#the whole thing feels like a missed opportunity bc i didn’t do anything i wanted to really

[j-esbian]

thinking abt how much of my life i’ve lost to depression and i truly want to throw up

[joesalw]

Old swiftie here. I'm so over Taylor shading Joe. Like, I've always defended her because she, as an artist, is allowed to express herself and sing about her life, but she's literally just been taking cheap, coordinated shots against him for months now and it's just ugly. It's one thing for her to write about her feelings, another to shit talk him to her girlfriends, and a WHOLE OTHER THING to take every opportunity to blast him in front of the whole world. It's even worse to me that he really wanted to be private and now that they're over she's making everything public as a last laugh. He hasn't said anything, he's barely shown his face since the break up. All of this could have gone away by now, if she didn't keep bringing it back up. For someone who talked a whole lot about her accomplishments being diminished by the media in favor of her love life and how unfair that is, right now she's the only one to blame for it. She's really not missing any chances when it comes to talking about Travis and even worse comparing them being public to Joe. And I'm sorry, but some of the stuff she says is just hurtful no matter what unfolded. Wasted time? Really? I just don't get how someone can write such beautiful love songs, be so in love, talk for YEARS about how being private is the right thing and what she needed for their mental health, and then go "wow what a load of wasted time you were, and I gotta tell the whole world about it." She just flipped on him so hard and that's the kind of thing I always defended her from. I'm not finding her at all different from the likes of Kanye. That's not the kind of person I'd like to be around in real life and it definitely isn't the kind of person I want to be supporting. Idk I just really can't with the way she's rewriting history. It's like she forgot she disappeared for a reason and has now fully bought into the idea that he kept her locked in her basement or something. I always thought that if you really wanted to know someone's character you should put them on top of the world and see what they do with all that power and I'm sad to say nothing Taylor has done this year has made me think she's someone I should root for. Working with a rapist, dating a racist/misogynist/zionist then defending him, turning on someone she once implied save her life, the way she handled the Rio shows in Brazil (as a brazilian fan)... It's all just rotten. A real shame bc I've been with her since 06 but better late than never I guess.

A real shame indeed, because she's someone i used to defend a lot as well. But with everything that has happened this year have put such a bad taste in my mouth and also made me realize how her haters have always been so right. I used to think she has improved herself a lot both personally and professionally but to throw away all those character development as a wastage of time just because a relationship didn’t work out is so childish and embarrassing, like how can her fans not see through this?

[judeswhore]

Spending time alone with Jude for the first time. You’ve been on dates before and hung out with friends and he’s invited you over because his mom is back in England to spend the weekend with his dad for their anniversary and you’re both so nervous.

You’re cuddling on the couch watching a movie and Jude is completely zoned out because he’s overthinking how to kiss you because he wants it to be nice and romantic and hes already missed like four very obvious opportunities to.

Meanwhile you’re trying to talk to him and he’s giving you “mmms” and nods but it just looks like he doesn’t want to be there anymore and you’ve tried to get him to kiss you but he just moves past it like it’s nothing so you’re worried you misread the whole thing and he doesn’t actually like you.

So the whole night goes by until you just give up to save yourself some dignity and suggest you ought to go home because it’s getting late but it’s like 8pm and Jude is taking it completely the wrong way, that you don’t like him and it’s all just so silly.

it’s the first time you’ve been alone at his house and both of u are panicking abt expectations and worrying abt what the other person wants but at the same time ur both too nervous to actually voice what ur thinking. so the whole evening has been awkwardness and missed opportunities and jude’s panicking abt how he should kiss u, wondering if it’s too much to do it while ur alone in his house bc he doesn’t want u to think he’s trying to lure u into sex or anything (but at the same time he’s not saying he wldnt have sex with u but that’s not why he’s invited u over) and ur sitting there overthinking every little interaction you’ve had wondering if you’ve completely misread everything and he actually just wants to be friends. bc you’ve tried to get him to kiss u a couple times and he’s brushed u off and whenever you’ve tried to talk to him he’s just given a noncommittal hum in reply. so ur feeling embarrassed and a little confused and thinking it’s probably best if u left (even tho you’d planned on just staying the night), shifting up and muttering some excuse that it’s late and u have to go and jude’s so baffled and now his heads swarming w insecurities and worries that you don’t like him and he’s feeling hurt and embarrassed abt the whole situation.

he’s stopping u tho before u can leave all “i don’t want u to go yet. i thought we could watch something else and order food in, there’s this really nice place we always order from, you’d like it” but ur frowning at him and being like “jude, you’ve barely spoken three words to me all night. i get if u just wna be friends and y’know that’s cool, we can hang out as friends but it’s not fair to make me think otherwise” and now he’s frowning bc why on earth wld he wna be just friends??? and he’s telling u that “i don’t wna be ur friend. i mean, i do, ofc i do. but i don’t wna be just ur friend. i wanted u to come round tonight so we wldnt get interrupted. y’know, i didn’t want my mum walking in on me kissing u” and he’s awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck while ur pointing out that he hasn’t kissed u. which has him giving this half embarrassed laugh and shake of his head and he’s explaining that he didn’t know when the right time was and he never meant for it to seem like he wasn’t interested he was just panicking abt making ur first kiss sweet and romantic but he also didn’t want u to assume he was just trying to sleep with u and in his head it was all a mess. and he’s full on rambling so ur only option is to kiss him to shut him up and somehow it’s the perfect kiss and it wipes away both of ur worries, both of u grinning like idiots when jude pulls u further into him to deepen the kiss

[insomniakisses]

Sometimes you have to learn to share

Requested? no

Warnings/Notes: jealousy, drama in friendships, jennie being a smol sassy bean, Sua lowkey jennie bashes, kind of ooc but i feel like pissed of and jealous Sua is lowkey a bitch.

Note 2: i spent days on this bc i have minimal time to dedicate a day to wrote so i thing it may flick between tenses.

Fic type: fluff, slightly angst

Reader: fem reader

You’d been Boras best friend for what felt like a lifetime. The two of you having met when you were trainees eventually debuting in different companies. Her in Happy face, later DCC and you in YG entertainment. Which was were you had originally met Jennie, finding her having some extra practice in on of the practice rooms.

You fondly remember how she had been so on guard about you interrupting her, assuming you were some crazy fan that had walked in rather than what you were; a trainee who had booked the practice room for extra practice the before before your debut.

That night the two of you had decided to share the room, intending to practice together as one was preparing for debut and the other a solo comeback. However the night took a turn when you fell trying to do a flip and Jennie managed to keep you from falling flat on your face. After that the two of you spent the night talking and getting to know each other, only realising how much of a fuck up that was when the morning staff entered the room and you were both very late for your schedules.

It was 2 months after that day that you two saw each other again, your schedules aligning and you running into each other in the YG canteen. Well she was running you were daydreaming. Regardless, it ended in her ice coffee all over your white shirt and her “helping” by rubbing it in even more. You proposed changing while she went to the studio since she seemed so desperate to get there fast but you never would of guessed leaving with her number.

She laughed at your shocked face when she had asked if she could give you her number, giving the excuse of replacing your shirt. Taking the opportunity to grab your wrist and pull out a marker, scribbling something down before skipping away.

“X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X, Jennie x”

It was the weekend when you finally text her, filled with nerves and slight embarrassment at your awkwardness. Fearing she might not remember you at all.

Unknown 10:23 am: Hey! Its y/n

Unknown 10:26 am: realised you probably don’t know my name, we met in the practice room.. then you spilt your coffee on me

Jennie 🫢 12:34 pm: Oh hey sorry, i was recording!! I’m free in an hour if you want to go shopping and replace that hideous shirt

Clumsy Girl 12:34 pm: So my shirts hideous now 🤨 I’m not good enough for the likes of miss Jennie Kim of BLACKPINK? I see i see 😂

Jennie 🫢 12:35 pm: Well… it was a nice colour?? 😂 AND i didn’t even mention your shoes 😉

Clumsy Girl☺️ 12:35 pm: So i guess ill meet you outside the building in 10, should i dress up for u little miss Chanel?

Chanel Princess 👑 12:36 pm: Like you could 😂😉

Chanel Princess 👑 12:36 pm: See you in 5! ☺️ I wait for no one 😌

You remember having to sprint half way there just to be on time, only for her to record your out of breath half walk half jog when you arrived. Claiming it was the best thing she had scene all day. And although you had planned on going on a shopping spree you had seen an arcade and practically dragged the girl in claiming she had to play at least one game.

Having spent the day playing game after game, you ended the night with a go on the claw machines winning her a dumpling plush and claiming it looked just like her. You could see the red taint her cheeks and how her gummy smile practically lit up the whole street and in that moment you couldn’t understand why anyone could possibly hate her.

Though the sky was dark and the air has began to get chilly, you decided to walk her home talking about anything and everything until you saw her starting to get a bit cold. Stopping you had attempted to take off your jacket only for her to raise a brow at you,

“If you think your going to go all knight in shining armour on me and give me that flimsy hoodie to ‘keep me warm’ then your dead wrong” she huffed pulling out a designer jacked from her bag and slipping it on.

“I am prepared and stylish!” She flicks her hair dramatically with a wink, “besides, it takes more than a half ripped hoodie that smells of arcade and practice room to woo me miss lover girl” she gives you a light shove.

Raising your hands in defence you nod approvingly “noted.” Smiling softly you pick up your conversation once more, unaware to the buzzing of your phone in your pocket.

Walking her up the drive to her house you could help but smile when she stopped at the door to give you a shy wave, holding back her grin before she all but skipped inside leaving you a giddy mess as you made your way back to your own house, finally fishing your phone out of your hoodie.

27 miss calls from Dancing Queen 💃🏻

23 messages from Drancing Queen 💃🏻

112 messages from Dreamcatcher and Y/N 💖

Gasping you quickly dialled Boras number going straight to answer machine, which was expected given it seemed like you had been ignoring her. Trying her phone again, this time it picked up,

~on the phone~

You: Bora Hey! I’m so sorry i was out and-

Siyeon: She doesn’t want to talk to you.

You: W-What? But she called me? Many times i might add

Siyeon: Maybe because you missed out weekly film night and didn’t even give us a reason why… we were all worried you know.

You: I’m so sorry! I can come round now? With ice cream and more stuff and-

Beeeeeeep

Sighing you decided to just go home figuring your friends would talk when they felt less hurt. Walking inside your bedroom you went straight to bed feeling incredibly guilty.

For the next few weeks you got radio silence from dreamcatcher, bar Jiu who had called a few times to check you were okay. Feeling alone you leaned on your members a lot more and made many new friends in the company. Eventually regularly having lunch with ur band mates, Blackpink and even some of the soloists and BTS members.

With all the radio silence on dreamcatchers end you felt your friendship with them drifting away to the point you figured they didn’t want to be around you any more. It hurt more that bora, a long time friend you saw as an older sister was leaving you out also.

But with all the lunch time hangouts around friends you and Jennie were only growing closer and closer and maybe you were so focused on your new routine and daily life you forgot to check in with dreamcatcher as much, missed some of there calls and even declined a few while hanging out with them.

It had been 4 months since your first date with Jennie and you could honestly say you were head over heals in love with her. She was the cutest person you’d ever met with twice as much sass. But despite her walls to protect her self deep inside was a shy and caring person who wouldn’t harm a fly, unless your names Lisa and you wear her clothes.

So caught up in your conversation with Jennie you failed to notice Bora, Gahyeon and Yoohyeon coming into the canteen planning to have lunch with you since they figured you still ate alone being to shy to talk to anyone. But there you were on a massive table of boisterous idols laughing and joking with your eyes locked on Jennie’s both of you smiling so wide as you conversed. Giggling and laughing about something nothing but love in your eyes. The boiling point being when she leaned in to peck your lips before winking and scurrying off with the rest of her group leaving you a bright red mess. The boys all cheering and making kissing noises at you while you sat still in shock.

Huffing she stormed off throwing the lunch she had made for you in the trash and angrily texting you to meet her at your dorm later, claiming you had to talk. Which leads you to now. Standing in your groups kitchen awkwardly as the older girl prepares food for you girls, the girls in questing hiding in there rooms from fear of Boras rage never having seen her so pissed.

“So,” she starts cutting the pepper way more harshly than needed causing you to wince “I hear you and Blackpink’s Jennie Kim are very… close”

Laughing awkwardly you hum, “w-well we are kind of close I guess..” you back away slightly as her chopping speeds up sparing a glance to the girls who were peering out their doors, silently asking for help but receiving doors shutting as an answer..

“Look Bora, Jen just-“ the chopping stops but she doesn’t turn to face you, but you can feel the way her face screws up and eyes harden. The air turning cold and tense around you.

“I mean, Jennie, she’s just so nice and sweet. Jennie is a caring person and we got close while around the company, Jennie even likes the show i wanted you to watch and-“

“Jennie this! Jennie that! WHO CARES ABOUT JENNIE!?” She turns around knife pointing at you.

“Bora.. i.. do..?” You chuckle awkwardly eyes flicking between her and the knife until she slams it down. “I like her a lot actually!”

“But does that dumb bitch spare a thought for you! Or is it all money and sex for her, wouldn’t put it past her“ she laughs “probably just using you because she’s bored and your such an easy target for a slut like he-“

“Don’t even finish that sentence!” You growl turning around to get the door intending to tell her to leave but freezing when u see Jennie standing there, silent tears rolling down her face as she begins to back up.

“Jennie! No don’t leave please!” You pull her into your arms as she cries, feeling Bora glare daggers at you from the kitchen.

“Well she should, There isn’t any room for her or food” she huffs with a laugh “Go on little miss big shot idol, leave!”

“No.” Tightening your arms around a shaking Jennie you glare at your old friend. “She stays. You go! You can come back when you learn some fucking manners”

She storms out telling you how Jennie will be bored of you in a week and not to come crawling back to her when that happens. But you couldn’t give a shit about that right now. Kissing jennies head you pull her to the couch and wipe her tears as she sniffles. “Y-you know none of thats true right, i would never-“

“I know” you smile, rubbing her back as she leans into you. “Why would you do that for me, loose a friend I mean?” You look at her like she had grown another head, “because bora was out of line and i care about you… i care about you a lot”

You feel her smile into your chest. “Does that mean were dating?” You let out a shocked laugh before exclaiming “was that not clear the last 3 times we made out!”

“Oh shush” she huffs curling into you as she turns on a movie to watch, rearranging herself till she was basically tucked into you like a baby kitten. Your baby kitten.

A/n: i accept no dreamcatcher or blackpink bashing tho!

Anyway! I hope you like it ;)

ps. originally was a male reader but i changed it sooo

[azure-firecracker]

ATLA Live Action Episode 5: Overall Thoughts.

I think this is an unpopular opinion but I didn’t mind that everyone got trapped in the Spirit World this time. This show tends to do better at crafting new material than adapting the original’s material, largely due to the fact that anything they do to that material will most likely pale in comparison. This isn’t to say I think they should rewrite the whole plot, but it’s cool when they get to explore a totally new thing. I like the spirit world as a setting, and I like the “creepy place that none of the characters know how to deal with” trope so that in itself did work for me. I saw people annoyed that Wan Shi Tong was there but I didn’t really care one way or another (with the exception of wondering what they’ll do if they get a Book 2 bc I love The Library). I also saw people annoyed that Aang knew who Hei Bai was right away, but to me that was required for this new plot so again, that didn’t bother me.

On Aang: this episode is where the show’s tone shift really got to me. I like that this show was more willing to delve into Aang’s trauma and how tragic his backstory was: while the original dealt with it well, it had limitations due to its being a kids show. This version had an opportunity to explore it more and I’m glad it did. But this episode was where I started to miss the levity of original Aang. It felt like every line was about his destiny, his guilt, his need to be a hero, etc. etc. And this is great in small doses but it can’t be Aang’s (or anyone’s) whole character. Aang needs to feel like a person beyond the backstory, and in this episode he didn’t (and I know it’s writing not acting because Gordon acted the hell out of those lines as usual). Aang being the only one who could resist the fog felt plot armor-y to me but it’s whatever. I liked the further development of Aang and Gyatso’s relationship, they’re very sweet, BUT this is the billionth instance of the show taking something important Katara did (in this case telling Aang he couldn’t have stopped the Air Nomad genocide) and giving it to a male character. They need to stop doing that.

Katara has gone back to doing nothing and having things happen to her but that was true for everyone this episode so I’ll let it slide THIS TIME! Her flashback was well-done (both Kiawentiio and whoever plays young Katara DELIVERED on the acting). The change of having her mother die explicitly because of her bending, while dark, has potential for really interesting exploration in the future, and also sets up some parallels with Aang if they want to explore that. There are also some rather problematic aspects of it relative to her arc as a whole (explained in this awesome post), but in isolation I think it works as a writing choice.

Sokka’s backstory was also well done and I liked that they laid the foundations for where his insecurities come from. I saw some people saying Hakoda would never say that, but I don’t think he was characterized thoroughly enough in the original to make that call. I also think that he’s a minor enough character that they can make those changes without much of a consequence. I do, however, think they needed to switch Sokka and Katara’s flashbacks in terms of order, because Katara’s is objectively way worse but having Sokka’s after it makes it feel like it’s not and it’s just weird.

Zuko didn’t do a lot this episode but Dallas Liu continues to be great.

Highlight of the episode was definitely the Azula scenes for me (and yes this is definitely influenced by my bias since she’s my favorite character). I wasn’t sure how I felt about her nearly burning the trainer because she’s not a RAAAH ANGER character and I didn’t want them to make her one, but I thought about it and realized it made sense if it was more of an “I’m practicing and I can’t stop” thing. I decided to interpret it that way and give it the benefit of the doubt. Of course I loved the “You’re perfect” “It’s not good enough” exchange. It’s an echo of Azula’s book 2 intro but with a younger Azula who’s with her friends and doesn’t have to wear the same masks and hasn’t beaten all the insecurities out of herself yet. I like that this show is allowing her to show so many emotions right off the bat. I loved Azula as a villain in Book 2 but it felt like the original didn’t decide they wanted her to be more than that until mid book 3. This show wants her to be more layered right off the bat, and as someone who always advocates for acknowledging Azula’s depth I really appreciate that. I also loved the shots of her training and just being so frustrated with herself during Gyatso’s final monologue. The narration suited her well and it was something I always pictured her doing when I imagined her life in between Zuko’s banishment and Book 2. It felt very in character.

My overall impression was that not a lot happened in this episode. Like, almost nothing happened. They introduced a cool new setting which I think worked. They used the lack of plot to do some good character work, with varying degrees of success. The flashbacks were good, but the show needs to do more thinking on how those events shaped the characters beyond just having them be their trauma. The main trio’s dynamic did improve a little bit in the spirit world. Sokka and Katara both got to be snarky which was great, but I do still feel like that dynamic is lacking and I can’t put my finger on why. I think it’s serious tone because every time the three of them are together they’re talking about some massive thing. They’re never just…together. I appreciated that this episode had some together time, even if only a little. Azula was by far the highlight (for me) I hope I like her future scenes just as much. And here’s a reminder that anyone who hates on Lizzy Yu for not looking exactly like a cartoon character is not welcome on this blog.

I’ll give this episode an 8.4/10 (elevated because of the Azula scenes).

[nitewrighter]

Hello (there is a prompt at the end of this I promise)

I had a dream about Gency and it reminded me of you bc I used to love love LOVE Gency (still do!) and your fics are so well written and I am so sad that Blizzard fucked up overwatch (and it’s lore kinda?) over the last couple years :(

Also the way they removed a bunch of Gency interactions and are kinda like..changing their relationship dynamic? And the line in the biography story mode thing about how mercy was genjis cyberneticist?? even though she previously was never mentioned to like… do that stuff and that kinda reframes how they interacted pre-fall and its a minor thing but it really just grinds my gears :(

(I pretend it is not canon because i know overwatch better that the current OW2 writers 👍)

And pushing more Pharah/Mercy stuff after literal YEARS of gradual Gency buildup in OW1?

and also the way some Gency artists literally don’t feel SAFE to post their ship art (of a ship that actually has a decent amount of support and is based in canon, mind you) on Twitter.. but that’s more a Twitter thing than anything

i wanted to be into this games lore so bad and i used to have such a good handle on it and now every so often i get this huge wave of nostalgia when i look back over fics from years ago and get sentimental and mad over what was and what could have been (just in general) if blizzard didn’t fuck it up :(

admittedly I haven’t examined what’s going on in the lore of the game too much over the last couple months, so if they revived it somehow or Mr. Developer looked us in the eye and said “Gency is real” then throw this whole thing out the window 😭

Anyways there was a really cool plot to the dream and i was gonna give you a prompt so you could write something akin to it if you ever wanted but I now forgot the plot ☹️ but I love your writing and i hope even in your creative, non-overwatch-related endeavors, all goes well

hmmm but here’s a prompt idea (I don’t know if this would actually be in line with the canon for your overwatch prompts now, it’s more of a what-if):

what if Genji and Mercy crossed paths after the fall of overwatch? Before they started sending each other letters, before the recall, by pure coincidence—maybe before or while Genji was under Zenyatta’s teaching—either way, he isn’t at peace with himself yet. Would Genji try to hide his identity? Would he feel like he isn’t good enough to face her? Or guilty after she goes, missing a one-in-a-million opportunity to connect with her again? Or maybe they do talk, but are obscured and don’t know who the other is until too late? Or maybe they fully know who the other is—what do they say? What do they do? I am super interested to read your take on this prompt if you ever want to write something akin to this!

I am going to. binge all your Gency fics now. Goodbye

First of all... WOW! Thank you for taking the time to write all this! And also thank you for reading my gency stuff. I still love them too, for all my disillusionment with Overwatch and its overall storytelling. I definitely share your sentiments with regards to the fact that the revolving door of writers has basically lead to Overwatch no longer giving a shit about continuity and actual storytelling and just defaulting to what they think will suck the dicks of fanon in the most satisfactory manner. And it's not just writing Gency out of existence either--it's about erasing the tragedy of Widowmaker and the complexity of Reinhardt. It's about reducing Gabriel to a shitty radicalized cop. It's about bringing in characters who make no sense chronologically and have fuck all to do with anything and honestly just heighten the truth of the "stereotype+fetish" joke of Overwatch character design (Yes, I'm talking about Kiriko and Illari). It's about bringing in Mauga 4 years late and acting like they're the cleverest damn people in the world for doing it. It's about expending an absurd amount of narrative and advertisement funding and energy on fucking ASHE of all members of the cast.

Okay--okay--I'm calming myself down.

With regards to your prompt, I'm just going to say, I played the general timeline out between Genji and Mercy the way it played out with very specific reasons. The truth was, as far as character development goes, for all of his love of Mercy (as far as my fic continuity goes) Genji simply wasn't in the mental or emotional space to have a healthy relationship with *anyone,* let alone Mercy. And that's also why I have him mentioning hooking up with Cassidy during his time in Blackwatch in the broad general fic continuity, because it's this very fucked up emotional period for both of them and they have this *very strong link* for a time but as they progress to healthier mindsets they both sort of outgrow each other. Genji moves on to Angela and Cassidy moves on to Hanzo and that's *good* because that indicates they've both grown into their own respective people past being in a really painful codependent state.

The *whole point* was Genji getting away from Overwatch, hallucinating Mercy at his lowest point, and realizing *he* needs to be the person to get himself out of his most fucked up mental corners, and then meeting Zenyatta so that he can develop the right mental tools for that. I'm realizing this is a very western interpretation of this, but then again Overwatch slotted in Robot Jesus with Aurora so fuck it, but if I had to break it down into a solid narrative, it's a Divine Comedy where Genji is Dante, Zenyatta is Virgil, and Mercy is Beatrice. You can have your idealized love and your most beloved mentor, but ultimately YOU have to claw YOUR OWN way out of hell.

If he met with Mercy or made contact with Mercy at any point before Zurich exploded in my fic continuity, that wouldn't give catharsis for ANYONE. The only position they would be in, would be for angst wank. And like, YEAH, I *can* write Gency angst wank that doesn't actually go anywhere and doesn't contribute anything to the characters beyond making them feel sad, but honestly I'd rather write my Anarky-Assassinated-President-Lex-Luthor fic. That's a nice fatty mutton bone I can chew on.

[sunlightmurdock]

Can we get director’s commentary on THE bathroom scene and a ⭐️ for anything else you’d like to talk about

*cracks knuckles* okay let’s talk

“Can you just stop being such a child for five fucking minutes?” Rooster snaps.

Starting off strong with him cutting her down in one of the most hurtful ways he possibly could’ve. This part, I feel like, really sets the tone for the whole scene. He wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it and they both know that. From this point on, she’s got a point to prove and he’s got something to make up for.

“I fucking missed you so much.” He admits against your collarbone. It scares him, how much he means it. It delights you. He doesn’t want this to stop.

It’s at this point in the fic that Rooster really begins to spiral. He had the perfect opportunity to end things with Amy and he didn’t — he tried to end things with Reader and yet he wound up here.

He’s feeling pretty powerless, completely tangled up in this little web and it’s all completely his own fault. Which, is when he begins to want to pass the blame. As seen below.

If she hadn’t left him in the first place, he never would’ve fallen into your arms. But — chance after chance has arisen for him to fix things, this isn’t her fault anymore. It’s just him being weak.

Your brows furrowed slightly. You swallow hard, grabbing onto his back for leverage, gasping for air. “I-Is someone calling you?”

And then it gets real. She’s been being really cool about this whole thing, reader has been trusting Rooster’s word even though she definitely has this gut feeling that something is wrong. And then, she has to look at Amy’s face on that contact picture.

Just like Rooster said, reader is being childish. She’s feeling wounded and possessive.

“Just ignore it, she’ll stop.” Bradley murmurs against your throat, nudging your jaw back and pressing his tongue firmly against your skin as he sucks warm kisses against your neck.

