#i should just work on stuff so i cant worry about it
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i am. unreasonably excited about these ears. and slightly worried when they arrive they wont be what i was hoping or something will go wrong
#like! theyre handmade so theres a little warning it might not be exactly like the picture#so i KNOW that but also idk HOW different itll be#i left a note with some minor requests (like color scheme) but like#u never kno#plus with international shipping things could get damaged etc in transit#staring out the window sadly like 'pakige........' as if id see it coming from the 16th floor#i should just work on stuff so i cant worry about it#yelling at the void
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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Apparently my job incorrectly changed my state on my W4 without my knowledge or consent last year and now I owe a LOT of money in unpaid state taxes since they weren't withholding them from my paycheck like they were supposed to 😭
#i hadnt filed my 2023 taxes yet bc there was some stuff i had to figure out with my old college#(they didnt send me a 1098-t and they werent responding to my emails and they changed systems after i graduated#so i wasnt in their new systems and when i called the treasurers office they couldnt figure out how to find me#so they sent it to their manager but the manager never responded and etc etc)#but i wasnt too worried bc i knew with the withholdings that i put on my w4 that i should be receiving a refund#and theres no penalties to filing late if youre receiving a refund (you just. dont get your money until its filed)#but now ive got that figured out (turns out they actually didnt need to send me a 1098-t bc i dont have any exceptions to claim from them#bc something about how my expenses were handled? idk. which i didnt even learn from them btw. bc they never got back to me 🙃#i had to consult a tax expert. but anyway)#so i was trying to finally file them. and uh. it turns out i owed like $1000 to my state. and i was like. that. cant be right. what?#checked my w2 and for some reason on one line it had my state listed with like a small portion of my earnings#and then on the next line there was the rest of my earnings under a different state name#a state that doesnt fucking have state taxes 🙃 so nothing was withheld from that portion of my income#so apparently i did NOT pay the majority of my state taxes last year. and now im 6 months late filing. and im worried im fucked#and we are also 11 MONTHS into 2024 with my w4 incorrect and no state taxes withheld all year 🙃 fuck. fuck fuck fuck#they cant even change it back until my manager proves i live in this state apparently 😭 what the hell man#i live in this state i work in this state my companys fucking headquarters is in this state#WHY would they change it to a different fucking state. WITHOUT my knowledge or consent#i didnt even realize they had stopped withholding my state taxes until now bc it happened at the same time i got promoted#so the increase on my paycheck just blended in with my raise 😭#i just submitted it but of course theyre going to take what i owe for my state taxes weeks before they refund me for my federal taxes#payments process within 48 hours but refunds take up to 21 days#rambling#so. im gonna have to figure out how to make rent and bills next week#and then im ALSO gonna have to pay however much it costs to be 6 months behind on a payment of nearly $1000#FUCK
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Thoughts on 3rd life mirror birds. 3rd life big dogs. 3rd life property police. They fascinate me and I think you have thoughts on them but I might be wrong..either way
i do in fact have thoughts on them but i think if i talk about 3l!flower husbands publicly any more rn I’ll get so self conscious I’ll explode on the spot. this being said i have still yet to watch evo but its been on my list for forever bc of 3l!property police specifically… i really love martyns petty grudge against jimmy for those first two episodes he acts like he’s 12 and really pissed off on the playground. anyways i think that martyn going from being concerned for his friend to Just Fucking Lying to split up Scott and Jimmy, because he took personal offense to Jimmy being unwilling to drop everything to go live with him on the spot is the funniest thing in the world. Girl it’s not about you
#asks#for real though i think that martyn played up his offense at jimmy not taking the offer in order to pressure him into agreeing bc—#stuff like “oooh this is your ONE CHANCE for FUN OPPORTUNITY and if you miss it WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!” typically works on jimmy#but martyn wasnt expecting jimmy to stand his ground on that#And at that point (in martyns mind at least) you Have to commit. so then the mock offense became Real. bc what can you do#he cant just go back on it and go like “sorry i was just worried and wanted you to live with me bc i miss you and—#dont think scott is treating you well” martyn would never be that honest with himself much less jimmy#The offer in itself was somewhat selfish to begin with in my mind as well#He did just want Jimmy to come live with him so he saw the opportunity and jumped at it. he’s an opportunist#but i also think he originally followed jimmy and brought it up with him out of concern. does that make sense#a little while after their falling out i think he fully puts jimmy out of his mind#“Jimmys a lost cause he’s clearly done with me. Why should i care when he clearly has a nice loving husband he cares sooo much about#(eyeroll emoji) lets save grian” <- what i think he was thinking#he didnt mean for jimmy to die#but what happens happens yknow. the games the game#sorry for putting all of my Real Thoughts in the tags i wasnt expecting to write them out honestly#i just think about their conversation on that mountain a lot….bigb moves into that specific spot later and martyn gives him shit about it#Which means something to me also (<- bigb and martyn pilled individual)#etc.etc
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no i will NOT acknowledge the early warning signs for schizophrenia warning list what do i look like I'm someone who deals with their problems?? absolutely not
#sophie speaks#tw vent#i exist purely to make my meagre amount of followers worry. hey hope you're scared shitless again /jk#i should make a personal blog to talk about this stuff but i still see this as my personal blog and also it works like#yknow when u shoot a gun to make sure the rent doesn't go up. the idea of having even 3k followers scares me#anyways gang i literally have all of them lmfao#was talking to my mum last night about this really odd phenomena i experience sometimes#where peoples faces just look wrong#uncanny valley?? ugly?? terrifying?? idk i cant explain it they just look so disturbing to me i have to look away and#and i was like 'huh this sounds like schizophrenia' and then i had a valium because the idea scared me#ive got so much wrong with me I'm just so scared for my sense of reality to go wrong too#i just.. i feel like id be in complete free fall if i lost that#i mean technically did hearing voices is just inner hallucinations and i have those... all the time#well. im going back to undertale fanfic writing. healing my inner 15 year old w this one
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man is anyone else just. completely unable to hear a plane pass by or like fireworks when it was new years without thinking about how different the meaning of that sound would be in gaza. Lately
#its just bizarreeeee to me to see anyone worrying about like other stuff. i cant conceive of it#and im a strong proponent of like you ahve to live your life obviously#you fully cannot be on pause for months on end thats not how things work........#like you should. be able to go out and do things. Around doing your best. you have to actually#i will sometimes hear about like concerns people have though and just like. uncomprehending.#man im so tired of this post.#if yr reading this what are you thinking of having for dinner tonight#ive been meaning to cook but all my ideas are for slow cook shit. and ive been filling my days pretty aggressively with studying and shit#blah blah blah
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I do feel bad having a lot of reblogs centering around transmasc issues specifically and not more posts about transfem and nonbinary people, but unfortunately, repulsive lateral violence is the current discourse, which means that a lot of posts made about those issues are said BECAUSE "who is actually the most oppressed" is the current topic of discussion. So even posts that seem normal or even agreeable have language you have to look suspiciously at and when you check op you do in fact find that those posts about transmisogyny are because they got mad trans men are speaking up about the violence they face.
