#spoiler alert it did not. and now the fact that i’ve wasted so much of my life is making it worse

[j-esbian]

thinking abt how much of my life i’ve lost to depression and i truly want to throw up

[beevean]

SEGA and its most recent Sonamy side – more canon than ever

[Translator’s note: this article was originally written in Spanish by @latin-dr-robotnik​]

Hello again! Today we’d like to discuss about something that’s been happening recently, and probably taking Sonic fans by surprise: what is going on with SEGA and its stance about Sonamy?

At the beginning of this year, to celebrate the 200 articles on Seaside Hill Paradise, I finished what I call “the Sonamy trilogy” of articles that I started in 2018 and which cover different themes, such as:

SEGA and the eternal issue of the Sonic-Amy dynamic

“I love you” – Forbidden words in Sonic

SEGA and the eternal issue of “Sonic’s girlfriend”

The idea was to offer a more-or-less complete analysis about the many facets of their dynamic in the last 27 years; a dynamic that, you may have noticed, is not that easy to pin down, and that we’ve been updating almost regularly (although I also intended to investigate on other dynamics, like Knuckles and Rouge’s for example, and write about them). Generally speaking, in these articles I don’t draw objective conclusions about the status of the ship in canon (despite the fact that the available information tends to confirm it in various occasions). I also like to repeat myself and say that shipping is supposed to be for fun, not for tearing each other’s hair in that black hole of misery that is Twitter, but recent events left us slightly perplexed, and this is why we’re here once again.

We left the status of the Sonamy canonicity with these two peculiar instances back in August: Sonic mentioning his “girlfriend” in the Japanese version of Sonic Battle, and the Twitter account of SEGA of Europe saying Sonamy is their “favorite videogame romance”. Now, let’s recap a bit…

Sonamy in Sonic IDW... Round 3

[SPOILERS ALERT FOR IDW SONIC #14-#35]

In 2018, when IDW just started, I decided to study a little how the Sonamy dynamic worked in this new universe. To our surprise, the comic didn’t waste time in dropping its biggest bomb, in one of the cutest scenes we had seen in ages. Since the very beginning, IDW proved that it didn’t intend to deceive those fans that looked for a bit of development of both characters.

I wrote an article about it in June 2019, and it coincided with the beginning of one of the most infamous arc I’ve seen in a Sonic comic for a long time: the Metal Virus Saga. The question is, what has happened since then?

Well, in 2019, with the same accuracy of an aimbot, I said “We’ll probably see some new interactions between Sonic and Amy sometime around IDW #20”. And wouldn’t you know, as misery and tragedy settled in that arc, it was exactly around IDW #20 that we saw some Sonamy interactions: both exhausted, to their limit, with a Sonic that couldn’t even touch Amy to soothe her pain, due to him being infected with the virus.

The arc developed like this in what felt like an eternity, to finally conclude in one the most absurd ways in Sonic history. But it wasn’t a complete disappointment, as, after months and months of asking and discussing on the internet about how much Sonic and Amy deserved a hug at the end of the arc… it actually happened.

Since that moment in IDW #32, we shippers thought that it was what both of them deserved after so much time spent separated and pushed to their limit to survive, but also that after the end of the arc everything would go back to normal. However, what we didn’t know was that the Sonamy train had no intention of stopping, not in IDW, nor anywhere else.

A recurring detail in IDW Sonic is that Amy’s tail starts wagging every time she sees Sonic, as if she was a happy dog. I swear, it happens every time.

Come IDW #35, once again we have some hugs and bits of dialogue between our hedgehogs. For sure, the question here isn’t their relationship itself, as it was for IDW #2, but rather the issues this arc is slowly dealing with. But it’s really nice to see them again, sharing that closeness that they’ve had in the comic since the beginning– be it with some gestures of affection, a wink, a gesture, a private joke.

My favorite image is the first one, Belle’s reaction to seeing Amy hugging Sonic. It’s like she’s thinking “oh, is she his girlfriend?”, and she wouldn’t even be wrong in thinking that.

It can’t be denied that IDW Sonic provided us the conversations and the emotions that the games seldom do. Certainly, the comic has its share of issues and it’s not really a story that I personally follow for its own merits (it’s more because it’s still Sonic, for my interest for things like this, and Belle’s existence… whom I already ship with Tails, sorry not sorry), but what it does well it does really well.

For now, we have to see how IDW Sonic will follow the development of the characters, especially in view of the closure of the current story and beyond. And we may be done with this part of the article, but there is still a lot left.

Sonamy in merchandise

Taking us completely by surprise, recently SEGA launched, in collaboration with Hot Topic, a series of Sonamy-themed t-shirts. No, seriously.

So many people told me this as soon as the voice spread (you know who you are, thank you guys for thinking about me <3), and I can’t help being still surprised that this is actually a thing. T-shirts with lines like “You’re my favorite”, “Love in the fast lane”, and my personal favorite, “S&A Forever”, with drawings of Classic Sonic and Amy… in SEGA-approved products. I don’t know if you realize how much of a big deal this is, even more than “Celebrate the 25 years of Sonic’s girlfriend” from 2018.

One of the things that surprised me the most (aside from how explicit they are in officializing the relationship, and the fact that there are still 2 months left before Valentine’s Day 2021), was the decision to use Classic Sonic and Classic Amy. I tried to understand this decision by analyzing the simplicity and easiness with which the Classic designs convey a message (let’s not forget that Classic Sonic was so iconic because it was specifically designed to convey his expressions without words), besides the fact that they’re inherently cuter than their modern designs. There’s also the controversial aspect of post-Adventure Sonamy, with all the dubbing and weird interpretations that the fandom made over the years… By comparison, the Classic design are a much simpler choice.

What is actually going on?

Well, let’s take a step back and think about what we just saw. The way SEGA has been recently trying to push Sonic and Amy in front view (and for the entirety of 2020, based on the articles I mentioned in the beginning) tells us the harsh truth we all have to accept sooner or later: Sonamy sells, and it sells a lot.

From a strictly business point of view, the ship is so iconic and popular, with fans and detractors alike, that it would be absurd for SEGA to ignore the chance to print these two characters and get a load of money. As I said in my 2018 article, despite the fact that in Japan Sonic isn’t as big of an icon as it is elsewhere, they know pretty well that Sonic + Amy = love, and they have huge amounts of merchandise to back it up. It’s in the West that because of different cultural values, of which we’ve already talked about, along with some internal resistance, left this aspect of the franchise a little on the side. But they’ve been trying to fix it… and how…

Let’s not forget that a decade and a half ago Sonic Team seriously favored Sonamy. They officially said it, Sonic X was their purest view of Sonic they had at the time.

Outside of the business perspective, I believe we’re facing the moment that we’ve been waiting for: it’s time they’ll establish once and for all the dynamic of these two characters, following more closely the original Japanese vision of Sonic. I said many times that, in trying to change canon, the West, especially SEGA of America, did nothing but confuse fans and generate more discussions than needed, by introducing different data and portrayals that contradict the canon established by Sonic Team.

We’ve talked about Unleashed and emotional support, about Sonic X, about the major moments that opened the door to interpreting this dynamic as something more. We don’t threaten at gunpoint those who would rather stay away, but we respond to those declarations that still try to violently discredit the simple fact that Sonic and Amy, who are most of all close friends, form in some measure a couple that, even with its imposed limitations, manages to captivate fans and not fans everywhere in the world. Even the Simpsons used it as a joke, and that says a lot.

What the future has in store for us.

Unless something else happens in this last month of 2020, this is the most complete compilation I can offer at the moment about the status of Sonamy in the fandom and in the official canon. Yes, canon.

It’s impossible to ignore the signals. As you may have noticed, I’ve been considering Sonic and Amy as an official couple, with its clarifications (for example, that at the end it’s more of a friendship, that it’s not a romantic relationship in the most explicit way, that it’s more of a personal perspective to justify a more mature vision of the relationship in the future, not right now), but nowadays I think that SEGA has spoken loud and clear. I think canon is ready to negotiate the idea that Sonic and Amy, apart from being excellent friends who would risk their lives for each other in a heartbeat, have something else on their hands (probably the other’s hand). This won’t automatically translate into a kiss, or a complete love declaration (although Sonic X came close…), or a commitment to a formal relationship like we know them in real life. SEGA canon affirms that Amy is “Sonic’s girlfriend” and nothing more. Outside of that detail, they still pretty much function as friends interacting with a little flirting here, and a little Sonic running away there. It’s the basis of their dynamic, now enhanced by the fact that SEGA is giving us a clearer message.

I think that this all may culminate in a game or an animated series, but I wouldn’t completely count on that. It is good to recognize how far the official position goes on this issue, but at the same time I want to reaffirm that there are things that are better left in the hands of the fandom, and in the meantime that IDW or any other continuity gives us hugs, winks, gestures and words of encouragement, we as the fandom will take care of exploring other avenues and hypothetical scenarios.

This is all I have to say on the matter for now, and I hope you’re happy with this wonderful Sonamy experience we’re going through – I certainly am. See you next time!

[coffeewithheroes]

Hiya, nice to meet you V! Do you know the Tiktok trend that goes like, “why can’t friends just kiss each other?” If you do, would you mind doing some headcanons about how Iwaizumi and other characters of your choosing would react? tysm!!💕

a/n: nice to meet you anon! i’ve seen that trend before and omg i love it so much! i just love the friends to lovers troupe in general :) never be able to get over it i swear🤧

really went all out on my first answered request, hehe!

-

“why can’t friends just kiss each other?” ⪼ haikyuu hcs

-

IWAIZUMI

💌 Iwaizumi would probably already know about the trend, seeing as he’s got tiktok obsessed oikawa as a best friend.

💌 oikawa would probs tease Iwa about how you might use it on him one day, which earns him a good wack.

💌 luv you tooru get well soon

💌 might secretly hope that you make a move on him, but doesn’t get his hopes too high. there’s a chance that you’re not even interested in Tiktok impossible, or you’d rather confess to him the traditional way, OR, you might not even like him. again, impossible

💌 lucky for him, you LIVE for trends like these :)

💌 you’ll probably be at his house or something, thanking the stars above that Iwaizumi has finally granted you a break from studying, as well as the opportunity to make your move!

💌 you pull out your phone, and search for the sound, heart beat so loud you hope he can’t hear.

💌 remember to breathe, baby. because it’s go time.

💌 you press play.

💌 at this point, Iwa looks up from his own device, and has that “wait, what?” look on his face.

💌 you’re laughing at him to hide the sudden waves of embarrassment.

💌 not to worry dear, your efforts were not in vain.

💌 Iwaizumi is honestly so frigging happy that you did this. he can’t help but think about how cute you are.

💌 “you’re so stupid, you know that?” and yet, the opposite comes out of his mouth.

💌 but again, must i remind you not to worry?

💌 the next few moments are absolute heaven - Iwaizumi pulls your face towards his, and kisses you hard.

💌 damn, he’s been waiting for this.

OSAMU

💌 this would be something neither of you are expecting-

💌 it’s actually atsumu who set up the entire thing lmaooo

💌 the three of you usually walk home together after volleyball practice, but atsumu had faked being sick and went home early, leaving just osamu and yourself.

💌 whilst walking, you get a message from atsumu, a video.

💌 and you play it out loud of course, not expecting it to be something like this:

💌 “why can’t friends just kiss each other?”

💌 cue the awkward stares and silent curses of atsumu‘s name.

💌 you want to think of something, anything to say that will get osamu’s mind away from the words he just heard.

💌 but unlucky for us, our brains always run out on us when we need ‘em most, right?

💌 in the end, it’s osamu who breaks the silence.

💌 “well, why can’t we?”

💌 “there’s no rule against it...”

💌 “should we...”

💌 “I’m okay with it if you are?”

💌 the kiss is one of those which start off as simple pecks, but get all crazy after that 😳

💌 you know you can’t get too carried away though, being in the middle of the street and all.

💌 osamu takes you to his house instead of dropping you home, and atsumu can’t help but smirk victoriously at the sight of your bruised lips.

💌 looks like you got a lil’ bit carried away after all

💌 instead of thanking his matchmaker brother, you opt for giving him the finger.

💌 osamu’s pretty content with that solution too, so it’s all good!

TSUKISHIMA

💌 your mind immediately wanders to Tsukishima the moment you discover this Tiktok sound.

💌 things will either go really well, or really bad. and of course, you’re hoping for the latter.

💌 tsukishima’s a smart dude, and will immediately notice something is up the moment you pull out your phone and start grinning ear to ear.

💌 “what are you doing?” he really doesn’t waste time.

💌 “hey, do a tiktok with me.”

💌 “absolutely not.”

💌 but he doesn’t stop you when you set up your camera and press the three second countdown.

💌 when the question pops up, tsukishima is lowkey shocked

💌 like, what did i just hear? 👁👄👁

💌 you’re laughing your ass off at his reaction, but tsukishima wouldn’t be tsukishima if he allowed others to openly laugh at him in his presence or at all for that matter

💌 he gives you one of those “shut up” kisses :)

💌 and suddenly, the tables have turned, and he’s the one who’s making fun of your reaction!

BOKUTO

💌 bokuto’s actually the one who introduces you to the trend

💌 the hilarious thing is, he didn’t even mean it as a confession, he just wanted to show you one video which he found particularly cute!

💌 he’s super excited about it, so while he’s taking a break during practice, he whips out his phone from his bag, and shows you the video.

💌 it gets your heart pumping QUICKLY fr-

💌 you’re not actually sure how to react tbh. you know that there’s a chance bokuto was just showing it to you because he thought it was cute, not because he was indirecting the fact that the two of you should actually kiss.

💌 but my guy akaashi has got your back :D

💌 “bokuto-san, does that mean you would like to kiss y/n as well, seeing as she’s your friend?”

💌 “...hey, hey, hey! dude, you’re right!”

💌 bokuto does not hesitate-

💌 pulls you towards him, then tilts his head just right so that he can kiss you.

💌 it’s over in an instant, there’s literally no time to react.

💌 he isn’t trying even a little bit to hide the smile on his face.

💌 “i’ll give you more later, i have to go back to practice now, yeah?”

HOSHIUMI

💌 another one who knows his way around Tiktok - chances are, he found the trend before you did.

💌 hoping that you’ll understand why he’s calling it his new favourite trend, and get the hint that likes you and wants you to confess that way!!

💌 spoiler alert: you’re going to do it.

💌 the whole thing goes down during one of your weekend sleepovers.

💌 it’s three am, both of you are dead tired, and you’ve decided that you want a kiss before you head to sleep.

💌 loud enough for him to hear, not loud enough for his parents to wake up, you play the sound.

💌 “what? you— y/n!!”

💌 this cutie can’t even form words, he’s that happy!

💌 does not waste any more time trying to speak - he’s sure that you’d rather be kissing him.

💌 and you would :)

💌 hoshiumi starts off by placing kisses all over your face and neck, purposely avoiding your lips.

💌 because that’s his final prize, of course!

💌 it feels like forever has passed, before your lips finally touch his.

💌 it’s amazing, it’s sweet, it’s heartwarming, it’s all the synonyms which you can possibly come up with for those three words.

💌 the two of you fall asleep, legs tangled and all.

💌 his parents most likely have at least heard of tiktok. don’t know the trend specifically, but know that their son has finally managed to get himself a beautiful girlfriend! ❤️

KUROO

💌 here we go,,

💌 this whole situation is like a total accident.

💌 you were just scrolling through your for you page like we all do, when you came across the original video.

💌 “why can’t friends just kiss?”

💌 kuroo’s head turns so fast when he hears it.

💌 hasn’t seen the trend himself, but thank you to the man who made it, you’ve given kuroo an opportunity to kiss his crush 🙏

💌 “you know, that man is talking sense.”

💌 he’s smirking, he’s wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, and you’re trying to keep it together.

💌 don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out

💌 “maybe we should kiss. like right now, and prove that friends are indeed allowed to kiss?”

💌 you’d like that, wouldn’t you? :))

💌 and so, when he leans in, you do absolutely nothing to stop him!

OIKAWA

💌 flipping heck, he’s so pretty

💌 soo...

💌 do 👏 this 👏 trend 👏 with 👏 him 👏 please 👏 and 👏 thank you............👏

💌 oikawa absolutely adores Tiktok, so you can bet your ass he knows about it.

💌 of course, doing something like this takes GUTS. confessing to anyone is a pretty difficult thing to do, especially with a good friend!

💌 you decide to confide in Iwaizumi in the matter, you know you can trust him not to say anything until after the big day.

💌 someone you can’t trust with a secret as big as this, is Matsukawa.

💌 accidentally overheard the convo between you and Iwaizumi, and thought it would be hilarious to accidentally spill the tea to his majesty.

💌 who is absolutely excited, by the way.

💌 when the big day arrives, you’re nervous as hell, and so is he.

💌 things go wrong, oh so wrong.

💌 oikawa’s sitting beside you on the couch. as soon as you take your eyes away from the tv and start paying attention to your phone, he starts watching.

💌 you don’t actually notice, too busy trying to calm yourself down.

💌 and then...

💌 before you even get to press play on the sound, oikawa is turning your head and pressing his lips against yours.

💌 it’s one of those simple, yet expertly executed kisses, the kind which makes you unable to open your eyes for a few seconds.

💌 “you uh...didn’t play the sound.”

💌 “you didn’t give me a chance to, idiot.”

💌 he’s just silly like that but i think i speak for everything when i say we wuv him sm 🥺

USHIJIMA

💌 Ushijima takes volleyball seriously, and he takes his studies seriously too.

💌 he’s been tutoring you for about one and a half hours now, and what the hell you’re so tired.

💌 but according to waka-baby, you haven’t done enough to deserve a break!

💌 (it’s true, you’ve only done about 3 questions since the topic is so boring lol)

💌 BUT THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE POINT!

💌 begging and grovelling doesn’t work on Ushijima. and that’s when you think - what about Tiktoks?

💌 specifically the trend which has friends becoming lovers through a kiss after a single question.

💌 when Ushijima goes up to the counter to ask for more coffee, you take out your phone and quickly search for the sound.

💌 he’s not impressed by your choice to do this, but he forgets about that once he hears those sweet, sweet words.

💌 stays silent at first, as if in deep thought.

💌 “if i agree to this, will you get some work done?”

💌 “how about you agree to this, because you like me?”

💌 you used confidence! it was super effective!

💌 ushijima allows you to kiss him, and to him, your smile is brighter than the freaking sun.

💌 “lets get back to work.”

💌 but you and him both know that neither of you will be able to concentrate now :)

ATSUMU

💌 osamu’s the one who shows you the Tiktok. passed it on through kita, who’s just knowledgeable about everything??

💌 but are you sure you want to do this?

💌 h e c k y e s ☐ f r i c k n o ☒

💌 just kidding!!

💌 after showing you the video, osamu, the better twin, enlightened you about the fact that atsumu was planning to do the trend on you!

💌 cute, awh 🥺

💌 unlucky for him, you beat him to it! sorry not sorry

💌 you make your move the day before he wanted to make his.