And then Rooster confirms that he knows exactly who it is that’s calling him without even having to look. It’s a complete kick in the chest, realising that for whatever reason, Amy isn’t going to leave them alone on her own. She’s going to keep calling. She’s always going to be there.

We all know what comes next and it’s probably the most immature and cruel thing that she could’ve done. Oddly enough, I don’t blame her — I don’t agree with what she did by any measure, bc it was fucked up — but I don’t think it’s her fault for doing what she did.

It’s important to remember that she went into this knowing that Rooster had just spent a weekend with his ‘ex’. That Amy seems so much more mature, and she has known Rooster for way longer, and that right before this it seemed like Rooster was going to tell her something bad. I think reader knew that they had slept together honestly.

[karinasbaby]

okay. phew. this is gonna be a RIDE.

i just wanna start off by saying that the build up and introduction and back story of everything and all the explanation parts are all chefs kiss babe

so starting off with this scene in the airplane

For the next hour, Heeseung looks like he wants to say something to you. The headphones you've brought do well to cancel out the noise, for the most part. You can see from the corner of your eye that he glances at you from time to time, but you ignore it and choose to get comfortable for the long haul.

i can literally imagine his pretty bambi eyes just looking at you and he’s so 🥺 like pls pay attention to him 💔💔 this is literally like that one scene in iland where he’s asking jay & sunoo about whether he looked as cool as hoon or not and they didn’t hear him so he just :( 🥺🥺 stop im making myself emo atp

"You guys looked pretty cozy," Sunoo comments. "It was nice seeing you two like that again." "It felt nice," he mutters. "I really missed her."

sunoo my baby my gorgeous cupid i love you so much and you’re so right i bet they did look so cozy and adorable and cuddly :( also the “i really missed her” stop.

The months spent apart without phone calls or texts were agony. He loathed hearing what you were up to from your mutual friends or when he accidentally watched your Instagram stories. Seeing you happy without him made his heart lurch, not out of possessiveness, but because he wished you were comfortable enough to share those moments with him.

now this whole section genuinely had me so :((??? bcs like just the image of sad pouty hee looking at yn’s instagram stories and being all like :( man. i can picture the heartbreak in his face and i really wish i couldn’t because what the heck :( they both deserve sm better HEE WHY DID U FUMBLE A BAD BITCH��️

Heeseung makes a few comments in the conversation as he watches you catch up with Leo's brother and as you facilitate conversation between the rest of the guys. There's a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes there's a lot he doesn't know about you.

now this whole thing hit too close to home because that whole sinking feeling of realising that the person u love so much is someone u really don’t know anything about and it’s just 💔💔💔 why must u put me through all of this u genuinely had me staring at my phone like :( for a good two hours during the angsty parts

Heeseung assumed you needed time to heal from the awkward encounter and hadn't reached out to you for a week. He didn't think much of it at the time and hadn't made plans with you until he realized you'd be leaving for Europe the week following. By then, it had been too late, because he stopped by your house the morning after you left.

THIS IS SO?!?¥[%\+]%]+! WHY WOULD U DO THIISSSSS please this really is gut wrenching because like i had to take such a long break after this. the image of both yn & hee looking so heartbroken and defeated and just so lost and sad and dejected and all of these emotions worsening for hee when he shows up at her house and she’s not there oh my god where are there tears on my face

When the room gets too hot, you make your way outside where you're fenced in by a metal barricade. It's cold outside, but the alcohol running through your veins keeps you warm enough that you decide not to go back to ask for a jacket. Heeseung wants to follow you but stays still in his seat when he sees Sunghoon exit the door after you leave.

heeseung when r u gonna stop fumbling my guy. the opportunity was RIGHT THERE. (after further reading i’m very thankful that sunghoon got up first but man was i frustrated when i first read this like >:( ??? you’re STILL fumbling.

“Heeseung was pissed. I saw him looking at me like I'd killed his family, or something. I swore I could see steam coming out of his ears. He wouldn't talk to me for a week because I'd been your first kiss."

jealous hee my favourite type of hee my baby i love angry hee i love for jealous hee i love for hee glaring and literally staring daggers at someone possessive hee <3 jealous hee <3 angry hee <3 mhm. (also sulky hee not talking to hoon for a week my baby :( pls i can’t. he’s so adorable ♡)

this whole part was so heartwarming really had me staring at my phone and bathing in the love that was radiating off my screen like :(( so happy they have their own family and that they feel so close to one another & so comfortable and just— the comfort the love the warmth please this was like a free therapy session (“Heeseung wishes he could hide you in his arms instead.” okay but what about my sanity?)

He hates that he can't read you like he used to. He hates that the other friends know you better than he does, and he hates that he's in the City of Love and he can't call you his girlfriend.

my god i genuinely want to kiss ur mind bcs u making them both forgive eachother and get together and be official in the city of love ur mind. ur mind. it needs to be studied bcs oh my god

"I want to." Heeseung says it out loud for the first time. He wants to work it out with you and get his best friend back in whatever way you'll allow. "I miss her, Jake. I miss being her friend and I fucked up when I rejected her" Heeseung doesn't notice Jake's eyes widen at the sudden admission. Jake had his fair share of theories and considered Heeseung to be his best friend, but even he knew there was a limit about what he was willing to share and what he kept to himself.

just casually tells jake smth he & yn have both been hiding from the group for like 4 years or smth like it’s nothing. you’re so down bad hee so ridiculously down bad it’s actually insane but im so glad he told this to jake and jaeyunie knocked some sense to him where would we be without jake man 🤲

You can't believe you leave Europe in two days as you sip your wine. Jay's father was gracious enough to reach out to his friend at the hotel's restaurant to negotiate having this meal compensated. It's a gesture you hold onto and make a mental note to write a thoughtful note when you settle back in Korea. Jay sits next to you and partakes in the wine activities with you, namely picking out two different bottles to share with the table. Talking to Jay like this makes you feel otherworldly, like you've gotten more experience out of life since you chose to study abroad. You feel lucky, in a sense, that your life has given you more than you expected it too.

jay’s father the man that you are 🙏🏼 thank you for everything you have done for the community and for the whole world 🙏🏼 ngl im very much aware this was a whole hee fic but i can’t help but be so gravitated towards jay bcs the way u wrote him is so so perfect and so manly and attractive like some stuff jay did in this fic had me blushing so much even tho i was supposed to be paying attention to hee but im just a girl :(

That brings a laugh out of you and Heeseung can't help but smile. He doesn't care if it's the alcohol allowing your walls to come down. He's grateful for the chance.

oh heeseung you’re so in love :( please their whole convo had me looking at my phone with straight up heart eyes they’re both so cute stop it right now i wasn’t made to handle this. and the whole “writing down places thingy” is so sweet and thoughtful :( “i wish i could’ve visited you while you were here” YOU SHOULD HAVE.

Heeseung's soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver. He sees your mascara beginning to smudge and resists the urge to wipe it away so that your eyes may look fresh and dry. "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I have no excuse."

but you did this… f-for what…? what was the reason??? “heeseung’s soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver” okay pack it up shakespeare before i actually bawl my eyes out and i will NOT stop anytime soon.

“Then why did you leave me?" His heart shatters. You've turned away from him in an attempt to walk back to your hotel room. However, Heeseung has learned his lesson. He doesn't let you stray too far and gently tugs your wrist to pull you into his chest and is surprised when you don't fight him off of you. He doesn't care that your tears have stained his shirt or that you're hiccupping into his clothes. All Heeseung wants to do is let you know he's here for you now, despite his past mistakes and clouded judgment. Heeseung loves you for your bravery and vulnerability. He can only hope you understand that.

oh now you’re really dragging me through hell and back with this one :( but CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT 🗣️ HEE HUGGED HER & DIDNT LET HER GET AWAY THIS TIME WE CHEEREEDDD !! that’s all i’m gonna say for this part cuz if i continue i’d cry

“I love who you are and what you believe in. You make the world a better place for everyone around you. How you treated me was a small fraction of why I love you. I love your passions and that you aren't afraid to chase after them. I love that you stick with the same boba order even though you tell yourself you'll try something new. I love that you hate the beach but go with us every time we ask. I love when you get a little drunk because you don't fight me when I want to take care of you." Heeseung swallows. "But mostly, I just really love you."

this whole part— the whole cleaning yn’s make up off and confessing his undying love for her felt so so intimate and raw like oh my goodness the way u write everything when’s ur novel dropping atp because the way you conveyed every emotions and detail this whole scene is so !!! this one is for sure going down in the history book of best hee works. easily a masterpiece. “but mostly, i just really love you.” enough.

“Please don't get over me," Heeseung croaks. His own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat, aggressively wiping his eyes to rid himself of tears. He presses his forehead against yours. "I don't want you to get over me."

really feeding into my obsession with desperate needy men who aren’t afraid to voice out their emotions instead of having a hard exterior and displaying this harsh outer shell like “his own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat” but what if i was crying with them as well. u really just- i have no words this is pure art that makes me want to sob “i don’t want you to get over me” that’s never ever gonna happen please :(

Heeseung throws caution out of the window and envelopes you in a hug. He feels your body melt against his and can't help but look at the way you've folded into his chest in the bathroom mirror, with your head in his neck and his cheek on the crown of your head. Heeseung missed holding you like this-with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation.

again everything. every detail every word ever emotion is written so beautifully like i want to kiss ur fingers atp this is too good to. “with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation” are u serious. r u joking. is this fr. i had to take a break and stare at my wall for 10 mins because that’s the prettiest and most beautiful way i’ve ever heard someone describe two lovers enough bye

He leans down to kiss your forehead and both of your cheeks repeatedly until your eyes flutter open. Heeseung thinks he could listen to your laugh every morning with the way you wince at the sunlight and how his lips touch your skin. Still, your gaze finds its way to Heeseung's and you can't help but smile.

this whole waking up scene literally made me physically melt in my bed i was so :(( like the way u wrote them and made them so so so in love with one another had me feeling so fuzzy & warm what the heck i love you i love hee i love tides of regret so much help me

“Slept like a baby. I feel like one too." "That's because you are a baby," Heeseung teases, kissing your cheeks and then the tip of your nose. "My baby."

soft hee my beloved. my heart. my angel my soul my dearest love had to take another break because the way u wrote soft hee just made my heart go !!! and i couldn’t handle it. he’s so perfect :(

“I think you two should spend the rest of the day by yourselves," Jay suggests. "We can either meet up for dinner or whenever we have to check out."

i love jay so much. not a lot of stuff i wanted to say for this section but i just wanted to clarify my love for this man. i love jay <3 he’s so sweet and perfect i love him ok i’ll shut up now (but thank u sm for suggesting that they spend the day together)

“God, you and your Superman cape from fourth grade," you snort. "You wore that thing to school everyday. Your dad had to wash it every night otherwise you'd refuse to go to sleep." Heeseung shuts his eyes at the memory.

see now i already have such a huge soft spot for heeseung in general but now you’re killing me and actually ending me with baby / younger hee what made u think i could handle all this pls i have a weak small heart i can’t handle all of this :( the image of baby hee with a superman cape that he refused to take off oh im seeing the pearly gates already

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to. Instead, Heeseung grabs your hands and locks his fingers with yours, squeezing three times to tell you he loves you.

🚨 this part right here officer. this exact one right here. attempted murder i’m telling you.

Your heels match well with the dress you've chosen, so much so that Heeseung's jaw drops when his eyes rake over your body. "Wow," he mutters. " Just…wow." "I'm not used to you being speechless," you say mildly, closing the door behind you.

in love heeseung who’s all :0 when he sees his gf’s outfit for their first date and his eyes form hearts i’m about to throw up he’s so cute please “wow” i will kiss you right now.

“I'm so happy you're back in my life." "I'm happy to be in it." Heeseung squeezes your waist. "Deep down, it's always been you that I've loved. There's not a single person who makes me feel the way you do."

you’re out for blood. like genuinely. bcs wdym “it’s always been you that i’ve loved” the tissue box is EMPTY PLEASE.

Heeseung wastes no time and pulls you into him, one arm around your waist and the other behind your neck. His mouth finds yours when he decides he loves the taste of red wine on your lips. It feels poetic to be kissing you for the first time as you're both dressed to the nines in the middle of Paris. To him, kissing you feels like a breath of fresh air and the start of something new. For you, kissing him feels like coming home.

again shakespeare please pack it up and go i can’t do this. this scene is straight out of a movie because the amount of love and affection that’s slapping me across the face from my screen is actually ridiculous you deserve an oscar for this im not even kidding where are your awards??

"Come here," he beckons with his fingers. He attaches his mouth to yours and pushes his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring the warm, wet walls you have to offer. Heeseung decides that he loves the feeling of your tongue against his and lets you suck on the muscle. You take your dress off to reveal sheer panties with nothing else on. Heeseung's jaw drops at your beauty, but he also cannot believe how sexy his best friend's body is. To him, you were sculpted from the hands of Aphrodite herself with great love and care. And it's all for him

:0 ?? no words. genuinely no words. no like seriously i was gasping for breath during this scene and i still am.

"That's it," he encourages. "Does my baby feel good?" You can only nod and he doesn't blame you. "That's a good baby. Fuck, you're so wet, it's driving me crazy."

soft in love hee praising. soft in love hee praising. soft in love hee praising. soft in love hee praising. soft in love hee praising. soft in love hee praising. soft in love hee praising.

Heeseung kisses your wet panties over and over again, his soft lips providing jolts of pleasure. His hands roam around the soft flesh of your thighs and squeezes them as if he remembers you're all his to touch. The feeling is one you want to commit to memory, but it seems like Heeseung knows your mind is working overtime because he reaches his hand to find yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

there’s just smth about men kissing eating & licking pussy that just does it for me honestly (heavy on kissing bcs wow you’re in love) and really i had to take a break during this as well because my soul was gone like rereading this now and im dizzy again

"Such a pretty pussy," he says before placing a soft kiss to your clit. He repeats the motion, kissing your folds like they're delicate antiquities that need to be handled with the utmost care. His lips become covered with your essence; he feels you squirm underneath him and uses the expanse of his palms to gently pry your legs open for him, soothing the soft skin of your inner thighs.

??!?!?€#*[>{+]!|¥!|¥$]=\€&£29:

going through it SO BAD.

this whole part. this whole part right here. i was SCREAMING into my pillow. holding and squeezing my plushies for DEAR LIFEEEE

live footage of my reaction to this scene

The man above you lifts your right leg so that he can grip you tighter. You relinquish any control left in your body as Heeseung curses and kisses the side of your ankle. He dips the head of his cock inside and thrusts shallowly as if to tease, but you know he's exploring all the way his cock looks like against your own body.

so by this point i passed away around (approximately) 9 times i think?? and again, im speechless. no words. none at ALL.

“My good girl," he murmurs, eyes locked in at his handy work. “I've never let anyone come inside of me," you say with a fond expression. Your arm comes to brush Heeseung's hair from his face before cradling his cheek when he looks at you in surprise. "Really?" You nod, biting your cheek. "Well, I always knew you were it for me. I didn't want anyone else tainting what's yours." "Mine?" he asks, catching his breath. "You mean it? You're mine." “I'm yours, Hee." "All mine," he mutters to himself in disbelief.

possessive in love soft hee who’s so so so in love and i just— *dreamy sigh* im so dizzy

"But mostly, I just want you to sit on my face. Mad at me? Sit on my face. Sad? Sit on my face. Happy to see me? Sit on my face."

no way you’re also giving us munch hee. possessive in love soft munch hee?? what the hell??????

“Now what do you say, baby? If you ride me until you come, you can blow me in the bathroom before I fuck you in front of the entirety of Paris. Can you do that for me?"

down bad HORRENDOUS. (making fun of him so i can have more time to actually process what the fuck is going on atp) (no because out of all the stories of hee that i’ve ever read— i genuinely felt like this was the most perfect one when it comes to his personality and how he makes love like THIS this right here is EXACTLY how he fucks and no one can tell me otherwise you wrote him PERFECTLY.)

"Okay, we should call the cabs right now so we can get to the airport early," Jay says from behind you."Jay is such a dad," Jungwon whispers.He pays no mind to Jungwon's words, instead focusing on the way Heeseung pulls you into his chest.It warms his heart in ways he can't explain."Congratulations, you two. Let's go home."

i love jay i love jay so much jongseong my beloved i adore you with my whole heart and i love jungwon so so much i love the way you wrote everyone and everything in this story it’s so perfect so well written you never failed to surprise me more with your creativity the further i read there were so so many moments where i was straight up :00??? or just :(( or just :0 (dizzy) i had to take so so many breaks because i couldn’t handle some parts the way you made everything feel so emotional and so intense was so insane i genuinely felt like i was in the story myself. this was straight out of a movie this deserves its own movie adaptation the organisation of all the scenes and the build up and the slow burn literally everything was so so perfect and so perfectly & delicately written i’m so in love. for sure one of my favourite pieces of writing that i’ve ever read in my entire life this was so perfect genuinely can’t process the fact that i read this for FREE josephine oh josephine the writer that you ARE.

u really had me like this throughout the entire story bro

would also like to introduce my greatest discovery — Post Reading Depression where u feel like a whole part of your soul was snatched after reading an absolute godsent masterpiece and now you’re just 🧍‍♀️ because that’s exactly how i feel like right now. i feel EMPTY.

i’m so in love.

hana neither of us are / were prepared istg. i’m gonna need around 12 thousand light years to recover babe.

tides of regret | heeseung

summary: in the year since heeseung first rejected your love confession, you've tried everything to get over him. a trip to europe makes you realize you miss your former best friend more than anything, and it makes heesenug realize he's got it all wrong.

notes: aaand she's here! this is 24.4K words worth of my heart and soul. consider this a token of my appreciation for welcoming me on enhablr. i sincerely hope you enjoy it. <3

warnings: angst/internal self doubt, playful banter, dirty talking, praise, slight degradation, oral (m and f receiving), dry humping, fingering, mentions of exhibitionism and face sitting, nipple sucking, spit, brief moment of anal (tongue only), condom removal, unprotected sex, creampie.

For @enha-stars – may this story rip you apart and stitch you back together.

masterlist

Incheon feels lonely at three in the morning. 

The overhead lights being turned off because of the lack of travelers at this hour makes the airport feel bigger than it actually is. It’s too quiet without the familiar sounds of luggage wheels on the linoleum or overhead speakers announcing flight changes every ten minutes. You don’t think you’ve ever been to an airport so early in your life. 

It’s quiet enough to leave you alone with your bothersome thoughts. In the years you’ve been away from home as you studied abroad, you can’t help but feel a gravitational pull towards life in Seoul and the people in it. The familiarity of your home outweighs the adventure you once yearned for in your youth, and now you’re left with the exciting notion that, this time, you’ll know when you’ll be coming back.

The terminal has an abundance of seating. Your backpack rests on the seat beside you as Jay double checks the gate number while the rest of your friends find a spot on the seats next to you, attempting to find an ounce of comfort in the dimly lit area.

“I know leaving early saved us hundreds of dollars, but I need sleep,” Sunghoon says from beside you. His usually well kept hair falls in all sorts of places like he woke up without a second thought and hailed a taxi the minute he opened his eyes. 

“You’ll thank me later,” Jay says. “We can sleep on the plane.”

“Our flight doesn’t leave for another two hours,” Jake whines from beside him as he yawns. “How am I supposed to sleep on these god forsakes chairs?” 

“Quit whining and try,” Jay retorts. He looks behind him to see the rest of your friend group approach before glancing over to you. “Doing okay?” 

“How come Y/N gets preferential treatment?” Jake beckons. 

“Because she isn’t a nuisance like you,” Jay immediately fires back before diverting his attention towards you again. 

“I’m alright,” you say, stifling a yawn behind your hand. “Just cold and sleepy.” 

“Hopefully they turn off the damn AC,” Sunghoon says as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head. “I feel like my veins are being injected with ice.”

“It’ll warm up when more people come,” Jay reasons. “I wish there was a coffee stand that was open. I need a cup.” 

“I could go for one,” you agree. “I’m trying to stay awake for the next couple of hours so I can sleep on the plane.” 

The rest of your friend group appear behind Jay and you look down to check your phone for any notifications when Heeseung catches your eye. It takes you by surprise and you abruptly look back at your screen and busy yourself by aimlessly scrolling through social media as he attempts to occupy the empty seat beside you, but Jake beats him to it.

“I’m gonna freeze to death and then all of you are gonna have to deal with my frozen body.” Jake dramatically slouches down onto the seat until his head finds your shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as if trying to find comfort in you. “Jesus, Y/N, you’re so warm.”

You laugh. “I wore layers.” 

“You’re gonna regret that when we get on the plane,” Jake mumbles. 

Heeseung, from the corner of your eyes, opts to move to the seats in front of you. You try not to pay him any mind.

You snort. “Yeah, well I can take these layers off while you freeze until you become an icicle.” Jake hums when you let your head fall onto his. 

“You know I’m not built for the cold. Australia’s my home.”

“And yet you moved to Korea,” Sunghoon provokes. 

Jungwon and Riki are rummaging through the bag of snacks you’d brought for an early breakfast until the restaurants and coffee stands around you open up. Jake’s right, it’s far too cold to stop shivering, but you suppose you’re grateful that the discomfort distracts you from sleeping too early. 

“I can’t believe we’re finally going on this trip,” Sunoo says from above you. With your head still on Jake’s, you turn to look at the boy speaking. “I’m really excited for you to show us where you’ve been for the past four years.”

A tiny smile graces your lips. “I’m excited to show you around London and Paris. The latter is a two hour train ride. My friends and I would go every few weekends or so to explore the city. Pictures and videos don’t do them justice.” You sigh as you reminisce. “I really did think that I’d end up living there when I graduated.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Missed home too much, I guess.” You shrug. “Though, I can’t believe Riki went through a growth spurt in the last two years that I was gone.”

“You went back to Okayama before Y/N came back for holiday break, right?” Jungwon asks, looking between the both of you.

“That’s right,” Riki says. “I was sad that I couldn’t see you before you went back to school.”

“Now he’s twice my height.” You gesture at the younger boy. He’s too shy with the sudden affection and chooses to bury his head in Jungwon’s shoulder. “You were so little.”

“Shut up,” he mumbles. 

“I can’t believe you’re fluent in English now.” Jungwon pushes Riki off of his arm. “You, Jake, and Jay are kind of scary when you speak English.”

“It was a little hard at first. I used to watch a lot of American cinema so I could understand it better than I could speak it. But I can’t lie, it’s fun being able to talk to them in English.”

“You were so cute trying to string phrases together during your first summer back,” Jay coos. “Texting her in English was funny because she couldn’t understand the difference between spelling.”

“Poor Jake.” You pull your head from his and look down at him. “You probably had aneurysms looking at my grammar.” 

You lift your head to see that the aforementioned has fallen asleep amongst the conversation with his mouth slightly ajar and soft snores echoing past your ear. You don’t move when Jay asks if you want Jake off of your shoulder, but you shake your head.

Conversation falls flat when the group unanimously decides that sleepiness is overtaking the need to socialize. Jay keeps checking his watch to look out for the time while your eyes try to look anywhere but at Heeseung. 

It’s odd, the way two people can lose a friendship overnight. The heartbreak that came with romantic rejection wasn’t nearly as bad as realizing texts and phone calls were far fewer in between the moment you had arrived back in Europe to finish your studies. It hurt to know that neither one of you felt comfortable enough to see each other when you were back in your hometown unless the two of you were invited to hang out with mutual friends. 

Still, seeing Heeseung after he had rejected your confession felt like a punch to the gut. 

Long gone were the days of being able to send him unimportant updates about your life abroad or what you were doing at any given summer day back home. You couldn’t ask him to go to the restaurants you used to frequent near his house or yours. You certainly couldn’t call him at random hours because you were bored and missed his voice. 

It wasn’t for the lack of trying. It felt like things might've gone back to normal after a short period of not talking, but your texts going unanswered and your calls going to voicemail was all you needed to know. 

Perhaps it’s why you’re comfortable spearheading this vacation with Jay, who had made it a point to visit you in London when you’d chosen to stay behind instead of going home for the holiday break. The two of you had never spent time alone prior to then, but it touched you that he’d go out of his way to dedicate an entire day to visit you when he was there for a family vacation. 

Coming back to Korea the summer after graduating felt like you were making the right choice, even if your head was telling you to find a home in Europe. Still fresh from your unresolved rejection, stepping off of the plane and knowing you wouldn’t be returning back to your university’s town made the uncomfortable reality of coming face-to-face with Heeseung sink in. You’d have to live with the consequences. 

But it’s been eight months since you returned, six months since Jay’s dad was gracious enough to offer you a position on his marketing team, and five months since he encouraged your entire friend group to take a trip to your old stomping grounds. 

The proposition felt too sudden, especially with how little experience you had working with his team, but you’d spend an evening with the Park family for him to consider you an honorary member. Though, you’re sure Jay might’ve told him something happened between you and Heeseung, especially after telling everyone you wouldn’t be coming home for the holidays. 

To this day, you haven’t uttered a single word to your friends about what happened the night Heeseung rejected your love confession. If you know him as well as you think you do, you don’t think he's told anyone either. 

“Cafes are opening up,” Jay notes. Sunghoon’s ears perk up. “Three of us should go get food and drinks while the rest save our seats.” 

The airport overhead lights must’ve turned on while you were deep in thought. Jay’s right, the coffee stands have opened and it’s likely due to the new influx of travelers who’ve arrived at the airport. Foot traffic is still light and you know Jay wants to get ahead of the crowd. 

Jake has woken up because of the growing murmur around him and lifts himself off of your head to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. He yawns once more but tries his best not to fall asleep again.

“How long was I out?”

“Twenty minutes, give or take,” Sunghoon answers.

“Sorry for sleeping on you,” Jake apologizes. 

“It’s okay. You needed it.” He scrunches his face, not used to the new lighting. “Jay, I’ll come with you to get coffee. I need to stretch my legs.” 