It's very similar to how ace discourse was. Completely normal seeming posts, in the context of a really bad couple of years where saying you're ace/aro publicly even once led to getting anon hate, were actually criticisms of the idea that other people face hardships. Hell, though people scoffed at it when I said it, even completely unrelated FANDOM posts could be clocked as being made by someone whose current fixation is hating on aspec people by the way they keysmashed. Because it wasn't just a discourse, but like a fandom, and fandoms follow quirks and trends and I could read it in a keysmash easily, check their blogs, confirm I was right, and block.
Anyway my point being that the issues, general and more specific, faced by non-transmasc trans people INCLUDING those issues caused by other trans ppl is EXTREMELY important to me, however I just unfortunately don't see a lot of people talking about it in good faith. And hell, me talking about my experiences about how afab trans people have harassed, sexually assaulted, misgendered, body shamed me, and leveraged their agab specifically to harm and exclude me for not being like them is something that I can't talk about without worry of it coming off as "trans men are evil". That's just the current culture. A reasonable worry of a post sounding like thinly veiled transphobia is silencing victims of the thing these transmasc oppression deniers claim to hate.
Anyway I definitely do reblog good posts like that when I see em but I'm really not on Tumblr much anymore
#i dont Owe anyone an explanation but i do feel bad about it#it sucks!#oh also im very pro Palestine but i don't think ive reblogged a ton of posts about it on here??? i honestly cant remember#i do that on other social media but typically i only come on Tumblr now to look at very specific things#some fandom stuff. mostly all the poll accounts i follow#i kinda just rb the things i happen to see when i do so#i don't have an active follower base (most of em deactivated years ago) anymore so im not worried about Not Using My Platform for good#because i lost that platform! and i dont regret it. ppl will turn on a child on a dime for the crime of being annoying. im glad i went#inactive for a long time#but anyway#im not misusing the platform i no longer have by not reblogging pro palestine posts#but i should go look for some#Tumblr search does not fucking work anymore but if it decides to one time i could at least go back to it as reference#for links and stuff
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This has got to be the worst move out yet
#packing perils#student living#Uni shenanigans#ace is a mess#oh my god. okay so we start on Tuesday ive been gradually moving my stuff over to my friends house#cus were moving in together in September and shes staying in her place over the summer so well have everything in one place to move in#so take some stuff over to hers on tuesday before her shift then we walk to work together i collect her keys and say bye#go back to mine pack up some more stuff warned her i planned on doing 2 trips while she was working so start figuring out whats going#end up with two tote bags a crate a box and a large bag of boxes decide ill take the heavier tote bag and the box on the first trip#as i cant really carry much else with the box due to its awkward size even though its not particularly heavy and cut through the park to#shave off some time feel pretty good when i get there it wasnt unbareable esp after Saturday when carrying 4 heavy shopping bags ended up#covering me in bruises and scratches and messing my back shoulder and neck up so i feel like underestimated myself on this trip and like i#can take everything on the next trip well its already late in the day cus my mate does evening shift so by time i get back its half 9 so i#decide to cut through the park again to save time but the large shopping bag with my saucepans casserole dish etc is difficult to carry due#to how bulky it is and the crate tho it has handles is also unwieldy so my arms are being bruised and scratched up i cant waste time carryin#everything back home just to put one thing down at this point but im considering putting the biggest bag down in some overgrown plants in#the park speeding to my mates and coming back for it its a stupid and risky idea but its getting dark the sun is almost completely set and#no matter how often i rest i just cant manage it and my damn brain starts worrying about being murdered so i ditch the bag and i can move#much quicker now so rush to my mates and rush back reassure her as im leaving hers that i am bringin her keys back its just after 11 at this#point cus its over 35 minutes to get to hers i get back to the park in just over 20 my bag is still there! and i dont get attacked get my#stuff to her room then hustle to get to her job before she finishes at 12 get there a few minutes to spare shes not ready to go yet anyway#she tells me shes not comfortable with me walking back in the dark i should stay at hers i cant ive got an assignment so she says shes#walking me to mine then going to her boyfriends 5 mins down the road get back to mine shower have dinner and crank out my Wednesday 4pm#assignment by 7am go to bed get about 2 hours sleep before tge fire alarm is tested and then ive got to be up for a meeting with our new#landlord anyway and ofc its raining come back from our meeting grab food and start packing up some more sht get buses over to hers this time#together come back pack some more hope the rain dies down a bit but it doesnt look like its stopping and i somehow fcked my foot carrying#stuff earlier so she texts a coworker asking if they can pick us up they agree so organise a few more things but then a puddle causes their#car to break down the next bus is in over half hour so mate decides shes gonna run to her boyfriends to charge her phone while we wait for#the next bus to be due while shes gone i finish sorting things she then calls asks me to book a taxi cus the rain has only gotten worse when#taxi arrives realise that student accom is basically flooded deciding what to do while at hers cus the weather is unbareable she goes to get
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Everyday feels exactly the same and it makes me wonder if there's even a reason to do anything
