#i still want to have a body that defies categorization

[mage8]

Society sometimes desexualizes fat people, whereas being thin broadens the horizon for acceptable gender expression that is also considered sexy.

You know, about the transfem John notion, I feel like there's some really interesting intersections between his feeling trapped in the prison of masculinity and his body image issues and being attracted to Yoko as someone he feels free to give up control to and also feels gives him permission to be comfortably androgynous, and also I keep thinking of this one anecdote with him being thrilled to fit into a pair of May's jeans.

Definitely, and although I don't think he was trans femme, the vibes he gave in Get Back just really attract me. In general, it's interesting that he had a tendency to mimic his partners' appearances at periods of his life (he and Paul, matching in hair, clothes, vibes, mustaches, and later matching clothes, hair, and buzzcuts with Yoko). He probably found the idea of matching vibes romantic--something about one-ness and whatnot. There's that. He also liked to dabble in femininity when the era was ripe for it, as did Paul and George, but I think more than that, the man just liked being skinny. That he got called the Fat Beatle probably really bothered him, and speaking from experience, he probably loved that he could wear tight clothes without hindrance. Society sometimes desexualizes fat people, whereas being thin broadens the horizon for acceptable gender expression that is also considered sexy. Not to mention, queer culture and the modern art scene probably influenced his fashion--there was something delicate and feminine about him that he probably couldn't explore with the Beatles but could with Yoko, the earnest and relatively more open-minded artist. This is going to be a long post if I keep on rambling--there's a lot to say about Lennon's gender and sexuality. Me writing poems, well that's just me being attracted to a John that doesn't exist.

[lilbob228]

Mao (´ ω `♡)

Disclamer: Mentions of alcohol and, in general, bad attitudes towards one's own body. None of this is to be taken seriously, only in a joking way. the author is such a clown that he makes jokes even in dis. Enjoy reading at your own risk, and thank you for being you. Stay safe (*¯ ³¯*)♡

A categorical welcome (and sympathy) to all who have chosen to read this blog now. I felt it was time to share with you the major crash of our universe.

As you can tell by the hairstyle defying the laws of physics andwith a large cocktail straw it's MK, but it's not as simple as it seems.

For starters, we decided to give him a name (but made sillier than the creators of the cartoon did) and now, within our universe, his full name is Mao Kwan.

At the moment he is one of the most powerful people in the world of this universe, everyone loves him and is a little bit afraid of him. How did this happen?

//disclaimer: the events of this universe have no relation to our world and events, and some similarities are coincidental//

brief background: The personification of all that is evil and vile, in a coincidence of some circumstances, was a monkey, namely Sun Wukong. For 5 thousand years it tormented the whole world, and so tormented that the industrial revolution occurred and full-fledged states also began to form relatively recently. He was hunted by Gods, Half-Gods, Humans, and Demons, but he cared too little for these endeavors (and they often ended badly for everyone but him). In addition to the monkey, there were crowds of cannibal demons that appeared with each new human victim, unjustly killed. It was easier to fight them (which was done mostly by half-gods), but they took quantity. And people have gotten used to the constant attacks, when suddenly, news arrives that the monkey has been killed. And, even more shocking to everyone, it wasn't a God/Half-God or Demon that killed, it was a Man.

As you understand, this man was Mao. After this news, the world began a celebration that does not end to this day, because, can say, that Good has triumphed over Evil (although there are still a lot of problems within that world, but I will talk about that a little later).

At the same moment, in the state in which Mao and dwelt, there is a change of government and the new ruler takes him under his control as a symbol of Peace and Justice. Under him the main team is organized to fight the undead and the remnants of the evil of the past years.

The victory over Sun Wukong marked the beginning of progress and everyone was grateful to Mao directly, making him the symbol of the best. However, he was not so simple

Interesting facts without serious spoilers (dis: things said below are not to be taken seriously or personally. All noses are beautiful. It's just his own vision of himself):

He's a raging alcoholic and he's just as delusional as the author, only the author is sober and he's drunk

Nose complexes (looks like a bent leg)

Has problems with aggression (and with the doctor). Drinks pills with alcohol because it tastes better that way

Failed a major exam, but still became super rich and famous

Wanted to be a confectionery-doctor, but became a multi-billionaire and heir to the bigweld industries corporation

His parents told him to shove your money up your ass and he did, but not to himself…..

He's been isolated from society, but society loves him

Became a national meme and hero because he killed a monkey

He has a basement he doesn't know about, two dogs he doesn't know about either, he has friends and a partner he ALSO doesn't know about. He only sees problems or his nose

First you see the nose, and then you see Mao

Squidward kinnie

When he's sad, he admires the stick… And his victims

His dad kins Gregor Zamza of "reincarnations"

Thank you for reading through to the end of the post! The clown author tried very hard, as English is not his first language (well, the artwork is considered labor too) and it's very important to him. Thanks again for your attention! If anyone is interested, please write in anonymous messages to whom to dedicate the next post or tell more about Maochka. Take care σ(≧ε≦σ) ♡

[polizwrites]

There Would Be No Courage Were It Not For Hope

This is a fill for today’s  @flashfictionfridayofficial​ prompt  [#FFF207 Can We Kiss?]  as well as  the final WinterIron Pride Prompt Party prompt - Day 30: Hope. 

Fandom:  MCU/Marvel Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark Rating: General Tags:  Pride, Parade Floats, pining, hope, love confessions

Part of Bucky still didn’t quite believe this was possible.   It had been beaten into his brain  (and his body) when he was younger that men weren’t allowed to be attracted to men.   But now, in this new century,  things had changed.  Or at least, they were changing.  

There was now an entire month dedicated to celebrating queerness - people who defy expectation and categorization.   There were parties and parades,  film festivals and so much visibility over all.   And it was all wonderfully colorful and exciting and hopeful.  

Bucky heard Tony talking about  the Stark Industries  float in the  New York City Pride Parade and asked if he could get a sneak peek.   Tony in turn seemed a little caught off guard by the question, but was more than happy to arrange a tour.   “Would you maybe be able to come too?”  Bucky asked, feeling his cheeks heat.  

“Um, sure, I can make some time,” Tony had replied to Bucky’s request.   The two of them had built a friendship over the past few months, and  Bucky in turn had managed to develop a crush on his  handsome, brilliant, kind and funny companion, who was also out and proud pansexual who flirted like breathing.   He had been the second person Bucky came out to – Steve had known that Bucky liked fellas and gals since the 1930’s – and while Tony  had been amazingly supportive,  Bucky still didn’t dare do more than hope that maybe, someday, he might possibly have a chance with him.

The next day, they drove way up into Jersey, past Newark into an industrial district near Clifton.  “This guy is the best,” Tony explained  “he and his people have  been making floats for Pride since the 70’s.”

The owner himself came out to greet them when they arrived.  After Tony made the introductions, Mister DeVito brought them over to show off his work.  “Matter of fact,” he said,  “we were just gonna go run her around the block a bit. Make sure she steers good and nothin’ falls off.  Wanna go for a ride?”

“Sure!” they both exclaimed, practically in unison. They climbed an interior ladder to the top of the SI float, accompanied by one of the workers, who put safety harnesses on them.  “This isn’t the first time I wore a harness at Pride,” Tony joked, “but I usually don’t have this much on underneath it.”

As they pulled out of the warehouse, several of the workers were waiting,  waving and cheering at them.   They responded in kind, with Tony saying, “I feel like we should be doing something a bit more flamboyant.”

“Can we kiss?”  the words spilled out of Bucky before he had a chance to stop them.  

A surprised expression flashed over Tony’s face, replaced by a speculative look.  “If you want to, sure.”

“Yeah, I do,” Bucky replied, heart in his throat.  “Been wanting to for awhile.”  

Tony smiled softly.  “Then let’s make that happen, sunshine.”

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #71

I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing to help you. But I know it doesn't involve stewing in the weird mental space I was in yesterday. Good grief, that was thoroughly unpleasant - for me and probably for everyone else that was in my general vicinity, too.

At the suggestion of J, I had made plans to get lunch today with my best friend, BB. I've known BB since I was 16 years old; in just a couple of years, we'll have known each other for two whole decades. It's surreal, really, how quickly the time has flown. Surreal, how many versions of me she's seen. Surreal that even after all this time, she is still at my side - through all the weird and awful things I used to think, through all the piss-poor choices I've made, and through all the bizarreness that is my existence in general. And yet through all this, her faith in who I am and the nature of my character has not wavered. Not even once.

…I wish everyone could get so lucky as to have a friend like her. I'm extraordinarily blessed.

BB, her soon-to-be-husband N (who is also an amazing example of a human being), and I went to get sushi. I wished I could go to their house to chill out afterwards, but tomorrow I am going on a road trip with J, and another friend of mine, Br, so I had to get home and get ready.

We talked about a variety of things. N has had some health problems, but hopefully things are starting to look up. BB spoke briefly on their upcoming wedding; we still have to go over their playlist, and I was invited to taste-test cakes with them - I'm looking forward to doing both!

…I was really, REALLY not okay yesterday. Suppose it's just the tail-end of Sunday's adrenaline surge combined with the monthly loss of bodily resources that comes with inhabiting a female body. Perhaps, too, I was going a little stir-crazy for a variety of reasons. I think I just needed to spend time with people who know me well, other than M and J, for a little bit.

…I don't spend nearly as much time with BB as I should. This is due to the fact that I have conditioning that tells me that I shouldn't bother people unless it's for a damn good reason. Like, for example, they need something from me, or I have something nice to give to them or something nice to do for them. Otherwise, my brain imagines that I had better leave people alone, because I don't get to chill with them unless I "deserve" it somehow, or unless I somehow make up for the fact that I am taking up their time, energy, and space.

This is how it used to go a long time ago. The people taking care of me didn't really want anything to do with me unless they wanted me to do something. And I wasn't supposed to bother the adults with my presence unless it was about something they considered critical - bothering them for reasons that they deemed insubstantial led to me being told things like, "Can you not see that I'm obviously busy?" Or even sometimes an entire tirade about how much of a selfish little attention whore they think I am, albeit often in different words, and usually with a lot more angry expletives. The result is that as a rule, I don't typically ask for time from others unless I think I have something explicitly valuable to offer them (my brain does not categorize "time with a Lumine" as inherently valuable; rather, this is categorized as a burden or a chore), for fear of imposing upon them.

But you know? It's not a long time ago anymore. I'm not living with chronically angry people anymore. Maybe it's about time I really started putting more effort into defying this conditioning so that my brain can finally catch up to modern times, hm? I suppose "spending time with close friends just for the heck of it instead of waiting until they need me or waiting until I'm explicitly invited" should be added to the list of answers to the question of, "What is caring for a Lumine supposed to look like?"

…I wish you could meet BB and her lovely fiancé, N. They're wonderful people. I wish you could eat sushi with us and talk with us about various things. I wish you could be around for all the inside jokes and crazy memories. I wish you could listen to BB tell you the story about that one time we had to run away to avoid getting trampled by a crazy sports mob (it was terrifying, but also really funny!). I wish you could do the Jiraiya Hop with us. I wish you could flip through BB's notebooks full of Japanese songs that she's translated. I wish you could play DDR with us. There's so many things I wish for. But the best I can do is send along a few pictures of the yummy things we got today.

(I truly can't even begin to properly express to you what a frustrating, despondent, and terrible thing it is that this little bit is the best I can do for you…)

Hey, Sephiroth. Please keep yourself safe out there. Please make kind, gentle, and loving choices. Please keep striving for peace and safety, for yourself, for your world, and for all the people in it. So many people are counting on you. I'm counting on you. Don't let us down.

Today's letter is short, I know. I'm sorry. But I'm pretty tired, and I still gotta get ready for tomorrow morning. I will be driving a lot tomorrow, most likely. J, Br, and I will be making a 7-hour trip to Pennsylvania, because if there must be a long car trip, it's safer to do it with company so that someone can take over if folks get too tired. It'll be a long time, but it'll be good company.

I will likely be exhausted by the end of it (driving is stressful, even in good company), but I'm still going to make the time to write to you once I arrive safely at my destination. Count on it.