“I’ll help as well.” Heeseung speaks for the first time in a while and his voice nearly catches you off guard. 

“Sure.” Jay gathers everybody’s orders before the two of you follow him around the terminal. 

The line isn’t unbearably long, but with Heeseung towering behind you, it feels like you’ve been standing for hours. You shift from one foot to the other in order to find a happy medium to no avail. Jay orders for the group and you pay attention to him more than you care to when you realize Heeseung is now standing beside you to make room for more people to wait in line. He’s considerate like that and you hate it. 

When the baristas are finished with your order, you reach for the bag of sandwiches in your haste to escape Heeseung. But your fingers touch the steam and you drop the bag into the counter with a hiss.

“Careful,” Heeseung says. “Don’t get hurt, please.” 

Your clumsy nature was always something he teased you for. Heeseung sounds so sincere about his worry that you think you’d rather him pour all of the hot coffee on you instead. 

“Thanks.” You grab the bag with so much as a single moment of eye contact before realizing Jay has started walking back. 

Breakfast is eaten in silence. Everyone is too tired to speak, save for Jake whose twenty minute nap has rendered him a little more awake than the rest of you. You and Sunghoon share your egg sandwich and chocolate croissant respectively without a word spoken between the two of you. 

Meanwhile, Heeseung is staring at the way your thighs are close to Sunghoon’s. He had shifted his body closer to yours in order to form a makeshift table so that sharing pastries wouldn’t result in crumbs on the floor. You can feel Heeseung's gaze on your kneecap and it makes your face flush. 

Sunoo and Jake offer to throw everybody’s trash away when you’re all done eating. The airport is in full swing by now and everyone has said their graces and apologized to Jay for giving him a hard time with how early they arrived. 

It seems that sleep has threatened to overtake you. You’re waiting in line to scan your plane ticket and board the aircraft, but the sudden warmth of the airport has caused you to yawn a few too many times. Riki’s standing in front of you and his height makes for a perfect makeshift wall to lean on. Or, that’s what your tired brain is telling you, because you slouch forward and let your cheek rest against his back as you close your eyes. 

“Sleepy girl,” you hear him chuckle. You merely nod in acknowledgement. 

Your comfort is short lived when he softly nudges you because the line has moved. Soon, you scan your ticket and give the airline agent a smile as thanks before waiting to set foot on the aircraft. 

Sunghoon notices your dropped shoulders and wordlessly takes your backpack off of you. 

“You don’t need to do that,” you say with a frown when you see Sunghoon carrying your belongings with him. 

“Let me hold it,” says Sunghoon. “You look like you’re about to fall over with the extra weight.” 

“If you insist.”

“Let us take care of you, yeah?” Jay interrupts, bumps his shoulder with yours. “You’ve been running all over Europe these past four years and we’ve only seen you a handful of times. You deserve to relax on this trip.” 

“I can’t believe you guys are being so sweet on me. I know that’s ending the second we get back to Korea.” 

The two boys laugh. “Well, it’s only fair, I guess. You’re like, the mom friend.”

“Jay is the mom friend.” The aforementioned doesn’t argue. 

The squeeze of the aircraft is tight and you’re desperately trying to look for your seat. It seems that Sunghoon is sitting in your row, which excites you, but you’ve come to realize that you’ve obtained the ungodly middle seat. You make peace with it for a brief moment before Heeseung clears his throat awkwardly.

“Let’s switch seats,” he says from behind you. His ticket shows the window seat right next to yours. “I know you hate middle seats.” 

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you.” 

“You’re not asking.” He says it with a smile and it makes you cower into yourself. “You should move to your new seat so we don’t hold up the line.” 

Heeseung suggests it in a way that is reminiscent of the days where he’d give up his sweet treats because you wanted a taste. It tugs at your heartstrings but you don’t have time to think about that when you notice how the plane is starting to fill up. 

Reluctantly, you slide into the window seat while Heeseung and Sunghoon follow suit. Your seat belts are buckled and in no time, the aircraft takes flight. 

For the next hour, Heeseung looks like he wants to say something to you. The headphones you've brought do well to cancel out the noise, for the most part. You can see from the corner of your eye that he glances at you from time to time, but you ignore it and choose to get comfortable for the long haul. 

When you notice the flight attendants come with the beverage cart, you take it as a cue to get comfortable and try to get some sleep for the next few hours. Likely due to the lack of sleep from the night prior, you fall asleep as soon as your head rests against the plane.

You don’t hear Heeseung requesting an extra bottle of water for you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you come to, you’re barely able to register that it’s time to eat the first meal on the flight. You take your headphones off and put it in your backpack as you blink the sleep out of your eyes. 

“Chicken or beef?” 

Heeseung looks at you, expecting an answer.

“Hm?”

He laughs softly. “Chicken or beef?” 

Your eyes dart between him and the flight attendants when you realize they’re about to approach.

“I heard them asking people which meal they want,” Heeseung explains. “So, chicken or beef?”

“Beef.” You clear your throat. 

“Beef it is.”

Sunghoon requests chicken when the flight attendant arrives. Heeseung orders beef for the both of you before you get the chance. If he notices you looking at him strangely, he doesn’t comment on it. 

The food comes quicker than expected and the meal tastes decent, though you’re trying your best not to elbow Heeseung as you cut away at your portion. He seems engrossed in the movie in front of him while you peek at what he’s watching—Iron Man, to no one’s shock. 

You soften a bit at the nostalgia that comes with Heeseung and Marvel, namely the rainy days in your youth spent marathoning the superhero movies. There had been one year in high school when he’d dressed up as Tony Stark and you as Pepper Potts despite a few girls your age whispering behind your back at the matching costumes out of jealousy. You don’t think you can think of the franchise without thinking of Heeseung. 

The memories almost bring a smile to your face. Heeseung seems to notice you glancing at his screen in between bites. You avoid eye contact when you realize he caught you staring and focus on cutting your meal, praying that Heeseung will stop looking at you and watch the movie instead. 

But he takes one earbud out and holds it to you. 

“Do you want to watch it with me?” He’s halfway through. You tell him such but he doesn’t care. 

“I don’t want to jump in halfway through.” 

“Come on, it’s not like you haven’t done that before.” 

Heeseung says it with such nonchalance that it makes your stomach drop. He sees the way your eyes falter for a moment and the way you glance between his hand and the screen. You try to come up with excuses to refuse his offer, but you’ve got eight more hours until you land.

“Sure,” you settle. Heeseung gives you one headphone and resumes watching.

Between the meals being picked up and tray tables being put away, you manage to fall asleep in your seat. Sunoo sits in front of you and upon coming back from a quick bathroom trip, sees your head resting on Heeseung’s shoulder with his cheek propped on your head. The two of you are fast asleep despite the credits rolling and he can’t help but snap a quick photo. 

You wake up some hours later when Sunghoon says your name. The cabin lights turning on temporarily blinds your vision as you wake up when you realize you’d managed to push yourself back enough to rest yourself against Heeseung’s arm. 

“Oh God,” you say in shock, pulling yourself and the seat upright. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, like he means it. “Sleeping on planes is uncomfortable. But I know you know that.” 

You nod. “Yeah. It's too hard to get comfortable.”

“I can’t believe we’re spending two weeks in Europe. I’ve never been outside of Korea and Japan before. You’ll have to help me with my English.”

“Jay or Jake can also help with that.” You say it with a yawn and Heeseung’s eyes cast to the floor for a brief moment. You barely notice, gathering your own belongings as the flight descends. 

“Yeah, I guess they can.” 

When you land, the familiar disorientation of the time difference truly wakes you up. It’s eleven in the morning when the plane door finally opens and Jay’s moving a step ahead of you as he occupies space in the aisle way to grab his belongings. You follow suit and wait for your turn to exit amongst your friends and other travel goers.

Stepping out of the plane and into the familiar terrain of the Heathrow Airport reignites your attentiveness and you smile at the fond memories of being greeted by your university friends upon arriving. The familiar atmosphere of English travelers milling around the gate warms your chest with nostalgia. 

You wait for the boys to emerge before signaling Jay, who follows beside you as you walk towards the baggage claim area. You lead him with little trouble down the escalator as the rest of your friends follow suit, yawning in an attempt to wake themselves up. 

“It’s weird seeing you in your element,” Jay comments as he stands beside you, periodically checking the turnstile for his luggage. “A good kind of weird.” 

“This airport might as well be my second home,” you tell him. “It feels routine to wait for my luggage at this point.”

“I’m tempted to sleep when we get to the hotel but I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule more than it already is.” Jay pulls his luggage. 

“Yeah, that’s smart. I think we should take an hour to freshen up and find a place to eat before we go exploring.”

“I can already hear Jake whining about it.” 

The two of you share a laugh. “He’ll just have to get used to it. We can have an early night and rest up before we explore tomorrow.” 

“He slept on the plane, for the most part,” Jay informs. “Surprisingly, he didn’t snore as loudly as he usually does.” He spots your luggage and takes it off of the belt for you. 

On the other side of the carousel, Heeseung and Sunoo are standing together to find their own luggages. 

“You guys looked pretty cozy,” Sunoo comments. “It was nice seeing you two like that again.”

“It felt nice,” he mutters. “I really missed her.” 

Heeseung doesn’t have to tell Sunoo what happened between the two of you for him to know that you two aren’t as close as you used to be. The older boy feels nearly ashamed that his own friends have caught up on his awkward demeanor.

“Well, she’s back for good and we’re here on vacation. Try not to dwell on whatever it is that’s making you think too hard.”

Heeeung laughs. “I’ll try, Sunoo. It’s just hard when we’re not as close. How can I compete when we’re in her college town and how will I talk to her in Paris?”

“Well, you never know,” Sunoo says as he picks up his luggage. “Anything can happen in the City of Love.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The hotel itself is modest in size. Quaint, old cobblestone surrounding the entryway like you remember it. The people are busy walking in and out of the meeting rooms in the lobby as you walk to the concierge to sort out the rooming situation. Jay stands beside to help distribute the keys and the employee behind the desk bids you a good stay. 

The view from the fifth floor is spectacular already. You catch glimpses of the streets of London below you, street lights decorating the sidewalk and flowers surrounding the city. This feels like the London you remember and it adds a slight pep in your step. 

“Alright, it’s decided that three of you are gonna share,” you say as you reach the first room. “The other four will be split into two rooms and I’ll get a room for myself.”

“That’s not fair,” Jake huffs. 

“I refuse to share a room with any of you.” You pocket the key to the single bedroom. “Plus, Jay’s mom helped me make the arrangements when we planned the trip.”

“Favoritism,” Jake coughs. You nudge his side.

“To make it fair, everyone will pick up a key card without knowing the room number and flip it. That’ll determine who you room with.”

“Alright,” Jungwon says. “Fair enough.”

One by one, your friends pick their key cards and discover their roommates. Jake, Sunoo, and Riki are the unlucky three who will be rooming together for the duration of the week. Jay and Sunghoon are in the room directly across from theirs while Heeseung and Jungwon share a room. 

“Let’s meet at the lobby in an hour,” Jay suggests. “We can get some lunch and do some exploring before deciding on dinner.”

“We can take it easy and sleep early tonight,” you add in. “I know that flying internationally is always a bitch and I try to time my sleep when I need to.”

The eight of you part ways. Your suite has a beautiful view of the sky and the room itself makes you feel like the main character of a romance film. The bed is just to your liking with pillows stacked to the nines. It feels nice to have a moment to yourself. With your friend Yunjin backing out of the trip at the last minute due to family conflicts, you hadn’t had time to think about anything other than arriving at the hotel safely. 

You busy yourself with a shower and freshen up, pulling out options for you to wear for the rest of the night. You settle with something stylish yet comfortable and put enough makeup on your face until you’re satisfied with the person staring back at you in the bathroom mirror. 

True to your word, you enter the lobby when you said you would. Jay and Sunghoon are already downstairs by the seats. Sunghoon stands to offer you the loveseat but you decline politely and sift through your phone until the rest of the guys arrive. 

When they do, it’s like all eight of you collectively agree that hunger has overtaken you. You know of a nearby cafe that serves sandwiches from your days in university. You lead them to the quaint restaurant that has your friends staring at the art on the walls as you greet the cashier and order. 

It’s a slow moment for the eight of you as you all eat in relative silence, the sound of quiet slurping audible from the coffees everyone has chosen to drink. 

“Did you spend a lot of time here?” Jungwon asks. 

“Around the area, yeah,” you say, looking around. The outdoor seating area is just towards the edge of the street with the weather being a cool, cloudy day. “I loved coming to cafe’s like these with my friends after class. We’d study until they kicked us out and then go for a drink or two.” 

“We should go to a pub while we’re here,” Jake suggests. “I’ve always wanted to see an English pub. We have a few back in Australia.” 

“I know just the place! My friend’s brother owns it and they know I’ll be in town for the next week. It would be nice to catch up with them.” 

“Hopefully your friends here kept you out of trouble,” Sunghoon teases. You flick him with your fingers. 

“I’m the most responsible one out of you seven and don’t you forget that.” 

“Do you miss being here now that you’re back?” Riki asks in between sandwich bites. “God, I love London already.” 

“You’re going to choke if you don’t slow down.” He apologies and takes a single bite. “Well, I think I miss my friends a lot. I don’t necessarily miss being in university, but I miss the freedoms that come with it.”

“I still can’t believe you spent four years of your life here,” Sunghoon says. “That’s insane when you think about how you cried when your aunt took you to Tokyo for a week when you were in middle school.”

The boys laugh and you frown. “I was twelve, okay? You wound me. But yeah, I think I grew out of my shell in high school and had this urge to travel but didn’t know how to do it. I was surprised when my parents encouraged me to apply to King’s College, even more so when I got accepted.”

“You’ve always been too good to stay in one place for too long,” Jake says. “We got close until halfway through our first year of high school, I think. I always got the sense that you wanted more than what our hometown could offer.” 

“I always wanted to move to the heart of Seoul eventually. But I think I needed to come here in order to figure that out.”

“Would you really have stayed in London if you had the chance?” 

You avoid looking at Heeseung, whose attention averted from his phone to you. 

“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “But what I do know is that I’m happy to be back in Korea and I’m happy to be traveling to Europe.” 

“You always did have that sense of adventure,” Heeseung says. “I remember you were the one who always got us in trouble when we explored a little too far.” 

“Your mom was pissed that time I walked a little too far down the shoreline when we went to Jeju.” The memory feels warm despite your discomfort at having Heeseung’s eyes on you. “I didn’t know who she wanted to kill more, me or you.”

“Definitely me. You could do no wrong in her eyes.”

“What happened?” Sunoo asks. 

“My family and Heeseung’s took a trip to Jeju Island when we were around seven, if I remember correctly. I’d taken swimming lessons and thought I could show off my new skills at the beach we were at, but there was a wave that was a bit too much for me to handle.”

“She was nearly swallowed by the ocean.” Heeseung hits his knee with his palm as he recalls the memory. “I mean, I was seven and it seemed like the wave was gigantic but to my mom, it must’ve been just tall enough that she could see over it.”

“She yelled at him for the rest of the night because she had to pull me out from under the water,” you add. “I was fine. My parents laughed it off but his mom was so pissed at him for not telling me to come back to the shore.”

Echoes of laughter fill the space. It feels nice to be able to laugh like this with Heeseung, temporarily forgetting why you were so awkward around him in the first place. 

When the check is paid, you lead the group around the area. Sunghoon takes out his camera and captures everything that inspires him while Sunoo and Riki are off to explore the shops around. It brings warmth to your chest to see your friends enthusiastically exploring the space you once called home. It had been a dream of yours since Jay came to visit and let you drag him around town for the day. Having them with you feels like you’re healing a part of yourself. 

You duck into the quiet bookstore you used to frequent while you were a student. Filled with novels and trinkets from floor to ceiling, it feels familiar to you. 

You get lost in thought when you glance at the books in front of you and you don’t notice Heeseung approaching. 

“Still love books?” 

“Jesus,” you gasp, clutching your chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. “Seems like you still scare easily.” You hate that he knows you so well. Clearing your throat, you put the book back. 

“Yes, to both. I used to come to this bookstore a lot when I had free time.” 

He looks around. “It looks like a nice place.”

“They have a reading nook in the back. The owner is this sweet older woman who was the first person to help me with my English when I first moved. I think she let me read books for free because I used to bring her sweets.”

“That sounds like something you’d do.” You cast your eyes to the floor. “It’s crazy that there’s parts of you that I don’t know.” 

“Yeah,” you mumble solemnly. Heeseung’s eyes bore into the side of your face as you pretend to look at the titles of the books. 

“Do you talk to your college friends often?” 

“All the time. My closest friends live all over the place. Two of them are from the area, one went to live in the States, and a few live in Busan.”

“I’ll bet it was nice to have some Korean friends when you moved. I remember you used call me to tell me about your first semester here.” 

You can’t help but think about the first few months after you moved when you would call Heeseung for a bit of comfort when things felt too overwhelming. With Korea being nine hours ahead, you always felt a little too bothersome phoning when it was the middle of the night for him, not used to the time difference. But he always answered you or called back when he had the chance. 

You’d spend hours on the phone, talking to him about how difficult it was to learn English and how making friends was not as easy as you thought it would be. Navigating the city felt lonely and isolating because you’d barely made friends in your classes in the first few weeks. Heeseung was there through all of it, reminding you that being eighteen years old in a new country made you brave despite feeling like you were a failure for not grasping a hold on life like you thought you would. 

Falling asleep on the phone with him became a routine, too. Whether it was you who fell asleep after a long day or Heeseung, who had stayed up listening to your worries, the sound of his breathing made it feel like you were back home in Korea instead of exploring a grand new world. 

Soon enough, you could talk your way around and piece together conversations with your classmates until you’d found friends who shared similar interests. Heeseung was the first person you told and the first person to tell you how proud he was that you extended your roots to learn about yourself away from home. You always thrived off of his praise as if making him proud was something you never sought out to do, but appreciated when it happened.

But that was four years ago. Whatever friendship you had with him then is not the one you have with him now. 

“It was nice,” you settle. “I miss my college friends. You might get to meet some later in the week.” 

“Nice,” he mutters to himself when you walk past him. “That’s really nice.” 

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The rest of the week is spent in your old stomping grounds, from touring your campus, to shopping, to sightseeing. The eight of you split up more often than not to explore different areas based on mutual interest. You find that Heeseung tends to gravitate towards you and you aren’t sure if it’s because he feels guilty for rejecting you or because he genuinely wants to explore what you want to do. 

Still though, at least one other person joins you. It feels nice to have a buffer to avoid any awkward conversation or moments, especially when Heeseung trips over his words trying to talk to you. 

The week goes by too quickly for your liking. Spending time in London has felt like coming back home, in a way. You’ll always have your memories here and this city will remain the same when you return in the future. Now, it no longer feels like the place you escape too because things got too hard back home. 

Even with Heeseung next to you more often than not, you’ve found a happy medium The awkwardness dissipates when you set aside your indifference to show everybody your favorite places, watching them explore the city for themselves. 

As expected, Riki and Jake have spent a little too much on clothing with the hopes that they can fit it into their luggage on the way back. It fits miraculously. 

Your friend Leo, the one whose brother owns the pub you used to frequent, tells you he’s excited to see you after all these months. It’s a Friday night when you arrive, seeing it well populated. But it’s rather early in the evening before the rush hour, so you enjoy the relative quietness before people rush in. 

Heeseung, on the other hand, has been in a stupor for the latter half of the week. It began when he managed to talk to you in the bookstore, but blossomed when he watched you navigate your way around the city. You barely looked at your phone for directions and had no problem switching to English when you greeted shop owners. Hearing you speak fluently in a language you once struggled with in your childhood made him feel somewhat removed from your life. The two of you used to joke that he was always better with English. Now, the tables have turned. 

The fear that you’d told your school friends about what transpired between the two of you plants itself in the back of Heeseung’s mind. He worries that your friends won’t like him and that you’ve scorned his name, but he chides himself just as much as he worries because he knows you and how deeply you care about people. 

Heeseung wishes he could go back in time to change what happened. He wishes that he’d admit his mistake and confess to you before you left. It had taken him a long time to confront his own feelings, but seeing you back in Korea made him realize he didn’t care if the relationship was long distance or not. He didn’t care as long as you were in his life. 

The months spent apart without phone calls or texts were agony. He loathed hearing what you were up to from your mutual friends or when he accidentally watched your Instagram stories. Seeing you happy without him made his heart lurch, not out of possessiveness, but because he wished you were comfortable enough to share those moments with him. 

To boil it down, Heeseung hopes this trip can undo a year’s worth of his ignorance. 

But before he can think about that, your exclamation pulls him towards a strange man before you. 

“Leo!” 

The sheer volume of your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung, who eyes the bloke the second you make a dash for him. His heart winces when your arms wrap around the stranger’s neck and as he spins you around, squeezing you for good measure. He isn’t pleased when Leo settles to let his arm rest around your waist instead of letting you go. He’s even less so when you don’t attempt to separate yourself from him. 

“Hey, pretty girl,” Leo says with a boyish grin, accent making Heeseung nearly roll his eyes. 

“This is Leo.” You let your head rest on his shoulder for a brief moment. “He’s one of my friends from university. I think we met in, what, second year?” 

“Second year, auditing class with Professor Donahue on Mondays and Wednesdays,” he says. “God, that class was so boring.” 

“He’s the friend whose brother owns the bar,” you explain to them. You introduce Leo to each friend respectively. “Jay and Jake are my friends who are fluent in English.” 

“You can speak it and understand it as well, right?” Leo asks as he shakes Heeseung’s hand.

He nods while giving him a tight smile. “Just a little. I’m practicing.” 

“Nah, you sound perfect already.”

Heeseung feels indifferent to see you in your element with people from your past. The bartender, who is Leo’s brother, tells you the first two rounds are on the house after he checks IDs. Riki and Jungwon are excited to have their first pub experience after you make them promise to take it slow and drink lots of water in between. 

“It’s a bit weird seeing her be like that,” Leo says to Jay with a laugh. “When we first got to know each other, it was me who had to tell her to watch how much she drank.”

“Y/N, drinking?” Jake asks. “No way. Back in Korea, she got drunk maybe twice a year.” 

“She and a mutual friend, Elizabeth, were as thick as thieves. They were like a package deal before we all graduated and until she moved to the States. They’d always go a little too hard after exam season was over or if people invited them out on a Saturday night.”

“Y/N’s always been the responsible one out of the bunch,” Jay adds. “In high school, there was one time she got so drunk that she nearly scaled the roof of my friend’s house. Heeseung nearly fell off trying to get her down. After that, she swore off alcohol.” 

Heeseung makes a few comments in the conversation as he watches you catch up with Leo’s brother and as you facilitate conversation between the rest of the guys. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes there’s a lot he doesn’t know about you. 

The two of you talked less as you became more comfortable in your environment. At first, Heeseung took it to heart and made the assumption that you’d chosen your friends in England over him, but a stern conversation with his mother made him realize he was being juvenile. He could only comfort you so much when he was oceans away. It was probably a good thing that you were talking to him less because that must’ve meant you were as overwhelmed or scared like you were when you first moved to England. 

You’d still call him a few times a week before bed��when Heeseung was getting ready for the day–to update him on everything that happened in the past week. You two texted more frequently than you conversed, sending him pictures of new places you’d discovered or him sending photos of your mutual friends with sad faces at the notion of you not being able to be there with them. 

Heeseung had always felt a bit jealous of your time abroad. He loved Korea, but he yearned for the same sense of adventure you once had. Only, he hadn’t figured it out until halfway through university when it was too late to transfer or apply for a semester abroad. When Jay had proposed this trip and that his father would expense half of it, he jumped at the opportunity to go. 

Although, he didn’t know it would hurt him this much.

Hearing you talk about your life here made him feel like it was his fault that he barely knew your life in England. It was so easy when the two of you lived a few blocks from each other; he’d run into you with your other friends on the street or know exactly where you were likely to be at any given moment. He knew you felt the same way about him too, as you always knew where to find him if you really needed him. 

But it feels like this is the first time he’s seeing you for who you are as an adult, not the child that he grew up with. 

Surely, Heeseung always knew you had a good head on your shoulders. You were always the more outspoken one who stood up for what you believed in, no matter how big or small. You never backed down if someone was giving you a hard time and it was one of the reasons why Heeseung had struck up a conversation with you as you two played in the sandbox after a few kids had stolen the toys he was playing with. That sense of responsibility and gratuity followed you into your adolescent and teenage years, too. Not once had Heeseung heard anyone say a bad word about your character. He’d like to think he had something to do with it, but deep down, Heeseung knows it was all you. 

When you confessed nearly a year ago, Heeseung felt like his heart might’ve ceased to function properly. Truth be told, he’s never taken his daydreams about being your boyfriend too seriously. He always wondered if it was normal to develop small crushes on your girl-friends at a young age and wondered if those butterflies in his stomach was because of how often his other friends at school would playfully tease him until they stopped. Jake and Sunghoon had been people who teased him for having a girl as his best friend until they befriended you too, and Heeseung was satisfied when they stopped with their comments. They, too, could understand why Heeseung was so keen on keeping you around. 

But the butterflies never quite left him. Your smile was too bright. Your voice was too angelic. Everything about you and how you fit into his life felt a little too perfect; Heeseung hated cliches in his youth and this felt like one big cliche joke. He knew his mother didn’t approve of the girls she’d see him with, even in college when he got into his first serious relationship. She wasn’t as enthusiastic about her as she was with you. At the time, the frustration seemed too biased until it ended in a way that made Heeseung realize his mother truly knew what was best for him.

Heeseung never considered the possibility of dating you until you confessed your feelings for him. 

As much as he plays off being the spontaneous, go-with-the-flow type of person, Heeseung gets scared when things go unplanned. He backs away from courage and from moments that make or break his character. He likes to play it safe unless he can make a calculated risk in his favor, choosing to let others fall flat on their face and learn from their mistakes. Heeseung had never considered the possibility of you having feelings for him either. That fateful summer night is one he will always remember, especially in the way the light in your eyes dimmed when he told you he didn’t feel the same. 

