#if yr reading this what are you thinking of having for dinner tonight

[terezbian]

man is anyone else just. completely unable to hear a plane pass by or like fireworks when it was new years without thinking about how different the meaning of that sound would be in gaza. Lately

[lightseoul]

you and me, both

synopsis. mina and kirishima invite you to a night out. ‘it won’t be like last time!’ they said. you begrudgingly go. (part 1)

cw. gn!reader, gradstudent!reader, prohero!katsuki, aged-up (~23 yrs old), mina ashido x kirishima eijirou, fluff

word count. 1.9k words

You check your watch for the umpteenth time, which now reads 6:29 PM. It hasn’t even been a minute since you last checked it, yet it feels like you’ve been waiting here for hours.

The ramen shop you’re waiting in front of and agreed to hang out at is slowly getting packed with people, tired businessmen and students alike eager to eat the day’s worries away and head home full and satisfied.

Rocking yourself on your feet, you chance another peek at your watch. You stare at it as the minute hand finally strikes the number 12. With a heavy sigh, you look up to find Bakugou walking towards you, hands in his pockets, just in time.

Of all things, the last thing you need him to be is punctual.

You stare at each other in awkward silence before warily exchanging hello’s.

Before Bakugou could even bring up the elephant in the room, you quickly explain, “I think everyone else is just running late.”

He nods silently, and in three strides, arrives at the spot to your left, all the while sparing a respectable distance between the two of you.

Clearing your throat, you look around at everything else but him. The ramen shop you chose as a group called Kikanbo is known for its signature ‘devil’ ramen—devil because of its (allegedly, hot and numbing) spiciness.

You were initially against it, not wanting to make a fool of yourself in front of Mina and Kirishima’s Pro Hero friends, but ultimately decided to go with the flow. The last thing you needed was for them to tease you about being self-conscious around Bakugou. Which you aren’t.

Suddenly, it dawns on you how suspiciously couple-looking you’re coming off right now. Giving Bakugou a quick once-over, he’s dressed in black joggers and a grey crewneck sweater, insulated by a thick, long coat. You internally sigh in relief at the sight of his baseball cap, which should shield his identity from prying eyes.

Though, you doubt his bulging muscles and piercing crimson eyes do much in terms of keeping a low profile.

While looking him up and down, he catches your eye. Embarrassed, you blurt out: “I’m gonna call Mina.”

Desperate to get away from his immediate radius, you don’t even wait for his acknowledgment before stepping away into a quiet corner. The phone rings three times before you’re greeted with a chirpy (too chirpy, if you were to be honest right now), sing-song voice.

“Hi, Y/N! What’s up?”

Twelve years of friendship and you still can’t believe this girl, “Mina? Where the fuck are you?! And everyone else?”

She has the nerve to guffaw, “Like I said, it won’t be like last time anymore! Tonight, it’s only gonna be you and—drum roll, please,” in the background, you hear someone—Kirishima, probably—imitating a drum, “Bakugou!”

Fuck. You can’t help but whimper, “You have to be kidding me.”

“Sorry, Y/N. We figured this is the only way we can get you guys to spend time together outside of just texting. By the way, you guys sure are going at a snail’s pace, huh?”

You can feel the blood rush to your face, “What? How’d you even—”

“Bye, bestie!” she cuts you off, “Have fun!”

“Be safe, bro!” Kirishima adds before she hangs up, leaving you slack-jawed and your heart going at 150 beats per minute.

When you turn back, you see Bakugou leaning with his back against the wall, a smirk decorating his features. What’s he all fucking smug about?

You reluctantly walk towards him, waving your phone for emphasis, “Did you know about this?”

“No,” the smirk has now been replaced with a subdued scowl, “but I put two and two together on the way here.”

And just like that, he drops the conversation. He simply makes his way to the entrance and you follow suit, forced to deal with all the implications by yourself.

Just like the dinner from two weeks ago, it turns out that hanging out with Bakugou isn’t so bad after all.

After ruefully accepting the fact that you both got absolutely betrayed and stood up by your best friends, you entered the ramen shop and got seated on the stools facing the chefs. You ended up going for the regular level spices, or futsu futsu, while Bakugou went all in and ordered the devil ramen or oni mashi.

He barked a laugh at how your eyes bugged out the moment you saw how red his broth is. Instead of challenging you to a spice-off, though, he simply offered you the first sip (which stunned you—you didn’t expect him to make such a courteous gesture). Grateful, you took his offer.

You shouldn’t have, though.

You ended up choking so hard, alarming everyone in the restaurant, and Bakugou had to keep in his snort (that was surely gonna be loud and attract even more attention) in favor of getting you some milk to wash it off.

Once you recovered, you went on to eat your dinner, talking about the kinds of things you’ve conversed about over daily texts. Real-life conversation with Bakugou, to your pleasant surprise, is easy and free-flowing.

Contrary to how he’s depicted in media and your first impression of him from that run-in in the middle of your commute home from university, Bakugou is thoughtful and considerate. Sometimes brash, yes, but never mean.

He also seems to be genuinely interested in what you have to say, mindful of shifting the conversation from revolving around his hero work to asking about how’s post-grad these days, or if there’s anything eventful that happened in Manual’s agency earlier, seeing as how’s today’s a Saturday, the day on which you work part-time as admin staff.

You couldn’t school the surprised expression on your face fast enough at his remembering, and a small, somewhat self-satisfied smile took over his lips at your reaction. You probably, maybe, could’ve died a happy person then and there, but you kept yourself in check.

Soon after the bowls were clean of delicious ramen and bills were paid, you then headed out and decided to walk in the cool night breeze, with Bakugou taking the lead.

Which is how you wound up here, in a somewhat populated park that you’ve never heard of, sitting on the bench overlooking the view and in comfortable silence.

“So,” you start, admiring the scenery (first; second, avoiding eye contact), “do you usually go here?”

He grunts in response, “Yeah. Though I usually stroll around alone, instead of…” he gestures awkwardly toward your direction.

You struggle to contain your chuckle. How can he be so domineering in the field yet so bunglesome when talking to you? It’s endearing, to say the least.

“But you have brought some over here, have you?” you look around again, inspecting the greenery, the stone infrastructure, the lights. “This place is so beautiful.”

“I have,” he starts, “I think I’ve jogged with Dunce-face and Bug Eyes here once.”

You snort at the nicknames he calls his friends, “Dunce-face? Are you referring to Kaminari when he—”

He smirks, “Yep.”

You can’t help but laugh out loud, and he joins in with a snicker.

“But wait,” you look at him, “I meant have you brought over a girl over here before?”

You mentally slap yourself for uttering the question before thinking it through, undertones and all. Bakugou’s eyes widen a bit, but his face remains controlled. If he’s masking his knee-jerk reaction, you’re thankful for it.

“I mean,” you peer amongst the people who are enjoying the night air with you, “Most of the people here are in pairs—couples, because of how romantic the place is at night, with all the light fixtures and all.” You shrug, “I’m sure any girl would appreciate being brought here.”

You sure as hell are hoping you’re coming off more as the ‘helpful-friend-giving-some-well-meaning-advice’ than the ‘jealous-bitch-who’s-crazy-over-past-girls’.

He huffs, and you’re starting to think you’ve overstepped his boundaries when he cuts off your train of thought. Hell—railroads you and leaves your mind embarrassingly blank.

“Actually, this is the first time I’ve ever been on a date. At least,” he snorts, “the one-on-one kind.”

Suddenly, a million questions start racing through your mind.

He’s considering this a date? Did he consider the fiasco from last time a double date? This is his first? What?! How?! Why did he bring you here, anyway? Does he think of you in that way…? How can he be so bashful yet so straightforward at the same time? How the fuck is he so cute?

All these very important (some outright silly) questions, but the one you pipe up with is: “But back then—you agreed when I said you had a lot of experience—how?”

“I grunted, dumbass. There’s a difference. I wasn’t about to tell ya how inexperienced I was in this sort of thing when you were hyping me up like no other.”

“Huh.”

He side-eyes you, “From the looks of it, I’d say you’re the one who’s had far more experience.”

You’re too embarrassed to admit the truth, and too dizzy from the implications of his statements, but you figured you owed him at least your honesty. Looking down at your clasped hands, you mumble under your breath, “This is actually my first time, too.”

Silence falls upon the two of you, and unlike earlier, it’s filled with budding anticipation rather than comfort. You finally will yourself to look up, only to see him red. Red all over—neck, ears, and face.

Redder than when he slurped down that monstrous broth from earlier.

Then it hits you.

What Mina said was…real.

She sure as hell omits some truths, concerningly more often than not, but she never lies to you.

You can’t help but let out a soft laugh, and he turns away at the sound, perhaps in embarrassment.

You smile, “For the record, I’m glad you’re my first.”

At that, he abruptly stands up, and for a second you’re thinking you ruined the moment by saying that, but you don’t get to wish for the ground to swallow you up whole because Bakugou looks back at you with a fierce determination in his eyes that makes your mind go hazy.

“Come on,” he holds out his hand, “I wanna make sure this is the best fucking first date you’re ever gonna have.”

Bonus:

(as he’s walking you home from the park)

“Wait, so am I the first person you’ve been texting, too?”

“Yes. Now quit yapping about this ‘first’ shit or I’ll make you.”

You laugh good-naturedly, “But you’re so good at it! The pacing, the withholding of information to keep them wanting more—I was convinced you’ve done this with a million other people.”

He sighs in what you think is fake exasperation, as his cheeks are tinted with a faint red, “For the billionth time, you’re my first. And,” he looks away, “I had Shitty-hair help me out a bit.”

Normally, you’d extinguish any and all species of butterflies in your stomach brought to existence by a boy because you can’t afford to get distracted right now.

But, today isn’t normal.

You, instead, let the grin that’s been fighting to take over your face the entire evening finally win over. You can’t help it—hearing that from anyone—especially Bakugou, makes you happy.

You continue walking in comfortable silence until he’s the one to break it.

“So,” he starts and you don’t even have to look at him to know there’s a smirk adorning his goddamn handsome face, “all sorts of company, huh?”

“Shut up.”

tagging. @wolfunderthethree @bakugo-dee @poemzcheng @fallingmoon02 @eksd @niiine @gold24fish @animehoe666 @distinguishedlight

[compo67]

i'm here with the gals for tonight. we went to bed a little while ago, but i can't sleep.

CN liver disease, chronic illness, mortality, feels

the gals treated me to dinner and i ate what i wanted, pasta, which i knew would make my liver angry, but i said "fuck this, i want pasta"

so hours later, my liver is kinda angry (not as bad as i thought) but when i made mention of it to the gals, and how 4 years ago my doctor gave me 10 yrs with this liver so i have only 6 yrs left....

we all got very quiet

sometimes this stuff just hits me out of nowhere. i think maybe that's normal for folks going through organ issues. sometimes you have a good outlook and it feels like you're gonna be fine

and sometimes you read through your medical records and find the word cirrhosis, you eat something that irritates your liver, and the whole thing just spirals

and since i don't know anyone else in this situation, it all feels very... isolating and strange. like damn, i shouldn't be feeling this way, or, these emotions shouldn't be so intense. or how i should be more positive, dammit

momma t had one working kidney. i remember sitting on the porch with her and talking about our bum organs. she was the only person i could really relate to about this stuff. i feel some hardcore survivor's guilt. and i just miss her so much

maybe i should look into liver/transplant groups again

but for now, i'm gonna get some sleep. that will help. thank you for being a safe space to vent and explore some tough feelings.

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Some of you guys may remember awhile back (but not THAT long ago) that I was kind of losing my shit because The Spawn was neglecting her dog duties that she agreed to do with my dad when Indie was brought into our household. Yeah? No? Eh, either way I have an update on that. 

Just a small recap for anyone who doesn’t remember or is new here (I’m still pretending that people actually read this like... for realsies): Way back in August I said no to The Spawn bringing home a dog 5 seperate times because I knew how it would end up. Then she went to my dad, who is soft, and my dad told me that he said yes, but under certain terms and conditions. (TERMS: The Spawn was to handle all expenses related to said dog, would handle all care, training, and exercise needs and at no point was responsibility for the creature to be put on me at all because I had already unwillingly taken on responsibility for Bailey via him bringing her home and I don’t need more.) I laughed and said “Yeah... sure.”

end of Sept we noticed something was wrong with pup’s left front leg. After numerous vet visits and lots of funds, Indie was put on one room, no jumping, no running restrictions from early Oct until the first week of December because her shitbag previous owner had broken that leg in 2 places and while it had almost entirely healed, it had clearly not been treated because one break was at her elbow growth plate, causing her elbow to grow out sideways. So there was an orthopedic operation to remove the already present buildup that causes arthritis, then shave down some bone and pin her elbow back together. 

Since December, The Spawn has been HARDCORE slacking off on her duties to exercise the pup, who as a rat terrier/chaos demon mix has an abundance of energy that if not properly channeled and expelled, leads to significant criminal activity. The Spawn was taking her for a 30 min walk MAYBE 3 times a week and not doing any other play. Meanwhile, my broken down ass was trying to make up for it by walking her or doing HOURS of laser hunting and fetch. Dad tried to help by walking her with Bailey every night, but about 4 weeks ago that ended with him getting a broken rib because the girls saw a cat before he did and he didn’t have time to brace himself. He has been publicly banned from walking the little one. 

RECAP DONE.

So me supplementing has been really wearing on me. The entire reason I don’t personally have any pets (despite very much wanting a bunny or a couple rat friends) is that I don’t have the energy to be responsible for their care. So for the last few months, every 2 weeks or so, I break down to dad, ranting and crying about how I can’t keep doing this and that he allowed this to happen, so it’s his problem and he needs to fix it like... NOW because if it continues, I’m going to get involved and I will not be nice. As in every day that she doesn’t exercise the dog properly, she will lose her tv for a day. No entertainment for her dog means no entertainment for her. He kept saying “no no no I’ll do it.” then not fucking doing it. 

2 days ago, I broke. No ranting. No anger. Just broken sobs. It’s just too much. He promised AGAIN to talk to her. Well yesterday there was an incident that was the last straw for him I guess. 

While he was at work, The Spawn went to walk Indie. When she does walk Indie, once for 30 mins, she’s been implementing training to get her to be better behaved on the walks because Indie suffers from barrier aggression. When on the leash, behind the fence that surrounds our yard, or behind the windows inside the house, if she sees another dog walk by she loses it. Hell when getting them ready for walks, once she is on leash, she will lose her shit on Bailey. SO The Spawn has been filling her hoodie pouch with treats and before they even leave, they go to the door, The Spawn says “Sit. Wait...Wait...” with the intent of Indie sitting until the door is open. Eventually there will be a command involved that gives Indie the all clear to get up and head out. 