Your friend, Lumine

[cubikzoa]

I think that nature is always some degree of terrifying and strange. We live on a planet with botanical living things that sing to each other where we cannot hear them, weave webs of cooperation with assistance from life-forms that defy human categorization, not flesh but not not flesh either, that can kill and sustain and scramble minds into a soup of colorful revelation, plants that seem to scream to each other when bitten by bugs or metal tools, that recoil with touch, that evolve to better suit their needs and wants with prickled mouths.

Things that can live thousands and thousands of human lifetimes, that saw legendary pieces of the history of our species, and sat content to drink the water and feast on the rot and soil and sun because these things do not concern them. They are but a passing fever-dream to the oldest trees. Their unused oxygen gives us air to breathe, we have always lived in part because of them. They can crack through stone, work apart metal and piping, poison and pierce and provide sweet delights in the form of the casings of their offspring.

They can affect us with beauty and suffocation in the same stroke of pollen and flowers. Stand steadfast amidst earthquakes and disaster. Use the blaze of their progenitor’s death and that of all living things around them as a cradle in their infancy. Of course such things could eat flesh and bone, of course they could take the shape of a dead man like a reliquary and a memory in exchange for the nutrients of the body. Of course they would be regarded as holding up the universe, as homes of the gods, origins of sin and origins of golden healing, carriers of wishes on paper and ribbons, as the earthly bodies of wild gods and spirits. Of course they provide both sweet fruits and delicate flowers, invasive, reaching roots and cruel thorns.

And yet they are indifferent to us. They have their slow pulses of life beneath the bark, they don’t have thoughts and minds and hearts and the trappings of creatures like us. Of course they would not know or care, we are just another thing of nature outside them, like the bark beetle, the little birds, the raindrops and the green vines.

Who are we to say this planet was made for us, or that we are allowed to decide how to shape it? Much of it is unlivable to us, indigestible, hostile, unusable. Much of it is beautiful and terrifying and something to be enraptured with, to be perceived, to be experienced. We are but a feature in a vast garden.

If our species withers and starves itself through gorging, life will still come after, whether sooner or later. We are not gods. The closest thing to a god here is often interconnection. I think, to a tree, interconnection must sound the same as prayers.

i think it's fucked up that there are plants that decided they wanted to eat meat

[newstfionline]

Monday, July 22, 2024

Wildfires in Canada’s Alberta, British Columbia prompt evacuation orders (Reuters) Wildfires raging through the northern part of Canada’s Alberta have forced evacuations of three communities, a provincial body said on Saturday, as the oil-rich province continues to fight five different ‘wildfires of note’ in separate areas. The evacuation orders have been issued across John D’Or, Fox Lake and Garden River communities in northern Albert, covering close to 62,000 hectares and comprising 5,000 inhabitants. Alberta is in the grip of 158 wildfire events of which 55 are out of control. Meanwhile in neighboring British Columbia, where up to 319 active wildfires are burning, evacuation orders have been issued on Saturday due to an uncontrolled wildfire blazing between two lakes, BC Wildfire Service said on social media platform X.

Biden drops out of presidential race, endorses Harris (NYT) President Biden abandoned his bid for re-election , succumbing to intense pressure from the Democratic Party in a dramatic attempt to stop Donald Trump from returning to the White House. No sitting president has dropped out of a race so late in an election cycle. “It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your President,” Biden said in a letter posted on social media. “And while it has been my intention to seek re-election, I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as President for the remainder of my term.” Biden said he planned to serve out his term, and endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris to become the Democratic nominee. Not long after, Harris announced that she was running. Biden, 81, announced his withdrawal after a disastrous debate performance against Trump intensified concerns about the president’s age and ability to win the election. Biden defied calls to drop out for weeks and told aides as recently as last night that the campaign was still full speed ahead. Most of his staff was informed of his decision at 1:45 p.m., one minute before Biden posted his announcement. Biden’s decision sets the stage for an intense, abbreviated scramble to build a new Democratic ticket, the first time in generations that a nominee will be chosen at a convention rather than through primaries.

Lack of motive in Trump attack frustrates public, but fits a pattern (Washington Post) In the week since the attempted assassination of Donald Trump, details have emerged about sniper positions and Secret Service agents, witnesses and warnings. But the answer to the biggest question remains elusive: Why? So far, investigators say, they have found little evidence of an ideology driving the shooter, Thomas Matthew Crooks, a 20-year-old nursing home aide who was killed at the scene. Barring a breakthrough in the investigation, Crooks appears poised to join a string of high-profile attackers with no discernible ideological driver, or with influences from a mixed bag of beliefs. That outcome is frustrating for a nation struggling to make sense of the event, analysts say, but it fits into a pattern of bloody episodes that defy categorization along a traditional left-right spectrum. “It’s very unsatisfying, psychologically, to say, ‘Stuff happens and we don’t know why,” one terrorism researcher said. “As a society, we’re kind of preprogrammed for a TV culture that there’s an event, then a resolution, and it has to make sense,” Andrew Rouse said. “People have to have patience and realize there’s not a grand cabal behind every event.” FBI officials who study mass shootings say that roughly 20% of the time, a gunman doesn’t want anyone to know their motive or reasons.

Airlines and others rush to get back on track after global tech disruption (AP) Transport providers, businesses and governments on Saturday are rushing to get all their systems back online after long disruptions following a widespread technology outage. The biggest continuing effect has been on air travel. Carriers canceled thousands of flights on Friday and now have many of their planes and crews in the wrong place, while airports facing continued problems with checking in and security. Microsoft says 8.5 million devices running its Windows operating system were affected by a faulty cybersecurity update Friday that led to worldwide disruptions. People seeking to enter the U.S. from both the north and the south found that the border crossings were delayed by the internet outage. The San Ysidro Port of Entry was gridlocked Friday morning with pedestrians waiting three hours to cross, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune. Meanwhile, at the U.S.-Canada border, Windsor Police reported long delays at the crossings at the Ambassador Bridge and the Detroit-Windsor tunnel.

Mexican president calls Donald Trump ‘a friend’ and says he’ll warn him against closing border (AP) Mexico’s president called Donald Trump “a friend” Friday and said he would write to the former U.S. president to warn him against pledging to close the border or blaming migrants for bringing drugs into the United States. President Andrés Manuel López Obrador called Trump, president from 2017 to 2021 and again the Republican nominee for this fall’s presidential election, “a man of intelligence and vision,” despite Trump’s repeated calls to close the two countries’ border. López Obrador also addressed a growing discomfort in the United States with the massive transfer of U.S. auto companies to lower-wage plants in Mexico. López Obrador claimed that moving auto production back to the United States “would mean that on average, each automobile sold would cost U.S. citizens between $15,000 and $20,000 more.”

With AI, jets and police squadrons, Paris is securing the Olympics (AP) A year ago, the head of the Paris Olympics boldly declared that France’s capital would be “ the safest place in the world “ when the Games open this Friday. Tony Estanguet’s confident forecast looks less far-fetched now with squadrons of police patrolling Paris’ streets, fighter jets and soldiers primed to scramble, and imposing metal-fence security barriers erected like an iron curtain on both sides of the River Seine that will star in the opening show. France’s vast police and military operation is in large part because the July 26-Aug. 11 Games face unprecedented security challenges. The city has repeatedly suffered deadly extremist attacks and international tensions are high because of the wars in Ukraine and Gaza. Olympic organizers also have cyberattack concerns, while rights campaigners and Games critics are worried about Paris’ use of AI-equipped surveillance technology and the broad scope and scale of Olympic security.

As Georgia presses on with ‘Russia-style’ laws, its citizens describe a country on the brink (AP) Eka Gigauri is used to harsh words from officials about the anti-corruption work she does in Georgia. But seeing her face on posters, accusing her of being an agent of foreign influence, a traitor and a spy, rattled her. Gigauri, who leads one of Georgia’s main anti-corruption campaign groups, says she and many others have been targeted in connection with a new law, pushed through parliament by the government. The “foreign influence” law requires media, civil society groups and nonprofit organizations to register as “pursuing the interests of a foreign power” if they receive more than 20% of their funding from abroad. It also subjects them to intense state scrutiny and imposes steep fines for noncompliance. The government argues the law is needed to curb harmful foreign actors trying to destabilize the South Caucasus nation of 3.7 million. Many journalists and activists say its true goal is to stigmatize them and restrict debate before an election scheduled for October.

China braces for twin tropical cyclones after deadly flash floods (Reuters) Two tropical cyclones will bring gales and heavy rain to China’s eastern seaboard this week, with the first expected to make landfall on Sunday, after deadly flash floods struck the country’s interior over the weekend. Prapiroon, named after a Thai rain god, is expected to make landfall in China’s southernmost island province of Hainan on Sunday night as a strong tropical storm, the first tropical cyclone to hit China this year, national forecasters said. Later this week, Gaemi, which was about 530 km (330 miles) northeast of Philippine capital Manila on Sunday morning, is expected to brush past the northern tip of Taiwan, then make landfall in China as a typhoon, packing wind speeds of up to 50 metres per second (180 kph), according to Chinese forecasters.

South Korea boosts propaganda loudspeaker broadcasts at border after North Korea flies more balloons (AP) South Korea said Sunday it was bolstering its anti-Pyongyang propaganda broadcasts across the tense border with rival North Korea, after the North launched more balloons likely carrying trash toward South Korea. The Cold War-style psychological battle between the two Koreas is adding to already-high tensions on the Korean Peninsula, with the rivals threatening stronger steps against each other and warning of devastating consequences.

Israel shoots down a missile fired from Yemen hours after an Israeli strike on Houthi rebels (AP) The Israeli military said it intercepted a missile fired from Yemen early Sunday, hours after Israeli warplanes struck several Houthi targets in the Arabian peninsula country. The Israeli airstrikes—in response to a deadly Houthi drone strike on Tel Aviv—were the first time Israel is known to have responded to repeated Houthi attacks throughout its nine-month war against Hamas. The burst of violence between the distant enemies has threatened to open a new front for Israel.

Chinese companies offer to 'resurrect' deceased loved ones with AI avatars (NPR) Whenever stress at work builds, Chinese tech executive Sun Kai turns to his mother for support. Or rather, he talks with her digital avatar on a tablet device, rendered from the shoulders upby artificial intelligence to look and sound just like his flesh-and-blood mother, who died in 2018. “I do not treat [the avatar] as a kind of digital person. I truly regard it as a mother,” says Sun, 47,from his office in China’s eastern port city of Nanjing. He estimates he converses with her avatar at least once a week. The company that made the avatar of Sun’s mother is called Silicon Intelligence, where Sun is also an executive working on voice simulation. The Nanjing-based company is among a boom in technology startups in China and around the world that create AI chatbots using a person’s likeness and voice. The idea to digitally clone people who have died is not new but until recent years had been relegated to the realm of science fiction. Now, increasingly powerful chatbots and serious investment in computing power have enabled private companies to offer affordable digital “clones” of real people.

[gay-otlc]

Born Wrong

The cisn't Wolfe fic I wrote at 2 am last night! Tagging the tgl mutuals- @solreefs @aphelea @fintan-pyren

Content warning for dysphoria and internalized transphobia

Word count: 1141

AO3

Something went wrong in Wolfe's body. 

Only slightly. Wolfe was close to being perfect, but not close enough. Not enough to belong.

"You were born wrong," Keria had said, attempting to explain why Wolfe didn't have powers like the other children in the Iron Tower.

Wolfe had thought that might be true in more ways than one.

---

Wearing a scholar's robe for the first time should have been significant because it was such an achievement. And yes, Wolfe was proud of becoming a scholar, especially so young. Even so, pride wasn't what brought a smile at every glance in a mirror. No, Wolfe just loved the way it looked. A shallow thought, but true nonetheless.

The fabric draped over Wolfe and elegantly flowed to the floor. In it, Wolfe appeared less like a man and more like a shapeless entity of knowledge.

Being a shapeless entity of knowledge was undeniably preferable.

