#if yr reading this what are you thinking of having for dinner tonight | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

melk-maid · 2 months ago

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warnings: everyone is aged up 21+, afab/gn reader, masochism kink, Dom/sub dynamics, mentor/protege relationship, small age gap (10~ yrs), anal sex, reader is on their period, pain pleasure, spanking, face slapping, angst/comfort, post shibuya, blowjob, face fucking synopsis: kusakabe makes a booty call despite being on your period, something that isn't out of the ordinary. things get a little out of hand for him and kusakabe realises he's not as controlled as he thinks he is

note: this was a commission for anonymous! thank u sm for giving me the opportunity to write kusakabe for the first time and such a hot and juicy idea!! i had a ton of fun writing this and exploring kusakabe. enjoy~♡ minors & ageless blogs dni - you will be blocked

You had just finished washing the dishes when the text came through.

'Busy?'

It makes you smile despite the bluntness; no greeting nor asking how you're doing, not even a direct mention of what he wants. Kusakabe is typically like this with text messages, though depending on what he wants usually determines how nice or straightforward he is. You already know and respond quickly.

'No but I'm on my period.'

Reading over your text makes Kusakabe's mouth water. Seeing your name at the top of his phone eases the ache in his chest, a feeling that almost terrified him. You have no idea just how nice it is to hear from you. The last thing he wants is to face his feelings right now; not the ones regarding the recent Shibuya incident and definitely not the ones he has towards you.

'Even better.' He responds and you snort an unbelievable laugh. 'Meet me at Meguro.'

Kusakabe has been texting you more often these days and he's beginning to feel like a bother. The little signature heart you respond with is enough to set his mind at ease, leaving space for the guilt that's been plaguing him for weeks now. Tokyo is somewhat under control after the destruction caused by the curse that is Sukuna, but everyday is so painfully busy that all anyone knows is curses and grief. In the few moments of respite like tonight, it's hard to maintain any positivity.

Meeting at a love hotel has been a great way for Kusakabe to keep you at arms length. On occasion you've been to his home for dinner and drinks, to rest and gather information on missions, but never for pleasure. This way it's easy to fall into established dynamics without confusion, to keep himself in line. You put a little effort into your appearance, approaching Kusakabe outside the building in an outfit that's a little more than casual; unlike him, who still wore his dress shirt from the work day and tie loosened around his neck. You were refreshed while he still carried the burden of curse energy with him.

The room was cheap and it definitely looked that way. Thankfully you're not someone Kusakabe feels the need to impress with fancy rooms to fuck in. You've known each other and worked together for long enough that flashing cash isn't necessary.

Making yourself comfortable, you sit on the edge of the bed and take in what little the room offers.

"Did I tell you to sit?" Kusakabe asks. It's firm, confident and it catches you by surprise.

You watch the way he rolls his sleeves up, standing at the end of the bed, peacoat folded neatly on the chair on the other side of the room, looking back at you with eyes all too familiar. All you hear is your excited heartbeat and the plastic of a lollipop wrapper, mouth watering when he slots the candy between his teeth.

You fall into the role easily. Standing up, you hold your hands behind your back, biting your lip to suppress a smile. "No." You say innocently, a lilt in your tone that has Kusakabe's cock pulse with interest.

He takes one step towards you, his hand crawling up towards your chin to cup your face, fingers pressing into your cheeks with the slightest pressure that causes your lips to pucker. First contact and your skin was on fire, heart racing with excitement that you worry you might actually pass out. Kusakabe's hands are rough and calloused in texture, but he's purposeful in every action he takes.

"No?"

You smile against the fingers at your cheeks. "No sir."

"That's better." Kusakabe says before using his free hand to pull the lollipop from his mouth. "Open up." His fingers squeeze your cheeks ever so slightly, allowing room for you to part your lips and stick your tongue out for the sweet treat before you. Wrapping your tongue around the lollipop, Kusakabe's eyes are locked onto the muscle and the way it moves, pulling the candy into your mouth and rolling it behind your teeth with a clink. You hum, savouring the taste of artificial cherry and Kusakabe.

The hand cradling your chin slowly travels down your neck, his thumb brushing over your windpipe — it's gentle, not even the slightest threat, but the touch has you visibly swallowing. A small smile slowly grows across Kusakabe's lips, his eyes following his hand wandering down your chest and groping you over your shirt. "You came here pretty fast," He comments, "Someone's a little eager to see me again."

You had seen each other earlier in the day at work before being split off on individual tasks, though you're never mad about seeing your mentor.

Tucking the lollipop into your cheek, you respond, "When you call, I follow."

Looking at him, you bat your eyelashes with big, faux-innocent eyes.

You're going to drive him insane one of these days.

Kusakabe groans low in his throat. There's always been something about you that makes him crazy, yet you bring him a sense of peace that not many others can. He's always been a self serving sorcerer who lives for himself, doing what he can and letting others take care of the rest. When you came along years ago, you burrowed your way into his chest, making a home inside his ribs. Along the way, you made him decide to want to be better, to do better, to live better. You follow him around and listen to all the advice he has to give, someone who takes all he has to give when he's had a hard day, so obedient with your bright eyes and bushy tail.

Maybe he was hiding his face in the crook of your neck or maybe he wanted to taste your sensitive flesh. You're incredibly responsive to his touch; hearing your breath hitch when his thumb rubs over your nipple — perky through both your bra and shirt — he feels goosebumps form beneath the hand at your waist.

"Can I touch you?" You whisper right by his ear, missing the way it sends a shiver down his spine.

He doesn't respond straight away, daring you to lose patience and touch him anyway. Your hands are still held together behind your back, chest leaning into his touch for more, quiet moans filling the little space between you both. Kusakabe kisses your neck, fills his lungs with your scent and smiles when you whine at the pinching of your nipple.

"No, I want you on your knees."

You look at him through lidded eyes, hazy with lust and he has to hold back from kissing you. Lowering yourself onto your knees, he's kind enough to reach over for one of the pillows on the bed, dangling it in front of you. With an airy giggle, you thank him and kneel on the cushion — it's cheap and you can tell, but it's the thought that counts.

"Unfasten my belt—" A sweet name almost falls from his lips, catching it just in time to make his command feel strange. Still, you did as he said without another word.

The air is thick as you work on his belt, slow and methodical, Kusakabe watches you with beady eyes. You know what you're doing and it serves to encourage him, acting as gasoline on the growing fire in the pit of his stomach. He has patience, however, and you're willing to push him as far as you can. Rolling the lollipop around behind your teeth, the palm of your hand grazes over Kusakabe's crotch.

He swallows when you finally pop the button of his pants. As soon as you witnessed a peek of coarse, dark hair between Kusakabe's dress shirt and boxers, you forgot all about your teasing and pulled his underwear down swiftly.

You can't help but inhale deeply when greeted with Kusakabe's cock, half hard and still resting against his balls. There's a distinct scent that comes with your mentor; a charcoal, woodsy kind of smell, something so masculine and mature, paired with the undertones of his natural musk that has you drooling around the lollipop in your mouth. It can't be helped when you instinctively lean in and bury your nose in the crevice between his thigh and cock. Kusakabe can feel you inhaling against him — regrettably, he can also feel the stick of your lollipop digging into his inner thigh.

It's unintentional the amount of aggression he uses to grab onto your scalp and pull you back, though the apology that was about to spill out from him is lost when Kusakabe looks down at you. There's a small grimace on your lips but it's overshadowed by the hunger in your eyes, soft hands gripping onto his thighs with desperation. He's always known you like him to be a little rough, but it's never been something he's felt the need to explore.

"Just can't help yourself, can you?" Kusakabe comments, almost leering down at you with his hand still in your hair — albeit his grip has loosened dramatically. Lidded eyes stare back at him, your exposed throat bobbing as you swallow caught his attention. The lollipop was easily pulled from your mouth by Kusakabe, slotted back into his own and stuffed into his cheek. "Here," He stands straight and guides his slowly hardening cock towards your mouth.

You easily part your lips and allow Kusakabe to slide inside, resting on your tongue and groaning when you wrap yourself around him. So warm and wet, you roll your tongue along the underside of his shaft and moan. Despite him being half-mast, there's still the bitter taste of excitement that coats the back of your throat, taking care not to take his length too deep so fast. Looking up at him as you lick a stripe along his cock, you smile and Kusakabe catches bright red that paints your tongue. The rest of the lollipop is crushed between his teeth involuntarily.

It doesn't take long for him to grow at your attention and you relish in the feeling of him hardening against your tongue. You don't mind the extra work to wake him up or excite him. Initially he tried to play it off as his age, unable to stand to attention and cum as fast as he did in his twenties, but you'd both come to realise it was more likely a cause of stress.

His hand in your hair is surprisingly gentle, slowly stroking your scalp in a motion that offers comfort and makes your heart flutter. After a while of letting you have your fun and helping Kusakabe wake up, he decided to take the reins and use you like he intended.

The grip in your hair tightens again, eliciting a groan of pain that tapers into a distorted moan when your mentor begins to thrust his hips into you. It caught you by surprise but there weren't any complaints on your end; straightening your back and relaxing your throat, you focus on breathing through your nose and enjoying having your face fucked.

Ever the gentleman, Kusakabe isn't as powerful or desperate as he could be. The feeling of his cock head pressing against the curve of your throat was addictive, inhaling sharp when your walls constrict around him. Your gargled sounds were music to his ears, carelessly drooling all over him and yourself, you flex your tongue against the underside of his shaft.

His grip tightened in your hair, cock being buried deeper in your throat with each thrust — he couldn't help himself. Seeing you on your knees and so obedient…It's not like you've never done this before, but this time was different. Kusakabe couldn't pinpoint what it was, but having you choke around his cock with a noseful of his hairs was scratching an itch within him. For a moment, it felt like he'd almost lost himself, releasing you from his grasp and watching as you pull back and off of him entirely.

Despite the guilt that began to form in his chest, Kusakabe doesn't bother apologising for his actions. He watches as you cough and sputter, still connected through multiple thick strings of saliva around your lips, each one slowly breaking with every gasp for air. He tried to maintain the dominant role, or at least that was his excuse. It's one thing to fuck you hard and fast, maybe bruise your ass with his belt, but this felt like a whole other beast.

When you look up at him with those same hungry eyes and a bright smile, Kusakabe somehow feels worse.

You lean forward and take his tip into your mouth again, sucking and rolling your tongue across his slit. He curses under his breath, unfastening his shirt buttons as an excuse to keep his hands busy.

"Please…" You murmur against his shaft, mouthing at him from the side and smearing his saliva coated cock along your cheek. Kusakabe hums in a silent question as you continue kissing him all around his base. "Need you to fuck me."

His cock twitches against the side of your face in response, biting his tongue to hold back the groan that threatens to crawl out of him. You're dangerous, so very dangerous and Kusakabe can't help but take a dip into your waters.

There's a grumble of an order to stand along with a gentle and helpful hand. On your feet, you hardly take a breath before Kusakabe is on you, kissing you like a starved man. You groan around his tongue that slid its way inside your mouth, taking advantage of your surprise but you melt into him instantaneously.

Kusakabe's hands roam across your body, carving out every little dip and curve. It reminds you that he's a little more experienced than you; knows more, practised more, perfected the art of groping breasts especially. All of it is a rush to your head, dizzy and spinning from all your heightened senses. Your body reacts much more on your period — every nerve is much more sensitive to his touch. You'd be embarrassed for all your little moans and whines and leaning into the touch if it were anyone but Kusakabe.

One of his hands crawls up to your throat, resting his fingers on either side of your jugular. He squeezes just a little and you wish he would be more daring. You've seen how he grips that sword of his — when will it be your turn to experience that kind of handling.

You pull away from the kiss with hazy eyes and a lopsided smile, mirroring your hand over his and pushing him to squeeze just a little more. For effect, you inhale a shaky gasp, watching as Kusakabe's eyes darken. You dare to lean forward and lick his lips, a small stripe from chin to nose and giggle as he grimaces. It's hard to wind up Kusakabe — or at least it feels like he has the patience of a saint, for you in particular. He needs to de-stress and you're willing to be his toy, it just feels like he is walking on eggshells with himself.

You're thrilled when Kusakabe throws you onto the bed, landing with a huff and giggle before his hands grab your hips and pull you up. He presses himself into your ass, his wet and hard cock grinding against your clothes. "Tell me how you expect me to fuck you when you're bleeding."

Kusakabe's hands are warm as he pulls down your pants, watching the way the fabric rolls down the curve of your ass — his cock is equally as hot resting between your cheeks. Burying your face into your arms, you whine from a sudden surge of shyness. In reality you don't mind how he fucks you as long as he pleasures you. Your clit thumps painfully between your legs, core aching desperately with need and you instinctively wiggle your butt against him. He lets out a laugh, squeezing tender flesh before clapping his hand down against you. The way your flesh jiggles from the impact has Kusakabe leaking all in your crack.

"Use your words." Another slap, this time to your other cheek.

He takes your silence as a hint, pulling his cock away from between your cheeks and slotting himself between your thighs instead. Your underwear had been left on, adding to the insufferable teasing when he grinds his cock against the fabric and in turn, your clit. All the while, his fingers roam around your other hole, spreading you open and lightly thumbing at your entrance.

"We've never tried anal before," He comments casually, relishing in the way your body shivers. "When one route is unavailable, there's always another."

While he might be pleased with his teasing, you were on the edge of a pleasant spiral. Dipping your toe into the warm body of water but never submerging yourself. Your mind reels with desperation as Kusakabe slowly drags his cock along your clothed folds, breath hitching everytime the head of his cock nudges your engorged clit. All you could see were stars as you rock your hips to meet him, desperate for more and almost drooling over the sheets before he'd done anything. You're like a bitch in heat and Kusakabe is thriving on it.