So they go through that yesterday around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. They depart for their walk around the neighborhood and within a few minutes I hear Indie’s “I’m losing my shit” bark/snarl combo and The Spawn yelling commands at her. A minute or two later, The Spawn storms in with Indie in tow and says “Well since she decided she can’t behave, we aren’t walking today.” And I looked at her skeptically from across the room because dogs don’t work like that AND exercise is not a privilege for dogs, it’s a necessity. So not walking her because she misbehaved would be on par with me not allowing The Spawn dinner because she misbehaved. Then, seeing my face, The Spawn says “She needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions.”

Y’ALL. I involuntarily laughed, so I had to turn away from her and pretend I was coughing. Let’s talk about why I find this hilarious. This statement came from a 16 yr old child who a few weeks ago was asked to watch the dogs for a couple hours while I went to grandma’s to help her with something. I had been reminding her DAILY for a week that this was happening. As I expected, she tried to weasel out of it. I told her that it wasn’t up for discussion, she was doing it, and that I had phrased it as a question as a courtesy. She began to argue. I told her 3 times over the span of an hour that if she didn’t stop arguing that there would be consequences. She chose to continue, so she found herself grounded from her tv and car for the day. (At the end of that hour and after 3 warnings, all via text and verifiable, I finally just told her to bring me her keys. She chose, instead, to come downstairs, empty handed, and CONTINUE to argue, so she lost the tv too.) She threw a massive tantrum which ended with her screaming and crying to my dad about how abusive and mean I am. *insert eyeroll from both of us*  All over, what? The consequences of her own actions. 

So you see why this was funny. Anyway, I let her go upstairs and text dad that we needed to talk when he arrived and to text me so I could meet him out in the garage. 

I met him out there and relayed the events to him. He also involuntarily laughed about the dog needing to learn that her actions have consequences. Then he said “Ok, I’m talking to her tonight.” 

Now, my dad has a signature move for when he has to have tough or unpleasant conversations. He says “Let’s go get ice cream.” I think it’s meant to soften the blow while also catching the person off guard and being in public for less chance of a scene. 

Anyway, they talked. The overall gist was “we made a deal. the deal is not being upheld. Bailey is a much lower energy dog but still requires 2 seperate 4 mile walks a day, and your high energy PUPPY is getting 1/4 of that at best on most days and your mom and I have been picking up the slack as best we can but that has resulted in a broken rib for me and your mom is really at the end of her rope and has been unable to actually rest for a full couple days like she needs to recover from all the random shit she does for you like covering kettle corn and berries in chocolate.”

The Spawn tried to make excuses. “I’m in school full time AND working.” My dad responded with: “First of all, you aren’t in school full time because you do 2 hrs a day in person and then another hour online AT MOST 5 days a week, then work 4-6 hrs at night 4 days a week. Second of all, I work 13 hrs a day 5 days a week and yet I still find a way to make sure my dog’s needs are met via a 4-6 mile walk before work and another in the evening after dark, unless your mom is up to pokemon in the park, which Bailey comes with us for and gets significantly more walks. So that excuse is b.s.”

She mentioned that she tried that day but she misbehaved. dad told her that no matter how she is behaving, walks are not negotiable. Then he used my dinner analogy. She finally gave up trying to make excuses to be lazy and told him that on days she doesn’t have both work and school she will do 2 hrs worth of walks. (I mentioned to dad that this leaves 3 days a week where she is implying she doesn’t have to do anything. he said he will address that but not that night.)

To her credit, The Spawn has done 2 hour long walks today. She even came up with a plan. The first half of each is structured walk/training time and the second half will be at the dog park across the street so that she has unstructured running time where she can get up to full speed. Keeps her from getting frustrated and bored on the walk and allows her to get full speed runs in without killing The Spawn’s knees. 

We shall see how this holds up long term. Fingers crossed and all that. 

[kimjoongs-main]

soulmate au - mark

↳ requested by: no one

↳ type: bullet scenario

↳ warning(s): angst...just....angst...please proceed w caution

↳ a/n: @ mark stans,,,,,,,,,,pls don’t come for me after reading this thanks i’m looking at you nic

you hated the soulmate system, you hated it for taking away your father, you hated the tattooed words on your wrist, you hated it all

you hated it so much that you even went to the length of covering up your tattoo whenever you went out in public, bc seeing the very last words your soulmate says before they die...it hurts to think about

especially considering the words your soulmate is going to say....it’s not exactly an easy thing to hear

and you’ve also heard of people who had blank wrists, meaning that they will never get to hear the last words their soulmate will say to them before they die...because they’ll die first

your father had a blank wrist, and the last thing he said to your mother before he passed was “i love you, take care of our child” ....and those were the exact words that were inked onto your mother’s smooth skin

you never told anyone what your tattoo said, not your mom, your other family members, and even your best friend mark

however, in your defense, mark never told you what his was either, so ig you could say you two were even

unlike you though, mark was really into the whole soulmate idea, he loved it!

the fact that there’s someone out there waiting for him and him only makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside

and you, despite your utter resentment towards the idea of soulmates, you didn’t wanna make mark feel bad so you just kept your mouth shut

and that actually worked pretty well.....until you reached senior year that is....

the thing is,,,mark’s had this huge fat crush on you ever since the sixth grade when you played w him all the time at recess

he’s always wanted to tell you how he felt but was too scared of ruining your friendship if things didn’t turn out the way he wanted

mark knew you hated committment, for reasons he didn’t know of, and when he asked you just shrugged and said “i just don’t like committment, simple as that”

so he knew if he confessed, he’d lose his best friend, so he’d rather keep his feelings to himself

but like i said....that method worked up until senior yr

ahh yes, your last year of high school has finally come, and w graduation only a few months away, it was safe to say you and mark were busy bees

you two would go out on study dates pretty much every single day, and since you two got distracted easily, you guys made an agreement to hold each other accountable; whoever went off topic and got distracted first was to buy the other person dinner afterwards

and for the past few times, mark’s had the unfortunate displeasure of losing and that night wasn’t any different :’)

this time, mark decided to buy you sushi and you two ate in the back of his pick-up truck

it was rlly late at night so the weather was super chilly and you kept shivering, so mark, being the absolute gentlemen he is, takes off his hoodie and gives it to you

you reject it at first but then he’s like it’s fine i’m not cold, just take it he was totally freezing but whatever thanks mark

so you put his hoodie on and when you do, you get a whiff of his cologne and your heart just,,,,does this weird thing,,,where it skips a beat and you’re like wtf heart calm down there buddy—

once you two are finished eating, you both decide to chill for a bit before going home, and that consists of you two playing so music and having a deep conversation

deep convos w mark weren’t unusual, you always found yourself (whenever you two were alone) talking about serious topics w mark bc he was so easy to talk to?? and he never judged you so you could say what you wanted

however,,,the topic mark touched on tonight,,,made you slightly uncomfortable,,,

“y/n...i know you refuse to tell me about your tattoo, but i’m just curious as to why?” and he looks at you w that look on his face and you’re just like shit what am i supposed to do??

so you decide to throw the question back at him “you never told me the reason why you’re hiding your tattoo either ya know?”

and he laughs bc yah you’re right,,,,and then he shifts so that he’s directly facing you, and you gulp at the serious look on his face

“how about this..if i tell you the reason why i won’t show my tattoo, will you tell me yours?”

you gape at him, jaw dropping and eyes widening

one part of you was telling you to say no, but the other part, the curious part of you, was urging you to say yes...and you were always a curious person so you succumbed to it

you nodded meekly at his proposal and mark smiled, clearing his throat before he shifted closer to you and locked eyes, your heart skipping a beat again

from this close proximity, you could easily admire the tiny details of mark’s face, especially under the light of the moon; his long lashes, his perfectly sculpted cheekbones, his sparkling doe eyes, you could see it all

“well...i guess i should just come right out with it...please don’t freak out okay?” he then lifts up the sleeve of his thin sweater, revealing his wrist......which was perfectly clean, no black-inked words in sight

you gasp and mark smiles sadly, covering up his wrist once more

almost immediately, you recall the meaning of a blank wrist and your vision blurs w tears

bc this boy, mark lee, despite knowing the fact that he’ll die before he got to hear his soulmate’s last words, he was still in love w the idea of soulmates and thought they were beautiful

“at first i was scared when i found out what a blank wrist meant, but then as i thought more about it, i realized that...maybe it’s better that way? i know it sounds crazy, but since i have the blank wrist, then that means my soulmate doesn’t, and that means they’ll be able to hear my last words to them.”

you listened carefully as he explained, but you couldn’t help but say “...you’ll never get to hear what your soulmate’s last words are to you tho..”

“yeah you’re right about that, but it’s better than them not knowing my last words to them”

and he smiles sadly once more and your heart aches; mark lee, the one who’s destined to leave this earth, is still thinking of the people he’s leaving behind

you sniffle, which makes mark chuckle and he carefully reaches out and tugs you into his chest, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and rubbing your back

“hey don’t cry y/n, it’s okay. i promise you i won’t leave before you do”

and you start crying just a little bit harder, forgetting that it was now your turn to tell him about your tattoo

the days occuring after mark’s shocking revelation were surprisingly very normal

mark still kept his wrist hidden and so did you, and not once after that night did he ask you about your tattoo, which you were grateful for

and if you didn’t already hate the soulmate system, you absolutely detested it now

first your father and now your best friend? the universe rlly loves to fuck up people’s lives doesn’t it?

mark urges you not to treat him any differently bc that’s now what he wants but you can’t help it, knowing that any day your best friend could be taken from you any day now hurt so much

but mark, oh mark, as usual he put others feelings before his own and made it his goal to cheer you up whenever you were sad

he’d take you out for ice cream, or to the movies, or if you were in desperate need of cheering up, he’d even invite yukhei to tag along w you guys bc he never failed to bring a smile to your face

and you appreciated his efforts, you rlly did, but the idea that mark wasn’t gonna be around to do those things in the future absolutely broke your heart

you made sure to remind mark how much you lovee him, just in case, and he would just get this goofy grin on his and say “i know”

but one day,,,you were out with your mom and hadn’t seen mark once

while you were out at the mall, you received a phone call from mark and when you answered it, you could tell he was pouting

“y/n you didn’t tell me you loved me today i’m offended”, you start laughing and roll your eyes

“sorry sorry, i love you mark...there happy?”

you heard a muffled shuffling sound and giggled, mark probably nodded his head and realized you couldn’t actually see him “very, thank you”

there was a pause on the line before mark spoke again, however this time he spoke very quicky before hanging up, and you were barely able to catch his words”

“i love you too y/n”

then the line went dead and you stood there for a few minutes, confused

and that’s when you felt it

a sharp sting of heat spread all across your arm in instant, sending you into a state of shock

the pain was so excruciating that you fell onto your knees and let out a loud shriek

your mother immediately kneels down, panicked and afraid, and is about to ask you what’s wrong when she sees it

you’re clutching your wrist

her eyes then glance over at your phone beside you, mark’s contact name still displayed on the screen

connecting the dots, your mother’s heart drops as she gently reaches out and takes your arm, ignoring the scared look on your face, and pulls down the sleeve of your sweater

once your eyes focus on the five little words on your wrist, everything stops

the pain stops, your heart stops, time stops

bc there...written on your wrist in perfect, neat cursive, are the words i love you too, y/n

[purplerain85]

I Love You

PAIRING: Alex Skarsgård x You (Reader)

WORDS: 3997

WARNINGS: Swearing, Hateful comments (not sure how to explain that part), Smut.

SUMMARY: Dating Alex and you two have a date night and the paps photograph you two, and some of his “fans” make some hate full comments about your weight and you have a whole day of self doubt and your worth to Alex.

A/N: I got this idea from an ask that @rae-of-sinshine (I hope you don’t mind that I wrote this) All typos are my mistakes.

 @rae-of-sinshine @ohh-la-la-leto @laketaj24 @loey-bae @evenwhen-ihadnothing @sideeffectsofyou @thosekidswhohuntmonsters @kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls @just-another-fangirl-94 @sploodgebucketlu

Alex and you had been dating for just over two years, you two were introduced by mutual friend Anna, when she was talking about you to Alex he had said he wanted to meet you, Anna had than mentioned that if she did and you two hit it off, that he had to promise not to toy around with you as you don’t date much since you had your daughter 3 years ago, and you didn’t want guys coming and going.  He promised that he would not play games with you as long as you didn’t either.

When you finally agreed to go on a date with him, you two were inseparable and you made him wait 6 months before you introduced him to your daughter Ursula, you wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to run off, although when you had decided to introduced them you didn’t know for 100% that he wouldn’t but you had a pretty good idea that he wouldn’t.  The night that they finally met, you invited Alex over for dinner, the two of them hit off just the much as you two did, things had gone so well that night that it was the first time that Alex had stayed the night which was also the first time you two had sex and also the same time you realized that you Loved Alex.

Two years later you and your daughter were living with Alex, and some how you two managed to keep your daughter out of the lime light let alone let the world know that you had a child from a previous relationship, you enjoyed the fact that no-one other than his family and close friends knew about her.  It wasn’t that you didn’t want his fans to know about her, but she was your daughter and you and Alex had discussed it and you two agreed and decided to keep her protected as long as you could.  Although it still surprised you that no-one had found out about her.

Tonight, was date night for Alex and you, Alex’s dad and step mom had taken Ursula for the night, which was great which meant they would pick her up right after school, so you didn’t have to rush from work to her school to home and than to Stellan’s .  It also meant that you two could be as loud as you could and not worry about waking her up…… although you tried not to be loud, sex with Alex was like nothing you ever experienced with ex-boyfriends, he always left you satisfied.

Alex had taken you to a place that taught people how to cook different things (not that either of you couldn’t cook) and once you were done you got to cook what you had made which you thought was great and you two had so much fun. Than you two walked around Central Park for a little bit until about 9, then he took you to another park that showed old Black and White movies and he knew how much you loved Black and White movies and tonight’s movie was The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, which you had told him you saw for the first time when you were 13 and it made you fall in love with B&W movies.  You two had a great evening and were so caught up in each other that neither noticed that some people were taking your photos….. But you did the next day.

The following morning was Saturday and you had the day off you didn’t to pick Ursula up tell tomorrow afternoon as Stellan and his wife took the kids out of the City for the weekend.  Alex had to do some filming for the day, so you had the whole day to yourself.  You slept in tell about 9:30 and when you woke up you had a couple emails and about 15 text messages from Anna, which was unusual as the last time you got that many texts from her was when it was discovered that you and Alex were dating, you two had been photographed so much since than that you didn’t even care anymore.