---

Of course, Wolfe was nothing near glad to have all these scars, but they could be convenient on occasion. At least now, Wolfe had a reason to stare at the mirror with such distaste. Before, doing so hadn't made any sense. It was impossible to explain how the body seemed so wrong, an equation that didn't add up. 

It wasn't that Wolfe thought the body looked bad. Objectively, it looked alright. (Used to look alright.) Santi had certainly enjoyed Wolfe's physical appearance. There was no reason to hate it so much, before.

Now, at least, there was a good reason. One that made sense. Anyone would understand why it was sometimes necessary to refuse to look at Wolfe's reflection. 

That body had never been right, but the scars provided a logical explanation as to why it was wrong. An explanation a bit more reasonable than the fact that it didn't feel as if it was Wolfe's body. 

---

"Scholar? High Commander? I wanted to tell you both something." 

"Go on."

"I wanted you to know that I'm not... quite a woman. Or a man, really. I'm sort of both. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I'm hoping you'll still respect it-"

Wolfe didn't hear the rest of Glain's sentence, too caught up in the realization that it was possible to not be entirely male or female. That it was possible to be initially categorized as something and then defy that categorization. It had never seemed to make sense why Wolfe was supposedly a man, but it didn't seem like Wolfe had a choice in the matter.

Except... maybe...

Santi did not appear to be in a similar state of crisis. He clapped Glain on the back and said "Thanks for telling us. I hope you know Christopher and I support you."

Glain smiled. "Thanks, sir."

Right. Yes. Supporting their child. That was a priority. "Of course we support you. You're our kid," Wolfe added.

"Thanks, sir," Glain repeated.

It probably didn't mean anything that being called sir felt wrong. The same sort of irritation, the knowledge that something is off, as when Wolfe read an essay by an incompetent Scholar whose thesis was blatantly false. A strange feeling, but Wolfe was sure it didn't mean anything.

Probably.

---

"I wonder how Glain knows she's not fully a woman," Wolfe said to Santi, once Glain had left. "I believe him, of course, but I don't understand how someone knows something like that."

Santi shrugged. "I don't know. How do you know you're a man?"

That's a damn good question. I don't. "I'm not sure. How do you?"

"I just sort of... know. Which isn't a good answer. Being a man is just what feels comfortable for me, and being anything else would be uncomfortable. Is that how it feels for you?"

"I suppose." 

Not at all.

---

There didn't seem to be any words to describe what Wolfe was, if feeling like this wasn't how it felt to be a man. Books on gender piled on Wolfe's codex, and some borrowed from the few that Jess and Thomas had printed on the subject. Books Wolfe had definitely borrowed out of intellectual curiosity, and nothing else. (Not a very convincing lie, but believing that was easier than accepting that Wolfe had been born wrong.)

Even other authors did little to help Wolfe find the right words. That was immensely frustrating. Wofle was a scholar, dammit, the words for this should come easily.

There didn't seem to be any words for what Wolfe was. So many words for what Wolfe wasn't; man, woman, a third option, but no words that were right. 

Wolfe didn't seem to be anything at all. 

---

Wolfe swallowed. "Nic?"

"Yeah?"

This is fine. This will go fine. Just tell him. "There's... um... there's something that I want you to know." A pause, as though Santi expected Wolfe to actually say that something. Which would make sense. Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any good words for this. "Sorry. I- I'm having some difficulty explaining it."

"That's unusual for you."

Deep breaths. Breathing is quite simple. I'm sure I can manage it. "I'm not entirely sure I'm a man," Wolfe blurted. There. It was out.

Santi blinked, and then nodded. "Are you like Glain, then?"

"Not exactly. I'm- well, I'm still figuring it out, but Glain seems to be both genders, and I don't think I'm either. Or anything. I think I'm just a person."

"If that's what feels right to you, than I'm glad you've found what makes you happy." Santi leaned in for a brief kiss. "Could I borrow one of those books about gender you've been reading obsessively? I want to try to understand better."

"Gods, I love you. I'm not sure the books will help you understand me better, because I've read them all and I still don't fully understand myself, but you're welcome to try. That would be great." 

"Which book would you recommend?"

Wolfe launched into a brief summary of each one on the codex, and the ones from Jess and Thomas, explaining the basics and pros and cons of each. Santi watched the lecture with affectionate interest, and it was clear that he loved Wolfe just as much as he had before. 

---

"I think I was born wrong," Wolfe said, interrupting Santi as he read a translation of Geschlechtskunde. "That's the best way I can think to describe it. What I am. I'm just... wrong. I was supposed to be a man, but something went wrong in my body, and I'm... not. I failed to be a proper obscurist, and I failed to be properly male."

Slowly, Santi closed his book. "You didn't fail to be anything, Christopher. The way you are isn't wrong. If you were born with no gender, that was exactly how you were supposed to be born. Amore mio, you are perfect as you are. You were born exactly right."

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I finished Gideon the Ninth today, and it was five hours ago, but I still haven’t stopped thinking about it!

Gonna do my very best to avoid spoilers, but I’m not going to bother trying to avoid some rambling.

~ This book utterly defies genre categorization, and I LOVE IT for that! SciFi, fantasy, horror, comedy? Murder mystery, even?! I love books that offer something new, crossing boundaries, shattering expectations, not being a cookie-cutter copy of something else that already exists, but wholly being itself. It’s unique, and it’s seamless. Masterful.

~ So Gideon’s a smartass. Love that. I don’t really latch onto goofy jokester characters, certainly couldn’t relate to it, but I’ll admit it was a nice change of pace.

~ Necromancy has never been something I looked into. Not even on a mystical level; I consider myself an eclectic witch and I’ve researched a great many forms of magic that I’ll never practice, but I usually save the death stuff for Samhain. (Sometimes a place is haunted and you just can’t avoid it...) But my point is, it’s not something I go looking for.

This book made it AWESOME. Powerful, multi-faceted, built into a system with rules (which I always respect when magic’s involved). It’s, again, totally unique: everything that happens on The First House (Earth, I think?) adds a new element to the system, and I was as eager to unlock its secrets as the adepts.

~ It WAS who I thought it was in the animation! Not in the way I thought it was, but it WAS her. Her body, anyways.

~ Harrow and Gideon’s relationship was intriguing. Very layered, very dynamic. Looking back on it, I love how it started from a place of disdain and how convincingly the author shifted it over time. Very well developed relationship. Not to sudden, not too sappy, but still profoundly changed over time.

I kind of dread searching for fan content because I just KNOW people are going to be shipping them, and I can see why, but it doesn’t read as romance at all to me? I mean, I’m cool with the lesbian thing (hi I’m pan), but I’m going to pull a cliche here and say “they read like sisters to me”. The whole growing up together thing. Their conversations at the end, to me, read as loyalty and chivalry and the kind of powerful platonic love that most people never find. Intimate, but emotionally. I dunno, I can’t tell which way the author intended it, but my aroace ass definitely didn’t read it as romantic.

~ Harrowhark’s backstory? Wow? Great payoff to several mysteries of the book. This book EXCELLED at making you curious. It’s a Whole New World to me, so I didn’t have ANY idea how any of it was going to work out, but it laid the pieces out enough to make me wonder. And when the mysteries were revealed? SO satisfying! Or terrifying. There were a lot of terrifying things too.

~ There was a sense of both stakes and scale escalating with each battle too, and I’m furiously taking notes on that because escalation is something I know I need to work on in my own writings.

~ Speaking of stakes! This was a BRILLIANT, painful, shining example of how a tragedy SHOULD happen. Make It MATTER!

No, seriously, it actually really truly impressed me how much it MATTERED. It HAD to happen. It had benefits. It left an impact on both a personal level, on the characters, AND an impact on the world around them. It was vast in scope, massively heroic, and most importantly, it paid off.

I read the back of the book so of course I found out who the sequel follows, but I guess now I know why.

And because it mattered so much, it doesn’t feel cheap. It shocked me, but it was bittersweet shock, triumphant alongside the tragedy.

That’s how a tragedy SHOULD be. I don’t want to read something terrible happening just because the author saw fit to randomly twist fate. I don’t enjoy that. I don’t like stories that hurt you just to hurt you.

The escalation, the foreshadowing, the character growth, the worldbuilding, the science, the relationships-- everything in the story culminated in what happened in the climax, and as a writer I have SO MUCH RESPECT for how hugely, greatly, significantly that all paid off! Again, I say: MASTERFUL.

[darling-i-read-it]

The Great Red Dragon

3x08

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham 

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2.9k 

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, dead bodies, blood, surgery, canniblism  

Author’s Note: I LOVE will graham and you can tell in this chapter i kinda went ham with my absolute adoration for him. Usually i try and hold back but im to sad to tonight so here is this love letter to will graham 

I used some direct quotes from the script so some things may seem familiar 

Official Episode Summary: As events jump forward three years, Jack seeks help as he pursues Francis Dolarhyde, AKA `The Tooth Fairy Killer'.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

Tag List (is always open!) : @llperfectsymmetryll​ @ericacactus​ @vlightning95​ @sweetgoodangel​

(not my gif) (can you tell i love will graham. i feel like its excessive now but he is so handsome in this episode and every epsiode but this episode too) 

Alana Bloom sat on an uncomfortable chair. The divider between her and Hannibal Lecter was a thick, clear plastic. To Hannibal they were sitting together at his desk. To her, to the reality of her, he sat in his jail cell. The two of them seemed comfortable with each other once again, now that there was no way Hannibal could lay his fingers on her again. 

It was the only reason Alana agreed to stay. 

���Congratulations, Hannibal. You’re officially insane.” 

In front of Hannibal were different and various papers. A newspaper sat there, detailing a family slaughtered in Buffalo. 

“There’s no consensus in the psychiatric community what I should be termed,” he said.

“You’ve long been regarded by your peers in psychiatry as something entirely Other. For convenience, they term you a monster.” Hannibal’s eyes flickered up, away from his papers and on to her. She had cleaned herself up since they were last close. The suit she wore made her look distinguished. Her hair up in curls. Sophisticated. 

“What do you term me?” he questioned.

“I don’t. You defy categorization.” 

“Do you still prefer beer to wine?” he questioned. She pursed her lips, remembering bad memories.

“Stopped drinking beer when I found out what you were putting in mine.”

“Who,” he corrected. She gave the slightest of nods.

“Who.” She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “This means you’ll be spared the federal death sentence. They had enough to convict you dozen times over.” 

“A baker’s dozen. Lest we forget Mason Verger. You’re welcome.” 

“You’re welcome Hannibal. The needle was guaranteed. But you beat it all on an insanity plea.”

“I’m not insane.” Alana nodded. She understood that.

“You know that and I know that. A dozen or a baker’s dozen, enough people have died.” 

“You haven’t,” he pointed out simply. 

“A promise in waiting, isn’t it? A promise you intend to keep.” 

“I always keep my promises.” His lips flew into a small smile. Alana simply adjusted her spot in the seat.

-

“Get out of my chair, Frederick.” 

Chilton stood up from Alana’s chair. Since she had become the director of the asylum things had been changed. For the better. Chilton was crooked, despite his frequent placing in her chair. She walked over and sat down at her desk and reorganized the documents that Chilton had been messing with. 

“Shall we join hands in prayer of gratitude? ‘Thank you, Father, for allowing us to remove this monster, monster of monsters, from your flock. Thank you on behalf of the souls We will spare of pain.’” Chilton stood at the other side of her desk now. 

“Thank you on behalf of the monster.” She leaned back in her chair. “Was that the magisterial We?” 

“It’s our cabal, yours and mine. Hannibal Lecter will spend the rest of his life in a state institution, watching the diaper cart go by.”

“We lied. You wrote a book of lies,” she pointed out.

“Not difficult to see lies flying above my head, but it is almost impossible to shoot them down,” he pointed out. 

“You should be lucky that Y/N is a respectable woman. She should have sued you for what you insinuated between her and Hannibal,” she pointed out.

“You say that only because you couldn’t sue me for speaking the truth about you and Hannibal.” He dragged a finger along the desk. “I wasn’t invited to the wedding though.”

“You held the groom at this asylum when you ran it,” she pointed out.

“Still. I put the actual murderer in jail.” 

