#i think my last day is coming up soon | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dookerino · 1 year ago

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#don't read these tags #i promise you don't want to #it's not pretty #/#i think my last day is coming up soon #i keep wanting to kill myself more and more #and the things that used to hold me back are steadily losing their meaning to me #and more and more often I'm coming to the conclusion that i need to just get it over with #i haven't exactly decided on a date #but i think i have settled onto the conditions that would make me decide to try to go through with it #he's the only person to ever make me *feel* loved in my life #and now he hates me #so whats the point #i cant keep hurting lile this #i cant talk to a therapist about it because theyll send me to a psych ward #and my experience at the last one was so bad that killing myself aounds far #far better #than going back again #i can't cook or clean any more #it's getting harder and harder for me to eat anything #i havent cooked at all in almost 3 months #and i havent cooked for myself in like 5 #im pretty sure ill lose my job soon #when that happens itll be an incredibly easy choice for me since i can never recover from it #i cant make friends #i want to be wanted #i want to be missed #but that's just not who i ever am to people #the first people to even notice i was gone would be my coworkers in about a week #my parents probably wouldn't find out for at least a few months

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front-facing-pokemon · 4 months ago

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#paldean wooper #alright here we go. the beginning of the end of gen 9 #it's the paldean forms‚ retrofit evos #and then we're into the paradox pokémon. which is the end of the line for this blog #ssooooo pretty soon i'm gonna need to start thinking about what to do with this blog once we're done with the pokédex‚ it seems like #never thought this day would come‚ somehow‚ even though i haven't even been running this blog for very long‚ it feels like #it's become part of my daily routine‚ queueing these posts up every morning #i've been doing it for quite a while now that i think about it. i remember queueing up a bunch in advance for my trip to california #which was a whole year ago at this point. damn #time‚ uh. flies?#anyway if you have any semi-last-minute ideas as to what you'd like to see on this blog moving forward #do let me know. by the time this posts i think the queue will already be well into the paradox 'mons #so i'll be thinkin about it by then

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spinostarz · 1 month ago

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most of my les mis art rots in my procreate/sketchbook so here's a few

#tags past this one will be explaining/adding onto these #enjolras one i feel a bit iffy about posting cuz the perspective is whack mostly cuz i freehanded it half asleep no reference or anything #but whatever i like parts of it #the one w valjean and cosette on a whiteboard was at my school and i watched my teacher erase them a few days later and it hurt my soul #just a little #last two are actually 2 stills from my animatic #i will never shut up until the animatic is done which i don't think will be for another few weeks #i have never made an animatic before and it's a little scary but overall i think it's going rlly well :3 #hard part (sketching) is behind me #those 2 shots are from the beginning part #les mis animatic coming soon to a blog near you #yeah nothing else i'd like to add #posting this late expecting it to kinda flop idc #les mis #les miserables #jean valjean #javert #inspector javert #enjolras #he was in this right.. i forgor #marius pontmercy #cosette fauchelevent #bishop myriel #he's there #once #same w enjolras sorry just one art of them </3 #good god i just yap don't i .

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masquenoire · 2 months ago

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Teeny tiny snupdate regarding the new ball python! He's settled in so well and has become a lovely, cuddly - even kissy snake. He was really quite shy to start off with, even handling was scary for him as even though he didn't ball up, he would flinch a lot at unexpected movements. Two months down the line, he seems to really enjoy coming out, nice long tongue flickers and wanting to check everything out. ❤️

#💀 ;; ooc #;; mun rambles #It's not munday but it is Wednesday and I hope everyone is doing well!#I've been doing my chores today since it's my one day off this week and things had to be washed #But new guy wanted to come out today too and he's gotten sooo sweet #snake tw #snake cw #He's gotten a bit bigger too! Up from 160ish grams to almost 190g #Should be on small weaners soon #Will aim for getting his big viv either at the end of the month or start of next :3 #Going to try and be active tonight I think I am shaking off this cold at last #Wasn't very strong but it lingered like a bad smell yeesh

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faaun · 7 months ago

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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months #to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them #in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought #i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are #and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it #its worth missing i think #i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over #(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think #i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat #they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand #how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much #i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around #something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode #arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully #last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing #and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets #and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably #have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused #blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like #i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much #my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to #music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads #i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says #what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.

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dykevanny · 7 months ago

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had a really funny idea for an ask blog ft. Vanny and another plex employee oc,,

#Get this right. 2 pizzaplex employees accidentally get tumblr famous bc someone has been leaving weird graffiti everywhere and #Getting up to other shenanigans and sends asks abt it to this one like urban exploration blog. Who later gets an ask basically like #Hey I work at the plex?? This is some insider info only another employee would know????#The two anons are constantly back and forth in this persons inbox and are eventually assigned nicknames #‘Pix’ for the mystery vandalism employee because she shows up as nothing but weird pixels and glitches on cameras #The other employee is ‘Cam’ because they have been monitoring all this on the cameras #One day they get each others blogs and keep sending each other death threats and shit jokingly but one day pix warns cam not to go to a #Weird late staff meeting #The next night it is literally just the two of them and they think this is so funny they start a blog trying to uncover why everyone else #Just isn’t coming in. At first they are like well layoffs duhhhh #But then ppl send asks and messages like ‘hey have u seen this employee it’s my brother/friend/etc’ and they realize shit is actually going #On in here #One night cam is live-blogging their shift and sees a weird intruder in a costume with a knife and runs around eventually escaping and find #Pix lying at the bottom of a stairwell unconscious with a bloody nose later #Takes pix to the hospital. Only to be alone in the plex the next night and suddenly get a phone call saying that pix left the hospital. Bc #Pix left cam as the emergency contact because ‘she didn’t have anyone else’.#Cam has to survive the masked intruder #eventually starts recording everything but when the intruder gets closer the footage gets glitchier #Eventually there’s just one fuzzy image of the intruder with Roxy and Monty standing on either side and that’s the last we hear of cam. Nex #Post is pix saying hehe thanks for following our little story aha !! Bye now it’s over!! And that’s it…..heheheheh #Killer rab blog has become a little boring for me so… might start this soon….#I’d have to make like 2 blogs plus some fake dms too probably . Damn