Her first text at 7:00 told you to call her, her next one at 7:15 said do not go on the internet until you call me! Please!, you didn’t even read the rest, you did the exact opposite of what she said because your fear was that someone had photographed Ursula, what you found was worse so much worse, that having her photographed would have been nothing compared to what you read.  

”ALEX SKARSGÅRD AND FAT GIRLFRIEND: Y/N was seen last night out with Alex for what seemed to be a date night, the 34 yr. old bookkeeper and the 44yr old actor have been dating for about 2 years but it seems like Y/N has decided to let herself go and put on weight, she has never been as small as Alex is but it seems like he can have any woman in the world why choose to date someone who doesn’t want to watch her weight.”

You could not believe what you were reading l mean sure you struggled with your weight since you had your daughter 5 years ago, Ursula was 2 when you found out that you had a thyroid problem and had to be put on medication and yeah you yoyoed with your weight but Alex had never complained in fact he seemed to love the “love handles” that you had and never said anything about your weight…. Not that he ever would as you knew he was raised better than that and he really didn’t have death wish.

You sat there in bed for couple minutes reading and re-reading the article, thinking that you were not fat God you were between a size 10-12, then you made the mistake of reading the comments.

-I cannot believe Alex is dating someone so fat! I mean come on, lose some weight or go back t the sea.

-Man, he has to be dating her for her personality, or she has a golden pussy, because he is clearly not dating her for her body or for her beauty (which she is not)

-As a long time, Fan of Alex, and as a fan l am telling you to dump her fat ass and date someone who is better than her.

-Seriously what does this Amazing specimen of man see in this beluga of a woman.

You ended up shutting your phone off because you could not handle reading anymore comments, you curled up into a ball and cried for what seemed like hours, you couldn’t understand why his fans where making such hatful comments, you knew some of them weren’t happy he was dating someone, but they had never been rude to you nor have they made such hurtful comments you eventual fell asleep again, and woke up around 3pm Alex wouldn’t be home for at least another 3 hours.  You managed to get out of bed and wanted something to eat but could only bring yourself to make two slices of peanut butter toast, even that you had to force yourself to eat, even though you were starving all you could think of was the hurtful comments.  You decided to take a hot shower as you stood under the hot water tears started to form in your eyes again, you thought to yourself “maybe l am fat?” “maybe Alex does deserve to be with someone who is not as big as me?” “maybe l should lose some weight” all these thoughts just seemed to make you feel crazy and very, very self-conscious.  When the water got ice cold you decided it was time to get out of the shower you found some of the baggiest clothes you could find, one of Alex’s over-sized hoodies and a pair of baggy pj bottoms that you hadn’t worn in years and wrapped yourself in a huge blanket.

Alex arrived at home and you were sitting in the livingroom when he came in and asked you why you never responded to any of his or Anna’s text messages, you said bluntly “I turned my phone off hours ago”, which made him look at you and that was when he realized that your eyes were swollen, which made him panic as he thought something happened to Ursula or something, he leaned down and looked at you and asked what was wrong?  You “we were photographed last night, and the published the photos this morning and l look ugly and fat!” Alex “You are not Ugly nor are you Fat!” You “well your so-called Fucking fans think that l am fat as a whale and fucking ugly! And they also think that you can do better than me!”

before Alex could say anything else you got up from the couch and stormed off to the bedroom, you hadn’t even realized that Alex was right behind you tell he said “I don’t give two fucks what these “fans” have to say about you! I love you for you, I think you are gorgeous, I think your body is fucking amazing and it also did an amazing thing by bring Ursula into this world, I have seen pictures of you before you got pregnant and to be honest l love this body that you have hidden under this blanket more than how it was! I love your caring heart and how you treat everyone you met with so much respect, I love you for how you interact with my fans and how you raise your daughter and l love your big personality, l love how most of the time you like your body and the confidence that you have about yourself and l love You! For You!” and l am going show you tonight and every night that l am home how much l love your body and you!”

Alex had your face between his hands while he was talking to you and telling you what he loved about you, and you started to cry again (although you weren’t sure where or how you were able to still form tears. He went to kiss you and you pulled away and told him you where not good enough for him.  But he wouldn’t take no for an answer “if anyone is not good enough it’s me who is not good enough for you, I am gone a lot and l hate seeing you like this” before you could respond to him he kissed you.

The moment his lips touched yours you melted into him, he gradually moved his hands from your jaw, down your neck to wear the start of the blanket and he slowly pulled it from your body, just that little bit of movement you felt your arousal starting between your legs, Alex moved his hand slowly down your arms and moved to your hips where he gripped them and pulled you closer to him as he deepend the kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck and placed one hand at his hair line and gently ran your fingers up and down, which made Alex moan into the kiss and his grip get tighter which cause your to moan. You pulled away from the kiss first and you two placed your foreheads together and breathed together.

Alex moved his hands under the hoodie you had on and softly said “l Love you, Y/N! I would move heaven and earth to make the pain you are feeling about yourself go away!  But l will settle for showing you how much l love you and tell you everything l love about your body” his hands moved up your body as he was talking to you, when he got to your shoulder blades he got you to raise your arms and he took the sweater off and kissed you again, and he took your breasts in his hands and messaged them and ran his hands over your nipples and slightly pulled away from the kiss and said l love how these amazing breasts just fit perfectly into my hands, they are perfect size, he kisses you again, and moves to your special part of your neck right where your jaw and bottom of your ear meet and he sucked, you moan “Alex”.

He moved you one to the bed and kissed your collarbone down to your breasts and took your right nipple into his mouth and nipped and sucked and swirled his tongue around the harden nipple while his left hand gripped and pinched your left nipple, and as he was moving to the left nipple he said “l love how your nipples react to my touch, and how l can feel them harden even more on my tongue” all you could do was moan in response.  He then kissed your navel and sat up on his knees and looked at you as his fingers went into the top of your pj bottoms, he could see the lust in your eye and the love you had for him and you could see the same in his eyes, as he pulled you bottoms off.

Alex lifted your left leg and kissed and nipped at your calf up to you knee and than pulled up your right leg and did the same and when he got to you thighs he told you that he loved how thick your thighs were and how amazing they felt around his head when his head was buried between them and wrapped around his waist and how great they felt when you rode him into ecstasy, than he kissed and licked each of your stretch marks and said he loved the feel of them. You responded to him “Please Alex, l get that you love my body, just please!”  he told you “No, l told you l would show you what l love about your body and l am going to do just that!” than he ran his stubble chin over your folds and it made you jump and cry out in pleasure.

Alex kissed your left hip and bit it and then licked across to your right hip and bit it as well and than he kissed up your stomach and said “love your stomach and l love these three little tiger marks right here, and l love these lovely love handles of yours, l love that l can grab hold of you and l can hold onto you when you ride my like your life depends on it, God l love it when you ride me!” Alex continued to kiss you your body back up to your mouth and kissed you and grinded his jean covered hard-on against your wet core. Again, you moaned “Alex please, l need to feel you”.

Alex moved his weight to his right arm as his left hand made it way down to your wet pussy and he slipped one finger between your fold and gathered some of your juices on his finger and ran his finger over your clit, you moaned and as he continued to kiss you he said how he loved how your pussy felt he then slipped two fingers into you and slowly moved them in and out of you and rubbed his thumb over your clit every now and then he would curl his fingers and hit your G-Spot just right and you would hum against his mouth gradually he speed up his fingers to the point he was thrusting his fingers out at a fast pace and kept them curled and pulled away so he could watch come to your first orgasm of the night, you had a tight grip on his right arm and the back of his neck, when you orgasmed you called out “Oh God Alex!”

Alex pulled his fingers from you and was about to put his fingers in his mouth when you grabbed his wrist and look him in the face as you moaned around his fingers and sucked them clean which cause Alex to close his eyes and moaned, when he pulled his fingers from your mouth his kissed you hard and thrusted his tongue into your mouth and moaned at the taste you. He got up from the bed and removed his clothes and your mouth watered at the sight of his erection and you wanted to taste him so bad and suck him Alex saw the look in your eyes and said “not tonight darling its all about you and my pleasure will come when l make you cum for the last time around my cock” Alex kissed your thigh again and made his way to your pussy and your know that you had at least two more orgasms coming, and just as you were think at the joy of what you were going to have you felt his tongue slip between your folds as he swirled his tongue around your opening and which made you grind your hips against his face, he placed his right hand over your hips to keep them still. He looked at you and said l love how sweet you taste, and l could be buried between your legs for the rest of my life and die a happy man.

He brought his mouth back to your pussy and brought his tongue to your clit, and than brought his left hand to pull back your hood so he could have better access to your bundle of nerves, you were moaning so loud and basically cry out Alex’s name as you were still coming down from your last orgasm, you had one hand in his hair and pulling his hair, you other hand had a death grip on the rails of the headboard. Alex ran his teeth lightly over clit and you cried out “Fuck! Please do that again” and he obliged.

Alex than let go of your hips and put two fingers into you and moved them and a decent pace and kept working his tongue on you exposed bundle of nerves, you were so turned on you that you had to let go of Alex hair and move to the headboard with your other hand you were so sensitive that you were seconds from cumming again and then you felt it, it felt like you had you urinate and all you could get out to warn Alex was “OH Fuck! Alex l’m gon…. And then your squirted all over his fingers and wrist he pulled his head back enough to watch as he continued thrust his fingers in and out of you and he excitedly said “Fuck, Yes! Babe, good l love when you squirt all over my fingers.”  You had to pull away from him as you were so sensitive and told him you need a second. You took your second and pulled Alex into a hardened kiss you went to get him to lay down, so you could repay him for the two orgasms, but he knew what you were going to do, and pushed you back on to the bed and grinded against you.

Alex asked you if you were ready for him and you looked him in the eyes and pleaded with him to fuck you, he lined himself up and slowly pushed himself into your warmth and he had to take a minute to get adjusted to your tightness and let you get adjusted to him, you begged him to move, he pulled out slowly tell just the tip was in and slowly pushed back in and that was the pace he kept for a while as much as you loved love making with Alex, you want no you needed him to be rougher, you asked him to go faster but he just kept the same pace, and when you needed him to go faster, you tried to get him to flip over, but he grabbed your right leg and put it on his shoulder than he grabbed your left leg at the knee and pushed it into the bed and began to thrust faster and harder into you grabbed hold of his arms and begged him not to stop.

You moaned “God Alex you feel so good, and l can feel you everywhere! And you are hitting me in all the right spots” Alex “You feel so good wrapped around my cock babe, l love how you feel around me and how great you feel when you clench around me” You “Please, Alex let me ride you! Please!!!” You thought he was going to say no, but to your surprise he kissed you and let go of your legs and put one arm around your waist and one hand at the back of your neck, and rolled over on to his back, without even pulling out of you.  He put his hands on your hips and you sat up and grinded your hips back and forth and put your hands on his chest to keep your balance. *Before you started dating Alex, you were never big on riding a guy, only because they always wanted to be in charge and that meant that you were on you back or your hands and knees, which got boring even for you.*

You bounced up and down on Alex as you were coming down his length Alex would snap his hips up and you could feel him so much deeper, your fingers would scratch down his pecks and he winched in pain and pleasure. You could feel your third orgasm of the night was coming and you knew by the grip that Alex had on your hips and groans he was getting close to his end as well you began to ride him hard and faster and rolling your hips.  Alex looked you with hooded eyes “Y/N fuck you ride me so good, God l am going to cum!” he took his left hand off your hip and dipped his thumb down to your between your folds and gathered some of your juices and brought it up to you clit and rubbed tight circles and said “Babe cum for me! You need to cum all over my cock right now!” and just like that you felt Alex release in you and could feel him coat your walls, you came for the third and final time that night, you collapsed on Alex.

As you two came down from your highs you felt him wrap his arms around you and rubbing your back, you felt Alex softening inside you, but neither of you could bring yourselves to move. Eventually you brought your head up to look at him with a goofy little smile on your face and lightly kissed his lips, you pulled yourself off of him and got off of him and laid next to him and had your arm around his waste and he had his arms wrapped around you.  Alex “How are feeling now? Now do you understand that no matter what anyone says about you, l think you are the most beautiful woman ever!” You “Yes, l feel, better and l understand what you mean, and l am Thankful for everything that you do for me and Ursula. I Love you so much?” Alex “I love you too”

[tassebian]

My father had a website in the 90s he used to recruit people to run packages to other countries. It was full of photos of him in other countries and bizarrely an uncensored scan of his actual passport. It had an auto play of a midi u2 song that stopped working in the early 2000s. I never bothered to learn which song it was because since u2 was my absent father’s favorite band my angst filled nine yr old self made the choice to hate them. He had an entire page dedicated to describing the live shows he’d been to. It grated my nerves to think about the fun he’d been having since he chose not to be in my life and I hated when my mother would play Joshua tree. It was the first time I can remember hating ANYTHING. I didn’t even hate my father. I hated his favorite band. Anyway. It had pictures of him in front of the pyramids and on the streets of shanghai and then in front of a restaurant with an older woman I used to fantasize was my grandmother and the photo was a candid photo I took of them as we left our dinner date.