💌 you play the sound, lowkey excited to see atsumu’s look of surprise.

💌 but...there isn’t one?

💌 what’s? going?? on???

💌 “‘you got played baby girl. ‘samu showed you the trend on purpose, and lied about me wanting to do the trend. all so that you’d be the first to admit that you like me.”

💌 he’s a little kid stuck in a teenager’s body, please forgive him.

💌 gives you one kiss for the sake of the video, and about twenty for messing around with you :))

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x9: so dreaded, so exciting, 'Sword!' (yeah, I went there, I've been thinking about this scene - you know the one - since yesterday for some reason)

After two computer malfunctions and a very tough, very sleepless night, here I am with a third attempt to write this post. The universe is against me today. Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Ugh, I just want to get this over with already. And I haven't even managed to see half the episode yet. You better like this cursed post because it's taken me two hours at this point, and will probably take another to finish - and that is if nothing goes wrong this time. Please bear with me. This is my reaction to HSMTMTS 2x9, take 3. Let's hope and pray it's the last one.

I'm normally [unpopular opinion alert] a very spoiler-positive person (it's the combination of anxiety and ADHD and a bunch of other stuff, I suppose), but for this one I've been refraining from looking at the tag all morning, so by now I'm simply bursting with impatience. But before we dive in, I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Some pre-watch thoughts and feelings (let's see how well they will have aged by the end of the episode):

Seriously, what is with whoever writes this show? I know it's impossible, but I feel like they've been toying with my emotions specifically all season. Like:

Ah, so you were a Rini shipper last season? Great, now we'll make them obnoxious and borderline toxic to the point where you actually want them to break up, but then their old chemistry will be back just for the breakup scene so that you can cry your eyes out over the one couple you couldn't stand - even though you can't seem to relate to a single song from Sour, we'll make you feel like you do for a hot second. At least it will remind you that you loved Ricky.

So you say Redlyn own your heart and soul? Great, we'll make you dread something going wrong with them for a week straight, and mess up your sleep schedule beyond repair over it. You're welcome!

We heard you said Rodfini give you life? Perfect, how about a big Seblos fight? And would you like a side of questioning your choice to stan Carlos with that? Because what is life without a little anxiety, a bit of doubt of your ability to read people, and a pinch of existential dread, right?

Ah, so you claimed not to ship Portwell romantically, is that right? Brilliant, we'll make you ship them and then we'll use that to torture you, too.

You've been excited about ABF and Asher Angel guest-starring ever since they were announced? Magnificent! We'll make you hate ABF's character to the point where you can't even look at him, and we'll make you call him names you thought yourself incapable of uttering. And as for Asher, you'll be left waiting for him until the last third of the season, and then you'll dread the possibility of hating his character, too. Do you love us yet?

Oof! Right then, I've got that out of my system. Time to dive in.

Miss Jenn playing around with the backgrounds is, like, 90% of the people who had online school this year, and honestly, I love that for her.

Wait, why is Nini first on this call? Are they going through with the Rose thing? Cos like, the song is nice and all (and, might I add, much more to my taste than nearly all of Sour, don't @ me), but if they use it, it will get them disqualified. They’ve been told that! Gosh, please let me be wrong about this.

We get it, Carlito, rich and fancy and over-the-top is kind of your thing, but have you stopped for a second to think about how others will feel about this? Especially Seb, whom you claim to care about. Seriously, though, I love Carlos and would not hesitate to die for him, but I’m getting the feeling that, unlike my other favourite (you know the one), he wouldn’t do the same for me. Oh well, he’ll figure it out. He’s just a kid. Give him time.

Wait, Milky White? Is that an Into the Woods reference I smell? Cool! If I had a cow, I’d totally name her Milky White (or Gertrude, but don’t ask me why). I just hope they don’t have to, like, take her to the market and exchange her for magic beans, if you catch my drift.

Ahhhhh, Caswell cousins content! We love to see it!

‘You guys are watching, like, old old movies’ WTH, Nini (or is it Nina)? Scary Movie is literally younger than me. But what do you know about it, you 21st-century baby! Ugh, I don’t know why I’m being so hostile today... must be the lack of sleep. Hope it doesn’t influence my reactions to the episode so dramatically as to make me forget how much I love this series. Because I do.

Yay! Big Red is here! I can finally smile. And did Ash just say they’re soulmates? Because yes they are! Ahhh my heart is going to explode.

‘Nini, have you heard from [Ricky]?’ Yikes, awkward... but of course, Big Red can be counted on to save the day here, too.

Ok, so that was a cool cold open. Time for some nice in-person scenes, though. I did not spend all of three semesters doing online school just to have the characters of my favourite series do the same.

Wow, Gina is really embracing that French accent thing! And I really don’t want to think about, erm, ‘Napoleon over here’ right now, but I really think the fact that she’s doing it better than him will be another piece of evidence towards my theory of fake-French!Antoine... ugh, I said his name. Oh well. Back to Gina. Too bad the French thing didn’t work out for her.

Ahhhh, Portwell with Ash in the background! And Ash is going to paint EJ’s nails! I feel like he’s going to end up loving that, despite what he says right now. But seriously, I just love how comfortable these two are with each other. Can you blame me now for shipping them as friends? Well, I mean, it’s obvious they will be more than friends, and somehow, despite the amatonormativity of it all, I’m here for it.

Wait, was that Asher? That was Asher, I’m 100% sure of it. And Gina said ‘a sign’ and then looked at him, even from the back... what am I supposed to think and feel here? I’m confused. Moving on.

Ahh, poor Ricky being a burrito... good thing that breakup scene last time reminded me that I love him, because the entirety of the season before that was very good at making me forget that.

Wait, did she say ‘the Bean’? As in, that Bean? The infamous Bean? LOL.

‘So the only time you two talk to each other is to gossip about me’ Boy, did I feel that. I once got my hands on my dad’s mobile and I... kind of went through his texts with mum. Yep, all about me and my brother. At this point I feel like they’re only together because of us. But this is getting too personal. I’m here about the episode, not to rant about my family. Moving on.

Yikes, looks like Nini’s got writer’s block all over again. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I kind of don’t. I mean, no hate towards her, none at all, but that entire scene just felt awkward and unnecessary. And not just because it’s her first time going live. That I can understand. What I don’t understand is why the writers can’t seem to do anything creative and interesting with Nini. Olivia is being wasted there. Idk, that’s just how I feel. Again, no hate.

Ahhhhh it’s Asher! And well, he’s not Jonah, but I kind of really like him as Jack. I wonder if that will last.

So is it just me, or is anyone else not quite sure how to feel about Ricky’s mum? I mean, their interactions seem kind of awkward and strained, but that’s how it’s supposed to be given their recent history, and yet something just doesn’t sit quite right with me.

‘You there, Muse? It’s me, Nini!’ Ah, so it’s Nini again? I didn’t get the memo. Gosh, this episode is kind of really underwhelming. The most exciting thing so far (but not nearly as exciting in practice as it was in theory) – Asher and Sofia’s on-screen reunion. The second most exciting thing? The thought of Ash painting EJ’s nails. Everything else? Kind of ‘whatever’. Is this what I tossed and turned about all night? Totally not worth it. This episode better get, like, 300% better right this instant. It’s just not worth all the frustration and excitement and dread so far.

Looks like my prayers from just now have been heard! That improv scene was hilarious! Guess it was lucky that Miss Jenn had them do improv before this moment. But I need to know more of Jack’s backstory now.

Ok, so that was awkward! So Kourtney is talking to Howie again, I guess. And I guess I know now what Carlos did that was all public and no subtle. Still, what’s wrong with posting photos from your holiday? Guess I don’t exactly know yet what Carlos did to piss the others off so much.

Great, now I’m tempted to google butterfly faces. Good thing I’m not eating anymore. *** Ughhhhh this was a mistake! Please don’t ever look a butterfly in the face if you want to stay sane. Don’t be like me.

Ahhh the Duke sweater! ‘Is that your boyfriend’s?’ Well, not quite yet, it’s not... *screams in Portwell*

Oh, now we’re talking! But seriously, Ricky? The ‘my friends think’ card? Why don’t you just say ‘I think’? It’s clearly something you’ve thought about a lot. I feel like I’m going to love this scene or cry over it or both.

Ooh, therapy. It’s not just... basically the entire fandom... who says it now. Please tell me that means Ricky will be going to therapy at some point. Says the girl who is currently firmly refusing to go to therapy in favour of hyperfixating on HSMTMTS and getting back into the good old practice of having imaginary friends... yeah, I’m one to talk.

My, my, my! Seb has really had it now. I mean, it was about time, but... not quite like this. My heart is starting to do some weird stuff, I can feel it. I might need to lie down.

Ok, so as much as I envy North High for getting to see so many shows on BWay – basically living out my dream – stalking East High on Instagram and being shady about them taking a well-deserved break... just goes beyond all limits. I mean, if you’re so into Broadway shows, you should know as well as I do what happened the last time a certain founding father did not take a break. Maybe you’re the ones in need of a break here.

Nini on the call with the Caswell cousins, though... ‘I’m obsessed with both of you’ – first relatable thing she’s said or done all season. And EJ playing with old toys is pure gold.

Oh, so Jack’s dad is a pilot. Makes sense, I guess. I’m kind of intrigued by this guy. Just as long as he doesn’t try to come between Portwell before they’ve had the chance to happen, you know...

Ashlyn might need to stop swooning over Nini’s songwriting or Big Red might get jealous... I mean, I would not have pinned him as the jealous type before 2x7, but ever since then... I guess insecure + dating a girl like Ash = the jealous type. And although that looks good on him, I’d bet anything it doesn’t feel particularly pleasant on his side. So... wait, why am I talking about Big Red? He hasn’t even got anything to do with the scene at hand. But then again, there’s been so little Big Red content in this episode that I seem to be trying to make up for it. Still. Stay focused.

Ooh, so Big Red did edit that video! Is there anything my boy can’t do? Ok, now I feel like he’s even more criminally underappreciated than he was before. But let’s look at the video. I’m curious to see the whole thing because that sneak peek from yesterday simply hasn’t been enough.

That was... really, really cool! I love how they took the ‘when they go low, we go high’ line from last time and run with it. Now if only they were putting as much effort into BATB... North High wouldn’t know what hit them.

Hmmmm... I guess Gina and Jack could be what I originally wanted Portwell to be... really cool friends. Unless it’s one of those ‘airport magic’ things. Oh well. It probably is. Was that all we’re seeing of Asher here? I did not wait 2/3 of the season for this. Though it was nice.

Ooh, Ricky’s solo song... why is there more Rini chemistry in this song than there was in all the season? Not counting the breakup scene, of course. Also, I feel like it’s just as much about him and his mum as it is about Nini. Some say music is the best therapy. I think they might be right. And no, I’m not crying. You are.

The granola bar, though... this episode might have been very underwhelming in the first half, but... it delivered in the Portwell front, and the music was *chef’s kiss*, so I’m willing to let it slide that the advertised Seblos ‘big fight’ was not touched upon nearly enough. Maybe next week...

Ok, now that we’re done watching the episode, let’s see how my feelings from the beginning have aged:

The Rini breakup: apparently, along with reminding me that I love Ricky, it has rendered me unable to look at Nini. What’s up with that? If this is some sort of tactic along the lines of ‘Olivia might be leaving the show so we’re making you hate her character so that you won’t miss her’, it’s not really working. Because I don’t want to hate Nini. Believe me, I don’t.

Redlyn: ok, so there’s nothing wrong with them whatsoever - we even got a ‘soulmates’, which I loved - but first they’re being swept under the rug, and then the antis come at us with that ‘their relationship is underdeveloped’ nonsense. Individually, though, I liked them in this episode (even if there was a significant shortage of Big Red), and Ashlyn collaborating with Nini again was cool, but... what I really wanted to see was her painting EJ’s nails. Did she even get the chance to actually do it? Maybe next week.

Seblos: I’m still failing to understand exactly what Seb thinks Carlos did wrong (please enlighten me if you did catch that, I’m kind of slow), but he (Seb) does have reasons to be mad at him (Carlos)... and at other people, too. Still, if you want to have a fight between two people in a relationship, you could do much better than whatever this episode was. Maybe next week. I notice I’m saying that a lot. Guess I’m putting a lot of hopes on 2x10. I just pray it doesn’t disappoint.

Portwell: boy, am I happy that my frustration on this front did not age well! What I mean is, apparently they’ve decided to bless us, not torture us for once. Even a rather disappointing episode like this one had to have some sort of silver lining. And Portwell is it.

Asher as Jack: well, luckily I didn’t hate him, but... it’s kind of the opposite problem. I loved him and now they’re taking him away from me. Guess I just can’t win here. Oh well. At least he didn’t have the screen time to get in between Portwell...

All in all: 2x10, my hopes and prayers are with you!

[rxmanticdevil]

One Shot #1 - Magicians for Sport, Trelawny’s side

Characters: Josiah Trelawny, Arthur Morgan, Charles Smith Spoilers: Through Ch. 3 Words: ~3142 Trigger warnings: Kidnapping, violence, choking Explanation for this abomination: The story mission “Magicians for Sport” from the perspective of what happened to Trelawny. Josiah is minding his own business, bounty hunters decide they want a chat. Things get better from there (just kidding, they don’t get better). This has most likely been written before but tbh I didn’t look because I wanted to write it and I’ve just done research for my degree and I don’t want to research anymore.))

Trelawny was hardly registering his actions as he placed the two small slices of bread on a plate, a small meal for the early morning. His mind was distracted, his thoughts with the gang he had grown so fond of. Those bounty hunters were quite determined to get a hold of Dutch. And Arthur. The whole gang was in danger, which wasn’t really out of the norm. But this time it felt different, those bounty hunters seemed determined in a way that put Josiah’s hair on end.

The sound of hooves on dirt caught his already heightened attention, and he glanced out his window to see familiar figures coming up the path to the small collection of caravans full of the unsavory people he had found to blend into.

Those were the bounty hunters he had spoken to by the state line. Without wasting any time he pulled the curtains closed, locking the doors as he could. His caravan only had two rectangular rooms, but two doors – two areas of vulnerability.

He held his breath, they were getting closer, there were voices: We’re looking for a guy.

Another voice. The fence who operated out of the next caravan over. He pressed his ear against his front door, straining to hear. But he couldn’t make out what was being said, there was no loyalty here and he knew what the bounty hunters wanted. He was familiar enough with people like them – he knew what they’d do to get it.

The seconds ticked by but felt like hours until he heard the sound of horses trotting away. He took a deep breath, nearly collapsing to his knees from relief.

“Thank God….” – and the fence too. It seemed he would be escaping this scenario unharmed.

He went back to his plate of food but was once more unable to focus on it, his hands trembling too violently to be useful whenever he attempted to spread the raspberry jam over the bread. His mind raced. The bounty hunters were here, in Rhodes. While Josiah didn’t know where Dutch and the others were holed up now, he did know they would be coming back this way. It was imperative that he tracked them down, any of the gang down, at least to deliver the message –stay low, for God’s sake your lives are at stake. Stay. Alert.

Advice he should have heeded himself, it seemed.

The back door was kicked open with an unparalleled violent force at the same time as the front door. The sudden actions causing Josiah’s heart to jump, near pounding out of his chest, and his body escaped to the farthest point from the most immediate intruder at his front doorway. Unfortunately, that was the edge of his bed and it was hardly any more distance at all.

“Good morning, sir,” the bounty hunter coming from the front stood in his doorway, his body filling up the door frame as he held a gun in his hand, “We just got a few questions for you, we won’t be long.”

It was one of the first times in a long time that Trelawny felt genuine fear. Trapped, his revolver by the door where the man stood– there was no way he could get it without being grabbed – or shot. He could only wait for what would happen next. A fact that the man before him seemed to savor, drinking in Trelawny’s paled face and white knuckles clinging to the edge of his bed.

The man’s face melted into a cruel grin as he neared, “You remember me, right? We spoke at the state line?” he waited a moment, taunting Josiah to respond. “You remember we were talking – about Dutch Van der Linde? My colleagues and I seem to think you left out some details.”

“You must have me confused with someone else. I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t, huh?” a fist went to the framed photograph on his wall, shattering the glass as it fell to the ground. The sharp action, the threat, caused Trelawny to jump. If these men didn’t kill him soon his heart would surely do him in.

“I told you, I just got here from Oregon-” It wasn’t acting this time, how his voice pitched up, squeaking out the story he had threaded during their earlier encounter.

A hand grabbed his neck and threw him onto the ground, into the glass. His attacker wasted no time looming over him, leaning down to grab him once more by the throat, pulling Josiah up close to his face.

“Try again.”

“I don’t know anything-”

The fist came at him once. And then twice. He was seeing stars, trying to regain any sense of equilibrium before he was picked up and thrown once more, like a ragdoll, from one side of his caravan to the other. His back hit his counter, knocking the shelves down.

“I said try again.”

Trelawny felt blood coming from his wounds, and an anger building inside him. Fear dissipating for a moment – how dare these men come into his home and cause such a mess. His hand balled into a fist, and he took the moment to throw a punch.

“And I said I don’t know anything, now leave.” He swung his fist, shocking the attacker just long enough to clip the man’s cheek. But before he could follow up, he felt two arms grab him tight from behind. The other bounty hunter. But Trelawny was determined: They had made it clear that he wasn’t getting out of this unscathed whether he cooperated or not.

He brought his elbow up and swung it back in a short, sharp motion- aiming to do as much damage as possible to the gut before he used his elbow and upper arm as the pendulum to swing his fist down into a more sensitive area. The bounty hunter yelped, releasing him.

A glint in the light caught his eye, his cane! A weapon he could get! He made a move for it, pulling it up and swinging down hard with the intent to end this quickly against the man who was doubled over in pain.

Then, there was nothing.

_______

“Then the idiot went after Davey and I grabbed one of the vases and smashed it over his head,” the bounty hunter lit his cigarette and brought it to his lips, “Dropped like a rock.”

“But he didn’t say anything?”

“Not a damn thing,” the man grumbled.

Well, that all certainly explained his splitting headache. He felt the dirt on his cheek, from his face having been in it for who knew how long. But the rest of his body didn’t seem to be responding. Not wanting to alert his new… friends that he was awake, but needing to check his situation, he slowly tried to move his limbs. All he found though was his wrists bound tight together as well as his ankles. Oh, if there was ever a time he wished for the gang to show up from one of their misadventures it would be now.

“Hey, George,” a third bounty hunter spoke to the first, “Look, your friend.”

And then all eyes were on him, and he knew he couldn’t play dead any longer. The bounty hunters eyeing him from their lean-to as he struggled in vain on the ground. ‘George’ gave him a grin, a sickening grin that told Trelawny nothing good was in his future. However futile struggling was, that look made Trelawny only try to free himself faster. It was no use of course, the man stepped over him, straddling him as he pulled his head up off the ground by the throat.

“Good morning, partner,” he said, cruelty in every line on the man’s face.