He remembers your quick apologies and the way you backed away too quickly for his liking. He had tried to reach for your hand to tell you it was okay and that he didn’t feel awkward about it, but you’d shook your head and merely told him you’d see him later. Heeseung had never seen you leave so abruptly. But he figured you’d get over it, as you typically do when things don’t go your way. You’re resilient like that.

Heeseung assumed you needed time to heal from the awkward encounter and hadn’t reached out to you for a week. He didn’t think much of it at the time and hadn’t made plans with you until he realized you’d be leaving for Europe the week following. By then, it had been too late, because he stopped by your house the morning after you left. 

Getting together with Seulgi after you left felt too easy. He knew she’d always had a thing for him but brushed her off for reasons he couldn’t fathom until he bumped into her a few weeks after you’d left without so much as a text or a voicemail. Feeling a bit irritated at your wordless departure, Heeseung took Seulgi out on a few days to take his mind off of you.

Except, it didn’t work. Heeseung found himself fantasizing about what it would be like to go out to dinner with you when she was sitting in front of him. When she’d texted him to thank him for his time, Heeseung imagined the kind of things you would say after your first date. When he kissed her for the first time underneath the twinkling lights of a local fair, Heeseung pictured you as he closed his eyes. The fantasy was ruined when Seulgi’s perfume touched his olfactory senses, pulling him back into reality. The guilt of kissing somebody who wasn’t you ate at his chest the moment he saw Seulgi smile at him from where he stood. 

He tried his best with her but broke it off when the unrest overtook his mental wellbeing. It was amicable, for the most part. All Heeseung knows is that his parents (along with all of his friends) were happy that he hadn’t continued with that relationship.

“Y/N used to talk a lot about you, Heeseung,” Leo says, bringing the aforementioned out of his thoughts. “We’d be out at dinner or something and she’d always run outside to answer your calls.”

“Really?” Heeseung says out of surprise. He didn’t know you did that. 

“You bet,” Leo replies. “She talked a lot about Korea when we’d hang out with our friends but she seemed to talk about you the most.” 

Heeseung wonders if you told him about what happened between the two of you the summer before you left. 

“I’m flattered.” Heeseung honestly doesn’t know what else to say. He chooses to tell the truth. “I missed her a lot. I grew up with her living a few blocks away. It felt weird not to be with her when I went to college.” 

“Y/N said the same thing. Every time she’d be homesick, she’d tell us she needed to call you.” Leo’s words bring a warm flush to Heeseung’s face but he chooses to blame it on the alcohol. 

“I heard my name,” you say as you walk to where they’re sitting. “Not talking shit about me, my dear Leo?”

“Never,” he teases. “Although, I’m sure I still have some pretty photos of you and Elizabeth at this very pub.”

“Oh God, please don’t.” You push his shoulder when he moves to reach his phone. “Those do not need to see the light of day and you definitely need to delete them.”

“How else am I going to blackmail you?” 

“You’re the worst.” You look cute when your nose is a bit red from drinking. You always did suffer from redness to the face when you drank. “I can’t believe Elizabeth and I let you into our friend group.”

“Hey! I was the one who introduced you to her in the first place.”

“I’ll bet if I texted her right now, I’d have it in writing that she’d choose me over you.”

“Okay, you don’t need to do that because she definitely would.” 

The group laughs and conversations flow nicely as a few other friends from your university days join you later in the evening. It feels like a reunion, of sorts. It feels especially wonderful to have most of your favorite people under one roof despite the slight language barrier. But everyone seems to get along well enough, especially Riki, who has taken a liking to your Japanese friend you met on your first day of orientation. 

When the room gets too hot, you make your way outside where you’re fenced in by a metal barricade. It’s cold outside, but the alcohol running through your veins keeps you warm enough that you decide not to go back to ask for a jacket. Heeseung wants to follow you but stays still in his seat when he sees Sunghoon exit the door after you leave. 

The wine in your hands is still halfway full. You’ve decided that you’ve taken the lead far too many times this week and that Jay can handle getting everyone home. It’s your fourth drink of the night, just enough to keep you buzzed for the duration of your time at the pub. 

You register the door sliding open and make room for Sunghoon when you spot him over your shoulder. 

“Your friends are really nice,” he comments, leaning on the railing next to you. 

“They’re the best,” you say with a fond smile. “I owe them a lot. I only started enjoying my time here when we became friends.” 

“You know, I was a little worried that you wouldn’t be happy when you moved to London for the first time.”

“What makes you say that?” 

“I think a lot of people would describe you as brave and as someone who will dive in head first to things that scare you, which is true for the most part. But I think people rarely pay attention to the vulnerable side of people like you because it looks like you have it all together.”

“I was a total wreck when I first moved,” you said. “I don’t know if you remember the few times I called you when Heeseung wasn’t able to pick up.”

“Oh, I remember. That was the first time you cried to me and now you have no issue getting your snot on my sweaters.” You swat his arm at the joke but he dodges you just in time. “I remember Yeji getting worried about you too. She was so young and always said she wanted to be brave like you.”

“Sweet girl,” you say. 

“The two of you are similar. I watch out for her a lot, you know? Our relatives always think she puts on a brave face and don’t think twice when she talks about her fears. They always tell her she’ll be fine, but it’s hard to actualize that when you don’t believe it.”

“I thought about coming home a few times when things got really hard,” you confess. “I was out of my depth because I couldn’t speak English very well. I could only speak fragments and getting my way around campus was so hard.” 

“I don’t know how you did it, if I’m being honest. But I’m glad that you stuck around long enough to see what your life would be like.”

“Me too. I’d really love to think I’ve become a better person now that I’ve gotten the chance to know myself beyond the comfort of my home, you know? I love you guys and I love my family, but sometimes being back in Korea felt like I was listening to what was expected of me instead of what I wanted.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Yeji said the same thing a few weeks before we left for London. Part of me thinks she’s considering studying abroad. I found a few college brochures in her room.”

“Don’t you know better than to snoop inside your sister’s bedroom?”

“Yah,” he says. “Yeji steals too many of my sweaters and she said I could get them back.”

“You’re just too easy to make fun of, Hoonie.” 

A comfortable silence passes over the both of you. The audible sound of people talking amongst themselves and the beautiful lights of the city illuminate what makes London so beautiful. It isn’t until Sunghoon speaks that you pull yourself out of your daydreams.

“I heard you that night,” Sunghoon confesses. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The night of the bonfire.I know you told Heeseung you liked him.”

You turn your head to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you’d tell me whenever you felt ready,” he says with a shrug. “You went back to London a couple of weeks later and I wanted to spend time with my friend. There never seemed to be a right time.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and balances from one leg to another. “You looked really sad, Y/N. I’ve never seen you look that way before.” 

There’s a beat of silence. 

Sunghoon listens as you sigh and you push yourself from the railing. Your back touches the cold metal as you look beside yourself to see him. 

“I deluded myself into thinking Heeseung might’ve felt something for me too,” you admit. “It’s not that girls and boys can’t be friends, but towards the end of our friendship, it was like something shifted.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’d…touch me longer. Hugs, pulling me by my waist at parties, lingering near me at Riki’s bonfires, that kind of thing. He started playing with my fingers a lot more. Heeseung never used to touch me like that. He’d interrupt conversation with guys to pull me away. I always knew what he was doing but I liked him so much that I didn’t care if he interrupted a good thing between me and someone else.” 

Sunghoon purses his lips and watches as you look ahead at the glass doors to see your friends laughing. “I noticed that too.”

“When we were alone, it felt like he was one sentence away from telling me he loved me more than a friend. Not that platonic crap that the eight of us tell each other, but the deep shit where that kind of love comes from kindred souls.” 

“Heeseung’s too stupid to see what’s good for him anyway.” Sunghoon pulls a laugh out of you and he’s glad to hear it. 

“But then I confessed to him the night of that bonfire.” You bite your lip at the memory, willing yourself not to tear up. “I mean, you heard him. He told me he didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want to ruin our friendship because it was perfect as it was.”

“And then you heard he’d gotten together with Seulgi.”

“Yeah.” You nod once and look down at your drink. 

“They weren’t together long,” Sunghoon says. “She wanted more but he didn’t want to give that to her. The boys were confused because he seemed to be really happy with her until he broke it off so sudden. I always thought it was because he felt too guilty after rejecting you.”

“What did the guys think?”

“Riki hated her. I have a feeling it was because she wasn’t you, though. I think Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jake were surprised when he’d gotten together with Seulgi after you left and were trying to be nice about it. Jay was indifferent, but then again, you two weren’t as close as you were with the rest of them until he visited you while you were away.”

“Did his opinion change?” 

“Definitely. Heeseung had a period of time in the new year where he went on a couple of dates with her, telling us he might’ve made a mistake by breaking things off too soon.” Sunghoon shakes his head as he tells the story. “Jay was unbelievably pissed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know how he gets when he’s angry. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk until he’s calm. But it was like a volcano erupted, or something. Jay came back mid January to find out Heeseung had been seeing Seulgi for a couple of weeks and completely lost it on him. He said things about not knowing a good thing if it spat in his face and how he ruined every chance of happiness because of his own doing.” 

“Wow…I didn’t know Jay said that.”

“It was scary. Heeseung tried to fight back and say it was his life and that Jay didn’t have a right to say what he could and couldn’t do, but the poor guy never stood a chance. Jay asked him if he would be happy if you came back to see him dating Seulgi and that shut him up real quick.”

“What do I have to do with it?” you ask. “He rejected me before I left.” 

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon says truthfully. “I always thought that Heeseung was trying to redeem himself through Seulgi. But I guess we’ll never truly know.” 

“It’s been almost a year,” you reminisce. “You’d think I would’ve gotten over him by now after spending time in Europe with, well, other boys.”

“He’s not just any guy who rejected you,” Sunghoon says. He looks out at the street, finding the words to say. “You two had been best friends since before me or the guys got to know either of you. There’s a special kind of bond between people who grew up together, you know?

“I think a large part of you misses being friends with him. Sure, rejection always stings, but it’s knowing that you don’t have your best friend that hurts you more.”

“Jeez,” you chide. “You always know how I feel.”

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m just observant. I know that it’s hard to be on this trip because Heeseung’s trying to be that friend you once knew. He probably feels guilty for giving you the cold shoulder during your first few weeks back in Seoul.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well he’s not doing a great job showing it. Life would be easier if he left me alone.”

“But do you want that?” 

You cast your eyes to the floor. “No, I don’t.” 

Satisfied with your answer, Sunghoon nods. 

“You know, I knew Heeseung had feelings for you the night we played spin the bottle just before we graduated high school.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Hoon. He never liked me.” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Do you remember what happened that night?” 

“Vaguely. I remember that being my first time trying alcohol and Jake having to cut me off when I couldn’t walk straight.”

He nods. “When you were sober enough to string a few sentences together, some girl suggested playing spin the bottle. When it was your turn to spin, it landed on me.” 

You make a face. “Ah. I do remember kissing you.” 

“Well you don’t have to look grossed out,” Sunghoon teases. “Everyone knew it was awkward because we’d been friends for like, five years at that point. We were both so flustered that the kiss lasted for maybe two seconds before everyone cheered.

“Heeseung was pissed. I saw him looking at me like I’d killed his family, or something. I swore I could see steam coming out of his ears. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week because I’d been your first kiss.”

“Seriously?” 

“Dead serious.” Sunghoon laughs at the memory. “He wouldn’t answer my texts. In the group chat we were in, he’d acknowledge everyone but me. It wasn’t until a week later when we were all hanging out that I told him there was nothing between us and it was awkward to kiss you in front of our friends.” 

You stand there, dumbfounded. “Huh.”

“I’ve never told anyone that,” he confesses. “I doubt anyone remembers us kissing except for him. I assumed this would be a story I’d tell you and the guys when you both eventually got together.” 

He murmurs an apology. “It’s okay, Hoon. I’m glad you told me. I guess I’m just…confused. Why did he reject me if he allegedly liked me?” 

“I wish I knew. He was miserable when you left and refused to talk about you moving back to Europe for your final year abroad. Heeseung was really sad when he found out you weren’t coming home for Christmas break.” 

“I couldn’t bear to see him. I was so heartbroken and the friends here tonight were consoling me in the way they knew how. I knew I’d be a depressed wreck if I came back home.”

“That makes sense,” Sunghoon affirms for you. “I’m glad you met up with Jay while he was here, though. You got some kind of Christmas gift from home.” 

“Me too. I feel like Jay and I got closer because of it. I knew he could tell something was off but he didn’t say anything about it. Something tells me he knows more than he cares to say.” 

“You know Jay.” You both nod. “More observant and caring than the rest of us. Part of me thinks Heeseung’s jealous of your new friendship with him since the two of you basically planned this whole trip on your own.” 

“Well, Jay has more international travel experience and his dad knows the right people,” you say with a shrug. “I spent four years of my life here. It makes sense.”

“To us, yes. To Heeseung? I think his feelings cloud his judgment.” 

“He never used to confuse me,” you admit. “We used to talk about how much we hated when people made us guess how they felt or what they were thinking. We always said it was unfair if you make people you love, make you guess their intentions. But he’s doing that to me and it’s been driving me insane.

“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I watched him date girls in high school. I watched him with what I thought would be his first serious girlfriend during our first year of college before he went through that short hookup phase. God, that hurt me so bad and I couldn’t say anything because it wasn’t my life.” 

“For what it’s worth, I think it was brave of you to confess to him,” Sunghoon tells you. “I don’t say that as a cheap cop out to make you feel better either. You know me, I’m really sentimental about things even if I don’t come off that way. To confess your feelings to someone who you love…one can only hope to hear that someday.” 

You nudge your shoulder with his. “You say that like you didn’t have girls begging for a date.” 

Sunghoon laughs and you know what he means. 

“You’ve always been the bravest of all of us,” he continues. “I think the reason why I wanted to be friends with you when we were kids is because you didn’t take bullshit from people. I was too shy to stand up for myself between my career as a figure skater while trying to be a normal kid. You and Heeseung offered that kind of normalcy. I could see you two in the bleachers at my competitions and then we’d go out for ice cream like it was any other day.” 

“Well, now you’re going to make me cry.” 

“I mean it, Y/N. You’re a great friend and a great person. I hope Heeseung hasn’t fucked things up too bad that you leave his life for good.” 

You shiver. “Me too.” 

“Talk to him,” Sunghoon advises. “Do it before we leave. You’re removed from your life back home.” You open your mouth to refute but he beats you to the chase. “If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll know your answer when you go home and you can resume your life without Heeseung in it.” 

Sunghoon leaves you alone with your thoughts but makes you promise that you’ll join the group soon.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you walk back into the pub, Jake clouds your personal space before you can even think about ordering another drink.

“Jesus, Hoon. Couldn’t you have offered Y/N your jacket if you guys were gonna be out that long? Poor girl looks like she’s about to freeze to death.

Jake’s affinity for the dramatic never ceases. Your friends look at your goosebumps and the way you’re acclimating to the warmer temperature inside while Sunghoon merely rolls his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you say. “We only came in because I started to get cold.”

“Let me get my jacket for you,” Heeseung says as he rises from his seat. 

“No.” You’re sure you say it too abruptly, but you can’t bear the thought of wearing his clothes after the conversation you just had. “I’m fine, honestly.” 

“Stop being stubborn and wear a damn jacket,” Leo chides, wrapping his coat around your shoulders. “You have this habit of never bringing one when you need it and it drives me crazy.” 

“But that’s what I have you for, don’t I?” 

As you tug the material closer to your body, Sunghoon watches as Heeseung stares at Leo with a hard expression. 

“Not when you’re back in Seoul, you goof.” Leo takes your empty glass. “I’m glad you have these guys back at home. They seem really good for you.” 

“I love them a lot.” You say it so tenderly with your head tilted as you look at the boys you’d call family, only for them to coo at your clearly vulnerable, inebriated state.

“My mother, my older sister, and best friend,” Riki says with a hiccup as he engulfs you in a hug. “Seriously, I would be dead in a ditch without you.” 

“I don’t know a better person,” Sunoo chimes in from where he’s seated. 

“There was one time where Y/N had this lemon phase where she couldn’t stop drinking lemonade or eating lemon candy,” Jake tells the group. “Now I think of her every time I see something yellow.” 

“That’s kind of fitting though, isn’t it?” Leo asks. “Yellow for sunshine.” 

Everybody agrees and it makes your cheeks and neck warm up. You hide yourself in Leo’s jacket, but God, Heeseung wishes he could hide you in his arms instead. 

Still, he can’t help but agree with Leo. If there’s any truth to his words, it’s that you are made of pure, unfiltered sunshine.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, all eight of you board the train for a two-hour ride to Paris. For the next five days, you’ll be acting as a tourist rather than tour guide, for the most part. Jay volunteers to take the lead since you did most of the heavy lifting in London. You do, however, chime in to give him a few recommendations from your prior visits to the city. 

Sunghoon’s advice plagues your thoughts, so much so that Jungwon has had to guide you out of the hotel and into the cab before arriving at the train station. Both he and Sunoo look a bit worried about you, but you wave them off and tell them you had one too many to drink. You know they don’t believe you but you’re grateful they don’t press on. 

Paris is much more beautiful than you remember it, and it’s likely due to the fact that you’re here on vacation, not because you wanted a weekend getaway to escape the stress of midterms and exams. The people are just as indifferent as ever. You’re able to practice some of your basic French to order coffee and pastries for everyone. It’s a feat that leaves Heeseung impressed and you try not to acknowledge him when you see his jaw drop. 

The hotel itself is more beautiful than the last. You have the room with the balcony and double doors leading to a breathtaking view of the buildings and streets below. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen, even if the streets are littered with trash and the people are a bit too loud. It still feels charming. 

The rooming situation is the same as London, with you in the single room and the rest of the boys to fend for themselves. This time, Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon are sharing the three bedroom with Heeseung and Jake sharing another, and Sunoo and Riki in the other double. The hotel must’ve miscalculated the rooming situation and put your single room at the end of the hallway away from the others, but you aren’t complaining. 

The first few days are filled with happiness and dread, namely when you see Heeseung as you begin your day. He has a knack for making you laugh until you come to the notion that you really shouldn’t be finding his jokes very funny because he doesn’t deserve that kind of reaction from you. 

In fact, he doesn’t deserve your attention after ignoring you for as long as he has. Seeing Leo again brought up memories of crying in his flat with Elizabeth and drinking too much wine to forget the pain temporarily. Your friends invited you to a night spent in the pub after Leo begged his brother to close it for the night so that you could have a free space to drink and talk about Heeseung until your voice gave out. 

Your irritation carries over and Heeseung can tell when you move away from him when he tries to stand next to you. He’s hurt but he tries to understand that you have a right to be, even if he knows in his heart the reasons why he acted the way he did. He just needs to find time to talk to you, even if the conversation doesn’t end the way he hopes it will. 

With two days left on the trip, you’ve eaten your way through the streets of Paris and have done your fair share of shopping. Each of the boys had bought you a small token of their appreciation (Heeseung paid for your latte, Jay purchased a small wallet from Prada, Jake gifted you new sunglasses, Sunghoon a charm for your bracelet, Sunoo a bowl of pasta for lunch, Jungwon a pair of earrings, and Riki a new jacket that looks similar to his from back home). It warms your heart to know you have people who care about you enough to show and tell you. 

The Eiffel Tower calls your name one late afternoon and by the time you all manage to walk up, the sun is setting below the horizon. There are couples around Heeseung who are taking photos left and right, one of which asks him to take a few pictures for them. He can’t help but wish he was in their place, asking a stranger to take a photo of the two of you as he kisses the apple of your cheek. Heeseung snaps a few good ones before the couple thanks him. 

It doesn’t help that you look like a walking goddess. Truth be told, Heeseung wanted to buy you more than just coffee when the boys agreed to each give you something as a token of their gratitude. Heeseung had come up with a list of ideas he wanted advice for, but it was Sunghoon who’d told him to keep it simple for your sake. He was right, as always, because you thanked him with a pleasant smile instead of ignoring him like you had in the days prior. Heeseung gets the feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate a grand gesture from him right now.

He hates that he can’t read you like he used to. He hates that the other friends know you better than he does, and he hates that he’s in the City of Love and he can’t call you his girlfriend. 

Riki and Jungwon are more perceptive than they let on. Heeseung sees the way their eyes dart between the two of you and how they’ve been trying their best to navigate the new dynamic. Riki, especially, hadn’t been receptive of Seulgi the first time Heeseung invited her to a bonfire. Heeseung had overheard the younger boy telling Jungwon it wasn’t the same without you there and that he’d rather go home than spend another minute getting to know someone who wasn’t you. 

At the time, Heeseung was beyond irritated and refused to speak to Riki for the rest of the night. Now, however, he understands why Riki acted the way he did. 

You look so beautiful underneath a Parisian sunset. Heeseung knows he’s staring. He’s grateful that you’re too preoccupied with Sunghoon taking photos of you. But God, he wishes you’d laugh at him like that. 

“You should talk to her,” Jake says from beside him. Heeseung jumps at his sudden appearance. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“I want to.” Heeseung says it out loud for the first time. He wants to work it out with you and get his best friend back in whatever way you’ll allow. “I miss her, Jake. I miss being her friend and I fucked up when I rejected her.” 

Heeseung doesn’t notice Jake’s eyes widen at the sudden admission. Jake had his fair share of theories and considered Heeseung to be his best friend, but even he knew there was a limit about what he was willing to share and what he kept to himself. Heeseung’s friendship with you was something he stopped trying to learn a few years after he got to know you; Heeseung had a soft spot for you and had no problem letting people know that. It wasn’t until you mentioned to Jake that you hadn’t spoken to Heeseung in months that he knew something was up. 

“She clearly cares about you,” Jake says. “She wouldn’t be on this trip if she didn’t.”

“But she’s been ignoring me the past three days. And before you say it, yes, I know that she has a valid reason to, but I’m hurt and I want to make things better.”

“You have to let her take the reins and let her talk to you when she wants to,” Jake advises. “You know how she is. Y/N’s headstrong and she might not know how she feels right now, but she always knows what’s best for her. You’re good for her, Heeseung. Let her come to that conclusion on her own.”

Heeseung relinquishes his breath. “You’re right. I just…miss her. A lot. Things will never go back to the way they used to but I don’t think I want them to. I used to pray every night that I could somehow make everything like it was before that night but now I want more than that. She deserves better and I want to be better for her, not that coward who was too scared to try something new with the person he loves.” 

His friend’s words bring a smile to Jake’s lips. “Well I, for one, believe in you. I think the rest of the guys do too.” 

“I know,” Heeseung says softly with his eyes on you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

You can’t believe you leave Europe in two days as you sip your wine. Jay’s father was gracious enough to reach out to his friend at the hotel’s restaurant to negotiate having this meal compensated. It’s a gesture you hold onto and make a mental note to write a thoughtful note when you settle back in Korea. Jay sits next to you and partakes in the wine activities with you, namely picking out two different bottles to share with the table. Talking to Jay like this makes you feel otherworldly, like you’ve gotten more experience out of life since you chose to study abroad. You feel lucky, in a sense, that your life has given you more than you expected it too. 

The younger boys head upstairs after dessert and bid you all a goodnight in case they don’t see you before falling asleep. For the next thirty minutes or so, it’s the five of you laughing away at the hotel bar like old times, reminiscing about embarrassing moments from high school or how difficult it was to hear Jake’s Korean when he first moved. 

The Australian leaves as soon as he yawns. Sunghoon, a little too tipsy upon standing from the bar table, presses a gentle kiss to your head when he says goodnight to the rest of you. Jay gives your arm a reassuring squeeze and you understand for the first time that he always knew you better than he let on. He says goodnight and tells the bartender to charge his room whenever you two close the tab. 

Now, you and Heeseung are sitting together, mere inches apart as the Parisian sky twinkles with stars above the two of you. 

Neither of you know what to say. You fidget with the glass and contemplate on whether you should head up as well. Heeseung can sense your awkwardness and wish he hadn’t messed things up so badly that you can’t stand to be alone with him without thinking of an escape plan. He misses when the two of you could sit in complete silence and still feel comfortable around one another. 

“Thank you for showing us around,” he speaks up before you can make the decision to leave. “I remember you talking about all of the places you showed us when you first moved here. I’ve always wanted to visit.” 

“Really?” 

Heeseung nods. “I used to be so jealous that you got the opportunity to travel abroad every time you talked about it. But I think I like it better this way, with you as the tour guide.” 

That brings a laugh out of you and Heeseung can’t help but smile. He doesn’t care if it’s the alcohol allowing your walls to come down. He’s grateful for the chance. 

“I used to write down places I wanted to show you,” you confess. “There were so many places that reminded me of where we’d used to hang out as kids. It always felt like there was a part of you with me.” 

His heart melts. “I wish I could’ve visited you while you were here. Your friends seem pretty cool.” 

“They are.” Heeseung watches you smile. “They’ve been with me through a lot and helped me get over this fear of failing in a different country. My friend Suki, who now lives in Tokyo, was the first person to really get me out of my shell and convinced me to go out. Awkward Y/N? Going to clubs?” 

“You know how to dance, though. I bet you killed it.” 

“A little too much, perhaps. I didn’t date or hook up much, but there were a few times that I did.” Heeseung’s heart begins to sink as does his hope. This is not where he wanted to lead the conversation but his ears perk up at your next point. “But I wasn’t happy doing that so I stopped making out with random guys on the dance floor.”

“If only thirteen-year-old you could see you then,” he teases. You bump his shoulders with yours and he feels electricity running down his arm. 

“I think I did a good job adjusting and learning. There were times where I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing with my life because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stay in London or go back to Seoul. That burden felt too much.” 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back home.” 