#i keep applying to jobs looking for comms and places to sell stuff#when im not doing that im either working or practising smth or studying#yet it all feels for nothing#everyday is the same. everyday i feel nothing but hopelessness#i feel like everyone is moving forward except me. who no matters what i try can never get unstuck#at least doing sports made me feel smth but today it just made me feel worse#im starting to not really care what happens to me. but yet i cant stop keeping busy#i cant even waste my time on 'fun' stuff like this hopelessness makes me think i should do#because i dont even get any joy from doing anything#usually being near friends cheers me up but today it only made me wanna cry#i shouldnt even have gone closer to my friends. i knew my mood wouldnt improve. and yet i only made them worry from my selfishness#i dont want to go to class. i dont want to keep aplying to studios. i dont want to draw or play or do anything#i have no energy to talk or do much. and not being able to make myself look hapoy enough makes me mad#i know im clinically depressed and i know myfriends know. yet being bad enough people can notice and ask if im feeling okay#makes me feel so ashamed. i have nothing to be sad about. and yet#life is so monotone. i dont want to feel like this all my life. i dont want such an unbalanced mind#i wish i could disappear and make everyone forget about me#i wish i could wander everywhere and anywhere forever#haunted.txt
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maybe i WILL get to move back home
#the bin#i talked to my mom and things might go ok but idk#i just have to wait and see but i desperately hope i can move. i need to see a doctor so bad. my whole body feels horrible all the time#and my tooth has gotten so much worse. i can deal with it if thres an end date. i cant deal with it indefinitely. and i cant afford to get#it fixed without insurance. i would rather die than deal with this shit for another however long i have to i CAN NOT do that#esp bc i would need to go to work while experiencing it. idk. im shaky literally ALL the time and my insides alwyas hurt and my joints#hurt so much too. and half the time im at work my chest hurts and i cant see straight. i cant fuckin do this anymorew.#apparently my dad might be getting a new job so their landlord might be more willing to renew but idk. she said she should know on april 1st#which isnt that far away but idk. i mean. its not impossible theyll renew. who knows. i hope so.#i know at keast thst i have a way to get there if there is a place for me to live so thats good. my health cant take this anymore. and im#also not able to emotionally. idk what other option i have but. god. its hard enough as is. im having like a perpetual panic attack since i#found out i probs wont get to move. im tryna be optimistic. i dont think im physically capable of staying here any longer#it was hard enough to stay herenthis extra yearm ive been having breakdowns repeatedly over it. and my physical health keeps worsening#i miss my little sister. i wanna be able to see the people i care about. theres so few people in the world i enjoy being around and i dont#get to see them ever. instead i have to see my second least favorite person in the world in order to even just get groceries#hhhh. i want the time to pass so i can know for sure but i also desperately dont wnat it to cause im so scared itll be bad news#whatever. i will hope and believe that itll work out until i know that it wont. hhhhh. worst case scenario i guess ill just have to save up#and figure out moving there later on but like. i was really happy to NOT have to worry abt rent or working so i could focus on my health and#then i could go back that that stuff. oh well
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im gonna get fired :))
#made too many errors entering in measurements#got my last strike today#my production’s been super low too cuz this asshole snitched on me cuz his dumbass cant make production on the forklift#which is crazy cuz its so fucking easy to make production on forklift#if my production’s under 80% before the month ends i’ll get fired sooner#i wanna make it through the month so i can get the pto i scheduled#i might be able to now that i dont have to worry about measuring every single fucking box#talked to my dad’s friend about it and theres nothing he can do#im gonna put him down as my supervisor in my job history cuz he might not say i got fired#i think im gonna let them fire me so i can get unemployment#i should be able to get over $200 a week so that should cover my car payment#if i get less i can doordash to make up the difference#id rather not cuz i think i need my tires replaced but i will if i need to#my dad said i can help him with maintenance stuff at the apartment complex he works at#this way i can put that on my resume as an internship and use him as a reference#just gotta make sure he says the right things if someone calls him
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The intersection of no easy food, no clean dishes, and Bad Mood is such a horrid thing
#speculation nation#negative/#sure whatever#me sitting at home just trying to work up the will to eat Something#bc i need to. but im not really hungry and i dont have easy food and i have no dishes for the food i do have#i havent gotten groceries bc my past 2 days off were spent at the hospital and then at a house visit#for my terminally ill uncle.#and it's been a month since my cat died and it's 223 aqi outside and i am just#no clean dishes too much trash gnats building up no energy to do shit#i did laundry and cleaned the cat stuff yesterday bc i Had To so at least i have clean clothes#but the rest of my apartment is a mess & i have to fucking Pack for my trip at the end of the week#i dont even know how to make sure i have a carry on bc ive never bought plane tickets myself bc i havent flown since i was 18#so im anxious about it and when im anxious about something i avoid it but i Cant keep avoiding it#and here i am tonight vague headache from the air pollution no energy to eat no energy to Shower#thinking of taking a shot to make it Shut Up for a bit & maybe then i can do things#im.... i wasnt planning on venting that much but. jesus fuckin christ y'all why's life gotta be this way#i just wanna have my fun happy hobbies and not worry about taking care of myself bc im shit at it anyways#i think i will take a shot. a compromise. i do one harmful thing to myself & then i do the good things for myself. idfk#and yes it's harmful bc i havent eaten and it's just straight vodka but ykno what i like it like that#i should probably shut up now. may or may not disappear for the rest of the night so i dont keep being a miserable fucking bastard online#ugh.#animal death ment/#disordered eating/#Close Enough. side effect of other things rather than a problem in and of itself but c'est la vie ya bitch
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Too Scared to Let Go(To Lose You)
Characters; Lynette, Navia, Xiao, Scaramouche, Lyney, Kaeya, La Signora x gn Reader
Summary; they wont let go of you, no matter what. They can't protect you from harm when they aren't there, so they hold you close to ensure you're there. they've already lost so much.