“I’d brush my teeth if I were you, good sir. You might scare children like that-”

A hand came sharp across his face, “Shut up, fool. You’re in no place to talk to anyone like that.” His throat was gripped even tighter, and Josiah’s body began to panic for air. He could barely register as the man above him spoke.

“Where. Are. They? Where. Is. Dutch?”

“I don’t know any Dutch fellows.” If he wasn’t going to tell them before he certainly wasn’t going to now after they had been so rude and rough.

That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, “Dammit! I know you know!” The hand squeezed his throat tighter, and he felt himself gasping – fighting for air.

“Don’t kill him, George, or we’ll never get our answer. He just needs some more persuasion. Or maybe to be kept with us a little longer. If they find out we have him, they might send someone to get him back.”

“Think he’s worth somethin’ as bait?”

The hand relaxed on his throat and he gasped for air. Trelawny was less than soothed by that idea no matter that it bought him a few more minutes (hours? Days?) of life. He despised the thought of being bait for the Van der Linde gang. Sure, they exchanged favors of bailing each other out of sticky situations, but surely this would cross a line.

“So I can’t kill him but I can….”

Trelawny realized in that moment that he had let himself get distracted by thought, George had returned to his side. His eyes read nothing less than sadistic desire.

Whack! “Ahhh!” His legs dulled with the ache of great pain.

Whack! Pain shot through his side.

Whack! His shoulder screamed.

Each hit pulled a gasp from his lips. He caught a glimpse of the weapon – his cane. It came down on him again, and again.

“Hey, George! What’d we say? You’re going to kill him!”

“Fine by me!”

And then he saw the shine from the metal head of the cane as the shaft was swung down on him. He was out again.

_____

This time when he gained consciousness, he was sitting up. His arms tied still, his legs remained bound, and his vision blurred.

“There he is, good morning sunshine,” it was that George fellow again. Trelawny realized he didn’t have much voice left at all. His body weak, pain aching through every bone and every joint.

It was a time he could genuinely say he wished they would just kill him instead of continuing this treatment.

“Look, friend,” Davey knelt next to him, “We can let you go. Just tell us where they are. We can even give you some of the money. You know how much those guys are worth. You’d never have to work a day in your life again.”

Give him some of the money? Trelawny knew Dutch’s bounty was high. That would be no small sum but- no, how could he even entertain the idea? He might not have many morals, but he certainly had friends.

“I don’t… I don’t know… who you- you’re talking about-”

“BULLSHIT,” George was back in the scene. He kicked over Trelawny’s chair and the man fell to the hard, filthy cabin floor with a hard thud. Before he could gather his bearings once more a sharp foot made contact with his gut. The foot pulled back to go at him again.

“Whoa, George! Relax. We’ll make him talk yet. C’mon, I got an idea,” and Davey gave George a glance. A knowing glance. One that Trelawny was not happy to see them exchanging. He felt himself being yanked up by his arms, each touch hitting a point of injury sending shockwaves through his body and eliciting a cry from his lips. “Let’s get you out of here, come on boy.”

“The thing is,” George spoke as they began to pull the man out of the small cabin and down the steps, “after that shack, this will be remembered like a good time.”

“Put the man down, gentleman.” And then there was the click of two guns.

Trelawny could barely focus long enough to feel the relief wash over him in a tidal wave. That voice. Oh, that dear voice. That sweet voice. George left his side, and then Davey dropped him to the ground. It was another hard fall, but he was so filled with that joyous relief that he barely registered the pain. He wasn’t even sure if the tears in his eyes were from pain or relief – most likely both.

Feet entered his field of vision, a knife too – but any fear was dissipated when he realized it was none other than Charles. Another of Dutch’s loyal knights.

“That the lot of them?”

“I… I think so.” His hands were freed in an instant. His wrists red from chafing as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

“So, you’re alive.” Arthur knelt by him with another knife, getting to work on the binds on his ankles.

“Allegedly.”

“Well, don’t worry. They won’t be for much longer.” Those words sparked that desire for revenge in Trelawny’s heart. Those bastards who broke into his home, kidnapped him, tortured him, and threatened his friends. He had no strength left but he had enough anger to help himself out of his own leg binding.

“Go get them, Arthur. I can handle this.”

Arthur met his eyes, and Trelawny took the second to drink in that familiar, gentle face. The man who was ruthless when necessary, but who had always been a kind – if a little sad – soul to Trelawny. Arthur seemed to be checking with Trelawny, to make sure he would sincerely be alright should he go off to stop the bounty hunters. In response, Trelawny waved his hand – urging Arthur onward. Not just for that desire of revenge either, should those bounty hunters escape they would escape with far too much information. They had to be dealt with accordingly.

In the next moment, Arthur had taken off to the fields. Gunshots rang out. Arthur and Charles will both be fine, he kept telling himself as he struggled to free his ankles. It would be easier if his hands weren’t having such trouble gripping things. Each movement made his body cry in pain, but at least… at least he was safe.

The rope around his ankles became slack after another moment of finicking. The gunshots were still echoing and Trelawny could only hope his friends were not on the receiving end.

Well, he couldn’t just wait here on the ground. In the dirt. His clothes were already filthy, his white shirt had blood stains on it, his beautiful vest simply torn to shreds. Lord only knew what his face looked like. His hair must be an utter mess. He would simply die of embarrassment should they return to him whining on the ground.

He tried to put a hand on the ground to push himself up to his feet, but his elbow buckled under his weight. Pain shot through the arm. His legs told him too we’re not standing. There was a chair on the patio of the small cabin, if he could just make it there he could take a seat like somewhat of a refined gentleman as opposed to a dirt dweller like he was now.

It took him longer than he’d like, and he had more crawled over the dirt than walked, but he found himself able to climb into the chair, letting himself finally take in a moment of peace despite the pain. Arthur is here. Charles is here. And because he had kept his mouth shut this time, he could look them in the face with dignity.

“Mr. Trelawny, where are you?”

He nearly felt the tears threaten again. That voice brought with it so much relief, he wasn’t sure he could ever explain to Arthur just how much it meant to him. Especially in that moment. And that was for no lack of intelligence on the other man’s part, Trelawny knew the man was quite prolific. Dutch and Hosea would have it no other way. “Over here, dear boy!”

“Put your feet up, why don’t you?” Arthur came into view on the hill, the words harsh and teasing but nothing that Trelawny would imagine taking offense to. And as Arthur approached, he could see his face soften and he could hear that kindness in his voice, “You okay?”

“Never finer.” Yes, this outlaw had probably just killed a small handful of other men. However, he had done it out of desire to protect his friends. And Trelawny was just glad that he was in that category. Trelawny tried to stand up, but pain brought him back into his chair.

“So, who was they?” The important question. Josiah couldn’t blame him for wanting to cut right to the chase. The man’s hand was gentle on his back, the other at his arm in quiet support.

“They were bounty hunters, ah, attached to Cole Stoudemire,” that was what they had told him at that camp long ago.

“Okay.”

“They weren’t looking for me, per se.”

“No…” Arthur quietly confirmed the unsaid part. They wanted you, Arthur. They wanted Dutch. “What you tell ‘em?”

Another important question. And one Josiah was glad he could answer with pride, “Not much. I… told them I was an intellectual come down here from Oregon…” He let Arthur steer him towards the horse, accepting his and Charles’ help to mount. He tried to grip the saddle, tried to pull himself up, but he knew he was fooling none of them: he had no energy, no strength left. “…looking for a job at the university. Course, they didn’t believe me. Seems you stirred up quite a hornet’s nest in Blackwater.”

“So I keep hearing.” Arthur backed slowly away from the horse, as though making sure that Trelawny could remain upright.

Josiah met his eyes once more, a little embarrassed by his own need to request yet even more from the gang. But it was how things had to be. “It might be best if I stay with you gentlemen for a while. Can’t go back to that caravan now.”

Not even a moment to think about it passed before Arthur nodded in agreement.

“Alright, Charles, you take Trelawny back to camp. I’ll catch up with you.”

“Okay.” And Charles moved his horse on, Trelawny following close behind. Their previous rides together had been full of Josiah’s stories, thoughts, and ideas. But this ride was different, it was quiet. Trelawny was lost in thought, energy spent with none to spare on a façade. And Charles’ silence was reassuring in its own right.

The bounty hunters had been dealt with. Josiah had been rescued. There would be time to worry about everything else, time to tell Dutch everything he had learned. Time to pay back the gang for saving his life. For now though, the hooves of the horses and the whistling of birds the only sound for miles, there was just time enough for peace.

[canonicallysoulmates]

Walker 1.12

I’m gonna be honest this wasn’t as good as previous episodes but my biases do play a part in my opinion. Personally, for me the second half was way better than the first half. 

Things pick up right where we left off with Walker and Stella arriving at the ranch, but trouble was close behind because Clint and Trevor arrive right behind them and Clint has backup, and someone gets shot but we don’t find it who until the end. (spoiler alert: it was Liam)

After we hear the shot the episode throws us back 13 months to the past, to the day of Emily’s death. As the episode unravels we go jumping through the past until we arrive back in present day. So, this is pretty much a giant flashback episode with flashbacks within the flashback. 

In the first half we see stuff like: a little bit of what Emily was doing the morning of her death, we see the family arrive from the funeral, Walker gets an intervention cause he is such a mess that he passed out waiting to pick up his kids to the degree that his kids moved him from the driver seat, drove home and Stella set him up by driving into a post and making him think he had fallen asleep behind the wheel to give him a wake up call- I question the logistics of some of this but it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a pick up so maybe the new ones do have enough room for two teens to maneuver a passed out over 6ft tall man. Anyways, he gets an intervention and that pushed his decision to take the undercover job, he and we are also seeing Emily’s ghost left and right, we see a little bit of Liam and what his life was like before and after Emily’s death, learn a little more about the parents like the fact that Bonham was diagnosed with cancer.  

For me the first half of this episode is a miss for two reasons.

Now, I originally indented to keep this post neutral but this is a post with my opinions and this is a part of my opinion of this episode so reason number 1..... a certain “actress”.  I don’t even have to type out her name cause you and I both know who I’m talking about, it’s the one on the screen that’s getting out acted by the two teenagers. I would say I’m willing to help her pay for acting classes but she apparently already took them, I am once again suggesting she asks for her money back. In case it wasn’t clear, I hate her “acting” and there’s a lot of her in the first half of this episode and for me that’s a no. 

The second reason why the first half was a miss for me is because it’s badly written. It’s kind of sloppy in the way that it flows, and it’s got some moments that are just stupid. Like, there’s a scene where Stella and some other teens are hanging out at the Side Step (not what I would have considered a hot spot for teens it’s not like this is a small town but okay) and this kid is about to beat the high score on an arcade game that was there but Stella has a freak out about it because that would mean he would beat Emily’s high score which- first of all the show has done nothing to make this game important if they had shown us some scenes of Emily playing the game with her kids then it would resonate more for Stella to have such a strong reaction, but also Geri owned the bar. Geri, whose like an aunt to these kids, who was Emily’s best friend, if Stella didn’t want someone to beat her mom’s score she could have asked Geri to please remove the game or put a sign on it saying it was broken so people wouldn’t play it, or they could have added a scene where she asked for that and Geri been like ‘sorry kiddo no can do’. There’s so much more that could have been shown, it just feels like a wasted first half.

The second half however was an improvement because it actually showed and revealed to us things that we hadn’t seen before or known about like how Micki almost met Walker while he was undercover as Duke because she had given Crystal, Trevor’s mom, a ticket and was suspicious of her so she tracked her down to the house she, Clint and Duke were at and how that whole Crystal situation played a big role in her decision to become a Ranger. We also learn, Trevor really did have nothing to do with his parents illegal activities he didn’t even know about them until Clint got arrested and that Crystal actually didn’t even want to do that last robbery, they did it because Clint wanted to do it and Walker encouraged him. I didn’t expect to feel bad for Crystal yet here we are. 

Not only is the time utilized better in the second half but the story flows more smoothly and is all around better written. And more interesting. So, while the first half for me was a miss, I enjoyed the second half; and I love the song that played near the end, Night by Daniel Spaleniak. This show is so-so when it comes to soundtrack but this song was a great pick and well utilized. 

And then the episode ends when we’re back in present day and discover it was Liam who was shot. 

Overall, honestly not the best episode this show has put forward; there were a lot of missed opportunities, the writing wasn’t that good, the second half helped it a lot so it’s still a good ep but it kind feels like it’s taking up space. 

[aboutlouishofmann]

White Lies Magazine Interview with Louis Hofmann

How long are you in England for? I'm currently staying for six weeks, but I've already been here for five and a half so I'm only here for a couple more days before heading back to Germany for rehearsals for my next film.

Really, or did they kick you out because of Brexit ? 

No they didn't (laughs) - and luckily there are no real changes until December so I can get in and out without a problem. I'm not exactly sure what will change for Germans anyway, if there are new regulations or if it will be the same in terms of travelling. It's gonna be really crappy for basically everyone leaving the UK - if you consider that someone who has a band for example and plays a tour around Europe will need to pay or be passport-controlled with their equipment every time they cross borders. It might not matter for a big band like Coldplay but small bands will have a lot of trouble with that.

Actually Coldplay has suspended their tours until they can find a way to make them sustainable.

I know and I think that is amazing! 

How are you with environmentalism, are you active? 

I wish I was more active to be honest, because I have a platform on Instagram which I could use a bit more - I'm just always quite scared when it comes to posting because I know that so many people then talk about it and judge me for what I have posted. l don't have an issue with taking a political side on an I think fairly easy topic to take sides on when it comes to the environment. But then again it's this general thing of posting something and l know 400.000 people will look at it or make up their mind about it - have an opinion and voice it. It's just something that scares me, so that is holding me back a bit but I'm trying a bit more. 

Understood. But isn't it the same with doing a movie or starring in a TV series, you put it out there and everyone is going to judge you ? Even more people than just your followers as a matter of fact.

Of course. But that's my job. That's what I love to do, that's what I've chosen to do. I have not chosen to be someone who is followed by 400.000 people on Instagram, that sort of just happened. 

It's a side effect. 

It is and I am grateful for it but it also scares me (laughs). 

That makes sense. But do you even realise how famous you are? I remember I walked into someone's house in Korea last year and they were watching "Dark" that very moment, all fans of yours. 

I don't think I get it. No, I don't quite get it. When I talk to casting directors about my value on the English language market they will eventually tell me that it's not as profound as they want it to be to play a main role in an English language feature film. You have to separate between being known from something and being so known for quality that you have international value - having sort of a critical acclaim and value in different countries. I don't think I'm there yet and would only consider myself famous, which is already weird to discuss and acknowledge out loud. For now, to be fair, I'm just the guy from "Dark". 

It did reach a bit of an iconic status though, also your character. Everyone is going to remember you for that yellow raincoat.

I hope they won't only remember me for only that (laughs). 

Do you wear a yellow raincoat in private ?

No, there is no opportunity for me anymore to wear a yellow raincoat. It's not possible. But let's get back once more to environmentalism. One thing is stating your opinion on social media but the other thing is when it comes to acting myself, to change my daily life to help the environment. I would say I'm quite conscious about it and avoid flying and consuming local produce. Focus on quality and try to not waste products. 

Who is inspiring you?

Leonardo Dicaprio for example. But I don't know if he necessarily acts himself that way, but he does something about speaking out about it - using his figure and position as an activist to talk about it. I quite like that.

He is doing one thing I could personally not do however. Speaking out for something and then doing the opposite in his private life. And that judgement is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of getting perceived as a hypocrite. But then again being perceived as that in terms of climate change doesn't really help because it needs to be spoken about and maybe you do not do as much as you talk about it. But at least you raise awareness and take even just a small part.

I absolutely agree. I think we need to re-think that whole concept of hypocrisy in this thing because if he reaches a couple of million people and they are changing something about it - even if he is doing the opposite - he is still doing a lot of good with it. Even though he is a hypocrite I think we need to redefine what it means - at the end of the day we will all be hypocrites because no one is really going to be able to live completely sustainably, we can't think in those absolute terms too much. Everyone needs to start with one thing - picking their battles. Focus on plastic for example, we may get better at disposing of it while still being bad in terms of traveling for example, but that is okay, we can only do one thing at a time. 

Don't you think it's crazy that in relation to something like the coronavirus pandemic, pressing and tangible as it affects us now - everybody is afraid, everyone acts, the government acts and everyone is doing their part. Then there is climate change which is more intangible because it's still far away and people don't really care about it - I think this is a problem. Why only act about something that only affects yourself? It's quite selfish and stands for a lot more than only this. 

That's it. We went really deep pretty quick didn't we? The most pressing question however is - how often do you cry watching movies ? 

I do like to cry when I watch films, because I think I'm quite empathetic so I can relate to the characters a lot. I don't often do it but I really do not mind - it means I'm involved in the story. I like crying in movies. Therefore I know it has touched me somehow.

I have a weird relationship to crying in movies, I like doing it but there is a certain place where I cry much more easily - on planes. It's quite strange actually but I get very emotional when I'm up in the air.

That's good, I guess? Have you seen the film "Click"? It's not the greatest film out there, it's with Adam Sandler. But there is a scene in the end where he (spoiler alert) dies. There is a remote with which he can forward his life and he fasts forward to the moment when he dies. It's very dramatic, tragic - almost pathetic and still I started crying because I imagined that happening to me and felt so sad (laughs). 

This is going to be the headline: Louis Hofmann, the guy who cries at Adam Sandler movies.

I can imagine you being the guy who would make a head- line like this. 

Have you ever died in a movie?

[START OF SPOILER]

Yes, I've died in "Alone in Berlin" and also in "Prélude", where my character hangs himself in the end. 

How was that for you?

I was not very attached to myself at that moment. I mean eventually it gets cut out. So the moment I actually die they cut off and it turns black. I still enacted the scenes but it was weird, it was more of a physical thing than an emotional one when I acted it. It's just sometimes with very physical scenes - the dynamic approach and action can be so mentally and intellectually exhausting that there is not much room left for emotional attachment. It didn't feel I was dying myself. It did hurt though, I had the rope around my neck.

[END OF SPOILER]

Good one. Do you believe in fairytales?

No I don't. But I do like "Bojack Horseman" though because it seems so dumb first but turns so philosophical. 

In general, what is happiness to you?

I don't know what it means to me but I know when l feel happy - that's when I'm grounded, when I'm self-assured and when I feel like I'm really being myself. When I reach that state I feel happiness. Sharing that happiness with someone is what's most important. Happiness is truly being yourself.

Very profound answer. How is your work- life balance, are you always working?

I think it's quite okay. The only thing I kind of need to improve is that - when I work I work 100% and I tend to think about the year in little phases. I work then I'm free, then I work then I'm free. And I always only take really care of myself in the times when I have spare time. When I work my health and my hobbies - I just do not look at that. It's all about the work. I want to get somewhere where I can balance those things better.