Your head whips to look at Heeseung, who can only sit and watch as your eyes begin to water. 

“Why didn’t you say anything when I texted and called you?” you ask meekly, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why didn’t you see me when I came back?” 

“I know.” He gulps. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry.” 

You sniffle and Heeseung wants to cry too. “Everyone came to pick me up at the airport. I kept looking for you but you weren’t there. Jake had to pull me away from baggage claim because he said you weren’t coming but I didn’t listen. I told him he was wrong. You always come.” 

Heeseung’s soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver. He sees your mascara beginning to smudge and resists the urge to wipe it away so that your eyes may look fresh and dry. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I have no excuse.” 

“I wanted my best friend but you never showed up for me. You didn’t call or text me when you knew I was home and I had to wait until Riki’s bonfire to see you.”

“I was an idiot and stupid,” is the only answer Heeseung can come up with. “I used to be so scared of change. You left the country and I had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life but it was so hard without you in it.”

“Then why did you leave me?” 

His heart shatters. 

You’ve turned away from him in an attempt to walk back to your hotel room. However, Heeseung has learned his lesson. He doesn’t let you stray too far and gently tugs your wrist to pull you into his chest and is surprised when you don’t fight him off of you.

He doesn't care that your tears have stained his shirt or that you’re hiccupping into his clothes. All Heeseung wants to do is let you know he’s here for you now, despite his past mistakes and clouded judgment. Heeseung loves you for your bravery and vulnerability. He can only hope you understand that. 

“Let’s go to your room, yeah? I can help you take your makeup off.”

Whether from the alcohol or your need to be near Heeseung, you let him guide you to the elevator. He digs in your purse for your room key and coaxes you to sit in the bathroom while he locks the door. This routine feels a bit familiar; in his youth, he learned how you like to take your makeup off and get ready for bed after a particularly rough night drinking. He could never understand why he hadn’t minded taking the extra step and to keep himself sober when you were in the vicinity, but he understands it now. 

Heeseung meets you in the bathroom and washes his hands before putting your hair in a ponytail. He bites his lips when he sees your fresh tears and mutters another apology, forcing himself not to wipe away the tears with his fingers. Instead, he lets you blot them with a tissue before gathering makeup remover in his hands and gently smears it all over your skin. 

“I didn’t like change,” he says after a quiet beat. “I was too cowardly to take what I wanted, even if the person I wanted said they wanted me too. I don’t know why I didn’t chase after you that night or why I thought you needed space before you left. I don’t have an explanation for any of it except to say that I was a coward who never wanted anything to change between us.” 

Heeseung warms a wet cloth and wipes the balm away until he’s satisfied and moves on with your favorite cleanser, rubbing it between his hands until it foams. 

“I think, deep down, I’ve always loved you more than I led on. I can’t think of any moment in my life where you weren’t there or times that I didn’t want you around. Even when we were in elementary school and everyone kept saying we would get cooties from each other, I wanted you with me.” 

He lets you wash your face and applies the rest of your products on as you once taught him. 

“I’ve always had this sense of pride when it came to being your friend. Everyone always talked about how cool you were because you always knew what to say and when to say it. I love that about you, you know. You have a way of making people feel like they’re really special. I don’t know why I was so afraid of that.

“I love who you are and what you believe in. You make the world a better place for everyone around you. How you treated me was a small fraction of why I love you. I love your passions and that you aren’t afraid to chase after them. I love that you stick with the same boba order even though you tell yourself you’ll try something new. I love that you hate the beach but go with us every time we ask. I love when you get a little drunk because you don’t fight me when I want to take care of you.”

Heeseung swallows. “But mostly, I just really love you.”

You open your eyes for the first time. Heeseung can only stare. 

“You really hurt me.” 

He glances down. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

“What hurt the most was knowing you weren’t going to be there as my best friend, Heeseung. I could handle your rejection. I could find a way to get over you. But I could never get over losing our friendship. I never wanted you out of my life because it’s better with you in it.” 

“Please don’t get over me,” Heeseung croaks. His own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat, aggressively wiping his eyes to rid himself of tears. He presses his forehead against yours. “I don’t want you to get over me.” 

You don’t say anything for a few moments. Heeseung swears he feels the blood rushing to his ears as he anticipates your response and he’s sure that even if what you say isn’t what he wants to hear, he’s happy to wear his feelings on his sleeve for once in his life.

“I don’t think I could even if I tried.” 

Heeseung’s heart stops beating. He doesn’t kiss you even though he wants to. He doesn’t take your hand and pull you into him like his heart tells him to. Instead, he whispers a quiet thanks and is surprised when he hears you laugh. 

“I can’t apologize enough. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do or say anything.” 

“I know,” you whisper. Heeseung's hands are dangling awkwardly by his side. He feels like pushing his forehead against yours was too much. But your hands reach for him and you give him a squeeze.  

Heeseung throws caution out of the window and envelopes you in a hug. He feels your body melt against his and can’t help but look at the way you’ve folded into his chest in the bathroom mirror, with your head in his neck and his cheek on the crown of your head. Heeseung missed holding you like this–with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation. 

He stroked your back with his hand and kept the other secured around your waist. Your soft breaths touch his skin and it feels like he’s got electricity running through his veins. 

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers again. “I will keep apologizing until you know the depth of my regret.” 

The boy feels like he’s floating when you press a soft kiss to his exposed chest, mentally thanking Jake for forcing him to let loose and unbutton a few. 

“You could start by staying with me until I fall asleep,” you say. “Like old times.” 

He tries not to punch the air. “I can do that.” 

Heeseung waits in the bathroom until you’ve changed into comfortable clothing. He isn’t surprised when he sees you in shorts and an oversized shirt. It’s reminiscent of what you used to wear when you’d sleep in the guest bedroom in his house or vice versa, but now that he’s acknowledged his feelings for you, he can’t help but coo at how cute and sleepy you look. 

You tuck yourself in bed with the blankets to your chin and he completely melts to the floor. You pat the spot next to him and he sits on top of the blankets. 

“Under the covers, silly.” 

“I don’t want to rush it,” Heeseung says in a panic. 

“We aren’t rushing. We’re two best friends who got each other back.” 

Heeseung has never been more relieved. Though, he knows you’re a stickler for outside clothes in bed, so he makes the decision to take your key card and change.

“I’m not leaving you,” he says when he notices you rise from your spot on the bed. He holds two key cards to prove it and leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’m going to change and then I’ll be right back. I promise.” 

He comes back ten minutes later. It warms your heart at the sight of him and you feel the comfort in your body when he slides underneath the covers. 

You surprise yourself when you move to lay your head on his chest with your arm around his body. Heeseung doesn’t seem to mind, though, and he pulls you closer to him like you’ve done it a million times before. The two of you have wanted this for too long to make it feel awkward. 

“What did Jake say when you came into the room?” you ask.

“He was half asleep until I turned the light on but he asked me if we resolved things. I told him yes and then he asked if I was staying the night with you when he saw me leaving.”

“Am I right to assume he was more excited about having the room to himself?”

Heeseung laughs. “That you are.”

“Deep down, I think Jake knew we’d find our way. I think they all did.” 

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers once more. You quiet him with a kiss to his cheek. 

“I know, Hee. We can talk more tomorrow. For now, let’s sleep.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, Heeseung wakes up before you do and frowns when your body’s all the way on the other side of the bed. He leans over your sleeping frame and brushes strands of hair from your face, admiring how serene you look in your sleep. For a moment, Heeseung ponders if it’s too soon to wake you up the way he’d like to, but if last night was any indication about how you felt, he’d be willing to take the chance. 

He leans down to kiss your forehead and both of your cheeks repeatedly until your eyes flutter open. Heeseung thinks he could listen to your laugh every morning with the way you wince at the sunlight and how his lips touch your skin. Still, your gaze finds its way to Heeseung’s and you can’t help but smile. 

There was a brief moment before you fell asleep that you’d wondered if you’d been too quick to forgive him. But for as hurtful as the past year was, you can’t help but acknowledge the steps he took during the trip in an attempt to undo all of the contempt you had built for him. You owe it to yourself to be happy with Heeseung. 

“Good morning, pretty girl,” Heeseung says with his morning voice that sounds a little too good for seven in the A.M. “Did you sleep well?”

“Slept like a baby. I feel like one too.”

“That’s because you are a baby,” Heeseung teases, kissing your cheeks and then the tip of your nose. “My baby.” 

“I really want breakfast but I’m too lazy to get up from the bed.”

“We could always order in. I’ll pay.”

You shake your head. “I’ll be too tempted to stay in bed and it’s our last full day in Paris. Let’s just get ready and have breakfast at the hotel restaurant?” 

The both of you are halfway done eating breakfast when the rest of your friends trickle in, joining your table and the ones next to you. It takes them a while to wake up, but it’s Sunghoon who speaks up first. 

“I’m assuming you two talked?” 

“And made up,” you say with a tilt of your head. 

“That’s my girl,” Sunghoon says proudly, sipping on his coffee. 

“I’ll let that slide since we’re all friends,” Heeseung jokes. You laugh and, for the first time in a while, you don’t feel guilty about it. 

“I had the whole room to myself, too. I woke up and didn’t have to fight anyone for the bathroom,” says Jake. 

Riki nearly spits his juice out. “You guys slept together?” 

“Not like that!” you’re quick to exclaim. “He just slept over. Slept. As in, we closed our eyes and actually slept.” 

“Both of us knew we needed our beauty sleep before dealing with the six of you asking us questions,” Heeseung adds. “But for your information, we made up. We still have things to figure out, but we’re back to being friends.” 

“Hopefully more than that,” Jungwon coughs behind his coffee. He merely smiles when Heeseung looks in his direction.

“I think you two should spend the rest of the day by yourselves,” Jay suggests. “We can either meet up for dinner or whenever we have to check out.” 

“I second that,” Sunoo agrees. “You two clearly need to talk.” 

“I wanted to go shopping with Y/N again,” Riki says with a frown. Jake presumably knocks his shin with Riki’s, who clears his throat. “But you two should totally hang out without us.” 

“I think we might,” Heeseung says, holding his hand out for you to take. He stands from his seat and encourages you to stand as well, leading you away from the table. “Thanks for the breakfast, Jay!” 

“I’m choosing to be the bigger person because Y/N’s been through enough,” Jay mutters when Heeseung is out of hearshot, making the table laugh.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

“You know, I think the reason why I had such a hard time reaching out was because we’d never gotten into something that serious before,” Heeseung admits. The gelato in your hand isn’t as good as you remember it, but it does the job to cool you down on a particularly warm afternoon. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you remember when we were kids and how hard it was for me to talk to you about anything that was action movies or superheroes?” 

“God, you and your Superman cape from fourth grade,” you snort. “You wore that thing to school everyday. Your dad had to wash it every night otherwise you’d refuse to go to sleep.” Heeseung shuts his eyes at the memory. 

“You were the only person I felt comfortable pouring my heart out to, you know. You were always the first person I called when I needed someone to talk to, but then I was the reason why you got hurt…I think part of me didn’t know if I was allowed to reach out to you.

“It’s a stupid excuse, I know. But when I heard you were coming back to Seoul a few weeks before you did, I couldn’t help but think about how many times I could’ve texted you.”

“Yeah, you could’ve.” Heeseung merely nods at your agreement. “We’ve been through a lot over the years, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.” 

“I just wish I had come to this conclusion when it happened. I was so caught up in graduating and focusing on how I felt that I didn’t consider how you must’ve been dealing with all of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so selfish in my life.” 

“I think the time you refused to let me be friends with Jake because you said you needed friends aside from me was your second most selfish moment.” 

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Quit it. I was thirteen, okay?” 

Neither of you particularly care to do any sightseeing today. It feels nice to walk side-by-side without the company of your other friends. The juxtaposition of how you felt towards the beginning of this trip compared to how relaxed you feel surprises you a tenfold, but you suppose that comes with genuine apologies and forgiveness. 

You’re willing to admit Heeseung looks criminally good in black jeans and a striped button down. He wears his clothes so effortlessly yet still looks like he could’ve taken his wardrobe from a magazine. You’ve always found it a bit unfair that Heeseung always manages to look so cool without trying too hard. 

“You’re staring,” he mutters, looking at you from the corner of his eye as the two of you walk down a cobblestone street. 

“I’m not,” you lie. You turn your head to avoid his gaze, but Heeseung thinks he likes seeing you this shy. It’s new territory for him, one that he wants to explore. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Go for it.” 

“Why did you forgive me so quickly?” Heeseung asks. “I appreciate it, I really do, but a big part of me feels like I don’t deserve that just yet.” 

It takes you a while to answer. Why did you forgive him as fast as you did? For a week and a half, being in close quarters with Heeseung made you feel nothing but anxious and on edge, so why were you able to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of him?

“I’ve always held onto the idea that you’re a good person,” you begin. “I’ve always admired that you intend to care for the people you love and make them feel like they have a place in your life. You’ve always made me feel safe, like I could run to you when things got too hard. 

“What you did was in poor taste, sure, but making bad decisions doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know you, Hee. I know how you get when you’re faced with a difficult choice and how long it takes for you to come around. I was justifiably hurt but I think a part of me always knew you’d fix it somehow.” 

“I wish I could feel deserving of that kind of forgiveness.” 

“You know me. You know I wouldn’t tell you that if I didn’t feel like what I’m saying is true. I’ll admit that I shocked myself with how quickly I let my guard down with you…but you’re Heeseung. You've been my best friend since the first grade and you’re the boy I happen to have a really big crush on.” 

Heeseung bites his lips at your confession, willing himself not to be too forward as to kiss you in the middle of the street. He sees your bravery and the way you’ve put your heart directly in the palm of his hand, acting out of vulnerability even though the both of you knew he hurt you once before. 

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Instead, Heeseung grabs your hands and locks his fingers with yours, squeezing three times to tell you he loves you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The afternoon comes and goes with little to no plan. Heeseung’s a bit worried that he hasn’t heard anything from the boys and he’s rendered shocked that you’ve taken it upon yourself to let the day take you where it may instead of finding the next spot to visit. 

As if on cue, Jay texts him with plans for the evening. 

jjongcaprio: 20:00, Pétrelle. It’s a five minute walk from the hotel

jjongcaprio: I made reservations for you and Y/N tonight. Don’t worry about me and the boys, just take her out on a romantic date 

jjongcaprio: The bill’s covered. The reservation’s under your name btw

heeseung: bro i cannot ask you to do this 

jjongcaprio: You don’t have to. You and I both know Y/N deserves to be wined and dined 

jjongcaprio: Plus I saw you looking at a few restaurants when we were on the train. I managed to pull some strings for you and got a last minute reservation for tonight

heeseung: thank you jay…i really don’t know what i’d do without you

jjongcaprio: It’s really not a problem, bro. Promise me that you’ll try to be happy with her. The guys and I are rooting for you two

“So,” Heeseung clears his throat as he looks up from his phone, “I think you and I should go out for dinner.” 

“Where are you thinking of going? I can text the others and see if they’re done sightseeing, or whatever it is they’re doing.”

“I mean just us two.” He stands awkwardly when you’ve turned your attention to him, his feet planted on the sidewalk beneath him as if that’ll help steady his beating heart. 

“Like a date?” 

“Yes,” he says immediately. “Like I date. I, Heeseung, am asking you out on a date. Tonight. At eight.” 

“I, Y/N, would love to go on a date with you. At eight.” 

The twinkle in your eye and your coy nature makes him feel like a teenager again. He leads you into the hotel and walks you to your door before stepping back as you step inside. 

“We’ve got an hour and a half before we need to leave. I’ll come by and then we can walk together. The restaurant is only a five minute walk, so you can wear those new heels I know you feel guilty buying.” 

“They’re really pretty though,” you rationalize. 

Heeseung nods. “Gorgeous, actually. Maybe you’ll be as tall as me if you wear them.” 

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” 

Heeseung bites his bottom lip as you disappear behind the door, locking eyes with you until you’re completely out of sight. Flirting with you like this is a completely new phenomenon for him. He’s only daydreamed about what you might say if he said something a little too suggestive or how you might act if he dedicated a wink in your direction. Heeseung had never considered that he’d be the one flustered, cheeks reddening to the point where he starts to feel shy. 

His nerves are endless as he picks out an outfit for tonight. Heeseung sends a quick text to his parents, who had pressured him into bringing nice clothes for a fancy dinner, and spends a few minutes updating them on the events of the past few days. His mother is pleased, to put it lightly, and sends a handful of emoticons to display her happiness. His father tells him words of encouragement before making Heeseung promise to bring you for dinner as his girlfriend, not just his best friend. 

With the last touch of his cologne, Heeseung looks at himself in the mirror and tries not to think too hard about how he looks. You’re Y/N, his best friend since he can remember, and you’ve seen him with snot dripping from his nose. 

“I look fine,” he says to himself in the mirror. “Y/N will like the look because your mom picked it out and we know those two agree on everything. Absolutely nothing to worry about.” 

Heeseung’s only regret is he doesn’t have a bouquet of flowers to present you with as he makes his way to your hotel room. He wipes his palms on his trousers and takes a deep breath before knocking on your door. 

When it opens, he’s met with the sight of you in a short black dress that hugs your hips to accentuate your body. The dress itself is an elegant, spaghetti strap number with a flattering neckline paired with jewelry that makes your skin appear to be glowing. Your heels match well with the dress you’ve chosen, so much so that Heeseung’s jaw drops when his eyes rake over your body. 

“Wow,” he mutters. “Just…wow.” 

“I’m not used to you being speechless,” you say mildly, closing the door behind you. 

“You look gorgeous,” he sputters. “I shouldn’t be seen with you tonight.” 

“You’re dramatic, Hee.” You give him a once over and Heeseung thinks he wouldn’t mind you checking him out as you please. “You look handsome as ever.”

He beams at the compliment and holds his arm out for you. 

“Shall we?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung knows the type of person you are and what you value, yet he still renders himself shocked when you allow him to take control of the evening. He knows you don’t need to have the expensive consequences that come with a first date or to be sipping the most luxurious wine to be happy, but Heeseung can’t help but feel like you deserve to feel as elegant as you look every once in a while. 

The host leads the two of you to a table with the most gorgeous view of the Parisian scenery. The twinkling stars paired with the dimly lit restaurant adds a romantic touch to the evening. Heeseung mentally thanks Jay for preparing wine recommendations so neither of you have to think too much about it. 

For a moment, he’s worried that he’s reached too far out of his depth. The fanciest thing Heeseung has ever done with you is eat ramen after prom in your best outfits because you both came to the conclusion that prom should be spent with someone you actually like. It’s funny in hindsight when he thinks about it now. 

You look so beautiful like this, allowing yourself to be taken care of by him. Talking to you over the table feels like you’re back in Korea before all that transpired. The food is impeccable and Heeseung thanks his lucky stars that he and Jay got it right. You sing praises left and right. 

Dinner ends much quicker than he’d like as the two of you finish dessert. The waiter tells him the bill has been taken care of and Heeseung sits in his seat awkwardly as you look out the window to see the view from outside. But he hears the live band in the background and sees a few older couples slow dancing from where he sits and makes up his mind. 

“Do you want to dance?” 

You pull your attention to him. For a moment, he thinks he’s asked the most absurd question known to man when he recalls all the times you refused to make a home on the dance floor until you’ve gotten at least four drinks in your system. 

You surprise him. 

“I’d love to, Hee.” 

The room disappears when he leads you to the dance floor. He mimics the other dancers and takes the lead, swaying your bodies back and forth to the melody of the music. You smell of vanilla and cinnamon, a scent so distinctly you that it makes him grin like a man in love. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you say against his neck. “I won’t lie when I say I feel like a princess.”

“That’s because you are a princess,” Heeseung says, kissing the top of your head. “You deserve to be treated like one.”

“I can’t believe you pulled this off so quickly. Don’t restaurants like these require reservations?”

He chuckles nervously. “About that…Jay helped me with the details. I was looking up restaurants to take you to if I got the chance before our trip ended. I guess he saw the list and chose the most romantic one out of the bunch.”

“I owe Jay a thank you.”

“We both do.” 

“I feel lucky to have people in my life who care about me this much,” you say. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life.” 

“I’m happy to be in it.” Heeseung squeezes your waist. “Deep down, it’s always been you that I’ve loved. There’s not a single person who makes me feel the way you do.”

“Yeah?” 

You feel him nod. “I’ll say it until you believe me. I’ll even yell it in this restaurant right now.” 

“Please don’t,” you laugh. “I believe you.” 

The sound of the melody overtakes the conversation. You feel Heeseung’s steady heartbeat as he expertly moves your bodies together on the dance floor. When you close your eyes, you think of this moment and how badly you want to commit it to memory, no longer in anguish over the tribulations of the past year. It feels nice to let go of your worries, even better that you have Heeseung back. 

“I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs under his breath. You pull your head back.

“Then you should kiss me.” 

Heeseung wastes no time and pulls you into him, one arm around your waist and the other behind your neck. His mouth finds yours when he decides he loves the taste of red wine on your lips. It feels poetic to be kissing you for the first time as you’re both dressed to the nines in the middle of Paris. To him, kissing you feels like a breath of fresh air and the start of something new. For you, kissing him feels like coming home. 

When he pulls back, you search for his eyes. 

“Take me back to the hotel,” you whisper. 

Heeseung feels his heart drop. 

“I’m sorry. We can go back now.”

You grip the collar of his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt when he moves. It’s only then that Heeseung sees the want in your eyes and the pure lust that clouds your pupils. 

“Take me back to the hotel.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

By the time your elevator reaches your floor, Heeseung’s dress shirt is completely unbuttoned with his toned chest exposed. You’re barely able to detach yourself from his mouth when he pushes you out of the contraption. Your hand reaches for his as you pull him towards your room, digging through your purse when you feel Heeseung’s lips on the back of your neck. 

“You look sexy in my jacket,” he mumbles, pressing wet kisses to your skin. 

“L-Let me find the key.” 

“So sexy.” His hands slide up the side of your body until he grips your waist. 

When the door opens, you pull Heeseung inside with you and lock it shut before pushing his dress shirt off of his body, exposing his muscular build and broad shoulders. You aren’t shy about hiding your lust, gazing all over his chest and abdomen as you feel your core drip with arousal. 

“I like it when you look at me like that,” Heeseung says. He reaches for your hand and places it on his chest. You take the liberty to glide your nails down his abdomen, feeling the way he tenses underneath your touch. 

“I’m really wet,” you say as you eye the tent that has grown in Heeseung’s pants. 

“Are you?” he asks. “You won’t mind if I check?” 

You shake your head and Heeseung takes that as a green light, his hands finding the soft fabric of your dress before pushing his hand underneath it. He whimpers when his fingers come in contact with your wet lips. It’s adorable, the way you push yourself against him to chase his lips while he fingers smear your wetness across the fabric of your panties. 

“Bed,” you mumble against his lips. 

He follows where you pull him, loving the way you take control when you push him onto the mattress. Heeseung distracts himself to catch his breath from the overwhelming sense of pleasure to realize that you’ve started to undo his belt buckle and take his hard cock out of his pants. 

“You don’t have to—”

“I want your cock in my mouth,” you plead, looking him in the eye. “Please let me.” 

You sit politely on your knees as you unbuckle Heeseung’s pants. His chest rises and falls in anticipation and he looks down at you to see that your mouth is watering at the sight of him. 

He’s already fully hard; he has been since you started unbuttoning his shirt in the elevator. You spit directly onto the tip of his cock and he bites his lip at the sudden contact before watching as you swipe your hand up and down himself. 

Heeseung doesn’t want to think about how you learned to do what you’re doing to him. He doesn’t want to think about the boys you’ve kissed or the people who got to see you like this before. What he does know, however, is he’s the only person from here on out who will see you on your knees if he can help it. 

Your mouth envelopes the head and Heeseung emits a short grunt. The tension between you two begins to slowly dissipate as you fit more of his cock inside of your mouth. Your tongue expertly traces every ridge and vein as you push your throat down onto him, causing Heeseung to put his palms on the mattress and throw his head back. 

You hum around him when he moans. He’s itching to put his hand behind your head but refuses the idea, letting you set your own pace. Heeseung watches as you switch your angle, sitting up to rest on your knees to push your head further down on him. He witnessed as you spread your legs, a choked moan coming from his throat in conjunction with a particular gag from your mouth. 

There’s spit everywhere. It’s trailing down your lips and connecting to his cock when you pull yourself from his body. It’s seeping to his pants and he’s about to speak up when your motion attaches itself to his sensitive balls, licking at its warmth while your hand strokes him from atop. 

“That’s it. Fuuuuck.”

He bucks his hips once and curses. Heeseung feels your mouth envelop one of his balls, the pressure of your mouth around it making him feel a kind of euphoria he didn’t know was possible. Your mouth moves to the other to give it the same treatment before retreating back to his cock. This time, your hand massages him from below as you suck on him. 

When you look up at him and wink, he decides enough is enough. 

“Baby,” Heeseung pants, attempting to push your head off of him. He thinks it’s so sexy that you’re turned on while giving him a blowjob. “Baby, please stop. I don’t wanna come yet.” 

You oblige and take your mouth off of him with a popping sound. You sit back and Heeseung stares at you through drooping eyelids in pure shock and amazement at how you’ve managed to pull him to a near orgasm as quickly as you did.

“Come here,” he beckons with his fingers.

He attaches his mouth to yours and pushes his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring the warm, wet walls you have to offer. Heeseung decides that he loves the feeling of your tongue against his and lets you suck on the muscle. 

You take your dress off to reveal sheer panties with nothing else on. Heeseung’s jaw drops at your beauty, but he also cannot believe how sexy his best friend’s body is. To him, you were sculpted from the hands of Aphrodite herself with great love and care. And it’s all for him.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he murmurs, hovering over your body to press kisses to the valley of your chest. You let his hands roam and spread your legs to make room for him. 