It had a page detailing strange interactions he had with people while selling on eBay. I used to re read it daily and memorize the way he typed and his speech patterns and what he thought was funny and every little thing about it. I had every inch of his website memorized and I slowly went to visiting it every day or every week to monthly to yearly until I had not visited it in several years. I tried to visit it tonight and it has been taken down. I felt anxious and alone and I felt like the only tie I had with my father had been severed. I never bothered to save the photos because I figured it would always be there. I’d always be able to google his name and find his website and read for the fiftieth time about how much he loves U2 and how you, too, can visit every country you’d ever dreamed of and get PAID to do it too! I’ve never known my father but reading his website almost made it feel like I did. Idk. I feel like my father has died. Where is he? Who is he? According to his sister who I have on Facebook he is traveling the country on his motorcycle. She posted a picture of him and it was the first time I had seen a photo of him taken after 1998. It was bizarre. My father is real and a person that I came from. Not a person on the internet whose words I have read a thousand times. It’s strange. I don’t have a conclusion to this post but it’s been a weird night

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 053.

do you sing in the shower? oh every single time. Its something I look forward to. 

do you think money makes people happy? As someone who currently relies on birthdays and holidays as her income, I can tell you it would relieve a bit of stress from me to even have like 100 bucks a month.

what's your relationship status? single.

what time is it? 12:25 am

what emotion are you feeling right now? I’m all over the place. Tonight Kile and I were messaging back n forth in a consistent manner which we haven’t done in a long time. Things were a bit romantic, which was extremely hard for me to deny participation in, and then it ended with me saying bye. boy it is hard to let go of him

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? no. Sadly, without a shot I will not be getting, I’m unsure of how I’ll be able to until the restrictions lessen.

coffee or tea? teeeeeeea pls.

shower or bath? Shower unless the bath is deep enough to cover my long self. 

what's your favorite pizza topping? depends on what kind of pizza. For instance, Jacks just GETS how to do supreme. some places nail the pepperoni, or fresh garlic or whatever. 

what's something that makes you happy? thinking about decorating my own place one day.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have 2 brothers and 1 sister

what's your favorite instrument? Piano, cello, drums

what's your favorite food? today it is fruity pebbles.

what is something you are always losing? I am pretty consistent on things going back to their original spot. I suppose if I’m losing something maybe it’d be like a scrunchie.

are you good at spelling? a good amount of the time.

what is one goal you have? all my goals are shifting.

did you get a flu shot this year? Nooo. never have. 

what's your favorite Disney movie? oh boy. i am not good with narrowing down those. are you bored? Not really, I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until I’m sleepy.

what are you listening to? serendipity, bennys tail hitting my pillow, and my fans.

what's your favorite foreign language? I think it depends. are we talking for the way it sounds? or one that I’d want to learn?

what do you do when you can't sleep? this, read, find quotes, do puzzles, stare at the ceiling.

do you like cats or dogs better? this is one of my very least favorite questions to be asked. why would anyone want to choose between the two? both are so great.

do you have any piercings? Just my ears

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes

do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's your favorite season? any of them minus summer. Honestly, probably winter. 

do you still write letters? I love to, but I no longer have anyone to write to. 

what would make you really happy right now? i think a distraction that comes from having a crush.

what's your favorite song? ooo this changes but right now i’m into a lot of blue october.

are you good at giving advice? so, I’m the person you go to for advice if you want the moral, behaved, “you won’t regret this later” type advice. I’m great at giving that.

what's your favorite hobby? Right now, this.

do you prefer to talk or text? That is going to depend on the person. almost always text. But some people.. their voice is just intoxicating.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? I’m going to have to trash all my shoes for ones with heel support. 

how often do you read? (as in books) usually daily, but I’ve fallen out of that lately.

do you have any pets? I have 2 cats currently. I really want a golden retriever, but hey.

what's your favorite day of the week? they’re all similar at the moment, but probably saturdays

are you in college? I’m in the inbetween. Finished 2 bachelors, but am waiting for grad program

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? I have been,

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify. either thru my headphones, my bluetooth speaker, the kitchen google, or my phone.

do you like going to the beach? I do so long as I have shade or the water is good to swim in.

did you make any new year's resolutions? I think pandemic NY resolutions were all about survival thru mentally exhausting times.

how old are you? 29 yrs young

do you know anyone who is blind? I do

who is someone you admire? My mom

do you have a good singing voice? when I was a kiddo, preteen, and teen yes. not any longer.

are your nails painted? Nope. I just wanted a break from keeping up with them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m an introvert but I can behave very well with the extroverts.

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I had some tacos.

do you ever write in a journal? I would like to begin again, but this is a decent makeshift option

if you could time travel when/where would you go? I mean I’d love to go back to some great memories, but I worry that could be painful beyond repair.

what's your favorite animal? whales.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? honestly my cravings for cereal are for any kinds that I can no longer have. so dont ask.

how was your day? I’m only 44 minutes into it.

do you ever listen to classical music? I do. Clair de lune is one of the best 

what inspires you? learning. learning always inspires me.

how many pillows do you sleep with? I have like 20. OK huge exaggeration. I believe the true number of sleeping pillows is 4 large, 1 mini. 

how many hours of sleep do you need? I typically run off of about 3. I’ve had sleep studies done regarding that. But If I’m getting good oxygen and the temp is coooooooold I sleep so good.

do you have big or small feet? I have pretty average to slightly bigger. 

what's the weather like where you are? It’s been in the upper 80s.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? just the reflection from my TV. it’s real dark out.

does/did your high school have a school song? no.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? the brain.

are you excited for summer? I’ve had a lovely summer, truly.

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? switzerland.

did you have to go to school today? No, no I have not.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything. Why would that even be a question. do you throw coins into fountains? when I was a kiddo

do you have a trampoline? Nope

what's your favorite song lyric? what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world, I would meet you... would you meet me? 

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Ill be honest IDK if we even got food.

do you ever measure time in songs? only if I’m in the shower. I’ll be like ahhh I’m 4 songs in.

do you know how to play chess? I’ve been taught MULTIPLE times. have I retained any of them? na.

what's your favorite game? (any type) right now I’m digging skipbo, trionomos, rummykub, and trouble.

do you enjoy traveling? I love it. so much.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? nope. I’m almost always 2 weeks prior

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yep!

how do you relieve stress? go on a drive. 

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? I’d guess maybe 70. lemme see how close I am. 68!

now look it up - how close were you? woops. 68! two off.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digi. 

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I almost always prefer online, but in store has its own perks like seeing the quality of things.

do you enjoy coloring? oh heck’n yea do you like to dance? I do!

have you ever owned a horse? my family did, yes

do you take selfies? oh i do. MUCH less now, than I did before. before I used to send kile like 10 a day. now I might take 2 per week.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but on occasion

have you ever cried from listening to a song? absolutely.

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? so I appreciate how headphones are safer for the ears, but i typically wear earbuds.

can you speak Spanish? Very little. like a few words

what's the last thing you watched on youtube froggy freshhhhhhhhh dunked on now what time is it? 12:57. Im getting sleepy. --------- ok now it’s 859 am. I passed out last night.

do you ever watch musicals? sometimes. it’s not my favorite thing

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeppp

do you ever get carsick? oh heck yeah, i do love the windows open

what's your opinion on wolves? I really never had an opinion. check back.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? sad. indulge me

do you like seafood? Nooo. i wish

do you enjoy going to the zoo? no. i really dont. are there any celebrities from your hometown? uhhhh not that I know of

do you shower in the morning or at night? morning if I was great hair. If I want meh hair, night

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone. ALWAYS.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym. < problem solved.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<< SAME who is someone you're jealous of? JV for her abs

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? eggheadz

do you still have your christmas tree up? nah. its a tickle early (july)

do you have a favorite type of bird? cardinal.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? yup. plenty of times.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis heart eyes, disappointed looking off to the side, sad face with eyes closed, hearts all over the face, and rolling eyes.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? yep. 

how much money is in your wallet right now? I would need to count

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? having been done with packing lol

have you ever auditioned for anything? yeah I used to do auditions all the time for plays I was in.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? airy, comfy, inviting, warm

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? yeah a couple times but its like not even a tiny bit close.

when was the last time you rode a bus? i have never.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? is there a wallet attached?

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? yeah. don’t ask me. I’m not pleased about it.

are you an early bird or a night owl? kind of both. 

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? oh yes. But the more time you spend talking to those individuals who have accents stronger than what you’re used to, become very easy to understand over time.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been but I’d love to go.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? yeah a few people I’ve met through school. 

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? yeah a few very small memories. 

do you need to do laundry? yes I desperately need to pack and I’m waiting on the laundry for that to happen. 

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? NOT ME. not even close to me. Kile seemed to like it. 

do you have a favorite poem? the one written for meeeeee

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? I don’t think i’d think of it, it’s not near anything specific.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? amazon.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? Gilmore girls, text notifications, fans

what are you wearing right now? shorts and a blue teeshirt. Bout to just be in a short shorts so I can tan. 

any fun plans for the weekend? travelingggggg.

[britishb3atlemania]

ive been stressed tf out since last night bc my friend invited me to a new years eve party downtown and my ma would gaslight the shit outta me so i wouldnt b able to go (im super easily manipulated even as an adult and bc my younger brother has been a complete asshole to the whole fam recently i dont wanna ~add~ to that and theres just a bigger expectation for me to b perfect) but my dad talked to her and last min let me leave after dinner to catch a train downtown (40min away) but it was like... a lil late notice basically i spent midnight at the subway lmfao but thats whatever like i got the the party fine and friend was already sloshed

which was nice to see her have a good time and i started drinking but keeping in mind not to b too fucked just to make sure she ok bc i love her right

but she gets so disastrous (drunk and high on weed AND two bums of coke) and calls this shit white guy she had a crush on 3 yrs ago who ghosted her and she now HATES and basically drunkenly tries to convince him to let her come over to have sex

and like her friend (lets say Doug) and I are here hearing this and know she caNNOT go out is in NO condition to let alone go fuck someone atm bc its hella fukin yikes...

we keep pipping over the phone (she was on speaker) to this white dude named Asswipe that she is too intoxicated on a lot of stuff to go out, and this is a terrible idea and as the sober one on this he should give her a definite “no” so she can leave it be. 

He doesnt (bc men are scum lmaooo)

Basically makes me extra anxious for many reasons, from less to most important:

-My ma/grandparents are pissed at me for ditching new years for the first time and my abuelita has depression and when shes rlly upset will call me crying and manipulate me so i was terrified of that lmao

-I have terrible social anxiety and I begged fam to let me come to be with my best friend for a special night, even though its at her friend’s house with so many ppl i dont know. Also bc the plan was i was allowed to crash the night there with her but now shes trying to run away ALONE to this dudes house and leave me. And im selfish and felt rude and anxious to spend the night at a strangers house w/o her.

-I reminded her i came here for her and im anxious if she leaves and she just told me ~jokingly~ that she cant fuck me bc im taken and neither cant Doug bc he’s also taken so at least with Asswipe she can fuck someone. Which i think is like... a ginormous low but she was sloshed so i tried not to let that get me all upset

-I had a p similar experience of a ~friendly acquaintance~ taking advantage of me when i was drunk and it has fucked me up since and i told her abt this in confidence so she knows how bad that is and it was rlly getting to me thinking my friend could go through that tonight

-Additionally, if someone is so fucking intoxicated they CANNOT give consent in that state SORRY but idc how many times u say ur consenting “despite being high/drunk” if you keep stumbling over ur feet and about to vom all night and drop ur phone every 2 sec, etc, u ARE NOT in a condition to make such a heavy decision

She ends up tricking us and runs away ALONE to this guys house who I DO NOT KNOW the address of. Asswipe knows perfectly NO ONE approves of this, knows she is PLASTERED, and hes not, heard me say this is INCREDIBLY YIKES AND TAKING ADVTANGE OF SOMEONE

So 3 of us at the party rlly care for my friend and are super pissed/concerned/anxious, Doug, her friend who through the party, ie. Karla, and I. Doug has to go home, Karla and I take an uber with friends to a house party someone overheard her talking about going to. turns out she tricked them and didnt go there obvi

Karla has Asswipe on fb, messages him and demands him to call her an uber and send her home, even offering to pay it herself. He gave a bs answer of “idk if she wants to/// she’s fine”

My friend basically ignored all our calls/texts for 1.5 hrs, finally mssgs back Karla (bc even tho weve been friends forever i know and am self aware shes closer to Karla now and her uni friends which is an insecurity but i get it lol), then me. Mostly interacts with Karla but barely says much.

Wont call us when we ask, tells us not to blame Asswipe, thats shes fine, some happy new yr bs

Idk i was so worried and pissed and anxious so i just flat out told her that i love her but if she thinks she is sober enough to make that decision then she should be sober enough that it was a shitty move on her part to leave us like this when she knows we’re worried sick.

Hasnt replied to me since lmao. But she DID mssg back Karla in the morning to tell her shes fine. I leave Karla’s house early bc fam stuff, but she shows up later to pick up her stuff. I guess theyre fine now

But she hasnt replied to me all day, hasnt mssgd shit.

And i hate it bc i just hope she was fine (Karla says shes good) but i know my friend and she is more attached to her than me and it just kind of breaks my heart that they can make ammends but me who was worried sick and was with her the most to make sure she was ok and all the same jazz as Karla and Doug, she wont mssg me. I already caved and sent her a mssg asking if she was ok and she still hasnt replied and im just... not doing ok now lol i turned this into a selfish thing abt me but i am so worried for her and i just hate that im not allowed to be worried for her or be angry ever bc its like... any excuse for her to stop being my friend...

this was so long and if someone read it i love you ugh im just so... lost idk what to do. usually i apologize even when something is not my fault bc i dont want us to not b friends. But this fuked me up and i just sincerely hope it doesnt fuck her up wtvr the fuk went down with her and asswipe so i dont think its an ok situation to make myself into the one that is wrong... bc i dont think i am... but ugh idk second opinions gr8ly appreciated

[donaldkingsbury]

Someone:The best part of arguing with idiots is when they start insulting you because they have no factual basis for an argument, I love insults, let's get this started for the abortion survivor who is brain damaged from lack of oxygen Mikey, The smartest part of you was left in the toilet with the coat hanger, please shove your head back up your ass and save the oxygen for people with a brain B Joe,You should just stop or your going to be the Butt of every joke and wore out like your candidate's asshole Donald Joseph Kingsbury I don't even know where to begin with your medication, you should probably try some pussy, that way you when you pull the dick out of your mouth you have an educated opinion on gender

Me:Kind Sir, I appreciate yr suggestion. But instead of peering through my window at least just cum in. I am only 15. Never forget that your a wonder human being, a beautiful rainbow flying through the clouds on the back of a dove, only time will tell of what will happen with my art piece that you seen without paying me a dime. I think you owe me

Donald Joseph Kingsbury 15! Holy Shit! This is the problem with the world, you've been indoctrinated by the education system to believe that the government has your best interest in mind and free stuff is "free", someday when you leave your mom's basement and figure out there is no safe space and you actually have to earn your own living, your going to cry when you realize that you have no freedom, You pay for the RIGHT to drive, you pay for the RIGHT to OWN property, you pay for everything and freedom isn't free, someone has to work for it and if everyone thinks they can just sit back and take a dick in the butt all day with no effort... then no ones getting fucked

Someone:Donald Joseph Kingsbury That's cute, you should probably go back to school and learn how to write, stop trying so hard to be some Shakespearean theologist that has a blog or whatever you kids do. Learn a trade, a skill, something useful for the world, cause right now you're just a child, your still soft, moldable, able to change perspective, but if you continue down this childish path of "so called righteousness" your going to end up an actual victim of your ideals that are unrealistic and impossible... Oh maybe learn how to form a coherent thought, or a sentence, or spell... Please go back to school and learn about history otherwise your doomed to repeat it.