The thing I really wanted to touch base with you on was the future of movies. We are talking about technology, virtual reality, 3D. Would you like to do some work in 3D?

I would only like to do something in 3D if the new technology elevates the film to another level and makes sense story-wise. I'm not a fan of it only if it looks good. If it helps the story to evolve into something bigger then it's okay. I'm an admirer of that old cinema look, of that really organic taste of a film. I don't know if I would like to act in a VR film. What I don't like about new technologies is that the acting itself and the characters and craft are kind-of left behind. In the foreground it's only the technique, the focus is too much on the visual aspects rather than the screencraft.

I totally understand what you're saying - but if you think about it this way now - people probably said the same thing about colour films in times of black/white films because colours took away the attention from the acting. I think it's about what we are used to. If we say in a couple of years it's normal to consume everything in 3D and VR, do we still think about that?

I mean it surely is incredible what they have achieved and still continue to achieve with 3D and VR. Remarkable how they portray an illusion and tell a story in such a unique and involving way. I'm just always afraid that if you want to tell a character based story with that technique, the characters and the acting will be left behind due to the sheer amount of attention the technical stuff needs from the cast and the team. But of course it's fascinating and intriguing. And since we sort of got used to seeing films in 3D, maybe that's also gonna happen to VR.

How do you think we will consume movies and series in 20 years or how does acting actually change? Looking at "Death Stranding", a video game by Hideo Koji-ma that stars an impressive cast with Mads Mikkelsen, Lea Seydoux and Norman Reedus, to name but a few. They are in this game as actors through 3D scanning. Imagine this fast-forwarded 20 years.

I really hope that traditional acting doesn't die. I don't know - in 30 years I'll probably think differently but right now I think you can not replace something natural with something computer-generated. If the technology evolves, maybe it will be possible.

Anyway, how does it feel like to see yourself in a sex scene?

(laughs) I've always said I separate myself from the character when I watch my films. It's the character who gets naked and has sex, it's not me. It's just when you are around people who you know personally, it might get awkward, for example with my mom. You just have to evaluate if nudity and sex is necessary for the story and the character - if it is, it's not tough to watch.

It's a powerful meditation on how to detach yourself from something, isn't it?

For sure, it doesn't always work though.

[lucyreviewcy]

The Three Three Musketeers (or Where The F*ck Did All The Stupid Hats Go)

I read The Three Musketeers and then I watched the 1973, 1993 and 2011 adaptations. Which one wins tho?

Adaptation is a fascinating concept, especially of texts which are frequently adapted or parodied. After I rewatched the 2005 Pride and Prejudice I was reminded how weirdly divisive the two dominant adaptations of that book are. A lot of people consider the 2005 to be an inferior betrayal of the 1990s BBC version. I actually prefer the 2005 because I think Matthew McFadyen’s Mr Darcy is a wonderfully complex character. McFadyen imbues Darcy with social awkwardness and anxiety, which Lizzie misinterprets as his pride. To overcome the “Lizzie doesn’t fancy him ‘til she sees his house” debate, director Joe Wright includes a moment where Lizzie glimpses Darcy alone with his sister. He’s comfortable, his body language is completely different, and he’s smiling broadly. That moment really sold me on the entire film because it made Darcy a full character and was a really simple addition that rounded out the story. I still like the 90s version but for me, it’s the 2005 that takes first place.  (Although an honourable mention for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies because it is an excellent romp.)

Look: adaptation is always a complicated topic. You can’t untangle one adaptation from another, because it’s pretty rare that somebody adapting a classic text like Pride and Prejudice or The Three Musketeers is not already familiar with existing adaptations. The most recent adaptation of any classic text is not simply an adaptation of that text, but the next step in a flow chart that includes all the previous adaptations and the cultural context of the newly created product. These three adaptations of Dumas’ 1844 novel are all texturally and stylistically very different, and two of them diverge significantly from the original text. What I found truly fascinating was what all of them had in common, and what each new era (these were made at around 20 year intervals) decides to add or remove. What do all these movies agree are the essential parts of the story, and what are some adaptations more squeamish about including from Dumas’ original narrative?

Before we dive in, no I have not seen every single adaptation of the story, that would be a dissertation level of research and I do actually have things to do right now (although, I will admit...not many.) I’m looking at these three Hollywood adaptations because they all had star studded casts (for the era they were made in), they’re all English language, and (crucially) they were all easily available on the internet for me to stream.

What are the essential ingredients of a Three Musketeers adaptation?

Firstly, there should be at least three musketeers. Secondly, D’Artagnan (Michael York 1973, Chris O’Donnell 1993, Logan Lerman 2011) should be a young upstart who is introduced part way through a sword fight. He should also have silly hair. He is also consistently introduced to the musketeers in all three films by challenging them each individually to duels at noon, one o’clock and two o’clock. 

The films all maintained some elements of the original “Queen’s Diamonds” storyline, and featured the Queen, Milady and Constance. The characterisation of these three varied a lot.

Our villains in each case are invariably the Cardinal, his pal Rochefort (who always has an eyepatch, although this trope is not in the book and is actually attributable to the way Christopher Lee is styled in the 1973 film), and Milady de Winter. Satisfyingly, at least two of the villains usually wear red because they’re bad. Red is for bad. 

All three are very swashbuckling in tone, have elements of physical comedy, and two of them include one of the three valet characters Dumas wrote into the original story, Planchet (1973 Roy Kinnear, 2011 James “ugh why” Corden). They also all bear the generic markings of the movies made during the same era, our 70s D’Artagnan feels like a prototype Luke Skywalker. The 90s version features a random martial arts performer. The 2011 version has CGI and James Corden in equal measure (read: far too much of both.)

What are the big differences?

I’m going to divide this category into three main segments: character, story and style. My own three musketeers, the three musketeers of movie making.

Character

D’Artagnan

D’artagnan in the book comes across as a pretty comical figure. He’s nineteen and there’s something satisfying about how similar Dumas’ caricature of a nineteen year old is to a modern character of the same age. He’s overconfident, has a simplistic but concrete set of morals, and falls in love with every woman he sees. If D’Artagnan were a 2021 character, he’d really hate The Last Jedi, is what I’m saying. He’d definitely have a tumblr blog, probably a lot like this one, but perhaps a scooch more earnest. He really loved The Lighthouse but he can’t explain why. Isn’t it nice to know that awkward nineteen year olds have been pretty much the same for the last three hundred years at least? 

In all three films he’s kind of irritating, but at least in the 1973 this feels deliberate. This version has a certain “Carry On Musketeering” quality to it and D’Artagnan is your pantomime principal, he’s extremely naïve and he takes himself very seriously. This is the closest D’Artagnan to the book, and the 1973 is, in general, the film which adheres most faithfully to that source material. 

The 1993, which is (spoiler alert) my least favourite adaptation, has Chris O’Donnell as the least likeable D’Artagnan I’ve come across. I’ve only seen O’Donnell in one other thing, the Al Pacino movie Scent of a Woman. He’s bearable in that because he’s opposite Al Pacino, and so his wide-eyed innocence makes sense as a contrast to Pacino’s aged hoo-ah cynicism. Rather than being introduced in a practice sword fight with his father, as in the other two films, D’Artagnan is fighting the brother of an ex-lover. This captures the problem with the film in general: this adaptation wants D’Artagnan to be cool. He is not. The comedy of the 1973, and indeed the book, comes from D’Artagnan being deeply uncool, and from his blind idolisation of the deeply flawed Musketeers who actually are cool, but not necessarily heroic, or even good people. Their moral greyness contrasts with D’Artagnan’s defined sense of right and wrong, but he still considers them to be role models and heroes. 

2011′s version also suffers from “Cool D’Artagnan” syndrome, with the added annoyance of that most Marvel of tropes: the quip. One of the real issues with this film is that the dialogue has a lot of forced quippery that doesn’t quite land, and the editing slows the pace of the entire film. D’Artagnan’s first interaction with Constance is a bad attempt at wit which Constance points out isn’t very funny. The problem is that Constance has no personality so there’s no real indication that she’s in any position to judge his level of wit. She’s just vague, blonde and there: three characteristics which describe an entire pantheon of badly written female characters throughout the ages. Cool D’Artagnan also means that Constance should be additionally cool, because in the book, Constance is older than, smarter than and over-all more in charge than D’Artagnan. 

Female Characters

Let’s go into this with an open mind that understands all these films were made in the sociological context of their decade. The 1973 version would absolutely not be made in the same way now. Constance is a clumsy cartoon character who is forever falling over and accidentally sticking her breasts out. This is not the character from the books, but does at least leave an impression on the viewer one way or another. 

In contrast, the 1993 has a Constance so forgettable I literally cannot picture her. I think she holds D’Artagnan’s hand at the end. That’s all I can say on the subject. 

The 2011 has Gabriella Wilde in the role, and absolutely wastes her. Anyone who’s seen her in  Poldark knows that she can do sharp-tongued beautiful wit-princess with ease. It’s the writing of this film that lets her down, in general, that’s the problem with it. The storyline and design are great, but the actual dialogue lacks the pace and bite that a quip-ridden star vehicle needs. This Constance is given simultaneously more and less to do than the Constance of the original book, who demonstrates at every turn the superiority of her intellect over D’Artagnan, but doesn’t get to pretend to be a Musketeer and whip her hat off to show her flowing golden hair like she does in the 2011. 

The best character, for my money, in The Three Musketeers is Milady de Winter. Even Dumas got so obsessed with her that there are full chapters of the book written from pretty much her perspective. In the book, she’s described as a terrifying genius with powers of persuasion so potent that any jailor she speaks to must be instantly replaced. My favourite Milady is absolutely Faye Dunaway from 1973. She’s ferocious and beautiful and ruthless, but potentially looks even better because the portrayals in the other films are so very bad. 

The 1993 version has your typical blonde 90s baddie woman (Rebecca De Mornay), she wouldn’t look out of place as a scary girlfriend in an episode of Friends or Frasier. 2011 boasts Milla Jovovich who presents us a much more physical version of the character, even doing an awkwardly shoe-horned anachronistic hall of lasers a la Entrapment except instead of lasers its really thin pieces of glass? The “yeah but it looks cool” attitude to anachronism in this film is what makes it fun, and Jovovich’s Milady isn’t awful, she’s just let down by a plot point that she shares with 1993 Milady. Both these adaptations get really hooked on the fact that Athos used to be married to Milady at one time (conveniently leaving out the less justifiable character point that Athos TRIED TO HANG HER when he found out she had been branded as a thief - doesn’t wash so well with the modern audiences, I think.) Rather than hating/fearing Milady, the two modern adaptations suggest that Athos is still in love with her and pines for her. This detracts from Athos’ character just as much as it detracts from Milady’s. Interestingly, and I don’t know where this came from (if it was in the book I definitely missed it), both films feature a confrontation between the two where Athos points a gun at Milady but she pre-empts him by throwing herself off a cliff (or in the 2011, an air-ship.) I think both these versions were concerned that Milady was an anti-feminist character because she’s so wantonly evil, but I disagree. Equality means it is absolutely possible for Milady to be thoroughly evil and hated by the musketeers just as much as they hate Rochefort and the Cardinal. If you want to sort out the gender issues with this story, round Constance out and give her proper dialogue, don’t make Milady go weak at the knees because of whiny Athos (both Athos characters are exceedingly whiny, 1973 Athos is just...mashed).

The Musketeers

These guys are pretty important to get right in a film called The Three Musketeers. They have to be flawed, funny but kind of cool. Richard Chamberlain is an absolute dish in the 1973 version, capturing all those qualities in one. Is it clear which version is my favourite yet?

Athos is played variously by a totally hammered Oliver Reed (1973), a ginger-bearded Kiefer Sutherland (1993) and a badly bewigged Matthew McFadyen (2011). They all have in common the role of being the most level-headed character, but the focus on the relationship between Athos and Milady in the 93 and 11 editions undermines this a lot. Athos should be cool and aloof, instead of mooning over Milady the entire time. The 2011 gives Athos some painfully “edgy” lines like “I believe in this (points at wine) this (flicks coin) and this (stabs coin with knife.)...” which McFadyen ( once oh so perfect as Mr Darcy) doesn’t quite pull off. 

Porthos seems to be the musketeer who is the most different between interpretations. A foppish dandy in the 1973, a pirate (!?!) in the 1993, and then just...large in 2011. I think the mistake made in the 2011 is that large alone does not a personality make. There are hints at Porthos’ characterisation from the book: his dependence on rich women for money and his love of fine clothing, but these are only included as part of his introduction and never crop up again through the rest of the film. Pirate Porthos in 1993 is... you know what, fine, you guys were clearly throwing everything at the wall and seeing what stuck. 

Aramis is our dishy Richard Chamberlain in 1973, followed by womanising Charlie Sheen in 1993 and then strikingly suave Luke Evans in 2011. I actually didn’t mind Luke Evans’ interpretation, his dialogue is forgettable but his sleek charm stuck in my head. For some reason, this version has Aramis working as a parking attendant for horses, it worked for me as a fun A Knight’s Tale-esque bit of anachronistic character development. Charlie Sheen has never managed to appear likable or attractive to me and so his role in the 1993 falls flat. In fact, in that edition there’s not much distinction between the musketeers as characters and they’re all just very 90s and American. As anyone who’s read this blog before will expect, I think Keanu Reeves as Aramis would have really upped this film’s game. In fact, Keanu Reeves as Aramis, Brad Pitt as Athos and Will Smith as Porthos could have been the ultimate 90s adaptation, throw in DiCaprio as D’Artagnan and Roger Allam as the Cardinal and I’m fully sold. 

The King and Queen

All three films try and do the “Queen’s Diamonds” storyline, but only the 1973 actually includes the Queen’s affair with Buckingham. The queen, played by Geraldine Chaplin, is a tragic romantic figure (she doesn’t have a tonne to do besides being wistful and sighing over Lord Buckingham). The king is played as a frivolous idiot by Jean-Pierre Cassel (voice dubbed by Richard Briers). He doesn’t really think of the queen as a person, more as a possession that he doesn’t want Buckingham to have. 

In the 1993 version, Buckingham doesn’t really feature, and it’s the queen’s refusal to get off with the Cardinal that prompts his fury at her. The book does touch on the Cardinal’s desire for the queen, but it’s placed front and centre in 1993. This is definitely the boobsiest version, with quite a lot of corsetry on show and a cardinal who hits on literally all the women. The king is shown as a stroppy teenage boy under the thumb of the cardinal, who just wants to ask the queen to the dance but doesn’t have the nerve. The king is, essentially, a Fall Out Boy lyric. 

The 2011 also seems to be really squeamish about the idea of the queen having an extramarital affair. It paints Buckingham (played with excellent wig and aplomb by Orlando Bloom) as a stylish villain, who’s advances the queen has rejected. Like the 1993 version, the King is a feckless youth rendered speechless by the presence of his wife. Both these versions want the King and Queen to be happy together, while the 1973 doesn’t give a fuck. 

The Cardinal and his Cronies

The cardinal is kind of universally an evil creepy guy. One of the characters from the 1973 version who actually left the least impression on me, played by Charlton Heston. I think he’s overshadowed in my recollection by cartoonishly evil Christopher Lee as Rochefort. Lee’s Rochefort is dark, mysterious and wonderfully bad, and so influential that all other incarnations’ design is based on him. The 1993 version had truly over the top Michael Wincott as a character I could honestly refer to as Darth Rochefort from the way he’s framed, while 2011 boasts a chronically underused Mads Mikkelsen in the role. 

Cardinal-wise, 1993 was my favourite with Tim Curry in all his ecclesiastical splendour. It was disappointing that everything about this film, including the Cardinal’s sexual harassment of every single female character, really didn’t work for me. Tim Curry is a natural choice for this role and gives it his campy all. 

2011 has not one but two trendy bond villain actors, with Mikkelsen working alongside Christoph Waltz who was...just kind of fine. I was really excited when he appeared but he didn’t really push the character far enough and left me cold. 

Story

The story is where the different adaptations diverge most completely. 1973 follows the plot of the novel, D’Artagnan comes to Paris, befriends the Musketeers and becomes embroiled in a plot by the Cardinal to expose the Queen’s affair with Buckingham through the theft of two diamond studs. D’Artagnan, aided partially by the musketeers, must travel to London to retrieve the set of twelve studs gifted by the King to the Queen, and by the Queen to Buckingham. He does so, the plot is foiled, he’s made into a musketeer! Hurrah, tankards all round.

The 1993 version drops D’Artagnan into the story just as the Cardinal has disbanded the Musketeers. I found the plot of this one really hard to follow and I think at some point D’Artagnan ended up in the Bastille? There was this whole plot point about how Rochefort had killed D’Artagnan’s father. In the original, and in the 1973 version, D’Artagnan’s entire beef with Rochefort is rooted in a joke Rochefort makes about D’Artagnan’s horse. I guess for the producers of this one, a horse insult is not enough motivation for a lifelong grudge. That is really the problem with the entire film, it forgets that the story as told by Dumas is set in a world where men duel over such petty things as “criticising one’s horse”, “blocking one’s journey down a staircase” and “accusing one of having dropped a lady’s handkerchief.” The colour palette and styling are very 90s “fun fun fun”, but the portrayal of the cardinal and the endless angst about D’Artagnan’s father really dampen the mood. 

The 2011 version, this is where the shit really hits the fan. We meet our musketeers as they collaborate with Milady to steal the blueprints for a flying ship (it’s like a piratecore zeppelin). Milady betrays them and gives the plans to Buckingham, they all become jaded and unemployed. D’Artagnan arrives on the scene (his American accent explained by the fact that he’s from a different part of France) and befriends the Musketeers. The cardinal tries to frame the queen for infidelity by having Milady steal her diamonds to hide them in Buckingham’s safe at the tower of London. Something something Constance, something something help me D’Artagnan you’re my only hope. MASSIVE AIRSHIP BATTLE. The king and queen have a dance. James Corden cracks wise. 

It seems like as time has passed, producers, writers and directors have felt compelled to embellish the story. I think, specifically in the case of the two later versions, this is because they wanted the films to resemble the big successes of the period. Everybody knows no Disney hero can be in possession of both parents, so D’Artagnan is out to avenge his father like Simba or Luke Skywalker. In the 2011 version, the plot is overblown and overcomplicated in what seems like an attempt to replicate the success of both the Sherlock Holmes and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises. Remember the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End? No, me neither. 

Style

The style of these films grows increasingly wild along with the plots as time passes. The 1973 features a lot of slapstick comedy, some of which really made me cackle, and some of which was cringeworthily sexist (Constance’s boobs through the window of a litter.) That’s the 70s though! I love The Godfather but Diane Keaton’s character is unbelivably dull and annoying. Star Wars features a pretty good female character but she does end up in that bikini. The 70s seems to be a time of movies that were great except for their occasional headlong dive into misogyny. That doesn’t mean the entire movie is bad, it just means it’s suffering from the consequences of being made in the 70s. There were other consequences of this, I doubt many modern productions could get away with physically injuring so many of it’s cast members. From a glance down the IMDB trivia page, this film yielded a higher casualties to cast ratio than the My Chemical Romance Famous Last Words music video, and that’s a hard figure to top. 