Heeseung’s head travels back to your chest and you watch as he envelops your right nipple in his mouth. “Your tits are just perfect.” 

He makes a show out of it, hands cupping your breasts to massage them as his mouth works on you. He pushes your tits together and shoves his face between them, inhaling your scent while his tongue gathers whatever taste your body gives him. Heeseung moves to your left nipple and uses his tongue to flick the hardened bud over and over again until you’re arching your chest into his mouth. 

He grinds himself into your core with his pants still loose around his legs. It brings a moan out of your throat and he swallows it whole with his lips pressed firmly against yours. The friction feels delicious with the fabric of your panties against the hardness of Heeseung’s cock. He grinds against you with the help of your hips rolling into his, your natural wetness coating his cock in your essence. 

Heeseung moves his head to kiss your jawline, moving his mouth all over the expanse of your neck until he kisses right below your earlobe. You let out a particularly loud moan when he does, and Heeseung curses.

“Shit. Yeah baby, make those sounds for me. Let me hear your pretty moans.” 

His mouth attacks the area again and you aren’t shy about it. Your hands tangle in his hair as he kisses your neck and grinds his cock against the wet panties, which have by now molded to the shape of your pussy. 

Heeseung groans at the feeling of a particularly wet gush and lifts his hips enough to elicit a whimper out of your mouth. He experimentally lifts his hips again to align himself with you as he did before. The pressure must feel so good because your mouth hangs open with your eyes boring into his. 

“That’s it,” he encourages. “Does my baby feel good?” You can only nod and he doesn’t blame you. “That’s a good baby. Fuck, you’re so wet, it’s driving me crazy.” 

Heeseung feels your legs wrap around him and the way your heel pushes his lower back into your core. He takes the hint and quickens his pace, wanting nothing more than to see you come for him.

“You gotta come for me now, pretty girl,” he coaxed. “You deserve to come. Won’t you do that for me?” 

Heeseung is sure that he’s never seen or heard anything more erotic compared to the vision of watching you come. Your mouth opens with breathy moans as you focus on your pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut as if you’re trying to savor the moment in your mind.

“Atta girl,” Heeseung praises when your hips grind into his. He keeps himself still and lets your body take over. 

You eventually come down and realize Heeseung has yet to come, but that’s the last thing on his mind. He sinks his body down to come face-to-face with your crotch and licks the come off of the soiled fabric of your panties. The sheerness gives him a sneak peek at your pussy, and he groans when he licks a slow, fat strip up your slit.

“You taste so fucking delicious, baby.” He licks at you again, faster this time. “Tastes like milk and honey.” 

Heeseung kisses your wet panties over and over again, his soft lips providing jolts of pleasure. His hands roam around the soft flesh of your thighs and squeezes them as if he remembers you’re all his to touch. The feeling is one you want to commit to memory, but it seems like Heeseung knows your mind is working overtime because he reaches his hand to find yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

You let his hand go when he pulls it from you to slide the useless barrier down your legs and to undo the straps of your heels. He takes great care to kiss your skin tenderly, starting by your ankle and making his way down just shy of where you need him the most. Heeseung repeats the process on the other leg until he comes face to face with your glistening core, licking his lips as if he doesn’t know where to start. 

“Such a pretty pussy,” he says before placing a soft kiss to your clit.

He repeats the motion, kissing your folds like they’re delicate antiquities that need to be handled with the utmost care. His lips become covered with your essence; he feels you squirm underneath him and uses the expanse of his palms to gently pry your legs open for him, soothing the soft skin of your inner thighs. 

Heeseung tentatively licks your slit and decides he loves the sound of your moans when he has his mouth on you. He does it again, dragging his tongue to feel every ridge and crevice that he’s yet to explore. His mouth feels like a warm comfort with the slow pace he sets, licking you as if he’s trying to tell you how much he loves you without saying it. 

“You taste divine.” 

You look down below to see his hair covering his eyes and brush it away with your hands. Heeseung looks right into your soul and you feel your heart clench, causing you to roll your hips into his face. He merely buries his nose close to you until he bumps your clit with the tip, pushing his wet muscle into you deeper. 

When your moans get lighter and your breathy sounds are the only audible thing in the room aside from his own moans. You open your eyes to see Heeseung humping the mattress below you. The sight is so erotic that you can’t help but let out a loud whine at the thought of Heeseung pleasuring himself while pleasuring you. 

He brings his fingers to your pussy and sways his fingers back and forth until he foregoes his slow pace, favoring a faster one. He abuses your swollen clit while you can only lay there and watch him play with you. Heeseung expertly inserts his middle finger into your seeping hole and bites his lip to concentrate on getting you to come again. 

“I need it,” he confesses, bringing his mouth to lick you as he adds another finger. “I need you to come for me again, baby. Can you do that for me?’

“Yes, Hee,” you pant. “I wanna come so badly.”

“You can do it, baby. You’ve been such a good girl tonight, giving me the best head and letting me make you come. I think you deserve to feel good.” 

“I do,” you nod rapidly. “Fuck, I think I’m coming.”

“That’s right,” he coos, hammering his digits into you while his tongue laps up the juices leaking from your pussy. “So good. You taste so fucking good. Give it to me.” 

He doesn't relent until he’s satisfied. Heeseung cleans the come from your lips as best he can while sneaking his hand to his cock, pumping himself as he tastes your orgasm on his tongue. 

“You’ve crazy,” you mutter as you settle from your high, loving the feeling of Heeseung’s mouth tenderly licking you clean. 

“For you.” He pulls his face away and wipes the back of his hand before pressing a kiss to your clit. 

When he rises to take his pants and boxers off, he sees you with your arm covering your face. 

“Are you doing okay?” 

“Perfect, actually,” you sigh. You remove your arm to see him with his cock in his hands and motion him to come towards the edge of the bed as you crawl on your knees before sitting upright to pull him into a searing kiss. 

“That might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” Heeseung says against your mouth. “It’s better than porn, if I’m being honest.” 

You grab his cock and stroke him. “I’ll consider letting you take a video of me when we get back home if you fuck me right now.” 

“Turn around,” he says after an open-mouthed kiss.

You follow his instructions and he groans to himself as you present your perfect pussy to him again. Heeseung sinks to his knees and smacks your ass before shoving his tongue into your hole. He spreads your asscheeks apart and digs his nose against you, licking up the wetness and remnants of your orgasm like it’s his last meal. His tongue licks up your body until he finds your wrinkled muscle and presses a soft kiss to your tightest hole. 

The surprise comes to him when you moan softly. Your body doesn’t jerk away. Rather, you spread your legs further for him and Heeseung moans against your pussy before bringing his tongue to lick over the muscle again. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, dipping his tongue back in.

“Better than I imagined.” 

“You imagined my tongue in your ass, baby?” 

You nod. “I’ve always wanted to know what that feels like.” 

Heeseung doesn’t give you a verbal answer. Instead, he spits into your hole and watches it dribble down to your pussy, licking his way from your incredibly wet folds to your hole once again. He licks over the expanse with the surface of his tongue one, twice, three times before you’re whining for his cock. He wastes no time tearing open the condom and hurriedly places it on himself. 

The first stretch of his cock in your pussy makes him see Heaven. The sharp gasp that comes from your mouth is music to his ears and he’s careful to sink himself into you slowly, inch by inch until you’re telling him he can go further. 

His cock impales you at such a perfect angle that it has you falling to your elbows, your back arched so perfectly that he’s sure you’d be the most popular pornstar if you really wanted to be. He keeps half of his cock in you to allow you to adjust, but he underestimates just how cock hungry you are because you back yourself until he’s filling you to the brim.

“Baby’s such a slut, isn’t she?” Heeseung wonders out loud. He grins when you nod. “I love you like that. So dirty for me.” 

“Only for you,” you say, cheek pressed to the mattress when Heeseung thrusts in you. 

The sound of skin slapping echoes throughout the room. It doesn’t take long for your wet juices to glisten over the back of your thighs and onto Heeseung’s. His hands find purchase on your hips as he pulls your body close to him, loving the way your choked moans become muffled by the mattress below. 

“So. Fucking. Tight,” he moans with detailed thrusts. “So. Fucking. Wet.” 

He climbs on the bed and plants his feet on the blankets, holding your body in place as he pounds into you from above. The angle has you seeing stars and rips moan after moan from you. 

Heeseung grins wickedly. “Such a fuckable body. So perfect.” 

His degradation paired with praise ignites a fire inside of you. You can only moan louder to let Heeseung know exactly how he’s making you feel and you can’t help but think you deserved to be fucked exactly the way Heeseung is fucking you.

The pleasure feels like an explosion of a thousand suns. Your body is warm from the hours you’ve spent in the hotel room and your neighbors getting a good night’s sleep is the least of your concerns. Heeseung’s cock drills into you from above like he’s a sex god and it nearly brings you to tears. 

He turns you over carefully until you’re laying flat on your back with your head propped against the pillows. He steals one from you and puts it underneath the small of your back to create leverage before lining up his cock with your entrance and pushing himself in again.

Heeseung thrusts like he’s got to prove just how in love with you he is. Your wanton moans fill the room with his low grunts as his cock continually hits the one spot that makes you see stars, over and over again.

But you know he could do more to make you feel better. He must notice you in deep thought because he slows his hips. 

“What is it, baby?” Heeseung asks when he notices your eyebrows knit together. “Is this okay? Do you need me to stop so we can take a break?”

“Take it off,” you whisper. His hips have faltered and his pace stutters at your words.

“Take what off?”

“The condom.” Heeseung nearly chokes. “Take the condom off.” 

“Baby—”

“I just wanna feel you.” 

Heeseung curses and his hips automatically drill into yours at the request out of pure shock. He can’t lie to himself. He’s thought about it multiple times since you left for Europe and as he’s come to term with his feelings for you. The cute fantasies about taking you on dates to dinner or drive in theaters transform into daydreams about dirty affairs in his bedroom with his seed leaking out of your perfect hole. 

Still, he doesn’t believe it.

“Please, Hee,” you plead, arching your chest towards him. “Let me feel you. Don’t you want to come inside me?”

“Fuck,” he falters, his forehead on yours. “You can’t just say that…I can’t be risky with you.” 

“Yes you can.” He watches you bite your lip and feels your hands push him off of you. Heeseung doesn’t put up a fight when he slips out of your warm hole and feels your hands grip his cock, desperately trying to tug the condom off of him. 

Heeseung sees the pathetic rubber in your hands when you bring it up for him to see. It’s glistening and his mouth drools at the sight, lips parting enough as if he stares at it in disbelief. He groans lowly in your ear as he peppers a few wet kisses to your neck. 

You spread your legs wider in the air and grip his cock in your head, pumping him a few times before letting his bare tip rest against your hole. His sharp intake is enough to make you bite your lip. 

“Pussy’s so wet,” he says against your neck, pushing an inch inside of you. “God, I could come like this.”

“You can.” 

“No, baby. Gonna fuck you the way you deserve before I come.”

With that sentiment, Heeseung pushes himself inside of you until he’s fully sheathed within your walls. He relishes the way you gasp at the sudden movement and he uses this angle to his advantage, positioning his ear next to your mouth to hear your delicious sounds. 

He moves his hips at such a pace that it makes you feel like your body’s bouncing on top of the soft mattress below you. Heeseung presses his chest against yours to kiss you like his life depends on it, tongue invading the privacy of your mouth but you couldn’t care less where his mouth goes. He can feel your nipples on his skin and groans into your mouth when you clench at a particularly hard thrust. 

“S-So good,” you stutter against his mouth with a breathy moan. Heeseung feels your arm around his shoulders, scratching at his back. “Fuck, fuck!”

“Mhm,” he coaxed. “Such a good baby. You look so pretty underneath me.” 

With a new sense of purpose, Heeseung lifts himself to push himself into you at a deeper angle. He forces his hips into you harder, your hands coming to your chest to cup your tits to give you something to hold in the meantime.

“That’s right, beautiful. Squeeze your tits for me.” 

You do, pinching and twisting your nipples until you hear Heeseung moan above you. It sounds nearly animalistic, the way his throat emits a groan that sounds so primal. He sees the dirty smile you paint your mouth with and leans his head down to press a kiss to your forehead before his hand comes to your cheeks, squeezing them between my fingers.

“You like it when I fuck you like this?” Heeseung asks, hips rolling against your own pelvis. When you nod, he gives you a nasty smile of his own and gives you a few harsh thrusts for good measure before pulling himself off of your chest with his cock still inside of you. 

Heeseung sits on his knees and pulls out just far enough where his hot tip remains buried inside of you, relishing in the panty breaths you emit as he watches your chest rise and fall. You look so beautiful to him with your hair messed up against the pillow beneath you and with a few faint hickeys on your chest and neck. Heeseung thinks that all of his wildest dreams could never compare to how gorgeous you look when you’re positioned directly where he wants you. 

You don’t complain when he pulls out to rest his cock on your wet, bare pussy. You wince at the loss and let him slide himself up and down, biting your lip when he grazes your swollen clit over and over again. 

The man above you lifts your right leg so that he can grip you tighter. You relinquish any control left in your body as Heeseung curses and kisses the side of your ankle. He dips the head of his cock inside and thrusts shallowly as if to tease, but you know he’s exploring all the way his cock looks like against your own body. 

It feels euphoric. The whole affair is dirty, but it’s the kind of dirty that makes you want to do it again. It’s the kind of dirty that makes this night an event you’ll want to remember for the rest of your night because Heeseung had poured his entire heart and soul for you to take. 

For Heeseung, this pleasure is less about knowing you have him permission to put himself inside you. You’ve always been so sure of yourself and your body; it’s something Heeseung has always admired about you as a person. Growing up with your insecurities of relationships and dating might’ve made you feel like a late bloomer; to Heeseung, your tendency to keep your head straight has always been a testament to how knowledgeable you are about yourself and about others. You save yourself for people who are worthy of you, and god, does he want to be worthy of you.

“I love you,” Heeseung whispers from above you. His eyes are closed and he pays no mind to the feeling your pussy gives him. Flashes of your memories stitch together like a film reel with your laughter as the soundtrack. He doesn’t think he wants to hear anything else for the rest of his life. 

Just for good measure, he whispers it again. “I love you so much.” 

“And I love you.”

Heeseung opens his eyes to see your tender ones, cheeks flushed from the sudden compliment. He always liked that he knew how to get you to blush when no one else couldn’t. This time, a sense of pride blooms in his chest. 

“I’ll never let you down,” he confesses. “And if I do, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” 

“I know, baby.” Heeseung’s hand cups your cheek and caresses it. “I trust you.” 

That’s enough for him to release your leg from his grip and pound himself into you like his life depends on bringing you to peak happiness. 

Heeseung’s palms are planted firmly on either side of your body as his hips roll gracefully against yours, the hot, wet mess between the two of you splashing on both of your thighs. He watches your eyes close shut and as your back arches to relieve some of the pressure, feeling somewhat proud of himself when he watches as your hands grab at the sheets for stability. 

There’s nothing that compares to watching you orgasm. Your eyebrows knit as if you’re concentrating while your mouth stands slightly ajar at the euphoric feeling of that single knot that’s threatening to come undone until it does. All of the girls he’s deluded into thinking he liked could never compare to the looks and sounds you’re making. 

“That’s it,” he coaxes softly. “Cream my cock, baby. That’s a good girl.” 

Heeseung feels you push and clench around him, gushing until there’s nowhere left for your come to go. He peeks down at where the two of you meet and groans when he sees his cock becoming painted in a sheer layer of white. It edges him on and the moment he locks his eyes with yours, his hips begin to stutter and he spills all he has to offer inside of you. 

He comes with short breaths as if he can’t believe you’ve allowed him to do so. Your hips move up and down as if to milk him for all he’s worth while Heeseung’s trying his best to balance his body on top of yours, grateful that some of his gym workouts prevent him from completely collapsing on top of you to.

His come seeps from your bodies and he pulls out, a few droplets splattering on your pussy lips. He nudges the tip against it, smearing his paint across your canvas and marveling at the sight. 

“My good girl,” he murmurs, eyes locked in at his handy work.

“I’ve never let anyone come inside of me,” you say with a fond expression. Your arm comes to brush Heeseung’s hair from his face before cradling his cheek when he looks at you in surprise. 

“Really?” 

You nod, biting your cheek. “Well, I always knew you were it for me. I didn’t want anyone else tainting what’s yours.” 

“Mine?” he asks, catching his breath. “You mean it? You’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Hee.” 

“All mine,” he mutters to himself in disbelief. 

You still feel his cock working itself against you. He’s still hard, a wonder after your hours locked away in your hotel room. It makes you laugh.

“No one has ever compared to you either,” Heeseung says. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he continues toying with your pussy. “Even when I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t like you.”

You laugh. “Well that’s good to hear. I realized all the guys I went after while I was abroad either looked like you or reminded me of you.” 

“I can confidently and stupidly say the same.” 

Your laughs echo through the room. Heeseung pulls your body upright, not caring that your mixed come is leaking on his cock and his bare lap. He kisses you with tender care, lips moving at a slow pace while his hands roam over the expanse of your back while your hands are on his broad shoulders. Heeseung could live like this everyday if you’d let him. 

You smile midway through when you feel his fully hardened cock against you. Heeseung apologizes quietly against your lips but feels you shake your head, pulling back to push him against the headboard until he’s comfortably seated. 

He looks at your pussy when you hover above him, the white cream still sticking to you as you grip his cock. Heeseung can’t believe his eyes when he understands what you’re about to do. Before he can even think, you align yourself with his cock and sink until you’re stuffed with him.

“Shit,” he curses through his teeth. 

“What good is coming inside of me if you don’t do it again and again, Hee?” 

“That might be the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

“Oh, yeah?”

You don’t move just yet, opting to press small kisses to Heeseung’s face. You kiss his forehead, both temples, his nose, both eyelids, and the apples of his cheeks before placing a kiss to his lips. 

“Before we leave, I want you to fuck me against that window,” you say, turning your head to the window that glimpses the city below. 

“But people can see,” is Heeseung’s first comment.

“So?” 

He chokes and when you feel his cock twitch inside of you, you can’t help but laugh at him.

“I’ve heard talk about your escapades, Lee. Why so shy with me?” 

He smacks your asscheek. “Naughty girl. Didn’t know you were nasty like that.” Heeseung gives you that kind of teasing smile that has you folding for him all over again. “Alright then, humor me. What else do you want to do before we leave?” 

“I’d love to give you a blowjob while we shower, too.” 

“That can certainly be arranged. Anything else?” 

You look around the room. “I kind of want to see you eat me out while I sit on the desk chair. Makes me think you’re some kind of secretary who’s desperate for my pussy.”

“I am desperate for your pussy,” Heeseung reminds you. “What if I’m the stone cold CEO and you’re the cute secretary whose ass I dream about?” 

You seat his chest. “This is my fantasy. You can have yours when we get home.” 

Heeseung raises his eyebrow. “Mm, you sure?”

“Positively,” you nod. Heeseung’s hands travel from your ass to your hips and guides you up and down his cock, letting you set the pace after the brutal first round from a few minutes prior. 

“Gonna fuck you in and on my car, since you like being watched so much,” Heeseung teases. His words seem to make your pussy clench and hips move faster. He forgoes any shyness when speaking about his fantasies and spills his every thought.

“I always thought you looked so cute in your old school uniform. I’ve always wanted to take you in that skirt they gave you.”

“I’ll buy one of those sexy schoolgirl costumes and surprise you for your birthday,” you say, locking your eyes with him. “Oh, professor! Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?”

Heeseung laughs at your antics, but the images of you in the costume aforementioned makes his grip on your body tighter. 

“I selfishly want to watch you suck me off while I play with the guys.” He says it in a way that makes him avert his gaze and you can see a faint blush on his face. “I-I saw this video on Twitter. It looks hot.”

“I can do that for you.” You kiss both of his burning cheeks.

“But mostly, I just want you to sit on my face. Mad at me? Sit on my face. Sad? Sit on my face. Happy to see me? Sit on my face.” 

“Simp,” you grunt, thighs burning from pushing yourself on and off of Heeseung’s cock. 

“And proud.” He smacks both ass cheeks again. “Now what do you say, baby? If you ride me until you come, you can blow me in the bathroom before I fuck you in front of the entirety of Paris. Can you do that for me?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, you meet Heeseung and the rest of the guys in the lobby while Jay checks out on behalf of all of you. Jake’s the first to see you coming. 

“You’re glowing and I don’t know if I like that.” He raises his eyebrow at Heeseung, who has pulled you into him by your waist. 

“At least some of us are getting laid,” you retort. “I don’t recall seeing anyone do the walk of shame even though you had the room to yourself.” 

Riki and Sunoo don’t try to contain their laughter as Jake’s cheeks turn a shade of pink. He rolls his eyes when you look at him, but shakes his head and punches your arm with your first. 

“Nah, I’m really glad you two got that out of your system and worked it out.”

“You guys had major sexual tension,” Sunoo comments. 

“Thank God Y/N’s room was at the end of the hall,” says Sunghoon. “I don’t know how their neighbors felt but I can sleep peacefully knowing I didn’t have to hear all of that.” 

“Okay, enough,” Heeseung laughs. “We get it, we had a lot of sexual tension and now we’re fine.”

“So you guys are boyfriend-girlfriend?” Jungwon asks. 

“Y/N is my girlfriend and I am her boyfriend.” 

“I will key his car if he hurts you again,” Riki tells you, looking at Heeseung after he’s finished speaking. You detach yourself from his waist and bring your arms around Riki to give him a squeeze.

“Thanks, Riki.”

“Okay, we should call the cabs right now so we can get to the airport early,” Jay says from behind you. 

“Jay is such a dad,” Jungwon whispers. 

He pays no mind to Jungwon’s words, instead focusing on the way Heeseung pulls you into his chest. It warms his heart in ways he can’t explain.

“Congratulations, you two. Let’s go home.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

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[loucutie]

super depressed and in pain bc it’s 38 degrees out and i physically can’t do anything when it’s cold like my body is Stiff and it fucking sucks and i took my adderall this morning bc it helps distract from pain but i’m also just so throughly depressed like i’m 24 and i can’t do anything without assistance in some capacity. i always feel like a burden and i drain everyone around me i feel like a bottomless pit of take take take and no matter how much my partner or my family or friends say i’m ok i feel useless. i can’t drive, i haven’t gone to college yet, i don’t have skills, i can only work a job for so long before i get fired or quit bc of my pain. i lost the house i grew up in after grandma died and my mom was getting paid to take care of her so she lost her mom and her job and i feel responsible. i got sick in middle school and she was in her last rotation for dental assisting but she left school to help me bc i couldn’t get out of bed without physical assistance. she could’ve had a career and financial freedom but she left school to take care of me full time and i carry that with me everyday. my dream is have a history doctorate i want to study archiving i want curate entire exhibits. i haven’t even gone to community college. i tried but had to fail out bc of attendance. professors were unwilling to prerecord lectures or even let me attend virtually. that’s why seeing how quickly schools made accommodations for virtual learning made me so angry. the exact protocols for online learning especially in the area i went to school are things my mom and i spent my whole high school career fighting for. when i requested to be able to zoom into class i was told it was ridiculous and it was just never going to happen but flash forward 2 years and it suddenly matters to accommodate able bodied students. location shouldn’t stop a child from learning! but it didn’t matter when it was me bc i’m already a lost cause. black, poor, physically disabled, why should we help her pass? it’s not like she’ll make anything of her self so let’s not waste the resources. i graduated by the skin of my teeth. i start working at a second hand teen clothing store (iykyk) it’s great and they’re willing to accommodate my needs. i work there for years but my body gave out and i couldn’t pretend to be “normal” so even with all the accommodations i still had to leave bc i couldn’t handle it. i apply for community college and it’s great for a while until my professors decide not to accommodate me anymore. one of my professors is also disabled. he had no interest in my 504 plan. i emailed him my dr note for missing class a couple days in a row and he emailed me back saying essentially he can’t worry about me and even if i have notes he refuses to record his lecture and so any info i miss is my problem. i asked what i could do to make my accommodations easier for him. keep in mind this is a cis white man who also uses mobility aids. he told me that i need to help myself more and stop relying on others. at the same time i’m also being medicated for my adhd for the first time and trying to adjust. i asked my english teacher for extra explanation on an assignment and she took every single opportunity to belittle me. i even explained my recent diagnosis and she said that if it’s not on my 504 she does t have to do anything about it and told me to ask classmates about it. she constantly critiqued without teaching us how to do better. a truly vile woman who is def racist (like when she failed my paper on the angry black woman stereotype bc “i don’t understand how being powerful and strong could be a negative thing. women have been seen a delicate and too weak to do anything so this must just be something you made up” and in the next essay prompt she put a little not that said not to talk about taxes or religion or social justice bc “my taxes are high enough.” like she writes grants for the hospital in the area which is terrifying. a racist writing grant for a hospital that has a history of profiling it’s patients.)

all of this to say i’m having the worst time with self worth and confidence in my abilities. i don’t have anything to show for living this long i can’t even drive a car or cook that well or move around when the weather is cold. laying in bed for rest is the most isolating experience. when i was a kid my days were just taking medication that would make me sleep for hours, wake up to eat something and watch animal cops, take more medicine, and fall back asleep. it was truly the worst experience of my life. i lost so many friends and even family bc i couldn’t physically get out of bed.

this pain has taken everything from me and so tired. i want to do something with my life but i’m terrified i’ll have to give it up bc i can’t stand for too long or be in cold temps too long or bend over or lift anything heavy. it’s so isolating. my partner is helpless when i’m having a bad pain day bc she’s a doctor but knows she can’t do anything for me in the moment. i know how much of a burden my disability is on my friends and family and i hate myself so much for it. i’m grateful they love me but i don’t want to trap them in this with me. they say they don’t mind but can see the toll it takes on them. i hate seeing my partner cry bc i’m in so much pain and she can’t do anything. i feel so guilty when she gets home from work and has to help me bc i couldn’t get out of bed all day. i feel like i’ve been afforded too much kind that i didn’t earn. all i do is ask for help or hurt myself trying to do it myself. both are humiliating in completely different ways.

i’m so exhausted like physically mentally emotionally exhausted.