The room comes with some amenities to help aid the intended fun; condoms, wet wipes, the world's tiniest packet of lube. It's a cheap hotel so it's to be expected that they don't hand out an abundance of goodies, and Kusakabe would rather face Sukuna again than ask reception for more lube packets with his erection in tow. He's dedicated himself to fucking you in the ass now, though, and he's sure you wouldn't mind him seeing it through.

"There's not much lube here," Kusakabe informs you as you listen to him lather the clear substance over his cock, stroking the gooey liquid over himself before using the remainder on his hand to coat your hole. "I'll try and be gentle."

It wasn't entirely a lie, but you were grateful that it wasn't the whole truth. With no stretching and a little bit of lube in your hole, Kusakabe pushes himself inside as best he can with instinctual resistance. The pressure and pain overwhelmed your need for pleasure, trying to tell yourself to relax your body as you cry out and grip onto the sheets. It fucking hurt considering Kusakabe isn't small by any means, yet it was everything you wanted.

Kusakabe groans as he presses deeper, holding onto your hips to help push you back into him. Your cries of pain encourage him in a way that also fuels the guilt in his heart. If he was hurting you and you wanted to stop, you would say so. He knows the signal, the sign that you need him to stop, continuing to fall into his desires when your fingers dig into the blanket beneath you.

You struggle to breathe through the pain already, lightheaded in the best way possible as you fight your body's instincts to flinch away. Kusakabe's fingers dig into the flesh of your hips and it adds to the pleasurable pain, distributing the ache that tears through your body after he pushes through your ring of muscle. It becomes even harder to fill your lungs with air when his body drapes itself over yours, sinking deeper into the worn mattress. Tears sting your eyes but they're quickly blinked away, strangely comforted by the arm that's wrapped around your neck.

"Relax." He murmurs in your ear, dragging his tongue along the shell.

At this point, Kusakabe had lost himself. It was easy for you to tell in the way he spoke, the way he pressed all of his weight into you without a care, how his grip around your neck was cutting off your airway and just how quickly and carelessly he thrusts into your ass. Fingernails claw into his arm around your neck, choked moans tear through you between gasps for air. It felt like you were as high as a kite at that moment; everything hurt so good that you didn't even think about the safety signal.

Normally he was responsive to your cries — hyper responsive, to the point you wished he would just ignore you. Any cry of pain or broken moan and Kusakabe would be pulling back, releasing you from his grip until you clawed him back breathless. Somewhere, somehow, he lost himself. Maybe it was in Shibuya when faced with Sukuna’s explosion or it could've been after the bodies of fellow sorcerers were found mangled and destroyed by curses and their own. Either way, it should've been his sign something was wrong when he tightens his grip around your neck, relishing in the way your breath hitches and gargles in your throat.

"So tight…" Kusakabe breathes out, hot breath hitting your ear and the sound rattles through your brain. Being fucked so good, it's empty up in that skull of yours, hardly able to comprehend what he's saying. "I should exclusively fuck you like this from now on. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

For a brief moment there's relief around your neck and you're able to breathe, released from the pressure of his body against yours and you actually miss it. The loneliness is short lived, though, as Kusakabe grabs a fistful of your hair and tugs you back. At first you arch your back, only for him to continue pulling until you lift yourself onto your knees. His cock was still buried deep in your ass, now at a new angle as he thrusts in short bursts.

With your back to his chest, you were exposed and free for his hands to roam. One instantly crawls down to your crotch, still covered with your underwear as though you needed to be hidden away. Out of bounds — it doesn't stop Kusakabe from sliding his fingers between your folds over the fabric.

His other hand made its way to your neck again and finally you experienced the grip you know he has. Each finger is purposeful in their position, calculated in the way they press against your jugular and the pressure against your windpipe. The combination of pleasure has your eyes rolling, groaning as your hips twitch back and forth, unsure where you want to be given the most attention.

"You'd love for me to fuck your ass everyday." He continues but doesn't expect an answer from you — if you were to give one, it's likely he would've squeezed his fingers around your neck to hear you choke on the words. "Stretch you open like the whore you are." You cry out when Kusakabe begins circling your clit, holding onto his arm at your neck for leverage as you squirm from the overwhelming sensation. "Do you want me to fuck your ass everyday?"

There's no way to answer — fuck, you can hardly even process what he's saying nevermind form a coherent response. The painful stretch of his cock in your ass shoots straight to your core with every thrust, legs weak from his expert touch against your neglected clit and all your brain cells are dying at a rapid rate from the lack of oxygen. You had begun to drool over yourself from overwhelming pleasure, whining when the hand around your throat disappeared to quickly tug your shirt over your chest and slap your tit.

"Don't ignore me." Kusakabe huffs, growing more aggressive and fast. His hips bucking into you, fingers on your clit pinching and rubbing, hand on your breasts practically tearing your bra off of you. All you could do was whine and lean back into him, relishing in the pleasure. "Answer me!"

It was a shock to you both when it happened, though you both had drastically different reactions.

The clap that echoes through the room shouldn't be anything new. Kusakabe is happy to indulge in impact play and has cum over the memory of your red, swollen ass when he's going solo. There was one line he drew in the sand, and that was slapping you in the face.

His body grows cold in an instant, hand throbbing from the impact and Kusakabe pulls away like you were on fire.

Your legs were still shaky and without his helping hands, you fell into the bed. You furrow your brows and look at Kusakabe over your shoulder, a curse spilling into the sheets when he pulls out from you entirely.

Kusakabe felt sick to his stomach and his mind was beginning to shut down. He could hardly look at you for shame and embarrassment.

Too much, it was all too much.

While it did feel good to let out some of his frustration, he went too far and lost control. Another person he loves and cares about will disappear and there's nothing he can do about it. Granted this isn't as dramatic as other situations, Kusakabe can't believe he let himself take out his anger on you.

"I'm sorry…" Was all you hear besides the rustling of fabric and the clink of a belt. "You should leave."

"Why? What's wrong?" You ask dumbly, still reeling from having all your thoughts being fucked out of you. With jelly arms, you push yourself up and move through the pain towards the edge of the bed, growing frustrated with his silence and lack of acknowledgement of you. "Kusakabe, talk to me."

He falls back easily onto the bed when you pull at his shirt, clawing for him to come back to you. There's still no response when he lays back into the bed, nothing when you wince and sit on his stomach, fingers threaded through the coarse hair on his chest and you ask him again. "What happened?"

You refuse to give up — you don't want to leave him. It's clear there's something on his mind; it's been written all over his face the moment you saw him outside the hotel, but you never pry. If he wants you to know something, he will let it be known. Kusakabe's eyes are distant when they look at you, watching as they fall down to the swelling of your cheek and you realise. It feels stupid for you not to pick up on the problem when it should be obvious, but you personally didn't have a problem with it.

"It's okay." Your sweet voice hums and it feels like balm on Kusakabe's soul. It's uncharacteristic the way he leans into your hand on his cheek, but it's something he has desperately needed for the past few weeks.

Neither of you say anything for a long while. The weight of you sitting on him was a welcomed weight, listening to your relaxed breathing with your head buried in the crook of his neck. Considering everything you'd done together both in and out of the bedroom, this feels like the most intimate thing you've done together.

"Do you want to keep going?" You ask quietly, a whisper that admittedly has Kusakabe's soft cock twitching. When he doesn't answer for a moment, you add, "We can go at your pace. If you want a blowjob, handjob, to fuck me again; whatever you're comfortable with."

He stirs beneath you, hands that were gently stroking your thighs were now wrapped around your waist and in a flurry of motions, you were on your back. You didn't mind his lack of response to anything you said, even though you would appreciate just a little bit of acknowledgement. The air is thick but it's not because of lust; it slowly dissipates as you share a kiss, tongues tied together with your legs wrapped around his hips.

Kusakabe can't believe how lucky he is sometimes. To have made it this far without being killed. To have met such a passionate, kind and selfless person in you. Sometimes he doesn't believe he deserves your company with how cowardly he is, so weak willed and fearful. You face everything head on and you somehow learnt it all from him — granted you have been teaching him a lot in return.

With the friction of your underwear against his cock as he slowly rutted into you, Kusakabe grows hard and guides himself to slip into you once again. Your hiss is swallowed with a kiss; the last thing he wants is to hear he's hurting you again.

It takes a while for him to fall back into the role again — of being a Dom and fucking you without fear. Granted he didn't treat you like you were made of glass, Kusakabe still struggled to get out of his own head and enjoy himself with you. Your hands were there to guide him, to pull him into your chest and to pinch your nipples with rough fingertips. The smile on your face was beautiful when you moan, typically followed by a slough of curses he could never tire of hearing when his hand finds your clit again.

You cum around nothing but your body clenches in response, tightening around his cock and Kusakabe has to keep himself from pinching your clit too tight. He needs to experience everything you have to offer, to consume you and hold you tight and never let go. The guilt still resides in his heart and it's likely to stay there for a while, but the breath of his name coming from you eases that feeling just a little.

Kusakabe takes longer to finish but that's standard. Your body aches as he fucks you a little more freely, feeling him slowly release his inhibitions and move at a pace he needs to cum. Glassy eyes look up at him, biting your lip as you moan with each thrust, it drives him to the point of insanity. When he does finish, it's with his tongue deep in your mouth to keep him from letting anything slip in the heat of the moment, releasing himself deep inside of you.

Kusakabe pulls out slowly, relishing in the sight of his cum threatening to leak from your worn hole. When your underwear falls back in place, you're dragged back to reality with fear that you'll have to travel back home with cum soaked underwear.

"Stay there, don't get up, I'll handle it." Kusakabe is quick to instruct when you try to sit up, wincing from how sore you are and lay back down without any push back.

You watch as he unloads the tiny container of amenities trying to find what he needs, giggling when he grumbles under his breath and makes a mess on the small desk. He's surprisingly gentle when he uses a wet wipe to clean the semen leaking out of you, using a fresh wipe to clean your face of dried tears and drool. While you stare at him with sweet eyes as he holds your face still, Kusakabe has trained himself not to fall for your adorable afterglow.

He's just as gentle with the miniscule amount of lotion that's offered — not to be confused with lube. There's only enough to cover one of your three cheeks that are swollen and sore, so he opts to rub the creamy liquid over your face.

"I didn't mind it." You say, breaking the silence between you. In typical Kusakabe fashion, he grunts and refuses to meet your eyes.

Once he was dressed and cleaned up, Kusakabe climbs onto the bed with you, getting himself comfortable and snaking an arm around your shoulders when you instinctually lean in to cuddle. It's like a routine at this point, one that you both enjoy and know where each other stands. While there are lingering feelings neither of you are prepared to show each other, there's more important things going on in the world than confessing feelings and potentially destroying a cosy arrangement.

When you're just about comfortable enough to walk without getting strange looks, Kusakabe is there to keep you company on the way to the train station. The act is over and you're back to normal, talking about work and the amazing coffee you drank that morning from a new shop that just opened.

He's your mentor again, despite the kiss on the cheek goodbye.

And you're his apprentice that makes his heart flutter as you step onto the train.

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hospitalterrorizer · 5 months ago

Text

diary455

12/24-25/24

tuesday - wednesday

happy christmas,

today has been good basically, my gf started off rather depressed though, because she's had to go out so much it's left her very tired but after eating food and going through the day more, sleeping a bunch more too, she started to feel better, i think after i cooked dinner basically.

i wanted to do some stuff today, i didn't really get to though, i wanted to draw but it's too late now, and i wanted to read but i couldn't because her brother invited us out to free food... so you can't say no to that + tomorrow more free food... tonight was korean bbq, which was fun. i didn't want to eat too much so i just sort of cooked for everyone, i wonder how much that is an appeal for people, sort of filling out the fantasy of taking care of others, which is a strange thing, paying to have the ability to service others or feel like you are helping or serving them in some way. i don't know. but i guess for myself that feels gratifying as something to do. it feels odd, or i guess more accurately, dumb, to want to do that for my gf's brother... lots of reasons i've been through re: that but the new one is his 18 yr old girlfriend. it's a messy situation and i have no clue what to do, probably nothing, right? it's classically speaking, not my problem, but i feel bad, i feel like i'm supposed to do something? i can't though. or, i'm afraid of pissing him off, i really am, i don't know why. it's like scary to me. i don't think he'd hit me but i hate the idea of him feeling betrayed, isn't that silly though? it's not like i've ever been with him, i just also never want him to feel awful or bad, because that never leads to anything good, for him, or anyone outside of him. this is the stupid thing i feel troubled over. not really stupid i think, but it's nothing i can intervene in. they've been together for a week, two maybe? she says 'i love you' like 10 times in the span of 5 minutes, tomorrow i'm going to meet her. i'm worried she'll be an insane hyper online teenager, some signs point yes, my gf says that her brother says she's kind of an insane racist and also says the word "faggot," a lot. i don't know what's going to go on there, mostly though i'm worried about him ruining her life, in some number of ways. already talking about having her move in with him, already talking about their future, she just totally loves him. he talks about how she does what he asks without question, which makes me feel insane, and it gets to men's general fucked up entitlement, where he works this miserable job, and so he says things like 'work hard like me god will give you a pickme,' and that's disgusting and also in the face of that what am i supposed to do, in the face of her probably really loving him and seeing nothing wrong here, am i to be like, he is a serious fuck up and sometimes an awful person you need to be careful? who is going to listen to me, generally, and why would she listen to me specifically, why would she listen to his sister, even? it feels like there's no way to help, her life is like awful already too. i don't know.

outside of this, tomorrow seems freaky because our friend's friend who is going to the movies with us just got broken up with by my gf's friend in china. i imagine he blames us because we find him annoying, well beyond annoying, difficult and weird and touchy and loud and stupid and blah blah blah, not that stupid... just like trapped in some prison he's created for himself socially, where he's just one way and that's all he can do. i just feel like he's gonna be pissed at us but she was right to break up with him and i feel bad for ever suggesting that they get together, i didn't know better then.

despite these things i imagine tomorrow will not go as bad as i've imagined it could. i imagine such insane things, and such violent tensions between people. no matter what as long as i have my gf and we go home together we'll be fine, and time will make whatever goes wrong fine too.

tomorrow's gonna come and i will see, like that movie, come and see, there might even be a nazi, who knows with this supposedly racist 18 year old girl who has a miserable life and has no lifeline but my gf's brother.

here's something else to distract from that oncoming nightmare, pictures of myself from today, i didn't expect to go out but i thought this was cute:

now it's 2 am... gotta sleep soon, oh, i edited writing today, a bit, need to go into that thing i just wrote and do more though i think, iron it out into something i can at least show people.

i guess the day after tomorrow everything will go back to normal roughly and i can just do the stuff i keep saying i will do, like draw and read and stuff. at least i'm not inactive re: writing, but that is always smoother basically, the bumps from writing all feel emotional basically, like, i'm so stupid, i'm a failure, no one will read anything i write, blah blah blah.

my gf is watching a kpop thing right now, this group itzy sounds insane... some song called mr. vampire horror (christmas version)... i will go over and look at that,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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scarfknot-self · 4 months ago

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Letters to The Vampire Lestat - five

By SCARF KNOT

January 10, 2025

Dearest Lestat,

I feel lost.