The 1993 version is a Disney feature and suffers from having a thin sheen (not Charlie in this instance) of “Disney Original Movie” pasted over every scene. It looks like The Parent Trap might be filming in the adjacent studio a lot of the time. The vibrancy of the colours makes the costumes look unrealistic, while the blandness of the female characters means this movie ends up a bit of a bland bro-fest. Also occasionally the sexual and violent moments really jar with the overall tone making it an uneven watch. One minute it’s Charlie Sheen cracking jokes about trying to get off with someone’s wife, the next minute you see Milady throw herself off a cliff and land on the rocks. Weird choices all round. 

The 2011 version, as I’ve already mentioned, was trying to borrow its style from the success of Sherlock Holmes and Pirates of the Caribbean, with a little Ocean’s 11 thrown in. The soundtrack flips between not quite a Hans Zimmer score and not quite that other Hans Zimmer score, and after the success of Stardust it ends with a Take That song (for it to match up to the story it should have been Take That feat. Harry styles imho). Visually, there’s some fantastic travel by mapping going on, there’s far too much CGI (one of my friends pointed out that the canal in Venice seemed to be full of Flubber). Everyone is dressed in black leather, and there are not enough big hats at all. One of the best things about Musketeers films is that they’re an excuse for ridiculous hats, and in a film with a quite frankly insane visual style, I’m surprised the hats didn’t make it through. The cast, unfortunately, really lack chemistry which means the humorous dialogue is either stilted or James Corden, and the editing is just very strange. It’s one of those films that feels about as disjointed as an early morning dream, the one where you dream you’ve woken up, gotten dressed and fed the cat, but you actually are still in bed. 

Conclusion

Adaptations focus on different things depending on the context they were created in. The 2005 Pride and Prejudice is deliberately “grittier” than its 1990s predecessor, at a stage when “grit” was everywhere (The Bourne Identity, Spooks, Constantine). The Musketeers adaptations demonstrate exactly the same thing: what people wanted in the 70s was bawdy comedy and slapstick with a likeable idiot hero, the 90s clearly called for... Charlie Sheen and bright colours, and the 2010s just want too much of everything and a soundtrack with lots of banging and crashing. The more modern adaptations simplified the female characters (although the 1973 version definitely is guilty of oversimplifying Constance) while over-complicating the plot. There’s a lot of embellishment going on in the 2011 version that suggests the film wasn’t very sure of itself, it pulls its plot punches while simultaneously blindly flailing its stylistic fists. 

The film that works the best for me will always be the 1973 because it’s pretty straight down the line. Musketeers are good, Milady is evil, falling over is funny and the King’s an idiot. The later adaptations seem to be trying to fix problems with the story that the 1973 version just lets fly. The overcorrection of Milady and the under characterisation of Constance is the perfect example of this. If you want your Musketeers adaptation to be more feminist, don’t weaken Milady, strengthen Constance. Sometimes a competent female character is all that we need. A Constance who is like Florence Cassel from Death in Paradise or  Ahn Young-yi from Misaeng could really pack a punch.

I adored the energy of the 2011 adaptation, I loved how madcap it was, I loved how it threw historical accuracy to the wind. I thought the king was adorable, and I really enjoyed seeing Orlando Bloom hamming it up as Buckingham. I was genuinely sad that the sequel the ending sets up for never came, because once they got out of the sticky dialogue and into the explosions, the film was great fun. It was a beautiful disaster that never quite came together, but I really enjoyed watching it. I love films that have a sense of wild chaos, some more successful examples are The Devil’s Advocate, Blow Dry and Lego Batman. I think the spirit of going all out on everything can sometimes result in the best cinematic experience, it’s just a shame the script wasn’t really up to muster for 2011 Musketeers. 

I’m excited to see what the next big budget Musketeers adaptation brings, even if I’m going to have to wait another ten years to see it. I hope it’s directed by Chad Stahelski, that’d really float my boat (through the sky, like a zeppelin.)

[coquelicot-blues]

don’t go at sea without your life buoy

Spoiler alert for recent chapters (320 to 323)

Rating: Gen (but can be read however you want)

Characters: Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto

Summary: How I imagine Midoriya & Todoroki's reunion would go. Spoilers alert: there are waterworks.

WC: 1.5k

A/N: I keep thinking that I'd really like the manga to address the rift in Midoriya & Todoroki's relationship after everything that happened... so that's what I cooked up. Plz note tho that this is written in Midoriya's POV, and he does have a tendency to blame himself a lot.

Also, I just wanted to jot down my ideas, so it’s written in a play script format. Enjoy :)

___________________________________________________________  

Izuku has started wandering around the UA grounds, ducking through doorways or hiding behind bushes whenever he crosses paths with civilians to avoid conflict (bc his presence is still a sore subject). The grounds have changed a lot, become a true fortress and labyrinth to walk through, but he doesn’t mind wandering too much, because he is on a mission, and he will succeed no matter what. After four days of having stayed at UA now, he's started feeling more like a human being, and no longer like smelly, hungry, and weary beast. Being reunited with his friends and Mom has also really helped. Kacchan even talked to him without screaming once!

That said, there is still one person Izuku hasn’t found yet, hasn’t spoken to since his return.

And it’s an important person too.

So Izuku wanders around, looking for his friend.

He finds him on the rooftop.

IZUKU: Todoroki-kun!

SHOUTO: (looks up, but his expression remains schooled in an impassive mask, unlike the usual soft smile he'd normally greet Izuku with)

IZUKU: (arrives beside him) Hi. Can I sit here?

SHOUTO: (without inflexion) Of course.

IZUKU: (sits, slightly uncomfortable with this unusual atmosphere) I've been looking for you! You're the only one I didn't get to greet up to now.

SHOUTO: (hums. There is silence then, but it doesn’t last long, bc he suddenly says, as deadpan as ever) You bathed.

IZUKU: (scoffs) Yeah, even Sensei insisted on it.

SHOUTO: (nods absentimindedly) Good.

And this may seem like an improvement from Todoroki’s earlier conversational skills, back when he was still the not-here-to-make-friends Earlyroki, but Izuku knows it really isn’t, knows that this Todoroki right here is not really comfortable either in this situation because he’s just... he looks like a stone statue, not even looking at Izuku or smiling warmly at him. He’s just there. Not doing much. As if he were sitting with a stranger.

IZUKU: (steels himself) Ok, I know this may seem like a stupid question but... How are you?

SHOUTO: (without missing a beat) I could ask you the same.

And really, Izuku knows what this is, knows that Todoroki is now deliberately distancing himself, avoiding the question —which Izuku can relate to, since he himself also hates this question... He decides, tho, that if he wants to hear from Todoroki on this point, he has to show his own sincerity, his own willingness to reconnect.

IZUKU: I'm fi— (stops himself: old habits die hard, huh) I mean, it's been... hard, but seeing everyone really helps. (pointedly, he looks at Todoroki, both so that he can understand that he's purposefully included in the 'everyone', but also to prompt him to talk, which doesn't work... so instead, he continues) What about you?

SHOUTO: (still stonily) Likewise.

And it's just... it's awful, this conversation. No, it's actually excruciating, to have lost so much ground with Todoroki, to now only be allowed the normal platitudes he would reserve to a pesky stranger trying to pry.

It hurts.

But Izuku has never been a quitter, has he.

IZUKU: Todoroki-kun, I get that you're... angry with me. I just... I would really like to hear about you. I'm just worried is all.

SHOUTO: (suddenly, he shows the first sign of emotion by sighing deeply, something so weary that he seems to gain thirty years, suddenly) I'll be honest, Midoriya. (finally he looks at Izuku) I'm really glad you're here, because then we can know when you are safe, and when you are not, and we can support you the way you need to be, which is frankly all I could ever want right now... (stops himself, breathes, then peers into Izuku’s eyes) But I can't... Talking is not something I can do.

And Izuku thinks then that Todoroki really, really is the kindest person he's ever met. Because Izuku has always been able to read between the lines with ease —he's honed his observational skills enough throughout the years for it to become like second nature— and he understands that what Todoroki really meant —what he didn't say to spare Izuku's feelings— is 'Talking with you'...

So he blinks, nods furiously, and buries his grief with this cold, bitter acceptance of knowing one has tarnished a friendship that was once so pure and good and easy, to make it... different.

Painful.

Corroded.

IZUKU: I— I understand. Of course I understand.

Izuku looks down, stifles his tears, and waits for the inevitable. He knows Todoroki: he's not one to remain in an uncomfortable situation when he doesn’t have to, and Izuku won’t stop him, so he will leave, and Izuku will be alone...

Except that he doesn't: doesn't leave, nor let Izuku out alone on the rooftop.

They just sit in silence, Izuku wrestling with his tears while Todoroki just looks at the view.

And Izuku's heart, even as it breaks, mends just a tiny bit, because Todoroki is a good friend, and even if Izuku's hurt him, he won't leave Izuku alone when he himself is hurting...

And that's just... too much.

IZUKU: Just so you know, though, I really never wanted any of this to happen.

SHOUTO: (looks at him, eyes sad) Yes, I know.

IZUKU: (but this doesn’t feel like enough, so Izuku continues) No, you don't, though. I never meant to hurt you, Todoroki-kun.

SHOUTO: (unwavering) It hurt you too. This is a very heavy burden that you bear.

IZUKU: I mean yeah, it is, and sometimes I feel like I'll just crumble under the whole weight of it, but that doesn't change the fact that even as I tried to do what's best for everyone because of One For All and All For One, I ended up hurting you.

And Izuku selfishly —oh so selfishly— wishes Todoroki would just shake his head then and tell him that he's wrong, that Izuku didn't hurt him.

But contrary to Izuku, Todoroki has never been one to dish out white lies to make sure not to hurt people's feelings, has never been one to tell others that he's fine when he doesn't feel fine...

So when Todoroki only stares at him, Izuku can honestly say that it hurts, and it hurts so bad.

Because he hurt his friend.

Izuku hurt his best friend.

SHOUTO: (after a long pause) You didn't mean to.

IZUKU: (just can’t stop the tears from flowing, and flow they do) But I did. And that's the point, Todoroki-kun! (hiccups, then gulps, and continues) I just... There's so many people in your life that have hurt you, and I never —never— wanted to be one of them, but I am now, and I hate that I am! And I know there's nothing I can do to make it better, to make it not hurt, and I just hate myself for it! I don’t... I don't want you to hurt anymore. (buries his face in his hands helplessly) I'm so sorry, Todoroki-kun.

And Shouto doesn't say anything then... He just clears his throat, but stays otherwise silent. It's only when furiously wiping at his eyes that Izuku catches a glimpse of him and... oh, he's crying too.

In a much more subdued way, without making a fraction of the noises and sniffles Izuku is making, but the tears are there, and they're falling steadily, like a faucet's been opened and forgotten there.

And somehow, even as he feels that he's drowning in this sea of guilt and self-hatred and regret, Izuku feels just a little better knowing that Todoroki still lets himself cry in front of Izuku.

It somehow brings him comfort.

So they cry side by side, until the faucet runs out of water and they're both nursing stinging eyes and wet cheeks and dripping chins through the silence between them.

Until that silence breaks after a few moments.

SHOUTO: Do you... I've started sparring with Bakugou, to keep working on our Quirks and techniques. (long inhale, exhale, then he's looking at Izuku once more) Do you want to spar with me?

Suddenly, it feels like Izuku's just been thrown a life buoy, been given a second chance into the kindest person's heart, as if a once closed door is now suddenly ajar, and wow, this is his chance, and he will not let it go to waste.

IZUKU: Of course Todoroki-kun! Of course, I'll spar with you!!

SHOUTO: (nods) Ok.

But he doesn't move, and Izuku waits for him to do so until he suddenly understands what this is, understands that Todoroki meant it as a promise instead of some one-time event. As a promise meant to reconnect with his friend, but also as a way to keep him close for the foreseeable future.

To make sure that Izuku won't just leave again.

And maybe it’s futile, maybe Izuku will be forced to have to leave again soon in order to protect everyone, but his heart tells him that he has every intention to keep this promise.

To be a good friend to a good friend of his.

He'll just have to make sure that Todoroki knows it too.

[miss-choco-chips]

Young Just us college au

Rent a room, Dick said. It’ll be a nice experience. Don’t just buy a flat, that’s boring and lonely.

Tim had tried to tell his brother that maybe he prefered lonely to crazy, but Dick had insisted. And everyone knew just how difficult dealing with that could be, so he knew better than to resist.

At least, he had tried to comfort himself, he knew the people he’d be rooming with. They were all his friends, an odd assortment of assholes he’d picked up on school, summer camps, vacation trips, scientific events, even comic cons, and just… fell platonically in love with them.

Maybe, as Dick said, it would be fine.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

No, it wasn’t fine.

-Jay -he whispered into the phone, hoping he wouldn't be heard by the others on the other side of the door- Jay, they are crazy. I need extraction asap. We could fake my death and I can go to University somewhere else.

The older man laughed in the other end of the receiver, the sound of pages rustling indicating Tim had caught him during his daily grading paper sesion. That was the sound of crying students dying over carefully demolished arguments.

-They are all your friends, Timbo. If you fake your death, you’ll need to start over again and meet new people.

Tim hissed.

-Exactly, babybird. Also, this is day one of sharing a house, how bad can it possibly be?

-Jay, they left the kitchen lights on. It’s daytime! Why the hell do they need the lights on? Aren’t they aware of how big the bill is gonna be if they are like this?

-...Timmy, you… you are a billionaire. I think that should be the last of your concerns.

-That’s not the only thing. It’s so noisy, Jay. I choose the attic room hoping it’ll be nice and quiet. It’s not. I can hear everything. What do I do if some of them pair up? I’ll be stuck here listening to them having sex forever!

-...I don’t know where to begin.

-You can start by contacting B for me. He was right when he said it wasn’t a good idea for me to live with other people. But I can’t call him to help me out of this, because I think Dick blocked my number in his phone, and my emails don’t seem to be reaching him.

-He said it because you are the purest of his children, and he knew college was corruptive enough without adding dorm sharing to it; that was his version of helicopter parenting. But Timbo, it’s moving day. You’ve been there for less than five hours. And you already emailed B?

-The first thing Slobo did when he came in was to fart. In the middle of the living room. I can’t live with them, they are animals!

-They are your best friends, you’ve known them forever.

-But I never had to deal with them in a closed space for an unlimited amount of time!!! I’m trapped here.

-...

-...!

-...Are you hiding in a closet?

-...no. That would be stupid, in a three story house where I have my own/

-You are, ain’tcha?

-I am. Please help me?

Long sigh- I’ll meet you for coffee on the place near the Economics building so you have an excuse to be out for the evening while the others finish their moving. You’re done with your part, right?

-Yes! Thank you!

-You owe me.

-Next time Dick wants bonding time, I’ll sacrifice myself volunteering so you can run.

-And this is why you’re my favorite. Be there in ten.

-.-.-.-.-.-

-Tim? Tim! Here you are!

Blinking was a thing Tim suddenly remembered he needed to do, and he did it a few times as his eyes were dragged away from his book by a pair of hands on his cheeks.

-Kon? What are you doing in the library?

The other boy was panting slightly, flushed from what Tim guessed was a desperate run there.

-I was looking for you! You never came back after classes were done for the day, and you didn’t pick up your phone. We were very worried, dude. 

-I was just studying, chill.

-It’s almost midnight.

No, it couldn’t be.

-No, it isn’t.  I haven’t been here that long.

Serious and slightly worried, Conner thrusted his own phone in Tim’s face and… uh. Look at that. It was nearly midnight.

-Oh. Got distracted with research, sorry.

-It’s been barely two weeks, how much can you possibly need to study?

Unprompted, Kon started to help him pack his books and papers. He seemed utterly amazed by the almost illegible graphs and charts.

-No, this isn’t homework. I’m working on a thing for WE…

The rest of the way home was spent with Tim talking Conner’s ear off about shit he had absolutely no idea about, but didn’t complain, just holding Tim’s backpack with one hand while steering his sleep deprived friend back home with the other.

-.-.-.-.-.

-Bart? -Tim yawned, getting into the kitchen and raising a confused eyebrow at his friend- It’s… three am. What are you doing awake?

-Stress baking -the smaller boy replied, never stopping stirring the bowl- You?

-Papers and presentations.

-Classes or WE?

-Bit of both. What are you making?

-Cupcakes. Want some?

-They’ll go great with coffee, thanks.

They spent the next half hour waiting for the oven to do its magic talking about video games, classes and evil teachers.

-Your brother is the worst. TA. Ever. He always grades my papers and he’s a bitch about them.

-He relishes in the pain. It’s what keeps him young. I swear he never grew  past fifteen.

-It’s scary, and honestly so annoying. Like, I get pointing out mistakes, but he doesn’t need to be a passive aggressive ass about it.

-I’ll let him know what you think.

-Please don’t. I’m afraid of him, and the power he holds in his hands. The power to make me fail Creative Writing.

-Why are you even taking that class? Actually, what even is your major?

A shrug, and before Bart could open his mouth to reply, the timer let them know the cupcakes where done.

-You can have one before bedtime, dude. The circles under your eyes look like make up at this point. 

-You are one to talk, mister Stress Baking at Three in the Morning.

-But unlike you, I don’t have to be up at the ass of dawn. C’mon, have one of these and back up you go.

-Bite me.

-I’d rather bite this peanut butter miracle, but if you insist…

-No! Bart, get away from me!

-Then go to bed!

-Go to hell!

-I AM in hell! I have Jason Fucking Todd as my TA!

-IF YOU DON’T GO BACK TO BED RIGHT NOW, I’LL KICK YOU BOTH ALL THE WAY THERE! -Cassie’s voice echoed in the walls, and they both blanched at the reminder that her room was, in fact, in ground floor.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A part of college Tim had never considered, let alone readied himself for, was the… party bit. 

-What do you mean, of course you’re coming -laughed Anita, clutches firm on Tim’s sleeve as she dragged him into hers and Cassie’s room.

-No, I have to study for…

-You don’t have any midterm or final this week. I know, because I checked. No papers due either. This is literally the perfect time for you to party. 

-I can’t, I…

-Suck at socializing? Yeah, cher, I’m aware. That’s why awesome me is taking you as my plus one for this party. No need to thank me, glad to be your social buffer whenever you need me.

Tim started to resist in earnest when they got into the room and he caught a glimpse of the clothing Anita had apparently chosen for him.

-There’s no way I’m fitting into those pants! Let me go!

-I’ve seen you squeezing your butt into the vent that one time when Kon threw the key to the coffee maker cabinet inside it. If you could get in there, these pants are a piece of cake.

-No!

-Don’t make me hurt you, Drake.

-Anita…!

