.

Yue Qingyuan looked startled, wincing when the cup broke. It was from one of the sets he had gifted the man, so seeing it destroyed hurt his heart a little. Shen Qingqiu didn’t seem to calm down all that much, his brows still furrowed.

Suddenly it hit him, there would be no reason for him to act like this. This was different then when Shen Jiu would tell the sect leader to shut up, a more raw feeling in his voice as he yelled.

Shen Yuan had tried to play his part well. Being cordial and nice to the people around him, trying to fix his body’s awful reputation.

But this felt so different.

Yue Qingyuan would constantly be calling him by a name that wasn’t his, a personal name that wasn’t his. The way the sect leader said it too was always so tender and warm.

He’d be looking at Shen Qingqiu as if he was the sunshine after a rainy day. Warm, ready to surround you and comfort you now that the clouds are gone.

It made Shen Yuan too uncomfortable. He wasn’t the one Yue Qingyuan had wanted to give that look.

It was meant for the original Shen Qingqiu, the irritable Shen Jiu.

The person Shen Yuan wasn’t.

“Don’t…. Don’t call me that, please.” His tone was changed as he said it a second time, sitting back down politely. He took his hand off of the table, ignoring the feeling of his wet and warm robe sticking to the wood.

The look Yue Qingyuan held now was… worry. Those sunshine filled eyes, warm and happy, were slightly glossy now, the man’s brows a little furrowed.

“Shen… Qingqiu.” The sect leader’s voice was soft, he was testing if that form of address was okay. The peak lord met his eyes, there was so much emotion that wasn’t usually behind them. “What’s wrong with me calling you that?”

It was a simple question, but to Shen Yuan it held too much weight. So many things could be said and asked about it, like that he wasn’t Shen Jiu and shouldn’t be called that.

But that would only bring more questions.

Shen Yuan breathed in shakily, remembering what the dreams he had showed him of Shen Jiu’s past.

His enslavement. How he had met Yue. How he acted to proud but in reality was just as scared as every other child there.

“Jiu isn’t a name.” Shen Qingqiu buried his nails into his robes, clenching down on the skin underneath it all. “It’s just a number. Slaves never got names.” Every word that left his throat felt bitter, like as it crawled from his mouth it left a burning trail. Shen Qingqiu felt his face get hot, the words struggling to make it out as he talked.

“I’m no longer a slave, Yue Qingyuan.” He made eye contact with the man, a fierce look in green eyes despite the tears welling up in them. “Saying such a title as my number is disrespectful and only brings bad thoughts.”

The look of the sect leader’s face changed. Thinking, accepting, looking at Shen Qingqiu with a look of pity.

Shen Yuan knew that Shen Jiu couldn’t stand that face.

“Okay… I understand. That makes a lot of sense.” Yue Qingyuan sighed, picking up a new cup and pouring tea for the man across from him.

“… if you must call me Xiao something, Yuan is a name I like. The wall version, not like yours meaning source…” he continued, ignoring how Yue Qingyuan stopped pouring tea.

“Xiao-Yuan.” The way the sect leader said it held so much weight, as if his name was the most important thing in the world.

“… Yue-Ge.” Was Shen Qingqiu’s informal reply, sipping on his tea as the sect leader beamed in front of him.

Maybe this new life won’t be so bad.