started off my day by listening to married in mount airy and thought i was doing pretty flippin well all things considered but then my boyfriend woke up n walked into the room like hi baby come gimme a hug and i just broke down in his arms v abruptly :/
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decided to join in on @quezify’s eggtober again this year as a little art warmup and I actually ended up really enjoying it!! it’s obviously way outside of my usual comfort zone so I’m very happy that I was able to create an end result that I’m proud of :)
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Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.
Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑
God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…
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hey, if you have arfid/any ed/any food sensitivity issues in general, do me a favor and reblog this and tell me these in the tags!: (as many or as little as you’d like - this is just for fun :))
- your current favorite safe food
- your favorite food in general
- one food that you can always manage to eat no matter what (if you have one!)
- one food that isn’t currently safe, but that you WANT to like or think you would like if you tried it
- the most recent new food that you have tried, and did you like it? (I’m so so proud of you either way!)
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so in regards to the bat charm, esp in the hella awesome banquet mv!!!!
the tag itself is called ofuda, a protective talisman!!! there are many different types of ofuda (omikuji are also classified as a kind of ofuda for instance) and throughout the hella awesome banquet mv, we do see the bat charm used as said various types!!!!
here in these two shots, we see the bat charm used as a senjafuda!!! senjafuda are these talismans with personalised designs that, once upon a time ago in japan, were passed around in secret councils like trading cards. ofuda typically have a deity written on it to call for luck, wealth, health, whatever said deity presides over. senjafuda, however, tend to have the person’s name on it and when people would go on pilgrimages, they’d stick the senjafuda on temple shrine gates like a very decorative ‘we were here’ tag lol
fits with the journey to hell narrative that seems to be happening in the mv!!!
and this type of ofuda is known as fuin no ofuda!!!! this one is used as a type of seal to keep evil, vengeful spirits enclosed and away from humans. the more powerful the spirit, the more seals are required to contain in the enclosed space. it’s already a little worrisome to see imagery of kuukou getting killed but this puts a evil spirit/vengeful spirit spin on top of it 🤔
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whenever I write, I typically like to write everything all at once, even if I don’t know where I’m going with the scenes or physically don’t feel like it. but recently I’ve started writing scene by scene and it’s been helping so much!!! like I wrote one part yesterday morning, then the next part last night, and it just feels so much more achievable doing it like that. idk why I haven’t done this before lmao
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