Warnings; angst, maybe a little bit yandere,
Notes; i did the obvious like xiao, scara, signora and stuff but if i make a part two ill maybe put someone like barbara or nilou in, but that would just be them having intrusive thoughts... probably. will add diluc and venti there as well dont worry, love you
Lynette
She always thinks that you're going to die at some point, get kidnapped or just straight up leave, these thoughts come up once every week or so. But when your out and about or just working late, her thoughts run faster than ever. Of course she has lyney and the rest of the house, but she's just gotten so used to being with both lyney and you now that it doesnt quite feel the same. So her solution is often to hug you as tight as she can when sleeping, hoping you wont disappear in the morning.
And of course you try and help her as much as you possibly can, reassuring her that you wont leave and that youll find a way to get back to her no matter what happens when out and about, but that sometimes just doesnt cut it.
She doesnt cry often, but when she does its a lot, tears streaming down her face for an hour or two, and even longer if you, Lyney and Freminet aren't there with her.
Navia
She cant let go of you in the morning, it was always like that, but it had gotten so much worse after the loss of her two beloved bodyguards. She often mumbles in her sleep about you and how she wants you to stay. Something along the lines of:
“no… no, don’t go, stay… please!! Just stay with me!”
“please stay… stay with me… where did you go… no, come back, please…”’
“[name]… please stay with me… please… just stay…”
You have to wake her up when it seems like she’s panicking and try your best to comfort her, but sometimes she just doesn’t get any sleep because she wants to make sure you don’t disappear while she is asleep. She is of course the same shining Navia when around other people like the Traveler and Paimon, but everyone can see that she doesn’t want to let go of you at all, fearing you’ll vanish if you leave her line of sight for even just a second, its like you’re glued to her.
If people ever see you, they know for a fact that Navia is also there, no matter what. Oh, you want to go over and wish your friend a happy birthday, well she can carry a gift for them with her so you don’t have to. You wanted to cook something but is missing one singular ingredient, you can you go get it together, don’t worry she isn’t putting back anything for it (she totally is, and has multiple offers and such she should be taking a look at rn).
Xiao
He says he shouldn’t be near you all the time, but doesn’t let go when you make him give in to his desires. He’ll hurt you, and you know that, so why are you still here with him. Wait, no, he isn’t trying to make you go away, please don’t, ever. He just cares about you enough to not want you getting hurt because of his karmic debt, he loves you too much to let that happen. But the thought of you leaving him fills his mind more than the karmic debt at times, he dreads it, the fact that you’ll leave eventually, he doesn’t care if its by choice or fate, just don’t. please, please, please don’t leave, just stay with him, please.
He doesn’t want to let go, but feels he needs to, you tell him its fine yet he feels like it isn’t. it feels like he’s hurting you every second of being with you, yet he doesn’t try to let go, he doesn’t even give the thought a chance. you say you’re fine, yet he feels like you’re not. He
feels like hes hurting you, he’s hurting more because of it. But then why does it hurt more without you, why, oh why. What have you done to him, just what did you do that made him so addicted to you. Swear you’ll never leave him ever, and he will do the same, as long as you’re here with him he swears he wont hurt you, he’ll break the karma in half for you, he’ll do anything. Just don’t leave him, please don’t.
Scaramouche
Everyone would say he’s too cocky, confident, and mean. But that’s all because he doesn’t let them see the vulnerable side of him, the leftovers of Kunikusuhi, the side he only shows to you. He shows you they way he cries at the mere thought you could leave him one day, he sobs in your chest as you comfort him and let him focus and anything but the nightmares haunting his being. He wont ever be like that with anyone that isn’t you, he doesn’t give a shit about them they can do whatever, but you have to stay.
He doesn’t care about all the others as long as you don’t leave him too, he doesn’t care about anything other than you. So please, please don’t leave him, ever, he would watch the world burn over and over again as long as he has you.
If you ever told anyone that the 6th harbinger, scaramouche, cries at night just because you left to go get a glass of water, they would call you crazy, say he’s never cried in his life that you must have seen things. But you know its true, and he does too, even if he doesn’t like to admit it. He knows you wont go, you always say you wont, but he just cant let himself to believe you, not when he’s been lied to so many times. He worries too much about you and he knows that, but how could he not, he loves you, and will never let you leave him because you love him too, right?