-Ugh! -she stopped, dropping Tim on her bed and crossing her arms. She averted her eyes- My ex is gonna be at the party. I might have been exaggerating a bit when I said I was over him, but I already promised my friends I was gonna be there. I… could really use your help here. I know it’s not your scene, but Kon and Bart have midterms, Slobo would straight up punch my ex with his astounding lack of subtlety, Miguel is away dealing with family stuff, and the girls are awesome but not really what I need right now.

A pause.

-Okay, but I’m absolutely not putting on that crop top. And we better not end up wasted, I have a reputation to uphold.

Spoiler alert: he did put on the crop top. And they had to call Conner to walk them home after the third time Tim walked into a lamp post and Anita fell into the campus’ pond.

-.-.-.-.-

They were walking back home late on a Friday when they were approached by a group of stupid, drunk dudebros. Tim was already dreading the moments to come before they even spoke, just by the way they kept eyeing Cassie’s legs and Anita’s rack. Cissie herself was wearing loose pants and a sweater, so she was safe from their disgusting examination. Not that it kept her from crossing her arms and looking down at the assholes.

-Heyyyyy, ladies. Wanna go clubbing with us?

Tim shrugged- He’s talking to you, girls. I’m out. Have fun.

Cassie caught him by his hoodie before he could take a single step. He heard her warning clear as day and sighed, defeated.

-Yess, you can go -slurred Dudebro number two, waving him away- There’ three of us, and three of those pretty things. You can get lost. 

-See, Cass? Hear the gentlemen. You don’t need me here.

Anita kicked him in the shin.

-No. We just got our nails done. You either solve this peacefully, or take care of it if it turns dirty. Why do you even walk us home if not to protect us from creepers like these?

A loud ‘hey’ came from the dudebros, but Tim ignored them. Silently, he pointed at Cassie’s legs (he had seen her crushing a watermelon between them once), Cissie’s arms (a thing of beauty that made multiple lesbians all around campus cry) and Anita’s katana (that she wasn’t supposed to keep on her person around other students, but who was gonna enforce any rules on the girl with the giant knife?).

-Excuse me? You three should be protecting me. I’m a rich, sheltered boy.

Apparently done being ignored, the three idiots decided this was a good time to throw the first punch. Which Tim dodged, without breaking eye contact with Cassie. She raised her eyebrow, not moving an inch. Cissie was examining her nails. Anita’s eyes promised hell.

He sighed, turned around, caught the second coming punch, and used the hand under his palm to force the dudebro to his knees. A knee to the face and then he turned to the other two. 

Next time, Slobo was walking with them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Flip side:  the attic room had its own bathroom. Significantly smaller than the ones on the other two floors, but hey, no sharing. 

The downside: apparently, the bathroom vents all connected with one another, and because of their aligning schedules, he often took showers at the same time Miguel did.

Flip side: Miguel had the singing voice of an angel, and the acoustic was fantastic. Showers were rarely boring now.

Downside again: Tim often forgot himself and sang along, but his voice… wasn’t as pretty.

Flip side again: at least, judging by Miguel’s smile, he found it adorable rather than pathetic.

Downside number three: Greta and Cissie’s room, by some unsolved mystery, also had connecting vents to the bathroom, and the archer girl was… less charitable about Tim’s inability to sing.

Flip side: Greta liked him better than most of their house mates, and she had more than enough dirt on Cissie to keep her from sharing the secret of Tim’s awful voice. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-Hey, baby bird. Sorry I’m calling just now, it’s been a while.

-Hey Jay. Don’t worry, you’re busy grading papers.

-How do you know?

-Bart was crying in the tub this morning. Completely clothed and eating nachos with whipped cream, I might add.

-What is that boy even studying? I know he has Chem classes, Roy is his TA, and Kory saw him in the designer’s building. 

-That is an unsolved mystery for the ages. 

-Hey, speaking of your housemates, how’s it going?

Tim stopped on his way out of the kitchen, eyes growing fond as he examined the group on the living room. They were fighting over that night’s movie choice. He didn’t know why they tried, Greta was gonna win. Nobody could resist her and Miguel’s puppy eyes. 

-It’s… it’s been great, actually.

-Uh huh.

-But don’t tell Dick. He’ll be unbearably smug.

-Of course I won’t. You still have that time I crashed B’s favorite car on me.

-Oh, Oh fuck! -came Slobo’s voice- TIM, BRING THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!

A loud crash. Tim winced, eyes leaving his friend in favor of the wall. If he didn’t see it, it wasn’t happening.

-TIM, BUD, WE NEED SOME HELP HERE!

-...what was that, Timbo?

-Nothing.

-TIM, TIM, THE TV IS ON FIRE!!! COME QUICKLY BEFORE IT REACHES THE XBOX OR SO HELP ME GOD I’M MURDERING EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM!

-...Tim?

-Don’t tell B.

-Gotcha. Going to save their lives?

-More like hiding in my room until they sort themselves out or die. Good luck on those papers.

-Good luck on surviving.

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

Open Heart: Second Year

I don’t think I’m saying anything that hasn’t already been said before but this is bugging me like crazy. I don’t use Tumblr very often but I don’t know anyone else who plays Choices, so here I am (I guess spoiler alert for those who haven’t played Open Heart).

Open Heart book 1 is one of my favourite books, possibly even my most favourite. I genuinely couldn’t decide between Bryce, Raf and Ethan. I switch between the male and female MC and I’ve been able to give them different personalities. The book had strong writing and a coherent plot with probably three main storylines: Patient X, Panacea Labs, and Mrs Martinez, which all tied together beautifully at the end. Even all our patients came back in the last chapter.

And then Open Heart: Second Year. Where to start.

Obviously Ethan is our boss, mentor and colleague so he will have a vital role in the story, but why push the other LIs aside? Why can’t Bryce romancers steal a few minutes in the hospital corridors where Bryce gives you a flirty wink and a pat on the butt? Why can’t Jackie romancers sneak into her room every so often?

And let’s get started on Rafael. First of all....what the fuck?

I love a little bit of angst so I wasn’t initially too mad when Sora was introduced (actually I think it made me want Rafael more, because apparently I only like men I can’t have...and I’ve gone off Ethan because he would be too easy). But there was none. Sora appeared in chapter 2, where it’s described as ‘stings a little to watch’, but doesn’t appear again until the baseball game in chapter 8 where they cheer for Edenbrook a couple of times. The only kind of ‘angst’ Rafael romancers got was dancing with Raf at the music festival where Sora is briefly mentioned and MC closes their eyes and listens to Raf’s heartbeat (which was a sweet moment, to be fair). Are you seriously telling me that none of their friends acknowledged that he and MC used to date? That they wouldn’t have asked if MC was OK at least once? That they would have invited Rafael over to the apartment without giving MC a heads up? And when PB was asked about this they gave some crap about making things realistic and exploring the mature themes of a medical drama. If Open Heart were realistic, MC would have been fired halfway through book 1 (one of the dialogue options with Ethan in book 1 chapter 6 actually leads him to say ‘consider yourself lucky you’re even getting a next time’) but NO, we get ‘realism’ by losing a beloved love interest and character that people have grown invested in and spent money on, and then completely waste the opportunity for drama.

And then there’s chapter 10.

And going back to realism, they couldn’t think of anything else apart from vengeance and terrorism? Not, I don’t know, just a highly infectious patient which is probably more likely to happen within a hospital?

I do think that chapter 11 is one of the strongest chapters of Second Year, and the book has got stronger since then. But knowing that it might have ended with the death of Rafael leaves a VERY bitter taste. I’m very glad they rewrote it...but what on earth was the thought process behind that?!? Going back to realism again, if they wanted drama and emotions, why not have Kyra die of surgical complications? At least we’d have been somewhat prepared for that as she was introduced as being a cancer patient, and there would have been more angst (especially for Bryce romancers) as he would have had the guilt of not being able to save her when he promised MC he would, even if it was out of his hands. But sure, have Rafael caught in an assassination attempt, that makes sense. And it still doesn’t really excuse Sora, I mean, imagine the pain if he was still an LI and he and MC were saying their last goodbyes in that room??

I was happy with the rewrite to chapter 11 and the kiss between Raf and MC in chapter 12 was beautiful. And PB have actually made something of an effort to include Raf in the rest of the story; I was half-expecting to not see him again until the obligatory 30-diamond scene in the last chapter.

Chapter 12 was so emotional and it was so clear that each character and LI was struggling with the events. And the end of chapter 12 and the beginning of chapter 13 made it very clear that MC was terrified of returning to work. MC has butterflies in their stomach as they walk in to Edenbrook and then...nothing. That was that. As if they just needed to face their fear and they’d be alright again. Now I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure PTSD isn’t as simple as that? It would go far deeper than ‘Oh, I’m alright, just taking it one day at a time’. And the narration specified that MC was uncomfortable at the idea of going back into the diagnostics room where the attack happened, but chapter 14 we’re back in there without batting an eyelid.

Someone (I don’t know who...if you’re reading this let me know!!) pointed out that Danny and Bobby could have been mentioned at the gala...there could have been some kind of ‘in memory’ and donors could have been guilt tripped by MC. But no, not a peep. I keep thinking that we could have had Baz, Zaid and Inez (I miss her) catching up with MC and asking how they’re doing and how worried they were. If you’re going to the gala with Raf there could have been a highly emotional scene between them about what happened in the room. Raf alludes to it in a line of dialogue but there was potential for so much more.

And how about the fact that a group of doctors cured the incurable OVERNIGHT and it worked without proper testing? NO ONE has mentioned that since! Surely there would be papers being published and deeper research being conducted now that lives aren’t on the line? We had a whole chapter about how a research grant would save the hospital but now...nothing?! Ed Farrugia hasn’t been mentioned since chapter 12. No one in the team is talking about how it was June’s idea to convince him to switch to Edenbrook. Surely that would be a huge elephant in the room? Wouldn’t she at least say something like ‘I never wanted this to happen, we went too far’? Something?!

The fact that there has been no follow-up to the attack suggests to me that it was purely for shock value. They just wanted drama and didn’t care about keeping it grounded. And assuming that Rafael died in the original, that’s more upsetting. I can’t believe that he was the least profitable character in the history of Choices ever. And even if he was, was it because no one bought his diamond scenes, or because he didn’t have diamond scenes to buy? I romanced Bryce in my first playthrough, but I remember choosing to assist on his surgery without even thinking about it, I didn’t even look at the diamonds it would cost. So a beloved character would have been killed, and it would have brought nothing to the story.

Furthermore, Sora would never have been explained. Rafael almost explained in chapters 2 and 12 but both times MC cut them off. If Rafael was originally going to die in chapter 11, Rafael romancers would never have got that explanation, unless they were to hear it from Sora themselves afterwards (doubtful). And it’s highly unlikely it actually will be explained. PB will probably say ‘it’s up to you what happened!’ like they’re doing us a favour by creating our own headcanon, but to me that’s just lazy writing; they wanted to write off Rafael and they didn’t care how they did it.

If Second Year hadn’t opened with a funeral scene we might never have been clued into what was going to happen and demanded a rewrite.

Aside from that, there’s Esme. She’s introduced as breaking Dr Thorne’s hand and then has to diagnose and treat him in chapter 10. Depending on your choices, he gets surgery and thanks Esme for saving his life and apologises for the bar incident. Otherwise she doesn’t run further tests and he messes up a surgery which eventually forces him to resign. And then Esme gets her plotline with Levi. If Dr Thorne wasn’t her main plotline, what was the point in introducing him? It’s another storyline that had huge potential--sexual harassment in the workplace, for example--but had little to no payoff and fell off the radar. If PB wanted to introduce MC and Esme the night before they both started working then MC could have just literally walked into Esme and either apologised, asked if she was OK, or told her to watch where she was going, and that would have affected how she greeted you in the hospital the next day. But no, we get this storyline hinted at which is then written off and replaced. Maybe it was a rewrite, I just don’t see why it would have been.

Like I said before, the main storylines of book 1 all tied together in the end, but the storylines we’ve had in book 2 have just felt like completely separate events, just a bunch of stuff that happens and is quickly forgotten. I think the balance of the LIs has been better since chapter 11; even when the gang went to Vegas, Raf romancers got a quick phone call with him. As a Raf romancer, I appreciated that, and it only goes to show how PB could accommodate for all LIs whilst having Ethan integral as our boss (see before, bonus scenes for Jackie romancers sneaking into each others rooms, bonus scenes for Bryce romancers having flirty interactions in the corridors). 

There is such a difference in dialogue if you’re playing Ethan’s romance route or not. I had him stay behind in chapter 11 and I thought it came across as a sweet conversation between a mentor and his protégée. But the other LIs don’t have anything close to that level of detail. Ethan romancers get pretty close to being official in chapter 17 but I’ve heard Jackie and Bryce didn’t get that. And Raf romancers didn’t even get caught sneaking back into the gala. I’m still holding out hope that book 2 will end with all LIs saying ‘I love you’ and being official with MC, but the inequality makes me sad.

I might have had some more to say, but this post has been longer than I intended and I don’t remember what that might have been. I really wanted to like Open Heart: Second Year. Book 1 will always be a favourite, but book 2? It’s like going from the classic era of The Simpsons where Homer was a lazy dumbass but genuinely loved his family, to the modern era of The Simpsons where nothing makes sense and Homer is a straight-up jerk. I just hope that, if we get book 3, they would have learned from their mistakes and Open Heart can be saved. It doesn’t deserve this.

Well, that’s my two cents. Sorry for the long post. If you got this far, thanks for reading.

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

1.)  I won Nanowrimo

2.)  My house is sold

3.)  I’m tryyyyyyying to taking it easy

More below the cut.

So, I won Nanowrimo.  It’s roughly 30K Four Years and 20K Tri: Integrity Lens.  I feel very... blank about it, though.  In the last few years, I’ve been trying to celebrate when I win Nanowrimo, but...  I don’t have any emotions about it this year, probably even less than usual.

I should probably back up and say that, when I was growing up, I was the type that got all As, won every contest, was the lead in plays and singing events, got the good behavior awards, won state-wide science and poetry contests, was on the select sports teams.  I’m not saying this to brag- I was hyper-involved in school and extracurriculars because it kept me away from home.  

It got to the point at home where, if I won an award, the reaction was, “good.”  If I didn’t, it was, “Why didn’t you win that award?  We don’t have money for tutoring, so you had better figure it out *vague threat* ”  Stuff like that.

Basically, it’s hard for me to feel proud of anything.  If I succeed, that’s “baseline.”  Good, I won’t be scolded.  If I don’t, that’s anxiety- “I will be scolded, I will be punished.”  

I can’t change that concept as an adult- it was cemented into me during my formative years.  But I can see it, and I can tell myself- it’s okay.  Don’t beat yourself up over not feeling a certain way.

The big thing on my mind now, still, is that we sold our first home successfully a few days ago.  It’s the most enormous load off my mind.  This whole time, I’ve been wondering- I keep pinning everything on when the house is sold.  Will it actually be a relief?  Will it actually free up emotional and mental real estate?

SPOILER ALERT: IT DID, I FEEL GREAT!  

I told my therapist that I couldn’t feel “at home” and “settled” until I sold the old house, and she challenged me to not wait for some kind of...  Permission?  Catalyst?  Like, don’t put things off citing “my old home isn’t sold” as a reason, because suddenly, a year will have passed and you still haven’t painted your room or put up photos or turned the house into your home.

I absolutely see her point, but I also see mine.  Frankly, now that I’m not paying for two mortgages, I can afford to do some of that stuff (buy paint and supplies, buy a rug, buy a lamp, etc).  It is true that I could have hung my photos at any time, so that was just a mental/stress block, but I do think that pointing to the money that was tied up in paying the mortgages for both homes, and for repairing things at the old home at the buyer’s demand, was... you know, a valid reason not to be throwing money at our current home.

Right now, my anxiety is free to be directed at the fact that the CDC is forecasting such drastic pandemic leaps.  It’s expected to hit in about 10-ish days after today, 11/29, a Sunday that will likely be the largest single day for travel as people head back home in droves to make it to work on Monday after going away for Thanksgiving.  It’s expected that we’ll be seeing 4,000 covid deaths per day in the states around week 2/3 of December.

I really don’t want to go to work physically, because I know coworkers who travelled.  I wish we could all stay home for two weeks, when the symptoms will show for carriers who are not asymptomatic.  I will definitely be limiting my time in the office to after 3 PM, when a lot of coworkers have gone home.  It’s still a risk that I’m not sure is worthwhile.  

Ah!  I should probably say that my therapist is talking about ending therapy.  I started in... I wanna say March or April of 2019?  Is that right?  So I guess it’s been...  Like, 19-ish months?  I’ve learned so much, but I would say...  The biggest difference is that I can see my behavior patterns for what they are, and then decide what to do with them.  I haven’t “changed” at my core.  I can’t, not in the way people mean when they say “you’ve changed.”  The same learned behaviors, belief systems, and emotions from my childhood are there.  I just recognize them when they pop up and can make informed decisions about how to approach them.  

Which, it turns out, makes a huge difference, even if it isn’t really “change.”  I’m always in danger of being too distraught to see what’s in front of my face, though (thanks, anxiety!).

What else...  My husband and I did cheese fondue and hot pot for Thanksgiving!  It was easily the best holiday I’ve ever had.  Holidays are always... so high pressure, always such events that turn a day off into a giant list of chores that might span weeks to complete beforehand.  Plus, I’m always hoping I’m not about to be dragged into some kind of “trap” conversation by both my family and my husband’s, who have very different political views compared to me.

But on Thanksgiving, my husband and I ate amazing food, spent a lot of time together, and I felt so loved and cared for and valued, because my husband came up with the idea and made it happen, all so we’d have a nice holiday together.  Honestly, I don’t deserve him.  I don’t get it.  He’s so amazing?  I love him so much.

As for my writing, I’ve been feeling...  Bad about it, frankly.  I think it’s partially because it honestly looks like no one is reading Tri: Integrity Lens.  I don’t get it?  It was my most requested story in 2018/2019, and I know people wanted a sequel to Growing Up with You, so why is TIL doing so poorly?  At first, I thought people were going back to read GUWY again first, since I saw a huge surge in hits for it.  Now, I’m not sure?  Like, if I open my stats, some random GUWY chapters will have over 10 times the hits as the newest TIL chapter???  ???? ????  ????  ?????

I’m wondering if it has to do with Tri itself...  I think that, the more time passed, the more people who liked Tri are maybe defensive about how... negative the fandom reaction was, overall.  Meanwhile, people who dislike it, I think, have maybe simply... chucked it out the window, and don’t think about it much.  Whereas, when it was still coming out and directly after it wrapped up, I think people who disliked Tri were more interested in imagining ways they might have personally tweaked it.

That makes things awkward for someone like me, who thinks Tri has amazing moments basically... tacked onto a crumbling base.  

Actually, let me give you my weird metaphor for Tri!

When I am deciding if I’m going to write a new fic, often what happens is...  A few powerful ideas coalesce, a few themes and characterizations.  Some people say they are lead by a few powerful scenes.  I think of these ideas/themes/character ideas (or scenes for other people) as sparkling ornaments on a Christmas tree.