“I’m pretty sure they did that.” She picked up her pen. “Either way, Hannibal will shoot down your lies. He’s written a brilliant piece for The American Journal of Psychiatry.” 

“Everything he writes is always about problems he doesn’t have,” Chilton said. 

“What he’s written is going to be your problem. It’s not so much an article as it is a rebuttal.” She smiled to herself. “He has an acid pen.” 

-

Will stood out by the shed. The dogs were balancing around him, running around and barking happily. Will was bundled against the cold although you had been the person who threw all of the layers at him. The dogs kicked up the snow. He was repairing the fence out there, something to keep busy. 

He looked up the gravel driveway and a black SVU came down the track. 

He let out a sigh, caught by the cold. 

Jack Crawford came out of the car.

-

“Don’t want to talk inside?” Jack asked as Will handed him a mug of hot cider. Several stray dogs lay and mill at their feet as Will leaned against the porch railing. “Don’t want to let me inside. Come too far to let the cold stop me, Will.” 

Will pursed his lips.

“Bold of you to show up.”

“Where’s Y/N?” he questioned.

“Making dinner. She didn’t hear you coming up and was, lucky for you, unaware I was making two cups of cider.” Will was relaxed but his tone was uneven. 

“You don't want to talk about it here,” Jack said.

“I don't want to talk about it anywhere. You’ve got to talk about it, so let’s have it. Just don’t get out any pictures. There’s no point in doing that.” 

“How much do you know?” Jack questioned.

“Two families killed, in their homes, a month apart. Similar circumstances,” Will said. You and him and passed the newspaper to each other at breakfast. Looked into it. 

“Not ‘similar’. The same. You ever think about giving me a call?” 

“If I ever thought about it Y/N would divorce me on the spot. But I didn’t think about it,” he admitted.

“You know what it is,” Jack said. 

“I didn’t think about calling you because I didn’t want to. I don’t think I’d be all that useful to you, Jack. I never think about it anymore. I don’t believe I could do it now.” Will looked down at the lakeshore and Jack pulled out two pictures from his jacket pocket. He flipped them out on the table. Will looked down at them. 

“All dead. This freak seems to be in phase with the moon.” Jack tapped the photos. “Killed the Jacobis in Chicago almost four weeks ago. Full moon. Killed the Leeds family in Buffalo night before last. One day short of a lunar month. If we’re lucky we have a little over three weeks before he does it again.” 

“Will!” Your voice carried in from the home. Both men looked over. 

“Looks like your luck has run out Jack.” You opened the door to alert Will that dinner was done. Upon seeing Jack you stopped. For a moment you were wordless. You looked down at the two pictures on the table, at Will, and then back at Jack. You recognized those people from the newspapers. You took in a deep breath and held your composure.

“If you want to by any chance keep your head I would recommend picking up those pictures, putting them back in your pocket, getting off my goddamn porch and driving your car back to where you came from,” you said evenly. “And give me that cup of cider.” Jack handed it to you and you snatched it, allowing it to spill on your hand without a reaction. “We need Will’s help. More of these families are going to die,” Jack said.

“I’m not going to let this happen again. I let it happen once.” 

“You would sacrifice families lives for the miniscule chance one person gets a little hurt?” You stepped forward to him but Will lifted his hand. You stopped but you were still pretty close. 

“If that one person is Will then yes. He’s saved enough lives.”

“He isn’t going anywhere,” Will said. You looked up at him and stepped back. 

“Dinner is done,” you said and turned back into the house. Jack and Will shared a look.

“So,” Will started, pushing himself off of the balcony railing. “Joining us for dinner?” 

-

You sat beside Will who was at the head of the table. Jack observed the house. It looked simplistic, comforting. On the small shelf by the table were picture frames. Each one of both of you. One when you were fishing, a small fish in front of your face as you laughed. One of Will by the fireplace in the Baltimore house. A couple from the wedding of the two of you looking happier than Jack had ever seen. 

Jack had been at the wedding. Will invited him discreetly and because you were so distracted by your own happiness you couldn’t fight. You looked amazing. It had been a long time coming that day and when it did come everyone celebrated. There were even pictures of you, Margot and Alana on that day, cheering to a new beginning. 

“People dump small dogs here all the time. I can give away the cute ones, rest, stay around and get to be big ones,” you muttered, petting the dog at your feet. 

“You’ve always been a sucker for strays,” Will said.

“You’re not fooling anyone Will.” You stabbed at the plate and took a bite. Will placed a hand on your thigh and kept it there. You put your hand on top of his destreetly. 

“Got a nice life here,” Jack said. 

“I’m lucky here. I know that,” Will said. 

“Surprised there aren’t any kids yet. Bella and I wanted them but with my job we could never fit it in.” The mention of Bella would make you sympathize with him and he knew that. Despite having calmed down a bit you still held up a good face. 

“We have a lot of dogs although I can’t say we haven't been trying,” Will said. His face flushed a bit but you were so mad still you couldn’t even be flustered. Will knew there were some things you needed to say to Jack that you couldn't’ say in front of him. “I’m going to take the dogs out to pee.” He tapped your thigh once more before letting his hand leave as he stood up from the dinner table. You nodded numbly as he left, watching him go.

Your gaze went back to Jack. 

“When you came into his classroom that day I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt but you failed me Jack. Countless times, you failed me.” 

“You left me there to die In Florence.” You smiled. 

“A fond memory.” You placed your fork down carefully. “You’re going to take him no matter how much I want to kill you for it.” 

“I have to. I’ll make it as easy on him as I can. He’s changed. It’s great you got married.” You nodded.

“He’s better and better. He doesn’t have nightmares anymore.” You paused and collected yourself. “He was really obsessed with the dogs for a while. Now he just takes care of them. He doesn’t talk about them all the time. Doesn’t worry about them.” 

“I know what it is I’m asking Y/N. And I wished to God I didn’t have to.”

You smiled slightly at what you were about to say.

“If he decides to go, and that’s a big if, he will not be going alone.” Jack nodded slowly. He figured this would happen. There was nowhere he went you would not follow.

“I know.”

“And you’re willing to deal with me for as long as it takes to get rid of this killer?” 

“If I have to.”

-

You sat on your bed. The world was quiet out here. You loved it. Will loved it. It was why you got it together, your first joint home purchase. Will was taking off his shoes and you put your arms around him from behind. 

He cuddled his head against yours. He could feel your breath against his skin when you spoke.

“I don’t want you to go, you know that.” 

“I don’t imagine you’ll let me go alone,” he whispered. “But you know if I go, I’ll be different when I get back.” You nodded.

“I loved you at your worst and I’ll love you for the rest of the time you’ll let me,” you promised. You kissed him tenderly and his hands rested on your cheek, moving your body with his other hand so that he didn’t have to crane his neck. 

-

Darkness moved around the bedroom peacefully. You slept beside Will but he was awake. He looked over at you and then slid out of bed. He pulled open a drawer quietly and took out a letter. The envelope is addressed to Will and Y/N, through the FBI. He hadn’t shown you this yet. He wasn’t sure if he should. 

But you had felt him get up. Years of feeling when he was having a nightmare trained you for that kind of moment. You sat up and slid out of bed. Will looked over to you.

“What’s that?” 

“I wasn’t going to show it to you.”

You walked over to him and put your arms around him from behind. You looked at the letter and the second you saw the handwriting you froze. 

“Is it directed to you?”

“Both of us.”

You took it from his hands and stood up straight. 

‘Dear Will and Y/N, we have all found a new life, but our old lives hover in the shadows, like incipient madness. Soon enough, I fear Jack Crawford will come knocking. I encourage Will, as a friend, not to step back through the door he holds open. I don’t doubt Y/N will protest against this ever happening but in case her will is not strong enough I must promise that there is darkness on the other side of the door and madness is waiting.’ 

You handed him the paper. 

“I’m calling the girls from down the street. Their teenagers will watch the dogs.” 

-

Will and you looked through the Leeds house. The two of you looked at the bloody remnants of what had happened there. You weren’t there to observe though. You were there for moral support. 

His eyes were shut for a while. You watched him stand there. You were silent.

Until he opened his eyes and a deep breath left his lips. You quickly approached him and hugged him tightly. He hugged you back, catching his breath in your arms.

-

“Jimmy you’re the light of my life,” Jack said.

“I know. The print’s smudged. Came off Mrs. Leeds eye. Never did that before. Never would’ve seen it, but it stood out against an eight-ball hemorrhage,” Jimmy explained. You, Will, Jack, Jimmy and Brian all stood in the morgue together. He kept stealing glances at you and Will whose thoughts were elsewhere. “I just...I can’t believe you’re back. I’m surprised you're back.”

“I’m surprised Y/N didn’t drag Jack's dead body in here,” Brian said. He hit Will’s back. “Welcome back.” 

-

Jack looked up from his desk to see Will and you standing before him. You were both looking at the information sheet. 

“You were asking about the dog. Last night, a vet called the police. Leeds and his oldest boy brought it into the bet the afternoon before they were killed,” Jack explained. 

“What’s going to happen to it?” Will asked.

“Please don't worry about the dog.” Will smiled a bit.

“What do you expect me to do?” he whispered. You smiled at him. Ever the sweetie. 

“Best you can, that’s all. Busyworks been a narcotic for me sometimes, especially after I quit the booze. For you too, I think,” Jack said. 

“There’s something else we can do,” you started. You paused for a moment. You and Will had talked this over just briefly but you understood it was what you needed. “We can wait until Will is driven to it by desperation in the last days before the full moon. Or we could do it now, while it might be of some use,” you finished. 

“Is there an opinion you want?” Will nodded slowly.

“We have to see Hannibal.”

3x09

[bluecloudious]

i swear the way you draw expressions makes me giggle every time--

Glad to hear it!

You have now given me a reason to go on a long-ass tangent about my thought process when making goofy faces and poses.

This will be only slightly categorized.

So, obviously, this is the thing I practice above all else.

My fav thing to draw is characters, so obviously those characters gotta have faces and if I want them to be satisfying to look at, the faces gotta be expressive.

Look at Cole over here.

He is one of my most toned down characters when it comes to faces I usually give him. Just your every day furry/scaley.

But, if he happens to feel a strong emotion, I give him a well defined reaction.

Such as this!

You can still very much see all his details and are able to tell it's him, but you can also tell how utterly befuddled he is.

Now, here's another more interesting character to try and make expressive.

Blammo is a character of mine that does not change his facial expression drastically. He really only moves his eyebrows, but his mouth stays as a constant smile.

Blammo!

With him, I have to rely more on body language and of course, extra lines.

Look at him. You can for sure you can tell he is experiencing a strong emotion.

Add hearts above his head,

Madly in love.

Add straight lines down,

It's true that there are a few features, such as mouths and eyes/glasses, that characters such as Jebus and Sanford have. But in the show, even those are under-utilized to say the least.

Definitely experiencing some kinda bruh moment.

|

Now, let's discuss Madness Combat.

MadCom mostly utilizes body language as well, since the character faces usually have no emotion defying features.

Jebus does some angry expressions and Sanford looks pissed off occasionally, one time even letting out a silent yell in agony. But that's kinda it.

Here I have placed three examples of show expressions.

Number 1 is a regular MadCom face.

I have literally nothing to work with here, thus relying again on body language instead.

Number 2 has minimal expressiveness aka eyebrows and eye-line movement.

You can already tell the general expression the character has, but it isn't all that charming yet.

Number 3 is maximum expressiveness (at least for me). With eyebrows, eye-line movement, a mouth and extra lines!

Look at em, now that's a huggable face! They look like they just got a promotion or that someone offered them free food!

|

This seperate tangent here is not to diss the MadCom artsyle, but rather to just encourage artists to not let themselves be restricted by it.

When I first started drawing MadCom, I let myself have so many restrictions, to try and stay close to the source material and honestly? Hated it.

I love making them have goofy faces and I feel like that is especially prevalent in my Stress-style.

Look at Sanford here!

His mouth isn't restricted by his head size, his glasses are extra big to show off exactly what his eyes should be conveying and the extra lines, ooh, I love this style so!