Lyney
Although he may be the confident, charming and romantic magician Lyney everyday in public, when he finally lets go of the role at home he’s nowhere near that. He cries just because he wanted to see you and he finally did, he worries about not being able to save you someday. He’s a worrywart to say the least
If you were gone for too long, whether on a mission from father or anything else really, he would not be calm at all until you come back. he would only be rather calm after he got a letter from you or in one of his shows where he put too many layers of masks on to hide it. he wants to think that your ok, just as Lynette say you are, you're strong. but he still cant help but worry,and he ends up panicked and stressed, without sleep, too tired to think sbout anything else other than you. dont leave him, he wouldnt survive without you.
That's why you cant leave him. hell lose his mind, and destroy everything around him in the process. he cant let you leave, so please, please don't. his heart is already fragile, it beats only for you now, so don't leave. don't leave. don't... please... please don't, he cant handle that. so, please, don't leave him, ever. stay right here with him, forever.
Kaeya
He doesnt remember his birth parents, he hates them but a little bit, but mostly because they left him, he cant handle thinking about them. and it only made his pain worse when he lost the people he called his family once again, so he cant afford to lose anything else, not when he feels completely at home once again. you are his home now, his family, and his joy. so don't leave or he might lose his mind and start ruining himself from the inside and out.
He loves you, a lot, you're his reason to continue in life. so if he ever sees you leave he would cry, even if all you are doing is leaving his office after giving him his lunch, he would shed a tear at the sight. his heart is fragile ok? He can't bear to lose his life once again, not after his parents left, not after his adoptive family left too.
Don't go, stay, stay right here with him and everything will be fine. i will all be fine, you trust him after all, and he won't let anyone touch you, let alone hurt you. you're safe here with him, don't worry about them, worry about him. you've got him wrapped around your finger without even knowing, you could want a certain sweet from Inazuma and he'll get it as fast as possible. you can get anything you want, ok? The only condition is that you stay right here with him, and only him.
La Signora
She swore she wasn’t going to fall for anyone after her first lover died, so why did she fall for you, how did she fall for you. Honestly you don’t know and she doesn’t either, she doesn’t know how you were able to melt her ice cold heart back to normal, even if only around you and you only, if anyone else is around it freezes back quicker than lightning can strike. She thought she wasn’t able to love again after he died, but you proved her wrong, so you can’t leave too. She cant deal with the death of her lover once again, so don’t leave her, ever.
You hug her in the night as she cries a little, mad at you for leaving her in her dream, but still not mad at you, as her anger is mostly to the world for doing this to her. But don’t worry, she’ll fall asleep eventually as she always does, she does need her beauty sleep after all. But that doesn’t mean she’ll wake up and easily let go again or just get out of bed, she’s stubborn and want you all for herself a little longer. She makes you talk a little as you carefully brush her hair like she taught you to do, and she relaxes a bit when you tell her you love her while kissing her head.
As long as you promise you wont leave her, and keep that promise, she’ll love you forever, she cant bare to see you go out the door even if its just for groceries, someone else can do that don’t worry. Just come and relax with her in a bath, she can wash your hair and you can wash hers. She’ll take care of you like you take care of her, just don’t leave, please. If you ever left her alone for too long she would freak out, she does everything with you, baths, shopping, paperwork even, so she cant bear to be left alone for longer than 30 minutes or she’ll panic. So don’t leave her please, please, please don’t, she’ll even beg for you to not leave her, just stay here with her.
Thank u for reading this, i know this took a long time and I havent posted things these few like weeks I think but I may have writers block(idk why I say it like that) and this was made over like a few months actually heh, luv ya
You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts
#la signora#la signora x reader#lynette x reader#gn reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact#xiao x reader#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche#xiao#angst#alatus#fatui harbingers#kunikuzushi#kaeya x reader#kaeya alberich#noellefan101#noellefan#noelle´s maiden
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helaena targaryen x sister! Targaryen g!p reader
Reader pov:
I was in my room in kingslanding masturbating, why didnt i go to the whore house? I was not in the mood to be fucking a whore while everyone is outside fucking as well, i just want a quiet place to pleasure myself. I am wearing a sleeping tunic and pants of the same quality as the top so its covering a little of my feet and hands, my cock is huge and girthy as well thats why im proud that i got the biggest out of all my brothers and even father.
I was just pleasuring myself while thinking about a whore's pussy wrapping my cock when someone is knocking my door and coming in, i didnt have the time to cover myself, just staring wide-eyed at helaena my little sister, who was staring at my cock being wrapped by my hand. "Helaena its not what it looks like" while covering my self with a duvet, helaena closed the door, afraid someone might see us, it was after dinner time, while everyone has guards outside their door, i unfortunately have none because my father and brother aegon got them all, with my father being the king, and aegon being the heir, they got a little overboard with protecting them selves and forgot about giving me some which is fine for my part because my room is secluded and in the other side of the building in the red keep, by the way i chose that to happen.
Helaena is just staring at me and my crotch that is covered with a duvet and walked closer to me and sitted at the side of the bed, "is it painful?" She questioned, "what?" "Is it painful? Your uhmmm" and then she pointed at my crotch, "uhhh yes it is painful, i just want pain to go away thats all" i just went with what she is saying because she is still young to know about this type of stuff.
"Can i see it?" She asked and my cock twitched and leaking with my precum, "what? No helaena im fine" "please sister youre in pain" she pleaded and i had no choice but to comply and removed the duvet, she gasped because my cock is so red and the veins prominent, its like its angry, but to her its looks painful, "gods why didnt you call for help? She questioned, "no helaena this is something that a maestar should not be healing" "but why?" "Because its my responsibility to heal it" i said, "then let me help sister" "no"
"please let me help sister, i cant help seeing you in such pain" she pleaded, "ok fine, helaena" i finally accept, then she wrapped her hand in my cock, i jumped, her hand is cold, "sister!? Are you alright?" "Im fine helaena" "then what can i do sister?" She questioned while staring at her hand holding my cock, her hand can barely wrap around my cock.