Me: there was nothing I pontificates upon that is "righteous", or in that air tonight. I'm already a trained craftsperson. I make chairs,couches,tv holders. I also like the jokes. I love philosophy, poetry, improv & feminism. I could arm wrestle a bear, teach a squeaker mathematics & read Nietzsche, Emma Goldman & Lord Byron to the blind. I thought a deer,bear, fish how to tell time, how to code on a 'puter & how to shoot a gun. I tell you wut

Someone: Donald Joseph Kingsbury I'm waiting for you, come to me my son embrace the dark side and your training shall be complete, like I said learn your words..*pontificated...*taught...I'd love to see something you actually built with your hands, your such an educated "Person" tell me what ballistic coefficient of a 180 grain .308 Round point FMJ is

Someone:Donald Joseph Kingsbury I'll wait for you to Google it, but just so you're aware of the reason you'll never get to leave your mom's basement is because you'll never have the drive it takes to succeed at anything other than the 'puter

Me: shite my son, I bathe in the dark side like I eat rapists,hebephiles & pedophiles for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Thank you phor das grammar lesson on bookface boomer, 'twaz educational. I likes das edgimaction. It's swell, so top drawer. Party like it's 1929 & 1334, have phun at gaggle. #kingsburywine

Donald Joseph Kingsbury Glad you enjoyed your lesson child, anytime you want to wake up, let me know #kingsburyswine

Me:KINGSBURY WINE, #kingsburywine made with urine for that extra kick. Now with a new flavor #kingsburyswine made with urine & pig flesh for that taste only Karen's will like or they will ask for the manager.

Someone:Donald Joseph Kingsbury Nope just a #kingsburyswine like a pig to the slaughter, can't wait for #reallife to start teaching you what you should be learning from your absentee parents

Me: its not THE fault of Andy Warhol starlette superstar CANDY DARLING (me father) or VALERIE SOLANAS (me mum) writer extraordinaire, she wrote THE genius THE SCUM MANIFESTO (society to cut up men) I pass them out to fellow women at school. #kingsburywine #kingsburyswine

Someone: Donald Joseph Kingsbury If you think that anyone is going to believe your the child of the woman who shot Andy Warhol who died before you were born, you might want to rethink your little "story" so now that you realize your not as smart as you think, stop trying to troll, your just looking dumb

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/EqAx82p

[formyboys]

Jack 2 yrs old

10/18/18

Baby Jack, you were born 2 years ago and 2 days! Oh man I remember those few days. You were so tiny and shmushed and new. I remember how I immediately realized I needed you to be next to me all the time or you needed to be next to me. We needed each other. The first night or two it was just so natural to have you curled up under my arm, it ended up being the only way you or I would sleep for the first 8-9 months of your life. I always felt so guilty like I was doing it wrong, but there was no other way I could do it. It made us both so content. I think all that cuddling and warmth was really good and hopefully you’ll always be that affectionate and warm.

So for your 2nd birthday we had a huge bash. We’ve lived in our house on Oakbury for almost a year and I didn’t really throw you a first birthday party because we were staying in Airbnb’s. So I wanted to throw you a party and see all our friends and fam. It was such a great party! We had in the backyard with a Pizza place that brought their own brick ovens, a balloon making man, activities for the kids and Dakota Fanning even showed up. I mean, that’s pretty damn cool, even if it’s just because we’re next door neighbors. You were the cutest, running everywhere, playing with all the kids, getting in the ball pit trying to coerce partygoers into giving you gummy bears. Lol. I don’t think you succeeded but I heard it was really hard to turn you down.

We had your 2nd year check up yesterday and you’re so perfect. 95% height 85% weight and cute as button. Currently our days are filled with Juana and you can pronounce her name now perfectly in Spanish. And you say it all the time over and over. She comes in in the morning and makes us all breakfast and then takes you on a walk where you meet up with Nelly and the kids she nanny’s. Juana makes you lunch and plays with you and then puts you down for your nap. You sleep most days for 1.5-2 hrs. When you don’t sleep we pay for it in the evening with a fussy toddler. She loves you so so much, she’s super positive and I trust her fully. I’m working from home and super busy but at least I don’t feel like I’m missing your childhood. My favorite is when you get up from your naps and you’re a little sleepy but happy and you give the best hugs. You’re super opinionated and you like things done your way, you like to place  everyone where you want them to be, and you take me by the hand to show me things and ask for things. You’ve learned how to get what you want that’s for sure, you’ll say a word like ‘baby’ which means you want my iPhone to look at pics of yourself, but actually you’ll go to YouTube to watch videos, so I’ve taken to deleting YouTube so that you just access the photos. But when you ask you’re so convincing and you’ll make this little smile like, c’mon mom, I’m so cute! And it totally works I’m such a sucker for my Baby Jack. Didn’t know what it was like to love someone like I love you. You’re my whole world and your dad’s world.

10/19/18

Every night either your Dad or I take you to bed at 8pm we get you some milk and take you up, brush your teeth and read some of your favorite books. Right now you are very into Bunnies. You have a stuffed bunny and we saw a real bunny when we were visiting Lolli and Pops in CO and you were very interested in it. We read you The Runaway Bunny at bedtime when you  ask for the ‘Munnies’ and you love to say ‘Muney’ it’s so freaking adorable! We also read to you Good night good night Construction Site, Good night Gorilla, and Opposites, you love the opposites and you say Opposite like ‘apeetah’ so cute. After we read some stories I sing a coulple of songs to you, Hallelujah and Black Bird, I need some new ones. And then I put you in your crib and kiss you through the bars. And now I can just put a blanket over you and you go to sleep without a fuss. And then Dad and I watch a show or a movie and before we go to bed we always go check on you and take a pic and admire our baby. Love of our life.

10.27.18

Today it was just you and me. Your dad was at a 40th bday celebration with 12-14 of his college friends golfing and eating nice dinners. You asked about him all day long, Dada? And I’d tell you again where he is and when he’ll be back. It’s so sweet how much you love him. We went to baby gym today. So fun to watch you play on everything and now you’ll climb up the stairs to the ball pit and just hurl yourself in. You still won’t say your name when it’s your turn but you only just turned 2 last week and most of the kids and between 2-2.5. I can tell it’s hard to be 2. You have a lot of big ideas and it’s especially hard when you can’t have your way. I try to explain every situation so that you’re not blindsided by anything we do, but it’s hard to be a mom too. I don’t always know what I’m doing and a lot of the time we’re busy and don’t have much time. But when you have ideas that we can help you fulfill I always try and help. Not that long ago you would say vroom vroom and get your shoes in the evening and nod your head like, cmon let’s get in the car! So I made sure we all got in the car and drove around the neighborhood a few times. I haven’t figured out what to do about screen time, because truth is your dad and I spend all of our days in front of a screen. Fortunately you have Juana during the week so your screen time is limited to occasional movies and YouTube with her but I’m way more lenient and your dad is too. Lazy parenting. Not proud of that. I planned lots of play dates this weekend though so that helps. Seems like the more people around the less screen time. I’m making a big pumpkin pancake breakfast tomorrow for my buddies, Brooke is spending the night, Ashley, Dayna and fam are coming over in the morning should be a nice day. And then a 2 yr old party for Siena at Baby Gym. You were driving your toy cars over my head as I put you to bed tonight. Melts my heart. Love you so crazy much baby dude.

10.30.18

Oh baby Jack. You have me wrapped around your little finger. You have since day one. Tonight you insisted that I rock you to cheep (sleep) and if I stop rocking you command me to RA. You are crazy about your ‘money’ (bunny) right now. Because we let you watch Peter Rabbit on Netflix which I actually really enjoy and constantly wonder what negative things it might be teaching you. But you insist on having your money with you to go to bed and to take downstairs in the morning. It’s pretty damn cute. Your vocab is growing exponentially. You repeat what we’re saying and some words I can’t understand and you’re so patient saying then over and over for me... but doesn’t usually help. For all I know they could be Spanish words. I love rocking you to cheep. It fills my soul, my heart, I cherish it so much. Your little body pressed against me it’s the best thing in the world. I spend way too much time putting you to bed. Love you little dude. You make my world go round.

[gotstory]

My 20 year old Idol Husband - [Day 10 - Can you trust me?]

20 yr old Jungkook, at the top of his idol boyband career, has a secret only he & his bandmates know – An underground relationship, with you, a girl he met at a fanmeeting. Things get a little out of hand and you find out you’re pregnant.

Read: Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4 / Day 5 / Day 6 / Day 7 / Day 8 / Day 9 / Day 10

The smell of fresh coffee and warm bread perked you up the moment you went into Fan's kitchen. It was bright and airy, decorated with a mix of bright coloured flowers and pastel crockery.

She took her apron off and pushed a plate of breakfast in front of you, "My brother said you should eat. Is everything ok?" she asked with worry clouding her brows.

"Where's he though?" you looked around remembering he said he would be right back.

Fan only shrugged, "he's in his doctor's mode and being quiet."

Just as she said it, Jun appeared from the door with a small paper bag.

"Hey Jun, join us." You waved him over with a slight smile, trying to put aside the awkward moment you shared awhile ago. By the lead of his questions while examining you, he planted foreboding thoughts of uncertainty in your head.

"Oh, sure... " He sat beside you, placing the bag hidden away from the eyes of his sister.

You both ate in an awkward silence for some time until Fan could hold it no longer.

"So, what's wrong with Chae-rin? Is it a flu of some sort?" she asked.

Jun put down his utensils and shifted in his seat, "I can't quite determine it yet but..." He looked over to you, as if to ask for your permission to continue.

You put down your fork, "I don't think so. There aren't any of those symptoms... And... I feel fine now." You smiled at both of them, hoping it would assure them you were well. After all, it wasn't like they were obligated to nurse you back to health.

Jun waited quietly until you were done before he stood up from his seat.

"Chae-rin, I don't mean to be nosy but I think you might need this, just... to be safe."

He picked up the small paper bag and handed it to you rather shyly.

"The instructions are pretty simple but if you need help, let me know."

You were about to open the bag immediately, curious as to what it would be but he didn't let you. With outstretched arms he hurriedly clasped the brown paper bag shut, ushering you away. "Do it upstairs, go upstairs... In the room. Go on-"

Once you were behind closed doors, you carefully opened the bag only to see a pinkish box.

A pregnancy test kit?

You gasped.

No way, but...but....

You sat on the bed, staring at the little box. A million thoughts running through your mind.

What am I going to do if this thing tests positive? How am I going to face the world? And Jungkook? No, this can't be.

Your heart was pulsating so hard you could hear it in your ears. This wasn't what you were expecting from just that first encounter with Jungkook.

Yes - you did like him, very much indeed, but having a baby? That was just taking it way too far.

You slid the box back into the bag, feeling too overwhelmed to even take a second look at it.

Just -- just, tell me I'm dreaming.

------------------------------------------------------

Jungkook and the boys had landed back in Korea and they were going to get a one week break to head home to visit their families.

"Hey kookie," Jimin swung an arm around the younger boy, "I'm getting the train tickets tomorrow, should we leave in the morning?"

Jungkook had been toying with the idea of flying over to see you again but the long flight would really take a toll on him. "I'm not sure yet, hyung." he replied, "I'm kinda wondering if I should make a surprise visit to Chae-rin."

Jimin inhaled a sharp breath and put his hand over Jungkook's mouth, "if the manager hyung finds out, we'll be dead! We're supposed to head back home together!"

"I know... let me sleep over it and decide tomorrow."

Jimin eyed him suspiciously, "whatever it is, just -- don't do anything stupid."

When they arrived at the dorm, Jungkook just had a nagging feeling that you were hiding something from him. From the way you hung up after the call, it just didn't feel right. He too knew that you had your fair share of suitors and without letting others know that you were taken, he was feeling just that bit of insecurity.

When he was finally alone, he decided to text you. Message after message he typed, but hit the backspace until it frustrated him.

The distance and silence was driving his young heart crazy and his patience was wearing thin.

Ah, heck. I'm just gonna call.

---------------------------------------------------

"Chae-rin!" Fan called out from the kitchen to no response. She picked up your phone as it started to vibrate.

"Oh, it's Jungkook."

She made small quick steps up to the room, bursting in with an outstretched arm, waking you from your thoughts.

"Answer it, quick!" she said, as you put the phone to your ear.

You: H-he-hello?" Jk: Jagi-yah! You: Jungkook??

For the first time since yesterday, Fan saw you brighten up in delight. She gave you a nod and smile as she carefully shut the door behind her.

Jk: What took you so long to answer the call babe? Were you out partying without me? You: Yup I was, partying in the bedroom. Jk: Mwoh?! You: I'm kidding. Do I look like I would be doing that at my age?

Jungkook at that point was mentally kicking himself, not because he fell for your little tease but because it was getting to him that nothing was under his control.

Jk: Are you still at your friend's home? You: Yeah, I wasn't feeling too well so she had me stay over. Jk: What's wrong? Did something happen? Uh, Chae-rin ah, I should have known in when I saw you pale as a sheet. You: Hey, hey, go easy now. See, that's why I couldn't tell you? Jk: You know what, I'm coming over. You: No you're not. Don't be silly. I'm fine! Besides, there's a doctor here! I'm old enough to take care of myself. Jk: A doctor? Who. You: Oh, Fan's oppa is a doctor.

The conversation went silent for awhile.

Jk: (sighs) I just wish I was there. You: Hearing from you like this is good enough, Jungkook-ah. Don't feel bad? Jk: Anyway, how are you feeling, and what's wrong?

You went on to tell him about the slight discomfort you were having but omitted the parts about Jun handing you the kit.

You: I'm better now and will probably head home later tonight. Don't worry Jungkook, getting distracted is the last thing I want you to do.

You were almost pleading him, hoping that the amount of details you let out would somehow assure him that you weren't intentionally keeping things from him.

Jungkook tended to be a little obsessive and persistent in his ways, you found out, and the only way to get him to stop was basically to feed his curiosity to a point where he could wonder no more.

Jk: Sure? I'm gonna call your home tonight, to check on you.

He said it in a candid tone just to make you smile.

You: I'll be waiting then...

------------------------—----------------------

After a couple of movies and a simple dinner, you bid goodbye to Fan.

"I'll take the day off tomorrow to rest, I think I need it." you laughed and let out a sigh.

"You need a break babe, you've been working non-stop! Since the BTS concert!"

You shrugged, "what choice do I have? After those interviews were out, the boss wanted even more news and coverage. Saying how the artistes always seemed to let out exclusive stories when I was there."

"Wait till he hears your exclusive relationship" Fan wriggled her brows in a teasing manner at you.  "Alright get going, it's getting dark now!"

You made your way home to the empty house which you left the day before. Almost immediately, the phone rang.

You: Hello? JK: Ah, you're finally home. You: Jungkook? Isn't it midnight in Korea now? JK: Isn't it dark where you are now? You: I don't believe you! How'd you know I just got home? JK: Did you not see flowers at your door?

You briefly placed the phone on the table and opened the door again.

To your shock and surprise, there really WERE flowers - but not hung on the door, or laid on the floor. They were held in the hands of a man, whose face was shielded by it.

Under the dim light of the night, you faintly recognised his silhouette and the loosely flapping outer shirt.

"W-wha-what are you d-doing here, J-J-Jungkook?!"