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pocket-size-cthulhu · 17 days ago

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One of the greatest most wonderful most worth it things about living life and getting older is when you notice your healing. Anything from "woah, I thought that scar would never disappear, but now you wouldn't notice it unless I pointed it out" to "wow, when was the last time I grieved that relationship? It hardly even hurts anymore" to "I can't remember the last time I was lonely like I used to be when I was a teenager" etc. Handling something that a few years ago would have been so much more difficult. Being amazed by how resilient you are after all. You'll heal. You'll heal. You'll heal. You have happiness to look forward to on the other side.

#when i was a kid i had really severe eczema #for years the insides of my elbows would be torn and bloodied constantly from the scratching #my parents thought my skin would actually never recover and would be permanently damaged #but i healed completely. there's no evidence that that ever happened to me #my eczema isn't nearly as bad now that I'm an adult but I've had some ugly patches on my hands for about a year #and I just picked up medicine today #and i was thinking about how something I've lived with for a year will soon be gone without a trace #and the other day i was telling my partner how i haven't been desperately lonely in the last few years #and i used to feel that way all the time.#my knee doesn't bother me anymore from that snowboarding mishap #my wrist doesn't bother me nearly as much from that tweak i never got checked out #I've forgiven myself for that thing i felt shame about #and I've forgiven people i thought i could never forgive #getting older is so so so so great and so wonderful #worth sticking around for and worth looking forward to #I'm in my feels bc my birthday is coming up haha it always makes me feel reflective about things

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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months ago

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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

#cw blood #luckys original content #ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG #also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project #FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD #SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter #and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do #THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG #i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then #i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that #ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours #so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time #i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly #and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more #but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho #we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange #yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but #she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that #i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated #i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others #AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG #IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES #MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL #LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU #AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES #ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU

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14dayswithyou · 1 year ago

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Bro i was listening to Taylor swift and ‘don’t blame me’ song reminded me of Rin deadass

✦゜ANSWERED: YEAHHHHH!! IT TOTALLY FITS HIM!! @yourunhingedgirlfriend once made a Ren mood board(?) including that song as well, and it hasn't left my mind since ^^ <3

But yeah!! I still stand by the headcanon that [REDACTED] is in his Reputation era and Ren is in his Lover era ;v; Also, in this 391,490,009 page essay I will be talking about how "Mastermind" and "Hey Stephen (Taylor's Version)" are such Ren/[REDACTED] coded songs, and that the entire Evermore and Folklore albums were the inspiration behind Elanor's charac-

#Mother Taylor raised me so you KNOOOOW I'm all over that cryptic and machiavellian stuff >:)#It's why I have /massive/ 14DWY spoilers hidden all over this blog for y'all to find and work out ghjsdghjs #And there's even a TS song reference in one of the endings for Day 2!!#But ya.... I love her sm ;v; She's a big inspiration for me #Like.... this is probably gonna sound really cliche and silly but I /genuinely/ do admire Taylor Swift and her music <3 #Everyone probably thinks she's overrated because Shake It Off/Love Story/Blank Space/etc were so overplayed on the radio #But Clean?? My Tears Ricochet??? You're Losing me????? GAHHHH!!!!!!!! T____T #So many amazing songs and people aren't listening to it!!!!!! /lh #Anyways!! Speak Now (Taylor's Version) is coming out soon and it's gonna feature Paramore and FOB <3 I'm crying. Sobbing actually /silly #Also!!! That means Last Kiss is gonna make a comeback and my inner child is healing!!!#💌 — answered.#💖 — about ren.#🖤 — shut up sai.#Not me ranting in the tags about how much I love TS kjgbSDJG Embarrassing..........#💖 — 14 days with queue.

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knbposting · 5 months ago

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i've been writing high happiness future verse aokaga stuff if you even CARE

#you should. but also it's just bc i feel pitiful at the moment #the future verse i cant wait to write is coming soon #i am writing what i think is the last chapter of my tarzan aokaga au so then i can get back to normal verse #i have missed. teenagers. so much. theyre so much fun to write #dont get me wrong: mid-20s aokaga is very similar #but theyre so much more awkward with each other in normal verse #and i dont mean uwu what if he likes me #i mean daiki just does things to be annoying. to be awkward. on purpose. and likewise with taiga #theyre STUPID #taiga's language has really picked up by the end of tarzan au tho so he's had a field day in this penultimate chap #as he SHOULD

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chilapis · 7 months ago

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I think every moment is eternal in its own right and we hold no authority to deny it that status. Even if it is a forever that will escape our memories, it’ll still exist as a forever in the history of time. In the memories of no-one but the Earth itself. In the records kept and made by no-one, where everything is stored for all time to come. No love is lost and no existence truly unacknowledged.