"Just motion your hand up and down" and then she obeyed, her hands are so soft i cant help but to curse, "7 hells" staring at her hand then looking at her, " you can wrap your other hand too" she followed what i said, i moaned, "dont worry sister, i will make the pain go away" "please helaena" i pleaded to her, but then i got a plan, "helaena is not working" "then what should we do sister?" "Wrap your mouth around my cock" "why use my mouth?" "Please helaena, it hurts like 7 hells" i lied, "o-ok sister" then she put her face closer to my cock, almost covering her face, my cock twitched at the sight, and leaked with precum, the precum then leaked in her lips and she licked it, "what is this sister?" Then swiped the precum off the tip, then played with it, "thats called a precum sister, it is coming out because of the pain, please hurry helaena," but she hesitated then kitten licked the head, i moaned, then she put my cock inside her mouth, "shit" i put my hand at her hair and carresed it. But she spitted my cock out, then while looking at me she put my cock inside her mouth again, my cock twitched then leaked more precum, " lick the head, helaena" she followed and licked my head, i moaned, "then motion your head up and down" she obeyed, fuck it was so good, she was clumsy but i will teach her how to pleasure me, i carresed her hair then pushed her head down further my cock, she was choking but its all part of her lesson, then i guide her head to pleasure my cock.
Then i pushed her head further down my cock again, she choked then tapped her hand on my thigh, i let go her head, and she unwrapped her mouth off my cock her saliva connecting to my cock, i held my cock and tapped on her lips a couple of times then i held her head then resumed her pleasuring me, her choking on my cock is the only sound in my room and i fucking loved it, then i grabbed her other hand that is resting in my thigh put it in my cock base to wrap it then motion it up and down, she obeyed. Then i made her head stay still then i fucked her mouth, in a medium pace, for 5 minutes, then i stopped fucking her mouth, i want to claim her now, "helaena its not working" my cock looks like its bursting any moment now, "what do we do sister" she said breathless and then wiped her mouth with her handkerchief. "The only solution now is to fuck someone" i said, "then let me call a maid" "wait i dont want everyone to know helaena." "Then what so we do?" "Let me fuck you helaena" "what!? Sister no" "why cant you help me?" "Because im betrothed to aegon sister" "no one has to know" she hesitated, "please helaena it hurts so bad, my cock is about to burst" "ok sister" she accepts" "thank you helaena" i was relieved but inside i was smirking, now im gonna claim helaena in my chambers, "then let me remove your dress sweetling", she paused because its been so long since i had called her that nickname.
Then i stood up my cock standing proud then walked behind her to untie the dress lace, when the dress is removed, i also removed her undergarments, then i kiss her neck, back, then check. Then i let her lay down in my bed, i removed my sleeping tunic and pants infront of her then i spread her legs, she resisted a little but with a kiss to her thigh she opened. Then i placed myself between her thighs then i kissed her forehead, both her eyelids, chin and then her lips, we kissed then i put my tongue in her mouth, now were kissing with tounge while i grind my cock at her pussy to make it wet, i teased her clit with my cockhead, then we stopped kissing, i groped her breast then licked and sucked them for a minute, then i kissed downwards and licked her clit, she moaned, "sister do that again its so good."
Then i spread her pink pussy, then spitted on it then tounge fuck her for a minute, she was about to cum but i stopped. I stood up then pressed my cock to her pussy, then pushed, she moaned, i pushed the tip inside then thrust slowly, just fucking her with my tip, then slowly pushed an inch inside, then another, and another, and finally my whole is inside her pussy, her maiden blood coating my cock and the sheets, i let her adjust to my size, then i fucked her slowly at first then i pistoned away, "AHH, AH, AH, SISTER S-SLOW DOWN?!" She said while her arms are around my neck, i kissed her and her neck while teasing her clit with my thumb. I was fucking for about 3 minutes, "s-sister, please stop i-i think im peeing" i didnt stop just continued to fuck her, to make her pussy remember my cock, and when aegon beds her, he will never pleasure her with his little boy of a cock, the bed rocks along with my thrust and then she cummed, while i continued to thrust away not making rest, i need put my seed in her fertile womb, i need to claim her, "s-ister, stop it hurts", "wait sweetling, i need to cum" for about 10 minutes using her pussy for my pleasure, and her cumming multiple times, we came together, me inside her, while she is creaming around my cock.
We were panting, only our breathing can be heard in my chambers, i kissed her gently in her forehead, and her lips, i turned us around with her being on top of me while not pulling out my cock, i dont want to waste my seed, then we fell asleep.
#g!p reader#hotd x reader#house of the dragon x reader#helaena targaryen#helaena targaryen x reader#helaena targaryen x g!p reader#smut
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Alright! Here it is!
Can i request the Hashiras (Kyojuro, Giyuu, and Sanemi) reacting to their s/o reader giving him a lock of their hair to him? Historically, giving a lock of one's hair to someone has been considered a sign of love and devotion, especially before an impending parting. So what if the reader is giving their lock of hair bc they know their lover will be on a particular long mission.
I hope this is a good request to start of your return. Also yeah, i’ve been doing well! Although i cant lie im not worried on some stuff (Chainsaw man’s new chapters worries me, also did you know that Reze’s arc will get a movie and idk if im ready for the heartbreak T.T)
But regardless of that, hope you have a good day/night though!