The body language I add is of course like a neat extra detail, but the face is where I put most of my time and effort.

All the expressiveness I can add just makes my life so nice and reduces so much of my stress whenever I draw it, hence the name of the style.

|

But yeah, I think that's it for this tangent, hope I actually said something smart throughout this long rant lol

[kaibutsushidousha]

Cat, Ghost, and Revolution Sunday - Chapter 2: The events from Wednesday (part 9)

[INDEX]

"Follow me", said Murase.

(I'll comply. She's probably what links the cat's rescue and Minami's death. The cautious thing to do here is not defy her for no reason. I should avoid starting a conflict the best I can.)

They crossed a bridge further down the street and climbed down a staircase leading to the river's edge. Murase didn't say a word along the way. Kei and Haruki were equally silent.

Murase stopped right in front of the river, looking irritated. She violently scratched her hair in frustration.

"I've had a lot in my mind lately.", said Murase. From behind her glasses, Kei could see her glare was directed at him. Her eyes were sharp and aggressive. Kei thought he was getting used to this stare, but it was different this time. He compared her face to her previous ones in his head and confirmed none matched. She was visibly more serious than Murase Youka in his memories. Her gaze was almost painful.

"Long story short, I decided I should kill you."

Kill. A word that felt distant from reality. But a word still much more mundane than "corpse". The word sounded like a joke.

Her expression remained the same. Anger, frustration, and some other emotion hidden behind those. She looked so serious and earnest that Kei almost nodded, but he figured he had to argue back.

"You lost me. Why would you kill us?"

"Why does it matter? I'm not changing my mind."

"We're not getting anywhere with this answer."

"I don't need your consent. No one consents to dying."

(Murase made a categorical assertion. These kinds of declarations always have a lie, belief, or emotion mixed into them.)

Kei took a step in Murase's direction. Haruka followed suit taking a step away. No matter what happened to him, if he could protect Haruki, they could evade the danger with a Reset.

There was no reason not to Reset immediately but he wanted some more information before leaving. He'd like to know how to avoid her killing them after the Reset. Also, he was still waiting for Tsushima to tell him Unknown Caller's address.

He was 5 meters away from her. The edge of the river was covered in pebbles, which would make it difficult to run away. It wasn't a favorable situation. Even taking aside the fact that a girl saying she will kill you is never favorable.

"I'm willing to listen to your motives. What's your goal? We might find a solution more effective than killing us."

"Shut up, I'm not changing my mind, ok?"

(No, not ok.)

Murase unceremoniously approached Kei. The sound of the pebbles under her feet was unbearable.

(Okay, I know I shouldn't let a potential killer get this close.)

"Haruki, take another step back."

Murase muttered two words.

"Feet, rock."

The sound of her footsteps changed immediately. The sound of the stepped pebbles disappeared. Kei dropped his line of sight to her feet. He could see the ground from a footprint-shaped gap in the pebbles.

(The ability to erase what she calls out by name. That reminds me of the holes on the walls. The holes closed themselves on their own. The effect time is a few minutes? I don't have enough data to be sure.)

"Right hand, human body", she said as she slowly approached Kei.

Kei feels an unsurprising chill. This added a lot more realism to the idea of murder. He feared her hand like he would fear a knife's edge.

Kei kicked pebbles at Murase before she could reach him. Despite his lack of confidence, he managed to send them flying straight to her face.

"Body, rock."

Another name call. She approached her right hand. The pebbles hitting her whole body disappeared without a sound. It was like a magic trick, except real.

Kei ran off. He took his phone out and checked the screen. No message from Tsushima. He looked at Haruki. She was already 20 meters away. He would still be able to order the Reset in time in case went goes after Haruki.

(Kill us? Why? This is too sudden.)

Kei lowered his body during his run and picked up pebbles from the ground. He simply stuck his hand there and closed it tight to it. It wasn't enough to throw off his balance. He checked what he got. 4 pebbles.

He stopped running and threw three of them at her. He knew he couldn't do anything too precise. He simply aimed at the center of her body. One flew above her head, but the other two went in her direction.

She made no efforts to dodge. The two pebbles collided with her and disappeared. Only the one that didn't hit her dropped off somewhere.

"Give up. My ability is invincible. You could never best me with just an ability to remember and an ability to go back in time."

Kei took another step away.

"An ability to erase things, right? First, you call a part of your body. Then the target for the erasure. If you touch the target with the stated body part, it's gone."

(Simple, but versatile. She's supposedly immune to Resets, so she should be able to erase other people's abilities. And then there was that high jump last time, on Friday morning. Did she erase gravity? I'm still not sure, but if she can erase that, I can't imagine what she can't erase.)

"My ability has no weaknesses."

Murase was still walking towards him.

"All I have to do is approach and touch my target. You'll disappear if I will it."

The ground is partially visible from the spots where she stepped.

"I see you can use that power even through your shoes."

"I have no reason to answer."

"That's very useful. If, for example, you said hearing and touched my ears, would I go deaf?"

"Why does it matter if you're going to die?"

"Can you use it like this? Say you'll erase a liar and shake someone's hand. Then you ask a question and they lose their hand if they lie."

"Wanna try?"

"Please.", Kei smiled. "This might make you understand that I'm more useful to you alive."

"What are you getting at?"

"Have you ever heard of the MacGuffin?"

(Murase's expression changed. The bluff worked.)

Kei wasn't sure his question would be a meaningful one. He had a theory, but it wasn't one based on traditional logic. He simply took note that the MacGuffin was the only piece of information in his mind that still didn't connect to anything, so he thought it should fit somewhere. That was all. That's not something people would consider a real deduction, but rather an external idea brought up to corroborate a point. The information Kei got about this case was severely restricted. Among them, the MacGuffin left a strong impression on his mind. It was a piece of information intentionally disclosed only to the main characters of the case.

Kei could clearly see who he was playing against. Tsushima Shintarou both restrained the information from him and gave it to her. He was the only suspect. And knowing Tsushima's personality, the MacGuffin was not a random distraction. Kei trusted him well enough.

(I get what happened up to now. The problem is what's coming after.)

Murase Youka slowly walked toward Kei.

"What do you know about the MacGuffin?"

"Let's take our time to talk."

Kei extended his right hand.

Murase's whisper her ability's trigger words.

"Left hand. People who lie to me."

Murase grabbed Kei's right hand with her left. Kei covered her hand with his own left.

"Handshakes are usually done with the right hand."

Kei was hiding a pebble in his left hand. He could tell it disappeared when he touched Murase.

(Even if she call another name, the previous effect stays active. What a handy ability.)

"Let go of me. I'm not here to get along."

"What a shame."

Kei released his left hand. Murase was one-sidedly holding Kei's hand.

"Where is the MacGuffin?"

"I don't know that. But I have clues that might lead to the owner."

He naturally remembered the message from two weeks prior.

'The MacGuffin was stolen.' Meaning the MacGuffin has a definite owner. And Kei passed this message to Tsushima. Therefore, either he or someone he knows is in charge of managing the MacGuffin.

Murase's response was unimpressed.

"I already know who it is. Tsushima, right? What I want to know is where he keeps it."

"You don't know either?"

"It was in the teacher's lounge two weeks ago. But he moved it somewhere else right before I took it. I'm sure he predicted my moves."

"That's because he got me to help him."

Murase probably obtained the MacGuffin once. Tsushima noticed and requested the message.

"A Reset?"

"Yes."

"I figured you were getting in my way."

"We're more competent than you think. My ability is not worth much, but Haruki's valuable enough for the Bureau to consider it a threat."

"Then I'll get only her."

"Joining me is the quickest way to get this done."

"You're quite full of yourself."

Kei smiled. It was less of a real smile and more of an admission of guilt.

"Tell me, Murase, why are you looking for the MacGuffin?"

(The MacGuffin. The generic plot device that only exists to connect the protagonist to the plot. What could this be? What does it represent in reality?)

"I'll take over Sakurada.", Murase answered.

(Totally not a supervillain answer.)

"You're taking the rumor at face value?"

He heard it from Minami.

Whoever has the MacGuffin will control all abilities in Sakurada.

"Perhaps."

Murase seemed to have smirked. Kei couldn't call it a smirk for sure because it was too forced and unnatural.

"Tsushima is from the Bureau. There must be a point from him to be so desperate to hide it."

(No, I think it's the opposite. If the MacGuffin was as valuable as the rumor suggested, the Bureau would never leave it under a single member's care, let alone let it be stored in a random school's teacher's lounge. The Bureau most likely doesn't acknowledge its value all that much.)

There are numerous people with abilities in Sakurada and the Bureau exists to administer them. The Bureau's control doesn't seem absolute on the surface, but they have their own divisions in the city hall and the police. That's how big they were.

(The Bureau is infallible. They have all the information there is to have about powerful abilities and their users. That's enough to make them untouchable. No one can't steal Sakurada from them.)

Kei heard the sound of pebbles.

He shifted his gaze to them.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing..."

He heard it again. Twice more. It was the pebbles he threw at Murase.

The time for her ability's effect expired, so they appeared again in midair. Kei took his phone with his left hand and checked the time. The effect lasted almost 5 minutes. Kei was sure.

"Tell me more. How exactly do you intend to take over Sakurada?"

"I don't need to tell you anything. That's enough. I'll kill you. Then I'll get the MacGuffin."

She called out "Right hand, human body" again.

Her hand slowly approached Kei's face.

(If she touches me, I'm dead... Her hand is threatening, but far from the only dangerous thing in the world. Dying from a girl petting my head is probably a far better way to go than being stabbed by a cold knife.)

Murase's eyes were looking straight at Kei.

"What part of you do you want erased?"

Kei returned her eye contact.

"What a coincidence, that was exactly what I was asking myself."

He heard a sound coming from the phone in his left hand.

(Perfect timing.)

He took a deep breath, steeled himself and spoke.

"The MacGuffin is with me."

At that second, an intense pain rushed through his right hand. The hand Murase was holding. Kei's knees faltered.

(It hurts. It hurts. The pain from my hand is circulating my whole body then slapping my brain. I was betting on "liar" being too ambiguous for her to erase. What a ridiculous ability. Is there anything it can't do? Shit, it hurts. But it's not the time to let the pain get the better of me.)

He looked at the phone in his left hand. He needed to meet Unknown Caller. He needed his address. He opened his new message. He just need to take a single look at it. Even if he didn't read a word, he could remember it as an image later.

It took less than a second. He let the text cross his gaze and turned to Haruki. She was watching him attentively. Waiting for one word. Kei said it.

"Reset."

He didn't yell it, but Haruki would never fail to recognize this word.

His word overlapped with Murase's whisper. "Body, ability". Her voice was somewhat hesitant.

[alirhi]

just me stuff

Putting it behind one of those helpful little "keep reading" links to make it easier to scroll right past :)

The other day, a friend asked me if I had DID (dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder/MPD). When I came out to my sister and tried to explain to her what genderfluid means (or at least, what it means to me; ask three different people who use that term to identify themselves and you'll get three different, equally valid definitions), she joked that it was "gender split-personality". It was funny at the time, but it's starting to grate on me a little.

I've got plenty wrong with me, both physically and mentally, but no. I don't have DID. The Josh/Ali thing is not "split personalities". It's still always me. And I've always been this way. As a kid, I climbed trees, played in mud, played with babydolls and Barbies and Tonka trucks and Hotwheels... Everything that was "typically girly" and "typically boyish", I did it all, and I loved it all equally. But I've never felt like I was "defying gender norms" or that gender didn't apply to me. Frilly dresses and dolls and happily sewing new clothes for my Barbies Ali was a girl. Muddy, scraped up, rough-and-tumble Josh was a boy. I never thought enough about it at the time to try to categorize it in my head, that came later, in retrospect, but that's how it always felt. Same kid, same body (and oh fuck, the dysphoria that nearly fucking killed me at times...), same mind, just... Different outlooks.