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Okay. How about a male S/O bridal carrying Ei, Miko, & Eula for some reason?

Them being bridal carried by reader

characters: Eula/Ei/Yae Miko x male!/gn!reader

a/n: This has been written with a male reader in mind, but you can alternatively read it with anything you want since the gender isn't stated anywhere (reader being adressed with "you", bc 2nd person). I hope that's okay with you, if not just say so and I'll try rewriting it. I just normally write in 2nd person, so I would have to go out of my way to clearly state a gender.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Eula

Confrontations with all sorts of enemies was about the least unexpected thing that happened on your missions in Dragonspine. It was the whole reason you and Eula were there in the first place, so when you were attacked by a couple of Fatui, you swiftly dealt with them, but when you noticed how much Eula seemed to lean on her claymore afterwards, you couldn’t help but worry about her, only for her to brush your worries off, saying that she was just a bit tired.

For the entirety of your march back to Mondstadt, your entire focus was on Eula’s small limp and while she had tried talking to you a few times, she quickly noticed that you weren’t really paying attention to what she was saying. Something that prompted her to proclaim that she would avenge such rude behaviour, only to see you give her a small nod a response, the kind of nod you reserved for occasions in which you weren’t listening but pretended to do so, nonetheless. She had seen you use it multiple times, just never on her.

Eula was so busy thinking about how to avenge your disrespectfulness, that she didn’t notice a small a small hole in the ground, causing her to step into it with her already strained foot, causing her to let out a small yelp before quickly covering her mouth. But before you even had the chance to worry, Eula turned around and stepped on her foot again, wanting to show you that there was nothing to worry about, only to realise that it hurt more than she expected, causing her to wince for a moment. She didn’t even get the chance to say anything before you swept her off her feet and started bridal carrying her around, Eula not missing a single opportunity to complain about it.

“You have guts lifting an aristocrat without even asking beforehand”, Eula stated after realising that her attempts of trying to convince you to let her go through physical actions had failed. “You can consider yourself lucky that you don’t live in the past, because doing something like that would have cost you your life back then”, she continued only for you to let out a tired sigh.

“Eula, your foot is injured, so I won’t let you down until we are at home. Now can you stop resisting? The less you move around the quicker I let you go”, your statement seemed to have succeeded in making Eula silent and for the rest of the way to Mondstadt, she let herself be carried while crossing her arms and looking away from you. Even though she would never ever admit it, there was something nice to being carried around like that, it almost made her feel like the romanticised version of aristocracy instead of its rather depressing real-life counterpart. But when you arrived in the vicinity of the city, Eula’s complaining began once again. Being carried privately was one thing, but if anyone else saw her like that she wouldn’t be able to set foot outside her home without cringing.

And so, she finally convinced you of putting her down, slightly limping the rest of the way. Only ever stopping and turning back to you once you arrived home. “Carrying an aristocrat without warning and ignoring their complaints, so disrespectful. I will have my vengeance for that.”

Ei

500 years were a long time in which entire civilisation could vanish or pop up, so it wasn’t all too surprising that the Inazuma Ei had known from back then had very little to do with the one of the present. Sure, shops closed, and new ones opened, whole new cities were formed while other villages had long been reclaimed by nature, but the most infuriating part, was that there where whole new phrases Ei didn’t even understand.

Over time she got used to most changes, your help and explanations making the whole process much easier, but there where still times she would come to you and ask you what certain things were, so you weren’t all too surprised when she came through your door one quiet evening.

“Would you mind explaining something to me?”, she asked and when you looked in her direction, you saw her with one of the novels from Yae Publishing house you had bought her. You didn’t hesitate for a second, instantly agreeing to do so before standing up from your seat and walking over to her. “What’s this bridal carry thing they are talking about?”, she asked before pointing to a specific line. You gave her the best explanation you could think of before assuming that you job was finished, only to be caught off-guard by her next question. “Can we try it out? I’m kind of curious how it feels.”

You tried your best to talk her out of it, knowing that you would be even more embarrassed, once you carried her around like that, than you already were, but a combination of your brain partly stopping working and her innocent stare eventually got you to agree. When you lifted her from the ground, you were surprised by how light she was. Well, it made sense, it was an artificial body after all, now that you were thinking about it, did the Shogun have organs like a normal person? You quickly snapped out of your thoughts, deciding that this was not the moment to think about the way the shogun worked, not that you wanted to know it in the first place.

The two of you remained in your current position for quite a while, Ei deciding to continue reading her novel, seemingly forgetting that you still had to hold her. But eventually you were forced to put her back down, your arms starting to hurt from carrying her, because even if she was light, it was still a human body.

“And? Are you satisfied?”, you asked her while trying your best to hide your blush in a fashion that didn’t make it too obvious, miserably failing in your attempts.

“I think. I can certainly understand why they talk about it so much; it feels rather nice”, she admitted with a smile, only for her face to change into one of worry once she looked at you. “Are you alright? Your face is completely red.”

“Yeah! I’m fine don’t worry!”, you almost yelled out before quickly glancing around the room, hoping to find a new topic to distract her with. “So, what exactly are you reading?”

Yae Miko

You had decided to visit Yae at the shrine, thinking that it would be a nice surprise to bring her a bit of fried tofu, but when you had arrived, she was nowhere to be seen, causing you to ask one of the shrine maidens. That way you found out that Yae was on break and that you should wait in her office. When you eventually did so, you were surprised to find a small fox sleeping there and while you at first tried your best to hold back the urge to pet it, not wanting to wake it up, the way it was rolling around in it’s sleep eventually caused you to do so, nonetheless. One pet quickly turned into a whole petting session, eventually leading you to pick it up in your arms.

“Oh, look at you, so cute. Who’s the cutest fox in Teyvat? You are!”, you started talking to it in a rather high-pitched voice and in one moment of realisation you quickly glanced to the door, fearing that Yae might have returned. If she heard you talk like that, she would never let you forget, so you let out the biggest sigh of relief when you saw nothing but a small door. You still couldn’t keep yourself from staring at the door. “Oof, you’re pretty heavy for such a small fox”, you stated absentmindedly, only to nearly get a heart attack when you heard a response.

“Who are you calling heavy?”, when you looked down into your arms, you were greeted with Yae instead of the small fox you held in your arms before. You nearly let her fall to the ground out of pure shock, only barely managing not to.

“T-That was you?! I-I mean, how long were you a-awake?”, you managed to stutter out, your entire face being red from embarrassment. What surprised you even more, was how casual she looked, not even showing the slightest hint of embarrassment herself.

“Hmm, wouldn’t you like to know. Let’s just say, the cutest fox in Teyvat needs a nap from time to time.” Oh oh, she was awake long enough to witness your baby talk. Your very visible gulp, coupled with your panicking face caused the fox envoy to start giggling to herself. “Well, I don’t have anything against being bridal carried by you, but don’t you want to put me down already?” At this point you had almost completely forgotten about the fact that you were still carrying her the same way you did while she was in her fox form and quickly put her down.

“I wanted to bring you fried tofu, but you seemingly weren’t here, so I decided to wait in your office”, you told her before handing her the container you had put the tofu in, hoping that it was enough to buy her silence.

“How nice of you. The cutest fox in Teyvat needs her favourite food-”, she continued teasing you nonetheless after taking the food, causing your face to heat up once again.

“Can you stop!?”

[sluttywonwoo]

Hi! What do you think the svt members reaction would be to another member liking their crush as well - like would they try to win their crush over or are they more likely to back away / anything else? 👀

adding a cut just bc this one got a lil long!!

seungcheol: this puts him in a very precarious position because he’s supposed to be the leader. he’s supposed to be unbiased and love all of his members equally. but it’s hard to do that when one of said members also has heart eyes for you. he’d sort of give that member the silent treatment, and try spending more time with you as a result. he isn’t eager to tell you how he feels because he’s terrified you’ll reject him, but he doesn’t want to miss his chance so he’ll work up the courage to confess, waiting for the right moment.

jeonghan: unless he’s convinced you’re the love of his life, he’d tell the other member to go for it and let you go </3 if it’s just a simple crush, jeonghan figures it will pass eventually and he’ll find someone new. he doesn’t think it’s worth it to fight over a crush with someone he’s forced to spend all his time with and has to work with for at least the next seven years.

joshua: he’ll try and tell you how he feels first, beating the other guy to it. joshua isn’t sure if you’ll reciprocate but he wants to put himself out there so at least he won’t spend the rest of his life wondering “what if”.

jun: he’s more annoyed about it than he lets on. whoever the other member is, he’ll kind of laugh about it with them in the moment, but then when he’s alone again he’ll sulk. his moodiness might even bleed into his hangouts with you, leading you to ask him what’s wrong. he’ll either spill everything or just pretend like he’s tired, either way he’s getting cuddles from you as a result.

soonyoung: it turns into a sitcom-level competition for this dude, like who can win your heart faster— it doesn’t matter who it is, he’s going to fight for you and will do whatever it takes to come out on top.

wonwoo: he’s sooo so shy, it’d be like his worst nightmare to learn that one of his members also likes you. he would need major evidence that you also like him to even begin to consider confessing to you so he’d have to sort of… drop hints and test the waters to try and gauge your feelings.

jihoon: he hates conflict so he’d let the other member make a move first. if you don’t reciprocate, then he’ll shoot his shot and try and win you over fair and square. but if you do reciprocate, jihoon will simply be bitter about it forever and hold a grudge against them until the day he dies.

seokmin: poor guys panics, and ends up telling you everything, even though you didn’t ask. he basically blurts out all of his feelings and also mentions that he knows his member has a crush on you too. and then after dumping all of this info on you he’ll just. dip. he’d run off, leaving you there to process all the things he’d just said.

mingyu: listen, he gives everything his best shot. he knows he’s a good looking dude and thinks he might have a decent chance with you so he’d go for it. he thinks he can offer a lot too, but then again so can any member of seventeen which makes him a little less confident about the whole thing. at the very least, he knows he’s taller than the other guy which is a win for him (but only if you’re into tall guys).

minghao: minghao is quiet and reserved, but when it comes to love i think he’s a bit more headstrong. he’s a romantic, but also a realist, meaning he knows he has to work for what he wants. he can’t just sit around and wait for a relationship to fall into his lap and if he wants to be with you he needs to speak up. putting himself out there like that would be sooo difficult for him but he’s able to convince himself that it’s worth it for the opportunity to be with you.

seungkwan: he would honestly get pretty jealous— as anyone would if they were suddenly competing for their crush— and would do his best to steer you away from said competitor. he’d suddenly start spending all of his time with you so that the other member couldn’t get you alone, just silently hoping you aren’t getting sick of having him around.

vernon: he doesn’t think he’s bothered by it until he watches you laughing at their joke and realizes “oh fuck, i can’t let this happen”. however, how he decides to fix it… he doesn’t even know. he’d have to ask one of his other members (one that isn’t also in love with you) for advice.

chan: it’s tricky for him as the maknae because technically there’s a degree of respect he’s supposed to pay the older members but he’d honestly just say fuck it and do what he wants (he always does anyway). and in this case what he wants is you. he’s too proud to bow out so he’d be up front with you and lay it all out there.

[adoringhaikyuu]

hello!! i have a bit of a request! could i get oikawa bokuto and kuroo w a s/o who absolutely loves to cook and bake and does so a lot, but always always always shares the food they make? n they kinda slowed down in making food bc ppl arent accepting or wanting the food they make and its making them really down :(

ive been having this issue w my roommates bc i always cook for them w lots of love and they never eat what i make and its,, draining on me,,,,

but yea!! i just want oikawa bokuto n kuroo to make me feel a lil better :( thank u so so so much!!!! i love ur blog n ur writing so much 🖤

THEY AREN'T EATING YOUR FOOD SO YOU STOP COOKING FOR THEM

CHARACTERS: bokuto + kuroo + oikawa + (gn!reader)

WARNINGS: none

NOTES: i hope everything is ok and if not i hope it gets better!! <3 + i tried to make these a little happier ! they all take place over a week + i tried a new format with this we'll see if i stick w it sfkjhg

bokuto:

bokuto honestly didn't not want to eat your food

it's just that he had to go on a new diet for the upcoming season, his trainer and nutritionist told him to try it out to see how it works with him

and the things you cooked and baked were on the no eating list

he just loved when you made food for him, it tasted amazing and he could feel the love you put into it

he was planning on waiting the diet out and stockpiling all the food you made for afterwards as a treat

but he may or may not have failed to tell you that

so when you noticed he wasn't eating the food you left for him when he came home late after practice, you were disheartened and not to be dramatic, but heartbroken as well

deciding not to waste anymore, you simply stopped

turns out, the diet wasn't really working with bokuto, his nutritionist decided it was unecessary since he was getting the same results when he wasn't on it––thanks to his genetics, metabolism and workout routine. if anything he was glad, he was beyond excited to come home and finally eat your cooking again.

he practically ran home with a skip in his step, shouting out cheerfully as soon as he stepped past the front door. "baby i'm home!" he put his things down and took his shoes off, before gliding in front of the fridge to open it. "what's for dinner?––" he trailed off when he noticed there was nothing cooking, maybe you were starting later? he looked through the shelves in the fridge, looking for something to snack on in the mean time and gasped abruptly when he couldn't find the containers of food he'd been saving over the past week.

he closed the doors and frantically looked around the kitchen, opening random cupboards that couldn't possibly keep any refrigerated food fresh.

you walked in to find him searching around like a madman and you paused. "kou? what's wrong?"

he looked up at the sound of your voice and ran over to you, placing his hands on your waist. he kissed your forehead to say hello, despite the pout on his face and the clearly pressing matter on his mind. "hi baby doll. i was looking for all the food that was in the fridge, did you move them?"

you paused, "well i––i threw them out?"

his eyes almost bulged out of his head, "what?! why??"

you were confused by his sudden outburst, it's not like he was eating any of it. "i mean you weren't eating, kou...it's been a week since you've stopped eating my food, i just didn't see the point in keeping it all in there...that's also why i'm not making dinner right now."

he stared at you, shocked and disappointed in himself, he had no idea you were feeling this upset. "oh my god...did i forget to tell you?" your brows furrowed curiously but he simply pulled you into his arms for a tight hug. "i'm so sorry bub––they wanted me to try out this new diet, that's why i wasn't eating! i didn't mean to make you upset! i was even planning on eating all of the dinners i missed afterwards...but the diet wasn't for me so i can go back to eating normally now!"

you pulled back slightly to look at him, not knowing what to say. "oh..."

he gave you a sad smile, "yeah," he brought a hand up to hold your cheek, "you know i love your food––it honestly hurt my heart when they told me i couldn't eat it!"

you cracked a smile and he gave you one right back, "i'm serious!"

you sighed happily, "okay...so i guess i should start making dinner then?––"

he was pulling you over to the fridge before you could finish your sentence, "absolutely! and i'm helping!"

you laughed and started getting the ingredients together, "how about i make your favorite tonight?"

he nodded like a child excited for ice cream and kissed you on the cheek. he wasn't really a chef himself, that's why he left it to you––he didn't want to burn down the kitchen. so he'd mostly be staying by your side, maybe handing you things or mixing things, but you enjoyed his company nonetheless.

you had started seasoning the food when he slid his arms around you from behind, leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. "hey baby?" you hummed in response and his hold on you tightened a bit. "would you...mind making my favorite dessert tonight too? i've been craving it for a while now..."

you smiled to yourself and nodded, "i'd love to."

he squeezed you and kissed your cheek loudly, "yes! thank you i love you so much!–"

kuroo:

almost every day you sent kuroo off to work with a baked good you made him

he loved them and you loved making them so it was a win-win

you'd put them in a little container with a cute note

and though he knew what to expect each time, they never failed to brighten his day

but earlier this week you stopped by kuroo's office to drop off the treat he'd forgotten to take with him today in his rush out the door

he was in a meeting so his assistant let you into his office

and you felt an ache in your chest when you noticed four of the treats you'd given him this past week all on his desk, unopened

that day, you went back home with all the uneaten sweets and unshed tears aching to fall from your eyes

did he just take them to please you? did he not really want them this whole time? was he just trying to be a good husband?

all these questions flooded your mind, only confusing and hurting you further

but one thing was for certain, you'd stop baking them for him

it didn't make sense for you to if you knew it'd be going to waste

kuroo was beyond done with his day and it wasn't even halfway over. he sighed, loosening his tie as he shut the door to his office, drained from the two hour meeting he'd been in.

thankfully, he had no more meetings today so he could sit and relax while he worked in his office. he sat down at his desk and shut his eyes for a moment, needing to calm down and regenerate himself. he reached over to his left blindly, knowing he'd left the treats you baked him there––things had been getting so hectic lately, he barely had time to eat them, but he was saving them for when he did have the time.

his hand smacked down on the desk three times as he tried to reach for the containers before he finally opened his eyes. his brows furrowed slightly, "what the..." he looked around the desk, opening the drawers and everything before giving up and calling his assistant in.

she knocked on the door and he signaled for her to come in.

"yes sir?"

"hi, do you know where the sweets i had on my desk are? i thought i left them here."

his assistant thought for a moment before perking up, "oh i believe your partner came and collected them while you were in your meeting, sir."

he frowned, "y/n was here? why didn't you tell me?"

"they asked me not to disturb you."

kuroo nodded, "oh alright...well, thank you, that'll be all."

he immediately pulled his personal phone out and called your number, you must have been back home by now.

you saw his name pop up on your screen as you were about to throw out the baked goods and hesitated for a good while before sighing and picking up. "yes?"

you could practically hear the smirk on his face as he spoke through the phone.

kuroo leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling as he spoke. "you stole my sweets from me? where'd you hide them? or did you eat them?"

he didn't even feel bad that he'd just left them there?––"well you clearly weren't eating them kuroo," the smirk dropped from his face and he sat up, alert. woah––kuroo? why did you sound upset? "they were just sitting on your desk––anyway, i was about to throw them out."

"woah, what?? why would you do that?!"

he was speaking to you but you honestly weren't listening, too annoyed and too hurt to pay attention. "look if you didn't like them, you could have just told me so i wouldn't have to waste hours every day busting my ass to make them for you––were you just throwing them out this whole time, is that it?––"

he shook his head with each word you uttered before realizing you couldn't see him, he was just in complete shock. "what? no no, kitten listen to me, hey listen, okay?" you paused, mostly to catch your breath, but he took that opportunity to speak up. "i love when you bake for me, everything you make tastes amazing. i love eating the sweets you make when i'm at work because they remind me of you and of how much you love me––this week's just been a complete pain in my ass and i haven't had the time to sit down, eat and enjoy your treats, i love them and you too much to just scarf them down in a minute. i need to savor them, you know?" despite the adrenaline running in your body, you cracked a smile. "i finally had some time to myself and i was gonna eat them just now when i realized they were missing so i called you..."

he trailed off and you took that as your cue to speak up. "oh..."

you could hear his smirk again, "yeah, oh."

"so i...maybe...overreacted a bit."

he chuckled, the sound warm even through the phone. "no kitten you didn't, i get why you were upset––but, you should have asked me about it first."

you sighed, "yeah, yeah..." you looked at the open containers in front of you, only now noticing the notes you put in them were gone––he must have taken them out to read them even though he didn't have time to eat––"wait a minute, if you haven't had time to eat..." you could hear him clear his throat awkwardly, "kuroo you haven't been eating lunch?!"

he laughed awkwardly, "um, i mean, i eat after work––"

"that's not the same!" you rolled your eyes, "i'm coming back over there and i'm bringing you lunch and you're going to eat it, understand?"

he poked his tongue to the side of his cheek. "okay, kitten."

you sighed, "you're lucky i love you."

he leaned back in his chair again, "oh could you bring one of the––"

you cut him off, putting one of the already closed containers back in your bag. "already on it."

he grinned, "god, i love you."

oikawa:

oikawa loves your cooking

and normally he scrambles home after practice to eat it

but this past week training was grueling and tiring, so by the time he came out every day, he was drained mentally and physically

and he was starving

he couldn't wait any longer as soon as he stepped foot out of the gym

so he went to the nearest takeout place, bodega, whatever to get something to eat quickly,, for the whole week

he thought nothing of it

but when he came home every night for a week straight saying he'd already eaten when you tried to offer him the food you spent hours making?

it hurt, a lot

so you decided you'd stop cooking

oikawa was aching to go home––he was exhausted and all he thought about to get him through the day was you, your cooking and your cuddles. he needed all three immediately. when his coach said they were all free to go home, he could almost feel a weight lifting off his shoulders.

he sighed loudly as he stepped into your home, peeling his sneakers off and setting his things aside. he padded into the house, going straight to the kitchen and frowned when you were nowhere in sight. he'd come home a bit early today, around the time you were usually making dinner.

he looked around and walked to the living room, smiling to himself when he found you sitting on the couch, looking for something to watch on tv.

you smiled up at him and greeted him, the sound of your voice making him feel warm inside. "hi baby, how was your day?"

he huffed and slid onto the couch, lying down so his head was in your lap. "don't even talk to me about the day i've had––i was thinking about you the whole time." he took your hand in his and brought it up to his lips to give it a soft kiss. "you got me through it."

he placed one of your hands on his cheek and the other in his hair, mumbling a thank you when you started playing with the slightly damp mess on his head. "mm that feels good baby." he closed his eyes and sighed contently, settling in comfortably to your touch.

after a few moments, he spoke up softly, trying his best not to fall asleep. "what's for dinner?"

"um i'm not sure," your eyes were focused back on the tv as you thought for a moment. "what do you wanna order?"

he paused and cracked one eye open, opening the other when he realized you weren't joking. "wha––order?"

you looked down at him and nodded hesitantly, "yeah? like takeout?"

he sat up abruptly and turned to face you, "what? why?"

you paused this time, unsure of how to respond. "well...every night for the past week you haven't been eating my food. i think it's fair for me to assume you don't want my food anymore."

he felt a piece of himself break on the inside, "oh angel..." he grabbed your hands, "no no––i love your food, you know that––i've just been so tired this week, i couldn't even wait to get home to eat, so i stopped by the nearest places with the boys." he scooted closer to you. "i'm so sorry i made you feel like i didn't appreciate what you do for me––i promise from now on i'll drag myself on my hands and knees if i have to to come home to you and eat––"

you laughed and shook your head, "tooru there's no need for that––"

he cut you off, almost offended. "of course there is! i hurt your feelings baby, i never want to do that again!"

you smiled and pulled him in for a sweet kiss that he quickly melted into. you pulled away to look at him earnestly. "it's okay babe. just...maybe tell me next time? i was just worried you were tired of my food, that's all."

he pulled you into his lap and held you tight. "i could never and will never be tired of anything you do for me, i promise." he kissed your cheek. "though it is my fault, i did miss your cooking this week––but if you're not in the mood to make anything i understand and we can still order––"

you shook your head, "i'll make your favorite, okay?"

he pulled you in for another kiss, "i really don't deserve you."

[mariesocuniverse]

Byeol’s Relationships: Maknae Line

HanByeol

You know how people say jisung is Chan’s first kid? Yeah that

the same thing basically goes for byeol as well

As much as they clown each other jisung really values her opinions and always asks for it

Whether it be music, lyrics or anything else he always asks Byeol for her opinion

he hasn’t told her this before but he tried writing a song for Byeol to sing solo but he’s too shy about it

also another person she forces to go to bed bc 3racha can wait i’ll fight you all myself if i have to

She’s the sister he never knew he wanted

he gets really sad whenever he does something that disappoints her and doesn’t want her to have that facial expression again

he also very much is very greedy whenever he wants byeol’s love and affection

like what do you mean hyunjin is her favorite? that’s a lie

very clingy and likes to hug and hold her hand whenever they’re going somewhere

he denies it but jisung gets very pouty whenever he doesn’t get enough attention

you know thats ppl who go “Byeoooooooooool” when calling someone? he’s like that

byeol pretends to be annoyed but hasn’t done anything to stop it so everyone knows shes lying

ByeoLix

byeol literally had to do a double take when she heard felix speak for the first time bc that face and voice did not match upon first glance

after that tho?

sun can’t compare with how much these two shine

she didn’t know what it was about Felix but she immediately wanted to become friends with him on sight

she wasn’t surprised at all when felix befriended chan even though chan had his whole dark and edgy persona

Byeol likes to call him her personal energizer

One time he made her brownies when she was on her period and she cried

They’re just so soft with each other it’s so sweet

She was so heartbroken when he got eliminated and needed a moment to take a break

She once again wanted to fight jyp when he came back

sometimes when he speaks english she repeats after him in tiny

Felix’s family jokes that she might be a lost Lee sister that they never knew they had and one of felix’s sisters said byeol might be replacing them

in another world, Lee Byeol would be the biological sibling to Felix

although she’s still very much like family to him even though not by blood :D

he’s very much the person who would go out and be like “Oh noona would like this” or “this reminds me of noona”, etc etc

they both have sections in the rooms of stuff they’ve both for each other

they giggle so much whenever they’re together its honestly so adorable

SeungByeol

this guy right here

Surprisingly these two were very awkward when they first met

Seungmin thought Byeol had a certain aura to her that intimidated him so he felt a little uncomfortable

Byeol did her best to make him feel comfortable while also trying not to push boundaries

But it worked!!!

Sometimes Byeol jokingly says she regrets it bc now?