I’m in a very liminal space, a purgatory of sorts. I must get my affairs in order before turning myself into the county jail for 36 days.

Before you balk at the small amount of time I’ll be doing, know that it will be in the middle of a Spring semester at University, during the entire fifth month of my relationship with my girlfriend, and oh yeah, need I remind you of how very unaccommodating jail is?

Nevermind the sentence. She’ll take my calls so I’ll be fine. She’s even sending books to read. I’ll give her some money beforehand so I have food beyond the meager meals they serve.

And between you and me, I hope what soap and lotion I can get will be of proper quality.

But tonight I am reminded of a more pressing problem.

I need to move out of my little sister’s house and this time, I need to stay out.

I’ll be moving in with my girl as my roommate and lover extraordinaire. And I figure if my little sister’s gonna get ambitious about how much one woman can be a bitch to her environment and all those who simply want to love her and those who have been the most excellent big brother a little sister could have, then well…

Why should I pay rent for the month I’m in jail? Those funds can go to the moving fees associated with when I get out.

Thanks for the boost out the door sistah.

We start looking immediately after I get out. I just can’t wait.

The biggest thing I needed to be out for was when the semester refund hits. Then I can move the funds out of checking, and put funds in buckets for my gf to preserve for our purposes, and for the rest of the funds to remain in savings so I don’t get robbed by subscriptions I want to end or bills that won’t need paying whilst one is locked up.

The New York Times is cheap. Amazon will charge too often, as will Netflix. And the thing about subscriptions is you can show up at a store thinking you have the money to buy a pack of desperately needed cigarettes, only to find that your card is declined because one of these services has decided to charge you while you travelled to the store.

Plus, I want a laptop, and to have a ton of sex before going without for a month.

I’ve gone longer but a sexual relationship is a luxury in today’s romantic economy.

Ever since the pandemic, sex has become a rare commodity. I thought I hated being single for 3 years, but at least I can tell which looks of hatred I’m getting when she and I go out.

I’ve even had a neighbor dude stop talking to me recently. I can only pray he finds someone. Perhaps sooner than later. I love (most of) my neighbors.

Remember my little sister? She totally needs to get man-wrecked.

Another reason to move in together with shawty is that there are rules here.

No overnight guests.

Don’t have sex when she or her son is there.

My room happens to be on the same floor as them. The only other option is the basement where two other family members already live.

The house is too full. Of the adults there are two brothers and two sisters, and only the men are in relationships, and one of the sisters is pregnant. The Head of Bitches - I mean - Head of Household is the other sister with the 13 yr old who is far too protective of her and his Taco Bell.

No one else eats that, girl. Frankly, that should not be dinner. Like ever.

Well maybe before it made me puke, but not these days.

What was I talking about?

Apparently my gf has been making a playlist out of the songs I come across on Spotify that I’m loving so much at the moment I share a link to the song in a text to her.

I just felt like she should hear what I love, right? I’m sharing that with her.

Dude, anyway, anyway Lestat, look…

Apparently I sent her Phil Collins cause I told her to send me the playlist as it is and I’m now happily singing “You’ll Be In My Heart”.

Because I was so sick my singing voice was gone. Because I love that song. Because I love Phil Collins. Because I make playlists all the time and for her to make one out of what I want her to hear and stuff that’s romantic or funny or oh shit - stuff that is “Hey Baby” by Deadmau5 - it’s doing a hell of a job picking me up after that Taco Bell Nightmare really cut me deep.

So I’ll leave you with those two song recommendations?

I’d listen to them in my coffin too!!

Ever your servant,

SCARF KNOT

(I don’t need to explain that to you, do I? Didn’t think so.)

Check out my blog seventhfloor.org for more!

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lightseoul · 2 years ago

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you and me, both

synopsis. mina and kirishima invite you to a night out. ‘it won’t be like last time!’ they said. you begrudgingly go. (part 1)

cw. gn!reader, gradstudent!reader, prohero!katsuki, aged-up (~23 yrs old), mina ashido x kirishima eijirou, fluff

word count. 1.9k words

You check your watch for the umpteenth time, which now reads 6:29 PM. It hasn’t even been a minute since you last checked it, yet it feels like you’ve been waiting here for hours.

The ramen shop you’re waiting in front of and agreed to hang out at is slowly getting packed with people, tired businessmen and students alike eager to eat the day’s worries away and head home full and satisfied.

Rocking yourself on your feet, you chance another peek at your watch. You stare at it as the minute hand finally strikes the number 12. With a heavy sigh, you look up to find Bakugou walking towards you, hands in his pockets, just in time.

Of all things, the last thing you need him to be is punctual.

You stare at each other in awkward silence before warily exchanging hello’s.

Before Bakugou could even bring up the elephant in the room, you quickly explain, “I think everyone else is just running late.”

He nods silently, and in three strides, arrives at the spot to your left, all the while sparing a respectable distance between the two of you.

Clearing your throat, you look around at everything else but him. The ramen shop you chose as a group called Kikanbo is known for its signature ‘devil’ ramen—devil because of its (allegedly, hot and numbing) spiciness.

You were initially against it, not wanting to make a fool of yourself in front of Mina and Kirishima’s Pro Hero friends, but ultimately decided to go with the flow. The last thing you needed was for them to tease you about being self-conscious around Bakugou. Which you aren’t.

Suddenly, it dawns on you how suspiciously couple-looking you’re coming off right now. Giving Bakugou a quick once-over, he’s dressed in black joggers and a grey crewneck sweater, insulated by a thick, long coat. You internally sigh in relief at the sight of his baseball cap, which should shield his identity from prying eyes.

Though, you doubt his bulging muscles and piercing crimson eyes do much in terms of keeping a low profile.

While looking him up and down, he catches your eye. Embarrassed, you blurt out: “I’m gonna call Mina.”

Desperate to get away from his immediate radius, you don’t even wait for his acknowledgment before stepping away into a quiet corner. The phone rings three times before you’re greeted with a chirpy (too chirpy, if you were to be honest right now), sing-song voice.

“Hi, Y/N! What’s up?”

Twelve years of friendship and you still can’t believe this girl, “Mina? Where the fuck are you?! And everyone else?”

She has the nerve to guffaw, “Like I said, it won’t be like last time anymore! Tonight, it’s only gonna be you and—drum roll, please,” in the background, you hear someone—Kirishima, probably—imitating a drum, “Bakugou!”

Fuck. You can’t help but whimper, “You have to be kidding me.”

“Sorry, Y/N. We figured this is the only way we can get you guys to spend time together outside of just texting. By the way, you guys sure are going at a snail’s pace, huh?”

You can feel the blood rush to your face, “What? How’d you even—”

“Bye, bestie!” she cuts you off, “Have fun!”

“Be safe, bro!” Kirishima adds before she hangs up, leaving you slack-jawed and your heart going at 150 beats per minute.

When you turn back, you see Bakugou leaning with his back against the wall, a smirk decorating his features. What’s he all fucking smug about?

You reluctantly walk towards him, waving your phone for emphasis, “Did you know about this?”

“No,” the smirk has now been replaced with a subdued scowl, “but I put two and two together on the way here.”

And just like that, he drops the conversation. He simply makes his way to the entrance and you follow suit, forced to deal with all the implications by yourself.

Just like the dinner from two weeks ago, it turns out that hanging out with Bakugou isn’t so bad after all.

After ruefully accepting the fact that you both got absolutely betrayed and stood up by your best friends, you entered the ramen shop and got seated on the stools facing the chefs. You ended up going for the regular level spices, or futsu futsu, while Bakugou went all in and ordered the devil ramen or oni mashi.

He barked a laugh at how your eyes bugged out the moment you saw how red his broth is. Instead of challenging you to a spice-off, though, he simply offered you the first sip (which stunned you—you didn’t expect him to make such a courteous gesture). Grateful, you took his offer.

You shouldn’t have, though.

You ended up choking so hard, alarming everyone in the restaurant, and Bakugou had to keep in his snort (that was surely gonna be loud and attract even more attention) in favor of getting you some milk to wash it off.

Once you recovered, you went on to eat your dinner, talking about the kinds of things you’ve conversed about over daily texts. Real-life conversation with Bakugou, to your pleasant surprise, is easy and free-flowing.

Contrary to how he’s depicted in media and your first impression of him from that run-in in the middle of your commute home from university, Bakugou is thoughtful and considerate. Sometimes brash, yes, but never mean.

He also seems to be genuinely interested in what you have to say, mindful of shifting the conversation from revolving around his hero work to asking about how’s post-grad these days, or if there’s anything eventful that happened in Manual’s agency earlier, seeing as how’s today’s a Saturday, the day on which you work part-time as admin staff.

You couldn’t school the surprised expression on your face fast enough at his remembering, and a small, somewhat self-satisfied smile took over his lips at your reaction. You probably, maybe, could’ve died a happy person then and there, but you kept yourself in check.

Soon after the bowls were clean of delicious ramen and bills were paid, you then headed out and decided to walk in the cool night breeze, with Bakugou taking the lead.

Which is how you wound up here, in a somewhat populated park that you’ve never heard of, sitting on the bench overlooking the view and in comfortable silence.

“So,” you start, admiring the scenery (first; second, avoiding eye contact), “do you usually go here?”

He grunts in response, “Yeah. Though I usually stroll around alone, instead of…” he gestures awkwardly toward your direction.

You struggle to contain your chuckle. How can he be so domineering in the field yet so bunglesome when talking to you? It’s endearing, to say the least.

“But you have brought some over here, have you?” you look around again, inspecting the greenery, the stone infrastructure, the lights. “This place is so beautiful.”

“I have,” he starts, “I think I’ve jogged with Dunce-face and Bug Eyes here once.”

You snort at the nicknames he calls his friends, “Dunce-face? Are you referring to Kaminari when he—”

He smirks, “Yep.”

You can’t help but laugh out loud, and he joins in with a snicker.

“But wait,” you look at him, “I meant have you brought over a girl over here before?”

You mentally slap yourself for uttering the question before thinking it through, undertones and all. Bakugou’s eyes widen a bit, but his face remains controlled. If he’s masking his knee-jerk reaction, you’re thankful for it.

“I mean,” you peer amongst the people who are enjoying the night air with you, “Most of the people here are in pairs—couples, because of how romantic the place is at night, with all the light fixtures and all.” You shrug, “I’m sure any girl would appreciate being brought here.”

You sure as hell are hoping you’re coming off more as the ‘helpful-friend-giving-some-well-meaning-advice’ than the ‘jealous-bitch-who’s-crazy-over-past-girls’.

He huffs, and you’re starting to think you’ve overstepped his boundaries when he cuts off your train of thought. Hell—railroads you and leaves your mind embarrassingly blank.

“Actually, this is the first time I’ve ever been on a date. At least,” he snorts, “the one-on-one kind.”

Suddenly, a million questions start racing through your mind.

He’s considering this a date? Did he consider the fiasco from last time a double date? This is his first? What?! How?! Why did he bring you here, anyway? Does he think of you in that way…? How can he be so bashful yet so straightforward at the same time? How the fuck is he so cute?

All these very important (some outright silly) questions, but the one you pipe up with is: “But back then—you agreed when I said you had a lot of experience—how?”

“I grunted, dumbass. There’s a difference. I wasn’t about to tell ya how inexperienced I was in this sort of thing when you were hyping me up like no other.”

“Huh.”

He side-eyes you, “From the looks of it, I’d say you’re the one who’s had far more experience.”

You’re too embarrassed to admit the truth, and too dizzy from the implications of his statements, but you figured you owed him at least your honesty. Looking down at your clasped hands, you mumble under your breath, “This is actually my first time, too.”

Silence falls upon the two of you, and unlike earlier, it’s filled with budding anticipation rather than comfort. You finally will yourself to look up, only to see him red. Red all over—neck, ears, and face.

Redder than when he slurped down that monstrous broth from earlier.

Then it hits you.

What Mina said was…real.

She sure as hell omits some truths, concerningly more often than not, but she never lies to you.

You can’t help but let out a soft laugh, and he turns away at the sound, perhaps in embarrassment.

You smile, “For the record, I’m glad you’re my first.”

At that, he abruptly stands up, and for a second you’re thinking you ruined the moment by saying that, but you don’t get to wish for the ground to swallow you up whole because Bakugou looks back at you with a fierce determination in his eyes that makes your mind go hazy.

“Come on,” he holds out his hand, “I wanna make sure this is the best fucking first date you’re ever gonna have.”

Bonus:

(as he’s walking you home from the park)

“Wait, so am I the first person you’ve been texting, too?”

“Yes. Now quit yapping about this ‘first’ shit or I’ll make you.”

You laugh good-naturedly, “But you’re so good at it! The pacing, the withholding of information to keep them wanting more—I was convinced you’ve done this with a million other people.”

He sighs in what you think is fake exasperation, as his cheeks are tinted with a faint red, “For the billionth time, you’re my first. And,” he looks away, “I had Shitty-hair help me out a bit.”