You blinked continuously, wondering if the nausea was acting up as hallucination now. You were shocked beyond words as you could only stare wordlessly, with a dropped jaw.

"Wait a minute," you turned on your heels, leaving the door open as you rushed to the phone again and spoke into it.

You: Jungkook??

You held the phone, and simultaneously watched the figure at the door walk in, now revealing his face, with his phone to his ear as well.

JK: Jagi-yah, aren't you gonna let me in?

You let go of the phone in an instant as it fell to the floor, and ran into his open arms, wrapping your arms around his body and taking in that familiar scent you missed so dearly.

"OMO!" he stumbled a little at the force of your weight on him, "are you that happy to see me?" he whispered, gently hugging you back, relishing the long awaited moment with closed eyes.

You hit his chest lightly, "why didn't you tell me! I'd have come back earlier if I knew you were here..."

Gazing into his eyes, you realised he was just as how you left him, maybe a little thinner with more tired eyes, but still the same smiling sweetheart as you remembered him to be.

He held you close, examining your face with his eyes and a light caress.

"Why have you lost so much weight? Haven't you been sleeping well?" he asked, running his hands down the sides of your waist. "It hasn't even been 3 months and you're already missing me this much huh?" He teased.

You sat him down by the kitchen counter and started asking him a slew of questions while you got him a drink.

"When did you arrive? Weren't you just in Seoul when you called? Don't you need to head back soon? Does anyone else know you came?"

Jungkook laughed, pulling your wrist to have you closer to him.

"Have you lost your interviewing skills already? I don't think that's the way to ask questions."

You blushed, both at the proximity and at your foolishness.

"Well... I took the first available flight after I called you this morning and got here the moment I touched down. It's just Jiminie-hyung that knows I came, the rest assumes we've gone back to Busan for the break."

"Oh my..." you cupped his chin in your hands, noticing now that his dark circles were so deep. "You must be exhausted from all the travelling, Jungkook~ you really.... should take care of yourself..."

He pulled you onto his lap, holding tightly onto your waist. "That's your job... and that's why I'm here."

Your hand was almost going to take a swipe at his his arm when he lifted his arm to resist. Unintentionally, he pushed the little paper bag that sat at the table edge, onto the floor.

"Ah... just a minute." His arm was uselessly long at times like these, beating you to the bag as you held your breath while he reached for it.

You watched him pause mid-air while his body was bent over your legs.

He put the box back into the bag and set it on the table behind you. There was no doubt that he'd seen what it was though there was still a chance he didn't know what it was for.

You smiled, unsure. "Are you hungry? I can fix you some food, you must be tired."

Attempting to propel yourself off, you were surprised that he simply let you move off his lap and scoot back into the kitchen. You could feel his eyes on your back as you scurried back and forth the cupboards, your mind in a mess.

"How about ramen? Yea, I think I've got some..... hmm." You opened drawers and shut them, momentarily forgetting where they were.

He watched you, wordlessly, observing at a distance. It was obvious how you were flustered and he smiled, thinking how cute it was.

Of course, he was well aware what the box was and it hardly took him a minute to put two and two together. But since you were trying to feign ignorance, he played along to see just how long more you could keep up.

"They're on the right shelf." He pointed, calm as usual.

"Oh yeah!" You reached for it quickly, not sparing him a glance.

He watched you fumble with the packet and saw how the back of your neck was turning red from his steady gaze.

Walking over, he took the packet from your hands, pulled it open, and handed it back to you.

You bit your lip, holding the open packet. Debating internally if it was okay to begin addressing why you had a pregnancy test kit on your table.

He leaned his back against the edge of the counter and placed both his palms on them, looking at you.

The silence was harsher than questioning and it was almost deafening for you. He was quite a master at manipulating without words, with his tall but unassuming presence urging you on to spill what the matter was. He didn't even need to ask.

"I'm sorry." You blurted out of the blue.

"Whatever for?" he waited in question.

"You know..... ....." you gestured in the air to nothing much in particular, hoping he'd not make you spell it out.

"Nope." he pursed his lips together, stance remaining open and unchanged, showing you he was ready to hear you tell him anything.

"I... promised we'd keep no secrets. But..." fessing up was a lot harder than you imagined, it was taking a dig at your pride.

Finally he pushed himself off the counter and took a few strides and reached for the bag. You watched him approach you again, unable to read his expression since his lips were pursed. He took your hand in his, leaving the open ramen on the counter, and led you into your room.

You secretly wondered how he knew his way around your house when it was his first time here.

Sitting by the edge of your bed, he pat the spot beside motioning for you to take your seat.

Taking the box out of the bag, he looked at it carefully this time.

"I trust you, Chae-rin..."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him address you by name, it meant that he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

He continued, as he met your eyes, "....and always will. Can you not too?"

You felt a pang of guilt wash over you.

Holding the box out to you, he asked, ever so gently. "Were you going to use this... because, the doctor told you to?"

You held his gaze, and found yourself nodding like a child caught red-handed.

He shut his eyes, feeling a little dizzy. OMG, Jeon Jungkook.

[thepsychicclam]

The worst part of social anxiety is not knowing if ppl’s reactions are reality or just in your head.

I have been battling with my head for weeks abt whether or not ppl are being cool or not with me. It’s easy to say “it’s all in your head!!!” But I’m terrified I said something to upset ppl or am just overall generally annoying to ppl.

i think the problem is that i went a few yrs with very few IRL friends. i had my sister and my bff, but other than coworkers and students, i didn’t have friends or ppl i went out with. when i moved to boston, it was literally my sister. and now, i’m making some friends. i’ve gone to dinner, to their houses, you know - having friends like a normal person. 

it’s hard. that sounds so STUPID. it’s not like we’re super close or anything. it’s very casual friends. but god, it triggers my social anxiety EVERY TIME WE’RE TOGETHER. my brain just whirls and overanalyzes and is paranoid and - it sucks. i hate spending every evening after interacting dissecting what i said and thinking i’m an idiot or said something wrong. i hate being around them and not knowing WHAT to say and being awkward and not understanding how to easily join a conversation and then trying and accidentally interrupting or speaking over someone. 

like i went to one of their houses friday night, and i was so anxious i was sweating through my clothes. and i swear, my life is like bridget jones bc that is me in any social situation. and there was a semi-cute single guy there that was nice and i tried talking to him, but i became monosyllabic and stumbled over my words and my brain froze and when he looked at me and smiled, i just kinda maybe smiled and turned my eyes to the floor bc i can’t look at a cute dude and smile wtf?????

like, i used to be able to socialize with ppl. wtf happened to me??? it’s like the last decade i have been in this whole with like 2 friends and my parents and very few other “friends”. talking to coworkers and students is easy. it’s short, small talk. and you can just not say anything and no one cares. but trying to talk to friends is so difficult. 

it doesn’t help that we’re VERY different. they’re very small town southern, not into geeky things. they don’t watch the same television shows and movies i do and don’t really read books. their jobs are very different. i like them - don’t get me wrong. but fundamentally, i feel so different. and sometimes i feel like THAT person bc they have barely left their tiny town in south carolina to do anything, and i’ve traveled all over the US and europe and lived in three different states and had like a zillion jobs and have all these interests and i just have stopped saying things bc i feel like THAT guy when i don’t mean to be THAT guy. i’ve just done a lot. it’s like the one thing i have going in my life. i have no friends, no boyfriend, no kids, but i’ve lived and traveled a lot of places and done a lot. 

idk. my depression is popping up. the semester is over, so it’s summer break. it’s a weird transition time. plus, i’m working from home so i’m just going to crossfit and that’s it. i’m not getting dressed in nice clothes or fixing my hair or putting on makeup. so i hate looking in the mirror right now. yes, i know i can do those things to make myself feel pretty even though i’m just sitting on the couch, but i’m just busy and don’t want to spend an horu of my day curling my hair when i could be, idk, reading or writing or watching a movie.

and i’m behind on my dissertation again. if you’ve been following me for awhile, you know i’ve talked about the dickbag dissertation director i have. which reacts very negatively with my anxiety and depression. i’ve got 4.5/5 chapters 1st drafts written. i have comments to revise on them. i want to revise, but i just have to START. but i’ve convinced myself (with zero support from the dissertation direct) that i suck and shouldn’t even be getting this fuckign phd. i know he doesn’t think i’ll finish bc of my life and mental problems, and i KNOW i can finish and prove that asshole wrong. it’s just...probably the hardest thing i’ve ever done. if i would have known it would have been like this, i either wouldn’t have gotten one or chosen a speciality i liked less just to work with someone who believed in me.

and i have the worst case of writer’s block i’ve had in ages. like i just stare at word. it’s been like that since like january. i just want to WRITE. i have so many ideas bouncing around in my head and i’m getting depressed bc i CAN’T write like i’ve broken something inside me.

this is all so stupid. it’s just a bad bad night. i’ve been having mild anxiety attacks for like 3-4 weeks, like low level anxiety and trouble breathing like there’s a band around my waist making it hard to get in oxygen. and tonight i just...idk...i don’t want to sleep bc i want to cry but i’m fucking exhausted. my sister had minor outpatient surgery last week that took a toll on her, and she’s been sick for like 4-5 mths, and i’ve been trying to take care of her, our new dog, the house, and my 2 jobs. and my disseration. and i did this research project in my research-based comp class this semester, which was really cool, bc i’m trying to bulk up the teaching/pedagogy part of my cv (bc i hopefully will be on the job market in the next year or so). and that took a lot of time, but i got accepted to 2 teaching conferences speaking about it, so yayes for that. and i’ve been keeping up with crossfit, but my diet has been kinda wonky, so FOOD GUILT and stress eating. and my parents were here helping me with my sister for like a week, which was great, except being with my parents is like a THING and the most exhausting thing ever. we just argue the whole time and they hate being at our hosue bc we do things differently than they do, and my mom kept making all these comments about how i haven’t taken good enough care of my sister for the past 4-5 mths that she’s been sick, and like they buy all this food and stuff to bring with them bc what we have isn’t good enough, or it’s snide comments like “well, they don’t eat BREAD...why don’t you use butter? i brought my own meat bc we don’t EAT that stuff...we don’t eat *insert bad food followed by eating different bad foods but getting mad when i point out the hypocrisy*” etc etc. and my mom has an eating disorder/body image problems (runs in the family, surprise surprise) which kinda floats over into me and things she says to me, and she constantly makes snide comments about me doing crossift, and like i love my mom, but omg i just want to be like WHY CAN’T THINGS BE GOOD WHEN YOU’RE HERE?? and that upsets me bc it’s like oil and water and i feel guilty. 

it’s just been stressful this year already. we’ve had a lot going on. i just need a break. but idek what i’d do with a break bc i can’t relax. and i can’t write bc of the writer’s block,w hich stresses me out, and when i’m watching tv, i feel like i should be writing or dissertating or working, so i’m just constantly in knots.

anyway. this is just a verbal vomit post to see if i could feel better and dissipate some of these anxiety/depression feelings and get to bed. 

<3

[mafiabosstsuna]

Hi ! Can we get a continuation of the Vongola using the 10 yr bazooka and breaking up with their s/o but Intsead of acknowledging it and sadly moving on they try and win their s/o back ? For Tsuna , Hibari & Mukuro please ? ? Ps I would just like to say thank you to all admins running this blog. The query you held a little while ago was amazing and I took delight in reading all of it !

COMPLETED

~I would like to thank the asker- a-court-of-nightmares- for this opportunity. Just so everybody knows I am absolutely honored to be taking this up where it left off. Admin Reborn is hella talented. Just for that I am breaking my rule of headcanons only. I can only wish that my writing this will do the ask justice. I hope you enjoy.

P.S.: In case you guys don’t know about the submission we are referring to then you can find it here:  http://mafiabosstsuna.tumblr.com/post/150134511107/can-we-have-vongola-10th-generations-reaction~

admin Adelheid

Tsuna

Somehow Tsuna made it to the meeting place. He waved off the negligent attendant’s apologies distractedly and took a seat in the chair that had been reserved for him. Recklessly he ordered a bottle of brandy and a glass filled with ice hoping he could distract himself with enough drink to unsee what he had seen just a few minutes ago.

He wanted nothing more than to curl up in his chair back in the mansion with a bottle of better brandy than this shit he was being currently served and wallow in his defeat. He wanted time. Time to get over you again. Time to pick up the shattered pieces of the broken heart he now thinks he may have brought upon himself.

“Sir, the client has arrived.”

Tsuna looked up, his expression sour. His eyes widened however when he recognized the man who was now looking at him with hat in hand, shoulders and head bent in humility.

It was the man you were with out on the street earlier!

“Sir,” the escort still by your side began introducing the man. “He is the one asking for the loan extension.”

Tsuna kept his face composed and flicked his fingers imperiously, signaling for the man’s file and flipping through it half listening to the man’s pleas even as he fought the trembling in his body at being this close to the man that had been the cause of his doubt. Of his rage. Of his poor judgment.

He stopped flipping through the man’s file when he came across a photo of you. You were just sitting there at an outdoor café drinking your favorite iced latté exhibiting all the mannerisms possible on one still moment that Tsuna had remembered all too well. And again he felt like breaking down.

“I see you have a beautiful… fiancé?” he had to say the word through gritted teeth. It felt wrong, so wrong to refer to you as anyone else’s fiancé.

“Ah! Yes!” the man before Tsuna nodded eagerly. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she? Took me some time to get her but you know how women are. Give them enough time and they’ll eat right out of your hand if you tame them well enough, know what I mean?”

The insinuation made Tsuna sick and it was all he could do not to smash his fist into the douchebag himself however… another thought came to his mind.

“If I asked for her as collateral,” Tsuna began. “Will you sign her over?”

The attendant in the room stared at his Boss in barely concealed shock but it transformed into full blown disbelief when their client almost immediately nodded in agreement in a most eager fashion.

“Of course! No problem! I can get the money back in less than a month!”

The cold smirk Tsuna gave him should have warned him of his doom.

Tsuna had surveillance on you; detailing your whereabouts and habits. Making sure that your faithful fiancé did not pawn you off as collateral to anyone else which the man had tried to do several times trying to secure more money much to Tsuna’s disgust. It was only a matter of time before the month is up and not even a farthing showed up to save you from getting sold to him. He’ll take care to have the fool put in prison for embezzling later.

That night your fiancé surprised you by dressing you up and taking you out to dinner to a very fancy restaurant. It had been a while since he took you out claiming he had been busy with work. He had then driven you off to a five star hotel and you assumed he wanted to spend time with you there. You felt that nagging guilt in your heart that you were being unfaithful again. Unfaithful to the memory of the man who had thrown you away but you quashed that thought immediately. This was your life now. It did not belong to anyone else but you any longer.