I think there might be a neurological component to it all, because when I switch, I can feel it. It's a weird little twinge in my head. Sometimes I don't notice lol but a lot of the time, I do, and the world looks different. Apparently, even the way I speak and carry myself changes a little; my friends have started to notice, and sometimes mid-conversation one of them will just kind of smile and go "hi, Josh" or "hey, Ali." It's nice to have both sides acknowledged. I used to hide. In my late teens, through my 20s, and even a little into my 30s, I would work so hard to pass. To hide Josh from the world and not stand out. An ex-friend (when we still were friends lol) looked at me funny and called me a crossdresser; asked if I was gay. For one thing, those two things are not related. For another, no. I would much rather wear jeans, cut my hair off, walk around shirtless when it's hot out, be a guy... but I can't. My body is female. Worse, it's feminine. I've got doll-like, almost kittenish features, and as Ali that's great, but as Josh it's soul-crushing.

So for a while, I hid. I caked on makeup, styled my hair, wore the girliest clothes I owned, pitched my voice an entire octave higher, and was Miss Manners. Everything that screamed "girly" to me, to hide how very not girly I felt. The catch there, of course, is Ali outgrew the super femme stage by the age of like 12 and playing it up only made me more obvious to people who really knew me 😂 but I wasn't really thinking it through.

I looked in the mirror, and I saw someone else staring back at me. The disconnect was so complete, it was horrifying. But that someone else, that lost and lonely, broken girl? Well, I couldn't help me, but maybe I could help her. So it wasn't just to hide who I am, it was to give that girl something nice to come back to. All women are beautiful. All of them. It's just a matter of knowing how to carry oneself, which features to play up. When the disconnect goes away, I can't see as clearly. I just see all the flaws. Just the gross, fat loser who will never amount to anything. But when I feel disembodied, like I'm looking at someone else, I can see the pretty eyes, the perfectly shaped lips, the high cheekbones... I see a pretty girl who doesn't know she's pretty, and I want to make it better. I realize at this point it sounds like I'm contradicting the "no, I don't have DID" thing from earlier XD I don't know how else to describe the shit going on in my head, but it's not two identities. There's no loss of time, or blacking out. The only things that change now are the way I see my body, and apparently the way I speak, a little.

The same friend who asked if I have DID keeps half-joking that she gets gayer the older she gets. It finally hit me last time she said it that...yeah, me too. 😂 Only half the time, though. I went from always on the straighter end of pan to just... more and more into the D lmao. That used to be one of the signs that I'd switched. It's even how I explained it to my sister - "sometimes it's 'oooo Tom Hiddleston' and sometimes it's 'oooo Anne Hathaway.'" (this was like 4 years ago lol. I hadn't yet discovered just how unbelievably perfect Sebastian Stan is). I was always attracted to people regardless of gender, but with a strong leaning toward the opposite sex, if that makes any sense at all. Like, always into Tom and Anne, just Ali's more into Tom, and Josh is more into Anne. But for some reason, guys, I am getting gayer by the day lately lmao. I dunno if my tastes are shifting and I'm just more into dudes in general, or if I just keep discovering guys so undeniably, ridiculously hot that it just doesn't matter or what but... yeah. Fem or transmasc, doesn't matter. I'm always into Seb 😂

[aion-rsa]

Are All Marvel Villains Androids, Aliens, or Wizards?

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

It is now T-minus one week until the long-awaited premiere of Marvel’s next Disney+ series, The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, on March 19. To mark the show’s impending arrival, Marvel is ramping up its publicity game and unleashing new trailers and clips of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in action.

In one such clip, released today, Sam shares an interesting theory with his rival/counterpart Bucky. Give it a look below to see what we mean. 

“The Big Three – androids, aliens, wizards. Every time we fight, we fight one of the three,” Sam says.

Bucky tries to challenge Sam’s assertion by pointing out there are no wizards. Sam immediately counters with Doctor Strange. “A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat.” 

Fair play, Falcon! The conversation ends there but Sam might be onto something with his theory of The Big Three. But just like any good theory, it needs some strenuous scientific testing. Let’s do that testing right now by looking back at the big bad of every MCU film released thus far (plus the studio’s first official television effort, WandaVision) to see which villains can be categorized as: androids, aliens, wizards, or other. 

Obadiah Stane (Iron Monger)

Movie: Iron Man Villain Type: ANDROID

Obadiah Stane isn’t a literal android. He is a flesh and blood human being underneath all that Iron Monger armor. But viewing him as an android seems in keeping with the spirit of Sam Wilson’s Big Three argument. Let’s just give The Falcon a win out of the gate.

Emil Blonsky (Abomination)

Movie: The Incredible Hulk Villain Type: OTHER

Like The Hulk, himself, Abomination is an enhanced human rage monster. He has no mechanical parts, so he is not an Android. He also comes from Earth, so he is not an alien. If we wanted to be suuuuuuper generous, we could say the gamma rays that created both The Hulk and Abomination are so scientifically advanced that they may as well be magic, making him a wizard. But that’s too much of a stretch. Emil is in the “Other” category.

Ivan Vanko (Whiplash)

Movie: Iron Man 2 Villain Type: OTHER

If Ivan Vanko decided to completely cover his body with Iron Monger-style armor, we may have an argument for Android. But really, he’s just a mad scientist who loves his bird. One could also make the argument that Justin Hammer is the real villain of Iron Man 2. That’s a fair point but it leads to the same result: “Other.”

Loki

Movie: Thor Villain Type: WIZARD

Wait, why isn’t Loki an alien? He comes from a different world in outer space, whether that be Asgard or Jotunheim. It’s important to remember, however, that Loki isn’t an alien to the other Asgardian characters in Thor. Instead, let’s call him a Wizard due to his advanced magical capabilities. 

Johann Schmidt (Red Skull)

Movie: Captain America: The First Avenger Villain Type: OTHER

Red Skull does like to meddle in the magic of the Tesseract. He also has a very wizardly appearance when he is cast off to Vormir. A wizardly appearance does not a wizard make though. Johann Schmidt is an augmented human being just like Steve Rogers or Bruce Banner. 

Loki

Movie: The Avengers Villain Type: ALIEN

Surprise! Loki is a Wizard in Thor but an Alien in The Avengers. That’s because the perspective of The Avengers is mostly Earthbound. And to we mortals on Earth, Loki really is an alien leading a War of the Worlds-style invasion in New York.

Aldrich Killian

Movie: Iron Man 3 Villain Type: ANDROID

Aldrich Killian certainly doesn’t have the look of an Android. But due to the amount of Extremis genetic manipulation his body has endured, he is basically more machine than man. And if you’re tempted to say “Aldrich Killian can’t be an android! He has human sentience and intelligence” then you’re gonna have to keep that same energy when we get to Ultron.

Malekith

Movie: Thor: The Dark World Villain Type: ALIEN

Malekith is a hard one to nail down. We’ve already established that Loki can’t be an alien in Thor because he’s a peer to his fellow Asgardians (even if he is a Frost Giant). Given that Malekith comes from another one of the Nine Realms, Svartalfheim, it’s fair to call him an Alien.

Bucky Barnes (The Winter Soldier)

Movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Villain Type: ANDROID

Look, the rules are pretty loose here. You have your memory wiped and you get a vibranium arm? Android. Technically, Alexander Pierce and the compromised SHIELD are the real villains of this movie. But bear in mind that Sam Wilson says that everyone they fought falls into one of those three categories. It’s Bucky who does the lion’s share of fighting in this film.

Ronan the Accuser

Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Villain Type: ALIEN

This is another tough one. Would Ronan the Accuser be considered an alien among his galactic peers? Given that the Kree Empire is a rival to the Nova Empire, let’s go ahead and alienize Ronan. 

Ultron

Movie: Avengers: Age of Ultron Villain Type: ANDROID

Duh.

Darren Cross (Yellowjacket)

Movie: Ant-Man Villain Type: OTHER

If the Iron Monger armor makes Obadiah Stane an Android, then why doesn’t the Yellowjacket suit make Darren Cross an Android? Great question! The answer is…I don’t know. Hank Pym’s shrinking technology just seems like more of a tool for human beings than an at-times autonomous piece of armor. 

Helmut Zemo

Movie: Captain America: Civil War Villain Type: OTHER

Helmut Zemo is a disaffected Sokovian radical. He does not fit any of the other three categorizations. 

Kaecilius

Movie: Doctor Strange Villain Type: WIZARD

Duh.

Ego

Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Villain Type: ALIEN

Sure, a sentient Celestial planet is an alien.

Adrian Toomes (The Vulture)

Movie: Spider-Man: Homecoming Villain Type: OTHER

Adrian Toomes is not only just a human being, he might be one of the MCU’s most human villains. To the “Other” category with you, Vulture. 

Hela

Movie: Thor: Ragnarok Villain Type: WIZARD

As the all-powerful goddess of death, Hela defies easy categorization. But you know what? If Thor-era Loki falls under the category of Wizard, then so too does Hela. 

Erik Stevens (Killmonger)

Movie: Black Panther Villain Type: OTHER

Human. Very human. 

Thanos

Movie: Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame Villain Type: ALIEN

Thanos is the big bad of the MCU’s Infinity Saga. He’s also a consummate alien invader. He comes from the stars to wipe out half of all life on Earth. Well, he wipes out half of all life in the universe, but it’s the former that matters to our Earthly perspective.

Ava Starr (Ghost)

Movie: Ant-Man and the Wasp Villain Type: OTHER

Whenever Pym particles and advanced levels of technology are involved, you always want to at least give consideration to “Android.” But “Other” is still very much the answer here. Ava Starr isn’t even really the main villain of Ant-Man and the Wasp so much as she is a victim. Perhaps she should be omitted entirely from the villain discussion.

Yon-Rogg

Movie: Captain Marvel Villain Type: ALIEN

Since Carol Danvers is our protagonist and Captain Marvel is told from her perspective, it’s safe to call Jude Law’s Yon-Rogg an alien. 

Quentin Beck (Mysterio)

Movie: Spider-Man: Far From Home  Villain Type: OTHER

Quentin Beck is a normal human being and therefore an “Other.” I’m just realizing something now though – why did Quentin Beck go by his real name to Talos (posing as Nick Fury) and Peter Parker? Surely, he has Stark Industries listed on his LinkedIn page. Could the entire plot of this movie have been avoided if anyone thought to run a Google search on this guy who claims he’s from another dimension?

Agatha Harkness

Show: WandaVision Villain Type: WIZARD

Who’s the wizard lady pulling every evil string? It was Agatha All Along!

Results

This all leads to the Marvel villain final tally of…

ALIEN – 6 ANDROID – 4 WIZARD – 4 OTHER – 9

It looks like Sam Wilson almost has the right of it. More than half of Marvel villains can be described as androids, aliens, or wizards. But the “Other” option is bigger than any single one of those three categories. 

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The post Are All Marvel Villains Androids, Aliens, or Wizards? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3exP9ex

[aria-i-adagio]

alina is canonically 17 years old and the darkling is like 500. he also magically enslaves her to him, sexually assaults her, threatens to kill everyone she cares about, tortures two other women, threatens to torture her, and murders children. they are not canon love interests or in a relationship. he is the villain, and she kills him at the end. her canon love interest is a 17 year old brown boy who respects her

Nonny... fandom shipping is not about canon.  Nor is it about making good relationship decisions.  It’s about whatever people find interesting in exploring in FICTION.  Pleased to know Alina makes better choices in canon than in peeps headcanons though - good for her.  Or, I mean, good for her if she existed.  Which she doesn’t.

Seventeen is young, but not a child.  Completely different lifestage (points to every single lifespan development textbook ever).  Not adult - although there’s a lot of theorizing about the historical development of adolescence/young adulthood, versus the post-puberty/pre-puberty distinction that has existed at least as long as there is a historical record (can get you some other sources on this, but the one coming to mind is Porneia by Aline Rouselle) - but definitely not a child.  Curiously, the arguments about “normalization” suggest that socialization and cultural paradigms would, in fact, impact psycho-social maturation. 

But if we want to play the not quite adult card, cool, let's do it.  

I agree that in the real world, a relationship between a late-adolescent woman and a much older partner is highly problematic as it is very likely to be exploitative.  I can’t imagine why an adult would want to be in a relationship with someone in late-adolescence.  I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be.  