Normally, you’d extinguish any and all species of butterflies in your stomach brought to existence by a boy because you can’t afford to get distracted right now.

But, today isn’t normal.

You, instead, let the grin that’s been fighting to take over your face the entire evening finally win over. You can’t help it—hearing that from anyone—especially Bakugou, makes you happy.

You continue walking in comfortable silence until he’s the one to break it.

“So,” he starts and you don’t even have to look at him to know there’s a smirk adorning his goddamn handsome face, “all sorts of company, huh?”

“Shut up.”

tagging. @wolfunderthethree @bakugo-dee @poemzcheng @fallingmoon02 @eksd @niiine @gold24fish @animehoe666 @distinguishedlight

#bnha imagines #mha imagines #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou imagines #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios #bakugou fluff #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #mha x reader #here you go!!!#i honestly thought i'd abandon you and me? really? forever but here we are #SHAJSHAJS #i got inspired writing this <3

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compo67 · 3 years ago

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i'm here with the gals for tonight. we went to bed a little while ago, but i can't sleep.

CN liver disease, chronic illness, mortality, feels

the gals treated me to dinner and i ate what i wanted, pasta, which i knew would make my liver angry, but i said "fuck this, i want pasta"

so hours later, my liver is kinda angry (not as bad as i thought) but when i made mention of it to the gals, and how 4 years ago my doctor gave me 10 yrs with this liver so i have only 6 yrs left....

we all got very quiet

sometimes this stuff just hits me out of nowhere. i think maybe that's normal for folks going through organ issues. sometimes you have a good outlook and it feels like you're gonna be fine

and sometimes you read through your medical records and find the word cirrhosis, you eat something that irritates your liver, and the whole thing just spirals

and since i don't know anyone else in this situation, it all feels very... isolating and strange. like damn, i shouldn't be feeling this way, or, these emotions shouldn't be so intense. or how i should be more positive, dammit

momma t had one working kidney. i remember sitting on the porch with her and talking about our bum organs. she was the only person i could really relate to about this stuff. i feel some hardcore survivor's guilt. and i just miss her so much

maybe i should look into liver/transplant groups again

but for now, i'm gonna get some sleep. that will help. thank you for being a safe space to vent and explore some tough feelings.

#compo67 #personal #pls do not reblog #liver disease #chronic illness #language of the chronically ill #organ transplant #momma t tag

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 4 years ago

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Some of you guys may remember awhile back (but not THAT long ago) that I was kind of losing my shit because The Spawn was neglecting her dog duties that she agreed to do with my dad when Indie was brought into our household. Yeah? No? Eh, either way I have an update on that.

Just a small recap for anyone who doesn’t remember or is new here (I’m still pretending that people actually read this like... for realsies): Way back in August I said no to The Spawn bringing home a dog 5 seperate times because I knew how it would end up. Then she went to my dad, who is soft, and my dad told me that he said yes, but under certain terms and conditions. (TERMS: The Spawn was to handle all expenses related to said dog, would handle all care, training, and exercise needs and at no point was responsibility for the creature to be put on me at all because I had already unwillingly taken on responsibility for Bailey via him bringing her home and I don’t need more.) I laughed and said “Yeah... sure.”

end of Sept we noticed something was wrong with pup’s left front leg. After numerous vet visits and lots of funds, Indie was put on one room, no jumping, no running restrictions from early Oct until the first week of December because her shitbag previous owner had broken that leg in 2 places and while it had almost entirely healed, it had clearly not been treated because one break was at her elbow growth plate, causing her elbow to grow out sideways. So there was an orthopedic operation to remove the already present buildup that causes arthritis, then shave down some bone and pin her elbow back together.

Since December, The Spawn has been HARDCORE slacking off on her duties to exercise the pup, who as a rat terrier/chaos demon mix has an abundance of energy that if not properly channeled and expelled, leads to significant criminal activity. The Spawn was taking her for a 30 min walk MAYBE 3 times a week and not doing any other play. Meanwhile, my broken down ass was trying to make up for it by walking her or doing HOURS of laser hunting and fetch. Dad tried to help by walking her with Bailey every night, but about 4 weeks ago that ended with him getting a broken rib because the girls saw a cat before he did and he didn’t have time to brace himself. He has been publicly banned from walking the little one.

RECAP DONE.

So me supplementing has been really wearing on me. The entire reason I don’t personally have any pets (despite very much wanting a bunny or a couple rat friends) is that I don’t have the energy to be responsible for their care. So for the last few months, every 2 weeks or so, I break down to dad, ranting and crying about how I can’t keep doing this and that he allowed this to happen, so it’s his problem and he needs to fix it like... NOW because if it continues, I’m going to get involved and I will not be nice. As in every day that she doesn’t exercise the dog properly, she will lose her tv for a day. No entertainment for her dog means no entertainment for her. He kept saying “no no no I’ll do it.” then not fucking doing it.

2 days ago, I broke. No ranting. No anger. Just broken sobs. It’s just too much. He promised AGAIN to talk to her. Well yesterday there was an incident that was the last straw for him I guess.

While he was at work, The Spawn went to walk Indie. When she does walk Indie, once for 30 mins, she’s been implementing training to get her to be better behaved on the walks because Indie suffers from barrier aggression. When on the leash, behind the fence that surrounds our yard, or behind the windows inside the house, if she sees another dog walk by she loses it. Hell when getting them ready for walks, once she is on leash, she will lose her shit on Bailey. SO The Spawn has been filling her hoodie pouch with treats and before they even leave, they go to the door, The Spawn says “Sit. Wait...Wait...” with the intent of Indie sitting until the door is open. Eventually there will be a command involved that gives Indie the all clear to get up and head out.

So they go through that yesterday around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. They depart for their walk around the neighborhood and within a few minutes I hear Indie’s “I’m losing my shit” bark/snarl combo and The Spawn yelling commands at her. A minute or two later, The Spawn storms in with Indie in tow and says “Well since she decided she can’t behave, we aren’t walking today.” And I looked at her skeptically from across the room because dogs don’t work like that AND exercise is not a privilege for dogs, it’s a necessity. So not walking her because she misbehaved would be on par with me not allowing The Spawn dinner because she misbehaved. Then, seeing my face, The Spawn says “She needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions.”

Y’ALL. I involuntarily laughed, so I had to turn away from her and pretend I was coughing. Let’s talk about why I find this hilarious. This statement came from a 16 yr old child who a few weeks ago was asked to watch the dogs for a couple hours while I went to grandma’s to help her with something. I had been reminding her DAILY for a week that this was happening. As I expected, she tried to weasel out of it. I told her that it wasn’t up for discussion, she was doing it, and that I had phrased it as a question as a courtesy. She began to argue. I told her 3 times over the span of an hour that if she didn’t stop arguing that there would be consequences. She chose to continue, so she found herself grounded from her tv and car for the day. (At the end of that hour and after 3 warnings, all via text and verifiable, I finally just told her to bring me her keys. She chose, instead, to come downstairs, empty handed, and CONTINUE to argue, so she lost the tv too.) She threw a massive tantrum which ended with her screaming and crying to my dad about how abusive and mean I am. *insert eyeroll from both of us* All over, what? The consequences of her own actions.

So you see why this was funny. Anyway, I let her go upstairs and text dad that we needed to talk when he arrived and to text me so I could meet him out in the garage.

I met him out there and relayed the events to him. He also involuntarily laughed about the dog needing to learn that her actions have consequences. Then he said “Ok, I’m talking to her tonight.”

Now, my dad has a signature move for when he has to have tough or unpleasant conversations. He says “Let’s go get ice cream.” I think it’s meant to soften the blow while also catching the person off guard and being in public for less chance of a scene.

Anyway, they talked. The overall gist was “we made a deal. the deal is not being upheld. Bailey is a much lower energy dog but still requires 2 seperate 4 mile walks a day, and your high energy PUPPY is getting 1/4 of that at best on most days and your mom and I have been picking up the slack as best we can but that has resulted in a broken rib for me and your mom is really at the end of her rope and has been unable to actually rest for a full couple days like she needs to recover from all the random shit she does for you like covering kettle corn and berries in chocolate.”

The Spawn tried to make excuses. “I’m in school full time AND working.” My dad responded with: “First of all, you aren’t in school full time because you do 2 hrs a day in person and then another hour online AT MOST 5 days a week, then work 4-6 hrs at night 4 days a week. Second of all, I work 13 hrs a day 5 days a week and yet I still find a way to make sure my dog’s needs are met via a 4-6 mile walk before work and another in the evening after dark, unless your mom is up to pokemon in the park, which Bailey comes with us for and gets significantly more walks. So that excuse is b.s.”

She mentioned that she tried that day but she misbehaved. dad told her that no matter how she is behaving, walks are not negotiable. Then he used my dinner analogy. She finally gave up trying to make excuses to be lazy and told him that on days she doesn’t have both work and school she will do 2 hrs worth of walks. (I mentioned to dad that this leaves 3 days a week where she is implying she doesn’t have to do anything. he said he will address that but not that night.)

To her credit, The Spawn has done 2 hour long walks today. She even came up with a plan. The first half of each is structured walk/training time and the second half will be at the dog park across the street so that she has unstructured running time where she can get up to full speed. Keeps her from getting frustrated and bored on the walk and allows her to get full speed runs in without killing The Spawn’s knees.

We shall see how this holds up long term. Fingers crossed and all that.

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kimjoongs-main · 7 years ago

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soulmate au - mark

↳ requested by: no one

↳ type: bullet scenario

↳ warning(s): angst...just....angst...please proceed w caution

↳ a/n: @ mark stans,,,,,,,,,,pls don’t come for me after reading this thanks i’m looking at you nic

you hated the soulmate system, you hated it for taking away your father, you hated the tattooed words on your wrist, you hated it all

you hated it so much that you even went to the length of covering up your tattoo whenever you went out in public, bc seeing the very last words your soulmate says before they die...it hurts to think about

especially considering the words your soulmate is going to say....it’s not exactly an easy thing to hear

and you’ve also heard of people who had blank wrists, meaning that they will never get to hear the last words their soulmate will say to them before they die...because they’ll die first

your father had a blank wrist, and the last thing he said to your mother before he passed was “i love you, take care of our child” ....and those were the exact words that were inked onto your mother’s smooth skin

you never told anyone what your tattoo said, not your mom, your other family members, and even your best friend mark

however, in your defense, mark never told you what his was either, so ig you could say you two were even

unlike you though, mark was really into the whole soulmate idea, he loved it!

the fact that there’s someone out there waiting for him and him only makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside

and you, despite your utter resentment towards the idea of soulmates, you didn’t wanna make mark feel bad so you just kept your mouth shut

and that actually worked pretty well.....until you reached senior year that is....

the thing is,,,mark’s had this huge fat crush on you ever since the sixth grade when you played w him all the time at recess

he’s always wanted to tell you how he felt but was too scared of ruining your friendship if things didn’t turn out the way he wanted

mark knew you hated committment, for reasons he didn’t know of, and when he asked you just shrugged and said “i just don’t like committment, simple as that”

so he knew if he confessed, he’d lose his best friend, so he’d rather keep his feelings to himself

but like i said....that method worked up until senior yr

ahh yes, your last year of high school has finally come, and w graduation only a few months away, it was safe to say you and mark were busy bees

you two would go out on study dates pretty much every single day, and since you two got distracted easily, you guys made an agreement to hold each other accountable; whoever went off topic and got distracted first was to buy the other person dinner afterwards

and for the past few times, mark’s had the unfortunate displeasure of losing and that night wasn’t any different :’)

this time, mark decided to buy you sushi and you two ate in the back of his pick-up truck

it was rlly late at night so the weather was super chilly and you kept shivering, so mark, being the absolute gentlemen he is, takes off his hoodie and gives it to you

you reject it at first but then he’s like it’s fine i’m not cold, just take it he was totally freezing but whatever thanks mark

so you put his hoodie on and when you do, you get a whiff of his cologne and your heart just,,,,does this weird thing,,,where it skips a beat and you’re like wtf heart calm down there buddy—

once you two are finished eating, you both decide to chill for a bit before going home, and that consists of you two playing so music and having a deep conversation

deep convos w mark weren’t unusual, you always found yourself (whenever you two were alone) talking about serious topics w mark bc he was so easy to talk to?? and he never judged you so you could say what you wanted

however,,,the topic mark touched on tonight,,,made you slightly uncomfortable,,,

“y/n...i know you refuse to tell me about your tattoo, but i’m just curious as to why?” and he looks at you w that look on his face and you’re just like shit what am i supposed to do??

so you decide to throw the question back at him “you never told me the reason why you’re hiding your tattoo either ya know?”

and he laughs bc yah you’re right,,,,and then he shifts so that he’s directly facing you, and you gulp at the serious look on his face

“how about this..if i tell you the reason why i won’t show my tattoo, will you tell me yours?”

you gape at him, jaw dropping and eyes widening

one part of you was telling you to say no, but the other part, the curious part of you, was urging you to say yes...and you were always a curious person so you succumbed to it

you nodded meekly at his proposal and mark smiled, clearing his throat before he shifted closer to you and locked eyes, your heart skipping a beat again

from this close proximity, you could easily admire the tiny details of mark’s face, especially under the light of the moon; his long lashes, his perfectly sculpted cheekbones, his sparkling doe eyes, you could see it all

“well...i guess i should just come right out with it...please don’t freak out okay?” he then lifts up the sleeve of his thin sweater, revealing his wrist......which was perfectly clean, no black-inked words in sight

you gasp and mark smiles sadly, covering up his wrist once more

almost immediately, you recall the meaning of a blank wrist and your vision blurs w tears

bc this boy, mark lee, despite knowing the fact that he’ll die before he got to hear his soulmate’s last words, he was still in love w the idea of soulmates and thought they were beautiful

“at first i was scared when i found out what a blank wrist meant, but then as i thought more about it, i realized that...maybe it’s better that way? i know it sounds crazy, but since i have the blank wrist, then that means my soulmate doesn’t, and that means they’ll be able to hear my last words to them.”

you listened carefully as he explained, but you couldn’t help but say “...you’ll never get to hear what your soulmate’s last words are to you tho..”