- Flower Anon 🌸
Hello there, Flower Anon! Thank you for your cute request, I love it so much! And yeah, I'm getting very worried over Dennis myself and have heard about the movie. I'm actually a manga only reader for CSM and will probably not watch it, because the heartbreak was bad the first time, but it's cool to hear about! Also, I'm glad you're doing well otherwise and hope you'll like this!<33
Content: Small angst, fluff, Reader is not a demon slayer, established relationship, sfw
Reader has no mentioned pronouns!
((Not fully proofread))
☆Rengoku Kyojuro☆
Kyojuro, despite his passion for his work, hated leaving you behind for longer missions. He knew it hurted you more than any wound could ever hurt him and yet, the call of a crow meant his next departure was near. He tried dragging it out for as long as he could, showering you in affection and making sure you're well taken care of whilst he's gone. But eventually, you two found yourself standing at the estate's gates together once more.
He frowned at your teary gaze, when you suddenly held out something to him. "Oh!" He blinked, noting with ease that it was a lock of your hair, wrapped in a red ribbon. He chuckled, as he grabbed it carefully and made sure you saw the way he pinned it to the inside of his haori, right over his heart. He felt an even stronger fire burn through him, his heart full and heavy with his love for you. It was the first time, he ever considered abandoning his duties just to stay with you for a while longer.
But the impatient call of a crow made him refrain only barely and sigh. He put on a wide smile, a kiss pressed to your lips, before he finally turned and began leaving. He waved to you, the sun setting and making his bright eyes shine for you.
"Thank you for this beautiful gift, my love! I'm bound to come home even faster now, with you even close to my heart!"
☆Tomioka Giyuu☆
Giyuu sighed to himself in defeat, when the crow told him about his next mission. He didn't want to leave the peace he had for the last three weeks with you. But duty calls, despite him wishing it would just stop already. He moved slowly, his hands calmly fastening his Nichirin swords to his waist, dark blue eyes meeting your solemn and sad one's. He knew, that you didn't want him to leave either.
You got closer to him then, your hands replacing his, as you began helping him. It's what you often did before his departures, a way of spending time with him for one last time, just in case it took longer than it should. It was a grim reality you two didn't like facing, but reality kept you from getting too far away.
Giyuu's eyes widened ever so slightly when you suddenly tied a small charm to one of his swords. But on further inspection, he realised that a lock of your hair was attached to it. He looked up at you, but you didn't meet his gaze, perhaps out of fear of crying the moment you did.
His hand grasped yours once you were done, his lips pressing against them in a silent thank you. His heart warmed at your gesture, despite him not fully showing it. There was hesitation in the way he let go of you afterwards, but the soft words he spoke, before departing at last, said enough, even if not alot.
"I'll return to you."
☆Shinazugawa Sanemi☆
Sanemi was in a frustrated hurry to get ready, his hands quick to grab all necessary gear and clothing items for his immideate need to leave. There was an emergency mission in a far away village and he had to be there, much to his secret dismay. He had just come back from a longer mission two weeks ago and now he's forced to leave you again? He hated it, you ofcourse did as well, despite never voicing it.
He hissed out a string of curses, when he couldn't find his Haori, until you suddenly appeared next to him with it in hand. He gave you a thankful nod, as you helped him put it on, but also slipped something into his hand, whilst he finally left in a hurry, which he shoved into his pocket quickly. Thankfully he was able to steal a kiss on his way out, secretly noting to spoil you once back ofcourse.
He only looked at what you gave him, when he finally had the time to take a break. His hand reached into his Haori, humming in confusion at the sight of a silver locket. Carefully opening it, he froze when he saw a lock of your hair. Scarred fingers carefully reached to brush against it, before he sighed and shook his head.
He missed you.
Getting up, he felt restless and frustrated again, as he gathered up his things once more. He needed to get this mission over with. He can take a break, once he's in your arms again. Pushing the locket back into his pocket, he continued on his way, motivated for his need for you.
"I'm going to personally send that damned demon back to hell for you, I swear it..."
Thank you again for the great request, Flower Anon! I absolutely loved writing this and hope you enjoyed it too!<33
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny x you#kny x reader#demon slayer x y/n#demon slayer x reader#demon slayer fanfic#demon slayer kyojuro#rengoku kyojuro#kny kyojuro#kyojuro x reader#kyojuro rengoku x reader#giyuu tomioka#kny giyuu#demon slayer giyuu#giyuu x reader#kimetsu giyuu#giyuu x y/n#sanemi shinazugawa#kny sanemi#sanemi x reader#sanemi x y/n
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totk rewritten (for me, specifically)
since i dont have time to get to drawing it right away AND im worried people might take this the wrong way, i thought i could write out some bullet points about my rewrite of totk (meant as a fix FOR ME not saying its inherently better) to give you a better idea on what im going for:
the core structure largely remains the same, the biggest change is no time travel, thus making zelda your travel companion, and zonau tech being lagerly gone/broken with shiekah tech instead
it is not shown but said in dialog that shiekah tech, such as the ancient furnaces, shrines and towers are either turning off or have flickering power supply and purah having calculated that all their connections point towards beneath hyrule castle
game starts pretty much the same as real totk, most zonau ruins are so withered away that they are barely recognizable and the further you get down theres more and more shiekah tech pipes and occasional a miasma vein, some pipes are broken and spill miasma, others flicker
instead of the room with the wall carvings theres one with old ancient shiekah research remains, old broken tech and prototypes you dont what their purpose was, all documents are too withered to read but zelda finds one that was sealed in a container and takes it with her (she got a backpack now)
theres a structure similar to the bed thingy of the shrine of life from botw but its working in reverse; within it is sealed ganondorf (i gotta work out the details around it still)
(details still missing) it breaks and zelda takes the enigma stone but doesnt touch it directly and puts it within a sealed container (you know kinda like you should do with soemthing you have no idea of what it is and was alsO LOCATED ON A CORPSE)
ganondorf isnt the elegantly talking villain type in this version but more of a mess, talking in different languages both modern and ancient but you cant make out any clear sentences, struggeling with suddendly being awake and half alive after spending thousands of years in an agonizing limbo, having witnessed every second of the passage of time yet also it feeling like everything just happened all at the same time
the ground breaks as he recognizes zelda (bc of her fighting calamity ganon in botw) but also not really, still sees her as a threat (also bc of the enigma stone in the container she still has in her hand) attacks her, link deflects with the master sword, it breaks and damages his arm, zelda drops her torch and pulls link away towards where they came in from and both run as the caves fill up with miasma like a flood with arms starting to reach after them while they both run back through the tunnels (creepy chase sequence anyone?)