The moment you entered the penthouse suite, however you were in for the surprise of your life. Because there, standing in front of the wide windows framing the city’s nightscape was the same man who had haunted your every wish every night since he broke up with you. Looking so much more mature, so much more tired and jaded and oh so handsome your heart couldn’t stop clenching painfully.

But your will was stronger now. He made you stronger by breaking up with you. So with a flaming gaze you stared right back at him with narrowed eyes.

“What’s the meaning of this?” you asked, still looking into those gold burnished caramel eyes you have missed so much. The fact that they shone with recognition of you made it hard for you to swallow the lump down your throat and keep a straight face.

“I’m sorry, my dear,” you turned just in time to see your fiancé backing out of the room looking guilty but much more anxious to get away than anything else. “But he owns you now.”

“Wha­―?” your words were cut off when the door closed behind him.

You ran and tried to open the door, wanting to demand an explanation but knowing deep inside your soul that you had been betrayed. However the door was locked from the outside. You have had your suspicions and you knew he had been having money problems. You just assumed he was over them when he took you out to dinner tonight. You never even suspected it was going to be your version of the ‘Last Supper’.

“It won’t open,” Tsuna’s voice behind you made your shoulders stiffen. He sounded so near. In your dreams it always seemed as though his voice sounded so far away from you. Like there was a chasm in between yourselves that you can never cross. “I have the only key card that will open that door from this side.”

You leaned your forehead against the door and took a few deep breaths to give you strength. Control, you needed control. You needed strength not to break down like a loser and keep at least a smidgen of dignity in this horrible, horrible mess.

“I am a person.” You finally say, straightening your shoulders but not yet turning to face him. She needed a little bit more time for that. “I’m not something you can own.”

“Really?” What happened to his voice? How could it be so low and yet still be so… Tsuna? It made every carnal part of you shiver in desire. How can he still do that after all these years? After all he’d done? “Your fiancé didn’t seem to think so. He was quite eager when I suggested he make you his collateral for the loan I lent him.”

You pursed your lips but finally managed to renege enough righteous indignation to turn around and finally face him. Your eyes defiant and stubborn, glinting in the candle light scattered across the room. “You tricked him, didn’t you? What did you do?”

Tsuna couldn’t stand being the object of your accusations. He had always been on the receiving end of your loving scrutiny. He was so shaken by your hate that his hand shook slightly as he reached for the bottle of champagne he had set on a nearby table along with a bowl of your favorite ripe strawberries. He drank an entire flute trying to avoid your gaze.

“What do you want?” you continued to question him, your voice beginning to shake with anxiety. “What are you going to do to me? Are you going to sell me into prostitution now? Are you going to make me pay you for every cent he owes you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous―”

“Then let me go―”

“I can’t do that―”

“Then what the hell do you want?!”

“I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME, DAMN IT!” he yelled as he threw the champagne flute on the floor, meeting your eyes with his burning ones, the brown disappearing in a fiery sort of gold that reflected his anger, his frustration, his unadulterated passion. “I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME!”

“I DID LOVE YOU!” you yelled back, the tears hanging on your lashes now as all the pain, all the confusion, all the betrayal gushed from your chest. “I LOVED YOU AND YOU THREW ME AWAY LIKE SO MUCH GARBAGE, TSUNA! YOU BROKE ME IN PIECES WHEN YOU LEFT ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR ME TO PIECE MYSELF BACK TOGETHER?! DO YOU?!”

“Please―”

“EIGHT YEARS!” you shouted back, cutting him off as you finally lose the battle with your tears, taking a step back when he took a step towards you. “EIGHT YEARS I WISHED EVERY NIGHT YOU’D COME BACK! EIGHT YEARS OF ALMOST GOING INSANE WANTING YOU! EIGHT YEARS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I DID WRONG!”

Tsuna pursed his lips in determination as he strode towards you. Teeth gritted, will resolved and heart hurting because it always hurt him when you cried. Always. Always.

“No! No no!” you tried to run away from his approach but he pinned you against the wall he caught you in front of and caught you in a kiss so filled with longing and want and need it made you lose strength in your limbs. By the time he released you all you could do was stare back at him in hopeless surrender, your tears trailing down your cheeks. Still angry, still scared to death, but still so hopelessly in love with him you could barely stand it. “What do you want from me, Tsuna? Please, I’m begging you… I won’t be able to survive this a second time. Don’t do this to me…!”

“Fuck destiny,” he muttered against your lips, breathing hard, pressing his body against you hungrily as he did so. “From now on, I’m making my own damn future.”

Tsuna then whisked you to the bedroom and took you on the bed with the urgency of a man who finally had what he wanted after a long, long time of being denied. He ignored your protests until they dwindled into moans and gasps and kisses and caresses.

To him whatever he said now was useless; he had already hurt you with words. From now on he will show you he wanted to keep you forever using his actions.

Hibari

But even as he turned to walk away the images of that stranger wrapped around you so lovingly, your lips fused with someone else’s that was not him played like a mocking song over and over in his mind. It felt a lot like listening to that damn pineapple’s laughter.

It just wasn’t acceptable!

And he couldn’t help but realize he was being such a herbivore for running away when he could just get his revenge on the man who ruined his life by sending him flying off right in front of you before walking out of your life forever and end this undying regret!

This wasn’t him. This was not Hibari Kyouya.

He turned around, intending to put his thoughts into actions but the sight that played before him made Hibari’s whole being deflate.

“You son of a bitch!” Hibari heard you screech in that way that had always annoyed him back when you were together. You used it on him whenever he was ‘being particularly overbearing’ or so you might say. “What the hell did you think you were doing?! What part of “I am not interested in you that way” did you not understand?!”

“Come on! You’ve been single for as long as I’ve known you!” the man whined in frustration. “Give me a chance, damn it! Whoever it is you’re holding out for it’s obvious he’s never coming back!”

“That is none of your goddamn business!” you yelled back, voice even higher pitched than the last one before turning and preparing to walk away.

But apparently the infatuated pup was not ready to give up just yet and made another attempt to grab at you and before Hibari knew what he was doing, he had his fist dislocating the man’s jaw.

Hibari stared down at the man he had just knocked down cold, his mind a mess of jumbled thoughts of truths and facts that rendered him speechless and still now mocking him with even more malice than the sight of you wrapped up in another man’s embrace.

The truth that he made a mistake oh so long ago.

The fact that he had broken up with you for nothing.

He wanted to throw up.

“Kyouya…?”

He looked up at your whisper and you couldn’t help but gasp at the utter devastation you could see in his face. It was an expression you had never thought you would ever see on the visage of the Cerberus of Namimori. Your breath caught at your throat before reality caught up with you and you scowled right back at him, pursing your lips to keep them from trembling.

You didn’t want to remember anything anymore. It hurt too much.

“I’m calling an ambulance, I’ll tell the police someone mugged him. Get out of here.” You told him quietly as you took your phone out.

But he caught your wrist in his one large hand and then suddenly, his face was buried in the crook of your neck and your eyes widened at how cold his skin felt. At how much he’s trembling. His free arm wrapped around you so tight you just knew it would be impossible to free yourself from his hold.

He took your phone from your hand and dialed blindly. He then put it in his ear and waited for a familiar voice to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Kusakabe.”

And this time it was your turn to shiver.  He was talking right against your skin; you could feel his lips softly brushing your neck like a new paintbrush and your tears sprang from your eyes as the memories started flooding in at how you owned them once. It was all you could do not to melt against him. It was all you could do not to surrender yourself to the feel of him so close to you once more.

Lord it’s been so long…

“…Kyo-san?”

“Send a medical team over to the park. Someone’s probably in a coma.”

“Yes, at once.”

He dropped the phone on the ground without even bothering to end the call and wrapped his other arm around you. Just as tight. Just as desperately. And all you wanted was to revel in the feel of him, the scent of him against you and surrender everything that you worked so hard on to survive after he sent you away.

But you can’t. Because even though you were you, you will never be strong enough for this. For him.

“I think you better let go now.” You cursed at the lump caught in your throat that made it difficult for you to speak. You swallowed hard and steeled yourself up. Donning the invisible armor you had honed throughout these years. “Let go, Kyouya.”

He didn’t respond. All he did was hold you tighter and nuzzle his face against your skin like a puppy desperate for some form of affection. Wanting you to take him and give him a home.

And you understood that. You had always understood him despite his lack of words. It was the reason why you knew you loved him. Just one glance, one touch, one gesture and you knew what he wanted. What he needed.

There was once a time when you would have moved heaven and earth to make sure he got what he longed for. There was once a time when you would have offered a pinkie just to make him happy.

But it was different this time.

You understood but the wounds he left you ran far too deep; far too painful for you to risk yourself to the pain one more time. He had left you weak and wanting. He had managed to tear you apart.

“Please,” you begged him in a broken whisper even as you try to step out of his embrace, your tears already falling. “I don’t have another heart left to break.”

He clung to you and you bit your lip when he started trailing kisses against your neck in a desperate attempt to make you stay.

“Kyouya…!”

“I made a mistake. I doubted you,” you trembled at how hoarse his usually smooth voice sounded. It was as though he had been gargling glass all of a sudden and you felt your knees weaken at the raw emotion in his words. “But I need you. I never stopped wanting you. I never stopped loving you. I can’t let you go.”

He then pushed back a little to look you in the eye and the tortured expression on his face coupled by the grim resolution on his lips and the sheer longing in his eyes did you in. But the next words that came out of his mouth shattered you in a million little pieces and it was then and there that you knew― just knew― that you were already beyond saving from the influence of this man.

“I’m sorry.”

Mukuro

He made it as far as the restrooms before he felt his legs give out. Never before had he been so overwhelmed with such loss and longing that it rendered him almost incapacitated. Oh how the Skylark would have sneered at him if he could see him now.

But he couldn’t help it. He missed you.

Always, constantly, like a well worn song that was always on replay. These past ten years were a series of alternate contrasting feelings of him trying to crush your memory and clinging to it with every strength he had left.

Mukuro leaned his forehead against the mirror in front of the sink and allowed himself to wallow in the memories.

He could still remember everything clearly.

The sight of you, the feel of you, the scent of you…

Even after all these years― even after all the other lovers― he still wore your memory like a warm blanket against the cold loneliness he made for himself.

He punched the wall in an attempt to bury the emotional pain with the physical one. He failed miserably.

His contemplation was interrupted when the door to the restroom opened and the man you were with came in and went straight for a urinal. Mukuro observed him from his reflection in the mirror.

He looked like a decent sort. Not devastatingly rich but confident enough in his finances to wear branded clothing. He looked like every ordinary person Mukuro had ever seen on the street and he wondered what you saw in him. He wondered how you treated him.

The man finished and stepped beside Mukuro to wash his hands. He nodded politely at the illusionist as he ran his hands under the faucet and suddenly a furious jealousy rose like a tempest in the Mist user’s heart. Perhaps he can indulge one more time? What was one more sin on top of all the others he had already committed? Surely the universe could look away just this once?

Before he knew it he took over the man’s mind and rendered him insensate and took all his identification and keys. He sent Chikusa a text to tell his minion to pick up the man and take it to their hotel and have him stay there until further orders. Mukuro then gave the man a mental prompt to hide in a bathroom stall and lock it before conjuring up an illusion of the man to cover over his own appearance. Chikusa should be able to open the stall without any problems.

Mukuro then stepped out of the restroom and approached your patient self and his heart pounded in excitement when he saw you direct that tender smile at him again after all these years. The pleasure was so raw and aching it almost sent him on his knees. You allowed him to take your hand and Mukuro almost moaned when he felt your thumb circle the back of his hand as you both walked out of the library. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. He kept bringing your hand to his lips for lingering kisses. They still smelled so heavenly…

You both arrive in the apartment you were sharing with this man who’s skin Mukuro was wearing and again jealousy stabbed at his heart as he saw the photographs and all the little things that declared this place your love nest with that accursed stranger.

Mukuro wanted to destroy it all. He wanted to pour gasoline over every single available space and burn it to the ground.

“Darling?” Mukuro looked up at you with his eyes still in a blind rage at your call. You took a step back in fright at the murderous look in his eyes. He thought you were going to run but instead you stepped forward the way you have done with him all those years ago. And like all those years ago you held his face in your hands and caressed his cheeks soothingly. “Darling, is everything okay?”

Mukuro couldn’t help it. He looked into your tender, loving eyes and shivered like a man finally given warmth after being stranded out in the cold for too long. Your touch felt too good. Your voice made him bite his lip to stop himself from moaning out your name and letting go of his tears.

“Sorry.” He finally managed, kissing the palm of a hand still caressing his face. Taking a good long whiff of the scent that had haunted his deepest, darkest dreams all these long, long years. “I was just… Thinking.”

You pulled his head towards yours until your foreheads touched and you placed a tender kiss on his lips even as your eyes glowed with sad understanding. “Are you still thinking about my first love? The one I told you about last night?”

Mukuro’s breath caught. Were you talking about him?

“It’s alright. I made you a promise didn’t I? I’ll love you. I’ll love you as much as I can. And when we’re married I’ll forget about him. I promise.”

The words made the madness explode in his mind. Mukuro couldn’t take it anymore. With a dry sob he caught your lips in a kiss so hungry, so needy it almost tore you apart. His whole body shivered as you responded generously. Gracefully. Instinctively giving him the comfort you felt he desperately needed. He pushed you on the carpeted floor and tore at your clothes in his desperate need to devour you. To have you. To hold you. And you responded with gentle, calming caresses that drove him mad with want.

It made him insane. Insane that you would give all this to anyone else but him. Insane that he was not a good person who deserved someone as kind as you. Insane that being with you defied his law of karma.

Forget him? Forget him?

Fuck that!

“Darling…” you panted underneath him as he roughly pulled your skirt up. The straps of your dress already torn and fallen around your now exposed chest currently bruising from his kisses. “What’s going on? You’re acting strange…”

Mukuro responded by catching your lips in another bruising kiss and you arch your body underneath him, unable to control your responses to these familiar caresses… These familiar kisses… This familiar scent…

Wait.

“Say my name…!” he begged against your lips as he began to slip your underwear down your thighs.

Suddenly you push him away from yourself and your eyes, no longer hazy with desire but now filling up with horrified realization, stared right back up at him. Your lips forming the only name that made sense in your mind.

“Mukuro…”

Mukuro allowed the illusion over his body to melt off and showed you the need and fury on the face of the man who had never gotten over sending you away. He ripped your underwear off and pulled your legs apart before practically proceeding to tear his fly open.

He was beyond sanity, beyond reason. Before the only person he had ever wanted logic had no place in his mind any more.

“No!” you protested as you try to move away. “No, you can’t do this! Where is he?! Where’s my fiancé?!”