“yeah you’re right about that, but it’s better than them not knowing my last words to them”

and he smiles sadly once more and your heart aches; mark lee, the one who’s destined to leave this earth, is still thinking of the people he’s leaving behind

you sniffle, which makes mark chuckle and he carefully reaches out and tugs you into his chest, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and rubbing your back

“hey don’t cry y/n, it’s okay. i promise you i won’t leave before you do”

and you start crying just a little bit harder, forgetting that it was now your turn to tell him about your tattoo

the days occuring after mark’s shocking revelation were surprisingly very normal

mark still kept his wrist hidden and so did you, and not once after that night did he ask you about your tattoo, which you were grateful for

and if you didn’t already hate the soulmate system, you absolutely detested it now

first your father and now your best friend? the universe rlly loves to fuck up people’s lives doesn’t it?

mark urges you not to treat him any differently bc that’s now what he wants but you can’t help it, knowing that any day your best friend could be taken from you any day now hurt so much

but mark, oh mark, as usual he put others feelings before his own and made it his goal to cheer you up whenever you were sad

he’d take you out for ice cream, or to the movies, or if you were in desperate need of cheering up, he’d even invite yukhei to tag along w you guys bc he never failed to bring a smile to your face

and you appreciated his efforts, you rlly did, but the idea that mark wasn’t gonna be around to do those things in the future absolutely broke your heart

you made sure to remind mark how much you lovee him, just in case, and he would just get this goofy grin on his and say “i know”

but one day,,,you were out with your mom and hadn’t seen mark once

while you were out at the mall, you received a phone call from mark and when you answered it, you could tell he was pouting

“y/n you didn’t tell me you loved me today i’m offended”, you start laughing and roll your eyes

“sorry sorry, i love you mark...there happy?”

you heard a muffled shuffling sound and giggled, mark probably nodded his head and realized you couldn’t actually see him “very, thank you”

there was a pause on the line before mark spoke again, however this time he spoke very quicky before hanging up, and you were barely able to catch his words”

“i love you too y/n”

then the line went dead and you stood there for a few minutes, confused

and that’s when you felt it

a sharp sting of heat spread all across your arm in instant, sending you into a state of shock

the pain was so excruciating that you fell onto your knees and let out a loud shriek

your mother immediately kneels down, panicked and afraid, and is about to ask you what’s wrong when she sees it

you’re clutching your wrist

her eyes then glance over at your phone beside you, mark’s contact name still displayed on the screen

connecting the dots, your mother’s heart drops as she gently reaches out and takes your arm, ignoring the scared look on your face, and pulls down the sleeve of your sweater

once your eyes focus on the five little words on your wrist, everything stops

the pain stops, your heart stops, time stops

bc there...written on your wrist in perfect, neat cursive, are the words i love you too, y/n

#nct #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct au #nct dream au #mark scenarios #mark au #mark

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purplerain85 · 7 years ago

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I Love You

PAIRING: Alex Skarsgård x You (Reader)

WORDS: 3997

WARNINGS: Swearing, Hateful comments (not sure how to explain that part), Smut.

SUMMARY: Dating Alex and you two have a date night and the paps photograph you two, and some of his “fans” make some hate full comments about your weight and you have a whole day of self doubt and your worth to Alex.

A/N: I got this idea from an ask that @rae-of-sinshine (I hope you don’t mind that I wrote this) All typos are my mistakes.

@rae-of-sinshine @ohh-la-la-leto @laketaj24 @loey-bae @evenwhen-ihadnothing @sideeffectsofyou @thosekidswhohuntmonsters @kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls @just-another-fangirl-94 @sploodgebucketlu

Alex and you had been dating for just over two years, you two were introduced by mutual friend Anna, when she was talking about you to Alex he had said he wanted to meet you, Anna had than mentioned that if she did and you two hit it off, that he had to promise not to toy around with you as you don’t date much since you had your daughter 3 years ago, and you didn’t want guys coming and going. He promised that he would not play games with you as long as you didn’t either.

When you finally agreed to go on a date with him, you two were inseparable and you made him wait 6 months before you introduced him to your daughter Ursula, you wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to run off, although when you had decided to introduced them you didn’t know for 100% that he wouldn’t but you had a pretty good idea that he wouldn’t. The night that they finally met, you invited Alex over for dinner, the two of them hit off just the much as you two did, things had gone so well that night that it was the first time that Alex had stayed the night which was also the first time you two had sex and also the same time you realized that you Loved Alex.

Two years later you and your daughter were living with Alex, and some how you two managed to keep your daughter out of the lime light let alone let the world know that you had a child from a previous relationship, you enjoyed the fact that no-one other than his family and close friends knew about her. It wasn’t that you didn’t want his fans to know about her, but she was your daughter and you and Alex had discussed it and you two agreed and decided to keep her protected as long as you could. Although it still surprised you that no-one had found out about her.

Tonight, was date night for Alex and you, Alex’s dad and step mom had taken Ursula for the night, which was great which meant they would pick her up right after school, so you didn’t have to rush from work to her school to home and than to Stellan’s . It also meant that you two could be as loud as you could and not worry about waking her up…… although you tried not to be loud, sex with Alex was like nothing you ever experienced with ex-boyfriends, he always left you satisfied.

Alex had taken you to a place that taught people how to cook different things (not that either of you couldn’t cook) and once you were done you got to cook what you had made which you thought was great and you two had so much fun. Than you two walked around Central Park for a little bit until about 9, then he took you to another park that showed old Black and White movies and he knew how much you loved Black and White movies and tonight’s movie was The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, which you had told him you saw for the first time when you were 13 and it made you fall in love with B&W movies. You two had a great evening and were so caught up in each other that neither noticed that some people were taking your photos….. But you did the next day.

The following morning was Saturday and you had the day off you didn’t to pick Ursula up tell tomorrow afternoon as Stellan and his wife took the kids out of the City for the weekend. Alex had to do some filming for the day, so you had the whole day to yourself. You slept in tell about 9:30 and when you woke up you had a couple emails and about 15 text messages from Anna, which was unusual as the last time you got that many texts from her was when it was discovered that you and Alex were dating, you two had been photographed so much since than that you didn’t even care anymore.

Her first text at 7:00 told you to call her, her next one at 7:15 said do not go on the internet until you call me! Please!, you didn’t even read the rest, you did the exact opposite of what she said because your fear was that someone had photographed Ursula, what you found was worse so much worse, that having her photographed would have been nothing compared to what you read.

”ALEX SKARSGÅRD AND FAT GIRLFRIEND: Y/N was seen last night out with Alex for what seemed to be a date night, the 34 yr. old bookkeeper and the 44yr old actor have been dating for about 2 years but it seems like Y/N has decided to let herself go and put on weight, she has never been as small as Alex is but it seems like he can have any woman in the world why choose to date someone who doesn’t want to watch her weight.”

You could not believe what you were reading l mean sure you struggled with your weight since you had your daughter 5 years ago, Ursula was 2 when you found out that you had a thyroid problem and had to be put on medication and yeah you yoyoed with your weight but Alex had never complained in fact he seemed to love the “love handles” that you had and never said anything about your weight…. Not that he ever would as you knew he was raised better than that and he really didn’t have death wish.

You sat there in bed for couple minutes reading and re-reading the article, thinking that you were not fat God you were between a size 10-12, then you made the mistake of reading the comments.

-I cannot believe Alex is dating someone so fat! I mean come on, lose some weight or go back t the sea.

-Man, he has to be dating her for her personality, or she has a golden pussy, because he is clearly not dating her for her body or for her beauty (which she is not)

-As a long time, Fan of Alex, and as a fan l am telling you to dump her fat ass and date someone who is better than her.

-Seriously what does this Amazing specimen of man see in this beluga of a woman.

You ended up shutting your phone off because you could not handle reading anymore comments, you curled up into a ball and cried for what seemed like hours, you couldn’t understand why his fans where making such hatful comments, you knew some of them weren’t happy he was dating someone, but they had never been rude to you nor have they made such hurtful comments you eventual fell asleep again, and woke up around 3pm Alex wouldn’t be home for at least another 3 hours. You managed to get out of bed and wanted something to eat but could only bring yourself to make two slices of peanut butter toast, even that you had to force yourself to eat, even though you were starving all you could think of was the hurtful comments. You decided to take a hot shower as you stood under the hot water tears started to form in your eyes again, you thought to yourself “maybe l am fat?” “maybe Alex does deserve to be with someone who is not as big as me?” “maybe l should lose some weight” all these thoughts just seemed to make you feel crazy and very, very self-conscious. When the water got ice cold you decided it was time to get out of the shower you found some of the baggiest clothes you could find, one of Alex’s over-sized hoodies and a pair of baggy pj bottoms that you hadn’t worn in years and wrapped yourself in a huge blanket.

Alex arrived at home and you were sitting in the livingroom when he came in and asked you why you never responded to any of his or Anna’s text messages, you said bluntly “I turned my phone off hours ago”, which made him look at you and that was when he realized that your eyes were swollen, which made him panic as he thought something happened to Ursula or something, he leaned down and looked at you and asked what was wrong? You “we were photographed last night, and the published the photos this morning and l look ugly and fat!” Alex “You are not Ugly nor are you Fat!” You “well your so-called Fucking fans think that l am fat as a whale and fucking ugly! And they also think that you can do better than me!”

before Alex could say anything else you got up from the couch and stormed off to the bedroom, you hadn’t even realized that Alex was right behind you tell he said “I don’t give two fucks what these “fans” have to say about you! I love you for you, I think you are gorgeous, I think your body is fucking amazing and it also did an amazing thing by bring Ursula into this world, I have seen pictures of you before you got pregnant and to be honest l love this body that you have hidden under this blanket more than how it was! I love your caring heart and how you treat everyone you met with so much respect, I love you for how you interact with my fans and how you raise your daughter and l love your big personality, l love how most of the time you like your body and the confidence that you have about yourself and l love You! For You!” and l am going show you tonight and every night that l am home how much l love your body and you!”

Alex had your face between his hands while he was talking to you and telling you what he loved about you, and you started to cry again (although you weren’t sure where or how you were able to still form tears. He went to kiss you and you pulled away and told him you where not good enough for him. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer “if anyone is not good enough it’s me who is not good enough for you, I am gone a lot and l hate seeing you like this” before you could respond to him he kissed you.

The moment his lips touched yours you melted into him, he gradually moved his hands from your jaw, down your neck to wear the start of the blanket and he slowly pulled it from your body, just that little bit of movement you felt your arousal starting between your legs, Alex moved his hand slowly down your arms and moved to your hips where he gripped them and pulled you closer to him as he deepend the kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck and placed one hand at his hair line and gently ran your fingers up and down, which made Alex moan into the kiss and his grip get tighter which cause your to moan. You pulled away from the kiss first and you two placed your foreheads together and breathed together.

Alex moved his hands under the hoodie you had on and softly said “l Love you, Y/N! I would move heaven and earth to make the pain you are feeling about yourself go away! But l will settle for showing you how much l love you and tell you everything l love about your body” his hands moved up your body as he was talking to you, when he got to your shoulder blades he got you to raise your arms and he took the sweater off and kissed you again, and he took your breasts in his hands and messaged them and ran his hands over your nipples and slightly pulled away from the kiss and said l love how these amazing breasts just fit perfectly into my hands, they are perfect size, he kisses you again, and moves to your special part of your neck right where your jaw and bottom of your ear meet and he sucked, you moan “Alex”.

He moved you one to the bed and kissed your collarbone down to your breasts and took your right nipple into his mouth and nipped and sucked and swirled his tongue around the harden nipple while his left hand gripped and pinched your left nipple, and as he was moving to the left nipple he said “l love how your nipples react to my touch, and how l can feel them harden even more on my tongue” all you could do was moan in response. He then kissed your navel and sat up on his knees and looked at you as his fingers went into the top of your pj bottoms, he could see the lust in your eye and the love you had for him and you could see the same in his eyes, as he pulled you bottoms off.

Alex lifted your left leg and kissed and nipped at your calf up to you knee and than pulled up your right leg and did the same and when he got to you thighs he told you that he loved how thick your thighs were and how amazing they felt around his head when his head was buried between them and wrapped around his waist and how great they felt when you rode him into ecstasy, than he kissed and licked each of your stretch marks and said he loved the feel of them. You responded to him “Please Alex, l get that you love my body, just please!” he told you “No, l told you l would show you what l love about your body and l am going to do just that!” than he ran his stubble chin over your folds and it made you jump and cry out in pleasure.

Alex kissed your left hip and bit it and then licked across to your right hip and bit it as well and than he kissed up your stomach and said “love your stomach and l love these three little tiger marks right here, and l love these lovely love handles of yours, l love that l can grab hold of you and l can hold onto you when you ride my like your life depends on it, God l love it when you ride me!” Alex continued to kiss you your body back up to your mouth and kissed you and grinded his jean covered hard-on against your wet core. Again, you moaned “Alex please, l need to feel you”.

Alex moved his weight to his right arm as his left hand made it way down to your wet pussy and he slipped one finger between your fold and gathered some of your juices on his finger and ran his finger over your clit, you moaned and as he continued to kiss you he said how he loved how your pussy felt he then slipped two fingers into you and slowly moved them in and out of you and rubbed his thumb over your clit every now and then he would curl his fingers and hit your G-Spot just right and you would hum against his mouth gradually he speed up his fingers to the point he was thrusting his fingers out at a fast pace and kept them curled and pulled away so he could watch come to your first orgasm of the night, you had a tight grip on his right arm and the back of his neck, when you orgasmed you called out “Oh God Alex!”