This boy takes any opportunity to tease her without fail much to her dismay

one little mistake and it wouldn’t be missed by this little shit

seungmin is literally “i can be your angle or i can be your devil” to her

but its all in good fun so she usually lets it go

top tier banter with the two of them and sometimes they don’t stop until someone pulls them apart

he called her cringe once and byeol has never felt more offended in her life

he really is the annoying yet endearing younger brother byeol didn’t know she wanted

whenever seungmin records byeol likes to sit in the recording room and listen bc she likes his voice a lot

seungmin thinks that the two of them have a nice mix of voices and want to do a cover together with jeongin

he likes hearing her sing and play piano bc its calming to him

just a typical sibling dynamic

JeongByeol

Byeol’s baby!

She just has the urge to love and take care of the boy you know?

Does he take advantage of it? Depends on the day

byeol always make sure that jeongin is okay and that he knows he’s talented and worthy of being in the group and debuting

she always has this proud look on her face whenever he’s singing

she ruffles his hair and pinches his cheeks a lot like a grandma

sometimes byeol’s sister likes to joke that he’s basically replacing her as the younger sibling

its not yang jeongin anymore guys in lee jeongin

he accidentally called her mom once and everyone could not stop laughing for a whole five minutes

byeol is like an emotional pillar for jeongin to lean on whenever he needs to talk about anything

he’s the youngest so byeol knows that he needs to be taken care of 

she makes sure his voice is always heard during interviews and hypes him up during variety shows

jeongin also returns the favor by doing things like pulling her away from crowds whenever she gets too far

she’s very much someone he looks up to bc he knows how difficult it is to be in this type of group

he has the mindset of “if its this hard for me, it must be harder on byeol” so he does his best to help byeol even if its the tiniest bit

[theringers]

illicit affairs - pierre gasly

summary: “It's born from just one single glance but it dies, and it dies, and it dies, a million little times”

request: You asked for angst so… Taylor swift’s illicit affairs based imagine with mr gasly?

a/n: this request came to me just a few hours ago but as soon as i listened to the song with this in mind i couldn’t stop writing so enjoy lovelies xoxo

“request: So i was thinking maybe that pierre and the reader sleep with each other but pierre has a gf🌝” is wife good enough???

warnings: nsfw, 18+, smut, angst, cheating, sex ig

missing the days on tumblr of b&w gifs so i’m including this one to get ya thinking bc it’s what inspired me xoxo

The sun was beating down in the paddock where you walked hand in hand with your husband. A photographer was seated a few feet away and tried to grab your attention for a quick shot. “Y/n, over here,” they said. You smiled and waved to appease them.

It was a hectic weekend in Austria, the second race of a double-header. You wandered as you people watched, one of your favorite hobbies. Your eyes met with Pierre’s in the Alpha Tauri garage, sending chills all the way through your body.

“You okay?” Your husband looked down at you to make sure you were comfortable, taking notice of your shivers. He knew that sometimes this whole environment could be too overwhelming for you.

You nodded in response. “I’m okay.” You smiled at him, thankful for his sweet gesture. Even on race weekends, you were a top priority for him. You looked past your husband and saw Pierre still focused on you. He was in his white fireproof suit, half of it hanging around his waist, and messing with his earbuds, but his gaze was directed anywhere else but his garage.

Sweat started to pool on your palms and you’d hoped Max didn’t notice. He didn’t need anything else to worry about today except for winning the race. In the distance, Pierre pulled his undershirt up to wipe off the sweat on his face, exposing his tanned and toned abdomen. You took a deep breath, starting to feel faint. He wasn’t doing anything on purpose but your mind couldn’t help but think back to a few weeks ago.

“C’mon buddy!” You patted your legs, trying to get your dog off the couch. You held his leash in your hand. “Wanna go for a walk?” The word walk sending him and his curly golden hair barreling full speed at you. You laughed at him and put his leash on, heading out the door.

It was a hot summer morning in Monaco and despite the fact that you had no effort to do anything today, you decided to get up and take Winston for a walk. After you got home, you could relax and settle in for the rest of the day.

Max had left yesterday for the UK. He was working on a promotional photoshoot for one of his sponsors and was supposed to be gone for at least a few days. You took this opportunity to get the apartment in order and spend some extra time on self-care. Today you had planned a bath, face mask, and a manicure.

Winston’s favorite place to walk was along the harbor. There were always so many people he could stop and sniff. He was also mesmerized watching boats come and go out of their slips. You were hoping someday that Max would come to his senses and agree to get a boat. You lived in Monaco for crying out loud. It was about damn time. Winston would love it too, and Max always wanted Winston to be happy.

You tugged on Winston's leash so he would stop staring out at the water and actually walk somewhere. He wouldn't budge and you groaned, hoping to get a move on. "Winston, buddy, come on. Mommy wants to go home and take a nap."

"Oh, that's hilarious," a familiar voice said, getting closer. You looked up and saw Pierre, shirtless and jogging towards you.

A laugh escaped your lips. "Hi, Pierre."

"He's not cooperating, huh?" He took out his headphones and tried to catch his breath.

"Unfortunately not. He really likes to watch things. And not move when he does it. Not a great multitasker, I guess."

He bent down to the ground and started to scratch Winston's head. "At least you're cute," he said, giving him a kiss. He pet him a few more times before standing up. "How are you, y/n? I haven't seen you around the paddock lately."

"I'm doing well! I was at the race last weekend, but I watched it from Max's drivers room. I wasn't feeling too great and the heat wasn't helping."

"Totally understandable. It can get so hot around there." He shuffled his feet for a moment. "Where's Max at? I usually see him walking the dog around this time." Monaco was a small city and it was convenient to have friends around always.

"He flew out to London yesterday. Some sponsor photoshoot thing."

Pierre nodded. "Ahhh." He was all too familiar with the promo shoots. "Well, if you don't have any plans tonight, I'm having some friends and family over for dinner if you feel like spending your night with good company."

Even though you were planning on spending the evening inside, Pierre's invitation sounded like a good time. "Sure, that sounds great." The corners of your lips curved up into a smile. "What time?"

"Any time after 6 works."

"Let me know if there's anything I can bring, I'd be more than happy to help out."

"I appreciate that, y/n." He pulled his headphones out of his pocket to get started on his run again. "I'll see you later?" He began to back away.

You laughed. "See you then."

6 o'clock came quicker than you expected. You knocked on Pierre's front door with a bottle of wine in hand. He opened the door with a smile plastered on his face. "Y/n. So glad you could come." He embraced you and placed a quick kiss on each cheek.

You looked around as you walked into his apartment. "I can't remember the last time I was here. Your birthday, maybe?"

"That was a long time ago." He took the bottle of wine from your hand and directed you to the kitchen where everyone stood around the island socializing. You introduced yourself to friends of his you hadn't met before and said hello to those you have.

The marble island was covered in hors d'oeuvres and small bites. The food looked delicious and was beautifully prepared - you were sure Pierre had this dinner catered. Or there was a secret chef hiding in his prep kitchen. Either way, you were happy to be here.

Moving to Monaco after your wedding last year was definitely an adjustment. You left all of your friends back home and you missed them dearly. They did come to visit often but it was the times between visits where you didn't have anything to do, your husband was out of town on work, and things could get lonely. Times like these. When you wished you had friends to have fun dinner parties with. You were blessed that a lot of Max's friends and other drivers lived in Monaco, too. Pierre was sweet to open his home to you and invite you tonight.

The night was filled with small talk and fun chats with Pierre's family and friends. He had a cousin who was local to Monaco that you got on really well with. You exchanged numbers with her and hoped that she could be someone to fill your free time with.

You took the final sip of your wine as Pierre watched you. "Another?" He asked.

"I shouldn't. It's getting late." You set the glass of wine down on the counter. "Let me help you clean, though.” Over the last hour, guests had slowly trickled out, leaving just you and Pierre to finish your drinks.

"You don't have to do that," he petitioned.

You smiled at him. "What if I want to?"

“Fine, if you insist.” He laughed.

You started to gather napkins and trash from the counters and dining table, tossing them in the garbage. You grabbed a plate with some food scraps on it and walked over to the trash can. You scraped what was left of the small bites into the trash when Pierre walked behind you.

"Excusez moi," he said, placing his hands on your lower back to pass by. His fingers were filled with electricity and your eyes immediately shot up when he touched you. You were frozen in time, and so was he, his hands unmoving. Unsure of how to respond, you said nothing. Your eyes were glued forward and you weren't sure how to proceed.

Your heartbeat became prominent and it was all you could feel. The thumps of your heart and his fingers. And the cool metal on his ring finger. "Y/n," he leaned down and whispered into your ear. You took a deep breath in and exhaled. He gently kissed the sweet spot behind your ear and leaned back, waiting for a response from you. He didn't want to continue unless you did.

You put the plate on the counter and turned around, taking in another deep breath. You looked up at him and he ran his tongue slowly between his lips. His hand embraced your face and he leaned in to press your lips together. You kissed him back, letting your mouth open slightly to allow his tongue into your mouth. The kisses were soft and rhythmic, hands shifting from cupping each other's faces to running your fingers through each other's hair.

He leaned into you, pressing you against the island. You softly moaned into the kiss causing him to roll his pelvis against yours. Your bodies fit together perfectly as your arms wrapped around each other.

You felt the cold stone against your bare thighs. Pierre hoisted you up onto the counter without breaking the kiss. His hands rested on your legs, thumbs moving from side to side over your soft skin.

Max's thumb rubbed your hand in his. "You sure you're okay?" His voice knocked you out of your trance.

"I'm okay," you forced a soft smile and continued walking the paddock towards the Red Bull garage.

The race went as expected. Many would complain about the lack of excitement but you were excited to see your husband on the podium once again.

While you were packing up a few things in his driver's room, he walked in with a smile on his face. "Some of the crew are heading out for drinks tonight to celebrate. Join me?"

"I think I'm going to have to pass on this one tonight, but you deserve to go and celebrate." You pulled Max in for a hug and kissed his cheek. "Congratulations, baby."

He quickly changed out of his race suit and prepared to head out. “Let me know when you get back to the hotel, okay?” You nodded to him as he walked out the door. You only had a few more things to pack up before you could catch a car back to your hotel.

You threw your bags down on the bed and fell backward in exhaustion. Race weekends were a lot of work and took a lot out of you. Especially now after your encounter with Pierre, it took a lot more work to go to the races and act like everything was normal.

You could not believe what you did that night a few weeks ago and you thought about it for days and weeks after. But for what it was worth, you didn't regret a single moment of it. Pierre made you feel so incredible, a way you've never felt before.

He kissed you and worshipped your body like you were the only girl in the world. His main priority was making you feel good and he didn't stop until you were completely satisfied. Your hand grazed over your breast thinking about that night, wishing it was Pierre's strong hand. Your mind wandered to his long fingers that sent you over the edge more than once on his kitchen counter.

You were interrupted by a knock at your hotel door. Still in a bit of a trance, you opened the door, only to see the man you were daydreaming about staring back at you. "Can I come in?"

You nodded and stepped out of the way, shutting the door behind him.

"You decided not to go out with the team tonight?" He asked.

"I wasn't feeling it. Today was a bit... overwhelming."

"Tell me about it." Pierre had a tough race, finishing ninth place ultimately. It made sense why he was here instead of out with the rest of the Red Bull crew. He paced around the room slowly.

"We need-"

"Y/n-" you both spoke at the same time.

You took a breath. "What were you going to say?"

"I wanted to talk about what happened that night at my place." He took a step towards you. "But, I-" his voice dropped deeper as he cleared his throat. "I'm not sure."

He looked in your eyes and you swore time stopped. "Do we have to?"

He shook his head side to side and closed the gap between you with a passionate kiss. Many thoughts ran through your head but not a single one indicating that this was wrong.

"Max could walk in at any moment," you broke the kiss.

"I don't care."

He embraced you tightly and you felt at home in his arms. You sat back on the bed and pulled him down on top of you. His lips left your mouth and kissed down your neck. The trail followed to your exposed cleavage and down your stomach.

He reached the top of your thighs and pushed your sundress up. He kissed both of your hip bones and peeled off your lace thong.

His lips met your clit and you immediately jerked in response. He took notice, placing his forearm across your abdomen to keep you in place.

"Oh, Pierre," your legs tightened around his head but he used his free hand to push your knees down onto the bed. He flicked his tongue and sucked on your sensitive spot while you moaned and reacted to his touches.

He lifted his mouth and his thumb gently brushed between your folds. "I want to make you feel good." Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at his words.

"I need you, Pierre. Please," you pleaded. He knew how to make you feel good but right now, you needed him inside of you. He slid off his shorts and undergarments and reached in his pocket for a condom.

You moaned at the feeling of him inside of you, unlike anything you've ever experienced. He thrust into you and looked into your eyes, smiling. You returned the smile quickly before letting out a breathy moan. "You feel so good inside of me."

He grunted and began to thrust harder. "Your pussy feels like heaven." It wasn't long after before he spilled into the condom and pulled out. He cleaned up after himself and laid down next to you on the bed.

"We're going to need to talk about this eventually."

"Today's not that day." You sat up slowly and walked into the bathroom. "Make sure no one sees you leave." You shut the bathroom door behind you.

All he wanted was to lay with you and talk about life. Talk about your futures, your hopes, his dreams. He wanted to tell you to drop the attitude and give him a kiss. He wanted to tell you to stop being so short with him but he couldn't. He wanted to pick you up and spin you around, seeing you smile and know that he was the reason for it.

He had to take what he could get and not expect anything more. Especially from a married woman. Max's wife.

He left without words or conversations. You couldn't bear to accept the truth of what you two had done and what better way to do that than to ignore it?

Weeks had passed and you hadn't seen him around Monaco too much. You actively avoided him in the paddock because you didn't need a repeat of Austria happening again. Max knew something was off that day but he didn’t know what. And you wanted to keep it that way.

It was late one night and Max was already in bed, preparing for an early workout tomorrow. You wandered out to the balcony to get some fresh air and clear your head. People watching and staring up at the stars.

A familiar figure ran under the street lights and glanced up to the third floor apartment as he ran by.

Not too long after, your phone buzzed with a text. "I'm coming to pick you up" the text read. You looked down and saw the shirtless man in running shorts and sneakers jogging back to where he came from.

You could hear the rumble of his sports car down the street, but in Monaco, that wasn't unusual, no matter the time of day.

You were careful to shut the door quietly as you walked down the stairs to the street. You wore a big hoodie over your head and ducked into his car as he pulled up.

Driving away, he spoke. "I can't keep doing this."

"This is the first time we've done this." You looked at him confused.

"No, I mean I can't keep going home to my wife every night and pretending like everything is okay. I go out running every night because my thoughts are flooded with you when I lay down to sleep."

You let out an ironic chuckle. "At least you know how I feel, then."

“We either need to do something about this, or stop doing this, because I can’t handle it anymore.” His grip on the steering wheel was tight and he glanced over at you to gauge your feelings.

“I feel the most like myself when I’m with you,” you said softly, “and I hate to admit it.” You twiddled with your fingers trying to process your thoughts.

“Don’t you want to be happy?” He asked.

“I do, but there’s only so much I can do about it. There’s only so much you can do about it too.” You held up your left hand flashing your massive diamond ring at him. “Look at the mess we made, Pierre.”

He followed suit with an accepting, flat smile and a wedding band on his left ring finger. “We fucked up.”

“What do you want to do?” You asked him, curious to see where exactly his head was at.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, really. I know you’re never going to leave him. He’s Max fucking Verstappen for crying out loud. The fact that I was delusional enough to think things would change is my fault.”

You looked down at your hands. “So you would leave her for me?”

“You won’t leave Max.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, Pierre.”

He inhaled deeply and you watched as his chest rose and fell. “I’ve never felt this way in my entire life. Not even on my wedding day. If that doesn’t tell you how I feel-”

“Just answer the question.” You bluntly interrupted him.

“Yes.”

next part

[allhallowstiel]

it’s hard to articulate my feelings because a lot of them are conflicting and confusing so im just gonna do bullet points:

under the cut bc this got long

i had a feeling the marwa situation wouldn’t get brought up again so . yeah. there’s that. that’s just a thing we have to accept now ig. i’m sure i don’t need to explain why that was fucked up as many people have already done so in much better ways than i ever could. "but other characters get treated bad too-" you're telling me you don't see anything wrong with a woman of color turning into a white man and the idea that she's "happier like that"?

the colin reveal was fucking amazing like. jaw dropped and everything like. THAT was incredible and i think colin’s storyline this season overall- including his relationship with laszlo- was really well done. im gonna miss baby colin, but we knew from the get-go that it was temporary. i just wasn't expecting him to forget everything.

as far as nandermo goes, i didn’t want them together in this season like. At All. they’ve still got a long way to go and i thought that even before freddie, the episode that people say ruined nandermo. but, going back to what paul said about nandor, if nandor learned nothing from turning marwa into a freddie clone, then it does have me a little concerned on whether or not he’ll learn anything in season 5. in order for him to actually feel regret for how he has treated guillermo and work towards fixing it, he needs a major fucking realization (not necessarily a romantic one) so, it makes me worry that in season 5 their reunion will be nandor begging to have guillermo back because he can barely manage to take care of himself without him, when that shouldn’t be what reunites them at all. in fact, if that does happen, guillermo should reject him. 

so, this season pretty much reset everything and wiped the slate clean. colin robinson is back to his old self and remembers nothing from his childhood. laszlo no longer has the responsibility of parenting anymore. nadja’s club is pretty much dead. and nandor is back to being lonely and single and wants to pretend he doesn’t give a shit. guillermo comments on this, outright saying that nothing there ever changes and that he’s fucking tired of it, so he dips. and, like- i get that the vampires are very set in their ways. i wouldn’t expect them not to be. but this plus paul simms saying that nandor learned nothing this season kind of has me concerned- both for nandermo and for the show in general, but more for the show overall.

on the other hand, the season cliffhanger is an absolutely perfect set-up for some real change to happen all-around, not just with nandermo. probably not anything groundbreaking because we still have to consider how the vampires are- but wiping the slate clean creates new opportunities. but again, what paul simms said has me worried. if he wants the vampires to remain static and never actually become better or stronger people, and have guillermo be the sole dynamic character, that’s fine. despite being static, the vampires are funny enough to continue being entertaining- wwdits is a comedy first and foremost, after all. but that leaves guillermo with the task of moving whatever plot wwdits has forward- and now he’s set his sights on becoming a vampire. i doubt he’ll get what he wants right away- i don't see this whole derek thing immediately going the way guillermo wants it to- but right now it feels like guillermo is kind of carrying the show on his back (one could easily argue that he's BEEN carrying it). if he loses what makes him so relatable to the audience- his humanity- and none of the other vampires show any signs of ever even slightly changing... that kinda worries me. i mean, will i still keep watching?? uh, yeah. of course i will. i love guillermo. but it will change my thoughts on some things.

and yes, one could make the argument that guillermo’s “humanity” even as a human is barely there, given what he does and all. but the fact that he’s the only human main character allows him to connect with the audience in a way that the vampires can’t.

THAT BEING SAID. after the whole marwa thing and now paul simms saying this, im a bit... nervous. not angry (besides the marwa thing)- just nervous. so i’m going to sum up this very lengthy post with some of my hopes for s5: 

(i also want to make it clear that when i talk about the vampires changing i don’t mean them becoming “good people”. god no. by “change” i mean seeing the world in new perspectives, adapting better to the modern world, changing old ideas or beliefs, and yes- even changing how they treat the people that are important to them, because despite how stuck in their ways they are, i don’t think the vampires are completely incapable of genuine love)

i want the guide upgraded to be a main character in season 5. sean too because i think that would be fun, but i’m mostly concerned about the guide bc i think this show needs some more female characters in its main cast.

i also don’t want nandor’s two remaining wishes to be swept under the rug. this is mostly fueled by my desire to see the djinn again.

i want nandor to begin the process of accepting that he cares about guillermo and wants him in his life as more than just a familiar. im not saying i want a love confession right away- i don’t think they should dive into romance right away. i think they should take it slow, but they should also not be afraid of having nandor express care and concern for guillermo, especially if they want that relationship to be endgame (and I still believe it will be. im just a bit shaken rn but i promise im still an endgame truther).

and lastly i want nadja to kiss a woman. as wonderful as wwdits is with representing queer men, i feel like the guide and nadja don’t really get to openly express their pansexuality as much as nandor and laszlo do, so i’d like to see that explored more as well.

[aro-in-danyl]

Muggleborn Conspiracy of the Statute of Secrecy

Anyone think how weird it is that none of the Muggleborns question the Statute of Secrecy? 

Even if you think Rowling is correct that re-introducing magic to muggles would be a very bad idea there’s always that one special pick-me 11 yr. old who thinks they’ll be the one to change things. Having a special secret that no one knows about and living with a bunch of kids your age and no parents is fun in the short-term, but you can’t tell me these kids didn’t get frustrated with the no magic during the summer rule, the exclusion of their parents from magical events (muggle parents could also be targeted by trigger-happy aurors, so there’s the constant fear that your parents could be obliviated), the muggleborn discrimination, and even just the difference in culture could be jarring. 

That’s enough to make any kid frustrated and want to change things. So why don’t they? 

I have no ducking clue but I’m gonna find out. 

Muggleborns find out about the wizarding world before their first year at Hogwarts on their 11th birthday. Why not earlier? 

First, let’s look at it from the angle of moving to a new country vs being a tourist in one. You see the pamphlets and the guidebooks; they all talk about how amazing this place is. The travel agent (aka the Hogwarts professor) that’s been working with you had done all of the hard work for you. In both instances you probably see the destination through rose-tinted glasses in the beginning. But if you’re living there eventually the glasses come off and you start to get opinions about how to make it a better place and more accommodating for you. 

Telling Muggleborns earlier gives them time to get used to the new culture they’ve found themselves in, and the lack of school gives the parents more opportunity to explore it too. But by being introduced so close to the beginning of the school year, the introduction to the wizarding world becomes all about school and preparing for that aspect of this new culture. Everything else is secondary to that and it puts both the parents and the child at a disadvantage. It also makes this new world feel more temporary. For example, the difference between dual citizenship vs studying abroad on a temporary student visa (not an exact comparison but you get what I mean right?). All the parents know is that their kid needs to learn how to control their magic and they need to go to magic school to do that. The parents and the kid probably aren’t told what happens after, the kid at least is definitely not thinking about the long-term. 

When you tell the kids right before school starts and offer a professor to guide them through the world, the parents don’t exactly get time to adjust and learn with their kid. And before they get the chance to bond as a family over this crazy new world they’ve found themselves in, the kid is off to boarding school and whoops how the fuck are the parents going to explore now without A) magic B) being obliviated by uncaring Aurors C) a convenient magical guide or D) getting past the anti-muggle wards.  

Then once the kid comes back from school for the summer, it’s not a family experience anymore: it’s an us vs parents. The parents have missed out on the cultural immersion. The kid gets irritated because not only are they not allowed to do magic during the summer but their parents just seem so ignorant and oblivious now. They keep asking questions about the magical world the kid doesn’t want to talk about it bc they’ll have to explain every other word and it just reminds them that they’re not allowed to do magic did you make friends? mudbloods stick together but they can’t tell their parents about that part bc what if they try to kick up a fuss. The purebloods could kill them and no one would care did you try anything new? someone dosed them with a love potion for a day and was mad when they got upset about it. and how was school? what was the school like? the staircase is a death trap mom. There was a whole corridor sectioned off bc whatever was there could kills us dad. My friend told me you could get sent to the forbidden forest in the dead of night for detention while a unicorn killer was on the loose. I’m scared but I can’t tell you bc they won’t listen to you and if you’re too loud they’ll just obliviate you. 

The parents want to help but being away from them has made the child distance themselves from needing their parents help. I also imagine that all of the anti-muggle talk might’ve gotten to them a little bit. Kids aren’t saints, they like to believe that they know better and being surrounded by other kids who were also thinking the same thing did not help. And in this case, where they have something their parents will never have in a world their parents will never be able to enter without them I imagine some of them starting feeling a little superior Hermione. And the thing is they’re right in a way, the parents didn’t get to experience the culture, the discrimination, the people, the context. Muggleborn children themselves are kind of gatekeeping this knowledge to weaponize the parents ignorance for their own benefit. As the parents continuously stay ignorant, the children steadily feel more justified in their belief that they know best. They’re doing the Purebloods job for them. 

The Wizarding government is actually very clever for doing this. It’s sick but you can’t deny it’s effectiveness. 

If you tell the kid that they have magic earlier, then it gives the muggle parents time to adjust with their child and create a united front. It also gives them time to find other Muggleborn kids and parents experiencing the same thing. 

But if you tell them right before they legally have to go to school...the Wizarding World appears like this mystical solution to the Muggleborn parent’s problems after years of unexplained accidental magic. It also has the added benefit of weeding out the more extreme end of the anti-magic parents bc those that didn’t tolerate the accidental magic probably got rid of their kid one way or another so now the Wizarding World doesn’t have to worry about policing those parents or helping that kid from an abusive home! (it’s dark I know but this is a government we’re talking about. You can read worse in the news.) It definitely didn’t catch all of the abusive muggle parents, Harry Potter notwithstanding, but I digress. The parents that did keep their kid could develop a strained relationship with them due to accidental magic and the parents not believing the kids. Then there’s probably the lack of muggle friends due to said accidental magic in one way or another. The kid is feeling freakish but special, alone, scared, and frustrated that no one seems to know how they can do the things they do. The parents were at their wits end when magic came knocking and offered them a solution. 

This scenario didn’t happen to every Muggleborn but I imagine there were enough of them going through some variation of this and that’s enough for the Wizarding World. 

The Statute of Secrecy stays intact because Muggleborns aren’t introduced into the world early enough to question it beyond the surface level. And by the time they realize what they’ve gotten themselves into, they’ve deluded themselves into thinking things are better this way. 

And for the few that grow up still desiring the Statute’s abolishment, what are they going to do as a lone ranger standing against the wealthy pureblood elites? They can’t get anywhere of note without a Pureblood’s backing and breaking the Statute would result in mass chaos, it’s unprofitable, why would they endorse it? Not to mention, in the aftermath of Grindelwald any talk of that would be shut down quick.