The problem is that...  Ornaments in a box don’t... do much.  You need to display them on a tree, right?  The ornaments need to be connected and supported by a plot (unless you decide to write a focused oneshot, which is my recommendation in most cases).

In short: Tri has amazing ornaments, but the tree is... not... doing that well.  The ideas are there, there are plenty of awesome moments, but something about the actual story/execution just...  Didn’t do it for me.  But dang, those are some nice ornaments!

That was quick and dirty, but hopefully it conveyed the general idea.  

ANYWAY, I’ve been trying to decide if I’m going to continue TIL.  I think right now, I would definitely finish Ketsui, since I have so much material written already.  Why waste it, right?  But I’m not sure what the future of the story will be- not plot wise, but rather, “is my time better spent elsewhere”-wise.

I’m not sure if I need to focus on a new story, if I should take a break, or what.  I need to write for my mental health, but it doesn’t have to be a fanfic.  It can be anything, as long as I explore whatever is eating at me.

And that is where I am!  I hope you’re all staying safe <3

[charmed-henry]

Shark Bait Oo Ha Ha | Heric

Previously on Baywatch... 

Baby There’s a Shark in the Water

Date: 20 May 2021 TW: None, other than some discussion of the attack

@maritimeericandersen

Henry and Eric make a plan.

HENRY

If only Eric were here. That was what Henry kept thinking throughout the attack. Eric would know what to do. And a part of Henry resented that, just a little bit, because this was such a clear example of why the Order needed him… but there was no time to dwell on that. People were avoiding the lake, sure, but they wouldn’t forever. Even with this creature undoubtedly lurking below the surface. Henry needed Eric on this, and fast.

Henry texted Eric to meet him by the gryphon statue after his last class, and he was relieved when Eric did show up. He didn’t waste any time with pleasantries. “You heard about what happened, right?” 

ERIC

Eric had not heard anything, actually. Like a man avoiding spoilers of the world cup he had gotten through without hearing a word about what had happened up at the lake. It hadn’t reached him during work or class or while he was walking around campus— probably due to his thick skull and lack of his own surroundings. 

So he didn’t really think anything of it when Henry texted. It seemed like a normal enough message with nothing to kick up a fuss about. He walked down from his dorm ten minutes from when Henry said he’d be finished and stood beside the statue, thankful for the sun despite the breeze that still held a chill. Eric looked up periodically from his phone and when Henry finally appeared he smiled, only for it to turn into a confused frown at Henry’s opener. 

“Er— no?” He shook his head, shifting his stance to a more alert position. What happened could have meant anything, good or bad. “What’d’ya mean?” 

HENRY

Henry groaned. He knew Eric was taking a break from the Order, and Henry respected that, in a sense, but to not have heard anything at all? What could possibly be so all-consuming in his life that--

Never mind. Henry knew it was the same sort of thing he used to get in trouble for during training, and part of how they became friends. Being daydreamers. What was important right now was to catch Eric up, not berate him.

“At the lake. Candace was attacked. By some sort of sea creature. She’s, er-- she’s okay now, but we didn’t catch the creature that did it, and it might still be lurking there. Waiting for its next victim. I need your help, Eric. I know you’ve… stepped back from the Order, but this sort of thing is exactly why I’ve been sent here. And I need your help,” Henry explained, desperation shining in his eyes. “We need to find out what that was. Until we do, the lake won’t be safe for anyone.”

ERIC

Now that was not what he had been expecting to come out of Henry’s mouth. At best, that he had proposed to his bird or something, at worst, that the Order had found out he was alive and was coming to actually kill him. 

But an actual ocean dweller? Here? In Swynlake? Eric knew he had come looking for answers, for a mermaid to give those to him, but he hadn’t actually been counting on finding one this far inland— let alone one bold enough to attack. They had to have known it would put a target on their back. 

“I’m glad she’s okay— thanks to you, I presume.” (Even though Henry had said we, but he was taking that to mean a general term for the people of Swynlake, not any one specific person.) He let out a breath, a hand coming up to brush over his mouth as he took a moment to think. 

“Of course, of course, yeah. Anything you need, mate.” Eric hadn’t done this in well over a year but he couldn’t imagine denying Henry. And this was the opportunity he had been looking for when he came here. If he could just talk to this thing, maybe all of this will have been worth it. “Did you get a look at it? Or Candace— did it try to drown her or was there an actual wound?” 

HENRY

Henry let out a sigh of relief. Even though he trusted Eric to have his back, sometimes he just felt like he didn’t know what Eric would do anymore. He had a whole life here, new friends and school and a new purpose-- and Henry did, too, in some ways, but at least he stayed on the lookout for opportunities to prove himself to the Order. He wasn’t sure if Eric cared as much as he did.

But no matter what, they would always be like brothers. And they would always be there for each other. Henry was sure of that, and he felt a bit silly for doubting. 

Then he remembered the scene and winced. It was painful to relive, to be honest. “Er… yes, it bit her in the leg. Seemed to be trying to drag her underwater, but Rose and I were able to fight it off.” Wait. Did Eric know about Rose? Was it okay to tell him about the Huntsclan? “She’s okay now. Got her in an ambulance right away and it ended up being not too deep of a wound. But I worry about what would happen if we hadn’t been there. And the lifeguard was absolutely useless.”

ERIC

Eric did not know about Rose, but Eric also didn’t know that Rose knew about them. Within the context of Henry’s story, he assumed she was just there willing to help out a friend in some serious distress and paid that detail little to no mind. He nodded along, eyebrows raising briefly at the mention of the lifeguard and huffed— sounded about right. Wasn’t like a magic friendly place like this was going to think to train their staff on things like this. They would just issue an apology after the fact and move on. 

“Then we’re probably not dealing with a siren.” They let their voice and the victim themselves do all the heavy lifting. It felt odd to be back in this mindset. He had not thought about hunting or training in well over a year and he didn’t know what it meant by how easy it was to return to this part of him. Eric hadn’t expected that it would have left him so quickly, it had been apart of his life longer than it hadn’t been, but still. Would he even be able to carve it out? Or would it always be there whether he wanted it or not?

“What about its flukes? Did you get a look at ‘em? Were they pointed like a fork, rounded, or erm— shaped kinda like a crescent moon?” He drew the shapes in the air with an index finger. It mattered to figure out if they were dealing with something that was shaped for speed or for marathon swimming. 

HENRY

Henry wished he had a better recollection of the scene as it had happened, but the whole thing was something of a blur. What had mattered the most was getting Candace to safety. This was why it was better to work with a team, Henry thought. Rose was there, of course, but she had been busy helping Candace. Once again, Henry wished Eric had been there…

But it was too late for that. Henry would just have to try and remember. “Er, it was a sort of pointed tail, two fins on the end, dark gray. Sort of tough-looking, like a shark, not the sort of shiny scales you would see on a siren. Does that help at all?” Henry looked at Eric hopefully.

ERIC

He nodded absently as he continued to think over the next course of action, but stopped when he caught sight of Henry’s expression. Eric reached out to give his shoulder a squeeze. “Hey, it was a high stakes situation. I’m just glad you managed to make it out of there, let alone remember what the bloody thing looked like. And you saved your friend before it could do any lasting damage. You did good, Henry.” 

Eric gave Henry’s shoulder a gentle shake before releasing him. “Any little detail helps. Like you said, from the sounds of it we’re probably dealing with one that comes from a deeper part of the waters. It’ll make it harder to spot, and if it’s built for speed a paddle boat won’t cut it.” 

They were going to be out favored going in if they took it on in the water. (On land was a different story, but the problem with that was identifying the slippery bastards while they pretended to be human.) “We’ll have to create a trap and draw it out again somehow. Hopefully it’ll come back to the water— assuming it ever left.” 

HENRY

This was the thing that Henry struggled with. Especially hearing it from Eric, seeing that encouraging look in his eyes, feeling the reassurance of Eric’s hand on his shoulder. Henry wouldn’t dare admit any kind of weakness to anyone in the Order… except Eric. So he wanted to take what Eric said at face value, to nod and smile and agree with him. But those images haunted Henry.

So he just nodded grimly instead, looking down at his hands. Better to push all of that emotion down, because Henry worried if he started to say something genuine, it would overpower him. Focus on the mission. Focus on the threat. Henry wasn’t going to let this happen again.

“A trap…” Henry repeated, trying to imagine what Eric meant. “With some sort of food? Or something else? I’m not using Candace as bait--” he added quickly, determined. “I’m not going to let anyone else get hurt. We’ll handle this the old-fashioned way, you and me. And maybe Rose, too, she knows what we’re dealing with.”

ERIC

“Jesus, Henry, what do you think I am? Some kind of lunatic? No, we aren’t going to use some poor girl as bait.” Eric scoffed, shaking his head like Henry had gone completely barking. Then he added, like it was obvious,“We’ll use me.” 

This time Eric caught on to Henry talking about Rose because erm— what? He let out a little huff of laughter, eyebrows coming together briefly as he gave Henry a look. 

“I don’t understand. Why would that matter?” A hand came up to scratch the back of his head before something dawned on him. The hand raked forward through his hair, moving to point at Henry when he pulled it back down. “I thought your girlfriend’s name was Ashleigh? Ginger, right? Or is that Candace? Or have they both—? Wait, I’m sorry, who’s Rose then? Are you—?” 

Eric’s eyes widened and he looked around them to make sure no one was close enough to be listening in (you know, now that the conversation was important to keep a secret) before lowering his voice and leaning forward. “Did you call it off? Or no? No judgement, I just never thought— I mean you were just so infatuated with erm— it was Ashleigh, wasn’t it?”   

HENRY

Henry was snapped out of his pensive funk by three ludicrous things that Eric had just said. One, that Eric intended to use himself as bait (??); two, that Ashleigh and Henry had broken up (???); and three, that Henry and Rose were somehow a couple? (????????). Henry stared at Eric in horror, not even sure where to begin.

“What? Eric, no-- I-- that’s-- just, no. Ashleigh and I are still together. And I really wouldn’t want to get her involved in this, it’s too dangerous. Rose is just a friend, she’s been working with the Order here in Swynlake. She’s part of a certain, er, sort of version of the Order from the States. And she’s a very good hunter, that’s the reason I suggested bringing her with us. Candace is-- never mind. Long story.” It would be too complicated to explain what was going on between Henry and Candace right now, considering Henry didn’t even really know where they stood.

He shook his head. “Anyway, if it’s alright with you, I think Rose should join us. But back to what you said, you want to use yourself as bait? Haven’t you had enough near-death experiences?”

ERIC

Eric stared back at Henry with a very dumbfounded look on his face as all of that explanation unfolded. He didn’t know which one was more bizarre, that the yanks had once again stolen from them or that they’d let women train with them— not because Eric had anything against it, but the Order was still being fuddy duddies about that. Also what was she here for if she was from America? Wasn’t that place like the wild west? Filled to the brim with Magicks that needed to be taken care of? 

“My bad. Sorry. Too many names to keep track of.” He blinked, frowning slightly to himself before shrugging it off. Well at least Henry wasn’t stepping out on his girlfriend. Eric had always thought him to be loyal so that version of Henry would have completely dismantled his perception of him. “If you trust her that’s good enough for me, mate. Just uh— make sure she’s on the page, yeah? About me and the whole I’m-not-actually-dead-but-don’t-tell-the-others-that.” 

Clearing his throat, and moving away from the topic of social drama he had no idea would turn out to be a minefield before stepping into it, Eric nodded. “It has to be me. I’m the one with the most experience with these sorts of things. And you’ll be there, so I’ve got nothing to worry about.”

HENRY

Henry gulped. Eric, like many members of the Order, tended to walk a line between “honorably brave” and “completely reckless.” He had a feeling that, if he were in Eric’s position, if this were Henry’s expertise, he would probably suggest the same thing.

“Fine,” Henry said grimly, recognizing that this was one of those situations training had prepared him for when he needed to do the dangerous thing. It would just have to be worth it. He would be there for backup after all, wouldn’t he? “I suppose you’re the expert here. Just tell me what you need me to do. As for Rose… I think if I explain the situation to her, she’ll keep it quiet. I’ve never mentioned you to her before, but I don’t know if the others have. So it’s probably best to come up with a cover story. Unless, of course, you’d prefer that I just leave out the fact that you were ever in the Order. Up to you.”

Honestly, Henry hated this. The secrecy and the lying. He still felt guilty about not telling the older guys about Eric. Being in the Order meant constant secrecy, but you were supposed to be completely honest and trusting with your fellow Princes. But Henry needed to protect Eric by any means necessary. So if this was what it took, fine. Didn’t mean Henry wasn’t a little annoyed about it, though.

ERIC

Eric, too, was tired of all the lying and sneaking around. The phone Ollie had given him was a blessing but also a curse considering how easy it was to go scrolling along social media. The amount of times he’d almost accidentally liked something or hit the wrong thing when he fumbled the phone was one too many. Imagine the panic Grim would go through seeing a notification that Eric had liked his most recent post. 

“No, that’d just make her wonder why you got me involved besides feeding me to it. Plus, if we’re going to do this together, can’t go in first thing lying to her. Then she wouldn’t care for what I had to say. No, we’ll just tell her the truth. I’m Eric, I faked my death for reasons, and no one can know I’m alive. Or in Swynlake.” He shrugged, thinking it wasn’t that big of a deal since he and Henry had been doing it for months now. Again, if Henry trusted this girl and gave her his good word then Eric figured it would be fine. “I seriously doubt they’ve talked about me. It’s been well over a year— old news.”

He rubbed his finger under his lower lip as he tried to think of what supplies they needed versus what they could realistically scrounge up. “Alright, I’ll work on getting a net big enough for this and can probably take whatever meat the market’s throwing away for bait. In the meantime, you get together whatever weapons you’re comfortable using and a bloody good light for this. Oh and— clear your night time schedule. There’s no telling when or if this thing’ll be back in the water anytime soon.”

HENRY

Henry wondered if maybe they should have gotten Tom involved. He knew about sea creatures, and Henry was a little less worried about him getting seriously endangered by this sort of thing. Not that Henry trusted Eric any less, of course, but the fact remained that Eric had almost died once. Henry still got worried about losing him again. Tom seemed older, more sure of himself.

But getting Tom involved meant getting everyone else in the Order involved. Exposing Eric’s identity. And, truthfully, part of the reason Henry was involving Eric in this was because he hoped it might remind Eric why being in the Order was worth it. Maybe he would come back on his own, reveal himself to the other guys and rejoin the Order. But in order for that to happen, Henry had to let him stay in hiding for now.

“Right,” Henry said seriously. “I’ll tell Rose as much as she needs to know and we’ll work on getting some weapons together. She’s really good with a knife, I’ll tell you that… When are we doing this? I have a SDG concert this weekend, and Ashleigh and I like to go out to dinner at least once a week, but other than that, I’m free.”

ERIC

He scratched at his temple, one foot kicking out to lean his weight against while he listened to Charming go on about concerts and dates. It almost made him want to give a random day and then go off and do this on his own. Not because he was annoyed with Henry having a life but because Henry had a life and people and things to look forward to. What Eric wanted to do (capture this thing, not kill on sight) wasn't the safest bet or their protocall. If things didn’t go the way he wanted well— he was already dead. 

But he wouldn’t do that to Henry. After all, he had come to Eric with this and not the three greatest Prince’s the Order had as he knew that this could be an opportunity for Eric to get the answers he had been searching for. It would feel like a bigger betrayal than having pretended to be lost at sea. He would just have to make sure that he had Henry’s back just as much as Henry had his. 

Eric smiled, nodding when Henry had finished. “Yeah, alright, Mr. Popular. We’ll schedule around you then. Whenever you haven’t got something going on, we’ll go stake out the lake to see if it’s out there. In the meantime, just be on the lookout for anyone exhibiting the signs. Now that there’s confirmation one’s here— could be anyone.” 

[societydatabase]

* 𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐊 / virginie bellerose

Location: Gilly’s House

Date: Tuesday, December 8

Trigger warnings: Murder but like by accident *spoiler alert*

Premise:  For her task, Virginie has to find information about Clara and what really happened to her.

She knows that timing is essential, and though she’s not the kind to cut it this close, if she gathers her information and places it in Gilly’s mailbox too early, there’s a risk of interference. For all she knows, couples use the mailbox to exchange love letters, starcrossed spy bullshit or a fear of the spark dying. Either way, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but it’s a possibility, so she has to deposit her envelope full of notes the day before her task is due.

Virginie has no real desire to be in a secret society, it’s mostly about the fact that she has nothing better to do and she enjoys research. It’ll be nicer to turn down the offer rather than be rejected for failing. But for now, her mind isn’t made up entirely.

It’s not even that hard, really, to gather the needed information. Part of her assumes the Dahlia leaders already know the answers she’s looking for, but that’s what makes it a test, she supposes. The only hard part was getting a fourth year to tell her the location of Gilly’s house, but predictably, Claire isn’t big into the sanctity of school traditions so when Ginnie asks, she answers with a shrug and a general description.

It takes Virginie half an hour to find the house, purposely tucked away out of sight, but it’s empty when she gets there in the early morning. She’d wanted to give herself enough time to piece together the answers she needs, but she also knew there was less chance she’d run into company if she showed up before 8am. Thankfully, Virginie only has one class and it’s in the evening. She has time.

Finding the diaries is even easier than finding the house had been, actually. They’re neatly tucked away in the back of a hutch with glass doors, gathering dust, because Gallagher students don’t care much for those who were here before them, in a time when people actually used mailboxes for correspondence. Virginie gets comfortable in a cushy chair by the fireplace, which she doesn’t have to light because thankfully they’ve added heating sometime in the last century.

The first useful entry she finds reads:

November 17, 1943

I’ve heard about these things happening at Blackthorne but I never imagined we’d be so unfortunate at Gallagher. We don’t really haze people, honestly, every Dahlia just has to jump into the lake without clothes. We all make sure nobody gets too cold and towels are provided immediately after everyone gets out. Clara seemed like such a nice girl, but maybe too overly eager? It’s a shame she never got to become a Dahlia but I know she’s in a better place now.

Virginie, as an R&D major, is thorough. She could take notes on the important facts and leave it at that, but instead she transcribes all the most useful entries in her own notebook and neatly rips along the perforated lines to create a stack of notes to hand over to the Dahlia leaders. She sets the diary aside, flipping through a few more and finding nothing, not even a mention of the society. It’s not until the fifth diary that she finds another Dahlia entry:

November 22, 1943

The autopsy results are hush hush naturally, but Jean and I snuck into the hospital wing and read the whole thing late last night. Official cause of death is drowning, but apparently she’d been hit in the head first. Some of the girls suspected foul play, but I thought they were just desperate for entertainment. Things can get awfully boring around here, especially in the winter when being outside is so dreadful and classes are tedious. That’s why I joined the Dahlias, personally.