Alex pulled his fingers from you and was about to put his fingers in his mouth when you grabbed his wrist and look him in the face as you moaned around his fingers and sucked them clean which cause Alex to close his eyes and moaned, when he pulled his fingers from your mouth his kissed you hard and thrusted his tongue into your mouth and moaned at the taste you. He got up from the bed and removed his clothes and your mouth watered at the sight of his erection and you wanted to taste him so bad and suck him Alex saw the look in your eyes and said “not tonight darling its all about you and my pleasure will come when l make you cum for the last time around my cock” Alex kissed your thigh again and made his way to your pussy and your know that you had at least two more orgasms coming, and just as you were think at the joy of what you were going to have you felt his tongue slip between your folds as he swirled his tongue around your opening and which made you grind your hips against his face, he placed his right hand over your hips to keep them still. He looked at you and said l love how sweet you taste, and l could be buried between your legs for the rest of my life and die a happy man.

He brought his mouth back to your pussy and brought his tongue to your clit, and than brought his left hand to pull back your hood so he could have better access to your bundle of nerves, you were moaning so loud and basically cry out Alex’s name as you were still coming down from your last orgasm, you had one hand in his hair and pulling his hair, you other hand had a death grip on the rails of the headboard. Alex ran his teeth lightly over clit and you cried out “Fuck! Please do that again” and he obliged.

Alex than let go of your hips and put two fingers into you and moved them and a decent pace and kept working his tongue on you exposed bundle of nerves, you were so turned on you that you had to let go of Alex hair and move to the headboard with your other hand you were so sensitive that you were seconds from cumming again and then you felt it, it felt like you had you urinate and all you could get out to warn Alex was “OH Fuck! Alex l’m gon…. And then your squirted all over his fingers and wrist he pulled his head back enough to watch as he continued thrust his fingers in and out of you and he excitedly said “Fuck, Yes! Babe, good l love when you squirt all over my fingers.” You had to pull away from him as you were so sensitive and told him you need a second. You took your second and pulled Alex into a hardened kiss you went to get him to lay down, so you could repay him for the two orgasms, but he knew what you were going to do, and pushed you back on to the bed and grinded against you.

Alex asked you if you were ready for him and you looked him in the eyes and pleaded with him to fuck you, he lined himself up and slowly pushed himself into your warmth and he had to take a minute to get adjusted to your tightness and let you get adjusted to him, you begged him to move, he pulled out slowly tell just the tip was in and slowly pushed back in and that was the pace he kept for a while as much as you loved love making with Alex, you want no you needed him to be rougher, you asked him to go faster but he just kept the same pace, and when you needed him to go faster, you tried to get him to flip over, but he grabbed your right leg and put it on his shoulder than he grabbed your left leg at the knee and pushed it into the bed and began to thrust faster and harder into you grabbed hold of his arms and begged him not to stop.

You moaned “God Alex you feel so good, and l can feel you everywhere! And you are hitting me in all the right spots” Alex “You feel so good wrapped around my cock babe, l love how you feel around me and how great you feel when you clench around me” You “Please, Alex let me ride you! Please!!!” You thought he was going to say no, but to your surprise he kissed you and let go of your legs and put one arm around your waist and one hand at the back of your neck, and rolled over on to his back, without even pulling out of you. He put his hands on your hips and you sat up and grinded your hips back and forth and put your hands on his chest to keep your balance. *Before you started dating Alex, you were never big on riding a guy, only because they always wanted to be in charge and that meant that you were on you back or your hands and knees, which got boring even for you.*

You bounced up and down on Alex as you were coming down his length Alex would snap his hips up and you could feel him so much deeper, your fingers would scratch down his pecks and he winched in pain and pleasure. You could feel your third orgasm of the night was coming and you knew by the grip that Alex had on your hips and groans he was getting close to his end as well you began to ride him hard and faster and rolling your hips. Alex looked you with hooded eyes “Y/N fuck you ride me so good, God l am going to cum!” he took his left hand off your hip and dipped his thumb down to your between your folds and gathered some of your juices and brought it up to you clit and rubbed tight circles and said “Babe cum for me! You need to cum all over my cock right now!” and just like that you felt Alex release in you and could feel him coat your walls, you came for the third and final time that night, you collapsed on Alex.

As you two came down from your highs you felt him wrap his arms around you and rubbing your back, you felt Alex softening inside you, but neither of you could bring yourselves to move. Eventually you brought your head up to look at him with a goofy little smile on your face and lightly kissed his lips, you pulled yourself off of him and got off of him and laid next to him and had your arm around his waste and he had his arms wrapped around you. Alex “How are feeling now? Now do you understand that no matter what anyone says about you, l think you are the most beautiful woman ever!” You “Yes, l feel, better and l understand what you mean, and l am Thankful for everything that you do for me and Ursula. I Love you so much?” Alex “I love you too”

#Alexander Skarsgard smut

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tassebian · 6 years ago

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My father had a website in the 90s he used to recruit people to run packages to other countries. It was full of photos of him in other countries and bizarrely an uncensored scan of his actual passport. It had an auto play of a midi u2 song that stopped working in the early 2000s. I never bothered to learn which song it was because since u2 was my absent father’s favorite band my angst filled nine yr old self made the choice to hate them. He had an entire page dedicated to describing the live shows he’d been to. It grated my nerves to think about the fun he’d been having since he chose not to be in my life and I hated when my mother would play Joshua tree. It was the first time I can remember hating ANYTHING. I didn’t even hate my father. I hated his favorite band. Anyway. It had pictures of him in front of the pyramids and on the streets of shanghai and then in front of a restaurant with an older woman I used to fantasize was my grandmother and the photo was a candid photo I took of them as we left our dinner date.

It had a page detailing strange interactions he had with people while selling on eBay. I used to re read it daily and memorize the way he typed and his speech patterns and what he thought was funny and every little thing about it. I had every inch of his website memorized and I slowly went to visiting it every day or every week to monthly to yearly until I had not visited it in several years. I tried to visit it tonight and it has been taken down. I felt anxious and alone and I felt like the only tie I had with my father had been severed. I never bothered to save the photos because I figured it would always be there. I’d always be able to google his name and find his website and read for the fiftieth time about how much he loves U2 and how you, too, can visit every country you’d ever dreamed of and get PAID to do it too! I’ve never known my father but reading his website almost made it feel like I did. Idk. I feel like my father has died. Where is he? Who is he? According to his sister who I have on Facebook he is traveling the country on his motorcycle. She posted a picture of him and it was the first time I had seen a photo of him taken after 1998. It was bizarre. My father is real and a person that I came from. Not a person on the internet whose words I have read a thousand times. It’s strange. I don’t have a conclusion to this post but it’s been a weird night

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deeeelightfuldee · 4 years ago

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surveys 053.

do you sing in the shower? oh every single time. Its something I look forward to.

do you think money makes people happy? As someone who currently relies on birthdays and holidays as her income, I can tell you it would relieve a bit of stress from me to even have like 100 bucks a month.

what's your relationship status? single.

what time is it? 12:25 am

what emotion are you feeling right now? I’m all over the place. Tonight Kile and I were messaging back n forth in a consistent manner which we haven’t done in a long time. Things were a bit romantic, which was extremely hard for me to deny participation in, and then it ended with me saying bye. boy it is hard to let go of him

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? no. Sadly, without a shot I will not be getting, I’m unsure of how I’ll be able to until the restrictions lessen.

coffee or tea? teeeeeeea pls.

shower or bath? Shower unless the bath is deep enough to cover my long self.

what's your favorite pizza topping? depends on what kind of pizza. For instance, Jacks just GETS how to do supreme. some places nail the pepperoni, or fresh garlic or whatever.

what's something that makes you happy? thinking about decorating my own place one day.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have 2 brothers and 1 sister

what's your favorite instrument? Piano, cello, drums

what's your favorite food? today it is fruity pebbles.

what is something you are always losing? I am pretty consistent on things going back to their original spot. I suppose if I’m losing something maybe it’d be like a scrunchie.

are you good at spelling? a good amount of the time.

what is one goal you have? all my goals are shifting.

did you get a flu shot this year? Nooo. never have.

what's your favorite Disney movie? oh boy. i am not good with narrowing down those. are you bored? Not really, I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until I’m sleepy.

what are you listening to? serendipity, bennys tail hitting my pillow, and my fans.

what's your favorite foreign language? I think it depends. are we talking for the way it sounds? or one that I’d want to learn?

what do you do when you can't sleep? this, read, find quotes, do puzzles, stare at the ceiling.

do you like cats or dogs better? this is one of my very least favorite questions to be asked. why would anyone want to choose between the two? both are so great.

do you have any piercings? Just my ears

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes

do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's your favorite season? any of them minus summer. Honestly, probably winter.

do you still write letters? I love to, but I no longer have anyone to write to.

what would make you really happy right now? i think a distraction that comes from having a crush.

what's your favorite song? ooo this changes but right now i’m into a lot of blue october.

are you good at giving advice? so, I’m the person you go to for advice if you want the moral, behaved, “you won’t regret this later” type advice. I’m great at giving that.

what's your favorite hobby? Right now, this.

do you prefer to talk or text? That is going to depend on the person. almost always text. But some people.. their voice is just intoxicating.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? I’m going to have to trash all my shoes for ones with heel support.

how often do you read? (as in books) usually daily, but I’ve fallen out of that lately.

do you have any pets? I have 2 cats currently. I really want a golden retriever, but hey.

what's your favorite day of the week? they’re all similar at the moment, but probably saturdays

are you in college? I’m in the inbetween. Finished 2 bachelors, but am waiting for grad program

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? I have been,

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify. either thru my headphones, my bluetooth speaker, the kitchen google, or my phone.

do you like going to the beach? I do so long as I have shade or the water is good to swim in.

did you make any new year's resolutions? I think pandemic NY resolutions were all about survival thru mentally exhausting times.

how old are you? 29 yrs young

do you know anyone who is blind? I do

who is someone you admire? My mom

do you have a good singing voice? when I was a kiddo, preteen, and teen yes. not any longer.

are your nails painted? Nope. I just wanted a break from keeping up with them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m an introvert but I can behave very well with the extroverts.

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I had some tacos.

do you ever write in a journal? I would like to begin again, but this is a decent makeshift option

if you could time travel when/where would you go? I mean I’d love to go back to some great memories, but I worry that could be painful beyond repair.

what's your favorite animal? whales.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? honestly my cravings for cereal are for any kinds that I can no longer have. so dont ask.

how was your day? I’m only 44 minutes into it.

do you ever listen to classical music? I do. Clair de lune is one of the best

what inspires you? learning. learning always inspires me.

how many pillows do you sleep with? I have like 20. OK huge exaggeration. I believe the true number of sleeping pillows is 4 large, 1 mini.

how many hours of sleep do you need? I typically run off of about 3. I’ve had sleep studies done regarding that. But If I’m getting good oxygen and the temp is coooooooold I sleep so good.

do you have big or small feet? I have pretty average to slightly bigger.

what's the weather like where you are? It’s been in the upper 80s.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? just the reflection from my TV. it’s real dark out.

does/did your high school have a school song? no.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? the brain.

are you excited for summer? I’ve had a lovely summer, truly.

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? switzerland.

did you have to go to school today? No, no I have not.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything. Why would that even be a question. do you throw coins into fountains? when I was a kiddo

do you have a trampoline? Nope

what's your favorite song lyric? what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world, I would meet you... would you meet me?

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Ill be honest IDK if we even got food.

do you ever measure time in songs? only if I’m in the shower. I’ll be like ahhh I’m 4 songs in.

do you know how to play chess? I’ve been taught MULTIPLE times. have I retained any of them? na.

what's your favorite game? (any type) right now I’m digging skipbo, trionomos, rummykub, and trouble.

do you enjoy traveling? I love it. so much.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? nope. I’m almost always 2 weeks prior

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yep!

how do you relieve stress? go on a drive.

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? I’d guess maybe 70. lemme see how close I am. 68!

now look it up - how close were you? woops. 68! two off.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digi.

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I almost always prefer online, but in store has its own perks like seeing the quality of things.

do you enjoy coloring? oh heck’n yea do you like to dance? I do!

have you ever owned a horse? my family did, yes

do you take selfies? oh i do. MUCH less now, than I did before. before I used to send kile like 10 a day. now I might take 2 per week.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but on occasion

have you ever cried from listening to a song? absolutely.

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? so I appreciate how headphones are safer for the ears, but i typically wear earbuds.

can you speak Spanish? Very little. like a few words

what's the last thing you watched on youtube froggy freshhhhhhhhh dunked on now what time is it? 12:57. Im getting sleepy. --------- ok now it’s 859 am. I passed out last night.

do you ever watch musicals? sometimes. it’s not my favorite thing

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeppp

do you ever get carsick? oh heck yeah, i do love the windows open

what's your opinion on wolves? I really never had an opinion. check back.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? sad. indulge me

do you like seafood? Nooo. i wish

do you enjoy going to the zoo? no. i really dont. are there any celebrities from your hometown? uhhhh not that I know of

do you shower in the morning or at night? morning if I was great hair. If I want meh hair, night

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone. ALWAYS.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym. < problem solved.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<< SAME who is someone you're jealous of? JV for her abs

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? eggheadz

do you still have your christmas tree up? nah. its a tickle early (july)

do you have a favorite type of bird? cardinal.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? yup. plenty of times.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis heart eyes, disappointed looking off to the side, sad face with eyes closed, hearts all over the face, and rolling eyes.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? yep.

how much money is in your wallet right now? I would need to count

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? having been done with packing lol

have you ever auditioned for anything? yeah I used to do auditions all the time for plays I was in.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? airy, comfy, inviting, warm

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? yeah a couple times but its like not even a tiny bit close.

when was the last time you rode a bus? i have never.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? is there a wallet attached?

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? yeah. don’t ask me. I’m not pleased about it.

are you an early bird or a night owl? kind of both.

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? oh yes. But the more time you spend talking to those individuals who have accents stronger than what you’re used to, become very easy to understand over time.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been but I’d love to go.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? yeah a few people I’ve met through school.