But explain to me why child soldiers aren’t a problem.  Explain why we can have any stories where 17 year olds are running around unsupervised without it being a problem because it might convince adolescents that they don’t need constant adult supervision to be safe.  Logical consistency is a nice thing.

I’m curious to know what your opinion is on the current crop of YA/NA novels where the canon relationship is young woman + ancient magical person or other person who appears to significantly out power her.  As previously stated, I’m bored with them, but you know, way more people are reading Sarah J Maas than are reading fics or headcanons shipping Alina and the Darkling.  If you’re really interested in what f’d up but intriguing world building looks like, may I suggest Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels series.

The stories that people find interesting tend to involve placing characters in some messed up situations.  Always have.  Always will.  Mainstream fiction and fan fiction are no different in that respect.

I would think that the fact that the Darkling is 500 some years old might tip you off to the fact that THIS IS NOT THE REAL WORLD since, you know, people don’t live to be 500 in reality.

And you’re entirely ignoring my point about how there are power dynamics other than age which can also apply to the text, some of which better reflect the culture that the text reference.  Intersectionality as a reading praxis demands paying attention to multiple ways that power and privilege operate, not just the most popular or apparent one.  

One of my favorite rants is about how choosing an arbitrary, culturally contextual standard ends up doing violence to a text.  Texts that have far, far more of an impact on the real world than a fandom ship ever could have.

For example, one could take how Evangelical Protestantism applies a “literal” reading to the Bible while ignoring cultural context and historical development.  This is how one gets misreadings of the idea of “abomination” (to be far, I can’t blame the evangelicals for that one - it predates them).  However, one can clearly see how modernist moral panic about sexuality dictates which abominations evangelical Christians obsess about.  Or how conservative Christians focus more on homosexuality in the story about Sodom and Gomorrah than the more textually relevant question of hospitality.  Or how they ignore that there’s any number of words that could be used to refer to homoeroticism in general in the Pauline corpus, and instead the word used is something so specific that it doesn’t appear anywhere else for us to have a comparative tool to derive the intended meaning.  This is one of my favorite rants.  Perhaps I’ll come back with some citations for you on texts that you could look into.  If for no reason other than to have some fodder for the next time you need to argue with Christian homophobes.  I do love arguing with Christian homophobes.  I am, ofc, assuming that you’re queer positive.

Interestingly, one frequently finds this with Orthodox Christian converts who haven’t spent a significant amount of time in immigrant parishes.  They try to apply literalism to the Church Fathers (and Mothers, and Peeps who defy tidy gender categorization) and it just turns into illogical chaos, because there’s quite a bit of disagreement within that body of texts.   That was a theme that I would be interested in seeing how Bardugo plays out, given how Alina’s self-concept was already in conflict with the church created canon regarding her sainthood.

TLDR:  A) Seventeen is still not a child.  B) A plot necessitates tension to be resolved, so something is going to be problematic in order to have a story.  C) The effect of a text on reality and vice-versa is complex.  D) Not recognizing how one is responding to a text based on one’s temporally and culturally shaped comfort zone is a very problematic thing in and of itself, frequently ending up with “orthodoxies” that limit personal agency and freedom.  

Now let's see if I can get a right wing punch from someone complaining about queer readings of Christian texts.

[thusatlas]

Ask for what you want, not what you think you should have

I have a theory. Well, I have many, but this particular theory is a doozy. The theory is… (wait for it) …

Everything is connected. I know, I am a genius. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I’ll collect my Nobel Award whilst I pick a up cucumber canapé on my way out.

But seriously, as obvious as it is, the more I reflected inward on my stream of conscious and started asking why, the more I have begun to connect the dots. I have become more aware that my actions, feelings and emotions that can be explained through cause and effect.

Here I want you all to take one mental step to the left to avoid falling down the free will and determinism rabbit hole before you. That is not today's topic. It might be next weeks, but not today. So just shimmy on over to this mental path that I’m laying for you here. On this path, we are accepting that we as individuals are moral agents, accountable for our actions and behaviours. Therefore, you have free will in a world that has been pre-determined by other free moral agents. Or if that’s too deep for you, just move right on past this philosophical premise and carry on enjoying the allegory I’m about to weave for you.

This all began some time ago, way back in high school, when I had to write my CV for the first time. I know that feeling of discomfort one feels when you fill out a job form, write a personal statement or cover letter is not individual to myself. This is a widespread phenomenon and yet the only way that you can progress professionally or academically is to sell yourself. Hence there is an entire profession in which you can be paid for writing somebody else’s CV. Furthermore, hence the reason why the widely understood, highly inaccurate statistic accepted as truth is that all CEO’s and higher business people are psychopaths; one of the defining features of psychopathy being arrogance and narcissism (that part is true but again, not the point of today’s topic…moving on).  We, the neuro-typical, non-psychopathic, really struggle to write about our best selves when it comes to applications of any kind. We do it because we have to, not because we want to.

Now think about it. I write and talk about many things throughout my days, from objective truths to subjective feelings. I process categorical facts and infer meaning that is hidden within the subtext. I imagine stories, characters, worlds, conversations and ensuing emotions. All without effort.

And yet.

I cannot write about myself. I cannot write about my good qualities with ease, without that feeling of discomfort. I cannot do it as easily as I am writing this now.

Sound familiar? If it doesn’t, then firstly what’s your secret? If that does resonate with you, keep following me down the yellow brick road of this allegory. I’m going to turn it into something less deep, far easier to swallow and then bring it back to filling in application forms.

It’s going to be cool.

Hopefully…

The list of top 10 most loved/dreaded questions. Somewhere on this list is: what do you want for Christmas/your birthday because I find answering it be an egoistic minefield to navigate. Apparently, it’s considered impolite to ask for all one’s problems to be solved or a million pounds or a new car/house/holiday. What I used to say, was what I actually wanted in an exaggerated way that would generally garner a chuckle. Both myself and the other participant in the conversation knew that I was being 100 per cent serious and if the person asking was happy to buy me my dream house then I would shamelessly have accepted (whilst also repeatedly enquiring if they were sure because I couldn’t possibly, hoping beyond hope that they would not come to their senses). However, this rarely (never) happened. Thus, the usual rapport was:

Person A - “What do you want for your birthday?”

Person B - “I would love a 50-foot yacht and a butler named Steve to attend my every whim”

A and B participate in the prescribed requisite chuckle.

Person B – “But seriously, I haven’t really thought about it.”

Person A – “let me know if you think of anything”

Person B – “Of course, though you don’t have to get me anything”

Person A – “nonsense, it’s your birthday”

End scene. I will pick up the Oscar for lead performance whilst I sample these delectable mini-hamburgers. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I had this conversation for years until I questioned what’s the point of it if nobody gets anything out of it. Having been both Person A and B, it’s uncomfortable for both parties because Person B doesn’t want to be perceived as selfish while Person A is asking to avoid the stress of having to guess what Person B wants. Now, while I love a good humble moment, this is not the time to be humble. Similar to job interviews, CV writing or personal statements. Why is it that we are not comfortable with celebrating our wants, our needs even when we are being directly asked to sell ourselves or literally tell someone what we want.

So I had a revelation a couple of years ago. I am aware that this is not going to be groundbreaking for other people but stay with me here. As of now, my life in regards to birthdays and Christmas’ consists of throwing the humble pie out of the window. My birthday is fast approaching and my family have begun to ask what I want.

AND HERE IS THE POINT OF THE ALLEGORY!

Bedsocks.

(Groundbreaking isn’t it.)

But seriously, my feet get cold because my house is old and the end of the bed is right by a window. You see the issue. Might as well sleep with my tootsies exposed to the winter’s chill.

However, (plot twist) I also want the new Jean Paul Gaultier Classique perfume which retails from £44 - £88 depending on the outlet.

I’m going to pause here because this is a Q.E.D moment. While the point of this post is not about asking the internet to get me what I want for my birthday, I feel the need to point out that I would, of course, be happy with just a card or a hug or a text for my birthday. I am merely using this as an example for the said allegory which has not yet been fully actualised. I am not some entitled princess who’s going to throw a tantrum reminiscent of Dudley Dursley if I don’t get what I want.

(If you’re not getting that reference then shame on you).

Now that I am 80 per cent sure that you don’t think I’m Veruca Salt (you better get that one), I shall continue with my point. I chose to embrace and show that yes, I want bedsocks and yes I also want magnificent perfume. Two drastically different items for the same person but these are items that I objectively want. I was asked so I answered. I am a bougie queen with cold feet.

What was interesting was the reaction of person A. There was an acceptance of my bedsock suggestion, though they did amend with, “Is that all? It’s not much”. The response to the Jean Paul Gaultier suggestion was “you don’t want much do you?” said with a scoff. We shall gloss over the mixed signals and possible shadiness and explore the duality of these responses to the embracing of my wants.

If you ever need to ground yourself or remind yourself that you are a product of all that came before you and all that will come after you, look to the Ancient Greeks. For a society that existed over 4000 years ago, we are still practising and preaching the philosophies of Thales, Aristotle, Socrates and Plato. You can find watermarks of the Greek thinkers hidden in the folds of much of modern societies ideologies, legalities, politics and psychology.

Does that mean they were ahead of their time or with all that society has evolved over that time, the human condition remains the same, regardless of how wise and savvy we think we have evolved to be?

Now it was widely accepted amongst theologians, philosophers, sociologists and psychologists that if you wish to look at the skeletal structure of a society in a snapshot, then look to their religious beliefs.

I’m going to need you to take a mental step to the right to avoid falling down the ‘is God real’ rabbit hole. We are not here to discuss the objective existence of the divine. So, I’m going to need you to hope back on our yellow brick road where we are accepting the truth that all pantheons have objectively exist in the narrative of human history within their respective societies.

To the point, the Ancient Greeks believed in a pantheon full of diverse Gods (big G, we don’t theologically discriminate here). When I first thought of the Greek pantheon, my thoughts immediately go to Zeus and his ilk. However, I’ve been on the Google and am now more informed than I was 5 minutes ago (look at me and my fact-checking… if only Fox News were the same).Anyway, briefly for your understanding, the Greek pantheon is split into 8 parts.

Parts one through to four covers the Gods who are the essential ingredients for the fabric of reality. So, Gaia who is the Earth, Pontos the Sea, and Ouranos the Dome of Heaven. The Daimones (spirits) and Nymphai who nurture the life of the four elements and so on. The Daimones that affect the body and mind: Eros the spirit of love (not to be confused with lust or attraction), Phobos the spirit of fear, Thanatos the spirit of Death. The Gods who control the forces of nature and who interacted and taught mankind. Helios the sun and Anemoi the wind; the agricultural earth Gods Ploutos, not to be confused with the pastoral Gods Pan, nor the city Gods Hestia. The Titan Gods Themis, Kronos, Prometheseus etc, are not to be confused with the defied mortals who are considered to be part of this section of the pantheon: Herakles, Asklepios etc. Nor should they be confused with the Olympian Gods Hebe and Mousai. This condensed list is actually very long.

Now we have the fifth part that everyone knows. The 12 Olympians who preside and govern over the aforementioned and the ones who have yet to be mentioned. They are Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter, Artemis, Apollo, Ares, Athene, Aphrodite, Hephaistos, Hermes, Dionysos and Hestia. Part six through to eight covers the constellations and the horoscopes, the monsters and the semi-divine love children of the Olympians who defeated them

That is a majorly condensed list however its extensiveness is the point I am trying to make here so I appreciate you if you have stuck with me thus far. If you wish for a full list of the Greek Pantheon here are links to further your own reading: (1, 2, 3).

So, the Greeks had this diverse belief system. These beings who governed their every action. Literally everything, physical and metaphysical alike.

Now tell me what they missed.

Tell me what’s missing from this very extensive list.

Evil.

Ah, but there is Hades the God of the underworld you say! There are monsters!

Hades was made evil by Disney I’m sorry to say (though he was fabulous).