cataclysm happens (ground breaks, miasma bursts out of the ground, especially where shrines and towers where since they were still connected to the pipelines) ground shifts massively in some places giving alot of the map a whole new structure; all shiekah tech that was not independent stops working due to power loss
links arm is amputated since otherwise the miasma would spread to his whole body; purah, robbie and zelda work out a prosthetic arm prototype to give to link (protoype at first will be upgraded at halfway point of the game) that can switch between multiple modes, like a hand to hold normal items or a weapon that isnt crafted, and a fusing ability (though maybe limited in the prototype) that lets you make weapons similar to the weapon fusing in canon totk (potential upgrades including an extendable guardian arm that doesnt break, grapple hook anyone??, also the ability to build stuff out of shiekah tech parts, not glue needed you actually screw it together, maybe zelda even helps)
now you are given free roam of hyrule, the goal is to explore and find what has changed and check on people, see what the underground has, new monsters have spawned etc.
zelda is your companion the whole time, she can use the shiekah stone/purah pad to analyze enemies for you, she also carries at least a dagger for her own self defense but doesnt contribute much to the fight (subject to change maybe), you can talk to her anytime and she usually has something to comment on depending on where you are or what you just did, can give you tips and advice IF ASKED FOR IT, when you discover ancient ruins, whether zonau or shiekah, she can either decipher it for you or take photos for later to find out more about everything that has happend and what it means, she also takes part in conversations when you talk to someone, her outfit changes with yours (meaning when you wear the tingle set she wears it too, opens up alot of funny interactions njfkdk)
purah has built new towers but they function different (still working on the details) mainly that they function independent from the energy source in hyrule castle
there are floating islands but they are bigger and in more connected clusters, when reaching them its ancient withered ruins that the ancient shiekah built support around (like the platform used by monk miz kyoshia) to keep them afloat; there are building like observatories and research labs, but all very overgrown due to being up there for so long, theres a titan prototype on one of the islands, its shaped like a whale and zelda deciphers it was called vah narisha (reference to the whale deity in skyward sword) (i havent decided yet if its fully broken and just a big piece of enviroment to explore or half functioning floating around, or maybe first broken but later half repaired so it can fly around at least giving you an easier way to reach other island, you cant steer it tho) some of them are falling bc of energy loss but the bigger ones have independent energy sources (work in progress)
the underground has more diverse zones depending on which part of the map it is located on, there are old mines (for luminous stone) from the zonau but all is extremely withered, in each one its been mostly built over by the shiekah but there are construct remains that were clearly dissected and studied, half built shrines and towers, you can find collectibles and lore there (working on more details, but an idea was to include remains of ancient shiekah tha fled there when they were persecuted by that old king of hyrule, adding to the eery vibe)
some titans (maybe two, and the other are still on the sruface, like vah medoh) feel down during the cataclysm, broken apart or malfunctioning/ possibly being a boss as in they were used by a big cluster of miasma hands like a hermit crab uses its shell, the inside filled with eyes and different sized hands dragging itself towards you like a drowing man grabs after anything to save him)
dongos are your go to transportation here and a little different, when you call one they dig a path to you (not permanent, just so they can always spawn near you) they glow in the dark and can climb on walls (bc why not), and can point you towards the next objective/point of interest, likely where theres a high concentration of luminous stone since that is what they eat and its usually where old mining/construction sites are (still working on a replacement for light roots that are less invasive)
the rat from the trailer is a miniboss/boss you need to defeat in order to get the broken mastersword back into your possession
(im still working on how the sages work, but the idea is to incorporate their abilites for more efficient and reliable use into links shiekah prosthetic, so you can still use their abilities but only when you actually want)
(again still working on details) halfway point of the game is you trying to find out where ganondorf went, not intending to fight necessarily but just to find out more but it devolves into you fighting some sort of miasma monster (either him or some sort of manifestation he made) and you get a bunch of short memory flashes from him, all vague and a wild mess from both the time he was sealed and from the time afterwards, maybe even a perspective shift from when link was fighting dark beast ganon, but from ganons view, from zelda when she was keeping that manifestation in check, random views from the malice eyes from botw, from the blights, maybe even from the fight with the old and new champions, from the point when shiekah built their tech around him while he had to watch not able to do anything etc.)
links arm gets upgraded from prototype to a full prosthetic, opening up more fusing abilites and other things (like the grapple hook, again working on it, im open for ideas lol)
i will reblog this and add more over time if you want, but do let me know if you like it thus far, bc im still unsure if its worth the effort of working more on this QnQ
(also if you dont like just keep scrolling, i dont need to know that you hate it, it literally changes nothing but make me annoyed xD)
#ganondoodles talks#ganondoodles rewrites totk#this is the tag i will use both for written posts of this topic and when i get to drawing it .. if i get to it#zelda#totk#again this is like a fix FOR ME doesnt mean its inherently better or that you have to like it#long post
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