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? yeah a few very small memories.

do you need to do laundry? yes I desperately need to pack and I’m waiting on the laundry for that to happen.

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? NOT ME. not even close to me. Kile seemed to like it.

do you have a favorite poem? the one written for meeeeee

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? I don’t think i’d think of it, it’s not near anything specific.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? amazon.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? Gilmore girls, text notifications, fans

what are you wearing right now? shorts and a blue teeshirt. Bout to just be in a short shorts so I can tan.

any fun plans for the weekend? travelingggggg.

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britishb3atlemania · 7 years ago

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ive been stressed tf out since last night bc my friend invited me to a new years eve party downtown and my ma would gaslight the shit outta me so i wouldnt b able to go (im super easily manipulated even as an adult and bc my younger brother has been a complete asshole to the whole fam recently i dont wanna ~add~ to that and theres just a bigger expectation for me to b perfect) but my dad talked to her and last min let me leave after dinner to catch a train downtown (40min away) but it was like... a lil late notice basically i spent midnight at the subway lmfao but thats whatever like i got the the party fine and friend was already sloshed

which was nice to see her have a good time and i started drinking but keeping in mind not to b too fucked just to make sure she ok bc i love her right

but she gets so disastrous (drunk and high on weed AND two bums of coke) and calls this shit white guy she had a crush on 3 yrs ago who ghosted her and she now HATES and basically drunkenly tries to convince him to let her come over to have sex

and like her friend (lets say Doug) and I are here hearing this and know she caNNOT go out is in NO condition to let alone go fuck someone atm bc its hella fukin yikes...

we keep pipping over the phone (she was on speaker) to this white dude named Asswipe that she is too intoxicated on a lot of stuff to go out, and this is a terrible idea and as the sober one on this he should give her a definite “no” so she can leave it be.

He doesnt (bc men are scum lmaooo)

Basically makes me extra anxious for many reasons, from less to most important:

-My ma/grandparents are pissed at me for ditching new years for the first time and my abuelita has depression and when shes rlly upset will call me crying and manipulate me so i was terrified of that lmao

-I have terrible social anxiety and I begged fam to let me come to be with my best friend for a special night, even though its at her friend’s house with so many ppl i dont know. Also bc the plan was i was allowed to crash the night there with her but now shes trying to run away ALONE to this dudes house and leave me. And im selfish and felt rude and anxious to spend the night at a strangers house w/o her.

-I reminded her i came here for her and im anxious if she leaves and she just told me ~jokingly~ that she cant fuck me bc im taken and neither cant Doug bc he’s also taken so at least with Asswipe she can fuck someone. Which i think is like... a ginormous low but she was sloshed so i tried not to let that get me all upset

-I had a p similar experience of a ~friendly acquaintance~ taking advantage of me when i was drunk and it has fucked me up since and i told her abt this in confidence so she knows how bad that is and it was rlly getting to me thinking my friend could go through that tonight

-Additionally, if someone is so fucking intoxicated they CANNOT give consent in that state SORRY but idc how many times u say ur consenting “despite being high/drunk” if you keep stumbling over ur feet and about to vom all night and drop ur phone every 2 sec, etc, u ARE NOT in a condition to make such a heavy decision

She ends up tricking us and runs away ALONE to this guys house who I DO NOT KNOW the address of. Asswipe knows perfectly NO ONE approves of this, knows she is PLASTERED, and hes not, heard me say this is INCREDIBLY YIKES AND TAKING ADVTANGE OF SOMEONE

So 3 of us at the party rlly care for my friend and are super pissed/concerned/anxious, Doug, her friend who through the party, ie. Karla, and I. Doug has to go home, Karla and I take an uber with friends to a house party someone overheard her talking about going to. turns out she tricked them and didnt go there obvi

Karla has Asswipe on fb, messages him and demands him to call her an uber and send her home, even offering to pay it herself. He gave a bs answer of “idk if she wants to/// she’s fine”

My friend basically ignored all our calls/texts for 1.5 hrs, finally mssgs back Karla (bc even tho weve been friends forever i know and am self aware shes closer to Karla now and her uni friends which is an insecurity but i get it lol), then me. Mostly interacts with Karla but barely says much.

Wont call us when we ask, tells us not to blame Asswipe, thats shes fine, some happy new yr bs

Idk i was so worried and pissed and anxious so i just flat out told her that i love her but if she thinks she is sober enough to make that decision then she should be sober enough that it was a shitty move on her part to leave us like this when she knows we’re worried sick.

Hasnt replied to me since lmao. But she DID mssg back Karla in the morning to tell her shes fine. I leave Karla’s house early bc fam stuff, but she shows up later to pick up her stuff. I guess theyre fine now

But she hasnt replied to me all day, hasnt mssgd shit.

And i hate it bc i just hope she was fine (Karla says shes good) but i know my friend and she is more attached to her than me and it just kind of breaks my heart that they can make ammends but me who was worried sick and was with her the most to make sure she was ok and all the same jazz as Karla and Doug, she wont mssg me. I already caved and sent her a mssg asking if she was ok and she still hasnt replied and im just... not doing ok now lol i turned this into a selfish thing abt me but i am so worried for her and i just hate that im not allowed to be worried for her or be angry ever bc its like... any excuse for her to stop being my friend...

this was so long and if someone read it i love you ugh im just so... lost idk what to do. usually i apologize even when something is not my fault bc i dont want us to not b friends. But this fuked me up and i just sincerely hope it doesnt fuck her up wtvr the fuk went down with her and asswipe so i dont think its an ok situation to make myself into the one that is wrong... bc i dont think i am... but ugh idk second opinions gr8ly appreciated

#super long ass vent but im stressed and anxious #if anyone actually reads this and has advice like...#anythin #i will be eternally grateful #im just heartbroken and worried lmao

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donaldkingsbury · 5 years ago

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Someone:The best part of arguing with idiots is when they start insulting you because they have no factual basis for an argument, I love insults, let's get this started for the abortion survivor who is brain damaged from lack of oxygen Mikey, The smartest part of you was left in the toilet with the coat hanger, please shove your head back up your ass and save the oxygen for people with a brain B Joe,You should just stop or your going to be the Butt of every joke and wore out like your candidate's asshole Donald Joseph Kingsbury I don't even know where to begin with your medication, you should probably try some pussy, that way you when you pull the dick out of your mouth you have an educated opinion on gender

Me:Kind Sir, I appreciate yr suggestion. But instead of peering through my window at least just cum in. I am only 15. Never forget that your a wonder human being, a beautiful rainbow flying through the clouds on the back of a dove, only time will tell of what will happen with my art piece that you seen without paying me a dime. I think you owe me

Donald Joseph Kingsbury 15! Holy Shit! This is the problem with the world, you've been indoctrinated by the education system to believe that the government has your best interest in mind and free stuff is "free", someday when you leave your mom's basement and figure out there is no safe space and you actually have to earn your own living, your going to cry when you realize that you have no freedom, You pay for the RIGHT to drive, you pay for the RIGHT to OWN property, you pay for everything and freedom isn't free, someone has to work for it and if everyone thinks they can just sit back and take a dick in the butt all day with no effort... then no ones getting fucked

Someone:Donald Joseph Kingsbury That's cute, you should probably go back to school and learn how to write, stop trying so hard to be some Shakespearean theologist that has a blog or whatever you kids do. Learn a trade, a skill, something useful for the world, cause right now you're just a child, your still soft, moldable, able to change perspective, but if you continue down this childish path of "so called righteousness" your going to end up an actual victim of your ideals that are unrealistic and impossible... Oh maybe learn how to form a coherent thought, or a sentence, or spell... Please go back to school and learn about history otherwise your doomed to repeat it.

Me: there was nothing I pontificates upon that is "righteous", or in that air tonight. I'm already a trained craftsperson. I make chairs,couches,tv holders. I also like the jokes. I love philosophy, poetry, improv & feminism. I could arm wrestle a bear, teach a squeaker mathematics & read Nietzsche, Emma Goldman & Lord Byron to the blind. I thought a deer,bear, fish how to tell time, how to code on a 'puter & how to shoot a gun. I tell you wut

Someone: Donald Joseph Kingsbury I'm waiting for you, come to me my son embrace the dark side and your training shall be complete, like I said learn your words..*pontificated...*taught...I'd love to see something you actually built with your hands, your such an educated "Person" tell me what ballistic coefficient of a 180 grain .308 Round point FMJ is

Someone:Donald Joseph Kingsbury I'll wait for you to Google it, but just so you're aware of the reason you'll never get to leave your mom's basement is because you'll never have the drive it takes to succeed at anything other than the 'puter

Me: shite my son, I bathe in the dark side like I eat rapists,hebephiles & pedophiles for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Thank you phor das grammar lesson on bookface boomer, 'twaz educational. I likes das edgimaction. It's swell, so top drawer. Party like it's 1929 & 1334, have phun at gaggle. #kingsburywine

Donald Joseph Kingsbury Glad you enjoyed your lesson child, anytime you want to wake up, let me know #kingsburyswine

Me:KINGSBURY WINE, #kingsburywine made with urine for that extra kick. Now with a new flavor #kingsburyswine made with urine & pig flesh for that taste only Karen's will like or they will ask for the manager.

Someone:Donald Joseph Kingsbury Nope just a #kingsburyswine like a pig to the slaughter, can't wait for #reallife to start teaching you what you should be learning from your absentee parents

Me: its not THE fault of Andy Warhol starlette superstar CANDY DARLING (me father) or VALERIE SOLANAS (me mum) writer extraordinaire, she wrote THE genius THE SCUM MANIFESTO (society to cut up men) I pass them out to fellow women at school. #kingsburywine #kingsburyswine

Someone: Donald Joseph Kingsbury If you think that anyone is going to believe your the child of the woman who shot Andy Warhol who died before you were born, you might want to rethink your little "story" so now that you realize your not as smart as you think, stop trying to troll, your just looking dumb

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/EqAx82p

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formyboys · 6 years ago

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Jack 2 yrs old

10/18/18

Baby Jack, you were born 2 years ago and 2 days! Oh man I remember those few days. You were so tiny and shmushed and new. I remember how I immediately realized I needed you to be next to me all the time or you needed to be next to me. We needed each other. The first night or two it was just so natural to have you curled up under my arm, it ended up being the only way you or I would sleep for the first 8-9 months of your life. I always felt so guilty like I was doing it wrong, but there was no other way I could do it. It made us both so content. I think all that cuddling and warmth was really good and hopefully you’ll always be that affectionate and warm.

So for your 2nd birthday we had a huge bash. We’ve lived in our house on Oakbury for almost a year and I didn’t really throw you a first birthday party because we were staying in Airbnb’s. So I wanted to throw you a party and see all our friends and fam. It was such a great party! We had in the backyard with a Pizza place that brought their own brick ovens, a balloon making man, activities for the kids and Dakota Fanning even showed up. I mean, that’s pretty damn cool, even if it’s just because we’re next door neighbors. You were the cutest, running everywhere, playing with all the kids, getting in the ball pit trying to coerce partygoers into giving you gummy bears. Lol. I don’t think you succeeded but I heard it was really hard to turn you down.

We had your 2nd year check up yesterday and you’re so perfect. 95% height 85% weight and cute as button. Currently our days are filled with Juana and you can pronounce her name now perfectly in Spanish. And you say it all the time over and over. She comes in in the morning and makes us all breakfast and then takes you on a walk where you meet up with Nelly and the kids she nanny’s. Juana makes you lunch and plays with you and then puts you down for your nap. You sleep most days for 1.5-2 hrs. When you don’t sleep we pay for it in the evening with a fussy toddler. She loves you so so much, she’s super positive and I trust her fully. I’m working from home and super busy but at least I don’t feel like I’m missing your childhood. My favorite is when you get up from your naps and you’re a little sleepy but happy and you give the best hugs. You’re super opinionated and you like things done your way, you like to place everyone where you want them to be, and you take me by the hand to show me things and ask for things. You’ve learned how to get what you want that’s for sure, you’ll say a word like ‘baby’ which means you want my iPhone to look at pics of yourself, but actually you’ll go to YouTube to watch videos, so I’ve taken to deleting YouTube so that you just access the photos. But when you ask you’re so convincing and you’ll make this little smile like, c’mon mom, I’m so cute! And it totally works I’m such a sucker for my Baby Jack. Didn’t know what it was like to love someone like I love you. You’re my whole world and your dad’s world.

10/19/18

Every night either your Dad or I take you to bed at 8pm we get you some milk and take you up, brush your teeth and read some of your favorite books. Right now you are very into Bunnies. You have a stuffed bunny and we saw a real bunny when we were visiting Lolli and Pops in CO and you were very interested in it. We read you The Runaway Bunny at bedtime when you ask for the ‘Munnies’ and you love to say ‘Muney’ it’s so freaking adorable! We also read to you Good night good night Construction Site, Good night Gorilla, and Opposites, you love the opposites and you say Opposite like ‘apeetah’ so cute. After we read some stories I sing a coulple of songs to you, Hallelujah and Black Bird, I need some new ones. And then I put you in your crib and kiss you through the bars. And now I can just put a blanket over you and you go to sleep without a fuss. And then Dad and I watch a show or a movie and before we go to bed we always go check on you and take a pic and admire our baby. Love of our life.

