#YES will probably get a little high

[floral-hex]

Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.

Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑

God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…

[fyllophobia]

[allthegothihopgirls]

carrying around little sticker books is good for the soul and everyone should do it methinks

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

is this outfit historically accurate? probably the fuck not. is it practical in any way shape or form? also probably not! but does it serve cunt? YES 😩🙏💅 and that's all that matters!

[arinninjagosleftovers]

every day I think about Riz Gukgak being aroace and every day I get sad I am not more confident in my writing because I have ideas!!!!! so many ideas about Riz being aroace and coming to terms with that and actually figuring out that there are labels for what he is and I binge read like 8 or 9 fics about that and Im just like man,,, 5+1 thing where Riz tries to come out and then he finally does and it’s full of him being frustrated with himself and the others and struggling but also refusing to actually stop and think about himself because feelings are too much and he’s busy with Kristen’s campaign okay

[butchfalin]

personally i think if you're going to make an educational post you shouldn't talk down to the people you're trying to teach. maybe that's just me though

[twinstxrs]

i’m trying to catch up with as much dimension 20 as i can before fantasy high junior year, i’m currently on a starstruck odyssey, and can i just say: there is truly no greater example of ally beardsley’s dnd progress than the parallel of ally as kristen applebees willingly taking 36 points of damage, bringing kristen down to 3 hit points as kristen plummets multiple stories due to a failed attempt to use a ribbon dance as a way to fly down 10 stories, and ally as margaret encino willingly taking 11 points of damage, bringing margaret down to 3 hit points so margaret can fall 30 feet from a camera nest, walk up to a giant corn guy, and say “you suck” as all the intrepid heroes look on assuming this to be usual beardsley tomfoolery, only for margaret to walk away & trigger an attack of opportunity which gives murph as barry a chance to push this guy off a ledge & possibly win them the entire encounter & over 1 million credits. INSANE. ally beardsley i’m obsessed with your mind

[ilynpilled]

lannister dynamics ranked 🔥

1. jaime & cersei

2. tywin & tyrion

3. cersei & tyrion

4. jaime & tyrion

5. tywin & jaime

the fact that i have to place jaime & tywin as low as number 5 should tell you how kino they all are

[lbhslefttiddie]

for the spotify wrapped ask game: 33, 44, 55 <3

hello thank you for playing!!!

33:

RUNRUNRUN - Dutch Melrosa

44:

Names Left Behind: A Counting Song (遺された名前ーとおりかぞえうたー) - Diao ye zong (调���棕)

55:

Hymn for a Scarecrow - Tally Hall

[lionofstone]

at the end of the day, i’m a fan of silly little action movies. that’s just how it is

[aretrothing]

i do not get this culture of flying comparably short distances. yes it might be more convenient or whatever but you're ruining the environment and a much more fun and sustainable option is staring you right in the face

[unproduciblesmackdown]

from victoria / t_ori0

Down on skid row 🪴🏙️

[tj-crochets]

You should definitely tell people that you have blood pressure issues that make you passout if they're being angry, but if that doesn't work, you are under no obligation to tell random angry people the truth, tell them you have hear issues and your heart will give out if you don't sit when you need to.

Your safety is more important than honesty to random mean angry people.

Oh I absolutely do tell them when people are being jerks. I mean, most of the time, I just say I have heart issues and don't clarify if I have to say anything at all, but if they are being especially awful I'll launch onto a medical jargon-filled explanation while looking as like small and sad as possible. Like "sorry, I have ideopathic tachycardia and postural orthostatic hypotension, and the cerebral salt wasting syndrome makes it worse."

[whysamwhy123]

Hooooo boy. 6.5k words into this OrangeHook fic. This thing is TOO LONG and it ain't even done yet. For the love of God, it's Hook and OC! These boys are MONOSYLLABIC, THEY DO NOT SPEAK MUCH AT ALL! And yet, I'm having them go on and on and on. To be fair, there's a lot of internal monologue in there and Intense Rumination, so it's not all talking. But there's still waaaaay too much dialogue for it to be these two. This is probably horrendously out of character, LOL. But I'm having fun with it, so *shrugs*

I'm right at the point where It Happens. This should be where it gets smutty but knowing me, I'll probably chicken out and just do an annoying fade-to-black like I usually do. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to make it a ''And they were both bottoms...'' moment, and then leave it at that.

[teaboot]

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[monstrous-woof]

rewatched Helter Skelter (2012) again and can confidently say that if you liked the themes and core plot of the Love Witch but like me thought they were poorly executed and left you wanting for any sort of substance then Helter Skelter is the movie you want