Hades in the Greek pantheon is the God of the dead and Zeus fucked up and much as he did. Odysseus is a soap opera, I swear. Anyway, the monsters?  They’re as neutral as death. They are creatures doing exactly what is within their nature to do. Thus the underlying ethos of the pantheon. Every one of those deities commits actions that can be perceived to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ by the humans they lived alongside. The Greeks did not revere them to be absolute good, nor absolute evil. What they did, was perceive them to portray unavoidable facets of our day-to-day lives that should be celebrated, acknowledged and respected. For example, take Dionysus, the God of wine, pleasure, festivity, madness and wild frenzy. Basically, this bitch was the life of the party. As such, large banquets and hedonistic orgies were often held in his name, celebrating pleasure, life and the loss of control within the madness of relinquishing stress.

But we aren’t the Ancient Greeks are we (though I know I look fetching in a toga if I do say so myself).

Western civilisation, take the United Kingdom, for example, founded its legal system upon the 10 commandments of the monotheist pantheon of Christianity. Furthermore, The Act of Supremacy in 1534 appointed King Henry VIII the first Supreme Governor of the Church of England. A largely ceremonial title that has been passed on to reigning monarchs ever since. Within the United Kingdom, Church and State have been very much intertwined since the days of the court governance. As such, themes of Christian teachings and concepts became entwined within our culture, and over the years have become so embedded that accepted behaviour and social nuances are not intrinsically associated with its religious teaching. The obvious examples to point out are the recent milestone law amendments to same-sex marriages and abortion. Going deeper into social norms: the concepts of purity and promiscuity, humbleness and arrogance, greed, sin and punishment. I have been brought up in a time where I have heard the rhetoric about my own body change from ‘do not sleep around, don’t be easy’ to ‘it’s your body, equality, if men can do it, you can to’. Aside from my own personal views on this topic, this social rhetoric is a symptom of the culture in which we live. They also echo some (not all) Christian teachings. Triandis and Triandis (1988-2004) have produced many works on the development of culture, the bare bones of the explanation being that culture of a society is a product of history, language and stories. Prior to written print, all information was passed on from generation to generation through stories. These stories contained information about countries' histories, experiences, and beliefs. The languages and gestures telling the stories are a creole of invading forces and immigrating travellers. These are the bare ingredients for culture. All that is left to perfect this recipe is time. Leave to mature of a few centuries and you’ve got a fine wine and a handful of convoluted social norms. Hence, the aforementioned rhetoric and the continued acceptance within British culture that the Monarch is the head of the Church.

The Ancient Greeks didn’t have time. Their teachings and stories are still hailed today, but their civilisation did not survive long enough for their culture to become a social norm.

Now, the reason why we’ve gone through this is to point out that the Christian pantheon is heavily reliant upon the idea of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.  Absolute good. Absolute evil. I could do an entire blog on the different theological branches of Christianity and how they have affected Western culture. In this instance, we shall focus on the concept of sin. Though it is obvious, it must be pointed out:

Sin is bad.

Bad is punished.

Ergo -  Must avoid sin.

What is sin? Well, sinning is many things if we go by the Bible and the wholesome Leviticus, but here we are focusing on the widely known and accepted concept of the Seven deadly sins. Though these little devils didn’t specifically make a named appearance in the Bible, their themes were present throughout. Thereafter they were popularised and named via Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales and Dante’s Purgatory.

Hopefully, you’re beginning to see all the threads of this post coming together now.

The Seven deadly sins are as such:

Greed

Envy

Lust

Gluttony

Wrath

Sloth

Pride

It is accepted within Western culture that behaviour must avoid ‘evil’ to avoid punishment. Ergo, we must avoid behaving in any way that can be associated with the aforementioned fiendish sins.

And so. The point.

I want bougie perfume and bedsocks for my birthday. Bedsocks is an acceptable humble and utilitarian item. It is not frivolous.

Bougie perfume? It is frivolous. It is a luxury. It is Greed. The fact that I boldly stated as such? Maybe a hint of Pride in my request? Either way, it is a social norm to at least raise an eyebrow at somebody stating frankly that they want an expensive item for their birthday.

To stress this point: if I had asked for driving lessons which are double the price of the perfume, no comment would have been made because of its utility. And so I bring you right back to the beginning. I am applying for jobs and finding the whole process unbearably uncomfortable because I am wondering if me toting all my achievements in one go and really selling myself will come across as arrogant (pride).

I should be humble, shouldn’t I? Humble me in the face of power…Isn’t that the social norm here? Which leads me to my final conclusion. Here are two different worldviews and neither are false and neither are true. If everything is connected (and that is what we call a callback) and if I were an Ancient Greek, how would I apply for jobs? How would I tote my credentials when there is no punishment for being proud of my accomplishments? When there is no concept of sin within the narrative of my worldview and just differing aspects of my nature, surely applying for jobs, asking for presents, networking etc, etc, etc, would be a far less painful experience?

[chaospanics]

January 2021 Roundup

Or a perpetually-incomplete list of new stuff I listened to (and actually liked lol) this month with a couple personal highlights. 

Some favourites from this month include:

The Besnard Lakes - The Besnard Lakes Are The Last of the Great Thunderstorm Warnings

Ignited by their love for each other, for playing music together, the sextet found themselves unspooling the most uncompromising recording of their career. Despite all its grandeur, ...The Last of the Great Thunderstorm Warnings honours the very essence of punk rock: the notion that a band needs only be relevant to itself. At last, the Besnard Lakes have crafted a continuous long-form suite: nine tracks that could be listened together as one, like Spiritualized's Lazer Guided Melodies or even Dark Side of the Moon, overflowing with melody and harmony, drone and dazzle, the group's own unique weather.

The Body - I’ve Seen All I Need To See

The Body is a prolific musical force whose creativity is matched only by the astonishing weight of their sound. Duo Lee Buford and Chip King have established their own musical language that reimagines how rhythm, dynamics, and sonics can shape or dismantle song structure. Over the course of two decades, the duo has consistently challenged assumptions and defied categorization, redefining what it means to be a heavy band. On their new album, The Body are again pushing limits and testing the boundaries of the studio to explore the extremes and microtonality of distortion to find its maximal impact. I’ve Seen All I Need To See is The Body at their most incisively bleak, a towering monolith of noise.

Fax Gang - Aethernet 

When asked about what a listen through Aethernet is like, PK Shellboy describes it as “using a consistent sonic palette while also melding the influences of the whole group.” The way that the varying atmospheres find cohesion is through bitcrushed layers that provide a similar otherworldliness to the production on shoegaze albums. Unlike many experimental hip hop artists being enveloped by lo-fi production (intentional or otherwise), Fax Gang's material almost physically crumbles under its own weight. What is left is the rubble in which Shellboy manages to clear with his hypnotic vocal refrains & repetitious bars to completely entrance the listener.

Vicious Blossom - You Breathe Inside Of Me

Pennsylvania artist Viscious Blossom, in conjunction with EJ Hagen from the fabulous HIghspire, makes his debut on Somewherecold Records with this magnificent selection of tracks. Centered in shoegaze, the album harkens back to albums released in the early 2000's but updated with his own style.

Conny Frischauf - Die Drift

Viennese artist Conny Frischauf’s music is a whirl of Kraut, leftfield electronica and synth pop. She playfully shines a new light on on tradition to create a fresh, contemporary sound. Having released a brace of EPs – Effekt & Emotion“ (International Major Label, 2018) and Affekt & Tradition“ (Kame House, 2019) – Frischauf now presents her debut album, Die Drift.

The Notwist - Vertigo Days

On Vertigo Days, the first album in six years for The Notwist, one of Germany’s most iconic independent groups are alive to the possibilities of the moment. Their music has long been open-minded and exploratory, but from its engrossing structure, through its combination of melancholy pop, clangorous electronics, hypnotic Krautrock and driftwork ballads, to its international musical guests, Vertigo Days is both a new step for The Notwist, and a reminder of just how singular they’ve always been. Most importantly, the core trio of Markus and Micha Acher and Cico Beck are reaching out: as Markus reflects, “we wanted to question the concept of a band by adding other voices and ideas, other languages, and also question or blur the idea of national identity.”

Robbie & Mona - EW [nsfw]

EW experiments fearlessly with sonic textures and song structures, and yet the songs can still carry the emotional weight of a Magic Radio ballad. While the overall vibe of the record takes many cues from dream pop and lo-fi indie, nothing is certain on first listen. EW expertly toes the line between deep emotional resonance and alienating disarray.

Luis Vasquez - A Body Of Errors

With this album, Vasquez felt the urgency to break away from The Soft Moon realm and deliver an even more intimate, self-reflecting body of work, while further unveiling inner demons & vulnerability. He continues to explore his notorious angst and visceral pain, but places them in the context of his own physical being, creating the deeply personal, yet relatable and compelling oddity that is A Body Of Errors, which Vasquez describes as a collection of themes to living in the human body.

Full (for now.. still quite a bit in my backlog 🤦) list below.

LP/EPs:

Alphabet Holds Hostage - Truth In Habitual (EP)

Baio - Dead Hand Control

Bear Call - Systemizer

Beautify Junkyards - Cosmorama

The Besnard Lakes - The Besnard Lakes Are The Last of the Great Thunderstorm Warnings

The Body - I’ve Seen All I Need To See

Buke & Gase and Sō Percussion - A Record Of (EP)

Buzzy Lee - Spoiled Love

Carlo Alfonso - The Little Things We Both Shared

Carmen Villain - Sketch For Winter IX: Perlita

Cathedral Bells - Ether

Collapse Of Dawn - ... Of Dreams & Nightmares

Conny Frischauf - Die Drift

Dave Scanlon - Pink In Each, Bright Blue, Bright Green

Dekalb Works - Duologue

Divan Draw and the British Public - The New Chicago Sound

Dosser - Brainscan (EP)

dvr - u can call me dillon (EP)

ELLES and Violet - Midnight At The Premier Inn (EP)

Elori Saxl - The Blue Of Distance

Fax Gang - Aethernet

Foley - Songs Of The Lyrebird

Frat Mouse - Plywood

Hether - Sticky Thumb

Hilang Child - Every Mover

Kate Davis - Strange Boy

Katie Dey - Urdata

Kyozo - EP 01 (EP)

Lande Hekt - Going To Hell

Lauren Lakis - Daughter Language

LICE - WASTELAND: What Ails Our People Is Clear

Luis Vasquez - A Body Of Errors

Nicolas Fehr - Violet XLVIII

The Notwist - Vertigo Days

Robbie & Mona - EW

Shame - Drunk Tank Pink

Spirit Of The Bear - Spirit Of The Bear

The Spy - Deep Dream

Still Corners - The Last Exit

Subsonic Eye - Nature Of Things

Typhoon - Sympathetic Magic

Vicious Blossom - You Breathe Inside of Me

Widowspeak - Honeychurch (EP)

Singles:

Alice Glass - SUFFER AND SWALLOW

Amulets - Heaviest Wait

Bunny Hoova - WEAK

Cal Fish - Checking In On A Friend

caro♡ - 7 waves

Chelsea Wolfe and Emma Ruth Rundle - Anhedonia

Cigarettes For Breakfast - Wait

The fin. - Deepest Ocean

Glass Beach - Beach Life In Death

Goat Girl - Badibaba

Half Waif - Orange Blossoms

Juan Wauters - Presentation (ft. Nick Hakim and Benamin)

Little Comets - Total Abject Paranoia

Mia Joy - Haha 

Mint Julep - Black Maps

Mogwai - Ritchie Sacramento

Ruby Haunt - Reverse Creek

Sarah Mary Chadwick - Full Mood

Sculpture Club - Just One More

Spunsugar - (You Never) Turn Around

Sweet Trip - Walkers Beware! We Drive Into The Sun

Tomaga - Intimate Immensity

Wy - Come Here 

Xiu Xiu - A Bottle Of Rum (ft. Grouper)

For the past 4 years I’ve always published my yearly playlist on my birthday at the end of December, but I’m considering sharing it earlier this year to make it more collaborative and maybe help people get more out of it by discovering new stuff at the same time I do... I just don’t like making public something so incomplete LOL. So for now, these monthly posts will do while I sit on this obviously very life-altering decision 😂If you’re reading this please always feel free to recommend anything to me 💚

my last.fm ～ spotify