10.27.18

Today it was just you and me. Your dad was at a 40th bday celebration with 12-14 of his college friends golfing and eating nice dinners. You asked about him all day long, Dada? And I’d tell you again where he is and when he’ll be back. It’s so sweet how much you love him. We went to baby gym today. So fun to watch you play on everything and now you’ll climb up the stairs to the ball pit and just hurl yourself in. You still won’t say your name when it’s your turn but you only just turned 2 last week and most of the kids and between 2-2.5. I can tell it’s hard to be 2. You have a lot of big ideas and it’s especially hard when you can’t have your way. I try to explain every situation so that you’re not blindsided by anything we do, but it’s hard to be a mom too. I don’t always know what I’m doing and a lot of the time we’re busy and don’t have much time. But when you have ideas that we can help you fulfill I always try and help. Not that long ago you would say vroom vroom and get your shoes in the evening and nod your head like, cmon let’s get in the car! So I made sure we all got in the car and drove around the neighborhood a few times. I haven’t figured out what to do about screen time, because truth is your dad and I spend all of our days in front of a screen. Fortunately you have Juana during the week so your screen time is limited to occasional movies and YouTube with her but I’m way more lenient and your dad is too. Lazy parenting. Not proud of that. I planned lots of play dates this weekend though so that helps. Seems like the more people around the less screen time. I’m making a big pumpkin pancake breakfast tomorrow for my buddies, Brooke is spending the night, Ashley, Dayna and fam are coming over in the morning should be a nice day. And then a 2 yr old party for Siena at Baby Gym. You were driving your toy cars over my head as I put you to bed tonight. Melts my heart. Love you so crazy much baby dude.

10.30.18

Oh baby Jack. You have me wrapped around your little finger. You have since day one. Tonight you insisted that I rock you to cheep (sleep) and if I stop rocking you command me to RA. You are crazy about your ‘money’ (bunny) right now. Because we let you watch Peter Rabbit on Netflix which I actually really enjoy and constantly wonder what negative things it might be teaching you. But you insist on having your money with you to go to bed and to take downstairs in the morning. It’s pretty damn cute. Your vocab is growing exponentially. You repeat what we’re saying and some words I can’t understand and you’re so patient saying then over and over for me... but doesn’t usually help. For all I know they could be Spanish words. I love rocking you to cheep. It fills my soul, my heart, I cherish it so much. Your little body pressed against me it’s the best thing in the world. I spend way too much time putting you to bed. Love you little dude. You make my world go round.

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gotstory · 8 years ago

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My 20 year old Idol Husband - [Day 10 - Can you trust me?]

20 yr old Jungkook, at the top of his idol boyband career, has a secret only he & his bandmates know – An underground relationship, with you, a girl he met at a fanmeeting. Things get a little out of hand and you find out you’re pregnant.

Read: Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4 / Day 5 / Day 6 / Day 7 / Day 8 / Day 9 / Day 10

The smell of fresh coffee and warm bread perked you up the moment you went into Fan's kitchen. It was bright and airy, decorated with a mix of bright coloured flowers and pastel crockery.

She took her apron off and pushed a plate of breakfast in front of you, "My brother said you should eat. Is everything ok?" she asked with worry clouding her brows.

"Where's he though?" you looked around remembering he said he would be right back.

Fan only shrugged, "he's in his doctor's mode and being quiet."

Just as she said it, Jun appeared from the door with a small paper bag.

"Hey Jun, join us." You waved him over with a slight smile, trying to put aside the awkward moment you shared awhile ago. By the lead of his questions while examining you, he planted foreboding thoughts of uncertainty in your head.

"Oh, sure... " He sat beside you, placing the bag hidden away from the eyes of his sister.

You both ate in an awkward silence for some time until Fan could hold it no longer.

"So, what's wrong with Chae-rin? Is it a flu of some sort?" she asked.

Jun put down his utensils and shifted in his seat, "I can't quite determine it yet but..." He looked over to you, as if to ask for your permission to continue.

You put down your fork, "I don't think so. There aren't any of those symptoms... And... I feel fine now." You smiled at both of them, hoping it would assure them you were well. After all, it wasn't like they were obligated to nurse you back to health.

Jun waited quietly until you were done before he stood up from his seat.

"Chae-rin, I don't mean to be nosy but I think you might need this, just... to be safe."

He picked up the small paper bag and handed it to you rather shyly.

"The instructions are pretty simple but if you need help, let me know."

You were about to open the bag immediately, curious as to what it would be but he didn't let you. With outstretched arms he hurriedly clasped the brown paper bag shut, ushering you away. "Do it upstairs, go upstairs... In the room. Go on-"

Once you were behind closed doors, you carefully opened the bag only to see a pinkish box.

A pregnancy test kit?

You gasped.

No way, but...but....

You sat on the bed, staring at the little box. A million thoughts running through your mind.

What am I going to do if this thing tests positive? How am I going to face the world? And Jungkook? No, this can't be.

Your heart was pulsating so hard you could hear it in your ears. This wasn't what you were expecting from just that first encounter with Jungkook.

Yes - you did like him, very much indeed, but having a baby? That was just taking it way too far.

You slid the box back into the bag, feeling too overwhelmed to even take a second look at it.

Just -- just, tell me I'm dreaming.

------------------------------------------------------

Jungkook and the boys had landed back in Korea and they were going to get a one week break to head home to visit their families.

"Hey kookie," Jimin swung an arm around the younger boy, "I'm getting the train tickets tomorrow, should we leave in the morning?"

Jungkook had been toying with the idea of flying over to see you again but the long flight would really take a toll on him. "I'm not sure yet, hyung." he replied, "I'm kinda wondering if I should make a surprise visit to Chae-rin."

Jimin inhaled a sharp breath and put his hand over Jungkook's mouth, "if the manager hyung finds out, we'll be dead! We're supposed to head back home together!"

"I know... let me sleep over it and decide tomorrow."

Jimin eyed him suspiciously, "whatever it is, just -- don't do anything stupid."

When they arrived at the dorm, Jungkook just had a nagging feeling that you were hiding something from him. From the way you hung up after the call, it just didn't feel right. He too knew that you had your fair share of suitors and without letting others know that you were taken, he was feeling just that bit of insecurity.

When he was finally alone, he decided to text you. Message after message he typed, but hit the backspace until it frustrated him.

The distance and silence was driving his young heart crazy and his patience was wearing thin.

Ah, heck. I'm just gonna call.

---------------------------------------------------

"Chae-rin!" Fan called out from the kitchen to no response. She picked up your phone as it started to vibrate.

"Oh, it's Jungkook."

She made small quick steps up to the room, bursting in with an outstretched arm, waking you from your thoughts.

"Answer it, quick!" she said, as you put the phone to your ear.

You: H-he-hello?" Jk: Jagi-yah! You: Jungkook??

For the first time since yesterday, Fan saw you brighten up in delight. She gave you a nod and smile as she carefully shut the door behind her.

Jk: What took you so long to answer the call babe? Were you out partying without me? You: Yup I was, partying in the bedroom. Jk: Mwoh?! You: I'm kidding. Do I look like I would be doing that at my age?

Jungkook at that point was mentally kicking himself, not because he fell for your little tease but because it was getting to him that nothing was under his control.

Jk: Are you still at your friend's home? You: Yeah, I wasn't feeling too well so she had me stay over. Jk: What's wrong? Did something happen? Uh, Chae-rin ah, I should have known in when I saw you pale as a sheet. You: Hey, hey, go easy now. See, that's why I couldn't tell you? Jk: You know what, I'm coming over. You: No you're not. Don't be silly. I'm fine! Besides, there's a doctor here! I'm old enough to take care of myself. Jk: A doctor? Who. You: Oh, Fan's oppa is a doctor.

The conversation went silent for awhile.

Jk: (sighs) I just wish I was there. You: Hearing from you like this is good enough, Jungkook-ah. Don't feel bad? Jk: Anyway, how are you feeling, and what's wrong?

You went on to tell him about the slight discomfort you were having but omitted the parts about Jun handing you the kit.

You: I'm better now and will probably head home later tonight. Don't worry Jungkook, getting distracted is the last thing I want you to do.

You were almost pleading him, hoping that the amount of details you let out would somehow assure him that you weren't intentionally keeping things from him.

Jungkook tended to be a little obsessive and persistent in his ways, you found out, and the only way to get him to stop was basically to feed his curiosity to a point where he could wonder no more.

Jk: Sure? I'm gonna call your home tonight, to check on you.

He said it in a candid tone just to make you smile.

You: I'll be waiting then...

------------------------—----------------------

After a couple of movies and a simple dinner, you bid goodbye to Fan.

"I'll take the day off tomorrow to rest, I think I need it." you laughed and let out a sigh.

"You need a break babe, you've been working non-stop! Since the BTS concert!"

You shrugged, "what choice do I have? After those interviews were out, the boss wanted even more news and coverage. Saying how the artistes always seemed to let out exclusive stories when I was there."

"Wait till he hears your exclusive relationship" Fan wriggled her brows in a teasing manner at you. "Alright get going, it's getting dark now!"

You made your way home to the empty house which you left the day before. Almost immediately, the phone rang.

You: Hello? JK: Ah, you're finally home. You: Jungkook? Isn't it midnight in Korea now? JK: Isn't it dark where you are now? You: I don't believe you! How'd you know I just got home? JK: Did you not see flowers at your door?

You briefly placed the phone on the table and opened the door again.

To your shock and surprise, there really WERE flowers - but not hung on the door, or laid on the floor. They were held in the hands of a man, whose face was shielded by it.

Under the dim light of the night, you faintly recognised his silhouette and the loosely flapping outer shirt.

"W-wha-what are you d-doing here, J-J-Jungkook?!"

You blinked continuously, wondering if the nausea was acting up as hallucination now. You were shocked beyond words as you could only stare wordlessly, with a dropped jaw.

"Wait a minute," you turned on your heels, leaving the door open as you rushed to the phone again and spoke into it.

You: Jungkook??

You held the phone, and simultaneously watched the figure at the door walk in, now revealing his face, with his phone to his ear as well.

JK: Jagi-yah, aren't you gonna let me in?

You let go of the phone in an instant as it fell to the floor, and ran into his open arms, wrapping your arms around his body and taking in that familiar scent you missed so dearly.

"OMO!" he stumbled a little at the force of your weight on him, "are you that happy to see me?" he whispered, gently hugging you back, relishing the long awaited moment with closed eyes.

You hit his chest lightly, "why didn't you tell me! I'd have come back earlier if I knew you were here..."

Gazing into his eyes, you realised he was just as how you left him, maybe a little thinner with more tired eyes, but still the same smiling sweetheart as you remembered him to be.

He held you close, examining your face with his eyes and a light caress.

"Why have you lost so much weight? Haven't you been sleeping well?" he asked, running his hands down the sides of your waist. "It hasn't even been 3 months and you're already missing me this much huh?" He teased.

You sat him down by the kitchen counter and started asking him a slew of questions while you got him a drink.

"When did you arrive? Weren't you just in Seoul when you called? Don't you need to head back soon? Does anyone else know you came?"

Jungkook laughed, pulling your wrist to have you closer to him.

"Have you lost your interviewing skills already? I don't think that's the way to ask questions."

You blushed, both at the proximity and at your foolishness.

"Well... I took the first available flight after I called you this morning and got here the moment I touched down. It's just Jiminie-hyung that knows I came, the rest assumes we've gone back to Busan for the break."

"Oh my..." you cupped his chin in your hands, noticing now that his dark circles were so deep. "You must be exhausted from all the travelling, Jungkook~ you really.... should take care of yourself..."

He pulled you onto his lap, holding tightly onto your waist. "That's your job... and that's why I'm here."

Your hand was almost going to take a swipe at his his arm when he lifted his arm to resist. Unintentionally, he pushed the little paper bag that sat at the table edge, onto the floor.

"Ah... just a minute." His arm was uselessly long at times like these, beating you to the bag as you held your breath while he reached for it.

You watched him pause mid-air while his body was bent over your legs.

He put the box back into the bag and set it on the table behind you. There was no doubt that he'd seen what it was though there was still a chance he didn't know what it was for.

You smiled, unsure. "Are you hungry? I can fix you some food, you must be tired."

Attempting to propel yourself off, you were surprised that he simply let you move off his lap and scoot back into the kitchen. You could feel his eyes on your back as you scurried back and forth the cupboards, your mind in a mess.

"How about ramen? Yea, I think I've got some..... hmm." You opened drawers and shut them, momentarily forgetting where they were.

He watched you, wordlessly, observing at a distance. It was obvious how you were flustered and he smiled, thinking how cute it was.

Of course, he was well aware what the box was and it hardly took him a minute to put two and two together. But since you were trying to feign ignorance, he played along to see just how long more you could keep up.

"They're on the right shelf." He pointed, calm as usual.

"Oh yeah!" You reached for it quickly, not sparing him a glance.

He watched you fumble with the packet and saw how the back of your neck was turning red from his steady gaze.

Walking over, he took the packet from your hands, pulled it open, and handed it back to you.

You bit your lip, holding the open packet. Debating internally if it was okay to begin addressing why you had a pregnancy test kit on your table.

He leaned his back against the edge of the counter and placed both his palms on them, looking at you.

The silence was harsher than questioning and it was almost deafening for you. He was quite a master at manipulating without words, with his tall but unassuming presence urging you on to spill what the matter was. He didn't even need to ask.

"I'm sorry." You blurted out of the blue.

"Whatever for?" he waited in question.

"You know..... ....." you gestured in the air to nothing much in particular, hoping he'd not make you spell it out.

"Nope." he pursed his lips together, stance remaining open and unchanged, showing you he was ready to hear you tell him anything.

"I... promised we'd keep no secrets. But..." fessing up was a lot harder than you imagined, it was taking a dig at your pride.

Finally he pushed himself off the counter and took a few strides and reached for the bag. You watched him approach you again, unable to read his expression since his lips were pursed. He took your hand in his, leaving the open ramen on the counter, and led you into your room.

You secretly wondered how he knew his way around your house when it was his first time here.

Sitting by the edge of your bed, he pat the spot beside motioning for you to take your seat.

Taking the box out of the bag, he looked at it carefully this time.

"I trust you, Chae-rin..."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him address you by name, it meant that he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

He continued, as he met your eyes, "....and always will. Can you not too?"

You felt a pang of guilt wash over you.

Holding the box out to you, he asked, ever so gently. "Were you going to use this... because, the doctor told you to?"

You held his gaze, and found yourself nodding like a child caught red-handed.

He shut his eyes, feeling a little dizzy. OMG, Jeon Jungkook.

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