“He’s safe, my love, don’t worry. For now at least.” Mukuro replied, catching your thighs and dragging you back to him. The touch of insanity glinting in his eyes as he eyed your naked skin. “I should kill him for daring to even touch you.”

His smooth voice seduced you, called to you. Even after all these years of telling yourself you were over him that silky, breathy baritone still made you hot and wet and you felt shame at yourself. Because all of a sudden you now realize that no matter how much you loved the man you were about to marry you had never felt this much passion for him. He had never made you feel this insatiable fever. Never made you ache with both longing and need all at the same time in such an intense way that it felt like a descent to lunacy.

“No…!” you try to push away one last time. Attempting to salvage what dignity you have left. Attempting to save what was left of the broken pieces of yourself that you had managed to pick up after he left you, you close your eyes and try to blot out the image of him above you. Trying to deny he was here. Telling yourself you were dreaming. “He’s been kind to me! Patient with me! Don’t do this! You’ve already ruined my life once, don’t do it again! Please!”

Suddenly you stop struggling when you feel a few drops of wetness fall on your cheeks. Despite yourself you open your eyes and your gaze widened at the sight of the dreaded Rokudo Mukuro allowing his tears to fall as he stared down at you with angry passion.

“Did you think it was easy for me to make you leave?! I didn’t make you leave because I hated you. I saw a glimpse of a future and saw you’d be happier with a man who was a total opposite of me,” he hissed at you, eyes unblinking, expression tragic and breathing labored as he leaned above you. His eyes looking back at you clear and containing a raw, naked truth that pierced through you like a bullet. “I thought I was strong enough to let you go. I thought I could bear the loneliness as long as you were happy! But when I saw you earlier with him I almost died again. I’m not strong enough to forget you. I’m not strong enough to let anyone else have you. Why do you think I’m here?!”

You couldn’t stop your tears from falling as another realization dawned on you.

You had always known he was a liar. You loved him despite all that. So when he broke up with you you were thrown into uncertainty. You didn’t know if he was lying about ever loving you or lying about tiring of you. Both sides of those lies hurt. Both thoughts almost brutally killed you. Now you know the answer…

But you are too scared to risk having your heart broken again.

“Please…” you beg even as you felt yourself crumble at the raw, aching emotions in his eyes, his lips, his very touch as he parted your legs even wider. “Please… If you have any mercy left… Let me go…”

“My love,” he whispered hoarsely even as he thrust himself inside you so deep he was buried to the hilt. You bit your lip as you try to hold back the pleasure threatening to overwhelm you. Your back arching off the floor like a puppet caught in this man’s strings. “You― more than anyone― should know that I am not a merciful man…”

[holylulusworld]

Savior or devil? – Part 3

Thanks go to @firefly-graphics​​ for the wonderful text dividers. <3

Summary: Only days after Rick found you in the woods and takes you in, you end up surrounded not only by walkers but his worst enemy too.

Pairing: Negan x Reader, Rick Grimes x Reader (platonic)

Characters: Simon, Dr. Harlan Carson

Warnings: angst, language (it’s Negan ladies and gentlemen), innocent reader, a hint of soft Negan, the reader is a ray of sunshine (maybe a bit naïve too but we love her), age gap (reader is around 25), cuddling & snuggling, Negan has a daddy kink

<< Part 2

“Don’t you dare to sleep all day,” Negan grumbles. He doesn’t like you still didn’t wake up since last night. “Kiddo, get your ass up.”

“So…tired,” he huffs, relieved you did flinch at his words. “I’m going to get up soon, daddy.” Negan doesn’t know if you meant him or your father, but he can’t deny his cock twitched in his pants.

“Say that again, kid,” you whine, hiding your face in your pillow. “I want to hear it. Call me daddy again, Y/N.” He leans over your body to get a glimpse of your stiff nipples underneath the shirt he offered to you. “Y/N.”

“I’m tired,” you roll on your side, ignoring Negan tries to talk to you. “Go away. I hate you for leaving me alone, daddy. How could you just run off and never come back?”

“Fuck, you made me hard and meant your old man, great.” Negan lifts the blanket to have a look at your ass. “Nice ass, kiddo. Sooner or later I’ll conquer it, promised. Maybe tomorrow – huh? I’d like to taste this sweet little cunt of yours too.”

“I dare you to touch the girl while she’s unconscious, Negan,” Sherry storms into the room, ignoring her ‘husband’s’ angry eyes. “I know you are a bastard, but don’t be a fucking creep too.”

“I would never touch her without her consent. Now be good and take care of that chick. I got better things to do than taking care of a pussy I can’t fuck,” Negan gives you one last look, worriedly rubbing his chin. “She better doesn’t die on your watch or you’ll pay the price. I still want to fuck her…”

“I don’t want to know every fucking detail, doc. Just tell me when she’s going to be able to leave my room,” Negan looks out of the window, watching Simon drag Amber toward a side building.

Negan gave his right-hand man permission to do anything he wants to with Amber to make sure he keeps his hands off you.

“Her fever is still high but her breathing got better. I hope to get the fever down in one or two days. Without the needed medicaments, she’s still in a critical state, Sir,” Harlan nervously glances at Negan, praying he’ll not let his anger out on him. “I will try anything to help her.”

“What will she need to get better?” Negan doesn’t pay attention to the things going on outside of the infirmary. “Doc?”

“Antibiotics and a mattress when she must leave your room again. I tried anything to get hers back, but Amber did a great job at ruining it. She burned the mattress to make sure Y/N doesn’t have the chance to sleep on it ever again,” Negan turns around, a smirk on his lips.

“Oh, doc. I do not intend to let my kiddo go anytime soon. She needs a lot of guidance from me, her savior,” Harlan swallows thickly. He dares not to say a thing, but his stomach tightens imagining all the cruel things Negan could do to you…

“Fuck let’s see what you are hiding underneath those cotton panties,” Negan presses his body against yours to feel your ass against his crotch. “What I would give to fuck that tight little ass.”

“Daddy,” he growls into your ear when you wiggle in your sleep. “Please don’t go. I…I…” Negan’s hand slips between your legs to stroke your inner thigh. “Daddy…”

“I’ll have you impaled on my dick sooner or later, kiddo. I just wish I could fuck you right now. I’m hard as steel but my wives won’t get me off,” before he knows what he’s doing Negan nuzzles his nose into your hair. “You smell so pure, angel…”

“Angel,” your eyes flutter open and you wonder why your panties are soaked. “Daddy?”

“I’m here, kiddo. Your daddy will take good care of you,” you gasp at Negan’s words. “How does my girl feel? Are you still hot?” His voice goes lower when he starts to nibble at your earlobe.

“I feel better,” you lie. The moment you opened your eyes the room started to spin again. “I guess you want me gone. I’ll go back to the common room. Maybe I can find a mattress. If not, Doc Harlan offered I can sleep at the infirmary.”

“You’ll not leave this room, kiddo. You made your bed by following me here, now,” Negan smirks when you dare not to meet his gaze, “you belong with me. Now you are Negan.”

“I’m Negan,” mumbling the words you tug at the blanket covering your bodies. “I can help again. I feel a bit better.”

“If you don’t stop to talk back, I’ll get my dick out and stuff your nasty mouth with it,” you gasp, cheeks heating up at Negan’s words. “Oh, don’t tell me you never had a cock down your throat.” You still refuse to look at Negan. “Fuck me, kiddo. Are you as innocent as I believe you are?”

“I…I was sixteen going seventeen when the world ended. I didn’t have the time to find a guy to fuck,” lips pursed you finally meet Negan’s gaze. “It’s not as if getting fucked was my number one priority.”

“You’re a goddamn virgin,” Negan licks his lips as you look away, nodding silently. “My innocent little kiddo.” Humming to himself Negan feels his cock swell. “You will not leave this room. Now eat and I’ll send the doc to check on you.”

“Fuck me, I’m one lucky bastard,” Negan talks to himself. “I will conquer her virgin cunt and make her mine. No one will touch my little angel.”

“Something wrong Negan?” Simon watches his boss warily. “Did you need my help, boss? I heard you talking about the kid.”

“She’s mine, Simon. That’s all you need to know about the girl at my room. Stay away from her and tell anyone to stay the fuck out of my room. Only the doc and lunch chick are allowed to come to my room from now on,” Negan grunts, eyes trained on his right-hand man. “I dare anyone to touch my girl.”

“Boss, no one would dare to touch the girl. If you say she’s yours, she is yours, Negan. But I can tell everyone to stay away from the girl if you want me to.”

“Must I repeat myself, Simon? I told you to tell everyone to stay the fuck away from Y/N. She’s mine…”

“How do you feel?” Negan’s voice is unusually soft when he sits on the bed to press the back of his hand to your forehead. “Your fever got better according to Carson.”

“I feel a bit better. The room stopped spinning this afternoon,” you feel Negan’s eyes on you when you slip out of the bed to use the bathroom. “Can I take a shower, please?”

“Can I join you?” Negan smirks when you giggle at his question. “I’m good at scrubbing your back and all, kiddo. I can lend you a hand,” you shake your head furiously when Negan looks at you.

“I’m good, but thanks for the offer, boss. I think that I can handle to wash my body. If you want me to, I can go back tonight. I guess you want your room to yourself again,” shuffling from one foot to the other you glance at Negan.

“I told you this morning that you will not leave my room,” Negan gets up to stalk toward you. “I made up my mind and decided to make you my favorite wife.” You gasp when his lips claim yours in a surprisingly gentle kiss. “Now go and have a shower, angel. I’ll get some food for dinner.”

“O-okay,” you stammer. Still shellshocked you walk toward the shower on wobbling legs. “I’ll be right back, Negan.”

“I’ll be waiting for you, Y/N…”

“Good?” You nod, glancing at the food on your plate. “We grew potatoes and tomatoes. I will introduce you to our gardener if you want to.” You nod again. “You got to talk to me, or this conversation will be fucking boring.”

“It’s good, thank you,” mumbling the words you wonder how your life would’ve been if you followed Rick and his people weeks ago. “Did you mean what you said?”

“Oh, angel,” Negan purrs. “I will make you my favorite wife.” His hand slides over your thigh as he looks at you with hunger in his eyes. “Soon you’ll be my good girl and call me daddy.”

“Daddy?” You choke on your food, coughing. “I…I can’t call you daddy. You’re not my dad,” you’ve got no clue why Negan would want you to call him daddy so you look up at him bewildered.

“Angel,” you giggle when Negan nuzzles his face into your neck. “I want you to be good for daddy. Can you be a good girl?”

“I can try…”

Over the next days, Negan is sweet, caring, and gentle. He brings you food, spends as much free time with you as he can effort, and holds you in his arms at night to fend off the nightmares.

Tonight is no different. You sleep peacefully on his chest whilst Negan runs his hands over your back. He smirks when you whimper his name in your sleep, not Rick’s, and his smile grows when your hand slips down to his crotch.

“Soon angel,” Negan whispers. “I’m going to lay claim on you and show Rick you’re mine. When I’m done with you, he’s going to see you’re my little slut, not his nor anyone else’s…”

>> Part 4

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-------------------

Savior or devil? Tags

@vicmc624​​; @aubageddon91​​;

[zeeeeee-sh]

Jan/Feb in bullet points

OMG WHAAAT I’M DOING ONE OF THESEEEE

LAST TIME I DID ONE WAS IN NOVEMBER I THINK! I have a minute tonight so here we go (most likely won’t be in order):

● Last night was our Afghanistan dinner and it was honestly the BEST, today all day I was having event withdrawals lol. It was so much fun with everyone, everything [mostly] went smoothly, and no major issues with seatings and guests. We just didn’t get a childcare room so that was the biggest thing. Other than that it was all good, after the event we did a little get together/bon voyage for a volunteer/intern who’s been with ir for few years! Going to miss her, we just started getting close and now she’s off :(

● I’m one of the heads for msu’s college dayyyyy! APRIL 22ND 2017, just about two months iA. So excited, so far going well. my only concern is transportation. i’m worried with that and have heard horror stories dealing with it so LET’S HOPE ALL GOES WELL WITH THAT, everything else shouldn’t be an issue iA, not worried. SubhanAllah thought i remember when i was in 10th grade and attended an msu college day and i remembered that I was FREAKED OUT bc I wouldn’t get into the school bc you needed some ridiculous high GPA. Look - 4 yrs later and I’m behind it! 

● Classes are going well aH, taking all soc classes this quarter. My stats sequence class, a lower and upper div soc class, and a required research class. The research class is so boring and i hate the TA but it’s not too bad. My topic is studying abroad and students of color, I’m studying trends between that and what are the reasons that POC students have low rates for studying abroad. It’s week 8 this week, 3 MORE WEEEEEKS. Thank God, i’m about done with these classes lol. I love my soc 176 class, it’s called International Cities Divided. Love the professor and the papers are not too bad. My papers have been about Karachi, that was the city I chose to explore this quarter, so it’s been interesting. 

● I’m really torn between my 3 yr or 4 yr program. If i want to graduate in 3 years (meaning next june 2018) I need to take summer classes this year. Which I don’t mind. OR, should i take it slow and stay a 4th yr? Depends on the IR position too and what I have going. Should I just stay a 4th yr and take it easy the last yr, like 12 units per quarter?? i honestly don’t know and it kinda depends on this IR position as well. 

● Speaking of, I have an interview with the IR DC headquarters this Wednesday. I think my plan to graduate in 3 or 4 years all depends on this. Right?? Let’s say I don’t get it, then I SHOULD just stay in school for an extra yr. BUT I HATEE SCHOOL and feel like I could be interning or something. I have to decide by this month bc I need to enroll in summer classes if I decide 3 years. I MUST take 2 summer classes. I feel like the most important decision of my life has to be made by the end of this month ahaha. I honestly don’t know. Usually, I know what I want and what to decide, but not regarding this. My parents are okay with either, so it’s literally just up to me. HELPPPPP

● Duas for @omami91 needed bc, well, she needs it~ May it all work out for the best. 

● One more month til spring break, and also one month til our next event, it’s for Syria iA. ALSO, I got tickets to see Vidya Vox and Arjun (honestly, who is this guy?? he probably sucks im just going for Vidya) on April 9th!! So excited! And on april 1st i got myself into volunteering at a cair event in the VALLEYYY omg, should be fun though! then college day April 22nd. Busy few months. I just hope I get all the classes i need/want when my window opens, then I’ll have a better sense of what my schedule will be like April. 

● So BADRINATH KI DULHANIA is coming out next week, YESSS so excited. I watched dear zindagi the other day too, ugh i didn’t like it, I just liked aditiya roy kapur’s  [ark]5 minute part at end lol. Raees sucked too, but Ok Jannu was good. OFCOURSE BC of ARK lol 

Thanks for reading if you did, and here’s til the next time I get around to doing one of these....

Zulakha xx