The night Clara drowned, there were some rumors about someone messing with Gilly’s sword, but I didn’t believe that, either. They didn’t seem to do anything to it, so what’s the point? Just to touch it? I can’t imagine why anyone would go through the trouble and it’s not as if poor Clara was stabbed.

It might be frustrating how no single person seems to have all the answers, but Virginie is enjoying the research and it’s more fun that it’s not so straight-forward. She idly reads through a few more diaries before finally finding the missing piece of the story:

December 18, 1943

I was so looking forward to Christmas break this year. We’re going to Tuscany, which means I won’t be forced to see Rupert’s ugly face at all. Unfortunately, my mood has turned sour at the news that apparently a filthy Blackthorne boy was on our campus a month ago. Dawn’s boyfriend finally cracked, like I knew he would! Boys are so easy.

Not only was it a Nightshade task to sneak onto the Gallagher campus, apparently someone was also supposed to steal Gilly’s sword! Their mistake sending one man for the job, if you ask me. All the Nightshades have been talking about how Clara tried to stop him so he had to fight her off and hit her in the head, then thought he’d killed her when she got knocked out. I see not everyone pays attention in their medical training classes...I feel so bad for poor Clara. Take a girl’s pulse next time, nitwit!

Then he threw her “body” in the lake but she wasn’t dead, so...she did drown, technically, like we were told. Now this boy’s been having all kinds of nightmares. Good! I hope the guilt eats him alive! But I bet he’s just scared he’s going to end up in prison. I’d rat on him in a heartbeat but I’ve no clue who it is. Apparently only a few of the Nightshades know and of course they’re protecting him, bastards.

Funnily enough, he’s been complaining about seeing her ghost everywhere, as if she’s tormenting him from the grave. Serves him right! This has been such an unfortunate semester. I’m not sure if the Dahlias will ever bounce back.

Well, I hope my entire holiday isn’t ruined. They let us out of this place so rarely!

By this time, Virginie’s hand is cramping and she drops her pen with a self-satisfied plunk after she successfully finishes copying the final entry. There’s no way of proving the validity of any of these claims, they’re all just gossip and hearsay, but she assumes this is the story she was supposed to uncover.

She carefully puts the diaries away, gathers up her notes, and puts everything into an envelope before depositing it in Gilly’s mailbox and heading back to the main building.

[astoldbygingersnaps]

On Petco and COVID-19:

I’ve seen a lot of stories and reports about various companies and how they are treating their employees poorly in the wake of COVID-19, but to my surprise I haven’t seen anything about my company, Petco. I suppose it makes sense, given that Petco isn’t as large a company as Target, Starbucks, or Walmart, but I believe people should know what we as partners have been dealing with since the outbreak really picked up steam in the US. 

Before I detail exact what my personal struggle with the company has been, I’d like to make one thing clear: I am a hard worker. I have spent five years of my life--half a decade--dedicating myself to this company. I am both a dog trainer and a keyholder, and I take both of those duties very seriously. Nothing means more to me than taking care of pets and their people, and I pride myself on providing the best care and service to our guests as possible. So when I say that this entire situation is forcing me to abandon my job out of disgust for the way I and my fellow workers have been treated, I want you to understand how much that means. 

I love the work that I do, but that does not change the fact that I, along with many other Petco partners, have been exploited, dismissed, and outright lied to during this crisis. While I understand that we are living in a dangerous and chaotic time that is difficult to navigate, such a fact makes it all the more necessary to treat people with dignity, compassion, and respect. I do not enjoy putting an organization that I have given so much of my heart and soul to on blast, but the events of the previous month have made it clear that Petco as a company does not care whether or not its employees or even its customers are harmed or killed because of their negligence.

For almost a month our concerns have been ignored, belittled, and redirected, and the little action that has been taken has been incredibly delayed and led to even more confusion. Furthermore, we’ve had little clear guidance on what we, as partners who work in retail stores, should be doing to take care of ourselves and our guests. 

It is also worth noting that our CEO, Ron Coughlin, was sending out emails to Petco Pals Rewards members in the beginning of March claiming that stores would be instructed to disinfect and clean regularly, but no such instructions were ever given. We never received any emails or forms of internal communication telling partners on how they should be cleaning, and because of this my own store took time out of our day to develop a cleaning schedule and shared our template throughout the district. Again, this is something we did OURSELVES, NOT something we were explicitly told to do. So, if you don’t care about how retail workers have been treated, at least care that you, as a customer, have been lied to. 

From the beginning, there has been a very clear divide in how store partners have been treated compared to corporate/office workers. While corporate/office workers have the luxury of working from home with full benefits and are allowed to perform social distancing to the CDC’s guidelines, we are not so lucky. Again, I understand this, to a point: because of their positions they are able to perform their jobs from home while we are not. But such a decision was consistently framed as “difficult” and “emotional,” which, frankly, is bogus. What’s so hard about giving your employees access to work from their personal computer? And what’s so difficult for them anyway considering they’re not the ones who have to come in contact with the public day after day?

Through the second week in March, numerous communications were spread throughout the company on our internal Workplace service, each one more inadequate and inefficient than the last. The worst was a ten minute long video where our CEO repeatedly stated that “pets are our main priority” and described over and over again how we simply MUST stay open for our customers. It wasn’t until the very end of the video that any mention was given to partners at all. The entire post was incredibly off-putting and made me, as a partner, feel incredibly undervalued. 

What made things worse, however, were the comments under the video. Floods of partners shared their concerns and disappointments. Many of them cited having young children or older relatives at home, or were immunocompromised themselves, and worried about the danger that working in a retail environment put themselves and their loved ones in. And what was the company’s response? To tell these people over and over to simply “partner with their district manager if they were worried.” That’s it. No direction, no guidance, no words of comfort. Nothing. One person was even accused of simply not having a desire to work rather than, I dunno, A FEAR OF CONTRACTING AND SPREADING A DEADLY ILLNESS. 

The post in question (all names have been blacked out to respect privacy): 

It was some of the most vile behavior I have ever witnessed, both from upper management and lower-level employees like myself who were displaying an almost slavish devotion to a company that was so ready and willing to dispose of them. Multiple people stated they were proud to work for our company in this moment, which was utterly baffling to me, as I had never felt more worthless to Petco than I did seeing those messages.

So! Let’s talk about partnering with your local leader! (Spoiler alert: it’s fucking useless)

On March 15th, my direct supervisor and I made a call to our district leader to “discuss our concerns.” What followed was thirty minutes of our life wasted where we were told the exact same thing as we had been told via the Workplace post: no partner would lose their job for taking time off if they displayed symptoms or came into contact with a person who had COVID-19 (the absolute bare minimum, in my opinion), but they would be required to either take a fourteen day unpaid medical leave or use their personal PTO and sick time to cover the cost. Around this time I was both showing symptoms (dry cough, fatigue, shortness of breath) and learned that my fiancee, whom I live with, came into direct contact with someone with the illness via her work. The possibility of contracting COVID-19 was especially worrying for us, as my fiancee has severe asthma and I have scarring on my lungs from chronic bronchitis; were we to get sick, the consequences could be severe. It’s even more concerning given that the state we live in, Massachusetts, has one of the highest rates of infection in the US and hospitals are in danger of becoming overwhelmed. Therefore, I decided to make what I believed was the most responsible and ethical decision, and went on leave. 

Fortunately, I am lucky; as a full-time worker who has been with the company for many years, I have accrued enough PTO and sick time to cover the weeks that I would be gone for. But many people who work for this company are not so lucky. Many are part-time workers who are not entitled to benefits, and some are full-timers who may have already burned through their paid time off as it resets on the anniversary of your hire date. So now these workers, like many other workers across the country, are being asked to choose between taking care of themselves and their community or putting food on the table. It is absolutely inhumane, especially given that last time I checked our CEO is worth more than two million dollars--yet the rest of us are forced to worry about paying our rent and feeding our families while we do the dirty work on the front lines. 

Since I initially took leave, this has been amended, and employees who have been affected by COVID-19 have been given access to 40 hours of sick time, regardless of their status as full or part-time. But that only covers one week of the mandatory self-isolation period, meaning partners are still at risk of losing money. 

Time and time again we have been told how much our overlords value us. We have been thanked, we have been praised, and we have had so many meaningless words and tiny gestures thrown at us. Sure, our store hours have been cut and we’re offering curbside pick-up to reduce foot traffic in certain stores (my store, a smaller Unleashed location, doesn’t qualify for curbside pick-up, because of our size). Sure, changes have been made to the dog training program to freeze classes and puppy playtime for the time being. And sure, there has been a partner assistance fund opened to support partners in these ~trying times. I applaud the company for making these necessary changes and for putting their money where their mouth is when it comes to donating directly to us.

But in a lot of ways, it’s too little, too late, and so many of these services remain inaccessible to all partners. Hell, partners have even been policed about when they can actually utilize their own personal sick time even though we are in the middle of a global health crisis. 

Even for those of us who have done everything exactly as we were supposed to, we are still getting screwed. Currently, I’m battling with Petco HR to get paid for the first week of my self-isolation as, even though I submitted all my time off requests accurately, none of it was reflected in my paycheck; because we get paid by-weekly, I have yet to see whether my second week will be covered, but I suspect I will have to battle for that as well. As a person who lives paycheck to paycheck in one of the most expensive cities in the country, I quite literally can’t afford this right now. But, of course, the HR team is off work right now because of COVID-19, because unlike us they have that luxury. 

In addition to this, I’ve also been prevented from coming back to work because our Leaves Coordinator now claims I need a doctor’s note to return to work even though I have it in writing, from paperwork directly from the Leaves Department, that I do not, as evidenced here:

I would also like to note that I confirmed that I would be returning to work on the afternoon of March 27th and received an automatic reply that I would hear from a representative in 24 to 48 hours. I did not, in fact, hear back from a representative until March 30st at 11:59pm EST, ten hours before I was scheduled to return to work, as you can see here (again, I am hiding my personal information as much as possible to try and avoid retaliation from my employer): 

While I understand delays given that our HR and Leaves Departments are no doubt bogged down given how many employees are currently in the same boat as me, it does not change the fact that I am suffering because of their lack of action. 

It would be one thing if the facts had been clearly communicated from the very beginning, but as you can see that’s very much not the case. Instead, I’ve been jerked around, lied to, and, again, had my pay withheld. Every day I spend at home fighting with these people is another day of pay I lose and cannot get back. Words cannot express how terrible this whole experience has been. I’ve cried nearly every day and been so anxious and depressed I’ve literally vomited from the stress. All the years I’ve spent building my career and taking care of clients while earning money for this company and this is the thanks I get in return. It is quite literally sickening. 

Throughout this entire process I and many of the Petco employees in my area have been treated like absolute garbage. The stores in our district are running on fumes because so many partners are sick and/or on leave. Employees are running entire stores on their own and not getting breaks because we’re so short-staffed. One store in our district even closed down because a groomer tested positive for COVID-19 leading to the entire store shutting down and being professionally cleaned... and then re-opened almost immediately, causing even more of a burden on the remaining employees scrambling to cover all these near-empty locations. Our technology is over-loaded and crashing because it can’t bear the weight of our increased Buy Online, Pick Up In Stores (BOPUS) and curbside pick-up orders. It’s absolute insanity and it needs to stop. 

I am not the first person to say this, nor will I be the last, but the crisis we are currently experiencing has starkly exposed how broken our economic and social structures truly are. Along with doctors, nurses, and medical care professionals working in hideous conditions to keep the rest of us healthy and safe, the people who contribute the most to our communities are those that have traditionally been looked upon as unskilled and overall less-than: janitors, housekeepers, garbagemen, cashiers, shelf-stockers, etc. Very quickly public perception has turned, and now society as a whole knows what those of us who work these types of jobs have always known: we are essential. We have the power in society. And we should use that power to defend ourselves and each other, which is why I’m writing to you now. By shining a light on the flaws and failings of this company, I believe we can hold them and others like them accountable and demand better, because we absolutely deserve it. 

The bottom line is this: if you care about workers’ rights, if you value the safety and lives of your fellow humans, and if want to slow the spread of this disease that has upended everything we hold dear, don’t go to Petco. Don’t reward this company’s bad behavior with your money because they have proven they do not deserve it. 

[its-sj-i-swear]

Okay so I just really need to say this. I was rereading Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston and I just really wanted to talk about it.

It’s honestly amazing. It should be at the top of your TBR, or at least in the middle. And I know people might not buy into it- which is why I’m going to explain why it’s so great, other than it’s a really cute BL (what else could you possibly want? Well whatever it is, I can assure you this book has it) There are spoilers ahead so... er... yeah. I’ll tell you when they’re about to come up though.

Firstly, the representation. Let’s ignore the obvious sexuality bit for a second, and look at everything else. We have a female Democratic president who won the election right after Barack Obama. Her son, the main character, is bi-racial. Everyone talks about those two things but how about the more subtle matters? Their family isn’t the stereotypical nuclear family- Mom, Dad, and kids. We have a Dad and a stepdad in the picture. And although tensions are pretty high with the Mom and the Dad, that’s realistic. The dad and the stepdad get along pretty well and both Alex (the MC and their son) and June (another MC and their daughter and an absolute QUEEN) love them both which is honestly so amazing. And, about the dad for a second, like he’s on the scene even though the “love of his life” (his words) is with another guy and somehow manages to be relatively okay. And he’s honestly such a good dad- he invites the kids- even Nora who isn’t really his kid but- to his house just to have a good time even though it might hurt that their mom isn’t coming with them. Also, June is the one more into making her own way with her fashion writing stuff and is honestly (this might raise conflict but) as ambitious as Alex, if not more so. In my opinion, it’s harder to make your own way as the First Daughter on something so unrelated to politics versus following in your Mom’s footsteps- or close to anyway- as a guy.

Okay, now to the sexuality and stuff. First, let me just say that there is trans representation which is honestly not done enough and it’s not even a whole thing. Like what I mean is with so many of these things- like someone being trans or there being a random threesome between Nora, Pez, and June, they’re not a big deal. Like, it’s just accepted. Like, June and Pez’s sexualities aren’t explicitly said and it doesn’t matter to anyone because that’s just how accepting they are. Alex is bi and Henry is gay which I appreciate because I’ve read books where both the lovers are gay and though that may be likely, it’s more believable if one is gay and one is bi or pan or something. And the fact that Alex’s Mom and Dad and Stepdad are all so accepting is just refreshing- and yet there is that realism with Henry’s grandma not being as accepting. Oh, and let’s get onto Henry’s family.

⚠️SPOILER ALERT!⚠️

His sister is a drug addict gone clean, and I love how they included that element because it further shows that everyone is honestly trying to get by, and the fact that she’s clean because Henry was lost and didn’t know what to do and cried to her is just... like, woah. Both the sibling bonds in this are just amazing. And Henry’s mom... she’s just amazing. And again, his family isn’t really nuclear either- his dad is dead, which is another huge plot point because it shows the vulnerability of Henry and actually addresses how hard it is on everyone when a family member dies and how they cope with it (Bea-cocaine. Phillip- being a general annoyance to everyone except his grandma. Henry- curling on in himself. His mom- becoming withdrawn).

⚠️SPOILER ALERT OVER⚠️

So yeah. The representation is just *chef kiss*

Okay. Now for the second bit; the characters. Like, can we take a moment? Every single character is so well-developed, even the secondary characters. And there aren’t really any unnecessary characters which I appreciated because some other books just have characters that don’t even do anything and it’s just annoying. But this book wasn’t like that. Every character, no matter how small, had a purpose. There’s no waste of a character, and I like how no character is explicitly evil. Like, Richards is kind of bad, but we can see why he did the things he did. This is closer to real life because there isn’t any clear cut good or evil.

Okay. *rubs hands in glee* now for the character development. We start of with a boy who is ambitious and yet hates himself sometimes for it, and hates the Prince of goddamn Wales. We have his sister who is obviously in the White House and not at uni or whatever because she has to keep an eye on him- which is a little narcissistic if you ask me, but in the least egotistical way possible. You have his Mom who he wants to be like, Rafael Luna (who I’ll talk more about later) who he wants to be exactly like. You have his dad and stepdad, both of whom he appreciates very much. You have Zahra (who I’ll talk about later again and who is an absolute QUEEN) who he’s a little scared of but loves anyway.

⚠️SPOILER ALERT!⚠️

Now, cut to the end of the book. He hates himself and the Prince of Wales a little less and everything else more or less stays the same. So why do we feel like everyone evolved? Probably because we get to know everyone so much more. I mean, we get to know Rafael Luna is an absolute genius, as his Oscar, Alex’s dad. We know Zahra will kick down a door, make half-dressed Henry fall out of the goddamn closet (‘“Quite,” Henry observes.’ Yes I’ve memorized it move on) and finish pulling Alex’s boxers up because he hasn’t yet. And then she doesn’t tell the president because Alex hasn’t come out yet with only the promise that he’ll tell her soon. Like... come on.

⚠️SPOILER ALERT OVER⚠️

So... yeah. It’s the fact that the development is so subtle that it’s literally just us getting to know the characters. It doesn’t feel like development, really, because it seems too natural for that. Like, it’s almost not the characters developing. It’s their situations changing and so they do as well. And the fact that I’m saying that really makes me feel like Casey McQuiston put a lot of time and effort into the seamlessness of this book and it shows.

Taking the seamlessness point a little further, I’m going to be talking about the last thing on my mind. All the goddamn tropes. The way I say that sounds like it’s a bad thing but it really, really isn’t. It’s honestly every cute trope rolled into one.

⚠️SPOILER ALERT! (Although I dunno how you’ve heard about this book and not heard of what’s going to happen ultimately)⚠️

We have the:

* Hated each other for ages but actually it was love all along (Drarry or Snowbaz anyone?)

* Had to pretend they were friends and actually became more

* Cheesy emails that are actually so cute that I might die

* Absolute denial of all and any feelings until the shy one kisses the other one and the other one doesn’t kiss back because THEY’RE STUPID AND OBLIVIOUS *cries* and then the shy one thinks they read it all wrong so stops all and any contact with the other one and then the other one is like WAIT... *insert that ‘I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.’ thing* and then corners the shy one and kisses them

* Someone finds them out and the shy one doesn’t talk to the other one because ajdijdowhfoejrjiwjc and then the other one confesses their love and the shy one’s resolve dies because they love them too

* Whatever medium they used (emails, texting, whatever) got leaked and they were kind of screwed but it didn’t matter because they had each other (this trope is only for famous people and generally used in fanfic- I would know)

⚠️SPOILER ALERT OVER⚠️

So there are all those tropes and one would think it would be cheesy and like a poorly written fanfic, but it isn’t and that what makes it so amazing. Every single plot point has a reason and maybe it adheres to these tropes but it’s is by no means unoriginal, which is a miraculous feat.

The entire book is honestly so good, and it is an easy book to get through- it’s a feel good book so there isn’t a lot of angst and sadness, even though there is some. Just... honestly I love the book so much and I thank Casey McQuiston for creating such a thing. I think everyone should read it, so please add it to your TBR.